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tuellertrails · 3 years

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Why the PCT?

When I was 18, my coworker and I traded books for fun. I don’t even remember what book I gave her, but she gave me a copy of Wild by Cheryl Strayed, about a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail in the 90′s. I loved the book because not only was it about this great adventure of the solitary trek that she took, but it was also a story of healing, a search for meaning and the strength to move forward after losing someone that she loved.

The author lost her mom to cancer when she was 18 or 19 years old, and it came on very suddenly. Within a month of being diagnosed, her mom had died, and the suddenness of the event really wrecked her and her siblings and step father. For years afterwards, she struggled with a drug and a sex addiction, got married and divorced, and just felt lost (The quoted sections ahead are all shared from her book).

“I was a terrible believer in things, but I was also a terrible nonbeliever in things. I was as searching as I was skeptical. I didn't know where to put my faith, or if there was such a place, or even what the word faith meant, in all of it's complexity. Everything seemed to be possibly potent and possibly fake.”

Randomly, she comes across a guidebook all about the PCT, and on a whim decides that she needs to do something different with her life. So she sells everything that she owns, goes to REI and buys a bunch of backpacking gear, and sets out to hike this trail with absolutely no backpacking experience. At the beginning her pack was so heavy that she called it “Monster” and could barely lift it. But she set out and hiked 1,100 miles in 94 days, reading, journaling and taking in this brutally hard experience. She conquered her fears and achieved this incredible thing that most people don’t even imagine doing.

“Fear begets fear. Power begets power. I willed myself to beget power. And it wasn't long before I actually wasn't afraid.”

It was this incredible journey that she undertook that actually helped her move on with her life and deal with her Mom’s death, perhaps in a way that almost nothing else could have. I loved it. It’s an incredible story with so much beauty and wisdom, and it inspired me like nothing else ever has. After reading it, I knew that I wanted to have my own experience and hike the PCT for myself.

“I had diverged, digressed, wandered, and become wild. I didn't embrace the word as my new name because it defined negative aspects of my circumstances or life, but because even in my darkest days—those very days in which I was naming myself—I saw the power of the darkness. Saw that, in fact, I had strayed and that I was a stray and that from the wild places my straying had brought me, I knew things I couldn't have known before.”

I had briefly mentioned this “wild” ambition to Landon, but we didn’t start seriously talking about it until Spring of 2018 when I was finishing up nursing school. I told Landon that before we had kids, i wanted to hike the PCT. Always down for an adventure (especially of the outdoor variety) and being the supportive husband that he is, he enthusiastically replied “Ok, lets do it!”

So we sat down and started researching what it would take to turn this dream into a reality. We watched Youtube videos (we reccommend Darwin on The Trail and Homemade Wanderlust) and read blog posts of hikers who had hiked the trail. We looked up all of the different options for backpacking gear and decided which pieces we wanted for our own kits, and opened up a savings account to start socking away money for the excursion.

Our original plan was to hike in 2020, and though we had saved up enough money and had all of our gear, we ended up cancelling our thru hike that year due to the Covid-19 Pandemic. Things were very uncertain in April of 2020, and many of the small communities that are along the PCT came out with statements asking for hikers to please cancel their hikes to eliminate the spread of the virus, especially in those trail communities whose residents are primarily elderly and do not have access to much healthcare close by. Shortly after, the Pacfiic Crest Trail Association also came out with a statement parroting the same sentiments and asking hikers to respect the wishes of the trail communities and please cancel their hikes, which the majority of hikers did. Even though we were bummed, we felt like cancelling our thru hike was the right thing to do, and we were able to spend a lot of time doing self supported backpacking trips that summer and continue practicing on those trips and dialing in our gear choices.

Fortunately for us, we have one more window of opportunity to hike the PCT this year in 2021. Landon is in between his Bachelor’s and Master’s degree programs, and doesn’t have any obligations until Fall semester of this year, at which point we anticipate him having to leave the trail a little bit early to go to graduate school in Colorado, where I will join him shortly after completing the trail. I have been working as a travel nurse over the last year and completed my most recent assignment in March, which gave us about a month to travel home, see our friends and family, pack up for grad school, and prepare our resupply boxes for the trail this year. We are both very fortunate to have received both doses of the Pfizer vaccine and we are feeling much more optimistic about the safety of hiking the PCT this year, though we will still continue to wear masks in towns. As I write this, I’m sitting at the table in Landon’s Aunt and Uncle’s house in San Diego, where we’ve been resting for a week before we start our thru hike on Monday, April 19th (they’ve been kind enough to host us while Landon recovers from running 62 miles from his latest ultra marathon endeavor).

We are so happy to finally be taking this journey together and to be realizing a goal and a dream of mine for the past 10 years! It’s going to be an amazing adventure and we can’t wait to start. I’ll be posting here at least once a week writing about our experiences, and Landon might be convinced to write an occasional post here too. Feel free to comment below or ask us any questions at the bottom of this post! And thanks for reading and supporting us. Just 2,653 miles to go!

#PCT #PCT2021 #Hikertrash #optoutside #tuellertrails #wild

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authenticcadence18 · 3 years

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30 Questions About Me

THANKS FOR THE TAG @bugaboo-n-bananoir ILY!!!!

(Nick)name: Cadence

gender: cis female

Star sign: Pisces

Height: uhhhhh I am not sure, it’s taller than 5ft at least

Time: night! (Well I wrote most of this last night, but now it’s the evening of the next day!)

Birthday: well I’m a Pisces, so my birthday is between Feb 19th and march 20th!

Fave band/group: Pentatonix! Or For King and Country. Or the piano guys, the vitamin string quartet, Voctave.....also Phineas and the Ferbtones👌

Fave solo artists: I really like Lauren Daigle, and Jackie Evancho used to be my FAVE. Aaand idk if this counts but Michael Giacchino! love his scores, especially the score for Inside Out. There’s also this guy called Clay Kramer on YouTube who makes KK Slider covers of popular music, his stuff gives me so much seratonin😅

Song Stuck in my Head: Well I’m listening to music rn and “I’m Me” from Phineas and Ferb is on so I’ll say that! (I’ll revisit this one when I finish the list and update it with whatever song i’m listening to/is stuck in my head then) (ok the music has since been turned off and now I have “Status Quo” from High School Musical stuck in my head so! There ya go!) (now it is the next day, and I’ve got “when the party’s over” stuck in my head...i think these three songs are an accurate reflection of my taste in music🤣)

Last Movie: uhhhhh oh yeah, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice! It was SO GREAT because Jay Baruchel plays the main character (and the main character is super awkward), so I felt like I was watching Hiccup from the How To Train Your Dragon franchise learn magic and it was GLORIOUS. And also Nicholas Cage is great. And I liked the love interest in the movie as well!! She had a role to play in the story and felt authentic and genuine, which I appreciated!

Last Show: ok well the last show I watched by myself was Phineas and Ferb! Specifically, the episode with the Mardi Gras block party and then the one where Candace and Stacy compete in an obstacle course against Isabella and Ginger (omg wAIT ginger and Stacy are sisters and Isabella and Candace are GOING to be sisters mY HEART I—AH🥺). I hadn’t watched those episodes in forever, so they were really fun to revisit! I think the last actual show I watched was Kids Baking Championship or something, lol. (Those kids are AMAZING. So skilled!)

When i created this blog: November 2019! It was riiiight after the season 3 finale of miraculous aired and absolutely wrecked my emotions. I had some fanfic written that I’d never posted and had been thinking about making a tumblr/ao3 for awhile, and seeing the finale made me finally go, “.....you know what, yeah. The finale is aired, no more spoilers.....it’s time to make a blog.” So I did! And I posted my first fic! And I’m so happy i did :)

What Do I Post: a bunch of multi fandom stuff XD. This blog started off as 90% Miraculous, 10% other fandoms I like...but now it’s just kind of a hodgepoge of my favorite fandoms (with a focus on Phineas and Ferb, lol). I reblog a lot of posts, and then I post original stuff too! I write fanfic, nowadays for Phineas and Ferb but for Miraculous in the past (and probably in the future!), I draw art (mostly Phinabella art because I’ve been drawing them since i was 11 and it feels good to return to my roots), and OCCASIONALLY I will write an analysis post (I’ve got one in the works rn actually 👀), attempt to make a meme, or dip my toe into salt just SLIGHTLY before quickly backing away, lol. If I were to list the fandoms I post about in the order of how frequently I post about them, I’d probably say: Phineas and Ferb, Miraculous....and thennnnn everything else is pretty random and depends on the day, lol.

Last thing i googled: Jay Baruchel 😂. Couldn’t remember how to spell his last name!

Other blogs: this is my only blog! Sometimes I think about making a separate blog for my art and writing, but I am not sure if I should or not....maybe I will someday, but idk. I also have an AO3 for fanfic and an Instagram for art! All are under the name “authenticcadence18.”

Do I get asks: sometimes, yeah!! Sometimes I reblog ask games/prompts and get some asks for those (I’ve got so many prompts in my inbox I want to write/draw things for...ah it’s fine, I’ll get to it eventually😅), and sometimes lovely people will leave thoughts or nice messages in my inbox🥺💕. I’ve got a specific tag for all those nice messages so I can read back over them whenever I need a boost!

Why this url: it’s a music pun! When a song/section of a piece of music ends with a dominant chord resolving to a tonic chord (if you’ve read a certain fic of mine you should know allll about dominant and tonic chords👀🤣), it’s called an authentic cadence! There are different kinds of cadences, and authentic ones are my favorite. One example of this is “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” I also use this blog to be my authentic, fandom-loving self! So I like authentic cadences, and also, I’m Cadence and using this blog to be authentic! Woo! (And 18 is just my favorite number, lol) I’m glad I ended up choosing a name that doesn’t tie to a specific fandom becaaaaaause this ended up being a multi fandom blog!

Following: 232!!

Followers: 292!!! (THANKS SO MUCH Y’ALL ILY 💕)

Average amount of sleep: wellllll for the past week and a half I was sick so I was probably getting 9ish hours a night (because I would sleep in really late, lol). but NOW? In my immediate future? I suspect my average amount of sleep is going to go down because I’m really bad about staying up late even when I have to get up early😅. Hoping to be good about getting at least 7ish hours a night!

Lucky number: 18! But y’all probably already guessed that, lol.

Instruments: my voice, piano, ukulele, viola (but it’s been a HOT minute), aaaand i used to be able to play guitar but then I got a ukulele and forgot all the guitar chords. (I also dabble in songwriting! I primarily use voice and piano when writing music.)

What I’m wearing: my favorite sweatshirt (that was last night, rn I have on a tanktop), some leggings, and socks!

Dream job: I’m currently learning to be a teacher, and I LOVE teaching and working with kids so that is definitely a job I’m really excited about!!! I would also love to portray characters at Disney or something (well, maybe not at Disney because I hear they’re strict, but like....I want to be Rapunzel or Anna or something, that would be so fun). OR, I would LOVE to work in tv animation somehow, be it voice acting, writing scripts/music, and/or story boarding. basically if I could do what Dan and Swampy did for Phineas and Ferb/Milo Murphy’s Law, I would LOVE THAT. (Especially the writing music part. Getting to write music for established characters and get PAID for it would be SO COOL.!.!.!) Also I think it would be so fun to write Disney storybooks! Like, those books that are about Cinderella baking a cake or Ariel befriending a seahorse, stuff like that. Those brought me a ton of joy as a child!

Dream trip: I want to visit alllll the Disney parks someday😅. (Not right now because, ya know, Covid...but someday!)

Fave food: uhhh i really like pizza. And popcorn. Also hummus and guacamole!

nationality: American

Fave songs: “Times” by Tenth Avenue North; “Can’t Help Falling in Love” (I made an entire playlist of just this song when I first started writing my fic of the same name, so I like the original and a ton of covers of it!), “Show Yourself” from Frozen II, “What Might Have Been” from Phineas and Ferb (and lots of other songs from that show, i made a whole post about that once but I can’t find it, oof); “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle; “Thank You” by Pentatonix; “I See the Light” from Tangled; “Your Hands” by JJ Heller; “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran.....i like a loooot of songs so this is just the tip of the iceberg, but I think that’s good for now, LOL! (As soon as I post this I’m going to remember another song I love, lol)

last book: I got the book Unbirthday for Christmas! It’s basically Disney’s Alice in Wonderland, but if she’d never gone to wonderland and things went horribly wrong there. (I think, I’m not that far into it yet, lol)

Top 3 fictional universes I’d love to live in: 1. DANVILLE, PLS. Especially as a kid, I SO would’ve loved to hang out with Isabella and Phineas and the rest of the gang! Danville is so vibrant and unique and people are always randomly breaking into song there, that’s my kind of place! 2. Fairytopia (from the Barbie movies!) because I could be a fairy OR a mermaid OR BOTH and eat seeweed to breathe underwater even if I wasn’t a mermaid. Like, that’s the dream right there. (I’ve always loved mermaids and fairies, lol!) 3. Maybe San Fransokyo from Big Hero 6? All of the technology in that universe is really cool! And I would love to eat a noodle burger, lol .

Oh! That’s the last one! Wow! This was so FUN!!!!!!! Thanks again for the tag, Maddy!!!! :)

I’ll taaaag @sketchy-panda @macaronsforchat @simplynewyorkbound @inkjackets and anyone else who’d like to do this! (And pls don’t feel pressured to play at all, or answer all of the questions! I was definitely vague with a few of my answers, lol)

#long post #cadence rambles #tag game #this was so funnnnn!#i also got your other tag maddy🥺#going to get to that post soon!

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daveword1 · 3 years

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Three years ago I was in a serious wreck that wasn’t my fault. It resulted in three horrible back surgeries that culminated with a 12 level fusion with rods and screws. I’ve been on narcotic pain meds the whole time. I’m finally experiencing exponential improvement. The struggle ahead now is getting off the narcotics.

I’ve been through this a number of times before with over 20 abdominal surgeries over a 37 year span of time. The older I get the harder it is to kick the pills. I’m 100% dependent on them now. I intend to chronicle the journey here.

The first thing it takes is an acceptance that some uncomfortable times lay ahead. Bouts of radical anxiety and insomnia. Mental toughness is called for along with the knowledge it won’t be fatal but there might be times I’ll wish I no longer existed. My goal however is to be free of narcotics within three months. At my age (67) it’s dangerous in Covid times as narcotics impair the immune system.

I’ll be updating this blog religiously and rereading my entries to affirm my commitment. I’m open to any advice or comments along the way.

Installment Two...

I picked up a script for valium yesterday and had my first night in forever without a pain pill. Only had two pain pills this morning instead of usual three. Went five hours before taking last dose of the day of two more at noon. Four a day, down from ten or twelve just a month ago. Picking up steam.

Time for some honesty here. Countless times I’ve feigned agony in order to get my wife (THE KEEPER OF THE PILLS) to hand me up to three early. Had nothing to do with pain but more just to feel centered and normal. This is your ultimate proof you’re snared and completely dependent. This is when you’re lying constantly.

I have an observation I don’t entirely understand. When my consumption of pills was ravenous I was always adamant about getting off them. When out of necessity the amount had to be cut in half I was longing for the previous higher amount. Confused opioid receptors talking to the rest of my brain.

One thing I’m completely mortified by is the way I subtly manipulated a few others into generously sharing their pain pills. I did it by lying that doctors refused to prescribe them to me. I even intimated a few times I was suicidal because of my pain level. Lies lies and more lies. I was solely after the buzz. I’ve heard other people on pain meds awhile say they had no affinity or attraction to them. They complained such things as they kept them sleepy or caused disturbing dreams. They were the people who never finished a script. I’m one of those who gets a switch thrown in my brain immediately that tells me all I need is a steady intake of more more more.

I guess that’s the defining characteristic of an addictive personality. It must be something you’re hard wired for. I find the disease concept of addiction laughable. I’ve only known a few others like me and when we’d get pills from each other we fastidiously kept track of what we were owed back. Loan shark collection tactics weren’t out of the question.

Next installment will have the story of a younger brother who was hopelessly addicted to narcotics and his tragic end.

The Story of Brother Kenny

I had a younger brother once who enlisted in the Army. He developed back issues while stationed in Germany and was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. He eventually was awarded a full service related disability which payed him $3,300 monthly in the 90’s. Of course he opted not to work.

Back then you could still do a walkin off the street to most doctors offices and leave with a generous narcotic script. Kenny claimed his back condition was unbearably painful even though I read the condition usually only caused mild discomfort. He became a prolific doctor shopper. Eventually you could never see him when he wasn’t fully under the influence of huge narcotic doses.

I visited him one day and found him a blithering idiot. I told him I expected him to be dead within two months. He was visibly shaken. Nearly two months later I found him dead on his kitchen floor in his underwear. After the funeral people came for his body I found three different prescription pain meds from no less than five doctors. I’m convinced addiction runs in families. I, however, in many accumulated years of pain management never once od’d on pain meds. Kenny wasn’t so lucky and left us at age 47.

I took a large quantity of his meds home with me and hid them in my garage. I was very distraught over his death and someone gave me xanax pills which I took too much of. I decided to try and reverse the sedation with cocaine. My son later found me unresponsive and called an ambulance. I’m told I was comatose for three days during which my brother’s funeral had to be delayed. That was my greatest humiliating moral failure I’ve never forgiven myself for. I still believe I deserve a catastrophic event as punishment. I scarred my family and took years to rebuild trust.

Continuation...

It’s six days till next pain management appointment. I’ve managed to sneak and coerce enough extra doses that I’m nursing along at 2 pills a day instead of 7. I know that if I manage to sneak more I’ll be in misery a few days before next refill. I’ll have to visit with the doctor in extreme discomfort it’ll take all I have to hide from him. Somehow that matters little to me. Soon as my wife’s attention is diverted I’ll grab extra pills. It’s what that switch in my brain compels me to do.

I’ve gotten to the point that every aspect of my life seems dependent on having narcotics onboard. Visiting family, playing guitar, picking up groceries, even having grandkids over all require narcotic doses. My life doesn’t feel at all normal without it. I’d rather spend the entire day in bed than to not be able to take pills.

I remember six years ago when we moved onto this rural street with fabulous neighbors. The first street bbq we were invited to I was in withdrawals from morphine. I drank a helluva lot of moonshine to feel comfortable in my skin. My wife had to lead me home. I later had to apologize to the host who laughed it off thankfully.

I eventually attained a few years of complete normalcy I remember well. I played music in public and was comfortable around people I didn’t know well. It was a great time. Then came a cervical fusion surgery and months later lumbar fusion after a car wreck. Back on pills I desperately needed for horrible pain. Back to the switch in my brain being thrown. I’m recovered enough now it’s an abject lie to claim I still need them. I long for the normalcy again.

A goal I have is to not take a handful of pills when I pick up next refill again. I seriously doubt I’ll attain the goal but have ascribed it as a benchmark I’ll have to meet if I’m to be successful getting off this nightmare roller coaster. I’m like a dual personality at war with myself. Neither has the power to overcome the other.

I’m waiting for a delivery of thc gummies a cousin is sending me from Michigan. I’ve used them before and had better pain control with them. I can cut pain meds dosage in half when combined with thc gummies. I intend to try a rapid taper by using thc which I could always stop with no issues. I know I’m gonna have lingering discomfort for awhile. I’ll likely end up getting xanax from my long time primary doctor for the anxiety, insomnia and restless leg that hangs around a week or two. We’ll see how this goes. Pain meds have been in my life too long. The pain from the fusion is at a level I think I can tolerate with mental toughness now. Here’s hoping.

April 22, 2021

Yeah I know... I’ve not written anything in awhile. Short whirlwind of activity. I got my accident settlement money and we bought a bus type motorhome and had a big pool installed. Also had to go out of state for a week for a family member’s funeral. That’s my excuse.

As for the pills... the last quantity prescribed was exactly half the amount of a few months back. I was still down to none by the day before the appointment just like the previous three times. Sneaking pills when my wife’s attention is diverted has become an art form. It’s compulsive behavior that embarrasses me but I seem powerless to overcome. At least the rapid tapering regimen is in full swing and being successfully adhered to. I’ll end this session by reiterating I’m tired of being snared by these fucking pills and look forward to the glorious day they are out of my psyche.

Long overdue update. In rereading this treatise I’ve realized my initial projection of being off pain pills in a few months is in serious jeopardy. The last dosage reduction caused me to hit a wall. The pain levels have increased and I’m walking like a bent over geriatric cripple again. I’m having to realize pills will apparently be in my future for an indeterminate time. That means the lies and stealthy thievery will continue. I so wish I could conquer this compulsion but the fact remains. I can’t feel normal without them, even though after so much time on them the relief is only very minimal.

I can’t stress enough how this is not where I want to be. I long for the time again when these fuckin pills are a distant memory. If not that then I long to take them responsibly. My brain won’t allow that. It isn’t even a choice available to me. The longing to simply cease to exist pops up now and again but thankfully I can’t do that to my family. I’m considering starting a podcast to address these issues. I know millions of people like me exist in this hell. I’m not sure if I could do it other than as an anonymous person. Who the fuck wants the world to know they’re stuck in this void?

#addiction

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tonguelikeareadyscribe · 4 years

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Re-Centering

The Western Wall || August 2019

3 Things I’ve learned in 2020 so far:

Life is fleeting

Things can change in an instant

True happiness can be found in surrender to God

If someone told fourteen-year-old me that in 2020 I would graduate from a reputable university, get married to my boyfriend of three and a half years, and be sheltering at home due to a world-wide pandemic, I would say you’re crazy. Well I probably wouldn’t say it. But I would certainly think it. Teenage Rachael was a train-wreck, though not in the most evident sense. She got good grades, she had a loving family and good friends, and at a glance had very little to complain about. But her soul was broken. She was rude, sarcastic, ill-tempered, and failed in the places where it mattered most. Foolish, depressed and negative, and seeking joy in the lifeless. Doing everything right by the world’s standards yet doing nothing right at all.

Negativity followed to college, as did anxiety, depression, and fear. She paced outside of meeting halls, heart palpitating at the thought of making conversation with strangers. Every text, email, or call to be made to new friends, coworkers, of supervisors were made with shaking hands and the dread that she was not communicating well enough, or she wasn’t interesting, or she wasn’t worth the time of replying. Her mother pushed her to turn to God and his followers, to seek out community, and to find peace in his holy word. So she did and as time moved forward and her time at university progressed, she found peace, love, and confidence in the relationships formed between herself, friends, and God. For awhile things were good, and she forgot the broken life of her past. Encompassed by the thrills of living in a community centered on similar beliefs and experiences, the person she once was laid forgotten in the archives of the internet and in the minds of those who once knew her.

And then 2020 hit with its many landslides and little, negative, high school Rachael made a bit of a reappearance in me. Finished with classes, laid off from work due to COVID-19, and stuck in a shoe box-size apartment in LA with two other girls, life became quite tedious. Days consisted of sleeping in late because there is nothing to really wake up for, filling out countless applications for minimum-wage jobs, receiving little or no response from said applications, and saying goodbye to friends who had become like family before the school year even finished. Purposeless and without hope of returning to normal anytime soon, I felt the same weight that so many people across the globe have expressed each and everyday since stay-at-home measures have been in place.

In an instant the life I had built at my school was decimated, and my soul weary. For a month, I let myself descend into a season of depression, filling my time with meaningless activities to numb the pain of what was lost and what could no longer be. I started running every day to feign some sort of progress or movement forward. Running past the hospital, I have pleaded with God to fix this. I have begged him to bring physical protection and healing to those effected by the sickness, and emotional support to those indirectly linked to patients and at-risk family and friends. I cried for things to return to normal so I could go home to see my family, so that my friends could return to school to finish our senior year, and so that our graduation and my wedding can happen as had been planned for months. It’ll suffice to say that my prayers have not been answered yet.

So why am I writing all this you may ask? I see it as a means of re-centering. I found that I am in desperate need of renewed life in the midst of this pandemic, and I hope that this is a productive means of doing so. For weeks I have been moping around waiting for some good news, feeling severely discouraged by the amount of sadness and pain found in the media. Last night, my loving boyfriend and fiance, Trevor, called me out about my negative attitude and overwhelming sadness.

“You spend so much time focusing on what you lost that you can’t even see what you’ve been blessed with,” he said.

“What blessings could you possibly be talking about?” Emotions were heightened. All I wanted to do was weep for what I felt was owed to me and grieve that which I did not have. In depressive moods I tend towards throwing myself a good ol’ pity party and this was no exception.

“You spend so much time thinking about what you’ve lost and how you’re not being productive, that you fail to see what truly matters. When was the last time that you spent time alone with God?”

The only reply I had for him was choked breath between soft sobs. He was right of course. In the past few years, I’ve been so wrapped up in the good and comfortable life that God had given me that I fell away from the giver himself. Life had become a game of ‘I need this or that to be happy’ and ‘If I do this or that then I am successful.’ It became a game of comparison of ‘They have this and I don’t, therefore I am a failure.’ For so long I have been stuck in a rut of comparing my success and happiness to that of others, and trying to make my life resemble theirs that when it didn’t, I felt hopeless and heartbroken.

“You’ve been blessed with so much free time this quarter, and all you do is complain about not having anything to do. You need to start focusing on what you can do, and stop grieving what you can’t,” he told me sternly.

It’s moments like this that I can see why God has brought us to each other. While it is my natural tendency to look at things from pessimism and self-centered-ness, Trevor has a knack for pulling me back into the light. He reveals things I do not see and guides me back to our roots in Jesus Christ. Where I am closed off, unbelieving, and short-sighted, Trevor speaks without inhibition, has relentless faith, and sees a hopeful vision of the future far beyond what I could ever hope to perceive. I like to push down thoughts and feelings until they can’t fit any more, but he is truthful and raw. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and is not afraid to help me confront my faults. He believes in me even when I do not.

It came as no surprise that he gave me this little challenge: ”Here’s what you should do. Every day I want you to spend time reading the word and then writing down what you’re thankful for in that moment and then three ‘new’ things you’re going to learn or attempt to do.”

So here’s to day one of growing closer to the Lord, focusing on being thankful for his blessings, and trying new things.

Today, I am thankful for those whom I get to spend this time of sheltering at home with. I am so very blessed to have the support of my fiance and my roommates during these strange times, to be surrounded by their love, wisdom, and faithfulness. I feel incredibly lucky to be able to grow alongside them as we pursue faith, discipline, and confidence during this time of separation and isolation. Praise God that we are able to continue our fellowship in these last few months we have together in LA, for I know life would be nearly unbearable without them.

The first of the new habits I have taken up in my free time is learning the Hebrew language. I opened this post with a picture of the Western Wall, a place I visited last summer that has made a long-lasting mark on my heart. I had the privilege of visiting this site on the evening of Shabbat, the most important day of the week in Jewish tradition. The night was full of dedicated prayers, dancing to Hebrew songs, recitations of scriptures, and fellowship with other believers. The plaza in front of the Western Wall was packed with followers worshiping God. It was a vision of heaven on earth, and I would love nothing more than to return and see it all again when God permits. When I return, I hope to bring with me a greater understanding of the language and culture directly linked to my faith.

The second of the new habits is this long and rambling post which you just read. I hope to re-purpose this blog as a sort of public diary, a place to process and record that which I’m learning or experiencing through writing down thoughts, prayers, stories, and snapshots. I’m looking to re-center, re-focus, and re-commit all facets of my life on Christ and pursue life and happiness where I know it can be found. I can only dream how God might use this in my own life or in the lives of others. Here’s to surrendering my story to God and his will.

#testimony #writing #mystory #christian #god #jesus #christ #thoughts

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lookaheadsearch · 4 years

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Meet Steve

In our final staff profile, we interview Steve, without whom there would be no Lookahead. He does business in the best way; he finds top talent for young start ups and huge companies and his clients and candidates become long time partners and friends. He doesn't take on too much work as he wants to give the very best service to all.

What do you do at Lookahead and how long have you been working with us? I’m the founder so my start date was Mar 2012 :) I’m a technical recruiter but nowadays it’s my job to get things out of the way for others. Helping out with advice and running business improvement projects. I have recruited for all of our long term clients at some point, so can offer context and chip in on searches.

What’s your background? Where were you in the tech industry before joining Lookahead? I was a nerdy kid and grew up loving computers. In the late 90s I played way too much Quake II and started a clan (basically, a team). Looking back I realise that was an important moment - it accidentally gave me a taste of leadership and a reason to learn how to make a website. The site got hacked by a now famous Aussie entrepreneur who then came to our LAN party and taught us how he did it. Good times.

After finishing high school my uncle got me to set up a network for his business. Before I knew it, other referrals came in and I found that fixing computers and making websites paid my way through uni. About 2 years into my degree I landed a big project so one of my best friends Myles and I deferred our degrees to start a company.

Some of our clients were recruiting firms. After observing what they did I figured recruiting for a year or two would be a good experience. Here I am nearly 14 years later.

What do you like about Lookahead? Amazing people in a work environment that’s perfect for me. That was the idea at the start - make Lookahead somewhere I love going to every day. We’ve never grown for the sake of growth which has helped keep it that way. Our hires tend to be opportunistic - we are always looking and ready when someone incredible comes up.

There’s a light + plant filled office space that feels nice to be in. Through Covid, Kat and I have been venturing into the city just to water those plants :D

We are nerdy foodies. We eat well and buy nice computers. We pick our clients and they’re all rad in their own way. That becomes clear each year at our birthday party - you’re in a room full of friends. I pinch myself because I get to call this ‘work’.

What are you passionate about?

People. They’re all so interesting and you can learn something from everybody. I feel rich because I have amazing people around me all the time - both at work and at home.

I’m also passionate about being in the water and food. 40 years from now I’ll still be trying to get better at surfing and cooking.

What was the last book you read or podcast you listened to? “Primed to Perform” – it’s about motivation at work and actually uses science to back up their theories. Long story short- focus on play rather than money. They have a survey you can take to measure your total motivation score: https://app.vegafactor.com/take_the_survey

Podcast: I’m subscribed to 34 😳. My faves are: 99% Invisible, Derek Sivers, How I Built This, Making Sense with Sam Harris and Joe Rogan.

If you weren’t at Lookahead where would you be working or what is your dream job? This is my dream job - recruiting is a craft and you could work on it forever and still be getting better.

It would be cool to one day build a product - I’ve seen many startup journeys as an early stage investor as well as a recruiter. Would love to test myself in that arena.

If I had to work in another company it’d be Basecamp. We used their product back in ~2005 to manage client projects, and it’s how I heard about Rails. Ended up subscribing to their blog and have taken a lot of lessons in business from them, which has helped make Lookahead what it is.

First Car? A ‘93 Corolla Hatch. That was what I could afford and it’s probably for the best. Over the years I’ve worked my way up and have a car I take to the track.

Hidden Talent?

Finding things underwater.

I’m a divemaster and a trained free diver. Can dive 32 meters on a single breath! At our team hang some idiot dropped their sunnies off the pier (me). Managed to find them hours later and it was a glorious moment.

Proudest Accomplishment? Lookahead. Maybe one day I’ll have kids and it’ll be them, but for now it’s this wonderful little place we get to call work. From day 1 it’s gone surprisingly well and continues to surprise me.

The Most unusual item in your office or home? A balance board.

It used to be in the office and it’s the first thing I took home when we went Covid-remote. When you are feeling burned out from back to back meetings, jump on that and move around. It’s a great reset.

Favourite Sports Team? Not really a sports fan but I was huge on basketball cards back in the day. The Chicago Bulls in the 90s were incredible, and I’m not just saying that because of the Netflix series.

What makes you weird? I say I’m a minimalist but also own five surfboards. Wait, seven.

What piece of technology seems like magic to you? AirPods. How is it that I have a computer dangling out each ear? Went for a run with my partner Jess and we’re sharing the one audio source. She had to run back to get something and even though I lost range the music buffered for ~40 seconds. When I think back to my Discman that would skip constantly I realise we are living in the future.

Guilty Pleasure? You know the bit of the sourdough starter you’re meant to discard? We make them into crackers. That with cheese or peanut butter are my kryptonite.

What’s on your Bucket List? Chuuk Lagoon in Micronesia. During WWII a fleet of Japanese ships were sunk and now lie on the bottom of the ocean. Many still mostly intact. It’s a wreck diver’s paradise and basically an underwater museum.

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chancemedley116 · 4 years

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Answering 50 quarantine asks

Asked by @whatqueen-wildcats via my other blog because I reblogged to the wrong one again lolol

1. Are you enjoying yourself? Yeah, things are going alright.

2. Do you miss how life used to be? Things aren’t too different for me. I’m still working and taking classes, even though work is busier and classes are just online now.

3. What are you doing with your time now that you’re home? Same old stuff, mostly homework. Any free time is spent playing animal crossing though lol

4. What drinks do you have in the fridge right now? Ooh boy I’ll have to think about this one. Water, tea, orange juice, grape juice, coke zero, and pepsi. More than usual because of essential shopping. Usually it’s just tea and water.

5. What snacks do you have in your house right now? Honestly, a bag of chips for my mom and that’s it. I’m trying to snack less lately, and the only way that seems to work is if I have no snacks nearby lol.

6. When was the last time you stepped outside, and what for? I went outside to put my dog up a couple of hours ago.

7. What’s a book you hope to read while quarantined? I want to finish rereading a book I had when I was 15 or somewhere around that. It’s call Sword of the Land, and it’s awesome.

8. What’s a goal you hope to achieve while being quarantined? I want to be more productive in general, finish the semester strong, and not get sick.

9. How long do you think you can last like this? I could live like this for a very long time. I’m a huge homebody so this isn’t bothering me much at all.

10. What is the last thing you’ve read? I read an article about animal crossing this afternoon...

11. What show are you catching up on? None right now. I’m mostly listening to podcasts or watching random youtube videos.

12. Are you a “stay in pajamas all day kind"of person? Yes, definitely. Even most of my normal clothes could count as pajamas anyway.

13. What time did you go to sleep last night? Like...1ish. I wasn’t feeling well so it took me a while to fall asleep.

14. What time did you wake up today? Oh dude, I think it was 11. Like I said, wasn’t feeling well.

15. Are you staying active? I’m definitely not less active. Work has been more exhausting for sure. But I haven’t been exercising at all.

16. Are you staying hydrated? Never hydrated enough. I need to be better about that.

17. How long do you think this quarantine will last? At least another month. Probably 2 because no one here in Florida is staying home at all. :/

18. If you had to study one subject everyday for the rest of this quarantine, what would you study? See, I don’t like this question. I should say Spanish, because I’m taking it now and have to take part 2 in the Summer, but it’d probably be folklore or something related to that.

19. How much weight do you suppose you’ll put on by the time this quarantine is over? I’ll probably stay the same weight or lose weight by the end of this, because since I’m not going to school I won’t feel the need to eat fast food as much. It wasn’t a ton before, only like, once a week. But still.

20. What’s your favorite board game? For family games I’m pretty partial to the game of life and scrabble.

21. What’s your favorite card game? Rummy. A family favorite.

23. What’s your favorite tv show? My default answer is Parks and Rec, but I haven’t watched tv shows regularly in a while.

24. What’s your favorite snack? All I can think about right now is a fruit, veggie, and cheese tray.

26. What’s your favorite beverage? I want to say water, but I have fallen back into my deeeeeep love for pepsi.

27. What do you like most about the quarantine? Not having to drive an hour and a half(3 hours round trip) to get to school. I’m saving so much in gas money right now.

28. What are you finding most challenging about the quarantine? Remembering what day it is. It’s been a nightmare. Also my sleep schedule is wrecked.

29. Do you think COVID-19 is as bad as the media says it is? Yeah, man. This thing isn’t okay. I really hope it wakes people up to the desperate need for vaccines.

30. What precautions have you taken to stay safe from COVID-19? I stay at home unless absolutely necessary, and at work we have an alert to wash our hands and “touch points” every hour. But the customers are mostly jerks and haf leaned on and coughed on most of us on the reg.

31. What have you learned so far from this experience? People are being really selfish for the most part, and that most people don’t keep a fully stocked freezer.

32. Are you introverted, omniverted, or extroverted? I used to think I was a stone cold introvert, but I realized that was mostly the way I was raised and my introverted parents keeping me from socializing because they didn’t want to. Omnivert for sure.

33. Which room in your house do you spend the most time in? My bedroom. I actually just moved into my mom’s old office space, so it doesn’t fully feel like my room yet. I lived in my last room for 12 years, so it’s going to take a bit.

34. Who are you most worried about? The older members of my family. Also my fiance and brother in law. They both have asthma and are essential workers.

35. Who was the last person you texted, called, facetimed? Texted, a friend in a group chat about animal crossing, called my fiance, facetimed my friend Taylor.

36. What three emojis best describe your attitude towards what’s going on right now? 👏🧼💦

37. If you had to live in one item of clothing for the rest of this quarantine what would it be? My princess mononoke sweatpants. Those babies are comfy af.

38. What was the last meal you cooked and how did it taste? I wouldn’t call it a meal, but I made one of those knorr pasta sides for my dinner last night lol. It was delicious.

39. What’s your favorite restaurant? Is it closed? Bamboo sushi. I have been craving it for weeks, even before the quarantine. I desperately need a friend to go on sushi dates with. If you have my number, call me. I am dead serious.

40. What is your favorite store? Is it closed? Probably Earthbound. I like smelling the incense. I’m sure it is closed, doesn’t seem essential.

41. How many things have you purchased online since being in quarantine? I just realized I haven’t ordered anything. I’ve been meaning to buy a new mouse, but I haven’t decided on one yet.

42. What was the last thing you purchased online? Probably my makeup mirror.

43. What’s getting you through these tough times? ...animal crossing.

44. Are you keeping up with the news? To a degree. I peruse twitter every morning and watch whatever my parents have on for a minute or two. Sadly it’s usually some conservative Trump support thing, so I either have to stomach it and keep my mouth shut or just leave. I usually go with leaving.

45. Are you stressed? In general, yeah. But I’ve felt oddly peaceful during this time. I read somewhere on here that’s because people are finally reacting to the way I feel all the time. I don’t know if that’s true, but it makes sense.

46. Tell me something positive. My sister is getting a new house in a few weeks. I’m insanely excited for her. And we’re going to be neighbors!

47. Give me some advice. I don’t feel like the kind of person who should be giving advice, just know I’m proud of you. Just in general. :)

48. What’s your favorite quote? Excuse me as I open my Pinterest quote board for this... “The way you speak to yourself matters.” No credit, but it’s something I’m learning a lot about lately.

49. What’s your favorite book? The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly. I wonder if it will ever change.

50. Tell me an interesting fact. The roars used in the animated Lion King were actually from tigers, because lion roars weren’t loud enough.

Thanks for asking! This was fun.

#answered

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