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pbandjesse · 3 years

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Today was another excellent day. But I am way tireder then I was last night. Like it is a little hard to sit up and write this but I will power through.

I did sleep alright last night but before bed I had another really bad nose bleed except this time I was alone, as James was asleep, and I only had 3 tissues. So I was a little upset and scared. But it was alright in the end. And I have a new tissue box now so hopefully I wont feel so stranded.

I woke up around 8 but I stayed in bed until 830. I really wanted to keep sleeping but I knew Jess was up and I didnt want to be rude. And of course she was already dressed and looking cute. But she was doing work for her WFH job so she wasnt to bothered. I got washed up and dressed. I felt cute again today but I mostly forgot to take my picture until way late in the day. But that was alright. We were just having to much fun.

The big plan for the day was to go squishmallow hunting. But the mall we were going to search at didnt open until 11. So we had some time to hang out. So after breakfast we started rinsing our tye dye projects. I decided Jess should go first because her's is so much lighter and I didnt want to stain her's with all my dark dye. And it was so funny hers didnt run any dye at almost at all?? Absolutely bizarre. We were using the coldest water and really trying to get in there but no dye came out. So we hung it to dry and got into mine.

Mine was a different story. As soon as I unwrapped it from the plastic is was dripping black dye. So I pulled off the rubber bands and got to work rinsing it. It took a good ten minutes of rinsing but it honestly looked great. As it dried throughout the day the black would fade to a lovely almost grey purple. But the actual tye dyed scrunchy parts look so cool. I am super excited to share it tomorrow when we take pictures. It was a lot of fun to do and while I dont think I will like. Tye dye my whole life. It was a lot of fun to experiment with. And for our first go it was really successful.

Once we were done that and everything was drying in the bathroom we got ready to leave. I wasnt super excited to drive, as I still felt really tired, but it was alright. Though when we got to the car I found we barely had any gas and I was annoyed about that because I hate putting gas in the car but I would do it. Even though I hate it.

We drove out to the mall and it felt so weird to be in a mall. But there werent a lot of people. It was mostly just quiet. But it for sure felt like a blast from the past. We walked the whole mall. Talked about being mall rat teens. What we would do and play and just the culture of that time in our lives. And hoenstly it was just a good time. It was nice to walk around inside and not be cold and because we were on this funny hunt for squishes there was an element of activity and goal.

We didnt have great luck. The claires had nothing. The hallmark had nothing. We did find some at Hot Topic though. I ended up getting a blind box one. And Jess got a couple little things. We also got a matching set of lollypop earrings I am very excited about. We got lunch in the food court. Felt very weird eating inside. I got pretzel bites. It was just. A good time at the mall.

We were there about an hour, making our last stop at Hot Topic for the second time to make our actual purchases. And then we went to the strip mall across the road to go to starbucks. Everyone was driving stupid so I was really glad to be out of there.

We started to head towards the closes Marshalls. And they only had a cuddler squish there. And a way to long line, so I did not buy the face wash I was going to get. We instead went to Target. We made a stop to get gas. Which was terrible only because the same thing happened as last time and the machine kept saying my zipcode was wrong and I had to go talk to the man at the counter and it was a whole thing. I hate pumping gas. But it was handled.

Next we went to the CVS and the Walgreens to check and finding nothing good we continued on to Target.

Target was mostly a bust. No easter friends. But we ended up finding a beautiful greyscale bunny that Jess really liked. And we decided we were done. I wanted to make one more loop around toys just and in case and while we did I remembered to stop to look in the legos to see if they had the botanical one me and James have been trying to get but keeps getting scalped for 3xs the real price. And I was so excited to find that they had it!! The bouquet of flowers!! I was so jazzed. I cant wait to build this with them and its going to be great and look so cool in our house.

We were both a little beat by this point though. So it was time for home.

It was a nice drive back. The sun started coming out after a really grey day. And I was happy to be home.

We would chill for a little bit but then there were more things we wanted to do. We opened our blind boxes. I got a dragon that we think was meant to be scented like minit chocolate but just smelt. Bad. But whatever. Still cute. I like the dragons. And then we got to work on my clothes.

I wanted to do another big purge and having moral support to talk things out was exactly what I needed. So Jess helped me make piles of everything I own and make hard calls for each piece. I was a little more brutal then I expected but honestly I had purged my clothes in december and I sort of knew what ones that if I didnt wear in the last 2 months were going to get the axe. So it was only hard at some points. And I was really excited that everything I wanted to fit in the trunk for seasonal pieces and my closet isnt to full anymore. Two bags of clothes to donate and Im just really happy about that. And before that Jess tried on some that she liked from the get rid of pile and took some and that made me feel really happy too. Im glad they will get a second life.

We would spend more time in my room trying on ren fair costume stuff. And spent way to long trying to relace a corset thats a little to big for me. But it was honestly a lot of fun. We were just very tired at the end.

James had a performance review during that time that we got to hear and I got to be all proud about how well they are doing. And then James would go on a bike ride after work before picking us all up dinner. Because I have the best partner.

While James was gone me and Jess would be on the couch playing a little animal crossing. Being sleepy. When food did come I was really upset that both our orders were missing pieces and I was trying very hard not to have a breakdown over something stupid. But Jess gave me some of hers that I was missing and we made due. I was just a little sad.

Dinner was nice though. And we all just sat together doing little crafts and enjoying the company.

And we still have tomorrow. The plan is to do some photoshoots and make a little painting project together. I hope to sleep better tonight though. Im going to go take a shower and get cozy and try to get to bed earlier. Wish me luck. Goodnight everyone! Wash your hands!

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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dadzawa-adopt-dabi · 4 years

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everybody knows ch3 (meet cute au)

( so we start getting a little more serious here as we explore what is happening on Shigaraki end and next chapter what Natsou deals with. its important for later promise.)

Shigaraki opens the heavy door to the bar and base. The old building is many things at once for him.None of it feels quite right without Kuroguri there to look after them all.

The old man's presence is missed and not just because he did the house work, SAhigaraki feels the drain of being a leader most days. Spending time with Natsou at the library had become something of a getaway from the stress for him.

Immediately he is greeted with the welcome sound of Twice and Spinner playing a racing game. Screaming at each other and cackling.

“ Don't wreck our friendship! I'm going to do it! Eat blue shell! ” Jin argued with himself as he tried to overtake Shuichi.

“Haha, I'm in first! Wha-Peach no! That bitch just pushed me off the edge and smiled while she did it!” Spinner wails in distress as he’s kicked out of 3rd place.

Shigaraki smiles and toes off his shoes, glad to be home.

“Morning Sako, can you do me a favor? I have an address I would like you to watch for trouble makers hanging around. The owner of the Cafe did us all a favor today.” Sako sleepily takes the piece of paper as he drinks his morning coffee. He walks into what pass’s as their dining room and sets his plant down amongst the normalcy of yesterday’s dirty dishes and Toga’s schoolbooks.

“First person to kill my plant gets decayed.” Shigaraki calls out above the chaos, no one takes the threat seriously,he almost never actually means it. He checks the fridge next and counts the blood bags he has left for Toga. Mentally counting to see when he needs to get more and if she has already had one this morning. He might need to bring one to her room again, if she’s not up yet she’ll probably spend the whole day in there.

“I had my blood today Shiggy! no worries, do you really check everyday? Dabi said you did but i didn't believe him.” Toga came around the corner and saw him looking into the fridge.

“Dabi needs to keep his mouth shut, how are you feeling?” He looks her over. Satisfied with the clear look in her eyes that's been there lately, since she started getting blood regularly, and the fact that her hair was up in her signature buns. Unlike when they first tried having her drink blood regularly, to see if it helped out her blood lust, and couldn't even bring herself to brush the tangles out or wash it.Much less put it up into the complicated looking process of putting into twin messy buns. Magne had offered to cut it short to make the caretaking of it easier but Toga had refused. Shigaraki had learned this theory of quirk therapy through one of the books. It was helping, even if there were some unexpected bumps in the road. There just wasn’t enough research done for people like Toga.

“Im feeling better, it's still weird to me to be able to drink blood whenever I want. It’s, I don't know why but it helps alot. Makes me not as hungry?” Toga tugged on the end of her sweater sleeves. She’s just in jeans and a cat themed sweater for now. One day when it wasn’t dangerous to Toga’s progress or the cats he would take her to the kurama’s cat cafe, she would probably love it. It could be a goal for her to work towards, and if this therapy helped as much as it was supposed too they could even bring one home, he’d figure it.

“Well it looks like you're slowing down on them and I just want to make sure that you're still drinking them when you feel the urge, heat them up if you need to okay? We don't want any baby vampires trying to suck us dry again.” He gently ruffles her hair and goes to wake up Magne.

Him coming home meant it’s time for Magne to get up and have her take over watching the rest of the LoV. Shigaraki usually had errands for Sako to run so it fell to Magne or Dabi. Not errands like robbing a bank. God did Shig wish he just needed a bank robbed and not medicine and groceries bought. Robbing a bank would probably require less planning some weeks.

“Fuck off unless youve got a dam good reson to wake me up.” Magne grouched from inside her room.

“I've got coffee getting started, and Sako has shopping to do.” he patiently waits for her to throw a pillow at the door.

“Cmon Magne, if you get up i'll tell you about my date with the hot library guy.” there was a thump and some banging around as Magne tried to get ready as fast as she could.

“Wait, wait where did you guys even go? I swear to god if me and Sako have to tell kuroguri that you went to some gyys apartment for the whole night and we didnt shadow you i fucking swear Shigaraki.” The rest of her sentence devolved into swearing and items being thrown around.

“We just went to a cafe,calm down, I’ll tell Kuroguri when he comes home.” Shigaraki leaned against the wall, he wasn’t actually going to tell her about natsou. He hadn’t actually told anyone about him yet, Magne just suspected there was someone he was seeing.

“Nice hat Shig.” Dabi had come out of his room and was leaning on the wall beside his door,watching the process of waking Magne up. It was entertaining to him because one or twice Magne had stayed up too late was extra crabby, and used her quirk to throw Shigaraki down the hall. Then went right back into her room to sleep as Dabi cackled and watched.

“Dabi, maybe tease me about my hat when there aren't bright red feathers in your hair and your door is open?” Shigaraki snickered at how fast Dabi spun around and checked to make sure his door was closed while checking his hair for feathers. Being serious though he was worried about the hero in Dabi’s bed more often than not. He was very obviously a spy.

As good as he was to Dabi, to the whole league actually, he was still a spy. A struggling one who hated who he was spying for and took refuge within the base more often than not but still a spy.

“So he spent the night again?” He looked Dabi over, noticing how much more relaxed he seemed and adding ground sausage to his mental grocery list. Hawks didn't eat enough when he wasn't with them, some bullshit about it being weird. Dabi worried over the stress his boyfriend was under a lot. Distracting him from it by antagonizing him was something Shig did often enough.

He hadn't expected to like a hero of all people or feel as protective of him as he did his team. Much less one in the top ten but Keigo made a terrible spy and was just as much of a mess as they were.He had crap sleeping and eating patterns. Dealt with emotions as well as any of them did, he fit right in. So it hadn't been long after meeting that shigaraki had ‘adopted’ him, as toga liked to tease him.

“Is he okay this time?” There had been a couple times where keigo had come in a mess or injured mess.

“He’s fine, get some sleep boss.” Dabi smacks his shoulder and goes to get coffee.

“Evil doesn't sleep, I've got schemes to think up.”Shigaraki smirks and continues down the hallway to his room. It also doubles as his office space.

“You better be sleeping by the time Sako gets back or I'm going to make him give his signature ‘im a single dad of too many kids’ look. And we both know you don’t want that.” Dabi’s voice follows him and Shigaraki flips him off without turning around. He honestly was tired and should get some sleep, but he needed to plan out chores for next week and meal plans and groceries and where to get more blood for Toga. He sighed and added a mental note to ask if her favorite blood type had changed again or it was still the same as last week.

He was tired but he agreed to take care of these people when he agreed to become a leader. Not to mention the whole destroy society thing he still has on the back burner.

@night-owl-1234

#shiganat #shigaraki tomura #natshig #shigarakixnatsou #todoroki natsuo #thedarkonewrites #meetcuteau #everybodyknows #dabihawks #lov as family

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twinklecheeks · 5 years

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Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 5

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.

Warnings! pregnancy.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Word Count: 1.7k

David’s house:

You walk into the house and everyone is already making bets on what are the genders. Zane, Heath and Todd bet both boys, Matt & Corinna bet a boy and a girl, Mariah/Carly/Erin bet both girls. Y/n: “Hey Natalie, can I talk to you in the car outside?” Natalie: “Sure. How are you feeling? I feel like we haven’t talked in months.” Y/n: “I’m doing great but I have to talk to you about something important.” Natalie: “Like what?” Y/n: “All the girls know who the father of my twins are and I don’t want you to freak out…” Natalie: “Why would I freak out?” Y/n: “Because Jeff is the father...” Natalie: “Wait, Jeff cheated on me?” Y/n: “NO NO NO. We kind of had this friends with benefits for months before you dated. He ended it with me before he asked you out. He was the only person I’ve been with during those months so I know it’s his.” Natalie: “Does he know?” Y/n: “No…” Natalie: “Why doesn’t he know?” Y/n: “Because he didn’t treat right. He was a player and I was under his charm. I was basically wrapped around his finger until I had enough.” Natalie: “I mean… I’m not surprised… Jeff looks like a player.” Y/n: “I just hope I don’t ruin your relationship. I told him during our last fight that I hope he treats you better than he treated me. If he wants to be in their life, that’s fine but if he doesn’t, I’ll ask him to sign his rights away once they’re born.” Natalie: “Thanks for telling me… Are you going to tell him?” Y/n: “Yeah but I wanted to tell you first incase he blows things out of proportion.” Natalie: “Understandable. I’ll go get Jeff.” She gets out of the car and goes into the house to tell him to go talk to you in the car. You see him walk out and you panic a bit.

Jeff: “ummmm hey?” Y/n: “Hi.” Jeff: “Nat said you needed to tell me something.” Y/n: “Okay but you can’t blame me for not telling you sooner. You have been such an asshole to me.” Jeff: “Telling me what sooner?” Y/n: “These babies are yours…” Jeff looked like he saw a ghost. He went pale like he was gonna pass out. Jeff: “Excuse me??!? How the fuck you know those babies are mine?” Y/n: “Pretty simple. You were the only guy I slept with since New Years until you dumped me for Natalie.” Jeff: “I don’t believe you. I want a paternity test once they’re born. Until then, I don’t want anything to do with you.” Y/n: “what the fuck do you honestly believe I just slept around? Wanna know something dick head?? You were the only person I wanted to sleep with because I was fucking in love with you but you treated me like shit and I let you do it for too fucking long. I was blind with something that was never going to happen. But I finally realized what I deserved.” Jeff: “Oh boo hoo I don’t want to hear you sob story and you better keep your fucking mouth shut about this.” Y/n: “Oh honey, you are way too late for that. The girls and David know and I just can’t wait to tell the rest of the guys.” Y/n runs out of the car so fast and locks Jeff in her car. Jeff: “WHAT THE FUCK YOU CRAZY BITCH.” You quickly run inside and lock David’s front door but Jeff get’s in through the back door. Y/n: “hey to the guys who don’t know who my deadbeat baby daddy is, it’s Jeff. Jeff runs in right as you finished that sentence. He basically doesn’t want anything to do with me or the kids he helped conceive until he knows for sure.” Jeff: “YOU SHIT THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO FUCKING BE WITH YOU. YOU ALWAYS FUCKING THINK YOU’RE THE RIGHT. YOU DON’T EBER FUCKING LISTEN WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU SHIT. YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE CIERRA TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU’RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. WELL GUESS WHAT SWEETHEART, YOU’RE A NOBODY.. Y/n: “honey the difference between me and Cierra is that she cheated on you and dumped your ass cause she realized how much of a low life you are. You are such a piece of shit. I wish these babies weren’t yours cause I hope they don’t fucking turn out like drug dealers and go to prison. I don’t need you. Sign your rights away once they’re born because I’m fucking done with you saying lies about me.” Y/n turns around to Natalie. Y/n: “Natalie. Good fucking luck.” Jeff was livid. He hated when someone brought up his past mistakes so when you mentioned that you hope the twins don’t turn out like him, it stung. Jeff: “I’ll gladly sign my rights away cause It’d be hell dealing with you and those things for the next 18 years.” Y/n: “don’t fucking call my children that.”

The whole vlog squad were stunned with how Jeff was treating you. Natalie: “Jeff…. WE’RE DONE.” Jeff: “babe plea-“ Natalie: “Save the apologies. It’s too late. You think I’d pick you over her. Girl code bitch.” Todd: “dude, just leave.” Everybody is just so disappointed in Jeff. They thought he was a nice guy but he never showed that side of him. Natalie: “y/n I’m so sorry. If I knew I would’ve never gone out with him.” Y/n: “it’s fine. He seems like Prince Charming at first and then becomes a snake.” Heath: “baby, just know all of us are here for you. It takes a village to raise a baby.” Zane: “she’s gonna need 2 villages.”

1 day later (the night before the gender reveal)

(Y/n is spending the night at Kylie’s house since the reveal party is gonna be at her place)

Y/n: “I told Jeff he’s the father.” Stass: “NO FUCKING WAY.” Kylie: “HOW DID HE REACT.” Y/n: “It was bad… I explained everything and he completely flipped out. So I said if he doesn’t want anythng to do with me or these babies, sign his rights away so I can have full custody.” Stass: “Did you tell Natalie?” Y/n: “Actually, I did. Natalie and I have known each other for longer than we’ve both known Jeff. I knew she wouldn’t get mad at me. And I made sure to tell her that I wasn’t trying to get in between her and Jeff. That ship sailed months ago but she saw all the horrible stuff he was saying and dumped him.” Kylie: “Damn I would’ve loved to be there for that. I Would’ve ripped him a new one.” Stass: “We should get to bed. We have a big day tomorrow! What do you think it’s gonna be? I hear there’s a bet going around.” Y/n: “It’s a tie between twin boys vs twin girls.” Kylie: “Let’s just wait and see what the colors are tomorrow.”

Gender reveal party

Y/n is officially 4 months pregnant and it’s reveal day!

Kylie: “Wake up sleepy head. I know you’re tired with carrying 2 babies but we gotta get you glammed up. Y/n: “Ughhhhh why can’t I just be lazy and stay in bed.” Stass: “Cause you’re finding out what you’re having.” Y/n: “You can just tell me right now :)” Kylie: “ABSOLUTELY not. Kylie’s team then comes in and spends 2 hours doing your hair, make-up and picking out your outfit. You had to choose between a pink and blue maternity dress. You picked the pink dress and have your nails painted matte baby blue (Pictured below how you look)

Once you’re ready, you head downstairs and a bunch of your friends are there. You were glad to see your family, including your dad. He still wasn’t talking to you but he was there. Everybody was having a good time eating, playing the classic shower games like guessing what chocolate is in the “poopy” diaper and other stuff like that. Kylie: “Okay guys! Gather around so we can find out the genders of the twins. Final voting. How many people think they’re boys?” About half think boys, and the other half is equal between boy & girl twin and just girl twins. Kylie: “So y/n is going to be revealing baby A and you guys are going to be revealing baby B.” Kylie gives you the powder cannon. Kylie: “Are you ready?” Y/n: “AHHHH I NO IM NOT BUT I AM.” Everybody: “3! 2! 1!”

Y/n: “IT’S A GIRL!!!! AHHHHH.” Everybody is screaming. Stass: “To the people who bet, y’all better be praying that you’re right.” Kylie and Stass hand powder cannon to everybody at the party and the countdown begins again. 3.. 2… 1!!!

IT’S ANOTHER GIRL!!!!!! At this point, you’re just sobbing. You’re having 2 girls. The only thing you care about in the moment are your baby girls. Zane: “Man we lost the bet. I thought it was gonna be boys.” Mariah, Carly & Erin: “Ayyyye we won!!! Now give us our money.”

A couple of hours later

David: “So I guess you’re not naming one David Jr.” Y/n: “You thought I would?” David: “HEY! You promised for 250k...” Y/n: “I was never going to accept that. A joke is a joke.” David: “How you feeling knowing you’re having 2 girls?” Y/n: “I think it’s pretty ironic. Jeff treats women like shit and look what happened. I’m having girls. But I don’t mind. Baby girl clothes are way cuter than boy clothes.” David: “I just wanted to let you know that I’m in it for the long run.” Y/n: “Huh?” David: “Y/n, I have had a crush on you since before I met Liza. I was crushed when she dumped me and you were always there. You were the only one who was always there for me through thick and thin. I know this is bad timing telling you this but it’s because I was too much of a scared little bitch to tell you. I will be there every single step of the way. I’ll go to your appointments with you if you want me to and be there helping you through labor if you want me to.” Y/n: “I’d love it if you were there for me all the way.”

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Yoooo I AM SO SORRY I SAID I WAS GONNA POST EARLY. I had the chapter mostly done but it felt very boring so I basically rewrote most of the chapter. I might take longer than usual for the next chapter cause I have no Idea what to write next... Also, sorry if this chapter sucked.

Comment if you want to be on the taglist!

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @galxydefender @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee

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vampanic · 4 years

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okay here’s what i remember from THE CON

i can’t remember if the ticket was cheap or pricey. i don’t know why. i wanna say it was more expensive or of equal value to a bigger con and i justified it to my parents and myself because it was the first one. but i went because i thought the idea of a con that was centered on the various fandoms popular on this site at the time was a genuinely neat idea. i also thought, okay let me just go because it’s another one to attend.

i should note: that have been to a lot conventions in my time. i’ve been to acen twice i think? i’ve been to nebkon twice. sadly i have never been to c2e2 or flashback chicago (which i may never get to go to now whoops) and i’ve been to wizard world chicago i wanna say 4 times?

now at these cons (mostly wizard world) these fandoms aren’t as present. in fact, the main demo of that con was adult to middle age to older visitors as well as families, so usually teens and young adults would find each other at this con (whether planned ahead or by accident there) and freak the fuck out over our cosplays or mutual love of whatever.

so because of this again the idea of a t.umblr con was exciting to me, even though i was already at the end of being interested in those fandoms (as i’m sure most people were at the time)

okay so first, this con was far. wizard world and acen are held at the rosemont convention center which while kind of far from where i live, is accessible by train via downtown or via one of chicago’s big airports. i always got a ride though which with summer traffic, took forever. so much like that this con was a journey away.

the hotel the con choose i remember thinking it seemed new, but it was far from where i lived which inpacted the amount of time i spent at the con and the decision to only go two days (i didn’t return the last day because it was a shit show)

i went to this con by myself because i think at this point i had already had a falling out with my friend who i went to cons in the area with (she did not attend that i know of). i wore two cosplays that i had made already for other things, gwen stacy and america chavez. this would have been the ideal place for me to cosplay something more niche, but i just didn’t care that much about it. maybe i didn’t think it was worth it at the time since it wasn’t going to be a big con.

so i get there and there’s no long line to get my badge in fact i don’t even remember a line at all. which, for me, was bizarre. every con i’ve been to before had huge lines even on off hours to get badges. but whatever. i cant remember if where i got my badge was in the the same room as where the ball pit was or not. but yes, i did go into the ball pit and i was silly in it with some other people because

idk you see a ball pit you go in the ball pit? in hindsight i know it’s not acceptable to have this at a con, but shit i guess i was high on life at the time. someone took a pic of me in the pit, but i have never seen it.

i remember seeing some very impressive cosplays at this con. i also bought some really great art in the dealers room which was small. (here’s the artist. also this was nonfandom art. i don’t remember buying anything else from anyone because i don’t think i saw anything i liked/could afford) there was no unlicensed night vale merch sold here that i remember, but i do remember receiving free unlicsenced night vale like pamphlets from a random vendor and also there was a vendor who was giving away a large piece of night vale fan art with a purchase of over something dollars i dont remember.

panels: i don’t remember there being many panels or even very interesting panels. panels i remember going to include: bisexuality in media/bisexuality representation (which was put on by the bisexualbooks tumblr), ask an avenger (which was put on by various marvel cosplayers), and a panel that was about female characters in supernatural (i was a spn stan back in the day jsyk).

the bi one was good. i remember it being the most like a panel that you’d go to at a larger convention. they had slides and info and they took questions and had several speakers.

the avengers one was what we’d call today “cringey” but it was cute. it was exactly what it sounds like. avengers cosplayers sat up on a stage answering questions in character. i believe that all the cosplayers had rp and/or ask blogs which is why they were chosen.

the supernatural panel was, like the bi one, complete with slides and various speakers, but from what i remember it was mostly going down the list of female characters in the show. i remember from the fandom that there a good chunk of people who love the characters, but they’re often killed off or abandoned and this is something a lot of fans did have gripes with. this is gonna sound fake when i say it, but this did happen, we got to charlie and someone said “yeah i like charlie she’s cool because she’s a lesbian but she doesn’t act like one like she’s still feminine” and i spoke up and said “well yeah it’s cool she’s a lesbian, but what do you mean she doesn’t act like one. like queer female character shouldn’t have to be feminine to be seen as good rep.” and people clapped. i know that sounds fake, but please believe me because this is a setting where people are inclined to clap when they agree with statements. people clapped at others too.

i also attended the costume contest, the night vale panel, and the meet and greet with doug jones.

the contest was fine. there was one individual at this con who i can’t name because i didnt know their name, but they cosplayed as ed from edd ed and eddy and they were in character the whole time to the point of discomfort. it wasn’t just for the contest i found myself in a cards against humanity game that they were in and it was even there and it was weird.

then the night vale panel happened and ooooooooohhhh boy

this was the most filled room in the whole con. a main reason i went to this con was to see them and im pretty sure this was everyone’s main reason to go. i known someone from other cons who came from florida to see this. (fun fact: we were mutuals on various platforms and had hung out at various cons and i knew their name, but they could not remember mine and i thought that was bogus so i ghosted them. dont know if i was justified in that but whatever)

so here we all were waiting. for over an hour. during this time people talked and i remember someone cosplaying the glow cloud went up and down the isle with a little glow cloud baby in a stroller and we all laughed and cheered. people started playing card games. we kept busy. for me though.

this was one of the most boring cons i’ve been to honestly. i’m having trouble remember a lot of it and that’s because i went solo. i had no friends there. i cosplayed gwen from like the 60s and this was before spidey joined the mcu and before itsv was a thing so spidey was basically an niche fandom (i was active in the tasm and dane deha.an fandoms at this time and the latter became toxic as fuck but that’s a whole other story) or something older comic fans liked.

my other cosplay was america chavez from young avengers which never got that popular either (though kate bishop and kid loki where more recognized, but for their connection to bigger marvel names). so it wasn’t like other cons where my cosplay was an ice breaker and i could join groups. i was alone.

so a lot of the con for that reason was awkward and waiting for night vale was like being the person texting in the corner at a distant relative’s party because they know no one.

so they finally come on stage to say that night vale will not be performing and people went ballistic people were shouting and the person said “we have doug jones in the next hall you should go over to that” and someone yelled “WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HIM”

i went to see doug jones and i was previously unaware of what his name was but i knew who he was. he talked about his work and acting process and did a meet and greet after. mr. jones was a delight and i’m wondering how they even got him there in the first place. he was leagues above this.

i had to leave the con early that day to go to my brother’s football game, but i believe that was the night they “protested” at the con and i kept seeing on tumblr that it was cancelled. i decided not to go back the next day because i was unsure of what was happening and because it was too far.

and the rest is history. i’m sure i went to other panels, but i can’t remember them. i do remember going into the room where they were watching pacific rim, but it was on a shitty projection screen and i wanted to go to a panel instead.

it’s shitty what happened with the con. and a lot of the unrest came from literal teens who were cheated from money who didn’t know how to act, but all the responsibility goes to the people who organized it poorly. The concept of a tu.mblr con i don’t think should have been inherently bad. i think it would have been cool to have a con that focused on more niche interests. but shouldn’t have been as big as they wanted it to be for the first go.

anyway that’s most of what i can remember. it’s kind of blur because i spent most of it by myself and there wasn’t much to do so i didn’t even spend the whole day there.

quite frankly, i’m glad i wasn’t there when they started singing les mis because i have no idea how i would have acted.

#[out of coffins]#/under a cut because it's long

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realdeadlovin · 3 years

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and the long rambly email, so far.

Hey brian. I don't know if I'm going to send this but I guess part of me just wants to know that I did my best to explain where I'm coming from even if nothing comes from it, I won't look back and be like well maybe if I'd explained myself more... idk. It feels futile bc in my experience it just feels like if you have decided some piece of information or feedback is threatening or uncomfortable to you, you will just refuse to hear it or acknowledge it til the end of time. which makes it utterly impossible to work through what should be simple conflicts. I talked to MC about your visit today. she said something like, "I know you aren't someone who is freely vulnerable very often, and as someone who also struggles a lot to feel safe with vulnerability I can really understand how hard that was." I dont know brian, I guess thats why I wanna clarify that it wasn't that you weren't "emotionally available" bc like I said I really wasn't asking for or expecting anything from you. i was just expecting you not to actively throw it back in my face and make me feel like I would lose you for showing my feelings in front of you. I mean, I didn't actually know to ask that, because I hadn't really considered it as a possibility. I felt genuinely shocked. I couldn't imagine ever responding that way to you if the situations were reversed; it would feel so awful and cruel. when i was passive aggressive for a second while you were having anxiety I immediately felt so horrible. if anyone else in my life acted that way towards me, well, it's a moot point because no one else who I keep around in my life would dream of it. my therapist spends all this time trying to convince me that the people I love aren't going to abandon me if I let them see how I feel or let myself have my emotions in front of them but I guess she doesn't know you. i spend $100 a week trying to work through that shit so idk, pay me. I know alcohol plays a role in the whole thing but I also feel not into like using alcohol as a catch all excuse anymore in my life, obviously I still drink but its not a good excuse for being shitty to people you care about, or at least for not taking responsibility for it. If you want to explain where you were coming from or your perception of the situation go ahead, I will listen. slash read and consider. maybe my memory is off. I just want to say that like being able to identify why you acted shitty doesn't justify it. youre an adult and should be able to take responsibility for yourself when youre feeling insecure or whatever. you dont get to just lash out at people without consequences because you were feeling bad or anxious. I don't think you hurt me because youre like "hurting parker is just my idea of a good time." and even if I had been mad about something you did, which I wasn't, I don't understand how that really makes it okay either... If youre not a person I can feel safe like, crying in front of, telling you that I"m not mad at you but some hard feelings about sex were coming up for me and I was just processing it but it wasn't about you.... without you actively making me feel like shit for expressing that and like you would leave me as a result... how can i feel safe trusting you or like I can be myself around you? I mean especially as someone who is supposed to "love" and "care about" me sooo much who I've known forever, not some stranger... like if a tindr date said they were leaving bc I was crying, sure. but I think some tindr dates would be nicer than that. but you? I just don't know how you don't see that. as a side note I guess it did honestly feel hurtful that you lavish so much love and affection on me from afar and then so instantly feel certain you dont feel that way actually when were in person. i know you shrug it off, and I can't say I'm exactly mad about it cause I guess you can't help it, but it does make me feel like all that love wasn't real and theres something wrong with me or something you dont like when you actually have to be around me. you tease me about saying that 5 days seemed "daunting" to you but it did actually make me sad that we talk on a constant basis and then like the idea of seeing me was so hard. i mean obviously in retrospect you were "right" to be nervous or something but yea I guess I just like I feel some rejection when it comes to you especially seeing you "in person" which feels hard and disconcerting when u go back to being all like in love with me once you're gone, yea idk and just have this whole time struggled with feeling alternately like some rejection and then also like really intense validation. but so it goes. i guess thats just saying that even if this visit hadnt be like Bad Bad bt had just been lackluster it would have felt weird to go back to talking how we had been. but, who knows how this visit would have gone if that night hadn't happened, I know things were weird and off/awkward with us all weekend largely bc I didnt tell you how I was feeling but then also didnt know how to relax around you or be normal and yea that felt like no "spark" but maybe there wouldn't have been anyways, I don't know. I wish I'd said something sooner, also I hope you can understand why I didn't or was afraid to and who knows how the weekend would have gone if I had... maybe not any better, I dunno. but yea not texting you right now still feels hard and sad. I've wanted so badly to text you throughout the day. I know we have leaned on each other too much in order to not feel lonely but yeah so now I feel really lonely especially with sophie gone, I just felt soooo alone after you left. seeing you cry when I dropped you off made me want to take everything back and say I dont actually feel this way, I love you and of course you wont lose me, maybe I overreacted, etc etc just wanted to walk everything back. but I don't think I'm overreacting and idk I don't think that pretending everything is fine will fix anything... idk brian, i love you and I care about you and I can't imagine you not being in my life, although I guess you weren't really there for a bit. but sometimes people are friends for a long time and then they stop. I don't think I want that and I know you have been there for me in a lot of ways as well. I just dont know.. how do we interact in a way that isn't like codependently leaning on each other but isn't like distant and surface level either? I know you've said it was hard talking to me a ton after the last time we split , I know this sitch is different too but I dunno. I dunno how to find the right balance esp when I really am struggling to trust you in any sort of deep way. you also seemed to have this attitude of like "well I can't take it back now" and thats true but people/relationships do heal from hurt all the time it just takes a certain kinda work I don't feel that I will get from you.. happy to be proven wrong though.. I'm reading an article about "reforms" in the local sheriffs dept, they are getting body worn cameras and straight up saying the cops want them bc they think they will get the off the hook more often than not *~*~*I talked to kyle last night, cried some, anyways he hates you now. jk ish. definitely was like "wow fuck that guy." which wasn't actually what I had intended to convey. It's hard for me to talk to other people in my life here about anything with you because idk, your behavior sometimes is just so unreasonable and unkind on its face people always get so like against you if I actually tell them things you say to me and such, and then I feel like I'm actually in this position of just like trying to defend you and be like "no but he can be really great though and I really love him" and such. I've been in that dynamic before in "relationships" where I don't feel I can tell my friends about what is actually going on because then they will absolutely not support me being with that person and yea it's not great. I know that I know you better than they do and that you're really a very caring and loving person but its hard to reconcile that sometimes with your thoughtlessness at other times. I guess this is what you were talking about earlier in this whole thing.. about how far we've drifted apart, I guess in terms of who we surround ourselves with and such. I told kyle youre someone I've known and loved for long before I started having the current standards I have for people in my life. but, I'm also really deeply grateful you're in my life, and I'm glad to have had you come into my life when you did and to have stayed in it all this time.I felt so much better and less alone after talking to kyle and that helped clarify how much I was freaking out because of missing you versus how much i was freaking out about being alone. it was nice feeling like I could cry around someone about something that was hurting me and have it actually create intimacy rather than drive them away, as it should, so that was validating and healing in a way, like yea im not crazy. I don't want you to not be in my life. I want to continue having a close friendship with you that isn't like awkwardly not addressing unsaid things or like surface level and yeah like i want that trust back blah. and maybe I fucked that up by restarting things romantically when maybe we were on our way towards that again. arms sore like from adrenaline day 3 lol I'm getting pretty sad not talking to you or knowing how youre feeling. it's become less urgent because I don't feel lonely/alone anymore per se. getting a lot of comfort from kyle thats maybe weird/ co dependent in its own way, hes been staying in sophies room, making em coffee and breakfast in the mornings / walking me to work etc. yesterday had agood therapy session, then played cards with some rfiends, then met kyle at owls club and hung out with him and some nurses, then kyle stayed over and we talked until we were both falling asleep on the couches, tonight im maybe having dinner (sex? who knows? I think I dont want ot, I barely want to hang out with him at all it feels like a chore) tonight. still nothing physical with kyle, I wonder if cuddling may imminent, but idk.well so what im saying is when yo ufirst left I had this panicky feeling that I couldn't tell if was about fear of being alone or about missing you and the lsat few days I have felt better and less alone, and I sitll miss you, in a not urgent way but in a, I want to hear how you're doing and I want you in my life, way. I dont know brian. I feel I'm sort of processed what happened and I am mad indeed but as long as we know we can like never be involved romantically lol i can forgive that you have a lot of unhealed shit and act poorly a lot of the time in relationsihp idk. blabla. and not being involved romantically,well, it doesn't seem healthy to be so dependant on talking constantly so I don't think we can go back to that. but regularly, I would like.I dont want to not talk to you.

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ketterdamns · 6 years

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a brief history

so anyway i’ve been doing a lot of work over the last year (hence why im kinda awol and maybe less positive than I used to be) and the biggest thing that has always come up is to stop retreating when I need to be honest about the things that have happened to me, when acknowledging the things in my life that have damaged me and also as an exercise to let trust my friends and others not to use this information to hurt me- the only power of these words in the hands of others is what I perceive them to have. if i give it away freely and own it it can no longer be used to hurt me, or at least, that is the general idea i might regret this. i might not. i just think i need to try because im so so so tired.

Anyway, under the cut; csa, parental and spousal abuse, rape, trauma,drugs, addiction, basically all of the triggers. a slightly optimistic ending tho!!!

Additionally; if you read this, please can you in some way acknowledge that u have, via text, whatsapp, dm, pm, messages, likes (no reblogs pls!!) just so i can keep track of who knows what ty!!!!

its really hard to admit that ive never had a stable home life. never even had a stable home, from the moment i was in the womb my mum was running, away from my dad (who never let her go), from my dad’s mum- who wanted me dead for reasons my mum has never been able to divulge, from poverty and homelessness throughout my formative years.

That’s when it started maybe, I was about 3-4/5 we ended up having to move in with my uncle (my dads brother) and his wife. it was an uncomfortable situation for all, we were a family of four intruding on newlyweds, but we were desperate and immigrants to a new country without qualifications for work or money to support us or even a job to hold down. My mum tried her best, but my brother was one and i was two years older. I ended up spending a lot of time with my uncle, who often “took me off of her hands” for afternoons. I don’t rly remember those afternoons, except that I would always play up beforehand, not wanting to go. At some point, my aunt caught on, and instead of talking to her husband, or throwing his pedo ass out, she took out her ??jealousy?? on me, and started pinching me so hard i bruised. she would blame me for my uncle’s behaviour. i was a “madame” pretending to be his “princess”, my mum caught her hitting me, and packed our bags immediately, despite my father not allowing us to leave. we had to stay in that house for another two months, and this is when my mum would never want to let me out of her sight again. And this is also the beginning of the pattern that my dad would allow these things to happen to me but I was just a baby. I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what was happening or why they were. No-one spoke to me and I had no one else in my life at that time.

We spent some really uncomfortable years in uncomfortable places, but honestly being homeless for that year, and then moving into council accommodation was sort of the least of my worries. I was eight years old the time I was sexually and emotionally abused by my other uncle (also my dad’s brother). It was my first trip back to our home country My grandma spent all her time telling me I was awful (it turns out... she’s a piece of shit) all because I refused to call her “Mum”, she wanted to kidnap me and my brother, and idk what else. but we scuppered her plans by not going along with it. It was a very toxic and scary environment, so when my Uncle would invite me into his next door flat, and treat me with kindness, I was overjoyed. Finally, another adult I could trust! My grandparents used to police food, and essentially only allowed me one meal a day. Back in the UK we were very poor, and rarely got to have sweets unless they were gifts from other people, so my uncle already had the perfect tool to entice me. That first summer, I ate sweets and let him pamper me, slowly giving him more and more affection like sitting on his lap etc, because it meant more sweets for me and my brother. he was my favourite person in the world and i was sure that he was the one person i could truly trust and talk to about anything. I used to dream of moving in with him and living peacefully, well fed, in a quiet cosy environment. The next summer, I was nine, and my dad had almost finished his uni, meaning we were expecting more money. I had my fill of sweets. He bought me toys instead. Slowly, his requests for affection turned into demands. Slowly, his affection turned into something twisted and horrible, something dirty. I once tried to raise the point to my grandma, that sometimes my uncle did things that scared me. she told me off for being a coward. I didn’t say anything. I was getting toys, my little brother was being fed, my mum finally had a friend in my dads side of the family in him. I knew enough about unstable homes that the slightest disagreement could lead to homelessness again and I didnt want that. Maybe my silence was my strength.

This was confirmed when he raped me when I was 12. It is the last time I will ever see that side of the family. I was in shock the whole time, I didn’t know what to do. When we got home, back onto firm cold soil and the safety of our shitty one bedroom council flat in the roughest estate , I opened up to my dad that for years i’d been terrorised by my uncle and afraid of saying something. Dads were supposed to protect their little girls from big bad men, even if that man was their brother.

All I got for my troubles was another man who began to hurt me. Outraged that I’d ever speak something so horrible my dad began to beat me. Constantly. And if my mum got involved? He’d beat her too. she didn’t even know what was happening, but there was a point she also went silent, and it was all on me to bear the pain I’d tried to share. The following summer, my uncle died in a freak accident When I heard the news I laughed because I couldn’t help myself, and getting hit for it was worth it for the news. I never had to see him again. He died and I was free. Except my dad never quite forgot what I had said, and he never forgave me for it.

Anyway by this point I was a teenager, we moved again and constantly over the years until we properly settled and actually bought a house and I had a strong group of friends who didn’t mind my weirdness and my lack of skills. My mum at this point couldnt bear that I was branching out from her bubble, and something snapped in her too, she started to search my room, stalk my friends, refuse to let me out. honestly.. no i dont blame her (even tho her behaviour hasnt changed and im 23, but at the time? it increased how trapped i felt)

I was a teenager and I had a best friend. She loved a boy named DJ who was 18. DJ used to stalk me, and I kept quiet because I knew she liked him and I knew speaking up would cause me more trouble. I could look after her, and myself. DJ assaulted me one night at a party. I shouldn’t have been there and I shouldn’t have been doing what I was doing. I was already experimenting with drinks and drugs because I was dead inside anyway. he hurt me and then told my best friend that i’d hooked up with him and hoodwinked him into getting with me because i wanted to hurt her. within days that story was around school. i was the easy kid who would sleep with anyone for the drama, and i was quiet. i was terrified news would get to my mum, or my little brother who was also starting at that school. but most of all i was terrified of telling my side of the story, and to be hurt more than i was hurting already. I unfriended them all, and even though DJ continued to stalk me i kept quiet. DJ sent me a necklace with a dove, explaining the significance was that the dove was my innocence or some other weird creepy crap. my mum found it in the bin where id tried to bury it under rubbish i told her a fraction of the truth, I was being harassed by a boy and I didn’t welcome his advances. I didn’t tell her it was already too late. The school of course told him to keep away, and he did for the most part, and one time he tried to corner me while I was skiving off of a class and there was no one around, I ran and went to tell a teacher. I got told to “grow up” and sometimes “we have to get along with people we dont like”. I was the villain in their eyes. I swore I would do everything in my power to get out of this school, go to the grammar in a new city where my reputation . DJ was arrested this year for online grooming an d sharing child pornography, and it honestly breaks my heart that its been going on for so long. maybe i should have said more, but who to?

My time at school wasn’t all bad. And i had my first real positive experience with an older man. My english teacher once caught me unawares and I had a panic attack at being alone with a man-- he was gentle and kind, and worked with me to get to where i wanted to be grades-wise. he let me borrow his books and told me stories about his own son and i understood what real love meant, and it broke me that i’d never experienced it.

My brother had grown so big now, and threatened my dad. if he ever lay another finger on one of us under our roof, my brother would kill him. my brother spent his childhood learning to fight, he’s in the runnings for the Olympics. My dad recognised the threat was real. And never hit me when my brother was home. However, when my brother wasn’t home... that was another story. my silence then was another kind of strength. I couldnt tell him the truth, because if he followed through on this threat, his life would be over. My dad got more sneaky, he would avoid my face, he’d grab my ankle and twist it so tight that it’s now forever fucked up.

Despite all my fucked-up ness I did make it to grammar school, despite my parents not wanting me to go there. And im so glad i did. I finally had two years with minimal assault. My dad hurt me sometimes? The first night after my induction class because summer break, my dad took my prized hockey stick- one I’d worked long days to afford, and smashed it on my leg. I had to get crutches and didn’t leave my house for most of the summer, because I didn’t want to explain what happened. I couldn’t play my sport ever again properly. I lied to my friends and told them i was in my home country for the summer. i legit did not leave my house unless it was for doctors appts.

occasional nights he would be tired of me doing nothing but homework or making projects, or being loud. Alternately, he’d hate it when suddenly i became withdrawn and uncommunicative. when i physically couldn’t move etc. anyway turns out these were symptoms of my MI which wouldn’t be diagnosed for a long while, despite trying to find what was wrong with me from this point onwards. but!!! for the most part! it was great! my school was in another city! i had freedom for a couple hours every day to do what i wanted! i made friends who embraced my weirdness! i had no reputation and i had my very own laptop finally so i could finally have some privacy!

too much privacy, i refused to give my mum my laptop password. hearing this, my dad threw my laptop down the stairs.

i used what little money i had from part time jobs to fix it, but its something im resentful of to this day. my mum, in her eagerness to protect me, just let him hurt me again.

anyway blah blah blah i moved to london and it was amazing i ran away i was free everything was going to change and i was finally going to be the person i always knew i was destined to be! chic and cosmopolitan and cool and confident and most importantly, safe, and comfortable, and in control. And I was. and then three weeks before halloween it happened again. i’d been away from home for two months now, and i’d started dabbling in harder drugs than weed, but that night i was not high. i was not in withdrawal. i was only drunk. i got raped again. this time, i did report it, but only because my housemates knew it had happened. i got rushed to A&E where they are legally required to call the police. the police took me to their HQ and i was interviewed. they arrested him. none of this was my choice, and my lack of silence led to a lack of control. I know ive been detailed already, but i wont go into detail about the rape kits they have and the questions i got asked and the journalists who dogged me and the nosy gossips who wanted to know the juicy deets. I don’t want to go into detail about how i realised I was a victim and was always going to be a victim, and i cant go into detail about the most recent abuses, not yet. All I know is i once thought i was in love with a boy called ‘T’, and what he did to me was worse because he made me believe this was all I could get and that I had to settle. He made me believe that him getting off on my trauma was love, instead of him picturing me as a child repeatedly brutalised by my male relatives. The moment I came to my senses and he was gone, I realised I was alone again. I failed my second year of uni, because the day before my final exam, my rapists wife found my house in london, idk how. She and her child begged me to help her husband’s appeal. I sympathised with her, she was a non-native with broken english looking after her kid. She reminded me of my mum. I told her for her chid’s sake and for her sake, I couldn’t. She cursed me and nothing has been the same since. actually, the lovely people of tumblr helped me raise the funds to complete summer school and carry on with my life. i now hold a masters degree. i remember each and every one of u who donated or signal boosted. i also remember my choice to keep his wife out of it, and not mention her. silence was golden.

This year my rapist was deported after raping another person when he was released for good behaviour.

anyway. despite all of this magnitude of shit that has happened to me. despite my numerous addictions that im still working thru (im sorry if u knew me when i was nothing but a junkie. at 19/20 I was not a good person and anything I said that was thoughtful or provocative came from a bad place. I gave bad advice and abused my medication alongside brown and alcohol. My manic episodes got worse than I’ve ever experienced and usually led to me some very dark very scary places. I’m mostly better now but the last year has Been A Lot. I tried to kill myself twice. Once, I was saved by police, which is... embarrassing and I lied my ass off (and brandished the fact i was a MASTERS STUDENT OF LAW and they had entirely the wrong end of the stick) and another time, i was saved by chance. I am making so much progress tho. I’m proud of me. I’ve become more independent. I’m not afraid to speak out when I’m dissatisfied now. I know strength comes from knowing what you want and what you don’t want, not settling for the worst because unknown reactions in my imagination are worse than whatever reality has in store.

im graduating from my masters next week. i feel as tho ive lost a lot of friends and people i cared about- all i can say is im sorry. i’m trying. but if i fuck up, its on me. if i speak too loudly and it hurts you, please tell me. if i dropped away, its because i had to work on me, and im sorry, and im ready to come back, if you’ll have me. I’m really excited about the future, but im scared too. the last three months have been so hard and every day i feel like giving up again, but I won’t. there has to be a reason i survived all this, and im yet to find it, but i hope i will. im still going thru shit. my dad is still the worst. but i have a really lovely partner who is so so so patient with me- more than i deserve, im in touch with a doctor and a sleep therapist, my brother is looking out for me and im getting in touch with old friends, and im making new ones all the time. thank you for sticking by me, and sorry for the long read. i just had to get it out there you know? its my truth and the silence was killing more than anything else in this stupid story is. ive left lots of details out, but parts of my story interlink with others and other parts im still holding onto, i cant share everything online i think thats enough oversharing for a long long time.

#all of the trigger warning; you have been warned #please acknowledge this if u read it so i know who to be awkward with lol #tbd

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briteboy · 7 years

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stealing @bratsims format because i need a less ugly way to mass answer your messages which will hopefully motivate me to stay on top of this! at least i can say i tried

so if you sent me an anon message in the past...idk MONTH (i’m bad i know) it might be here. (older ones are near the bottom) if not, check my faq because it’s probably answered there. (and if you’re the person/people who sent the twin flame & 7th house asks, i plan to answer those separately because i have a LOT to say. get ready)

game of thrones, nuclear war, real life santis, lou theories, i’m evil, HERE WE GO!! i literally had to cut it off at the last one because it was just too much for now. i’ll try to answer some more later ok

we’re starting off on a great note

Anonymous said: gaddamn rooney's tiddies lookin' hella ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STOP!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S MY CHILD soaidfnjds she’s supposed to have like b/c cups (goals for me tbh, the big boob life is not fun) and sims 4 pregnancies just fuckin make them...NYOOM i’m mad you can’t edit sims’ bodies during pregnancy even with cas.fulleditmode on -___- so i let her live with her giant preggo tiddies for now

Ngl I want a kiss between Santi and Gianni (I'm sorry I'm literally trash)

then i’m here to satisfy your desires: they do kiss periodically because gianni is one of those people who’s like “why shouldn’t you kiss your friends?” free love 4 everyone

IM SCREAING AT UR YOUTUBE CHANNEL OK!!!! I LOVEEE IT, WOW

DON’T IT’S UGLY EXCEPT FOR LIKE TWO VIDEOS

hey this is kinda random but i thought joe seaward from glass animals looked kinda like santi? he has quite a weird face too lmao

oMG i actually love that, i know what you mean. that dude reminds me of a bull terrier lmao i actually saw glass animals like two weeks ago!! i didn’t really get a good look at the drummer but now i wish i did. missed connection

i just finished reading santi's story and ugh it almost had me in tears! beautiful, your story telling skills and editing skills are perfection!

ahhhhsdkgkds thank you so much ;____; that means the world to me <333

Unpopular opinion: im so done with game of thrones tbh. It's not even good anymore :/ I liked the first season but since then i've skipped through episodes because they are just sooo fucking boring and dragged out!

see like the first three seasons were pretty good because they stayed true to the books. (actually that’s a lie, littlefinger’s chaos speech in the s3 finale was real fuckin bad because guess what: it was original material LMAO) the fourth season was where it started to get messy and then the fifth season was a fucking shitshow because they completely IGNORED the fourth book and cherrypicked all the “good” parts out of it (read: the most action-y parts, while ignoring all the most important pieces of character development) and they botched the dorne storyline, oh and who could forget the iconic moment of throwing in a rape (THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS) just for fun :) love it! but anyway if you think the show is boring i probably wouldn’t recommend the books, they’re even slower getting through them lmao. but it’s worth it in my opinion. there’s so much they don’t include in the show and it makes me Angery

Okay, game of thrones fan here, I haven't read the books (yet at least, I bought book 1) but I feel like dany is going to practically turn into her father, this season she is already showing traits like his.......

OH YEAH i definitely feel like they’re moving in that direction in the process of revealing jon as the “true” king of westeros and it’s so bad lmfao. the thing is, like...cersei is already mad king 2.0? why do we need another one?????? the entire point of dany’s arc is that she’s constantly trying to deviate AWAY from the way her father ruled, demonstrated by the fact that she freed the slaves (whereas all the targaryens before were slave owners), the fact that she’s not perpetuating the whole incest thing (LMAO GUESS AGAIN BECAUSE JONERYS HAS TO HAPPEN FOR SOME FCKING REASON), the fact that she has dragons which haven’t existed in how many years...like, if she ever ends up being like her father in the books, it’s NOT gonna fucking happen like this. but i don’t think she will anyway, george rr martin has been pretty clear about her trajectory thus far. anyway this show is so ugly, next question

rooney's eye are so BIG

just like her tiddies lmao i kno sometimes i forget how big they are and then she does one of those silly endearing animations and i’m like o ;-; hello big dumb baby cow eyes

Cows? Are you secretly Matthew Daddario?

WHO i had to google him lmao i was about to say “oh the teen wolf guy” but jk @ myself u idiot it’s shadowhunters damn i literally googled “matthew daddario cows” and

tru

I love how fragile Lou looks like but the truth is that she is strong af and you can't play with her bruh

SHE IS ;-; and that’s a huge theme in her story, i’m excited <3

ima leave ur blog and come bk and spam you so you will finally notice me

im part of this online forum of girls that talks about our period and weather or not one of us might be pregnant and once this girl posted saying that her husband invited his mom without telling her to thier honeymoon and she didnt find out until they arrived at the hotel and she was already there. the most recent part reminded me of it. but long story short, her dad moved all her stuff out of his house and her friend came to pick her up and they got a divorce.

OISOJDFAKNLJSD WHAT!!! i’m guessing you sent this because of that thing i said about the reddit post lmfaooo imagine your mom on your honeymoon. why. that’s soooooooooo good 4 her u know. u don’t need to be married to his mom as well

thanks 4 trusting my love santi. he's beautiful

thank u he thinks ur beautiful too 💘

do you have any tips for runing game in good quality and fast?

euhhhhh the only tips i have for you are to merge your cc, close all other programs while you play your game, maybe invest in a cooling pad uhhhhhh yeah idk any other tips you can probably find on google

You told that thing about unfollowing people and I thought you unfollowed me, but then I checked and you didn't and I'm crying omg

lmao omg ;-; i literally cut my following list in half, it was so chaotic and it was making me anxious. so if ever unfollow any of you please don’t take it personally (i know it’s a stupid thing to say, and it’s a lot easier said than done) it’s just my brain explodes when there’s too much going on at once and some content blends into others, i’m trying to only follow people who i’m genuinely interested in enough to keep up with their posts from now on

I haven't been able to sleep in over 72 hours thanks to the constant fear over the looming world war. I'm fine. Completely fine

Oh shit, have you noticed that the media has been putting out more 'what to do during a nuclear attack' kinda articles? This world is slowly going to shit, for real. I'm not even near any of the danger really, but it still absolutely terrifies me to see all of that bc it could very well go wrong and hit my place as well yknow? I have no idea why i send this to you but you seem chill and calm so thanks for reading my freakout askfjsls

YEP it’s pretty terrifying. but at the same time don’t let fear overwhelm you, fearmongering is an ugly, ugly thing and you don’t want to live your life constantly worrying. so just prepare yourself for what might come, but at the same time, just spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, and then if it doesn’t turn out as bad as we thought it would, you *tim mcgraw voice* lived like u were dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyin’

@ Jesus anon: I really don't think it's the right time to complain about "using the lord name in vain" when there are people terrified of leaving their homes bc they are afraid to get killed (aka that poor, poor Jewish anon in charlottesville)

yeah idk like i want to respect everyone but it seemed to be in poor taste to bring that up at a time like that lmao. and also i’ve literally never in my entire life met someone who actually takes “don’t say the lord’s name in vain” seriously.

I asked about the poses and HOLY CRAP THANK YOU SO MUCH! I finally have good poses to use for story telling. Thank you soo so so so sooooo much!

YAY i’m glad you found some good stuff <3 and honestly just going through lana’s blog you’ll find a ton of good poses, it’s a gold mine

Idk how much tv you watch, but have you've ever come across a tv show that used music from The Sim? Because once in a while I'll hear Sims 3 build/buy music on some random show and I'll get a lil shook because I find it so weird that the generic music they're using comes from a major game title.

OMG LMAO NO what i wish i’d come across that tho. one time i used sims 1 music in a video i made for school and someone recognized it

I love your stories gosh I check your page "it's everyday bro with femmesim flow" Lol sorry for that awkward Jake Paul "poop" ❤️

lmao thank u i had no idea who jake paul was until my friends started talking about him

yo, I also remember once in french class real life santi asked me what videos games I like to play. When I told him the sims, he looked at me for a while and shaked his head. He was like, "why do you want to watch your sims use the toilet?"

WHY DO YOU WANT TO WATCH YOUR SIMS USE THE TOILET SAME that’s all i care about when i play

that rooney face in the 5 facts is so iconic, its my fave picture of her. You should blow it up and frame it

i should tbh. i should print it out and put it in my wallet to show everyone because she is my child

sorry the bother you, merging cc makes your game smoother? can you explain to me please?

boop

hi i love you ♡ pass it on

I LOVE U

Can I say that hearing a MacBooks fans screaming for dear life as they try to cool down when playing the sims has actually started to haunt my nightmares

SAME my macbook is actually doing it right now for no reason. thanks laptop

Maybe Santi should go to therapy to talk out his issues.

maybe he should 🤔 but tbh he’s already talked out everything, there’s nothing really more to talk out. he just has to cope with it. he’s treated lou like his therapist thus far and that’s not okay

i love ur story and omg i totally get where lou is coming from with being tired of being compared to molly by santi, thatd hurt so much esp with how much she cares about him

thank youuu ;-; i’m glad you understand, this was a part i’d wanted to get out for a loooong time now, and i know you guys were always like “um why does she put up with this” lmao. she just loves him, that’s why. but you’re right, it does hurt.

My theory is very similar to the other anons in that Fiona's dad/Lou's ex had a mental illness (schizophrenia, depression, what have you) but he actually did kill himself and that's why she's not completely losing it on Santi because I feel like most people in that situation would have not handled it as well as Lou did

🤔 you’re right about the last part, and there’s a reason she has so much patience, das all i’m sayin

i started your story from the beginning last night and i am in awe. Its amazing. It inspired me to put a little more effort in learning to edit and write. It was like reading screen caps from a movie! I didn't want to stop reading. Anyway thing was a super sappy ask, but i appreciate your stuff. And i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words.

omg ;__________; when people tell me i inspired them it means the most to me, my brain just can’t process it lmao. so thank you so so much ;-; <333 THE MOVIE THING ESPECIALLY GOT ME IN THE HEART because i feel like that’s my aesthetic with most things i create because i’m such a film person lol. don’t worry i love super sappy, and you did a good job of wording everything because it got me right in the feels <33

Okay I've been snickering for about 43 minutes bc SANTI GOT THAT GRU CHINNN

WOT is that i googled it and the only thing that came up was the dad from despicable me lmfaosdkjfs but ok

Please, please do punk edits of your some of your characters! I'd die.

WHAT DOES THIS MEANNN do you mean like. those 2010 tumblr edits of punk disney characters and then the joker from suicide squad looked like one of them. do u want santi to be the joker. because my boyfriend already relates him to suicide squad joker because of his face tatt lmao

You love to make me cry

i do i’m sorry. if it makes you feel any better i love to make myself cry too. but my biceps grow stronger with every tear

I reeeally dont think those chancla comments were offensive??? Why would they be?? I'm hispanic (born and raised in the sunny Dominican Republic, received a fair amount of chancletazos myself) and I laughed out loud when i read them 😂😂

I JUST WANT U TO KNOW I SHOWED @ichosim THIS MESSAGE AND SHE LAUGHED FOR 12 HOURS AT “CHANCLETAZOS”

whATT my little brothers name is santiago n we call him santi for short!! guess it's not rly that uncommon but we live in a small country and he's also 4 so like,, no other santiagos!! idk why im saying this its completely irrelevant just kinda surprised me :'))

OMG wow hell yeah another real life santi...santi acts like a 4 yr old so he might as well be your brother

Just curious.. Do you play sims or just use it for storytelling? Sorry if thats weird haha

well my recent gameplay pics should answer your question lmao. i do like to play but i don’t have enough time to both play and pose scenes so i mostly just pose scenes for now. :[ i am gonna be off work for like two weeks tho so hell yeah gameplay here i come!!

I'm starting a Fiona appreciation movement because she is the real star of santis story RT and i love her and she is way underappreciated and I love her KThxBi

SHE IS THE REAL STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve said this before but santi’s relationship with her is the most important to me, out of every relationship he has in this story. i’m so glad you love her so much, sorry about what’s about to come in the next few scenes tho

Oh my heart, Santi is alive, god exist

I have a pretty hard time understanding Santi's story mostly because I'm not English but I'm sure I'll figure it out:)

ahh oh no D: i’m sorry i wish i spoke every language in the world lmao. if you want, you can message me off anon and i’ll help you understand it!!

Lou is an angel honestly

“there are worse things than seeing an angel before you die”

what tablet do you use? or how do you draw hair? it looks so pretty.

omg haha i don’t have one! i wish i did tho. all of the brushes i got from deviantart, i’m trying to find the specific ones but they’re all elusive wtf. i’ll post them when i find them! for now, here’s a good guide to drawing hair, by airi <3

Nah nah I always knew you'd save him.....eheheeh.....THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING BABBY SANTEEEEEEEEE DNDDNSKANW YOU WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BLOOD ON UR HANDS AS ALL UR FOLLOWERS COLLECTIVELY DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART BUT DW WE DIDNT BECAUSE UR QN ANGEL....but I toooootally knew you'd save him... /sweats/

I’M GLAD U HAD FAITH <3 i know omfg i would’ve expected a mob at my house if i’d actually killed him. if i ever killed him i would just lay down somewhere and die. that’s it for me

Lou & molly almost always have teeth showing, do you draw them on each pic?x

no, only sometimes i’ve drawn them when i felt like their mouths weren’t matching the expression i wanted. but most of the time it’s just the pose.

is it too late to send 16k dollars to guarantee santi's inclusion in a loving home with loving friends

it is absolutely never too late to send me 16k i promise you that

I just bought school books for $550 who knew studying marine biology could be so fuckING EXPENSIVE

EWW WTF...i’ve been lucky and haven’t had to spend a ton on books in my college career (one time i even went to such lengths that i got access to free trial version of one of my school books in a pdf, screencapped EVERY SINGLE PAGE, which was more than 400 pages, just so i wouldn’t have to spend $70 on it. i love cheating the system)

waIT i never saw ur selfie where is it, must see

u could probably just search “selfie” on my blog and find it, or enjoy the ugly closeup drunk snap i posted last night

Hey guys I'm a happy trans man that has no mental illnesses. I'm fucking pissed about Trump's ban. And to any one that says it's logical FUCK YOU! I'm having flashbacks to don't ask, don't tell because this is the same fucking wacked up logic. I'm so angry, like I'm a human, yes I may require testosterone shots once a month but that's it, I even administer them to myself. I pay for them with my own god damn money so fuck you transphobic bigots who say this law is fair. It's not. WE ARE HUMAN TOO Also same anon that ranted. Sorry about that I'm just really pissed and I love and thank you for sticking up for the community. We love you and I love you. And you're right not all trans people transition. We all do what we want to. Some start on T or E and have the full surgery. Some just have top surgery. Some just do testosterone or estrogen. Some never do anything. We're all still trans and we're all valid.

YES ALL OF THIS, sorry i didn’t answer this when it was all happening. but askdkjfas thank you for this message, I LOVE YOU TOO, SO MUCH <333 and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough to voice this in my inbox. yes every trans person is valid no matter what they decide to do with their bodies <3

One of those old hot topic shirts that said " if Darryl dies we riot " but with santi instead of Darryl.

OMG LMAOOOOO NOW THAT’S A CONCEPT who’s making these i want one

your use of references and reaction pics and gifs fucken KILLS ME

Crystal anon here. I googled around my area to find there are none of those y'know, crystal, candle, incense, magic type shops. I have panic attacks when I go outside and I wanted to look into alternative stuff since I'm on meds and w/e. I wanted to know if you or friends had any experience or recommendations for buying crystals online like on etsy or amazon. How can you tell if they're real?x

ooooh ok. usually there are shops like those in cities or even in towns with like kitschy little promenades with independent shops. (i know there’s one around the town over from mine, which is so random lmao) i do have friends that have crystals but i think they mostly just collect them for the ~good vibez~ and don’t really look too far into the healing aspects of them. i would say first go with the one that coincides with your birth because those are the ones that are like specifically catered to you and strengthen your being. as for buying online, hmmmmm i mean i don’t really know any specific trustworthy sellers because i don’t have much experience with this, but definitely read the reviews! those will help you a lot <3

Hello could you please tell us how you edited the pic of rooney in that one post that the anon asked for the unedited version?

i honestly didn’t do much of anything that differs from my usual editing process! i made her eyes a bit bigger by using the clone tool, cloning the top of her eye and applying it a little bit farther up...if that makes sense. it’s hard to explain how to use that tool lmao. and i think i used the liquify tool to bring part of her eyebrow down to look more worried.

there's still a part of me that says she ain't dead and molly is just in a coma lmao end mE

OMFLDKGKJS yeah she’s not dead surprise. i WILL say there is still flashback stuff that will be revealed. well not “revealed” like molly’s death was revealed, like i just still have to showcase some things that happened afterward. because it doesn’t just end with molly’s death, there’s stuff after that as well :~}

I'm Mexican, have lived around Mexicans, have been to Mexico multiple times growing up, just came back from a family trip at practically the border between Mexico and Guatemala and never in my life have I ever heard the word "joder" i had to look it up xD (not hating or anything I just thought I'd mention it cuz I found it funny...lol) k bye...

OK NOT SURE IF the ppl you’ve been around just don’t curse or whatever but...joder is DEFINITELY something i’ve heard mexican people say before lmao

Okay so this is random, but i was telling my sister the name of one your characters in ur story (santi) and she kinda just starts singing his name, and she said "santi high, santi low, santi go." And im just sitting there, like woah.

LMFAO WHATKNJDSKJGD “woah” same

u gonna incorporate fis hat into a really like emotional sad thing in her story huh

oMG i wasn’t planning on it but hmm 🤔

Why no el chingo? NO ME GUSTA (I'm joking btw ily)

LMFAOOOO because i didn’t wanna have to defile my son by downloading the penis mod RIP

let santi grow out dem eyebrows 2kforever

omg he does let them grow out except for the little line he shaved in when he was 14 that never grew back RIP

in ur bio it says "kt" and i know why,, it means killing them as in killing off ur characters slowly i see u gurl

i bet this story was just an excuse for you to see the world burn. well done.

OMG i mean, that was definitely one of the side effects of it all. but really it was just that i NEEDED to get this story out after it had lived in my brain for so long.

ur dead 2 me

I... just.... can't... too much pain Y U DO DIS 2 UZ?!?!!!

#anonymous #nonsims #saviorhide #sunny answers

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graciousguinevere-a-blog · 7 years

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its four am i cant sleep so, now would be a great time to discuss death(s) and how much it(they) impact(s) guinevere. important plot thingies/headcanons abt my canon verses as well as modern verses, more specifically, my false.ttos verse. mentions of death, sickness, depression and such under the cut. do not proceed if you do not wish to read heavy-ish things.

so, it’s not really like ... not obvious. people die around gwen a lot and it like, really fucks with her and like, i could go on and on about how specific deaths of specific people have changed who gwen is as a person but i wanna pick a few out bc they’ve been on my mind a lot recently.

her mother: nOW, this is not a topic ever touched on in the show (at least not from my memory), nor is it really discussed in the fandom or among writers and i think it should be? i’m not speaking for everyone; this is just me and my specific version of gwen. in canon verses, i’ve always imagined gwen’s mother dies when gwen is a young child - four or five, and it’s her first real brush with death - her first real taste of what it’s like for the world to come to a screeching halt because someone you love is snatched from you. being young and not really understanding, gwen spends a lot of her childhood ‘angry’, if you will. you know typical childhood angst (ex: bring my mom back, this isn’t fair, i hate you dad cause you can’t bring mom back). in modern verses, though, it’s kind of different cause i kind of pegged that her mother dies in child birth and it’s a lot of my existence ended hers so maybe if my existence wasn’t a thing, she’d still be here.

her father: we all know, or now you know, that in the show, her father was wrongfully executed by uther for ‘practicing magic’ (this whole episode was bullshit and honestly, i should have just said no to the show from this point lmao), and for gwen, it’s really hard to come to terms with? she can’t accept the fact that her father was killed for something damn near everyone should have know he could never do. gwen plays it off well in the show, but sometimes it comes through: her father’s death hardens her (mostly hardens her dislike of uther pendragon but that’s a different situation for a different day). she’s internally bitter and resentful, and can you really blame her? she fairs the same in modern verses, etc. her father isn’t executed this time, but his death is sudden (i either said it was a stroke or some sort of heart failure. i have to think it over and do more research into the actual health issues themselves before i can for sure decide on one). gwen has a really time coping with his death and she kind of gets hard and bitter because its not fair for him to be taken from her.

her brother: again, another unfair death that was magic related. bullshit tbh, but whatever we just going with show canon. even though by this point, gwen was like ... under morgana’s control (right? idk), her heart still aches. elyan is the last living relative she has left and to lose him? it’s devastating. and because i like to keep the same sort of trope and shit, and because im trying to tie it into the falsettos verse, his death is sudden again. a car accident and in this verse particularly gwen just can’t deal with it. its the reason she leaves england, why she runs away in the first place. she can’t come to grips that she’s lost everything - she doesn’t want to. and for a while, she doesn’t. she lives in this little fake bubble of reality, pretending she still has her father and brother and her heart isn’t broken in a million pieces.

yay, verse tie ins, right! right. moving on

whizzer: fuck man im sad just thinking about it. its terrifying cause, if we’re going along with the canon early 80s timeline of the show, no one knew what the fuck hiv/aids even was. he just .. got sick, then sicker and sicker until he just couldn’t hold on anymore. for gwen, this breaks any walls she’s built since elyans death. any healing, reconcile, regrowth, completely out of the window. it’s the first real breakdown gwen has about all the people she’s lost. sure, she loses composure when her father dies and when her brother dies - who wouldn’t? but reminders of that stack a top of all this? she crumbles. and for a while, she’s convinced she might cursed or something; why else would, literally everyone she loved just ... die? die for unknown, unseen, unfair reasons?

marvin: spoiler, ya boi gets it too. there are no happy endingsi n falsettos and if you didn’t know that, i am so sorry to bust your bubble. gwens break this time is even worse than it is with whizzer. of course time goes by; marvin doesn’t show he’s sick right away, but it’s borderline too late when he does and gwen can’t ??? cope with losing her best friend (if u didnt know gwen and marvin were best friends u have not been paying attention to my blog). a part of her is oddly glad; she’s not a whole firm believer in heaven, the afterlife and all that, but a part of her feels at ease that her two boys are somewhere together again, but that doesn’t physically change the crippling reality that they’re both ... gone. she’s not okay, and she’s not okay for a long time. who would be? how do you get over that? YOU DON’T. gwen kind of ... shuts herself down and shuts people down for a long while, especially new people. she can’t trust herself to get close to anyone else, she can’t afford to love anyone else because she’s so sure that death is just a common factor in her life - that everyone she’s destined to meet and love, she’s also destined to lose in a matter of time.

despite all of this though? gwen always finds a way to come back from these places, from bitter, hardened parts of herself and that’s really what i wanted to talk about? time and time again, gwen comes up with the short side of the stick so damn much (if there was a human embodiment of taking an L, gwen would probably be it more of the time), but she always manages to piece herself together again somehow and continue to be the kind spirited soul she is? gwen has lost so much, in any verse. her family, her marriage, her friends, but she’s still gwen after it’s all said and done. she’s still the momma hen type of figure, she’s still sweet, she’s still such a strong pillar of support when, 8/10, she has no reason to be. there were points in gwens life she had no reason to really go on, not that she wanted to commit suicide or anything, but she just felt like there was really no reason for to keep going - which... could kind of be like suicidal thoughts i suppose? let’s just say she didn’t want to keep living, but she had no desire to, personally, kill herself. even with all of that, she got her shit together and kept going. im just really in awe of how strong of a character this is. to endure so much, lose so many, and still be willing to go on, still be willing to love and cherish and support people.

#( headcanon. )#death mention //#illness mention //#suicide mention //#( i spent 45 minutes writing this at 4 am im sorry if it makes 0 sense )#( i havent slept and i was suddenly really angsty so )#( i just ... wanted to )#( talk abt a few angst points in gwens life )#( shrug )#( if y'all need me to tag this as anything else let me know )#( im gonna try and get some sleep )#( finger guns as i cry abt how my smol dotter has lost 80% of the people shes closest to )

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fzhrrr · 5 years

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Wedding stories

Ive been wanting to write about my wedding since, like 3 months ago. Somehow it got postponed every single day coz there’s always things to do. Life after marriage sometimes mean splitting yourself in 3 different directions. Your off days arent just yours anymore. That one off day per week that i got also belongs to myself, my husband, my family, his family, my dirty laundry, my books, my skin and i guess you can pretty much guess where along that list does my blog goes down.

Anyway, wedding stories. Disclaimer, rather than a dreamy- fantasize version of romantic fairy tale, my wedding is far far away from that.

Just last week, we had our sanding ceremony on A’s side. I was surprised that it was probably my favourite (most bearable) out of all three receptions.

I think the reason being is that we learned a lot of no-no’s from the previous majlis. This time around we decided to wear a traditional ensemble, something loose, not too heavy and just comfortable to be in on a hot day. And i especially love how the pictures turned out. Honestly a teeny tiny piece of super malayness in me kinda dreamed of having this picture. Two pengantin on a simple pelamin, in a songket outfit, headpiece and all. Its the kind of picture you’d hang on your wall and hope to one day proudly show your grandkids. (and they’d probably laugh on how out of fashion we were)

But yeah, it was nice. In Muar I did my own make up, and was so happy with how it turned out. We blew 800 ringgit on make up alone during the akad and majlis in cheras and i was so cranky because it was so horrible. The one during akad wasnt so bad (it was how people deemed make up pengantin should be, but my eyes were heavy and i look jahat in all the pics), but the night time do was just, unbelievable. I was in such a bad mood the only reason i got out of the house was because it was too late, and we cant keep the guests waiting.

I paid titi athirah, an old schoolmate to do my makeup and she so claimed it was at a discounted price. Didnt want to be so fussy coz apparently 800 is “cheap” for two ceremonies. I said i wanted just a basic look with deep red lips, she then insist on putting lighter foundation to make me look lighter coz its night time, then she had the audacity to put cheap glittters on my eyes and these tacky red gloss on my lips.

Pictured- annoyed me knowing she messed up, and knowing we ran out of time to fix things. Thick brows, tacky lips, orange skin,I look like a russian pornstar- and not the expensive kind.

I spend the whole evening feeling so ugly and embarassed. Yes, thats the exact words. In every picture my face was either grey from the wrong foundation shade or just sour, because i knew i look bad. I dont feel like myself, i was a horrible bride and A had to calm me down through out. I confronted this to titi, and she said to make it up, why dont she do one more service for free. That offer is just pure garbage coz dude, the damage is done and there’s no undo button to reset your wedding day. It is what it is.

I was so uncomfortable that i wasnt fully able to appreciate those who came to my wedding. I was reluctant to say hi, i dont wanna meet people, i just wanted it to end quickly. The crankiness outweighed my happiness of actually seeing friends and family who came to celebrate with us.

So this was one of the biggest lessons and tips to all brides: on your wedding day you only have one job- to be pretty and pleasant. And the only way for that to happen you need to be comfortable.

In Muar, there was some miscommunications which in the end lead me to doing my own make up. Oh people were just hogging around me- your eyes are so plain, your lipstick is too pale, your foundation is too dark, your base arent thick enough we can see your pores and human skin imperfections! The comments were so crude up to a point where i stood up for myself and said, can everyone just let me do my make up they way i want it. Because i feel like people can be so disrespectful when they want you to conform to their standard of beauty, without them realising it (cause hey, its only right for them to criticize and diminish the bride self worth on her wedding day)

I aint gonna be homeless-looking-russian pornstar 2.0.

And im glad i stood up for myself.

True, my make up wasnt perfect. Brows were crooked, there were shiny patch of oily skin all over my face. But A said i look nice and comfortable (like my usual make up do), and that was all that mattered. I was happy and glowing and excited to be bride of the day. And it obviously made me happier coz my man knows what i like best for me.

The kampung majlis was lively. Kompang and berarak and that whole shenanigan. Food was good and i ate like theres no tomorrow. The only problem was we didnt know how to pengantin, so after the formal meal we sort of just sat inside and mind our own business. We didnt invite our friends, and we knew <1% of the guests. A has always been the quiet guy and i was definitely not gonna muster up all my strength and bravado to go table to table and greet people. Took a few pictures with my family, pretended to drink water a few times and we went for an outdoor photoshoot with my brother. We really didnt know what to do.

The sun was scorching hot and we just wanted an out from the awkwardness of facing humans. You are the main star of a show people half heartedly come to see on your post postcall day. If there’s one principal i live by, its that you are an adult who can make your own good and bad decisions. You dont have to stay in awkward moments, you are allowed to make selfish choices.

And we chose an outdoor photoshoot at 3pm. Here’s us, barely able to open our eyes, in a picture where there’s more semak than sweetness. (but at least we got out of the awkward pengantin situation)

Kudos to idi, because this time we didnt have to pay the photgrapher thousands of ringgit for a few good shots.

I feel like this post is getting too long, and i ran out of energy to continue typing. Point is, pae’s married now. Wedding both sides are done so if the stress can go away and let my period cycle, skin condition and blood pressure return to normal that would be nice.

Do take note that being married is magical. And a life filled with love is unimaginably more beautiful than anything you can imagine. My rant is about the wedding, the wifing part i do enjoy bery bery much.

Here’s some random wedding shots for keepsake. enjoy:)

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flobracey · 5 years

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A retired (then male) scientist / spy

an conversation I had with a friend who had made friends with an old lady recently. When she got to know her better she realised that this old lady used to be a spy

L: Kate fell over when me and my dad were passing on the way to dinner and we saw her so we like helped her home and thats how we met her. She was just like talking to us, I think because she doesn’t have many people to talk to, so like when she has the opportunity to talk to someone she talks for a long time. She probably has a lot to say.

So we like got to her door and we were talking for ages, and she was saying really interesting things about her house and like a bit about her past, and thats what interested me because it was very arts based. She was saying oh ah I painted that painting myself or I made that window. It was like really cool. So thats why I went back to go and visit her again

I: so did you like ask her then If you could meet her again?

L: well I didn’t ask her then, I just knocked on her door another day and asked her then if I could come in and chat to her.

What was quite dangerous for her about when I knocked on the door for the second time is that she invited me straight in for a cup of tea.. but she couldn’t even remember who I was.

I: ohhh

L: then I explained myself, but if I was a dangerous person she would’ve been putting herself in a vulnerable position by being so open and just letting anyone who knocked on her door into her house.

I: yeh cos she was like do you wanna come in but like hey do I know you at the same time

L: haha yeh, which was nice of her but…

Our relationship is a bit weird now, because… did I tell u about this when it happened?

I: I think you did, is this the same lady that offered you all her clothes?

L: yeh yeh it is, and I need to go and say thank you for that to her honest but I just haven’t had time not gonna lie, I need to go and see her again which I feel a little guilty about

But yeh so I went round for the first time with her and I stayed for hours and hours and hours and her house was like beautiful it was like straight out the 1950s because thats when she’s lived there since, and it was really nice. And she told me her whole life story pretty much, because she lived through WWII, and she is trans from male to female.

I: How long ago did she transition?

L: in the 70s

Which is a very scary time to do it! So she has been a woman since the 70s, but before then she was a ‘male’ scientist. She told me that she was married to a woman but they divorced when she transitioned. She had two kids.

I: Do you know much about her children?

L: One of her kids lives around the corner but the other one she hasn’t seen since her daughter was 18. She just walked out the house one day and never came back

I: Oh no really

L: I know its so sad isn’t it

Its weird being interviewed I feel like im being so formal

I: ahahah

L: hahahah

OK do you want to know anything else about Kate?

I: yes, how come your relationship is weird now? L: OH yes of course, so I went round a second time to see her again, and I completely understand this and understand where she was coming from, but then it just freaked me out. She was basically like how do I know that you’re not coming round to my house to steal from me. She said to me: you’re stealing from me. You’re using me, you’re just being friends with me so that when I die you can have all my money. How do I know that when you look upstairs around the house (because I looked around her house because I like interior design and I was like wow this is so great) so she said how do I know that you’re not doing that and like taking jewellery off of my night stand. So shed basically spoken to her partner who lives in Russia thats like 20 years younger then her. And when she was last on facetime to her partner she told her all about me and her partner said who the hell is this person why have you let her into your house. So that freaked her out but then she basically was saying to me you’re actually doing all of this. So I just stood there like being like I’m honestly not,

I: but then you also kinda got it, you were like ok I can see how you think that, especially how her partner thought that because she’s never met you and doesn’t know how friendly and harmless u seem you know aha

L: yeah ! But then I was like im honestly not, and she said well someone who is doing that would say that. So I was like well theres nothing I can do in this situation. For the next few hours I tried my best because it made me feel really uncomfortable, because I know it sounds really stupid, but like I felt that threat then in her presence. She also made strange comments about things, like she told me a story about spies, because she has a history with spies and was a spy for a bit. Um but she basically said that at cocktail parties spies never talked about themselves and she was basically directing the story at me, saying that I was a SPY!

I: oh! Oh yeh I remember you telling me this, and she was like oh um like and she was like like that like that she was making

L: ahahahaha

I: that she was making it out as if you were doing the spy stuff

L: exactly yeh, and I wasnt. And basically so the first time I went to see her she mentioned that she had loads of clothes and she wanted to chuck them out so I was like (just to change the subject off of spies) I was like you said you had loads of clothes, may I have a look through some of them? Because I do fashion im really interested in especially old clothes. So she brought a big bag of clothes in and said you can take what you want because ill only take them down to the dump anyway. So I was like no its fine its fine and she just said take it, so I took a few pieces out then she just said actually just take the whole bag and give them to your friends. When I left she said to me I’m so glad you’re not a spy.

I: Awh so

L: by the end of the interaction I guess she had more confidence in me

I: but that was probably weird because she immediately really trusted you then all of a sudden it was completely taken away

L: and it also took away the trust with me, you know because of the whole ***** thing, I was just thinking you don’t really know people sometimes, even when you live with them. Also, on the other side I am going to this ladies house who I don’t know, and that then scared me because I thought I don’t know what she will do to me. Like its so pathetic, because she was saying all of these things whilst making me a cup of coffee and I just thought - is she putting poison in this coffee? I know thats such a stupid thing to think, but because of the situation that passed my mind and then I just did not want to drink my drink. Then she kept on being like Oh do you not like the coffee? And I kept on being like

I: ahah oh like thats what someone who did poison your drink would say aha ha

L: yeah exactly

I: and her being a past spy and all

L: ahahahah

So I was in my own head like fuck is she trying to kill me ! But… yeah I dunno

So its kinda like when I first left her house I felt really inspired, and it was the loveliest interaction ever, and the second time was like the worst.

I: because you left and u were a bit freaked

L: so now I’m a bit freaked to go back but I need to go back because ive got her trolly.

I: haahah ohh that trolly thats in our flat

L: well yeah its just the little one, and it was right in the back of her cupboard so I knew she wouldn’t use it often because she’s not that mobile so I think thats fine. But I do need to return it at some point but I just know that if I knock on the door ill be invited into the house for 5 hours. And I also feel really awkward about it because I don’t, well I made it clear to her that I was doing a project on her because I was at the time, but I think she forgot that by the second interaction. So the things that she was relaying to her partner, she was like to me: you gave me a fake address! And I was like no I didn’t give you a fake address but she just didn’t recognise the layout for halls adresses and she thought it was fake because theres no road name and it says C3F at the start of it which doesn’t seem like a house number. And I was like I didn’t give you a fake address, I didnt….

So its all just a bit … Ah !

*lights in the room we were in turned out*

I: ahahahahah

Just move a bit its automatic lighting

L: aahhhhhhahah

I: wait the sensors only in that corner I think

L: that must happen all the time

I: oh yeh it happens all the time.. oh yeah there we go

L: so thats the story with Kate, and I saw her in Kingston town the other day but I ran away because I got scared. I should’ve gone up to her and said hey how you doing,

I: has she lived in Kingston this whole time?

L: yes same house since the 50s

She’s such an interesting person, so its such a shame

I: and I mean I can imagine my gran being like that in a way, because she is very trusting too and assumes the best in people before she will doubt anything, but all of a sudden getting so scared is understandable

L: I completely understand why she got scared, because if I looked back at the situation, it could be taken in that way.

I: I mean because she probably also made the assumption you are innocent because you have a prejudice of thinking that you mean any harm in the world.

L: when she talked to me she knew that I was a nice person but her partner doesn’t know me, so her partner could’ve assumed that I was a bad person and kept on reinforcing that idea to her. But she only realised that I was a nice person after spending that time with me again. And eventually she realised that I was not there for any exterior motives and I just wanted to see her and listen to her stories.

I’m really scared of getting old at the moment because seeing Kate although it was nice, it always really terrified me of getting old. Because she is really immobile, and the fact that she has no one to talk to. Ive never been scared of dying or whatever, but it scared me a bit

I: most old people have no one to talk to unfortunately

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sheerios-and-milk-blog1 · 7 years

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This Love is Ours// Sweeran

Date: June 19 2017 Rating: PG Summary: Ed and Taylor spend some time relaxing at Ed’s house and watching The Secret Life of Pets with his cat.

Ed: Ed went into the bathroom and shower before going into his room completely naked and looks over at her where she was in his bed, "You look cozy" he says as he walks to the closet to grab his boxers and sweatpants.He puts the pants on and walked over to his side and Laid down, he pets the little cat next to them and he lays close to her, "You look way better in that shirt than i do"

Taylor: Taylor propped herself up as Ed walked in the room, staring a bit at his freshly showered body. She gave him a soft smile, turning on her back and stretching out on his bed. "I am cozy. Your bed is nice, the shirt is warm and Graham is keeping me company." She told him, giving Graham another scratch on the head. She giggled, shrugging her shoulders a bit. "You'd think I'd look nice in a trash bag if I wore it." She joked.

Ed: He scoots close to her and lifts graham up, "Quit stealing my woman, G" he says to the cat and places him to the side then wraps his arm around her, "I like having you in my bed. Its been weird not having you next to me after that trip" he tells her honestly

Taylor: She let out a laugh as Ed accused Graham for stealing her. She instantly complied when Ed pulled her close, loving the feeling of having him close. "I like having you next to me as much as possible." She told him, showing him a shy smile.

Ed: "You can have me close to you whenever you want" he tells her and snuggles close. He lays there with her for a moment before he quickly turns over and reaches into the side table pulling out a jewelry box that had a white gold pair of earrings with a sapphires that were blue like the ocean. "This is for you" Ed says and smiles

Taylor: "Good to know." She said, nuzzling close to him. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling completely safe and secure with him by her side. She opened her eyes as Ed moved, giving her a box. She looked at him confused and opened it to reveal gorgeous earrings. "Ed!! These are beautiful." She told him, admiring their blue and gold contrast. "Thank you." She said leaning over to give him a sweet kiss.

Ed: He laughs at her happy reaction, thrilled that she liked them, "Youre welcome" he says and kisses her lips sweetly. He knew ahe didnt know what the gift was for and he thought today was a good time to tell her. "Im sure you dont know but today is a special day" he says

Taylor: Taylor looked at Ed, another look of confusion on her face. She tried to remember if there was anything that was really a milestone in their past friendship that she should've remembered, but she couldn't really think of anything. "Okay, I'm stuck. Why is it special?" She asked, wondering what could've possibly happened that she deserved this beautiful gift.

Ed: Ed sits up in his spot and looks at her with a smile, "On this day, 4 years ago is when I first thought 'wow, I love this girl'" he says and laugjs, "We were were at your house, watching Titanic during a break from tour and you were reciting all the lines and acting out all the parts and I knew that you were it" he explains. "Who would have thought that we would end up here"

Taylor: Taylor listened to Ed's explanation, her heart skipping a beat or two at the confession. She placed her hand on her heart, looking at him with adoration. "Ed..." She said, remembering exactly the day he spoke of. She crawled over to him, wrapping her limbs around him so she was sitting in his lap. "I'm glad that we are here. I'm so happy with you." She told him, kissing his lips again.

Ed: He wraps his arms around her and places a loving kiss on her neck, "I am too. Ive really never been this happy before, youre more than I ever thought was possible"!" He says. He had expected a romance between would be good but he had no idea how good it could be, she was like his missing piece, she made him feel strong and confident and like they could do anything if they were together

Taylor: She felt completely loved and safe in Ed's arms, never wanting that feeling to end. "I hope I make you happy as much as you make me happy. And that's a lot." She told him, smiling sweetly. Taylor and Ed's friendship advancing into a romance was one of the best experiences she's ever had. She knew they were still in their 'honeymoon stage', but she truly couldn't see herself getting tired of having Ed around.

Ed: He nods eagerly, "You do, you really do babe" he says and smiles. The puppy love stage was in full effect for them at this time, they were hot for each other and always wanted to be together but Ed had a feeling that even when thatbwore off that they would still be connected and happy because they had already meshed so well as friends, they were completely comfortable together and knew all there was to know.

Taylor: Taylor hugged him tightly, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt so comfortable with Ed, knowing that she could tell him anything and he would never judge her. That's always something she was nervous about in relationships was that she would have to constantly impress them and turn into someone she wasn't just to please her significant other. She had none of those vibes from Ed, which made her feel completely relaxed. There was no stress, it was all just adoration and respect for the other. "I love you, like a whole lot." She told him, peppering kisses on his neck.

Ed: Ed trusted Taylor and knew she would never judge him or his actions but there were still things he didnt show to her, he didnt want to show her how bad his drinking could be, he had that control and he didnt talk to her about his anxiety and sudden implive behavior because he didnt want her to worry or see him as weak but he thought that at least for now he had it under control. He looked at the girl in his arms and knew that she did adore him and want him and he never wanted that to change, "Hearing that always makes me smile like an idiot, I never thought Id see the day that youd say that to me"

Taylor: Taylor was so open with Ed that there were very few things he didn't know about her. She was sure that they would eventually come up, but she didn't see them as that important at the moment. She smiled widely, feeling proud of herself that she could make her boyfriend smile the way he was in that moment. "I'll say it as many times as you want me too."

Ed: He laughs a bit, "Just one more time" he requests and gives her a squeeze. He loved having her so close to him and sharing a bed with her. "What do you want to do with he rest of the night?" He asks

Taylor: She smiled sweetly, leaning in to give him a long, meaningful kiss. "I love you." She mumbled against his lips. She leaned back a little, taking a moment to think. "Depends on what you have to offer."

Ed: The kiss was sweet and soft but full of passion and love from both of them, he felt so lucky. "Well you did exhast me so I was thinking movies and junk food.. You know, the ed and taylor usual" he says, laughing. "But now we get to do that in bed and half naked" he adds with a laugh

Taylor: Taylor smiled, feeling guilty as charged, but not having any shame in it. "That sounds perfect." She told him, chuckling a bit at this comment. "Very true. There's more comfort that way." She smiled, getting off of Ed's lap to properly lay on the bed.

Ed: He reaches across the bed to grab the remotes, "Go get any snacks and drinks you deem needed, Ill get a movie set up" he says. They had done this routine many times before so it was almost like a tradition for nights in with them.

Taylor: Taylor nodded, getting up from the bed and scurried down the stairs. When she reached Ed's kitchen, she raided his pantry looking for all his different snacks. She grabbed some chips and cookies before going to the refrigerator to grab two waters. She made her way back up the stairs, making sure not to spill anything and walked back into Ed's room to deliver the food. She dropped the goodies on the bed and handed Ed his glass of water. "The land's finest water, sir." She playfully joked before setting her glass on the bedside table and getting into the bed. "What'd you pick?"

Ed: Ed takes the water from her and laughs at her joke, "Thank you, kind lady. It is much appreciated" he was laying on his back, head propped up with the pillows with Graham laying on his stomach. He looked back to the tv screen and shrugs, "Im not sure what to picl, what are you in the mood for?" He asks

Taylor: Taylor got comfortable under the covers, feeling warm and cozy in Ed's bed. "As long as it's not a scary movie, I can watch anything." She told him honestly, opening up the cookies and already taking a few in her hands.

Ed: He nods at her words and settles back, letting her join the cuddling with him and the cats. "Graham said he wanted to watch Life of Pets" he says. Ed loved animated movies, part of his kid at heart thing. He selects the movie and dimmed the bedroom lights. Happy to have such a relaxed night in with her, it was all very domestic.

Taylor: Taylor scooted closer to Ed, wanting to be close to him without disrupting Graham. She smiled at the movie choice, having seen the movie before. It was a nice feeling to be so domestic with him, just the two of them and his cat watching a movie and eating snacks.

Ed: The movie began and Ed smiled, he liked these kind of nights, Ed didnt really like being surrounded by people, it was exhausting and thus demanding drinking and what he considered to be an alter ego almost just to handle and not freak at times but this, just him and the person he knew better than anyone and the calm, this was what he lived for, the calm between the storms. He picked at the snacks while his fingers ran through her hair absent mindedly

Taylor: After a long day, relaxing in bed and watching a movie was always the way that Taylor would unwind and just relax. Having Ed with her though made it feel so much more comfortable. She watched the movie, completely melting when Ed started to play with her hair. "Mm, I love when people play with my hair." She hummed happily, her eyes closing for a second nuzzling into Ed's hand.

Ed: He couldnt help but chuckle a little and smile, thinking she was absolutely adorable. He kept playing with her hair and paid attention to the movie, he had seen it before but it always made him laugh. he lays back and stretches out, hos muscles flexing and the blanket falling from his half naked body as he did

Taylor: Taylor moved closer to Ed, placing her head on his chest without getting in his way as they continued to watch the movie. She took a moment to think about how lucky she was that Ed was interested in her. There were millions of people that he could've chosen but he wanted her and treated her basically like a princess. She was sad that he had to leave for tour soon but knew that he couldn't let all those people down just for her. So she enjoyed the time spent with him, giving her attention to him as much as she could before he had to leave.

Ed: Leaving for tour the following week would suck, the relationship had just started and they already had to be apart and it was sad, he would miss her a lot but knew that they would be texting and calling as much as they could. He leans over, putting his hand under her chin and bringing her gaze up before he places a soft kiss to her lips, not wanting to waste a second with her

Taylor: It was bittersweet that Ed had to tour the country soon, Taylor knew all about that feeling. But she knew that in the long run, it was all worth it. She was pulled out of her thoughts when Ed pulled her lips to his in a delicate kiss. She kissed him back, it almost being a reflex with how much they had done it. She loved kissing him because each time it sent butterflies to her stomach.

Ed: Ed had spent years thinking he would never get a chance to Kiss her like this and now that he was able to he just couldn't keep himself from doing it all the time. He kept the kiss going, his hand on her bare leg, wanted her close to him and never wanting her away from him

Taylor: There was so much love and coziness evry time the couple kissed. It was so new, but Taylor felt no shame nor awkwardness between them. They still acted silly when they were together, but now there was an added flare of being completely smitten with each other. She kept kissing him, her hand going to rest on his neck to keep him close. The kiss was soft but so special, her focus drawn to him.

Ed: He always made it a point to kiss Taylor in a way that shows that he is hers and that she was all he wanted, he didnt want her to have any doubt in his mind that he was different then the others had been, he would do anything for her. Ed turns more toward her and this causes Graham to jump up off of him and Ed pulls back, laughing, "Guess Graham didnt wanna be the third wheel any longer" he says, his lips cenitmenters from hers

Taylor: Taylor wanted Ed to know how much she cared about him with everything she did. She wanted him to feel the same love that she received from him. As they continued kissing, Taylor felt her head spin a bit as she let herself melt into it. She laughed along with Ed, hearing Graham jump off the bed. "Can you blame him? We're such a touchy couple." She smiled.

Ed: Ed laughs, "We are but can you blame us, I mean I missed out on a lot of time where we could have been doing this" he says and shrugs, "I think hes a little too dramatic"

Taylor: Taylor shook her head, "We both missed out, so Graham will get over it." She smiled, entangling her legs with Ed's. Their faces were only an inch or two apart, Taylor taking the time to admire Ed's features before kissing him again.

Ed: He looked into her eyes for a moment and felt himself fall in love all over again, hearing her words about her feeling ahe missed out on being with him for longer made his heart swell and he accepted the kiss, deepening it before he pulls back, playfully biting her lip then putting his forehead to hers, "Im so glad youre here with me"

Taylor: She felt that warm fuzzy feeling that people talked about whenever Ed was with her. She would always wonder what they could've been if they didn't meet when they were both in relationship before and now that she was living in the midst of it, she was overjoyed. She grinned at Ed after he bit her lip, looking at him fondly. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Ed: He didnt like thinking about all they missed out on and how they almost missed out on each other, he was just happy that he had her now. He smiles at her words, "Me either" he says and looks back at her adoringly, "I am so in love with you, Taylor"

Taylor: Taylor was appreciative of the past but she was living for the present because it was everything she could've wanted. A joyful tingle went through her body at Ed's words, a glowing smile appearing on her face. "I'm in love with you too." She told him, meaning every single word.

Ed: He smiles sweetly and kisses her again before cuddling close and taking her back in his arms. "This is the best way to spend the end of the night"

Taylor: She smiled, taking one of his hands into hers and kissing his nose quickly. "I agree."

#tay:tlio

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