#i like sad men with negligent parents okay?
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1. Your favorite thing about Snape?
There is just enough canon information about him to have a basic understanding of the character, but not enough canon information for him to be fleshed out. In other words, he is the perfect skeleton of a character and we, as fans, can place our own biases onto this skeleton to flesh him out however we like. This is why Snape is perfect.
2. How old were you when you decided you loved this unwashed man? What’s the story, child?
14, think. I’m 36 now. Always liked older men, though.
3. Do you consider Lily a good friend?
Young Lily, yes. 5th year Lily and beyond, no. In her defense, Snape wasn’t exactly a model friend either.
4. What’s your Snape OTP?
SNARRY
5. Alright, NOTP?
Anyone from his own generation. I prefer him with with a backstory where his first love is Orion Black (who is 31 years older than Snape, I believe). And, of course, he ends up with Harry, who is 20 years younger than him. I do toy with other ships, but all of them are outside of his generation. Age gaps 4 life, I guess.
6. What about BrOTP?
Remus, Flitwick, Filch, Lucius
7. Buttons or velcro? Explain.
Buttons, but they are magical. You do one, and then the rest do themselves. Unbutton one, and the rest unbutton. Like a domino effect.
8. What’s one of the dumbest headcanons you have for Snape?
He has an anti profanity potion he takes before class. This potion makes profane words sound more innocent to any listeners. So basically, when Harry is out of school and starts getting to know Snape, he notices he cusses, like, a whole lot. Snape informs Harry that he always has and that Snape has, indeed, cussed Harry out before, but Harry just couldn’t hear it as a student. McGonagall also takes the potion.
9. One of your saddest?
‘Always’ has two meanings. Toujours Pur is the Black Family motto meaning ‘Always Pure’, but ‘Toujours’ itself means ‘Always’. I like to imagine Orion telling Severus he would love him ‘Toujours’ (Always). I also like to think Lily said they would be friends ‘always’. So the term ‘always’ is bittersweet as it’s wrapped in good memories that turned sad.
10. Favorite Snape fic?
I don’t know if I know anyone who could choose just one fic. But Cambiare Podentes, Pacify, The Marriage Stone, Snape The Home Fries Nazi, Whispers of Intent, The Price of Emeralds, are all ones that just popped into my head.
11. Book Snape or Movie Snape?
Between those options: Book. But I prefer the Snape in my head 🤣.
12. While on the topic of Movie Snape, what’s your favorite Snape-shot from the films?
The one where he grabs Harry in OotP, of course 😏
13. How do you think Snape treats his own House?
He has to favor them to balance out Dumbledore’s overt favoritism.
14. Favorite Snape line/moment? (books or movies!)
Book Snape: Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. Ghosts are transparent.
15. If he’d lived, how do you think he would have gone on with his life?
Canonically? He would’ve been seen as a hero at the end and he would go on to update Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts text books. He would live a loner life but Harry would make sure to see him for holidays and such. Albus Severus would be infatuated with his namesake, so when he is older he becomes Snape’s apprentice.
Fanonically? Fucks Harry. Or gets fucked by him. Depends on the mood.
16. What do you headcanon about his relationship with his parents?
Canonically? He’s glad they’re both gone. He was abusive and she was negligent.
Fanonically? I’m a Tobias Snape apologizer and I love the Tobias Snape in my head, okay. He’s my little meow meow.
17. What rubs you the wrong way about how he’s portrayed in fanon/fan fiction?
It takes a lot to rub me the wrong way as there are so many different versions of Snape that I love. Even the olden day ‘Snape Manor’ fics have a special place in my heart as we all thought he was Pure Blood back then. Sometimes it’s nice to pretend that certain books never happened. Like what if JK Rowling just stopped writing at GoF? An unfinished series. Where would that fanfic take us? We would only have info from books 1-4 to work off of. How would Snape’s character have evolved? Those fics exist! People were writing fics about what they thought of Snape at the time and they are wildly different than the canon version. I guess if his dialogue is too ‘nice’ that can get to me, but even that is usually not enough to turn me off.
18. What’s an aspect of his character you wish more people would explore?
I personally believe Potions was Lily’s favorite subject, not Snape’s. Snape’s was Defense Against the Dark Arts. Snape is a master of potions, but it isn’t his passion. Not like Dark Arts are. I prefer to see Snape less into potions as he heals from his emotional wounds and actually starts doing things he enjoys. There is canon evidence for Potions being Lily’s subject and not Snape’s. Of all my hcs, this one I feel could actually be canon.
19. What’s the song that always has you thinking of Snape?
To be Loved by Askjell and House of Metal by Chelsea Wolfe
20. If you could tell Snape anything, what would it be?
Over twenty years I’ve been obsessed with you, you bastard.
21. Do you think Snape’s love for Lily was romantic, or platonic?
Platonic
22. If someone put a gun to Snape’s head and told him to pick a favorite out of the Golden Trio, who do you think he’d pick?
Harry
23. How is Snape with animals?
Not good at all. There is no evidence of him even having an animal at school.
24. What music does Snape listen to, though?
Rock n’ Roll, as that’s the genre popular to his generation.
25. What do other professors think of Snape?
At first, that he was very capable with the material, but not mature enough to be a teacher. As the years progressed the professors come to understand and respect him as an equal.
26. How do you think Snape’s first day/year/etc of teaching went?
Probably real bad as he went to school with some of his older students. I imagine he was pranked quite a bit.
27. Would you dress like Snape? Do you dress like Snape? How does Snape inform your fashion choices???
Never, it’s too damn hot for all those layers and darkness. I do have many Slytherin shirts though.
28. Did you make it through OotP, HBP, and DE not knowing what JKR had in store for Snape’s character? Or had those things been spoiled for you beforehand?
Yep! In fact, I thought Snape had fooled both Dumbledore AND Voldemort. I thought he was on his own side and was going to kill both of them and Harry would have to kill him. I was kinda right about Dumbledore! Wrong about literally everything else. I thought Snape was going to be the ‘Big Bad Villain’. I WANTED Snape to be the villain so bad. I knew Harry was going to be the hero and have to capture or kill Snape to ‘win’. But I was all over those fanfics about Snape keeping Harry as a slave after winning the war and all that. Ah, good ole days.
29. Are you the type to reread just the Snape chapters?
It’s probably been a decade since I’ve read any of the books or chapters. I’m all fanfic now. I read the books a lot when I was younger, and yes, I did reread the Snape chapters more.
30. The most pressing question of all… does Snape fuck?
Yes, he fucks and has been fucked.
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My Fanfic Status Updates
Posted WIP:
Everybody Needs Luck - (Star Wars) Obi-Wan travels back in time to his 13 year old body on Melida/Daan and starts changing the galaxy. Time Travel AU. Nield/Cerasi/Obi-Wan, future Jango/Obi-Wan and Cerasi/Satine.
Status: Actively being worked on, have a few new chapters nearly finished. Will probably be getting to a larger time skip soon.
Cuy'kaysh Dar - (Star Wars) Obi-Wan falls on Naboo and flees. Jango sees him fighting Jedi and recruits him to the Cuy'val Dar. Fallen!Obi-Wan AU. Jango/Obi-Wan, Priest/Reau.
Status: Actively being worked on. Have the barebones for a few new chapters.
Biding Time - (Throne of Glass) Dorian's happy ending falls apart and Hollin uses dark magic to send him back in time. Time Travel AU. Valg!Dorian. Many Dorian-centric ships.
Status: Currently just having issues with time constraints because I need to reread the early Manon stuff for the next few chapters and I haven’t yet.
A Dragon in Wolf's Clothing - (ASOIAF) Oberyn's mark fills in--and shows him the true identity of the Bastard of Winterfell, his soulmate. Soulmate AU. Oberyn/Ellaria, future Oberyn/Ellaria/Jon.
Status: Will be trying to get a new chapter or two out soon-ish.
Eventuality - (Game of Thrones) Sequel to Potentiality. Jon and Daenerys die, then wake up in the past in different versions of themselves. Now they face conquering a Westeros very different from the one they so temporarily ruled before. Time Travel AU. Trans!Jon, Genderfluid!Dany. Jonerys.
Status: Currently on the backburner, I don’t want to rush the next few chapters but am not super motivated.
Fire in the Rain - (ASOIAF) Jon brings his girlfriend Sansa home to meet his eccentric (dangerous) family, who still follow ancient Valyrian customs. Modern Westeros AU. Jonsa, Jonerys, Rhaenys/Aegon, others.
Status: I kind of write a little here and there when motivated, so have no idea when a full chapter will be done.
Trinity - (ASOIAF) They loose the War for the Dawn, but Sansa, Arya, and Jon get a second chance. Time Travel AU. Sansa/Elia, Jon/Night's Queen, Robb/Dany.
Status: Omfg I’m so close to being done with this, I’m trying to get motivated to do the last few chapters haha
A Song of Light and Darkness - (ASOIAF) The Targaryens conquered most Westeros with dark magic, now they finally have the key for taking the North. Alternate Fantasy World AU. Many ships.
Status: I’m ngl mostly have updated because it’s one of my friend’s favs. It’s pretty on the backburner right now.
Play the Part of Savior - (ASOIAF) They decide to win the War for the Dawn by stopping the very first one--and Jon ends up back in time in the Bloodstone Emperor's court. Time Travel AU. Bloodstone Emperor/Jon, Bloodstone Emperor/his wife, past Sarella/Jon.
Status: Past me did myself a huge disfavor by skipping a chapter in my draft and not making a note what was supposed to go there, so I’m waiting hoping I’ll remember it.
Broken Pieces Floating By - (ASOIAF) A single night in a haunted house changes Ana’s life forever. Modern Horror AU. Elia/Lyanna, Elia/Rhaegar/Lyanna.
Status: I have a very, very detailed outline for the entire thing, which is a little rare for me, so eventually it will be written.
Cut Strings - (World of Warcraft) Anduin refuses to be a puppet king and instead shakes up the entire political landscape of Westeros. Neutral Stormwind AU. Wranduin, Bainduin, others.
Status: I will probably eventually try to rewrite what I have of this. I was trying to keep it semi-close to canon, but that was before BFA came out and showed us that, yes, it was a boring Sylvanas-is-super-evil plot and not something cool. Now I can just go completely out-there AU with it.
No Peace, No Rest - (World of Warcraft) After Stormwind is destroyed (again), Anduin is taken in by the last people anyone would expect a priest to stay with. BFA AU. Darion/Anduin.
Status: I want to continue this at some point because I love Darion/Anduin and there’s barely any out there and also because I love Anduin and Bolvar being all angsty with their surrogate father-son relationship.
Upcoming Drabbles:
Sequel to my Dark Jangobi Order 66 Drabble - (Star Wars) Obi-Wan resented the Jedi, but he never wanted them to be killed off. And he definitely didn’t want to deal with the fallout of it.
Sequel to my voluntary Integration Obi-Wan Drabble - (Star Wars) Obi-Wan is a model Integrator, which is nervewracking for everyone who knows he was a Jedi.
Sequel to my Mandalorian-from-birth!Obi-Wan Drabble - (Star Wars) Jango’s POV
Requested Soulmate Drabble - (Star Wars) Mandalorians can sense the Mand’alor’s soulmate. It is, of course, Obi-Wan.
Maybe Possibly Upcoming Drabbles:
Terrorist Club AU - (Star Wars) Obi-Wan has a pass to an intergalactic club for terrorists from his time with the Young and he uses it to mess with Vizsla.
#my stuff#fanfic updates#i like sad men with negligent parents okay?#also competence#and time travel AUs#i love time travel AUs#most of my drabbles i just randomly decide to write these are just the ones i know for sure i'm writing and will be posted#except for the maybe possibly one#which I don't really want to write myself but gdi i guess i'm going to#except I keep having ideas for it not to be crack but like crack treated seriously lol
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Hi! I absolutely love your levihan stories! The way they care for each other is just gaaahhhhh.
I wanted to make an ask for a while, but I didn't have an idea. I was reading a story and got this random idea suddenly. How about Levi slipping in the bathtub and nearly drowning, but Hange hears the thud of his head hitting the edge or something and has to kick the door down and finds Levi submerged having breathed in water and with a bad gash where his head hit the tub?
Title: Triage
Summary:
"Levi could count with the fingers on his two hands, and maybe some of his toes, the few times he had seen Hange angry—very angry. Those rare times, she was a full blown tornado of screaming, shouting, kicking, rambling.
Albeit terrified, Levi had to note, Hange never raged for shallow reasons. Her terrifying rage, that came once a blue moon, always seemed to have a very good point."
For the first time in many years, Levi witnesses Hange's rage again.
Notes: I took some liberties with the prompt but I hope you still enjoy. Feedback is very much appreciated :D
I wanted to make an ask for a while, but I didn't have an idea. I was reading a story and got this random idea suddenly. How about Levi slipping in the bathtub and nearly drowning, but Hange hears the thud of his head hitting the edge or something and has to kick the door down and finds Levi submerged having breathed in water and with a bad gash where his head hit the tub?
NN from the last request: maybe he slips in the bath because of his broken leg from when he and mikasa saved Eren from the female titan?
Levi could count with the fingers on his two hands, and maybe some of his toes, the few times he had seen Hange angry—very angry.
It wasn’t something he liked to remember vividly, but it was something he ended up remembering anyway because of how jarring the whole scene of Hange’s rage was. She, who was usually more of like a whirlwind anyway, would suddenly transform into a full blown tornado.
A full blown tornado of screaming, shouting, kicking, rambling.
In whirlwinds and in gusts of screaming, shouting, she clarified logical points, rehashed commands, asked questions. At first her anger was chaos. When the dust cleared though, the haze dissipated, some poor sap always came out of it a learned man.
Her anger, that came once a blue moon, always seemed to have a point.
All completely comprehensible and thus, Levi could easily see reason and consequently be able to summarize the most anger inducing situations to two: One, any utterly stupid move that Hange cannot seem to understand which could cost hundreds, or thousands of lives. Two, utter negligence that could also cost hundreds or thousands of lives.
Notably, Hange would never release the uncontrollable storm for just one person. She had always been fun loving, peace loving. Although her sudden rise to the commander position had mellowed her down just a little, Hange always had a way of building camaraderie with even the lowest from such a high position, while at the same time demanding authority.
Maybe she mastered it, maybe there had been little to no reason to show that side of herself when she was constantly dealing with peace treaties and diplomacy issues.
At times, Levi wondered though, if that part of her had ever left.
It was something he pondered on, grappled with, when days were longer and workloads were kinder. Strangely, one day in late autumn, when the days were longer, when everyone was cramming as much work as they could before the holiday season came, Levi was reflecting on it for a little bit longer.
“Hange, are you okay?” The question forced itself into the conversation uninvited. Levi liked to blame the question for popping its head in like some audacious prick. Really, it had been his own fault at having downed one drink just too quickly that had gotten him at that. Of course, that hyperfixation on Hange, who was starting to look a little pink in the face too, had been at fault as well.
“I just have to go back to the office after this,” Hange slammed the glass in front of her. “Just one drink.” She added. This is the only drink I’ll have tonight.” She added again, after a few seconds.
She had a tendency of turning a little pink with just one cup. Levi wasn’t too nervous about it. Inebriation made him much quicker and much more confident about brushing problems away. “Do you really have to finish looking into those extra papers tonight?”
“Jean will be coming for them first thing in the morning. I don’t wanna keep any more diplomats waiting,” Hange explained. Her tendency to overwork was almost understandable. After all, Paradis was decades behind the rest of the world. With the impending war, Levi could only accept, while affording her a half smile.
They agreed on just half an hour, exchanging half baked ideas over one cup for Hange, two for Levi. Not enough for any of them to end up wobbling towards the exit. Levi hadn’t drunk in years though, having abandoned it after the adults in the survey corps had dwindled to just them. He just didn’t expect that just a sip of his second cup, would have him cross eyed for a moment. Luckily, he easily forgot about it with just a few quick blinks and a quick shake of the head.
“I should be asking you if you’re okay,” Hange said wryly. Her face had an almost pensive touch to it and Levi didn’t want to contribute to any more stress or sadness she might have been harboring then.
So he kept his answer brief, no room for questions. “I’m fine.”
Hange furrowed her brows at him. “Sure…” She started hesitantly. Then, she huffed. “Just make sure to go straight to the barracks… Okay?”
Before Levi could formulate a reply, Hange’s attention was suddenly elsewhere. She turned to her right. Levi followed suit to get a good view, only to be taken aback by the scuffle that had started only a few feet away.
Maybe drunkenness had him blending songs, conversations and scuffles all into one lively sound. The bar fight only stood out like a sore thumb when he focused on the two men, one carried a poor boy by the back of his hands, while another man readied his fists.
Before Levi could process the scene for just a little longer, Hange had come in between them. “Why don’t you keep fights to people your own age? You know this boy can’t beat you.”
“This kid’s parents are in debt,” one explained, his tone aggressive.
“Then send a payment request to his parents.” Hange kept her cool.
But for how long could they maintain the peace? Levi pulled himself up from his seat and wobbled closer to make more sense of the conversations
“We can’t collect…. They’re dead…”
There were many things Levi could stomach. Abuse, unnecessary bullying weren’t among them. Particularly when the child, an orphan at that, was much weaker than they were. He was ready to blink back his own dizziness to get at least one precise kick into the most proper place for a male asshole.
Hange though had been quicker, she had bent down. It turned out she had been dodging a punch. Everything after was a flash of movements Levi couldn't comprehend at his current state.
He stepped just a few feet back, enough to take better stock of the situation. The bar was crowded that night. A bar teeming with burly and most likely ill-intentioned men wasn’t anything new and he had made one mistake in his drunken state. He focused on two men, just among the others, separating those two from the crowds in the background.
Hange was balancing everything at once, keeping the kid safe, while delivering blows when necessary. She was skillful but with two men becoming roughly ten in just a split second, there were only too many ways she could defend herself.
So Levi bit back the alcohol that lingered in his mouth, the light pounding in his head and the way the lights and the quick motions just lingered for a little longer in his vision. He put one foot forward, ready to strike at the man approaching Hange. Defense and offense at such a state, when he was still working to get his flow and his bearings had him careless, receiving a sock to his upper left. He swallowed the bile that rose at his throat, closed his eyes for a second, blinking back the lights that settled in the black.
He managed to pull out before it could have been anything worse. His fighter instincts from the underground started to kick in soon after, ignoring the protests from his left side. They undermined whatever orders his injuries were screaming then.
Maybe that had been a good thing. In the end, humanity’s strongest had taken down ten men in the bar. Hange and the young boy had come out of it completely unscathed. The adrenaline had him breathing hard.
Levi still had his bearings. He turned back to Hange and breathed out. “Pay the tab. We’re getting out of here.”
***
The young boy was quick to introduce himself as they turned the corner of the bar, and made their way far from the store lined streets.
“I’m Joseph,” He started. Soon his words transformed into some over apologetic and grateful babble. Some Levi willed himself to comprehend, others he had been too disconcerted to pick up.
There were words he picked up more than others.
Orphanage. Illness. Mother. Dead. He soon put the puzzle pieces together himself.
Joseph had been staying in an orphanage just a half an hour ride away. His mother suddenly died from illness and before he even transferred to the orphanage, the men had ransacked his house for anything worth more than a penny, to help pay back the debt of his late father.
He just wanted a locket back, a last memento of his mother.
“I’ll coordinate with the other soldiers, see what I can do for you,” Hange said, coiling one hand around the boy’s shoulders.
“The police don’t listen,” he said in between tears.
“I’ll make them listen.”
The boy believed her, maybe he didn’t. Levi saw it appropriate that he himself stayed quiet. If Hange couldn’t convince the young boy, who could? Besides, his upper left side was killing him, his breaths were coming out in some strange rhythm and if he talked, would it make it come out as any worse?
“I’ll take you back to the orphanage first and I’ll see what I can do,” she consoled. “As soon as I get anything, I’ll make sure to send it over.”
“Those men are mean, please don’t hurt yourself.” Surprisingly, the boy seemed mature. Levi though was familiar with that trend, adversity seemed to do that to people.
“I won’t.” They turned another corner and Hange quickened her pace towards the barracks.
Levi followed behind, almost painfully. The quicker strides expected of him made him a little less tolerant of pain. He pressed his hand to his side for just a second. The sky was dark and pressing his side was a flash of movement, nobody should have noticed it except him. But somehow, he was self conscious.
Hange walked ahead though, the rhythm in her stride undisturbed. She hurried towards the stables but only pulled one horse out.
“You don’t need me to come with you?” Levi asked.
Hange shook her head. “It’s a short ride.” She helped the young boy on the horse and plopped herself lightly just right behind him. “I think I’m gonna spend some time in the headquarters tonight, do some research...” She looked pointedly at the kid.
“I’ll wait in the office---”
“No, go to the hospital.”
“Wait.. Why?” Levi spat.
Just a while ago, a few blows connected,” Hange said in a more serious tone. “It might be better if you have them checked out, just for some extra reassurance.” She turned her head toward the direction of the hospital only one block away.
“I think I have a few bruises,” Levi said. “But we’ve gotten much worse on the field.”
Hange gave him a pensive smile. “Just have it checked out, for me? It’s free for soldiers and I don’t think a free cold water compress could hurt.”
“I’ll just make one in your office.” They had a teapot and a kettle and they had some ice as well.
“I’ll pick you up from there on the way back.” There was no room for argument with that tone.
“I’ll wait then,” Levi said. He didn’t say anymore as he turned on his heel. Instead, he focused on the clip clop of the hooves as Hange galloped away. That was a sound that grounded him and when he kept his ragged breaths attune to that rhythm. Levi found that a constant rhythm made it much easier to focus on the road.
Either way, it looked like the walk would last an eternity.
***
For any sane person, it was a short convenient walk. Levi though was in this seemingly eternal trance of just overestimating then underestimating himself. Again and again.
He found ways to ground himself by focusing on the lights that dotted the corridors on the way to the hospital entrance connected to their barracks. He looked at the corridor leading to the commander’s office, almost tempted to turn the heel and treat for himself whatever injuries Hange might have seen in him.
I’ll pick you up from there on the way back. He didn’t have any way to coordinate with Hange then so he trudged straight ahead. The way to meet up with Hange much faster was to just bite his lip and brave the hospital over a few seemingly small injuries.
He had to work harder to contain himself as he saw the crowds from the crack through the half opened door.
Joy. Levi thought to himself. The emergency room was completely full on a weekday night. He settled for one of the benches at the back. The nurses were going around distributing forms and fortunately, he didn’t have to go up to sign anything.
“Some bruising,” Levi answered.
“Understood sir. We’re a bit full tonight so we might have to put you at the bottom of triage.”
Levi only nodded in acceptance, not wanting to waste any more energy or time coming up with something more polite to say. He leaned his back on the bench and stared up at the ceiling. It would be a long wait.
As soon as Hange came anyway, it would be a less tortuous wait, he was sure. She’d find some way to liven up the waiting room with her own chatter. Or maybe, she would see the line, realize it was a dumb idea and have him go back to the barracks and rest.
***
Levi must have dozed off. He jumped on his seat, biting back the white pain that flashed through him at the abrupt movement that pulled him out of stupor.
“Fucking hell, Hange,” Levi hissed.
Hange made herself at home right next to him. She put a hand to his forehead. “You still look a little tipsy.”
“And being tipsy doesn’t merit a trip to the emergency room,” Levi argued.
“It’s not that…” Hange said. “How long… before they call you?”
In reply, Levi looked around the room, then back at her. “It depends how pressing the situation is, right? That’s how hospitals work when too many people are injured at once,” he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“I’ll see what I can do.” Hange stood up, walked ahead to the counter with the nurse. Soon, a doctor approached her and Hange was discussing, gesticulating, and she put a hand to her side.
You’re overreacting. Levi allowed himself a weak smile as he mimicked her actions, pressing his hand to his upper abdomen. He let out a hiss and swallowed once again whatever had climbed up to his throat.
It was as if Hange teleported back to the seat next to him. “I talked to the doctors, explained the situation. They should be coming back here anytime soon.”
Levi didn’t reply. He saw that as a cue for her to leave, focus on whatever was at hand. She was twiddling her thumbs, she started to play with the wood splinters that stuck out of the bench.
And Levi was constantly reminded by her own restlessness, she had things to do, she couldn’t waste her time there when she had documents to prepare, diplomats to please and some locket she promised a young boy.
His insides were on fire, his breaths were coming out uncontrollably but he saw enough reason to muster a firm order. As her friend. He reminded himself. “Go back to the office. I’ll meet you there.”
Hange was surprisingly easy to convince. All he needed to do was get through the quick back and forth that followed.
“I’ll pick you up a bit later?”
“No, just go up. Go back to work.”
“What about---”
“I’ll meet you in your office.”
Soon, Hange had made a quick trip to the counter, had a quick exchange with the nurses.
“I’ll meet you at the office,” Levi said again for emphasis. That second time was notably harder to let out though.
“I told the nurses to alert me if anything happens.”
Overreacter. “I’ll meet you in the office,” Levi said once again.
Hange walked away with nothing more than a nod. At the least, that was one source of pressure out of the way.
***
The wait didn’t last much longer after that. He was led to a room, no time for pleasantries.
There were many others waiting. Soon after that brief check up, there would be someone else waiting. Maybe they were outside the room already.
The doctor asked him to undress and Levi focused on whatever glimpse of his chest he could get then as he removed his shirt. His chest was still a raw red, maybe there were beginnings of bruises among them. Levi couldn't even bring himself to look down for fear of sending another rush of nausea through him.
“Are you feeling nauseous? Any dizziness?”
“Yes,” he admitted.
“Commander said, you got involved in a fist fight…”
“At a bar…”
“And you drank?”
“Just two cups.”
The doctor sighed, handing him back his shirt. “I’ll have the nurse prepare an ice pack for whatever bruises you sustained. You should be clear to leave.” The doctor scribbled something on his notebook.
A few minutes later, Levi had a cold compress and a prescription for rest and painkillers. Fortunately, he had the freedom to not be in the hospital so he headed for Hange’s office, gripping the ice pack just a little harder. It did some work to manage his overall soreness and the throbbing pain in his upper right. Levi bit his lip.
It took him thirty minutes to reach the office. He had expected it to take five minutes. Levi though had taken some breaks in between, leaning back on the wall, taking in breaths much stronger than usual.
He opened the office door with a creak and it looked like Hange hadn’t been too engrossed with whatever she was reading like she usually was. Strangely, she looked up at him, her eyes wide. “You’re here…” She said.
“You don't want me to be here?” Levi asked. He used that blessing of the moment to lean on the door to subtly catch his breath once again.
“No it’s just that… Did the doctor say anything?” Hange stood up from her desk, and quickly gathered the papers in front of her.
“Bed rest and to ice the bruises.”
Hange moved quickly. Levi didn’t even notice her come closer until she had tapped her hand on his shoulder. “I’m gonna work in the bedroom.”
“Wait, not in the office? You can’t concentrate in the bedroom right?”
“I think you should rest there for the night, and I think I’ll be better able to concentrate, knowing you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re resting in the bedroom, that’s an order,” Hange said firmly.
She was playing the commander card again. By the looks of it, she would be hard to sway. She had gathered all her paperwork, slipping the thick wads of paper just under her arm. She had turned off the lights and when Hange walked a few inches ahead with that much confidence while gripping his wrist tightly, he saw no choice but to follow.
***
There was a nice bathtub in the commander’s room and Levi insisted he get enough time to himself to clean up the muck, the alcohol and the sweat that came with the fist fight. Hange had insisted he didn’t lock the door but a need for privacy had him a little naughty and a little assertive.
He pressed on the lock on the door slowly, enough to spit the sound of the click into three careful movements.
For the first time in a while, he was grateful for Hange’s pile of work. She didn’t seem to notice.
Stripping off his clothes was a methodical task and Levi realized, if he focused on the slipping movements more than the actual searing pain that followed, he could get anything done. Maybe even cover the few feet that separated the door from the bathtub.
He started off by biting his lip and bending over just far enough to be able to fiddle comfortably with the faucets. He couldn’t bring himself low enough to reach for the plug but even before that, he had made sure to twist both faucets to full blast so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bath emptying too quickly,
The soap was on the other side of the tub and Levi decided to put off grabbing it until he was submerged on the tub. He had spent just a little too much time staring at the soap bar and maybe the gears in his head were turning a little too fast, coming up with the best way to stretch out and reach for it.
There were more pressing matters at hand like the nausea, the pain at his side, the pounding in his head and his utter inability to focus. When he was dealing with those all at once, it was only natural he would run out of mind space.
The slippery part had been something he failed to consider. The last thing he remembered was stepping onto the tub, his eyes fixed on the soap in front of him. And before he could even consider anything else, his foot lost grip on the slimy bathtub.
Then his feet weren’t connected anywhere and he was free falling.
Everything blurred around him as something pulled him forward, into the water. He instinctively put his hands in front of him, once again neglecting the rim of the tub for one fatal second.
One fatal second that ended with a burst of white hot pain.
Pain had been kind for a while after that, settling as something dull at the back of his mind. It had done wonders as well to consume whatever throbbing sensation was eating at his abdomen then. He soon realized, if he closed his eyes, the pain only settled deeper into him, as something almost comforting.
And he realized there were warmer things, there were kinder things surrounding him, like the water that tickled at his sides.
Hey are you okay? There were knocks on doors.
“I’m fine.” He would have liked to muster. The water though that started with a tickle, continued to climb, up to his ears, then up to his mouth.
Her voice deadened to something faint. Faint shouts? Slams of doors. Faint, but annoying loud.
The water had done its part to blanket him, protecting him from the most annoying sounds.
Then when it deadened into nothing. Levi couldn’t help but be just a little relieved.
***
On most days, Hange was a whirlwind. On other special days, Hange was a cyclone.
Recently though, she had mellowed down into something less assertive, tamer, more predictable than a whirlwind.
Maybe a windy day? Levi would surmise when he thought comparing Hange to weather would be a good way to pass the time.
That had become a strange habit he would indulge occasionally. Something quick. Something subtle. Something he didn’t think too much of until he had enough time to be a little more observant of the weather patterns around him.
It was only when he woke up with bleary eyes, still too groggy to even do much but turn to his side, to the narrow white door, did he realize for himself. It was only when despite all that, Levi was attempting to listen intently to whatever scuffle was on the other side of the door, did he realize, god he missed that Hange.
He made out her voice, much wilder than before, her tone more dynamic and Levi was perking his ears up, attempting to break off from that sleepiness to pick up what he can.
He hadn’t heard that Hange in years. It could have been a dream for all he knew.
“The medical technique from Azumabito…. Saved his life….”
“You wouldn’t have had to rely on it if you caught it early on!”
“It was a busy night commander. He seemed fine at first---”
“Believe me… I understand but… Any other day… I gave you my own speculation doctor.” Hange’s voice had mellowed just a little bit. She had clipped the assertion with a title at least. Still, Levi couldn’t help but note that the tone sounded more like a ‘Hange’ than a ‘Commander’
“Yes--”
“No, listen to me… I may not be a doctor but I think the best course of action there was to have felt for any tenderness on his side right? Did you do that?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then why did you say you did it a while ago? Believe me, if you did, if you caught this early on, I’m sure he wouldn't be in as bad of a state as he is now.”
“Still, we’re grateful we were able to---”
“Catch it on time? He. Could. Have. Died.” There were slams of feet, slams on the wall, accenting every syllable and Hange said every word like it was bitter to her lips. “I’m honestly fucking grateful he slipped on the bathtub. At least, it brought him back here and you had to give him a full body examination. I don’t think you would have done it any other way!”
“Commander, please calm down.” The voice very much sounded like Moblit. A nostalgic but also very wistful thought. Of course it wouldn’t be Moblit. Moblit was long gone.
When Levi listened for a little longer, he picked it out in the midst of Hange’s tirade. “Jean?” Even saying a one syllable name turned out to be an ordeal. He painstakingly turned his head back and stared at the ceiling, blinking a few more times, an attempt to focus.
Focus came quickly a second later, with crashes and slams of wood on wood right after the other. Enough to have Levi shift the weight to his elbows, sit up for a second long enough to realize he couldn’t stay up for longer than that.
“Commander…”
“Jean… Carelessness...negligence….” Hange’s voice was softer than a while ago. Still, it was sharp, words were emphasized. Words he had managed to pick out, just by listening closely.
The door to his room opened and Hange entered. Surprisingly, it didn’t close with a bang. Whatever remnants of anger was still very much apparent on her face.
Hey four eyes. By god, he wanted to call her four eyes. She seemed more like a ‘four eyes.’ The anger, the aftermath had left Hange looking more like the Hange back then. So Levi stared a little longer, willing himself to find that balance between widening his eyes and squinting, just to get the clearest possible picture of her.
Hange’s eyes widened as he caught her gaze but she didn’t look too happy to see him. “You should go to sleep,”
How long was I out? “How long…” He managed to say.
“You had surgery just a few hours ago. You slipped on the bath tub and the door was fucking locked. I had to break it down. And god, Levi, you almost drowned....”
To his shock, he realized he didn’t even remember much of what followed the slams on the door.
Hange continued on, her voice echoing against the four walls. “Hell, you’re not even supposed to be awake.” A bout of realization in her eyes. She put one hand on her mouth. “Was I loud? Did I wake you up?” Hange’s question was laughable and if Levi had any more energy in him, maybe he would have let out a light chuckle.
He spared a subtle smile instead.
“I was huh?” Hange said. “Sorry about that.”
Suddenly, Levi had the motivation to shake his head and spare three words despite the pounding in his head. “I missed that.”
“MIssed what?” Hange asked.
By that point, Levi didn’t have much energy to reply. Instead he let his eyes dart from left to right, trying to take in as much as he can of her at once. He trusted Hange to be perceptive of that at least.
If she did notice it.
“You’re gonna have to take more time to explain that,” Hange admitted. She dropped one light hand on his forehead. “But not now, I’d rather you took this time to rest first.” She mellowed again and Levi had to painfully note that the voice had shifted to something more serious once again.
The faint recall of the old Hange justa moment ago, behind closed doors was all he had.
Don’t be ashamed. Be yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There were too many things Levi would have wanted to say at that moment. The words dried up, crumbling into sawdust even before he could completely open his mouth to say it.
He closed his mouth again, ready to restart the painful process of attempting to speak. Someone knocked and the door opened again way before he even started to feel some strength.
“Commander. The military police came to pick up the documents. I kept them posted on the situation. They’ll look into it now, process the paperwork…” Jean’s eyes were on Hange as he spoke. They soon fell to Levi. “Captain, you’re awake.”
“He’ll be going back to sleep soon,” Hange said, as if it were an indirect order. It wasn’t too hard to follow. Sleep was like a phantom looming over him. He just had to let it do its work.
There were still things he hadn’t completely comprehended and curiosity was good at keeping his surroundings lucid. He reached for Hange’s hand, in one swift motion enough to even leave his hand dizzy.
Hange turned back to him. “Levi, rest.”
He didn’t have to speak. All he had to do was blink, nod his head and Hange pulled the chair to his bedside.
“If I humor you now, will you make sure to rest?”
His energy was limited but if he pickled the right words, the right syllables he could get the answers he needed.
How bad?
Hange was his closest friend for a reason. She knew it at first glance. “I rushed you to the hospital as soon as you fell unconscious.” She put a hand to her head. “You had a concussion… But you know, it wasn't the concussion that was life threatening. Your spleen… it completely ruptured. They had to take it out. You’re gonna be out of it for a while…”
If the survey corps did anymore combat, maybe Levi would have been more worried. Recently, work usually consisted of paperwork anyway.
How long?
“You’ll be here for a few weeks maybe. Then more rest when you get discharged. You’re in really bad shape…”
Levi looked behind Hange to see Jean standing awkwardly. There were only too many coherent ways to ask about the kid. He moved his hand up to his chest and drew a shape.
The locket?
“We got the issue with Joseph under control,” Hange said.
Jean stepped forward, moving closer towards the bed. “Commander Hange managed to find some records on them. Joseph’s father used to work with the Reeves company. He got involved in the underground, got blackmailed into dishing a lot of his pay for their silence. With the right investigation, we might be able to turn the tables around, get them to confess and maybe return the money or even more to their son but it’s gonna take a lot of meetings, negotiations---”
As if they had heard the word, some almost recognizable recruit entered. “Commander Zoe, the military police want to clarify a few more things about the papers submitted.”
“Give me a minute.”
“They’re waiting outside, commander.”
Hange sighed. “I’ll meet them now.” She turned back to Jean. “Watch over Levi first.”
Within an hour, Hange had shifted from the angry Hange to the mellow Hange then to the serious commander Hange. Levi watched her go for a few seconds longer, noting the strides that exuded the confidence and professionalism that came with her position.
Jean took up the empty chair Hange left and Levi was slightly ticked that she could have been replaced so fast. Somehow, his head was still keeping the screaming Hange on the other side of the door on replay.
“How are you feeling captain?”
Shitty.
“Commander Hange said you should be resting.”
Levi managed a light nod.
“Please rest,” Jean said.
Levi started to notice it then with him much nearer. His shoulders were tensed up, his hands on his lap and his voice, his smile both more stiff than usual. He furrowed his brows as if to say “are you okay?”
Jean was definitely rattled. “I don’t think I’d wanna see our commander like that again...” He admitted, a weak smile on his face but Jean’s eyes showed fear more than anything else.
No shit. Levi was very familiar with that Hange, having had his own fateful encounters with her over the years.
“Before you woke up… She got mad… Very mad… ”
Oh? Levi mouthed.
Jean was starting to flail his hands a little more. “God she was like a tornado. She was kicking benches. She was slamming walls…”
First time?
“But I don’t blame her… It was really negligence on their part. Apparently Hange had told them a while back to give you a thorough check…” He gave Levi a onceover. “Turns out she was right.”
Levi put one hand to his side, noting the tight bandaging and padding, Even a light tap was enough to send painful sparks through him. He stifled a wince.
“Be careful.” Jean clutched his hand, guiding it back down to the bed. “She might just get angry again if you disobey her.”
She wouldn’t. Hange didn’t get angry like that anymore. He couldn’t help but think though, he would have liked that. Levi didn’t let that thought out as anything more than a surreptitious smile. He looked back up at the ceiling and allowed himself a ragged exhale.
“She won’t,” Levi managed to say. “She mellowed down already.” The last few syllables came out more like a raspy cough.
“Captain, don’t hurt yourself.”
When Levi bit at his lip, cleared his throat, he realized he could muster a few more words. He gave Jean an indignant look.
Jean sighed, dropping his shoulders in defeat. “Something tells me you’ve seen her like this before. You know her best... What makes her angry? You know, so we can avoid it in the future.”
Negligence. Competence. When hundreds of lives were on the line.
Levi could have answered Jean’s question clearly or maybe it came out as mumbles. When everything was starting to blur against each other, it didn’t make it worth clarifying how much left his lips.
“When hundreds of lives are on the line?” Jean asked.
Usually.
With Jean’s question hovering above them in silence for a second longer, he started to doubt himself. There was negligence, incompetence involved but hundreds of lives on the line? He was just one life.
Maybe he had been a little too hasty in concluding what went on on the other side of the door. Those last few moments before he let exhaustion take over, Levi became aware of the taste of sawdust on his lips, the smell of alcohol and his own utter sleepiness.
“I’ll have the nurses come in to refill your pain medication. For now, you should rest.”
Right. He was on medications. So his mind started to shake with questions. Ones he would have liked to answer before he gave in to the trappings of sleep.
How much of what went on behind the doors was real? Did Hange really kick, slam furniture? Did she scream like a mad man? Was she a full blown cyclone?
He would never know. Besides, there was a door between them. All he had was sounds, his own facilities marred by whatever medication they were pumping him with and his own memory to make conclusions for himself.
He fell back to bed with one conclusion, one he had built for himself over the years and came back to him as one musing before he fell back to sleep.
When Hange was angry, very angry, she was a full blown tornado of screaming, shouting, kicking, rambling. She was a full blown tornado that had the rare quality of just making sense.
Her anger, that came once a blue moon, always seemed to have a point.
At first, Levi had managed to summarize the most anger inducing situations to two: One, any utterly stupid move that Hange cannot seem to understand which could cost hundreds, or thousands of lives. Two, utter negligence that could cost hundreds or thousands of lives.
Maybe there was a third anger inducing situation that only bared its fangs then, powerful enough to release itself even outside the commander facade. And maybe it didn’t have to be a hundred lives on the line for that monster to show itself.
Half asleep, his memories a blur and with the white door between them, he couldn’t be too sure if that had really been the cyclone he had witnessed a few times before. So he left it as speculation, something to indulge.
He focused instead on sleeping, on the rustle of pages and the wind that streamed through the window.
Reminiscing on the old Hange could wait. He still had lots of recovering to do.
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Semi-coherent Thoughts on the Poppy War Series
(Because I really need to start forcing myself to write semi-consistently again)
So I’ll say outright that I actually liked the series quite a bit, which does mean I actually got engaged and invested enough to start turning it over and picking it apart in my head after I finished it. So, like, this is probably going to come across as more negative overall than my actual opinions of the books.
Anyway, first off I really do adore Rin as a protagonist (I’d say ‘heroine’, but, well, no). Now partially this is because I always love even minimally sympathetic morally grey (..grey like coal soot, in this case) protagonists. But she’s just also such a complete garbage fire of a person, it’s kind of endearing. Well, that’s a bit callous – her entire personality is more or less a conflict between different kinds of unhealthy responses to powerlessness and trauma. Be she’s also just such a mess, and when she really starts leaning into delusions of grandeur you can’t help but root for her and hope things do actually turn out okay, regardless of how many fivers of blood she’s currently fantasizing about creating.
A big part of that is just how thoroughly awful the entire setting is, and how terrible everyone in it are, of course. Like, there are basically exactly three developed character in the entire trilogy who are unambiguously at least mostly good people (Chen, probably Venka, specifically the amnesiac and semi-delusional version of Jiang, but that’s being generous), and the fact that they stick around with Rin right to the end kind of puts that into doubt, honestly. Beyond that – almost every family has negligent or abusive parents, and literally every political figure is a bloody-handed tyrant ruling through violence and fear. The Hesperians are racist imperialists convinced they have a divine mandate to conquer the world, the Mugenese are every horror story from the IJA during WW2 translated to a pre-industrial fantasy setting, the ruling elite of Nikara are so many racist, scheming, power-hungry snakes with no concerns except their own position....
And, part and parcel with how terrible the setting is, Kuang does an incredible job of making all the worst things Rin does (until the final act, anyway) incredibly cathartic and badass and fun-in-a-fucked-up-way to read. There’s a terrible sort of awe while she turns the main islands of not!Japan into a pyroclastic hellscape. And whenever she gets a chance to enact any of her numerous revenges on some of the many people who abused and betrayed her it’s always poetic, in a Count-of-Monte-Cristo sort of way, and so kind of sickly compelling, even beyond it being some of the only times Rin’s really hopeful and happy. (Also, there are fun villainous monologues and quippy post-murder one-liners!)
Also, all forms of love are a terrible idea 100% of the time and is only going to end in at least one of the parties dead, abused, or (more or less literally) killing themselves in order to keep up with the other/earn their approval/try to keep them together. (I mean, Rin mostly had horrible taste in men, but Chen wasn’t able to stay mad at her for longer than a few months even after the whole ‘genocide’ thing, which he’s just about the only person to react to with any horror whatsoever. And look at how that ended up working out for him, so-)
I’m sure comparing grimdark fantasy to A Song of Ice And Fire is thoroughly out of fashion by now, but the overall perspective really did strike me as incredibly similar to Martin’s, a lot of the time. ‘Legitimate’ power and ‘lawful’ authority are ultimately nothing but polite fictions maintained by violence, terror and brutal oppression. War is a hell suffered most keenly by civilians with the misfortune to live and die in the middle of it, and least of all by the people with the power who actually start and end them. A flawed and unequal peace is very often preferable to dragging everything to hell with you as you die for the sake of freedom. And so on.
Now, to start the nitpicking – this is entirely personal and aesthetic, but it was kind of annoying how each of the first two books ended in moments of megalomaniac grandeur and terrifying empowerment, and then the next book started with a timeskip of things having gone to shit and her back under someone else’s thumb, and then a solid majority of the text is spent getting manipulated, betrayed, and finally crawling and clawing her way back out to the same point (both emotionally and in terms of independence/vision) that she had been at the previous book’s climax.
This isn’t anything even close to unique to TPW, of course – everything going to shit between the end of one story and the start of the sequel is kind of endemic to a lot of genres, really. And it is frankly incredibly in character for Rin to go through cycles flipping between resentment at being manipulated and used, and desperately craving authority figures to tell her what she should do and give her validation as valuable or useful. Still a bit annoying to read, though.
I’m sure it’s more me than the books – not like they didn’t put in the effort – but I could just never get really invested in the whole enemies-to-almost-lovers-to-enemies-again-to-? Thing with Nezha. Like, he’s interesting in that you can do a 180 perspective flip and he’d clearly be just as suitable a protagonist as Rin is, and his life’s very sad and everything. But, like, we get a front row seat to Rin’s internal monologue, and she gets thirsty for plenty of terrible men (and one awful woman), the only thing that makes Nezha special is that he’s not at least twice her age. So I never really got nearly as emotionally invested in them as the books seemed to expect me to. Which does kind of hurt the whole final act of book three.
Speaking of – okay, the ending isn’t awful or anything, but it is kind of disappointing in being exactly what you would expect it to be, as far as Rin’s character arc goes? Which might be just because I was already primed to compare this to ASOIF and she just literally pulls a Daenerys (fire-aligned vengeance/justice character with revolutionary impulses and an autocratic sensibility is willing to burn down the world in the process of freeing it, goes mad with power and paranoia, needs to be put down for the good of the country), but still. Her reading Venka throwing her to the ground to avoid an assassination attempt as a betrayal and burning her to death before she realized what was happening was just really heavy handed, you know? Same with turning on Kitay, who at this point is her actual literal soulmate. (Also sad in a broader sense, because those two are like literally two of the only characters in the entire series I’d actually peg as worthy of/capable of being trusted with political power.)
The specifics aside, I’m a miserable enough person to appreciate how unsatisfying the actual resolution at the end of the book is – imperialism wins! Literally no choice but to sign those unequal treaties and hope you’re eventually able to grow strong enough to force them out! Everything is the same as before this forty-year cycle of wars except much, much worse! - but yeah, I really just don’t actually care about Nezha enough as a character for it to really land. Also Kitay and Venka deserved better, even if literally no one else did.
Anyway, yeah, good series. Would recommend if you like the genre and can stomach all the, well, everything.
#books#the poppy war#the dragon republic#the burning god#r. f. kuang#book review#in this essay I will#this is theoretically a writing blog
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Lessons I learned from the Games
Most of this is just silly, some are actual lessons.
SCK/SCK2:
If you’re going to get murdered, get revenge by leaving clues to the blackmail you have on potential suspects and hope to god someone figures it out
If you’re investigating a crime, being a random transfer student at the end of the year is probably not the way to go, but no one cares because they’re too busy with college applications.
If your niece is coming to your place to investigate a murder and you’re not there, the least you can do is set up a cage to trap any possible break-ins.
Nothing beats being able to hold a gun to the murderer #whySCKremastered???
Teens dealing with pressures to meet college and parental demands
Teens resorting to drugs
Teens dealing with sexism that’s found in abundance in college and work environments
Teachers not giving a shit about what students are going through.
STFD:
If you’re getting death threats, play it cool. Keeps the perps unhinged
Toxicity of fan culture
Throw all CEOs into the closet
Nothing beats Jazz
If you’re going to commit crime in an actor’s community, you must do it with flare
MHM:
If you’re going to buy a Victorian mansion, the least you can do is check for ghosts. And also hire a carpenter beforehand
Never invest your life’s savings into anything
Treat those who help you with basic decency (my god Rose!)
If you’re snooping on someone, don’t give them any indication that you’re onto them
If someone slips a threatening message under your door, open the door.
Victorian houses have all sorts of booby traps, FIND THEM.
TRT:
Don’t trust anyone who’s eager to be your friend
Trust the weirdos and grumpy people
Learn French
Don’t leave incriminating evidence that reveals your lies
There is no such thing as too much food
Women in history have been badly treated by (male) historians.
It’s called the past for a reason
Turn a bad situation into an opportunity to learn
If you’re going to do crime, at least ensure you have an escape route that’s not blocked by the snow
Don’t date people who pressure you to marry them/ask you to prove your love for them
FIN:
As a woman, if you want anyone to take you seriously and help, you have to be adamant, sassy, and everything men don’t like to see in women.
If you’re a POC, the chances of the police helping you decreases
Capitalism sucks
Police suck
Misogyny in capitalism
Old theaters are amazing
Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!
Don’t talk to suspects about your case
Have confidence in yourself
SSH:
Colonialism still exists in the form of capitalism
The art industry is completely profit driven
Mexico and America tensions
The Mayans
They never talked about what happened to the Mayans…..
Don’t deal with shady salesmen
Sometimes saving money contributes to a bad system
If you accepted a position, take your work seriously
Don’t trust the guy trying to be your friend!!!!
Master the art of amnesia should you ever need to use it
Even if you disband a group of art thieves, it’s best to be humble
No one in life is going to help you, even if you get pushed into a monolith
DOG:
This game is why it’s important to put your dog(s) on a leash! (insert that dog vine: “it don’t bite. Yes it do!”)
If we didn’t have uptight rangers, the parks would be burnt to smithereens
Misogyny exists in the woods
People who are just trying to do their job always get a bad rap even though it’s because of them the park still exists!
Gangsters are bad, but also low-key cool
Get back at your enemies by making a fake grave of them
Old people have interesting stories
Gold can release arsenic into water
Always check well water before using
Wood mice are bad for health
If you’re going to get tied up and tossed into your tool shed, keep a scythe on hand
Go birdwatching at night
Torque is a fancy word for screw driver
If you’re a POC, people are most likely to suspect you.
CAR:
There is no job security if you end up in hospital
Sometimes you really need a 2000 calorie sundae
If you went to jail, people are most likely to suspect you first
Don’t spy on your co-workers
Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!
Don’t procrastinate on a job
If you’re miserable in life, maybe it’s time to sign up for some therapy
If you have a sad backstory, you’re automatically entitled to everyone’s sad backstory
Mental illness: depression
Health awareness: niacin, don’t eat junk food like a 2000 calorie sundae
Don’t dump someone just because they’re not able to give you a lavish lifestyle
DDI:
If you’re going to trash someone’s boat, don’t leave your business card behind
If you’re tired of small mindedness, it’s best to just leave
It’s always handy in life to know boating skills
If you’re trying to report suspicious activity, communicating by bottles is not the way to go
Don’t feed wild animals!
Capitalism sucks
Look carefully at your environment, you never know what clues are left behind
Always make a plan B in case plan A doesn’t work
Don’t be afraid to explore
SHA:
Never trust the guy who’s trying to be your friend!!!
Always trust the grumpy guy
Horses die easily
There is no such thing as over ripe vegetables
Sunflowers should be planted near gardens so that bees come
Respect chickens
Falling in love with a criminal is difficult when your dad’s a cop
It’s handy to know how to ride a horse
Ghost towns are terrifying
Farmers work hard and should be respected
CUR:
Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t be a negligent parent
Before getting married, make sure your partner has a good relationship with your child
Don’t trust creepy people
America and British will always oppose each other
Talking parrots are always handy
British aristocracy was supported through colonialism #got Loulou on his Travels, uh huh
If you’re a spinster, you’re going to be the mom of something
If you’re afraid of becoming a monster, best be dramatic about it
It’s really important to have good communication between partners
Don’t stick your new wife in a room that still has pictures of your old wife and where all the furniture has covers on them
If you have a manor, you better explore it before some 12-year-old gets hurt exploring it
don’t go to great lengths to protect a rock
calling something that skips every generation a “family tradition” is just rude and exclusive
don’t leave your child alone for so long. Don’t keep them away from people their age
don’t write memories, no one wants to hear your life story
CLK:
if you’re going to presume someone’s identity, you better nail the part down hard
don’t blow up the kitchen when there’s only three people in the house and you were the closest and last one in the kitchen
emotional manipulation
gas lighting
if someone mentions stolen jewellery, putting back what you stole just incriminates you
even if you have psychic abilities, don’t be an ass bout it
no one ever tips because no one like the system. Pay your employees what they deserve!
Even though the depression’s going on, people are still dumping money in psychic lessons and dress making
No one ever gives anything away for free
Even if you’re promised money, don’t put too much trust in the promises of others
Don’t be rude to the person who’s trying to help you
If your partner is demanding to be spoiled during an economic depression, find a better partner
People aren’t as smart as you, tell them straight where you left your will.
TRN:
The dumb blonde joke is not funny
Cops are useless and unhelpful
People are more willing to listen to adults then teens/young adults
Celebrities are much different in real life then in their celebrity world.
Don’t steal someone else’s ideaà artist theft
Old trains are super cool
People aren’t as smart as you, tell them straight where you hid your treasure
Don’t dump someone just because people think they’re dumb
DAN:
Capitalism sucks
The fashion industry is brutal
normal size representation
Boss’s can be crappy people
Don’t blackmail people
If you promised to do work, you better dedicate yourself to it
Having a healthy fear of giving away personal information is not a bad thing
Don’t aid stalkers
Covid-precaution: cover face with mask. Act erratic to keep people away from you
Concept of older men dating younger women is actually frowned upon
Love is mysterious
Flashlight on the many women who helped decode during WW2 but largely remain unrecognized by countries today
Forgery is okay sometimes
CRE:
Indigenous cultures continue to be badly and negatively portrayed in media
Capitalism sucks
Environmentalism
Academia is not as research oriented as one wishes it was
Daddy-issues
Native Hawaiians forced to “work with” big corps in order to survive.
Tourism industry and its affects on the environment and native population
Sometimes an upgrade is not a good thing
ICE:
Animal conservatism
Capitalism sucks
International competitions suck
Running away from humans to hide in a cabin and bonding with a wolf is not a bad thing
Never enter a sauna alone
It’s bad business to kick customers out
If your customers are falling asleep everyday in a common room, it’s probably not a good sign of booming business
Don’t be chill over bombs exploding near your hotel
Always handy to know how to drive a snow mobile
Don’t volunteer to be a maid, ever
Cops are useless
CRY:
Don’t dump your job on your girlfriend
There’s nothing wrong with being emo
Men being emotional and desiring love and affection
Men being abused in relationships
Even if your relative leaves you a ton of money, it’s no excuse for not being a good guardian/parent
Don’t trust strangers. Don’t eat food from random people
Customer service is awful. Even when the customer is trying to instigate a horrible reaction in you, you got to put on a smile
Always trust the eccentric lady
Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory, unless you’re a guy, I guess.
A date in the cemetery is not a bad idea
If your partner demands you to spoil them, get a new partner
People aren’t as smart as you, tell them where you hid your treasure
VEN:
Anyone can help out on an international mafia case
The mafia is very creative and artistic
Capitalism sucks
Assert your independence as a young woman by dancing in a cat suit on stage? I guess?
Money can be found anywhere
Eat the rich
Don’t trust the person trying to be friends with you
Possessive relationships are red flags
Don’t steal a cheap neckless if you’re a notorious thief
Cops kind of useful for once.
HAU
Don’t pull a prank on your partner before your wedding
Don’t invite someone who used to date your partner and still has feelings for them
If your partner is missing, actually look for them instead of sitting around
Crows are amazing
Fiona might have lost her parents at a young age and her life as a hermit definitely had its side affects, but she also saved herself from the misogyny women endured
RAN:
If your friend gets kidnapped, please, at least fake some concern
Don’t waste time with monkeys
The only other person on the island is probably the culprit
WAV:
Girl bullying can be worse than boy bullying
Don’t trust the person who’s trying to be your friend!!!!!!
TOT:
Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory, unless you’re a guy, I guess.
Academic institutions are struggling to fund research
Capitalism sucks
Even if you hate your lead, don’t sabotage the team
Communication is important
Even if you hate your job, don’t sabotage your team
SAW:
People who resist to change just become boulders in the way of progress
Boomer mentality is soul destroying
Emotional manipulation
Gas lighting
Depression
Sometimes you have to cut away from those you love in order to maintain your sanity
Nancy’s sad backstory allows her to hear everyone else’s sad backstory.
If you have to give your partner a gift every time you fight, you might have relationship problems
Don’t be in a relationship just because you’re used to it
Don’t force someone to adhere to your expectations in life
If you’re unable to talk to your partner and so resort to haunting her inn, you probably have relationship issues
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Lesson One: Be Yourself, Lesson Two: Forget Lesson One
I’m back on my bullshit again with a Wayne Girls shot. I think I’d mentioned waaay back in the day when I was talking about my genderbent Robins/Batgirls that fem-Tim/Tabitha would have a much more complex and kind of ugly relationship with her father. Jack Drake strikes me as a man who wouldn’t be happy to learn that his precious princess was actually a scarily competent combatant. Uh expect more stuff like this because I’m trash.
“Don’t stand like that,” Jack Drake said in a quiet, irritated voice out of the corner of his mouth while Dana was on the other side of the kitchen putting away leftovers. Tabitha looked over at her father in confusion as she set down the dish she was drying.
“Like what, Daddy?”
“Like you’re about to punch some hopped up junkie drug lord out,” he responded harshly, taking a moment to frown at her in a way he probably thought was intimidating but she’d learned to weather Batman’s disappointment so it was lukewarm at best. Still, she mentally assessed her position and posture. Had the reveal and forced retirement of her cape caused her to slip into fight mode even at home? Her shoulders were back, she was comfortably balanced with one hip jutting slightly off to the side. True, she could be battle ready in moments but she didn’t feel like Robin right now. She felt just like Tabitha Janette Drake, as much as she knew who that was nowadays.
“I’m just standing here, I’m not-” she defended
“Are you two keeping secrets from me?” Dana teased from across the room causing her and Dad to freeze but Dana seemed oblivious to the palpable tension. “Well I think it’s great the two of you are connecting, I’ll be watching TV in the living room when you’re done conspiring.” She added with a wink before leaving the kitchen entirely. Tabitha wrung out the semi-wet dishcloth, trying to figure out how to navigate this awkward situation. Robin training didn’t cover ‘how to cool your parent’s jets about your vigilantism’ if only because pretty much everyone else was an orphan. Dad sighed roughly, rubbing his eyes with one hand while the other braced on the counter.
“Honey, we’ve talked about this.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she frowned back, putting her hands on her hips. “All I’m doing is washing the dishes; you’re the one making this weird.”
“No, this is what I’m talking about,” Dad said, angrily gesturing over at her. “You never used to do this before, you never used to-,” he stopped suddenly, pressing his lips together into a hard line.
“Never used to what?” Tabitha asked with annoyance.
“You never used to talk back to me like this,” he said finally. “Before, before Wayne you used to respect me. It was always ‘Yes, Daddy’ or ‘sorry Daddy’ and you were my perfect little princess. And now, now you’ve got scars and muscles and you’re looking at me like you’re contemplating the best way to crush my windpipe.”
“Daddy, that’s not even close to true,” Tabitha soothed, holding up her hands.
“See?” He gestured back, “Even my name doesn’t sound sincere, it just sounds fake. Everything you’ve been doing since I found out has seemed fake.”
“That’s because it is fake, Dad, it was all just an act to get you off my back,” she snapped before retreating back, demurely crossing her arms over her chest. So much for Father-Daughter bonding time. “I- you and mom didn’t want a scientist or president or, god forbid, a fighter. You wanted a princess and so I played the part, it began long before I approached Bruce and then it became a convenient way to divert suspicion about what I was doing.”
“What? So you faked your entire personality? Jesus Tabitha,” Dad laughed, leaning back against the counter and running his hand through his hair. “I feel like I don’t even know who you are anymore!”
“Well you never even bothered to learn about me in the first place, just as long as I was sweet and pretty and compliant you let me do just about whatever I wanted,” Tabitha shot back.
“That’s not true,” Dad retorted.
“Did you know I used to sneak out late at night and take pictures of Batman and Robin throughout Gotham when I was eight? I caught a plane to San Francisco when I was trying to convince Dick to become Robin again, used your credit card and everything. I’ve come home with everything from split lips to broken bones but as long as I covered it with enough make-up and charm, you didn’t notice. You were too busy chasing after your physical therapist.”
“Tabitha Drake that is uncalled for, you apologize right this minute,” Dad growled, putting his finger in her face. In the past, Beth would have simply lowered her eyes, said what her dad wanted to hear and that would have been the end of it. But now that he’s in on the big secret, taken Robin from along with all her friends, confidence and independence, she’s grown tired of all the deception. She looked him in the eye and gently but firmly brushed aside his patronizing finger.
“You’re right, I’m sorry, Dana is the best thing that could have happened to you but my other points remain,” she said resolutely. “You’re my dadd- my dad, I love you very much but this is who I am, who I’ve always been. It’s true I like sundresses and cute things but I also like punk music, skateboarding and putting together puzzles. Did you know I’m considered one the best bo staff users in the League and people look to me for answers and help. I understand why you don’t like me being Robin but I feel like I was doing something meaningful with my life, I felt like I was finally me.”
“No,” Dad laughed dismissively. “That’s Wayne talking, he turned you into this. You might think you like all this fighting and other nonsense but I know men like Wayne, they make manipulating sweet young girls like you into an art form.” He set his hands on her shoulders, “and now that I’ve gotten you out, you’ll see. You’ll go back to being my little princess and forget all about this nightmare.”
“Oh what, you think you saved me?” Tabitha spat, “like I was some damsel in distress? I was doing just fine before you decided being Robin was ruining my life.”
“You’re just a child, Tabitha, you don’t know what you want and don’t act like I’m some raging misogynist here to crush your dreams,” Dad rolled his eyes. “I’ve always supported women’s lib, your mother was tough as nails and Dana is smarter than me any day of the week. You’ve got to learn being a strong woman doesn’t mean you have to be, well, strong.”
“Because you’d prefer being the strong one in any relationship, usurping Mom’s family company and running it into the ground, pursuing Dana until she caved to your advances. You just want to control me like you have all the other women in your life,” Beth sneered, knowing she was going too far but when one truth came out, the rest tended to come along for the ride.
She saw it in his eyes, in his body language before he even started to move. It began with the twist of his back as his arm came up, preparing to strike her. Time seemed to slow down. She’s stunned in a way, her parents may have been negligent but they’d never raised a hand to her. True, she’d never spoken like this before but it’s still a bit terrifying in its own way. Had he ever hit Mom? Or Dana? Was he going to try and hit her anytime she said something he disagreed with? The open hand approached her and she watched it with detachment, as if it was a scene from a bad movie instead of her life.
She supposed she could let it connect, god knows she’s taken far worse hits. Maybe hitting her would release some of the tension and things could go back to normal. The thought startled her enough that pretty soon her instincts cut through the fog of her emotions and reacted. Her hand darted out and expertly struck his elbow, throwing off his momentum and allowing her to easily grasp his wrist before he managed to slap her. She could easily subdue him from this position but this was her Dad and instead she locked herself before she really hurt him. For a second, they stared at each other with matching looks of horror over what they’d each almost done.
“Are you guys still whispering in there?” Dana called from the other room and the spell was broken. Tabitha’s grasp slackened and Dad pulled his hand away and held it against his chest.
“Oh god Tabitha, I’m, shit, I’m so sorry I don’t what came over me, I- you know I would never hurt you, right baby?” Dad babbled, looking sad and pathetic. The hand that had almost slapped her said otherwise but she decided she’s spilled enough ugly truths tonight. She pulled the curtain closed around her heart and started in on damage control.
“I’m sorry too Daddy; I said some things I shouldn’t have,” she said, lowering her head and playing lightly with her fingers. “Is your wrist okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, quite a grip you have there, Tabby Cat,” and that brought a small smile to her face. He hasn’t called her that in years, hardly anyone called her Tabby anymore. It’s a childish name for someone who punched out people’s teeth on a nightly basis but she liked hearing it none the less. It felt a little bit like normal, even the fabricated normal she’d learned to live with. “And Tabitha, don’t- don’t act like that.”
“Like what?”
“You’ve got to stop pretending, baby girl,” he sighed and turned away from her. “I’m clearly not as good a parent as I thought I was, letting you live this whole other life behind my back. I’ll do better to get to know the real you if you stop hiding behind this imagined person you think I want you to be. Just be yourself, that’s all I want. Now that this Robin nonsense is over with, we have a chance to start over.”
“And what if you don’t like the real me?” she asked quietly.
“Oh I will, I’m sure,” he mumbled before twisting his mouth and looking away. “Come on, Dana’s waiting on us,” Dad said sternly before shoving his hands in his pockets and stalking out of the kitchen. He’d never been much of a liar preferring to ignore and redirect. Her mother had been great at it, telling bold deceptions with a sweet smile. Tabitha wondered if Dad saw Mom in her or if he saw something else entirely.
Either way, the full truth wasn’t going to do this family any good. Dad was already strained by recent revelations, her constant mouthing off and bossiness would be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Bruce and Rachel would give anything to have their fathers here, alive and worried about them, she should make more of an effort to get along. He doesn’t like this new, confident, domineering Beth and he’s seen through her saccharine pretend Tabby so perhaps something in the middle.
She’ll exchange ‘Dad’ for ‘Daddy’ and tone down the sweet, submissive innocence she’s used to sprinkling around him. It’s not quite the real Tabitha who swears like a sailor and can fit 8 marshmallows in her mouth and orders adults and metas around with the expectation of being obeyed but it’s close enough. Well not really but if she’s lying to everyone else she might as well lie to herself.
“Tab, are you almost done in there? Bring out some ice cream when you come,” Dana’s voice carried from the living room.
“Sure Dana,” Tabitha smiled a sweet smile that would fool almost anyone, and set out to do what her stepmother asked. It was what a good daughter did after all.
#wayne girls au#I have a lot more thoughts on how Jack and Tabs relationship would pan out#from early years where she was just a little girl to be seen not heard#ignored in favor of business and the next adventure#to the revelation that tab had faked most of her personality in front of him to keep him happy#didn't want to bother him by showing how strong and independent she'd become#lots of fights lots of assumptions that Bruce *turned* her into this#issues that are never really resolved when he's murdered#and she's sad but also so bitter that up until the end he'd never bothered to understand her#just kept living his own lie on who she was#which of course spills into all the OTHER bitterness in her life#ahem I may have given this just a *few minutes* thoughts#end me I can't believe I'm back to this#why does this au call me so much#5 minutes back in batfam and here I am with my girl robins and batboys
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A T’Challa Fic: Keisha’s Way (ch. 4)
It’s been a minute, but I’m finally updating. I hope I can be more consistent. I’m prepping for a doctoral program and it’s kicking my ass.
Catch up on previous chapters: Keisha’s Way Series
When Kevin Lane popped up in any situation, time stood still. His presence alone was toxic. He never smiled and his serious demeanor was quite intimidating. Especially to his children and wife who had to deal with him on a day to day basis.
Mr. Lane didn’t even take the time to meet T’Challa before asking him to leave. Confused and embarrassed, Keisha opened her apartment door to find Naomi napping on her couch.
“Naomi, get up,” he yelled, shaking the young woman awake. “She comes down here to visit you and you’re out with some boy?”
Keisha was fuming. Hate was a strong word but it fit the way she felt about her father. For as long as she could remember, he was an evil man. Well-respected by many, but cruel to the people he was supposed to love and protect.
“Naomi, pack your shit and let’s go,” Kevin repeated, grabbing his youngest daughter’s arm and pulling her up from the couch.
“Hey, you don’t need to touch her like that,” Keisha stepped in between the two, taking a protective stance in front of her sister. “She’s fine where she is, no need to leave until she’s ready.”
“I’m the parent, move Keisha,” the father said through clenched teeth. He and Keisha were alike in many ways. They were both stubborn and probably brave in moments when they should back down. “This is my child. She’s coming home, period.”
“No, she’s staying here as long as she pleases. You can’t pop up in my place with orders,” Keisha replied, not budging. “What are you doing here anyway? You didn’t call and mama didn’t say anything about you stopping by.”
“Keisha it’s okay, I’ll go,” Naomi stated, hanging her head. Seeing how much her father despised her sister hurt. It was one thing she didn’t understand. In order to keep slight peace, Naomi agreed to return to California with her father. “Let me go pack my things.”
Naomi disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her father and sister alone. Kevin Lane turned his attention back to Keisha, “I’m the parent. Remember that,” he spat.
Within five minutes, Naomi was packed and walking out the door.
Since her father’s surprise visit, Keisha hadn’t talked to T’Challa. For one, she was embarrassed about how her father treated him. Plus, she didn’t want to open up about their toxic relationship and how home didn’t feel like home. She closed herself off and focused on school and her new job at the bookstore near campus.
Days went by before Damita showed up outside Keisha’s apartment, demanding answers about why she was being anti-social. Damita knew Keisha wasn’t particularly close with her parents, but she didn’t know the extent of their damaged relationships.
“So you just gone be a ghost now? Where have you been,” Damita questioned, barging into the apartment. “T’Challa said he hasn’t talked to you since the other night? He spook you or something?” The woman could talk a mile a minute and questions were flying out of her mouth like a used car salesman.
“I’ve been busy,” Keisha sighed, closing the door behind Damita. “Trying to stay on top this work and I started a new job.” One thing about Damita was her ability to see through bullshit and Keisha knew that.
“Is it a coincidence that your daddy was here and now you’re acting funny,” Damita pressed, tilting her head. “Because when that nigga pops up, you start trippin out.”
It was true. Kevin had that much of an effect on his daughter. Keisha closed herself off from the rest of the world to soak in her sorrows and pain alone. She hated when people felt sorry for her which is why Damita only knew vague details about Keisha’s life at home.
“I’m good, D,” Keisha replied, returning to the kitchen to grab her cup of Ramen from the microwave. “He was stopping by to get Naomi and tripped out about me going out while she was here. No big deal.”
“If it was no big deal, why you closing yourself up in this small ass apartment,” the friend pressed. “Nobody has heard from you in days but it’s no big deal. I’m not trying to get up in your business but what’s going on? For real, for real?”
Clearly, Damita wasn’t giving up and Keisha was running out of excuses. Feeling defeated, Keisha plopped down on the sofa with her noodles. Her appetite had vanished within a matter of three minutes.
“My daddy isn’t dad of the year and he came here trippin’ like he normally does when it comes to me. It’s a lot to explain and I honestly don’t have the energy to get into it right now. It’s draining,” Keisha admitted. “That man hates my guts because I’m an ‘embarrassment’ to the family.”
“Is there anything I need to do? He isn’t putting his hands on you is he? Is your sister okay,” Damita questioned, ready to defend her best friend if she was called upon.
Keisha shook her head, “No. I’d rather he hit my ass. At least then I’d know how much he hates my existence. Naomi is in a better position than I ever was, but if she becomes someone other than what they want, she’s dead to them too.”
The entire situation with her parents had shaped Keisha into who she was currently. What they called tough love was emotional abuse. Abuse that Keisha had soaked up and carried into her adult life.When it came to the men she chose to welcome into her life or what she allowed, it all went back to how she was treated by her father.
The Lanes’ were the black, wealthy family that lived in predominately white neighborhoods. They played golf with the Teds and Johns of the Country Club, while sending their children to top ranked high schools, and joined every prestigious club around the city. Everything appeared perfect, but to the people living within the Lane household. Kevin was unfaithful, Gina was a perfectionist who never accepted anything outside perfection and their two daughters were scarred by their parents.
When Keisha was 15-years-old, she got pregnant by one of the boys outside of their cookie cutter neighborhood. Her parents immediately forced her to get an abortion to avoid the embarrassment of having a teenage mom. Dr. Kevin Lane had too much to lose as far as his reputation. Since then, Keisha’s parents had been distant and often negligent of their eldest daughter.
“Girl, I’m sorry,” Damita shook her head, sadness etched on her features. “That’s fucked up.” The two fell silent for a few seconds before Damita added, “You know I’m here for you whenever you need me. And I mean that.”
“Thanks D, glad I have someone in my corner,” Keisha said, resting her head on Damita’s shoulder.
Like many times before, Keisha had a weak moment and used the wrong people to cure it. Calling her ex-boyfriend Rashad was never a good idea but she resorted to it anyway.
Rashad wasted no time being the cocky brotha he was from day one. Donning a Pan-African flag t-shirt, jeans and gold-rimmed glasses, he looked like he was about to stomp the yard at any second.
“Wassup baby,” he crooned, biting his lip as he entered the apartment. Keisha’s gaze followed his to her breasts before she closed the door behind them.
“Hey Shad,” she smiled meekly. He knew what she had called him for and somehow he didn’t mind being a booty call.
“I’m shocked you called me, ma. Been acting like you too good for a dude,” Rashad replied, wrapping a strong arm around her waist. “Good to see you though.”
“Dude, shut up. Nobody is acting too good for your ass,” Keisha answered, rolling her eyes at the statement. “Maybe I didn’t want your behind in my space at the moment.”
“Oh, really,” Rashad quizzed, his gold tooth gleaming against his white teeth. “What changed your mind?”
“Needed company.” And dick. “You want a soda or anything,” Keisha offered, not wanting to seem too obvious with her need for a little TLC.
“Yeah, I’ll take one,” he answered, making himself comfortable on the couch. He sat with his legs wide, watching Keisha move around the kitchen. “That ass is looking real fat, ma.”
“Is that the first thing you see when you come around me?” Knowing the answer to this question, Keisha didn’t even give Rashad time to answer. “Anything else you want while I’m in here? Honey bun, chips?”
“Nah, the soda is good.”
A few minutes later, Keisha joined Rashad on the couch where they watched the new episode of Martin. Just a couple of minutes into the episode, Rashad was already resting his hand on her upper thigh. His fingers massaged the soft flesh, sending tiny shocks to Keisha’s center. She glanced over at her ex-lover. He wasn’t too bad on the eyes, she supposed. Those thick lips and deep dimples were her weakness. Sensing he was being watched, Rashad licked his lips while keeping his eyes on the TV. His hand moved to the inside of Keisha’s thigh, the heat from her pussy gracing his fingers. He spent a few seconds massaging the skin there before finally moved between her thighs.
The thin fabric of her boy shorts soaked immediately and it was no secret Rashad’s simple touch was the cause. Rashad turned his attention to his hand, then to Keisha’s face as she closed her eyes in anticipation. “So this is what you called me over for, huh,” he teased, his index finger pushing the thin fabric to the side. Moisture hit his fingers, an indication that he was doing his job simply by just being there.
Dipping his fingers inside her thick folds, Rashad watched Keisha’s expression go from solemn to one of pleasure. Her lips parted as he parted her lower ones, dipping his fingers in and out of the heated flesh. Sounds of her arousal became background noise, Martin’s boisterous laughter echoing against the walls of the living room.
Not wanting to wait any longer, Keisha leaned over, her lips meeting Rashad’s in a desperate lip-lock. They were never the romantic couple, so kisses always felt like they would lead to fucking. And that’s all they ever were. Fuck buddies with a loose title of boyfriend/girlfriend.
Rashad pulled Keisha onto his lap as she went straight for his belt buckle. “Shit, baby,” Rashad grunted, pushing Keisha’s shorts to the side. “You wet as fuck, girl.”
“Mmmmhhhm,” she hummed, freeing Rashad’s length from the baggy denim. Lining it up with her dripping entrance, Keisha slowly sunk down. It had clearly been awhile, causing Keisha to pause a second to adjust to Rashad’s girth. “Fuck,” she moaned when Rashad pushed his hips up, forcing Keisha to take all of him.
“Yeah, you ain’t used to this anymore,” Rashad bragged, roughly gripping Keisha’s hips when she began to grind. “Still ride like a pro.”
She wasn’t even bothered by the random slaps to her ass and Rashad trying to make conversation. He was a big talker during sex and it used to annoy Keisha to no end. “And you still talk too much,” she added, rolling her hips in a circle like Rashad liked.
“Shiiit,” he cussed, guiding her movements with his hands. When she added a slight bounced to her ride, he grunted again. “I can’t help it when I’m messing with a woman like you.”
“Is that right,” Keisha hummed, her voice quivering. Keisha’s cockiness was quickly put to rest when Rashad reached between her legs and found her clit with his index and middle fingers. That earned him a moan from Keisha who was was trying to keep her thighs from burning. “Fuck, Shad,” she moaned, letting her head fall back and expose her neck to Rashad’s lips. He sucked at the sensitive skin, marking what he thought was his territory.
Pulling away, Rashad bit down on his bottom lip as he sat back and let Keisha give him a show. Her eyes were still shut, while her mouth fell open in satisfaction and her chest rose and fell with each harsh breath. “Come on, girl. I know that ass is about to cum,” he teased, rubbing her clit even faster, the friction causing her to double over.
The thumping between her legs seemed to linger when she climbed off Rashad’s lap and slid to her knees. Taking him in her mouth, she finished him off for the night.
No longer needing his company, Keisha hinted at the fact she had work early in the morning. Rashad took the clue and grabbed his keys before heading towards the door.
“Page me,” he questioned, stopping the door from shutting with his foot.
“Yeah, I’ll page- T’Challa,” Keisha’s eyes widened when she saw the Prince round the corner to her apartment.
“What,” Rashad raised a brow, until his eyes fell on the man who held such a royal name.
Standing there with flowers and a bag of food in his hand, T’Challa gazed back and forth between the two. “Oh, looks like I’m interrupting something,” he stated, his expression one of disappointment and confusion. “Um, I’ll go.”
“T’Challa,” Keisha groaned, watching her friend turn his back and retreat down the hall.
“Who the fuck is that,” Rashad spat.
“Shut up, nigga,” she replied, slamming the door in his face. Hurting T’Challa was never her intention. But, once again her selfishness and terrible way of coping, got in the way.
“Dammit,” she cussed, slapping the door.
Taglist: @heyauntieeee @theunsweetenedtruth @sisterwifeudaku @90sinspiredgirl @airis-paris14 @iliketowrite1996 @mufasathatniggatho @bidibidibombaclaat
If you want to be added, let me know.
#black panther#bp fanfics#black panther fanfiction#fanfiction#t'challa#t'challa fanfiction#t'challa fanfics#t'challa x oc#t'challa x black oc
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My Kingdom For a Heart- (5) Dance of the Daring
FF.net | AO3
Three guest rooms were made up, one for each teen. Sora reclined in his bed, sleep a million miles away. To him, everything that had happened today was just a drop in the trauma bucket.
He wasn’t expecting to stay the night. So, he didn’t bring his pajamas. He almost feared sleeping without them. Yen Sid had promised they’d help with his nightmares, and they had. Now when the heartless appeared in his dreams, he wasn’t afraid.
Rather, now he had other things to worry about. The nightmares of fighting had covered up other dreams he should have been having instead. Conversations with people he hadn’t met, feelings of things that never happened…he knew some of them were Roxas’ memories. But some of the others…he wasn’t sure. Either way, sleep was not enjoyable to him anymore.
Especially when he was alone.
Quietly, Sora stole from his bed and crept to the door. He didn’t bother to look at his clock, he knew it was some ungodly hour in the morning. He crept into the hall.
The castle was silent and still.
He glanced over to Riku’s room, knowing that his friend was probably in a hard sleep. Riku wasn’t the type to rest during the day. And with all the running in the woods he did, doubtless he was exhausted.
Instead, Sora snuck across the hall into Kairi’s room. She laid in the middle of the queen-sized mattress, dressed in a silk nightgown. The servants had taken good care of her, he supposed.
“Hey Kai? Are you asleep?”
Her eyes opened slightly and glanced his way.
“Sorry if I woke you up, I couldn’t sleep.” He crawled onto the mattress and laid down next to her. “It’s weird, I…I kind of get anxious when I’m not with you. Like…we’ve been separated on and off for two years now…and now that you’re with me…I’m terrified to leave you alone. Especially like this.”
He laid on his back, looking up at the bed canopy. “It’s stupid. You’re a princess and you’ve gotten to sleep in two castles now. And I’m not counting the dungeon in The Castle That Never Was either. And now…we’re going to go to all these different worlds, and I’ve decided to bring you along, because I hope that you’ll get to experience it…but without your heart, you’ll never…”
He went silent and turned back over to face her. “Do you remember when we were kids, and the very last time we played Princess and the Dragon?” He smirked. “You were the Princess and Riku and I fought over who got to be the dragon, but he ended up winning. So I became the knight. He placed you ‘under a spell’ of eternal slumber and said that it could only be lifted if I beat the dragon.”
He reached over and fingered her bangs. “And so I fought Riku again, and this time I took it really personal. Then he told me I could only wake up the princess with a kiss. And you actually pretended to still be under that spell. So I kissed you, and it was awkward for everyone.”
His voice was barely a whisper as he leaned in a little closer to her. “So in a way, you’re the sleeping Princess again, and I’m your knight.”
Kairi sighed audibly. A pleasant sound.
“But…the dragon is a little tougher now…and a kiss isn’t going to wake you up.” He glanced down to her lips and felt his stomach clench. “At least…I doubt it could be that simple. But I also don’t want to try that yet…since…well…”
He fell silent, not really knowing what else to say.
“I feel bad, Kai. We were separated for two years…not even able to speak to each other, and now we’re together and you can’t speak…” he frowned. “All of my friends are important to me. No matter how they change. Like Riku, he’s…a lot different now. It’s sad, really. But you and I…”
He met her glassy eyes and stared a little deeper into them. “Things will never be the same between us again, will they?”
Her eyes fell shut softly.
“I guess not.” He looked away to the window. The moon was bright, it’s light piercing the thin curtains. Sometimes, if he stared long enough, the moon took on a heart shape, and terrified him. But for now, it remained a circle.
“Things won’t ever be the same. Not for anyone.” Then he smiled, and looked back down to Kairi. “But you know, I’m okay with that. It keeps things interesting.”
With a tender kiss to her cheek, Sora settled down beside her and found dreamless sleep.
—
He had never been to a ball before. A dance, yes, when he was back at the islands. But never an elaborate, glamorous ball. Sora did his best to tame his hair, and polish up in the former daunting west wing. He wore a borrowed suit from the castle, and if he was honest with himself, felt a little silly. It was almost the opposite of what he had been wearing, since the pants were tight and the shirt was long and loose. High socks adorned his now monstrous calves.
“Ugh, my toes are so cramped in these shoes.” He muttered to Riku.
“That’s because you’ve never worn anything smaller than size 50.” He snarked back.
"Big talk from someone who has the same shoe size as Goofy."
"Hey, I only wore those to make you feel better about your ugly hobbit toes!" Riku protested.
"Boys boys!" Cogsworth pleaded. It seemed like the 'honored guest' title had worn down quickly. "Of course we are very excited to have you two and your lady friend as guests, but I urge you greatly to be on your best behavior.”
“Why? It’s just a ball with the servants. Everyone already knows how goofy we are.”
“I’m afraid it’s more then just a quaint get together. One part of the curse was that the castle became unfathomably dismissible by it former occupants. Tonight you shall be presented to them along with the Master."
"Huh?"
"Adam's family is coming back and it will be the first time he's seen them since before the curse."
"Oh..." the boys spoke together.
"The queen passed away in childbirth. His father, struck with grief, travelled all around the world to forget her. All his life, he’s been trying to forget his son. And because of the curse, he nearly did. On birthdays the castle would receive a simple page boy who would open the front door and throw a letter inside, stating that the Lords of the castle hoped he was well and would be able to visit next year. The castle’s status was checked up on by his Uncle, Lord Gilbert…who was grossly negligent in that regard. We have received word that these two men, along with a hand full of other nobles, will be present tonight for the Master’s 21st birthday. So please, I beg you, be courteous."
Sora smiled, “No worries, Cogsworth! I've been around loads of royals. We can handle it."
Riku smirked, “Yeah, remember that one time the Emperor of China called me rude?"
"I mean...you didn't even introduce yourself."
"Introductions!" The majordomo exclaimed. "I forgot to write your introductions!"
"Can't we just introduce ourselves? That's a lot more friendly."
"Friendly? We want the proper etiquette! Most of these people won't even want to be friendly!" He dug through his pockets and found some notecards. "Here, write down your full names and titles and give them to the doorman before entering the Entrance Hall. Make sure you write one for the Mistress Kairi as well.”
"Titles?"
"Oh you know, The Duchess of Cambridge, The Duke of Wellington, Regent Prince Adam de Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger, comte de Saint-Exupéry?" He giggled. "That last one was a test, that’s the Master's title."
"No wonder he went by 'Beast’,” muttered Riku.
"But we don't have titles like that!"
"Well, then make something up! You're both proud world savers and warriors! Travelers extraordinaire! We are trying to impress! How you are perceived will reflect upon Master Adam!“
“Impress, huh?” Sora smirked a horrible little smirk. “Okay. I can do this."
“Why oh why do I have the feeling I'm going to regret this?"
Sora put his hands on the man’s shoulders and steered him toward the door. “You just go on ahead and worry about the rest of the house. You have our word that we’ll be on our best behavior and we’ll write some very nice and impressive titles.”
“Oh all right…” Cogsworth relented. “There is a lot of stuff to tend to…just make sure you get those titles approved by someone in the house!”
“Of course!”
And with that, he was out the door.
“Here,” Riku handed him his notecard. “You can write mine, Eager McBeaver.”
Sora’s fiendish grin curled slightly. “Excellent.”
A moment later, Prince Adam paused timidly in the doorway. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Riku welcomed, leaning against the wall. “You all ready?”
“As much as I can be,” He admitted. “I’m not sure what I’m going to say to my father. I…don’t even really know him.”
Riku sighed, speaking to the floor. “I…think I kind of know what you mean. I haven’t been home in nearly two years. Before I left, I wasn’t really on good terms with my parents. We fought often, and I got in a lot of trouble. But I just kept pushing them away. There was nothing I would rather do than cast them off completely so I could be free to explore the outside world…but when I got out here, I realized how dark and lonely it can get. I miss them so much now and regret ever fighting with them.” He pushed off from the wall and clasped the man’s shoulder. “I think the best thing you can do is just tell him you love him and you want to get to know him.”
Adam nodded once, sagely. “I think I’ll do just that.” Then he turned and looked at Sora who was furiously writing something down on a notecard. He’d scratch a line, cross it out, tap the pencil to his chin and then write something else.
“What are you doing?”
“Writing our titles,” He answered simply. “Can you approve this?”
Adam took the notecard and gave it a withering glance. “I don’t know…I’m still practicing my reading. It’s not stellar.”
“Even better!”
The Prince read all the words he could. “It’s pretty long. But from what I can tell, it’s good.”
“Excellent.”
“What did you put for me?” Riku reached for the cards, but Sora snatched them away.
“You’ll just have to find out when you get introduced.”
A throat cleared at the door. “Your Majesty, your guests have arrived.”
—
In the Entrance Hall, Sora, Riku, Adam stood at the top of the stairs, just out of site from the crowd below. Riku peered around the corner to report. “I see the servants, and there’s a lot of other people here too.”
“Probably their families,” noted Adam.
“It looks like they’re starting the introductions.”
Sure enough, the doorman spoke loud and clear. “Introducing The Duchess of Cambridge, Marina de Coup Pans de Lyon.”
There was a short applause before the next guest was introduced.
“Alright, so apparently, once all the visitors are introduced, then they will introduce you three and then me. I think they will announce Kairi first.”
“Where is she?” Asked Sora, eager to see his friend all gussied up.
“She’s in the parlor, Mrs. Potts will wheel her out when she’s introduced.”
The guests kept pouring in.
“When do we start walking? When they say our name?”
“As soon as they start saying your title, go ahead and start walking down.”
Riku added from his vantage point, “wow, that’s a bit more than a handful.”
“How many?”
“A few…”
“How many is a few?”
“A couple…”
“Give me a ballpark figure.”
He sighed, “like thirty.”
“I knew this was going to happen,” Adam lamented, head in his hands. “I really don’t want to go out there.”
“Hey, it’s okay. We’re here, if you need anything, we’ll back you up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah!”
Riku grinned, “I am wonderfully capable of throwing punch on someone and making it look like an accident.”
“So you did do that on purpose!” Sora whisper shouted.
“Tidus had it coming!”
Lumiere’s voice cut through the conversation. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to introduce our guests of honor. The household extends our welcome to these three young warriors visiting from a far off world. Without their help, the castle would not have returned to the glory it once held.”
“Debatable,” Riku muttered.
“The Princess of light, Kairi Shimomura, daughter of Ansem the Wise, the Sage King of Radiant Garden.”
There was a humble applause as Kairi was presented on the floor.
“What does she look like?” Sora urged, trying to see over Riku’s head.
“You’ll see her in a minute! Calm down!”
“Get ready!” Adam scolded.
“The Former Prince of Darkness, Riku Nomura, Pupil to King Mickey Mouse of Disney castle, wielder of the Keyblade.”
Riku made his descent down the stairs as people applauded. Despite the opening, the name was pretty good.
“And of course,” Lumiere cleared his throat, like he wanted this to be perfect. “The Champion of the Gods, Hero of Olympus, Lieutenant of the Chinese Army, First Mate of Captain Jack Sparrow of the Black Pearl," Sora strolled down the stairs, a glow with pride.
Riku stood at the bottom, rolling his eyes and huffing.
"Advisor to Aladdin; Sultan of Agrabah, Consort of King Simba of Pride Rock, Escort of Princesses, Slayer of Dragons and Monsters, Pupil to Master Yen Sid, Knight of His Majesty King Mickey Mouse of Disney Castle, Captain of the Starship Highwind, Master of the Seven Elements and Master Keyblade wielder, Sora Hikari of Destiny Islands.”
The servants went ecstatic. Cheers like none other rocked the castle as Sora cockily strolled down the stairs. The new guests just stared in shock, and a bit in awe.
"How's that for a title?" He snickered.
"Cogsworth is going to kill you."
"And now, if you please, a round of applause for your honorable and humble host, Regent Prince Adam de Antoine Marie Jean-Baptiste Roger, comte de Saint-Exupéry..." applause started as Adam nervously descended the stairs. He waited on the ballroom landing.
"And his beautiful lady," Lumiere smiled as he looked up to the East wing. "Belle."
No title, no family name, just her first name, because that was enough for Adam, so it was enough for everyone else. The servants cheered and sang as the master and mistress of the castle met on the landing, smiling brightly at each other, seemingly lost in their own world.
“Thank you everyone, for attending this wonderful celebration,” Lumiere beamed. “Please, be our guest!”
Hired hands, not previously attending the castle opened the doors to the ballroom. Maestro struck up the band and the party commenced.
Now that he had a moment, Sora crouched a bit and took in Kairi’s absolute beauty. She wore a deep blue dress with silver trimmings and bows and ruffles. Her hair was curled and pinned daintily. Sora blushed as he smiled tenderly at her. “Wow Kai! You look like a Princess!”
“Should she not?” A woman’s voice cut through the moment.
Both Sora and Riku turned to greet a sour looking woman in clothes of grandeur and splendor, pinks and reds of all different shades and hues. All layered together in one big flowery mess. “I thought I’d make my acquaintance to such an esteemed Princess of such an exotic title…but if she isn’t actually a princess…”
Sora rubbed the back of his head. “Gee uh, ma’am. I only meant that she actually looked like a princess. Where we are from, we don’t wear clothing this rich and fine. And girls don’t wear dresses this poofy.”
The noblewoman narrowed her eyes slightly. “I see. I am Madam Vivian Antoinette, Duchess of Corsica. Prince Adam is my nephew.” She held her hand out delicately.
Sora took it and shook it with warmth. “Nice to meet you! I’m Sora! This is Riku and this is Kairi.”
She smirked, withdrawing her hand. “That’s how you introduce yourselves? How…civilian.”
Riku mentally tagged in to this boxing fight of wits. “Our culture is much different then you’re used to, and we apologize. We experience so many different types of cultures in our travels, we find it best to keep it simple.”
“I see,” The woman stated, placated.
Sora took note of the guests making their way into the ballroom. “Well, we should join them. Ready Kai?” He stooped and scooped her up. Automatically, her hands draped around his shoulders.
Aunt Vivian sneered at the sight. “Is it also…proper to hold a lady like that in public where you’re from? Are you married?”
“They might as well be,” Riku quipped.
Sora blushed. “Ah, no we—we aren’t. But uh, as you can see by her chair. Kairi is unable to walk on her own.”
“Is she also unable to speak of her own accord? It seems odd that a servant would be answering for her.”
Sora’s eyes widened, not sure how to respond to such a rude response in a way that wouldn’t embarrass Cogsworth or Adam. He simply looked to Riku. Sometimes he had better tact.
This moment was not one of those moments.
“Look lady, Sora and I are decorated warriors and master swordsmen, and we deserve way more respect than you’re giving us now. I would have thought you’d be a little bit more polite in front of Princess Kairi, Duchess. And no, she can’t speak either. Very rude of you to point that out.”
The woman laughed a haughty little laugh and unfurled her fan. “I merely wanted to see what types of people you were, since you seem to be well acquainted with my dear sweet nephew.”
Riku folded up Kairi’s chair while Sora started up the stairs. “I hate to be the barer of bad news, but you make a poor first impression.”
—
Meanwhile, Adam and Belle were approached by two older men. He knew them, but he wasn’t prepared for how much older they appeared.
“Father, Uncle,” Adam greeted calmly and genuinely.
His father, King Reginald, smiled and shook his head with a look of disbelief. “You look so much like your mother.”
Adam looked away shyly, unsure of how to respond. He still wasn’t used to looking like a human in the first place.
“So, please tell us about this lovely lady.” His uncle changed the subject.
“Oh! This is Belle, she’s my uh…we are…”
“Adam has been courting me.” She curtsied politely.
The duke and king shared a knowing glance. “She’s very lovely,” Reginald praised. “How were you acquainted? As far as I know, you were never the social type, Adam.”
“Uh…well, she was my guest.”
“Adam was very kind to let me stay here while my father was away. You see, my father is a world famous inventor and he is well travelled to show his inventions to scholars.”
The king nodded with enthusiasm, “sounds like a very smart man!”
“And Belle is very educated as well,” Adam added. “She’s read over half the books in the library since she started staying here.”
“Charming, beautiful, and smart! My boy you’ve seem to found the perfect woman!”
Adam beamed.
“But if she is so well learned,” his uncle interjected, “why did she not take care of the house hold or go with him? I’m just curious.”
Adam swallowed. He was never very good at lying. Especially when he could just drop, ‘because I said so!’ and people would listen to him.
“Well, your excellency, I was being relentlessly pursued by a hunter who wanted my hand in marriage. And sought out your lovely castle as a sanctuary for a just a little time.”
“A hunter?”
“Yes, a man that was unafraid to kill any animal just for praise. He kept them all as trophies. He didn’t know how to read and he spent all his free time drinking beer.”
Adam scowled, hating the man even more.
The duke laughed, “sounds like an utter buffoon! You did well to seek out help.”
“So when’s the wedding?” The King asked.
At that, both Adam and Belle blushed heavily. “Well, the courting is only a recent development…” Adam cleared his throat. “That is, I do love Belle, and I would love to marry her, but I need a little time to get used to the idea.”
“Belle! There you are!” A man hustled into the group. “I saw you go into the ballroom and then I got lost in the crowd—this castle is so big, I still can’t—Oh dear, am I interrupting something? I’m terribly sorry.” Maurice looked up at the gentlemen gathered.
The king barked out a laugh and held out his hand. “It’s quite alright, monsieur…?”
He shook it warmly. “Maurice, just Maurice. I’m Belle’s father. And you are?”
The man laughed. “King Reginald VII, at your service.”
“K-K-K-King!?” Maurice fell down to his face on the floor. “Your Highness! I’m so so sorry, I should have…I’ve never seen you in person, and I wasn’t expecting…”
“Sir, please rise. Since it seems like we’re going to be in laws in the future, there’s no need to be so formal.”
“In laws!? You’re Adam’s—“
“He’s my son, yes,” The king smiled.
Maurice stood on shaky legs, staring between the group. “Oh what have you gotten me into, my dear?”
“Oh darling!” A shrill voice beckoned. The duke turned to greet his wife, Aunt Vivian.
“There you are Viv, where did you waltz off to?”
“I went to speak to the honored guests, the two young men and the princess. Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
“Oh yes, of course you remember Adam, and this is his Beau, Belle. And her father, Maurice.”
“Ah, yes.” The woman smirked, “The girl without a title or even a surname.” She snapped her fan.
“Vivian,” her husband scolded.
Aunt Vivian gave her a cold stare. “So how did you end up here? I’m sure it’s a…riveting story.”
“Oh it is!” Maurice responded. “You see, it was a dark and stormy night—!”
Belle put a loving hand on her father’s shoulder. “Now dad, I’m sure Adam wants to get caught up with his family. We can tell them the story later, alright?” And she steered him toward the snack table.
“But Belle, don’t you think that’s important for them to know?”
“They don’t know about the curse,” She explained. “Cogsworth told me that his family just felt compelled to stay away. I do think they need to know about the curse but…not right now. Not tonight.”
Maurice nodded. “I understand, and I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for Papa.” She kissed the top of his head.
“If you don’t mind,” he began, his eyes searching the room, “I’m going to see if Mrs. Potts would like a dance.”
Belle giggled as he headed out into the fray. She proceeded into the room as guests and servants alike greeted her. Then, off in a corner, she saw the boy from Hollow Bastion sitting in a wheelchair, looking at a strange rectangular device.
She approached him quietly. “Now, I could have sworn you were the friend that could walk.”
Riku startled up from his seat. “Oh no, that’s not me…um, I’m just taking pictures.” He held out his phone so that she could see the images of the dancers taking the floor. One such image was of Sora waltzing with Kairi in his arms. Belle looked to the floor and saw him. He looked much more elegant in the photo. But he was happy, as Kairi had her arms draped around his shoulders and rested her head against his chest.
“Are you jealous?” Belle asked, a little bluntly.
Riku huffed. “You know, if you had asked me a year ago, I would have said yes without a doubt. But now I’m just sad.”
Belle turned her sympathetic gaze to Sora. “He seems to care a lot about her.”
“He loves her. He cares about everyone he meets, but he loves her. Did you know he took out his own heart for her? And because of her, he regained himself from a heartless.”
“I remember.” She smiled softly. “I remember waking up to Donald screaming for him. I remember mass panic as everyone left the great hall. But where were you?”
Riku looked down in shame. “That was after I lost my body to the darkness. Ansem had taken control of my body and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
Belle looked back at him. “Now everything makes sense.”
“How so?”
She smiled at him. “Several times in his travels, Sora visited our castle. He was looking for you each time. I could only wonder why. But now I know that the you I met back then wasn’t actually you.”
“In a way, it still was.” He sighed. “Before this whole thing started, when the three of us still lived on the island, I confessed to Kairi that I had a crush on her. She was really nice about it, but she told me that her heart belonged to someone else. I asked if it was Sora and she said it was. From that day on, I did everything I could to prove that I was better than him. I even teased him in front of her. In the end, when it mattered, I took a short cut to try to save her, and ended up bringing ruin to myself.” He crossed his arms, “when I kidnapped you, I had a major attitude problem. Since then, I’ve been severely humbled…and I’m sorry for what I did. It must have been traumatic.”
“Scary, yes.” She affirmed. “But I wasn’t harmed, and adventure never hurt anyone.”
He grinned. “In fact, I think it helps.”
Belle raised her hand out to him, “I would like to have a word with Sora, do you think you could help me out there?”
He bowed, “of course, m’lady.”
Riku and Belle danced out to the couple lost in their own little world. She tapped gently on his shoulder. “Excuse me sir, may I have this dance?”
Sora looked between her and Riku and nodded. Kairi raised her arms out so Riku could take her.
“Just so you know, I have two left feet.”
“That’s alright.” Belle grinned.
They awkwardly danced in the crowd of servants. “You’re so stiff,” She chuckled.
“I’m just not used to dancing!”
“Well, at least you aren’t looking at your feet. It took Adam a long time to figure that out.”
“To be fair, we aren’t really dancing…just swaying in a circle.”
“I don’t mind.”
“So…what’s the Beast—er, Adam up to?”
“He’s talking to his family in the grand hall. I don’t think his Aunt likes me.”
“Oh you mean—,” He pitched his voice high and made it overly proper. “Aunt Vivian?”
“You met her?”
“I was roasted by her. Riku and Kairi too! Some people are just awful.”
“I’ve dealt with worse,” Belle assured. “But, I’ve been meaning to ask you, I just haven’t been able to since you got here…what is wrong with Kairi? If I recall, she didn’t have any problems before.”
Sora looked away in sadness. “Well, you remember Xaldin, right?”
Her nose flared. “Did that awful man do this?”
“Not quite. He was a part of a group of Nobodies called Organization XIII. Their leader ripped Kairi’s heart out and shattered it. Riku and I are trying to find a way to restore it, since Kingdom Hearts is unstable without it.”
“Oh goodness! Is there anything we can do to help?”
“Actually…” He moved his hand to his pocket. As he did, there was a loud knocking at the door.
A hush fell over all the servants as they stopped dancing. Even the band stopped playing music. The guests looked around confused as nearly everyone looked to the door.
The knocks repeated.
Lumiere hurried from the ballroom and down the steps to get the door, but Adam was already heading towards it. As Belle and Sora reached the bottom of the steps, they heard Aunt Vivian scoff. “Answering the door himself? That’s a servant’s job!”
Adam adjusted his coat and opened the door with a welcoming air.
Lumiere paled next to Belle. “It’s her.”
An ugly old woman stood at the door, her knotted hands clutched a rotting cane. Her blind eye staring right into Adam’s soul. Though she never said so, he believed that she would return one day to test him.
Persistent rain pelted down on the stairs behind the woman. He couldn’t recall if it had been doing so when the guests arrived not long ago.
“Good evening, madam,” he greeted, a nod of his head.
“Please,” she begged. “Spare an poor old woman from the cold? I have but a rose to offer in return.”
“That’s very kind of you, please come in.” With a sweep of his arm, he gestured inside. “We are in the middle of a celebration, please enjoy the music.”
“That’s alright, what I’d really love is a warm bed for the night.”
Cogworth hurried up to Adam in a hushed panic. “All the rooms are full, and I know that our…distinguished guests would be…put out if your offered their room away.”
“Then the parlor,” Adam decided. “We’ll have a nice fire in the parlor and you can sit in my chair.”
Everything finally clicked in Sora’s mind and he joined the conversation. “Bea—er Adam, me, Riku, and Kairi have to get going tonight, so if you want to offer one of our rooms, that’s fine.”
“Ah! Thank you! There we go, a nice warm room for you ma’am!” He called back to the assembled crowd. “Is Mrs. Potts here?”
The housekeeper hurried down the steps to the Master. “Yes sir, I’m here sir.”
“I’m so sorry to ask this of you on your day off, but could you personally attend to our guest?”
“Of course, Master.” She curtsied.
“I’ve had just about enough of this!” Aunt Vivian exclaimed. “Treating this woman—this peasant with so much curtesy! It’s…well, it’s disgraceful.”
Adam cleared his throat. “Aunt Vivian, you don’t understand.”
“Oh I understand plenty! While we were gone, you resorted to rubbing shoulders with dirty commoners! You bring shame upon this family!”
The beggar woman looked at Adam, and smiled slightly. “Are you going to let her boss you around in your own castle?”
“You! You do not speak unless spoken too!” Vivian snapped. “Adam! This is a complete and utter embarrassment. If you will not do something about this, then I will.”
“Vivian, this is my castle now, and whoever needs refuge will get it. You must understand—“
But the woman was so lost in anger that she would not listen to him. “Guards! Anyone! Get this woman out of here!”
The old beggar woman narrowed her eyes. “Do not be deceived by my appearance. Things are not always as they seem.”
The resounding slap sent the crowd into silence. A maid sobbed.
“Get out.” Vivian snarled.
Instantly, the room was overtaken by a bright light. The old woman rose into the air and showed her true, beautiful form. Vivian fell to her knees in fear.
“Anger and hate will get you nowhere.” She proclaimed, raising her hands. “This is what happens when you let it fester!”
Prince Adam seized up instantly, pink magic surrounding him.
“Oh no!” Belle cried. “Please don’t!” She looked to Sora. “Please do something!”
Adam’s body was engulfed in light, as beams burst forth from his fingertips.
Sora drew his keyblade, but stood still, unsure of the right course of action.
“Steady your hand Keyblade wielder, I am not your enemy,” The enchantress claimed.
A horrendous roar shook the castle and the once handsome Prince was reduced to a Beast once more. He turned, snarling at his family.
The king took a step toward him, holding out his hand. “Adam…”
The enchantress lowered herself to their level and placed a hand on the Beast’s arm. “This is the product of your cruel, sad, sickening and hateful hearts. I once thought he was a spoiled, selfish, and wicked child. I now realize that he was merely a victim himself, of gross negligence and poor role models. These last ten years, he will never get back, and it’s all your fault.” She addressed the King, the Duke, and the Duchess.
The King was the first to act, in a way that no one would have ever expected. He ran to Adam and threw his arms around his son and wept. “Adam! My sweet little Adam! How cruel and foolish I’ve been!”
“Father?” The beast hated the gruff noise that was his voice.
The king looked up to him. “By god, you still have her eyes.” He clenched his eyes shut, pained. “Every time I looked at you, it hurt so bad. You took my wife away, but are the only thing I have left of her. And I chose to push you away and ruin your life. I know I can never make it up to you, but I will do everything I can to make up for it. I’m so sorry, could you ever forgive me?”
The beast hugged him back. “All I wanted was for you to love me.”
“Oh Adam, I did. I loved you so much…but I didn’t know how to show it. Anything would have been better than what I did. We’ll start a new, is that alright?”
“Yes…that sounds perfect.”
The duke approached him guiltily. “I don’t think I was much better. Your father asked me to watch over you, and I did a poor job. I have no excuse.”
The Beast clapped his shoulder, causing him to stumble. “You tried. And that’s okay. It didn’t help that I was awful to you.”
“I’ve long forgiven you for anything you did, my boy.” The duke assured.
The enchantress looked at the assembled and smiled. “Forgiveness is the mightiest sword. And with it, your hearts can be purified.” Then she turned her eyes upon the duchess. “But some hearts are so consumed by darkness, that they cannot be redeemed.” She raised her hand and a pink light surrounded Vivian, who still sat frozen on the ground. “You who have mocked and scorned others, who has pointed fingers and carelessly flung insults. You will have silence for the rest of your days. Nevermore will you sing your praises or defend your actions, and no one will stand up in your place. For you have damned yourself to a life of scorn and hatred as you have delivered it. There will be no redemption for you, for you have not learned this lesson yet.” And with that Vivian’s voice turned to dust.
“Vivian!” The Duke cried, running to her.
The Duchess finally snapped out of her trance and hurled every insult and swear she could think of. But it all remained unheard. Then, she hugged herself and cried.
Finally, the Beast spoke. “What must I do to turn back into a human?”
The enchantress graced him with a smile. “Through Belle’s love, and your love for her, your curse has been lifted forever. This form is for you to use as needed. I sense great danger in the future, and thought it might be of use to you.”
The Beast closed his eyes, and went still. Slowly, his form melted back into a human, as if there was never any change. Belle threw her arms around him in relief.
“You passed my test, young prince. And now my presence is no longer needed.”
“Wait!” Sora called.
She met his plea.
“Please, Kairi lost her heart.” He gestured over to the girl, still in Riku’s arms. “I hoped that you would know a way to regain it?”
The enchantress floated closer, examining him. “There is no magic in this world or any other that can regain a princess’s lost heart.”
Sora felt his stomach sink into his shoes.
“However, the item in your pocket holds the key.”
He pulled out the heart shard. “This?”
“Yes, follow your heart and it will lead to hers.” And with that, she finally disappeared.
Once the staff realized that they weren’t going to be cursed again, the celebration continued.
Adam and Belle joined Sora, Riku, and Kairi.
“So that’s what you’re looking for?” Belle glanced at the crystal.
“Yeah, it’s a heart shard of a past Princess of Light.”
“Well, there’s going to be a lot of changes happening in the castle in the coming month. We will keep an eye out for one,” Adam assured.
Sora nodded, “I appreciate it. Stay safe you guys, I didn’t really like the warning the enchantress gave.”
“I’m not too sure about that either,” Belle confessed.
“Only a fool would try to harm anyone in my castle.”
“Your Beast is showing.” Riku smirked.
Sora clapped his hands, “Well, we have to get going. It is a long flight back to Hollow Bastion. But first, I’m going to get more of those little wienies for the road!”
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A Test of Will and Responsibility
Okay, here is my third work for the Ajin series, this takes place after the end of the second season of the anime and has elements from the manga included in it.
Origami10 edited this for me. Also takes some ideas from epic-potato-crisp’s idea.
Kou continued to stare at the pale piece of paper in front of him in a state of shock and confusion. Was this real? Was it just a fucked-up dream, had Kei fed him some poisonous mushroom onigiri again? Tosaki was sitting across the table from him, leaned back in his chair, one leg crossed over the other with his typical scowl on, but the way he had his arms crossed over his chest… It didn’t seem like his usual haughty way, no it almost seemed like he was trying to protect himself.
Swallowing hard, the ajin scratched the back of his head. If this was real, how was he supposed to answer? It had only been a short time after the final battle with Sato. Everything was still being squared away in terms of the remaining members of their team deciding how to move on with their lives. Kei had a family waiting for him, but Kou, he had nothing. Hell, he didn’t even know if his parents were alive out there somewhere anymore.
It was probably three months ago, when he had last seen them, it had only been in passing as well, them returning to the apartment to gather a few things and then whisking off again to do god knows what. During that time, he had only assumed they were still alive because the rent was being paid for and the landlord and police had yet to come knocking.
Death due to negligence, it could be argued that Kou hadn’t died because of his paralyzing injury from his stupid laziness, but from his parents never checking in on him like a ‘normal’ family would. Then again, maybe he was destined from the beginning to not be normal, being an ajin and all.
Still he hadn’t expected… well had never imagined this of all things.
The adoption papers stared back at him.
“Are you for real?” �
This isn’t a father-son fic, and it is not a TosakiKou fic, it’s just genuinely Tosaki trying and somewhat failing to be a better person. Happy ending.
Kou continued to stare at the pale piece of paper in front of him in a state of shock and confusion. Was this real? Was it just a fucked-up dream, had Kei fed him some poisonous mushroom onigiri again? Tosaki was sitting across the table from him, leaned back in his chair, one leg crossed over the other with his typical scowl on, but the way he had his arms crossed over his chest… It didn’t seem like his usual haughty way, no it almost seemed like he was trying to protect himself.
Swallowing hard, the ajin scratched the back of his head. If this was real, how was he supposed to answer? It had only been a short time after the final battle with Sato. Everything was still being squared away in terms of the remaining members of their team deciding how to move on with their lives. Kei had a family waiting for him, but Kou, he had nothing. Hell, he didn’t even know if his parents were alive out there somewhere anymore.
It was probably three months ago, when he had last seen them, it had only been in passing as well, them returning to the apartment to gather a few things and then whisking off again to do god knows what. During that time, he had only assumed they were still alive because the rent was being paid for and the landlord and police had yet to come knocking.
Death due to negligence, it could be argued that Kou hadn’t died because of his paralyzing injury from his stupid laziness, but from his parents never checking in on him like a ‘normal’ family would. Then again, maybe he was destined from the beginning to not be normal, being an ajin and all.
Still he hadn’t expected… well had never imagined this of all things.
The adoption papers stared back at him.
“Are you for real?” Kou’s voice was soft as he finally peeked up at the older man sitting before him. Tosaki flinched at the words, though he tried to hide it under a scoff, “You don’t have to agree to it, in fact even if you did the sign the papers we could treat it only as a background formality. Our current working relationship wouldn’t change. You’d be free to leave and do whatever you please, you’d just technically according to the law, be under my guardianship. Japan is still so lax about these things that you don’t even need to change your family name to mine.”
“I doubt you want to be constantly correcting people by saying ‘Tosaki’ instead of ‘Tozaki’.” The researcher muttered, pushing his glasses further up his nose with a small look of distain.
Now Kou really did feel like he had stumbled into the Twilight Zone, did Tosaki just make a joke, at his own expense to boot?! He really didn’t know what to think or say at the moment, instead ducking his head down so the older man couldn’t see his expression. A mixture of amusement from the jest, but also mounting frustration as he tried to figure out if this might be some trap. When did he start thinking so negatively? Perhaps he had been letting Kei rub off on him too much. Still since they had started to work together, the dark-haired ajin was also starting to warm up. Maybe there was some kind of give-and-take personality system for ajin he wasn’t aware of.
“Is this ‘cause of my meltdown earlier?” Kou grimaced as the memories came back, sure it was probably a bit of his fault since he had been brooding and avoiding almost everyone as the time marched closer to when they would all be parting ways. To be fair there was a lot to deal with and it wasn’t like anyone else was exactly ‘celebrating’. They had lost four great men to Sato’s homicidal rampage. Not to mention all the other innocent and not so innocent bystanders that had been slaughtered by the terroristic group of immortals.
What would be done with the aptly named ‘Traitor Trio’: Takahashi, Gen, and Okuyama, had yet to be decided. Currently they were being held under lock and key in the base. By that, it meant that all three were wearing tracking collars around their necks. Sure they ‘could’ remove them by decapitating themselves, but all three seemed averse to the idea and wanted to turn over a new leaf. They had got what they wanted in terms of ajin rights, but not in the way that they had intended.
Ogura was probably going to continue doing research on ajin, though it didn’t seem like he was keen to return to the United States after everything that had happened. Izumi seemed determined to remain as Tosaki’s assistant, citing that it was her life to do with as she pleased now. Kei was making plans to return to his hometown, back to his mother and younger sister. Tosaki was being made into some kind of big shot and go to person for any more cases dealing with ajin.
Then there was Kou, he had nothing, absolutely jack-shit to welcome him back. It seemed like all the others had a purpose or some goal. Only Kou was left stagnant, it felt stifling knowing he was being left behind. He should be used to it, but in his dreams lately, he had found himself more often than not standing in a dark room. Lights would illuminate familiar figures in the distance, but always… always they would wink out of existence before he could reach them. Kuroki, Hirasawa, Manabe, and Suzumura were always the first to disappear, but the rest eventually followed. Each time it did it felt like a bullet was ripping through his chest, a sensation he had unfortunately become familiar with.
In the end, he was left alone.
In that quiet, sad, and frustrated mood Tosaki had found him outside the base a few days ago.
Typically, the older man would have just turned on his heel and walked the other way. The human had wanted to keep himself as far away from teenage drama and from gaining an attachment to any ajin. However, he had failed both aspects long before this moment.
Taking a deep breath before popping a few more mints into his mouth he approached the athletic ajin. The conversation had been far from smooth. Tosaki had asked what was bothering Kou and the light-haired boy had said it was ‘nothing’. ‘Nothing’ was never nothing, no matter how old you got and Tosaki had only rolled his eyes and pressed the other again.
Apparently only one more push was all it took as Kou ended up screaming at the human to mind his own fucking business. That, no, he shouldn’t be worried about him just because he had literally nothing waiting for him now that all this was over, that he wasn’t torn up over losing a man that acted like a ‘real’ father figure for him and some men that acted like his mentors and older brothers, that he was going to be parting with an asshole that he thought of as possibly more than a friend, and that he was in no way babbling all this because he was too stupid to keep his emotions and thoughts in check like Kei could.
After that large amount of word vomit, his confession seemed to have managed to catch up to the panting Kou as he felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He was so weak and pathetic, he couldn’t cry over the past forever. He knew, of he knew for certain that Tosaki was just going to give him an earful about respect and moving on or some other bullshit.
He couldn’t take that right, Kou just couldn’t and he quickly got to his feet and shuffled back into the building. Internally grateful that Tosaki seemed to be too stunned to call him back or chase after him. It was better for him to be left alone, he’d have to get used to it again anyway the ajin had assured himself.
The next three days, Kou had been able to successfully avoid Tosaki, Izumi tried to talk to him about how he was acting but was shaken off by his simple answer of not feeling well. The woman not wanting to push the younger boy when he was obviously uncomfortable left it at that. However him ignoring the girl he once openly fancy spoke of the severity of the depression he had slipped into.
Kei… wasn’t so easily dissuaded. The other ajin had used his IBM to knock the door to Kou’s room down when he had refused to answer it for him. With a loud, echoing bang, the door fell and Kou was left with the sight of the other teenager nonchalantly standing on the other side with a plate of food in his hand as he declared boredly, ‘Dinner’.
Of course, the food had been a ploy, a tool that Kei used to try and get Kou to open up. The intellectual was hardly what one needed in a therapist. Knowing that Kou didn’t say anything, even under the threat of disembowelment from Kei’s murder happy ghost. How could he tell Kei if he was linked to his problems? He couldn’t expect the other to drop everything and stay by his side. Kou felt it would be too much of a burden to ask if he could stay or follow Kei back to his hometown. Eventually the dark-haired ajin was forced to give up and left Kou’s room with a huff and mutter of ‘dumbass’.
It took Kou an hour to fix the door.
Eventually, the inevitable happened, Izumi told Kou that Tosaki was wanting to have a meeting with him in regards to payment for his services with helping to stop Sato. Worded like that, Kou really had no other choice but to drag his feet forward and report to the man’s office.
He had already been planning on denying any kind of money, he didn’t feel like he deserved it. After all, it was Kei that did most of the work. Also, as the days passed, the victory had started to feel more and more hollow to the usually upbeat ajin. Kou REALLY hadn’t been expecting adoption papers to be placed in front of him when he sat down.
But that’s how they ended up in the present.
“I know I’ve been working under you for a while now and fought beside you, but you did attempt to kill me several times. You hit me with a car and shot me, to name a few,” The ajin’s voice was a little hesitant, unsure if bringing up the past would somehow make the version of Tosaki he had first met reappear and put a bullet through his head.
“I’m not asking you to forget the past, or the wrongs that I’ve done to you or others,” The pale man took a deep breath, trying to swallow his pride was akin to swallowing a bowling ball. “And no, your little episode didn’t make me suddenly take pity on you.”
Or at least it wasn’t the only factor for him to be doing this. “I am trying to take responsibility for dragging you into this mess, I was the one that spotted you in the surveillance tape before we tracked you down. I also feel like leaving you to your own devices would become a public health concern.
“You getting yourself killed in some stupid way might incite a panic among the populace.”
“Thanks,” came the sarcastic remark as Kou ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots slightly as the pain helped to assure him that this was really happening. Still he couldn’t help chuckling, yeah that definitely sounded like the cynical bastard he knew. “I mean you’re definitely not old enough to be my old man, unless that white hair is from age and not stress.”
“You’re supposed to be the stupid one, when did you get clever?” Tosaki sniped back, the hair comment definitely rubbed a sore spot for him. He re-crossed his legs, why the hell was he feeling so anxious? Nakano had basically already refused his offer so why was he still pressing him? Tosaki should feel grateful for being let off the hook so easily, but no… If he didn’t try more, he knew the guilt would tear through him like wicked claws for years to come.
“I may have around a decade on you, but no I don’t expect us to have a typical father-son relationship. I’ve never wanted kids to begin with. Threats to the double ‘e’s in my opinion, economic and emotional liabilities.” Tosaki wondered briefly if he was using too big of words for Nakano to follow, before continuing.
“But this is different,” How was it different, besides the awkward circumstances, it was different because the human decided it was so.
“Uh huh, sure one isn’t for ‘ego’?” Kou answered, one brow raised as he crossed his arms over his chest, mirroring the older man’s actions unconsciously. He’d gotten that joke from Ogura.
Rubbing at his temples Tosaki took a deep breath to compose himself before reaching into the briefcase that was sitting off to the side. “I’m also doing this in a sense of duty, I feel like I owe the man this much. Even if he was originally just a hired gun. “
Slipping the form out of the sleek black leather, the form was slid across the table to lay beside that of the adoption papers. The kanji was written with a hasty hand, but the word stared boldly back at Kou ‘遺言’. The meaning making his heart tighten in his chest as he muttered, “It’s a will, whose…?”
Muddy red eyes scanned the paper quickly, fingers not daring to touch it as if it might crumple into a million pieces.
“It’s the old man’s… Hirasawa’s.”
Tosaki only nodded his head, explaining as he tried not to flinch at the fact that he could see tears welling in the ajin’s eyes. He REALLY wasn’t good at this kind of thing; the best form of action was to ignore it and continue stating the facts. The man was good at that after all, “We only recently found it while going through the teams’ things, it’s his hand writing no faking that. Any money that he made from the work he said should go into a fund for both you and Kei to do with as you please. He made a final request of me.”
His foot twitched and shook his entire leg, but Tosaki couldn’t sit still. Continuing after popping a few more mints into his mouth, fuck he really needed a smoke, he hadn’t been this tense since the last battle. “Hirasawa asked me to make sure that you were looked after. He knew Kei had a family he could go back to, but was aware of your situation as well.”
“How… I never told anyone about it besides Nagai?” Then the memories came rushing forth, the first time he had met Hirasawa and the other mercenaries was at his apartment. The place was a disaster zone with only him living there most of the time and it was more than likely they had done their research about him before hunting him down. He remembered how he had warned Hirosawa to either let him go or be electrocuted with him. No one on Tosaki’s force had had particularly good first introductions.
There was a lump in Kou’s throat as he brought a hand up to wipe his tears, he didn’t want to cry anymore. He’d already mourned, screamed, and cried enough. Or at least he had thought so. But the hot salty rivers continued to slip through his fingers as he leaned his head back. As if somehow the force of gravity would keep them inside. His lower lip was drawn between his teeth in an attempt to, literally, bite back sobs, a small trail of blood slid down his chin as he finally broke skin.
Too many emotions were rolling through him, the ajin finally grinding out as he kept his gaze on the ceiling, “I don’t want to be pitied.”
“This isn’t pity. You should know me well enough by now to know I don’t dole out such a thing to anybody.”
“Then what the hell is this?! You looked at Nagai and I like we were the scum of the earth for the longest time. I had never been given any breaks when it came to training, unlike him! Sure, I acted all friendly and stuff to all of them, but I didn’t think I had made that much of an impression.” Maybe this was just another sick twist of fate, maybe he would have been better off trying to isolate himself like the other ajin. But Kei had been just as rocked by their deaths, even if he didn’t show it publicly.
Kou had heard the dark-haired teenager’s sobs when passing by his room late at night. He had wanted to go to him, but Kei seemed like a guy who preferred to mourn alone. Honestly, Kou had been too afraid to open the door for many reasons. He believed that seeing the other break down might be a fatal blow for the athletic boy’s heart.
“It’s love,” the word tasted and felt strange in Tosaki’s mouth after going so long without uttering it. Kou’s hands fell at the word, hands dropping to his lap as he gave the man his oh so typical stupid-looking dumbfounded expression. Tosaki tried to be patient, really, he was, but now he was drumming his fingers across his forearms.
Closing his eyes, Tosaki remembered the faces of the men they missed, the creases to his brow relaxing slightly as he spoke, “Hirasawa and that whole team of hardasses, loved you. They should have had a distain for you being an ajin and a former target, but there’s something about you that makes people unable to hate you. Hell, even Nagai is tolerable to be around when you are.”
Tosaki adjusted his glasses as he mused aloud to himself, “Maybe we should ask Ogura if this is related to some strange ajin power, or if it’s just unique to you as a person.”
The ajin continued to stare at the other, warmth spreading throughout him at the odd praise, to hear he was appreciated, needed, loved, that’s all he had ever wanted. He had so often thought that he was an unnecessary person during and after his first death. He had continued to think so until he decided to stand up to Sato. Still the feeling was bittersweet, after all, those men were dead and gone. Still Tosaki was going through this trouble, and it was obviously not just because he felt it was his duty. Maybe that was what made him cocky enough to ask, with a smirk and cooing voice, “Do you love me, Tosaki?”
“I don’t hate you. But I could still dunk you in a tank of formaldehyde.”
That was the same amount of vagueness and bluntness that Kou had come to expect from the human. A small laugh coming from his lips as he knew this was absolutely ridiculous.
“And you don’t care that I’m an ajin?” the question was quick, eyes narrowed as he looked for any sign of lies. Not that he could pick out sarcasm half of the time. Still Kou would have to trust his instincts, he’d always been a good judge of people and better at reading emotions than analyzing words or texts.
“Honestly, you being a freak makes it more convenient for me, I don’t have to worry about you going out and literally getting yourself killed because you’ll just come back.” Tosaki reasoned, a smirk playing across his lips while the immortal looked a bit scandalized by the bluntness of it.
“Ouch, okay what about me being an idiot? Being such a Brainiac, it must drive you crazy, right?” Kou had dropped out of high school and felt like most of what he did learn had long bled out of his ears. He had common sense and a good body, it had helped secure him with a job when his parents started coming around less and less.
“I plan on having you tutored and finishing school online, I’ll force knowledge into that husk you call a brain if it kills you.” The ajin’s cheeks reddened with anger, chest puffing up in preparation to yell when Tosaki took the wind out of his sails, “You don’t get a choice in the matter, don’t you want to stand on par with Nagai?”
It was a low blow, but it had Kou slumping back in his chair with a whine.
“What about the fact that I’m-“
“That’s enough questions. I, Tosaki Yu, promise to accept you Nakano Kou as you are and promise to be your guardian in the honor of a great man and to make up for the sins I committed on your race. Happy?” That hardly sounded sincere, but it was probably the best that Kou was going to get out of the other.
Still even if the words were laced with exasperation and sarcasm, there was a firmness to his bright blue eyes that made the ajin believe that Tosaki was going to follow through on this promise. Kou had learned long ago it was better not to test his patience… or touch his mints.
“Now, are we going to play this depraved version of house in this secret base or not?” Having two ajin on Tosaki’s side would make matters dealing with others of the same species much easier. The government was still in a mess as it tried to straighten out everything that had been caused by Sato and the American forces. Trying to seamlessly secure rights for ajin was much trickier to uphold rather than say. After all, other countries could easily send in people that would try to capture and smuggle ajins out of the country to be used for their own profit. They were an expensive commodity on the black market.
Kou and Izumi at his side would hopefully make other ajin feel secure enough to come out of hiding so they could be registered and in doing so maybe protect them if they were found where they didn’t belong. Also, if there was an ajin criminal or, gods forbid it, another terrorist attack, having someone that couldn’t die, or well more accurately, couldn’t stay dead was definitely a useful tool.
Still even with all these political, social, and job related benefits, Tosaki would still accept it if Kou set a condition that he wanted nothing more to do with the darker side of the world. He deserved some peace after everything that had happened. The human’s musing was interrupted as Kou finally answered, voice firm and holding no hesitation.
“Okay.”
“Fine, it’s settled then.” Tosaki slid the pen across the table and watched as the younger male sloppily signed his name in each place that a pale finger indicated.
It was only once the document was completed and slid safely into his briefcase that Tosaki finally felt the weight on his chest and shoulders alleviate. That was far more stressful than he imagined it would be. Still it felt like it was worth it, sure Kou drove him insane most of the time, but after the ajin had become withdrawn and solemn, he realized the world was far more quiet and gloomy than before.
Tosaki had become accustomed to the energetic teenager’s presence, doing this also secured a continued sense of normalcy for Tosaki. How could he work without getting up at least twice in the middle of the night to yell at Kou to turn down his shitty music before he put bullet holes through his stereo? Yes, this was completely for the older man’s own benefit.
Of course, the peaceful silence between them had to be ruined.
“So, since you’re all accepting of everything about me and shit. You don’t care that I might have the hots for Nagai, right?”
“…You’re grounded.”
#Ajin#Ajin: Demi-Human#ajin: demi human#tosaki yu#kou nakano#nakano kou#yu tosaki#kei nagai#nagai kei#hyrulehalfbreed#hyrulehalfbreed writes
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( private verse ) shark in the water -- one.
light.
even without opening her eyes, she knows it’s being casted on her. soft, warm, bright—seeping through the gaps between the blinds, illuminating the room. the morning had arrived.
and she had overstayed her welcome once again.
it was becoming more and more common with each visit. perhaps it was due to her repeated negligence in setting an alarm, or maybe it was because she felt no pressure to urgently leave since she knew her boyfriend wasn’t going to be home the next morning anyway. or maybe, it was because she found this bedroom to be more of a home than the apartment she shared with her boyfriend.
eyelids slowly open and squint at the sunlight. as her gaze adjusted to the brightness, it soon met the framed picture that was set on the black nightstand, a picture she had noticed the first time she stepped into the room. three familiar faces immediately stood out to her and one foreign one. a brother, a sister, a lover, and a stranger. she had seen that picture many times now, yet she never thought to ask about the fourth person. she had a hunch, however; she had heard many stories about him from the people she surrounded herself with.
for a moment her mind dwells on this matter, this stranger that seemed to be an important figure to all of those she had come to known. she wondered what circumstances played out right before that picture had been taken, and just as her eyelids began to close again mid-thought, she felt the bed shift.
and she froze. he was still with her.
she was unsure of the exact time, but she knew it must have been close to the time he needed to get up for work. it was clearly too late for her to leave without him noticing, but a part of her felt embarrassed by the thought of him waking up to her again. but seeing as how this was becoming a common pattern, perhaps he had grown to expect it and accept her presence.
her body had stiffened upon feeling the bed shift, but as stillness settled in once again, she let out a breath she had been holding, the brunette turning away from the picture frame and nightstand to allow herself to set her gaze on him.
she was a bit relieved to know that his back was towards her, but a blush quickly formed across her cheeks as she noticed the red lines that were trailing down his back. and suddenly, she became quite aware of how sore she was feeling. her blush darkened as she pulled the covers up to her face, alison allowing her knees to be pulled up toward her chest.
why had she come here again? why was she letting this became a normality in her life, this infidelity and displacement of romantic feelings? part of her knew the answer, though she refused to let herself accept it as truth. it was much more painful that way, much more painful than simply lying to herself. after all, her boyfriend was doing the same thing, right? lying to her each night he said he would be back in the morning. so long as he didn’t know about this, everything would be okay. so long as she convinced herself that he still loved her, everything would be alright.
love.
her heart suddenly feels heavy. she often recalled a vivid memory from her youth where she spoke avidly of falling in love, getting married, and starting a family. life had treated her well then, and hope had yet to abandon her. now—she can’t quite remember the last time life had treated her well. it seems as though ever since she and her brother got rescued by the gang, life had only continued to crush her spirit.
“morning.”
and she’s suddenly pulled out of her thoughts as a voice greets her, her eyes meeting familiar dark ones. they looked upon her gently, kindly, though they were still adjusting to the light in the room. despite this, she knew he could see her clearly, and she’s rather thankful that the covers were hiding part of her face; her cheeks still felt warm.
“morning.” she returns the greeting, her voice much softer and brighter than his lower, huskier tone. she sees a smile form on his lips, and she feels herself stiffen again as she feels an arm rest along her waist, her body eventually relaxing underneath the touch.
“you slept over again.” it had been the second time this week. “i know. i’m sorry.” she apologized, but she felt no remorse. if she had really wanted to leave, she would have. instead, she let herself indulge in the comfort of the bedroom. she didn’t want to go back to facing the harsh realities of her life outside, after all.
he doesn’t respond to her apology and instead lets his fingertips brush against her bare skin underneath the covers. he was gentle, a stark contrast to how he had touched her the night before, and for a moment, she thinks about how odd it was for him to be so gentle. after all, he worked with some of the most dangerous men in the city. and yet, here he was, caressing the curves of her hips lightly, his eyes studying her contently.
“did you sleep well?” she simply nodded, covers still pulled to her face. she felt comforted by his light touches, but as she laid beside him, she felt perplexed. her heart had become heavy again as she thought about how james was treating her in comparison to how her boyfriend treated her. she couldn’t remember the last time they shared a moment like this in bed during the early hour of the morning. usually cedric would wake up before her, or worse, sneak out while she was sleeping. during the times when they did share a bit of intimacy, she felt as though he was only saying what she wanted to hear so that she would stay with him. and as much as she hated to admit it, it was working. they had been together for nearly a year, after all.
a year’s worth of commitment, and yet, she felt like they were drifting further and further with each passing day. it made her question why he kept her around. perhaps to feel powerful, perhaps because he thought she would be useful someday. she hadn’t really made an effort to leave either; after all, where would she go? her brother was cedric’s right hand man, and her status as his girlfriend granted her some privileges in the gang. if she had left, she’d be out in the streets to fend for herself once again for sure. so perhaps she was with cedric just out of obligation.
but she easily preferred to be by james’ side. even before they agreed to meet in secret, there was something about his company that always drew her closer to him than cedric. perhaps it was the respect he had shown her, perhaps it was the excitement and butterflies that he managed to give her just by saying hello or giving her a compliment. being with james felt more enjoyable, and perhaps that was why it was so easy for her to agree to meeting him one night.
one night eventually become two, and then three, and then many more. it had become so normal now for her to leave the bedroom she shared with cedric to share a bed with james instead. she had been so nervous before, but seeing as how cedric rarely gave her the time of day anymore, she became less concerned with her boyfriend catching her coming home during the day.
a look of sadness had crossed her countenance for a moment, but she quickly hid it as to not draw attention to it. and she finds herself moving closer to james instead, her head tucked underneath his chin. “i should head out soon.” she admits quietly, though she lets her eyes close.
“you don’t have to.”
“no, i should. he’ll be back soon.”
he hums. she can feel his fingertips trace along her back, and she feels at ease once again.
this was home. he was home. he was safety and security, and the idea of going back to cedric and his coldness made her stomach drop. but this was what she had to do for her own safety. after all, without cedric, where would she be now? most likely back on the streets.
“do you want to eat breakfast before you go?”
she doesn’t respond to him, her throat suddenly tightening. she wanted to stay home. since the first time she had let herself do this, a thought had crossed her mind, but she had always ignored it. there was no way it could have been true, but—maybe, just maybe, james was more than home for her. and maybe he shared a similar sentiment.
maybe he loved her like how she loved him. but did she really love him? it was hard to say. she thought she had loved cedric, but now she didn’t know. she didn’t know what it meant to be in love anymore, but as she laid next to james and listened to the sound of his heartbeat, she considered that perhaps, this was love.
“will you eat breakfast with me?”
it was a simple and perhaps childish request. she knew he usually had a busy morning, but she wanted nothing more than to spend a little more time with him outside of the bedroom.
“will you help me cook?”
this made her lift her gaze so that it could meet his. she hadn’t expected a question in return, and so she was caught off guard. but just seeing that smile of his and the way his eyes seemed to suggest amusement – she could tell he wanted her to stay a little longer.
“i think i can do that.” and he seemed pleased with her answer, james placing a kiss on her forehead before laying his head back down again on the pillow, his hand caressing her side again.
home. a place of shelter, security, and comfort. she found no such thing living with her parents as a child, on the streets, or in cedric’s apartment. it was right here did she realize what she wanted, and there was an impulse for her to make it known what she was thinking.
“hey.”
and he hums yet again, awaiting for her to finish her thought. but she can’t seem to bring herself to anymore. there was something about saying “i love you” that made her nervous, that made her tense up. and so instead, she places her hand over his, swallowing hard before continuing, “thank you for letting me stay.”
and fingers begin to intertwine with his, a silent but loving gesture.
#( private verse ) shark in the water#my love you have found peace; you were searching for release ( james & alison )#cw: long post#writing;
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