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cosmiciaria · 5 years

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In defense of Dragon Age 2 (review - no spoilers - long post!)

It seems I'm only allowed to play games in disorder, because I played this one after Inquisition, and guess what I'm almost at the end of now (yes, you guessed it, Origins). But it's not a problem for me, because after I *checks notes* ejem, played, uhm, like nine playthroughs of Inquisition, cof, cof, I've learned all the tiny details and branches and possible endings of each installment. So this game's story wasn't a surprise in many aspects – although there were still things I didn't know or I didn't expect.

So DA2 is the black sheep of the family, and somehow I can see why. It differs greatly from the origin prologue you get to play in the first one, and the silent protagonist is gone, replaced by an already created and established character, Hawke. Hawke can be male or female, mage, rogue or warrior – but they are only human. We are ripped off of the option of choosing between races.

And that's not the only thing the game takes away from us – we are used to travel around Ferelden, searching for allies, to fight the Archdemon, because the End is Nigh and we Must Save the World united with friends and so on – here, it's just a city. We only get to know Kirkwall, a Free Marches city that used to be owned by the Imperium and now rejoices in its so-called freedom. Kirkwall consists in some neighborhoods and some notorious buildings, but that's it. It's just the city. And I daresay, it's another protagonist of the game.

Yes, you get to go outside a few times – you even go through the ( I don't know WHY) still mandatory Deep Roads quest and whatnot – but the main storyline will still happen inside the city walls.

And that's… not so bad. But I'll get there in a moment.

So you play as Hawke, the older sibling of the Hawke family. You're escaping from Lothering, which you may remember from Origins – yes, it's the same town you visit right after Ostagar. Lothering has been overrun by darkspawn and so you take your mother and your two younger twin siblings with you: Carver, a warrior, and Bethany, an apostate mage.

In your way to the port, you come across Aveline, a well seasoned captain, and her husband Wesley, a templar. Wesley isn't in a very good condition but you still allowed them both to join your escape.

It isn't so long before the darkspawn reach you, and you make your last stand here.

Now, in this part of the prologue, what matters the most is the class you chose for Hawke. If Hawke is a mage, Bethany, the other mage, will perish at the hands of the ogre that is leading this barricade of darkspawn. If Hawke is a warrior/rogue, it will be Carver the one who makes the ultimate sacrifice so his family would survive. As I have stated in my Inquisition review, I love mages, so of course I created a mage Hawke, and so I watched Bethany, so young and rebellious, die in front of my eyes (Wesley, Avelin's husband, dies as well but we don't care much for him sorry not sorry).

Choosing a class isn't a minor or just a gameplay thing here, because it leads to two very different stories. Carver is resentful with you, he blames you for the death of his twin, and he can't get over the idea that you (and him, as well) are being hunted by templars. He can even become a templar if you choose the required options – so ironic, you a mage and your own brother a templar! His inferiority complex makes it really hard to get on well with him. Bethany, on the other hand, seems to care more for her older sibling, and bears a great admiration for their father, who was a mage and the one who taught her everything. She's guilty over the fact her family is doing everything they can to protect her from the templars and the Circle, and her attitude towards Hawke always follow that line. Her destiny has more options than Carver, though, so it makes me think that maybe Bethany was the "canon" sibling who survived – Still, I always play as a mage so I'm used to Carver by now and it feels kind of contradictory to see Bethany alive and well.

Amidst the chaos, a dragon appears, stretching its wings – it destroys the rest of the darkspawn, and soon we see that it's not just a beast. It transfigures into a human, quite known for us DA's fans: Flemeth, the Witch of the Wilds, Morrigan's mother. She's saved us, but of course she wants a little favor in return, nothing too problematic. For those who are wondering "but HEY I killed Flemeth in Origins", well this encounter happens before you do that. And if you know anything about Flemeth is that she always comes back.

Finally, you reach destination, the almighty Kirkwall, with its columns that seems to go on forever into the sky. Here, you'll start over. Here, you'll pave your way to your future. And the plot begins!

The story is divided into three well marked acts: the first Act you'll be saving money to go on an expedition to the Deep Roads to gain enough coin and reclaim the Hawke estate in Kirkwall; the second Act has you going around playing the diplomatic link between the Viscount and the Qunari who have made the city their headquarters; and the third Act, well, everything blows up. Literally, I might add.

Between the prologue and Act 1, one years passes. Between Act 1 and 2, three more years go by; and finally, Act 3 happens three years later as well. The whole story takes up like 8 years or more inside the same city. This… wasn't a good decision on the developers, in my opinion, but I'll say it after I talk a little about the characters.

First we have Hawke, our Champion. Their personality varies between diplomatic – sarcastic – upfront and direct. And this time is easier to know because gone are the days with the many responses available and now we have the wheel which shows you an icon displaying the "tone" of your reply. If there's something common across all the Hawkes you can create, is that they care for their family, they want to recover what's theirs, and there's no stopping them. They are loved by those around them and seen as a leader. Loyalty is a powerful word here, which will play a big part in the final act, because only those who are truly loyal to you will remain by your side. And it's endearing, really, to see the support of those characters that accompanied you the whole game. Oh, and they have voices. I say this because in Origins we have a silent protagonist (which took me aback considering I played Inquisition and 2 prior), and they are so well portrayed it makes them more human and approachable.

Now that we are on that topic, voice acting here is just FLAWLESS. I can't get over Gideon's voice for that stupid elf damn it.

Alright so, just like in the other games, you can recruit companions. I already spoke a little about Carver and Bethany, who are playable… for a time, at least.

This is the first time we come across Varric, our favorite storyteller. Varric isn't only just your best bud for life here, but he's also the one telling Hawke's story: he'd been abducted by Cassandra Pentaghast (yes, the one from Inquisition) who wants to interrogate him about the Champion. Varric is like your north in the game, he's always there for you, he's always supporting you, he doesn't take sides, he's funny, he's welcoming and he cares so much that I want to hug him. Goodest best friend forever.

Aside from him, you'll be crossing paths with Aveline again, now a soldier in the guard. Aveline is the correct type of person: she takes pride in her job, she wants things to get done well, following the rules. She respects honor, dignity and justice, and she doesn't approve of taking advantage of "illegal" situations and underground activities. If she's on your good side, you'll get a great supporter and a great friend, who will got your back, always.

Fenris is an elf who comes from the Tevinter Imperium – if we know anything of Tevinter apart from its blood mages, it's that they are slavers. Fenris used to be a slave who managed, somehow, to escape from his master. He bears a burning hatred towards the Vints, mages and every slaver out there. He always remarks he's a free man and he will disapprove of your support for the mages or any kind of sympathy towards slavery. So much so, that I started my relationship with him in -10 because I was a mage.

Merril is a dalish elf whom you'll be recruiting after finishing Flemeth's little favor. Merril is a blood mage, and she doesn't see the demons as enemies, but rather friends. She intends to leave her clan and go live in the city, because she's sure she can help her kin from outside instead of remaining cloistered and secluded inside. This will grant her the dislike of all her clan's members, but that doesn't stop her. She's naïve, she doesn't seem to understand most of human customs, and she's quite direct because she can't see through sarcasm or white lies. She's the purest of the team, although her abilities may tell you otherwise.

Isabela isn't new for us, if you come from Origins. Here she'll be joining us again after losing her ship. Her intentions remain a mystery most of the game, but let's just say she's quite involved with the plot of the second act. She's a forced to be reckoned with: she doesn't mess around when things need to be done and she gets them done in her own way. I'm still a bit spiteful about her because she abandoned my team after the second act, although I thought I was doing everything right!

Sebastian is only available through the Exiled Prince DLC – he's a chantry brother whose family was brutally murdered and his estate back in Starkhaven lies headless. He's conflicted about whether to remain in the chantry or go back to reclaim his land. He's righteous, he doesn't accept any rule breaking and, to be honest, he's pretty dull – specially if you're trying to romance him only because of those shiny blue eyes. The fact that he only joins you after Act 1 supports this allegation, in the way that he's not available through the first part for party banter, which always adds a lot of more depth to the characters you're playing with.

And at last… we have Anders. For those of you who played Origins' expansion, Awakening, Anders isn't a new character either. This time, though, it's not just Anders: he's possessed by a spirit of Justice, the same Justice we meet in Awakening. Anders remains in control most of the time, but when he loses it or when he enters the Fade, it's Justice the one who takes over. Anders serves as a healer in Kirkwall, helping refugees for free. He wants to move on from his past as a Grey Warden and he fights for the rights of the mages who are being hunted by the templars. Oh, man, of course I would fall for the subversive mage! Boy was I deceived… He plays a large role in the final battle, which, depending on your choices and your principles, will change your view of him forever. Let's just say that he's a pretty hated character in the franchise.

In this game you'll have choices as well, and your comments and actions will bear points of friendship or rivalry with your companions. This doesn't mean that if you get 100 rivalry points with one of them they'll abandon you, no, it doesn't work like in Origins or in Inquisition. Here you have to see the bar in both directions: the closer it is to one of the extremes, the better. The danger zone is the central one: if you have little points of friendship or of rivalry, the companion is likely to abandon you. This is what happened to me with Isabela: I had a good chunk of friendship points with her, but it seems I needed to max them out, which I didn't, and thus she flew away, goodbye. You can even romance characters with high rivalry points, and their romance plays a little different because of it. As it says, it's "rivalry" and not "deep hatred with death wishes", so maybe it spices some things up in your relationship.

Each companion will have their own questline that stretches across all three acts, and if you want to have all your team available by the end of the game, I recommend you do them. Although… well, you won't have the whole team, but I won't spoil it for you.

So I mentioned before I would talk about why the eight year story decision wasn't a good take for me after speaking a little about the characters – well, it's simple. In those three year gaps, the story acts as if nothing happens. Yes, sometimes the characters say "hey, I haven't seen you in a while" or "that thing happened three years ago" or whatever, but it doesn't work well. For instance, if you romance Fenris, you'll sleep with him in the second act, and then he goes away, seemingly not wanting to continue with the relationship. Three year pass, and then you resume your romancing with him, and he's like "yes, idk why I left that night I so regret it lol" DUDE, you're like just two meters away from Hawke's house, are you truly telling me you didn't talk to them after what happened in these three years?

The story plays as if there are no gaps in time. In fact, if you take away Varric's narration, which states that x amount of time happens between act and act, you won't even notice it! And that's the thing: I don't know why they chose to do this. I mean, I guess I understand the point, they wanted Hawke to make their own name, to be known and loved by the citizens as years went by, they wanted them to start in rags and rise to fortune, I get it. But something similar was accomplished with the Inquisitor in the third game: time passes, I believe almost a year, and you feel the love and respect you've earned from your companions. It didn't take my Inquisitor eight years for that. It didn't even take her half a month to get Cullen in love with her ok sorry. What I mean is, the eight years thing isn't well developed, and characters act as if no such time had passed, and the story is planned as well like that. It's almost as though they wanted to stray as far as possible from Origins in terms of design and choices, which is a great idea, but some things just don't add up.

For example, in Inquistion's expansion, Trespasser, two years have passed. And here you see, you feel that your characters have been away for long. They've all been following their own paths and when they finally reunite they catch up and speak about their futures and what they want for themselves. It truly feels like two years have passed. There's a huge impasse between the ending and the expansion, which marks a milestone, and you can understand why all these characters haven't seen each other for a while. Whereas between Act 1 and 2… it's like… yeah we went to the Deep Roads and yeah… hmm… Varric really three years and you still didn't hear of your brother or… wait is this letter by Carver just sent? I mean he's been away too long now but he could always send me letters why wait three years…. and so on. It breaks the continuity. In fact, it doesn't only do that, but it also makes your characters stupid. Are you telling me Anders has been in love with me for three years and he still hadn't done anything?? What are you, fifteen?

But apart from that, I believe this game is really good. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. I enjoyed the mechanic regarding your siblings: their appearance changes depending of what preset for the face and skintone you choose for Hawke. I like the idea that only one of the twins is available throughout the game. I like that the gameplay has been improved from Origins, I love that as a mage you feel so destructive with all those spells, I love that it's fast paced and more colorful. I got also really involved with some of the companions, specially Anders, Fenris and Aveline. I love that, even though they may disagree with you on some topics, they still remain by your side if you were a good friend, because that's what friendship's about. Friendship/rivalry here feels like a human thing, something quite relatable, instead of just shoving gifts onto your companion so they'd like you better. I like that somehow all of your companions are entangled with what happens in the city, and this leads me to my final point about why DA2 is still a good game.

Kirkwall. Our vedette. Our goddess. Kirkwall is the scenario for 90% of the events of the game. We're not saving the world here. We just want the peace for the city. Who should rule? Whose forces should Hawke support? Is Hawke good enough to be Viscount? Are the templars doing a good job? Or is Knight-Captain Meredith going too far?

Political intrigue. And just one city. Not all of Ferelden. Just one bad person trying to control the strings in this small portion of land, not an army of zombies or a dragon ready to consume the world. I love that the plot is just restrained to this small thing, because it lets you go deeper into everyone's stories, and it doesn't mean that it gets less epic, on the contrary. I enjoyed the final boss here way more than I did with Corpypheus in Inquisition. Here Meredith has an actual goal and she's acting upon what she thinks it's right, and at some point and to some extent, she's right! But her methods are questionable, in the least. She's not just a bad guy for the sake of being a bad guy, like it happens with Corypheus. She's bad, but she has her reasons.

You don't get to know a lot of people, because you just know those who live in Kirkwall. The familiarity, the warmth of its streets, it's like you've been living there as well, sharing with these characters and learning about their pasts. Instead of allowing you to see a huge picture with hundreds of characters involved, you just focus on those you care about, explore them more in depth. Sometimes covering everything doesn't lead you anywhere, so it might be better with just a handful of well written plot points and characters.

I'm not saying that Origins is the worst because of this, because it seems like I'm hating on it. In fact, I can't still speak much of it because I haven't finished my route yet (although I know how it ends). I'm just saying that Origins is good, that Inquisition is good, and that DA2 is also good. It's different, but still a good game. Sometimes you're tired of playing as the chosen one hero who must save the world, and maybe saving one city is enough for your heroic career.

I loved the game. I loved that it pushed my beliefs of helping the mages to the limit, to the point of questioning myself. I loved that it played tricks on me like that with the romance option. I loved the sarcastic Hawke, such a well written script. Also, Cullen is here so of course I'd love it.

Just… don't hate it that much. And if you still haven't played it, give it a shot. You might be surprised.

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #dragon age origins #dragon age inquisition #da2 #dai #dao #bioware #hawke #anders #varric #fenris #videogame #videogame review #review #gamer #ea games

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c9sneaksen-blog · 7 years

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Incorrect paperwork and miscommunication lead the team to believe they’ve lost someone that they feel incomplete without…

A/N - this went from a 2000 word idea to a 10,000 slug fest of of feels and emotions. Enjoy the angst! Lots of cameo’s from other teams in this - mainly TSM ^^ :D

-Delayed Arrival-

Day One - Three AM

“Fuck, why did his flight have to come in at such a ridiculous time of the morning?” Zach wrapped his arms around his shoulders and tried his best to stop yawning. “It’s too early to be out of bed on a Saturday.”

“You didn’t have to come Sneaks.”

“Perish the thought, I have had to ordeal six weeks without this monkey, I want as many seconds as I can to whine at him at how boring it’s been without him and how dare he go on a holiday without m- us.”

There were numerous eye-rolls from the team at this, and a muttered just loud enough for Zach to hear.

“You just need to admit it already.”

“Admit what?” Zach’s sheepish grin was enough for anyone to know he knew actually what Impact was talking about. He just wasn’t going to admit it - not now, not probably ever, because that was only due to fail.

“Whatever man, come out we have to get the gate.” Shaking his head Jack consulted the piece of paper one final time before leading his team off to the gate where there missing mid laner should be arriving any minute. The whole team didn’t have to come by any means, yet they were here anyway. Jack wasn’t too sure if he was expecting anything less.

The gate was busy as expected, people were milling about in groups, looking confused and irate. The plane, which should have already landed was nowhere in sight. Airport security lined the gate, personal and important looking people in suits stood with them.

“What in the world is going on?” Ever the productive one, it was Andy that made his way through the crowds towards the security and the staff, looking a little despondent at seeing how serious they all looked. “Excuse me, could you let me know what is happening here?”

“Are you waiting for a passenger from Flight DN72 direct from Copenhagen?”

“Of course, that is why we are here.”

“There are others with you?“

“Yes, just over there-” Andy made hand motions towards where the rest of the team were, some of them waving back and giving him looks of confusion. “Our friend was on the flight, he’d been in Denmark visiting family, has something happened?”

“Please go stand with your other friends, a member of staff will come speak to your directly soon.”

That did not sound good. Airline staff did not just go out of their way to speak to people individually, if it was something simple, like a delay of time or a grounding due to weather they would just announce it generally. They wouldn’t need all this security, they wouldn’t need to be so… tense. Something was certainly wrong, Andy could sense it, and he didn’t like it.

“So - what’s going on?”

“Someone is going to come and speak to us directly, I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Directly - why would they even….”

The sentence, and any other conversations were suddenly cut out by a loud, painful wail. Nearer the gate an older women had fallen to her knees, clutching onto her chest as she screamed and cried. A member of the airport security knelt down beside her, a steady and firm hand on her shoulder. All around them, people were having the same reactions.

“Excuse me, you are all here for a passenger on the Copenhagen flight.”

All they could do was wordlessly nod, perhaps realizing what news was about to come.

“I am sorry, there is no easy way to tell you this, an hour ago we lost contact with the flight. A short time ago the wreckage was found, at this stage, there looks to be no survivors-”

At this point the conversation trailed off for most of them. Jack pushed his way forward, somehow blocking out the scream running through his head to pull the attendant away to talk to him away from his team. They didn’t need to know details, they didn’t need to hear a monotone voice that sounded like a voice recorder.

Behind him, Jack could hear, and even sense the team breaking - slowly, one by one as the barriers all shattered. The stubborn want to be the one to hold it together wasn’t enough. He could hear the whispers, shocked, confused, the refusal and denial of something like this happening. But then the whispers turned to silence, the silence turned to choking sobs of pain.

He turned away from the attendant and back to his team in time to see Zach completely crack. Collapsing to the ground with Andy’s arms wrapped around him in some attempt of comfort as Zach broke down, gripping Andy so hard his knuckles were white, sobbing so much his whole body shock.

“No… no, this can’t be - this can’t be happening, I - no… no…”

Four and a half thousand miles away, oblivious to what was happening back home, Jensen slept restlessly across a couch in the Copenhagen Airport, his bag haphazardly thrown on the floor in front of him, his phone flashing in and out of brightness on top of it.

‘Stupid airline mucked up my flight and it was oversold - trying to figure out how to get home. Might be a few more days, don’t try to miss me too much xox’

The message sending continued to load, spiraling quicker and quicker as the phone continued to flicker. It gave one final burst of light, the whole screen filling with static before finally turning off. The text, although marked as sent on the phone, was completely lost. It did not reach it’s destination.

Day One - Nine AM

He didn’t even get why he always took so much stuff with him when he went back home for the holidays. Unpacking was the worst thing to him imaginable and yet he did it to himself every six months. Finally he was unpacked though, it had only taken him a solid three days. It was good to back however, somehow this house was beginning to feel a lot more like home than his parents place ever could.

It was still two weeks before the split started too, which meant he had plenty of time to catch up with his team mates. And play some solo que, in fact it would be a good time to finally get some streaming in - he had missed that while he had been on holiday.

“Morning Vince.”

It came to no surprise to the mid laner that the support was already up - it normally was just the two of them in the earlier morning. He didn’t expect to see the rest of the team for another hour at least, maybe more seeming they had no schedule to keep.

“Bjerg!” He was greeted with a warm smile, Vincent came barreling over to him, phone in hand and a look of concentration on his face. “Did you see this - I had a mild panic attack when I did but then I was all, wait you’re already home - it’s all good.”

With a small confused frown, Soren looked down at the headline Vincent had up on his phone, something in him kind of broke as he drew in a sharp breath. At first it had just seemed like a normal, if not horrid, article about a plane crash, but then he read the details, the airline the flight had been with, where it had come from, it’s destination.

“You and Dennis flew with that same airline right? Scary.”

“Vince…” Soren’s voice cracked, his words felt so heavy as they left his mouth. “We’re not the only ones that were returning home this week…” Taking a deep breath he looked over at Vincent who had just frozen, all happiness and light-hardheartedness gone, replaced by a look of someone that wanted to throw up. “There was a reason why the start of split party they invited us to was tonight…”

Suddenly very, very pale Vincent’s voice was stretched as he tried his best to sound optimistic. “It doesn’t mean he was on that flight…”

“There’s only the one - I… I could be wrong but can I?” Soren shook his head. “If I call them what the hell do I say?”

“I don’t think you’ll need to say anything, if any of them even answer their phone - you’ll just know.”

He never imagined, in his even worst nightmare that this would be a call he would have to make. He didn’t even know WHO to call at first, because if this was true they would probably be all a mess. Zach was most certainly out of the question, and he didn’t really think the other team members would be even better. In the end he found himself dialing Jack’s number. Not because he thought he wouldn’t be upset, he just probably was the one keeping it the most together at this stage.

Soren didn’t even need to ask, Jack answered him straight away.

“You saw the news…”

“I - fuck we did. I thought, I hoped I had remembered wrong.”

“No… no you remembered right.”

“I…. are you guys home?”

“What yes we-”

“We’re coming over.”

“We - Soren you don’t need to.”

“Yes I do, yes we do - you guys need people now, and we’re going to be it.”

“I don’t think I-”

“No arguments, I’m coming - and I’m bringing the team with me - see you soon.”

He wasn’t taking no for an answer, as much as hearing the news had rocked and completely shattered him Soren knew at this time they needed some sort of rock, some sort of strength to hold onto. He could be, his team could be that - until they had time, until they somehow managed. Soren could grieve his own way for his friend later, once he helped them.

“I’ll get the team up.” Vincent had heard all he needed from Soren’s end of the phone call. His mid laner was right, there was something they could do to help right now and they would do it. If if that it was as simple as just being there - it was something - and they will do it with gusto. “Met you out front in five.”

Normally getting the whole of TSM up in five minutes was a stupid and the notion of it actually happening was laughable.. This morning, however was different, Soren soon found himself in the team’s van, packed with tired, shocked, team members on the way to the C9 team house.

They got there quicker than normally, no one mentioned that they probably broke a few speeding limits on their way - no one cared at this point. The quicker they got there the all better for it. When they did get there however, an odd feeling overcame them as they seemed to walk up to the door in a thick fog of confusion.

What did they say? What did they do? Could they actually make anything better?

The door was unlocked, more so than that - it had been left slightly ajar almost as if no one bothered, or cared to close it. Not that they blamed them in the kind of state they were in. Kevin made sure to shut the door behind him, cringing slightly as the sound, although quiet, echoed around the cold silence.

The house, was normally one of the warmest places you could find yourself was a shell of itself. As TSM made there way into the house, into the main lounge they were greeted by the sight of their friends looking like they had no idea what to do, what they were doing and what they could do at this stage.

Vincent made the first move, moving over to the couch, nodding to his fellow support as he sat down beside him. “Hey.”

“You guys actually came?”

“Of course, not going to let you all go through this alone.” Vincent sighed, placing a hand on Andy’s shoulder. “Just… let us do whatever we need us to, I know you probably are unsure what that is right now but we’re here to do it.”

“Thank you I don’t know… we’re all just, floating? I don’t know, we haven’t really spoken about it.” Andy looked around the room, noticing that some of the team weren’t even here, retreating to their rooms to find some kind of explanation of what had happened. His eyes, however fell on one person in particular, sitting alone, on the floor in the corner of the room. “It’s hit Zach the worst, he - he hasn’t even moved.”

Vincent made a very unsubtle head tilt towards Zach on the ground, watching in relief as Kevin made his way over to the carry. Not many people knew this, but Kevin was probably the kindest person he actually knew, underneath all that smug behavior was someone the whole team turn to - it was fitting that he was the one heading to Zach. If anyone could find the right thing to say it would be him.

Zach didn’t even flinch or make any indication that Kevin had sat down beside him. He continued to stare straight ahead, his eyes red rimmed, his chin resting on his pulled up knees. The only sign of life in him was the small sharp breaths in between the small sniffs and hiccups as he attempted to stop crying.

“There’s nothing I can say, do - nothing at this time that’s going to make you feel better. And I really hate that, that there’s just nothing - I have to sit here and watch you go through all this - all of you. But I have to, I have to tell you one thing - Zach, you can’t, you can’t try to stop it - it just doesn’t work.”

He flinched slightly at this, turning his head to look at Kevin, a burning question in his eyes. “Why? What does it accomplish, me sitting here - fucking destroyed isn’t enough, I have to cry as well? It’s not like it will bring him back, it’s not like it will make it any better - I don’t get anything out of it, I don’t get to be okay…”

“I know, but in one, five - ten years, you want to remember him without this burning pain and hate in your chest. Something that will build up if you just bottle it all up…”

“I can’t, I can’t let go because I don’t know if I will be able to stop if I do….”

“That’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

There was a subdued silence between them, the air thick with grief and turmoil. It took awhile, minutes had quickly snuck past like they were nothing but slowly, softly, Zach moved ever so closer to Kevin - shivering slightly as their arms touched.

“You know what the worst part is, if that’s even a right thing to say.” With every word Zach leaned closer and closer to the top laner, his words choking and stuttering more and more with tears.

“I never - I… never got to tell him how… how I feel.”

It was all that needed to be said as the mask broke and the floodgates opened.

Kevin found himself with Zach basically in his lap, arms wrapped tightly around the smaller brunette as he cried bitterly into his shoulder. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do. So he just held him, he just ran fingers through his hair and he just let him be. He just let him cry.

Day One - One PM

“You don’t have anything more direct?” Jensen tried to hide his yawn as he consulted with the ticket agent. In his hand he held not the one, but three tickets. A flight to Vancouver, and then Vancouver to New York, and then a long bus ride across states to get back home. It was a bit of a joke really, but Jensen was way too tired and frustrated for a joke.

“I’m sorry sir, all direct flights have been cancelled due to a… flight path change.”

He wasn’t been told all the information, he knew that much - and he kind of hated it. But then, being too tired for jokes also meant that he was too tired to argue. He should have been home by now, he should be with his team, his family, his friends.

“You’re not making me pay for any of this - are you?”

“No Sir, of course not - we will pay for this mistake and make sure you arrive home safely.”

The way she said safely didn’t really sit well with Jensen, the way she was flustered and kept looking back and forth, hoping he wouldn’t ask her any questions. He didn’t want to make her feel miserable, she was after all doing her job - and anything had happened behind the scenes to get him here it wasn’t like it was her fault.

“Okay, thank you - when do I first leave.”

“You flight leaves later on this afternoon. You will depart at 4pm, and arrive at Toronto roughly twelve hours later.”

“Right.” Jensen consulted his tickets. “Then six am for the connecting flight and then the bus.”

“Yes Sir, I am sorry we could not get you one any quicker flights, we are very full this time of year.”

“It’s okay - I’m sorry if I seem angry, I just want to get home.”

“Understandable Sir, if you make your way over to the lounge we will happily provide a lunch for you and a space to relax before your flight.”

“Thank you.”

With a deep sigh Jensen made his way over to the lounge indicated by the attendant, staring at his phone and hitting it on the back in attempt to get it to work.Nothing - all Jensen got was a black screen and a small vibrate in an attempt at working. Looks like he would just have to wait to get home to see his friends.

At least they knew he was safe and on his way, he was glad he had managed to get that final text out to Zach before his phone had decided to do… whatever this was. Jensen just had no idea that the text never got to Zach, he had no idea that right now, they thought he was the exact opposite of safe.

Day One - Three PM

“I finally got Zach asleep, although I doubt he will stay that way for much longer - and he’ll probably freak out when he wakes up so someone should keep an eye on him.”

“I’ll do it - you already have done enough Kevin, you should have some rest yourself.”

“You, shouldn’t you be having some time to yourself for this?”

Soren cringed, Kevin may have been right about that but he couldn’t let that happen. He said he would be here for his friends and that is exactly what he would do. There was no point in breaking down now and cracking. He had to wait, maybe in a few days - maybe when he was alone and not around anyone else who was broken.

He didn’t want to add to their distress and pain - they already had enough.

Besides, all what Soren really wanted to do right now was scream in Danish, and that wasn’t helpful to anyone. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t even be helpful to him but at this point he didn’t really care, at this point yelling and screaming was all he wanted to do. After he was away from them of course.

“What’s all this?”

The team all turned at the same time, perfectly in sync at Jack’s question as he walked into the kitchen.

“Ah food?” Peter replied with a small tilt of his head. “We know you guys are horrible at this at the best of times so we thought getting food ready and preparing meals would be a good thing. You have to eat, don’t think we didn’t notice you all skipped lunch.”

“But - but there was no food in the… you brought all this?”

“Don’t think anything of it - we want to help. And this is one of the smaller ways we can do so.”

Jack just continued to stare at the team in shock, not really sure what to say back. A small part of him had kind of expected something like this, but not of this magnitude, and not by all of them. He was astonished at how much they were willing to help, then again, sometimes Jack let the whole rivalry thing get to him. With how much it was all pushed and published it was easy to forget that they were all friends.

“You need to stop questioning that we’re here, or why we are here.”

Soren grabbed a plate of food ready and made his way away from the kitchen and towards Zach’s room. He carefully made his way in and decided to take a seat on the floor, his back leaning against the wall the furthest away from the bed to give Zach some room.

“I don’t have to be baby sitted you know, it’s not like I’m going to do anything stupid.”

“I thought you were asleep.”

“I am very good at pretending when I need to.”

Soren bit his lip. “Do you want to be left alone?”

“I - I don’t know, a part of me does, but then - a part of me want someone here, just in case-” Zach sighed, pulling himself up and leaning against the back of the bed, his eyes looking anywhere but Soren. “It hurts too much to think about him, but then - I don’t want to stop, I don’t want to cut it all out. I don’t know if that make sense.”

“It does - I feel the same way.”

Zach finally looked over at him, his eyes questioning, searching. Soren stared back, the and Zach wondered if he looked just as tired as Soren did - maybe more? Maybe it would be good if he did stay, not just for Zach, but for both of them.

“Could - Could you stay, I mean, you don’t have to but I would really appreciate it.”

“Okay then, I’m not going anywhere.”

A silence fell over the two of them, Soren closing his eyes and resting his head back onto the wall. It wasn’t long before shuffling was heard and Zach made his way over to him, sliding down the wall beside him and silently beginning to nibble on the food that had been brought in.

“It’s really… nice of you all to come - I mean especially seeming we didn’t tell anyone.”

“Vincent saw it on the news this morning, I figured it out.” Soren took a deep breath. “I… both Dennis and I flew home with the same airline, only a few days before…”

“I - that’s…” Zach stopped, somehow his grief just paused for moment as he stared at Soren. Surely he was hurting too, yet here he was - stoic, strong for them - for him. “How are you doing?”

“Ha - we’ll worry about me later.”

“But-”

“Me screaming Danish isn’t going to help anyone Sneaks.”

“It will help you…”

With a small grin, Soren shifted, moving so that he and Zach were side by side. Zach taking the hint and snuggling into the mid lander, letting Soren wrap an arm around him. “Maybe, it will probably just make it worse… but I’d rather that than…”

“Than holding it in and letting it destroy you.”

Soren laughed, shaking his head, “Something like that.”

Day One - Six PM

Juan ignored the knock on the door, even the sound of it opening as he continued to lay on his bed, his eyes screwed up shut as tight as he could as his thoughts flew quickly through his mind. He didn’t want to see anyone, he didn’t want to talk to anyone- he didn’t want to do anything but sit here - try to forget everything and just let the darkness of his room encase him. Apparently, someone didn’t want him to do that however - and as much as Juan knew they meant well, right now - He. Just. Couldn’t. Cope.

He felt the bed move underneath him and tried his best not to move, maybe he could convince whoever it was that he was asleep, maybe if he didn’t say anything they wouldn’t either. Maybe if he didn’t move they would just leave him alone to lay here in darkness, to do nothing - to feel nothing.

“I’m not leaving until you come and eat something Mister - everyone else has gathered in the lounge… even Zach’s out there.”

Zach, no. No he didn’t need to be reminded about how shattered his friend was, how heartbroken and destroyed he was. No, Zach had kind of been like a big brother to him ever since he joined, he couldn’t see him so distraught. Zach was supposed to be the strong steady one. It was wrong, all so wrong…

“You don’t have to talk to anyone, or even look at anyone - you just… have to come out Juan - you have to feel.”

That snapped something in him.

“No, no I fucking don’t need to feel, I don’t need… I…”

“But you’re angry - that’s a feeling right there.”

Juan made a face at this, finally opening his eyes and pushing himself into a sitting position to face the person who was sitting on his bed. The nineteen year old made a face at the TSM AD carry sitting on his bed, looking at him with a deep set concern.

“If I go out will you stop looking at me like that.”

“Depends, will you actually eat something?”

Juan just rolled his eyes at Peter, who decided not to take any of the younger players anger and annoyance personally. He couldn’t really blame him, Peter was also the kind of person that would hide behind anger, which really, meant he wasn’t the best person to lecture him about this - but he was all the kid got.

“Come on, I know you guys hate hearing it, but you can’t just, not feel - and you especially can’t not eat.”

“Can you please stop making sense, it makes being angry at you harder.”

Peter laughed, reaching out and hitting the jungler softly on the shoulder. “Come on - you guys need to do this as a team, and that can’t happen when you’re moping in here - go mope out there instead.”

Juan sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I can’t just sit in here and pretend it didn’t happen?”

Peter would never admit it to anyone, but at that moment a small piece of his heart cracked.

“No, I’m afraid you can’t.”

Day One - Eleven PM

“Why did you leave me, why didn’t you come back like you said you would - look what happened!”

All what Jensen could do was stare, not even sure if his voice could be found to answer the brunette. He had ran towards Zach as soon as he saw him - and he couldn’t stop it, in fact it was like he was running and he wasn’t going anywhere - like running on the spot.

“Why the hell weren’t you here - answer me!”

“Zach I-”

Reaching out a hand even took a large amount of effort, his muscles pulled and screamed at him and his head seemed to burst in pain. But he couldn’t stop, he had to keep going - Zach needed him, he was in pain and he needed him.

“Why weren’t you here?”

The angry Zach was suddenly replaced by a terrified one, a defeated one, sitting on his knees, surrounding by the darkness that Jensen hadn’t realized had descended on them. The brunette just looked up at Jensen, tear stained eyes as he shook his head.

“Why did you leave me?”

“I didn’t, I couldn’t Zach … Zach!”

Jensen gave a cry of shock, reaching forward and grasping thin as air as he sat bolt upright, almost falling off the chair and into the aisle. For a horrible few seconds he didn’t even remember where he was. Fear gripping him - breaths coming in deep gasps it took a kind and soft word from one of the other passengers to calm him down.

“Hey - are you alright, that didn’t look like a very pleasant dream.”

“Dream, yes I, I… I left him and I, no… I’m heading home.” Jensen shook his head trying his best to rid the cobwebs in this mind, the blurring thoughts of the dream and reality. “That just felt so… real.”

“Must be someone you care very deeply for, were you away for long?”

The calming voice of the other passenger was helping Jensen cement himself in reality.

“I didn’t think it was long, but I guess my subconscious thought otherwise.”

“Subconscious huh? Is that what you kids are calling it these days when you don’t want to admit it.” The comment was accompanied by a small chuckle and the offer of a glass of water to the still shaking Jensen. “You should drink and eat something, you slept through the dinner - we’ll be arriving soon.”

“Thank you - I will be glad to be that one step closer to home.”

He couldn’t understand why his heart was suddenly beating so fast. Then again, maybe he could, and maybe he just didn’t want to admit it. He had squashed down those feelings a long, long time ago and he had no plans on bringing them up again. If every admit at flirting lead to nowhere there was just no point anymore, he was tired of trying. Still, the feelings and butterflies bubbled and they sat on the surface and they mixed with utter horror of what his tired brain had come up with.

All he wanted right now was to be home with the people he cared about the most.

Day Three - Nine AM

He sunk into the couch, a large, tired, sigh escaping his lips as he draped his arm across his forehead and closed his eyes. Maybe if he stayed like this everything would just rewind and go back to normal. And there would be no pain and horror and no deep seated anger that filled him as he thought of what had happened. But in all honesty he wasn’t actually angry he was just horrified, and sad, really, really sad.

“What happened to locking yourself in a room and screaming swear words only one of us can understand?”

“Suddenly that seems like too much effort.” Soren opened his eyes to see his whole team staring down at him, he wondered if he looked as tired as they all did. “Besides, doing things was easier, it meant you didn’t have to think - thinking makes it worse.”

“Aren’t we all just hypocrites, there were telling them that they had to think and here we are…” Dennis shook his head, said something in Danish that made Soren laugh dryly as the jungler joined his mid laner on the couch. “So we are just going to sit here awhile?”

“That’s the plan - they’re good there now, we, we can be here.”

It was true, about half way through yesterday the door had been flown open and the whole of Flyquest plus a few others from the LCS had came barreling through the door. Liam especially had been set on taking charge, he had demanded why no one had told him or anyone else that use to be on the team, announced that he would be there for his family and had proceeded to take charge.

It was the bot lane of CLG that had walked in on the whole of TSM running around in the kitchen that had told them to go home and get some rest, to leave it to them - to pass it on. The team had basically been pushed out the door, but not before receiving a large thank you hugs from C9. There had been a lot of tears and a lot of chaos, everything had happened so quickly.

But now it was quiet - now it was nothing, and they had all the time in the world to think. To ponder, to feel.

Day Three - Twelve PM

“I’m sorry I, I’ve been super clingy and surrounded by everyone since… since it happened and I - just want to be alone, for awhile. Please, it’s going to happen eventually, I just need to think without someone staring at me waiting for me to break down…”

“We don’t mean for you to feel like that Zach…”

“I know, it’s just - I need some space.” Liam gave Zach one last hug, smiling softly as he did so. “You’ve changed a lot you know - you’ve grown. When I left the team, back then, you wouldn’t have had the strength to do this - now you do.”

Zach shook his head as he pulled out of the hug. “That…. That was all him.”

With a small nod in understanding Liam left his ex team mate alone in his room, making sure to close to the door behind him to give the privacy that Zach had requested. The grief had hit Zach hard and fast and now he was trying to go through the stages faster, Liam knew he had to let him be - but it still hurt.

Alone for the first time since they had returned from the airport Zach tried to push back the horrible feeling of being suffocated as he stood in his room, taking deep, calming breaths as he closed his eyes. So many days like this were to come, so many times he will have to be strong by himself. He could do this, he had to do this.

“How, how do I do this - where do I start.” Slumping onto his bed Zach ran a hand through his hair and gave a small chuckle. “It was always you, that had the plans and answers, I know I never said it or mentioned it - but I followed your lead… and I always worried when you followed mine.”

Zach chuckled slightly although it sounded hollow in the empty room. “And now you have me talking to myself, well you always said I was crazy… God I miss you, I mean I missed you as soon as you left but now… now all I have is a horrid feeling of never getting to see you. Now the missing will never go away…”

He got to his feet and began to pace around his room. His eyes always quickly glancing over the wall near his computer, something that was never shown on stream was the photo wall that Zach had created over the past few years. He didn’t care to admit that they mainly consisted of Jensen.

“I’ve never been a believer in these kind of things - with people being able to hear you, with them being with you…. But I have to now, I have to otherwise I won’t survive. I have to believe that wherever you are, whatever happened, you can hear me - and… and you’re missing me just as much as I’m missing you.”

Zach stopped, finally turning towards his photo’s he took a deep breath and walked over to them, his eyes finding as many pictures of his smile as he could. His heart tore and sung at the same time, he would have to get used to that - it was a weird feeling.

“I’m sorry, I never had the courage to admit it to you - but I loved you… I love you - and I’m going to struggle to do this without you but I… I guess I’ll try, for you - if you give me the strength.”

Day Three - Four PM

Jensen groaned as the whole bus jumped slightly in the air, hitting a pothole in the middle of the road. He was tried, hungry and getting just that little irritable. He felt like he hadn’t rested in days, he felt sticky and sweaty, and he felt like just the smallest thing would set him off. He had deliberately sat away from any over customers on the bus - not wanting to snap at someone for something as simple as talking to him.

The only people he wanted to talk to right now were his team - and even them maybe after a good sleep and a nice hot shower. The midlaner hated it when he got like this, he had such a short fuse when he was tired and it had blown up with unsuspecting people before. Sleep was the only cure and that was not an option with this stupid bus and the stupid bumpy road and the stupid sticky warmness of a bus with no windows and broken AC.

The bus jumped again and Jensen let out a loud murmur of curse words in Danish - he tried to ignore the way people turned to look at him in confusion, and the one small chuckle of laughter from someone up the front that had obviously understood him.

He just closed his eyes, trying his best to push away any angry thoughts and focus on the fact that he was almost, almost, home. He was so close to finally seeing his friends, his family. And finally, he would stop having these stupid thoughts and daydreams. Ever since he had fallen asleep on the plane he had visions of such occurrences while awake as well.

His stupid heart and emotions were really going at it - and he hated that he couldn’t control it. Every Time he closed his eyes in an attempt to get some sort of semblance of rest visions instead would appear, different scenarios of the horrid dream he had - flashbacks to all the times he had tried to show his feelings.

Awhile ago he had resigned to the fact that Zach and him weren’t going to happy - there was no way. He had given up, let it passed, and continued to flirt (because it was just so natural) without expecting anything in return. And yet, ever since he had missed his plane his whole resolve had broken, it was like that decision he had made never existed - like he suddenly thought he had a chance again.

It was stupid to even think about - and Jensen was looking forward to getting back, fitting back into the same routine with Zach and reminding his feelings and heart that there was no chance. The quicker he reminded himself it was a pipe dream and he should stop waiting the better.

Ruining what they already had wasn’t worth it.

Day Three - Six PM

There was just a small inkling of concern as Jack made his way through the house trying to find any indication of where his team was. Everyone else had left a while ago, apparently the team had dismissed them all, thankful for the help but ready to have a little bit of alone time. He was proud of them for making that step but he was also concerned about the fact that he couldn’t find them.

The house was dark, from the lounge to the kitchen to the scrim and game room - there wasn’t any sign of the team. Not until eh saw the light coming from Zach’s room - and the small sound of something that he didn’t think he would ever hear from the long standing member for a long time - laughter.

Jack silently poked his head around the corner of Zach’s room and a small smile formed on his face at the sight of the whole team squashed on the AD’s bed - surrounded by photographs and pieces of paper.

“What is wrong with your face?”

“Ouch, Impact man - cold.” Zach hit his top laner hard on the shoulder, pouting as he held out a photo that he didn’t even remember taking. It was a group one, and to be honest, Impact had made a good point - Sneaky had attempted a cheeky grin - it looked more like he was hiding a pretty dark secret. “At Least I tried to smile, unlike you who just sits there with no emotion.”

The top laner gave him a small hit back. “I’d rather have no emotion than look like an idiot.” It was him that looked up and noticed Jack grinning at them from the doorway. “What are you looking at?”

“I just-” Jack held up his hands and walked in, his heart kind of glowing as he saw the way that Juan and Andy were happily looking through official photo’s of the team from last years split - talking quickly at remembering the game. “I’m just really happy to see you guys… together.”

“We realized something.” Andy commented as the rest of the team nodded in agreement.

“Oh.”

“He would hate the fact that we stopped being together.”

“He’ll call us all idiots for crying so much, I mean - we all know his view on it.”

“And…” Zach blushed, a small smile on his face. “He’ll want us to laugh, and to be happy… so, we’re trying.”

Jack grinned, plopping himself down by Zach and picking up one of the photo’s. “Yeah you are.”

It wasn’t perfect, because it was still a little forced - but it was something - it was a start.

Day Three - Nine PM

Jensen stumbled into the front door with a small curse and a confused mutter as he fumbled around for the light switch, Since when were any members of his team in bed at this hour, it was unheard of, surely they would still be up gaming - but it was very rare that at least one of them weren’t in the main lounge at this point. The house looked dead, unused, and it caused Jensen to shiver slightly - something was wrong.

“Hello - guys?” Jensen threw his rather useless phone on the couch and dropped his bag unceremoniously on the ground as he walked further into the lounge, flicking on lights as he went. “Seriously, where is everyone, since when did we actually all listen to Jack and get some decent sleep - geez.”

The room looked like it hadn’t been used in days, nothing sat on the table in the middle of the room, gone where the numerous hoodies and jackets that could be normally found thrown over the furniture, no dishes, no books or personal items -it was really starting to freak him out.

Jensen was moments away from storming into one of their rooms, just to make sure that they were actually home, when the sound of someone walking caught his attention. The light was suddenly flicked on in the hallway leading up to the main gaming room and Jensen turned to find himself face to face with Andy.

“There you are - I was thinking you guys had all disappeared or something I… what’s wrong?”

Andy’s eyes had gone wide, his face completely pale and his whole body began to shake. The drink he was holding fell out of his hand and crashed to the floor, the glass shattering and the contents spilling all over his feet. He didn’t seem to care, he just continued to stare at Jensen in complete shock.

“Jensen what, how….is that really you?”

Jensen had never heard Andy sound so scared, and his worry increased.

“Of course it’s me, come on man why are you looking at me as if you think I don’t exist or something.”

Andy just shook his head, instead of answering the question he turned around slightly and yelled down the corridor, basically screaming that everyone needed to come now.

“Andy’s what’s going on, you know screaming is not-” Zach’s sentence trailed off into a loud gasp and a simple whimper of pain as the support indicated to the person standing in their living room. Zach just stared, his eyes watering, his whole body shaking as Jensen stared back, utterly confused. “Nicolaj?”

“Hey, hey Sneaks - it’s me why are you-” Jensen’s voice trailed off as he suddenly found himself being tackled by Zach. The hug almost knocked him off his feet, the grip that Zach now had on him was the tightest he had ever had from his friend. Shocked more than anything at the close contact the mid laner placed a hand on top of Zach’s head, trying his best to comfort the obviously distressed carry. “Hey, what’s brought this on, I’m okay, I got home a little late but I thought you wouldn’t mind, I-”

“You’re real, you’re here, I can’t believe, you’re alive…”

“Of course I am - didn’t you get my text, my flight was oversold and I got delayed I….” Jensen frowned, looking up from the shaking and sobbing Zach to the rest of the team who had all slowly made their way into the room, each looking just as shocked as the next. “No one got my text, did they?”

“We thought you were on that flight, we were told you were on that flight and…” Juan’s voice was quiet, stuttering through the words that reminded Jensen of the time when he first joined the team. When he was unsure if he belonged, when he was scared and timid. It completely broke him, he hated it.

The youngest member of the team also moved forward, joining in on the hug and wrapping his arms tightly around Jensen as well. Zach made a happy kind of sound, shifting so that his team mate could do so in a way that was not awkward or uncomfortable.

Usually Jensen would have pushed them all of and made some kind of joke about personal space, but not this time, no this time was different - something had happened. He searched the faces of his team, trying to figure out what exactly that was, what they weren’t telling him. In the end it was Impact that said it, his words blunt, shattering - breaking Jensen to the very core.

“It crashed, your plane - they told us you had died.”

The words echoed around Jensen’s skull, vibrating and painful. Died? They had thought he was dead, they had been told that he was on that plane and… no wonder Andy had looked at him if he wasn’t real.

“Well…. Well what are you all doing over there then?”

The choked out words from Jensen were all the rest of them needed to rush forward and join the hug, pressing themselves as close as possible to the mid laner. Jensen shuffled slightly, toppling with the weight of his team they all dropped down onto the couch. Jensen squashed into the middle of his relieved team.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, letting them burrow themselves into him as much as possible, “I am so, so sorry.”

Day Three - Twelve AM

He was woken from his sleep from a large movement from the group, as well as a bright light that suddenly filled his eyes. He had fallen asleep almost immediately after being smothered by his teammates, having gotten absolutely no sleep on the plane or the bus.

“What in the world are you doing?”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you, I just thought everyone else would be keen to know your not dead.” Andy gave Jensen a small smile, the movement of him untangling his arms from the mid laner was the movement that caused Jensen to stir. “You know, they might want to know.”

“Everyone else?”

“Yeah, what you think they didn’t notice, dude if TSM hadn’t turned up here that morning I don’t think we would have made it through - they even cooked for us.”

Jensen laughed at this, you know something’s gone down when an LCS pro willingly cooks. “Oh - and what are you going to say, it’s not something easily said by text.”

“I was thinking of ‘BTW Jensen’s not dead, airlines are stupid.’”

This caused Jensen to laugh again, causing a murmur from the pile of C9 teammates around him. “And you don’t think that would cause some questions? They’ll probably want more than that.”

“Nah, they’ll probably come storming over here to make sure I haven’t gone insane.” Andy smiled softly sending the text quickly before throwing his phone back on the seat across from them. Sliding back into his position beside Jensen, somehow managing to squeeze back behind Juan to find himself shoulder to shoulder with his mid laner. Sighing softly, Andy closed his eyes, muttering quietly, “I’m really glad you’re here Yensen.”

“Me too Ands, me too.” He paused, biting his lip and shifting slightly. “So many people, that plane - I guess I’m only here because of pure dumb luck…”

“Jensen….”

“I, don’t get me wrong, I am glad to be here - but there are so many people who didn’t - I don’t know how to be happy about that. You guys, that pain, you felt - so many people are going to be feeling that - forever…”

“Maybe happy is not the right word,I understand that. We can be grateful, not for what happen - but for you.”

Jensen just sighed, nodding slightly, letting his head fall to his supports shoulder. “Maybe, I just - I think I don’t really know what to think about it yet.” He paused, his hands freezing as he realized he was running his fingers through Zach’s hair. “I had a lot to lose, and so did everyone else.”

‘My thoughts and prayers are with the families and friends that lost loved ones this week on DN72. I was almost one of them and although I know I can’t stop the pain, I will help and do all I can. If you can donate please do so.’

‘All donations and proceeds from streams in the next two months will go to the families of DN72. Show love to those that have lost.’

Day Seven - Eight PM

Things were somewhat back to normal. Well as much as normal as there lives could be after what had happened. Finally everyone that needed to be aware was aware, everyone that wanted to say something had said something, and things had finally slowed down. Emotions had decreased slightly, the fear and pain had disappeared be be nothing by horrible memory that none of them really wanted to look back on.

Once again the house had returned to it’s normal bright place, welcoming to anyone, with a sense of happiness and a little bit craziness at the same time. The type of feeling and atmosphere that they had all come to know from the C9 had returned and was contagious to everyone that had made their way into the house for the start of split party. The house was full of smiles, just as it should be.

“You guys have always known how to throw a party.”

“Mmm well we might as well have a good time and spend as much time as friends before we have to go back to being rivals you know.” Zach laughed, using air quotes at ‘rivals’ causing the TSM top laner to laugh. “You know, when we then go and hate each other.”

“Good times.” Kevin accepted the drink that Zach offered him, taking a sip he grinned and decided to change the subject. “So, have you told him yet?”

“Uh, what?’

“You know, how you spent three hours crying in my arms saying how you didn’t get to tell him…”

“Oh.” Zach turned a very bright red. “That thing. I, no not yet I don’t think I know how to, when to…”

“I’m surprised you didn’t straight away. Not many,” Kevin chuckled, shaking his head. “Not many people get a second chance in these kind of things Zach. What’s stopping you, the happiness, the atmosphere - they fucking way he smiles at you.”

“Why do you keep coming back to that?”

“Cause Sneaks, if someone smiled at me like that - I would never let them go.” Kevin just patted Zach on the shoulder as he made his way back into the throng of people in the C9’s house lounge. He couldn’t help but make a very unstable point towards Jensen, who was trying his best not to get to much into the throng of people.

Zach’s blush was permanent as he shuffled slightly on his feet. He had been thinking about it, almost every time he had spent time with Jensen in the last few days he had thought of blurting it out. But he never had the courage, he never knew exactly what to say. He just couldn’t cope, he don’t know what he would do if Jensen didn’t love him back.

Love - it was weird to admit it, even in his head but he actually did love him.

And if he loved Jensen, didn’t Jensen deserve to know?

He slowly made his way over to Jensen, nodding and saying quick hello’s to everyone as they called out to him. It seemed like everyone wanted to chat. Zach soon made enough moves to at least get in talking distance of Jensen. He resisted the very large urge to reach out and just cling to him.

“Hey Jensen, not too many people corralling you I hope?”

“I haven’t stopped talking to people, I know they all mean well and I am very flattered about what they are saying and why. It’s just a little tiring - and loud.”

Zach could see his opportunity, almost like he was a bright flashing neon sign above Jensen’s head. “Do you want to step outside a bit for some fresh air and space, I was feeling the need for a little break myself.”

Jensen grinned, and Zach resisted the urge to squeal in delight as it was actually the mid laner that took the initiative, leaning over and taking hold of Zach’s hand. “Yeah I would like that - lead the way.” He moved with Zach away from the party and the crowd, the two of them making their way outside into the small deck and yard that connected to the lounge.

As soon as they were outside Jensen took a deep breath, his whole body seeming to just relax. “Wow, I didn’t realize how tense I was in there - I hate these kind of things at the best of times, but it’s just - weirder.”

“All you want to do is just crawl into bed right now yeah?”

“Ah sleep, it would be nice.” The smile returned to Jensen’s face as he turned to look at Zach, noticing immediately that the brunette looked, if he had to put it in a word, nervous. That and he was blushing.

“Zach are you… okay?”

“I ah, I wanted to come and talk to you, well I’ve been wanting to talk to you for awhile.”

“I feel like we’ve talked nonstop Zach.”

“I know, I’m sorry I’ve been a little clingy, and we have and it’s been great it’s just, not about this.”

Jensen frowned, stepping back a few paces to give Zach his space. “What’s wrong?”

“I thought I had lost you - that’s what’s wrong.”

Might as well get straight to the point, get it all out - like a bandaid, nice and simple

“Zach, we’ve already-”

“No, I - I need to say this. I thought I had lost you and I, I admitted in that moment how I feel and I-” Zach took a deep breath, he couldn’t do this, not with Jensen looking at him in confusion, in the way that made Zach feel like he was staring right into him. He turned his back, the words flying out of his mouth quicker than he thought they ever could.

“I was a mess you know, I ended up crying for about three hours straight with Kevin because he said some things and he made he realize. I hated it, I was torn inside because I thought I had lost my chance, my chance to admit to you that I cared for you, that you are so much more than a friend that I - I love you. I’m so scared, so horrified that I will wake up and you being here, alive is just some delusion that I’ve made up and I will have to lose you all over again and I - I just don’t think, I can’t deal with…”

A steady hand was placed on Zach’s shoulder, the mere touch causing his words to trail off and his breath to hitch in his throat. If Zach had been looking at Jensen right now he would have seen the shock on the midlaners face, the complete and utter drop of the mask and the array of emotions crossing it.

“I’m not going anywhere Zach, I promise, this is real - you never lost me-”

“But, but I might now, now that I-”

“No, no you won’t.” Jensen moved, keeping the hand on Zach’s shoulder as he walked around to be face to face with him, placing his over hand on Zach’s chin to move it upwards so that he could look him in the eyes. “So, all it took was me dying for you to admit it huh, didn’t think I’d have to go to those lengths. Gosh we are both idiots….”

“What, I - I’m serious.”

“Me too, do you know how long I’ve been waiting, how long I’ve attempted to push back my feelings and failed miserably…”

“Y-you, waiting? That mean’s that you-” Zach blinked as Jensen nodded, slowly, removing the hand on his chin to instead place it on his waist. Zach was suddenly rather dizzy, the good kind. “But if you - why wouldn’t you say anything?”

Jensen smiled softly. “I thought I kind of was, you know me - I’m all or nothing - I go hard or I don’t even try. That same drive on the rift kind of also equates to how I relate to people.” Jensen shook his head, giving Zach a small hit on the shoulder. “I thought my flirting was obvious, but apparently not… I had just, resigned myself to that fact that it would never happen… I didn’t want to push you”

“I… I, but you still didn’t say anything.” Zach’s voice held a slight whine to it. Here he had been, completely concerned and horrified that Jensen was going to run away after he admitted his feeling, only to find out he had been flirting with him this whole time. Was he now supposed to take all of the the things that Jensen had said during streams and scrims and games as fact? Because if so…. Damn.

“You’re just working it out now aren’t you?”

“You… you have said it.”

“Mmhmm, multiple times.”

Zach laughed, suddenly feeling a little bit lighter. “Well, now I feel like an idiot.”

“You are an idiot - but you’re my idiot, so it’s okay. And I’m an idiot too, for ever giving up on you.” Jensen pulled his arm a little tighter around Zach waist and tugged slightly, grinning as Zach took the hint and walked over to him - closing the distance. “So… you going to do anything with that second chance of yours Sneaks?”

He very much intended to do so yes - and he was going to do it right now.

Zach wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting. Fireworks, heat, music to suddenly explode in his head and for time to stop, he wasn’t really looking for a cliche or to say he had butterflies or to be all cheesy and say that it perfect, that all the puzzle pieces linked together, like the best moment of his life. Zach knew that his life was not a romantic comedy, or a Disney movie with a happily ever after. He wasn’t expecting any of it, yet a small part of him kind of wanted something like that, just something that cemented this for him.

“Finally…”

They way Jensen was looking at him was his reward, and it was enough. Because it was everything.

>E.N.D<

a/n - woo we made it! XD Hope you all enjoyed it ^^ I’m still working on a few more projects so hopefully the fic will keep coming <3 -Kylie

#submission #fan work #Sneaksen fic #emotionsofink #OMO #THE FEELS #IT'S SUCH A NICE LONG READ JUST IN TIME FOR THE WEEKEND #HAUNTZER WAS ADORABLE JUST SAYING #THANK YOU

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