#i think its better that she stays away

[hashtagonlyingotham]

So I live in Gotham and my sister just called me to demand I explain why I didn't tell her how cheap the rent was here since I know she's been looking for a new place.

1. Rent is cheap because the city gets attacked by the joker or some other villain every few days

2. She's afraid of regular clowns. She can't even go to the circus without panicking, and she thinks Gotham is the city for her? Dude

‎

#OnlyinGotham #Anonymous #yea #with the joker living here and causing chaos here #i think its better that she stays away

[scopophobia-polaris]

Honestly could we throw out the idea that totk's story issue is that it isn't consistent with the lore of the older games but instead drops intresting world building from botw because it might have gotten actually dark

#seriously eveeyone keeps up bring up the triforce not being the same like the older games instead of HEY why DOES the royal family just..... #have it #like all of it #and was the sheikah tech from the last game that functions the same was as light arrows/the biden blast was uh #how do i put this #how did they weaponize lightmagic in robots and does this all tie in with the “banishment” thing #or idk dropped point from botw zelda's fucking chracter arc #i know it ended with LOOOK!!!! YOU FUCKED UP BY DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS RIGHT #But damn they could of just not done that shit in totk making her just the #what was jt #idk man they just keep taking away her agency #man and it sucks cuz the dragon is so cool but mf shes forced to do it what she gonna do stay in the past and DIE? #idk man it just all feels hasty. makes me sad #and it sucks cuz a lot of shit shit is really cool and intresting but man idk i may become a botw zelda deserved a better weiter for her #becuase girl she needs a break. not saying chracters cant go through hardship #but there is something so nasty about the framing of youll never be anything but eveey past princess zelda trope and nothing more #instead of a crystal she turns into a dragon like guys this is the same as skyward sword but idk man is it werd to say #when Hylia does it aginst a thing that wants to steal the god triangles and is also a god its like yeah you had no other choice #how the fuck did one fuckass stone make ganondorf into a god like being you would think that like #mannwhy are the stones THAT powerful and why werent the other bitches able to take them down what because #did #did rauru give sonia the equivalent of the one ring at their wedding hey wait a fuck #sorry for all my spelling mistakes but what the fuck man

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[widowshill]

r/v + loneliness.

102 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch. 4 / 4 / 8 / Art Wallace, Shadows on the Wall / 603 / Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca, ch 4. / 473 / Richard Sherman, Demo: "Lovely, Lonely Man/Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Finale" / 2

#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure，miss winters. #➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery. #compilation tag #idk I have just been Thinking about this since that gifset lol. #‘I’ll blame it on you‚’ she says — because you are the one who has brought me here‚ she thinks #because she seems to anticipate even in their first meeting that she will play Eyre and he Rochester. #there had better be many more such tête-à-tête’s on the cliff side or she’ll be terribly disappointed ! #[and not only cliffside proselytizing: barging into her room at all hours‚ chasing her around town‚ dragging her bodily into the drawing #room‚ and‚ occasionally on a good day‚ an actual genuine date or a meal sometime.] #Roger has –– in theory –– everything that she wants. a family‚ a home‚ a wife and child‚ history and ancestry! boy does he have that! #and yet he is terribly terribly alone in this well he has poisoned. #(from which‚ I might add‚ vicki drinks greedily.) #''What do you want out of life?'' when he's already achieved (or so it appears on the outside) the midcentury blazon of success: #a family‚ a well-to-do office position at which he really does nothing‚ a succession of american-made sports cars. #he may be separated from his wife but together‚ he and elizbeth and david and carolyn form a mimetic image of the nuclear family. #to which vicki is desperate to grasp onto‚ even in its most nightmarish form‚ whether or not she realizes that's why she stays. #but what does he want? he wants the same thing she wants. love and companionship. (that he hasn't yet ruined. that he can't stop ruining.) #she may not precisely understand his type of loneliness but she knows about loneliness among people. she's lived it. #and she knows too about ... a visceral loneliness pushing you to push people even further away (as in the childhood story she tells david). #so she sees through his fronts a lot of the time‚ whether they be a layer of charm‚ or terror. and boy does he hate that. being seen for #something real. where his actions matter and produce consequences. where feeling is real – good or bad. #the little governess and her capacity to find shadows to throw light on! whether they be locked chambers in the basement or the atria.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[lottieurl]

here's. a thing. to consider. van was originally gonna die in the wolf attack i think?? cause i know they just kept the chatacter cause they liked liv that much (meaning that would be a wilderness death and an s1 death). and i gotta ask. like completely honestly and genuinely how interesting would van as a character be if she did die during wolf attack

#just wouldn't be very interesting cause majority of whats REALLY interesting imo abt van comes after wolf attack #this applies to others btw hence why i enjoy for example. the thought of laura lee's corruption arc #and whatever unhealthy fucked up thing she could develop if she didn't die #or why i have a. jackie dies and comes back to live au IN MY HEAD cause i enjoy imagining how that would fuck up #a character so focused on how shes perceived and so focused on crafting an image #its also why ive been kind of turning around in my head a crystal someow lives au #just kind of interesting to think of like. after what she learns from misty plus a betrayal plus i Could Give More Layers To Her #shoving writers away killing walter and deciding that crystal/kristen could be explored More #idk like there is appeal in that #love grief love hauntings love well written deaths #but also its fiction i can imagine any scenario i want #sometimes better than the writers oops who said it #anyways. GOODNIGHT. its a silly show btw the writers arent sure what happened OR if supernatural exists so lets stay silly too ig #yellowjackets blogging

[anonymocha]

suddenly seeing parallels between kumar and medicine pocket

#wonderful day to be a kaalaa baunaa x medicine pocket shipper #you know the difference between kumar and mp #kumar did the things she did out of vengeance — a cause — a purpose #and a desire to destroy others or oneself #mp does the insane shit they do because its FUN #because they have the capabilities to bear it #essentially because they can #considering their dialogue and hobby; they definitely hold life at a high value #perhaps careless #but honest #both defo insane and self-concerned #just in different flavors #hence why i think shipping kb x mp is either an angst abyss or healing journey #mp is smart and emotionally mature despite their mad kid behavior #but yes definitely a victim of impulse and chaotic practices #meanwhile kaalaa baunaa is a woman of method and routine #in research or in life #these two are kind of opposites... #mp shows a petty and nasty front but behind it lies a surprisingly mature and insightful self #kb maintains monumental composure and mysterious but friendly front #although inside i am sure many many things eat away at her #especially kumar #oh ESPECIALLY kumar #she probably acts all cool and level-headed saying things like “life goes on” #she starts to fail to follow her own philosophies and drown herself in work #because staying still will only make the memories of kumar manifest louder #she relies on her routines for comfort; whats always there and always will be #but shes tiring herself out because she cannot entirely confront the idea that kumar is gone #because kumar's presence IS a part of her routine — her methods — course — orbit #mp is like a replacement — better or worse? fuck around n find out

[vidavidee]

little guys from the past couple weeks.. i hit em with the deltarune beam

#doodley #tpn #okwarning there is a lot of tags below where i talk excessively about choosing characters in these dumb sketches #OK I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MY CHARACTER CHOICES QUICKLY #I mostly drew the kris/emma + ray/susie + norman/ralsei trio #HOWEEVERRR I THINk there is a lot of other options that also work!!! like.. simply going by colour #i could do ray/ralsei + emma/susie + norman/kris . Which does work imo.. but i think character wise it gets more complicated #because kris works for norman in the sense of acting as a vessel for someone else .. its just in a very literal sense for kris #but i think ray fits kris better because he also acted under the control/to help of others !!! like that was his life plan jsddsk #+ the way kris. stays generally apathetic aside from the moments when they detach themself from the player #like aaaughugh words. characters that are forced 2 repress all of themselves and act as a vessel for others except for the few moments #where they act out angrily because they've been made to constantly live under somebody else's control n dont have an outlet for emotions #<- more ray than kris but i think that the comparison works ehghehg.. #ray could also work as susie with her whole going against the other 2 of the trio and doing things in a more efficient but 'violent' way #plus her whole traumatized kid becomes harsh n rude in order to keep other people away thing #but she works for emma too methinks... more just on surface level stubbornness though #ralsei as norman is like. yea they dont match up in a good few aspects but they both have the same Boy made of wet cardboard energy 2 me #+ i think its silly to make his hair thing into horns :3 #in the end i drew the trio i drew cause it was what first came to mind & i guess it made sense from a silly art perspective to do #protag as protag.. even if emma is the least 'kris' visually its like yaeaea recognizable trio thing. ok done #the promised neverland

[strawbebyjam]

luv mascara so much but hate the trail she leaves

#i looked sooooo cute the other day and the mascara i used like. i love her we love her. but my eyes still look dark under girl it’s been #3 days 😭😭😭 #tbf i’ve beeb sleeping kinda funky but still!!!!! she should be kinder about it i think #friend sent me a message saying she wantedto ask abt something and then didnt say what she needed to ask for like two hours and still hasnt #so im jittery and gonna end up oversharing on here but its better than being jittery and holding overthoughts and nowhere to put them prob #also ive been violently flipflopping between feeling sooo pretty sooo beautiful sooo everyone is so beautiful and like. abyssal dread. #brain wheres the christmas cheer … #cooked dinner for everyone today and i couldnt do every part bc i felt sick n it wasnt perfect n im gonna be dwelling on it til i pass out #in any case jitters. jittery. not going away #i feel like maybe a warm bath could help but also my hairs so long now that itd end up staying wet for long n then it might turn into #shivery jitters and then thats just insurmountable yk. so. but #in any case. i wish i could clean my room properly feel like id be less jittery n also i miss my cousins n nieces n family LMFADHDJDJD #mano.mindtalk #neg

[s0fter-sin]

finally figured out the reason it’s been difficult to get back into reading books after reading fic for so long is so many fantasy books are just self inserts and the mc has no personality beyond the bare minimum

#i dont want to imagine myself in the characters place #i didnt just spend 30 bucks for you to give me a long form imagine #i can do that by myself #i dont want a blank shell i want a character #like you read fics and they feel completely different depending on whos pov youre reading from #i think its why sp is still my favourite series despite it being ya #val is arrogant and selfish and she fucks up and doesnt get the boy she wants #her relationships constantly fail and theyre not the main point the plot always is #she has so many flaws and that helps serve the narrative #shes a character and im reading her experiencing things #not me vicariously experiencing things with the blandest possible reactions so i can pretend theyre my reactions #damn near every fantasy goes the same way #im new to this world/my powers and i need help/cant control them and the mysterious boy everyone tells me to stay away from and is super #mean to me has begrudgingly decided/is forced to help me and i discover hes only mean bc of tragic thing and he opens up to me #and the powers/world are never the point except that im secretly royalty and/or the chosen one that will end this war/battle without #really doing much #and i learn to master my powers by believing in myself and my emotions bc its 2023 and fem characters still have to fall into this trope #i want an interesting mc that drives the plot and is equal to the love interest #or better yet the love interest is so far in the background its only brought up in book 4 #lay some ground work for fucks sake theres no time limit this isnt a movie #heres hoping the bunch i bought the other day do that and get me back into it #or ill just re read the same four series ive been reading since i was 12 #and stick to fic as my main source of entertainment #it hasnt let me down so far #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt

[biteapple]

? Olive has the same meow for "please come pet me while i eat" and "please come here and play with me" now, which only developed after i bought her a new toy (quickly became her new favorite) which is interesting. maybe this is a general meow for "pay attention to me" now .. she no longer really meows for being pet while she eats anymore after buying this toy for them both, for some reason, which is good (that was a REALLY bad habit of hers ive been trying to wean her off of)

#her meow for ''please play with me'' USED to be a very high pitched cry which changed #i feel like ive been playing with her in the same amount as i used to though so i dont think its that #she has the ''pet me while i eat'' habit because as a kitten my family had many adult cats that used to bully her #so i would make sure they didnt push her away from the food dish by staying near her when she ate. which she then wanted into adulthood #i then specifically would feed my cats upstairs in my room after that went on too long #that was a combination of a lot of bad things all at once that she grew up in (family only giving cats one food dish & free feeding them) #i would later atleast convince them to add a second and third dish to different areas that i'd maintain #while having my own food and water up in my room for my cats #.. still .. there were 7 cats. #its a lot better now though. there's only 3 cats that live in that house now. and i took my two girls with me here #i get to care for them how i'd like now .. its better that way #she developed the very high pitched cry when i left for a year while i was trying to sort out my living situation. #apparently she used to meander the house carrying a toy around and looking for me the year i was away #i know thats a separation anxiety thing (she also does this when i go to work and go to sleep) but she'll do it for play as well #they both have different toy collections and styles of play they prefer that im trying to add to and expand #i wanna get one of those kick-y toys next. those fish that wiggle. i think Olive specifically will LOVE that #Hope is more of a ribbon-toy and laser light girl. Olive likes to kick and kill her toys but has overlap with toys Hope likes too

[rebellum]

Okay I didn't wanna bother op by putting this in the tags of that last post I reblogged, the bitch daughter/bastard son post

But that is SO confrontational that it's FASCINATING for me

Like I can't imagine anyone in my family calling someone else a bitch. Even on my dad's side of the family, which is relatively mean, where my dad DEFINITELY things my aunt is a massive bitch.

I wanna put that op's mom under a michael scope and study her. What could possibly inspire you to call your child a bitch. Over PANTS. Like over anything is wild. But over PANTS.!.????? I am fascinated.

#the worst thing ive ever said to my mum was 'fuck you' #and that was at a very very emotionally charged moment that has not happened before or since #it was a Whole Thing and i couldnt get away and she wouldnt leave me alone #tbh i never apologized for that and i never will. i forgive her! for her actions! but bruh i did nothing wrong. i did what i had to do. #you might think 'wow thats a lot' but imagine being 18 and you lost your phone in a stupid way and its just confirmation that #to you that no matter what you do you will always be a failure and the world would be better off without you and you cant even punish #yourself with self harm because youre staying with relatives and you know youre worthle #s and then your mom wont stop telling you that you messed up by losing your phone. and its like. you know. you know. you know you fucked up #and that youre a waste of space and that no one is saying that but they all know it too #so you go to a field to sit down and be alone and she follows you out and tells you to come inside #so you do and go up to your cousins bedroom where youre staying but the wall is open to the hallway #so its not even rly private and then she just keeps walking in to tell you #'this is serious that you lost your phone thats not okay' #when all you can think about is how you deserve to drown in your own blood. #so! yeah anyways! while my family doesnt speak to eachother that way i maintain i did nothing wrong with saying fu.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals #and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away #from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird #ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas #there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil #lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit #like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside #all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶 #maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha #ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i #dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January #so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes #just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im #afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see #me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over #im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol #i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful #unrelated

[tea-kettlezz]

Zoey is the one you'd rip to pieces but not the guy who potentially spends the entire passing obsessing over her?? Interesting. Very interesting that ZOEY is the "problem" and not the guy obsessing over her. Ellis shows interest in Zoey, but you want Zoey to stay away from him?? I see

Surely this isn't a result of an inherent bias against women who "get in the way" of your gay ship or queer Ellis headcanons?? Surely you don't see Zoey as "competition"?? I sure hope that's the case

#idc if im looking into it too much #they better not be a fucking n/llis shipper #rlly out here pitting a 19 yr old against a 35 yr old man for some loser who thinks the mona lisa is a statue 😭 #and shitting on her bc one of the men in your yoai likes her #cmon now #its a shame i was about to rb the art piece then i saw that tag #tbh even if the poster doesnt like n/llis its still weird that theyre pointing at zoey as the one who 'needs to stay away from ellis' #and not the other way around #given she doesnt show nearly as much interest in him as he does her #if anything you SHOULD be ripping ellis to pieces since hes the one interested #and dont be going on about some whole 'being with her makes him straight' biphobic ass bullshit #update: the poster does/did in fact ship n/llis #istg ppl who ship n/llis are either very chill or the most misogynistic annoying motherfuckers in the way that only fandom mfs can be

[dbssh]

my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.

#SHE DOESNT FUCKING LIKE HER. #like i think if stsc had lived windblades general opinion wouldve been girl im proud of you and your #growth or whatever but like can you retire or something. stay away from me. #like i think wb meant it when she said she wanted stsc to get better and believed she could. but i dont think theyre ever going to be #friends. im of the opinion that death + the haunting is the best ending for starscream #and that its really the only environment for her that is conducive to fully truly healing and being at peace #like idk i think she was miserable and there would be no future in which people let her 'escape punishment' nor one where shes interested #in doing that even with bee and windblade in her corner. and i just idk #i think she needs space to be alone out from the public eye #and away from all the pressures that kept her spiraling over and over her whole life #and i just. the way exrid was set up i just dont think there was room for her to do that on cybertron #but i dont think shes healthy enough to realize that and leave #and i think 'noble sacrifice that returns her dignity and gives her comfort' #and 'true freedom to be herself no more and no less with the company of someone who actually likes and cares about her with no #responsibility or risk to her physical or mental health' #is like. really the best of both worlds i think it was good for her. #fix its where she gets brought back are cute and all but honestly i dont know. would she even want that. it would change everything #when shes finally for once comfortable and at peace #yk sometimes death is a GOOD THING IN NARRATIVES and she DIDNT EVEN REALLY ALL THE WAY DIE so like i thibk its fine. #i miss her tho. god i miss idw.

[jeezypetes]

Ahhhh the job I thought i didn’t get bc they never got back to me after my interview (which I thought went really well) just reached out to me bc apparently the person they tried to hire backed out.,.. and now its gonna be like another month of wondering if I’m gonna have to decide if I want to move to another state where I don’t know anyone. And i was kind of relieved when i never heard back bc I’m really happy here with my family and gf and friends but the fact is my job here is a contract with very slim hopes of developing into a real job with benefits and i live with my parents bc i love them and our house and our town but i know i have to seriously consider this opportunity bc it would be a good career move and i want to live a rich and interesting life. But I don’t want to talk about it with anyone irl because my dad has covid which has been my number 1 fear since the start of the pandemic (he’s 71 and immunocompromised but he’s doing well and not needed the hospital) and I just want to be able to only worry about that I can’t even talk about the job thing which i drove myself and everyone around me crazy with already back in October. Which is why I’m just posting it vjfdhk I’m being tormented by forces beyond my control i feel like this is the sort of thing it would be really helpful to believe in God about

#like people who say He has a plan which i guess is comforting but his plans are so inscrutable they may as well be random. but some people #think he wants the best for us??? which seems so unlikely to me I can’t even try to believe it #anyways i think my dad willbe fine but I’m worried about long term health issues which would make it really really hard to move away bc my #mom is already basically disabled. and i want the house I want it so bad but I can’t afford to buy it from them bc our neighborhood has #gotten sooo much more expensive then it was when they moved here in the 80s and i know they’re planning on selling it to fund their #retirement. but i love it here so much I want to live here forever and die here but its not realistic and maybe it would be easier if i #moved away and put down roots somewhere else and then it will be less painful when they sell the house and less painful when they die #i just want things ro stay likethis forever I’ve #spent so much time these past few years walking around this neighborhood its like the veins in my arms i can live other places i have for #years but they never get this deep im so scared for the futuy #future but there’s absolutely nothing i can do to stop it. except kill myself i guess but it’s #not nearly at that point yet ckgdf it would make a lot of people very upset. it is sort of comforting to remember though i have that option. #god i hope they don’t offer me the job I’m a wreck just thinking about it #i really haven’t made any special efforts to reach out to them or anything. obv I wasn’t their first choice i have no idea if I’m their #second. i think they really liked me but I’m guessing im younger and less experienced than other candidates #hi if ur reading this btw its me a stranger on the internet and you know something my closest friends and family don’t know. congrats #I’ll talk to someone in a few days when my dad is feeling better. really hope my mom doesn’t get sick too she’s been coughing a bit but #testing negative. idc if i get covid i actually hope i get it bc that will prove I didn’t give it to my dad asymptotically #that’s not a secret i toldmy mom she was like jesus Christ don’t think like that