#i’m just thinking out loud lol

[padfootastic]

a seldom unrealised joy of fics updating after a long time (by which i mean many months or perhaps even years) is being able to go back and reread the previous chapter or heck, the entire fic again to catch up. it’s almost as good as reading it for the first time🥰

#ofc. if ur like me and ur brain is akin to a colander #then mere weeks also feel like a heckin long time #and this works even better #can u tell i got a fic update today #idk how long it’s been but def long enough that i have to read the previous chapters lol #(i’m also trying to make my own self feel better wrt FOD 💀) #but also #i’m generally an advocate for readings wips #bc theyre amazing #and idc how long it takes for it to be finished #heck i’ve started abandoned works so many times #rly think people r missing out #they’re so focused on the end goal they’re not enjoying the process #<— pls ignore how…corporate? spiritual? idk that sounded #i’m just thinking out loud lol #or. writing out loud? #idk #okie byeee #gonna read my chapter now

[juniperhillpatient]

Also Rachel is so mean to Jesse for no reason & I haven’t utilized Katara being mean to Zuko (in a funny way) nearly enough in Happenstance

#this obviously wouldn’t be an upcoming plot anyway they’re all gonna be on break soon #I’m just thinking out loud lol #this is so funny & could so easily be adopted for my fic #rose watches himyf

[magnus-rhymes-with-swagness]

OKAY who wants to hear about why i think nimona challenges amatonormativity? you do! 🫵

one of the main ways this is accomplished is through ballister and ambrosius’s relationship. it’s arguable that it doesn’t necessarily fit the traditional model of romance - not only are they a queer interracial couple, and not only is their relationship ambiguous in the book, but there are certain instances, especially in the movie, that subvert traditional ideas of romance and friendship.

one instance that really stands out to me is when the director asks ambrosius what’s on his mind and he goes on his imagined rant about how arm-chopping isn’t a love language - you know the one. when he mentions ballister, he refers to him as “the man i love, my best friend.” and not just one or the other, but both! the man i love, and my best friend. he places equal emphasis on both the romantic and platonic aspects of the relationship, valuing ballister in both a romantic context and a platonic context without treating either one as more important than the other.

and even moments such as the first “i love you” and the kiss manage to subvert tradition. both of these things are generally seen as a pretty big deal, especially in fiction - if the characters are kissing or saying “i love you,” it’s usually a moment in which everything changes. a line is drawn, dividing the story into after and now. sometimes it’s dramatic and climactic, with fireworks and a swell of music, but even when it isn’t it’s still seen as a turning point of sorts. now it’s official, now it’s real. but this isn’t the case in nimona. both moments are certainly significant - they do a good job of showcasing the character development and where ballister and ambrosius are on their respective journeys, and are certainly important in terms of representation - but neither one follows the path that most fictional romance does.

another way in which nimona challenges amatonormativity would be the emphasis on friendship! in the tavern scene (in the movie) when ambrosius suggests killing nimona, ballister disagrees and says “she’s my friend.” ambrosius replies with “aren’t i more than that?”, implying he’s more important than a friend - thus upholding amatonormative ideas. ballister becomes angry at that and leaves - challenging this idea and prioritizing his platonic relationship with nimona over his romantic one with ambrosius, as nimona is the one he wants to defend.

additionally, a big part of this scene is the way ballister deliberately rejects institute values while ambrosius unintentionally upholds them. and because the story challenges homophobia and transphobia (and other forms of bigotry) through the lens of the institute, it would make sense for it to challenge amatonormativity too! it’s something that’s become incredibly normalized, to the point that lots of people don’t even know it exists, and this is reminiscent of the institute brainwashing, especially when it comes to ambrosius - he’s been manipulated his whole life and probably genuinely doesn’t understand the level to which he’s internalized institute beliefs.

ballister prioritizes nimona many times, actually. when he tells ambrosius she’s “smart, kind, and quite sophisticated,” when he’s overjoyed to see her again at the end, when he refuses to kill her and saves her instead. over and over, he proves how much he cares about her, even when this involves directly going against what ambrosius wants - which, of course, is really what the institute wants. a core tenant of amatonormativity is the false notion that romantic relationships are more important or valuable than other types of relationships, but ballister actively goes against this!

to conclude, as a story that at its core is about identity and challenging societal beliefs, nimona defies expectations and traditional ideas of what it should or shouldn’t be. it’s possible that amatonormativity wasn’t what the creators had in mind, but the story still manages to challenge it with grace and elegance. just like its main character, nimona refuses to conform to what others want it to be.

#nimona #nimona movie #ballister blackheart #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #ambrosius x ballister #nimona netflix #nd stevenson #nimona spoilers #i could go on tbh but i think this is a digestible amount #often when i’m writing a meta i’ll walk around in circles talking into my phone recording my thoughts out loud #and then i’ll play it back and put the most coherent stuff into a list which eventually becomes paragraphs #and the combined recordings for this one are about half an hour in total lol #i’m just. absolutely in love with the whole story. both the book and the movie mean so incredibly much to me #changed my life shaped me as a person etc etc :’) #OH i almost forgot. this analysis is dedicated to the person who sent me aphobic anon hate about it before it even existed lol #i know i said i wouldn’t post anything if people couldn’t be normal but idc actually. seethe with rage! <3 #my words #meta

[lyriumlullaby-ao3]

god they really did do Justice kinda dirty in da2, huh

#antares speaks #no listen!! hear me out #i LOVE the character choice to have him join with Anders i think it’s perfect #i just wish they’d let him be his own character still more than just like… Anders’ understudy :/ #he’s so interesting and tbh i wish you heard him and Anders speak to each other out loud!!!! #but of course they weren’t going to do that 😒😒 #can’t be seen to be showing humanity to ppl who talk to themselves or… idk how to talk about this right bc i don’t know very much about it #so forgive me if my language is clumsy!! #but like some people have more than one personality or ‘voice’ i guess in their heads and that’s totally cool and we COULD let it be normal #just give me Anders AND Justice as distinct(ish) entities even even they get confused about who’s who!! #let me interact more w Justice!!! he’s in there even when Anders is being Normal:tm: and he could have been his own character still!!!! #give me back my friend okay :c #anders dragon age #justice dragon age #dragon age 2 #dragon age awakening #i’m playing awakening again and i’m having SOOOO many anders + justice feels :((( 💔💖✨ #okay sorry for giving a ted talk in the tags. it will happen again lol

[felixravinstills]

I think it’s kinda fun that Felix must have curled his hair for the Reaping

#ignore me I just need to send the thought away from me #I said this out loud to a friend and they told me that they were sure no one thinks about this man more than me… I hold out hope there is #he’s just my silly guy and I’m imagining him waking up early for someone to go and use a curling wand on him #like they don’t look like he used rollers but idk I’m not a hair expert. all I do is scrunch and air dry my hair lol #felix ravinstill #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #abyssal stuff #abyssal rambles

[revengeromance]

99% of lgbt discourse over the past 5 years is just teenagers with a specific insecurity that they want to make everyone’s problem

#for example most people who parroted ‘only gay men can say faggot’ discourse #(in my personal experience) #were/are young trans mascs who are insecure in their identities and want something just for themselves… #often ignoring like… actual lgbt history lol! #I’m not a sociologist or anything so I don’t KNOW what I’m saying #but from what I’ve seen this has been the case… #anyway just thinking out loud here #this can probably be applied to other topics but I don’t know any!

[queen-evanlyn]

I know that people get annoyed when they’re told that ‘christmas is secular now’ (and fair enough) but tbh… it is. at least where I am. I went to a chrissy party the other day where they said grace at the start and my first thought was that it wasn’t appropriate at a non-christian event. and plenty of people agreed with me!

maybe it’s just a cultural thing bc I know that it’s super religious over in america, but tbh it just doesn’t have a lot to do with ~jesus~ here

#mine #I don’t really celebrate christmas as anything other than a gift giving holiday #and I don’t take any time off work #idk I’m just thinking out loud #I’m a big fan of the separation of church and state and personally I think it would be much easier to secularise christmas than #make it not a public holiday. because we love our public holidays and hate changing them here lol

[straightfacedstrangeness]

“I probably only feel these Special Interests so intensely and obsessively because I self-consciously repress myself from talking about em, if I was able to really talk about em I might lose steam and just stop caring” VS “if I was able to really talk about em I could easily become the most insufferable person you’ve ever met”

#‘LOL you talk about it on here all the time’ excuse you my posts on here are only about 10% of my daily internal monologue #consider yourselves lucky #wanna poke someone in the shoulder repeatedly til they watch a clip and I can point out all the cute little mannerisms and endearing traits #used to just thinking of myself as a quiet person with a loud brain but actually no. I want to be loud so bad #crackpotproblems #TMI maybe? #what no i’m not obsessing because i’m hyper stressed all the time and am desperately seeking endorphins/dissociation haha whatr u talkin ab

[hetalia-club]

I understand the concept of the ‘country humans’ thing but I guess I just don’t understand…it… know what I mean? They don’t have faces they are flags on stick people. I don’t understand how people want to have sex with them. They’ll be like omg America is so hot. And it is a flag with a cow boy hat on. At least when we say hetalia characters are attractive they look like anime boys and have personalities that are preset. I guess idk why you would bother with it when hetalia is like right freaking there.

#not tagging this because I don’t want people in that fandom to get their feelings hurt #I’m just thinking out loud #I don’t want to start shit lol

[garish]

getting on my little hater soapbox to say i fucking hate fireworks i think they’re dangerous and stupid and untrained morons with a couple bucks to burn shouldn’t be allowed to set off explosives in residential neighbourhoods just bc they want to 🗣️

#they’re bad for the environment bc smoke and chemicals and they create nothing but littered waste no one picks up #they scare birds and other animals that live outside #they can cause house fires and other property damage #they can cause catastrophic injuries if mishandled #they scare the shit out of house pets and ppl who are averse to loud sudden noises (autism PTSD etc) #i could go on and on i’m just justifying my haterism here lol #i 1000% think drone shows are the way to go #and yes ik the average guy who sets off fireworks can’t afford 50 drones but too bad! #not to sound like a boomer but ​looking at pretty lights in the sky is a want not a need

[her-midas-touch]

I’m so okay I’m totally fine but also "They’ll hate you because you made them love you so much”

#im sorry if you see this and it makes no sense I’m on a huge wave of feeling things and I need to get it out of my system ignore me lol #Its just that one episode in emily dickinson s2 iykyk but also the delivery just makes me want to sit there and think about this #its about fame but also it makes so much sense in a normal context #because isn’t love of any kind also scary like that? Like how we’re sometimes so suspicious of people’s motives or overthink a relationship #suspect an ulterior motive #or being used or worried about not being on the same page about the relationship or getting too attached while the other person doesn’t #and its part of the reason we draw up all these walls around us to keep the hurt out or avoid the person #or convince ourselves its too good to be true #and then sometimes we’re on the receiving end of that and its so confusing and hurtful and sometimes #the line between hate and love is a thin one #but they’re both just strong emotions that can take quiet and loud forms but the fact is they both stem from an excess of something #just that hate comes easier because love is genuinely scary in the sense that being proved wrong about it is just way more crushing #than being misdirected or wrong in hate #ari yells at the void (no literally because wtf are my tags rn 😭)

[juniperhillpatient]

You know what I really am ok with 6 being the end it’s literally so fucking good the echo of “you have to let me go” the final shot of Sam dropping the Ghostface mask, the most iconic opening of the franchise, the kind ending for Sidney & - given that this is the last entry of the series anyone will ever give a fuck about - honestly the kind ending for the core 4? The tributes to the Ghostfaces throughout the years? Yeah it sucks that Scream is over but this really was a wonderful way to end it I actually have no issue with 6 being the ending. Yes it could’ve gone on & continued to get even better the Carpenter sisters really solidified themselves as worthy adversaries for future Ghostfaces but also this is a good ending

#I didn’t finish my rewatch I’m actually getting ready to do other things for the day now #but I’m just thinking out loud #I’ve seen this 20 or 30 times by now it’s not like I can’t speak on it jsut cause I haven’t finished THIS rewatch lol #scream 6

[wifegideonnav]

homestuck is getting SAD and i don’t WANT THIS i want to read about shitty children lovingly bullying each other i don’t want to watch them sobbing over each other’s corpses :/

#I’ve gotten stuck in reread village #just refinished act 3. skipping the stupid intermission. so not too long from now I will be right back at the sad parts #it’s just like. i think part of the reason i latched onto hs over christmas is bc a piece of engaging media with an interesting plot/ #relatable and lovable characters/CRUCIALLY a very stupid sense of humor was exactly what I needed #and now I’m like. invested and it’s getting angsty. which I am into!!! but I’m like. v stressed out rn #which makes me fragile #and so I want my fiction to be an escape yk? which it can’t really be (at least not that kind of escape) if it gets my emotions up #but it’s like I rly want to get to act 6 #I’m 2/3(?) of the way through 5.2 so I’m almost there #and I really want them all to get together + I’ve been promised lots of juicy character development and relationship building #but I also know it keeps getting angstier #and so idk what to do lol!!! #whatever rant over I’ll figure it out #my friend and I have been reading out loud a lot so that’s probably how I’ll do it #bc it’s more fun plus I can yell with her and also hit her when I’m mad that I started it in the first place lol #bc of the angst #(she’s starting htn soon and I can’t wait for the roles to be reversed teehee) #anyway. rant over for real now #if youre still reading this send me a spoiler free ask about how much you love terezi or kanaya or something #op #hs

[byakuyasdarling]

can’t deal with the fact people glorify anxiety,,, like yes the disorder that literally keeps me from normal functioning and is detrimental to my physical and mental health is so cutesy and so easy to live with and I can totally sleep at night and I don’t get massively painful ulcer flare-ups when I’m stressed (it is literally debilitating) panic attacks are quirky! /s

I don’t have repetitive thought cycles that make me constantly worry and exhaust me throughout the day from a whole other disorder that’s exasperated by my anxiety! It’s so pleasant in both of these ways! I love when people think me flapping my hands is so cutesy when it’s totally not a sign of distress for the most part /SARCASM

I have no clue why anyone would want to fake something I am so desperate to get rid of. Like this is not fun — especially when so many people close to me in my life atm have this strong image of me that I hate living up to.

Though I will say that most likely, even people who fake disorders do have something bad going on and is symptomatic of broader issues (there’s literally a term for this, I forgot) — so I’m not going to go haywire at confused and hurting children. Though their actions are ignorant and can romanticise what living with these things is actually like and diminish other people’s struggles — I’m fairly sure they’re too young and confused to properly process that and I doubt it’s malicious the majority of the time. You’re just going to further push them into boxes by harassing them.

#I usually just suffer in silence and deal with it but even with coping mechanisms it’s extremely hard to control #like it’s 1am here and I have to wake up in 5 hours for work and I’m still not well and I just hate my anxiety because I’m thinking of so - #- many bad things. even when I rationalised it and spoke to people I’m still nervous and upset. #I will clarify my ‘other disorder’ is not formally diagnosed — my anxiety and depression are though. #(the ‘other disorder’ was just identified as ‘highly probable’ from my therapist. that’s why I don’t speak of it in direct terms) #i would also like to say I would deal with it and my sensory issues so much easier if it wasn’t for anxiety and depression. I could be very- #- functional with it. (I know because I was once there LOL) #Dysthymia does run in the family but mine is listed as MDD (clinical depression or Major Depressive Disorder I think). #I can’t remember if they actually specified my anxiety on my record but I know my therapist generally points to GAD. #I’m talking like a weirdo again but it’s just comforting to actually say this out loud because I never do #I am literally employed as having no mental neurodivergency so I can’t really speak about it at work #but I think people kind of just figure it out I’m a little off. or very off. #vent tw #tw vent #// ask to tag

[kirnet]

Man I feel like I’ve been fighting every drawing I do for the last few months. Like I can’t even doodle anymore. It’s all just… blocked? Restricted in some way? I can get a good end product, sure, but I’ve lost all my fluidity and the ability to just spit something out onto the page. Everything takes multiple iterations now before it’s anything serviceable, and each one of those takes pushing and pulling and prodding to get to that point.

The answer is probably that I need to do some studies, or that I need to work in a new medium for a while, or that I actually need to start using my sketchbook again, which. Yes. I feel like I’m missing whole limbs when I don’t do all that. But drawing/ painting has never been easy for me? It’s always been this laborious process. One I enjoy, one I love, but now I’m just growing increasingly frustrated that something that should take me 20 minutes, that would take a better artist 20 minutes, is taking me 2 hours

#but you know a few months ago it would have taken me 3. I have gotten much much faster #and I like what I’m doing! i just miss… idk. i think I need to do more physical media again. i need to make bad ugly art. but I feel like #i don’t have the time or energy to expend between actium and commissions #you know when I don’t fight my drawing? when I’m drawing in that stupid barely useable aggie.io server with the art pals. then it flows #like water. my issue is probably that I have too many options and tools. hmm. much to think abt #artists if you wanna chime in then go ahead but anyways. thanks for listening to my therapy session lol. back to the grind #ramblings #i just can’t sketch anymore…. god it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. #it could also be that my health is just that much worse and between work and eveythng I have less energy. i need to be so choosey with what #i take on

[starlooove]

Me realizing that when I’m doing it in the privacy of my own room with nobody around there’s no possible way I’m faking it or being over dramatic for attention.

#idk why but I have this irrational fear of ppl thinking im faking shit for attention #and it’s really not bad if I can power through it #it’s only recently that I’ve realized the fact that I force myself to power through it is why it’s that bad #like with shit with migraines saying actually yeah I’m dizzy rn and ily but if I hear ur voice I’m gonna cry oh I’m already crying #anyways current situation is I’m clumsy as hell tripped over a chord and landed directly on my palm which hurt my wrist #and imma big bitch y’all it was not light force… #oh actually my palm is stinging as I write this is this going to be an issue #it’s not a break or sprain or whatever but it hurts bad lol #mobility is not impeded in the slightest #anyways point is for a second I said ow out loud got irritated with myself bc they’re gonna think ur faking and realized the they #in question doesnt exist and it does actually hurt that bad #it’s ok tho sleep it off if it’s bad tomorrow it’s bad bad ig #but for now it’s just sheer ignorance 👎🏾