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aberrant-angel · 23 days

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can i ask you to elaborate on what being ageless means? to you? i think it's really interesting (and i don't want to rely on google info i think it will be wrong) (i'm a little this is very genuine)

thank you for the question!

i think age shares a lot of similarities with gender/sex, which is something you'll get absolutely dogpiled for saying in the wrong company, but it's true. people mistakenly conflate chronological measurements of how much time has passed since you were born with the role you're expected to fulfill based on your perceived age, how you're supposed to talk, how you're supposed to dress, how people will expect your mind to work, etc. just like you are assigned a gender you are expected to perform, you are also expected to behaviourally and aesthetically perform your age as a role.

also just like with biological sex there's a bunch of weird essentialist pseudoscience surrounding age, for example the pervasive myth of "brain development" (often used as a justification for denying rights to younger people) like how people will claim your brain isn't fully finished until you're 25. it's all nonsense and has been repeatedly disproven.

for me, i don't really feel like i fit in with "adults", i don't really feel like i fit in with "kids", i don't feel "old" or "young" consistently, i don't feel like i slot neatly into anywhere on the range of ages you're supposed to be. i'm "mature" about some things and "childish" about others. sometimes i feel younger, sometimes i feel older, often i don't feel like any age at all and more like some kind of creature detached from human ideas of age. like, it's funny to call an animal "little boy" or "old woman" or that kind of thing, right? because there's an absurdity to it, because of course animals don't have a concept of age like that, just like they don't have a concept of gender in the way humans do either. it's largely a social construct, even if people are uncomfortable openly acknowledging that.

how i feel about my age all depends on context and my mental state. i've heard other people express similar sentiments to me, although they're usually scared to explicitly use a label like "ageless" (or "transage" or "chronosian" or any similar terms,) but neurodivergency, dissociative conditions, plurality, and trauma, (among other things,) seems to often play a role in it. the main thing that actually separates people by age is how much experience they have had the possibility to collect over the course of their life, but i don't even remember most of mine. did i ever really "grow up" in a normal way then? it's complicated. (kind of a tangent but people casually use phrases like "growing up too fast" or having "childlike development" etc. in a psychological context but then suddenly when someone acknowledges such things as a genuine part of their own experience, it's looked down on. very interesting!)

think about it like this: would people that don't know my age treat me differently if they knew i was 17? or if they knew i just lied in the previous sentence and i'm actually 25? or if it was revealed that all of these are wrong and my real age is 50? should it matter? i'm still the same person regardless. i just don't want to be constrained by other people's perceptions on me. like if someone treats me like an equal, or exposes me to "mature" topics, or thinks of me as knowledgeable, or any of these other things people do that are often based on a person's perceived age, that should actually be based on who i really am as a person and not something as abstracted as how many times the earth has rotated around the sun since i was born. (people make fun of astrology but still believe in age as a real thing lmao)

sorry for this massive half-coherent ramble but i have a lot of thoughts about it that i've never really sat down and laid out like this, i'm sure by the time i hit "post" on this i'll have thought of even more to add... anyway to anyone who says "you just don't want to identify with your age because you want to abuse kids" i'll say they sound exactly like the same people who tell me the reason i don't identify with my assigned gender is because i want to assault women in female-only spaces. i shouldn't have to defend my identity from bad-faith interpretations of it. (not that you're doing that anon, you were very nice and respectful, but i know some people will read all this and think that way) (also funny of them to automatically assume i'm not chronologically a "kid" lol. some people who experience age differently are legally minors)

#asks

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ethereousdelirious · 9 months

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God okay so I've been trying to write a sort of 'personal reflections of Sicktember' type post because i do sort of view writing as my primary chosen craft and I would like to keep improving at it but I keep not having time but I think I have time now

(Nobody has to read this lmao it's not necessarily "for" something)

So I've tried to participate in a few month-long community writing challenges over the years (Sicktember, Whumptober, Emetovember) and for the most part. Okay I'm trying to avoid the word "failed" because that implies there's a right and wrong way to participate, but uh. I guess quit? I failed to meet my own expectations.

Okay, wait.

I'm a completionist. That is the manner of participation in these events that is fun for me. So if I make another reference to "failing," I mean I failed to complete the challenge in my preferred way.

So yeah anyway I repeatedly failed these challenges. And Sicktember 2023 is the first year I was able to identify why I failed, remedy it, and succeed. (Though it is worth noting that I did complete Whumptober 2019, which was my first attempt at a challenge. We'll get to that.)

Let me chalk it up to 3 interconnected factors: Burnout, Skill Issues, Adverse Events

Burnout

On the surface, it seems simple. Read the prompt, get an idea, write a fill.

Yeah, it's not that simple.

For the longest time, I would just pursue the first idea that popped into my head, regardless of whether I would actually enjoy writing the fill. I would write for fandoms I wasn't really feeling at the moment because I thought they fit the best, forcing my ADHD brain through boring torture for no reward because "oh, but I used to like this thing and it just fits so well."

So when I finished, I would get no dopamine reward. Plus, my challenge fills have historically garnered very little attention (which is fine; I'm not entitled to that), which means that I also received no external reward.

The result is a string of short, dry, passionless fills that no one rightly should want to read. Why would anyone want to read something that I didn't want to write?

And that, my friends, is a recipe for burnout. So obviously I would get discouraged and quit.

That's why my Sicktember 2023 fills are so often repetitive. I forced myself to stick with the thing I really wanted to write even if i felt like I "should" have been writing something else.

Although I have to say, I did start running into problems at the end end where I started getting bored with my own self-indulgence, so I'll have to find a way to counter that next year.

Of course, being unable to write something to your own satisfaction is also a......

Skill Issue

I recently learned that the nebulous concept of "creativity" is a trainable skill. In fact, over Sicktember 2023, I honed my ability to come up with a tiny plot, creating a formula to help me come up with fills. These ideas can come in any order, but the idea is to identify a character, a want, and an illness/obstacle. All the fills I like use this formula and most of the fills I hate do not.

Incidentally, I think that coming up with a different obstacle or changing the way a character's illness impedes them is the key to writing the legendary "slowburn sickfic with plot," but that's a pursuit for another day.

Anyway, yeah, part of the reason I had to be so dependent on the first idea that popped into my head was because I didn't have the skills needed to develop a story.

If the prompt was "stitches" and the first thing that popped into my head was for a fic where Thor has to do field medicine on Loki, that's what I would write. Never mind the fact that I haven't cared about the MCU since 2012. Even though I'm really feeling Ace Attorney right now, past!me lacked the ability (or honestly, the confidence in my abilities) to develop a plot I would have actually cared about.

Also, because I was nervous about my ability to meet the challenge deadlines, I would focus on writing as quickly as possible, leading me to trip up in the face of...

Adverse Events

I don't know if this is confirmation bias or what, but something heinous always happens to me when I'm prepping for a writing challenge. It's been a variety of things over the years, each one legitimately upsetting and sometimes actually clinically traumatic.

Not to mention all the mundane stuff like trips, hangouts, parties, etc. I'm hyperactive and ambiverted, I have a bustling social life and a full schedule.

Regardless, if I missed a few days of writing, I would spiral. That was it, I was too far behind, I was never gonna make it, I should just give up.

Combine that with burnout as well and I really had no good reason to push through. Why should I grind on a project that wasn't even fun in the first place?

Something world-shatteringly horrible happened to me this Sicktember (being vague because it's still really hard to think about), and I did take a few days off because I was a traumatized mess-- crying, flashbacks, dissociation, the whole shebang.

And then, the craziest thing happened. After letting myself off the hook and taking care of myself, I regained some stability and wanted to come back.

So I did, and I just kept chugging away at the prompts. And I finished despite the setback!

Conclusion

I dealt with all the above shit and, for the first time ever, managed to complete a challenge to my satisfaction!

There are fills I'm less fond of based on prompts I don't really care for, but that's the nature of a challenge. I'm not ashamed of anything I wrote (unlike my past Whumptober fills *shudders* Those were all aggressively mediocre at best).

I'm happy! I enjoyed this challenge and I'm excited to take a crack at Whumptober.

#ethereous speaks #sicktemberposting 2023

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ragecndybars · 1 year

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Fic in Review 2022

tagged by @bi-demon-ium :D thanks!!

Total Number of Completed Stories: Nine this year if you count my little Fuuka birthday drabble! :D I'm pretty proud of myself tbh

Total Word Count: 61,000 posted on AO3 this year, which makes 400,000 on AO3 in total! I... don't even wanna guess how many words are in WIPs in my google drive 😅

Fandoms Written In: Persona 3, Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon, and Fire Emblem Awakening :D Mostly Persona 3, lmao.

Looking back did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expect:

I wrote probably about as many words as I usually write in a year, but I definitely posted more fics this year than I would have expected! Especially since I've... kinda been going thru it this year lmao, so I'm pretty happy. :) Definitely still have wayyy more unfinished WIPs than published works tho, which may not ever change given how many silly little ideas I always get lmao

What’s your own favorite story of the year?:

Probably Always Wanna Play (But You Never Wanna Lose), given how much effort I poured into it, lmao. I was pretty proud of some of my Whumptober works too though!

Did you take any writing risks this year?:

Not really, to be honest, lmao. I guess I experimented a bit with my writing style in System Error, but I'll talk more about that in a minute lmao.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?:

I have a couple of specific WIPs that I would like to finish and post next year, but, more generally, I kind of want to diversify and post more character studies and plot-focused works rather than just angst, lmao

Best story of the year:

I think the one that turned out the strongest, other than my fave (which I've already talked about lmao), was System Error :D Like I said, the style here was a little experimental, since I was playing around with a more clinical POV from Aigis, mixed with some memory loss and gaslighting from Ikutsuki that jumbles her ability to properly categorize her own feelings on what's happening, and I really like how it turned out.

Most popular story of the year:

Always Wanna Play (But You Never Wanna Lose) was my most-viewed, most-bookmarked, most-kudosed, and most-commented-on fic of the year, which makes me really happy tbh 😊 That one definitely had the most work put into it so I feel like that paid off, if that makes sense?

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I was pretty blown away by how nice everyone's been about my fics this year, though the glitter dancing on the skin didn't get a lot of attention, which was predictable, lmao. Pannelivia isn't exactly a popular ship and it was a pretty quick and relatively underdeveloped fic tbh.

Most fun story to write:

Fair Trade fought me a little since I was rushing to get it out before Oct 4th ended, but I found it very fun and intuitive to write!

Story with the sexiest moment:

None of them this year, lmao.

Sweetest story:

I don't... write a ton of sweet stuff, lmao... but my Fuuka birthday drabble was short and sweet! :)

“Holy crap that’s wrong even for you!” story:

Hm, I guess that would mean the darkest story of this year for me? Which kind of depends on your perspective. Always Wanna Play But You Never Wanna Lose had some mild gore and a LOT of blood, with Minato coming very, very close to death, which could be seen as the darkest this year. But System Error I think takes the cake for being much more bleak without a happy ending, what with the mind control and memory removal 😅

Hardest story to write:

Tantrum has been fighting me for the past several YEARS, so I feel like I have to say that one, lmao

Biggest disappointment:

Hm, I don't know. I guess I'm pretty disappointed that I wasn't able to post a couple more whumptober fics -- two in particular that I wrote 5-10K for but just couldn't wrap up to my satisfaction -- but that's not really a disappointment given that I still wrote was more than I'd expected.

Biggest surprise:

How many comments I got on my fics 😭 thank you everyone who commented, it really kept me going this year <3

I Tag:

uhhhh @wizard-finix @misty-wisp if y'all wanna, and anybody else who sees this and wants to, go ahead!!! every time i get to one of these points in a tag challenge I forget about every person I have ever met hsjkhfls

#tag game #Rage OG Posts

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aelaer · 1 year

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Hey dear, do you still play the ask game? If you don’t mind, here’s 🎁💡💘? Thank you so much for your answer!!!

From this post.

This one actually reminded me that it existed and I finally had a couple hours of energy to answer them yayyyy.

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff? I can write both, so long as neither is romantic in nature ahahahah. I don't know if either is easier or harder in nature--it more depends on my mood? I think it's harder to write a contained plot with fluff that isn't wildly OOC with the characters I write. It's definitely possible, and done quite well by some authors, but I think it can be harder. There's more angsty situations presented in canon and by the nature of their personalities.

💡How many WIPs do you currently have? Oh boy. So I am *not* counting the ones in the LOTR fandom that have remained untouched for like, a decade, haha. RIP LOTR. With the MCU... *sigh*

Ones that have a lot of content for them (one-shots are over 50% done, multi-chaptered fics have at least 20k written): 4 pieces

One-shots that have a scene written for them that I'm still planning to finish and publish: 2 pieces

Multi-chaptered fics that are unlikely to ever be finished/published due to being crossovers that I was way too ambitious about: 2 pieces

One-shots that have outlines that I still plan on completing: 3 pieces (these are all prompt fics requested in 2019 and 2020... I'm so sorry... the asker likely isn't even in the fandom anymore, lmao)

One-shots that are remaining prompt asks that have nothing planned yet: 2 pieces (including the new 2022 one from blossom, I'm so sorry, lord know when I'll get to it with this current schedule)

Floating snippets that are just ideas with no set plot to them, and thus may never be published beyond this blog: 3 pieces. Snippets really.

So 6-16 depending on what you count as a WIP.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share? I posted two of the snippets in the other asks. Here's one from a one-shot that's like 90% done, I just need to figure out how I want to end it (which is harder than I'd like -- endings can be rough for me. Will probably need to ask my beta for her ideas because it hasn't gone anywhere for 2 years >.<)

.....

It was during one passing group, just as he was about to give his excuses, that Wong learned that the kid had super-hearing. A rather unfortunate time to discover such a fact.

And once Peter learned the news, it was just a matter of a few texts before every Avenger knew.

"We'd like to help out," Tony said, being the first to call Wong. Wong had given his number to a couple Avengers on the off-chance Stephen was wounded while working with them. He hadn't expected his number to be used in this fashion.

"Us sorcerers handle our own affairs," was Wong's gruff reply. "Besides, aren't you supposed to be retired?"

"Special occasion."

Wong said, "We're fine," and hung up before Tony could retort, then sighed. Stephen would be displeased if Iron Man ended up dying after all the work he did to save him in the multiple future fiasco. He was just happy Stephen managed to get to 16 million (and severely lower the amount of time it took to get everyone who left back), but that was another topic altogether.

Then Tony gave out Wong's number to the others.

"It really would be no trouble," Steve said. "We consider all of you our allies after Thanos."

"You're supposed to be retired, too," was Wong's exasperated retort.

A pause. "Well, I did pass on the mantle of Captain America to Sam, sure, but that doesn't mean I don't go out in the field here and there. Just less public."

Wong hung up on him, too.

"We really would like to see him safe," was Bruce's call.

Bruce was a little harder to hang up on; he had been visiting the New York Sanctum frequently for meditation purposes, to better understand and work with the other side of his personality and come to some sort of balance with it. According to Stephen, Bruce had achieved something like this on his own in other futures, but he was certain the resources at Kamar-Taj could help him achieve this faster and with potentially better results.

Still, Bruce Banner was not a sorcerer. "I appreciate the offer, Doctor Banner, but this is a matter for our order," he told him, then hung up before the other could retort.

"It's pretty slow right now; you'd be doing everyone a favor in letting us help," Natasha admitted when she called.

Wong pulled the phone away from his face to sigh; if it weren't for the very slim chance of Stephen potentially calling him, he would have turned off the damn thing. "Weren't you supposed to retire from field work, too?"

"People like me never retire," she answered. "Think on it, Wong."

He grimaced and hung up.

"You have to let us help!" was Peter's plea. Peter had been barred from the Sanctum until the issue was settled—Wong knew that Stephen wouldn't want the kid involved—but apparently Tony Stark was more than happy to give Peter Parker his phone number, as well.

"Stephen would want you to stay out of this," he told the kid without ceremony, and hung up on him, too, though he felt a little bad doing it.

This was getting ridiculous. The other Masters had decided the Avengers shouldn't be involved, but if they had to endure what Wong was enduring, maybe they'd change their minds. Besides, the extra eyes wouldn't be a bad thing to have, at least in Wong's opinion.

By the time a sixth call from an Avenger in under an hour occurred, Wong was ready. He positioned himself in the Masters' strategy room as they discussed leads and next steps, then let the phone ring beside the others.

They caved in less than two hours.

#ask #answered #anonymous #my writing #wong #stephen strange

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nuclearforest · 2 years

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Hello phrend. 😎 2deep4me writer asks:

What's the fic you're most proud of?

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

15. How do you think your writing has improved over time?

Thank u for the ask!! Makes me very happy and lets me ramble abt stuff!

1, Honestly hard to say. Like, I'm proud of One Dog Night because it was the first thing I ever posted and like, really snowballed me into doing more and putting myself out there more. But on the other hand, Month to Love a Werewolf is the first multi-chapter piece I finished! And now Sirens' Guard Dog is on the way. I think those are my big three-- but as far as picking one goes?

It's really hard to say. I can't pick my favorite child lol.

13, Depends on if it is anon online or IRL.

Online? hell yeah i'm proud of being fully unhinged for my blorbo. almost at 350k in 2 years and like. ~300k of that is hans. my really sad sack awful blorbo who i love with all my little heart. stinky, stupid wolfman with a flair for the dramatic.

But IRL? I am a professional with a career you wouldn't catch me dead bringing up writing or fanfic in public. like, my folks asked me once over a holiday why I was on my laptop and what i was writing and i immediately had to bullshit that it was some stupid literary analysis to keep my skills sharp when, uh, it was really werewolf smut. very, very close to being busted but they aren't curious enough to press and i'm a fool not a coward.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION is when i am around those friends that are my enablers and don't care lmao. They think it's funny and it's on brand. Alternatively it's just one facet of the strange little gremlin they've let into their lives. I mean well--promise.

14, yeah. like, healthy or not i'm always out here comparing myself in both good ways and bad. some for learning new styles and tricks and broadening my horizons, but some for like. competitive purposes. and there's nothing to be competitive about but i've been in competitive schooling all my life and for a kid who grew up with little self confidence feeding on the praise of being "gifted" it really sticks with you. so there are many a conscious reminder that it's all for fun. that i shouldn't stress and that it's for me, even if some of that is a lie (i mean, come on--sometimes i'll write shit to brighten somebody's day but generally it's whatever catches my fancy).

but like, old habits die hard and i'm hungry for kudos and comments lmao. usually it doesn't get bad but if it does, i just bury my head in a different crafty pile of sand.

15, I HAVE A TIMELINE. we'll summarize it as exponential improvement and development tho lol.

nobody here will see the shit i wrote in middle school. we're talking paper journal self insert fic that i wrote chapters and chapters of (granted these were like, 100-ish words a chapter). talk about humble beginnings.

move to highschool and i have some fanfic and also a bit of OC work that I share in my school's creative writing club (bruh I STILL wasn't sharing fanfic).

in college I didn't write much. too busy under an engineering course load but i have a few things here and there. mostly fun little snippets of fluff to keep myself occupied.

but that said, now that i'm working and trying to live my best life, i've definitely gotten better in coherent plotlines, length, and fleshing out the details. i still have all the old stuff (even the paper journals, somewhere) and a decade+ later it's meteoric improvement lol. when i wrote One Dog Night that was the longest single story I'd written by a mile. and now i'm on a long chapter work i've updated weekly since i started it following an outline. i'm boggling my own mind.

but that said: i've always been creative and colorful, have not always been able to actually finish a story. funny enough, i've also never had a formal, regular beta and something tells me that won't change soon. (altho sometimes I do ask for a second set of eyes-- so thanks to y'all that have done it for me!)

can't wait to see how i keep growing!

#thanks for the ask #mun rambles

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kim-ruzek · 3 months

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ahehahejhaha a witsec!Al fic!? God that sounds like a dream come true.

I myself have a witsec!Al fic planned for later this month and I'm so excited for you writing and posting yours. Witsec!Al is something so many people talk about but hardly any fics get written about it.

I actually have many a witsec!Al fic - although only three of them are probably what I'll end up posting; the witsec al fic I've recently talked about which is a one shot (well, potentially) and the other (my personal favourite if I'm being honest, although that is more angsty than the cuteness that is the first) is a multi-chap which has one of my most FAVOURITE Al scenes I've ever wrote in it. If I'm being honest, it might be my favourite Al scene, which is saying something depending how much I adore my fic something's gone terribly wrong.

The third is one that has a lot of potential and I want to write it so bad but I can't work out certain details enough to try (and also technically can't work out what season it should be set it because I have Ideas and it depends on the angst level I want and just a whole lot of detail I need to work out but I struggle with without bouncing my ideas off who I used to do).

ALSO. so. ngl, I haven't read any fanfic that wasn't my own in literal ages for various of reasons, but I am GOING to have to keep an eye out for yours, because I LOVE witsec!Al and you are absolutely right; it IS something that gets talked about a lot, but hardly anyone actually does.

Which like, really gets me because I do truly adore witsec!al and I have wrote many a fic on it (even some technically got finished but I never posted them because I hated my writing although most of them remain unfinished because my mind is the worst and also because so many of my ideas end up being super similar and I can't pick between which idea to post because that's like choosing favourite children).

It also gets me because I just genuinely ADORE writing for and about Al. I love that man so so much and I have so many fics just based around him because I adores him so much (as @fighterkimburgess probably can testify too lmao)

ANYWAY. I am now extremely motivated to write my witsec!al fic knowing there's an audience for it beyond just me and my stupid deep love for Al and him being alive in witsec.

Thank you for asking!! <3

#ree's asks #chicago pd #alvin olinsky #thank you for asking!!#witsec!al is just so dear to me <3 #and i'm glad to know there's someone else out there who's writing a witsec!al fic

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