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stainedglassthreads · 3 years

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How about, for the headcanon meme: Talon, Rita, and Papyrus? OvO

Hoooo boy

Talon

(Technically everything about him is both a headcanon and canon buuuuuuuut--)

Headcanon A: realistic

Hair is an extremely important thing in Greshan and Angran societies. Growing it out to different lengths or putting it in different hairstyles can convey information. But in Angran tribes specifically, touching or doing someone else’s hair is an extremely intimate act, reserved only for immediate family and your betrothed.

His younger siblings used to do his hair, but there was a long span of time where *no one* did it. Once he finally trusted Elian and Nania enough, they’d have some meet-ups where they didn’t do any sparring or anything, just relaxed and did each other’s hair.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He acts like Elian had all these stupid ideas when he’s much more rational but there was at least one incident where he grabbed a goose or phoenix, climbed into a tree with it, and tried to fly by jumping out of the tree as the bird flapped wildly.

He denies it ever happened, but Elian and Nania both saw. They Know.

They know he’s a melodramatic goof.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

When Talon met Elian, his kindness threw him for a loop, and got him to re-evaluated the path his life was taking. Ultimately it made him much happier and well-balanced. But if Talon had never met Elian, he’d have basically no positive influences in his life, and become someone really awful. Had he met Elian in a battle instead of when they did in comic, he might have just killed him, never knowing what good friends they could have been, in another world, another life...

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

He’s descended from Rue. In the AU where he somehow survives thousands of years, when Rue eventually gets better she tries to make up for what she did to him in the past because he is a fun person to fight! Those are so so rare!

Rita!

Headcanon A: realistic

(spoilers for season three but) I love her and Jet’s friendship. I like to imagine that she just hyperfocuses on some stream or coding a program/hacking Dark Matters on her coms, but the group’s heading off somewhere, so Jet just. Picks her up in his arms and carries her after them while she’s still typing and rambling because she’s Tiny and he’s Huge, and while she’s rambling about it sometimes he’ll respond with “Yes.” “No.” “I am not familiar.” But he tries to keep up with her because in Tool’s of Rust he mentioned how following her train of thought is great exercise.

Idk I really just like Jet carrying Rita around places while she talks at a mile a minute while doing five other things, this chaotic whirlwind of manic energy in the arms of the most stoic guy you ever met. Great dynamic A+

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

She tried to join Dark Matters once thinking that ‘it’d be like in the movies!’, brought absolute chaos to the establishment for like a week, and then got bored and left, but still keeps tabs on all the ‘friends�� she made there by hacking into the highly secure Dark Matters database, and sends them memes. No one knows WHAT to make of her.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

It wouldn’t surprise me if she had an exceptionally lonely childhood growing up and Juno was her first ‘real’ friend. She seems to think and speak entirely in pop culture references, not to mention she’s leagues better at programming and codes than anyone else in Hyperion City, even the CIA-equivalent organization Dark Matters. Perhaps her genius and general though process scared other kids away, and when she met angry, bitter, defensive Juno, she thought ‘oh, he’s like me!’ and latched onto him because they both needed a friend, even if they had their respective ways of hiding it.

Season 3 spoilers but this might also be why she’s so desperate to help her friends and fix their problems for them, she’s so weird but they won’t leave if she’s a useful kind of weird.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

She’s very smart... she’s cagey about both her age and her last name... She’s bi... She is a woman from the 1800s who was very smart and inquisitive but barred from participating in the science community and them got bitten by a vampire only instead of ever becoming a famous scientist she kept getting distracted by hot people and penny dreadfuls and traveling to try ‘exotic’ food but kept picking up so much knowledge she’s completely gotten her knowledge of the past all muddled up iN THIS ESSAY I WILL--

The Great Papyrus!

Headcanon A: realistic

I don’t know how realistic it is but I still REALLY love the ‘Gaster is Papyrus’ theory and am sorely disappointed that to this day, I’ve only found TWO stories that explore it :(

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Papyrus' powers are strong enough to destroy the Barrier, the only reason he doesn’t know is that he’s simply never tried. There are a lot of things he doesn’t know he can do simply because no one else can do what he does and so he’s never known to try.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Going with the ‘Papyrus is Gaster’ theory, the reason Papyrus has no friends is that whatever power caused Gaster to be forgotten is still in effect, albeit it’s worn off a bit. The only way people can legit remember him and his depth and capability is through Determination, so Undyne, Flowey, and Frisk/Chara. But for those who don’t... he’s a weird tall kid(?), he’s Sans’ brother, he’s that Royal Guard Wannabe. They can only remember who he is in connection with other, more memorable people and concepts, otherwise he’s a stranger, barely an acquaintance.

Even Sans doesn’t remember him. This is his brother, and he knows he really admires his brother and thinks he’s cool for... some reason... but he can’t quite recall what those reasons are. He doesn’t remember his brother’s favorite food, eh, it must be spaghetti, right? He’s making it all the time. He thinks his brother likes japes and jokes so he’ll make the laziest puns. His brother really wants to capture a human, but he’s not quite sure why, so he’ll ask the human to play nice so Pap can meet them and do... whatever. He’s happy, right? He looks happy, but Sans feels like he’s not quite doing... enough... What’s missing?

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Papyrus doesn’t become a police officer or a chef or any of the ‘popular’ headcanons on the surface. (Defund the police.) He becomes a superhero. He rehabilitates all his former enemies. He’s Batman now, but less broody and just as dramatic. Flowey is roped into being his side-kick. Flowey complains a lot but secretly loves being a superhero. Undyne is his fellow superhero, the Spear of Justice. Everyone loves them. Fuck you.

#renegade's redemption #penumbra podcast #undertale #talon #rita #rita penumbra #papyrus #meta

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spaceorphan18 · 6 years

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Finding Kurt Hummel: Old Dogs, New Tricks

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5x19: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Previously on Glee: Everyone else is doing things - while Kurt has his collections of neckerchiefs. Kinda wondering if Chris wrote that one, lol.

So.... Yeah, this is the episode that Chris Colfer wrote. And what do I think of it? Because I know you guys are all here for my very professional opinion on all these things... lol. It’s... fine. There are some things that really work -- Santana as a publicist - excellent!! Sam and Mercedes’s relationship issues -- great. Dogs dragging Lea Michele down the road because of her bratty behavior - totally here for that. Honestly, I think the Kurt portion of the story may be the weakest aspect of this episode, but this is Chris’s first try at a TV script, and I think he’s done a lot better than a lot of people out there -- including whoever wrote I Kissed a Girl, ug.

I do think there’s some dialogue that’s a little stiff, and Chris has a tendency to write a little on the cheesy side, but I’m really sad that season 6 wasn’t longer to give him another go at it, cause I think TV writing might have been a good avenue for him. And I really hope that some day he gets to head his own TV show - because I think it’s something he’d do rather well at. So - that’s my two cents.

I will say - this episode is mostly stand alone. And with the season drawing to a close -- I really am missing those extra two episodes that were chopped off the end of the season. I really would have liked to play around in this sandbox for a tad bit longer, as I think there were most definitely more stories to tell. At least I am grateful for what we got.

Problem Child

So, I’m not going to spend much time (or really at all) trying to figure out how Chris feels about this or that as evident through the script. I mean -- TV is a collaborative process -- and even if Chris wrote the script, I’m sure a lot of people still had their input, and he didn’t direct it, so... But I think this still is a good indicator about how he felt about Rachel. I mean... yeah, it’s probably how we all feel about Rachel, tbh.

So as we open -- Kurt wants to see a movie, but, well, Blaine is too busy doing stuff with June, Santana just doesn’t want to, and Rachel’s freaking out that image is being tarnished because she fucked up in the previous episode. And, as most things do, it becomes all about Rachel. Santana, however, steps up to be her publicist -- which is -- incredibly inspired!! Can I just keep the headcanon that Santana sticks to being a publicist, this is a fantastic choice for her. Thank you, Chris, for this.

Anyway - Kurt’s more than annoyed -- and even has to tell Rachel to keep her voice down because they’re in side -- because he is, more often than not, Rachel’s care giver. Because seriously, this girl cannot seem to function on her own.

So -- here’s my thing. This script is a little awkward going forward -- a lot of it is Kurt harping on how his ‘friends’ aren’t there for him, though only specifically focusing on Rachel. And while I think the Rachel was the safest route to go, and one that’s been clearly building for a while, I do think it might have been interesting to see how that played out with others -- such as Mercedes or Santana or even Blaine. (Though, honestly, I’m glad Chris did the smart thing and not include a lot of Blaine in this script. I totally get why he did -- because he really didn’t want to be harassed about it -- and that was the wisest choice for him.)

Oh and then to everyone’s shock - Rachel goes to yell at someone for putting their dog in their purse. I mean, is this an LA thing? I kinda wonder if this is an LA thing that pisses Chris off and he gets to yell through Rachel. It kinda feels like it, lol. Anyway... Kurt’s in the background, but his ‘wtf are you doing’ look is classic.

Pillsbury

So - this episode has to do with three of Chris’s favorite things: 1. Dogs (animals); 2. Old People; and 3. Fairy tales. I mean - I don’t think it gets much Chris-ish than that -- unless you wanted to throw in aliens. I do find it hilarious that he brings all these things to Kurt, because they aren’t really there before -- but it seems to fit in pretty well.

Anyway - we get June Squibb in the form of Maggie Banks (Do you see -- it’s a combo of Maggie Smith and Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins -- at least that’s what I assume is the inspiration.) I’m not going to talk too much about June Squibb’s performance -- because it’s awkward at best (I can’t tell if it’s her acting or if it’s the lines). But it makes a ton of sense that this actress just coming into her own in her 80s is who they got to play the part. I assume Chris adored working with her.

Anyway, this old folks home is doing a rendition of Peter Pan (get it - cause they’re old, and they want to stay young forever -- this script is full of stuff like this. I can’t tell if it’s clever or not.) And Maggie’s gonna start screaming elder abuse if the poster doesn’t go up in the diner. But -- that doesn’t stop her from noticing that Kurt’s full of his usual ennui.

Hilariously, he says he files all his problems away and lets it out during an episode of Long Island Medium. (This is another Chris-ism. Yeah, I can’t stop pointing these out.) While questionable choice of reality TV aside, I do think this is a fascinating beat for Kurt -- he’s internalizing all of his issues. Maybe it’s cause no matter how far he gets in his life, and partially cause he does have super involved in themselves friends, Kurt’s not one to reach out when he’s got issues. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING KURT!!

You wanna know why Kurt and Blaine break up a second time? Cause Kurt pretty much sucks at letting people know he’s struggling with something. He thinks he can fix everything himself, and you know what? You can’t sweetie -- so talk to people!

Well -- here he gets to talk to June, and let’s it out that he’s feeling a little left behind lately. Santana’s starring in vaginal cream commercials, Mercedes’s is becoming the next Beyonce, Blaine has found a sugar mama, and Rachel has already hit her mid-40s where she’s fucking up her Broadway career for a shot at TV. And Kurt feels like he’s gotten nowhere. Which -- yeah he hasn’t. And that’s not a bad thing, not really, since he’s the only one on a sure and steady course, but when everyone around you feels like they’re miles ahead in their lives, it can feel heavy being the only one not /there/. (I getcha kiddo, I really do.)

Also - I think it’s hilarious that he says he’s the mother in a Nancy Myers movie. (That is so Kurt, and so Chris.) And, god, yeah, let someone else take over handling Rachel. Geez.

Kurt then finds out that his therapy session is with /The/ Maggie Banks -- the woman who once starred in the worst Broadway show of all time, a musical about Helen Keller. (Eesh) And after being awkwardly asked to come back to the home, she invites him back to watch them rehearse. Sure - why not, he doesn’t have anything else to do.

Look at what a happy little goober he is -- he’s gonna hang out with old people!

Broadway Bitches

Oh Broadway Bitches. I have a heancanon that Chris came up with this at 2 in the morning and immediately texted Ashley cause he thought it was so funny. Is it clever? Yes. Is it something I’d use as a name for an organization dealing with kids? No... But moving on...

Can I just reiterate that Santana as a publicist is hilarious. Also her line -- ‘a designer so fancy I can’t even pronounce his name, there’s hardly any vowels’ is a line Chris probably came up with way back on the season 1 press tour and never got to use.

Anyway - to rehabilitate her image, Rachel, Santana, and Mercedes are going to do a show. And Kurt wants in -- cause Chris remembers continuity and Dani’s off doing roller derby and Elliott’s at a yoga retreat so no more One Tree Hill. You know - I hate to say this - but I kinda see why he’s not invited here, cause it is about imaging - but they don’t have to be such awful people about telling him no.

Santana actually says if he’s there he’d probably pull focus which is a) meta and b) probably true. But Kurt’s rightfully hurt. They get to continue to roll around in their self-involvement while Kurt gets to be shoved aside. Again.

I’m kinda surprised Kurt hasn’t taken up a drinking problem at this point.

Memories

So Kurt goes to check out the retirement home. They’re getting ready for their production -- and there are three different headshots of Maggie on that board. Just saying. Kurt thinks it’s pretty cool. And I mean -- I think there is a cool story there to be told about actors who are now considered over their prime when in fact they’re still awesome and kicking butt.

This episode is going to be a bit heavy handed about it -- cause as much as I love Chris, he’s incredibly heavy handed in his writing -- but it’s a nice sentiment. And I do think it’s proper that Kurt would be infatuated with stars of old.

I don’t really have any thing to add -- it’s just a nice shot of Kurt. He’s amused by this sweet little production.

Also! I suppose it’s time to bring up Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, who have really minor roles in this episode. I kinda wish they were in it more - their characters are a bit fun.

And then the woman who plays Peter dies. Okay, so I kinda find the dark humor funny. (Also Chris-ism.) It’s fine guys. I’m sure she had a delightful life.

After the commercial break, and after Maggie’s irritation that the dead woman was selfish for dying and ruining the production, we get some more heavy handed commentary about how old people need a reason to keep on living. Which -- is fine? Chris not to edit your script but you gotta work on more showing and less telling

And then we get this weird beat of Tim Conway wanting to sit on the chair. Move kid - it’s his chair! idk. I think it’s funny?

Kurt claims he can fill in, unless they have rules against that. They only really have two rules -- a) don’t loose your teeth and b) take the correct meds. Sure. The guy claiming he was a pterodactyl however steals the show with his delivery. It’s absolutely hilarious.

Meanwhile - Kurt goes on to say how much he adored Mary Martin’s Peter Pan back in the day (which explains a lot. Also Chris-ism. Five bucks that was one of Chris’s favorite movies as a kid.) Anyway - he also still sings like a girl so he can totally take it on.

The retirement home has standards so they have to at least have to hear him sing -- which is great! Cause Kurt always carries around sheet music just in case, lol. That’s such a Glee-esque line. What?

And then Kurt sings a perfectly adequate version of Memory from Cats.

Okay - I don’t have a lot to say about it, tbh. It’s nice, Chris sounds just fine on it -- and I’d guess this would be his last solo of the series if Maggie didn’t come in at the end. But, you know, the song is more about cherishing the memory of these actors -- and people in general who are worth remembering for their great accomplishments - even if they aren’t doing as such any more. Again - a nice sentiment. But I don’t really have anything to meta about on Kurt.

Also I don’t like this song (I’m sorry! don’t send me hate mail).

By the end - Kurt’s inspired everyone to get up and keep on living. And has proven to himself that he can handle Andrew Lloyd Weber.

Btw - the couple of guys dressed up as the lost boys are super cute.

Homocchio (Ha!)

The scene before this, btw, is Rachel being dragged by dogs a block. I mean - it’s funny, yes, but also, c’mon -- are you really going to tell me it’s not at least a little bit of payback?

Anyway - Kurt bounces in to let Rachel and Santana know that he’s scored the role of Peter in a retirement home’s production of Peter Pan -- to which they are like - eh, okay, nice try Kurt. And well, Kurt doesn’t take that too well. I mean, sometimes a role is a role -- and Kurt’s obviously excited about it -- so if you’re a good friend, you suck it up and at least congratulate your friend. I mean seriously. But this is Rachel and Santana - Santana mocks him and Rachel gets incredibly self-involved. This has been the case since season 1 - so I’m not sure what Kurt was expecting.

Kurt asks them to go - but they say no. Santana’s honest about it being dumb, but Rachel claims she has her image to keep up and her stuff is more important. And Kurt finally lets her have it -- he’s right, she calls him day and night to fix her shit, but when is she ever there for her? Honestly, this rant could have gone on for another five minutes. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one irritated by the unbalanced Hummelberry dynamic that’s been going on since season 3.

Kurt storms out of there cause seriously, he’s had enough.

Dress Rehearsal

Hey - it’s time for an awkward dress rehearsal with some pretty entertaining jokes and some more heavy handedness about how you’re only as young as you feel. I don’t think it’s a bad idea -- but does every scene have to have a speech about it?

Anyway - Kurt’s sweet in his attempt to inspire them and himself, and suggests updating the music.

Btw - there’s this line: Ever since you were a question on Jeopardy, you’ve been a know-it-all. (ha! that made me laugh)

And then we get some back story on Maggie - how she sends herself flowers because her daughter is estranged.�� And Kurt feels sad. I mean there’s some stuff in there about how Maggie’s daughter is like Kurt’s friends -- not really there when needed, which again, is a nice parallel. I’m just not really fond of Kurt feeling like he’s gotta fix things with Maggie instead of trying to fix things with his friends. YMMV.

I Hate This Scene - Yup, I’m Going With That as a Header

So - Kurt claims he caused an oil spill in a national park and gets himself in to see Maggie’s daughter. Oh my god - Kurt, no... At least Clara directly calls security (one guy - cause it’s Kurt) and then when Kurt claims it’s about his mother -- she thinks he’s ‘dating’ her to get her money.

Oh, god, Chris, why did you write this scene??

So here’s my real issue. The crux of it is about Kurt trying to get Clara to see her mom again cause Maggie misses her so much. But Clara tells him that basically -- Clara was emotionally abusive to her, which is why Clara doesn’t go see her. And then Kurt gives a song and dance about why she should just get over that -- and omg NO KURT NO!

Look - I get the sentiment here -- that we should maybe try to make amends before it’s too late. But - Clara made the healthy choice of cutting out an abusive family member and looks like she’s just doing fine on her own. And to have a stranger, who has no understanding of the situation come in an tell you to try to fix it is over stepping like whoa. Kurt is so in the wrong here - and I can’t even a little bit defend him.

This story would have worked just fine if Maggie had her regrets and talked to Kurt about living his life and not having them -- it wasn’t needed for Kurt to fix Maggie and give her a happy ending. Stories don’t always need to have happy endings to make their point.

Anyway - Clara rightfully throws him out. But not before Kurt goes on to talk about how his mom died and he wished he’d had one - so she should be grateful that she does. And be the better person and take care of Maggie now that she’s old - even if she sucked as a parent. Again - no - this is also emotional manipulation. Kurt, no! Stop! This scene is just... no!!

I am glad that Clara just doesn’t say anything and gets him out of there.

My Old Ladies Are Better Than Yours

To make up for the atrocity that was that previous scene - we get a Klaine scene that is really quite beautiful in its simplicity. Chris didn’t have to put this in here -- but he did, and I’m grateful, because it’s sweet and warm and old married-like, and while Blaine really isn’t in this episode, I’m glad that they were allowed to have this small moment and leave the drama for someone else to write.

So -- Blaine jokes that he’s missing stuff with June to be there for Kurt -- but ultimately, of course he’s there for Kurt. Because he’ll always be there for Kurt. Like I said earlier -- this story is more about Kurt’s issues with Rachel (and himself for feeling like he’s going nowhere) more than anything having to do with Blaine.

I do think it’s interesting that Blaine comments on how happy Kurt’s been -- and how that hasn’t been the case lately. I like that Blaine’s checking in, even if Kurt isn’t fully open. Kurt admits that he feels like this role is finally a step forward in his life, and being with the retirement group is giving him something that he’s been missing -- but I do think there’s an underlying sadness that Kurt’s not addressing.

Kurt’s not opening up to Blaine about his insecurities and his feelings -- and that is going to cause a problem. While they are mostly fine -- I do think Kurt’s continued withdrawal from admitting how he feels is going to blow up in his face later. Communication is key, guys, do it!

How adorable is Kurt in this outfit? :)

The other thing I really love about this scene is the casual intimacy of familiarity. They are an old married couple in this scene -- from Blaine helping Kurt with his costume, to Kurt telling Blaine to sit a row back cause Gladys can’t keep solids down. It’s not in-your-face affection - it’s light touches and smiles and I really love that during this arc they finally allowed Klaine to have that.

Peter Pan

Before the show - Kurt asks Maggie if she’d like to be his family, since their own families are too busy for them. It’s a sweet moment - but I’m also like -- Kurt, seriously -- talk to your friends!! But yeah, sometimes you do need to carve out your family where you can find it. Non-tradition is an okay thing.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, Kurt breaks down and calls Rachel -- apologizing for yelling at her (seriously?) and tells her he hopes her own show goes alright. Kurt’s a good egg. Rachel’s lucky to have him as a friend.

She rushes him off the phone -- but only because she’s sitting with the rest of the gang waiting for his show to start. And he’s stupidly excited. See -- they love you Kurt -- they do!! (Plus, it’s my headcanon that Blaine had something to do with rounding them all up...)

And... then we get the whole reason Chris wrote the episode -- so he could fly around as Peter Pan while singing Madonna’s Lucky Star, with an entourage of old people in the background. Lol. The whole thing is cute and ridiculous and cute. And of course, it works for the show, and gives a chance to Chris Kurt to completely geek out. I mean, yes, I know, Kurt in that costume, but the old people are also ridiculously adorable in this scene.

I’m not sure about the whole old people turning into little kids thing (man with the heavy handedness, the metaphor works fine without it) but it’s nearly blink and you miss it, so I won’t really even comment.

Clara ends up showing up and reconciling with Maggie. And I have a cold, dead heart because the scene just doesn’t work for me. Like I said earlier -- not everything has to have a happy ending.

But at the end of the day, this show is still Glee.

But the important thing is that Kurt’s friends all showed up. Rachel gushes that some day they’ll be old folks in a home (eesh) and Sam goes straight for the crotch to comment on the harness squeezing, um, things, lol. But ultimately - Rachel’s set it up so that the old folks can come do the performance again -- so we can combine old people with puppies and could this episode be any cuter? The only thing missing is aliens.

Kurt: What do you say, Maggie, you think you got a second act in you? Maggie: I never used to believe in second acts. But you’ve proven me wrong.

Omg. Chris - this should be your submission for a place on the staff of a Disney show.

Take Me Home

See -- look how adorable?

After a rousing speech from Rachel about being shallow is dumb and you should care about things that are bigger than you are -- they break out into a chorus of Take Me Home. And this is where I appreciate Lea Michele - because she’s able to sell the incredibly cheesy dialogue better than June Squibb. I mean, look, I like cheesy - I do -- but it’s dialed up to 11 in this episode. Chris, I love you to death, but you don’t have to try so hard to get your point across <3

I’m sorry if I came off as extra harsh about the episode -- I don’t think it’s bad, and it’s certainly better than about half the other episodes of the show. I think it’s just me nitpicking - cause I do adore Chris and I really want him to push himself to be better. This is a great first try, and I really do hope he gets more tries in the future -- cause I do think he has potential. I just want someone there to soften the rougher edges of his writing. That’s all.

And the episode ends with a mutual love fest for everyone. Cause it’s not a true Glee ending without everyone barfing glitter and rainbows. Lol, I’m only half being facetious - it’s cute, and a little wrong about Rachel, but fits the episode perfectly.

Oh my goodness - one more season 5 episode left...

#finding kh #kurt hummel

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