#idk ive said it before and ill say it again the thing i love MOST about andrew is how 'extreme' his response to his trauma was

[hella1975]

no bc like. trk is SO hard to read. like. Thanksgiving. That SceneTM. boy. i read aftg in a single week when i was fifteen and i regret doing it at that age so much bc MAN that was a hard couple scenes to read

right?????? and there's nothing inherently wrong with writing scenes like that i just always think nora misses the mark with how it's handled. like even AFTER that reveal in trk about What Happened To Andrew And Why He Acts The Way He Does, he still gets treated as some soulless maniac? and that's so damaging to any victims reading that also - god forbid - dared to respond to that trauma in a 'bad' way

#i havent read trk literally since the first time i read it at FOURTEEN so i know this time will be worse bc ill understand it more #idk ive said it before and ill say it again the thing i love MOST about andrew is how 'extreme' his response to his trauma was #and by that i mean he actually had a very natural reaction but because he didnt do the coming-of-age broody love interest thing #of embracing '<3 peace and love and the power of friendship <3' in order to get better #his reactions are therefore labelled extreme & by a lot of the fandom too. like even andrew stans tend to write him off as uwu psychopath #like NO! he went through HORROR and decided TO HIS OWN DETRIMENT that if anyone crossed his 'extreme' boundaries #ever again then he'd fucking gut them. and he stuck to it with no fucks given for if it made him a 'monster' #and seeing that written is INCREDIBLE #regardless of how off the mark nora was like i know she did that by pure fucking accident #no way she has the respect for andrew's character to have done it on purpose #but yeah i just love andrew a lot he means a lot to me like even if i was too young when i first read aftg i still dont regret it #just bc of how much andrew and his mindset stayed with me and how important it is #so yeah im TERRIFIED for my raven king reread bc it's THE let's traumatise andrew book and idk if i can handle that again #<- acting like im being held at gunpoint to reread it when it is entirely my choice LMFAO #ask #aftg

[haemosexuality]

FNAF MOVIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET I MEAN IT!!!!!!!

my thoughts on the movie UwU

ok first of i LOVED what they did with mike's character???? its different from the games canon (or different from the most popular theories??? i can never remember what is actually canon and whats accepted fanon) but its sooooo interesting. making him the brother of one of the victims was SO unexpected but it worked really really well. tho going into the movie with preconceived notions ab the story fucked me up somewhat bc i took so long to accept he wasnt michael afton 😣 tho i feel the movie mightve been setting fans up that way lol

on that note his brother confused me somewhat? cuz he was one of the missing children but he wasnt one of the 5 spirits was he??? maybe he was and i just didnt notice KSBSKDBSKD ill look out for it on my second watch

WILLIAM. MOTHER FUCKING AFTON. OH MY GODDDDDDD THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE and honestly seeing everyones reaction to it was SO cool. when springtrap appeared everyone screamed and clapped. when he started dying everyone screamed and clapped even louder. and when he said "I ALWAYS COME BACK" everyone LOST THEIR FUCKING MIND SCREAMING CRYING YELLING CLAPPING WHOOPING IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD

AND THE VANESSA REVEAL????? i think thats completely different from game vanessa lore mostly bc william aftons daughter in the game was elizabeth/baby and shes fucking dead but idk vanessa lore so who knows. all i know is that it WORKED MAN i did NOT see that coming but i HONESTLY REALLY LIKED IT AND AGAIN EVERYONE IN THE THEATER LOST THEIR MINDS WE WERE ALL LIKE "WHAT?????" (edit: i saw an youtuber point out that this cant be the same vanessa from sb bc this is set in like the 90s and sb's in the future. maybe this is something like, they put two vanessas so we know that sometimes different characters just have the same name and dont get too hang up on mike smith vs michael afton lol)

i also like how they did williams character. i usually dont like purely evil 2d villains but i feel that fits afton way more than "sad scientist goes insane cuz he lost his kid oh no :(". like it just fits fnaf!!!!!!!

another thing that was completely different from the game was the animatronics. like in the game theyre "like animals" but in the movie they all seemed very, aware??? msking decisions? they def had a mind and it was cheesy sure but i also liked it. i just loved this movie. and everything about it. i went into it knowing it was absolutely not going to be 1:1 with the game so i dont mind im just so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IMMEDIATELY STARTING WITH A JOKE ON DREAM THEORY LMFAOOOOOOOO. "SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE IT"

MATPAT? MOTHERFUCKING MATPAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

THE EASTER EGGS!!! THE REFERENCES!!!!!! THERE WERE SO MANY AND THEY MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY EVERY TIME OH MY GOD

im not gonna remember all of them but I WANT THE MIDNIGHT MOTORIST HOODIE

max did NOT deserve to die that upset me. she was fine!!!!!!!

also the violence wasnt anything super crazy but it was def more than i expected. also they swore

THE ANIMATRONICS ARE SO FUCKING COOL DUDE OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE REAL

also golden freddy wasnt a girl in the movie. F cassidy

i like mikes character sooooo much ive said so before and im saying it again. vanessa too

THE SONG THE FUCKING SONG THE LIVING TOMBSTONE PLAYING IN THE FUCKINF CREDITS OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE

this one is only for the brazilians in here but i actually liked the dub? this sentiment might change after i watch the og version but it wasnt terrible. williams voice was 10/10

balloon boy was funny every single time. fuck this bitch. also the cupcake

THE ITS MEEEEEEEEEEE i wish they did more its mes BUT I SAW THAT!!!

the scene were mike calls abby to the kitchen so they could 'talk' and the aunt was there.... actually broke my heart how dare you

i missed phone guy 😭

OH IM PRETTY SURE I SAW THE FAKE DOG ANIMATRONIC PEOPLE THOUGHT EXISTED YEARS AGO???? I DONT REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT I THINK HE WAS THERE IN THE LIKE STORAGE PLACE i might be crazy tho dont quote me

i thought i wouldnt like it but i love how expressive freddy is its so funny. chica bonnie n foxy too but him especially

ok i those were all my immediate thoughts!!! i wrote this a few hours ago when id JUST gotten back from the theater and now im gonna go watch it again so bye <3

#autism was actually uncontrollable today i was going fucking insane #it was so hard to try to. not be annoying to everyone else in the room bc i was on OVERDRIVE #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #im gonna write more thoughts in another post as i rewatch it

[calkale]

Okay dead reckoning spoilers ahead ill put a cut just in case also if you like the movie maybe don’t read either 👀😬 but if you do please read the whole thing or at least the last paragraph because that in my opinion is the most important thing i have to say

Before i say anything i know im in the wrong here, i have a really personal issue with the movie that i dont feel comfortable sharing but its one of the names used A LOT in the movie, so that definitely plays a part in my opinion whether i like it or not. That being said, usually i can ignore stuff like that, ive done it with other movies but there was nothing else to grasp my attention so i got stuck on things like that.

Also wanna say this first because i feel like it explains why i hate a lot of the things i do. I could really be reaching here but i think they’re trying to set up hayley as the new face of these movies and dead reckoning part 2 is gonna be the end for tom. She was the main character, Ethan was not. She was a part of 2 stunts out of the 3 big ones in the movie and Toms solo stunt (the cliff jump) was maybe a minute of the movie and correct me if im wrong but thats never happened before, Toms always had a big stunt thats just him that takes up a good, MEMORABLE, chunk of the movie, and that just wasnt in this.

I didn’t like it at all. Up until the airport i loved the movie, i really liked the way it was shot, i liked the mi1 callbacks, i really liked ethan and ilsa and everything was good, i could ignore the AI plot (which i knew i wasnt gonna like going into it i hate AI villains) and just watch the movie but after the airport i started to not like the movie anymore. During the fiat car chase i realized i was gonna really not gonna like the movie. That was one of the three big stunts of the movie and i hated it, it just felt really rushed and there were so many characters who i didnt know and didnt know why they were there, WHICH IS OKAY i love not knowing things thats part of my brand im all about that but it just did not work here, sometimes not knowing anything about character works and other times it doesnt.

I dont remember a lot from the middle chunk of the movie, i wasnt enjoying it but trust me i was trying. Not even benji and luther made the movie enjoyable and to top it all off ilsa died and im getting mad again but that was one of the worst deaths i think ive seen. If shes not actually dead then thank god but also im sorry mcq but awful writing unless something got cut because she was free? She was dead? There was no bounty on her head anymore, that was why she “died” at the start of the movie and correct me if im wrong but she really didnt need to be in Venice with her face showing either. It really feels like she just died so hayley could be in the spotlight with ethan and there were too many characters so they had to get rid of her along with benji and luther who arent dead but may as well be with their 10 minutes of screen time.

But all of this i can look past, i dont like the plot? whatever, thats not why i, personally, watch mission impossible movies, i watch for the stunts, i wanna see tom cruise do some crazy shit but i didnt even get that. Im really mad about the lack of stunts in this movie i feel insane idk if anyone else is complaining about this but i didnt like a single one of them. Im so let down and i hate that im so upset over something like this but i am. Thats the promise thats being made when you go see these movies and in my opinion they didn’t deliver. All the fighting was really good i loved the fight in that tight alleyway with ethan and paris but i hated the car chase, the cliff jump could’ve been better? i dont even know what to say about that one tbh, and the train, ohhhhhh the train, i dont even wanna talk about the train, i was trying so hard to like it i wanted it to redeem the whole movie for me but it just didnt, i feel so bad but it didnt and im so disappointed.

#if anyone wants me to go into more detail i can try #im really tired so im gonna sleep and try and go for a run in the morning to clear my head too and maybe come bsck to some things #but this is how i feel #mi7 spoilers #sorry everyone #im also mad that i think this but what am i gonna do #not to bring john wick 4 into this but this movie feels like a joke after seeing that #i know theyre so different and i dont like comparing movies but they got it right and this kovie just did not #sorry mcq no makeout session 😔

[jupiter-pls]

(look, im sorry idk if read more is still a thing/on the app but i can't see it im hoping tumblr does that auto read more thing if not IM SORRY! i just need things written out for my brain sometimes)

ya girl had a cheeky weekend in amsterdam to have just one good night...and afternoon 🖤🧡🖤 it's been the. best. and i spent it with some wonderful people who im missing so, so much 💖 (there's a group photo of my pals when i had gone on to m&g round 2 with them holding up my art that makes me SOB! 😭 goodest of eggs!) and ill remember it all for a long, long time. got to give dan the new piece after telling/showing him the piece from back at the start of tour needed a companion piece & the reasoning behind it. he was so SO sweet and said how he loves my style, especially with the circles always being used (😭😭😭) and then pointed out the photo backdrop with the eclipse on 🥺 yes 🥺 love a weird wonky dan heart too 🥰 i was a bit annoyed with myself cause i felt/heard myself fully tripping over my words and ugh but! it was really really lovely...

m&g no.2 however! 💖💖💖💖 (look, i panic brought a resale ticket cause i was so nervous about the matinée getting canceled in the wake of the promoters bullshit on this tour and knew i would be beyond heartbroken if it had happened) god, that felt so so special and im going to remember it forever 😭 i got so many laughs out of him and SO MANY HUGS idk what was going on there i guess being able to actually get my words out was the cause? (just lots of thankful words for the tour, meaning i could meet my wonderful friends, the show being something so special & important and that he BELONGS on a stage that is is home!) id been talking myself in & out of taking minnie ears for a photo for WEEKS, would i be ~brave enough to ask for a photo in them? no i couldn't it's too scary! but i found the perf wad aesthetic ones for him and dlp is my favourite place in the world, this was actually important to me! (see me fully not being alright when he got that fleece thing from anaheim disneyland...if u got to meet him in that ur on my list 😭) after a moment from him of "um...what are those?!" and telling him look, it's important! we got a bunch of photos with him declaring "ok these are cute, oh my god we're so cute!" yes! ears are silly & over the top but they are fun! and cute! and make u feel like a kid! told him he probs has no use for them but he can keep them if he'd like (the orange ones...not my prince charming carousel ones!) and he was all 🥺 that's such a sweet gift thank you 🥺 (also this is all backwards, we did the ears photos before everything else). i mentioned while i was so excited for the show again, it was bittersweet as it was my last one and i love that he responded with his whole damn chest that i better make sure i make it to the next tour then...that boy is never going to stop doing shows and i love that for him SO SO MUCH LIVE UR FUCKING DREAM! 😭😭😭

i had a whole lot of feelings during that last show, "embrace the void/one good night" really getting to me after getting that most recent sketch done & all the feelings that went into that and my decision to do it...it's all so much.

ALSO! getting to meet & spend time with some really, really special people ive gotten to know in this fandom and them being what made the weekend so incredibly special 💜 saying goodbye to those folks was hard but they all give the nicest hugs. i really hope i can see them all again in the not too distant future, thank you for making this trip all it was 🥰

tl;dr dan is the best boy in the world and deserves ALL the good things in the universe & i have some incredible people im lucky enough to call my friends 🪐

#give me a fucken jupiter emoji! #sorry for the heckin wall of text sometimes u just need to get a bunch of things out #wadsterdam #wad #wad spoilers #were all doomed #daniel howell #my heart has burst it was just too full

[grumpylia]

omg i just read the 5th chapter of your fic and i wanted to say that i LOVE it!!!

So i saw your post abt it yesterday and started reading at like midnight and i can not get enough!! Good thing it's a tuesday so i didn't have to wait long for an update hh

I love the way you write katie and how she feels to me like a real person, i know you said that at first many people would think that she's an annoying bossy teenage girl, but also, i've been there!! i was also the teenage girl who hated the troublemakers and was scared of breaking the rules (except i couldn't yell at them)

This is just my personal opinion but her bonding moments with the apollo cabin were for sure my favourite scenes, i just love them in general and i get do excited seeing katie interact with one of them!! i'm trying not to spoil here for future readers but the beach scene was so immaculate and definitely in my top 3!! on the other hand, the infirmary scene,...

I know this story is like a tratie endgame, but at several moments i was sooo convinced that katie's gonna have a thing or a moment with someone (which proved *mostly* wrong hh) so i'm still waiting to see how this plays out

Back to me saying how real these relationships are, i love how you convey all these complexities and emotions between campers, while also not forgetting that they're still SOOO young and most of them immature and WILL get into petty fights, but even then, there's still this sense of unity between them, or a camaraderie built by their shared experience (and trauma lol)

i'm looking forward to seeing how the demeter arc is gonna play out, but also what happened after the bday party (again trying not to spoil) and how idk i'm feeling there is some tension and doubt abt some campers' loyalties and their behaviour (katie would kill me for that). I feel like you've been building up for them in the last chapter so i can't wait for everything to blow up in our faces!!

Anyways this is getting pretty, and i still have soooo many stuff i have not mentioned (the last chapter actually brought me to tears, both happy and sad, and i could not be more glad about it) so sorry for clogging up your inbox, but i'm like very insane abt your fic so i had to scream at you about it!!

oh my oh my i actually think this inbox has made my whole day!!!! ive said it before and ill say it again its so crazy to me that people read my silly little story and i love love love talking about it!! thank you for this!!

first of all, thank you for the love re katie! i was sooo worried at first that she would initially come off too unlikeable, but i have been there too and it was important for me to get annoying bossy girl representation (don't worry, i couldn't yell at the troublemakers either)

i also adore the apollo cabin and i promise there is more to come with the apollo kids! one apollo kid in particlar (not named for the Mystery, although it might be pretty obvious who) is about to become a lot more prominent in katie's life and he is genuinely one of my favourite characters in the whole fic so i am so excited to see what you think of him!! im so glad you liked the beach scene! it's also one of my favourite scenes and its so lovely to hear that it resonates!! the infirmary scene...unfortunatrly there might be more where that is coming from :'( the apollo cabin in the pjo series are so deeply tragic and so personal to me

for now my lips are locked on any other potential romances.... i will just say that although it is tratie endgame there will be lots of twists and turns in getting there....

im so glad that the relationships are coming through as authentic!! i've always been a more character/relationship driven writer and through the process of writing this fic these characters and their friendships and bonds have become so real to me and you liking the way i portray their relationships (in all their immature, petty, trauma bonded glory) genuinely means the world to me <33

LMAO katie would kill you for that but also i fullheartedly agree with you. at this point, tensions are high and there is still a Lot to come: at the end of the day, they're children tryint to deal with these incredibly adult things and the culmination of all this tension is almost inevitable at this point

thank you again for this lovely lovely message! i literally was grinning ear to ear reading it: it means so much to me!! thank you thank thank you!! <333

#pjo

[cogbreath]

not a vent but it is a ramble of personal things but

im seriously so so like... shocked idk. i didnt expect this to happen. it seems like its really gonna happen. but im nervous. theres been times before where it was like. my mom was talking about how he might not be allowed 2 live here anymore and i was so hyped but then nothing came of it. i cant have that happen again. im 21 years old man. and i dont have a life because of the shit living arrangements we have going on bc of him. if hes really fed up and leaving this is gonnabe so fucking huge.......... like i said before i want his room so i can expand my waifu shrines 😈 ... lol. im being lighthearted. i seriously had 0 hope for a while. and idk. i once had a serious breakdown in front of my mom wherre i admitted that i felt like i was genuinely gonna end up killing him. and tbh i thought that there was a chance that ended up being the only way out. im really happy if this is true and im getting an actual happy ending for once. ive been. wanting this so desperately since i was a kid guys. seriously. i hate that man so much. hes a disgusting abusive asshole with 0 compassion + he m*lested me. hes got mad health problems that my mom manages for him and i wonder if shes worried about how he'll do on his own with that. personallly i dont care. i dont care. i want him out. i dont want my mama being his caregiver nomore. cruel cruel man. for all my life ive watched that man degrade her ans berate her and expect her to serve him afterwards ..... ive had to deal with overhearing him harassing her for never having sex with him.. which is something that was always extra painful for me because of my own sexual trauma.... theres honna be a lot of scary changes like my mom says i have to get a job again. im really not not good at working due to my disabilities. but i could hold a job for a year before i ended up losing it. it was very trauamtic. i dont want to work again. but i will be freed from the familial agony. its a lot guys. seriously. ive been so so so isolated and disconnected from eberything and everyone because of it for all my life. ive never been able to truly be a person because of it. it became my job to help my mother emotionally and mentally to degrees that no child really should havr to because she had no one else. i dont fault or resent her at all for that and im happy to defend her and help her and listen to her. its a lot though and especially when i was younger. also

ill probably do drugs less often because i wont be trying to drown out another fight theyre having.

im nervous because im a a psychotic autistic agoraphobic and i will have to be going outside now. but. i will be going outside now... which means having a life. my mom will be with me still. i will still live with her and probably will most my life because of my circumstances. but i love her. im okay with having to maybe do some scary things because of that. dude. theres a convention near me soon that i was hoping to go to. i kinda just had it as a pipe dream though. because basiclaly i have no ability or opportunities to leave the house. but now i will. im really hopping that this is rwal and i'll be able to go... its my goal. i want to make a misty monsoon cosplay. i really do. im crying rn bexause im just so excited to get a chance at things. trust me thougu im still gonna be a asocial shutin first and foremost. dont worry guys i wont be abandoning you. im a dedicated poster. but you know. im gonna be posting under better circumstances inshallah.

also this is a lot for me spiritually. my dad is heavily islamophobic and ive not been able to safely be open because of him. ive prayed and prayed a lot to allah to help make things to where i can finally do that. i really really feel like allah has given me a great gift here im so happy allahu akbar

[rayplaysotomes]

ok!! noritsune route post!! my silly! i have GOT to draw this guy. idk when ill get around to it but. i love his design sm.

as usual, spoiler warnings for noritsune’s route in birushana under the cut!

okokok!! first off, i wanted to talk about how much hes matured as a person and how his character develops throughout his route because i feel like thats the thing i thought of the most. like, he started out only seeing things through the lense of the heike, the towards the end he has a much broader perspective of the world and really considers his place in it. and like, he grew up being compared to shanao a lot because they were the same age and in similar positions in their respective clans, and bc he is very competitive, he was determined to fight her and sorta prove his worth in a way. atleast thats how i read that bit. 

then when he DOES fight her for a moment, and later gets to talk with her for a minute, he really sees their similarities and grows to like her, even if he still wants to duel with her. then of course theres how once he hears shanao talk about wanting to be seen as herself, and not only under the guise of genji or heike, he understands how she feels, and later accepts being disowned very easily and just leaves. then after seeing shanao again in hiraizumi and she saves him, he returns to the heike and takes care of his responsibilities. 

plus!!! when they met again in battle he wanted to fight her and there was that whole scene where he says shes running away from fighting him. interesting i think. and after that, when they were in kyoto trying to help the villagers while yoshinakas army was looting everything, and he said he wouldnt let her die until he could properly duel her. im sobbing. or in that same scene how he was explaining how hes ever felt so close and so similar to another person????? it really seems like at this point, he cant admit to himself that he actually just really cares about her, so he justifies the duel as a way to stay near her. 

then of course theres the last fight on the boats, he was fully ready to die during his fight with shanao before they had left. 

idk, i feel like his whole dynamic with shanao is super interesting where he originally didnt like her because of how often they were compared to each other, then he realized how similar they actually were, how much he could relate to her, and how she was actually a very good person and he cared for her a lot. i feel like this especially helped him mature and develop. 

and not only was noritsunes dynamic with shanao super interesting, the romance aspects of the route were really sweet. like!!! when the children wanted to dress up shanao like a princess!!! and noristune comes back and gets all jealous cause other people got to see her like that before he did!!! and he asks her to stay and live with him after the war!!

also!! shanao has become one of my favourite mcs idc if ive only finished one route so far she means everything to me. like she starts off only sorta seeing things from a black and white perspective, then once she sees yoshinakas army looting kyoto, and the heike children, and grows to really care about noritsune, she sees that there are bad people who are part of the genji clan, and that there are good people within the heike. and she comes to realize that all she really wants is to help people. she really just wants everyone to be okay. idk this is just such a well written aspect of her character imo, and i really respect this. 

#birushana #birushana rising flower of genpei #noritsune taira #otome #otoge #otome game #otome games #rambles

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

okay so. im like. idk ANY music theory. like. at all apart from when i played the piano for a couple years when i was like 7. so. this is definitely the ramblings of a guy who is being very autistic about bug video game. and nothing more. (and also has been done before i am purely doing this for @exnihilo-comic​ bc they asked me on my thoughts) BUT. i am sooooo fucking insane about the hollow knight ost. (LONGGGG post below the cut)

SO LIKE. theres OBVIOSULY the like. main theme yknow. thats in enter hallownest and the title screen song. the one that goes likeeee errr. (wait i gotta look up smth rq)

OKAY SO THERES THIS. (just taken from here) :

anddd theres this :

WHICH is like. yknow. the whole Big leitmotif of. Everything. BUT. the thing is. i was wondering which songs specifically it is in. bc like. im hoping its not just. hallownest’s motif. and more for smth specifically. BUT YEA. so so far theres obviously the title screen and enter hallownest (which is the trailer music im p sure ?)(ok yea it was the ferocious foes trailer music). BUT. im gonna go thru all the songs n see which ones have this in (i will not be accurate as im going by ear since errrrr. im not the best at reading sheet music)

okay well dirtmouth (taken from here) IMMEDIATELY has the theme in it (with the bit in red missing)

it is clearly slower n in a dif key but like. the same theme

and pretty much most of the melody of dirtmouth is like. essentially this same theme. just a loaddd slower. and in a dif key. im not gonna screenshot each comparison and try to pinpoint each difference bc. like ive said, idk music theory. i just like video game osts.

okay so crossroads is a little more difficult but to me it sounds like it possibly has the same chord progression ? but i may be speaking out my arse so someone who actually knows what theyre talking abt could draw comparisons.

altho i DO want to talk abt the crossroads track. this is the part where i start bullshitting FULLY. so like smth i LOVE abt it is how very drawn out each note is. like it sets the scene of hk PERFECTLY. its like. the track feels a lot more loose ? i suppose ? than the other songs you wouldve heard by now. which ig feels like it rlly shows how sorta. abandoned and like. i mean “forgotten” the “forgotten” crossroads rlly r. like they have no sorta form left but its clear that crossroads was once a place w a lot more life in it besides the handful of npcs u meet there (well like. yknow. uninfected life). but the one thing abt the crossroads track is that it sounds. calm yknow. which does reflect the crossroads compared 2 the other locations. the enemies there r simple enough to defeat and theres plenty of safe spots. its right under dirtmouth so its (before its infected) the safest area a player will explore for a whileeee. anyways ye the crossroads track is cool.

okay w the false knight battle theme i wasnt RLLY gonna say anything abt it BUT. it does actually have the main theme in it.

(link)

sooo yea so far the only connection ive made is Almost Every Song Has This Theme In It.

oh also in the false knight theme there is this ONE bit that sounded a little like the very beginning of the mantis lords theme to me but idk theyre not the CLOSEST just similar.

anyways next song: greenpath. so i THINK its happened again and THE WHOLE BIG LEITMOTIF IS ONCE AGAIN HERE.

like dirtmouth it is slower and in a different key but thats definitely it. which honestly was unexpected i didnt think it was in any area music. so once again, i think this is in literally almost EVERY track so thats making me more wonder abt the tracks its NOT in. but ill come to that later maybe. what i do want to know is if theres anything else in greenpaths track thats in another song. what im thinking is perhaps therell be a similarity between greenpath and hornets battle music ?

okay this sorta call and response thing here is interesting to me because it sounds veryyyy familiar to me. (everytime i have heard it tho it just sounds like either hornets voice at some point or when sly says gibolen mas sooo take this as u will. i am however listening 2 a couple of hornets lines and the closest i think there is is when she says la fe nuva nido or whatever that gibberish is) anyways the call and response interests me.

anyways more abt greenpaths song in general terms, i do love how this one feels a lot more full of life than crossroads, because crossroads felt very barren w the blue and the brick(?) whereas greenpath is full of life, just in the sense of scenery. its (obviously) a lot greener and full of plant life which already feels loads more alive. and the enemies there also arent simply just husks (AND EVIL SAP MONSTERS) theres like. theres moss creatures and fucking squits and those shooty wall things and just a whole lot more life, and that is reflected very well in the track bc it sounds a lot more full and like it has actual emotion. and even the battle theme (like where u fight the moss knight) is a lotttt more emotional and tense than crossroads’ - which feels a lot more like just sorta. primal fear what with a beat that sounds almost like a heartbeat and the repetitive drums. but greenpaths battle theme is a LOT more lively and dance-like and it has DEPTH. idk i thinkkk im rambling a little but i do love greenpaths contrast with crossroads

OKAY. hornets battle theme. smth obviously noticed a lot before is her theme is comprised of only string instruments (yknow bc. shes a spider n uses a needle and will star in SILKsong so like. yeah. string) ONCE AGAIN. the main motif is in this song surprise surprise. (link)

altho smth interesting abt it is how it changes depending on which half of the theme is playing. for the first half the er. whatever u call the top bit i forgot. is playing it (and im prettyyy sure its a violin or viola or smth similar). but then it switches to the er. bottom line. and is played by a perhaps cello ??? smth lower than the first instrument. and different. which i think is a nice little thing AND is similar to the call and response from greenpath.

thats p much all i can say in terms of “technical” stuff BUT. in terms of vibes. I love how perfect this is for hornets fight. it definitely reflects how shes a lot more agile than the false knight and depends less on pure strength and more on her movement in the arena. i love how very fast paced it is AND HOW HAPPY IT IS. it is a VERY happy piece because hornet is ENJOYING HERSELF. bc yes her and ghost r fighting but she never wants to HURT it (even if i DIED to her like. a million times.) and WE never hurt her, we just beat her (and if ur a speedrunner, bully her in a corner) but she laughs during the fight, she has silly little battle cries, shes having a FUN TIME. which is shown in the music bc its CONSISTENTLY HAPPY. also the very sharp and sorta staccato (see i know SOME music terminology) notes throughout r veryyy fitting for the fights pacing and hornets attacks.

Okay this has been sitting in mt drafts for a bit and idk i might rb w add ons but j think i was just on smth else that night bc ive never been like. In the Mindset(tm) to do more of this. Ok. Have fun exnihilo person. Yea.

#night thoughts #hollow knight #if this makes no sense blame me from like a week ago or smth idk

[fdhgikshdwhatever]

Day 6

Today's Weight: 159.9 lbs

Weight lost: 5 lbs

Cals eaten today: no idea :(

Note: ahhhh okay so today was actually a fair near my town and me and an old friend and a possible new one and i just really wanted to see them so we decided to go together and just ahhh, I did eat cheese fries and had a vanilla milkshake, originally I was just not going to eat today and was only going to have water but I felt like they would notice so when they said they were hungry I agreed to eat and dfusrfsjfd, I had such a fun time though, and I love to laugh and have fun with people I care about and idk, I did definingly overeat today, fair food is so fattening... but I cant say I regret going, ill just say that this was my free day and tomorrow I'll do the mono... yeah, I'll do that. at least I walked a lot that probably burned a lot of calories.... I also did get several compliments... if felt really good... i have good friends

Day 7

Update/day 7 note : im calling this diet off early :(

I will still be on a diet just a not as restricting one, its a mix of never having been been on a diet this strict before, my job requires lots of walking, lifting and being on my feet so me feeling weak and dizzy isnt the most ideal, i also think im mostly just losing water weight and then finally im quite concerned about my body going into starvation mode. Im going to do a bit more research into things and try to figure out the lowest calorie intake i can have for a relatively daily basis and try this again. :( ive very sad things are ending like this… oh right haha ill give my final stats below.

Final weight: 159.1 lbs

Total weight lost 5.5 lbs

#diet plan

[spikedru]

hey i wanted to ask! bc i remember you saying how you felt about spuffy but you hadn't rewatched s7 yet. did that affect how you saw them at all? also if you're okay answering, what do you think of seeing red? I've recently begun to think of it as. kind of out of character. like i know spuffy was downward spiraling but it kind of felt like seeing red was "what should we have happen so that things get super bad and spike goes and gets a soul" and not actually something that spike would. have really done? idk. I'm not a spuffy fan but i do think things about that episode

i still havent actually rewatched s7 lol i had been rewatching s6 back in march last year but stopped right before riley showed up again and didnt get around to picking it back up haha. ill probably think about doing a full series rewatch and liveblog after i graduate college (so sometime during the summer) and actually try to get through to the end

that being said i have not actually sat down and rewatched seeing red since the first time i watched the series. so. almost a decade ? at this point ? if thats any indication of how i feel about that episode. it has been a while. its on par with the body in terms of episodes that i never really want to rewatch (though for completely different reasons, obviously) more thoughts below

the way i tend to view seeing red is that of poorly thought through shock value writing. i agree with you in that it feels like a writers decision to have the worst thing happen in order to motivate spike to seek his soul, and not something that feels correct to the character. already by that point you have spike reflecting on their tryst and realizing the way things were was not making either of them truly happy, so it would not take that much prodding for him to realize something had to change. there are other ways to get spike to his breaking point without having to subject buffy to sexual violence. even though their relationship was volatile and played with gray areas of consent, i never got the impression that spike would truly violate buffy's consent. i think writing in an attempted rape affects the way the audience views them on a much deeper level than the writers were expecting. because, a lot of the trauma that buffy endures through the show, while very real to her, has a fantasy element that places a layer of separation from the audience. most people cannot understand the despair of having to send your boyfriend to actual Hell, or the betrayal of being ripped from actual Heaven by your friends. but there are members of the audience who do know the terror and betrayal of sexual violence by their partner. so i think that aspect wasnt taken into serious enough account when deciding to have your main characters love interest and general audience favorite do something so realistically deplorable. thats why i think it was mainly a shock value decision rather than based in any way the character would actually act. not even to mention the fact like. most everyone else in the production hating having to film it and james marsters has said because of SR he will never do a scene like that ever again he hated it that much.

from the refresher ive seen of s7 (from people gifsets and spuffy scenes and meta about spike, the soul, and buffy etc) i wish we had got more of a buildup to a true spuffy reconciliation. there is so much happening in s7. so much that a lot tends to get lost or not as much time focused on in order to get to the very end. i do really think that buffy was incredibly moved and touched by spikes decision to get his soul back. personally i think the choice to get the soul is more impactful than the soul itself, as it demonstrates how remorseful spike is over the AR and his willingness to atone for it without expecting anything in return. and how buffy recognizes that and thats why shes able to forgive him and let him back into her life. but because there are only 22 episodes to fit plot into the reconciliation happens just. a little too quick. i had wished that. idk. it happened over 2ish seasons? so we see spike struggling to reconcile with his soul just a lil bit longer and him settling with it and buffy seeing that struggle while still wanting him around. idk. a lot of my problems with s7 come from pacing issues. while i have my problems with s7 as a whole, i do generally like the spuffy progression in it, even if i wanted it to take a lil longer. in all of buffys past relationships, there are things that happened that make her believe that she is somehow responsible for her partners turning bad, or thinking she is somehow lesser for being with them. but learning that spike got his soul back for her, something she views as essential and good, it shocks her that she could inspire someone to change that much for the betterment of themselves. and because of that she can truly trust him enough to love him completely.

so like long story short i hate that seeing red involved sexual violence and i wish there had been some other way to get to the point of spike realizing he needs to change, but considering the way s7 went i dont think it changes my perspective on their relationship that much. i think spike and buffy are one of the most interesting relationships on the show just by how much they change themselves and each other by being in their lives, and thats why im so invested in them

#very sorrry if this is rambly or doesnt make sense but i hope i answered your question ! #asks #seeing red /

[ocdhuacheng]

i get that people genderbend male character to be female in mxtx stories (esp if those ppl are wlw) because the majority of characters are male and it is focused on mlm content. so i support wlw simping over cool necromancer lesbians you go girlies, but in general i tend to stay away from genderbend stuff because sooooo much of it is made by cis ppl and it can be a bit transphobic? it also a lot of the times falls into the cishet gender stereotype shit of "women big boobie slim waist small big lips big eyes, men big buff strong macho 8 pack square" which is! oh no cringe!

yeah EXACTLY like my thoughts too. bc the vast majority of genderbending made by cis ppl really is just. like you said. biological gender stereotype shit. i feel like most trans people i see are made pretty uncomfortable by this, and i can totally see why, so i am too. but at the same time i DO understand wlw who want more content with girls/wlw characters esp when there are so few to begin with. so like im kinda willing to give wlw the benefit of the doubt in this case even though i dont rly like to interact with it myself. but also, my beloved sisters in christ... baihe exists

the only genderbending ill really interact with is works with sqx, he xuan*, and hua cheng like since theyre the ones that are shown to or mentioned to change gender in canon. (ling wen too, tho tbh i dont rly care about male!ling wen lmfao, just for the sole reason that, well. i am a lesbian. tho i do have to say the lore behind her male form is actually rather compelling and i think if mxtx were more skilled and open to writing analysis about gender, it could lead to a very thoughtful and nuanced discussion of how ling wen views herself, rather than just if she looks like a cis woman shes a woman if she looks like a cis man shes a man. because iirc she only shapeshifted to get the extra power she had in her male form? that doesnt mean that she is now a man, but in those scenes the book automatically refers to her as such. would love an extra about ling wen's self image and gender. but no, we had to get the statue sex and weird underage amnesia stuff 🙄)

BUT ANYWAY like idk if it really counts as genderbending in tgcf's case? but either way i know mxtx made that ~gods and ghosts can change gender at will~ thing just as a haha comedic relief thing like i think them having the power to do that is totally cool but i do not think it was done respectfully at all, especially with sqx, since mxtx kind of either intentionally or not sends the message (at least to me) that you can only be trans if you pass as cis. ive said it a million times before and ill say it again but the way sqx is never referred to as a woman (by the characters, the narrative, and even THEMSELF) after they lose the ability to LOOK like a cis woman is so so infuriating to me. like theyre not going to just STOP being genderfluid/trans just bc they cant change their appearance. and also not to mention throughout the book they were just kinda treated as being silly and immature for wanting to change their gender in the first place, so, another win for transphobia i guess. though i can appreciate having a canon trans/genderfluid character, they definitely could have been written better in that regard

*while i love fem!he xuan... it did leave a kinda dirty taste in my mouth when mxtx had to make sure we knew that he xuan only did it to appease sqx, and actually hated being a woman. and the way it was talked about too like 'oh he was forced to be in a womans body so OF COURSE he was super pissed the entire time' like i cant explain it but it was just kind of upsetting. kinda transphobic and misogynist. one might even say,..... transmisogynist 🤔

this answer kinda ended up going on a tangent but yea lol thanks for the ask ^^

#what the fuck ever. my canon now #he xuan nonbinary legend #also the thing with hua cheng is even tho we never see his female form ive just kinda always headcanoned him as genderfluid #and since he changes his skins like by the hour lmfao it just feels kinda natural to me? #idk #and as a disclaimer #idrk my gender? i dont really think im cis but also i dont really think i can call myself trans either. #so apologies if im wording things in a problematic way at all #asks #.txt #agenderenvi #tgcf #<- just for my blog organization even tho the ask wasnt specifically about it i just ended up talking about it a lot

[1990jeevas]

hello i would like to know about ur oc’s! you can pick which one(s) :]

eeeee!!! okay erm ill just give an overview of the ocs i named in my tags bc i like never talk about my ocs so idk whats worth saying or not 😭😭

anyways out of the 4 ocs i named, maxine, claire and jack r (more or less) self inserts but carmen was originally made as a self insert for misfits and he was the love interest for isak's (@/salfishergender) oc, maxwell, but then him and max were moved to a different au which we worked on with trinket (@/dapsie) that had nothing to do with pre-existing media

that asideeee erm

claire monreau: wednesday self insert, shipped with tyler bc im insane about him <3 claire is a student at nevermore ofc, she is a werewolf and has probably been attending for like a year before wednesdays arrival at the school. they dye their hair a lot but their staple is usually a dark red color. she's mixed race (filipino/white), kinda short, bisexual demigirl she/they user and a leo. they're like. an aggressive mom friend tbh. always making sure their friends dont get into serious trouble but also threatening them for being stupid in public. her and tyler r lovesick and gross bc i said so

james "jack" dixon: twd oc who is (once again) the love interest of isak's oc, farren. also related to daryl and merle dixon if the last name didnt make it obvious. he's a tall, dirty white boy with long hair brown hair, he/they bisexual. total hot head but also a hopeless romantic, will cry if you genuinely praise him. does a lot of taxidermy, cooking, skinning animals for food + tanning hydes and other unhinged malewife things.

maxine walker: creepypasta oc from when i was literally like 10 years old but i wont let her go. any pronoun using queer gf for ticci toby. tbh her original design is kinda a toby rip off but ive been revamping her recently and she's got long brown hair (although sometimes i give her masc haircuts and ohhh she slays), wears a skin tight turtle neck with no sleeves and like black or dark green cargo pants and she also wears these like steam punk goggles around her neck most of the time. carries around a bat to bash peoples heads in bc she's fucked up idk. theyre pretty bubbly tho and mostly just like to do their job Well (bc theyre a proxy obvi, i made this bitch almost a decade ago) and be chaotic with others. him and toby r probs codependent but when r my ocs and their love interests ever Not

carmen fuller: he/they queer (reoccurring theme), the definition of confident gay and he makes it everyones problem. loves to flirt, loves to be a cocky asshole, will argue with anyone and everyone but also is soft for his bf <3 how cringe of him

#these ocs r more interesting when i put them in situations i swear #feel free to ask clarrifying questions or wtv if u wanna know more tho #bc i know them and how they act in situations but i find it hard to explain outside of those scenarios ig #shit self #asks #gayk0maeda #oc: claire monreau #oc: carmen fuller #oc: jack dixon #oc: maxine walker

[goremet-chef]

random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo

my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it

last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard

she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy

she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?

i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely

ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him

anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened

so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health

like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks

so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)

my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know

what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family

i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore

yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont

my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck

just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too

hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like

its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol

anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great

i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not

i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF

okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)

[regular-john-16278]

theres outcomes that could occur today that im thinking about while having a v lazy morning sat on my laptop in bed. they could be spoilers or just me rambling so if u dont wanna see regardless dont click my loves and have a lovely gay kinnporsche day

soooo Porsche either says yes or no to vegas, this is something that has to happen

Pete goes to investigate Vegas further, as a way to prove his trust in Porsche, this is something that has to happen

so looking at those, its highly likely that Porsche says yes.

that leaves Kinn most likely frustrated, and easily agreeing to Pete doing the investigating thing.

also, it is known that at some point vegas kidnaps Pete, thats not exactly a spoiler. and this is more than likely going to happen while Pete is doing his investigation

MY thoughts ere are that he probably wouldnt kidnap Pete while Porsche is staying with him, its just too likely that Porsche will run into Pete and all the supposed trust he had in vegas to begin with will totally leave

soooo this means that Porsche will probably leave the minor family household before Pete even gets there?? so maybe he uses Vegas as a means of escape, hangs out there briefly and then finds a way to leave again

I feel like he wont stay long, him assuming Kinn came to his cell to apologise says it all. he still trusts him, hes expecting him to have some kind of second plan. I totally get that, and I think its entirely likely, sure Kinn has trust issues and has been let down, but realistically if Tawan (a guy he has shitty trust in to begin with) finds all that spying stuff in his room and proves it to be Porsche's, what does that prove exactly? they already have CCTV installed in the room that seemingly everyone on the detail has access too, i mean fucksake Porsche is the bodyguard stationed outside of his room.

Kinn must know that Porsche was spying on Tawan for reasons relating to his devotion to Kinn, as well as Porsche following them both when they left to get the evidence.

so when Porsche leaves, does he go straight back to the major family house?? or does he run back via his own house to check on his brother?

Ive only heard whispers of this so idk if its true bc i havent and will not read the novel but Tawan kidnapping Chay?? if that occurs, then its vvv likely Porsche goes back via his own house, if not stopping to stay then at least looking through the window to check he is still there and living his life

theres a chance Kim could be there when this occurs, or that Chay is just vibing playing guitar like he usually does. REGARDLESS, Tawan could see this somehow i feel (if the fact he kidnaps Chay is real and not like a fever dream I had and have convinced myself someone said). Tawan is tracking Porsche now, he escaped and cant exactly go straight back to Kinn, so it is entirely in Tawan's interest to see where else Porsche goes.

Hes a crazy motherfucker, so he sees Porsche caring about someone other than Kinn and uses this as his opportunity to have something hanging over his head??

IDK im theorising and idek if that actaully occurs, but if we're thinking about Tawan and what he really wants, its probably the position next to Kinn with as much information and power as he can get his hands on. This would be when he would use Porsche, blackmail him using his brother to get what he wants

ive run out of thoughts for now but ill come back to this later after another coffee.

#kinnporsche

[justasopearchive]

uhmmmm.... 👉👈 im still curious about your thoughts on why you think sope has kind of drifted apart these past few years. ive been watching the two closely since 2017 and kind of went mia last 2020. only got back in the fandom late last yr so im curious about your perspective on why you think so... ive seen some sopies share the same sentiments and i wanted to get more context as to why yall arrived with almost the same idea. i already asked you this before but i noticed you still havent answered it yet. if you wont reply to this, i guess ill just take that as a hint to never ask about this topic again hehe sorry if these ever came off as delusional or anything but im honestly just curious about what happened 🥺

Oh, of course; sorry about that, my entire Tumblr is on a queue, so I’m rarely actually ON Tumblr (except yesterday) and most asks I get are lowkey toxic shipping stuff, so I ignore it 😩

It’s not delusional at all; and if it is, I’m also delulu lol. In terms of Sope in particular, I always got the feeling that Suga had a thing for Hobi…a demonstrable thing, crush, feelings, confusion, call it whatever you want. Yes, BH feeds into the madness, but I don’t think they can fake every second on camera and he (Y) was just demonstrably happier, softer and overall more energetic with him (H).

But we stopped getting damn near any interactions a few years ago. Like. At all. Even the 2021 and 2022 memories were bare bones for us Sopies.

My theory? Sometime in 2019ish something happened and one or the other said something pretty bad to the other or feelings came to a head and someone, IDK WHO, put them on ice (I tend to think it was Hobi who wanted to chill out…idk, he just never seemed as into it). And they just haven’t been the same since then. We know they used to see each other outside of work in the past because both of them have said it and there’s photo/video evidence. Now, J-Hope says he sees Suga “in the office”; a far cry from two dudes who went to concerts together or sat around and drank at their new office.

Even Yoongi being the only one not at the JITB release party. That wasn’t sus to y’all? And, yes, I know they said he “felt sick.” But come on…he turned around and performed, in outstanding health, at the Psy concert right after that. That just looked…strange.

Anyway, I’m choosing to remain delulu and force myself to believe that they love each other and Sope is not divorced and they’ve kissed (don’t worry, I know this is all jokes and fantasy…I actually believe 5/7 of Bangtan are in or have recently been in, hetero romantic relationships).

I’ve literally never “shipped” anyone else in my life and BTS is the only group of strangers I actively enjoy keeping up with (I don’t even watch reality TV 🥴)—so I’m just gonna hold on to this as my OTP for awhile lol

This is all just conjecture and gossiping on MY part.

Hope that answers your question 🙃

#just a sope archive asks

[menalez]

Ajfjsjakjdfjs there is a lot about lesbian culture in other countries I did not know about!! Like o_o why with thr nudes thing sjdjskdjsjd

I see though i think that makes sense. I feel like theres always that dumb idea of masculine feminine balance 😭 even though i myself am femme4butch i still dontt liek the whole oooaaga divine balaaance. Also its weird bc I think in USA, while there is that idea of course, there's also the 'lipstick' lesbians or 'fem4fem' stereotype or at least, what straight people think of the Good type of lesbians if it makes sense. Like what we see on tv... Its more appealing to them anyway

I mean my ex(😭 it hurts to say my god) gfs mom was actually a bit confused on whether she (ex) was trans like her brother (ftm) or just masculine, Bc i guess her idea of lesbians was the Lipstick kind.? but then also shes not usa american but latin American. Also she was very supportive and sweet just straight and confused with things gjdks

Still i think we have that too or single feminine lesbians get told how its good theyre not the ugly kind if people find out. I think gay men also have similar expectations put on them like ive read about families being more accepting if their son was the "top" or more manly seeming one in his relationship

Also me too 😭 its sooo weird like to have been pressured since being born+!!! And even my teachers would say omg stop flirtingg with boy classmate. ☹️ (crazy bc a teacher thatt taught us Gender Spectrum actualy said that to me bc i was telling this one boy off or something.. ookay.) And then my mom bringing up babies or grandchildren and then in the next moment telling me sex is evil and i should stay away from boys okay ma'am!!!

But jdjd glad that its not just me. Idk i keep feeling worried, but then I feel like im being stuck up and thinking im the only one in the world whos smart and sane so ill never find anyone. Like relax you are not the chosen one (@ myself of course)

Yeah i hope my family will be accepting andd not kill me fjsksjs and I hopee. I can find love and peace.... but thank you for listening! really I appreciate it bc sometimes it just feels like drowning in loneliness and i cant be myself even among friends andd etc. So. Ur very sweet 😭 mwah mwah thanks again mena

literally i could not tell u why she was showing me her nudes. im guessing it’s bc she wanted to show me that she gained weight and show her body before 😭😭 i felt like she was low-key flirting ngl lmaooo but she kept talking about her gf and that’s often a red flag for me sooo nothing happened there. i told her she shouldn’t sit around waiting for the day when her gf inevitably leaves her for a man n that’s not healthy etc. she’s also extremely self-hating in general and said a doctor told her that her lesbianism & masculinity are bc she doesn’t have enough estrogen in her body / has too much testosterone and that she should be on hormones to be fixed, which she fully believed.

im not keen on femme4femme lool from my experience most of them are weirdly anti-butches and hold misogynistic & lesbophobic beliefs! and i do think ur right that’s the more acceptable combo in the west (two gender conforming conventionally attractive women dating). i also hate the stupid idea that bc im not masculine im meant to be dating a woman who is bc it’ll “balance” us both. they also said when im with more androgynous or feminine women, i become more masculine which is “unnatural” or sth 🫥. also my mom is most in support of me dating women that can pass for men, i feel like she thinks if i won’t be w a man then the thing that’s best is me dating a woman who can be mistaken for a man. i think it’s mostly bc she wants to be socially accepted but it can be exhausting

ALSO the top thing is a whole ass thing in the gulf. there’s many bi & straight men who will literally get away with having gay sex bc they exclusively top 💀 a lot of those tests they use to check if ur gay (so they’ll jail u for it) are specifically testing if ur a bottom. it’s a weird weird phenomenon. and it’s especially weird that there’s this weird culture of even straight men seeking out men bc the society is very sex segregated. im sure some of those men aren’t actually straight but it’s such a prominent thing the way it is in prisons in the US that im sure many of them are. craziest part is this culture is most prominent in saudi of all places

omg when i was little i had mainly male friends bc idk girls thought i was a weirdo that stared too much at them or sth. and i was v close to my male friends, we’d hold hands n all but i think we both thought nothing of it. and my mom would be like “omg soooo cute my daughter has a boyfriend omg 🤗 she looooves the boys omg and they love her!!!” meanwhile im 5 years old and just thinking of it like holding my brother’s hand

manifesting u find ur dream gf soon and that coming out goes smoothly for u 🥺❤️ don’t hesitate to msg me whenever. i love hearing from other lesbians n it’s always heartwarming seeing younger lesbians accept themselves, i somewhat envy it (wish i were that brave & self-aware!!!) but it gives me a lot of hope for our future 🥰🥰🥰