#idk what I’m trying to say here

[pinksuperkliq]

yeah.

#idk what i’m trying to say here #jon moxley #mox #dean ambrose #puppy

[killcatboys]

omg babe your “girl dinner” is 3 cheez its and an ibuprofen? that’s so funny. should we tell everyone. should we invite bella hadid

#girl dinner is only funny when it’s actually got like. substance to it #girl dinner when it’s a slice of cake two pieces of ham and an apple juice: 👍🏻 #girl dinner when it’s a pita chip and two gummy bears: 👎🏻 #idk I just hate the quirkification of terrible eating habits and eating as little as possible #bc it makes it harder for ppl to actually say they need help if everyone’s like that’s so funny and quirky #idk what I’m trying to say here

[colorsinautumn]

I’m so sick of hearing separate the art from the artist, when the art is a direct extension from the person your willfully choosing to ignore. Like, there is no separation from these two things that very much go together as one. And I feel like the saying is just a cop out to completely ignore valid discourse and issues with an artist where it probably is worth considering no longer consuming their art in a way that they still benefit from your consumption, or that the continued consumption contributes to the sterilization of their actions to where they aren’t serious and there’s never any accountability. I don’t know, I’m some cases, callouts are necessary for fucked up actions and behavior and out of the like 90% of times where people are trying to cancel artists for bullshit, the other 10% of times are for things that really deserve some level of address and fans engaging with that persons media should absolutely not write it off as nothing or something they don’t care about because it doesn’t directly effect them.

#idk what I’m trying to say here #but I hope it makes sense #it’s just thoughts

[the-mystical-aquatic-gay]

nausicaä would be an avatar of the extinction

#she spends her whole movie fighting for the things that took over the planet after humanity (almost) destroyed itself #be it the ohm or the toxic jungle #the whole movie very much says that #yes these things are wholly alien to us and they’re ‘replacing’ us #but that doesn’t make them any less worthy of life then us #idk the manga might completely go against what i’m trying to say here i haven’t read it #the magnus archives #tma #tma podcast #tma au #tma shitpost #nausicaä of the valley of the wind #studio ghibli #nausicaa

[wiseatom]

i tried for a well thought out post. instead you get this mess that i’m begging you not to twist:

the outraged cries of “cliques” are people being actual friends with each other. the people complaining about certain blogs or creators being on pedestals are usually the same people putting them there. i’m not one to belittle feelings - i understand where the upset is coming from. i even understand my place in it! but at the end of the day, we’re working ourselves up over what? notes? followers? hits on a fic? things based on luck and timing??

i can only speak for myself, but i work a full time job and i’m hard scheduled 45 hours a week. all of my free time goes towards fic writing, because that’s For Me and that’s what’s important for my mental health, and even then, i am usually too exhausted to do that. i would love to read fic and interact more! my to-read list is a mile long! it is just genuinely hard for me to find the time. i prioritize my friends because they are my friends — real, actual people i know beyond tumblr mutualship, who i talk to about more than just fic writing — and even then i am late getting around to it. i’m not saying this as a “woe is me, my life is hard” moment, but moreso trying to offer a perspective that is not even being thought of. and i get it, no one wants to hear it, because you’re frustrated, and being vocal about frustration feels nice (i know, bc here i am)!!

someone is going to come for my throat for making this post as a “big author” and “part of the clique we’re all vagueing” and maybe it’s juuuuust me but like. if you’re that unhappy, log off. if seeing a friend group you’re not part of interacting makes you unhappy, log off. if seeing the engagement other people get on their posts or fic or art makes you unhappy, log off. you cannot force people to interact with you or your creative work, and aggressively posting about it when they don’t is not inviting them to. i am begging you to stop having expectations of people you do not know, because at the end of the day, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

#i will be the first to recognize my quote unquote privilege when it comes to this topic lol #but it’s like. idk. you’re welcome to reply to this or rb with thoughts or tear up my ask box lmfao #i’ve been trying to word this more eloquently for hours and this is all i’ve got #but yk. whatever. i still can’t even word what i’m trying to say #know that this comes from a place of genuine concern and kindness i really am not trying to sound like a bitch here lol #again feel free to ask for clarification or whateva cheddar but the hostility has been Poppin #and i know y’all gonna be like IF YOU THINK THE POST IS ABOUT YOU IT PROBABLY IS!! #and it’s like ok well i think it’s interesting that i made a silly blog for a silly fic and made silly promo stuff with my silly friends #and suddenly we clique posting again. like i’m not being so conceited as to say OBVIOUSLY this is abt me but the timing is interesting lol. #believe me i would love to have time to read more things so like. tell me what you want fr lol #i know this is abt to get me into a mess lmfao hitting post anyway

[gayestcowboy]

not to be weird style autistic but sometimes i genuinely get thrown off by the fact that i am, in fact, a human and not some other kind of indeterminate creature

#i don’t identify as being something other than human i just have a hard time thinking of myself as a human sometimes #and i have always felt inherently different than everyone else but that’s something to unpack elsewhere and not on tumblr today #looking at myself in the mirror and being reminded that i am a hominin and not some kind of beast #idk what i’m trying to say here does anyone else feel this way #yeehaws

[why-the-heck-not]

my thesis advisor asking me to send them my current draft, and me suddenly realizing I somehow haven’t written a single fucking sentence in 2 weeks, dudes it’s a pr nightmare (been hella unproductive the past weeks idk what tf happened)

#(I’ve been watching mike’s mic and ’’it’s a pr crisis’’ abt anything embarrassing happening is so funny to me) #what do I say lol #should just be honest bc what else is there to do but lord I don’t want to #but like can’t get like couple pages out today I have other things to get done #I think I’ll promise to send it like by the end of the week and mf haul ass starting from thursday #idk everybody does their bachelor’s thesis during like the last 2 weeks that’s just how it is and I’m just following the footprint #blueprint* 😔 is what I meant and I’m on the mobile app cant edit tags #anyways I’ll respond by tonight I need to think and maybe try to pull together a page or two #so I could be like ’’havent done much I’ll send a better version by the end of this week but here’s the current one anyways in case’’ #ba thesis struggle diary #april 2024 #2024

[anxiety-and-fandoms]

Hey, I was never really on the lovejoy side of tumblr, but regarding the current situation I’m imagining a lot of you are bummed about a singer you enjoy being a horrible person? So I’m here to hook you up with a new guy I think you’ll like: Ricky Jamaraz!

he makes similar music to what Wilbur/lovejoy did/does (I think, at least- like I said, I was never that active of a listener), however it’d say it’s a bit more… lifted up? Not necessarily always happier or lighthearted (some of his songs ABSOLUTELY ripped my heart out, and others make me wanna dance around my room with glee) but. a different flavor of angst I guess.

anyways. I’d suggest starting with Worst Album Ever and then going to You Me Us Them or Dw, I’m All Good! if you want something a bit more relationship-y (not necessarily romance, just. relationships.) and then Honestly? if you want to explode 👍

#for all I know he could already be a common adjacent artist idk. like I said I don’t go here. #wilbur soot #wilbur situation #implied abuse #lovejoy #also: obviously this situation is more than just ‘oh no this band I like is problematic #time to replace it!” And that’s not what I’m trying to say at all #but. I do know that his music meant a lot to people so. hopefully this helps a little.

[carefulfears]

what do you think mulder thinks of diana fowley after biogenesis through amor fati? i don't think we really see anything on screen/in text (though i think it says a lot that he didn't have much of a reaction when scully came to his apartment & instead focuses on scully & their relationship lol)

yeah there’s basically NOTHING in the text but tbh i think finding out for certain that she was working with CSM really kindaaaa snapped him out of some things…mulder doesn’t give a fuck what people do to him, obviously, but it’s a different thing entirely to find out that your ex is involved in something like that. like there are MILES from “my partner makes me feel like shit and is maybe pretty abusive” and “my partner is like 3rd on the call list of a eugenics group that treats women like test subjects”

like, scully was right, diana was monitoring MUFON women and collecting data on them. she was heading up the tests on cassandra. she probably knew the truth about samantha the whole time. just nasty nasty shit.

she’s the villain in the amor fati dream: the dismissive symbol of abandonment that offers another path.

one of the most interesting scenes of diana’s character to me, is in the sixth extinction, when she comes to see mulder in the hospital. and she knows what the effects of the artifact are, that he can hear what she’s thinking. that, therefore, he knows who she works for and what she’s doing. (imagine your ex-husband/wannabe boyfriend/obsession finds out you’re lying to him because he can read your mind….shit is crazy!)

and she tells him that she knows he knows. but that he also knows that she loves him.

and she does love him. there’s no reason to lie about that then, she knows he would be able to tell.

scully knows it without hearing it, that’s how she gets diana to save mulder’s life, ultimately. she comes to her and begs. tells her to please just think of him, who he is, who he was when she met him, who he is now. in the end, because of scully weaponizing how diana feels, diana can’t go through with it. she gives her life to help him.

diana seems to be one of those influences on mulder that’s only really all that significant when she’s close by. it’s like how all the tension in the beginning builds up to him getting in her car when she tells him to, leaving scully, when diana is there instructing him.

i think being able to know who she truly was and her true intentions and allegiances, prior to her death, really goes a long way in the way he responds to losing her.

don’t get me wrong, i think he’s upset. you can kind of see the shock cross his face when scully tells him. but he stays focused on his goal, which is to express to scully how important she is to him, in the wake of how discarded diana always made her feel.

mulder loved diana and grieves that she was killed, he doesn’t have it in him not to, but mostly he…wanted something from her, right? he wanted that approval and “affection” and to please her. he wanted her to believe him. the first thing that she says to disarm him (in the end) when she can tell he’s uneasy, is, “hey. i’m on your side.”

learning who she really is, it’s easier not to crave her approval so badly.

(this is the crux of amor fati’s “last temptation.” it’s diana saying: you’re childish. you are going to fail. your path is not your own. “you have to let go, fox.” and it’s scully countering: we need you. this is who you are.)

(it’s why he responds in the end by telling scully that it’s her that’s the voice of truth.)

and then in death, diana’s not…there for him to want anything from!! so it’s like, again, yeah he obviously feels the loss, this was someone who meant a lot to him for over a decade. but also it’s likeeeeee freeing in a way? it makes things simpler in a way? (he’s able to communicate all of that to scully instantly after hearing diana is gone, after over a year of the tension hanging around it)

if you asked him about diana now, or even a year later, i think he’d be like…damn that’s crazy! 😭😭 mulder doesn’t have an awful lot of object permanence you guys sjdjsjfj

when scully comes to tell mulder that diana was killed, and he says to her, “you were my friend, and you told me the truth,” the language matters so much. that’s what scully called diana, “i know she was your friend,” and he turns it back onto her. you were my friend. you told me the truth.

in my opinion, it’s not that he doesn’t love and grieve diana, but that there’s a freedom in knowing the truth. knowing who someone is, and their intentions. knowing who has your best interest at heart. knowing where you stand in the world, what you want to do.

that’s really what allows for the openness and lightness of s7, in the wake of diana’s absence. mulder’s always seeking, always learning.

#in a lot of ways diana knows mulder sooo well #like her mannerisms and every little word and phrase are so carefully chosen #like that moment in ‘the end’ when she says she’s on his side and takes his hand #her VERY first line on the show is telling a room full of people that she thinks mulder is right. that she believes him. #something she continues to enforce when she needs to #i was just looking at ‘the beginning’ and the way that when he kinda doesn’t trust her after she took over the x-files #and they find her outside #she says ‘fox. i’m going to get out of the car. i’m alone. alright?’ #like she communicates with him in a way where like….if she had good intentions it would be exactly how to help/calm him #but because she DOESNT it’s EXACTLY how to have him eating out of the palm of her hand #very interesting character very vile woman #anyway idk i think there’s something very ‘good for him!’ esque about how quickly he moves on from her 💀 #i think he’s able to for all the reasons i cited here about knowing what she’s doing and who she is #but mulder is sooooo easily wrapped up in trying to please someone or trying to help someone and getting in a shit situation #and that controls so much of their lives for so long #and i was trying to think about it and i feel like diana’s death kinda is the last time that he’s so trapped in that! #he still does it on a smaller extent ofc but it’s less about the person more the situation after diana if i recall #asks #amor fati #diana

[lavender-temult]

why do baby otohan’s colors look like fuckign TOOTHPASTE in this version 😭😭😭

#first version was a red-orange to vaguely green yellow analogous palette then i messed with the clothes a little and now i am failing at #color theory. help. this split complementary teal(ish) color and orange(ish) and pink(ish) is NOT working out #i do like my og colors so I’ll recolor this clothing version with that palette. but make otohan’s skin more saturated lol #i always desaturate skin so much 😭 it looks okay after rendering but OOF. light skin especially fucks me up WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW #but yeah back to the original point I’m definitely gonna try out a bunch of different color palettes #i like the new clothes. i was definitely NOT an outdoorsy kid so idk what I’m doing here but #for the purposes of giving her a pointy stick I hc otohan to be that. i love the outdoorsy toothpaste baby. that’s a normal sentence to say #about otohan thull who is not depicted to be ANY of those things canonically. can you imagine if she was though. toothpaste killed 3 of bh #while screaming and crying and flailing around as babies do. can you imagine #… can y’all tell it’s INCREDIBLY late lmao? #wait i think i have a “late night art rambling” tag one sec #anyways that’s that for tonight’s late night art ramblings lol #<- THERE IT IS! #art ramblings

[invalidname19]

Sadly I have a Twitter now 😕

It’s invalidname_19, such a unique username 🤩

#yeah you know #hashimada #hashirama x madara #hsmd #shi i don’t know go follow or what ever ppl say to get a following some were else idk ima still be posting here #if I’m a be real for a second I need to start engaging with this fandom instead of just drawing #😭 like I proby look rude for not responding to your guys messages or reply’s #idk man I’m just scared to talk to ppl #i ask why and I don’t know #I’m trying to break the habit frr #ima be posting the same stuff on twitter #with some other stuff idk man

[justkillingthyme]

The problem lies within him. It’s a wretched thing, that makes him yell and scream and throw things at people and hit. He doesn’t mean to. It’s sudden when it occurs. Something will set him off, and it’s as if he isn’t in control of what he does next.

#uhh hi. wanting to make it clear here and now that while this is the ‘des kills Hershel fic’ I’m in no way trying to demonize mental illnes #not trying to say that if you have anger issues you’re going to hurt and or kill someone #don’t kill me with hammers over this please. you guys promised #(<guy who is very very worried about being misunderstood #thwrites #thposts #desmond sycamore #jean descole #professor layton fanfic #azran legacy spoilers #professor layton spoilers #not showing up in tags. oops idk what I did

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!! #but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me. #and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just— #sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

[devilsskettle]

i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill

#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc #and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’ #it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time #it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed #so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand #so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward #but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed #AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away #how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc #but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots #because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free #anyway. #even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it #1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever #don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’ #don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations #don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time #it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!! #but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for #idk. idk. it’s entitlement though #sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know #but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol #anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions #also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc #like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly #‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that #i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing #the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit #but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing #maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.

[shima-draws]

Constantly caught in between the mindset of “I need to find a unique yet uniform thing to do with my art and stick with it so that it’s recognizable and brandable” or “Do whatever the hell you want who cares if your art isn’t a picturesque Instagram gallery when it’s all lined up”

#Shima speaks #Idk. IDK. I really think IG is poisining my brain #Bc I follow all these popular artists that stick to the same formula. Same 'type' of art #And everything looks so neat and tidy and uniform and pretty on their pages #And I get sooooo jealous bc mine is just. All over the palce #*place #I feel like even my art isn't. Hmm what's the word I'm looking for here. #Similar?? Themed?? #SIGHS obviously yeah there's things about my art that stay consistent. THAT is the word. Consistent #But idk…… #What I’m trying to say is that I’m at a place where I’m not entirely comfortable with my art #I want to do smth new. But I also don’t want to stray TOO far from what is truly my style #It’s 2023 Shima you shouldn’t be feeling this inadequate about your art. HUFFS #I just feel like I’ve hit a wall. I want to learn more. I need to take a class or smth. LOL #I feel like my art has stagnated!! Like I’ve only improved ever so slightly #When I want to see progress in leaps and bounds. It’s frustrating 😔

[sexswansworld]

My biggest pet peeve is when people aren’t blunt with me when they want to do something sexual, and I don’t mean just opening a message super explicitly, I mean when I’m talking to somebody and instead of respectfully trying to start a sexual conversation they beat around the bush about it, or they try to fish for me to say it. Like baby I will totally sext with you, or hook up, or whatever if you just ask me but if you try and make me guess that that’s what you want it kind of turns me off.

Please please please please please ask for what you want, it’s hot, I like it, it’s not going to make anything weird.

#and it’s ok to be nervous #but omg I really cannot stand when people try and make me guess what they want #idk maybe I’m just impatient #and it’s not that I don’t like conversation #I do #just don’t keep trying to like drop super obvious hints and then get weird when I don’t immediately pick them up #this isn’t about anyone on here #but it is about this one guy I’m talking to on snap right now #smh if you want me to come over and fuck you just say that #please #I don’t have the energy to try and go through the awkward #oh do you want to #……… #hook up??? #sigh #ok I’m done #rant over #send post