#ignore me im just out drunk with my friends and i think about hoe much i love jimin and him as an artist he means so much to me and his

[lesovoj]

i just love jimin so much

#ignore me im just out drunk with my friends and i think about hoe much i love jimin and him as an artist he means so much to me and his #performances and everything tbh i never had fave artist before this is so new to me lmao #and his album im still so obsessed with it... wil deleye my drunk ramblings in the morning

[odysseys-blood]

Ask tag game!

I HAVENT SEEN ONE OF THESE IN FOREVERRR. Was tagged by one of my favoritest people ever @tilapiamafia mwah

Last…

Beverage:

I dink my oiter! woke up stuffy from the fan being on all night

Phone call:

Could not tell u i ignore like 90% of the calls i get. I think my dad called me abt smthn they did or didnt have in the store.

Text message:

I sent my dad this picture

Song you listened to:

Roll Over Bethoveeeen by Ryoma Maeda (this is the only song of his i know. its in a playlist with clipping., death grips, lil mariko and more. this is my Sounds playlist titled :) ]

Time you cried:

honestly could not tell you. i need to cry more but alas

Have you ever…

Dated someone twice:

Not even once 😔

Kissed someone and regretted it:

nope. would like to kiss someone tho (if you could not twll i have not done Shit. the world is my oyster still)

Lost someone special:

also not in a death way but most definitely lol. we keep it pushing tho it is what it is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Been depressed:

Am. Im making it tho

Been drunk and threw up:

Never been drunk! or drank at all rather im not super interested. folks might try to get me smthn for my 21st but i still dont really care. most ppl talk abt alcohol tasting like pure chemical and i wont drink smthn if it doesnt taste good i have standards

Last year, have you…

Made a new friend:

Yeah! had the startling realization that the panny means one of my friends had seen my face for the first time ever bc we just met the past year (she said i had nice lips tho)

Fallen out of love:

yeah it happens. gotta stomp it out by force tho esp if the person wasnt good for me

Laughed until you cried:

all the time! i love a good laugh there is nothing more that i enjoy than to cackle, a hee hee hoo hoo, a tee hee, a giggle

Found out who your true friends are:

do you know how many fake ppl there are out here.

Found out someone was talking about you: 

see above. i have "friends" who will talk shit abt me to my face. (yeah im bad at leaving shitty relationships when its all i got for mental health during semester sessions)

General

How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life?:

i do not have facebook. likely never will. i barely have an insta

List 3 favorite colors:

not a color but my favorite color scheme is analogous (from blue to red) and i call these the blood colors bc it reminds me of textbook circulatory system diagrams. if i do have to pick 3 tho then wine purple, teal, and red (or pink. theyre the same color.) (this is basically again just blue to red.)

Firsts

First surgery:

never had any surgeries so im gonna say being a c section baby

First piercing:

My ears got pierced when i was a baby! my brother is trying to convince my mom to get his ears pierced tho (she agreed to one ear only) so whenever he goes im probably gonna get more. someone suggest some bc besides a couple more lobe piercings bc idk for sure what i want. I used to want lip and nose piercings but i think i can manage with just faux piercing rings for now

First best friend:

a military brat i dont talk to anymore. i will say one friend i still hold dear now i met before her, early in elementary, but we didnt really talk as much til middle school when we met again. i adore her sm she texted me the other day crying bc frosting colors are harder to mix than paint. shes doing her best baking and i believe in her

First sport you joined:

none. did do orchestra in hs tho! id love to play violin now but those hoes are expensive

First vacation:

probably just to the beach. never really had a chance to vacation in my life

First pair of trainers:

....you want me to remember the first sneakers i ever got????

Right now

Eating:

last thing i had was some strawberry cream pie it was real good :]

Drinking:

nothing i should get on that tho bc im thirsty

I’m about to:

https://youtube.com/shorts/KcKbwOFLibo?feature=share real answer is im goin outside. i want to draw some tho so idk the world is my oyster yet again

Your future

Want kids:

probably not im good enough being an auncle. i love my nephews the littlest guys ever

Get married:

i think so! i think id be content without one tho. if i do idk if id want a big wedding either or even a reception

Career:

i wanna be a character designer and i am going to believe i make it bc i have no other skills. (i know autocad but god i dont want to be doing autocad)

Which is better

Lips or eyes:

both

Hugs or kisses:

i dont like being touched too much but hugs

Shorter or taller:

just somebody. lord.

Older or younger:

dont really care as long as its not a weird gap but probably a lill bit older

Romantic or spontaneous:

also no idea what that means. idk ig romantic? i like to know ehats going on so spontaneousness can get on my nerves sometimes

Nice stomach or nice arms:

i appreciate both. i need my partner to appreciate a nice tummy tho bc i def have one

Sensitive or loud:

sensitive bc i dont like loud volumes ever lol

Hook-up or relationship:

Relationship i dont think i can do a hook up. i need to know someone before i try to do anything

Trouble maker or hesitant:

either way is fine. im v hesitant tho maybe i need a trouble maker

Have you ever…

Kissed a stranger:

naur

Drank hard liquor: 

nope!

Lost glasses/contacts:

every fucking day in this goddamn hell hole. they fell when i got in bed i have no idea where they are.

Sex on first date:

nah i need to build trust

Broke someone’s heart:

idk. probs not but if i did oopsie daisy (◕_◕)

Been arrested:

nope!

Turned someone down:

yeah

Cried when someone died:

probably but i dont cry as often as i should so

Do you believe in…

Yourself:

i try to! bc who else is gonna do it if i dont first

Miracles:

no but if they happen then nice

Love at first sight:

no. a crush is not a love

Heaven:

not really but itd be nice to think about. dont think they'd let me in id be primed for like purgatory tho

Santa Claus:

https://youtu.be/4l5B5vlNN6w

Kiss on the first date:

yall can i probably never would

Angels:

would be cool could exist might not either way i have no control over it. i think some of my friends are angels tho (like the one battling with frosting colors)

i can feel that this ask list is probably from like 2015 lol. idk who else to tag but if you want to do it go ahead and tag me! @meicheesecake u have to tho.

#cliffnotes/.txt #i did all this at 5 am and just posted now bc i didnt want to format it at 5 am

[slightlymore]

fighting for dominance

pairing: bestfriend!ten x fem reader, dom x dom (or switch x switch lol idk)

genre: smut, crackish, bestfriends being horny au lol, perhaps bestfriends turning lovers?, some fluffy notes bc im a hoe for romance 

warnings: very rough and dirty (oral, penetration, toys, multiple orgasms), don't read if you're into vanilla, alcohol

words: 2.9K

It was very late, almost morning. 

Tired and high key drunk, you and Ten were sprawled on your unmade bed, looking at the ceiling, laughing about some weird shit you did at the little party you hosted that night. After everyone left, you still had a few shots, continuing the Truth or Drink game by yourselves. 

"Number of partners?" Ten asked you with a wide grin. "Boring. Like 2? Next!" he threw the question card away. "Have you ever swallowed?" he asked instead, eyebrows wiggling.  You laughed. "Ten, it's my turn now!" you tried to get the cards from his hands but he moved away, making you fall on top of him with an amused yelp. "Did you ever try anal?" he asked again, trying hard to keep his head up from the floor to be able to see the writing. You hit him while giggling.  "Did you?" "Maybe?" he replied with a grin. Slightly panting, and still laughing, you both felt too out of it to continue the game. 

You got up from the floor, cards all scattered, half-empty bottles of liquor making the way to the bed look like an obstacle course. You fell into the pillows soon imitated by Ten. 

Listening to each others slowing breaths, interrupted by a light chuckle as one of you randomly remembered something funny, you felt like almost falling asleep. 

"Damn, I am quite horny right now though," Ten commented. 

You snorted turning your head to him. "All that sexy talk got to your head?" 

"You mean," he turned his head to you as well with a smirk, "to my c-" but you groaned. "Gross". 

Lips still curved in little smiles you both resumed your previous positions, eyes closed, hands resting on your chests. 

"I would go down on you, but you insulted my sucking skills in front of all of those people tonight", you said after a minute of silence. 

Ten’s breath hitched for a second and you almost thought you had imagined it when he laughed. "Don't cry. I can teach you". 

You opened your eyes just to roll them at him. 

"I don't need any teaching. I very good a it". Ten was already staring back with a smirk, his feline eyes partially hidden by his dark hair, the dim sultry lights of your room creating intricate shadows on his exposed collarbones. "Yeah, I bet", he commented sarcastically. 

You puffed and suddenly got on your knees, moving closer slowly, trying to stay upright, placing your hands on the sides of his head. 

"I said, I don't need any teaching, baby", you whispered straddling one of his legs lazily. 

Ten smiled widely, unbothered, looking at your face first then at your body. "Oh yeah? Then show me", he dared you. 

And you loved dares.

Getting closer fast, you clashed your lips together messily in a rough, drunk and intense kiss. Ten was quick to respond, biting down on your flesh, letting his hands tightly grab your waist. 

You were about to wrap his throat with your fingers, your mind remembering clearly when he asnwered that his biggest kink was to get choked when he pushed you into the mattress, slamming your body down and getting between your legs instead. 

"Ouch", you gasped feeling the air getting knocked out of your lungs in the process. "I'm not sorry. You need to know your place", Ten spoke with a deeper voice, grabbing the collar of his shirt and taking it off, ruffling his hair. You looked at his silhouette and even though you usually felt like laughing at your best friend’s shenanigans, now you couldn't deny that the feeling between your legs was making you go a little insane. 

"You think you can manhandle me? Me?", you asked bemused while jerking one eyebrow up. 

Ten licked his lower lip before speaking. "Yeah, I can and I will. And this is what you have to deal with", he took your hand and pressed it on his clothed hard cock, like a reminder of what you've just promised to do. 

You let him move your hand up and down, feeling everything on top of his thin shorts. 

"Hm, disappointing," you lied, wrapping his waist with your legs and dragging him down as he whined, pushing him underneath you again and straddling his hips. 

"Ouch", he imitated you and you hit his chest lightly making him chuckle. You had no time to be amused as well though as he swiftly raised his bust, sliding his hands under your t-shirt while his tongue slid inside your mouth. 

Your hummed and wrapped his neck with your arms, then closed your eyes, throwing back your head as he dragged his lips down your neck, freeing you of the piece of clothing. Your bare breasts now full-on display in front of Ten's eyes, made his expression dangerous as you've never seen him before, like a hungry predator. 

And so he attacked. 

You've never imagined that the sounds you started to make would have ever been heard by your best friends' ears, yet there you were, your hard nipples twisted by his teeth. "Ten, how far do you intend to take this?" you mumbled, trying hard to focus as one of his hands caressed your stomach, dying to go even lower. 

It should have been just a joke. There's no way that you would fuck your best friend. 

"All the way", he replied breathless, looking up at you from between the swell of your chest and the view made you lose clarity for a moment. "Why? Are you shy? The little cute subby sub is getting embarrassed?" he mocked you and you huffed, pushing him down into the pillow. "Are you projecting right now? Who's the subby sub here?" you asked, pressing yourself on his cock, making him form a silent "oh" with his reddened lips. And that's exactly where you directed your attention, grabbing his lower lip with your teeth and stretching it out, making him dig his fingers into your ass, slapping it hard when his lip started to hurt. You both moaned doing that, amusement still lingering in your eyes, but also anger and lust, an insane amount of lust. Acting upon that, you ignored Ten's "you little slut" as he licked his almost bruised lip and you ventured on his neck, intending to mark his pretty skin with your teeth as well.  He didn't stay put and grabbed your shorts, tugging at the fabric until it slid between your ass cheeks and wet folds making you jolt at the sensation. But you couldn't stop, not now, so you took his hands in yours and forced his arms around his head. 

"Be a good boy", you warned him. 

Ten looked at you amused and slightly perplexed. 

"You think I'll just keep my arms like this?" he asked, suddenly grabbing your wrists instead and keeping them together in front of you. 

You gasped at his force, sure that tomorrow your skin would be all sore. 

"Wouldn't you look good with a pair of handcuffs right now?" he smiled. Your breath hitched. "Yeah. And with your cock inside my mouth".

Ten's stare wavered at your words and you smacked your lips together satisfied.

"Let me go", you ordered trying to slip your wrists away. Ten shook his head, a dark thought forming inside his devilish mind and he started to move his hips up, rolling them underneath you, teasing you. It was nearly not enough to fully pleasuring you but enough to make your knees weak and head spin. 

"Ten", you whimpered. "Are you going to call my name as I fuck you?", he smiled surprised, lips parted feeling your softness pressed on him as well. He acted mighty but you could see the way his name on your tongue made him feel. 

So you said it again. And again. Rolling your hips on his cock repeatedly until the grip of your wrists got weaker.  You freed your hands quickly when you felt his fingers loosen around you and pressed them on his chest, sliding down on his body until caressing his lower stomach with your breath. You palmed his cock again, outlining its form, listening to Ten's breath stop for a second, and seeing his abs flinch as you dragged his clothes down. 

"Hmm," you smiled at him. "Are you at a loss of words?" 

He returned a shaky smile. "I'm keeping my breath to be able to laugh at you not knowing how to suck a dick". "As if you knew how a good suck feels like. Isn't this the first time you show your teenie peenie to someone?" you mocked him. 

Ten didn't like that and in a second you got slammed into the mattress again. You chuckled but couldn't continue to laugh as your jaw in his hand got directed towards his cock. 

"Open up", he ordered, legs straddling your waist, the other hand pressed into the wall behind your head. 

And you did it with a choked moan, letting him slide it slowly inside until your fingers in his thighs let him know it was too much. "Oh so you can't take it all?" he breathed amused but still letting it out again until it bounced on the tip of your tongue. "I can", you looked up at him, tugging at his hips to go in again, relaxing your throat as he went in and hollowing your cheeks as he went out. Ten closed his eyes, breathing sharply through his teeth, fucking your face slowly until he barely could keep himself under control. The wet sounds of your spit made your legs clench together, rubbing your thighs, aching for release. Then you moaned when he picked up the pace, glossy eyes full of tears looking at Ten, begging him to let you breathe for a second. "Fuck", he cursed, a string of saliva connecting your tongue to Ten's pink tip, and he broke it off, rolling over on his back with closed eyes, as you crawled on his lap. "Are you being all soft right now for me? I thought you'd want to fuck my face even if I cry", you cooed, getting between his legs, pleased that he bought into your little act. Ten didn't seem surprised though and his hand behind your neck made you jerk your head down. You took his cock all in again and listened to Ten's hitching breath before he rasped. "I just wanted to be more comfortable-" but couldn't finish his sentence as you gagged around him making him tighten his grip in your hair. 

You wanted to mock him for the blatant lie, you knew he cared about you and would never hurt you, so he chickened out seeing you choking around his length. But the words couldn't come out as your mouth was that stuffed so you just hummed, and seeing him like that, sweat coating his skin, collapsed on the bed in front of you, completely at your mercy, eyes rolled back and exposed neck, so seductive and sinful, with a final squeeze of your legs you came frantically, quivering with Ten's cock still buried deep in your mouth. 

He bit back a moan. 

"Fuck, Y/N, just--fuck", he thrust up with neat and short movements, cupping your cheeks, until he went limp and shuddered as well, his cum spilling on your tongue in hot waves while you still felt dizzy from your own high. 

You let his cock bounce on his stomach and opened up your mouth with a smirk, letting Ten see his seed, dripping it a little on top of him. 

"What a whore", he exhaled before shoving two fingers inside, forcing you to gulp it all down. You choked again but obeyed then shivered as Ten brought those same wet fingers to lazily caress your pulsing clit. You splayed your hands across his chest and raked your nails into his flesh when he shoved his fingers inside your overly sensitive walls. 

"Ten - I've just come-", you tried to say but Ten ignored you, pumping inside you mercilessly, crushing his lips with yours again, swirling his tongue with yours, sucking on it harshly. 

It wasn't about his pleasure anymore, your foggy mind managed to form. Or, it was, but it meant that his pleasure was making you feel good and that realization somehow made you crave for more, for him moaning your name and call you pet names, and the worst of all, for him to take care of you afterwards. You knew he would and he probably will, but you would not be able to receive that with a clear heart anymore. Only thinking about it made your cheeks burn as if he wasn't your best friend anymore. 

And when he pushed you off of himself, towering over you, lips brushing your ears, teeth tugging at your earlobe, sucking your skin into his mouth and going down until dipping his tongue inside of you, you cried out his name again and again as if he were a lover. 

He languidly hummed back, eyes raised from between your legs, drinking in your desperate expression. With a smack of his lips, he let your clit go and you could see the layer of arousal coating them. 

"Someone's a subby sub right now", he teased you, tongue kitty licking your inner thigh. "Yeah", you breathed out. "Yeah, yeah, I am, please just fuck me", you begged, head empty and dizzy. 

Ten laughed triumphant, his breath tickling your lips before he opened them up again with his fingers and dived into your pussy just like you wanted him to. You gasped, so close to going over the edge again this time on his tongue, just a little bit, a little bit, and so you gripped his hair while your back snapped, waves of pleasure making your whole body shiver for the second time. 

"You're cursing as if you've just hit your toe or something," Ten chuckled, but under your heavy lids, you could see his dark, lusty eyes and those weren't amused. Nor was his raspy voice. Nor his already half-hard cock. You smiled exhausted. "Ten, your true feelings towards me are showing". 

It was a joke. You were sure that your friend had no feelings whatsoever but when Ten raised one eyebrow at you and shoved your panties inside your mouth you started to have a few doubts. 

You tried to speak through the fabric but only mumbles came out making Ten's red ears finally lose their intense colour. 

"Okay, you look ridiculous like this", his white teeth shone through the darkness. You rolled your eyes trying to put the panties away but your hand got intercepted by Ten's fingers, grabbing your wrists, intertwining his fingers with yours and pressing your palms down on the sides of your head. 

"You thought this was over?" he asked, the voice suddenly lower, seeing your confused expression.  Then he slammed your hips together, stroking your abused clit with his cock, forward and backwards, again and again, hands squeezing yours, and when you closed your eyes, humming something unintelligible, he stopped, suddenly pulling away. You blinked staring at the ceiling for a few seconds, confused, then when you heard a familiar sound, a box being dragged from underneath your bed, your whole body snapped and you shoved your panties away to yell embarrassed. 

"Ten!" and the young man got up with the most devilish smile. 

"You thought I didn't know about these?" he asked, hands full of dildos and vibrators. 

Your breath hitched, mind running, wondering what he wanted to do. 

"I refuse to try out anal", you shook your head. Ten's grin became even bigger, wiggling the biggest rubber cock you had as if thinking about it. "I'm joking", he finally put it down and left with the tiny vibrator he knelt on the bed in front of you again, tugging at your thighs until hitting his. 

"I thought you wanted to fuck me with your cock", you whispered, the little buzz already turning you on. 

"Yes," Ten confirmed placing it on your nipples first, then slowly dragging it along your stomach. 

"You've been using this little friend for so many nights while I was there sleeping beside you, listening, instead to use your real friend, me", he murmured, looking at you from underneath his ruffled and damp strands of hair. 

You opened your mouth to speak, suddenly aware of his tone but didn't manage to form a word, only sounds, as his hand finally reached your nub, placing the toy on it. 

"Does it feel good?" he inquired. 

You nodded, breathless, legs tightening around his thighs. 

"Does it feel as good as-- this?" he grunted bottoming out, knocking all the air you had in your lungs with a strangled noise. Then you swallowed hard as his hips started to push into you, his free hand jerking one of your legs up to rest on his shoulder, hitting at the perfect angle, your vibrating clit making him gasp as well. 

“Fuck, this is driving me crazy--”, you panted, never in all of your whole life having tried something like that. 

“Yeah? Should we do this more often then?” 

And maybe it was the overwhelming sensation or the alcohol in your veins that made you eagerly nod and confess that “yes, Ten, please, I’ve always wanted you so bad”, making the young man inhale sharply, his hand unable to keep the vibrator in place anymore, letting it slide to the side, its buzzing music keeping you company as he got closer until reaching your lips, resting his weight on his forearms around your head, hips relentlessly pounding into you, confessing that he felt the same.

#ten smut #nct smut #wayv smut #ten scenarios #nct scenarios #wayv scenarios #superm smut #superm scenarios #ten #ten lee

[shoutogepi]

top 10 posts of 2020

thanks to @katsushimaa and @todosweetheart for the tag! 💗

~~ generated using this site ~~

1. Taking Care Of Their Drunk S/O After A Girls’ Night Out ft. Bakugou and Kirishima: these hcs... man, i usually suck at writing hcs, but these ones?? idk HOW i even did these, bc i’ll reread them even to this day and feel so soft. i know yall are bakuhoes but kiris was my absolute favvvv. ugh, we just stan incredible, loving boyfriends. 

2. Shinsou Says ft. Shinsou: ummmmmmmmm im so surprised this is the top fic?? i mean, not to toot my own horn or anything but this fic did indeed smack. i’ve reread it a lot and at the end im always like... damn me. gj buddy. LOL KIDDING okay but seriously im actually really happy this is my top fic bc i was really proud of how this one came out and honestly, toshi needs more love <3 

3. Red Roses ft. Kirishima: this fic. o man. this was my first (and only, so far 👀) size kink fic and it was also my first attempt at dubcon!! well, if u could even call it that. but anyway, this one was so fun to write. i loveeeeee a big beefy kiri who has a dark side, and ugh the tats and the ponytail?? legs = spread.

4. Jealousy Has Its Perks ft. Todoroki: prob the most self-indulgent fic i have ever written. jealous, dom sho?? pffft hello there sir. and then i had to put in a lil sweetness in the confession at the end cuz yanno... those post-orgasmic feels are too strong. and also i love him. perhaps too much. 

5. my masterlist: LOL IDK WHAT TO SAY ABT THIS?? thanks to all y’all for bookmarking my fic library?? lmao

6. Spring Pollen ft. Hawks: ugh this one... idk man, hawks stans must just be really hungry bc honestly i hate this fic and think it’s so mf badddd

7. “Fuck You!””I Just Might.” (FYIJM) ft. Bakugou: omg this one. one of my first posts i think? still working on the third and final part now, hopefully it will be complete soon <3 it’s really long so it’s taking me a while to finish, sorry for the delay~

8. You Want Me To Call You Baby Girl? ft. Todoroki: my very fist fic for bnha. just pure filth, self-indulging my daddy kink and honestly i hated this fic for a longggg time but recently have come to terms with it being... dare i say it.... alright. LOL

9. Heart of the Storm ft. Todoroki: this one.... this one is probably the most favorite fic of mine that i have ever written. i just... todo was such a gentleman and then so hot. i... i have @lildreamer93 to thank for helping me make this masterpiece, we talked about it endlessly for weeks heheh. it was really fun to write the scene-setting as well, with all the ice and snow... mmm... keep me warm, sho~~

10. Pull Of The Moon ft. Kirishima: so this fic is actually a fic that i had on my old GOT7 blog!! i reread it and was like... damn, i made the main kinda sound like kiri here.... so i took the ball and ran with it, just replaced the names. i have a shameful past with werewolf fics (cough cough wattpad) and this one was another self-indulgent one that i really enjoyed writing!!

thanks to all my readers and friends for supporting me this year. i can’t believe how much this blog has grown and how many great friendships i have because of it. i love you all so much!!! hope this next year treats us all well, here’s to the happiness and friendships that are to come/grow in 2021!

tagging (pls ignore if you’ve already been tagged): @todoscript @todorokiakina1​ @queensynderella​ @kingtamakimurder​ @whats-her-quirk​ @hoe-doroki​ @gallickingun​ @bnha-free-writing​ @fanfic-me-up​ @liltodo​ @wakaoujisenhime​

#author stuff #aweee looking through my posts has me feelin nostalgic <3 #HOTS was sposed to b a crack fic like cmon its igloo sex #and yet its my fav?? #anyway;; #looking forward to making more content this year for yall <3 :D #interax

[kimnjss]

wait pause 😔🤚🏻

jungkook (ignoring the multiple girls) is actually sweet.. obviously bc its arya, but he really do be looking out for his own friends.. him going out his way to do what he feels is best for his friends, even though he knows he shouldnt insert himself into every problem the couple has (i kno he always does it bc he likes to push their buttons sometimes cause hes a lil shit but he knows when to draw the line) he may be a fuckboi but he just really wants his friends to be happy 🥺 when he thinks he doesnt deserve the same for himself 😔

jungkook saying “doesnt want to go thru the shit arya n joon go thru” when arya asked him when he was gonna have a serious relationship kinda felt like a half truth.. idk he might be like kinda hot!hoseok in this case.. living in the moment type of thing and is in no rush to be in a serious relationship and if it happens, it happens. however rn his feelings are directed towards a girl who is his friend and is already taken by his other friend, so he’s creating as much distance as possible. and the it-was-actually-one-drunk-person-and-the-other-sober-drunken kiss didnt help his situation..

idk why but i feel like jk, joon and hoseok are similar when it comes to their feelings/emotions.. dont get me wrong, they are very affectionate, physically and vocally.. but all three live inside their heads for too long..

jungkook isnt being honest with himself, when he does realise something about himself and his feelings, he dismisses it and blocks it off, and distracts himself until he forgets about it and then it comes back, rinse and repeat.. namjoon isnt communicating with arya properly (neither is she but im like comparing the boys rn LOL) and when he does start showing emotion, its really passive-aggressive (??), its almost like he’s saying something but he isnt saying anything at the same time?? did that make any sense 🤡 idk sometimes its like he expects arya to read his mind and vice versa.. (ALSO not them going back to making out as if nothing happened.. they better have talked 😀👊🏻) but they do love each other, its the communication thats 🥴

and hoseok, if that last part was anything to go by 😬, but whatever he is thinking about to create boundaries to address the co-dependency from his side (dialling it down maybe??), he better be careful bc yn isnt stupid and she picked up on mood change quickly, he’s gotta communicate with her or else it aint gonna be easy in the long run.. yn isnt a mind reader and if he wants things to go smoothly like the past few months have been, he has to speak up and make yn understand how he feels from his pov.. he really be thinking about his feelings about yn and pleasuring yn at the same time.. king of multi-tasking??

(have i connected any dots yet 😳 i swear im getting rusty AJDBAJEBSKAJ)

okay also its either i read thru this chapter quickly or my eyes are playing tricks but i swear this is one of the quicker party fucks LMAOO 😳 although it makes sense cause there’s still a party going on downstairs LMAO but not like its stopped others before 💀 but also hoseok was kinda getting overwhelmed with his feelings/thinking there so..

whew its been a while since ive written something this long 🧍🏻‍♀️idek what ive said anymore -🤼‍♀️

PHEW THIS WAS SO LONG I’M JUMPING !!

okay !! first ., jeongguk has a lot going on the inside ., but when it gets down to it - he’s a really great guy . like his bedroom habits aside . he’s always honest nd clear abt what he’s looking for . he plays around ., but not in the ‘ruin my life’ type of way . his friends always come first to him . there aren’t any times where he has left them hanging nd them being happy correlates to him being happy . same when it comes to arya . his feelings for her are strong nd once he noticed that ., he set boundaries for himself bc of joon . he never crosses them . the only thing he wants for her is to be happy . 

it’s a mixture of both really . he’s not miserable . he enjoys having a line of girls nd meeting new people nd doing his thing . he’s young nd thats how he has his fun . buut if the right girl were to come around - he would not be against settling down nd being in a serious relationship with her . buut the right girl for him right now is already the right girl for someone else - who happens to be his best friend ., so there’s really nothing else he can do . so he buckles down into his hoe life . 

yesss! you got it exactlyyy . they are the exact same when it comes to how they handle their emotions nd all the stuff relating . lmao they’re best friends for a reason . 

the main thing that jeongguk keeps to himself is his true feelings . like on the surface he’s this cool guy that doesn’t care nd has girls knocking down his door nd he’s just out there enjoying himself - not getting attached . nd he’s so into that lifestyle nd focused on making sure that’s who he is perceived as that he ignores everything else that doesn’t fit . not to say he’s not himself ,. jeongguk is himself all the time - his feelings just tend to take a backseat (especially the ones he has for arya bc of how much damage it could do) . // joon definitely wants arya to know what bothers him without properly communicating anything . that comes from the fact that they’ve been together for ten months so he expects her to just know what will make him mad . nd when she doesn’t get it he gets pissy . (they both do that btw) but what they don’t realize that they’ll never go anywhere if they don’t just talk things out . (no they did not have a conversation before making up they just missed each other too much)

his biggest issue is that he’s in his head too much . he’s freaking while realizing that he’s falling in love with her nd that he doesn’t really like being away from her (he’s also extremely dramatic ., it’s not as co-dependent as he thinks) but bc in he’s confused himself when it comes to his feelings for her - he’s more inclined to just shut down nd figure things out on his own . buut that’s not going to fly when it comes to yn ., she’s not the type to take the no communication nd wait around for him to get his life together . even if he doesn’t know what he’s trying to figure out - she’d want that to be told to her so she doesn’t overthink . 

- their smut scene was a little quickie upstairs since they were in yoongi’s room nd the party was going on downstairs still . but hoseok was so deep in his thoughts that it made it seem faster ., he was so overwhelmed with his feelings that being wth yn was like at the back of his mind... (he still did a great job tho so props lmao)

#🤼‍♀️ anon #asks; 💔 #hoseok sm au #asks; kez 🍯

[8makes1cheese]

f2l with Song Mingi♡

Pairing: Mingi X Reader

RoommateAU, (and like High SchoolAU in the beginning and kinda CollegeAU?)

Tags: cursing, shitty attempts at comedy, fluff, kinda sorta suggestive?, ig drug use and drinking?(booze and weed)

Words: 2.5k

A/N: Okay so, this is my first bullet scenario thing? and its weird...like this is so weird but I tried XD it ended up this weird mix between bullet scenario and oneshot fic and i-

...............all I can do is practice and try to get better but yeah. SO HERES THIS :D (im srry don hate me T-T)

-Finding Your Best Friend-

this bb would be the best-est friend you would have in this world

probably why you fell for him in the first place, but let's not get to ahead of ourselves

you guys met freshman year of high school

your guys' mutual friend Yunho is really the reason why

you just moved to town, and since said town was small, it was clear to you that everybody knew everybody else

you felt pretty lonely on the first day because of that

second day of freshman year is where is all started to come together

you were looking for a nice spot to sit and have your lunch outside because you didn't want to look like the weird loner person eating by themselves in silence

you found a pretty spot under a big tree near the track field, you put a random cool cake making tutorial on your phone and ate your lunch

the video was at a part where they were placing intricate designs in frosting all over the cake when you hear "Whoa, that is so cool!"

you jump about 3 feet in the air and immediately gather up your phone and get up to spin around to see who interrupted your quiet time

a young man, not sure his grade, with peach colored hair and a worried expression on his face, raises his hands in a surrender pose

'okay but what the hell was he doing, watching my phone behind the tree?'

well reader, we'll never know

"I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to scare you that bad! Really, I am so so so sorry!"

you, still in shock, just nod at him

now you're both just standing in front of each other

not saying anything

....well

this is awkward

"I-I'm Yunho...by the way."

you clear your throat, not sure why, nervous habit

"[Y/N].."

"So, uh... Haven't seen you around here before.."

once you explained you were new, and new to the town in general. There was no escape.

you were now best friends with the giant teddy bear and there was nothing you could do about it

yunho immediately took you under his wing and showed you around the campus. Then the town itself after school was out.

but Ro this seems to be turning into a yunho x reader fic/ bullet scenario

stfu I'm getting there

what did this turn into even

so now you and Yunho are bffs

enter giant teddy bear 2.0

you and yunho are hanging out at lunch, it's become a usual for the past two weeks

and Yunhos other bff is becoming sus about why Yunho hasn't been eating with him at lunch or doesn't seem to have as much time after school for him

that's when giant teddy bear 2.0 (if you don't know that its Mingi then idek-) finds his bestie with some random chick

a really adorable random chick

"So this is where you have been?"

you and Yunho start, not expecting someone to find your guys' spot

Also, deja vu, amiright?

"Oh, hey Mingi!" Yunho greets the tall dirty blonde haired teddy bear

And you're totally not sitting there thinking, 'holy shit, he is...wow.'

and that's how it all started

he stayed and introduced himself and you hit it off just as well as you and yunho did

maybe even better..

he started showing up everyday, at the what was dubbed 'The Cool Kids Spot™️' by you all, with yunho

even tho we all know you guys were NOT the cool kids

then it went to him being at the spot before everyone showed up

so he could see you first

then it turned into him meeting you up after class so you both could grab your food together and meet up Yunho at The Spot™️

before you could even realize it, he became your person

you were the first person he ran up to and hugged after him and Yunhos dance group took home 1st place at a competition

he was the first person you called when you were told that your poem won an award

you were the person he'd come to if he needed any kind of advice

and he was the first person you went to if you needed to get out of your head or your anxiety was getting to you

the high school years went by so fast

a lot changed

but what never changed was Mingi, he may have grown

and damn he grew

but he was your constant (and yes, yunho too, we can't forget yunho bro)

-Knowing They're The One-

high school came and went

Mingi and Yunho were accepted by a prestigious performing arts school

you, however, were going to just a regular college

luckily, both schools weren't terribly far from each other

which is why, instead of suffering in dorms, you and Mingi decided to get a apartment together, not far from both schools

yunhos ass stayed with his parents because they live like right next to the school, lucky hoe

you all still make time for each other

but you and Mingi prefer to stay in, order takeout and watch random stuff on YouTube

whenever you or Mingi went out it was always together (unless it was classes)

Grocery shopping? Together. Doctors appointment? Together. Girls night? Together. Guys night? Together.

"So, you must be suffering right now" his friend Yeosang said to him on a rare guys night that didn't involve you.

Mingi looked at Yeosang perplexed, ignoring whatever Wooyoung was talking to him about

"What are you talking about?"

"You and [Y/N] are literally always together, the fact she isn't here surprises me."

Mingi laughed. "We're not always together."

A cacophony of "LIES" and "BULLSHIT" filled the air as all of Mingi friends called him out on his bullshit

Mingi could feel his face heating up

"W-well, so what if we are! Were best friends AND roommates."

"And lovers~" his friend San whispered in his ear from behind and laughed, dancing away before Mingi could hit him

"We're not together!" Mingi exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

"But you want to be."

Mingi turned to look at the owner of the voice. It was Yunho, leaning against the entrance of the kitchen everyone was gathered in

He was looking at Mingi with a smirk

Mingi knew Yunho knew how he felt about you

and not because he told him

well...he kinda did

FLASHBACK TIME

it was your guys' high school graduation

more specifically, the night of, and you were all partying and yunhos house

celebrating the fact that you all were officially adults now

lol you thought

and what better way to celebrate that than with underage drinking

be safe kids, don't drink irresponsibly

and Mingi. Got. Wasted.

by the end of the night, he was crying (and maybe puked once or twice...) in Yunhos arms about how beautiful you were, and how amazing and talented you were

wouldn't shut up about how soft and perfect you feel in his arms when he hugs you or vice versa

"She is my soulmate." After every other sentence mentioning how perfect you are

but wait, where were you while Mingi was crying and puking you ask?

That night you met Yeonjun, who is now one of your closest friends

  at first, a friend of Wooyoungs, who you all became friends with junior year, along with his best friend San

Yeonjun, who went to a different school across town, was invited along by Woo and San

you and Yeonjun hit it off so well, drinking and laughing, and talking about how much he loves his boyfriend Soobin, and maybe you drunkingly going on about how amazing Mingi is

however, Mingi didn't know Yeonjun

and what he saw that night was you, enjoying your time with someone who wasn’t him, laughing at jokes that weren't his, hanging all over someone who could never know you as well as he did (and that totally wasn't the reason that Mingi drank like 2 bottles of straight vodka, not at all)

and at that moment

he knew

he fucked up

he was in love with you

OKAY END OF FLASHBACK

Mingi wasn't sure what to say

he could deny it sure, but he knew it was useless

not after every person in the room gave him a knowing smirk after Yunhos comment

“She doesn't-”

“Oh, whatever. you guys are literally already a couple. And dont even try to deny that. If she was here right now, she’d probably be on your lap and you two would be sitting in some corner of the house whispering some weird drunk lovey shit to each other.”

well...

Mingi really didn't have a argument for that

that night he came home sober

but you didn't know that until months later when he told you he wasn't actually drunk

anyways when he got home you were sitting in the living room

music playing away on YouTube while you type away on your laptop

you didn't hear him come in, softly singing along to the song under your breath

he stood there for a moment and just..looked at you

your hair was a mess

you had on the same clothes as yesterday

probably haven't done a skincare routine in months

you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his life

he felt so much love swell in his chest

hes known it for a while now but at that moment all that was going on in his head was

“That’s my soulmate. I love her. I love her so much.”

“Hey.”

he wasn't sure if he had said it loud enough but apparently he had because you flinched and turned to see who the ‘intruder’ was

“Oh, Mingi! Shit, you scared me...” you laughed. “How was guys night?”

He made his was over to sit on the couch as you told him how your paper was coming along and then waited for him to answer your question

he sat for a good minute not saying anything

“Mingi?”

he looked at you

“you okay hun?” you asked, placing your hand on his cheek

and then he kissed you

it was so quick, you had no time to register that it was happening at all

and he left just as quickly

slamming the door to his bedroom and leaving you flustered and panicked

-So....Lovers?-

the morning after the kiss was the most awkward moment that you and Mingi had ever had

luckily it didn't last long at all

you two were silent, awkwardly making breakfast

then Mingi busted out with “Man, I’m so hungover! I barely remember anything from last night!”

“Do...do you remember anything from when you came home?”

“No, to be honest, I don't even remember coming home...”

-cue forced laughter-

-cue Mingi not trying to be disappointed when you looked relieved-

 he asked you if anything happened and tried not to feel sad about the fact you were going on about how nothing happened and he just came home and went to bed

why wouldn't you mention the kiss? maybe everyone had it wrong, you didn't feel the same. why else would you avoid it?

but everything went back to...normal

you two would cuddle every night on the couch

you showed up to every guys night like usual

(there may or may not have been more knowing smirks thrown Mingis way)

he showed up to the rare girls nights you'd have with your (like 2) girlfriends

(they literally just consisted of everyone chilling in some secluded spot and sparking up a blunt or two and bull-shittng)

but everything wasn't normal

because even though it lasted 0.0002 seconds long

Mingi cannot stop thinking about that kiss

neither can you for that matter

that's when you confided in your bestie Yeonjun

who knew all about your love for your other bestie

you went to Yeonjuns one Saturday afternoon without mingi

its been a month since the kiss and Yeonjun is only disappointed in the fact that you didn't tell him sooner

his solution was simple, just tell him how you feel

its so god damn obvious he feels the same

but who are you to do the simple thing right?

so what do you do?

you go with Soobins idea

and :) you:) go:) on:) a:) blind:) date:) with one of soobin and yeonjuns friends:)))))))

well

at least you were supposed to..

the night comes when you were supposed to meet at a nice cafe with their friend Beomgyu

you. were. lookin. FIRE BABY

slaayyyyy

you were in the kitchen grabbing your keys

and maybe prolonging the fact that your going out with someone who isn't MIngi

when Mingi walked out to heat himself up a noodle cup

and maybe one for you too because he didn't think you were going anywhere and was going to ask if you wanted to chill in his room and play mario kart

his jaw DROPPED when he saw you

he felt like he was just kicked in the gut, all breath left his lungs

and he may or may not have gotten an instant boner but-

he cleared his throat to get your attention

“You look...nice.” wow, Mingi, smooth

“O-oh, thanks, um... ill be back later okay?”

when Mingi asked where you'll be going and you said you had a blind date, he swears to this day he blacked out for a moment

next thing he knew he had you pushed against the counter

“Mingi-”

“No.”

“w-what..”

“You don't have a date.”

“But I do-”

then his lips were pressed against yours

and unlike the first, this one lasted a hell of a lot longer than 0.0002 seconds

it wasn't fireworks or butterflies or a sudden realization of unconditional love

it was rough and messy and filled with so many emotions including relief that your love for each other can finally blossom

you didn't say a word to each other when you parted

you stared at each other for a while, panting with big smiles on your faces

once your breathing returned to normal you gently pushed him back so you weren't pressed against the counter anymore

“I’m going to change in PJ's.”

Mingis smile lit up his whole face. “But I thought you had a date..”

“No, I don't.” you kissed his cheek and left to change.

-YES LOVERS FINALLY-

so you guys never really sat down and were like ‘hey so are we...?’

because you both knew you just....were

after that night you guys started acting like you had been dating for months

it was just like before

because of course, like always, Yunho was right

you guys already acted like you were dating

now kisses and a lot more were added to the mix

which just made everything 1000x better

everyone knew it was just a matter of time

you loved waking up to his arms wrapped around your waist and him softly snoring in your ear

he loved waking up to you peppering kisses all over his collar bones and neck

your loved bloomed♡

A/N pt2: Im sorry if the end seems so rushed as well, I started running out of steam and my mind blanked but I didn't want to prolong this and never post it...like i do with everything...

Thank you for reading!

#song mingi #ateez #ateez scenarios #mingi fluff #mingi scenarios #mingi x reader #ateez x reader #kpop fanfiction #kpop #kpop fluff #ateez fluff #8s place #ateez fanfiction #mingi friends to lovers #mingi f2l #ateez f2l #mingi fanfic #kpop fanfic #ateez au #mingi oneshot #song mingi oneshot #ateez oneshot

[warning-fandom-obsessed]

The Emma’s ranked by how much I can tolerate their existence

Noor Bawens

Noor Bawens. A woman of quality. We stan a pretentious art hoe and her semi-legal extracurricular activities that she brings a date along to only to basically introduce her date’s soulmate to said date. Didn’t end well for her but without her we might not have had sobbe and that’s iconic behaviour. She’s genuinely a very cool person. She didn’t out robbe and while that shouldn’t give her extra points (the bar should not be there) the bar here is low so I’m giving it to her and you can cry me a river if it bothers you. She’s ignorant, sure, but, given that she’s friends with robbe and sander now, she’s clearly trying to be better and she has amazing self-control because (as far as i know) she hasn’t decked Britt for being an asshole yet and idk that seems like a very difficult thing to resist doing.

Sara Adamxzyk

Out of all of the Emma’s, I probably feel the most sorry for Sara. I get why she was so adamant about being with Matteo (even though it was kind of a selfish motivation and not one that should fuel a relationship, though, Matteo wasn’t exactly motivated well either). She was going through a shit time at home and with it being Abi time at school, the stress she was under must’ve been immense; she just wanted something else to focus on and that’s where Matteo came in. Also her and Leonie have stellar wlw energy. Was a dick to Matteo (as were the rest of the Emma’s to their respective Isak at some point) but she didn’t out him and when she accused him of being gay it was something that was just between them instead of in front of everyone at a party (im looking at you Chloé). Also, she seems to have an alcohol problem???? like she says she’s not gonna get too drunk and then is literally passing out an hour later idk that doesn’t seem healthy and I actively want her to be okay. She does genuinely try to be a good girlfriend to matteo despite the fact that he’s giving her nothing. Dear next gen writers, pls let her be happy at university being gay with Leonie thanks.

Rubén

Okay, listen. I just... don’t care about Rubén.... like... at all... and, going by that fact that I could find exactly 0 (zero) gifs of his face when he wasn’t kissing Cris and had to go with his pic from the Wikia, i think it’s safe to say that neither does the rest of the fandom. Or the writers, really, because, like, the guy doesn’t have a fucking last name. Seriously, the amount of indifference we seem to all feel towards this man is genuinely astounding. Like, he’s kind of a douchebag sometimes, kinda entitled, but not in an actively malicious way. He still pursued Cris when she clearly wasn’t into him, but, then again, he gave her a way out and she didn’t take it so he can be forgiven for thinking that Cris was actually into him. Idk I just kinda pity him. And that is the extent of my feelings towards Rubén.

Chloé Jeanson

Initially, I hated her the most out of all of them. Like, seriously, I couldn’t stand her. She was irritating and she fucking outed Lucas and I couldn’t forgive her for that, and I haven’t really. But, after thinking about it for a while, I think I understand her. Lucas led her on more than any of the other Isak’s. I mean, he fucking told her he loved her. I’m in no way saying that that in any way excusing her outing him because I doubt anything could ever do that, but I like to think that she’s since realised that outing Lucas was a severely fucked up thing to do. So, yeah, I don’t like her, but I understand her, fucked up as her actions were, I get it. So I don’t know what to say about her. I don’t like her but I don’t hate her as much as some of the others. Congrats, Chloé, you’re not bottom of the list through the process of elimination, well done.

Emma W. Larzen

Emma Larzen... What can I say about her? Well, as it turns out, quite a lot. Her face makes me angry. Like, whenever she pops up, ruining the moment Isak and Even were inevitably having, her face just makes me angry. I swear she has worse timing than Noora. I think I hate her face because she’s deceptively cute. Like you look at her and you think she’s harmless and then she fucking outs Isak out of spite. Like, woah dude, pump the hate breaks, your cute smile doesn’t get you out of being homophobic. The only reason that she isn’t at the bottom of the list (apart from how much I hate the  other emma) is because I get the impression that she’s actually kind of lonely, despite how popular she is, and that’s why she tries so desperately to be with Isak and for the second years to think she’s cool and i feel kinda sorry for her. Other than that though.... she just.... sucks.

Emma Covitti

I daren’t think about what kind of person Marco Covitti is because if she is nicer than him... god, what kind of a person is he??? I know some people genuinely like her, but.... I just don’t get it. Not only did she out Marti, but, then, when he came to talk to her and apologise for being a dick, she had the fucking gall to insinuate that him leading her on for like three weeks is in any way equal to outing him. Actually, no, she implied that he still fucking owed her after she, and i’ll say it again, fucking outed him. She is petty and so, so full of herself and honestly just the worst. But sure, she’s willing to give him another chance so that makes it all okay (note the sarcasm). I know they’re sorta tentative friends in s4 but like I can’t forgive her, even if Marti has. I swear to god she better treat Elia well otherwise I’m about to get real stabby real quickly. -10/10 would vandalise her car.

#skam ranked #wtfock #druck #skam espãna #skam france #skam #skam italia #noor bauwens #sara adamczyk #rubén #rubén skam España #chloé jeanson #emma larzen #emma w larzen #emma covitti #skam universe #skam remakes

[jichew]

college!hyunsuk au♡part two

a/n: the long awaited part two is here!! thank you all again for the love on part one :((( idk how to make links so you if you haven’t read that, just go through my ygtb imagine tag to find that. I thought this was much needed considering all the hate suk is getting lately :/ feel free to leave any questions/asks/comments in my inbox! mwah ♡ 

so it’s been a while since the night of the party

first things first, mina and gon are a couple nowヽ(*＾ω＾*)ﾉ

you really never thought you could see any of your friends in a romantic relationship but these two go so well together uwu

they’re kind of like the resident mom and dad couple

and because of that, your two friend groups have officially been adopted by them!!

and at first you were lowkey scared of his friends ,,, esp seunghun

but when you found out he’s actually just a puppy in a buff man’s body , shit got LIT

idk what i meant by lit, it just seemed to fit

anyway

so you guys basically hang out every day, usually congregating at the boy’s place bc they’re sophomores and have their own apartment

and u and hyunsuk are basically besties now

now,,, you can’t deny you were very attracted to him before

lol don’t tell anyone but u still kinda are(๑>◡<๑)

but you just assumed it was surface level and decided he was better as a best friend anyway

so basically you guys found out you share a bunch of the same classes

and now you guys walk to all ur classes together!!!

and suk brings u iced coffee in the morning

and walks you back to your dorm at night

and sometimes you guys hold hands

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

you’re also his calculus tutor now

and in return he buys you food!!

usually that would be a pretty good tradeoff but tutoring hyunsuk is so,,,hard

“so can you complete this problem using integration by parts?”

“if you give me a kiss on the cheek, yes”

(O_O)

this man is really after your heart isn’t he

hyunsuk flirting with you is kind of a common occurence

“fuck you suk”

“fuck me yourself you coward”

(´⊙ω⊙`)

anyway,,,,,

usually it’s just harmless pickup lines

but sometimes,,,, you’ll be doing homework or listening to lecture, and he’ll just stare at you

“what r u looking at”

“how pretty you look today”

HOW DARE HE

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

and you can’t help how your heart flutters when that happens

but also, you have to force yourself to snap out of it bc this is hyunsuk we’re talking about :///

he’s just so ,,, out of your league

not only that, but you were sure he had this flirty nature around everyone

and even if he did magically end up liking you, you didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend

(◞‸◟)

sad hours: activated

so it’s been a few weeks and the guys decided to throw a party before everyone left for thanksgiving break

obviously the whole gang™ is invited

tonight,,, you are NOT drinking

bc you are a responsible individual who has decided to be the designated driver for the night

＼＼\\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

but some other people have different plans

right as you guys walk in the door, your eyes are immediately drawn to hyunsuk

perhaps it’s because he looks so completely ethereal with the top few buttons of his dress shirt undone, smile glowing under the dim lights of the living room

or perhaps its because he’s taking shots like there’s no tomorrow

hhnnggggg

and your inner mom is just like

“HYUNSUK NO”

“HYUNSUK YES”

and then he downs his fifth shot of the night

so now you’re hyunsuk’s babysitter for the night

y/n, you really outdid yourself

so after maybe two hours of smacking solo cups out of suk’s hand and watching him try to wall twerk to eyes noes lips,,,

he’s FINALLY gotten tired

\( ˆoˆ )/

so now you guys are just chilling in the living room

most people have left so its just the og gang

and hyunsuk’s just laying on the sofa with his head in your lap

(^-^)

and normally you would find that cute, but you’re still kind of mad at him for getting so drunk

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

but you can’t help yourself from playing with his hair bc you’re whipped lol

anyway,,,you’re kind of zoned out of the conversation and you’re pretty sure hyunsuk is falling asleep

until you feel his hand grab yours while it’s still in his hair

which kind of brings u back to reality

and u look down at suk

and he’s just looking up at you with his eyes all crinkly and a goofy smile on his face

and he’s just like

“y/n you’re so pretty” (´∀｀)

and you’re kinda like (^.^) but also ur like

“lol suk ur drunk”

and then he’s like

“NO”

and suddenly he’s sitting up and hugging you super tight, his face buried into your chest

at first your like (o_o)

because this is hyunsuk and his face is literally in your boobs hhngg

finally you snap out of it and you’re like

“THATS IT, IM TAKING YOU TO BED”

and suddenly everyone’s just looking at you two like

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and you’re like

(・・?)

and you realize hyunsuk still has his face in your boobs

and suddenly he properly sits up

and brings his face really close to yours

and you’re just frozen like (°_°)

but you can’t help but notice how soft his lips look right now

and the way he’s staring at you, you just know he knows the effect he has on you

and you’re wondering how socially acceptable it would be if you just closed the distance with your lips

and you suddenly realize how frantically your heart is beating

“you want to take me to bed?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

this HOE

FINALLY u snap out of it

“t-that’s not what i meanthhbbdjnj”

and you’re just stumbling over ur words

and suk has that drunk dopey smile on his face again

and everyone’s still looking at u two like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and you just take his hand and drag his short ass up the stairs and make him lay in his bed

“i love a woman who’s domineering in the bedroom” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“shut the FUCK up” (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

but once suk is finally tucked in his bed

he calms down

and as ur about to leave

he grabs ur wrist quickly

and u weren’t expecting it so you kind of stumble on to him

and you guys are really close in proximity again

and he whispers in a soft voice

“y/n, you know i like you right?”

you can’t lie that your heart stutters for a second

but you smell the alcohol in his breath

so you heave a sigh

and gently kiss his forehead

“sweet dreams hyunsuk”

and you leave the room

uhhh so like fast forward two days to the monday after the party

you,,,, have kinda been ignoring everyone

ESPECIALLY hyunsuk

you’re just so

hnbbggggghhhhhdhhdhbdh

＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

so here’s the thing

you like hyunsuk

you KNOW you like hyunsuk

you’ve basically admitted it to yourself that your head over heels for him

and you KNOW he doesn’t feel the same for you

but the way he acted with at the party the other day made you think different

and you’re so CONFLICTED

i mean he was drunk????

if he actually liked you, wouldn’t he act that way when he WASN’T drunk?

and it just makes you sad more than anything

so you stay in your dorm all day

and you ignore suk’s calls

because he’s been calling you since the next morning

but you can’t bring yourself to hear his voice, let alone TALK to him

and you know there’s no way he can get to you bc you’re in your dorm all day

until you hear a knock on your door

and you look through the peephole and see mina

and you’re debating opening the door or not bc you really look and feel a mess and you’re just sad and embarrassed

“I KNOW YOU’RE THERE OPEN THE DOOR OR I’ll KICK IT DOWN MYSELF”

and you lowkey believe her

so you open the door

and you look at her

and she looks at you

and then you just start SOBBING

as if you weren’t already a mess, you’re even MORE of a mess now

so mina has closed the door and guided you to your bed

and she’s just letting you cry, patting your back and whispering comforting words

and when you finally calm down

you look up at her, tear tracks marking your cheeks, your nose red and runny

“mina, i really like him” (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

“i know”

...and you’re sobbing again

and then when you calm down again you’re like

“i don’t even know why i like him!! like sure he’s good looking and sure he has great fashion sense and sure he’s nice and cares about me and takes care of me and ...”

...surprise! you’re sobbing again

and mina just lets it happen

she knows you’re going through it

and when you’re finally out of tears

she looks at you and she’s like

“it’s ok to like him. it’s ok to like a guy. so what if he may not like you back? not that that’s true, but you never know until you try! and if he doesn’t, so what? you know your worth! and you are worth so much! don’t let a guy stop you from living your life, because you are so much more than that.”

mina for president 2020

and you look up at her

(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

you’re so lucky to have her as a friend hhnng

so you’re feeling better now

and you skipped your classes on monday, because you were still getting it together

and you didn’t have any classes with suk on tuesday

and you think he knows you just need your space

bc he’s stopped calling you

but he’s still texting you

and you may have checked them and you may have squealed bc he called you babe

anyway

it’s wednesday

you know what that means

it has come full circle... the dreaded 9 am chem lecture

so you leave your dorm extra early

because you know you need the time

and you get to your class at 8:50

and right as you’re about to enter the building, you feel a hand grab your wrist

and by now, you know who it is

so you let him lead you a little away from the building where no one was

and he finally turns around and looks at you

and you can’t find it in yourself to look him in the eye

so you just look down at his hand that is still holding onto yours

and you gently pry his fingers from around your wrist

and you let your arms rest at your sides

“y/n....why have you been ignoring me”

you already feel tears coming on

but you bring your hands together in front of you, still staring at the ground

“it was only three days” you mumble

and he’s quiet for a sec

“i missed you”

lol ur rlly whipped and you know it

you finally look up at him

and he just has the most devastated look on his face

and you can’t tell if it’s the glare from the sun, but his eyes look watery

and he his lips are pouted

and he just looks like a kicked puppy

and everything in you is just SCREAMING to hug him and apologize and tell him everything will be ok

but,,,,you have to do this ... for yourself and mina ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

so you take a deep breath and look him in the eye

it takes a while for you to formulate words but

“why do you always flirt with me like that?”

“wha-“

“when you know i like you, why would you play with my feelings like that? i thought you had some respect for me, but it’s so degrading when you lead me on just to reject me later! this isn’t some game suk...”

you finally take some time to breathe and take a look at him

and his face is just blank

and his mouth is kind of open

and he’s staring at you ~like that~

and you’re about to snap at him again

but then he opens his mouth to say something

“...you like me?”

you’re kinda confused

“obviously, you know this already???”

he just stares at you for a little longer

and he kind of looks like he’s about to cry again

“...no i didn’t”

uhhh huh

now you’re the one who’s speechless

he takes a little step closer to you

your heart is starting to beat really fast again

“you know i only every flirt with you right....and it’s not because i think it’s funny, well i mean it is kinda funny -“

you: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

suk: ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

“anyway.... i only ever flirt with you... because i like you too”

he kind of whispered the last part

but you heard it

and you’re looking at the ground but you can’t help the smile growing on your face

so you just close the gap and hug him

and he’s kind of unresponsive at first

but he lets his arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him, his head falling into your hair

and you can’t see his face but you know he’s smiling bc u are too

you lean back a bit to look at him

and you notice the way his eyes keep flickering between your eyes and lips

and as much as you would love to kiss his pouty lips, you have to put ur foot down

“NOT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD WE ARE LATE FOR CHEM LECTURE”

and that’s the beginning of a beautiful relationship

･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

#ygtb #yg treasure box #ygtb scenario #ygtb imagine #yg treasure box scenario #yg treasure box imagine #choi hyunsuk #choi hyunsuk imagine #hyunsuk #hyunsuk imagine #ygtb imagines #ygtb scenarios

[averymessyxmas]

Chapter 5:

10 years ago: Flashback May 27, 2008

 Vada: 18 years Old

 I was at my locker getting the rest of my shit out, since I wasn’t going to be in school anymore. I was heading to GSU in the fall. “Hey gorgeous” Omari said. I turned around and smiled at him. “Hey” He made me blush so hard. Omari was on the football team, he was the quarterback, he was fine as hell, at least I thought. He was going to Kennesaw State, to play for their football team. He had chosen me out of all the girls in school to be his girl, plus we had been dating for almost a year now. “You already for tonight?” He asked me. I nodded. “I been ready since school started” I said laughing. He walked with my art class. We only ever held hands when we were alone, and kissed when we were in private, he said He didn’t want other girls to get jealous. “Is the hotel ready for tonight?” I asked him. He smirked at me and pulled me closer to him. “You already know”. I had planned to lose my virginity tonight, with Omari. I was really loved him.

After school, Omari dropped me and Janessa off at home, Janessa was a freshman and a cheerleader for the football team. Janessa and I weren’t that close but she was my little sister and we watched out for each other. “Vada, I know you had plans to go to the end of the year party tonight, but your father and I have to go to this Charity Gala tonight and we need someone to watch the kids. “Mama, you know I already had plans, ask MJ he don’t have nothing better to do” I said. She was going through her blackberry. MJ shook his head and walked by smelling like weed. “Nah, I’m bout to dip Vi, sorry I got plans tonight on the westside” He said. “Well Janessa can do it” I told her. My mom shook her head. “Janessa does not pay attention to them, and you know that” She said to me. I stomped off and slammed my door. My mom busted through my door. “You will NOT slam any door in this house Vada, you don’t pay no got damn bills under this roof, now it’s just a end of year party, it’s not like I’m asking you to miss graduation!” She yelled. I rolled my eyes and looked at her. “Fine” I said. She nodded. “Now hopefully we will be back before midnight and you can still catch the party” She said to me. “Okay” I told her. My parents were leaving, and Dad left me his car for emergencies only. “Vi, I’m going to Nicki’s” She said to me. I nodded. A car honked for her. “Who is that?” I asked. She ran down stairs with her gym bag. “Nicki’s sister Erica” She said. “Bye!” She yelled before slamming the door. I had already let Omari knew I might be late, he was kind of disappointed but happy to see me later tonight. “When I get big, I’m going to go to party and stuff too” Nori told me. “Well I have time before mama and daddy get back, maybe I can do your makeup” I said to her. Her eyes got big and she smiled brightly. “Yes! You’re the best sister ever! Nessa always yells for me to not use her stuff” She said making a silly face. 3 hours had passed, and I made cookies and ordered pizza for Nori, Nari and Little D. After Nori got her make up done, she pretty much stayed in her room with her karaoke machine thinking she was Beyoncé. Nari was playing Grand Theft Auto in the play room, and of course Little D was following me around the house with his blanket he named “Franklin”. I was chill sitting on the couch with Damien’s little head in my lap watching “Bad Girls Club” when my friend Tiana called me. “Hey T what’s up?” I answered. “Girllll, your man is up here at the dance showing out you need to get here”. She said. I sighed looking down at my little brother. “T, I can’t I’m babysitting, my parents will be back soon, and ill head over there”. “Aight girl, but hurry”. Right after Tia called my parents texted me letting me know they be late, and there sorry I had to miss the formal. “Fuck this shit”. I went upstairs and got dressed. I checked on the kids before I left. Nori had fell asleep in the playroom watching Nari play the game, Nari was still up playing the game, I assumed he wouldn’t notice I was gone, and I brought Damien up to his room. I grabbed my dad’s keys and left to go to the party. When I pulled up, I called Omari and his phone went straight to voicemail. “Girl about damn time, you made it”. My best friend Milan said. I met up with her and Tiana. “So what happened?” I asked. Milan sipped on her drink and looked over at Tia. She was shaking her head. ”Omari was all over Janessa” She said. I looked at her crazy. “Janessa is here?” I asked. She nodded. She pulled up with Erica and Her sister Nicki”. I around for them, and I couldn’t see him or Nessa. “Where are they?” I asked. My heart was racing. My sister wouldn’t do no shit like that. They shrugged. “I got vodka, if you need some, let’s just dance”. Milan said. I grabbed the vodka and took 5 shots. I was fucking drunk as hell looking all over the party for my man, and my sister. “Vi, there go Miles” Miles was Omari’s best friend. Tia said pointing to him. He was standing up against the wall letting Briana the hoe of the school grind on him. Pretty Ricky “Hotline” was playing. “Miles!” I yelled. He looked over at me. “I can’t hear you shawty!” He yelled over the music. I walked over to him. “Where’s Omari?” I asked in his ear. Briana stopped and looked me up and down. “Bitch he’s with me” She said. I walked up to her, with my friends trying to pull me back. “Vi Vi your drunk chill”. Milan said. “Bitch nobody wants him”. I snapped at her. She rolled her eyes at me. “He went outside to take your sister home, she was drunk when she got here with Nicki and Erica, that’s the last I seen him”. He told me. I went outside and tried to find him. I was drunk and irritated. “Vada, maybe he left” She said. I shook my head. “He would have hit my line, but he hasn’t” I stressed. I walked all over the party. I decided to check upstairs. I saw his car when I pulled up, so I know he ain’t leave. I heard moaning upstairs, and something told me to check. I knocked on the door, but there was No answer. I knocked repeatedly. The door finally opened revealing Omari sweaty with the door cracked hiding the rest of his body. He was breathing hard and his eyes widened when he seen me. “Vi, I thought you was at home babysitting” He said. “What the fuck are you doing?” I asked. I pushed the door back to see my sister in the bed with the sheet covering her body. “You fucking my sister?” I asked him. He looked down. “Vi, I’m sorry” He said. I felt rage run through me as I punched his ass. He fell on to the floor in his boxers.“Shit” He said. “Vada, it isn’t what it looks like” She said. My breathing started to increase, and all I saw was red. I snatched Janessa by her hair, and we started fighting. She was screaming and trying to block my hits, While Omari was trying to pull me back. Janessa was crying. “Vada stop”. Omari stressed. I let go of her hair and started hitting on him. “You fucked my little sister! I trusted you, I fucking loved you” I screamed. My friends pulled me back. “Im sorry Vada”. He said. “Give me the keys, I’ll take you home”. Milan said. They brought me downstairs and out of the party. Everybody was looking at me. They climbed in the car with me, as I was crying dramatically. I was extremely hurt. When we pulled up to my house I seen the police was there. “Shit” I said. I quicky got out of the car. “Vada!” My mom screamed at me. “I trusted you to watch them!” She yelled at me. “What happened?” I asked. My Dad glared at me. “Damien was scared and called the police because he woke up and couldn’t find you”. He said. “Im sorry” I said. Tiana and Milan were beside me. “I will drive the girl’s home”. He said. My mom shook her head. “We expect this out of Janessa but not you Vada”. I rolled my eyes. “Fuck her” I said. My mom smacked me in my face. “Watch your mouth, are you drunk?” She asked. “Yes” I said. She shook her head. I went upstairs and got in the bed and went to sleep hurt, in the middle of the night I heard my door crack open, and I felt a little body get in my bed. “ViVi?” I heard. I opened my eyes and seen Damien. “Are you okay?” He said. I nodded, and he laid down with me. When I woke up, I heard my mom talking. Damien was not in the bed, so I assume he got up for some breakfast. I walked down stairs and seen the kids on the couch watching T.V., I went to fix breakfast in the kitchen, my parents were downstairs ignoring me. “Im disappointed in you Vada”. My dad said. I honestly felt so numb I didn’t care. I heard the front door slam, and in walked Janessa into the kitchen. My chest heaved up and down. I dropped my cereal bowl. “Vada!” My mom yelled. “You fucking bitch!” I yelled reaching for Janessa, she ran behind Daddy. “Daddy help!” She screamed.  “Vada! What the hell is got in to you?” My mom asked. “Ask Her she knows what she did! She fucked my boyfriend!” I screamed. “Vada, please calm down. Are you sure? She’s only 16, your sister wouldn’t do that” My dad said. I screamed. “Your innocent little baby fucked my man” I said. Janessa looked at me then my Dad. “She’s lying Daddy”. Janessa lied. “Vada, maybe you thought you saw him with Janessa, honey men come and go” She said. “Are kidding me?” I asked. I screamed some more. “Vada, chill the fuck out!” My dad yelled at me. “Damien, Narkim and Norielle upstairs now!” My mom said. I ran upstairs and texted Tiana and asker her if I can stay with her. I grabbed my suitcase and packed my important shit. My dad came in my room. “Vada, maybe you need to see someone, maybe you are insecure” He asked. I rolled my eyes. I ran downstairs with my bags. “Where are you going?” My mom asked consoling a crying Janessa. “Im leaving” I said. She shook her head. “Let her leave mom” Janessa said. “Bitch” I said bout to snap at her. “Vada chill!” My mom said. I shook my head. “As long as she’s here, I’m leaving and never coming back!” I yelled

Now: December 18th 2018

Vada:

“Baby, you now have a man who loves and cares about you, that was 10 years ago” Michael said. I rolled my eyes. “She never said sorry”. I told him. He shrugged. “Sometimes you don’t get a sorry Sky” He said. I groaned loudly. I heard a knock at the guest house door. Michael got up and opened the door. Janessa walked in. I sighed and looked at her. She brought me and Ice pack. I looked at Michael who was looking at me. I stared at for a minute then grabbed it. “Look Vada, were older, were grown ass women, I’m sorry for what happened that night, I didn’t mean to hurt you or cause a rift that would escalate this bad, I was 16. I was young, and I thought I was the shit. I honestly never realized Omari was your man, I never seen yall together, that night he dropped me off, he explained everything, and I felt bad, he never tried to stop me or anything when he realized who I was, but I didn’t expect you to tell our parents, so I lied. I never meant to hurt you I’m sorry” She said. I nodded slowly. “I mean your right, and I’m sorry for putting my hands on you, and I for um I forgive you” I told her. She nodded.  “Okay”. Michael smiled and looked at me, signaling me to hug her. I got up and hugged her. MJ, Nori and Narkim walked in with Damien and Nylah. “Damn, I never thought I see this” MJ said. “I have decided to end the beef between us” I told them. Janessa smiled softly. “I’m also sorry to all of you for just abandoning yall, I was hurt and I turned the hurt into hate, I love yall” I told them. “Group Hug!” Damien yelled. We all hugged. I looked back at Nylah and Michael. “He said group hug” They joined in. “What’s going on up in here, I know yall ain’t start the party without me now!?” We turned around and seen Grandma Rudy.

Characters:

Omari Jones: at 18 years old

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

#ritten #pisces tw #solar cancer cw #cutting cw #self harm cw

[soaimagines]

All Night Long

Request: Imagine meeting Juice in a carpark at 3am and he’s worried about your safety and it makes you cry a bit because you feel like you have no one to call a friend anymore and Juice stays with you all day.

~

Hmm.

It wasn’t unusual for your best friend to turn up at your house unannounced. But usually you were home when she did. You parked your car in the driveway and hopped out, slinging your bag over your shoulder and bumping the door shut with your hip. Knowing her, she’d probably forgot to pay her power bill or buy groceries and was taking full advantage of your open door policy. You didn’t mind, because when your cupboards weren’t stocked, or your water was running cold you knew you could turn to her. You only hoped that she hadn’t woken up George. Your fiancé had had a late night at work on the night shift and you had slipped out as silently as you could when you left for work this morning. But the office had been quiet and your boss had decided to let you all go home early. You walked quickly to the front door, humming to yourself as you went and you swung the door shut behind you before dropping your bag to the floor. “You better not be eating my oreos!” You kicked off your shoes and walked into the lounge. Huh. No one was in there. You headed for the kitchen and when you saw that it was empty too you frowned and put your hands on your hips. And that was when you heard it. A moan. Coming from down the hall. You gulped and almost instantly felt sick to your stomach. With careful footsteps you crept down the hallway. “Mmmm!” You took another step. Another moan. Two more steps. “Fuck! Yes!” One more step. “George!” You stopped outside your bedroom door. With a shaking hand you turned the door knob slowly, careful not to make any noise. Another moan. You took a deep breath and threw the door open. It was almost comical, the way they jumped,  their eyes open wide like a deer caught in headlights. Scrambling to grab at the sheets and cover their naked bodies. Their mouths bobbing open like  fucking goldfish. Your fiancé, in bed with your best friend. Your best friend, in bed with your fiancé. Your fiancé. Your best friend. You want to deny the nightmare before you; it just had to be a nightmare, right? Not him. Not her. You had always thought you’d known what you would do in a situation like this. You thought you’d fly into a rage, pummel his chest with your fists, drag her out of your bed by her hair, scream until your throat was raw. But you didn’t do any of those things. You stood, frozen with shock, only able to stare. In the faint distance you hear George, stuttering his explanation. The cliche ‘its not what it looks like’ as he stands, clutching the pillow to his crotch as if you’d never seen his dick before. Now she was scrambling, wrapping the sheet around her naked body as she slid off the bed. You saw her lips, mouthing ‘it just sort of happened’ and ‘it doesn’t mean anything’ but you didn’t hear her. You didn’t hear him pleading with you. Your mind was racing but you still stood, unmoving. “We didn’t mean for this to happen!” We. We. We. Something snapped inside you and you slid the ring off your finger, throwing it in his face before clenching your fist and swinging it into his jaw. “Fuck you!” You screamed. “Fuck both of you!”

~

“Come on, (y/n). Cheer up.” “Cheer up?! Are you fucking kidding me Chelsea?” Your sister rolled her eyes and slammed another shot before forcing a glass into your hand. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just ya know, maybe its time to move on.” “Jesus christ.” You took the shot and gestured to the bartender for another round. “You do realise I was engaged, right? To be married?” “Look, I get its a shitty situation. He’s a scumbag and she’s a hoe. I get it. But you cant dwell on it forever.” “Its been a week.” “Thats six days too long, babe.” You both took a shot. “Plus, I never liked him anyway.” She shrugged. “You didn’t? “He wasn’t right for you. He wears crocs, (y/n). In public.” You laughed and took another shot before spinning on your stool and looking around the bar. “What am i gonna do?” “Get drunk. Fuck a stranger.” Chelsea shrugged. “Great advice, sis.” You rolled your eyes. “Really though, where do I go from here?” Your sister sighed and turned in her seat too and she leant back against the abr. “Honestly? I don’t know what you’re gonna do. But I know who Im gonna do.” She winked at you and slinked off her chair, walking confidently to the table at the back of the room, where three guys sat. You sighed and ordered another shot. For now, you were allowed to feel sorry for yourself.

“Your call has been redirected to a prerecorded voice messaging system. Please-“ You hit end and sighed. Why was it that no one ever answered the phone when you needed them too. It was the third number you’d tried. First, you’d tried Sarah, your friend. And then another friend, but she had sent you to voicemal. And then you’d tried Susan from work. God you didn’t even fucking like Susan, but you just needed someone to talk to. As much as you loved your sister, and her coping methods, you just needed to voice your thoughts. Nothing was making any sense anymore and no matter how much you drank you couldn’t wipe the memory of that day from replaying in your mind. You didn’t know which betrayal was worse. Absentmindedly you rubbed the spot on your finger where your ring used to sit. At least you hadn’t married him yet. Thats gotta be a positive, right? Silver lining or some shit. “Hurry up!” You looked up from your spot on the bathroom counter and sighed. You couldn’t hide in the bathroom of a bar forever. “Just a sec!” You splashed some water on your face and dabbed it dry wiht a paper towel before you headed back to the table. “(Y/n)! Where’d you go?!” You slid back into the booth next to your drunk sister, who threw her arms around you. The guys from earlier had been shouting drinks all night, and all though you didn’t mind their company, all you wanted was to hang out with your sister. Alone. “So, (y/n), tell me about yourself.” The guy in front of you smiled. TIm, you think his name was. “Id rather not.” You sighed. Chelsea nudged your arm and you rolled your eyes. “(Y/n) here just got out of a shitty relationship.” You frowned and the guys looked at you curiously. “He cheated on her.” Chelsea whispered, loudly. Vodka always did go straight to her head. “With her best friend!” You lifted the glass in front of you and downed it before slamming it down on the table. “Well you know what they say,” Tim said, a smirk on his face. You looked at him with raised eye brows, an unamused look on your face. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” You grimaced. “Im going home.” Chelsea grabbed your arm and tugged you back into your seat but you shook her off. “Are you coming?” Chelsea looked between you and the guys who were watching her expectantly. “Im gonna stay, sis. You should too!” “Suit yourself.” You turned your back and headed out of the club, trying- but failing to ignore the laughter coming from the table and tears stung at your eyes. For a moment you considered ordering another round of drinks and getting black out wasted. But everything in this bar was becoming too much; the Bon Jovi blasting through the speakers, the clinking of glasses, the raised voices battling to be heard over each other. You decided against it and headed for the door. The night air hit you and you tugged your jacket tighter around yourself. You walked to the carpark and sat down on the curb, pulling out your phone and dialled for a taxi. The operator told you there’d be an hour wait, and after trying the only other cab company in the area and being told the same thing, you sighed and booked it anyway. Why had your sister dragged you to the bar furthest from your motel?! It was too far to walk, and you didn’t really have the energy. Looks like you’d just have to wait.

~

“Shit.” You tried the lighter again, hoping desperately to see a flame but just like last time the lighter sparked before dying out. “Need a light?” You jumped and turned to look behind you. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just um.. I have a lighter,” The guy said, holding out an old zippo lighter and a warm smile on his face. “Thanks.” You flashed him a smile and took the lighter. Your hand met his and you couldn’t help but notice how warm they were. You lit your cigarette. It was your fifth smoke since you’d come outside but you always smoked like a prostitute when you were angry. or nervous. Or drunk, for that matter. “Are you waiting for someone?” He asked. You passed the lighter back to him and he shoved it deep into the pocket of his hoodie. “Cab.” You answered and took a long drive. “They said it’d be an hour. But that was well over an hour ago.” “Huh.” He sat down next to you. You turned to him and raised an eyebrow. “You shouldn’t be out here by yourself, I’ll wait with you.” “Its okay. I’ll be fine, really.” “I dont mind.” His smile was warm and he seemed genuine. You shrugged and he pulled his own pack of cigarettes out of his pockets. You looked at him and this time you really took him in. His mohawk, his tribal tattoos on either side, the plain black hoodie he wore. His warm brown eyes. You both sat in silence as you smoked, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. “Im (y/n).” He smiled warmly at you. “Juan Carlos.” You smiled back at him. “You really don’t need to wait with me, Im sure they wont be long.” “Its fine, really. Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be on these streets alone.” You blushed and looked away. The streetlights shone down on you, illuminating your features and Juice studied you the best he could without staring. Why did he even care? He didn’t know you. Why did some stranger seem to care more about you then your own friends and family. The emotions you’d been fighting to hold in all week suddenly washed over you and you turned away as a tear rolled down your cheek. Juice took once last drag of his cigarette before flicking the butt into the gutter. He heard a sniffle and noticed your shoulders slowly shaking. For a second he was alarmed. What had he done?! He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but he couldn’t just ignore you crying. Fuck it, he thought. He didn’t speak. He just wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly. Which only seemed to make you cry harder and he rocked you slowly. “Fuck.” You laughed humourlessly and wiped your tears away. “Im sorry.” “Dont apologise.” You turned to him. His brown eyes were filled with worry and a sad smile was on his lips. He looked into your eyes. God, there was something so beautiful about eyes that have just cried. Glistening with unshed tears and wet lashes, like an open window into your soul. He was overwhelmed by the emotion you held in your eyes. Your face was almost blank, but when he looked into your eyes he felt every emotion that had washed over you. Your eyes betrayed you, letting him see all the pain you’d been fighting so hard to hold in. He rubbed your back gently before pulling away and rummaged through his pockets. You looked away, cursing yourself for breaking down in front of the cute Puerto Rican boy. When you looked back he had a joint in his hands and he gave you a sheepish grin. You laughed and he lit it, taking a long drag before offering it to you. “You smoke?” “Yeah,” You shrugged and took it between your fingers.  “I mean, I haven’t in years. My fiancé hates it.” “Your engaged?” You blew out a long cloud before shaking your head. “Not any more.” He nodded slowly and silence fell between you once more, as you passed the joint back and forth. “Everythings so fucked up.” Juice stood, tossing the burnt out roach into the street. He held out his hand and you looked up at him with raised eyebrows. “Come on,” He smiled. “You can tell me everything over pancakes.” You smiled and bit your lip, checking the street to make sure your cab hadn’t finally arrived. It hadn’t, and you were strangely relieved. “Its 3am. Is anything even open?” He nodded. “Theres an all-night diner in the next street. They do this thing called the Juan Carlos special. Some genius invented it, its world famous. You really should try it.” You grinned and took hold of his warm hand and he pulled you up, that goddamned smile all over his face.

~

“Jesus.” You whispered under your breath as the waitress placed the food on your table. Two plates each loaded with a four inch stack of pancakes, two waffles, a jug of maple syrup, banana, whipped cream, and a shit ton of bacon. The ‘Juan Carlos Special’. Juice grinned and tucked in, stabbing into the pile of bacon with his fork. “You not hungry?” He asked with a mouthful of pancake. You laughed and shook your head. “I don’t know where to start.” “Bacon. Always start with bacon.” You picked up your fork and stabbed a piece of bacon, moaning when the flavour hit your tongue. Juice grinned across the table. “So, tell me everything.” “You really wanna know?” You sighed. He shrugged and lifted the jug or maple syrup and poured the whole thing onto his plate. “Only if you want to.” He waved a forkful of pancake in the air. “Look, I’m shit at giving advice. But sometimes it helps, ya know. Talking to a stranger. Outside perspective and all that.” “He fucked my best friend.” You blurted out. He paused, forkful of pancake hallway to his mouth. “Seriously?” You nodded. “Asshole.” And just like that you opened up. You told him everything. You told him about your best friend and how you’d met in kindergarten. You told him about your teenage years where you and her would get up to all kinds of mischeif. You told him about the first time you met your fiancé, about your relationship, about the proposal and moving in together. Everything. Right down to when you opened that door and saw her riding his dick. And he listened. Like, really listened. He hung off every word, asked you questions, interrupted you with mutters of ‘douchbag’ and ‘asshole’. “So my sister dragged me out tonight to try cheer me up but she ditched me for some random guys. And no one else answered their phones.” You sighed. “I just feel like I have no one.. ya know? Like Ive lost everything.” “Gimme your phone.” Juice said and pushed away his now empty plate. You raised an eyebrow. “You buy me pancakes and then rob me?” He chuckled and held out his hand. With a roll of your eyes you handed him your cell phone. His fingers went to work and you watched him. You didn’t even know this kid. And yet he was here for you; more than any of your friends had been. He had listened more than your own sister. He made you feel so.. comfortable. You looked away from him and eyed the diner. Its checkered floors, shiny red booths, CocaCola posters from the fifties framed on the walls. Neon lights hung in the window and near the back was an old jukebox playing some Meatloaf balled. He handed you back your phone and you glanced at the screen. New Contact. Juice. “Juice?” “My friends call me Juice.” He explained. You hit edit on the screen. “I prefer Juan, if you don’t mind?” His whole face lit up and he was thankful you were too busy looking at your screen to notice the blush creeping up his neck. “Whenever you need anything. Talk, or pancakes. Call me.” “Thank you, Juan. Really.” You smiled. “Anytime. So tell me, how do you feel about revenge?”

~

“Are you seriously breaking in?” You hissed. He shushed you and you glanced around nervously while he hovered over the lock. “Juan, seriously. Im not really keen on getting arrested.” He sniggered and pushed the door open before reaching inside and flicking the light switch. “Calm down, (y/n). You aint a crim just yet.” He pulled you inside and shut the door behind you. Your eyes widened as you took in the room; the pristine white walls, bob marley posters. Shelves stacked with different jars and bongs. And of course, that undeniable smell. “So you work here or something?” He shook his head and headed behind the counter. “Nah, I own it.” “Seriously? You own Clear Passages?” “Sorta.” He shurgged. “Twenty percent anyway.” You nodded and paced the store,your arms swinging by your sides as eyed the different strands on the shelves. Juice rummaged under the counter. “You sure you wanna do this?” He asked as he pulled out the container he had been searching for. You bit your lip and nodded. Juice searched your face for any uncertainty before nodding and sliding the container into his pocket. He turned and grabbed a sachet of the shelf behind him before heading out from behind the counter. “C’mon.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the exit, flicking off the light as he went. You entered the street and he locked the door behind the two of you. “Its too far to walk, and I don’t have my car. The cabs-“ “I’ll take us.” Juice interrupted. “Okay.” You walked in silence, Juice leading the way. The streets were becoming quiet as the early hours of the morning rolled in and you shoved your hands deep into the pockets of your jacket. You neared a gas station and Juice pointed into the car park next door. “My rides the one in the corner, you can wait there if ya want?” He headed inside and you nodded, stopping at a vending machine and pressing the button for a can of coke. The can dropped and you reached inside and lifted it out. You cracked the lid open as you walked and took a sip. The car park was nearly empty and Juice had pointed to the corner. You lit a cigarette before perching on the hood of the sedan and leant back, studying the stars shining in the night sky. A few minutes later Juice left the store, plastic bag in his hand and you propped yourself up on your elbows as he neared. He sat on the hood next to you and took a sip of the coke you offered him. “Get everything?” He nodded. “His house or hers first?” “His. He works nights so he wont be home.” Juice nodded and leant back against the car and you both looked up at the stars. “Whose car is this?” You turned to him, your brows furrowed together. “You pointed to it.” He shook his head, an amused look in his eyes. “I pointed to that.” You looked where he pointed to the carpark next to you. The carpark occupied with a Harley Davidson Dyna. You slid off the car and glanced between the bike and Juice, who was now smirking at you. You walked around the bike and immediately noticed the fuel tank. More accurately, you noticed the M16 with the Grim Reaper scythe on a pole, and the words that made you freeze. ‘Sons Of Anarchy’. You turned back to him,  eyes slightly wide. “Your in a gang?! Jesus, you don’t look like a biker.” “Firstly, we’re a club, not a gang. And what does a biker look like, exactly?” You shrugged. “I dunno. Your not even wearing any leather? And you don’t have a beard. Or a potbelly.” He chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint. I can grow a pretty great moustache, though.” You scrunched up your face and he laughed again before handing you his helmet. “This really not a problem?” He asked you as he swung his leg over. “Nope.” You answered as you bucked the strap beneath your chin. “Have you ever been on a bike before?” “Nope.” He grinned. “Hold on tight. And lean with me.” You took a deep breath and nodded before holding onto his shoulder and swinging your leg over the bike. You held onto his sides and he rolled his eyes before pulling your hands tighter around him. He kicked up his kickstand and started the bike. The engine rumbled beneath you and you squeezed him tightly. He turned and met your eye. “You okay?” You nodded. Slowly the bike began to move, and once he entered the street he turned the throttle, gaining speed. You gulped as he turned a corner but you leant with him like he had told you, despite wanting to lean in the opposite direction and he sped up, making your hair blow out beneath the helmet. Gradually you relaxed, your grip around his waist becoming looser and you sat up straight. The scenery rushed past you in a blur and a grin spread over your face. You had never felt more alive.

~

“Motherfucker.” He stopped walking and stood next to you, glancing in the direction you were glaring. “Whats wrong?” “Thats her car.” He saw the pain in your eyes as you looked at your best friends car, parked where you used to park yours; in the drive way of the house you had shared with your fiance. He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze. “Come on.” You nodded and moved forward, dropping his hand. Juice couldn’t help but smirk as he watched you creep across the street, your body hunched and your head glancing from side to side and he snorted as you army rolled behind a bush. He walked casually across the street and smirked as you hissed at him to hide. He knelt down next to you and you turned to him with wild eyes. “Do you want us to get caught?” You whispered angrily. “Jesus christ, we’re not breaking the law.” “Sorry, I forgot you were a gangster.” You rolled your eyes. “You probably don’t care if we go to jail.” He fought a laugh. “Its a club, not a gang. And its your house, (y/n). You have a key.” You nodded and pulled the hood of your jacket up and pulled it as low as it could go. “So whats the plan, Chief?” Juice whispered. “You start out here. I’ll head inside.” Juice nodded and watched as you crept to the front door, silently fumbling with the keys. Meanwhile he pulled the can of spray paint out of the bag and got to work. You pushed the door shut behind you, careful not to make any noise. You felt sick as you looked around the house. The moon was bright tonight and the room was dimly lit. After a while your eyes adjusted and you looked around the room. The photos of you and your fiancé were still littered over the mantel piece and everything looked just as you’d left it. Except the heels scattered next to the door, and the coat draped over the back of the sofa. You gulped and tip toed into the kitchen. Every Wednesday afternoon you had baked. Brownies, cakes, cookies. You had always liked baking and George had always loved tasting whatever you had cooked up. No matter what, there was always some fresh baking in your cupboards. Which was perfect, because you knew when George got home he would head to the cupboard and eat whatever baking he could find, without a second thought. You placed the container Juice had given you in the cupboard, smiling to yourself. George wouldn’t even notice that these brownies were.. special. Next you headed for the refrigerator. Your best friend staying here meant that you didn’t need to make two stops tonight. Every morning she had a big glass of orange juice. You pulled the carton out of the fridge and opened it carefully before dumping the powder in and shaking it gently, making sure it dissolved. It was only a laxative, completely natural, Juice had reassured you. You knew she had a big meeting tomorrow, and you smirked. Its a shame she would be glued to the toilet. You had just placed the carton back into the fridge when Juice entered the room. “You ready?” He whispered. “Almost.” You reached for the drawer and pulled out a large knife. You gave him a wink and grinned. His eyes went wide as he saw the wild look in your eyes and the smirk on your face and he grabbed your wrist. “Are you crazy?! Put it down.” “No.” “What are you gonna do?! Stab her?!” He hissed at you. You rolled your eyes and left the kitchen, Juice hot on your heels and you stopped when you reached the lounge. “Hold this.” You passed him the knife. “Why, you wanna get my prints on the murder weapon?!” You scoffed and tip toed over to the mantelpiece. Carefully you lifted the first frame. It was a photo of you and George on your first vacation together. You pulled the sleeve of your jacket over your hand and pressed your palm against the frame, silently shattering the glass. You placed the frame back on the mantel and repeated the process with the remaining frames. Juice watched you and when you were finished you walked back to him and grabbed the knife. He followed you through the front door and pulled it shut behind him. You locked the door and shoved the keys back in your pocket. “Whats the knife for?” He whispered. “This.” You walked across the driveway and stabbed the knife into the front tire of her car. The air hissed out and you pried the knife loose before stabbing each of the remaining three tires. Juice had crossed the street and you walked over and stood next to him. He draped an arm around your shoulder and you both looked at the house. Juice  had done well with the spray paint and you smiled as you looked at the work he’d done. ‘Cheat’ was spray painted in large letters on the garage door. He’d written ‘homewrecker’ on the bonnet of your friends car and the walls of the house were littered with other profanities, and next to the front window of the house he had painted a large penis. “Nice touch, Picasso.” He bowed and you both laughed. “So what now?” “We wait a few hours and then I ring his work and make an anonymous tip about the staff using drugs. If he eats the brownies he’ll fail the drug test and lose his job.” You smirked. Sure, a part of you felt bad for what you’d done. But it was only a very small part of you, and you pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind. Slowly Juice pulled you away and you walked together in silence back to his bike were you’d left it further down your street. He passed you the helmet  and you both hopped onto the bike. You pressed your cheek to his back as he rode through the night, the crisp air brushing over you and you closed your eyes. He smelled good, his cologne mixing with the faint smell of weed and the scent filled your lungs. You clung to him tightly, his warm body pressed against yours. You felt light, like all your baggage had finally been left behind you. Who knew all it would take was one night with a Puerto Rican biker boy. The bike slowed and you finally took in your surroundings. He had brought you to the water tower on the outskirts of town. “Come on, we gotta hurry.” He dragged you to the ladder and you shook your head. “No way. I ain’t climbing up there!” You crossed your arms over your chest. Juice rolled his eyes and tugged your elbow gently. “Trust me, it’ll be worth it.” His eyes were full of promise and pleading and you sighed. “Fine. But if i fall to my death please make sure they dress me in something cute. I don’t wanna be buried in these jeans.” And you started to climb. He didn’t know why you disliked those jeans so much. From where he was looking, they looked great on you. Although he was climbing the ladder beneath you, and honestly it wouldnt matter what you were wearing, this view made your ass look great. It only took a few minutes to reach the top and you stood shakily on the platform. “Holy shit.” You whispered. You could see everything from up here. The shining lights of all the houses in Charming and even Lodi. Everything was so small. Juice sat down, swinging his legs off the edge and resting his arms against the lower railing. You copied him and he pulled out another joint and lit it before offering it to you. Together you shared the joint and together you watched as the large glowing sphere of the sun rose slowly into the dull morning sky. It cast sunbeams in every direction as it illuminated the small town, like an arsonist setting the sky on fire. Below you in the trees birds began to chirp a background melody as the pure scattered light lit up every inch of the land below you. Your breath paused in your lungs and you wished time would stop. In this moment everything was forgotten. You forgot the heartbreak you’d endured, the betrayal. You forgot the boring motel room that was now your temporary home. You forgot that no one had been there for you when you needed them most. But the one thing you didn’t forget was Him. The first night you spent with Juan Carlos was a memory that would live on inside you forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@i-want-to-be-watered-by-roger @danleto97

If you want to be added to the tag list for any, or all the Sons please let me know x

#soa juice #juice soa #sons of anarchy juice #juice ortiz #jax imagine #happy imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #imagine #imagine juice #juice ortiz one shot #juice ortiz imagine #juice ortiz smut #sons of anarchy juan carlos #Juan Carlos Ortiz #juan carlos #sons of anarchy happy #sons of anarchy jax #sons of anarchy chibs #sons of anarchy opie #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy juice imagine #imagine Jax #soa happy #happy soa #jax soa #soa fanfiction #fanfiction #sons of anarchy fanfiction #sons of anarchy family #samcro imagine

[heartofheir]

Psst. You know why I'm here. Do eeeeet. :3c

fcuk

1,2 3 and 10 are done! :D

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?not really lmao

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?knitting and listening to the off topic podcast

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?my dogs and @themysteriousballetanon 7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?lie down on the floor, cry and than kick their ass8: Are you close with your dad?kinda, we are both have the same kind of humour and personality which is p cool 

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?ye i smooch my doggos when i got bk from work last night

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?coffee, its got some water in it so ill be fine

12: Do you like hickeys?ye

13: What time do you go to bed?5:30am oops

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?ya

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?nah im quicker with both hands ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

16: Do you always answer your texts?yea unless i forget or fall asleep 

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?Y U P

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?yesterday; we all went to the beach it was top notch

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?my dogs and my siblings even though they are all little shits

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?probs something about being tired af

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?i hope not….

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?i guess?

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?nope

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?i think so

25: In the past week, have you cried?yea

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?maroon

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?yea a variation of it that i cant say cause i dont wanna give my last name out to the interwebs lmao

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?possibly 

29: Do you have a best friend?yea kinda

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?nope

31: Who was your last call/text message from?my manager telling me what time i start work tomorrow 

32: Are you mad at anyone?i dont get mad i just get tired™

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?yea

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?21

35: How many more days until your birthday?im not doing math go away

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?nope just working alot r.i.p me

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?ye! :D

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?yup one of them doesnt even know im gay lmao

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?ye

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?kinda?

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?if theres a giant age gap than yea it does

42: Are you available?nope! :D

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?no idea my dude

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?so many!! i wanna get an industrial, another helix ring, maybe my tongue, nipples lol, belly button and my second lot of normal ear piercings plus alot more ear ones

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?it can be awkward af but yea

46: Do you regret anything?lots of things lmao

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?im running out of mango ice tea :(

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?yea 

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?yes and no?

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?she already said yes! (miraculously) 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?yep

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?he was an ass to me last time we spoke so no

53: What was the last thing you ate?i got one of the chefs at work to make me gnocchi it was delicious 

54: Did you get any compliments today?nope but one of my new coworkers last night said i was really good at my job!! :O

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?no where so far, but one of my friends wants to go to rottnest at some point though

56: Do you own anything from other countries?ye! my auntie went to france and brought me bk a really pretty kitty mask not a furry lol

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?i guess its even but more so guys

58: Where have you lived most of your life?i use to travel around when i was younger but now ive been in the same spot for 10 years I NEED TO L E A V E

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?i wasnt the one driving but it was when i was a babby and we drove from my hometown to perth took us 5 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?nope

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?nah but our house was tomatoed once

62: Who do you text the most?it changes all the time

63: What was the last movie you saw?moana! i loved it!!

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? i dont actually know

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?none

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?nope

67: Do you curse around your parents?not on purpose it just slips out

68: Are you happy with where you live?nope

69: Picture of yourself?

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?im a jealous hoe so just monogamous

71: Have you ever been dumped?no

72: What do you most like about making out?i dont think a guy being like a mcfucking vacumn cleaner counts as making out so i wouldnt know

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?yes but again i dont think it counts as making out

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?i just go ‘fuck it' and do it (but only if i know they cool with it)

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?hands and backs, also necks

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?a friend i use to go to school with

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?nah

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?pickup lines im a sucker for them

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?ye! i loves kids

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?yea

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?nope 

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?fuck no

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?MCFUCKING YR 9 there was this guy who liked me since yr 7 and me and him were both in dance class at school and OF COURSE the dance teacher put us together for the slow dance performance i left dance and moved to drama cause it just got way too uncomfortable 

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?ye! im dating a furry from the internet

86: How can I win your heart?you already have ;0

87: What is your astrological sign?cancer! karkat

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?the same thing i was doing at 11pm

89: Do you cook?ye but i tend to set things on fire

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?ye

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?i dont have to wish :D

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?id prefer a monogamous relationship

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?not a clue my dude

94: Name four things that you wish you had!more garlic bread from work (we make the BEST gb), mango ice tea, unlimited wifi and a phone that can actually work

95: Are you a player?of games, yes; of people, no

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?nope

97: Are you a tease?ive been told i am but i dont mean to lmao

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?i saw @miss--kiwi yesterday at work and than she was mean 2 me even after i gave her gb :

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?what even is love

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?id date the FUCK outta @themysteriousballetanon 

101: Hugs or Kisses?both! oxox

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?normally yes but sometimes ill have a rare moment of bravery lmao

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?height

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?may or may not be a kink for me LMAO

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?fuck no

106: Do you flirt a lot?i have no idea how so sometimes ppl think im flirting when im being friendly, or think im being friendly when im flirting

107: Your last kiss?sometime in September in the back of a car with a VACUUM APPARENTLY 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?nope

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?only my doggos cause they deserve all the kisses

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?my girlfriend even though im not into kissing furries :3c

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?my dogs and hopefully teanii

112: Does someone like you currently?i would hope my gf does 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?ye!! :D

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?flings really arent that great

115: Ever made out with just a friend?ye

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?i thrive off affection so id prefer a relationship

117. you didnt give me a question to answer and ur asleep rn so imma use this spot to say ur a gotdamn cutie

#asks #this took me so long cause i had to leave for work lmao

[gsjdoagwiabdiwiq]

ugh not to be fucked on main [lol this is the furthest thing from main] but like i dont understand attraction. ive been alive for almost 24 years and i dont know why people are attracted to others or how they define it or what they mean. as well as my own attraction. and it seems like everybody out there knows this shit already. and it’s like in school everyone figured it out and i guess i did not. i dont know if what i identified as a crush was a crush or not. i dont know anything and i hate not knowing anything. because if i dont know it i can’t name it. and i would like to be able to name it. but how do you name it if you've never tried it? and like am i just too emotionally stunted to understand like emotional relationships? so then fast forward a year to my moving to ohio and i just dont even know bc i went to orientation and like there was this girl and i just could suddenly picture like dating her and i dont know why bc i generally like didnt hang around dateable men [ie taken or gay] or just like holding hands or whatever which is weird and she came over to talk to me first bc i was what? eating alone. and the first thing i noticed was her eyes looked like rami maleks who i was like presently a little obsessed with as i had just seen borhap. and like it would like make so much sense you know if the reason i didnt date or get asked out or that i only hooked up in dark drunk places was bc i wasnt actually interested in men. but like what the fuck is attraction bc i dont understand it. what makes u attracted to one gender or sex over the other. why does it matter. is it because you like having some things stunk in you but not others? is it bc you like certain extremities but not others? at what point does it matter? is that the main point of attraction is what sex feature you have? and why is that ? is it bc of what society has ingrained in us? like what’s the difference between kissing a clean shaven man and a small chested woman? i dont know . that’s like kind of the whole point of this. and the other thing is that like if i am attracted to men which what does that even mean? and women, why haven't i been in a relationship or been talking with someone? and if i am not attracted to men, what does that mean? like was it all bc of society? and then like if i am just attracted to women, and i dont know that i am, which is what i do not appreciate. why is it still a mystery?? like everyone figures their shit out in high school. but not me. not me. and if i am attracted to women, what does that even look like? what kinds of attraction have i missed bc i just ignored it? and then people talk about crushes and shit and how you’re suppose to get nervous around people you like but that never really happened to me so again what the fuck is wrong with me? and like maybe it’s just the gay people that i know that are like just very expressive- ie theatre, drag, etc that there is like a more subtle way of being that i just have not ever seen before. and the thing is i dont know. i look at the check lists of what makes you gay or bi and i check off a good amount always. but like this is the one thing in like that is just you are the only one who can say what’s what. you can't take a test no one can point and say yes or no or whatever. and it’s really fucking annoying bc all i want is to know aht i am. but i focused on school in school and i didnt talk about boys or anything with my main friend group. cut to today when one is engaged, one is a lesbian and in a relationship, and the last one is in a relationship as well. and here i am, me, where i have never been in a relationship, the last time i saw people from my hometown i refused to admit that i even drank bc we were still underage and it’s just like . i dont know. ive always been either closed off with people i know or very open. and i just want to know. like how do people just know this and understand their attraction??? i am very confused. 

  like my history goes like this: nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing my best friend of 11 years moves away and my other friend asks me in 4th grade who i have a crush on and i said i didnt bc i had never thought about it i just happened to miss my best friend who moved across the country a lot. and so she assumed it was him and i sort of agreed and i still dont really understand that whole premise. and then in the 7th grade i guess i was flirting with this kid in my chorus class who happened to be popular and i just thought it was cool bc he was popular but idk. anyways he asks me to the dance and without thinking about it i say no. and i dont know why. i later chalked it up to if i liked someone and was public about that i wouldn't be seen as serious about school granted i hadn't even gotten my period yet so whatever. anyways i guess around the same time this new kid moved to town and he was like a pit of a nerd but like a cool nerd very suave and stuff and i was like he seems attainable at least i think that’s what i thought . and we were in a lot of the same classes thought hs and we lived like a cauldesac away from each other but im pretty sure he never liked me at least not like that. and then he asked my friend and i if we would be cool if he asked our other friend to prom of course bc i dont talk about this shit i say yes . and then you know whatever they go. senior year he asks another friend to prom and the two biggest nerds in school ask my other two friends [including the one he went with the previous year] and one of them says yes. and maybe it was bc i didnt take ap physics but like even after one got rejected i wasn't asked. not that i would have wanted to go but at that point it’s like wow no one really sees you as anything outside of school. and so cut to college when i had never done anything wrong -drank drugs ect or done anything intimate with anyone. i didnt even [still dont] really like hugs [well i reserve them for a very small very very small number of people. affection and attraction have always been very odd for me. but i go to college and first semester i dontdrink bc its against the law. but spring semester i do and i go to parties. and i think that even though i was living in the honors dorm i had some pretty cool friends. and so heck were starting fresh and ive told them all of it more or less. but anyways. ive decided that i need to kiss a boy. and so i think i chickened out a few times. but in march i finally made out with some rando from another school named chris. and it was fine. i think it was cool to be so close to another person and all that and i think i enjoyed. or something bc that became the goal everytime i went out to a frat type place. and i did. well enough times that i got mono during finals week so that was really fun. and i wasnt ready to have sex until the summer before jr year. and i finally again met a rando at a party and i dont know why people want me. like am i skinny enough that my personality doesn't matter or is it that when i get drunk im cool enough that my uggo face doesn't matter. or is it dark enough that just me being open to it matters. so we go to my apartment and fuck and it’s fine. right like i think it here maybe but it wasnt bad. it wasnt life changing or anything. but like it really wasnt bad. so i guess you could call me easy or a hoe. i dont really care about that stuff. like i will hoe around if i want to hoe around. but then there were these three guys who like i actually kind of knew. one of them was soph yr when i attempted a blowjob but either he was not getting it up or i was so bad or it was too small i dont know. either way that didnt work. but we had actually hooked up and by hooked up i mean made out once before.then there was this kid who i swiped on on tumblr who i knew was from my law class but i dont think he ever found out who i was and i may have stalked him a little bit from my job at the bookstore to find out more about him. but it was mostly let me try to hook up with not a total rando. and the fist time was fine except for me leaving when all his roommates/friends watched me leave. and we had like been snapping which i still dont really understand. but the second time i went over he was like u should stay over but it was st patty day eve and u know how that is. but i was like fine bc i had been declining bc i was busy before. anyways he didnt have a condom but me being responsible did. except then he couldn't uh ‘get it up’ which is just really annoying but i dont know why it was. if it was the condom issue or my small titties or what. and then there was my friends roommate. who we had chatted for a little while and then it died and then he chatted me up in the summer and there were some transit issues him being outside the city and me not driving or understanding the parking at my apt. but anyways. we made out for a while and then he fingered me which i still dont idk. but like then he was like do you want to have sex and i was all i dont care what do you want and it was very that so in the end i was just like lets do it. bc at that point i thought you were just supposed to do it all in a hook up and maybe im a slut i dont care. but either way. again if it was my small kitties or my insistence on a condom or that weird back and forth he also just like couldn't do it. so i think that was the last time i made out with someone. i did go on one date but that just uh was a bust. maybe bc im bad at it.

[numbhearttt]

02/16/18

I apologize if you know who I am because todays piece is going to make you look at me differently, but I hope its real enough for some of you to open your damn eyes about what goes on in this world. Today I was diagnosed with depression.. I thought I was in a happy place but theres so many pieces of myself Im missing. No disrespect to you, I wish you all the best and never will I ever wish harm on you but you took so much from me.. I never talk about you, loving you destroyed me. For all those times you asked "are you dumb" or said to me "of course you dont understand" because you got angry at me and I honestly just didnt know what I did that time. For those times I cried and begged you to calm down and you kissed your teeth and asked "why are you even crying". For all those times you told me I wasnt allowed to go somewhere because thats whats "hoes" did. For all those times I was silenced because I was dramatic.. you took my voice away. For all those nights I stayed up until 3am just trying to calm you down, just trying to get you to remember why you "loved" me and to stop being so mean to me. I couldnt sleep thinking I was that terrible to you.. for all those nights man. For that time you grabbed both my arms in the ally way and screamed in my face. Your spit got stuck on my cheek and I didnt even wipe it because I couldnt move. I froze, I physically felt my heart drop and I stood there crying to the point where I couldnt breath.. and what did you do? You asked me why I was crying and when I couldnt catch my breath to speak, you walked away from me.. you left me standing there. Remember the time we went to Toronto to go to my friends birthday dinner and we got in a fight in the hotel before we left? I was in the bathroom bawling on the floor and you walked right by me and said "this is annoying like holy, stop crying" I stood up, wiped my tears and got ready. We went to that birthday dinner and pretended like nothing happened. I took care of you that night.. you got so drunk you couldnt walk, you threw up all over the hotel lobby. I tucked you in, and you turned to me and said "I love you" and passed out. I stayed up that night and stared at the ceiling, just reliving all the mean things you said to me 6 hours before. One time you made a tweet about me, "how do you have a man who would do anything for you but yet he still hates you".. I was so embarassed. I dont know what I did to you, I dont know why you came home some nights and didnt even acknowledge me, I dont know why you used to get so angry at me that youd sleep on the couch and just leave the next morning without saying anything to me, I dont know why it was so easy to see me cry, I dont know why you put a ring on my finger to call me stupid and tell me I was annoying, I dont know why youd ignore me all the time, I dont know why you hated me so much some days. So now I sit here with the after mass. "You have depression". Another thing you took from me.. I mean you dont even know that what you did fucking broke me. You THANKED me for giving you space after I left.. you thanked me and apologized for not being my friend. I was terrified of you and you thanked me for letting you "grow". You took all the sun out of me, all the strength I had, made my days dark, my body numb and used it to "grow'.If you read this I want you to know something. I'm actually sincerly so sorry. I'm so sorry I turned you into the man you were when you were with me. I hope someone loves you and is stronger than me. I'm sorry your anger got the best of you and Im sorry I didnt learn what triggered you. Im sorry I always made you mad and I'm sorry you thought I was the one and I gave up. But I'm just another statistic now.. I'm a girl who got out of an absuive relationship and is depressed. It was almost 7 months ago and Im still dealing with it. It sucks that its not enough to just leave but I have to face what I fear the most. Please give it all back.. what you took from me, because now I have to clean up your mess, again.

[androgynousranchathleteoper-blog]

You’re So Vain You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

<p><p>I can’t tell you what a nuisance it is being a person who is in constant need of assurance. This blog and its mere existence is proof of my utter self absorption and indeed self deprecation (because balance is important).</p> <p>Pre historically there has been some poor decision making on my part when it comes to choosing someone to bump nasties with.</p> <p>Without going into too much detail, because I am zen af, my last boyfriend was the devil incarnate. Despite being forwarned about his less than desirable behaviours and some very bold warning signs, I ignored the advice of EVERYBODY IN HUMAN EXISTENCE and went out with him for three years. </p> <p>You can imagine my surprise when it inevitably didn’t work out. </p> <p>It was a terrible relationship, however, I have taken a lot away from it. Most importantly that my judgment cannot be trusted. Unfortunately my people reading skills have not improved over the years. When there is a willy involved all I see is sunshine and happiness while my friends and family watch on in horror as I climb into to bed with Jack the Ripper.</p> <p>So how does one tackle such a problem. Well I’ll tell ya… You run absolutely fucking everything by your friends and you listen to them. Remember your friends are the ones who know you and love you all the same. Your friends are your friends for a reason. Don’t ever forget why your friends love you and want you in their life. </p> <p>With that In mind this entry has been lovingly co-written, unknowingly, by one of my best friends. The text in bold are his text messages to me throughout a very brief encounter with a very unpleasant man. His responses are to the screenshots of the conversations between me and the gentleman in question. It really highlights how utterly useless I am but also how wonderful it is to have people in your life who care so much about your happiness and really make you laugh.</p> <p>The story, as always, begins with I met this guy… (Never a good start) through Tinder (also not good: side note this was months ago and I’ve actually now liberated myself from the hoe app - I have got enough material from those three months to last me a lifetime). Anywho, as with having a type and sticking to it (because that’s done me so many favours), it came as no surprise to me that we have friends in common. Natural instinct in these situations sends you digging. I ask one of the mutual friends for a brief Curriculum Vitae of the dude, the first thing she says is “he’s really into choking girls” I am screaming laughing actual speechless. This all sounds very alarming but in context it’s fine however I must say that I really find it rather amusing that this should be the first words to describe someone. I would hate to be so known for a sexual act that it defined me. “Oh aye I know Rab she likes masturbating then crying herself to sleep.” No thanks. Anyway I immediately tell my friend this because it’s a hilarious piece of info and we henceforth go on to then affectionately nickname the guy Bible John and that his what he is referred to as, even to this day and probable eternity.</p> <p><b>“Rab you and this guy fascinates me. 50 shades of Bae. A want screenshots of this weirdo you’ve been texting”</b></p> <p>Admittedly in the initial days of this fleeting romance i’m pretty uninterested. I am at a strange point in life during the summer where I am on a voyage of self discovery and don’t really think I’m ready to be in a relationship again (another side note it’s winter now so form an orderly queue boys). </p> <p><b>“Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, Rab, why did you give him you number?”</b></p> <p>My early findings are that this guy is a bit much. It’s all too fast too soon. I’m a bit of a slow burner these days. There’s no skipping off into the sunset after a few dates with me. It’s a well thought out process that involves a council of men and women. </p> <p><b>“You’re playing with fire… Mrs Hudson”</b></p> <p> Anyway we go on a date. I am hungover and about half an hour late. In fact lets just say Im actually still a bit drunk. I am definitely still drunk. </p> <p><b>“He will want you to dress up as Zelda or something and clap him like a dug”</b></p> <p>So I turn up late and drunk. This was my life in summer. It’s what’s affectionately referred to as a ‘kitchen floor reset’ I thoroughly recommend it. </p> <p><b>“Rab man I don’t think you should be telling me that… Who was it? Please tell me it was Bible John?”</b></p> <p>There’s some choice language I pick up. I gather this person doesn’t approve of what I call “Hooring and Touring”. That’s a process that works in tandem with the kitchen floor reset. Again I thoroughly recommend it. It’s character building. </p> <p><b>“Whit wiz mad Ian Huntley saying when you met him?“</b></p> <p>Anyway that’s fine it’s not for everyone. It is for me & im completely unapologetic about it. It makes me no less faithful and much more seasoned. </p> <p><b>“I think he is a dick, you are just in heat atm. You’re having a Britney moment.”</b></p> <p>Don’t get me wrong I don’t go around introducing myself as a hoe. I’m not that. What I mean is that I don’t pretend that I’m just some poor gal who can’t find the right guy and is miserably searching the universe for someone who can accept my weirdness. Poor me, no. All I’m saying is sometimes you just want rattled and that is totally fine. Just go get rattled get it out your system. I am open and honest about it because that is who I am. </p> <p><b>“You gonny let him strangle you ya mad psycho. Don’t say you’re in his dungeon.”</b></p> <p>It is so so so so so so important to me that I do not allow myself to be quashed by another relationship. The worst thing you can do is succumb to someone who doesn’t believe in you and all that you are. It’s such a waste of the person that you’ve worked so hard to become. </p> <p><b>“Shut the actual fuck up. Why do you attract all the weirdos?”</b></p> <p>Unfortunately I find that a lot easier said than done. I’m all about reflection so I do always take responsibility for myself and my actions I very rarely point the finger at people. I’m more likely to look at my own failings and maybe what I could have done differently. That all said I am still just a lass and quite a sensitive lass so when someone is mean to me I do feel hurt. </p> <p><b>“Rab he is actually gonny kill you.”</b></p> <p>After a few more meetings It becomes pretty clear that we are not compatible for several reasons. He begins to say unkind things to me. They are not just mean but they are unfounded. Now an ordinary person would just walk away from a situation like that. Not me. It’s perplexing especially because, I believe, I am regarded amongst my friends as quite a strong woman but in situations like this I cave in on myself.</p> <p>“<b>Rab why are you even texting that cunt back.”</b></p> <p>I am strong… I can have an argument. I can even win an argument. I am opinionated and I feel like sometimes people don’t speak up enough. So I make a point of speaking up when something isn’t right. I’m not scared to ruffle feathers in fact I have been known to enjoy it. </p> <p><b>“Who does he think he is, your husband/da?!”</b></p> <p>Inexplicably this character completely diminishes in a romantic scenario. I don’t know if that’s some sort of PTSD shit or if I am just a spineless cunt when it comes to walking away from something that isn’t right. </p> <p><b>“No fucking way man, no bother mate. Get him slung Rab.”</b></p> <p>So yeah he is mean. Really mean. I find myself apologising for being me. This is actually a little bit sad. It reminds me that I’ve not perhaps come as far as I thought I had from that previous relationship where I swore I wouldn’t find myself lost in a sea of fuckery again. But here I am - surfing! </p> <p><b>“AW MY FUCKING GOD. YOU NEED TO GET HIM TO FUCK.”</b></p> <p>I still try to fix the situation. I am a fixer. I can fix this.</p> <p><b>“That’s heavy reverse psychology Rab. Whoever you are with next needs to let you be you and I seriously don’t think he will.”</b></p> <p>My fixing fails. The whole thing fails. Because fixing it would mean not being me. I find some of the things said so hurtful that I even cry. Tragic. This is probably the first time I’ve ever felt a bit damaged. </p> <p><b>“Tell me you didn’t take that serious Rab, fuck sake man the guy is off his nut” </b></p> <p>I then find myself questioning all sorts of ridiculously stupid trivial things about my life and wondering if maybe he is right.</p> <p><b>“Tell Bible John to get to fuck. Canny handle the Rab. ”</b></p> <p>I have got an Achilles heel or so it seems. I felt so affected by some of the things he said even though 99.9% of it was utter pish. What’s even more remarkable is that I took it. </p> <p><b>“Right can we just get Bible John patched I am worried you’re taking his opinion on board an no being Rab and that’s no right”</b></p> <p>After the dust settles and it’s all said and done. I am in process of picking up the pieces and I meet two of my good friends. I begin to tell them the story of Bible John and I have a full scale mental breakdown in the pub. Sobbing into my prosseco. Also tragic but slightly funny.</p> <p><b>“Right naw - that’s it done. Done done done.”</b></p> <p>But it’s good. I am not crying over him. He is obviously an arsehole. I am crying because I am sad that I allowed myself to get involved with someone like that. I am crying because I thought that after everything I had been through previously I would be stronger. I am crying because that person embodies everything I want to avoid. I am crying in Wetherspoons. This must be rock bottom I think.</p> <p><b>“OOOOOOft what an absolute cunt! Don’t let him get to you mate. Look at you now, happy as fuck and shagging away”</b></p> <p>I am kind of glad this all happened. The psychoanalysis side of this story leads me to believe that I hadn’t fully dealt with the end of my last relationship and the circumstances surrounding it. There was no crying though there ought to have been. I was just so completely exhausted by it all that I didn’t really process all the shit that had happened while we were together. I just went on my merry way happy to be free. Bible John helped me remember that I am only human and that sometimes to move on in life you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and let it all out. </p> <p><b>“He doesn’t deserve you.”</b></p> <p>Since the mental breakdown I am actual happy as fuck. So I thoroughly recommend doing that also. I almost immediately erase all trace of Bible John because I do not give a single fuck about him and life is great… Until…</p> <p><b>“AW GOD NAW RAB WHITS HAPPENED”</b></p> <p>I go out with my two friends that I cried in Wetherspoons with. I’m as gay as a daffodil and absolutely loving life back on the sesh. The following morning we are in our hotel and I am hungover af but otherwise perky. </p> <p><b>“Mate… Whit happened”</b></p> <p>I’m having a pee and pondering life. Something I believe a lot of people do on the toilet. It’s gid.</p> <p><b>“Omg…”</b></p> <p>I have this absolutely horrid feeling in my tummy. I have just had a coil fitted some few weeks earlier so I wonder if it ’s just having a wee dance up there in my womb. How annoying I was thinking. Stupid fucking woman parts. </p> <p><b>“Mate……. Whit the fuck”</b></p> <p>The pain intensifies to a odd unfamiliar feeling I have never felt before. Now I’m thinking whit the fuck am I about to give birth… GIVE BIRTH ON THE FUCKING TOILET</p> <p><b>“NAW RAB ….. NAW?!”</b></p> <p>A few moments pass. Something is definitely travelling through my baby tunnel at an alarming rate. Then something comes out and lands with a thud in the toilet.</p> <p><b>“………………….”</b></p> <p>In this moment… This real character defining moment. I am 100% convinced that I’m about to turn round and see a foetus. </p> <p><b>“Please tell me it wasn’t…. Was it?”</b></p> <p>I am pleading with myself “Please don’t have just squeezed a foetus out in a hotel bathroom hungover” I take my time considering my options here. Is this actually my life.

>

Why the cunt never bothered to tell me that that had happened I will never know or understand but that really was the icing on the fucking cake of a shitty experience. (Side note went to see the sexual health nurse and I’m sound. Think an STD would of pushed me over the cliff edge.)

“The film ‘Shame’ is about you.”

For comic relief I took a photo. If I ever write a book it shall be on the cover.

Fuck my life. Fuck Bible John. He still follows me on Instagram. Smh.

Goodbye forever.