#im gonna be done with this year...tomorrow this time

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 209

my ass is NOT beating the time player allegations

#day 209 #year 4 #it me #voidbound-bard #zackbuildit #it isnt because of the barbie movie btw its because i am constantly making gay and terrible hair decisions #and i have nearly the least hair i have ever had #so it seemed like an opportune time to finally buckle down and try home bleaching #but the barbie movie is a bonus! i gotta get my ken fit together bc im seeing the movie tomorrow! #also idk i used to be REAL blonde as a kid. like really fucking blonde #and idk ever since my hair got dark i've never really gone back except for ONCE in college i got it done professionally #but i almost immediately dyed it pink #so idk i think im just gonna keep the basic blonde for a while #see where it takes me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.

Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3

It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do

#it feels more like im using grief as an excuse to not do anything and i find it really upsetting #i just dont kno what to do. i have a lightning talk to give tomorrow and i cant get anywhere bc when i try to get anything done i just start #crying and everything feels like a mess that i have no motivation to clean up #just everything. why did i decide to do this with my life? why couldnt i have chosen a functional career path? #i dont kno what im doing. i dont kno how im going yo get things together for my committee meeting Friday #or how ill get thru it without crying. i dont even kno what i want. i wanna talk to my dad i guess but ive never told anyone in my family #when im having a hard time and i dont kno how to do that without making him worry #ugh. tomorrow's gonna suck. so does today. i just want the semester to be over. but then i cant escape my project. so idk what i want #i want sleep for 1000 years or at least until all my problems are gone #unrelated

[risingsunresistance]

feels weird to not have much to post, i feel like i basically disappeared off social media compared to how i used to post but. there is simultaneously so much going on (things that are boring/heavy and not fun to post about) and nothing at all going on (i have not been able to play anything very much and havent been watching anything besides random documentaries i stumble across), leading to me having nothing to say lmao

i did finally write down a bunch of hypixel worldbuilding headcanon junk instead of having it only be word-of-mouth between me and ark lol. only 1700 words, i can do better 👍 it was literally only about admin magic, what exactly it means to "hack," what a server is, and limbo kjgfhk. i might make a big post about the limbo section one day :]

#things that arent worth having their own post bc it's boring normal life stuff #I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!!!! i've only worked one day but i had a lot of fun #and i like my coworkers. im scared of tomorrow tho bc my manager who has been guiding me around isnt gonna be there #so second day in and im already on my own DFGHKJG it'll be fine......... #also I GOT MY DESK ORDERED LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO. SOON I WILL BE BACK ON THE GRIND I WANNA PLAY SKYBLOCK SO BAD #i've only been able to play on weekends or at ark's ;-; pain and suffering i need somewhere to sit #also fun fact. remember how the house was full of mold. well there was ALSO a gas leak for the past couple weeks #my existence is a miracle #im blaming all past behaviors on this. im normal now dont worry 👍👍👍 #i think i already mentioned this but my snes power cable is missing and i need a new one Pain And Suffering #on the brighter side of my old games. i found by gbc! AND THE BATTERIES STILL WORK SOMEHOW LMAO #i can finally do a miserable gen 2 shiny hunt yippeeeeee #trying to find my gameboy copy of tetris attack but i dont see it anywhere 😔 #uhhhh yeah that's about it i guess. been busy with sorting out work stuff and money problems and Everything Else #currently taking care of health stuff i havent done in years. time for dentist today wahoo #gonna try to get an eye exam soon. it's been like. a decade- #im not sure my vision is still 20/20 im having trouble reading some things digitally #billboards are fine. electronic ones are not those are just smudges #i dont know enough about eyes to know what that could be #chat

[itsva1]

Husbands

Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls

#Venting!!!!!!!! #im just venting idk im tired i have gym everyday and gym gives me massive anxiety so yayy #im kinda just making up for lost time specifically cuz it was around people im not comfortable witb #my family i mean #i was so sore when i got done i had to move a shit ton of furniture and i hit my head on a dresser #im just watching timtoks to make myself cry because i haven't properly cried in like 6 months and with my fucking life thats unhealthy :D #my cat died on Christmas eve aswell!!! #anyway yeah husbands #they're literally orbs from a childrens video game i am 15 i am a sophomore this is stupid stupid fuckin penguin i hate him #no i dont i love him #DOMT WVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ENO BITCH HE HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME #THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE 2 YEARS IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HIM I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY EVERYDAY #i have issues #i just realized i misspelled emo im so tired im not rewriting that im talking bout mk he matches my other intersts more thats why i love him #one of my favorite childhood movies is interview with the vampire ofc i love him #im gonna eat ramen and prepare myself to lie to the nurse tomorrow cuz im not going to gym #i have the biggest urge to just keep thping if only i had this spark in school i hate my brain bro

[thehardkandy]

Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove

#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy #(its not really that busy) #and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly #for an hour #always felt like such s draining burden #and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself #as a kid i was always made to do things. see people. #i did a summer camp every year at least during the day #i did sports i went hiking in forests #but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things #because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence #despite being something that i actively enjoyed #and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely #like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back #around to shame or guilt just about always #anyway how is this relevant to travelling? #it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person #ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days #and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge #to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen #even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen #but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note #crazy how complicated it can be to be a person #it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house #and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your #but no one is that urgent about anything anyway. #beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime #but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller

[orcelito]

1 more day here and then I'm gonna be heading back up to my apartment for the first time in over 2 weeks. Haven't stayed there since this all began. I've grown a bit of a routine here, and I'll be right back to my apartment, but without the prior norms of it.

It's home though. It's home.

I'll have to do a ton of cleaning and rearranging tho to try to fit as much of my father's furniture within my apartment. My apartment is so small and the furnitures so many. I'm determined tho. I'm gonna fit as much as I can. Took measurements today even of all the things I wanna take, so I can puzzle it out as I go.

I. Also. Need to bring June to the vet. Bc she's got worms. Lol. Lmao even. I am trying to not think about it rn.

#speculation nation #i tried calling the vet but they didnt pick up so ill call tomorrow #i think it'll b fine. just gotta get treatment. #with everything else though i am so fucking stressed #trying to think about the money. cheering myself up by thinkijg about the money #i will get 7 times the amount of money that i made the entirety of last year. all in 1 go. #whenever the insurance companies give it to me. lol. haha. lmao. #3 months until summer classes start. after all this furniture moving im going to be so so so so free #maybe ill try to get a lot of writing done during those months. itd be the perfect time. #im nervous about going home. i dont know how ill feel there. its gonna be so weird #ive been in limbo. my life has majorly changed but im in limbo so i dont truly feel it #but ill be back home. and not have to go to work. and ill have a frankly obscene amount of money to get all at once #putting it towards school. finishing school. gotta finish school. i will finish school. #but then i can get a decent job and get a house with a garage and a patio where i can garden #and learn how to ride a motorcycle. Properly fitted to my size. #and i can play my violin without anxiety of upsetting unit neighbors with the sound #im getting through the current times by thinking of the future. just gotta think of the future. #animal illness/ #tagging jsut in case #bugs ment/

[guinevereslancelot]

the next water will fix me

#headache posting #im not kidding i finally drank enough water and gatorade im starting to feel better i think the next water will actually cure me #anyway worked for 6 hours in the field today with one break and not enough hydration bc i am a fool ✌️ #but to take a break or get more water i would have had to walk really far and then walk all the way back and i was like nah #i will totally be fine bc i am not at all wimpy and headache prone im gonna get all the work done in one go <3 #only went back once bc i absolutely had to to use the restroom #anyway #tomorrow? the same #jk tomorrow i will be supervising sheep so wont have as much time to do the planting and the weather will be cooler #and i WILL hydrate adequately 😤 #this has been a shitpost #v excited abt the sheep btw they're not mine we are renting them to restore a brushy area i want to plant trees on #they're going to visit a couple times a year for three years!!

[lingeringscars]

Submitted my final final paper of the semester

#ooc. #tbd. #im fucking tired my dudes #i dont actually remember how many pages i ended up writing for my summary notes #but between my two final papers i was at 46 #im definitely in the ballpark of 60 pages written this week #luckily i do not have any more papers i need to write. just one that i need to revise by jan 31st that i wanna get done during the week #at some point. not tomorrow. i have done ENOUGH. #tomorrow i will write up the powerpoints from the last week of classes. as that needs to be done. #and will take hours bc it always takes hours BUT i get to jam to music the whole time and thats a WIN #so i probably wont do the r&r until Tuesday and hopefully soonish ill have a grade for the paper i just submitted #and i can write up an abstract for the survey im gonna do after that and submitt hat #and then ill be done with everything that needs to get done for the year and can enjoy my winter break

[pencil-merchant]

I need the 5 day workweek to get abolished. N o w.

#penciltalks #vent #i gotta go back to work tomorrow and frankly #the time ive had recovering from surgery has given me the perspective that no #im not incapable of actually doing stuff and its not just a fact of life that i have to be in pain #11 hours of my day full of physical activity do put a strain on me i must say #its not normal to be tired every waking moment #its not normal to be in pain or discomfort every moment of the day #im gonna be entering my 3rd year at the end of summer #i just #dont know if i can make the jump back to permanent exhaustion and not take psychic damage #i don't want this #but at this point quitting ain't really an option #so im just gonna have to pull through #after im done with this im definetly gonna take a fucking break year or smth #vent in the tags #im just. so full of dread

[fooltofancy]

gonna curl up in a stupid little ball w fields of asphodel (beloved) and try to sleep, the piles of things looming can goddamn wait.

#.... until i wake up in the inevitable four hours. #gonna make a list and goddamnit gonna do the things on the list #today is finish in progress comm day + finish black mage leveling when im done w that (two accomplishments but one is a trick) #laundry and laundry and laundry tomorrow #dentist wednesay and hopefully last comm if i can get a sketch out tonight #balls have to cook sometime today too #thursday rest day probably wrists will be angery #.... not gonna plan as far as friday but probably laundry again. comforter needs to go to the Big Laundry Machines and i dont wanna #weekend have to figure out how to put gas in my car so i can meet carrie and pick up the stupid fucking cat tree i sent to mn #need to schedule like 45 minutes in here to cry #mundanity etc im so tired everything hurts #oh wednesday also fill out this stupid bullshit for new endocrinologist ive filled out twenty times in the last year #medical histories my beloathed #they should have this anyway gonna mutiny #ok gn

[spacejammie-eimmajecaps]

Two hours ago I was having horrible stomach pain, and now that I've puked up all my dinner and am finally starting to feel better, my stomach is gurgling hungrily like it did nothing wrong.

As if I'm leaving it charge of any more food tonight.

Be empty for a while and think about what you did, punk.

#like i experience pain on a regular basis and dont generally get too upset over it #but i was straight up crying #and i only i cry maybe 3 or 4 times a year #it was that bad for almost an hour and it didnt get better until i finally gave in and puked up everything in my stomach #gastroparesis doesnt cause me trouble that often but when it does its a bad fucking time #im gonna have to do a liquid diet tomorrow just in case my stomach isnt done acting up #which sucks because im so hungry #this week has been a lot

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that my body decided to incapacitate me the weekend before i have to read 5 different papers for classes #and it would b one thing to just read them but no for 3 of them i have to give detailed interpretation and 1 i have to present on #ive already failed to read one bc i forgot we had to do 2 papers for monday. oops. not that i could have done it anyway. i barely got 1 done #and im on track to fucking up the one due Tomorrow as well #im just fucking tired of reading fucking chemistry driven papers that i dont understand no matter how many times i read them #and everyones like oh itll get easier but no it fucking wont bc i cant fucking read right #its so fucking frustrating. why do i even bother? im so tried #i don't even have the paper im supposed to present on so ill have to do it all tomorrow. cool. great. not that i could do it today anyway #im just. this is gonna b a difficult week #and i misused my whole day by doing extractions bc i scheduled my training a week ago when i thought i would b fine over the weekend #nope. its fucking bullshit. this is y im like. y do i even want to b in academia? #how could i b a prof if i cant read well? its fine to b dyslexic as a math person but im like i have to read so much and so little gets thru #but then what the fuck else am i supposed to do? idk. im just gonna write down something for all these questions and go tf to sleep #ill get up at some horrible time in the morning to finish this. damn the consequences. ill see my therapist tomorrow anyway #and meet with my advisor like 🤪 yo guess what i made zero progress this week #sorry u got stuck with me while im going thru a year of fucking health problems #but whatever cant get rid of me now im already here. here and tired and i wanna go to bed #unrelated

[marblerose-rue]

this isn't art block but WHAT is it called when ur consistently not satisfied w what youve drawn . /LH

#not art #meandering #i am my own biggest and worst critic. one of the things i try to do when it gets like this is to just set it aside and try again l8r #< thats advice my grandma gave me a few years ago :] it works well for me #i think its bc ive just done so many big pieces in such a short amount of time on top of doing work for my classes . #theres so much i would like to do this month . id like to open commissions over fall break + id also like to get bases going and a few #other silly personal things posted on top of roses skyclan things . hrm #idk how much i can do tomorrow i have a drs appointment tomorrow and im very nervous for how that will go </3 #not gonna get too in depth bc the process involves bloodwork + things related and i know its a sensitive topic bc its a sensitive topic for #me BAHBLAKUBDFGHJDBFGK u think if ive been doing this for almost 2 years id be good at it . wrong #ANYWAY hope everyone is doing well!! <3 #OH YEAH i also have a busy-ish weekend and an exam monday. sweats

[pepprs]

the renovation starts tmrrw (LOL) and i woke up from a dream abt it crying. awesome

#today is our last day having a deck and i genuinely feel sick to my stomach over it. ik it’s just a piece of wood and it’s falling apart but #omg like… o ur house is about to not be our house anymore. like the deck is where me and my siblings played w our best friends it’s where i #paced back and forth to get fresh air so many times ater losing my shit during lockdown and it’s literally about to be gone…. forever? ok!!! #and then the kitchen is going to go and im going to lose it genuinely. like this house is shitty and rotting and falling apart and its great #that we are getting a renovation finally but jesus christ i have lived here all my life and yeah i hate the kitchen but it’s home and you’re #just gonna tear it down and make jt 3x bigger like it’s nothing??? ok 😂😂😂😂😂😂 #purrs #literally im getting war flashbacks to losing the van which was never gonna drive again but it was my SPACE for all of lockdown and #it got fucking junked after being my sanctuary (as unpleasant as it was) for like 2 years not to mention OUR CAR that we did everything in a #and now we have my grandparents car and there isn’t a backseat so i don’t get room to breathe when they drive. and also my grandparents #house has officially been demolished to make way for a fucking mansion and the near total renovation of my high school is almost done which #means the classroom where i became a human being is gone and the office is going to get destroyed too when that renovation happens and we’ll #have to go make a home somewhere else. i know this kind of thing happens but it makes me want to start screaming. like yeah these #renovations will make life better for everyone (except the fucking mansion it’s bc my grandparents died and the developers are selfish and #cruel lol!!!!!) but the way so many of the spaces that have been important to me keep ending up getting destroyed after im done w them. it’s #comforting in a way bc it’s like oh no one else gets to have it be important but also no that ISNT comforting i want those spaces to keep #being sacred i want them to mean something to other people and i want to be able to go back and soak in the memories again. and everyone is #mad at me for freaking out the renovation but it’s like ok you come into our living space you destroy core parts of my childhood and also #create a situation where we literally can’t like eat or cook anything in the house for months like idk what we’re gonna do bc we don’t go #anywhere bc of covid except work for me and school for my brother so. idk. this whole thing SUCKS. i can’t believe it’s starting tomorrow #and i can’t believe the deck is about to be gone. pain and suffering and pain and suffering and pain and suffering.

[hershelchocolate]

Everyone please congratulate me I've just beaten Pokemon Firered for the first time after playing and replaying and replaying it for over fifteen years and I am the worlds specialist little guy for the next 15 minutes

#screaming and crying etc etc i am stimming SO HARD rn i gave myself a headache #i have started playing this game probably 20+ times #i made it to the elite four ONCE and got WRECKED by the first one #AND I DID IT!!!!! #my team did SO GOOD im so proud of them im gonna cry #ive never done it before!!!!! i got to hear the CREDIT MUSIC #i have been bouncing and skipping and hand flapping etc etc for like half an hour constantly #how is a baby supposed to go to bed to attend classes tomorrow in this condition??? #but also i dont care cause OVER FIFTEEN YEARS AND I FINALLY DID IT!!!!!! AAAAAAA #THE BABY SQUAD PREVAILS #pokemon #randy rambles

[orcelito]

Is going hiking with my family a cat death sentence?

I went hiking a week before Sammy died. I went hiking two weeks ago.

On the 28th, symptoms suddenly hit. 29th spent in hope. 30th they're dead

Sure are some mirrors for my boys haha

Ha

#speculation nation #animal death ment/ #negative/ #ykno ive thought on and off that cassy kinda looks like a washed out sammy #more round though. but a tabby through and through. #this wasnt supposed to happen for a few more years at least. i havent even had cassy for a year. #tally is going to be alone again when im at work. #im going to need to get another little plush cat. another spot taken on my memorial shelf. #going to this fucking animal hospital is just... not a great feeling huh haha #havent even put him down yet. im still in the car. but im trying to prepare myself for it. #it hasnt even been two years since sammy died... #this just... came out of nowhere... and i dont know what to do about it #cry i guess. ive already done that like 7 times lol. gonna be even more thats for sure #finding myself grateful i dont work tomorrow. even though it comes at the cost of missing the concert #but like. fuck the concert ultimately. i wouldnt have fun anyways #sucks but that's just how shit falls i guess #counting down the minutes until i lose another baby boy. i really cant handle this haha