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intertexts · 4 months

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ok you asked about my sad fish boy i hope u know how much of a mistake that is. holy shit. dude jrwi is so fucking good. if u need a new dnd podcast may i please recommend jrwi..theyre pirates. ohhh my god theyre pirates .

so. uhm. fish boy. his name is gillion tidestrider (champion of the undersea, hero of the deep, etc etc about a billion more titles that he just keeps aquiring as the campaign goes on) and hes a paladin with ohhhhh so much of a hero complex. oh my god. dude. hes so . everything to me . (played by charlie slimecicle btw. that guy is so fucking good at balancing silly goofy moments with heartwrenching voice acting. in one of the most recent episodes he is literally. hanging from a hook through his hands missing chunks of skin on 1hp literally only alive because he happened to cast death ward on himself. and hes wearing those goddamn trout fish sandals that u see on facebook ads or whatever.)

uhm. so. holy shit. where do i even start. he is the chosen one of a prophecy that says its his duty to one day choose who will survive between the undersea (triton, underwater creatures, where he grew up) and the oversea (basically. land.) and the other will be destroyed. so when he was very young (i want to say maybe like..5 or 6? i dont remember im actually searching for that info rn for the thing im writing) he was taken away from his family to begin training with the Elders (basically the. rulers of the undersea) . my boy he was raised to be a weapon. he was raised to be a tool (<< real canon words out of his own mouth). my favorite little child soldier. he wore armor that was too big for him and carried swords that were taller than he was. he was raised to put protecting others over his own safety so he rushes out into danger without even thinking about how it might affect him. he is so passively suicidal and ready to sacrifice himself at any minor inconvenience that when this information is eventually put in front of him his response is "what? no, thats what im Supposed to do." a very important phrase for him in early episodes was "whats one more burden?"

also he has a pet frogtopus (frog + octopus) her name is pretzel and she rides around in a little orb on his belt and also on his shoulders sometimes. i love her

(<- official art. shes so perfect in every way)

I THINK I MIGHT BE RUNNING OUT OF SPACE SOON BUT HE ALSO HAS AN OLDER SISTER AND SHES EVERYTHING TO ME OHMYGOD . her name is Edyn and shes so. uaghghhh if i think about her for too long i start crying. im writing a fic from her pov as we speak. she was the only one who would visit him during his training as a kid she was his best friend she wanted to protect him but she was also just a kid so she couldnt do anything but try her best to comfort him. shes the one who gave him pretzel. ohhh my god. i lvoe you edyn tidestrider youre everything to me. giving you a freshly written unedited at all snippet from the fic im writing because it describes how i feel about their dynamic so much better than i could possibly type out in a tumblr ask::::

uhnmmm what else. im so insane about the tidestrider siblings forever. do not get me wrong the other PCs in this campaign are also excellent and i love them (Jay is the daughter of a navy captain who defected to join a pirate crew to figure out what caused the death of her older sister. Chip is. oh boy. orphan who was taken in by a pirate crew when he was 7. pirate crew in question was swallowed by some sort of magic force that corrupted literally a fourth of the globe. but he somehow survived and is now trying to find out if his old family is still alive. jay and chip are like adopted siblings to me. chip and gillion had to roll a performance check for a kiss one time and they both got nat 20s and its all gone downhill from there for them. i love jay and chip dearly but something abojt gillion just scratches a very specific itch in my brain i love him so much and its only partially because hes a fish and im the fish guy.) ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION GILLION IS CANONICALLY ASEXUAL and this is a fact that actually has come up within canon and is not just a word of god twitter mention fact. no. my boy is actively asexual and it makes me soooooo happy forever.

uh. sorry for the wall of text. infodump over. im forever crying abojt pirates and fish people . thank u i love u

OUSUGHFGHFJHH................... I LIKE UR FISH BOY MAC. IM A BIG FAN OF UR FISH BOY. i heard paladin with a hero complex & it was immediately a direct hit thats so... ouuhgh. child soldier character type of guy makes me go bonkers!!!! this whole paragraph is like five critical hits in a row... im so curious now.... also ive seen SO much art for these guys jay also looks so cool? her art is always so compelling 2 me... anyway OUHG. i'm currently working my way through friends at the table twilight mirage (meticulously crafted post-utopian cyberpunk/science fiction about mechs and gods and mech gods and more specifically Dead mech gods & living in their husks & humanity & nonhumanity & empire, etc) + tryna catch up on critrole but... hgghhbh. we'll see. we'll see what happens...

#IVE BEEN IN A BIG PIRATES MOOD LATELY. SO.#mac tag!#TYYYYY for telling me ab ur guy i love him i lovelovelove hearing ab ur little guys always & forever.. :]]]

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erebugs · 5 years

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Might nein tattoos p1 !!

#she got mollys card tattooed :#im very sad abojt this #criticle role #criticlerolefanart #critical role #critical role fanart #cr beauregard #beauregard lionett #my art #art #artist #digital art #digital painting #sketch #sketching #sketchbook #myart

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xxbeautyinthebreakdownxxo · 5 years

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Always Mad

I dont understand that no matter what I do or say youre always mad. I try to do what I can not to make you mad. I ask a question and im wrong for that, you say I should know by now but I still dont seem to understand. I dont do anything bad to you and thats what makes me sad. It hurts when people ask me simple things like "where is he working at today" "when is he coming back" "when is he leaving" "where is he going" "are youse coming" and lots of other questions all with the same reply "he doesnt tell me anything". Heres what I dont understand at all:

You're always mad, but I always cook you breakfast, lunch, lunch for work, and dinner.. every day. Even when im mad and that makes me mad. You're always mad but I always do your laundry, fold your clothes, and put them away nicely, you've never said thank you.. and thats what makes me mad. You're always mad, but I always tell you how handsome you are even when I never nor have I ever gotten random everyday compliments from you, and that makes me mad. You're always mad but I always tell you how much I love you, even though you never say it first, and alot of times have attitude abojt saying it back, so its said with no meaning only annoyance, and thats what makes me mad. You're always mad, but everyday I ask you how your day was, while mostly all of the time you just give me the "its fine" head nod, followed by silence, and that makes me mad. You're always mad, but ive never missed a holiday, birthday, special occasion, and Ive always thought of you when I go places so I get you things "just because", even though its been 3 years with you and I've never ever ever received anything, not even a flower picked off the side of the road, and that makes me mad. You're always mad, but I have always taken interest, showed some type of interest, asked questions about your interests, took some type of interest in your interests because it makes you happy and you YOU, even though you never take any interest in my interests, and when im excited to tell you about something that interests me you shoot me down and I feel myself go from excited to hurt, and that's what makes me mad. You're always mad, but I always make sure you know and feel that I love and care about you, yet I never feel love, nor have I ever thought you really cared for me, and thats what makes me mad. You're always mad, but I go,above and beyond to show you I only want you, and no one else gets my attention, yet every couple weeks or months another girl pops up either from your past , or new ones.. and that's what makes me mad. You're always mad, but while were out in public you refuse to hold my hand, and you make sure you are the furthest away from me, basically walk away from me and thats what makes me mad. You're mad, but when your actions cause me to hurt and react you try and turn it on me.. because you can't communicate and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad , but we made a promise to each other that things wouldn't escalate when we fought to the point where pur hands are on each other again... yet the last 3 huge fights we had I was in shock and disbelief that you broke that promise, I kept my hands to myself and didnt even defend ,. I sat there asking why you hate me..,and thats what makes me mad. You're mad, but you told me you put your hands on me because you dont k ow how else to react, because you so desperately dont want me to leave so you dont let me.. I stay because not only am I in love with you, but because I know this isnt the real you, you're angry and although I forgive you and never left your side especially when your demons came out. Yet you never said sorry or showed appreciation for any of it and thats what makes me mad. You're mad, but ive always been by your side when you needed me with anything, even take care of you when you're sick, even though anytime I needed you mostly all of the times you were nowhere to be found and ive never even received a "do you need anything" when im sick, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but when i found out I was pregnant you were so mean to me, you called me a whore, and spread mean things around about me .. youre mad, but when you said we should abort agreed even though I didn't want to. Youre mad, but an hour before my appointment you begged me not to do it and that you'd be there and not let me do it on my own. Last minute I cancelled the appointment, and you never ever made it to one baby appointment, never once asked how I was feeling, never once felt him moving, never once showed concern about him, you didnt want me going anywhere so you kept me very close , and as I was pregnant sleeping in your bed every night, you would leave all night long and screw around on me, you,never bought one thing that the baby needed, you never came to the birth even after I begged multiple times, you told me that you hope I die right before I went into get the c-section.... you didnt speak to me for days, and you never came.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but I forgave you and 2 weeks after our son was born you were fucking an ex fling .. THEN you finally met him, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but after telling me you wanted to try and make a family work, and that you loved me , you were going around denying him and telling people you didnt want a family with me , and thats what makes me mad. You say youre mad.. we came so very far from those things for a little while we had peace, you were faithful, and I had my little family, I felt loved somewhat ... we moved in together.. you started treating me bad again, then you were caught doing things behind my back that you knew would hurt me, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but I asked why out of all your options you chose me .. you said "because I was the only one dumb enough to stick around" .... and in a way that makes me mad. Youre mad, but im completely in love with you, stuck around and believed you'll eventually change because you were broken when we met and "hurt people hurt people" .. nothing youve done made me love you less, it just made me feel a different kind of hurt. . Yet every day I dont feel loved or appreciated back and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad , but if you ever read this youd find a way to leave becUse you cant take honestly and credibility.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but you know there is alot of things I didnt write because my fingers hurt from holding this tablet for so long as youre iracing, and havent spoken to me since you got home other than teing me I was making you mad for asking questions, and im an idiot because I should know by now.. even though all day long I waited for you to get home bc I missed you... you responded with a sarcastic laugh and shook ur head no and havent spoken to me since .. and thats what makes me mad. Most of all what makes me mad is knowing you can love , communicate, care, and treat me better .. it makes me mad because you must think I dont deserve that from you. It makes me mad you dont appreciate me or the unconditional love I have for you.. and thats what makes me mad . Youre mad , but I love you so much that I wont leave or give up on you because I know youre my person, and you know you,can get away with anything because of that and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad, but the good days are so good I never want them to end .. good and bad days you make me happy .. you show things very seldom, but still in your own fucked up way.. I know under your hurt you must love me bc you,never let me leave and youve once told me you never loved someone as much as me and thats why I dont understand how you treat me this way, and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad but people think im mad for staying, I just know youll come around .. its 4:18am ive been writingg for over an hour , maybe its been two , but you said to stop talking , so I started writing, you havent spoken a word to me and ur still racing. Youre mad because im writing and not talking as yiu said.. you keep glancing ocer and sighing .. youll come to bed in silence and turn ur back to me like I did this .. and thats what makes me mad. I love you so much and I wont ever give up on you because as fucked as all of this is , I want you forever. I deserve it after all .. what makes me mad is I can feel that youre going to leave .. it hurts and scares me.. and thats what makes me mad. Youre mad but knowing you never read this, or somehow find this you wont read it all and realize what u have right here. You wont care to change and fix this.. and thats what makes me mad.

One last thing, you're mad, but I know there's someone else.. yet you wont be honest with me.. youre mad but I dont understand why someone else gets the best you.. meaning you treat them like they mean something, n I bet u talk to her nice and with respect, im sure you compliment and confide in her and I bet you tell her ur problems and about your day and how much you want to leave because you hate your life with me , I bet she gets the best you, and that makes me mad, but most of it tops everything else.. its killing me and you dont care. How does she get the best you ive n begging for, an waiting for.. how does she deserve that so effortlessly.. yet ive been out through just about everything , all the emotions , all the hurt, and stuck by you.. it makes me mad and kills me that you think still after everything.. I still deserve nothing from you other than hurt. How could you.. it makes me mad bc ill never get an answer...

Youre mad, but I loved, love, and it will always BE YOU. I showed and still continue to show unconditional love and u dont care thats why im mad.

You're mad but I loved you the most......

And thats what makes me mad.

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faggotswag · 2 years

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okay i’m gushing under the cut abojt gay shit just to get it out lolol u can read it if u want to tho the cut is just bc i’m gay not for like secrecy or anything shdhs

okay so i’m just like thinking abt it & i really love like being the “found family” for a lot of my friends like ☹️🥺 & it feels weird talking abt it bc the things they do make me so happy!!! but like ik that at the same time it’s obv very sad that their familial situations are bad enough to like..need that found family type shit. so like idk i guess i just struggle with like the moral dilemma of being like “omgggg yes literally join our family pls i love it yayayayyyy!!!” when like they wouldn’t have to join our fam if it weren’t for their own family struggles ya know?? (also like obv ppl can have basically a second family in their best friends without meaning that they struggle with their own but like, in all of my cases, it is mainly bc they have struggles with their own) but basically even tho there’s all that i really just love it when my friends truly are an extra sibling like it literally makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside knowing that abby got my dad a birthday card (& painted a watercolor hummingbird bc he loves birdwatching 🥹) & father’s day card even tho they didn’t even give their own dad any (which again is where the dilemma comes in bc im like eee omg i feel so special 🥰🥰🥰 when it’s like idk kinda tone deaf? but i guess if i’m acknowledging the harsh parts of it, it’s like not really?? idk :/) & the fact that we (being my sisters & i & abby) all made my dad a collage that he spent $300 framing bc he loved it sm 🥺 & like the fact that annie is literally in the sibling group chat. like it started as just me & my sisters but then she randomly got added and my sisters & i never started a new one bc she literally just is a sibling. & like the fact that in high school my mom would buy extra hot pockets bc she knew annie always ate them for breakfast before school (annie was a neighbor so she was over before school everyday), & extra chicken nuggets for kendall bc they were her fav & she’d always eat them when she was over. & the fact that she still buys a quart of milk any time me & kayla tell her we’re coming over bc kayla loves milk (ik ik she’s cray) like idk i just love like genuinely being other peoples family when they need their own but unfortunately can’t have that, like idk there’s just smth rly fulfilling about the way our old house & our parents were always a safe haven for any & all of our friends omg okay i’m gonna start crying okay im done 🥺🥹🥺🥹

#also obv ik like buying extra food & stuff doesn’t inherently mean like omg u were their family!!!! but like obv there’s a lot of other #stuff on top of that that adds to it #anyway yeah #it’s just really nice knowing that in times of need like…our house was the go to for all of our friends like i’m so happy we could provide #that for them #& GOD i just wish we all still lived close together :(((((#mine.

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