#in a sort of . laughing at myself way. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaoticfandomthot · 8 months

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The multiple shots of the same night with different suspects is making me go crazy btw if you even care

#beyond evil #kdrama #ep4 #also color me delusional but my current thoughts are that either Dong-sik is not the criminal #or he is but he did it under some sort of psychosis #idk why like everything points to him but i kinda want to trust him?#might be the main character halo #and honestly Joo won seems more involved than he acts #but not in a direct way?#like yes directly by the phone girl but i mean more in a he has more in the game than just her and he's trying to pretend its not true #keeping these tags so i can point and laugh at myself later #aiden originals

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piplupod · 2 months

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also while im at it (and by it i mean probably making a fool of myself) i do want to say when i say that i am kind of stupid i am being so genuine. my reading comprehension is so dirt poor.

school did a shit job of teaching me anything and i suppose then it should've been on me to fill in the gaps (grand canyon sized gaps in this case but i digress) but i was struggling just to get thru the days as it was. in english class i learned to just ask my classmates what they thought the answer was to symbolism/meaning questions and then sift thru what they said to find the bits that seemed correct (based on patterns i'd noticed in previous assignments of books/plays/films/etc) and then mash it together until it resembled an original idea. so i never actually learned to think for myself and i'm SOOO MAD at myself for that. did i get thru school with decent grades because of it? yeah sure. but now i haven't even done anything w those good grades except take a couple office admin and accounting/bookkeeping college certificates that im never going to use bc [gestures at my whole situation].

and now i've got piss poor reading comprehension, and i feel foolishly proud of myself when i watch a movie and i figure smth out independently that i then end up learning is like... baby's first symbolism. just skimming the surface of understanding. the sort of thing that everyone else figured out right off the bat and it took me maybe two days of analyzing the movie to figure it out.

head in my hands !!!!!!

#i vaguely attempted to bring this up to my mother the other day #in a sort of . laughing at myself way.#and she basically said ''oh well we all have our strengths :)'' and implied that i would not be able to like... improve this #anyways i need to go start reading books again properly and get into fucking highschool reading lists or smth #where they've got like. book club questions written at the back of the book sort of thing.#if anyone wants to join me in my endeavour we can start a little book club or smth. i say knowing full well im terrified of socializing #i miss when there was a book club in like... grade 5 or 6... it was so fun to discuss books with a few classmates ;-;#also im writing this as if im talking to someone who is going to bite my head off - sorry if it comes across as aggressive or caustic 😭#i get nervous and start thinking everyone is shaking their heads at me and being annoyed by me constantly #and then end up writing things sarcastically to like. try to avoid ppl being shitty. but that never works so idk why i keep doing that fjks #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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flameswallower · 4 months

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I was just about to type something about how occasionally I manage to find a "cool zone" of ego where nothing can make me feel really bad about myself, but I also have a realistic sense of my own importance/relevance/competence and an ability to laugh at my mistakes. I was going to frame this as a happy medium.

Then I realized that actually, being insecure and prone to feeling bad about myself also tends to make me a lot more prone to bouts of arrogance or grandiosity or not being able to laugh at (or own up to) my mistakes because they feel like a super big deal, humiliating and potentially life or relationship or "career" ruining. Just as outsize feelings of "I'm the worst person in the world" and "everything's always my fault" are self-obsession and grandiosity in disguise, I think a lot of problems we often attribute to people thinking too highly of themselves or being too confident/secure in their abilities and ideas are actually, or at least can be, insecurity and self-hatred in disguise.

I dunno, man. Liking yourself and valuing yourself and seeing yourself as a lovable person is good. I don't think there's actually much, if any, danger that you'll accidentally like yourself too much and thereby cause problems. I think the more you like yourself, the easier it is to be considerate towards other people and act in accordance with what you value and not freak out every time you make a mistake or discover you were wrong about something or get told to change some of your behavior.

#a lot of my life is spent sort of swinging between the poles of 'i'm so great and everyone loves me' and 'i'm literally the worst person'#more and more i feel like i've cracked it #and the secret is that the first state isn't actually feeling good about MYSELF #it's feeling good about ways others respond to me and/or things i've achieved #and telling myself 'this makes up for my inherent inferiority as a human being this Proves I'm Good'#what i'm talking about here is rather a sense of 'i'm basically fine i'm a decent person with some flaws who is ultimately well-meaning #and quite likable. and i can just chill and laugh about the stupid shit i sometimes do'

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camels-pen · 10 months

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got inspired by a fic i read the other day, but didn't quite hit the right spots for me so. time to write out a new wip idea

The concept of that fic really grabbed me - Jason and Tim having a bodyswap the same day Jason wakes up in his coffin, at a point after Tim had already visited Bruce and Alfred with his insistence that Batman needed a Robin - but for what I was thinking, by the time Jason convinces Bruce and Alfred of who he is, Tim's already started to dig himself out of the coffin. And when the three of them show up at the cemetery, the grave's empty.

Tim would be catatonic and go through much of the same stuff canon Jason went through before being found and dunked in the Pit. He'd end up enduring the whole League of Assassins shtick that canon Jason went through while at the same time Jason is dealing with Tim's regular person life. Both of them struggled a bit trying to imitate the other, but they managed- Tim with not much issue considering no one in the LoA was close to Jason, and Jason trying to manage Janet Drake's clearly growing concern every time he slips up.

Like, imagine Tim, desperately trying to imitate what he knows of Jason from watching Robin on the streets and seeing Jay in a few galas here and there. And one day, Talia tries to tell him he'd been quickly replaced to get him to finally listen and Kill Somebody/accept he was staying with the League until they deemed him fit to leave.

And Tim looks at a picture of himself, hanging around the front yard of Wayne Manor with Bruce, Alfred, and Dick. Another picture showing himself in an ill-fitting Robin uniform on a rooftop and seemingly getting lectured by Batman, who looms in front of him.

And he says "I'm not buyin' it."

Somehow convinces Talia that he's not convinced that the Tim in the photo (who is probably Jason and thank god, Tim was really worried about what happened to Jason's mind- or rather, his own body; he didn't actually consider Jason coming back to life until now) and she arranges a short trip for him to Gotham to see for himself.

Tim really struggles the next two days to keep up the Jason act, but he's pretty sure Talia and the others were just chalking it up to nerves at seeing his family again and the "newest addition".

When he finally gets to Gotham, he doesn't bother being stealthy. He doesn't have the skills- no matter how much Ra's and Talia's goons have been trying to beat it into him- and even if he did, he doubted he'd be able to sneak away from his own teachers that were stalking him from the shadows.

So he does his best to be casual. Walks straight towards Wayne Manor, and when he can actually start to hear his assassin stalkers the tiniest bit as he approaches the gate- a sign they're getting really restless- he decides now or never and bolts the rest of the way.

He thinks, if he had come sooner to Gotham, he would've tried fitting through the gaps in the bars- as if he was still 13 and small enough to fit- but as it is, Tim's spent 6 months in this body and he's not going to make that mistake.

Instead he slams a hand on the buzzer and says as fast as he can, "it's Tim! Tim Drake! There's assassins, open the gate!"

He has a heartstopping moment when nothing happens- when there's no answer and the ninjas are getting closer and closer and- And then it opens and Tim doesn't stop with his relief, he runs.

The door is opened not by Mr. Pennyworth, but by Bruce himself, a belt clipped around his waist, but entirely in sleepwear. He has something in his other hand and as he yells, "duck!" Tim can only think it's some kind of bomb and dives for the ground.

He was sort of right. It was a smoke bomb. He heard and smelled it hissing away behind him, and saw the cloud of smoke in his peripheral vision.

Bruce wasted no time running past him and barking, "Follow Alfred to the cave!" Tim took a moment to just breathe, feeling much more safe with Batman fighting to protect him. When Bruce looked back at him through a spot in the smoke, he yelled, "Go!"

Tim scrambled to obey, trying to run and stand and awkwardly doing both to get in the home. Mr. Pennyworth was just inside the foyer, out of sight of the windows, now that Tim noticed, and holding a shotgun.

He was also wearing a fluffy blue bathrobe and fuzzy pink bunny slippers.

Tim blinked. "Uhhh,"

"Come along, Master Tim. We must be quick."

He didn't protest and followed him down to the Cave, where Jason in Tim's body sat waiting at the Batcomputer.

Man, I'm not completely sure on the timing, but imagine Tim finally getting back into his body and it's- he's taller than he used to be, bulkier too. And there are reflexes and muscle memory stuff he doesn't remember at all, but now just has.

He- he was Robin. Or, his body at least, and he felt like it. But he never was Robin. Not really. He never got a proper outing, never even received Bruce's official approval for it.

It was strange. And not totally a good strange.

He thought about the body he had. He didn't have a lot of love for it- puberty would do that to anyone- but it was his. And that saying about not knowing what you have until you lose it? Yeah.

Tim felt like crying.

#dc #bodyswap #tim drake #nemotime #didnt really focus on the jason bits here but if i ever actually write this- jay would probably get more of a comedy/humour role?#like yeah they gotta find tim and tim's parents are genuinely concerned and all #but much of it would be just funny shenanigans of Jason being saddled with two sets(?) of worried parents #and just when he manages to get things sort of under control. Dick shows up #i havent yet decided if he just becomes Very Annoying Older Sibling who has no idea how to process his emotions currently #and tries to fall back on tried and true tactics #OR if he is in Complete Denial and thinking this was just an elaborate ruse by Tim & lists the exact ways Tim would know how to imitate Jay #(he's right and each accusation/point would probably be juxtaposed with a brief switch in scenes to whatever Tim is currently up to #which also happens to prove Dick's point exactly even though no one can except the audience can see that)#Jay would knock sense into Dick eventually but the point is. I could make his life humourous suffering :3 #Either way Dick would show up some time after Bruce remembers to call him & he would Not leave the manor until Tim is back safe and sound #(not for Jason obviously. pfft. Jason's just fine. Dick doesn't need to stay at the manor to make sure of it. He's just staying to find Tim #okay. realistically. this would just be a hella lot of angst. However! Having that shift from Angst with Tim to Laughing at Jason would be.#so fun.#tho i'd probably still sprinkle in some Angst with Jason bc i cant help myself lol

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bootyful-seventeen · 2 months

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So I was looking at some Astarion TikTok’s and was thinking about a similar game play being applied to irl and you can see your own bar and stats real nice. And I just about died at the thought of having this progress bar to show one’s progress as you interact with any other person when you hear a chime and see “new achievement unlocked: blowjob”

And then I was thinking of a crack fic idea that’s like those type of adventure games and I’m about ready to piss my pants just thinking of the various routes

#could be something like trusting a toot and it results in Seungkwan judging you and you lose 67 affection points because of that 😭😂😂#‘a crazed stalker has blocked your path’ and the options are cry scream hit them with a car #idk man I’m just thinking of various ways to make myself laugh cuz I’m bored of sorting through my closet for donating

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knowlesian · 2 years

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my last post and the shameless mountain goats reference i threw in there got me thinking about one of my favorite story beats, because it combines a lot of character work and thematic oomph in one: ed being a victim of his own legend and ability to protect himself by hiding in plain sight + codeswitch into the version of himself that best suits the company/situation he’s in, in many ways but often most visibly through his interactions with izzy.

my take on “is blackbeard real or fake” has always been “yes”; blackbeard is pieces of ed filtered and strained and assembled and pruned down in ways that scarred him even as they kept him safe, in ways that are very sad and often stretching the definition of safe as far as ed’s personal definition of murder. nonetheless: it got him to the place he's at, still alive. could he have done it another way? who knows! that was the way he did it, it's the way he knows will work because it did work.

or: he thinks he knows that. but the legend was never all of ed and in fact demanded he spotlight pieces of himself he doesn't like so much a lot and repress a lot of the things that make him feel good, it’s not helping/hurting anymore. it’s just dragging him down.

so ed is sick of the blackbeard schtick; and here’s the rub. if he’d been worse at the art of personal fuckery alongside the pirate type, maybe none of this is happening. the world never knows his name; or worse, once he gets spotted as a man who won't kill they mock it.

that version of ed does not attract izzy ‘ask me about my boner for the sunk cost fallacy’ hands, or does not keep him. because izzy has built his identity around ed’s legend; who is blackbeard’s first mate, if there is no blackbeard? who the fuck even is izzy hands, if he’s not seated at the right hand of edward teach?

now. you would hope, in a better world, that izzy would be like you know, edward, the thing here is: you wanting something different involves emotional consequences for me. i would have to figure out my whole life over again and i am simultaneously con o’neill’s age and emotionally sixteen like the real world me was, so you can see that would be super complicated. i have so fucking much baggage and you are just adding to it, and i do not like that. also: this fucks up my work situation and my home life at once, it makes me feel sad and abandoned and itchy in ways i do not wish to label with words because they would be gay ones like ‘please don’t leave me, i love you and i thought it was mutual’ so like... world rocked, thoroughly and in ways that make me want to rant until past last call, in conclusion this sucks and i think it's twenty mistakes in a trenchcoat, some of them maybe life threatening! i wish you would not.

and then he would step back and let ed make his own fucking choices anyway and either do the work to figure himself out in the same space or finally grab those cds from the car and find his own place to do the same, because a shitty fact of adult life is sometimes people cannot be what we want or need. sometimes that is because they suck: sometimes, it’s just because they can’t or don't want to, and that isn't them being mean or withholding. they don't owe us more than the basic kindness and dignity we all owe to each other just because we put in our hours longing for them to do so. that’s some toxic, entitled shit. understandable! an impulse i share at times! but we should never be That Guy (gender neutral) because the friendzone doesn’t actually exist and nobody deserves to win someone else as a prize for hanging around long enough and driving them to the airport. that’s just called being friends, etc.

izzy is sadly currently stuck on being That Guy. so instead of realizing ed is an adult man and can make his own choices, even if izzy thinks they're bad ones, he fucking panics and starts swinging around and finally runs to big daddy england to make stede bonnet stooooooooop (messing with ed’s brain).

and of course he does something like that! he thinks a relationship is when you metaphorically own each other and when you can only be tender after putting your right foot in and then putting it out before once again putting it in and then proceeding to shake it all about, violent rituals unlock love style. he’s a desperate man in a hell entirely of his own making.

and so is ed, in this entirely different way but stuck in his own fucking orbit as firmly as izzy, only ed is trying to claw his way up and out to see what else he can be, while izzy would do juuuust about anything (including lick the king’s boots) to stay the same forever.

that’s some tragic shit. i love this writing team, the end.

#what if i staple no children to their heads when they're together what then #truly this is some good writing #like: i find izzy fascinating because he was written by the same team who wrote everybody else #he sucks in ways that i want to think about because they sometimes allow me to examine myself #and then sometimes let me laugh at his dumb ass or talk about serious thematic shit #he bears a lot of weight in the narrative because that's in part what a good antagonist should do #anyway yeah the sort of classic tragedy of these two is super interesting since like...clearly the show knows what's up #i maintain izzy is gonna figure his shit out and become a productive member of this pirate society tho #because okay like: in real life i know the best i can often hope for is somebody knocking a specific behavior off #and often they won't ever do that #but if they did the world would be better and they would be better and i would have another comrade #i will always settle for one less enemy if that is my only choice #but i'd rather make a new ally i can trust #and my fantasy is often that the izzys of the world in all their forms don't just knock it off #it's that they start fighting alongside me or become someone i don't mind being around because i CAN trust them now #(hey: i did say it was a fantasy)#so i kind of ask myself: what makes life better in this fictional world #an izzy who can't hurt people because he is no longer around or an izzy who has started to figure his shit out #anyway yes: this shit is sad and well-crafted

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e-6000 · 10 months

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Had my first real nightmare in years last night

#littletalks.txt #it was more early this morning than last night #for context I have a lot of dreams that would likely be considered nightmares by most people that I don't consider nightmares bc they don't #upset me or unnerve me in any real way #I woke up at like five ish this morning. I puttered around for a bit and then decided to go back to sleep. I had sort of fallen into a light #sleep and began to dream. there was no plot it was very brief. I was getting into my car (standing in the open door) and there was this #little girl in the driveway on the other side of the car. she was laughing and in the context of the dream I think she was a friend's kid #(she doesn't exist irl) so I'm standing there talking with her parent and listening to this kid laugh when I begin to hear identical #laughter from beside me. I am filled with dread‚ I can't bring myself to look over at the source and the only thought in my mind is of teeth #it was at this point that I became just lucid enough to realize that I was dreaming though not lucid enough to snap myself out of it #so I guess I started squeezing my hand open and shut over and over to try to wake myself up. that's what I woke up doing anyway #my heart was going about a mile a minute #went back to sleep after that

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yourhoeshorses · 7 months

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Not this blog related but AUGH sometimes I wish I wasn't fucking autistic. Sometimes JUST SOMTIMES I wish I could be normal, instead of being some quiet little creep

#translation #i had to get trained by a group of high schoolers at my new job #i feel like such a loser #i know i just need to figure out where i fit in this new job #but i feel like a sack of rocks in any sort of social situation #like people are laughing and talking and making jokes and they look to me to see if im with them #but im literally just a sack of rocks #im just an awkward inconvenience in everyone elses way #yeah idk #i think i need to learn how to understand myself better and respect myself #i think im kinda just shooting my own foot in these situations cuz i get inside my head about what other people are probabaly thinking #ramble

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ducktracy · 2 years

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Idk how influential you are on the LT fandom on a Whole but you definitely inspired me to check out the originals, and especially appreciate Porky/Daffies more. It helps that my favorite short for years was Yankee Doodle Daffy!

AWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET THAT IS 100% MY GOAL THANK YOU!! you don’t know HOW much this means to me!

i tend to stay away from fandom spaces/don’t consider myself a part of the fandom, so quite honestly your guess is as good as mine—i HOPE people think of me or associate me with these cartoons HAHAHAHA but 100%, my goal is to spread the joy of the originals and shed a light onto the people who made them and how their experiences and input inform the cartoons as a whole, and maybe how our perceptions of these shorts and characters have changed as time has gone on…

there’s no right or wrong way to enjoy the franchise, but i really do think it is a more fulfilling experience to Experience The Originals for yourself. i really enjoy talking about cartoons that are given less love from a mainstream angle and that 100% includes the Porkies and Daffies (and is also why i’m so adamant about spreading The Porky Gospel; he gets such a bad rap and is so underappreciated and every person i’ve spread my gospel about him to seems to really like or appreciate himself after HAHAHA. Daffy will always be my #1 favorite but he doesn’t really suffer from this, though i absolutely think his ‘40s persona gets a lot of misunderstanding as well)

THIS REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME GENUINELY. making the plunge and checking out the cartoons is the best decision i’ve ever made. there’s a lot of rightful hesitancy to be had since there are SO many cartoons and it’s hard to find a starting point (and not to mention the many, many, many, many aspects that have aged poorly and/or were poor to begin with), but i can’t begin to tell you how fulfilling this experience has been.

so, if anyone who’s following me is cautious about making the plunge, i encourage you to give the originals a chance, ESPECIALLY if you’re into more modern LT media to familiarize yourself with the source material. you absolutely do not have to be a nut like me and watch every single in chronological order, but these cartoons are so ingrained and formative in the animation landscape today that i think anyone with an interest in animation should definitely give them a chance. and, if you’re a bit of a history nut like me, it’s very fun to see the evolution of culture as a whole as the years go on… radios evolve into TVs, the rambunctious attitudes of the shorts during the war years take a more domestic turn after the war, celebrity references depend on the decade, even the stylings of music, and of course the art styles of the shorts themselves… it’s so fascinating from a multitude of reasons. i really can’t tell you how happy i am to hear this (and Yankee Doodle Daffy is a GREAT favorite to have!)

#i’ve never fit particularly well with fandom spaces because i’m a bit of a contrarian and very stubborn/dedicated to my points of view and #often times they’re viewpoints or interests not largely reciprocated by other people and so i just really enjoy marching to the beat of my #own drum. i don’t go in tags or look up fanart or anything like that #not that that’s a good or bad thing but i feel the originals as a whole are undercirculated in fandom spaces or misinterpreted/viewed with a #very fandom centric point of mind if that makes sense. and while there isn’t anything wrong with that i personally encourage people to seek #out the real thing and frame their experiences from and opinions from that because sometimes a game of telephone happens if you know what i #mean. like i’ve seen people say Bugs Bunny was 100% intended as a gay icon in good faith and that’s just blatantly false. i WISH the #intentions were in good faith and he 100% is a gay icon but… these cartoons were made by people who made fairy jokes and described their #units as being filled with ‘drunks and queers’. i’m 100% for reclamation but i think it’s ignorant to assume they weren’t laughing AT us #while making those jokes… and i guess that’s just my issue with fandom as a whole with that sort of misinterpretation.#not at all trying to be like ‘i’m better than you because i watch the originals’ FAR FROM IT i don’t think i’m better than anyone at all but #i do tend to wish people would watch the originals more and familiarize themselves with them because i feel so much more fulfilled as a #result and i want others to experience that same joy #AHHHHHH i’m sorry i hope this doesn’t sound preachy or egotistical i’m in too deep i don’t wanna come off as the fun police or like I Am A #Genius You Are Doing It Wrong way. i’m digging myself in a hole here and gotta stop but basically thank you #anonymous #asks #long post

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egyptianking · 11 months

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👁️👁️

#a deep revalation of my psyche that i should probably get checked out by a professional #but whenever my self esteem takes a major knock #i always spend the next few hours like #mentally self harming?#if that makes sense #like just sort of msking myself think of things that make me upset #so bc i so often feel undesirable and unattractive and like its almost comical that someone would want me #i just lie there thinking about my celebrity crushes seeing me snd knowinf i like them laughing at me and insulting me #or getting really awkward in a like “ffs someone get this girl away from me before my friends see” type way #like i had a dream where charles Leclerc fucking publically humiliated me and made fun of mt appearance and personality #Which is WILD #find me a psychologist

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1o1percentmilk · 1 year

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i love being low empathy AND low compassion and i definitely do not hate how this affects every single interaction i have with people

#like man. im trying. im trying really hard to be a human being with human emotions like everyone else but i am just a little freak #i crawled out of the woods when i was a little baby and now i look normal but when you blink i transform into a wolf monster thing #with big sharp teeth and big sharp claws and big pointy ears black fur up my arms and legs.#if you manage to catch a glimpse of it before you shut your eyes you will know who i am.#and i try to speak to people with my flat werewolf tongue but the words do not sound right and i hunt down mice and rabbits and drop #them at the doorstep of everyone who i ever adored and maybe you'll regard them with some sort of endearment but still #i cannot be touched or brushed or pet because i am too scared #and my werewolf brain doesn't understand that people are just being nice to be nice without an ulterior motive #my werewolf brain does not understand why people are sad nor does it care despite knowing that i should and wanting to care #my werewolf brain does not understand humans but it doesn't understand wolves either and i am alone #to laugh and play and run by myself in the woods trying to forget that i am not human and will probably never be.#i just RGHH hate being this way.... the autism........#a lot of people feel differently but i really hate it and i spend a lot of time trying to be normal. sorry.

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munamania · 2 years

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i am going to snap on my roommates at some point this is. inevitable i think

#i brought the tv and had to buy the tv stand off my roommate. even though yk. we’re all using the living room #wasn’t expecting that made me laugh a bit. also got a water filter also finally provided a shower curtain for the br #also provided a water filter and our shower curtain. took my roommate weeks to pull out rugs.#and the air fryer and our ottoman which is our only piece of furniture #but my roommate wants their lamp back from the living room and to share the cost of the couch (this one’s fair! i agree!)#and it just seems like neither of them is willing to just. invest in shit #it’s completely not fair that i’m buying stuff myself or being asked to split costs #ESPECIALLY when both of these bitches are grocery shopping at fucking trader joe’s and target #yeah not to be judgy based on where you shop but i’m going to fuckimg aldi. my roommate refused to go in with me #which was like fine i appreciated the ride anyway but also that’s sort of weird isn’t it? i don’t think they were doing it in a Ok poor #person way but like. ?????????!#and my other roommate is just never around and makes it impossible to plan to get the couch. hopefully finally this weekend.#shocked my one roommate didn’t insist on going for a brand new option to split between us #i’m not even going to respond rn i fear i might explode. idk why i’m so angry but i am.#abby talks #lists reasons as to why i’m irritated. idek why i’m mad tbh guys

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homunculus-argument · 6 months

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If you know anyone who seems really chill to the point of being virtually indestructible, like nothing could ever bother them in any way, could get hit by a train and just shake it off and be totally fine, laughing it off as soon as they've dusted themselves off and stopped bleeding, but who occasionally just randomly falls apart to complete fucking smithereens with seemingly no cause nor warning, only to get back up again a few minutes/hours/days later like "ok yeah I'm fine again that was weird lmao", and you've ever wondered what the fuck is up with that:

They are actually not ok and most likely are not ok at any point. The whole "hardiest person you know who just collapses randomly sometimes" thing isn't a deliberately constructed façade, as a matter of fact it might be something that they actually personally believe themselves to be. But in reality this is somebody who's either unintentionally learned or has been deliberately trained to hide negative emotions and mask symptoms at all costs, as the #1 priority that goes over any other survival needs.

So even though it may look like they go from 1 to 100 completely at random and unpredictably, and then swing right back again to being totally fine, you have no way of knowing how long they've been at 95% before the last line of defense broke down and the system collapsed. And once they flip back up, odds are that they just managed to scrape their shit back together again just enough to get their backup masking systems running. The "check engine" light never turned on because the wire was clipped years ago.

If this is you, this is your callout to seek some sort of help. I'm telling on everyone in this room including myself.

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yourlocalxbox · 7 hours

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 13 days

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today is the first time in like forever that i kept my hair open for the whole day without hating them by the end of the day and they're so soft and i tried on dark maroon purple lipstick yesterday with my bestfriend and she was like whoa. you look like. hot. and Mature. and i told her i love her because i kept using pink because it's cute pretty girly and i wanna feel pretty but it didn't really suit me but this this dark shade it's perfect i feel so confident and sexy and i hung out with my cousin little sister rn we used to be closest bestfriends but we drifted apart because of papa-chachu drama in childhood but

#she came over and she was like i don't have company to smoke with come on smoke with me #and i was like aaah okay #and she's so cute she's like okay have this vape after the cig to like remove the bad taste #and i gave her change for auto cause she didn't have any and she was like ill pay you back and i was like girl please shut up #choti behen hai meri itna toh kar hi sakti hu and she laughed and was lke arre aise hai fir toh main itne mein nahi maanungi aur do #so i was like bade hoke pakka abhi itni hi aukat hai #it's nice i feel happy #i also leaned my head on my office wali senior ka shoulder cause i was superrrr sleepyyyy today #only for like a minute but she was like aww are you sleepy it's okay so ja i understand this and she patted my head gently #like you know side face pe they pat🥺🥺🥺0 #and like i was like do you need help what do i do when she was working and she was like kuch nahi i just need you to sit here next to me #and keep chattering #it's so 🥺🥺🥺#like this is big okay she's kinda very cool and smart and like real focused and serious okay she doesn't like disturbances #and i love her brain i want to be curious and sorted like her i love the way she understands things slowly but completely #like just work wise i aspire to be her everyone gets so impressed by her i do too the sir was like {her name} ko ab bank audit acche se aa #gaya hai ab wo apne aap bhi kar sakfi hai sign kar sakti hai #WHICH IS SOOOOOO COOL like bhai he's a very good ca okay crazy intelligent and to have him say that. just wow #and i was whining to her ki everyone sucks my relatives suck nobody even appreciates that im killing myself trying to make a career here #all my mami cares about is that why couldn't i take ek din ki leave and show up at her fucking dance practice😭😭#so she was like aww it's okay leave them ill say it you're doing very good {my real name} im proud of you #i literally said awww thank you out loud itna sweet tha na #wow a happy vent post this is a first

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