#in any case. im doing my goddamn fucking best and ill probably (definitely) have to have a script in my hand no matter what but thats not
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i feel fucking CRAZY. if yall could send some good vibes out into the universe for me thatd be great bc i think im gonna really need it the next few days lmfao
#so uhh. last night at 6:53pm i ws asked to emergency understudy for a character in a Two Person Play that i had Never Before Even Read.#for a show that OPENS TOMORROW NIGHT.#and so there i was at SEVEN O'CLOCK doing thee COLDEST COLD READ EVER of a show that is in its SECOND TO LAST DRESS REHEARSAL#in the last 20 hours ive learned: a new song; how to swordfight; how to tango; how to BULLFIGHT; & how to dance ''in the style of a beetle''#brother i feel INSANE but if i dont help out theres a chance this show cant go on -- and thats fucking *heartbreaking*#the person im covering for had a medical emergency on wednesday -- but they said theyll be able to come do the final tech rehearsal tonight#so maybe theyll recover enough for tomorrow?? i fucking HOPE so. but. i also know they may push themself too hard too fast and thats worse#in any case. im doing my goddamn fucking best and ill probably (definitely) have to have a script in my hand no matter what but thats not#nearly as big a problem as the show never getting to run#so. HERE WE GO#i dont have a costume that fits i dont have a clue whats gonna happen but fuck if im not going to commit 100% for the other people#whove been working so goddamn hard on it. theyre literally some of my closest friends around rn id do anything in my power to help#and i guess this is whats in my power right now ??? lmao ???#anyway.#bee speaks
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you’re useless
Summary: “Well, maybe if you weren’t so goddamn useless then we wouldn’t be stuck here.”
Juno hadn’t meant to say it. He didn’t even really believe it. Maybe he would have, when he was still a PI, before he had first met Peter, but he had changed so much since then. He still had bad days, but he handled them better now. He knew when he was in the wrong.
Prompt: "You're useless." from palettes-and-prompts
Pairings: background Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, background Buddy Aurinko/Vespa Ilkay
Warnings: implied child abuse, descriptions of violence, hidden injury, hurt/comfort
Word count: 2.6K
A/N: this is crossposted on ao3 - ik that repeticism isnt a word but im making it one for this fic
~~~
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so goddamn useless then we wouldn’t be stuck here.”
Juno hadn’t meant to say it. He didn’t even really believe it. Maybe he would have, when he was still a PI, before he had first met Peter, but he had changed so much since then. He still had bad days, but he handled them better now. He knew when he was in the wrong.
~~~
Rowan isn’t quite sure how they found themself on board the Carte Blanche and on the outskirts of the Aurinko crime family.
They had the typical, cliché backstory of a lone-wolf operating within the underbelly of society - a surface-perfect home life destroyed by something seemingly mundane blah blah blah, trust issues, a long line of enemies, enough friends to count on one hand, and nothing much else to show for over two decades of living.
One good thing about working alone is the need to get creative, and this is what had put them on Buddy’s radar in the first place. A few years ago, Rowan had been hired to acquire a tank of rare fish - this is about where they stopped asking questions, they didn't care as long as they got paid - and, after some very elaborate lies, an even more elaborate disguise and a rigged game of cards, they had managed to win a tank of the ugliest fish they had ever seen.
The part that caught Buddy’s attention, though, was the escape. Rowan had been found out before they had a chance to get out of the building, and had only managed to escape because they had memorised the security’s routes. It took a bit of guesswork, but they had been able to work out where the security would be coming from, found an unguarded window, clambered down a drain pipe, fish tank sloshing precariously in their bag, and landed near perfectly in a pile of rubbish bags outside the window - if you discount the broken bottle that had gouged their leg.
Buddy had picked Rowan up a few weeks after Juno and Rita, but it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, no matter how much anyone may have wanted it to be.
The problem wasn’t that Rowan couldn’t do their job - if that were the case they wouldn’t be here. No, the problem was that being thrown into close quarters with a bunch of strangers was… a lot. Especially for someone who had been alone for so long.
Rowan liked Jet well enough, he was straightforward and honest but intense; Buddy’s ‘take no shit but do no harm’ attitude aligned perfectly with her unwavering morals, and this was a welcome relief from the lies and deceit Rowan had lived with for so long. Rita and Peter were surprisingly welcoming, and Rowan formed a reluctant almost-friendship with Vespa. Juno, though. He and Rowan were too alike: fiercely independent, stubborn as a mule, and they both fell back into old habits as easily as anything.
Maybe this clash of bad habits, the deceptive comfort in being who you were, even for a moment, is how this job went so spectacularly wrong.
~~~
It was supposed to be a simple in-and-out job. Rita had taken out the security cameras, Jet was waiting in the car, and Juno was sneaking down the darkened hallways with Rowan.
“I still don’t understand why we need this goddamn painting. It looks like a baby threw up crayons and then just threw up on a canvas.”
“I’ve just eaten, Juno, shush if you don’t want me to throw up too.”
“Rowan, darling, please do not do that - this painting is priceless and highly sought after, which is why, Juno, we need to swap this for the information August Reid is refusing to give us. I did mention this in our family meeting before you left.”
Vespa’s aggravated voice piped up in the background of Buddy’s comms, “He was too busy swooning all over Ransom to pay attention.”
~~~
They had gotten the painting easily, so it was just a matter of getting out again. Rowan had been tasked with studying the guards’ shift patterns and routes, and had had no problem getting them in. Apparently, their luck couldn't hold.
They crept forwards, leading Juno left, right, left again, ducking this way and that to avoid the, quite frankly excessive, number of guards patrolling the halls. And that’s when it happened.
Rowan ducked right around a corner into another corridor, one that was supposed to be empty for another six minutes at least and there, at the other end, was a guard. A guard who was looking right at them.
“Crap.”
“What? Rowan we need to kee- crap.”
Both of their comms beeped, Buddy asking them questions with thinly veiled panic in her voice, but neither of them answered, stood frozen, eyes locked with the guard. Then all hell broke loose.
Everyone took out their guns and bullets started flying, the guard was shouting and footsteps could be heard thundering closer from all directions.
A tidal wave of de ja vu crashed over Rowan, “Fuck, this way,” they shouted, turning to run, voice tinged with something Juno didn’t have time to decipher, but Juno grabbed their sleeve and dragged them in the opposite direction.
“Hell no. You are done giving directions, I am not letting you get me killed here.”
They ran back the way they had come, and Juno skidded to a stop in front of a storage cupboard.
“Get in, quickly. There’s a vent at the top we need to get through. Do you think you can manage that?”
Rowan wasn't sure - there was a searing pain in their side that sent shocks of nausea through them with each breath and black dots into their vision with each movement. But this was their fault - they had failed at the one job they had - the one thing they were supposed to be able to do, they got themself shot and had put Juno in danger. They did not need to hold the job up any longer - they just had to get out of here and they could deal with the shot later.
It was a tight squeeze, both of them were crammed awkwardly into the vents, waiting for Rita to work out where they were so she could guide them out.
“Christ, it’s cramped in here - my side is killing me.” Rowan muttered to themself.
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so goddamn useless then we wouldn’t be stuck here.”
Everything seemed to shift and sharpen, Rowan suddenly violently aware of everything around them whilst simultaneously being blurred by memories they had tried so hard to bury: Juno was trying to listen and see if they had been found, there was shouting from down the hall, the smell of musty metal was almost overwhelming and Rowan jerked as if physically struck by Juno’s words, completely at a loss for what to say. Luckily, Rita, who had been on the comms, was not quite as speechless.
“Mistah Steel! That is a horrible thing to say, how could you-”
“Goddamnit Rita, I don't have time for this - how they hell do we get out of here?”
~~~
Jet was still outside with the car, and took off at break-neck speed as soon as the doors were shut. Juno sat in the front seat, the painting on his lap, talking to Buddy about something, and Rowan was slouched in the back, trying to cover up the fact that their organs were about to fall out. Well, that was an exaggeration. Probably. Just to be safe they grabbed a jacket they had left in the car weeks ago and slipped it on, wrapping it tightly around themself to try and hide the blood and hopefully-not-organs.
Juno had gotten a bit banged up in the vents, so when they arrived back at the Carte Blanche he went straight to the medical bay to meet Buddy with the painting and then to get checked.
“Rowan, it is recommended that you also get checked out. You look very ill,” Jet said as Rowan turned away from the medical bay and towards their room.
“No worries, Jet, I just want to get changed first - these clothes are filthy.”
~~~
“It was a mistake, darling, the best of us make them.”
“Yeah, well, it ws a stupid mistake - all they had to do was make sure they knew where the guards would be and then make sure we weren’t there!”
Vespa growled at Juno, who was gesticulating wildly whilst she was trying to wrap a bandage around his arm.
“Juno, I don’t care if Rowan walked straight up to that guard and told him why you were there - we are a family, and you will not speak to any member of this family like that.”
“That’s another thing - I get why everyone is here except Rowan - you said it was some daring escape that brought them here, but after today’s performance… what exactly do they bring to the table?”
“I’m going to leave that for you to work out, Juno.” Buddy said tersely.
He deflated a little, head tipping back to stare at the ceiling. Goddamnit.
“Are we about done here, Vespa, I’ve got places to be.”
~~~
Rowan would quite like a stiff drink right about now. Partially to actually drink, but mainly because they had run out of steriliser and this wound was definitely going to get infected and it would be this whole thing and they would get ill and-
“Get it together, Rowan.” They hissed, pulling out a sterile needle and taking a deep breath as they began to stitch themself up. This was not the first time, and likely wouldn’t be the last, that Rowan has had to do this - working alone and working recklessly meant most jobs ended with soft pink staining bandages and staining baths, throat and skin burning from cheap whiskey. Tonight didn’t have to be different.
The shot had skimmed their side so, luckily, no organs were falling out, but it was still going to be a bitch to heal, likely would be ripped open a few times and leave a nasty scar. This, unfortunately, was also not uncommon.
The painful repeticism of the needle going in and out lulled Rowan into a violent comfort they tried to avoid, the panicked calm soothing them until they couldn't quite hold back the memories they had been reminded of earlier.
Raised voices, gritted teeth and finger shaped bruises. Running, up stairs, through doors, arou-
There was a knock at their door. They flinched, snapping back to reality.
“Rowan, it’s Juno. Can I- can we talk?”
They almost said yes, just called Juno in like nothing was wrong. Then their brain kicked it’s way through the fog and realised they were sitting in bloody trousers, half stitched up wound and thread fully exposed to anyone who might walk in.
“Rowan?”
They picked up the shirt closest to them - part of a matching pyjama set - and tried to tuck the needle away so they could carry on when Juno was gone, and threw the door open.
“Sorry, I was just getting changed. Just sit anywhere.” They mumbled, haphazardly shoving piles of washing off of a chair.
“Thanks. Listen, about earlier, I know that you didn’t mean for that to happen. It’s been a rough week, not that that’s an excuse for what I said- are you alright?”
Rowan had half-sat, half-fallen back onto their seat on the bed and was focusing very hard on not fainting, so much so that they couldn’t really understand what Juno was saying. Maybe this wound was worse than they had thought. They nodded and hoped for the best.
“Right… Anyways, what I actually came to say is that I'm sorry I called you useless. You made a mistake, no one died, well I don’t think anyone died. Whatever, it couldn’t have been avoided. I know that I can be abrasive,” he said with a look that meant he had been told this many, many times before, “but that doesn’t mean that- Rowan, you really look like crap.”
“Wow, thanks, Juno, you say the sweetest things,” they took a deep breath and tried not to panic at the fact that they couldn’t really feel most of their torso anymore, “I know you didn’t mean it, we’re fine. Stop looking at me like that, I’m fine, I just need a nap.” The last words were pointed, hinting sharply at Juno to leave.
“Yeah, because slurred speech and sweating and shaking all scream ‘I’m fine’,” he paused for a moment and Rowan could almost see the cogs whirring, piecing together the information - bullets flying, the unidentified something in Rowan’s voice, the jacket they hadn’t been wearing before, the sterile wrappers on the bed… Then the last piece clicked into place, “Rowan, is that blood?”
They looked down at their top - their white pyjama top - as their vision began to fade out, their head too heavy to hold up and mouth too numb to speak, “No-”
~~~
When they came to, they were in the medical wing wearing a loose sleep shirt - distinctly not soaked in blood - and shorts. They tried to get up and go but a not-so-gentle hand pushed them back to lying down.
“Goddamnit, stop moving. You’ve already ripped your stitches once and you weren’t even awake,” Vespa growled, fussing with the bandages wrapped tight around Rowan’s middle.
“Sorry, I’ve always been lively in bed.”
“That’s cute, darling. What’s not cute is the stunt you pulled last night - if Juno hadn’t come to see you when he did... “ An uncomfortable look passed over Buddy’s face, “Let’s not dwell on that. I will want to talk about this later, but, for now, somebody else wants to see you.”
“Great,” Rowan tried to get up again, “Where are they?”
“Nice try, tough guy, but you’re staying right here until mean old Vespa lets you out.”
“Bite me, Steel.”
“No, thanks, I think I'll leave that to-” He cut himself off at Buddy's warning glance and didn't speak again until Buddy and Vespa had both left the room.
Rowan glanced at the bandage wrapped around Juno’s bicep, “Is it bad?”
“No, just a flesh wound, unlike that one you’re sporting - what was the plan? Stitch it up and hope you didn't drop dead in the middle of the next job?”
“Something like that.”
“Goddamnit. Okay, I don't know how much of what I said yesterday you heard but I'm sorry for what I said. I know we don't really… get along, but you remind me of,” he sighed, “You remind me of someone I used to know.”
“Juno, I really don't need a pep talk.”
“Well, here's the thing - you absolutely do because this,” he gestured to the bandages and the bed, “can’t happen again. You can't see that we care about you - you wouldn't be here if Buddy didn't think you were worth something and Rita is the best judge of character I know; she thinks you’re great. You have a goddamn family here, Rowan, stop trying to push us out.”
Rowan sighed, and Juno graciously didn't mention the tears in their eyes. “I don't know how to-” Rowan shook their head.
“We aren't going anywhere, Rowan, I know that's not what you want to hear but I don't care. For right now you need to stay here and stop ripping out your stitches. Take care of yourself for once. Then we can work on whatever complexes you’re holding onto so tight.” Juno said, squeezing Rowan’s shoulder as he stood.
Rowan didn’t say anything till he was half-way out the door, “Hey, Juno? Thanks.”
“Sure thing.”
#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra spoilers#junoverse#juno steel#buddy aurinko#vespa ilkay#jet sequliak#rita redacted#peter nureyev#but hes only mentioned#implied child abuse#child abuse#blood#gore#a tiny bit#canon typical violence#hurt/comfort#hidden injury#lmk if i need to tag anything else#lets pretend this isnt a self insert fic about myself lmao
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For Forever Chapter 2
Series: First Part/Previous Chapter/Next Part
Connor Murphy: i stg if this mom doesnt chill tf out i will find where she lives and fight her
It has been a month since Connor and Evan started talking. At first, it was awkward, but slowly they broke the barrier through text messages and small conversations during English. Slowly they were learning more and more about each other.
Connor loved to read. Any book that they read as a class, Connor loved, even if it was an older one that everyone else thought was boring. One day in English, Connor had overheard a kid talking about how much they hated Pride and Prejudice and Connor started whispering to Evan about how the kid didn’t no good literature, how Lizzy was a feminist icon of the time, Darcy was the best boy and the romance was correctly written and “he was just pissy because he is a fucking white boy that doesn’t understand the hardships that women of those days have had to go through!”
He also loved TLC shows, especially Say Yes To The Dress. That was a shock to Evan, but Connor was talking about different dress one day and Evan was curious on how he knew. Connor was nervous to share, but he knew that he could trust Evan.
That’s what he was texting Evan about now. Hulu had put out new episodes and Connor was watching them while live texting Evan about everything that is going on.
Connor Murphy: SHES CRYING NOW AND THE MOM STILL WONT BUDGE
Connor Murphy: thats it
Connor Murphy: im flying to georiga. Ill see you later evan
Evan Hansen: I know you have that ability so please dont
Connor Murphy: like my parents would let me
Evan Hansen: Find something nice in Georgia that your mom would love to see. I’m sure that will get her going
Connor Murphy: well which is it hansen
Connor Murphy: should i go punch this lady in the face or no
Evan Hansen: Definite no
Evan never really was interested in those shows, but he did watch one episode to see what he loved so much about it. It was a good show, and he really did love Randy and most of the brides that came through the shop. His mom had walked in when he had it on the TV, which sparked a conversation of how they were and who Evan liked.
“You know this is a safe place, honey!” Heidi had cooed.
“I know,” Evan mumbled, looking down at the ground awkwardly.
Since then, he’s been trying to pointedly show that he likes girls, and only girls.
Connor Murphy: oh good the bride won
Evan Hansen: With Randy on her side, how could she not
Connor Murphy: true
Connor Murphy: shit
Connor Murphy: my mom is home
Connor Murphy: i have to go to my bed and pretend to get some sleep
Connor Murphy: night
Evan Hansen: Goodnight
Evan decided that he should probably go to bed too. He had a test tomorrow, and he needed to sleep so he wouldn’t freak out as much when the time came.
He quickly turned off the TV and headed back up to his room.
---
Evan did not get any sleep. Right as he was about to fall asleep, his mom came home. Since he was still delirious, he thought it was a burglar. Suddenly he was awake and on alert, ready to do what he needed to.
Without getting out of bed and drawing attention to himself, of course.
He stumbled off of the bus, shoulders slouched over and tired look in his eyes. His classmates shoved past him in a hurry to get to the cafeteria for breakfast, but Evan just slowly made his way to his locker.
“Acorn!” he heard Jared call. Evan turned around to see Jared walking towards him, same amount of confidence in his walk as he always had. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, so Evan assumed that his first period teacher is either late or has a sub who is late.
“Please don’t call me that,” Evan mumbled.
“Aw, come on! It’s a term of endearment. All fun and games, ya know?” He threw his arm over Evan’s shoulder and they continued the walk to their locker. “It’s a playful jab at a silly mistake you made.”
Evan’s hand shot to his cast, holding onto it gently.
Yeah. A silly mistake.
“I’m gonna come over today after school. My mom’s been wondering why we haven’t been hanging out lately.”
“Oh. Uh, okay.”
“You still got Mario Kart, right?” Evan nodded his head. It was the last gift his dad had gotten him before he left, and even though Evan is not fond of his dad, he still tries to hang on to when life was good.
“Cool! Then we can play that today!” Evan just nodded his head again and opened up his locker. Jared continued to talk about a girl--or the same girl that he met over the summer, he doesn’t know anymore--and Evan turned his head to the side to see Connor at his locker. He was slouched over and seemed to be angrily putting stuff into his backpack.
“Sorry, uh,” Evan spoke, interrupting Jared’s sentence, “I’m gonna go talk to Connor.”
“Really?” Jared turned to look at Connor as threw a book into his locker. He flinched. “I don’t think you wanna talk to that dude right now. He seems like he is in a bad mood.”
“That’s why I wanna, um, talk to him.” He started playing with the bottom of his t-shirt. “I want to see if he’s okay.”
“Your funeral, man,” he said with a shrug. He gave Evan one last violent pat on his shoulder before walking away.
Evan closed his locker and took a deep breath. Connor hasn’t been in a super bad mood since they started talking, so Evan was worried if Connor would even want to talk to him or not.
“Hey Connor,” he mumbled. Connor whipped his head around and shot a glare at Evan.
“What?” he snapped. Evan took a step back and looked down at the ground.
“Well you seem like you’re in a bad mood so I wanted to come over and see if you’re okay but you barely know me so I don’t know why you would even want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I should’ve have even come over, I’ll leave, I’m sorry,” Evan stuttered out. All his words started blending together and he was stumbling over his words.
Connor sighed and hit his head against the top of the locker.
“No, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You did nothing wrong.” Evan glanced up at him before looking back down.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he mumbled. Connor was silent for a moment. Evan was just about to turn around and leave him alone when he started talking.
“My parents took my fucking phone last night because they didn’t believe that I was texting someone other than a fucking drug dealer. I told them that no goddamn drug dealer would be answering fucking calls at that hour because they were trying to act like normal fucking people but they took my phone anyway!” He slammed his locker closed and Evan jumped. “They don’t believe a fucking thing I say and it pisses me off because I was actually telling the truth this time!”
Evan looked around the hallway and saw people giving Connor both confused and dirty looks. He didn't know what to do. Jared never came to him for emotional things, and since Jared has been his only friend growing up, he never had anyone else come to him for anything. The closest that he has come to comforting someone was when he walked in on his mom having a breakdown, but even then she turned it around and made sure that he was okay.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “That’s--That, um, sucks.”
“Understatement of the fucking century,” Connor grumbled.
The first bell rang, signaling that students have five minutes to get to class. Connor turned towards the doors at the end of the hallway.
“Wait, where are you going?” Evan anxiously called.
“Anywhere but fucking here.” With that, he was gone.
Evan watched Connor’s dark figure disappear around the corner outside, wondering if he should tell someone. What was Connor going to do? Would he hurt someone?
Would he hurt himself?
“Get to class, Mr. Hansen!” Evan heard a teacher call. Evan looked behind him to see Ms. Asher--the English teacher that no one liked--raising an eyebrow at him. Saying nothing, Evan moved on to his first class.
---
Evan hasn’t seen Connor all day. It was lunch time now and the boy still wasn’t here. Since they started talking more, he and Connor started sitting together at lunch. Connor never ate anything, and Evan did try, but sometimes his anxiety became too much and he just couldn’t stomach what the school was giving him. During those days, Connor tried his best to calm Evan down enough to where he would get Evan to each at least some bland tater tots.
That wasn’t the case today. He sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, untouched food in front of him.
It’s not like he wasn’t used to this. Jared would never sit by him, always opting to work on programming by himself and not be seen with Evan, and since he had no other friends, he was pushed to the corner of the room.
Evan was deep in thought when he heard a voice.
“Evan Hansen?” Evan snapped his head up, only to freeze when he saw Zoe Murphy standing there, kind smile on her face.
“Oh, uh, yeah. That’s me,” he stuttered out. How long has she been standing there? Was she just waiting for Evan to notice her?
“Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?” Oh okay, straight to the point. Evan wiped his palms on his jeans.
“Yeah! Yeah, of course.”
“Are you and my brother friends?” That’s not what he was expecting.
Are they friends? He doesn’t know if Connor considers Evan a friend, but does Evan?
“Uh, yeah,” he drew out. “Yeah, I guess.”
Zoe raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She looked around the lunch room before sitting down across from Evan.
Oh God.
“Do you guys text?”
“Yeah, why?” Did something happen? Why would she need to know if they texted?
“Were you guys texting last night?”
“Yes?” Evan was about to have an anxiety attack. Did Connor tell her? Did Connor spill everything that Evan told him? Is Zoe making sure that this is the Evan Hansen that he is talking to so that she can go around and tell everyone?
“Okay,” she mumbled. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for asking these questions, but Connor got his phone taken away yesterday and my parents wanted to see if who he was texting went to our school.”
“Oh.” Great, so Connor’s parents read their text messages? There was private stuff in there. He hasn’t even met these people and they already know his fears? Did Connor delete the texts he sent when he was having a mental breakdown?
“I haven’t seen the messages!” she quickly added. “My parents only asked if I knew the name ‘Evan Hansen’ and so I wanted to make sure it was you.”
“Okay,” he mumbled. They sat in a silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say.
Zoe broke the silence.
“When did you two start talking?” The questions continue.
“About a month ago?”
“Why?” Well that’s not going to be shared. How would Evan even say that? Yeah, you’re brother stole something of mine and flipped out on me but I was able to calm him down and get it back and now we are basically becoming best buds!
No.
“He, uh, wanted to apologize for getting mad at me in the hallway on the first day of school.” That was kind of the truth.
“And you guys kept talking because…?”
“He was nice.” Zoe immediately rolled her eyes. Oh no. Did he say something wrong?
“He’s not nice, Evan.”
“Wh-What?”
“He’s a druggie who will turn on you when you make one little mistake.” Evan stared at Zoe in disbelief. Here is Connor’s sister, who is known for being happy and helping others, staring at Evan with an angry look in her eye. She’s spending her time, giving Evan a warning.
“He--I don’t think--would he really?”
“He’s done it to me countless times.” Before Evan could say anything else, she stood up. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I’m just warning you that my brother is a loose canon.” With that, she left.
Evan stared at the spot she had just occupied. Zoe has obviously been with Connor her whole life and she knows more than Evan. If she is giving him a warning, he should listen.
Shouldn’t he?
---
When it was sixth period, Evan didn’t know what to do. Surprisingly, he didn’t have any homework to do for that day. He didn’t want to write a letter to his therapist either, as the only thing that happened today was talking to Zoe.
He decided to walk home. It was the last period of the day, and no one was going to be waiting for him. He also wanted to make sure his house was clean before Jared came over.
Evan didn’t get far off of campus before a truck pulled up next to him. With his headphones in, he didn’t hear the driver call out to him. He did hear the car horn, however.
He whipped his head to see Connor sitting in the truck, looking at him threw the passenger window. He quickly pulled out his headphones.
“Connor?” he asked.
“Get in, Hansen.” Evan didn’t question, he just walked across the grass dividing the street and the sidewalk and into Connor’s car.
Connor pulled out into the road before Evan could buckle his seatbelt fully.
It was silent between the two. Evan wanted to know where Connor went in the beginning of the day, if he was doing better, if he was okay in general.
“I didn’t mean to flip out on you earlier,” Connor stated.
“I know,” Evan mumbled. It was silent again. You would think after talking for a month, they would be a little better at talking to each other.
Evan watched all the trees go by. The radio was playing in the background, and the sky was blue with only a few clouds. Always a little strange for October weather.
“Have you ever been to the orchard?” Connor asked. Evan shot him a confused look.
“What orchard?”
“So I’ll take that as a no.”
“Where is it?” Evan asked.
“Well, it’s closed now, but it was almost like a forest reserve for people to go to. You could have picnics, there was a creek, all that fun stuff.” Evan hummed.
The rest of the car ride was filled with small talk. At some point, they had gotten onto the topic of bands they liked, and it blew up from there.
“You’ve never heard of Hollywood Undead?” Connor laughed. “How the fuck have you not?”
“They’re not a very popular band, obviously,” Evan shot back. Connor turned to him with a look as if he had personally attacked Connor’s work himself.
“They are popular!”
“Sure, Connor.”
“You shut the fuck up, Mr. ‘Taylor Swift is a better country singer than pop’.”
“Well, she is--”
“You have no taste.”
It wasn’t long before they reached where Connor was taking them. Evan looked around as Connor turned off the car and saw trees everywhere, as well as a gate with a sign that said “NO TRESPASSING”.
“Uh, what are we, uh, doing here?” Evan asked.
“We’re gonna walk around.”
“W-Wait, what?”
“Come on, Hansen,” Connor called, ignoring the panic rising in the boy. He hopped out of the car and Evan quickly followed, leaving his backpack in the car.
“We can’t go in!” he called out. Connor rolled his eyes.
“Trust me, it’s fine.”
“What if someone finds us? What if they see your car and come searching and then we get in trouble? What if we get arrested? I can’t have my mom bail me out of jail, and your parents won’t--”
“Evan!” Connor yelled. Evan immediately stopped talking. “It’s fine. I come here all the time. I was just here earlier, and no one found me. No one even thinks about this place anymore.”
Evan nodded his head in understanding and looked down at the ground. He heard Connor take a deep breath.
“Just… Come on. You can trust me.”
Evan followed Connor to the fence. Right under the trespassing sign was a cut part of the fence that looked like it was able to be pushed back. Connor pushed the fence piece back and held it open, motioning for Evan to make his way through.
Evan made it on the other side, careful with his cast, and Connor followed suit. Evan looked around in amazement. How come this place was abandoned?
“This place got closed down after they opened up the park as a national park,” Connor answered his unasked question. “Apparently people feel like going to a national park would be more fun than an orchard, even though it’s the same fucking thing.”
Connor stared walking into the trees and Evan was quick to follow.
It was gorgeous. It was a surprise that he has never seen this place. His mom and dad would always love to take them out and show him the nature, the flowers, the birds. It was a big part of his life, and a big reason why he loved trees. Participating in the Junior Ranger program was a way for him to try and go back to those times.
Happier times.
“So homecoming’s coming up,” Connor stated. “You going?”
“Well, uh, probably not?” Those kind of things were never Evan’s thing.
“Even if a cute girl asked you out?” Connor laughed as Evan blushed. The only girl Evan would even want to ask him out is Zoe, but after their conversation, he has been questioning his relationship with her.
“If someone asked me out, that’d be a shock in itself.”
Connor laughed. “Fair enough.”
“What about you?” Evan asked. “You going?”
“No. No way.”
“Not even if a girl asks you?”
“There’s no girl that could make me go to any dance.” Evan hummed.
“What if your crush asked you? There is a girl you like, right?” Connor gave him a side look and coughed.
“Yeah. A girl…” He didn’t say anything after, and Evan didn’t want to push it, so they fell back into silence.
“We’re here.” Evan gave him a confused look.
“Wait, where?”
“Look.” Evan looked anxiously at the space past the trees Connor motioned to before walking forward.
Past the trees was a big open grass field, surrounded by trees. The wind was blowing the long grass gently and the sun was peeking out from behind the threes, just getting ready to set for the night.
Evan was in shock. This place was gorgeous.
“I assume you like it?” he heard Connor call.
Evan shook his head. “Connor, this--this is amazing! How did you find it?”
“I was just walking around one day and stumbled upon it.”
Evan stared at the whole place. Connor watched him with a smile.
“You said you like to climb trees, right?” Connor asked. Evan stiffened up.
“Um, yeah,” he stuttered out.
“Come on. There’s a tree with really low branches.” Connor started walking away towards a tree that Evan saw stuck out from the rest. It was slightly out of the circle of trees, and Evan understood why Connor chose that one. The branches are definitely lower than the others, and easier for the boys to reach.
“I--I don’t think I can climb right now,” Evan called towards him. Connor turned and gave him a confused look.
“Why not?” Evan just held up his cast. Connor looked at for a second before realization hit. “Fuck, that’s right. I’m a fucking moron.”
“Sorry,” Evan shrugged.
“Why are you sorry?”
“You wanted to climb the tree, and I can’t.” Connor sighed and shook his head.
“That’s not your fault, man.” Evan nodded his head and decided not to say anything else.
His phones started buzzing in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see who is was.
It was Jared.
“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. Connor was next to him now, looking down at his phone.
“Kleinman? What does that fucker want?” Evan opted to not comment on Connor’s obvious hatred of Jared.
“I forgot I was supposed to hang out with him today.” He hit answer and turned away.
“Evan! Where are you?”
“I’m sorry, I was walking home but Connor wanted to hang out--”
“Connor? Connor Murphy? You’re with him right now?”
“Yes, I’m sorry, I am headed back right now--”
“Did he kidnap you or something, dude? You guys never hang out outside of school. I never even thought the guy was stable enough to do something.”
Evan anxiously shot a look at Connor, but he was picking at his nail polish, so Evan was sure he didn’t hear Jared.
“He can. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’m heading back now. Just go inside, I’ll be home soon, ignore the mess.”
“Whatever you say dude. Bye.”
With that, Jared hung up. Evan turned back to Connor, fiddling with his phone.
“I’m sorry Connor, can we--”
“Yeah, we can go back.” Connor clipped. Evan flinched. He looked down at the ground anxiously.
“Sorry, this was fun, but--”
“I know,” Connor forced a smile across his face. “You and Jared had plans. Nothing wrong with that.”
Connor started walking away, and Evan couldn’t help but get the feeling that Connor was truly upset.
He quickly followed Connor back to his car and tired to calm down his anxiety.
“Thank you for taking me here,” Evan said when they got back into Connor’s truck.
“Yeah. We can come back.” Evan looked down to hide a smile.
Connor actually wanted to hang out with him again. Hang out, in public, for no reason other than to hang out with Evan.
Is this was real friendship is like?
#dear evan hansen#evan hansen#connor murphy#zoe murphy#jared kleinman#evan hansen x connor murphy#tree bros#writing#sun writing
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in this liveblog i did while reading Vast Error, we shall see more of Albion, the gal who is all the Lantern Corps at once... kinda!
also i initially wrote this by copy-pasting pictures from the actual site into the google doc but it didn’t paste over, and some of my writing was, at the time, based on the assumption you could see that too, im sorry
Let’s see, last time i was reading Vast Error, I met this olive gal called Albion! Let’s check up what’s with her, yeah?
What the heck that’s a green lantern ring, its even the right shape and stuff? Also that is a very pretty sweater, looks like a christmas sweater almost
You are completely green and stable! Hooray! You already knew this, because your ring is always completely green and stable as that is your WILL.
Um that sounds a bit worrying, Albion, are you okay?? But stability = green/Will sounds about right! It looks like her ring is….. A literal mood ring. I love and hate this pun, it is my new kismesis.
Reading further along, I get the impression that her moods strongly dictate her personality and she won’t let herself feel anger at all, nor fear or greed. While that’s a laudable goal, I feel that this is not at all healthy for her state of mind, especially not anger. Also, pity instead of love! CONSISTENCY WITH TROLL ALIEN-NESS.
I got a bit of a smile on the white = life thing, ahhh now the Blackest Night returns to me. The connoitions of the Black Lanterns corps as blank is an interesting one, too.
Star Childre reminds me of both a play on the whole Lantern Corps thing, and back when you have New Age philosophies that referred to themselves or their kids like that? That whole Indigo Children thing. I know they had specific terms for autistic people that was probably meant to be nice but even then came off as condescending at best.
Albion im probably going to gently mock u a little bit at some point but in all honesty your room sense is very well together. Look at this excellent lay out! IS THAT A FROG POND IN THE CORNER OR JUST A LOTUS. EITHER WAY IS SIGNIFICANT. That’s almost definitely a bonsai tree on your desk, in any case.
Now you have to do a quest to find a scholar in Daedric languages, stay away from the Stalwards of Stendar, they are mean. Plus you literally look like a daedra and someone with the right mods could easily play as you, so…… be careful plz
You're taking the time to properly translate it to CURRENT TEXT first, which has been taking longer than you expected. Your language as of now is structured very differently than that of anything before THE RENIASSANCE, in both phrase and symbol. You've been staying away from digging deep into this scroll until you've gotten that done, you like to be surprised when you read tales of the past. You really have your priorities straight!
Though, from what you've seen just at this quick glance, it seems to talk about some sort of CURSE THROUGH BLOOD.
Curse through blood?? I iniitally would assume that this would have something to do with a Karkat analogue but I know there’s nothing like that going on here. I therefore assume that it is an ancestral issue that will come into play later, maybe?
Doing this task was for once not for your personal enjoyment, but at the request of your MATESPRIT, who you have been slowly teaching PLANETARY CUSTOMS as they are rather BEHIND.
Your ring begins to turn PINK.
You slap it.
It goes back to green.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP I DONT KNOW WHO IT IS BUT IM ALREADY SHIPPING IT. A lesson to other writers; if you want someone to ship the relationship you’re planning, a good idea might be to emulate that kind of writing. THAT is what they mean by ‘show, dont tell’
I wont lie, that looks disgusting as hell but it also looks genuinely relaxing. One time when i was living with my dad back when he was living with, and I’m not kidding here, an actual evil step-mother out for his money that abandoned him the second she cleaned him out, i took a mud bath in a giant hole we dug for…. Some reason. I don’t remember why. It was very nice, it was at a point of my life where ‘idk why the hell not’ is a legit excuse and i have recursed back to that era. The world may never know why this happens
You use GLOP ENHANCERS to make each experience slightly different, though you've been set on MIRACULOUS VIEW lately. The colors really permeate in both size and smell.
HMMMMMM. It’s just me remembering Gamzee, sweet as he was without Caliborn fucking him up, but ‘miraculous view’ has me deeply concerned and a bit suspicious here.
‘Recieve message from Taz’ AWWWW HELL YEAH, OUR GIRL IS BACK IN THE HOUSE, WHOOT WHOOT
You could feel the hot passions of her overblown conundrums coming from miles away.
I was already shipping this before i even know it was my fav purple wrestler gal coming back in to hug my brain in an angry fashion.
Its likely not deliberate but ‘hot passions of overblown conundrums’ makes Taz sound exactly like what would happen if Karkat and Gamzee fused into a troll gal or had a daughter. IDEA FOR AN AU, KARKAT AND GAMZEE HAVE A DAUGHTER, WITH TEREZI AS SURROGATE MOTHER GRUB, AND TAZ IS THAT CHILD. FILM IT AND I PROMISE YOU ALL THE MONIES WILL FLOW.
However, you'll need your ASTRAL PROJECTOR in order to use SKORPE and speak with her, a device which has been placed in your SPIROGRAPH MODUS.
I assume that astral projector is a very literal thing here, and a spirograph modus sounds HORRIBLY inefficient
Your modus is currently rigged to an eleven card system on a ten point graph.
The ASTRAL PROJECTOR holds a spot in the middle, which will always be a WHITE card. It is also surrounded by five currently inaccessible BLACK cards and five accessible GREEN cards.
The center card can be accessed and can have something new put in it at any time. Doing either of these actions will alter the arrangement of the spirograph.
There’s more but i didnt wanna copy the whole page and really i was not wrong when i said this was inefficient, but it IS very interesting!
Like i honestly LOVE, LOVE TO PIECES the more in-depth and weird sylladexes that primiered with the trolls coming into the scene. Fandom never employs sylladexes and this is a travesty, bring them back, do it now, with GUSTO.
New challenge: take a fantroll and give them a sylladex that’s weird and cool. Not a joke, DO IT NOW PLEASE
Luckily, you've rigged your modus with some of your less appealing sounding candles to have your item just where you need it.
The SPIROGRAPH now allocates one of your TRANSLATED SCROLLS into the center card, allowing your POTENT GLOP ENHANCERS, SPARE INCENSE, SEXTANT and GRUBBY JUICE SCENTED CANDLE around it as the INACCESS cards. Not that you'll be needing them anytime soon.
Aren't things much better when you plan ahead?
I have to admit, if Karkat or literally any of the other trolls with ill-timed inventories had thoguht ahead like you, a lot of messes would have been avoided. You’d make a FANTASTIC life coach to the canon trolls, someone get albion a machine to travel into other universes so she can do just that.
Taz comes along and winds up seducing equius just by flexing in aggressive ways, their children are lovely
You place the ASTRAL PROJECTOR in front of you, using your SPIRIT POWER in order to activate it.
You will now have electronic access in THE CELL.
Aw, nice-
WAIT A MINUTE
Did she say what i think she did
THE CELL.
Holy fuck
Is she in some kind of prison!?
If she is i assume she put herself in there on purpose
-----------
Is, is that a fucking sniper rifle aimed right at her head!?!?!?!
NO NO NO NO DO NOT FUCKING FADE TO BLACK ON ME, YOU HEAR ME!? YOU SCOUNDREL, YOU CADS, YOU ABSOLUTE FIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohhhhh oh okay wait a minute:
I may have been misinformed about this, it looks like this is something similar to a chakra point being opend, perhaps? A sign of enlightenment tied to her meditating? AND WHAT IS UP WITH HER EYES IN THAT PAGE
MIRACULOUS INDEED. Seriously it looks like Gamzee-tier colorfulness
No wait!
Rainbow eyes
Eyes the color of all the shades in the spectrum
That is goddamn cool i want that to be a thing for trolls in general that are transcending the limits of the hemospectrum: AU where terezi’s eyes do that when she does the mind-y thing?
Ooooh pretty even the background takes on thel ight of the hemospectrum and, if im not wrong, the colors are grouped in a similar fashion but a bit more chaotically arranged. That might just be color blurring into another in the normal way, though
Tranquility is an asset harshly under utilized in the minds of others.
That is why yours acts as a personal safe haven.
Well i mean you’re not wrong
That’s pretty dang sensible, i like this way of doing it
Letting your mind be a safe haven is just…. Common sense, really, we sohuld all strive to be like her
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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13
IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E
One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with
content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch
1x12 “captain jack harkness”
- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting
- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?
- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever
- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both
- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!
- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F U C K
- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared
- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....
- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING
“He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!
- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game
- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao
- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ
- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it.
I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”.
y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!
- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time.
but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????
this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.
- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!!
“Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!!
Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.
- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right
- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................
1x13 “end of days”
- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE
- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.
- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears
- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN
- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????
- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it.
i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!
- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.
- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.
- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕
- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”
- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...
- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”
- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!!
you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still
- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............
- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS
- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”
- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.
- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES
- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.
- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw
- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;
- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)
- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!
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l’aldila#3
00:36 09/19/2020
Привет
hey :). i hope youre doing okay. I think its been two weeks or a week idk ive lost count since ive last talked to you. actually its been eleven days i just counted, i hope you didnt erase yourself off the face of the internet because of me. bro i love you menu. i hope when you said i dont love you anymore that it wasnt it. ill wait. i realized that i truly was so selfish. when i go back to read our conversations i remind myself how bad a person i was and how i let my hormones take over our relationship. i told you on that december evening in the parking lot that i loved you. that conversation started by a text that you sent me. telling me id have to tell one of you that i dont like that person so that theyd could move on. by that time i had already made up my mind that it was you. i look for your picture everywhere, your text on my phone, your good morning texts and more. you, the oblique form of xyz. i didnt deserve you, still dont. i corrupted you and us. and back to my point about that night. after you texted me i told you. i told you that i was scared that if i told you how i felt, id want more than just what we had as friends from our relationship, which happened, and that i was scared id ruin any chance i could have with you in the future, which i dont know. it kinda sucks but is also kinda lit not knowing what God has planned for you. you make me feel some type of way. i hope i see you at some skatepark or randomly outside and that everything was just a fricking poopoo imagination and you had to fake it or something. i literally checked the white pages with your old number to see if maybe you got it back or something. i literally considered EMAILING you when you first shut down everything. EMAIL. goddamn i love you but maybe you blocked me from there too. dude i could be happy with anyone too like honestly. i have no feeling in me thats forcing me to say i want you. but if you were in my future as more than just my friend id be really fricking happy. and i dont wanna exaggerate my feelings/want to be with you, cause what if i get it and then i just throw it out like a toy. im content with anyway God has willed for me. More than content I am happy. whether im with you or not but AGAIN I FRICKING SUCK AND I WA TNTHAT THING SAPDJFH IOHWIJ HRF. whatever. lifes been interesting. i really wanna know whats up with you and your new school. i know so many people that go there apparently and i wonder how theyre treating you. if anyones hitting on you i swear i will break them . im sorry but i will. i want you to be mine. and idk what condition your bracelet is in, but mine is kinda like ripping one of the beads so im gonna glue it just in case. alright i think i should probably end this but seriosuly i miss your presence in my life as my friend. and maybe thats selfish but i love ou for you. i shouldnt have let you let me talk more and only listened to you. whats up with you? how do you honestly feel? hows stuff at home? what are your plans? and just one honest conversation with you. when you said for the first time in this relationship were gonna do what i want. i honestly felt like crap and didnt know if i was too assertive. i know i definitely was when it came to physical and i fucking hate that. sorry for cursing but i seriously hate myself for those sitatuions. anyways, i love you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxxxx
i dont wanna fall out of love but i cant stop it for now, wonder what the future holds?
sincerely,
l’aldila
i cant believe you never listened to that song. like theres so much you still dont know about me and like wise so much more i dont know about you. dude i fricking love you.
fucj i love you so much, so many songs remind me of you. you said you loved me too fast, summer(my time with you the best time of my entire year) ended too fast. we rushed man, next time im gonna trust my instincts. you made me vulnerable which is more than okay, i honestly liked it. i loved you, but then stuff changed, and i think i imagine kissing you a lot but recently i feel like my love for you went back to the innocent way it was at first. breaking my heart tearing my heart tearing me down
heres the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VJGBlSYabY
love you fr
00:57
privet-”russian”
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really feel like im gonna struggle to ever integrate into society. i struggle to chill w people my own age because a lot of them have careers n shit (i think... i guess? i dont really know actually lmao cause i dont talk to em) or theyre dating people and i cant really tell people what im up to because theyre condescending about it. “oh youre still into the rave thing huh?” yeah i’m “still into” it, sorry. you got two kids and a husband and youre living w your parents still too, that’s not a life i envy. id rather keep my ‘childish’ interests, thanks.
and i dont drink or do drugs so a lot of Adult Outings make me uncomfortable or are not right for me. and any time i want to find sober anything it becomes religious or recovery related, or it is considered exclusively for children. i have no problem being in the vicinity of alcohol but i dont want to hang w people while they’re using controlling substances because it sucks for everybody involved: they cant enjoy themselves because they feel self-conscious around me being the sober one, and then i feel bad for making them self-conscious but am also uncomfortable with them using substances around me. and of course i mean substances for the purpose of getting fucked up, not as medication. except in the case of weed which is a huge monumentally major trigger for me (whether i mentally prepare myself to be around it or not).
raves are the perfect blend for me. people who wanna get fucked up can, people who dont want to dont have to, and everybody is there to have a good time in their own way. they wear what they want, they dance how they want, and they generally dont infringe on anybody else’s good time with weird stuff like sexual advances or whatever. and if something like that is going down (like when RTC strips down and starts fucking on stage basically) you can always go somewhere else without having to sacrifice listening to the music or enjoying yourself otherwise. there’s generally outdoor areas (or people will let you in/out if it’s not the shadiest) to chill or if you need a breather, people are willing to help you, etc. i dunno raves compared to clubs or bars are vastly VASTLY superior. youd think id be able to stand the latter two since i rave all the time but i just cant (also because there is never any good music at clubs).
plus im not dating anybody and being ace is a shit and a half in terms of All of That, it’s another fuckin hang up on my perceived adulthood that im unpalatable or a freak or something is wrong w me if i’ve “gone this long” being single. sorry all the dudes who have been into me have been petulant children or massive abusive jerks and im not open enough about my bi-ness to be visible to women i dont think. either way im entirely de-sexed and this is the age where people are definitely fuckin, and fuckin with a PURPOSE. theyve all had like ten years of practice by this point (whether actually having sex or not, theyre just programmed to understand it) and so most people dont have time for a stiff like me who really doesnt give a shit about sex or ranges to even actively fucking hating it. i also havent developed feelings for anybody in a long time unless you count my tumblr crush (who im pretty sure has a partner anyway lmao and they seem pretty sexual actually so i dont think theyd, among many other reasons, give a shit about my dumb ass) and that can be really alienating too.
my high school best friend got married yet to me i feel like the only development i’ve had since high school is Trauma and mental illness. like i developed dissociative episodes in the last few years whereas in high school i basically only had the chronic insomnia and hypnagogic hallucinations. i mean i certainly think i’ve developed AS A PERSON in HUMONGOUS strides since high school but i know people i knew then will just be like “oh you still do ‘the rave thing’ and play WoW, huh?”
like yeah, i dunno, FUCK ME for enjoying my interests. i quit wow when i needed to and im glad i did but it’s not WoW’s fault i entered a morass of suicidal depression in the years i wasnt playing. WoW had run its course at that time in my life. and at the latter end of that i was going to raves regularly, making the BEST lifelong friends i have ever had, and generally being part of something greater, part of a community that genuinely cared about me. i was working out further kinks with my ability to socialize and love and be open to people (as i will continue to do until i die) but i feel there is arguably a much larger capacity to love in me than before. so i still wear kandi, so i still wear black clothing, so i still prattle on about orcs and trolls. fuck off. at least now i dont hate myself and let myself get raped every day, at least now im not mindlessly swallowing and regurgitating actively racist rhetoric out of fear of confronting my parents’ hatred or by surrounding myself with the dregs of society, at least now i dont want to “sew up my vagina” because i detest my womanhood and the men who covet(ed) it
currently i play wow honestly like maybe twice a week. i went on a bender with diego my REAL LIFE FRIEND LMFAO (like what, stop enjoying time w your friends, it isnt grown up!) a few days ago and we played for like 6 straight hours which was pretty fuckin wild. i think about wow a LOT like TOO mcuh and all of my art recently has been wow-related but holy shit i am drawing at least
since playing wow again (almost concurrent with when i had started my job) i did more drawing than i did in probably all 4.5 years of college, assignments or otherwise. i was drawing EVERY DAY, legitimately, even if they were just quick scribbles. and when i wasnt i was writing every single fucking day. and when i wasnt, i was READING. like FUCK me for having warcraft as a motivation to do fucking anything in my goddamn life. youre right, abandoning my interests and adopting ones i hate for the sake of appearing more adult is totally worth the mind-numbing soul-eating depression i crumble into without these silly safety nets.
like that’s all it is. it’s silly. raves are silly. video games are silly. “good luck getting laid” thanks i dont need it. “good luck finding someone who loves you” fuck you i have plenty of people who love me BECAUSE of the things i love, not “in spite” of them, not in some tongue-in-cheek “That’s our Swamp!” fashion. they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE TELL ME MORE.” they say, “THIS IS GREAT. PLEASE PLAY MORE.” (that last one is about music, not warcraft lol).
but i mean i do worry about it, worry about being “too insular” as some critical piece of shit idiot put it to the point of being unrelatable. I dont want to alienate myself from people of course, nor do i want to get so wrapped up in fantasy that i lose myself. and that’s something i was tearing myself apart about during my episode earlier, just that “I have to get off the internet” because while i think and do all of this stuff, “Me” is just sitting in my bed rotting. Even when im drawing or up at my tables mixing i know it’s still just me, in my house, sealed off from the world, and i started having panic because i was telling myself “i want to go home” over and over but i am at home, i’m in my bed, but i realized of course that home is not in this house. home is many places for me, but it’s also why im SO enthusiastic about wow again: it is home. and believe me im getting wary of just how fucking much i am eating breathing sleeping dreaming (literally dreaming) warcraft because while i dont know if i was ever “addicted” i, again, dont want to be so swept up that i forget im a person (and with dpdr that shit is way potent). that and uhh i got shit to do, but mostly... it’s not real. and i know im setting myself up for failure and heartbreak again by yearning for something that cannot exist no matter how much i set my mind and hands to create it.
i feel hurt physically by the fact that there are “only humans”. i mean there are infinite different kinds of humans, but it’s more of an existential quandary than a yearning for an orc boyfriend or something. it’s why we dream up fantastic creatures and aliens in the first place: we’re not alone in the universe, are we? are humans really the only sentient beings out there? we can’t be. we can’t be. “they” say either option—that we are, or are not alone—is equally terrifying but i dont think so. sure we might fear violence or eradication from not being alone, but to know that we are? out of everything we’ve charted and studied, that we’re it? that’s... that’s death. and of course there’s going to be heat death or whatever they say in 6 billion whatever i dont know, so whether we’re alone or not is irrelevant because it will destroy our universe and what happens when there is no universe? and so of course all of this was compounding into panic, of course, of course, jumping from a dumbass thought like “i guess im not as into overwatch because it’s sci-fi but also theyre all humans” straight into “INEVITABLE HEAT DEATH”. so like, really, does it matter that i care about wow lore more than i care about marriage?
i mean, i guess i should have a career, but i dont really know what i could be capable of doing. i dont know if it’s mental illness or discipline or what but even if like metzen himself was like “come work at blizzard!” i would still probably just collapse into a heap of worthlessness and fear.
i dont know what i fear. i guess i fear that im wasting my time, and by spending my time in another world i dont have to worry about how im spending time in this one. and that’s really, really bad. i dont like that.
i have to make this world worth living in. i have been trying. but i havent gotten very far. in fact, i took some steps backward.
from the edge of the cliff, so... i guess that’s forward in some ways.
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Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????
Also on ao3
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Chapter 2: In Which Dave Gets A Message
“Holy shit.” You said as you looked through your messages.
There, right in front of your eyes, past your sunglasses, was a ten page rant about you and your channel.
It was fantastic and honestly one of the most enjoyable things you’ve read in a while. Someone ought to pay whoever wrote this to write insults because they clearly have no trouble vomiting out whatever rage they have onto a document and sending it to your plush ass.
You’re laughing your fucking ass off. This entire thing is pure gold, and you don’t even think it was an ironic message. No, this was a completely 100% honest-to-god genuine ten page hate message you got here.
You read the entire thing, and then you read it again just to make sure the message wasn’t part of some fucked up fever dream that you just happened to have at this very moment. Nope. It was a genuine article. You’ve got to show this to Terezi.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --
TG: holy shit tz guess what just happened
GC: YOU GOT 1N TROUBL3 4ND 4R3 1N N33D OF 1 L4WY3R?
TG: what no its something way better than that
GC: WHAT 1S 1T TH3N D4V3?
GC: 1F YOU DON’T R3QU1R3 MY L4W 3XP3T1S3?
TG: i got hate mail but not just any hat mail
TG: the best goddamned hate mail to ever be made
TG: check it
TG: crabby.pdf
TG: go on and read i promise it will be the best thing youll read all day
TG: or smell as the case may be
GC: HOLY SH1T
TG: i know right its fuckn glorious
GC: 1’V3 ONLY R34D TH3 F1RST F3W L1N3S BUT
GC: TH1S 1S F4NT4ST1C
TG: i would definitely recommend reading the rest of it when youve got the time
GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY W1LL
GC: BUT R1GHT NOW, DUTY C4LLS
GC: 4ND 1 MUST 4DH3R3 TO TH3 L4W >:]
GC: SM3LL YOU 4ROUND D4V3
TG: see ya
-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
You briefly stop to think about what your next order of business will be. Of course, this thought is only a formality because you are pestering Rose as you speak.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: rose holy shit youve got to look at this
TG: crabby.pdf
TT: It is presumed that clicking on this will not give my computer a virus, correct?
TG: who the fuck would send a virus to their friend
TG: like just be innocently hanging out and talking and you send a link to your friend
TG: innocent looking link right there, all ready to be caressed and clicked on
TG: nothing suspicious looking about that, no sirree
TG: just a fun little thing that you wanted to send to your friend and your friend clicks on it and
TG: BOOM
TG: virus
TG: nasty little fucker too like holy shit
TG: youll never be rid of this one lalonde
TT: It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’ve been hearing about people hacking into pesterchum accounts and sending sleazy links that give people’s computers viruses.
TT: You really can never be too careful.
TG: well rest assured rose
TG: that link is one hundred percent dave strider approved
TG: its only the best goddamned hate mail ive ever gotten in my life
TG: go ahead and read it since i have verified that the link is completely and utterly virus free
TT: It’s tone certainly is…
TT: Angry
TT: And loud.
TT: However, I must admit it is very amusing.
TT: The metaphors appear to run even longer than your own.
TG: what kind of blasphemy are you speaking
TG: i am the absolute king of metaphors
TG: i rule the absolute shit out of them
TG: all these peasant metaphors running around like its a goddamned bake sale and each item is only fifty cents
TG: wow now i want a cookie but the bake sale is sold out because holy shit people sure do love some fucking baked goods especially when theyre cheap baked goods
TG: clearly the best baked goods to ever grace this motherfucking planet
TG: put some in your mouth it melts like fucking cotten candy or some shit
TG: fuckin delicious
TT: I stand corrected. You are clearly only the best at metaphors.
TT: Excuse me as I bow down to you, your Majesty.
TT: Perhaps you could hear out your lowly advisor.
TG: ill allow it
TT: What are you planning on doing about the one who threatens to take your throne? It is possible that they are more powerful than you ever could imagine.
TT: It is even feasible that their metaphors are even more lengthy and incoherent than your’s.
TT: War may be certain.
TG: war doesn’t sound very pleasant
TT: I suppose not.
TG: i would rather avoid a war
TG: my subjects are poor and in need of help
TG: maybe the one who wants to take my throne and i can come to an agreement
TT: An agreement?
TG: yes and by that, i mean im going to make a video about it
TT: Of course you are. What else would you do?
TG: who knows
TG: maybe i would accept their offer of war and we would fight to the death over who would become the true king/queen/royalty of metaphors
TG: but then all my little peasant metaphors would be dead and dying and their blood would be all over the place
TG: and we dont want any of that
TG: we want our people to be happy and buying shit in order to keep this capitalist piece of shit to keep running
TG: anyway i should probably get going sometime soon
TG: work waits for no one and ive got things to review and videos to post
TT: Don’t work yourself to death.
TG: thanks for the (maybe) sincere concern
TG: talk to you later about something or other
TG: who knows really
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
You start getting things together immediately in order to get crack-a-lacking on the work you have been suddenly inspired to do.
It was time to review some angry rants.
Well, actually, just one, but your statement still stands, and it’s also a really really long rant, so it could conceivably possibly count as multiple rants.
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RYAN: -back at it again at the silvah dollah. it's kinda nice to have someplace new to stalk around the later hours of the day. she knows it's not exactly advisable for various reasons to transportalize out onto the satelite isolated far from her home. but... whatever. it's comfortable here and finding comfort elsewhere, somewhere more familiar, is a difficult task for her.-
RYAN: -she's hanging out at the counter again, poking at the remaining contents of a strawberry milkshake and being far less chatty than she was yesterday.-
SILVAH: -Given that there's not really much ON this station other than Skaianet research facilities, private research facilities and basically....the one resturaunt at least there's not much trouble Ryan can get up to up here. Silvah is just finishing cleaning and restoring his stocks from last night. He stayed up far too late and got a little drunk himself, but he's in good spirits. He's fairly sure the reopening was rousing success and that he's gonna make back the money he spent on the deck. Big man is boppin with the radio as he works until he finally makes his way back behind the counter and sees Ryan there. His fins flick.-
SILVAH: Blondie!
SILVAH: I thought I made a regular outta you.
RYAN: -perks up, immediately putting on a smile when she hears his voice, but it's definitely half hearted.-
RYAN: naturally??? youve got some great vibes going on here. :blush:
SILVAH: I built it that way babycakes, but that don't mean it ain't nice to hear.
SILVAH: -starts restocking the baked goods displays as they chitchat.-
SILVAH: You had some pretty good vibes yourself last night. -Not so much today though, huh? He's peepin on her.-
RYAN: again. naturally! as a new regular youll soon discover im always the life of the party. :wink: -leans on the counter, chin in her hand.-
SILVAH: That's quite a claim. Maybe I should think about buyin a leaderboard. Huh huh.
SILVAH: Sure are cute though. Feel like I should be payin you to sit there and look pretty.
RYAN: well im not about to turn down that offer. :hugging:
RYAN: ive got a pretty lengthy resume as a professional cutie. you wouldnt regret the decision.
SILVAH: Now, now. I'm not totally sold. You strike me as a troublemaker too.
SILVAH: Acutally now that I'm thinkin about it, the round robin never made it to ya.
SILVAH: What's your story?
RYAN: :scream:
RYAN: its not polite to ask a lady such questions...
RYAN: which is definitely NOT something a troublemaker would say. :thinking:
SILVAH: Keepin it close to the vest I see. That's fine. I'll get it out of ya eventually.
SILVAH: Food is great at makin people talk.
RYAN: -chinhands intensifies.- yeah? what do you find is the best thing to feed a person to get them to share their life story?
SILVAH: Somethin' caffeinated.
SILVAH: I'll tell you what- I'm crossin strawberry milkshakes off the list as of today.
RYAN: -giggles. geez... it feels good to laugh.-
RYAN: okay fine. youve fed me enough lines to change my tune. :stuck_out_tongue:
RYAN: youre right about me... i am a troublemaker. but im trying to cut back these days.
SILVAH: -Seems satisfied at getting her to laugh. And to crack.-
SILVAH: Respect, little lady. It's not easy.
SILVAH: I'm also one of those.
RYAN: yeah? what are your vices?
RYAN: mine incluuuuude... -checks them off on her fingers as she says them in an attempt to keep it light.- running away. all manner of narcotics. and beautiful sad men and women that only break your heart.
RYAN: so you know. the standard really.
SILVAH: You're right. That is a hell of a resume. -Scratches under his fat chin with Robut hand.-
SILVAH: Lesee....I'm right there with ya on runnin away. Dissapointin my family. Sexual deviancy. An you may have noticed that I like to eat a lil bit.
SILVAH: We already got the makins of a pretty good country song. Too bad that's not my favorite genre.
RYAN: hehehe. id love to inspire any kinda song really.
RYAN: but other than that it seems weve got a lot in common. -sips milkshake.-
RYAN: ive been... disappointing a lot of people for a long time. but i feel like i really dropped the fucking ball again recently. :weary:
SILVAH: -Now he's got both fins angled towards her.- You wanna get into it?
SILVAH: Don't gotta. But if you feel like you need to I have time.
SILVAH: That's how I got so fat. I'm full of secrets.
RYAN: -snickers and shrugs, swirling the straw around in the glass thoughtfully.- well... guess theres no harm in it.
RYAN: since youre being so nice and charming. :wink:
RYAN: things have just been... i dunno.
RYAN: first i fell off the wagon.
RYAN: definitely disappointed my family... and probably my boyfriend. or like. whatever our deal even is. -sighs.-
RYAN: then my ex comes along and starts pulling some burn book bullshit... spilling all my secrets. pissing off my friends. making aforementioned romantic relationship all the more complicated. i think.
RYAN: ugh. -just sighs. it's hard to really dig deep when it's all so frustrating, so she just kinda slumps a little.-
SILVAH: Mm. Did ya say some things you regret?
RYAN: -nods slowly, pouting a little.-
RYAN: yeah. so much stupid shit.
RYAN: im trying to fix things but... i dont know--
RYAN: i dont know what im doing half the time.
SILVAH: -Pauses for a minuite, and while he's processing all the vibes he's picking up from her he's making himself look busy, which is something he's pretty practiced at by now.-
SILVAH: It's not the easy route. It's easier to keep cuttin out. Start over somewhere where they don't know ya. But that would be a waste in the long run.
SILVAH: If you keep tryin eventually they'll see the effort and appreciate it. Even if you're graspin at straws and you say all the wrong shit.
RYAN: -peers up at him, finding that answer... strangely comforting. she gets the sense he understands. maybe because of his own experiences, or just because he's used to dealing with sad sacks like her. it was kind of a cliche. in any case, she's quiet for a moment as she thinks it all over too. her voice is a little hushed when she does speak, a bit embarrassed by admitting the things she is... but knowing full well she needs to say it.-
RYAN: i feel like my efforts are pushing him away.
RYAN: alienating him cuz he feels guilty too. hes always stuck in his own head.
RYAN: i think he feels like hes not good enough. but i dont really get it. im the one who kept running away.
RYAN: he never did anything wrong. at least i dont think he did. it just-- a shitty time. and i dunno if its ever gonna pass so long as im around to remind him that-- fuck.
RYAN: -puts her head in her hand with a sigh.- sorry im not making sense anymore.
SILVAH: -Frowns as he takes this in, and at the same time takes in extra information. All her good intentions, the desperation that go along with them.- Y'know most of the time tryin to anticipate what someone's gonna do or why they feel the way they feel is real misleadin. Unless you have a real blunt discussion about it, you could never know. You might've fucked up, but it don't mean every bad thing that person's feelin is your fault.
SILVAH: The stuff you can pin down as yours is what you should concentrate on, is what I'm sayin.
RYAN: -peers up from behind her hand, eyes glossy with sadness but... there's some hope too. she laughs a little, trying not to seem too broken up about the stuff going on in her head.-
RYAN: i hear you.
RYAN: i just...
RYAN: wanna know im making someone happy for once.
RYAN: you know?
SILVAH: -She seems so vulnerable, it almost hurts to look. They're barely acquaintances at this point, but he doesn't care, he's gonna lightly reach out and touch her hand with his non robotic one.- You got yourself a super acheivable goal there, blondie. I think you're gonna be ok.
SILVAH: -Backs it up with a warm smile too. Believe him. He belives in you!-
RYAN: -well... it's hard not to smile when it feels like someone believes in you. and for some reason, in this moment she kind of believes it too. she doesn't mind the touch. she welcomes it in fact, feeling a little bit touch starved lately.-
RYAN: ill definitely be okay if i keep coming back for these milkshakes...
SILVAH: Hah! You think I'm gonna let you keep orderin just milkshakes.
SILVAH: -Pats her hand, gives it a gentle little squeeze and then releases her.-
RYAN: -giggles again. what a big softie...- i thought the customer was always right???? rude ass...
SILVAH: -Laughs with her. Huh huh huh.- I'mma personally fight whoever came up with that horse shite. The customer ain't right even half the time, let alone always.
SILVAH: This is the only place in the goddamn world where I control everythin. It ain't a fuckin democracy.
RYAN: -snorts and then full on cackles.- geez!!! then i guess ill have to refer to your expert opinion every day im here. :wink:
SILVAH: Heh heh. S'long as its real food some of the time I'll be a happy clam.
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