#in january just as i feared

[eerna]

every few months I am legally required to go on an unhinged Noragami blogging binge just to remind you all of how deep my connection to this stupid manga runs

#this month solidified it. even if i don't like the direction. i can't feel more than vague nothing instead of regular bad feelings #i am just sitting there looking at the dumbass writing decisions and i am not mad at all. instead i cry over the good writing decisions #i have nothing to fear. i will love it no matter what happens. it was about the journey not the destination. this never happened to me befo #we will stay married until the very end. until january which will mark one month away from our 10th anniversary #noragami liveblog #the fact that there will be a one month hiatus before the end. one last hiatus for the road. it is all so magical fr

[hellishgayliath]

When it comes to cooking I want Raph to be that guy who's afraid of the hot oil popping everywhere and literally shielding himself from getting hit with it and Mikey to be the one who just straight up sticks his hands in a hot pot of boiling water or w/e, just completely unfazed and unbothered like he's a seasoned vet of the kitchen who has looked into the devils face himself

#rottmnt #the cryptid talks #i say raph cuz im literally speaking from experience xD #i be covering my arms up just when im cooking spam man #mikey should be a force to be feared sometimes #january is silly idea month for meeee #draw idea #i should go to sleep

[strbry-shortcakes]

finally done with the fucker- here's some stuff from close to the end; oc shit under the cut

gyaru type

#gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #pav fear and hunger #marina fear and hunger #lamb cotl #yes more anime trash gijinka lamb #i just wanted to draw Pav and Gabriel together cause??? idk man #just glad i finished it before january ended #more mileage than actual practice but yk #my art #sketchbook shit

[coldshrugs]

remembering why i usually stick with commissioning friends 🥴

#started this process in january. already paid. have not received even one sketch 😩 #the artist did mention things would be slow but i haven't even heard from them since early february #and that was just to say they'd been sick and send me an invoice #i fear!! #i've had several less than great experiences in the past due to lack of steady communication and transparency #so the red flags are going off a bit #i'm always nervous to commission new folks unless i see them consistently working through and posting finished comms #we live and learn

[why-the-heck-not]

18.01.24, thursday

duolingo french streak 13

5h of researching & trying to figure out a thesis topic (I’m so bad at deciding this damn)

1.5h walk

#i’m stressed bc was supposed to email abt the topic today but did not bc i dont know lol #I’m all the time just putting myself to the AI corner and I keep fearing that the next 5 months I’ll be up to my ears with probability #and statistics bc like that’s going to be the case if I can’t get my brain to stop thinking like ’’the use of AI/ML in X’’ #but ​for some reason that’s the only thing it’s spewing rn #maybe bc that’s the only fucking thing u ever see these days #maybe I should just ’’if u can’t beat them; join them’’ with this #like I’m going to have to do something with AI sometime I’m sure so might as well like learn a bit more now #(I’m so bored with AI bc it’s goddamn everywhere and oh boy do have I knews for u (@me about my choice of study/career field)) #today’s productive(ish) things #january 2024 #2024

[laesas]

did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)

I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!

There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.

I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.

Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.

I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.

I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.

#I have had this gifset concept rattling round my brain since before I even learned to make gifs #if I didn't have so many complicated feelings about Pete after the whole Build situation I'd make it in a heartbeat tbh #my worry is that it would either be taken as a ''hating on Pete'' set and I'd get mad shit for it in my inbox #(despite it being one of my fave facets of his character) #or it would be interpreted as a ''Build's acting appreciation!'' post which tbf it kinda would be. #theres no getting away from the fact that he shaped Pete into a very interesting and nuanced character #but you wouldn't catch me dead making a ''Captain Jack Sparrow appreciation'' set even if I loved POTC as much as KPTS yknow? #like theres only so much distance I can split the character from the actor. which sucks bc Pete as a character was one of my favourites #idk. probably not the ideal answer lol #my first instict was to just make the set since it was all planned out from like december #but since January my love for Pete as a character has mostly been in a little box on a high shelf that I do not ever touch. which is sad #but it is what it is ig #anyway lol 👀 #tankhun theerapanyakul #pete kp #tankhun kp #kp meta #ask #anon #watch me deliberately not putting that shit in the pete tag out of fear #anyway back on the high shelf you go little pete feelings. lets go back to simply not acknowledging u once more lol 🥲✨ #goddamn I deliberately hadnt thought about him in months but now I kinda miss Pete... :( I love this ask though thank u for sending it! 🦔✨ #damn rereading this its like girl. do you have an unrequited love for commas?? fucking use them?? :) anywaY #kpts

[thesistersarcheron]

Maybe… if you’re agoraphobic… you shouldn’t make a new year’s resolution to leave the house at least once a week every weekend.

#GRITTING MY TEETH AND TRYING NOT TO PANIC ABOUT THE BALLET TICKETS I BOUGHT FOR MID-JANUARY #i also spent yesterday paralyzed in fear of my reservations for afternoon tea this weekend #so i might make a little ongoing accountability series 😅 #maybe… just maybe… i should have started with a bookstore or something

[mitamicah]

I see a lot of people have made covers of the snippet of Everybody's Waiting (the new JO track)

I may do it too but at the same time I am hesitant given that I am 90% sure they won't see it (since everything else I'd ever made have never been noticed by them - Bojan's big share yesterday included) and if by chance it is getting seen I am not sure how I'd feel having the first thing noticed by them be just another cover

I am probably overthinking things again

#so here's the t in the tags (aka me ranting) #I have not felt great about my art or my contribution to the joker out and käärijä fandom recently #I have honestly felt like an art block is coming #the few things I have been able to create just doesn't feel good to me #and I don't get the same satisfaction of sharing it either #Ik I should be grateful for whatever faves and views it gets but I cannot help but feel underappreciated #which in turn doesn't make me feel motivated to make more #the last few days I have actually been more drawn to playing my guitar and writing songs than creating artwork #so that is what I've been doing #in that regard creating a little cover would maybe be fun #and yet I fear I'd fall into the same trap as with the art #that now I might make something to share with the fandom it has stakes #and in the end the stakes will be too high since I cannot help but compare what I make #and so I will lose interest in making music as well #honestly I feel kind of lost #I have had days I just stop working for half an hour to several hours #falling down an unproductive rabbit hole where I just stare out into the blue or at a youtube video #I don't want to be here #I want to love what I do and love sharing it with you again #but after a pretty productive and somewhat decent january #I now feel meh about it all #thank you for reading my tag novel #I will go now #micahs thoughts #micahs foolery

[blessphemy]

get called into bossmans office (x2 bosses)

- you’ve been great and professional

- responsive and easy to work with

- take feedback well, good follow up

- done a great job, great work ethic

- hope we cross paths professionally again

- anyway bye!

#cyborg lifeblogging #2 be clear this was a temp position from the start #and I’m not done til mid January #but there’s scheduling stuff so has this convo today #folks I’ve done it again I’m a delight professionally #I’m competent and they have only good things to say about me #at this point. at all the random ass jobs I’ve had #and the random ass people who all love me at work #my self doubt died somewhere along the way in the face of sheer evidence of I’m Cool #honestly though I think it’s like #50% I’m insanely likeable for some reason #50% I’m competent and communicative #aka I’m Women Love Me Fish Fear Me of the workplace #see my career in legit anything would be fine lol #but I don’t have a career I have a confusing pile of misc work experiences #and no ambitions #that’s ok tho cuz I’m likeable and competent #so like whatever #I’ll just keep stringing together Stuff and hopefully something is interesting enough to keep doing #I think if I had an Adjective for me it would be ‘easygoing’ #it’s my biggest strength and also weakness that I’ll handle whatever happens. but also I don’t care enough #and don’t have enough fear/incentive #to drive myself down some specific path #also ngl I’m aware that if I did fuck up huge time then my parents would let me live in their proverbial basement #I’m not a failchild exactly cuz I have generally succeeded at supporting myself though adult life #but man my working history sure doesn’t look like most of the people I talk to and it’s a little weird sometimes

[technicalthinker]

bc it was trending on tumblr (seemingly too early, since s3 comes out on thursday), I discovered that they released sonic prime s3 ep1 early on youtube

and they did the same for s2 ep1 so I shouldn't be shocked but I wASN'T PREPARED.

#ive been looking fORWARD to january 11th it's in my calendar and everything so*????? EP 1 ALREADY???????? BRAIN GO BRRRRR #sonic prime #amanda rambles #just finished it i have many thoughts and fears for this season huh #tagging it as sonic prime spoilers and sonic prime s3 for anyone who wants to block

[giverofempathy]

i love love love it when things work out for me today was so good !!!!

#salisha speaks #went to the gym and it was a bit overwhelming but i went !!!! #spend the rest of the day doing little things that made me happy like reading n crochething #and i just prepped a meal for lunch tomorrow !!! #small steps but good steps :-) #yknow gonna get a bit spiritual here but i did the Rooknachten and i pulled one oracle card for every new month of 2024 #and for january i got the Love card from that deck and its actually been so helpful? #like when i don't feel so good i can pull myself out of it by reminding myself that i am loved and that i can make choices #out of love instead of fear! and it will show change in my life!! #it feels comforting and safe :-) i love love

[bookshelf-in-progress]

Guess what?

I just came up with more

Fantasy politics

💖💖💖

#okay so the great wip search of january 2024 led me to reread shadowstruck's prologue #i still love it #why can't i write like that anymore? #anyhow #i've been bashing my head against it for a few days #because it's a unique secondary world with political issues #perfect for current cravings #and i just came up with a situation that has me all excited over the implications #i'm not sure if this is a replacement to shadowstruck or a prequel to it #centered around an entirely different character who meets brightley #and he is just ecstatic over the political implications of this situation #and i've got the chance to make use of last year's 1800s congressional politics obsession #to craft some really wild guys getting into political shenanigans #but anyhow if i do anything with it then it could be a good short-story way to make use of this universe #and i'm not going to spill the details for fear of ruining it but i'm so excited

[lcerys]

small ( possible ) activity notice as we're getting closer to the holidays ― i am not really sure how it will affect my activity. i could be here more, the same, or i could take longer to answer / be here less because it's a ... weird time of the year. will be back to usual on january 2 or 3 almost certainly ! ( and nothing may change in the first place but if i take longer to answer ― might be the time of the year )

#out of character › rambling again. #my discord is the same as this url for any mutuals who want it ! i just fear i won't be around #this time stresses me out so i don't know if that will mean i will write more or it will kill all disposition to write #but on january it will be done and over

[trashcanalienist]

#the worst part is that i know i'll get through this because it's been worse. in january and november and october and the whole first year. #simultaneously i feel 'why isn't it worse? it should be worse' and 'if i'll survive this month too then why can't it just be over already?' #i like to run from pain or so i say. but historically what i do instead is stay still and pretend i deserve it. i can't do that for this #this has broken me and everything else is coming back to devour me. if i don't drown in this black depth then i'll lose to something else #i know it. everything i am proud to be and everything i am and any courage and any pride and any confidence i have ever had #any ability to live and every strength within me. is all because of joey. #and now he's gone and i haven't felt his presence in over a year so i hope he's with paul wherever but. i am fracturing and dessicating and #falling completely to ashes and bones and fur and i can't take it. i always knew i wasn't meant to live long #(and the only ones who felt like i did thought as i did all followed that path before me - except joey. but now he's gone too. and i fear #but i won't say it) #and with this infinite emptiness now and everything else bearing down like a hurricane both past and present my wall is crumbling and i #i will drown for sure. i will. #nonsense #words i speak #joey jordison #in memoriam #miserable grief

[seekingthestars]

You're about to be (magically) transported to another land/world/time with little warning: what are five items you'd grab before you go?

OOOOOOH what an interesting question OKAY hmmmm 🤔

my answers are gonna kinda be half actually useful stuff and half random things but HERE WE GO

advil/antibiotics/general medicines - who knows what goes on in mysterious other land/world/time! not me, that’s for sure! first aid kit/antibiotics feels like a safe plan lol

camera/phone - whichever one would work best wherever i was going lol but working under the assumption that i’d eventually come back to my world/time, i’d want pics of the experience!!

books - idk exactly in what form (maybe a kindle even though i don’t actually own one rn???) but something fun to read and ALSO like…how to books. pretty sure i’m gonna need to know how to do things i don’t currently know how to do so how to books!!

iPod - this is silly but idk man i don’t know how to function without background music

stuffed bunbun - idk why but i tend to sleep better if i’m like…hugging/clinging to something? so stuffed jellycat bunbun, who is one of my favorite purchases from this year lol

#january-summers #answer #mostly i feel like what would actually happen #is that i'd be given X amount of time to grab things #and i'd just be frozen in confusion/excitement/fear?? and forget to grab anything useful #and just end up with like...whatever was closest to me at the time HAHAHAHAHA

[eggmeralda]

listening to my february-june 2022 playlist which led to ⬇️

#oh my god it was sooooo gooooooood #what do you mean there were 12 months. no there weren't. 2022 ended in mid august. perfect year with no bad months at all #anyway i'm thinking about the 2022 that exists in my mind (january-mid august) it was so good #i listened to. so many albums. and got introduced to so much music #specifically down the route of electronic stuff like eurodance and techno and happy hardcore and that #and also down the route of i guess more atmospheric stuff? like shoegaze and dream pop and droney noisy stuff #and then there was. The Hyperfixation. call me bitter bc i was experiencing extreme truffula flu brainrot aHAHAH- *is shot* #one of the hyperfixations of all time. it was so intense it gave me agoraphobia #okay i had agoraphobia anyway but my camp entre obsession did contribute to it a bit #bc it released so many chemicals in my brain it would just give me anxiety #okay but the actual agoraphobia was so weird like what was going on there #i was so scared of eating food that might annihilate my digestive system i just wouldn't eat. and wouldn't leave the house #i mean i did leave the house but only if i had to and i DID NOT enjoy it and i would start zoning out if i was out for too long #and i did eat but it was limited to like. porridge and bread and for some reason sushi. like they were the only foods i didn't fear #what was wrong with me #then i got over it by the summer. like the slight fear comes back sometimes for a few weeks but it'll never be as bad as it was then #my god the summer though. unreal time #july we have such a complicated history but you did a great job in 2022 #the swag archive..........the career awakening...........(don't tell my 22yo self trying to apply for archiving jobs is the absolute worst) #(let her have her dream) #omg speaking of the dream. and also swag. the night i found out swag was asexual. wtf. great night #i guess it was a mixture of always being in search of a canonically asexual character that i was interested in since i was 18 #like there was todd chavez but i wasn't like Obsessed with him or anything. and i can't think of any other character i knew #and then i find out just as I'm going to bed that the character that has been absolutely obliterating my soul for the past 6 months #is canonically asexual?? so then i didn't sleep for another 2 hours #unreal night #I'm running out of tags but anyway i love you first 8.5 months of 2022 i love you 2nd year of uni i love you camp entre truffula flu #i love you every album i listened to then i love you job i had at that sweet shop i even love you agoraphobia no i don't you were awful #but you were part of the vibe. anyway 2022 jan-aug my beloved #ramble