#I now feel meh about it all

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

#derpy speaks #good omens #good omens 2 #no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry #he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away. #meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving #idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse'' #at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?'' #doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once #he deserves that self respect #do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose. #everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through #but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing #is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭 #but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story? #is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter? #someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it #not queued

[pixelatedraindrops]

I was thinking about a sick Makoto, and realized you'd probably like to hear my thoughts instead of just letting em fade away

Despite Makoto being a perfect homunclus, I like to think he gets sick often and it's hard to fight off. Side affect from his habit of working without breaks. I feel like congestion issues are probably what gets him most... wine isn't the best for hydration, after all. Once he gets sick it's really hard for him to get back to feeling healthy again, even if he stops working and focuses on trying to get better. He could do everything he's supposed to do to feel healthy, and he'll still be sick for weeks on end. He usually doesn't focus on getting better, so he can be sick for much longer than that secretly. I like to imagine it comes in waves- he gets bedridden and can't do anything, then slowly starts healing and jumps on the opportunity to get back to work. Which re-kickstarts his illness all over again.

Ohhhh yeah, now you're starting to understand my visions when it comes to this silly little workaholic.

Absolutely. He is fairly frail despite being immortal and when he gets sick, it doesn't go away for a while. It can start with just a small cold, that will graduate to congestion, coughing, a high fever, chills, fatigue and literally anything. And yeah wine is not a good drink for that sort of thing at all... ^^; Because he constantly works with little to no breaks, he can easily destroy his health. He is just one person after all. Doing all this work and shouldering the burden of an entire city on his hands. ALONE? Nah. That cannot be healthy...

I love this idea so much and its canon to me now. The fact that it can come in waves and he can have good days and bad ones, and the good ones just end up bad ones literally the day after repeatedly because of all the time he spends working and NOT resting. It’s an endless cycle of pure misery and he only has himself to blame.

And I LOVE it...

Makoto... REST YOU FOOL... 💦

#pixel answers #whumpcode #whumpcode ask #rain code #rain code spoilers #master detective archives: rain code #makoto kagutsuchi #pixeldoodles #my art #DANGIT I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GO TO BED #and then you hit me with this glorious ask... #now ima be thinking about this all night #sick makoto my beloved... #I will strap you to the bed and call yuma i stg #not the best doodle but its 3am gimme a break lmao #meh its an ask doodle and I had to draw SOMETHING... #idk if clinically overworked is a real term but I feel like Makoto would be the first to make it real tbh #AND NOW I SLEEP...

[aureentuluva70]

Lay of Leithian Part 22: The Death of Finrod

Credits to the Artists!

<<&lt;Part 21 >>>Part 23

#leithian #lay of leithian #lethianedit #beren #finrod #sauron #tolkien #silmarillion #silmedit #tolkienedit #feel kinda meh about this one to be honest #not to mention it took WAY too long #i originally wanted to do the entire canto in a single post #but tumblr only allows for thirty images per post and there was no way I could possibly squeeze it all in there #it legit felt overwhelming not to mention i was frustrated that I couldnt find the pictures I wanted #so i just decided to do a shorter one for now #hopefully part 23 will get to the end of canto X

[jorvikzelda]

today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

#z talks #like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed #(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning) #remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’ #babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man #and thats the only one youre looking back on #its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time #(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS) #And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys #its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on #no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted #(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary. #This Was Also Wrong.) #was a weird time man. a truly weird time #anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3 #as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks #get well flowers <333333 #and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight #With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically! #They coexist Wonderfully <3 #Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed #Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic #I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.

[runefactorynonsense]

I have my entire little pink family on my tablet now, life is good 💖💖

Meanwhile, the other side of the tablet is still ruled by Raguna and Felicity, as it should be 👏

#Margot talks about Nothing #the Wacom Cintiq 16“ is the perfect size for graff art acrylics it turns out #The combo of aaron/aria arrived a couple weeks ago but I was still feeling meh #but it's my blog dang it #I can share what I want #I will always support Raguna and Felicity merch first and foremost #but to be able to get the Lynette AND RF2 gaggle. yes pls #[reminder that this blog headcanons Kyle as Lynette's son #empire boy smuggled over postgame. And they all got halloween art ✨️] #now is time for bed

[nikuttek]

hmm... i'm still feeling art blocked and not very inspired to work on my current bagginshield wip. however, i thought it might be fun if people could send me drawing 'requests' to see if they'd spark some inspiration!

just be aware that while i might do some of them i might also not do any of them if the art block sticks around, so it wouldn't be anything personal ♡

#bagginshield #vilke.txt #it's so funny to me that i got the lineart done and then lost all my inspiration for the wip akdsjdk #because usually colouring is my absolute favourite but now i just feel very meh about it #so taking a break and drawing or doodling something else might help!

[cxpperhead]

Not enjoying my time off as much as I'd hoped. Going to try and be active this week so please bear with me.

#🐍 || ooc #;; delete later #Hopefully mood picks up in a day or two but otherwise I just feel like shit #Family don't really care what's going on so why should I kind of thing #Youtube is shit now because of all the ads and I can't go anywhere or do anything bc it's winter #negativity tw #negativity cw #It's probably just SAD kicking in but feeling very meh about time off now #I'd rather be at work bc at least I'm active

[ghost-proofbaby]

Here to tell you, you should drop out of college and try and publish some books.. lol okay okay, maybe don’t do anything super drastic just yet, BUT, I would definitely look into publishing books. Because I think it would work out for you. I could say something dumb like “just don’t be scared and do it”. Lol but that would be annoying. So how bout…. Don’t take it off the table. Don’t write it off as a pipe dream. You’re talented, you’re smart. And I think you can definitely pull it off. Might take a sometime but it’s worth a shot.

i appreciate this so much. i’m definitely trying to not do anything drastic but it’s just been a lot of questioning “what do i want to do in life that DOESNT make me want to stop existing” and the realization that everything that does make me feel happy and passionate just… doesn’t align with my major. like, i have spent years sitting in classrooms telling myself ‘this is good for you it’ll be a stable career, it’ll make others proud’.

i shouldn’t have to talk myself down from a ledge every day i wake up or head into class. and i certainly shouldn’t only go into a career because of how it makes other people feel.

so yeah. lots of feels. thank you, nonnie. 🖤

#the entire point of higher education is to pursue something that makes ME excited #obviously not all classes will be happy go lucky that are needed for every major #like math? i don’t like math. but i finished my math courses. #but now that i’m down to SPECIFIC classes it’s just… i’m finally in the trenches of what the career is ABOUT #so why do i still feel so… meh? so ugh? so unencouraged and unexcited? #the only time i’ve EVER felt excited about college was when i started my og major and plan and people talked me out of it #and spoiler alert: it had to do with my two consistent passions in life :))) #things i was pursuing even back in middle school #wah #idk #also accepting ive wasted any amount of money on college is terrifying #idk this is a major rant post IGNOOOREEE #thank u ily #ghost needs to shut up

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[raatopaikka]

In honour of #TAEMINisback here's an old pencil sketch I never posted! (2021)

(ballpoint version: 🖊 )

#taemin #shinee #TAEMINisback_D1 #TAEMINisback #taemin fanart #shinee fanart #2021 #my fave part is the shadow the strand of hair casts on his eyelid 💃🏻 #i first drew this cause i wanted to post it on his bday a couple of years ago but i wasn't happy with the background so i never posted it #but now that i have access to editing software i could finally finish it and D1 feels like a good reason to post something! 💪 #haven't posted for 2 months cause i bought a flat and painted the walls myself and moved and all that so ive had no energy for art haha🙈 #anyway im ridiculously excited about him coming back :''''D HE'S ALMOST HERE! #and also ps the ref pic is from Advise era and i have very mixed feelings about the hair extensions 🙈 #and i thought in this particular ref pic his hair looked kinda meh so i just improvised and gave him a new haircut lol 🙈 #pencil sketch #drawing #portrait

[lovebloods]

.

#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest #and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me #sorry for being cringe <333 #but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming #home after a long trip #and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually #being a guy i freak out a bit #bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly #and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone #and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman #even though i’m not #like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes #it’s all very confusing #AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people #but im like? am i on the ace spectrum #bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’ #myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like #it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it #so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me #but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think #about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being #vulnerable #and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am #and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like #it’s all so confusing #i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay

[spinetacks]

3am feelings be gone into tags 🚮

#but just thinking about 2 months minimum..that’s enough yearning to kill a man :( #I’ll just keep making throwback stuff 😔 we will have food to survive on.. #I’m super close to my first little follower milestone! I’m so happy to be here and meet nice people and share things #after being a bit lost and meh and in autism limbo over interests last year it’s been so nice :) I really enjoy days he keeps me busy #and I’ll miss that aaaa #I care him a lot :(( #more than I ever anticipated I would but I’m here now 😪 #and excited for whatever the next era of his career looks like 🤧 #I try to remain hinged on here because no one needs all my feelings fhjd but I have a lot !! #and it’s nice to put that into making him more accessible to others ! #idek what emotion this post is now it was sad and happy..anyway :’) just late night feelings #it’s been a big busy emotional few weeks and I’m sad he’s leaving but tangentially happy I’ve met other people who care him #if you see this I have feelings for you and you can’t escape!! 💖 #blahblah

[e77y]

The writing is not writing tonight. Brain not braining etc. I will do this essay tomorrow morning in a procrastination-induced frenzy as per usual

#going to go to sleep early (like. now) #just felt very meh today #need to schedule a psych appointment so bad #once other health problems stop arising lol #btw I only JUST learned that you can reorder tags on mobile.. delightful #okay gn #maybe I will do a bit of hw just so I can fall asleep lol #ellyposting #should I make a tag for my health-centric posts #and also one for my school-centric posts #that’s. all I post about #okay I thought about it for a few minutes and have arrived at #🤓posting #for college/uni posts #wackyposting #for my ocd (presumably) posts lol. feeling wacky 2nite #will update accordingly 😭😭😭 #I like to be organized #I just also become disorganized very. very. VERY easily #okay I deleted some tags bc I remembered that people actually see the things I post. horrifying (joke) #noooo they mustn’t know I have Scared Disorder

[thyandrawrites]

Today it's been a very productive day of procrastinating on finishing my writing wip by attempting to finish my cosplay wip, which I have been procrastinating on for 3 years. I feel like this says something about me and motivation lmao

#Thyandra.txt #I just remembered that there is a con in a month (or less) #And while I'm still debating if I'm going or not I wanna have new cosplay options #This stuff has been laying in my closet for too long. Gotta put it to use #Ngl it's a bit weird cosplaying hawks now that I feel meh about him #But I had all the materials already... Might as well finish it I guess #I'm not sure if a month is enough time to work on all the stuff I still need to work on but #At least now it doesn't feel like it was a complete waste of my money! That had been weighing on me tbh

[pacificgasandelectric]

hanging out in this server i'm in is wild to me bc it's a generally very. wholesome place. and there Are dedicated channels for nsfw and there's a Single "dark nsfw" channel that pretty much only hosts stuff like "what if it was TECHNICALLY dubcon but nobody involved was actually forced into doing anything they felt genuinely uncomfortable with" and i'm over here like. what if a character restrained and lobotomized their captive, who was horrified the whole time. what if i invent an abortifacient herb so one character can induce a miscarriage on another in secret, and then accuse them of "not caring about their baby enough" to not lose it. what if there was adoptive incest On Top Of the blood-relative incest. what if i invented ways to violate autonomy using magic or technology that you literally can't do in real life. would that be cool or what

#mine #idk i mean i don't want to judge ppl for not having my taste in fiction #but god damn. the stuff that gets classed as 'dark' in here when it's literally like #the most milquetoast version of 'you could technically consider it dubcon in that it's impossible to consent within that power dynamic' #i guess the thing i'm judging is ppl being like 'ah here's my Dark Stuff' when there's a general sense that Actually Dark Stuff #would get me extremely judgy treatment bc it verges too close to 'apologism' #personally i have no plans to get over when one of the fucking mods said they were uncomfortable with another person in the fandom's #'[incest ship] apologism' bc as we all know. incest ships that are Made Up are things you can be an apologist about In Real Life #which i can only presume is like. talking about them without going 'i'm sooooo sorry i enjoy this i know it's Bad and would be Bad irl' #anyways i'll stop talking to myself now i guess #just feels kinda meh that this space that's very much like. 'we want people to not worry about prejudice in fandom' #is still very susceptible to like. overt judginess abt stuff that Isn't gender and sexuality