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eskir · 1 day

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pining from a glided cage - sunday x reader

he watches you with a dull ache in his chest and handcuffs to duty - unrequited love on sunday's part

wc: 808 a/n talks: soft sunday w/angst :D got the idea from @eternity-death and i vibed with it a lot. also i'm proud of my first tag (please say yes)

Penacony can only be called the land of dreams, for the sole reason that it is in ones dreams. It will never be the land of fulfilled dreams, never the land where wishes come to fruition. Because even as life slumbers, nightmares run amok and bitter pieces of reality infest dreams, leaving the conscious person choking and gasping for breath.

But Sunday cannot awaken from the dream, so he is left watching you with an impassive face and hidden heart pains from a glided view. He loves you. He cannot say the words that dare to burst from his traitorous lips, nor can he express the sweet pains that reside in his chest. He is an administrator, the head of the Oak family, and he is bound by decorum, order, and the rules imposed upon him by the Dreammaster. He lacks control, so he craves it in everything he can hold in the palm of his insignificant hand. He is bound to Penacony, and he realizes that Robin, his dear sister, spoke uncomfortably bitter truth.

"Brother, I am leaving Penacony. A lavish yet empty cage that I have to leave, but I will miss it nevertheless. I hope you make it out of there, or at the very least, walk in reality."

But he cannot bear to leave Penacony, not when so much is expected of him as the head, not when the Dreammaster oversees almost every move of his, not when you reside in the place he can only call a home because of you.

For if you were no longer in Penacony, he would have nothing joyous holding him back. He would languish apathetically for all the Golden Hours, unable to pursue his dreams. So he makes sure to cherish the moments he has with you, knowing that you could leave at any moment like Robin did.

(he'll hold onto you with a tight desperate grip that he knows is unacceptable. he doesn't want to lose anyone else that's important to him. and even though robin is still alive, she is too far away and the presence of her letters only tears his heart up more.)

So whenever you visit him, bringing sweet treats that you know he'll like, talking about parts of your life, Sunday will listen. He always listens with that soft gaze that could almost make you believe that he is in love with you. He is, but that is a point you'll never acknowledge or realize. Sunday knows that, he can tell when you talk about someone you are clearly enamored with.

He's listened to you for a long enough time that he knows your tells. So when you talk about someone else that isn't him in a romantic light, he freezes. His smile becomes a little more forced, and he closes his eyes to hide the uncomfortable emotions that are swirling in them. In those moments, he misses you. Even though you are right in front of him, he aches for the old you and for Robin. You three would just run throughout the Dreamscape with no worries as children. He misses you even though you're right in front of him. He aches to reach out for your face and kiss your forehead gently.

But he can't, he has to restrain himself from any action that could be misconstrued as affectionate. He cannot do anything but drown in his emotions because that is what the Dreammaster ordered of him. The Dreammaster disapproves of him acting on his feelings because he must 'act accordingly' and 'not be distracted from his duties'. It's suffocating that he cannot reach out for your hand or your kind touch.

(he just craves you. he craves your presence and smile. he'd never have either of the two if you weren't close friends, but the proximity to you just makes his heart ache even more. he lets you touch his wings, even though he knows you only love him as a friend. he lets you, enjoys it even, with you play with his hair, commenting on how soft it is. he wishes that it was because you truly did love him, but it's just how you are, naturally affectionate. so he feigns the neutrality of a long term friend.)

So he smiles whenever you met up. His eyes always light up when you bring new sweet treats and you always laugh at his expression good-naturedly. It's a comfortable relationship that the two of you have, and when night falls, he'll always wish for your happiness.

(he just wishes that you'll never fall in love with anyone but him. he wishes that you won't fall in love with him because he cannot love you back and he doesn't want to reject you.)

Just like Robin, you are a star that he revolves around, never getting closer or further away.

#i hope i emotionally devastated you #hsr sunday x reader #sunday x reader #hsr x reader #sunday #hsr sunday #honkai star rail #hsr #unrequited love #light angst

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homesickturner · 2 days

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John Egan post war with an academic girlie? 🥰

hi anon !!!! I had so much fun with this thank you so much I really hope you love it🥹🫶 any more requests are more than welcome

dara speaks : I am aware than in real life John Egan continued working for the US army until he passed but I am just gonna go by what I feel would happen post war MOTA Bucky <3

With everything John went through I feel like he’d be very eager to learn lots of new things once he arrived home.

I feel like I could see him doing engineering in college but maybe that’s just me

Once enrolled, he would spot the most beautiful girl on a night out and immediately go over and flirt with her

She would obviously be smitten straight away

I’m gonna say that she’s a law major because I know that stuff is supposed to be super difficult

Soon John realized the poor girl wasn’t going to have a lot of free time to go on dates with him, so he started bringing the dates to her.

The first date was a picnic (planned extremely well by John) and they were able to talk for hours and hours

The first date was an exception because John realized the poor girl didn’t have a lot of free time to go on dates with him with how difficult the course was

so he started bringing the dates to her!!!!!

Library study dates, more picnic dates…even if he had to sit and watch her study for hours he would not care one bit

He would literally be such a saint I can’t even cope

I can picture him coming into her room at some ridiculous hour and forcing her into bed

He would be so helpful to her all the time I just know it

If she was having trouble with someone in particular he would take it upon himself to learn it secretly so he could help her understand better 🥹

All that being said, she would also be the most amazing girl to him! Helping him in whatever ways she could

He would be so proud of her anytime she scored well on something or was doing well in the class

Overall just the cutest and most in love couple 🥹🥹

#john egan x reader #bucky egan #buck and bucky #john egan #mota #rosie rosenthal #callum turner

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hockeyboistrash · 19 hours

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wearing blue in a sea of yellow | a.s

this is purely self-indulgent. there may be some inaccuracies but like i said, its self-indulgent. i love this team and am so proud of what they've accomplished so far. i realise i've kinda disappeared, but i'm hoping to come back

"They want me to start." Arturs told you, disbelief laced his voice. He was still taking in the conversation he just had with his coach. He knew it was a possibility with Demko out injured but didn't think that DeSmith would also be out injured.

"Are you serious?" You asked, not believing what you just heard. Arturs nodded making you scream, wrapping your arms around him. You pulled back when you didn't feel his arms around you. "Is this not a good thing?"

"Yes of course it is. Its just... What if I'm not good enough?" He mumbled, looking down. That broke your heart. You hated when Arturs doubts himself but you understood the pressure that came with being an NHL goalie, especially one in the playoffs. You have the whole fanbase praising you one minute and then hating you the next.

"You are good enough." You cupped his cheek, your thumb brushing against his skin. Arturs leaned into your touch, the contact grounding him. "You wouldn't be here if you weren't. Remember last year? You helped Latvia get third place in the championships." A small smile crept upon his lips when you said that. You always knew what to say to him. "What ever happens tonight, I'm proud of you, okay? Not everyone would be able step up like you are. That makes you a pretty incredible guy already."

Arturs turned, kissing your hand. He appreciated every reassurance you uttered to him and your presence in Nashville. "Thank you for being here with me."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." You told him, the smile he fell in love with dancing across your lips. You took his hand in yours, giving it a comforting squeeze. "Now if you get nervous or panic, just know that I will be there in the sea of yellow wearing blue."

-x-

As the clock ticked down you were on the edge of your seat. It was a close game. When Brock scored it breathed life into the game again. Then he scored another, his third of the game, pushing it to overtime. Any other day hockey is stressful but the playoffs take it to a whole new level. You wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have any nails left at the end.

You wish you could talk to Arturs. He's got the weight of the Canucks fanbase on his shoulders and you wanted to take carry some of it for him. Instead you settled on sending him a text, even if he won't see it until after.

I'm so proud of you ❤️

Sliding your phone back into your pocket, you turned your focus back onto the game as overtime began. Your hands were clasped in front of you as your eyes darted across the ice, focusing on the puck as it was passed between the players. Then it hit the back of the net. You could feel the Nashville fans near you deflate as they lost but you didn't care. You jumped up excited that Arturs's first playoff game was a win, excited that the Canucks are up 3-1 in the series. You watched on with pride as the boys surrounded your boyfriend, hugging each other.

You knew it'd be a while before Arturs came out but that didn't stop you bouncing up and down, waiting for him so you could wrap your arms around him in a bone crushing hug.

The commotion from the girls let you know that the boys were coming out of the locker room. You watched on as they greeted their significant others, congratulating them as they walked pass. Arturs was one of the last ones out leaving the two of you alone in the hallway.

His eyes lit up when he saw you, the tiredness he felt from the game slipping away. He didn't even get a chance to say anything before your arms were around him, pulling him into a deep kiss, your fingers tangled in his wet hair. Arturs truly believed he was the luckiest guy in the world when it came to you. Everything felt right when he was with you.

"You were incredible out there." You mumbled against his lips.

"Couldn't have done it without you." Arturs said and you playfully hit is chest, rolling your eyes. He always said that after every game. It was like you were on the ice with him when really you were either in the crowd or watching at home.

"We should probably get out of here if we don't want to be locked in here." You sighed, wishing you could stay in your own little world for a little while longer, knowing the boys will want to go out and celebrate their win.

"That was one time." Arturs grinned, his fingers laced with yours as you began walking towards the exit.

#arturs silvos imagine #arturs silovs #vancouver canucks imagine #vancouver canucks #nhl imagine #nhl

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alitherandom · 9 hours

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Bad Batch is almost over so I'm going to ramble. If anyone can relate, please reply or reblog. Share what this show has meant to you, share your thoughts, share theories, tag people. Let's give it a send off.

Star Wars has been a massive part of my life for years.

I loved everything about the Clone Wars, the world building, the character development for the jedi, but most of all the clones. As someone who finds it hard to read faces, it was fun getting to know each of the clones as individuals with their own personalities and I actually never had any issues telling them apart. It hits hard, I think that's what makes their stories even more tragic.

Echo and Fives are my favourite Star Wars characters so I was really happy when Echo came back in Clone Wars season 7. That was why I decided to watch the Bad Batch- it then became my favourite series.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do when this show ends. I think the hardest part is not knowing what the galaxy has in store for the batch and where it could go from here. Whatever happens I’ll always be grateful for the experiences I've had as part of this community over the last few years.

I think that's what's great about being part of a fandom. Seeing all the different ideas and projects that get put out there every day as well as knowing everyone else is in just as much suspense as I am. I haven't interacted on here that much until the last few months, but I check the tags a lot and all the fanart has been immaculate. The writers and artists are crazy talented and work so hard, I admire the level of dedication and aspire to be like that. 😂

I'm also really grateful for the three seasons we got with Clone Force 99.

Seeing Echo go from a shiny in the Clone Wars to becoming who he is now. (I could talk about that for ages, but I'll save that for another post.)

Seeing Crosshair regain his trust in the batch and get to change.

Seeing Hunter step up for his brothers and Omega.

Seeing more sides to Wrecker's strength.

Seeing Omega go from that kid who'd never seen dirt before to learning from her brothers and proving how brave she is.

And lastly, seeing Tech make the choice he did back in season 2. It wasn't easy to watch, because he deserved more time and there was definitely a massive hole in season 3 without him.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to any of them.

My favourite episodes in season 1 were the last few, when Kamino fell. It was the end of an era as well as a new beginning.

My favourite episode in season 2 was episode 8. I was really proud of Echo, plus he got a hug from Omega which I have admittedly rewatched far too many times.

My favourite episodes in season 3 were episodes 13 and 14. The stakes have been so high and it's been great seeing Echo's ARC skills in action again. (Plus the dialogue with Rampart was top tier. Hate that guy, but it was hilarious.)

I'm well aware of all the theories for the finale. I'm choosing to ignore most of them, but I’d like to present my own.

I hope Echo gets to finish what Fives started and the clones can finally be free, including Tech if he's CX2. I hope the batch gets to burn Tantiss to the ground and fly off into the sunset with Omega and the kids from the vault, and then I hope they continue a lifetime of bullying Rampart. I also hope Emerie gets to whack Hemlock with a steel chair, and then the Zillo beast can eat him.

…After all, Star Wars is based on hope, right?

If anyone actually ended up reading this to the end you're a real one- have a great final Bad Batch eve, and may the force be with you.

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vaedis · 2 days

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my goodbye’s to The Bad Batch.

Tech,

your mind is beautiful, and your heart is just as radiant. your selflessness is inspiring, and your drive for knowledge makes me want to know more. some may say that you are stuck up, but i see how much you truly love your family. you may process things differently than others, but you are worthy of the exact same love. i wish i could see your mind process more, i hope that you’re happy. may there be infinite knowledge where you are. you deserve the very best. i love you.

Wrecker,

you inspire me to be strong enough to be gentle. you have a beautiful soul, you make me laugh, and you are worthy of every delicious meal. you have protected your family well, and you have managed to do it with a smile on your face. i’m so proud of you for holding them together. i hope that wherever you end up, it is filled with laughter, full plates, and more excitement than you can wrap your head around. i love you.

Crosshair,

you are so worthy of love, never doubt yourself or your abilities. even if things aren’t necessarily the way they used to be, you are still worthy of love. i see the ways that you care for your family, and you are anything but a cold sniper. i am so proud of you for overcoming everything, even the things you don’t speak about, despite how difficult that may have been for you. i hope that you find rest, i hope that you heal, and i hope that you are happy. you deserve the best, Cross. i love you.

Omega,

you are such a light to your family. never doubt that, and never forget it. your brothers love you so so much, you have given them purpose. you changed them; you have done the best thing that anyone could have done for them. never forget how much you matter. you are so intelligent, beautiful, strategical, and you show so many positive traits of your brothers. there is such a wonderful purpose for you in this huge galaxy. never stop exploring, sweet girl. i love you.

Echo,

you have seen and overcome so much, and you have done an incredible job by remaining kind despite it all. you have always been a good soldier, and i hope that you never forget that. your wisdom, strength, and courage are inspiring. you are worthy of so many gentle and kind things. you work to make things right, and that is such an honorable trait to possess. anyone would be lucky to have you in their corner. i love your heart. i hope that you find the peace that you deserve, you are a good man. you deserve a happy ending. i love you.

Hunter,

you have been a good Sergeant; any team would be lucky to have you at the head. you have led your squad well, and i am so proud of you. never forget how loved you are. never forget how much they love you, and look up to you, and care about you. even when you think that the pressure is alone on your shoulders, you are never alone. the bad things were never your fault. you have grown into an honorable man, putting your family above it all. you have learned so much and come so far, and i am so grateful to have seen you change throughout the journey. you deserve peace, rest, and happiness. i hope that you are happy, wherever you are. i love you.

Clone Force 99 / The Bad Batch,

i love you all so much. i can’t believe that i’m saying goodbye to you all. you have made me feel so seen, you have made me feel like i’m not alone. the way that you love each other is so special; never forget to love each other above it all. look after your family, and honor those who have fallen. you have all been good soldiers, and even better men (and girl). i salute you, and i love you all. may the force be with you.

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coquelicoq · 6 months

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after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.

#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA #i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol #but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be #and sent him this text #and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason #i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process #but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol)#and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it #which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this #but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me #sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time!#and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends #it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay #baby steps! working on it!#i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know #so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things #but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this

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magentagalaxies · 1 month

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also idk why that last post reminded me of one of my favorite bellini fun facts which he shared in the podcast he co-hosted with scott back in like 2013 which is that he never played "rock, paper, scissors" until he was in his late 40s??? like he'd never learned how to and he was like "if i saw someone doing that i would leave a room. i don't need an extra thing to learn today" honestly king behaviour

#i love bellini sm i should listen to more of that podcast i never finished the last few episodes bc i got distracted #also very proud of the fact that i was able to track that podcast down bc both scott and paul were convinced it was just lost media #(which especially says something for paul bc he saves everything and he didn't have any recordings of it)#so as soon as i found it online paul had me send him the link so he could download all of it for his archive #tbh i talk a lot about how similar i am to scott or bruce but really i'm moreso following in the footsteps of bellini lmao #like between me being the apprentice ''scott-wrangler'' (bellini's unofficial title during the KITH tv show)#and me being very into archiving everything related to KITH (and just in general)#all i'm missing is my own version of the towel lmao #i of course know how to play rock paper scissors but also who am i kidding if i didn't this would 100% be jessamine behaviour #like i can think of multiple examples where there was a ''universal'' thing i never experienced which i then refused to learn anything abou #despite it being such a small petty issue lmao #i hope bellini is having a good day today he deserves it

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starbuck · 4 months

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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal

#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming #but also i love my coworker so much #in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me #she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow #and i want to help in any way i can #i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible #because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it #my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame #so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly #because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is #she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough #me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself #and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her #i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well #ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless #but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out #i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches #so i’m gonna keep working at it

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lowcursedmg · 7 months

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i am perfectly capable of hurting people and being insufferable. i realize this. and it doesnt make me an inherently bad person, it makes me just like everyone else.

#though what i want to do is strive to be better #to be kind and graceful and self aware #moving forward #in that way i can distinguish myself i think. i hope #i think often of the quote 'people might not remember you but theyll remember how you made them feel'#i want to leave people better than i found them #and i have to forgive myself for past mistakes even if no one else will #because im stuck with me until i die. i am only owed my own lifelong commitment #im trying man #i just want to be remembered fondly #i didnt have any good examples of healthy relationships growing up #and im not trying to blame everything on my childhood #im responsible for my actions and my behavior #but like im doing the best i can with what i know in the moment #ive never intentionally tried to be cruel. not unprovoked anyway #of that im proud of #i just want to be better #let sleeping dogs lie and whatnot. move on and try again with new people #i cant spend my whole life looking behind me #things happened the way that they did.#ill be ok #im trying. im trying my best. and my best isnt good enough for everyone and thats ok too #i feel such an intense guilt but i dont know how to atone #ramsey speaks

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malusienki · 7 months

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listen i’m pretty proud of myself because i’ve written more in french from memory than i ever have— and even if it’s not totally grammatically correct i’m still proud of myself because it’s a rlly big improvement from a year or two ago. :]

i guarantee you there are so many mistakes but i don’t care. i will learn!!!

#ash gone silly #i just #am proud of myself shdhhdhfw #at the same time i’m like “oh god oh fuck i have single-handedly offended every french person to ever exist because i’m not fluent in frenc #and don’t know literally everything without making any mistakesRIGHT NOW” <- as if i’m still not lewrning #but :]#i am happy!#like i said.#i am almost certain i wrote some things incorrectyl #but progress is progress <3

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trashcanalienist · 1 year

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#the worst part is that i know i'll get through this because it's been worse. in january and november and october and the whole first year.#simultaneously i feel 'why isn't it worse? it should be worse' and 'if i'll survive this month too then why can't it just be over already?'#i like to run from pain or so i say. but historically what i do instead is stay still and pretend i deserve it. i can't do that for this #this has broken me and everything else is coming back to devour me. if i don't drown in this black depth then i'll lose to something else #i know it. everything i am proud to be and everything i am and any courage and any pride and any confidence i have ever had #any ability to live and every strength within me. is all because of joey.#and now he's gone and i haven't felt his presence in over a year so i hope he's with paul wherever but. i am fracturing and dessicating and #falling completely to ashes and bones and fur and i can't take it. i always knew i wasn't meant to live long #(and the only ones who felt like i did thought as i did all followed that path before me - except joey. but now he's gone too. and i fear #but i won't say it)#and with this infinite emptiness now and everything else bearing down like a hurricane both past and present my wall is crumbling and i #i will drown for sure. i will.#nonsense #words i speak #joey jordison #in memoriam #miserable grief

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hoperays-song · 1 year

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Info About My Baby, The Spreadsheet

The Characters on the Sheet

Aamanee Amari

Minha Amari

Tahiyat Amari

Wildan Amari

Darius Andeo

Rebecca Andrews

Hobbs Atene

Alana Batalla

Micheal Bianchi

Nancy Bianchi

Clayton Calloway

Ruby Calloway

Irene Crawly

James Crystal

Porsha Crystal

Bartholomew Frost

Logan Fuller

Norman Harrison

Gunter Järvinen

Klaus Kickenclobber

Suki Lane

Buster Moon

Charley Moon

David Noodleman

Edward Noodleman

Kiara Noodleman

Nana Noodleman

Harrold Ochieng

Noemie Peart

Caspar Pèrez - Harrison

Gail Pèrez - Harrison

Hannah Pèrez - Harrison

Nelson Pèrez - Harrison

Rory Pèrez - Harrison

Rosita Pèrez - Harrison

Tess Pèrez - Harrison

Stanley Phillips

Herman Robbins

Alfonso Romano - Hassan

Mizuki Satō

Jerald Swell

Johnathan Taylor

Marcus Taylor

Ryan Willis

Garry Wishmann

Columns on the Sheet (I do use this primarily for my Human AU btw)

Legal Last Name

Legal First Name

Legal Middle Name

Common Name

Nicknames

Pronouns

Birthday

Age in Sing 1

Age in Sing 2

Gender Identity

Sexuality

Race

Ethnicity

Hair Color

Eye Color

Skin Tone

Height (Inches)

Profession

Languages Spoken

Food Restrictions

Allergies

Fears

Parent(s)

Step-Parent(s)

Sibling(s)

Child(ren)

Romantic Interest(s)

Status

Base Animal

Notes

#sing #sing 2 #Gooseless's Sing Spreadsheet #I'm so proud of this #If y'all have any questions do let me know #Seriously I know all of the things I just have to remake the sheet itself #then I'll post it #this is my Human AU sheet btw #If that makes sense for everything #There are 25 columns #and 45 characters #this thing is so amazing I love it #do y'all want spreadsheet content? probably not. am i giving y'all a ton of spreadsheet content? absolutely #this is just the canon character one #there will be one for my ocs too #so there's that #i'm very much a hyperfixated idiot if y'all couldn't tell #edit: there are now like 30 columns #and my computer absolutely hates me for this

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nobutseriouslywhat · 1 year

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Look I hate conservatives just as much as the next guy but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the "you can't reason with them they aren't even people" rhetoric that's really popular on this website. Anyone can be rehabilitated. That doesn't mean everyone will, but anyone can be.

#*distressed porg noises*#yeah really not a fan of the rise of. i guess i'd call it moral calvinism? the idea that like there are Good People and Bad People #and we just have to get rid of the Bad People in order to make our utopia #really shouldn't the goal be to remove people who would cause harm from the position to cause that harm?#if it takes violence to remove them from that position.... then that's just what it takes #but the whole ''you can't reason with them you just have to kill them'' mentality is. not encouraging!#maybe it's just because i was raised conservative. don't take that as me saying i have any kind of loyalty to that side bc that's not it #what i mean is that being raised on ''there are Good People and Bad People and we need to get rid of the Bad People''#then growing a community with the people i had been raised to believe were ''Bad People'' only for years later many of that same community #to then have those same people turn around and say ''no we need to get rid of the Bad People but it's different this time i swear''#makes it difficult to believe in the whole thing #i'm oversimplifying of course but i am tired. of. everything #and because no one really reads these i guess i can say here #that the whole ''they never really change they're not even human they can't be rehabilitated'' mentality that i see a lot here #is what drives a Lot of my suicidal thoughts. because i know what i've been and i'm not proud of it #hell scroll back on this blog enough and you'll see the evidence. not that i would encourage that #but sometimes i do wonder how many of you would be secretly glad that there's one less of me in the world

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boomerang109 · 1 year

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one thing that sucks about theatre is that it literally is built around people coming to see it so no matter how good a production is, if there wasn’t good advertisement beforehand, it isn’t nearly as satisfying

#also it extra sucks that i had like 3-4 irls who said they were gonna come and they just didnt #and im not mad or anything. its spring break and also life happens and everything #but it just sucks to work so fucking hard on a production and barely have any audience #and even the audience thats here like. isnt people i know/care about #shout out to my one friend who DID come though and after giving me a tiny gift was like ‘okay i have to run my flight is like in four hours #I need to sleep’ THAT is more dedication than I would’ve given personally #but yeah to my irl who follows me if you see this I promise this isnt @ you #i just use tumblr like a diary #(but I gotta say I reaaaaally hope you don’t see this lmao)#but also i kept being like ‘okay i just need to hold out i KNOW this one specific irl is coming’ and they didnt :((#and i cant even be upset cause theyre chronically ill and they were doing big things the rest of the weekend so I bet they were having #a flare today. AND they’re gonna take me to get blood drawn tmrw which is like. the biggest favor in the world #so like expecting them to come see a two and a half war play on top of that is excessive #but I just. I was really proud of this show and I am sad i didnt get to share it with any of my friends yknow?#(AND i wanted to be able to talk to people and then to the actors be like yeah this is my friend—- AND I COULDNT)#also my roommate literally told me last night she was coming and i don’t think she’s here #but im pretty sure she’s hungover so im not too surprised lmao #anywayyyy im just complaining its fine im excited to get HIGH and play viddy games tonight

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gentlesounds · 1 year

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#…i literally finally broke this weird feud me n my brother have like I truly don’t understand him but I love him so much even though #he’s done terrible ass things n like. I’m not gonna sit there and think I’m above anyone telling them what they’ve done wrong like the guilt #you have to live w for ur actions is already enough like that doesn’t mean accountability but I literally physically can’t go to bed #with this on my conscience any longer like i will just pray every single day in ramadan for him and ask Allah to forgive him and forgive me #for being so petty but it’s like those that can’t hear must feel and I know I broke his heart bc he didn’t expect me to take it there #and for MONTHS at that but he knows now don’t ever try that shit w me ever again bc when I love you you never have to worry #but when I’m not you will feel misery n I really don’t ever resort to that but I had no choice and like all that anger was poisoning me #like you are fighting demons bigger than me my pride and ego isn’t above anyone or above God and I learned so much from this #idk if this will change anything I sorta felt like if I do this am I betraying myself for what he’s done but forgiving him frees me not him #so in a way I’m also responsible so I’m rlly proud of myself for standing up for myself with dignity n conviction I’ve dealt w enough pain #one by one I’m gonna let go of everything and free myself and live my life I’m not a victim

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lace-chocolate · 2 years

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#I always find myself trying to convince myself that I’m this tough and unfeeling person #I tend to hide behind any armour that I can pile onto myself #distance. humour. laughs. feigned indifference. *sometimes* crude language.#but I’m a fuckin softy and I give myself so freely sometimes and get hurt so often and yet I keep doing it #I haven’t been able to find a way to stop doing it. ever since I was like 15 #and I used to get so annoyed and angry at myself for it. for still being this soft when I’ve experienced hurt #earth-shattering hurt. so many fucking times #would always get so mad at myself for not being the cold person I wish constant that I was. I want to be guarded and cool and never fall or #even have feelings at all sometimes. but I can’t #I know in my heart and in my mind that I am incredibly strong. even through heartbreak I still wake up and my life doesn’t stop #I keep going. I keep pushing. I do the work. and before I know it I’m on the other side.. and then at some point I inevitably fall again #and I used to get so angry with myself ….. but I realize now that.. that maybe it’s not so bad #I realize that I don’t regret the way that I am. as much as it makes me upset sometimes #I don’t regret wanting to be open and seen with someone. I don’t regret wearing my heart on my sleeve #at least not in these non-heartbroken moments. sometimes I’m sure I regret it or at least come close when the hurt is fresh #but that’s one of the qualities that I’ve come to love about myself. that I can give myself freely #I have learned this over the years. and I do have some boundaries. I’m soft but I’m not stupid and for that I am proud #but I love love and I just want to feel it and be unashamed. even when it doesn’t look the way it normally does for me #I can truly say I’m in love right now.. and I didn’t think I could get back here after everything. but I’m in love with my resilience #and I’m in love with him. and that’s so fucking wild for me to say #who knows where this love will take me. will take US. but I’m so excited to find out #hi m. I love you. let’s see where this goes 🤍#anyways #shut up lc #I love babbling in the tags #I case you haven’t noticed lol #M

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