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valkyriesryde · 4 years

Text

Together

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Summary: You've got some news but are too scared to tell Bucky but he’ll find out one way or another

Warnings: pregnancy, fluff, angst?, yeet

Word Count: 2kish

A/N: This one was requested by @cleocc and I’m so glad I could do this one for you hun I’m so sorry it took a while. Thank you for always being so supportive of me and amazing <3 also wow im uh back?

~~~

Well...fuck.

You sat on the couch, with your legs tucked up so your chin rested on your knees. You watched Peter, Bucky and Sam playing Mario Kart on the TV, they were laughing and joking, pushing each other and trying to distract one another from the game.

Every now and then Bucky turned and smiled at you, making sure you were all good and not feeling left out by the boys. You gave him a tight smile and ran your fingers over his back and he turned back to the tv. But your face dropped as soon as he turned away and you sank back into yourself. Fuck.

"Ahh dammit," Sam groaned and threw his controller onto the seat next to him while Peter and Bucky both laughed as they already crossed the finish line ahead of him.

Slowly and quietly you got up from your seat and started to walk out of the room, praying that Bucky didn't think anything of it or notice at all.

"Baby, you all good? Where ya going?"

"Just tired, gonna go lie down," you told him.

There was no reason for you to not tell him. It’s not like it was a new relationship, the two of you had been together for years. It’s not like you hadn’t talked about it. In fact you’d both decided, if it were to happen, it happened and that would be amazing. Neither of you knew if it was even possible. Bucky wasn’t sure if after everything that happened his bits still worked as they should. But when you talked about it you both decided that you would leave it up to the universe. Now the universe had spoken and you couldn’t even bring yourself to tell him. You couldn’t even say it outloud.

“Hey baby girl.” Bucky cooed as he crawled onto the bed and pulled back the cover that you hid under. “Wanna cuddle?” he smiles and nudges his nose into your cheek. You nod your head and open your arms and Bucky immediately cuddles into you, scooting under the covers and holding you close. “Tell me what’s up when you’re ready okay?”

Bucky was always good like that. He knew that it took time for you to make sense of what you were feeling. It always took you some time to be brave enough to say it outloud and Bucky knew that. Whenever you got down or something was bothering you he was always close by for you to cuddle into until you were ready. He got worried, sure but you always told him...right? Not that it hadn’t been two weeks and you hadn’t told him anything yet and he’s totally not worried out of his mind...nope.

Two weeks, you’d kept quiet. Two and a half weeks total since you found out. Bucky stood behind you as you worked, tapping your pen as you read through reports. You hadn’t noticed him yet and he took the opportunity to observe you and see if he could figure out what was going on for himself. You weren’t any more stressed over work than usual and you hadn’t really snapped at anyone which meant no one in particular was getting on your nerves. In fact, the only person you’d been weird with was him. You were distant at the best of times, at the worst you seemed to be straight up avoiding any alone time with him. You’d go to bed early to avoid him in your apartment.

Bucky was losing his mind, you’d never been like this before. You’d always been able to talk to him so what was going on?

You’re lying next to him fast asleep and he’s staring at the ceiling with tears in eyes thinking that maybe the end is coming? Maybe she’s finally at her breaking point and this is it. She’s done with him; she just doesn’t know how to tell him yet. Then your phone lights up and it catches his eye on your bedside table. The notification isn’t anything important. Just a reminder about a meeting you have with Natasha the next morning. But it’s the notification underneath it that makes Bucky reach over you and pick up your phone.

Kindle: What to Expect When You’re Expecting has fully downloaded

Bucky falls back into his pillow and peers and you from the corner of his eye before looking at the lock screen again. He unlocks your phone, not like either of you didn’t know each other’s passwords, and opens the app in question.

The more Bucky looks at your current reading list the more confused he gets;

The Mama Neutral Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth

50 Things to Do Before You Deliver: The First Time Moms Pregnancy Guide

Pregnancy Notes: Before, During & After

The list goes on, there must be at least ten different expectant pregnancy books and some of the older ones are at least halfway through…the pin drops and Bucky almost chokes on air as he’s grabbing for his own phone and opening his own version of the app and downloading the exact books you have. Then your phone is placed exactly where he found it, he buries his face into your shoulder for a second with a beaming smile and kisses your shoulder blade.

“Silly girl,” he whispers against your skin before lying back down and opening the first book.

Bucky gets no sleep that night. When he comes into the kitchen at 6am to run with Steve and Sam he’s got bags under his eyes as bad as when his nights were tormented with nightmares and Steve’s stomach would have dropped if it not for the spring in Bucky’s step or the cheerful “good morning punk” he offered him.

“I think he’s finally gone mad…” Sam stood beside Steve as they watched Bucky whistle to himself as he tied his laces.

“I really thought him being with Y/N meant we didn’t have to worry about that anymore…” Steve scratched at his beard.

“You two idiots know I can hear you right?” Bucky stood straight and though his voice was teasing he continued to smile brightly at them and make for the door to start their run.

“You going to tell us what’s got you so happy then Buck?” Steve called out after him, Bucky turned and jogged backwards as he held out his arms.

“Nothing’s confirmed yet!”

“It’s gotta be the no sleep he really has gone mad.”

~~~~~~~

When Bucky returned to his room he could hear the shower going and you singing along to the music that played through the bathroom. He sat at the edge of the bed, toeing his shoes off and stripping the sweat covered shirt from his back, using it to wipe the sweat from his brow and chest.

“Looks like you had a good run,” you stepped out with a towel wrapped around you and offered Bucky a small smile, making your way to your dresser to get dressed.

Bucky watched closely as you started to get dressed. He paid close attention to the way you carried yourself, how careful you were with your skin and your body as you pulled a t-shirt over your head. How could he have been so unaware before?

“Com’ere” he whispered but you heard him clear as day and pulled out a pair of jeans.

“In a second,” you mumbled but Bucky wasn’t having any of it.

“Darling come here...please,” he pleaded for you and you dropped the jeans back into the drawer and walked over to him. Bucky held out his arms until he could reach your hips and pulled you to stand between his legs. His fingers brushed underneath your t-shirt and over the fabric of your underwear up to the skin of your waist and back down. “Good morning my lovely,” he delighted as his hands went to the back of your thighs and he pulled you as close as you could get while still standing, his eyes looking up at your filled with love.

“Morning,” this was probably the most intimate the two of you had been in the last couple of weeks aside from sleeping next to each other and god you missed it. Goosebumps followed his touch and your body twitched to get closer to him until there wasn’t a part of you that wasn’t touching. You missed him and it was all your own doing.

“You know I love you?” He pulled at the back of your knees until you were situated on his lap and he held your hips while your hands brushed against his chest as if he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted it too. “Love you more than I’ll ever be able to tell ya.” His voice was quiet and as his arms snaked around your back it got softer. “Really don’t like it when you close off from me because it absolutely terrifies me babydoll but it’s okay. It’s okay you can tell me whenever you’re ready, I just need you to know that I love you and I’m not gonna be going anywhere anytime soon alright?”

You choked back a sob as you nodded your head and tried to blink back the tears, his grip around you tightened and your hands held onto his shoulders. Bucky smiled through his own tears and leaned his forehead against yours.

“It’s okay baby. I know, it’s okay.”

“I’m so scared,” you whimpered and Bucky simply nodded his head. He didn’t want to think about what you were scared of whether it be him or his reaction or the situation in its entirety because he knew he had to be strong for you and he was going to do just that.

“I know I know, it’s okay. I got you, you’re not alone. We do this together.”

You hold onto him for dear life, nodding your head because you can’t quite bring yourself to speak anymore knowing that it would come out as a series of sobs and gibberish. Bucky holds you back just as tight and he wants to outright ask you to say it outloud because he needs to hear it but he doesn't want to scare you off when he’s only just got you back. So he falls back onto the bed with you still in his arms and you squeal as you fall.

“I’m so happy,” he breathes out without thinking. Before he can clamp his mouth shut and take back anything he’s said you’re sitting up and wiping the water from your face.

“You are?”

“‘Course I am, I’m gonna be a dad,” he whispers happily and you can’t help but beam at him and nod.

“You’re gonna be a dad.” And his grin grows until he’s giving you a toothy smile and pulling you back into him, rolling over and kissing every inch of your face. “You can’t tell yet!” You stop and he pulls back, looking at you confused, “we have to wait until twelve weeks before we can tell people.”

“How far along are you now?”

“About three weeks.”

“Darling...I’m being completely serious,” his face drops and he combs back the hair from your face. “I really do not think I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut for that long…”

“You’re going to have to baby,” you giggle, everything feels so much lighter now that he knows. You were silly to be so scared.

“I will...for you,” he shimmies down your body and lifts your t-shirt to uncover your stomach, “and you,” and then he's giving you raspberry kisses while you laugh loudly and try and push him away.

~~~~~~

“Y/N OH MY GOSH CONGRATULATIONS!!” Clint runs up to you and envelops you in a giant hug a couple days later in the kitchen while you cook lunch for yourself and everyone else. “This is AWESOME! Gonna spoil that kid rotten!”

You look to Bucky who sits at the kitchen island and if looks could kill he’d be a pile of ash on the ground.

“Babe…” he starts.

“Buck.”

“I just told Steve, he’s my best friend, I couldn’t keep it from him.” He points to Steve who starts to sink in his seat and your glare moves from Bucky to Steve.

“I just told Tony, he deserves to know in case something were to happen.” Steve shrugs as Tony stands behind him sipping a mug of coffee.

“...I told many, many people.”

~~~

Thank you for reading and I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

Permanent Taglist (open): @witch-of-letters @tonystankschild @buckysmischief @buckysdumbmetalarm @marvelsangels @momobaby227 @weirdlyokaywithit @disgustangg @bucky-blogs @sebbbystaaan @geeksareunique @stuckonjbbarnes @ellieslifefails @mushyjellybeans @lovesmesomehiddles @nat-alia-novna @this-kitten-is-smitten @itsunclebucky @kitkatd7 @lokisironthrone

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes

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icharchivist · 3 years

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cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty

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16th-cornelia-street · 3 years

Text

Evermore first thoughts (really honestly just first thoughts, not much depth to this. With some insights along the way added as I type it out.)

Willow feels like a sequel to august continue to be sung form her perspective wishing to have james and having him play a game with her letting her think there is going to be more to their relationship.

Champagne problems: ouch

The moment when everyone at the proposal realizes before you that shes’ not going ot say yes.

It’s an interesting contrast with cardigan where she sings about knowing everything when she was young and in champagne the girl doesn’t realize till the guy is down on his knee that this isn’t what she wants.

Gold rush: I can already tell this is going ot be one of my favorites just because of the beat that sounds like a confident strut.

Call out to folklore, that’s interesting.

Also interesting that it’s gold rush, and third on folklore was about an oil tycoons wife. Oil being liquid gold or something, im sure they have a phrase comparing the two, just can’t think of it now.

This also seems like a sequel to willow because of the gold string in music video and the mention of ships. (there are a lot of travel vehicles in this album, mostly just ships and trains, but I wonder if that’s a hint to help you know which stories are connected.)

Tis the damn season: feels like taylor’s been watching some Christmas themed romcoms over quarantine

I like how folklore had a fall theme and now evermore has like a winter feel to it. one with the promise of things ending, summer fading into fall. Now we have fall fading into winter with things actually having ended. Oh no, wait, its more like winter fading into spring with the promise of new life (like with happiness later on.)

This gives me come back be here and it’s nice to have a friend vibes.

-I don’t imagine we will get a third album leading from spring into summer as she’s already done the 31 total track list but who knows, it’s Taylor, she makes and breaks the rules all the time. and that’s fine with me.

Tolerate it: the first line where she mentions those words, afte the mention of all the things she does and feels just broke me (kind of gives me the moment I knew vibes) just my heart dropped as I realized what this song was about. Truly this song was meant for slot 5. Another tearjerker.

I really hope the body one is the sequel to this where she gets her revenge and takes him out (it’s not. Although I feel like happiness is this one’s sequel, a different kind of way for a relationship to fall apart than with murder.)

She sees so much in him but does he see anything of her anymore?

No body, no crime: aw guys we’re getting it our country murder song

When the wife went missing I got surprise Pikachu face (I did have a sinking feeling when she mentioned last thing she does) what no, no it was supposd to go the other way around

Is she saying S.T.? as in the reverse initials of T.S.? now that I think about it, this seesm like it might be a call ot her record label thing, her finding out about the deal which she has compared to a divorce, so why not add in infidelity to. And though she tried to bring the truth to light the original T.S. ended up dying, losing her masters. But the new T.S. her friend, is going to make sure she doesn’t die in vain.

Cheshire grinning when they think the mistress did it, and the mistress thinks the friend did it but neither group has the prove. You did it girl. Good on you.

Final reaction: WOOOO!

Happiness: as mentioned above, totally seems like this is sequel to tolerate it

Dorothea: in an unrelated to taylor songs note, this reminds me of hey there Delilah with a similar vibe of guy writing to girl off in Hollywood trying to make it big.

Is this connected to tis the damn season?

Coney island: forgot to make you my center fold. Movies were the focus of mentions and allusions last album, this one is books and magazines, both kinds of media which Taylor says she’s been consuming.

-so far this album seems to have a lot of apologies. Mistakes were made last album, now the apologies come

Ivy: a different kind of affair than illicit affair. And in the same slot as that song on folklore so parallels are happening, at least maybe with themes and not characters. But maybe characters too. Maybe ivy was how it was before it became the sorry mess of an illicit affair.

Cowboy like me: finally make it to the conartist track. When I read in taylor’s note about there being a song like this my interest was piqued in how she would play out this kind of story in song.

Two people who know how to pretend in life, recognize the con in each other, the need to be someone else just to get what they want from life

Long story short: sounds like parallel to piece but actually lines up with madwoman. And in a wa I guess that works. This time she’s seeming to go from man to man, finding out in the end this one is not the one so long story short, she moves on. You’ve got women portrayed as mad in media and then the serial dater is portrayed in this song.

If any of the songs are about taylor I would think it’s this one talking about her moment of falling away from grace, realized that her enemies would all eventually meet their ends without her having to do anything.

Marjorie: good advice

Also feels like not just about her grandmother but about her past works being taken from her but still being with her in her mind and heart.

Closure: it’s like what, after Marjorie, the jumbled mess of that beginning

Lines up with betty which is about a guy trying to fix things, just wants to go back to being friends or whatever, wants to give her closure, like James trying to win her back, but her being like nah, I don’t want that. Which is how I wish betty responded to James

No this, is peace’s sister, peace was calm, closure is jumbled mess under taylor’s singing (even though I realize in the line up it matches with Betty and not peace)

this is totally about taylor’s thing with Sc**ter, a letter about him trying to smooth things over and calm her down and get her to let it go, but we know he just doesn’t want to have to deal with the consequences of his actions and doesn’t mean any kind of apology and bygones.

Evermore: when exile first started I was startled by the led of bon iver’s voice because I was expecting Taylor’s and then this deep male voice came on instead

Again he comes in with a surprise entrance, music suddenly changing key, and him coming in at a completely different tone than in exile

It’s almost like they are singing two different songs, is that symbolic how sometimes in relationships you are in two different places singing two different songs to each other, trying to fix things but you can’t because it’s two different songs

And when Taylor realizes they are singing different songs she’s okay with it and realizes that her pain won’t be for evermore.

____

edit: if champagne lines up with exile (I see now it doesn’t but..) that makes sense, both of them giving signs and misinterpreting them thinking there is more or less to relationship than there was with him proposing and her realizing this wasn’t what she wants and leaves him standing in the hall holding stuff.

#evermore first listen reaction #taylor swift #folklore sister album #after midnight thoughts

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iprobablyneedtherapylol · 4 years

Text

him

2018

january. we meet, and become friends. i ask to borrow his phone to call my mom, im grounded. he lets me.

febuary 6. he sets me up with one of his friends that i liked, but this is the day he will later tell me he realized he loved me. i never give him a second thought, were just friends right?

march. im now single and ive figured out he likes me. i realize he will do anything for me. i ask to borrow his phone every morning and keep it until we leave school. he seems annoyed that i do this, but he lets me so that means its okay right?

april. he will still do anything for me, i still take his phone. i text guys and get social medias on his phone. i call him my best friend but i dont mean it.

june. i am ungrounded. its summer time, i invite him to my birthday party, we text constantly and i finally realize i like being friends with him, he legitimately becomes my best friend.

august. we go back to school. i think i might like him, i decide to forget that and date other people to hide my feelings, it doesnt help.

october. i slip up. i flirt with him. he reciprocates and i realise i might be in love with him.

november 5. i finally convince him i really do like him and i want to date him. he asks me to be his girlfriend. ive never been happier. life feels like a dream.

2019

january. the magic has worn off. every day feels the same, im bored of my life and want a change. i decide to break up with him.we stop being friends for 2 days but realise we cant stay apart. we go back to being best friends while also being very flirty. i start dating other people, he never even looks at other girls.

may 10. i decide to date a boy who messed me over in 8th grade. he tells me im going to get hurt but still supports my decision.

may 14. i get hurt and i cry to him. it takes me months to get over the break up and he is by my side every step of the way. i fall deeper in love with him.

august. i start dating a new boy who makes me realise he is toxic and a bad friend. i decide to stop being friends with him. me and the boy break up, i run to him and he is there for me. i realize ive never been this in love with him before.

december 5. i tell him i want to be his girlfriend, that i miss him and im in love with him. he says he loves me too and asks me to be his girlfriend. the relationship feels weird. we act like just friends at first but when i tell him i dont like that he does everything in his power to fix it.

2020

january. ive never loved anyone more, i think im going to marry him. i meet the new girl at school and she instantly becomes my best friend. me and him are the cutest couple.

febuary. i tell him we need to break up, that im losing feelings. im terrified hes going to commit suicide when i tell him. i lie about why we break up, im too scared to tell him i think he is my forever person. im only 15, i dont want to be tied down. i start dating someone new a couple weeks later. he asks if i broke up with him for someone new, i tell him no. i tell him he meant the world to me but i just lost feelings its no ones fault.

march 5. i break up with the boy im dating, hes all i can think about

march 6. i tell him im in love with him, i say im going to miss him over the spring break. he smiles at me and i kiss him. he says i shouldnt do that, i just got out of a relationship. i tell him it doesnt matter, ive found my forever person. its him, its always been him. i have to leave, i expect to see him in a week.

march 14. they cancel school for two weeks, we remain just friends. he says we cant date. i agree, and start talking to other people too.

april 16. he is mad im talking to other guys, but hes furious when he finds out im talking to a boy who messed me over un 8th grade. he gives me an ultimatum, says if anything ever happens with the guy who messed me over our friendship is out the window. i said okay, but knowing he gave me an ultimatum hurt. he said he thinks im going to do something and lie to him about it. i ask if hes logged into my instagram without my permission. he says he couldnt help it, that if i wasnt such a liar he wouldnt have to do that. he says its my fault hes this way. im pretty sure hes right. this is the first big fight. we stop being friends.

april 20. a boy i liked messed me over. its midnight, but i have to text him, i dont trust anyone else. he comes to my rescue. he says hes sorry that he messed up, i say so did i im sorry i lied. he says me too. we talk until almost 7 in the morning. we are friends again.

may. we go from texting constantly to texting a few times a day, then once or twice a week. i feel like its my fault. i try toreach out and ask why were growing apart. he seems like he couldnt care less. we get into fights almost daily, eventually we just stop.

june 20. a boy i really liked admitted to only kissing me to win a bet and only talking to me so he could use me. i run to him begging for him to tell me i meant something to him, he tells me that i shouldnt have come to him. i ask him if i meant anything to him. he says of course, but asks how many people ever actually meant something to me. i realize ive lost him forever.

june 30. i send a final apology for everything. i expect it to be the last time i talk to him. he says he couldnt care less what i have to say. “dont contact me again” he says. i couldnt agree more.

september 16. we go back to school for the first time since march. i pray that i dont have classes with him. my classes are free from him and i thank god. i dont see him in the hallways either

september 23. i see him in person for the first time since march. i think im mentally prepared for it but nothing could prepare me. my feelings hit me like a truck. i know i should be over him but im not. its been months.i shouldnt care. i still do. i cry myself to sleep, wishing i could change the past. .

it had been 6 months since i saw him. it had been 5 months since the first fight. it had been 4 months since we stopped being friends. it had been 3 months since the last text from him. it had been 2 and a half years of friendship down the drain. all because of one thing.

me.

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airheadedleo · 5 years

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lu’s v basic astrology glossary

if you’re anything like me, when you’re first getting into astrology, a lot of the terminology is very confusing and it can be overwhelming! i’ve seen tons of posts dedicated to explaining vvv basic stuff like sun/moon/rising, the planets and what they represent, the houses, etc; but ive never seen a big breakdown of common terms! // if there is one and i havent seen it, feel free to direct me in the replies!! nothing wrong with learning.

keep in mind, im still learning, myself! i never claimed to be an astrologer, im just a person like you! if you have any advice, commentary, or corrections, send me an ask or gimme a reply! i won’t be mad if you aren’t mean.

so, starting with A and moving down to Z...

aspect - when two or more planets line up at an angle, and their energies mingle! some aspects are compatible, while some aren’t at all. breaking alphabetical order here to highlight some important aspects...

conjuct - an aspect with two or more planets in the same sign. this is basically when the energies of the two planets “blend”... which can either be magical, or super dysfunctional depending on the planets.

sextile - an aspect with two or more planets two signs apart. this is generally a very easy, compatible aspect where all planets involved are playing nice! as a rule of thumb, both planets must be in either earth/water or air/fire, so the energy will never be in conflict.

trine - an aspect with two or more planets four signs apart. this is often called the “sweet spot” and is where energy is harmonious and everything seems to be falling into place. planets are in their highest vibration state of synchronicity! all planets involved should be of the same element, and are working for the same agenda.

^^^ these aspects (conjuct, sextile, trine) are called “soft angle” aspects, and are generally very easy to work through!

square - an aspect with two or more planets three signs apart. this is basically an energetic tug of war where none of the planets involved want to put down their pitchforks and find a compromise! we generally teeter-totter between extremes during squares, and it’s important to emphasize finding a middle ground during these times.

quincunx - an aspect with two or more planets five signs apart. basically, none of the aspecting planets have anything in common, and it can feel like an awkward, out of place time in general! it can feel like your head is one place while your heart is somewhere else entirely-- in times like these, its important to understand the agenda of each planet involved and how they work off of each other rather than trying to get them to play nice-- it just won’t happen!

opposition - an aspect with two or more planets six signs apart. these planets are as far away from each other as possible, which creates major tension as the two polar extremes aspect! what’s important here is finding a balance with these energies, and seizing the opportunity to learn from both planets involved!

^^^ these aspects (square, quincunx, and opposite) are called “hard angle” aspects, which are definitely more challenging blending of energies!

for more information on aspects and examples of each, i highly recommend this source! shifting back to alphabetical order...

cusp - the dividing line between two signs or houses. so, if anyone says that they’re a sun in aries/taurus cusp, it means that the sun was hovering right over the line between aries and taurus at the time of their birth, which can “muddle” the energies of both signs in the planet, depending on the positioning!

eclipse - when the earth, sun, and moon all line up in the sky! these happen a few times in a year, and generally mark big changes and shifts in energy! for more on eclipses, i’ll be making posts dedicated to both soon!

element - the signs are grouped into the four elements: air, fire, earth, and water. if your chart has a lot of planets in a certain element, you’ll generally have a lot of the qualities of that element; if your chart is lacking in a certain element, you’ll have to work harder to cultivate the aspects of that element into your life to promote growth.

ephemeris - basically a big ass calendar of all the planets and what sign they’re in on any given day! they’re super useful if you want to keep an eye on the astrological weather, so to speak, and plan accordingly. for this years ephemeris, click this link!

equinox (and solstice) - equinoxes and solstices indicate a change in season, and are considered important in astrological practices. spring (March 21) and autumn (September 21) equinoxes indicate equal amounts of sunlight, as the sun is striking the equator. the winter (December 21) and summer (June 21) solstices are either the longest or the shortest days of the year, depending on which hemisphere you’re in. these dates may be a good time to use the energy for re-evaluating and making changes!

house - houses represent a specific area of life, and each adds another layer of interpretation. so, basically... when a planet enters a house, its energy has to work with the tools the house provides, while behaving the way its sign dictates. if that doesn’t make sense, think of it like this: the planet is a person in a job interview, the sign is the agenda the planet has, and the house is the job the planet is interviewing for.

moon phases - every 28 days, the moon cycles through four phases (new moon, waxing moon, full moon, waning moon). each phase of the moon has its own distinct energy and can impact the way we feel. its especially important to consider what sign the moon is in at the time, as well!

natal chart - (or birth chart) is basically a map of the sky the moment you were born. you can determine your natal chart if you know the exact date, time, and location of your birth (use this if you haven’t determined yours already!). the “big three” signs are your sun, moon, and rising/ascendant signs, as those are most indicative of your personality! (depending on the rest of your chart and aspects)

retrograde - when the earth is orbiting past the planet at a faster pace than that planet is moving, so the other planet appears to be moving backward. you may have heard of the mercury retrograde before, as people generally like to blame all their shortcomings on it! while its true, everything seems to be knocked into a real tizzy during a retrograde, it’s also a good time to reevaluate and work out the bugs in your life, especially in the area of the planet affected!

stellium - when, in your natal chart, three or more planets are in the same sign. if you have a stellium in your chart, the qualities of the sign may play a bigger role in your life than your “big three” signs. not everyone has a stellium, so don’t get freaked if you don’t have one!

transit - this is basically when a planet moves at all! new transits happen all the time, so astrology is never boring. to keep an eye on transits and big events, check out an ephemeris!

#originals #astrology #astrology terms #astrology glossary #glossary #aspect #aspects #birth chart #natal chart #retrograde #stellium #transit #astrology 101

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sikereviewdotcom · 4 years

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wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood

tg, out

#wilfred #review #series review #wilfred review #wilfred 2011 #furry #sike reviews

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sunfowers · 6 years

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All the evens

ur really gonna do that , huh ?

2. Was it a gradual increase of trust and love, or was there a specific moment where you knew “I want to be with this person for a long time”? answered !

4. What’s your zodiac sign and mbti type? What about your partner’s? Do things like that reflect your actual compatibility or is it just bunch of bunk? im an aquarius and infj and kates a leo and infp and i know nothing about the supposed compatibility but i think that kind of stuff is intresting

6. Tell me a story about a happy experience you two shared. Something that makes your heart warm whenever you think about it. the first time we both fell asleep together just makes my heart !!!! i think that when i first started to accept that i actually loved her as more than my best friend

8. Are your families supportive? Does it matter if they’re not? her parents arent :-( but some of her siblings are of the lgbt community so they probably would be ! and my mom knows i like girls and i think ? she knows i have a gf but she doesnt know its kate , but im going to tell her as soon as i can . my brother knows about her too and he actually encouraged me to ask her out dhfshksksk but i dont think it really matters if our families are supportive or not . we love each other and we dont need anyones approval

10. Do you have children together? If not, are you both interested in raising children some day? shfkjshdk no and idk ! im not a huge fan of kids but i think i may want to adopt one in the future

12. If you’re having a bad day, what do they do to help? answered !

14. Have you ever went on a vacation or adventure together? Tell me about it. If not, do you have plans to do something fun in the future? no :-( but im pretty sure im visiting for spring break next year ! and i might try to get down there by the end of the summer but we’ll see !

16. What’s a piece of advice that your partner gave you that has resonated with you? that i dont have to feel bad or apologize for the way i am , i can just work on parts i dont like and learn to accept myself . and everything shes done to help me with my self worth

18. Describe the perfect day with your partner. It can be something that’s already happened, or something that you plan to do. not to be like That but , any day with her in person would be the perfect day . i really want to just lay in bed with her and listen to music and cuddle and make out tbh

20. What are the best restaurants to go to? Do you see movies at the theater? Do you do things like golf or bowling, just to bond more? we cant do any of these yet :-( but we watch movies on netflix together

22. Tell me about a time that you got into an argument over something serious. How did you compromise? What did you learn? i dont think we’ve had an argument yet ? we both are scared of confrontation and are too worried about accidentally making the other person mad to argue . its also the only perk of long distance that ive thought of

24. Do you have a shipname? hdfhskh @theraeandgo calls us elite

26. Has your partner ever inspired something creative like your art, writing, etc? Oh Yea , we both draw each other or make things for each other a lot dklsjflkjs

28. Has your partner ever changed one of your opinions on morals, politics, society, etc? probably ! but i have the memory of a gold fish so idk

30. Does physical affection and/or sexuality have a role in your relationship? Are both of your needs being respected and fulfilled? i mean .. we both are attracted to each other anf we’re happily dating so

32. Talk about your sense of humor, and your partner’s. Do you laugh a lot together? Which one of you is funnier? We Are Both SO Dumb And Neither Of Us Are Actually Funny We’re Just Too Big Of Fools To Realise It . but yea ! we laugh all the time but we both have the worst sense of humour like i’ll say something wrong anf itll derail the entire conversation and idk whos funnier were both just dumb !

34. Have there been any hardships that have ultimately brought you closer than before? we both have our rough patches and they just bring us closer , we’re each other’s support system

36. Tell me about what your partner is good at. Are they an artist, are they good at math, do they play a sport, etc? shes such an amazing artist !!! x x shes so smart and really good with words , i really like when she uses a big word and i have to look it up fjksdlfjls shes just so smart

38. Let’s talk about life goals and hopes. Do you two have a similar idea for the future (regarding careers, getting a home, family, finding meaning)? Do you two make a good team? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with them? i think so ! we haven’t talked about the future in depth that much since we’re both so young and we havent been dating for that long , but yea i can definitely see her being in the rest of my life , and i think our relationship has a really good dynamic and its not one sided and we work really well together

40. Is your partner on tumblr? Tag them here and write them a small message, it can be anything. heck yea @angellfallendown !! i hope this doesnt wake u up but i love you ! i hope you have a nice day tomorrow 💗 i cant wait to call you 💋 sweet dreams love

#kate #i couldnt think of anything so i just told u goodnight again djklsfjdksj #ask game #long post

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mxn-yoongi · 7 years

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BTS as Kingsman (Jungkook)

-Umm so we already know this guy is good at everything

-So passing the tests to be a kingsman is like a piece of cake

-He could do it in his sleep

-Escape a room full of water? Done.

-Jump out of a plane with possibly no parachute? Done.

-Punch a guy in the throat? his fave activity.

-Like this kid is superhuman?????

-Codename: Lancelot

-The newest recruit and very eager to please the other kingsman

-Okay so since he became a kingsman he has never failed a mission and he prides himself on that

-Like whenever the guys are teasing each other he just kinda brings it up

-Actually he ALWAYS brings it up

-‘Hey lancelot remember that time you almost landed in the water when you were riding the motorcycle off the dock and onto the boat but you thought the boat was moving slower than it really was and wow that was funny’

-‘Hey gawain remember the time you successfully completed every mission assigned to you? Oh wait- that never happened.’

-‘Besides, i still got on the boat didnt i?’

-‘Yeah but you also lost a $50,000 motorcycle in the ocean’

-‘Maybe if SOMEONE *cough* tristan *cough* hadnt accidentally tipped off a security guard we wouldn’t have been in that situation’

-‘THAT WASNT EVEN MY FAULT’

-‘SHUT UP YOU HAVE 5 FAILED MISSIONS’

-The floor wrestling ensues

-Lets get into it!!!!

-Jungkook never declines a mission so when arthur came up to him and was like’ i need you to take out this beloved celebrity because shes really a criminal mastermind’ hes kinda like ‘ yeah sure.’

-So his kingsman friends hook him up with an invitation to one of the most prestigious events of the year which is a ‘charity’ gala hosted by evil drug cartel leader criminal mastermind Lee Somin.

-He rolls up to the event in style and steps out of the vehicle with his secretly badass umbrella in hand (weapon of choice: umbrella gun) and people are like taking pictures of him and they dont know why because nobody has ever seen this man but he looks handsome so he must be important.

-Hes like posing and stopping for pictures and as soon as hes clear of the crowd he just kinda reaches to his ear and pushes down on the little in-ear piece hes got in and ‘Galahad. Make sure those pictures are erased before the end of the night’

-‘Got it, lancelot’

-The glasses on his handsome face are working overtime as they scan everyones face and jungkook reads through their basic information just to see if he can rid the world of any scum. Two birds with one stone you know

-‘Alright lancelot. You should be able to see a picture of somin on the glasses. She’s going to have a lot of security around her so you might want to try to get her alone’

-Jungkook is a lil stunned because shes beautiful and she looks so flawless

-How can an innocent baby like her possibly be behind such evil

-How is jungkook going to get through this

-‘How am i even supposed to kill her?’

-‘The small case i handed you earlier contains a syringe with a fatal dose of phenytoin. It should do its job’

-‘Alright. Ill report back to you when its done.’

-The night goes on and jungkook has 0 luck even getting near somin like its frustrating for him to not be able to get in and out for a mission.

-Actually he hasnt even seen somin

-He! Needs! To! Succeed!

-So jungkook decides to take a lil break and he goes to the bathroom and splashes some cold water on his face and admires himself in the mirror because hes handsome and whatnot.

-Hes walking out but out of the corner of his eye he sees a woman running down the hal and she sounds distressed? ? ? She also looks a little bit like Somin??? Should he go or

-…

-Okay so he follows her down the hall and she turns a few corners and theres a set of stairs that she climbs and then a long empty hallway except for one room at the end of the call and that is her destination

-She seemed to know her way around so maybe she is his target

-Jungkook walks into this room quietly and shuts the door behind him making sure to lock it and he finds this girl sitting on the bed in an extremely extravagant dress and beautiful locks of hair cascading down her back but shes hyperventilating and maybe even crying

-Jungkook retreives the syringe from its case and sneaks over to the bed. He just puts her in a loose headlock

-SHE NOT EXPECTING THAT !!!!!

-Hes got the syringe to her neck and this girl just starts struggling because WHAT IS GOING ON HERE

-She’s holding onto the arm he has around her neck in order to get him to loosen his grip and when it doesnt work she thrashes a little because let her go dude

-‘Pl-please dont kill me…’ jungkooks heart breaks because she sounds so broken but he snaps out of it because of course she would play innocent she doesnt want to die

-‘Nice try. I know who you are. Lee Somin. I must say I’m a little surprised that such evil could be so active in someone that looks so angelic’

-‘I’m not. Please. I’m not Lee Somin. I swear! I’m her doppleganger. A body double whatever you want to call me but please dont kill me.’

-The desparation in this girls voice has jungkook easing up on the force hes using but hes not exactly convinced.

-‘Theres no way you can prove that so i just have to assume youre lying to me so that you can live’

-When jungkook begins pressing the needle into this girls neck hes hesitant but he has no choice

-‘NO NO NO. I’m L/N F/N. PLEASE BELIEVE ME. I can! I can prove it!’ Youre scratching at his arm in hopes he’ll let you go. This guy is literally holding your life in his hands right now

-‘Somin. She needed me to do this because of all the people trying to kill her. I’m expendable to her. She probably has the next look alike lined up already. I can prove im not Somin.’

-Jungkook was ready to inject the phenytoin but a nagging feeling in the back of his head stops him and he decides to give you a chance!!!

-‘Okay. Prove it.’

-‘Somin. She has a tattoo. It’s on her hip. On the left side. They’re flowers I don’t have one. I’m not Somin.’ jungkook is startled when you stop trying to pry his arm off your neck and instead begin bunching up your dress on the left side.

-The right side of the dress was fairly open with a slit going dangerously high up your leg. Somin made sure you were dressed in a way where nobody could see that you weren’t her and the lack of tattoo would be a dead giveaway.

-Its only now that jungkook is noticing how revealing this dress it. The black dress is mostly lace with small patches of black fabric under the lace in areas that should be covered

-Theres an extremely deep v neckline in the front and the dangerously high slit up the right side and the dress was also backless???

-How is this even staying on your body

-Stop staring jungkook stop staring

-Jungkook vaguely remembers seeing the tattoo in a picture in one of the drug cartel files.

-You could still be lying. Theyve got some decent makeup capable of covering tattoos nowadays

-Thats how he finds himself trailing his hand from the side of your body down to the side of your thigh.

-YOURE BOTH RED IN THE FACE

--Jungkook embarassed because he just put his hands on this beautiful woman without thinking about it half becuase he wanted to make sure she wasnt lying to him and half because her body was so beautiful and tempting

-Youre blushing because his large hand feels so warm on your body and the sudden contact you werent expecting in such an intimate(?) area might have elicited the smallest of moans from you and oh god you hope he didnt hear.

-‘Could you please get the needle out of my neck…’

-Jungkook jumps a bit but quickly does as asked and begins apologizing profusely as he lets you go

-‘Im so sorry. I didnt know I swear. Do you know where Somin is?’

-You nod your head but the tears that begin forming in your eyes let him know how scared you are right now

-‘Please dont make me do this. I just want to get out of here. I’ll tell you anything you want just please get me away from all of this’

-Was this it. Was jungkook going to fail his first mission ever to spare you from any more of the horrors youve faced here or was he going to be selfish and make you give Somin up right now essentially making you a target and putting your life in more danger

-Jungkook is kind of conflicted right now but as not only a kingsman but also a gentleman he knows he cant do that to you so he decides itd be best to get you out of here now and worry about Somin later.

-‘Okay. I’ll get you out of he-’ jungkook is interrupted by loud banging on the door.

-‘Y/N! Are you in here? You’re supposed to be out there doing your damn job. You know the rules and if you dont follow them I have permission to kill you remember?’

-The look of fear on your face makes jungkook a lil mad

-Okay a lot mad

-You constantly feared for your life and the reason for that was standing right outside that door?

-Jungkook is interrupted by gunshots being fired through the door and you like literally scream in terror oh my gosh he must save you.

-He literally envelops your body with his own to make sure you dont get hurt.

-HIS CHEST IS FLUSH AGAINST YOUR BACK FUCK hes!!!! So!!!! Muscular!!!!!

-The guy outside the door is not having any of this so down goes the door and jungkook springs into action.

-Like this guy has no time to even process what just happened because before he can even aim his gun jungkook already has his umbrealla gun out and pointed at this guys chest.

-Youve got your ears covered but obviously since youre in close proximity you can still hear the gunshot and feel the blood splatter and oh my gosh who is this guy

-‘Come on weve got to get out of here before more people show up.’

-‘Wait. I dont even know youre name’

-He thinks for a second about whether he wants to give you his real name or not

-‘I’m jungkook and we have to go so we’ll save the proper introductions for later’

-Jungkook holds his hand out for you and even if youre a little scared of him you grab onto it and follwo his lead because hes your best chance at survival right now

-‘Galahad. I need an exit route. NOW’

-‘I’ve had one ready for you since you exited the car. If you walk back down the hall and take a right and then a left you can get to a room with a balcony. The balcony is right above the swimming pool. It’s deep so don’t worry about hitting the bottom. From there you can exit out the back gate. I can disable the security system and have someone there for you in 1 minute.’

-‘You’re a life saver’

-You have no idea whats going on because this guy is talking to himself and now he suddenly seems to know where hes going and youre having a hard time keeping up because youre not used to so much physical activity but you want to live lol

-When you reach an unfamiliar room and he begins leading you to the balcony you stop dead in your tracks when you realize what he wants to do

-‘No wait I can’t swim. I can’t do this. Its too high I..’

-‘Y/N. We have to go we dont have much time!’

-‘No I can’t. You go. I won’t tell Somin about you and you can just escape by yourself.’

-‘That’s not happening’

-Jungkook pulls you to the balcony and no matter how hard you try to pull away from him its no use. He picks you up off the ground effortlessly which catches you off guard but it is what it is

-‘Wrap your legs around my waist and your arms around my neck and don’t let go. Take a deep breath.’

-‘Oh god oh god I can’t’ Two men barge through the same door the two of you came in from and the rest is a big blur to you.

-You hear jungkook count down from 3 and then youre falling and suddenly theres water all around you. Its cold and you panic a little and and begin screaming underwater only to be left with a lack of oxygen.

-Now youre really panicking because you dont know how to swim and your hands are flailing but what youre really doing is tiring yourself out which could lead to dro-.. Oh wait now youre above water

-Jungkook has managed to get both of you to the edge of the pool and he gently lifts you out as you cough up some water.

-He lifts himself out and barely gives you any time to recover before hes dragging you out a gate and towards the same vehicle that brought him here.

-Just as the two of you get into the car many gunshots are fired but none of them hit the car as it drives off

-You look over at a soaking wet jungkook and he looks even more handsome than he did earlier if thats even possible. He wasnt super handsome when he had a needle in your neck and he was trying to kill you but those are just minor things you know.

-Jungkook looks over at you too and suddenly youre embracing him tightly with your face in the crook of his neck

-‘Thank you so much. I owe you my life.’

-He clears his throat and wraps an arm around your body as well

-‘Maybe not your life. I’ll settle for...dinner?’

-LIKE 3 weeks later Jungkook is sitting in hq with the other guys and here they go again teasing each other

-‘Hey Lancelot remember when you failed that mission and ruined your perfect record?’

-‘Hey Gawain remember when you saved a smoking hot girl from a terrible life and made her your girlfriend? OH WAIT. THAT WAS ME’

-And again the floor wrestling begins.

A/N: This is one of my favorites. Yoongi is still #1 though because that’s my man.

#jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts kingsman au #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario #bts #bts jungkook

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fromthe-seoul · 7 years

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BTS WINGS TOUR NEWARK DAY 2

so im just gonna write down everything I remember from last night for you guys because honestly it was the best night of my fucking life (topping the last time I saw them) and I never want to forget anything.

just to preface i actually ended up going to day 1 sitting in the mezzanine level so i knew what stages were where and whatnot.

-first of all I woke up at ass o’clock to sit in the GA line and basically spent the day with the loveliest humans and friends @versigny @spcywolf and @writingseoul with Kappy’s other amazing friends and it was just??? a really fun time??? honestly best 6 hours spent in the frigid cold ever.

-we all took naps in my hotel room before going back to rejoin the line for entry we reached that level of friendship and it was beautiful

-the process for wristbands and entry was not the best but we made it work, we ended up getting into our P2 spots in the pit around 6 pm

-everyone was super lit before singing along to the full bts mv playlist they had put together, but looking back now i should have seen how bad the pit would become, it was very cramped very early on

-not today was first and honestly i couldn’t really see anything because i was so cramped and i was stuck behind these really tall girls so my staying in the midst of that did not last very long lmao but namjoon looked hot as fuck with his bandana and i was still living

-i honestly dont remember much about their intros because i was so uncomfortable and trying to breathe?? somewhere during this and am i wrong my friend and i pushed our way to the back and the side so we could actually see and breathe and the view was actually so much better!!!

-seeing the baepsae hip thrusts in real life was surreal and LEMME TELL U ONE THING ABOUT JUNG HOSEOK. HE WAS NOT PLAYING AROUND. at the end once he had killed us with his smooth freestyle he then killed us dead with an absolutely unfair wink/lip bite/lick thing that i fELT.

-jeon jeongguk is the most talented kid i cant even express how impressed with the begin stage i was. that choreo is no damn joke and he hit. everything. WHILE SINGING. he was so passionate i could feel it

PARK FUCKING JIMIN NEEDS TO CALM DOWN. I WAS SPEECHLESS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF LIE. also i wanted to touch that liquid looking silver shirt (which was very low cut god bless) just to see what its made out of

-first love was honestly one of the most poignant performances of the night. Min Yoongi is such a passionate performer and the air was electric, like we couldn’t breathe for the whole song.

-Lost was the first song where they came out to the extended stage and holy shit!!! my first time seeing them up close!! seeing their beautiful faces life-size!!!!! first of all kim taehyung is stunning. second of all it was just amazing. part of me still cant believe it happened.

-also when jeongguk stands to the side waiting to come back in he definitely makes little faces at the crowd both amusing and rude

-next was save me and it honestly saved me. it was the first time seeing all seven of them performing so close and i will take that memory to the grave. and then they just went right into i need u and i was almost crying since that was my first comeback as a true army

-reflection will always hold a special place in my heart because of its meaning and namjoon is such a beautiful person inside and out. there was both the fan chanting and the lyrics change at the end and it was just amazing.

-STIGMA. TAEHYUNG DID THAT.

-Mama was up with us at first and let me say that Hoseok is just an extraordinary performer. its ridiculous and palpable and you can’t help but smile and admire him watching. his is also incredibly good looking it was like looking at a photo but in real life!!

-awake was such a special moment for everyone because literally we were all singing along for the entire song. jin’s voice was on POINT and the graphics behind him and the strings players were so epic it was just amazing

-THEN WAS LITERALLY THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE AND IT ADDED TEN YEARS, CYPHER 4. everyone was losing their fucking minds and rap line was in it to fucking win it. i almost got baptized by hobi but was a lil too far back. also min yoongi is gorgeous and namjoon is a fucking master i will fight. those damn pimp coats.

-i honestly don’t remember a lot from fire other than that it was lit as fuck, we were all singing along, and seeing the dance break in real time is something i will never forget. also jeongguk is rude.

-next they did a medley of their other title songs like no more dream, no, boy in luv, danger, and run and i was so hype during the old songs, i didn’t film or take pics even though they were close because it was just so fun and the boys were having fun watching all of us. hoseok and jeongguk came to our side a LOT and i was not complaining aT ALL

-at some point they had a little dance break and everyone got a turn and on my life min yoongi slut dropped and i gasped and jimin was doing some smooth ass shit and im mad still

-side note holy fuck this is getting long but im almost done i promise

-21st century girls was everything i could have wanted. i saw yoongi’s line in real life i can die in peace.

-after this they had a little ment saying that they had fun and that the next song would be the last song but namjoon we all knew you were playin we know how this works

-hobi did the first part of boy meets evil and everyone lost their shit. everyone. and it transitioned into BST and the fanchants were so strong i was so pleased and it was beautiful.

-when they left to go change for the encore we all put our bags over the lightsticks/phones for the rainbow and it was the most beautiful thing ive ever been a part of. it was so pretty and when the boys came back up they looked visibly touched and proud and i was so proud to be an army

-the first encore was wings and the boys were just jumping around and dancing with us and i swear jimin came over to us so much and bent down and straight up flirted with some fans it was insanely attractive and liferuining

-along the way jin found a perfect pink army bomb and was being adorable with it but i honestly didn’t see him much on our side :(( jungkook took someones bomb too and straight up looked at it like he’d never seen one before before switching to cute dancey boy mode

-after this they said their goodbyes :((( the cheers were so loud for everyone and every member i could tell was just amazed and humble and grateful and i was so proud that i could be there. yoongi and tae used a little korean at the end of their thank yous like “gomowo” and “saranghaeyo” and namjoon said a beautiful thing about music and performance transcending barriers and i was crying that is my biaS

-he also taught us “hamke” which means together in korean and i was just watching yoongi swell with pride as he heard us all yelling it together

-2! 3! was such a special moment and it just felt amazing to sing together with them. tae was nearest me and he took his in ear out and closed his eyes and was just listening like the most content boy in the world

-the stage went dark and then they did spring day as the absolute last song and it was so beautiful and there was confetti and it was perfect. after they finished they started playing the backing track for it and the boys bowed as we all sang the “oh oh oh” in the background and it was a Moment that i will never forget. they all walked around all sides and tried to wave to as many people as possible.

-it was at this time where namjoon came to our corner and was waving and i pointed at him and he saw me and nodded, smiling and i can fucking die now my life is complete there is nothing else i need

-they went down to the main stage and bowed with the dancers and left which was so sad but honestly this night was amazing and i wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world i love bts and i love supporting them and i wish them all the success in the world.

#bts #wings in newark #fan account #wings tour #namjoon #hoseok #jin #jimin #yoongi #taehyung #jungkook

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swearronchanel · 7 years

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As per request, 2.05

You guys have been so freaking sweet and kind to me with your feedback since I started making these ridiculous posts, it’s insane but I love it!❣️ I literally started these as a joke because my one friend who watches call the midwife didn’t pick up the phone (and bc I was under the influence whoops hahaha it happens) but now I have so much fun posting every week! I’m sure I won’t stop these any time soon (what will I do when this series is over until Christmas? Yikes lets not talk about it yet) Anyways @marialujan22 requested I rewatch and post for 2x5 & shit it’s been a while since I’ve watched series 2 but I couldn’t say no! Besides Im in a good mood because I have 10 days till spring break & only like 8 weeks left in the semester so here we go ..

idk if I’m mentally prepared for this

THE BIKE SONG I LOVE IT

“Somewhere far away, scientist we’re working on a magic pill, rumored to make pregnancy a case of choice..” Hell yea birth control, deff a magic pill in my opinion

Crazy that it took 3 series for the pill to become a thing & then there was still lame ass government guidelines

Jenny Lee! lol I often forget about her sorry not sorry, I liked her but she left. ya no importa

I love how “mature jenny” still narrates even though her character is never even mentioned anymore #letmenarrate lol jk I like Vanessa Redgrave’s voice

“Meanwhile other scientists were trying to send humans to the moon” fuck yea Hidden Figures

If CtM went up until 1969 that’d be lit, like the episode on mad men when they watched the moon landing! Just replace them with nuns and nurses and babies & replace the liquor for tea 😂

Shit I’ve said typed so much already

SISTER MJ💕 I wanna smack myself she’s brushing her teeth & I thought of that stupid toothbrush song from last week’s episode kill me

Nora’s pregnant again uh oh

Cynthia! SISTER E! Jane! It’s been so long

My bby Trixie 💕😍 I miss her pin curls! But now she’s serving those 60s looks so I’m here for it all

“Take that off this minute before you go to hell” LMAO TRIX YOU CANT TELL KIDS THAT

lol who am I kidding I would’ve said the same

I love sister Monica Joan, id quote everything she ever says but that’s too much work

Vicar’s wife? But who was the vicar?

LMAO WAIT DOESNT SISTER MJ FAKE A HEART ATTACK??

YES SHE DID IM DEAD I LOVE HER, WELL IT WAS LIKE ANGINA BUT IDC STILL FUNNY CAUSE SHE DIDNT WANNA GO

PRECIOUS SISTER BERNADETTE 😭💕

I STILL CANT BELIEVE MY BBY SHELAGH WAS A NUN, ITS SO STRANGE TO GO BACK AND SEE HER IN THE HABIT, LIKE YOURE PREGNANT NOW, WITH DR TURNERS BABYYY!!

anyone else really wanted to know how she was going to tell Sister Julienne “um i was already done with being a nun and now im love sick, I can’t stop thinking about Dr Turner so I gotta ditch this habit”

damn I feel so bad like she did not want another baby & had no choice but to deal with it

No Jenny, tea is not gonna help right now

And heres the lady that scammed her

How much is 2 guinnis ? Idk how to spell that u already know I’m an ignorant American

Did she really tell a married woman keep her legs closed? It Doesn’t even matter if she was married or not like who are u anyway?? I would’ve bitch slapped her too, good for u Nora

Sister MJ saying her horoscope was right, we are the same😭

Wtf is spotted dick? Also I laughed because I’m immature Lmaoo

Sister J eating the pudding, she knows how to get to sister MJ 😂 I love them

Trixie teasing Jane about the Reverend lol aw

“I can’t knit I had a heart attack this morning” ME TRYING TO GET OUT OF THINGS

8 kids in one bedroom though yikes

Cute and classic bedroom moments 😭💕

“Naughty version of eggnog” like coquito? Lol nah, coquito is the bomb

IM CRYING SISTER BERNADETTE LOOKING IN THE DOORWAY

THIS BREAKS MY HEART EVERYTIME

THEY FUCKING CLOSED THE DOOR ON HER, MY BBY. I WANT TO HUG HER 💔💔💔 she deserves the world

Who is this irrelevant ass vicars wife? “Cherrio”

I’m so sorry Nora

Ew wtf a rat just bit the baby?

“Just tell me what you want sister” SHE WANTS YOU DOCTOR

THE WAY THEYRE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OMG IM SHOOK

WHAT THE HELL TIM WHY DID YOU RUIN THE MOMENT ?!

sister MJ wants to roll bandages, make it happen! lol I love that Cynthia and Jane unwrap them all for her 😭

Aww i love babies !! but that one with a funny nose uhh

SISTER BERNADETTE BLOWING THE WHISTLE AND CHEERING 💕 MY HEART SHE IS SO ADORABLE

Aw I wish Trixie could have another scene going through old pictures and maybe share old stories with the new nurses💔 unlikely but you know I can hope. SHE DID HAVE THAT PHOTO OF HER AND CYNTHIA ON HER MIRROR LAST SUNDAY💕

“I’m a woman on a mission” beatrix, light in my life

Curly locks lol, when I was younger I was called Shirley temple and when I dyed my hair I was called Goldie locks.. mind u that lasted into high school 😂 I’m staying blonde for good though, I don’t think I can pull off anything else

DONT GO OUT WITH HIM TRIXIE, HE’S TRASH

Laura Main’s angelic voice ✨👼🏼

who am I kidding she’s an angel

you know what would be fun and a dream? to go out with the ctm cast and get drunk and take trashy snapchat videos singing

Gin & a hot bath??

Trixie looked him up lol, good move

BUT HE’S STILL TRASH and an asshole

Pickle knife ?

again, this irrelevant vicar’s wife? vete ya

Everyone thinks Sister MJ is senile but she knows what’s up with Sister Bernadette..

“..but is all blank sadness and continued tears” MY HEART💔 sister Bernadette/Shelagh has spent the majority of this show crying/being sad/distressed ugh!! Laura Main plays is beautifully but I CRY!? Let her be uninterruptedly happy please 😭💕

she (and helen) ruined me tbh, I used to have dignity

Is Jenny really naive or is she just pretending not to understand??

SEE SISTER BERNADETTE IS ON SCREEN AGAIN & IS UPSET

“I almost wish I was physically ill..” okay bRb CRYIN. THIS IS WHY I CANT WATCH THESE OLDER EPISODES I CRY TOO MUCH, I DONT LIKE TO SEE HER UNHAPPY

Remember when I started the show and didn’t know it was gonna ruin my life? Or before I grew attached? Yea me neither lmaoo those were the days when I thought downton killed me. I Didn’t know what was coming 😂 still love downton though rip #downtonmoviepls

Knitting needles?? aye dios mio

HA GREMLIN TIM AND JACK

Again how much is a gunniea and how do I spell it? I could google it but I’m busy here

She was willing to sell her wedding ring and risk her life for an unprofessional abortion. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE? This isn’t just the a period drama either. Shit is real

“Are babies more valued because they can survive or do they survive beside they are more valued?” good question sis

lol Jane was so sweet and just bounced with no word

AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THOUGH, THANKS FOR THAT NZ CUT SCENE

Trixie being a babe and getting ready to do her nails 😍💕 I wish I could do mine well but I’m trash and so I pay to get them done

The cross cutting in this scene is crazy but so well done (& yes look at me using real terms lol, I took a Music in film class last semester and had to know editing techniques 😂, I did fairly well too)

I really don’t know how she survived this

My bby trixie looking gorgeous as per usual. I love her so much, Helen u kill me

NO COÑFIO TRIXIE, HE’S NO GOOD

Haha why did I not remember the Gone With The Wind reference? Cynthia was so cute, I miss her carefree and happy

FRECO MOVE YOUR DAMN HAND, YOU ARE TRASH.

HE’S FICTIONAL BUT ID STILL FIGHT HIM

my poor bby😭💔 it is not your fault , he’s trash!! But this moment between the nurses warmed my cold heart

“Matrons in charge, virgins of iron” 😭😭

Aw Earth Angel playing, ✨🎼 I highkey pop to 50s/60s pandora stations

Jenny yes it’s illegal but do you think that matters rn??

TIM AS MAID MARION LMAO

Sister Bernadette looking at Dr Turner ah omg 😭they’ve come so far.

It’s not your fault Jenny but you should’ve told someone

Sister B & Tim won 👏🏼

LMAO ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THAT POST “WOAH CALM DOWN IM JUST TRYNA DATE YOUR DAD”

and she’s down, and the glasses flew

“You’ve hurt your hand” “well I’m sure there’s no need to amputate” ah sister b/shelagh lowkey has some of the funniest lines she just slips them in and people miss them !!

Here it comes ..

THE MOMENT..

“Would you like me to have a look at that?” UHM YEA

No but seriously I can barely remember what I thought when I first watched this but I knew something was gonna happen because a nurse can handle her own damn cut & well you know, she was in love with him

HE KISSED HER HAND. A fucking doctor kissed a nuns hand people, how scandalous & this was THE MOMENT I KNEW I WAS CORRUPT AND WAS GOING TO HELL, I AM SATAN I WANTED THE DOCTOR TO KISS A FREAKING NUN ON THE MOUTH LIKE WTF WHO RAISED ME? MY MOTHER WANTED IT TOO SO IDK BUT THIS KILLED ME, LIKE R.I.P HERE LIES GABBY, I WAS IN THE GROUND DECEASED. I’m actual trash. Someone dispose of me in the proper bin #recyle

for real, this is when I really knew that I was never going to love any other show like this and I allowed it to ruin me

BUT HONESTLY WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? THATS A BOLD MOVE

BOLD IN GENERAL BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW IF SHE LIKES YOU BUT BOLD x1000 BC SHE IS A NUN, YOU KNOW MARRIED TO GOD, VOW OF CHASITY AND ALL THAt??

What if she would’ve freaked tf out or told sister Julienne? I don’t even know. I’ll just be grateful for how things turned out

“At this moment I only know I’m not turning my back on you because of you but I’m doing it because of him” AHHHH, DONT WORRY BBY GOD LOVES U AND UNDERSTANDS YOU LOVE HIM AND THE DOCTOR, LOSE THAT HABIT AND GO PROPERLY KISS PATRICK 😭

Sister MJ judging the baby contest is the purest thing & I need it to cleanse my disgusting soul that wants a dr to get with a nun #notsorrythough

“In Nonnatus we were good at tending other’s wounds and there were times I felt we were all each other’s children..” brb I’m crying I love that they’re like a family 😭💕💔

I’m so happy they didn’t kill Nora and she actually was happy in the end. I really wasn’t sure for a moment (obviously when I first watched lol)

“ Free reliable contraception came too late to help her, but in time the scientists triumphed. Her daughters and granddaughters lives remained transfigured, long after man left fleeting footprints on the moon.” Vanessa always knowing what to say in the end.

Lets see how the pill is going to be reintroduced this series, I’m interested in how it’s going to play out.

I’ve said that so many times though so I’ll be done

The End.

#call the midwife #im actual trash #I love this show too much #my thoughts #and rambles #lets get it 1962 #protect my bbys at all costs though #my commentaries™

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anything-advice-blog · 6 years

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[TIME SENSITIVE / URGENT] toxic friend

i kno u guys must get like thousands of messages and im so sorry for cluttering ur inbox and pushing this to the front of the line but im just. desperate and really scared and i need to know what 2 do abt this as soon as possible!!! also as a preface i apologize in advance if some of the way i word things in this come off as offensive or incorrect, etc - i truly, genuinely do not mean any harm so please feel free to correct me if i say something that isnt okay!!! also this is REALLY scattered and mega long so bear with me im really sorry! (also im so. so scared the person in question is gonna see this o H MY GOD so i may need to message this blog again asking for this post to be taken down maybe bc im really paranoid im so sorry!! i hope thats ok but i just dont want to risk her seeing this if this all blows up in my face ohrkjdghkjghfdgj!!!) (TW: SUICIDE MENTION, SELF HARM MENTION)

ok so. almost 2 years ago in early 2016 this girl i’d never met before drew me this incredible gift art for my birthday. we started talking and we found out we have a lot of things in common - we both draw and write, we’re just a few months apart from each other in age, we have similar interests and fandoms, n we live less than an hour away from each other and are one state away from one another - so we immediately hit it off n became super close friends. she was amazingly talented n super friendly and nice n stuff so i wanted 2 be friends w her anyways!!!!! @ the time she was in an online relationship with someone several years older than her who lived across the country, and she mentioned a few times she was feeling unhappy and insecure in that relationship and that long distance was really difficult but she was too devoted to her partner to break it off. the most important thing 2 note is that my friend has several severe untreated mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, ocd among others), regularly self harms, and is suicidal. im pretty sure im neurotypical (or at least i definitely am not suicidal / depressed, etc), so while i couldnt relate to a lot of the things she was going through, i always tried to be a listening ear to her and give her advice / support when i could because i knew she was going through a lot of rough stuff. she told me she doesnt have any friends in real life, her parents are separated and her family does not support her or even really know / care about her mental health, and she can’t access any professional help from teachers / counselors / therapists due to her severe anxiety and financial issues for some of the latter options listed. as her relationship with her partner began to crumble, i started bearing a lot of the weight of her struggles - she would vent to me and i would always have to be there for her to support her. i told myself that because she was mentally ill and didnt have any support i would take on that role so she wouldnt have to suffer. over the summer of 2016 she almost attempted suicide like…. twice??? and i talked her out of it and it was terrifying and really exhaustimg to constantly be worried about her.

then almost a year ago, in the winter of 2016, she started getting… clingy? we started talking a lot more and i didnt really get like any bad vibes from her but we were pretty much joined @ the hip and stuff and we started telling each other all of our secrets (so this is when i found out her relationship with her girlfriend was starting to crumble, which i didnt previously know) also she started constantly drawing me stuff??? like Drowning me in gift art and i felt really bad for not being able to reciprocate but she told me not to worry and that she used art as a coping method and stuff. at this time, i was going through some stuff too - obviously not as severe as depression / self harming, etc, but i had just gotten out of an almost-relationship with someone i knew from school, and i was doing my best to distance myself from romance in general since i didnt feel mature or confident enough to be in a romantic relationship yet. i told my friend that i was uncomfortable about the prospect of being in a romantic relationship and she seemed to understand.

anyways right around my birthday this year she revealed to me that she was madly in love with me (???!!?!?!?!?!!?!!?). mind you we had never even talked to each other / video called or ANything like that and we had only sent each other One (1) selfie and. it made me really uncomfortable because she said that like i was her moon and stars and her whole world and everything and she constantly dreamed of me??? and that she had been secretly like writing me love poetry and drawing me Even More Art i didnt even know about and…… it was. really overwhelming. it bothered me for so many reasons besides the fact that we had never communicated outside of like chatting / sending messages back nd forth like…. ok she was still in that long distance relationship at the time even though it was crumbling, and she KNEW!!! that i was uncomfortable about romance but she told me anyways and stuff!!!!!! and AHHH it was just really bad. so i panicked over it for a day or two because i was scared that if i Firmly Said No that she would spiral into a depressive episode and actually fatally harm this time but i wrote her this huge long letter letting her down very, very, VERY gently and apologizing for ever leading her on and stuff. and. she never actually wrote back to that letter or told me that it was okay???? which….. should have been a red flag 2 me but. we moved on as friends even though we did this conscious of the fact that she still loved me like that and i didnt feel the same way. looking back on it i regret it so much because i told her that like i would Always Be There For Her Forever and stuff and??? gfkjhgk yeah it wasnt a good time.

its been almost a year since then. in the spring i got my first smartphone and we added each other on a lot of social media stuff including snapchat and moved all our conversations there, then we decided to call each other and exchange phone numbers and see how that worked. i didnt really think much of it and was excited to hear her voice and have a conversation with her but…….. suddenly that one call turned into two and two turned into three and within a few weeks we were calling each other like All The Time (at least once a week if not more) and like making these really fucking elaborate schedules to call each other????? WHICH LIKE i dont think is a normal thing friends do idk if im wrong but!!!!! i literally call None of my other friends except for her, and a lot of that is bc i actually get really anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone?? (also not to mention my mom doesnt really like me talking on the phone either….) but i never really told her that it made me uncomf or that it was difficult to mnge like i guess it just kinda.. Happened and became the norm. so now on top of constantly messaging each other multiple times a day now we were calling frequently too and there was suddenly a lot more pressure in our relationship because i had to stress out over making a large amount of time in my day to talk to her. i graduated high school this spring and having to balance the extreme emotional load of that major change with like… suddenly having to fall all over myself to make time to talk to this girl i didnt even really know?? was just really bad and i regret it so much because i feel like i missed out on fully experiencing it i guess. im really really passive and im TERRIFIED of confrontation and i dont like saying no to people or telling them if im uncomfortable because They Will Get Mad At Me and it was especially worse bc of my friend’s mental health and so she and i would talk for hours on end because i was afraid that if i got tired and ended the conversation without a legitimate excuse she would get mad at me and hurt herself. since we could fit way more conversation into like… long long hours of talking and talking, we ended up like. just telling each other literally Everything and she “eventually” fell out of love with me and started trying to meet people who she actually knew irl to date!! which was. kinda good bc she met this one girl and they hit it off but then it turns out she was just….. queerbaiting my friend??? which Sucked so that obviously didnt work out. and then she met another girl on this dating app and they started going out and my friend started talking to me less for a little while. it turns out though……. that my friend’s new girlfriend lives in my town??? like i dont know her but bc of that my friend and i almost met in person bc the two of them met up and went out together and stuff and they were gonna drop by and see me but that didnt work out. im getting off topic here but my point is……… she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she started seeing other people.

sadly she and her gf recently broke up. their relationship was also really unhealthy just like…… All Of Her Relationships and that other girl broke up with my friend because she said she needed space (she was depressed too and needed to recover and my friend was being too clingy and attention seeking and stuff so she just ended it in the middle of the night over text.) ofc ive stuck around for all of this and my friend has vented about every tiny detail of this relationship to me and its…. been So Stressful. now that shes single again she’s more depressed than ever - over the summer when she was dating that other girl she stopped self harming but she started again when their relationship started going south and now im really scared she’s gonna hurt herself, esp bc she tried to commit suicide again a few months ago which was terrifying. also another thing thats made me REALLY uncomfortable!!!!!!!! is that she Keeps Bringing Up the fact that she was in love with me whenever we talk on the phone??? like Every Single Time We Talk, Without Fail. even when she was talking abt her new gf with me sh was like. comparing her attraction to her gf to her attraction to Me and talking abt how they were similar and different and. i never had the guts to tell her it bothered me but god it just does So So Much!!!!! because we were never in a real relationship and she doesnt even really know me KDSJFHKHGAHHH im rambling so much this makes no sense at all and this is so long im so sorry ahhhh but im… Stressed!

so….. we’re running up on two years since we’ve met and one year since she told me she loved me. im in college now and she’s still in high school, and she’ll be i college next year too. again, i dont think that im depressed or mentally ill, but ive been struggling a LOT with the adjustment from hs to college and its been really really rough on me emotionally. now that my friend is single she’s been solely relying on me and trying to get me to call her multiple times a week because she needs the extra support now that she doesnt have her girlfriend anymore… but she doesnt seem to understand that i i just dont have enough time or energy to give all of myself to her and fall all over myself to make her feel better, especially when i already feel suffocated by her to begin with AND when im suppposed to be starting this new life and putting all of my focus into that. we’re mutuals on every single social media i have and i feel like im constantly being crushed by guilt whenever i do anything for myself or post stuff bc she can see what im doing constantly. and like she asked me to turn my read receipts on when we started moving from snapchat to texting and i have them turned off regularly so i did and it was really uncomfortable. i keep bending myself over backwards to mke sure im making her happy bc im all she has left.

neither of us have good relationships with our moms and so we’re always sneaking around to call each other and lately ive been calling her at school because obviously my mom isnt there and its less of a hassle to sneak around her and and talk……. but its a double edged sword bc i keep having to isolate myself and skip clubs / studying / hanging out with friends and socializing to talk to her and listen to her vent and its just so exhausting and i feel like im starting to seriously fall behind in other areas of my life im supposed to be getting better in. its hard enough adjusting to this and missing high school and stuff and trying to learn how to be an adult and be independent, and having her weight over my shoulders just is making things so much worse. but if i tell her that she’s choking me she’ll hurt herself (she’s literally said to me, Multiple Times (and recently!!!) that if it werent for me she’d be dead by now or she would kill herself and stuff and im the only thing she’s living for at this point. which. i dont know how to feel about that). i feel so trapped and i can’t say or do anything that indicates that im uncomfortable because she’ll get mad at me and make these passive agressive little side comments or do these alarmed emoticons and stuff or give me the silent treatment for a day or two (which is always scary bc like its Good when she’s not talking to me but when she doesnt im scared that something horrible happened to her!!!!!) and its just. god. ive started lying to her and coming up with fake excuses to get out of calling her because the thought of having to go isolate myself in these empty courtyards or nooks and crannies of my college campus is growing more and more uncomfortable and terrifying to me and i just cant fucking be honest about it because i suck. when i talk on the phone with her i have to be really fake and smiley and stuff and all she does is ramble about how horrible things are going for her and then i have to try and give advice when i just am so bad at talking and socializing already and im dealing w my own stuff and its… Awful. im so so weighed down by this nd i know that if she knew she’s being a…. b*rden to me right now she would be devastated and harm herself and stuff so i cant say anything and im spiraling out of control with THI s but you get the point im just really uncomfortable Always!!!! and i feel like my own emotions are completely 100000% inferior to hers because she’s gone through so much more than me and stuff???? and idk if thats True or if its just the way i feel but i just cant do anything around her bc shes like a ticking time bomb and anything i feel or try to do to protect myself from getting hurt will be selfish bc shes hurting way mre than me!!!!!!!!

anyways her birthday just happened a couple weeks ago and i bought her a tiny present and drew her somehting (i felt super guilty about not doing More for it though because shes done so much for me and also literally nobody except me remembered her birthday, not even really her own family). i havent mailed it to her yet (i told her i would send it this weekend, which is why this is marked as urgent) but we just exchanged addresses for the first time so now she not only knows my name, my age, what i look like, my Entire Backstory Ft. My Deepest Darkest Secrets, and how to reach me whenever she wants wherever she wants, but now she knows Exactly where i live and where i go to school too lol yay!!! anyways im getting really really anxious because i just had my midterms for college and didnt talk to her for an entire week last week but this happened right after her gf broke up with her and i think shes mad at me for taking a week off of talking to her. we were gonna call again today but i weaseled my way out of it bc it was so overwhelming and now i have to mail her this gift this weekend and my mom and other fmily members are all yelling at me about it and demanding that i just like…. Not Send It To Her because i dont owe her anything and tht i should just cut her off but if i do she’ll hurt herself nd she follows me everywhere and knows all of my secrets and stuff and idk im just scared that if i end our friendship she’ll try to ruin my life!!!! Like i dont think she would be petty like that or turn people against me or anything but she’s so obsessed with giving all of herself to other people nd she’s literally said she cant function without being 100000% devoted to somebody and like even after she’s broken up with all these other girls she still…. is obsessed with them and angsts over them and stuff and she does that with me even though i never even dated her or anything aND ITS JUST bad

like. idk i just really needed to get all of that out and im sorry it was so so so long and i dont even know what to do but i guess i marked this urgent because like. do i send her the present???? should i try to just like quietly distance myself from her real subtly so she wont notice or should i just straight up tell her that i cant breathe around her anymore and i just. really need space??? or like to not be friends anymore even though we know everything about each other??? am i being manipulated or is it jsut All In My Head that our relationship is toxic??? like idk if i shoud even cut her off completely or aNYTHING or if we could like even go on being just acquaintances from now on and saying hi to each other from time to time. and i feel so mean and bad for writin all of thisstuff about her when i know shses so vulnerable and i havent concretely communicated Any discomfort around her so if she saw this she would immediately know it was about her and do something Terrible to herself nd she constantly spams me with memes about depression and wanting to die and like…. blows up my phone with like 50 text messages at once and its just so so so much to worry about and i!!! just!!!!!! cant function like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!

anyways that was a huge disorganized mess and im kinda shaking and i dont even think i got all of it down or communicated how trapped and helpless i feel. ive never been in any situation like this before and i hate that she’s…. yeah. she’s really like manipulated me and stuff and i dont know how to get out of it. every time i think about it i feel like bursting into tears because im just so stuck and i dont even know if the way im feeling is even valid or if its all just lke. in my head or something and this is how friends really are Supposed to be because ive never really had a great social life either and my best friends are honestly my brother and sister and they mean everything to me and so i have friends outside of my family but like idk i never like. really was that close with any of them nad stuff nad idk this isnt about me BUT i just uhhh. am kinda crying a little bit and im sorry fo rbeig a big baby about all of this its all my fault for being a Human Doormat and letting people walk all over me nd tellin myself that i can bear that weight when i really have never taken good care of myself before Ever In My Life and stuff. but anyways im gonna stop rambling now and just… to whoever reads this or responds to this or whatever just thank you for hearing me out even if you think im wrong / crazy / Terrible for feeling this way because it just has been so much and i dont know what to do.

Hey there!

There's a lot going on here, but the bottom line seems to be this; you're in a friendship that you don't want to be in, and that you feel is unhealthy for you.

You are not her therapist. You can't fix her, you can't treat her, you can support her, but that's it. You aren't responsible for her. You're forcing yourself to put all this time and energy into something that you're super uncomfortable with, and don't want to be doing, and it's draining you and destroying your own mental health. You have to put yourself first. It's okay to want to help people, but you HAVE to put yourself first, or else you'll burn out and you won't be able to help anybody.

At the very least, you need to talk to her about how you're feeling, and tell her you need to tone down your relationship. What's happening absolutely isn't fair to you. All you can do to help her is your best, and right now, you're not doing your best because you're not taking care of yourself.

I know you're concerned about her hurting herself or killing herself, but you have to understand that you are not responsible for her. If she does something to herself, it's not as a result of your actions. She's traumatized and mentally ill, and those factors are what causes her to hurt herself. Not you. You are not and can not be responsible for her. Period. If she tells you she's going to kill herself or severely hurt herself, you have her address. Call 911 and ask them to dispatch help to her house. She might hate you for it, but an angry person is far, far better than a dead person. That action very well might save her life, and get her the help that she needs, so don't be afraid to do it.

As for the present, it's totally up to you. You did promise it to her, and fulfilling that promise might help you let her down a little bit more gently. At the same time, giving her a permanent reminder of you could hurt her. Maybe you should ask her? Tell her about how you're feeling and that you can't keep going with this intense of a relationship, and have a conversation about that. During that conversation, you could ask if she still wants the present. She might get angry, or it could help soothe her, or maybe she'll have a totally different reaction. It's hard to know.

This conversation is going to be super, super hard. It's going to be hell, quite frankly. She's a super sensitive person, and she's probably not going to take it well. So remember what I said before, about her not being your responsibility, and do a LOT of self care working up to the conversation and after the conversation. I'd recommend making a self care kit, and putting things in it that help calm you down. My personal self care kit contains nice smelling lotion, soft fabric, stuff to play with, gum, tea bags, and notes from friends reminding me that they love me. You could also be texting a friend during the conversation, so that they can reassure you and help talk you through it.

You may not be going through the same things she is, but your feelings and your struggles are valid. You don't need to destroy yourself to help someone that's "worse" than you are. You need to take care of yourself, and keep yourself as healthy as possible. You aren't any less valuable simply because you're not traumatized or self harming. Your mental health is important, and you need to do what's right for you.

I hope this helps!

♥ - Fawn

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dazedsapphic · 7 years

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its like lets break down my revelation from the beginning of our falling out to the end i realise now, when i didnt before, that he was having a mental breakdown. he told me. and i did not realise. they can happen anywhere at any time, but i did not realise. because this had never happened before. because he had yelled at me before like that, over the same thing - my buddhist practice. it was my fault that i did not realise, but those words he said to me were still said, and they still had emotional impact that i could not handle. he knows i am not good with death. anyone who knows me knows i am not good with death. i have had death - suicide - threatened and attempted in my presence too many times to be okay with it. he was having a mental breakdown. but that does not change a thing that was said or done. it does not change what he threatened. it does not change the names he called me. it does not change that i now understand his feelings. i had a mental breakdown that night because i did not realise he was having one. i was terrified because the one thing that quickly sends me into relapse, into panic, that really triggers me - is death and suicide. he was having a mental breakdown. that does not change the fact that i did, too. our relationship was that of a dependent and their codependent. i realise that i could have done things differently. i could have done what he told me to do - not take care of him constantly, not cater to him. he told me not to, because it would not help things. but i did it anyways, because that is what i thought needed to be done. i hid my feelings. "you're not overbearing. you're not doing anything wrong. it's okay. i'm not overwhelmed." because i knew. i had told him once before that i was overwhelmed and stressed because of him - because of our financial situation, and he was sent into turmoil. every time he did something and i expressed distaste, that is what would happen. he would say things like "i know im shit. i know im overwhelming. i hate myself too. sorry im such a burden" etc. he may genuinely have felt that way. but also, those were guilting statements. which made me continuously want to reassure him that he had nothing to feel bad over, even if i was hurting or exhausted. he told me to tell him when my feelings are hurt by him. i did once. he made a joke, as he always does, and i looked at him, and i frowned, and i told him he had been a little rude to me. he got pissed. he called me a "sensitive asshole" who "couldn't take a joke." he refused to admit that he might have been offensive. i let it go. whenever i didn't want to do something with him, he would get upset, talk about how i'm not doing a certain thing with him constantly, and then bring it up over and over again after he came back, as if i was obligated to him. he would bicker with me about it. when i went to temple on sundays is when he seemed most displeased. i know he hates the idea of religion, but one should remain respectful all the same, as it is helping me and has allowed me to establish strong connections. i wonder if he disliked it less for its practice and more for the fact that it took my time away from him. i would drop plans for him. come home for him. make breakfast for him. pay for everything without a second thought. make sure he had what he needed. make sure he had what he wanted. ruined most of my relationships with other people for his sake, yet it wasn't enough. and i recognise some of this is my fault. i let him do this to me by coddling him. i let him depend on me so much that it drained me. neither of us wanted this. he did not want to depend on me and i did not want to get so tired. but that is what happened. and i let it happen because i felt obligated for it to be that way. as soon as i started to pull back from him and take a second for myself is when things became troublesome. i decided to leave the day he made that threat towards me, because that was my final limit. i recognised that inadvertably, the situation had become abusive. it shouldn't have, and i know he did not intend for it to resemble such. but when you are stick in a codependent relationship, that is what it becomes. abuse. mental and emotional. that is almost never the intention. he told me i triggered him for calling him an abuser, but i my eyes, that is what he did to me even if he does not see it. his jokes were cruel and he would not apologise even if i appeares upset. he would yell at me for practicing buddhism. he continuously badgered the idea that our friends were not good into my head (they're fine, by the way.) he would fight me whenever i wanted time to myself. he would sometimes guilt me for it. he would guilt me for other reasons to. he would sometimes gaslight me if we were arguing. all of this is due to his mental illness and myself being his codependant. but that does not change the fact that it happened. i could be his friend. spend time with him. take care of him. be with him. but i could not live with him, and i realised that too late. i am not emotionally capable currently to take care of someone else. let us talk about how i "screwed him over." our deposit was $624. i paid $400 of it, his parents paid the rest. june rent was $799. i paid all of it. july rent was $799. i paid $450. august rent is (i think?) $300 or around there. august is what i did not pay. just the other day when we had gone to kelley's island, before i decided to move out, he told me he "didn't care about credit card debt anymore" but the moment he is left to pay $300 by himself, it suddenly becomes an issue. he did not seek a job until june, and he did not get that job without my help. he "put in applications" over spring semester. if i remember correctly, he only put in four. the entire semester and put it off. he did not search. he did not put in the effort. he did not work to save what money he made at work, despite having made less than i had. i had money to spend and he did not. it is not "my fault" and i did not "screw him over" wheb by this logic, making $180 every two weeks at his (our) workplace, or more, he would have enough for rent. he is only staying 10 days into august. if he was so concerned with rent, he should have moved in with his parents. they wanted him to and stated such in front of me. i moved out because i could not handle it. everything that was done to me may have been unintentional. it may have been due to his mental state. it may not have been. but regardless, it does not change the emotional toll ot took upon myself as well. he agreed with me that this is the best decision for both of us, yet he continues to say cruel things. he told me to leave and threw all of my things into the living room, yet he is surprised that i left. he threatened to "show me crazy" yet didn't understand why i did not speak to him and spent all of my time outside of the apartment. he told me he had apologised for what he had done. but he never said "i'm sorry." he told me he had done it in his own way, i just didnt see it. tell me, if you do not perceive an apology as such, was it even given? attacking me and telling me how i am wrong, and then using words to guilt me is not an apology. "im not using my mental illness as an excuse," he says, then going on to say that his mental illness makes him do it. he sent his friends after me on social media, when i simply made an observstion. "everyone blocked me." i wasnt pissed off or sad. there was simply no need to go to those lengths. subtweeting me, sending people after me - acts of pettiness. threatening to throw all of my shit out, to remove me from the lease, to "show me crazy" and "make my life hell" - even pettier. yet he called my silence and refusal to speak to him "passive aggressive" and "mean." i did not want to start more conflict and it was the easiest solution. i am not mad. i do not regret our friendship. i do not hate him. no one hates him. i wish i had done things differently. i wish he did not have to suffer. i am just shaken, and i am a little sad. it was not just my fault. it was not just his fault. both of us were in the wrong.

#personal

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