#it just makes me really tired n sad

[iwaasfairy]

it's always sad to realize but people who never contact you first aren't your friends. i always let people into my heart very easily n it kinda comes around to bite me bc i always consider people friends even tho they aren't very friendly at all to me

#idk man like;;; i hang on like my life depends on it #not in a clingy way; more a 'even tho we haven't talked for 6 months' kind of way #but if i always Always have to start the convo #that isn't a friend yk??? i know that #in my head i know that #but i still have a really hard time letting people go #it's just sad bc i really don't require a lot of friendship energy either #we can not talk for weeks and i'll be just as happy to hear from you as when we talk every day #but like;;; idk at some point i gotta just let things go i guess bc #it just makes me really tired n sad #mutuals are great and all until they don't even treat you like #idK people dont owe others anything ofc #but i think it's the nice thing to do if you call someone your friend #ring ring

[essskel]

i’m so sorry but if you’re in the ‘fantasy media is escapism I don’t want to think about any REAL world problems‘ crowd then why are you posting about the witcher. there are few fantasy sagas that are quite so explicit and intentional as the Witcher when mirroring its characters, world, and conflict around real people, politics, and everyday struggles. also that’s why it’s GOOD

#this is not about netlix I don’t watch the show n I don’t care abt it #don’t worry im not really vaguing anyone on here it’s just stuff I read online and in articles and social media in general #tires me out and also makes me sad for the long and important legacy of fantasy authors and creators doing their best to #translate and break down their reality into a fantastical setting :( #like don’t do sapkowski like this he worked hard to make this real #the witcher #the witcher books #double shot

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[cookiescr]

.

#vent #it’s so frustrating man like i just wanna meet my gf like #why did they have to make it so hard and risky for me to go to even a visa free country #I’m paying for both of our flights and with all the immigration stories like i don’t wanna risk it #but I’m so desperate like I’m so close #but it feels so fucking far as well still #if only her parents weren’t homophobic then she could have gone here last year we #i’m just really tired and sad #and impatient #not at her ofc #just at the situation #rants n rambles

[v-arbellanaris]

i think the problem (?) is that the only kind of (fictional?) love that interests me is the kind of love that changes the world. the kind of love that derails the narrative, the kind of love that changes everything -- not necessarily by how special or unique the love is but by the very mundanity of it. the love that grows, not in spite of the barren lovelessness of Before, but out of it. i think that's why I'm always so invested in ships that are two people diametrically opposed to each other, or enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, or two people on separate sides of the morality issue coin, because i love it when love... not that it changes a person but it allows the person to Become. the space, the grace, to change. to love the monster, to love the unlovable and the intolerable, is to make it something other than a monster, than unlovable, than intolerable. i love it when being loved at your worst, ugliest, most horrible self is what makes you want to be someone worth loving. like is this ANYTHING to anyone or

#sorry im not here but im thinkin abt fic things and im really just! having some Emotions about things #idk? i see a lot of aspects of myself in villains. whoever you consider a villain. and i think there's a tendency in fandom #that I've noticed for like... years. where when these issues are portrayed in Good People it's always framed in an acceptable way #if they're angry it's never in a way that really hurts anyone - or everyone Just Knows they're going through shit #if they're depressed it's always the sad pathetic kind that makes people want to coddle you and not the kind that made me isolate and #unpleasant to be around #the urge/inclination towards violence to people who did wrong to me is a villainous act #trauma only ever affects Villains in a bad way. and their trauma MAKES them Bad and Evil people who should only ever just die to fix all #the damage they did to people. and idk man! don't you think that's kind of fucked up? don't you think that it's so fucked up to see yoursel #and the ugliness of your trauma and how it impacts you only ever represented by villains. and then the solution is ''they should just die'' #and in the rare moments those villains DO get redemption arcs or a second chance or whatever there's a large n frankly horrific portion #of fandom going i want this person dead or (other violent gruesome violating thing) because they're awful and horrible and their very #existence is unforgivable. i think they should die #and it's like i get it. i also get tired of having to see this message constantly blasted into my brain 24/7? #''why do you ship x with x--'' god i dont fucking know #maybe i want to believe we can get better. that people can change. #maybe i want to believe there's no end point where i have to weigh up the damage ive done to people vs the benefits ive brought and decide #i should die. maybe i want to believe that people are inherently good and want to do good and have the capacity for good!! #that we can do better if only someone believed we could!! #maybe i want to believe we're all worthy of love. of someone who will believe in us. who sees something good in us even when we're at our #worst & most unlovable. maybe i want to believe we can still BE loved after all that! idk leave me alone!! #tbd #i added the image bc its how im feelin rn

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

mmm i would,,, very much like someone (cough Foul Legacy cough) to pick me up and hug me and hold me close and let me just forget everything i worry about for a bit

yes. i’d like that very much 

#hush n shush wifi #what even is this like. #is it a ramble??? a really short one???? #gah i dunno but it exists and it's what i'm feeling right this second #ok so from friday till basically now i've been absolutely drenched in anxiety and it refuses to go away #so i kinda just want my comfort moth abyss monster to hold me right now #it's like the minute i stop worrying about one thing my brain goes 'ok time to worry about a DIFFERENT thing' #and it's getting really annoying but i also feel like collapsing into a little anxious puddle #trying to get some comfort via fics and stuff but. man. there's basically no foul legacy comfort n that makes me sad :( #sorry i really am rambling it's a habit when i feel nasty #umm send brainrot or something please it'd be. really nice honestly #might not post much tonight if i can't pull myself together #maaaan the week just started but the weekend tired me out from being nervous 24/7 #maybe delete later #on this episode of wifi puts their emotions into the tags

[floral-hex]

gosh, I miss flirting and being mushy with someone

#it is still early evening. it is TOO early to be yearning. #this isn’t like an advertisement for flirting or anything don’t worry #I will NEVER flirt with you! #I am just the legally required sad uncle guy on here #and not the weird kind. the kind that’ll let you have a sip of their beer or drive you to the mall #or whatever I dunno I’m getting too deep into this #ugh calling myself an uncle makes me feel old… #…and then I remember I actually am an uncle and my sister has kids #don’t call me uncle. you can call me dad. but like step-dad. the kind that just wants you to think they’re cool #also I wanna kiss your mom #no but really how is your mom doing? how’s her butt? what’s her butt doin? #im a little tired so please I’m gonna ramble a bit #what was I talking about? #oh yeah… YEARNING! #I want to be mushy! #just wanna send someone a picture of two kitties with funny little hats and say ‘me n you’ #me n who?!? #could be you? 😘 #NO! that’s what this whole post is about! it could NOT be you! keep it professional #I don’t want to make my mutuals annoyed with me by making them think I’m flirting with them #why am I talking about all of this? this is dumb #sorry I’m just sitting in this car in a parking lot waiting for my bro to get out of school #which… shit… is pretty soon. guess I need to stop zoning out #uhhhh sooo…. kiss kiss kiss #and I love you forever #goodbye I guess #you can ignore this #text

[fleshexecutable]

i really should start having break downs on this account instead bc there r way less ppl n muts here to watch me actually lose my mind

#i am just so incredibly numb n insecure today n idk how to snap out of it? like not tht ive made much of an effort but i just feel stuck !! #i feel like such a second option to everyone around me n its breaking my heart #all of my friends n everyone around me is just like ‘well this option wasn’t available so i guess we can hang/talk/etc’ #n im tired of it :( i want to be chosen first n put first by literally anybody in my life so i dont have to keep feeling so lonely !! #n maybe thts too much to ask or idk this is karma for something i did but i feel so unwanted n like such a second thought #n it makes me look desperate i hate looking desperate but im just so sad n torn up tht im just never enough for the ppl around me #tht ill do anything to be looked at n payed attention to #i just :( really would love to be someones first n last thought of the day n to just. be very loved n treasured is tht so bad :( #anywya whatever ive cried abt this like twice today #i need to get a fucking journal again

[theyaoiparable]

dawg.

#i cant fucking STAND this community anymore i don't know what the fuck happened. #i tried so hard fr and i just got met with nothing i think im going to drill a hole in my head and bleed out on the floor #i dipped from lp finally im considering dipping from tspcc for good and im 5 seconds away from leaving paravrs adventures too. im so tired #everytime i try to get included everyone just goes away #why :( #did i do something n nobody is telling me. #man. #and its not even just me being upset #dude so much of my recent trauma has come from the tsp cmmunity and it makes me really sad. #i went in so hopeful and just got like. killed. dawg..

[wouyoungarchive]

update: im gonna be on extended hiatus for a while!

#i found out last week that i have to go for six weeks of intensive radiotherapy every single day at the cancer hospital.. and then #i need to have more chemo. and i found out today that the chemo treatment could make me infertile which means i gotta make the decision of #whether or not i want kids RIGHT NOW bc i gotta go through hormone therapy and then an extra surgery . unless i decide against it which #means i run the risk of never being able to have children which isnt an issue for me rn bc a. im ill and b. i dont WANT kids im only 27 :// #but its such a huge decision :( i dont wanna make it :( and i want to be better already bc this illness is dragging on and on and on #im so sick and tired of being sick and tired fjdnfjs #anyway my radiotherapy is up in the air rn bc they dont know if im having proton beam therapy or not yet but #i'm really struggling mentally to cope with everything and tumblr is taking the least amount of priority so i'm on hiatus rn fjdnd #i'll fill up my queue!! or at least try to do that once a week or smth just so my blog doesnt die but ahh #please dont forget abt me while im gone im so sad i love u guys n i will miss u so much 😔💔 #rin.txt 💬

[noxtivagus]

i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait

#🌙.vents #bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too #i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh #n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah #n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n #yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i #middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like #my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends #n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then #someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah #n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs #i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but #i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't. #ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah #used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends. #oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n #you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too #but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow #ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me #we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless #i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless #ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the #i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what #to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too #serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life #most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears #in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop. #sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck #nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends #i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.

[edgydadster]

Deciding whether to paint this or not skdjskdjdjdb

#theeggspeaks #doing halloween art rn #i wanna like try hard on it so i dunno if i wanna paint it or not? #probably #like maybe if i paint but don't do it completely lineless #just really thin and disconnected lines #i might not focus on finishing it today because like #i'm tired lmao #bro's birthday today so been busy with people n shit #might do some colored sketches??? #maaaybe #will most likely be uhh #i don't know. #sorry for the tag rant but #i don't wanna bother any of my friends rn (or ever i have social problems ;w;) #so i just make tumblr posts! #yeah sad and pathetic whatever #anyway i must art #again i apologize blame... #actually yeah blame me and my horrible social skills #+anxiety that's been up recently👍 #weather kinda effects it fsr and uh just with personal issues i've been extremely anxious AND insecure soo #i'ma head out before i start ranting again lol

[donuts4evry1]

thinking of opening up a kofi account + doing commissions so I can get some things I want.................

#I have a job and I make money but also I've spent too much money this month and I still haven't bought the things I really wanted #// btw most of my paycheck goes into an investing account immediately.... am sad :( #i mostly just treat people out n stuff lol. but ig having money now has made me kinda lax with it #anyway the proceeds will go to a jellyfish book and binders (the chest kind) #now that i am not constantly tired I think I can probably handle like........ 3 commissions #maybe #we'll see #mun rambles

[be-good-to-bugs]

ok why am i SO tired what the fuck

#the bin #i went to sleep yesterday at 4pm and then woke up at midnight. was uo an hour n ate a snack. and then went back to bed till 12 #and then i went back to bed at 6pm. i got up at 10:40 and now its 2:30am and im SO tired #i cant sleep tho cause i gutta do laundry and then shower and then work. im only working a 4 1/2 hour shift tho #and then i have 3 days off. i can take big day long nap in that case. #i only even got up at 10:40 bc i wanted the kitty paws so i woke up specifically to boop. or else id of stayed in bed till now #cause i had an alarm to do laundry at 2am. hhhh. i wish i wasnt so sleepy. its so annoying. i oove sleepy but not when i have stuff to do #i guess it does make sense. i was SO behind on sleep for a week and then got even more behind bc of cleaning and stuff #but cant you just wait one more day? couldnt you do this tomorrow after im done working??? guess not. oh well. #im really upset i didnt get an answer from my mom yet. she said april 1st. she coulda at least texted me to say she doenst know yet #shes probs busy and forgot but. im so stressed abt this. if i dont fall asleep by the time shes done work tomorrow maybe i can call #hhh. i hate having this on my mind 100% of the time. its so stressful. my heart is constantly racing. my breathing is bad bc of it #having a constant anxiety attack sucks. maybe thats why im so tired too. i guess it is oretty exhausting. hhh. and its making me sad so #whatever. itll be fine. i do believe itll be good news. it HAS to be good news. i dont have mych basis for thinking itll be good news beside #asking some cards and like. i enjoy cartomancy but i dont put that much weight on it. but its all i have. it WILL be good news

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

i don't know what to do

#doll #do i leave? do i try to fix it even if it means startin over again? am i overreacting? #i'm just avoiding him n i should probably take some space but #i'm......scared. #i thought i wasn't scared of him anymore #if he lied about this what else was just him tellin me what i wanna hear #when he said he wouldn't stop me from leavin? #(physically. at least he was honest enough to admit he'd probably try everything in his power to make me change my mind) #n i mean i don't even wanna break up for good. i don't wanna give up on him. i love him. #maybe i'm just stupid but i really think he loves me too. at this point it's the only thing he's said i'm not questioning #it's just that for the first time in my life i'm not sure it's enough #n he just....doesn't know how to. n i'm gettin so tired of tryin to show him when he's fightin it all the way #i'm just. so sad. it's hard to breathe. i wanna be angry w/ him but maybe i was just stupid to trust him like that #i know by now i can live without him even if he'll always be the only one for me (cause he is n i'll always love him) #but i don't wanna face a world where it's not enough that you just love each other. where it breaks anyway. #spdrvent

[allofuswantgwinam]

tw maybe idk, i say p*doph*le

this pedophile ass mfer Brian Peck is just out there living his life… that makes me so upset for real. what the fucking hell.

#16 MONTHS #that’s it #then he gets hired on to zack and cody #that is fucking I N S A N E #despicable #makes me livid #I’ve been so stuck on this shit #like grown child stars have been coming out periodically for awhile now even before this #I keep saying that we can only hope the new generation doesn’t come out with dark secrets once they’re older #and the meds declassified clowns are getting on my nerves more and more by the day #they don’t even realize they should be mad too #what they expirenced and did on that show is fucked up and not normal for kids #like it’s really obvious they’ve developed absolutely immoral humor to get through they’re trauma #screaming lost and unhealed #it’s so sad #all of it #I have so many feelings #I wrote a whole paragraph to Kyle and Christopher masseys mom on IG 😭😭😭 #bc it’s that serious #it makes me so fucking mad #i even personally feel violated #like that shit was not made for us fr even if it was #it’s got me all fucked up and im so done with the world in so many ways #WE CANT EVEN JUST HAVE KID SHOWS #THE WORLD IS A GD MESS IM TIRED