#itll be better for everyone

[searchingformylostpan]

How do i forgive myself when i hate myself more than anyone else? How do i let go and move on? I don't feel like that's going to be happening anytime soon, and i can't hold on like this much longer. Haven't had many clean days since we talked as you probably assumed. I can't handle the sadness. I can't just accept that you found someone who you could love and took that opportunity to leave me. You had someone to go to, someone to comfort you, i had nothing. I still have nothing. I don't want to start a new relationship, i tried that but it felt so wrong. I haven't felt ok for more than a day since 2020. I don't want to be sad anymore. Im so exhausted from just trying to keep myself going that i don't have anything left in me to make it through the 1-24 months of horrible readjusting that getting clean will bring or the rest of my life of my already unmanageable depression. I almost wish i never would have met you, because they then i wouldn't know just how good it felt to be loved by you, and the sharp contrast of just how miserable it feels that i destroyed it. It's supposed to be me with you right now. Im not supposed to be here alone wishing for death, i had everything i wanted, but i couldn't accept that it was really mine. I should have put that ring on in January 2021 when you gave it to me and never looked back. We would be ok if i had any kind of sense of self worth. But nope. I've always felt like I'm inadequate, that no one should love me, and when reality doesnt match up with that i unconsciously sabotage into until i am inadequate and unloved. I am beyond useless, i cant do anything right and i dont want to have to keep living. I never should have fought my mom to take me to the doctor for the abcess. You had already decided to leave me by then, you had probably already met her and no longer loved me. If i would have known that you were going to leave me i never would have gotten that fixed, i would have let that silently take me out. It wouldn't have been me actively killing myself then. Just another useless frug addict dying from their own poor choices. Better for everyone if i would have died. Better for you. Better for my family, and better for me. I wouldnt have had to go through the last few months of crying at least 5 times every day i have the right to cry. I dont want to be crying all the time, i dont want to be sad. But really what is there in my life to make me not be this fucking sad all the time. I have no friends, i have nothing going on in my life, i have no drsire to do anything and i can't think of myself as anytjing other than my worst enemy. I can't stop hating me for what i did. Beause if i wouldn't have been so good awful stupid and self destructive, i would still be happy right now. I would be the one you cuddle up to every night. I wouldn't have had my two little babies taken from me, nothing would be hurting me, i would be haply still. It doesnt feel like ill ever be happy again. I don't deserve to be happy. You were able to move on so fast and forget about me by timing your new relationship oh so very well and waiting for someone else to comw along before leaving me. You never had to feel this pain. You never had to. Can i borrow a gun? I only need to make one shot with it. You can have it back right after im done. One bullet and everything will finally stop hurting. Even when i first attemted i didn't feel this hopeless. I have already caused everyone so much pain and i don't want to cause any more. I don't know how much longer i can keep fighting the urdge tho. That's the only solution i see that will be permanently effective at getting me clean and getting me to stop being so unbearably miserable.

#you probably stopped reading these #you avoid the depressing ones so i dont bring you down. thats ok #go live your happy life with your new love #ill be gone soon. very soon i think. i cant live like this and i can't live through getting clean #so ill just go #itll be better for everyone

[eggpriest]

tired of cgi slander on this site

#egg thoughts #people who work in cgi need to get paid more. maybe then the cgi you see will be better #like everything it also really just depends. sometimes itll be better for certain things sometimes it wont etc. #im sleepy i dont know if i worded this right but all the cgi slander here irritates me a little its like everyone here is like 80 years old #*drops this here and runs away fast* #i also made the original image >:D hehehe

[puppyeared]

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant #its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things #we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt? #i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an #me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could #feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly #accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore #what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back #with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other?? #why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used #to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this?? #i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting #for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our #bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us?? #im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70 #yapping #vent

[tangledinink]

I can imagine the first cycle after moving. Probably Leo because Donnie likely has internal scarring, so leo goes through the process of laying his eggs, panics, his brother can't help, and finally, *finally* they ask for help. It's not willingly. It's not for fun. It's purely necessity. It's purely because there's *literally noone else* and the idea of telling anyone at all is so scary that the way they do so is in a note. Splinter sits them down and basically walks them through "You're safe, you're fine. We can handle this however you feel most comfortable, including getting you both on blockers if you prefer" and they just.... sigh. For the first time, there's *someone else* in their circle, and it's willing and it's warm, and it's *safe*. There will be tears.

Yes, except I'm not convinced that either of them could stand to tell anyone. Even if it was literally life or death (which it has been before,) I'm not sure if either of them could bear to give up that information. Donnie is finally, finally away from the people who hurt him when he got found out last time, and even though logically, he knows that it's different here, he's absolutely petrified of the thought that the same thing will happen again and it won't be over anymore. He's still horrified by the idea of anyone else knowing about Leo when he's gone to such lengths for so long to protect him, and Leo is likewise terrified in the same way. They've spent years with this being their more closely guarded secret, and that's going to be really difficult to give up.

But it's really not a secret they'll be able to keep for long.

They're in a completely different environment, with far less space and privacy. They're both stressed as hell and Donnie WAS on birth control and taking all sorts of vitamins and supplements to make sure he didn't eggbind again and now he's suddenly not and it's not only messing with his body, it's fucking scary. It literally keeps them both up at night. Neither of them know how to wash blood out of clothes or sheets. There's no private en suite bathroom they can sequester themselves away in. They're both literally making themselves sick with anxiety trying to deal with this, and they're used to handling this on their own, this is routine for them, but they're not used to all of this.

They'd probably metaphorically limp through a few cycles before their family puts it together and gently confronts them.

Venus probably figures it out first. She's pretty smart, and incredibly observant, and after all-- she quite literally experiences the exact same thing. April may not lay eggs, but I think she'd be able to get the idea after a bit as well. And while I think Splinter would realize something was wrong pretty quickly, Draxum would probably realize what was wrong first. Splinter has April, so he has a little bit of experience in this realm, but Draxum has Venus and so he has far more experience.

And so when they do sit them down and talk with them, it's going to be really scary at first. And then they get to, "you're safe, you're fine, we can handle this however you feel the most comfortable. It will be okay. No one will hurt you."

And then there's finally other people in the know, in the circle, people who will actually help them. And yes-- there will definitely be tears.

#leo in particular will probably panic at least a little when theyre confronted #because its been what? almost four years? #almost FOUR YEARS of him keeping this a secret at any cost #almost four years with no one else in the universe aside from his twin knowing #and now the spell is broken #but its okay #and they might panic and cry for a little but then they calm down and its... actually ok. things will actually be okay #april will take to big-sistering them so hard #and lowkey just? having venus exist in the household will be incredibly helpful #(she was honestly so baffled that everyone else didnt realize what was going on right away. it wasnt obvious????) #mikey tries to spoil them the same way he tries to spoil venus whenever she feels nasty #(but has to adjust a bit to respect boundaries because. donnie will bite him...) #likewise raph tries to take care of them the same way he'd take care of casey #(ie by leaving offerings at their doors and staying the fuck out of their way. just overall letting them do or have whatever they want) #their family will take care of them and keep them safe and things will get better #its honestly a huge relief when they get caught in some ways because leo can finally be like #and donnie got really sick one time and almost died and im scared itll happen again PLZ can we make sure it doesnt happen again #donnie in the background like >:0000 that leo just fucking OUTTED HIM LIKE THAT #but to leo 1000% worth it if it means donnie wont get sick and die #(as if donnie is actually realistically at any more significant risk of that than leo is) #(quite frankly theyre BOTH at risk of it at the time because of how stressed they are. lowkey a miracle neither of them eggbound yet smh) #also donnie def has internal scarring lmao;;;; poor bab. makes it a bit rough... #menstruation #tw menstruation #cw menstruation #gemini au #asks #anon #csa implied #cw csa implied

[martyrbat]

batman #105

#this is basically what happened right #sorry i just think itll be funny if everyone hates khoa for forever and ever amen. #no dads boyfriend or shitty uncle arc or batfam moment. drag his ass and let khoa knock them all out except for cass #<- only because theyre better. hashtag feminism <3 #c: batman | i: 105 #posts from the crypt #shit in the crypt

[todayisafridaynight]

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #yakuza 3 #katase #hisho #masu im stealing your tag for her LOL itll save me the stroke. plus hisho works as a name donnit fuck it we take what we can get #tbh when i looked her up in the files- or mine anyway- it was 'hisyo' which. dont think thats a word <3 ANYWAY #snap sketches #click for better quality or scream and die #>says i wont draw them again >makes references to draw them again #my in-game-models ref sheets for them is so messy we gotta work with what we got its FINE #what a way to cool down after Church <3 #normally i wouldve had the katase/hisho models together but i wanna.... show off the height difference i made up about them </3 #i had fun tho... you cant see it due to. CLOTHING. but i wanted katase to be boxier since everyone built like damn CARGO in y3 #didnt really have much thought with hisho. aside from the fact she's like ~5'2 without heels #yeah no in my dome i've decided With Heels katase's 5'9 while hisho's 5'4 that's just what my eyes figured out #anyway. i dont have any more time for girls this week i got comms </3 just wanted to doodle somethin quick for meself this morn.. #ok bye ima go work so i have more time to draw nonsense !!!!!!! #i need to stop. liking this game series it keeps giving me things to wanna draw and distracting me from projects And Everything Else #BYE

[spitblaze]

One day you will reach a point where someone will misgender you and instead of feeling the jab of disappointment or fear or mockery, you will only feel confusion or bewilderment or even just...nothing, whether you correct them or not. And you will realize how far you've come, and how resilient you've grown, how much comfortable you are in your own skin.

#spitblaze says things #i complain too much about transgender stuff. lets get some positivity going #anyway yadda yadda usual disclaimer. i cannot speak to everyones experiences or lives. im not psychic i dont know ur circumstances #i just know that reaching the point of some terf misgendering you to get a rise out of you will one day be less dehumanizing #and more like. annoying or pathetic #yeah thats great i will never be a man uh huh sure. u got any better material i dont have all day #or like someone will just...casually misgender you. you will be in the street and someone will 'sir' or 'maam' you wrong #and instead of stressing about what made them clock you you'll just be like 'what' #and if ur still in thr place where ur not sure if you will EVER be in a spot where itll be either chill or confusing #remember. cis people get misgendered too #men with long hair will get ma'amed. women with broad shoulders will get sir'd. #there are individual pieces of clothing that will make people gender you a certain way and you will not know why #ultimately there are a million things that could cause someone to clock you or anyone else incorrectly and its 1000000% subjective

[dailydegurechaff]

You don't have to reply to this, but I am very happy to stumble across a non-problematic Youjo Senki fanpage. 💖

Thank you very much!! I'll continue to do my best!

#ask #anonymous #not a daily post #“ask sent 3 months ago” oops #sorry again ;; #im cleaning up inbox ok. or trying to #this is the last one tho i just. needed to express how much everyone being very kind means to me #confession: sometimes i kinda resent this blog for no good reason. its kinda tragic #suffice to say i regret taking on this project sometimes and i get in these downer ass moods #but like. i remember there are people who do actually like the silly time im having here #and it makes me feel better. so i need to express that. thank you. to the people who sent messages to me but also just like everyone lol #if these tags read as kinda corny im sorry but i just am in one of those sappy moods yknow and i need to share it #sorry i love u all. as if its my fault </3 /j #anyway see u all tmrw for dailydegu once more. itll be the last day of huevember!! #it uh. might be late bc im tired

[lecliss]

The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!

#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything #like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take #it if you wanna do something about it. #you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is #i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them #and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and #i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened? #the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice. #something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself #like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time #yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now #and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice #and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand #i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought. #so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he #cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest #do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done #and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore #i promise its okay. take a break. #im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better #then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do #dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise #hsr 2.2 spoilers #hsr spoilers #oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk #long post

[27treks]

I'm not usually a big sharer of things I make from my own hand but being shlorped back into stardew makes me want to share something so... here's some old hero forge miniatures I made back when I first started playing stardew. most have been altered but these are just some of my fav ones. plus a bonus wip of barcus from bg3

I've actually made minis of very single character (except the island trader and lupini I can't get them looking anything close to distinguishable) but again these are just some of my favs. I love manipulating the poses sm mostly so I can have them on hand for art I make (which I might share at some point... maybe) and the facial expressions are definitely not the best since the tools have gotten a lot better but here u go

from left to right too to bottom they are gil, gunther, harvey, the traveling merchant, professor snail, sandy, and willy (he has a harpoon because fishing rods weren't even assets yet)

and here's wip barcus. I've been messing around with him to learn the new facial sliders. I have a wyll in the works too but if I share him and get criticisms I'll cry lmao

#barcus looks a little like wulbren here im still finessing him #harvey and haley were the first i made of the marriage candidates and ive remade haley so many times all her models look bizarre to me now #all of the other bacherlors look like hell harvey at least looks like a human kind of he def has Hero Forge Eye Syndrome but when i update #everyone itll be better with the new sliders #sdv #stardew valley #barcus wroot #oh last tag these are all screenshots since i dont have the membership anymore so oops for low quality #edit: HA i didnt mean to share this just yet but oopsies lmaoooooooooo

[lovesickeros]

☆ lost in orbit

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings violence [ implied ], unhealthy relationship {☆} word count 0.6k

She had resigned herself to apathy – to burying her love beneath the cold, hard soil and letting it rot amongst the graves of a long dead civilization, burned to ash in only a day. Yet how quickly it all fell apart in her hands, slipping through her fingers like sand, no matter how desperately she tried to cling to it.

Was she not diligent enough? Was she so weak that she faltered at the first person who showed her genuine trust and affection? Had all her work been for naught?

A part of her revolts – the same woman who watched the sky burn and the ground beneath her feet crumble into ash. It would be so easy to wrap her hands around your delicate throat, to squeeze until you finally saw her as the monster she knew she has always been.

Yet she doesn't think she could. The look of betrayal, of fear..oh, it would ruin her, she knows.

Perhaps that makes her weak. Perhaps you have made her weak.

Perhaps she does not mind as much as she should.

You trust her, after all – enough to sleep in her bed like she couldn't just kill you before you ever knew what was happening to you. Your body was so..fragile, in this mortal shell you descended in. How easy it would be to snuff out your life, here and now.

Yet she doesn't.

Instead, she looks at you like an old lover – with all the love of a woman who had died in the ashes of a dying civilization, of a woman who thought she could love no longer. Emotions she fought so hard to suppress well up in her chest and fill the empty space where she knows her heart should beat. Try as she might – and oh, how she tries – she can never quite stem the affection that consumes her every waking moment when she sees you.

It is like an addiction that she cannot rid herself of, no matter how she tries. She always finds herself back at square one – back to you.

Her hand lingers against your cheek, undue affection filling the empty spaces in her chest until she feels like cannot breathe. She traces her hand along your jaw, her vision narrowed on the softness of your lips.

Yet that same thought rises unbidden to the forefront of her thoughts. Love was a dangerous thing – you both knew that. To let it fester and rot her from within..she would be throwing her plans out the window, and for what?

Because she was too weak? Because the affection and trust in your eyes whenever your looked at her made her feel whole, like she was more then just an Archon playing God with the fate of the world?

You do not even stir as her thoughts toil like a brewing storm. She swallows the lump in her throat, removing her hand like she'd just touched a piece of hot metal. A part of her still screams that it's for the best, that you've corrupted her enough, torn apart her plans in the span of a week, a mere blink in time..

But it goes silent as she leans in, pressing her lips to your cheek. She will not let the thought fester, tonight – she will let herself be weak, if only for another day. If only to covet the affection that she finds herself drowning in for just another day.

And when you stir, she pretends that she had never thought of it at all, that she has only ever known love with you. Even if her heart that does not beat leaves a stabbing pain in her chest in the agony of knowing that even this is futile..

She lets you wake, let's the recognition and the affection fill your vision until she is all you see – two stars locked in orbit, unable to break away.

And when the day comes that you collide, she will be holding the blade that drives into your chest, and she will know nothing but love when she does.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #tsaritsa #fellas is it gay to think abt murdering ur lover bc u love them so much #everyone hcing that her lover died in khaenri'ah but what if she killed them.. #tsaritsa killing her lover so they dont have to walk down the same path and suffer the consequences when celestia retaliates>>> #tsaritsa killing her lover bc to her them dying is better then living and she refuses to let them be corrupted by going down the same path #i just think shes a little silly!!! a little goofy!!!! i forgive her #theres just smth abt tragic lesbians and also tragic lesbians whose tragedy is one of their own making #yknow :) #but at the SAME TIME. her lover dying and wanting her to move on and LIVE but shes so spiteful shes willing to destroy herself to #destroy celestia. she doesnt care abt what happens to her bc if her lover isnt there with her then what does it matter? she has nothing lef #to lose. #characters who become their lover would hate bc living in a world without them is agony>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> #also i only tagged unhealthy relationship bc the tsaritsa is. unhinged but shes actually v normal in the relationship #she loves u!!!! and shes a good lover!!! she just thinks abt killing u sometimes bc she loves too much and its easier to kill u now vs lose #you later on where it will hurt WORSE #also bc smth smth she thinks itll make it hurt less if she kills you vs someone else bc she would actually LOSE IT if someone hurt u #spoilers it does not and she spirals and is haunted by what shes done and constantly tries to lie to herself to justify it. it does not wor #did i scare off the normal ppl w this one.......maybe!!!!! #i meant morally grey at best when i said morally grey at best!! #crawls back into my ditch okay im shutting up now

[b4kuch1n]

OOOUGGHAAAAAAA I DID IT I MANAGED TO DO INK WITH A DIP PEN

NEXT COMICS MEDIUM IS FUCKING SETTLED. YUUTO YOU WILL BE FED

#bakuspeech #hi I am Fucking Excite #litcherally. the last time I tried using any kind of dip pen it was a bamboo calligraphy pen #and I was. 18. the previous time I was 15 and even worse at it than then #fully went into this attempt already accepting I will probably be maybe marginally better #but!! it was pretty fun I did much okayer than expected!!!! #I need to be more confident with the pen but I can do that. I just need to do this a Lot #but like. I was Really scared. I didn't remember how a dip pen behaves at All #I tried freehanding some stuff before but it really is very different from a fineliner #half relieved my 200k vnd wont go to waste lmao. man. I was ready to bruteforce it #but I wont have to!!! as long as I have a decent concrete sketch!! itll be alright!!!! #yuuto origin comic is a fucking go. I WILL do this. mom I AM going to be a mangaka #well. a doujinka perhaps #dgsjdjjs sorry Im just. this is 13yo baku's unattainable dream!! part of why I #turned to wholesale digital art and eventually brush inking was because dip pens were #deeply scary and messy to me back then. I got ink Everywhere #now I didnt even make a spare fleck on this one!!! I can do it now!!!! dreams do fucking come true!!!!!! #literally bringing this piece of scrap around showing everyone like a kid who got perfect score on a test lmao #Im just. Im happy guys. Im so!!! auuughghhhh #I'll practice more tonite. I will Get Better At This. I will scribble a bunch more of yuuto #to get used to the style. I need a buncha outfit refs anyway #have a good day!! holds u hand everything is possible. try something u didnt have the chance to be good at as a kid again #life is fucking good sometimes!!!!!

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[kage-mochii]

Might delete all my posts relating to Will Gold (I refuse to say his online name. His real name should be spread and attributed to the abuser he is)

I won't delete everything dsmp related, since I did draw alot of Schlatt art (I still do) but i don't feel great about having art of an abuser up on my page.

My one and only take on this situation, as I don't want to talk about it again: I'm livid. His continuous harm to his friends and partners is disgusting, his lack of accountability disappointing on several levels. I'm a very forgiving person, so I do want to give him the opportunity to change, but ill never see him the same again. I don't think I'll ever support him again, even if he does change. But I always believe in second chances so I'm not going to say he doesn't deserve an opportunity, but the likelihood of earning back that trust is low.

He's a manipulator through and through, using his vulnerable fanbase and catering to the demographic by appearing as if he was a sweet, kind musician who understood mental health. My heart goes out to Shelby and his other victims, as well as his friends who had to learn about how awful he was, and finally his fans who were manipulated by him. Please take the time you need to process this, maybe take a step back and remind yourself that you never really know the person behind the screen. Parasocial relationships are dangerous, and it's important to focus on your mental health first. If anyone ever needs to vent, my messages are open, or even go to my Instagram and dm me there! I hope everyone can heal from this, again Go Shelby for speaking out about her experience. She is so amazingly strong, please show your support.

I know I'm by no means a popular creator, but I do feel like any little bit of help with pushing this truth out is good. Twitter is a cesspool at the moment, Tumblr seems much calmer in regards to things and I feel more comfortable making a post on it.

I promise to post art soon, but I do need time to process this all. I will be taking the bursonas and making my own OCs though, as many other artists have done, so stay tuned for those guys! Thank you for reading and remember to look after yourselves.

#kage rambling #fuck wilbur soot #support shelby #shubble support #mcyt #dsmp #All my love to Shelby #Take care of yourselves everyone #itll get better

[lesbiradshaw]

accepted a job offer after months of searching for something worth my time and i feel the need to celebrate aka tell everyone which includes you all 🫂 CAROLNATION UP 39483828129 POINTS!

#everyone cheered #it doesnt pay that much but its something i hope will give me good connections and experience thatll help me move up #and itll give me time to study either for my paralegal certificate or to get into law school depending on what sort of suffering i decide on #WOO HOO! #hiring process has literally been hell guys like completely miserable 😭 i feel so much better already #carolcore #personal

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!