#its HIS era and his era alone idc....

[kyuala]

going thru one of my insane go era moods n i HAVE to reaffirm: renjun ate that shit up

#its HIS era and his era alone idc.... #that actually really explains why i only started biasing jaemin during we go up #renjun outsold so bad i could not concentrate on his comeback lmfao i was like whos that.... anyways renjunnie 💘💝💖💗💓💞💕 #mari.txt #what if i started biasing him again and let him surpass chenmarkhyuck in my heart.... that'd be so sexy i think #deserve

[drottni]

LBFAD Rewatch Part 11:

1. The way he can't even LOOK at her as he tells her "I knew this was a dream from the beginning " 😭😭😭😭

2. XLH's master reeling in her two boyfriends with bait. Like "come here you poor miserable little fishies. I got some juicy worms for you."

3. idc how epic of an intro you get Lady Arbiter and her little pet dragon, YOU DONT JUST HIT MY BOY DFQC LIKE THAT. NO. *angry glares* Also my poor baby just closing his eyes and bracing for it like "ah shit here we go again". Him thinking he just deserves it 😭🥺 Can he just have a break plz.

4. "So she has been saving me since we first met. And I have been hurting her." 🥺🥺🥺

5. Changheng: The splitting process is very painful. No matter what you must persevere.

DFQC who has been through every torture life could throw at him: -_- Bro. I got this.

6. DFQC as soon as Changheng leaves: *cue music* I am in my plant parent, cottage core, countryside girlie era. I am gonna be so full of love you will have to come back to me.

7. If he doesn't plant you like a seed, carry you around in a pot like a baby, water you with freshly collected dew with gentle drops, take you for morning sunrise walks, talk to you continuously, and watch over you even while sleeping, he ain't it. WHY WAS THIS SO ROMANTIC. SHE IS LITERALLY IN A POT OF DIRT AND I AM GUSHING OVER THE ROMANCE. No one is doing it like them.

8. XLH having to create straight up physical barriers between her and DFQC so that he can't come close enough to see that emotionally she's barely holding on. How his pleading eyes and sweet apologies are two seconds away from making her cry. She can barely even muster anger towards him.

9. The bridge scene: *exists*

Me:

10. I knowwww its stupid and breaks her entire plan of keeping him in the dark and is a totally senseless move on her part BUT I LOVE THAT SHE CANT RESIST AT THE END. THAT LITTLE GESTURE SHE DOES TO MAKE HIM SMILE. THE WAY SHE CANNOT PHYSICALLY STOP HERSELF FROM SAYING "PLEASE SMILE PLEASE BE OKAY I AM DOING THIS FOR YOU I NEED YOU TO BE OKAY"

11. DFQC: For her, I will alter fate.

Me:

12. THAT KISS. SPOKE A BOOKS WORTH OF WORDS. THE WAY IT CONVEYED ALL OF THEIR PENT UP EMOTIONS AND APOLOGIES AND I LOVE YOUS AND GOODBYES! I WILL DIE FROM JUST THE POWER OF THAT KISS ALONE. HOW IN THE HECK!

13. DFQC: There is nothing in this world that can shake me.

Taisui: *grasping at straws, panicking* What if the love of your life forgot about you? What then?

DFQC:

14. The fact that its DFQC who reminds XLH aka "Goddess who says she will only care about the 3 realms now and not personal desires", that she has to kill him to save the three realms. The fact that her love for him is and always will be stronger than anything else. The fact that he knows this is what must be done and is the one to convince her to do it! AHHHHH KILL ME.

#love between fairy and devil #lbfad rewatch #cang lan jue #esther yu #dylan wang #drottni #dong fang qing cang #dongfang qingcang #xiao lan hua #xiao lanhua #why was this in my drafts for so long

[obanais-lovebug]

Kyojuro HCs

___________________________

Orange = Sfw Red = Nsfw

___________________________

Kyojuro has been very affectionate his whole entire relationship with you

He enjoys being cuddled

He’ll rest his head on your chest and fall asleep if you scratch his head

No matter how much he loves you he would fight with you over a sweet potato

He calls you his firefly!

He enjoys having his hair combed

He’ll let you do his makeup

Tengen basically third wheels you both at this point

He is hard to anger but when you do anger him he will apologize for his outburst(even if it's your fault)

If you have mad cramps he can use his breathing style to heat your stomach! He’s like a heating pad in the Taisho era

He has dimples! Idc ARGUE WITH THE WALL

Since he is partially deaf he will answer questions with things that had nothing to do with the question sometimes

(Leave my little goof alone)

He has a Darth Vader deep morning voice its low-key scary

He’ll definitely carry you around like a stuffed animal if you are shorter than him

He LOVESSS eskimo kisses

___________________________Nsfw Loading…

___________________________

He is sweet outside of the bedroom but he will have a hand around your neck while he fucks you dumb

^ He likes choking

If you pull his hair you are gonna be on that bed until it remembers his shape

He’ll kiss your jaw

101% a certified pussy-eater(He eats ts like it’s his last meal) he even got a badge n’ everything

He’ll make you fully sit on his face “Like a chair”

He has magical fingers

He’ll pin your wrists above your head if you even touch his hair too hard

He definitely uses his breathing style during it so he can have more stamina

His tongue is just extra flexible 🤷🏽‍♀️

You are gonna be sucked DRY

He is obviously a top

HE 100% SAYS ‘UMAI’ when he's eating you

If it's nighttime he’ll call you his little late night snack

Fills you up like a creme donut(😦🌚)

He’d die a happy man if your thighs suffocated him

___________________________Wait cuz this one isn’t so bad…

#rengoku kyojuro #kny kyojuro #demon slayer kyojuro #demon slayer hcs #sfw headcanons #demon slayer hashira #flame hashira

[chanstopher]

from one chan stan to another ; do you have a favorite style/era of his that leave you frothing at the mouth no matter what concept comes next? 👀

also i adore you and your blog you're my favorite content creator 🩵🙏🏼

i am an AVID red chris best chris stan!!!!!!!!!! i would literally give anything to have it back it was my FAVORITE era. backdoor chris was just insane.

thunderous is a close second to me, i really loved when they gave him the darker orange hair. but yeah red chris had me in the most insane chokehold. it was so bad it was the first era i bought every pc of him and saved literally anything i could from it abhsdgnjf i know that a very unpopular opinion, i was so alone in my screaming at that point lmao but idc its top tier to me

also that is so sweet of you thank you so much!! being your favorite is just so wow!!!! to me hehe

#drm.ask #anon

[the1975attheirverybest]

The band's popularity is getting to him. In my opinion, him refering to the character as an asshole is sort of a reply to the recent backlash he has gotten. Like he's being an asshole because the character is an asshole and not because he's actually an asshole or because he necessarily believed the things his character said. I feel like he may be feeling somewhat trapped because from his perspective people are not getting what he's trying to do or the message he's trying to spread. Outside the fandom, people's opinion of him is really really bad at the moment and he's human and I know he's a dumbass sometimes but he has a good heart and seeing people talking about him that way has got to get to him. I don't know I'm really confused. I don't know what he means by being ALWAYS in character. When he's walking around LA/NY, is he in character? Because I've been wondering about all the random sightings (I'm not even focusing on the girls, idc) but they alway seem so random. And I've always thought that hey they are a bit more popular now but now I'm wondering if he intended for people to see him? I fucking hate this twink because now I'm gonna overthink every single thing he does lmao. I hope to god he's not being literal when he says he's in character even when he's off stage because that can't be healthy especially when, according to him at least, he's playing an "asshole". But even that is confusing because I wasn't perceiving him that way.

Okay, I couldn’t have said this better myself! Especially this bit:

feel like he may be feeling somewhat trapped because from his perspective people are not getting what he's trying to do or the message he's trying to spread. Outside the fandom, people's opinion of him is really really bad at the moment and he's human and I know he's a dumbass sometimes but he has a good heart and seeing people talking about him that way has got to get to him.

In his answer onstage he said “I don’t wanna perform off the stage anymore.” So, it would seem that the experiment of always being in character has run its course. I don’t THINK he’s been 100% in character all the time. Like on the streets of NY and all that. I think we were seeing him more often cuz thanks to tiktok, they’re bigger and more noticeable now, plus there are a few fans on tiktok, not to name names, who are connected to mutual friends of the band, and, like, know their whereabouts so they’d show up purposefully to track him down etc. that didn’t used to happen in the past. His interactions with fans and stuff have been pretty much consistent with how Matty has always been. Sweet, down to take time and talk to us, even go for 15 minute walks with two fans, sign their stuff, take pics. That’s always been him. Yeah, he sticks to the aesthetic and the “uniform” of the era, but I think stuff offstage is always genuine. Even if it starts off as pretend. He can’t help himself. It’s who he is. Idk, man.

As long as he’s happy and doing well. That’s all that matters in the end. Sucks that the larger public, beyond the fandom, won’t leave him the fuck alone. But, of course, he’s a human being with feelings. You’re a good egg, Matty.

[teasinterests]

Reimei Trio hcs..

Yes hi I will now ramble & probably talk a lot of Obbligato lore so spoiler alert ☺️

CW/TW: abuse, trauma, my swearing.. & tickles 🥹

I didn’t proof read this so..

————————————————————————

- Let me remind everyone that Tatsumi did not know how to work a stove upon entering ES. As much as I love the idea of motherly Tatsu, he definitely was not the one making all that food for his group. I like to think Jun cooked occasionally for Tatsumi & Kaname whenever he could. The option was hardly there, but as someone who often had to fend for himself, I think learning to cook simple basics would make sense..? Jun probably taught Kaname some basic cooking skills as well since Tatsumi was constantly busy with other things.

- Kaname & Jun play fight a lot. It usually results in Jun winning, and it’s probably also how they discovered each others ticklishness. Though Kaname is usually the one getting wrecked, and honestly? Deserved. Jun would probably jab at his side or playfully threaten Kaname whenever he was being too bitchy towards Jun. Which is a common occurrence..

- On occasion Jun and Kaname would force Tatsumi to sleep in the octopus room with them. (Don’t quote the room name bc I can’t remember if thats correct..) typically it would be to Kanames concern, as Jun really didn’t want to drag himself into Tatsumi’s antics. Tatsumi is super blindsided when it comes to assistance in this current era, and even Kaname recognizes that he cannot care for himself properly in his mental state. Although Jun cared for Tatsumi significantly, he ultimately believed there wasn’t much he could do to assist someone so stubborn, and in his situation.

- Adding onto that, I believe Jun did not want to egg on Tatsumi’s unhealthy ideals. Unlike Kaname, who cared for Tatsumi’s health, the only way to support Tatsumi was to follow him blindly. As much as Jun loved Tatsumi’s work, he refused to become part of that cult that Tatsumi started.

- To be able to convince Tatsumi away from work when the three were together, Jun and Kaname would tickle Tatsu to distract him. He’d probably mess up his writing, and look all shocked and confused. Then Jun and Kaname would pounce to get his attention for themselves. It’d also help get Tatsumi tuckered out so he could rest properly on those rare occasions.

- I can imagine Kaname tickling Jun if Jun denied him of what he wanted, like, persistently.. since Jun easily gives in to Kanames temper tantrums.

- Tatsumi attempting to tickle Jun or Kaname in return.. he’d probably try if Kaname was acting pouty, or if he wanted to see Jun smile in a certain situation. But!! He’d be super silly about it, he’d probably be like “hehe! Tickle tickle! ( ◜ᴗ◝ : )” and make Jun & Kaname all embarrassed but he just thinks its all sweet ‘n fun that he gets to make his friends laugh. It’s a type of playfulness that the three of them hardly ever get to experience.

- I think Jun would be the only one to have any actual remaining photos of him, Tatsumi, and Kaname. I think the idea of him developing one and giving it to Tatsumi or HiMERU as a birthday gift would be incredibly sweet, and also incredibly sad.

- As in current time.. Jun wishes he could spend time with Tatsumi and Kaname again. Being able to spend any sort of time he can with Tatsumi or HiMERU makes him over joyed. Especially Tatsumi, as he was someone of huge importance to Jun. Tatsumi was his very first safe space, someone he looked up to, and adored. After Tatsumi and Kaname disappeared, he was left alone without friends until he was invited into Edens unit.

- Regarding shipping.. These three? Poly. Idc, I won’t even debate. Tatsumi loves and cares for them both so dearly, he has a lot of intense history with Jun and Kaname, and would do anything for them. Kaname absolutely adores Tatsumi to the point where its clearly unhealthy, but Jun places a good balance between the two’s obsessiveness. Jun is someone Kaname can also seek comfort in, be playful with, and act so incredibly stubborn. The fact that they all fell apart, is one of the most heart wrenching things uuu I love them.. Jun fortunately wasn’t there (to my memory) to actually witness what happened to Tatsumi and Kaname. To add onto this though.. I definitely love the idea of them as friends.. but Kaname & Tatsumi? Hell no. Those two are gayer than gay for each other.

- Random fun fact but even to this day Jun canonly finds Kaname ( HiMERU ) attractive and calls him sexy repeatedly.. LMAO I think people really forget that Kaname was known for his good looks as well at Reimei.

#ensemble stars #enstars #tickling #tatsumi kazehaya #himeru #kaname tojou #jun sazanami #reimei trio #headcanons

[shoujoegg]

qq’s hot girls summer s&b liveblog thoughts (for realsies this time)

my realest confession is that after all these weeks of talking abt s&b is that i still have not watched the show in its contiguous entirety... but now me and the roomies r doing it!! thoughts so far below:

post ep3

it’s literally not as bad as i remembered trying the first time everytime someone makes a racial microaggression against alina i just laugh and remember this is cartoon fake history. the politics make 0 sense! u can tell it was made during 2020 pandemic era too...

me and my roommates r constantly making ‘they would fail asian american studies’ ‘they need feminist reeducation camp’ ‘wow clearly this character is not very abolitionist of them ://’ i think we’re very funny idc (please note: we r all asian american communists)

pov u r in fantasy imperial russia and u open ur mouth and u speak... britishly.... (crowd boos n jeers)

all the crow scenes r delicious idc im over being mad that they dumbed down kaz’s intelligence out of context it’s funny and im glad they tone down the most edgy of his nonsense (altho the ‘hope is dangerous’ bit before his practical advice was corny i know they use it again in s2 but it’s too easy of a dig...) and kit young is easily so charismatic n sexy. more gun slinging more him being a hottie desperately infatuated w/ his boss pls.

i love poppy i wish they were a recurring character in s2. why r we not talking abt poppy and their last ‘encounter’ with kaz! im making fanart.

they changed nina’s story so that she’s basically an anti-conscription agitator???? they are kinda bigbgrained for that LMFAO i cant believe nobody told me she seems so cool!! im much more invested in her narrative arc than in the books and they def needed a character like her w/ this national drama kind of setting.

inej... inej.... inej.................................................

i understand #cookmilo. like the goat truly was not needed is this their attempt of adhd representation? leave us alone we dont need the emotional support goat!!! we need jesper’s debt addressed!!!

alina/mal r whatever they’re just cute to me.

[voidcat]

Oooh you're learning about internal diseases? It sounds so interesting! I'm learning physics rn and it's fun incorporating maths into it ahaha. And if the lecturer's voice is putting you to sleep, my teacher suggested to take notes or just do something with the pen. I normally pinch myself but it doesn't work most of the time, plus it hurts lol.

Satie really gave all pianists free real estate... so I can play his pieces as sacrilegiously as I want and it'd still sound nice /j. But idk, sometimes I struggle to do my own phrasing and my own expression so it is nice sometimes to play something that is from the Baroque era because I don't have to worry about a lot of rubato ahaha

And FOR REALS I don't know how composers do it! I can barely improvise a phrase, let alone an entire symphony. And to think that Haydn wrote at least 107 symphonies. Most of the composers were prodigies but even then prodigies should have a hard time composing... right? Or maybe prodigies just have something else to them that makes them Ling Ling level shsjddkias and to think I have to make my own compositions in music class next year looool

Thank you >.< I'm just scared that I'll mess up or miss notes because my pieces require a lot of technical work and then the child prodigies play Liszt effortlessly sjjdjshw

Also sorry there was a misunderstanding 😅looks like I'm dueting with them in another concert next year. I just thought our duet was in the next two weeks considering that they'd already learnt it lmao anyways my nerves are not the best when it comes to performances but I'll try my best :')

Yeah internal diseases is no fun when each lecturer begins w how to take an anamnesis though… like please ive began interning already, I was made to take it and fill the papers LMAO I have the ppt slides at hand so taking notes isn’t an option rlyl they rlly read every single line written there 🥲🥲🥲

Satie rlly said ‘do whatever tf u want idc’ and I love him for that. And yeah frrrr like stop pretending y never had hard times man help us feel s little better abt ourselves! And aaaaaa good luck but also it sounds so cool!!! I wish u a fruitful composing

Damn theyre p quick….. but hey you got s lot of time and im sure youll do amazing! Its only natural to have a mess of nerves about performances- as long as you dont freeze up on the stage ahhaha

#if u ever want to play ur composition to someone next gear id love to listen #silver !! #answered

[baekhvuns]

HAHAHAHAHA NOT ATEEZ COMING TO EUROPE WHEN I WILL BE IN KOREA, I CAN NEVER FUCKING WIN???? I'm honestly so mad, and they announced the tickets in DECEMBER?! When most people are broke... and the tour starts in February already 🔫I couldn't go before and now this fucking shit... tbh I expected it 🤡 I'll never be able to see them again. Bet they'll go somewhere else while I'm in Korea...

I love the 🥑that's so random? But booooo for people doing the nasty there

Speaking of THOSE fans, this girl is the one who had all the cute Star Wars roleplays with Hwa on fan calls. But she seems like a bitch, deleting comments who call her out, not sending shit because she needs to follow Atz everywhere. Karma

Anime I hate... there are so many lol, definitely Diabolik Lovers, Wolf Girl and My Little Prince - wasted my time on them, there's also anime called Pupa - AWFUL, I also don't get the hype about My Teen Romantic Comedy is SNAFU, maybe I don't hate it but I gave it so many chances... the characters are just annoying imo. Uhm and Vampire Knight, Guilty Crown 💀

Yesss, go read everything. Some webtoons are behind the pass, but most aren't. I'll catch up on the Harem this weekend, though I'm suffering from bad headaches so maybe not </3

I bet BBC will gatekeep the name Loona :/ hopefully they can succeed.

The WC is a mess, Germany lol, Belgium is out, Uruguayas well, Morocco is 1st, crazy times.

Soohyuk is old enough to be my husband actually 🤭 Seongyuk brothers is an agenda I can always get behind

Good luck on your finals! Lmao Chris Pratt what didn't he do... the worst Chris out there truly I only liked him in The Office, but then he believed he could act and yeah. Voicing Mario???

Hwa deserves a better AU than Twilight, come on. But he's serving so much vampirism it's insane. The JP albums are money grabs and that's it

Literally Seonghwa had black hair for the majority of his career, LET IT GO FOR A MOMENT. I only miss black Hwa when I look at his DV era

Your dream is like an anime scene I'm pretty sure I saw a chasing scene like that somewhere lmao. Were you running like Minho in his promo photos for Chase? Hdygsysbshaishsgas

Ooof Lookass enjoyers won't like it, also I don't believe anything SM says, but maybe I'll start liking SuperM's music now lol.

The snow omgggg are you all ok?!

I had a strong Draco era... can't lie to you, it's the bleach blonde hair

Yeah Hyudawn's break up hurt, also Dawn is suing someone?! People need to leave them alone though instead of analysing their whole lives. And some bitches dare to say "now them getting kicked out of Cube was pointless"???

Pls junior Hwa tutor me, idc what, I'll be starting at YOU anyways

Our wrapped aaaand relatable

Ok?

My birthday is coming indeed 🔫 old age era

That guy Wooyoung, is his forehead empty as well?

Literally maybe it's for the best I'm not going. But I won't experience Cyberpunk Hwa... I hate everyone - DV 💖

hello hi!!

HAHAHAHAHA NOT ATEEZ COMING TO EUROPE WHEN I WILL BE IN KOREA, I CAN NEVER FUCKING WIN???? I'm honestly so mad, and they announced the tickets in DECEMBER?! When most people are broke... and the tour starts in February already 🔫I couldn't go before and now this fucking shit... tbh I expected it 🤡 I'll never be able to see them again. Bet they'll go somewhere else while I'm in Korea...

NO FUCKING WAY, GET OUT OF HERE, NO WAY 😭😭😭😭 HOW, OUT OF ALL CHANCES ITS JUST THEN NAURRR 😭😭😭 STOP IT IS THERE ANY CHANCE U CAN POSTPONE IT BY A MONTH OR SOMETHING,,, 70 DAYS TILL THE NEXT TOUR BESTIE 😭😭😭 stop bc what if they announce the cb + seatiny tour when ur in kr 😭😭😭 makes the two of us then! 😭😭

I love the 🥑that's so random? But booooo for people doing the nasty there

IT REALLY IS SO RANDOM AND IT SHINES AND LIGHTS UP TOO! yeah bc 💀💀 there’s a whole doing the deed position guideline on a reddit community of my uni 😭😭

Speaking of THOSE fans, this girl is the one who had all the cute Star Wars roleplays with Hwa on fan calls. But she seems like a bitch, deleting comments who call her out, not sending shit because she needs to follow Atz everywhere. Karma

wait and they own ppl money??? scamming them and all??? now hold on… 🤚🏼 & yunho?? 😶😶 oop.

Anime I hate... there are so many lol, definitely Diabolik Lovers, Wolf Girl and My Little Prince - wasted my time on them, there's also anime called Pupa - AWFUL, I also don't get the hype about My Teen Romantic Comedy is SNAFU, maybe I don't hate it but I gave it so many chances... the characters are just annoying imo. Uhm and Vampire Knight, Guilty Crown 💀

BDNDBDHD THERES SO MANY INDEED, quite questionable,,, ive never watched my little prince and will not watch it fbfb,,, tbh isnt school days bad too 😭😭 I AGREE, I HAVE THIS IMMENSE HATE FOR DIABOLIK LOVERS,,, SNAFU looks like k!on the poster is so nice but nOW 🔫 oMG do u rmr negima 😭😭

Yesss, go read everything. Some webtoons are behind the pass, but most aren't. I'll catch up on the Harem this weekend, though I'm suffering from bad headaches so maybe not </3

i read harem and SIR SONNAUGHT IS SO RBMWBDWKHDKW HES SO JEALOUS RKQKEKFHWKDHWK I NEED THEM TOGETHER 😭😭😭 klein is still vv wholesome cinnamon roll <3 I HOPE UR HEADACHES GET BETTER !!!!

I bet BBC will gatekeep the name Loona :/ hopefully they can succeed. //// The WC is a mess, Germany lol, Belgium is out, Uruguayas well, Morocco is 1st, crazy times.

i hope if they do gatekeeper it, they can get the name luna or like a smarter abbreviation of it tbh bc it’ll be such a miss,, IT REALLY IS but the sk??? im so surprised and this??? LMFAOOOO HE HIT RONALDO’S EGO BAD DBDB ITS SO FUNNY FBFBFB AND DESERVED,, the wc is so unpredictable crazy 😭😭 and?? 😭😭

Soohyuk is old enough to be my husband actually 🤭 Seongyuk brothers is an agenda I can always get behind

LMFAOOOO ANON DVWKHDJWHDJW WHEN IS THE WEDDING PLS SEND AN INVITE I NEED A REASON TO COME TO EUROPE PLS

Good luck on your finals! Lmao Chris Pratt what didn't he do... the worst Chris out there truly I only liked him in The Office, but then he believed he could act and yeah. Voicing Mario???

thank you <3 hopefully i make it fbfbf 😭😭 …..omg???? WHAT THE HELL???? what a heinously right wing guy 😭😭?? AND HE’S NOT BANNED YET? JEEZ

Hwa deserves a better AU than Twilight, come on. But he's serving so much vampirism it's insane. The JP albums are money grabs and that's it

if not twilight then vampire diaries au 👀 but stefan is a mingi or a san and damon is mr park itself <3 AND BESTIE THIS ? THIS??? i got some real hd videos and photos from the concert and i had a very spiritual experience seeing them they live photos ,,,, how did u survive this man irl,, my friends got the seats right in front of the stage and they screamed so loud their throats have 📉📉📉 & the cyberpunk live haha ha…ha

Literally Seonghwa had black hair for the majority of his career, LET IT GO FOR A MOMENT. I only miss black Hwa when I look at his DV era

EXACTLY 😭😭 LET HIM DO WHAT HE WANNA ITS HIS HAIR PLS ITS NICE TO SEE COLOURS EVEN IF ONE DOESNT LIKE THEM !!! hair makes kpop ✊🏼

Your dream is like an anime scene I'm pretty sure I saw a chasing scene like that somewhere lmao. Were you running like Minho in his promo photos for Chase? Hdygsysbshaishsgas

BRKWHDKSHDKW the dream was so dramatic and the first ive dreamt in a whole that i have not had any since then <33 LNFQDJWKJDSK I WAS RUNNING LIKE MINHO BACK IN 2010 AT ISAC JDSJSJ

Ooof Lookass enjoyers won't like it, also I don't believe anything SM says, but maybe I'll start liking SuperM's music now lol.

UR CORRECT I DONT BELIEVE ANYTHING SM SAYS UNTIL ITS CONFIRMED AND POSTED ON THEIR TWT no tbh superm was never bad 😭😭 they had some great songs as their bsides too, OH ANON U BETTER BC U KNOW SUPERM WOULD COME TO LONDON FBDB begging they come to van

The snow omgggg are you all ok?!

the snow! made my campus close! a bridge closed! my dad was asked to return back bc the bridge to his work was flooded w snow,, ppl who went to places in the morning came hole after 8-11 hours,,, someone’s kid went to school at 4 and came at 11 😭😭 15mm snow and its going down hill <33

I had a strong Draco era... can't lie to you, it's the bleach blonde hair

i STILL am into my draco era,, hermoine and draco? ult enemies to lovers, they started it all for me fbfb ITS THE BEACH BLOND RIGHTTT SOMETHING ABOUT THAT COLOUR maybe thats why we like it on hwa

Yeah Hyudawn's break up hurt, also Dawn is suing someone?! People need to leave them alone though instead of analysing their whole lives. And some bitches dare to say "now them getting kicked out of Cube was pointless"???

HES WHAT?? 😭😭😭 NOO ur right,, the amount of videos and theories on my youtube tl on them analyzing every bit of their relationship is crazy,,, ???? WDYM ITS NOT LIKE THEYD KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN HELLO 😭😭😭

Pls junior Hwa tutor me, idc what, I'll be starting at YOU anyways //// Our wrapped aaaand relatable

i meaaan if u keep getting bad grades he’d be stuck with you 🥰🥰 DBWMDBWK EXACTLY EXACTLY !!!! but my wrapped was fearless as the most listened song 😭😭 something happened on june 5 that i played it 56 times 😭😭😭 and then followed by invu love dive tell me what is love and identity dbdb HWLP THE I WANT HIM TO SIT ON ME DBDB

HOW WAS UR WRAPPED

Ok? ///// My birthday is coming indeed 🔫 old age era

he acknowledged his furry roots PROUDLY <3 OLD AGE ERA 😭😭😭 NAURRR

That guy Wooyoung, is his forehead empty as well?

i think it is! its the way he’s touching it makes me think it is!

Literally maybe it's for the best I'm not going. But I won't experience Cyberpunk Hwa... I hate everyone - DV 💖

cyberpunk hwa…..ha ha. san’s hips…. mingi…ur absolutely not prepared

heres some of the photos my friends got! like one 😭

TELL ME THIS ISNT THE FRAT BOY LINE

AND UHHH THOUGHTS ON HOCKEY PLAYER SAN

???? 😭😭😭 i had the zoomed in video of theM AND SEONGHWA CRYING WAS MY LAST REASON heres some more pics! mingi is SO fine. DAMNIT. break the wall fanchant was so loud, hopefully they come back! in a better location!

sass!

😭😭 san was trying really hard not to cry 😭😭

AND A QUIZ IM SURE YOULL LOVE

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

[reidsconverse]

i was just something thinking about cm that pissed me off and i need to share. it was so so so unrealistic that derek did not know that spencer was in prison and didn’t visit, those two are BESTIES💔. idc the excuse that he was “embarrassed” “didnt want to bother” is bullshit. its an excuse just cause shemar had left. they could’ve said that he visited him, we just didn’t see it. derek morgan would never let his pipe cleaner with eyes go through that alone‼️‼️

no exactly?????? derek wouldve been working to get him out non stop and visiting him all the time... i wish shemar had come back for a couple eps during the whole prison era bc honestly spencer needed derek regardless of if he wanted him there or not..., 🥺

[paraclete0407]

Feel like Du Fu dreaming of the distant capital Chang’an; ‘liang-zi’ in rain or so.  Money burns, houses burn - diamonds burn.  ‘Do not harm the wine and oil.’  People don’t even think about An Lushan Civil War and IDK if I read fake history but f-cking Hail Satan / Moloch (’Eat, Lord!’ - Salammbo) from what I read; this world; these men; ‘A Dish of Peaches in Russia.’  Can’t wait to get tortured by K-mafia in all the pornographic violation-vectors pleasures of which I investigated over the years dept. of Purgatory(?).  Sing infernal muse of orgasm-hunting and desperately personal inward contractionist odysseys; I rem. thinking ‘220K Belgian breast-implants,’ it looked like my piano-teacher’s house; Knausgaard is like ‘Time for Everything.’  I wrote ‘Success Kid Soup’ where SAmchon / Sammo is writing his Salterian gratitude-journals teaching Hyomin abt. James Salter, then, ‘final eloquence(?) of Jane Austen scholarship.  

I rem. once sleeping at Lake Park in car thinking PCH slept in cars to keep from being degen. but ppl thought I was battering old men at Children’s Grand Park or smashing up one of my favorite girls with a flashlight(!?) - it’s not even true.  

‘Do you know The Death of Ivan Ilyich,’  midnight gardens, but at this time in my life I felt I had no real program.  My only ‘take’ was if you want to talk about DoII let’s sincerely talk about it but then IDK what women ‘intend.’  Plasma-cannons, alien antennae; a while back I thought about ‘Holdings’ only there appears to be a baptism of fire in some sense or other.  I rem. psychoticization of Barry Hannah, GnR prophecies, is he burying or disinterring the AK-74.  The song from the untranslatable SF global HumDev drama where they married IRL then divorced, some Frenchman,... sexually awaken this! - that song is like... I went on Wikipedia reading about kamikaze, ‘liberty,’ bomb-interception w/ Type-0, fact that some Japanese really weren’t lip-lick daddy-daughter fake paternal colonialists (i believe) b/c a few JP probably detected Perry’s lip-lick, ShiShi, knock knock wakizahi Heaven’s Judgment to mental Cho Kuks(?) - Koreans understand Iwo Jima Lt. Gen b/c these are sacred bloodlines 

I rem. ‘when Black girls love them some white boys’ - great!  I just regret ever saying anything like TW-1 French tips it’s retarded, now abideth the face, the brows, the destiny of Woman, 

XJP probably knows all this; extend question, how to show / teach world..

‘I appreciated’... ‘Expectation’... Smoothie Kng FroYo Bella...

IDK why I feel like saying all this now; I bought a watch-head for like 50 ollars that later got humidified, the watch-repairman’s grip was excellent, but these peple are just not my constituents because at bottom they’re AmKor AAPI Twitter ‘PS always hated you’ reactionary tribalists so rape me my friend!  Leave me alone!  I liked ‘Beautiful Goodbye’ but as for the ‘Taeyeon suicide countdown types’ if you really wanted ‘My way your way anything goes tonight’ stimulation can I rip out your fingernails upside down hang baseball bat - it cost less than Six Flags and make more ‘individual special’ story.  It’s not wrong to torture, ‘better to marry than to burn’ and better to hydroelectrocute, waterboard, shortchain, airplane, than spew infernal lies.  Confucius ‘If you love your son beat him’ - I wanna beat myself, IDK if I was right or wrong but smashed ‘Ryan’ with softcover workbook 2011, different time, also turned out he was set up / falsely accused by James so I became one of those ‘ppl that made ppl hate all teachers / system / Caucasians’ - legal, other ppl were toe-kicking to back of knee and stuff.  My colleague asked the English for ‘corporal punishment’ I said ‘physical punishment’ b/c ‘corporal’ is mil. rank and ‘corporeal’ is Catholic oceanic concept.  Other ppl at that hagwon were like ‘cartoons, puns, I am “woke” and exprienced instructor, circumspect, every so often hurl lethal objects at children’ - later he said stuff like ‘pimping Incheon,’ real estate license, Canada.  ‘Korea’s got some growing up to do, libertarianism, a million year patrimony of Canadian nationhood.’  Pornhub, Hushmail, greed-immigration-laws.  I said ‘You’re the butler from Kazuo Ishiguro’ but why say anything these ppl are nail-paring... David’s harlotry, how to cancel you, fake dream, no depth of instructional design or whole school architecture, not even dream, not even waiting... Sad!  I remember Jordan Peterson calling Tinkerbell ‘the porn fairy’ I like Soshi’s ‘Tinkerbell’ from the press-motif and its echo of Emerson’s notion of the ‘scholar of one candle’ I’m not pro-pornography I just have Catholicistic aesthetics

Now I remember ‘David’ who wanted a card and considered the ‘Fnal Word’ summative statement possibilities of a mechanical pencil.  But in the future everyone already understands everything.  I remember later filing away what I had taken to be perfunctory observations based on students’ testimony such as ES = parents; MS =friends HS = [TD Jakes sermon + purposes + future spouse etc.]... My friend said sth, I get super-sick of sharing anything with anyone + fret that all my ‘good deeds’ are being rewarded in this world.  Sica’s ‘Gravity’ cover.  I just no longer understand Korean; Brooks Brothers as white supremacist(?).  LJH is like ‘walking straight up to Heaven.’  Condescending-Canada-1 on my 26th birthday was talking about ‘meting you again’ story-ideas; I had a ‘hen could fly’-esque story idea about deer or ‘hart’ and ducks but in retrospect symbolic thinking, who cares.  ‘that has expelled us and our images (Stevens’...

*

Picture of A.S. Lizzie particolor sweater Cheonggyeoncheon; New Order ‘Regret,’ Thatcher era, all these English ‘God wot Warhammer 40K’ retreat in to expressive Imperium that seems condition of fiction but is actually ‘potential prophecy’ or future certainty-world.  It was ‘Regret,’ Singapore, but the 40K people were satisfied w/ their lives and Thatcher that I know wasn’t executing them or corralling in to work-camps just saying [make do with less?]...

*

I wanted to Western fencing and ended up w/ saber/re, in the late 1990s WJC dispatched cops with MP-5′s in order to extradite or return Cuban refugee-boy to his communist homeland; coach is saying ‘Nazi.’  Did Castro threaten terror or was it just child-sacrifice.  Later my HS achieved prominence in female saber but honestly, games, toys, fake progress, fake hope, IDC don’t touch me.  I later took interest in epee, San-E ‘Feminist,’ my dad said a smart comment about ‘dissonance’ but it is still ‘representations.’  It’s Madonna ‘Holiday.’  

‘Seulgi didn’t touch flowers b/c harm them’ - Pearl Buck ‘Living Reed.’ ~ ‘harm not the Earth.’ Gym avoid, just run or work or sth.  Insane veterinarian bodybuilder ‘meat digestion enzyme - eat many animals as possible.’  ‘Isolation exercise’ - ev1 wants to believe this brililant then they spent like 3000000 dollars on gov’t money on SF training then they are ‘vastus medialis.’  I like ‘Say something nice about Seulgi’ - it’s like ES.  

Feel like what should I confess, my very fav. student, ‘the one who could be anything, whose parents maybe gave her ‘open class.’  What is someone like that to do?  

I used to drive down Capitol seeing Black people thinking ‘God’s chosen’ or so but didn’t feel compelled to add or contribute anything to them as they had a special destiny.  ‘Where do I take this love?’  Everyone wants to adopt everyone, I believe it monstrous, oppose, veto.  ‘Teach me the way’ - it’s grooming, pederasty.  I rem. ‘This Is Love’ and two words that mean ‘already.’  My old poem about S’hai-1 and ‘South of the Border West of the Sun.’  Even more now channeling ‘Evr’y Hour,’ seeing Genghis Khan books at BN,’ Beolsseo arasseo.’  I admire out-of-time rubato things, Spengler characterizing the Greco-Roman culture-soul as ‘andante.’  HUFS-1 is ‘Andante Spianato,’ ‘planing.’  I knew her hometown but she’s not my girl so.  I know no other piece with a ‘spianato’ direction.  No one plays this piece to my satisfaction it’s more Chopin monster-magic.  I liked ‘Forgefuness’ by Hart Crane in a way but weird dreams with Crane like a gelatinous turkey b/c hat is so great abt being homosexual and brilliant(?).  Power without responsibility, conceit.  There were these word-jump-around-page poems from Strand books that I wrote with great joy-generation in HS but after that decided it was madness, mental illness.  Square poem, piano reduction of insanity-pop-music, cancel manic depression.  Later tried sonnet, tangci, sijo.  I like ‘sobriety, staidness.’  ‘Letters to Auratus’ more of my writing tutoring / literary agency abt. what are you trying to convey with ASLS, surrogacy, Heideggerian being-towards-death, dying life.  I get it - for a time I always said ‘I see what you’re saying.’  Purity, remembrance.  But IDK if Auratus knows or doesn’t know b/c ‘Can’t I lie?’  Maybe it is other people’s pathos.  Surrogacy, chaebol, AI knows I like HK3 a lot but in retrospect... I had the phrase ‘autumn settlings.’  Old man waiting for his son, mitigation, train to Cheonan with this grief-blind woman or sth, are you looking at me?  My nose is not Jung Woosung’s nose.  I forgot the zeitgeists from past dramas; I ban them anyway.  ‘The Charm of Department Stores.’

‘Roads Not Taken’ or so is a book about the Vietnam War; who wrote the last word on the Vietnam War?  I felt it strange that they make monthly magazines about the past; this transport with American soldiers very washed.  Vietnam has huge butterflies.  ‘Soldier’s Wives’ ~ ‘This is her taste,’ Chris Kyle’s wife but it’s still like LBSDBS.  I remember reading the Mutual Assured Destruction guy’s theory f ‘Faustian peoples’ or so (not Spengler’s idea of all the West as Faustian-outward-historiographical+ ut sth different), my fav. K-film has always been AMFL; I started remembering ‘Insa,’ feeling autumn golden leaves thrown up by the passing SUV fall through my body.  These words mean many things and in past I took words in mouth I should keep to myself and wish to hear rather than say or wish to mull rather than flaunt... (once Grahame Greene squalor-lord met the Pope who said ‘But I’m already Catholic’ - dept. of apologetics v. present prophecy, discernment, reality-betterment).  I want to tell my most demonic sex-trafficking hallucinations like hole-in-heart zombies racism pineapple pizza, paint the apartment - this was ‘nesting.’  ‘Reflections.’  Auratus was talking of the F-22 which I wanted to tell him that’s not the fastest plane by a longshot, today too I think evth is Satan electric fields and drones thrust-vectoring is a huge toy but IDK what IDK.  I wished to send all F-22′s to Kor, I used to nickname this girl XB-70; I thought I was once the little escort just there to film the test or sth.  KJAD rapidly improved, the shrimp whale dolphin thing vanished. Creatures.  There were scramjets and that reverse dive-bombing where you climb, thrust-weight ratio, ‘arabesque.’  I used to deliberately mar my English and say ‘I think it’s good idea’ and ‘good form.’  

F-22, I feel like USA trashed their whole continent and now can’t even give good motor-vehicle?  

 Memories of KJY, ‘Black is beautiful?’  Wilberforce.  ‘Confucianism is all about the phallus(?!).’  YOU help them dept. of Maoist time-bomb.  I’ll g to Somalia, Eritrea, one day.  I know these kids have special promise; I too would take measures to make them cute and loveable.  ‘Social form.’  I love Paul Washer - ‘porn = unloving heart’ - kneel before father... but they need good police; I don’t own firearms; I don’t like to exaggerate.  Like in 2012 Doomsday in the end Africa becomes the center o human civilization... I read King Leopold’s Ghost; there was a Georgian Southerner at Beauty School so I got mad at started talking about Gen. Sherman burning down his home turf.  Believe in severity; I wanted to help them but they’re so sure they know sth but they’ve been exploding-heart-ing me since like MS; it’s part of why I just wanted to live in Redlands and write in the office ‘cause I know what they think; my name is like a Confederate general, IDK my own past, supposedly teetotaling Union officer who burned his uniform.  Tory anti-belief-niks... Let’s talk about Myeongnyang, sacrifice, simplicity, the other thing if adult job-opportunities I guess b/c I know all about being educated but underemployed but I’m not Biden; what job can I create?  Just tell them I’ve lived less than I say I’ve lived; ‘creative writing.’  I never made it to Busan, what’s in Busan?  Shanghai never made it.  Let’s talk about ‘10,000 Sorrows,’ abandonment, slavery, honor-killing, church abuses.  Jazz is neither here nor there that I can tell; body-image.  Who’s the most important person in the world today?  What’s God’s will or me?  Just delete my family name?  Of course I like ‘Deep River’ - ‘ugly and destructive’ slavery.  ‘My Soul’s Been Anchored in the Lord.’  They think I‘m the mark / easy money / sue for punitive damages but I think they’re the marks, ‘maybe so.’  Korea’s not inlating min.-wage; wanna talk about Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison, James Baldwin.  I know a bit about Baldwinian sin-eating like ‘I tell you all my dirty secrets then pretend I didn’t’ - it’s called US mental healthcare system.  I like that poem about the pimp but this poet also shout his mouth off talkig about firing in to crowds of protesters.  ‘Fire Next Time.’  With Covid it could well be; I was telling ex-friend about how there would just be tanks on the street again but I have come to believe I was reading the future by past.  I used to bodybuild in college and eat fish oil every 2 hours so this girl who loves Taeyang saw my fish oils and started crying since she thought they were steroids; ultra-beautiful,Bo probably / hopefully flourishing, modified spelling of the name that means ‘revelation of God.’  But Snoop?  Cardi?  Does their ethos or way of war ever ever ever prevail?  Bonhoeffer learned from the Black church; I loved his poem about feeling strangled in prison.  I wanna raze Milwaukee and build them reasonable apartments with study-desks and stuff; their neighborhoods have a soothing energy.  Someone a deacde back was eating with African-African national leaders who confided, ‘Our whole continent doesn’t have enough wisdom.’  Koreans were buying up farmland in Africa.  I was sad b/c I felt I had a chance; I checked some vaccine-info. now it’s just like in Uieongbu DJJ is some kind of bio-terrorist.  I was fond of DC Sua’s ‘Copycat’ although I backed from all that because it’s infinitely misinterpretable; I thought about ‘Love Only Me,’ now I am like ‘Love Someone Else.’  I felt as if this ought to be a lenten penitent ‘reduced circumstances’ era in remembrance of numerous mistakes, going humbly.  I liked ‘Don’t Waste Your Life Sentence,’ spring nights.  I sometimes feel as if the current POTUS will say all the right things but the drug-laws in past were merciless and what was the point?  But that’s Rome and I’ve no portfolio.  ‘Henry Fish’ my YAL from 2012 - endless sorries- with his 30-dollar military jackets, taped glasses.  ‘Glad and proud to call Obama my president.’  I’ve never voted and don’t intend to except in ‘12 I voted for Obama partly because the psychiatrist and I had a good exchange; now feel that leaving the town hall that ‘pride’ was literal pride, evil, like all these women say, ‘Why would you do that?’  ‘ObaMao.’  I PRC they called him ‘heiren.’  Syria red line ciaccona, Obergefell, strat-patience.  End Iraq then suddenly super-massive investment in modernization of nuclear forces, telling EU to pay more for defense - there’s just not gonna be Heaven on Earth & I am never gonna make it to Venus and I really walk round thinking about camping in ex-NK and I do’t mean like the drama  But he’s a great man too.  ‘Cocaine and cohabitation’ - maybe he really was pace Dreamcatcher beginning of the end, from Hawai’i, ‘From Here to Eternity,’ end of AmCent.  His ‘Amazing Grace.’  I said something really obtuse about Bloomberg, Pete Mayor, Biden; a while ago skimmed ‘Lost Victories’ about the Nazi general who drove tanks through forests and stuff, when is going to fall the sword?  I liked ‘Beethoven was Black,’ Waldstein-III, and 111 is like ‘massive slave rebellion followed by less-tn-expected final affirmation. IZ*ONE ‘Human Love’ (in respect-mode I call it Ahn Yujin and Jo Yuri ‘Human Love’ b/c they were already breaking up the GG) - I thought it was a great moment; a signature.’  Then the ILY3K, marriage bad, uneducated, omni-prostitution unrestricted war CCP-revanchism exceedingly woke but for all I know I’m just a fake cultural Christian. 

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Sparks Chapter 31

Pairing: Bucky POV X Reader POV ft. Other characters from the Avengers team.

Word Count: 1.7K

Summary: A Fourth of July without Bucky. ANGST ALERT!

A/N: This chapter is unfinished but boy that last ask rlly made me question my entire existence so here:

June 14, 2017

y/n’s POV

It’s been almost nine months since I’ve seen him yet he possesses the power to haunt my dreams like he’s just left the room a second ago. I can feel him between my legs. He looks up smiling before I see his mouth back on my cunt. I can feel it and it feels real. I can feel his beard scrape the skin of my inner thighs and his hair brush against me. It’s unnerving how realistic he feels. But he isn’t real is he? Were we real? Why was it so easy for him to leave me? We must not have been real either…

I wake up with a start. Sweat sticks the sheets of the duvet to my skin. I hate when I have dreams like this, they leave me feeling hungry with an insatble pit in my somtach that no one else could possibly fill. I’m left frustrated and alone. But, the feeling of arousal usually dissipates when I think about the likelihood that i’m having a wet dream about a man who is now most likely dead. That’s when sorrow fills my heart again and I lay back down staring at the ceiling until I fall asleep again or sunrise, whichever comes first. At least wet dreams are better than the other ones. The ones of him dying in my arms. I don’t even want to think of those right now.

I don’t know what time it is. But I know it’s early. Not early enough to be light but just enough for the sounds of the early birds chipping to be heard. I untangle my legs from under my sheets and get up. I don’t bother to check the time. I don’t need to, it’s not like I have anywhere to be. I’ve been forced to take a leave of absence from work. On paper it’s of my own volition. In reality it was Cho’s ultimatum—either take a leave of absence or tell Tony and the others about my little problem—that made me decide. She was right, even I have to admit that. Sooner or later I would have slipped up and made a mistake and I can’t afford to make mistakes.

It’s been a month or so of lounging at home. I wait everyday for Cho to stop by after work with dinner. We eat together then she leaves. Sometimes Steve joins us but the silence of the entire scene must make him feel like a stranger encroaching on personal territory so he leaves Cho and I to it. To our silent meal with unspoken words and a decade worth of friendship, love, and commitment.

Why couldn’t he just give me that? That’s all I wanted. Sometimes I think I feel betrayed. Sometimes I don’t blame him because I loved him just the same. Except I was scared and he couldn’t seem to understand that.

This is pathetic I thought walking towards my kitchen. It’s been nine months. I need to stop letting him destroy me. Its ironic he probably isn’t even alive, it’s his memory that’s haunting me. It’s the idea of a man, not the man himself who derailed my life.

I walk over to my sink, kneel beside it, and open the bottom cabinet. Once inside I use the camera on my phone to locate the thin loose board in the back. It’s a small compartment. Just a hole in the wall the plumber didn’t board up properly the last time a pipe burst. Inside I have a single bottle of sleeping pills tucked away for nights like this. I don’t know why I hide the bottle. Cho wouldn’t necessarily be angry with me if she saw them. She would understand.

I take one and put the bottle back and carefully replace the loose board. I push myself off my knees, pop the pill in my mouth, turn on the faucet, and drink right from the spigot. I need to go back to work. This domestic stay at home life isn’t for me. I need something to tire me out, to arouse my intellect, to spark my soul. Without my work who am I? I head back to bed, lie down on the soft cold sheets, and close my eyes.

…

I wake up to my phone ringing. I sit up quickly at the disturbance and pick it up. It’s still dark outside and i’m annoyed at whoever disturbs me.

“Hello,” I answer in a scratchy voice.

“Open your door. I’m outside. I brought Wanda.” Cho’s voice chirps in a little too energetically for my taste.

“What?” I ask a little confused. “Why are you here so early?”

“Early?” Cho asks.

“Yeah, since when did we start doing pre-dawn breakfasts?”

“It’s 7pm, are you okay?” Cho asks trying to choose her words carefully in the presence of Wanda but the concern in her tone betrays her.

“Oh, yeah… Right,” I say caught off guard. I slept through the day. Those pills Effy gave me are stronger than I thought. “I just overslept.” I say as I push myself of the bed and walk towards my dresser. I try my best to quickly fix myself up in the mirror and put on my best smile and walk towards the door. I turn the big lock, grab the tarnished gold knob, and twist it. This is going to be a long night.

June 19, 2017

I’m back at work. After what seems like an era. I sit at my office trying to catch up on all the new projects. I spend the better part of my morning reading and revising reports from the other teams working under me. The latter part of my day is spent trying to get my lab back in order. I receive the odd glance or two from interns, probably judging me for my abrupt leave of absence and return. But, it was necessary I needed to come back to work and Cho saw that. Sometimes I think she doesn’t know—how to take care of me, how to make sure i’m alright, how to fix me—and she ends up giving in and buying into my facade of normalcy.

I am not weak. That’s all I need to remember. I am strong and I will not be reduced to one of those women who tragically and pathetically pine over their lost lovers. He wasn’t my lover. He was my friend. I mourned the loss of a friend, now it’s time to move on.

July 3, 2017

The past two weeks at work have been the most boring of my life. I miss the drama, the threat of danger, the thrill, the exhilaration, the spark. Despite all that it’s cost me—being apart of them, the Avengers even if it was just as a lab rat, gave my life a higher purpose—and I miss it. I saved lives, I may have also lost a couple friends on the way, but ultimately I made a difference. Now I oversee boring old administrative stuff and I felt as useful as a sword still in its sheath.

July 4, 2017

It’s July 4th and I miss him. I sit alone in what was once our little hideaway on the 82nd floor looking out at the soundless fireworks before me.

For a second I wish life could be like those cheesy romantic movies Wanda makes me watch. The ones where the long lost war torn lover returns during a magnificent moment and there are fireworks. All their previous incompatibilities and character flaws are overlooked; They live happily ever after.

But, life isn’t like that. There is no happily ever after. Someone always dies first, leaves first. Thats existence. It’s unfair, and flawed, and it’s beautiful. Our time together was beautiful and he’s changed me for the better. It’s a great feat to change another person, but he changed me, and that’s beautiful. I’ll miss him forever.

I don’t wait for the show to finish. Instead I get up from my solitary spot on the bed and walk towards the elevator to once again join civilization. To join my friends. I stayed away for a while, fearing i’d lose them too, but it’s time now. It’s time to embrace life and all the breathtaking emotions it moves you to feel.

I wait patiently for the elevator doors to open. I stare at my reflection in the polished metal of the doors and my reflection gives way as the doors slowly slide open. My reflection gives way into him.

For a moment I don’t believe my eyes. I question my eyesight, my sobriety, and briefly even my sanity. However, there was no time left for questioning. When the doors opened wide enough he stepped out of the box and towards me. He looks different, scarier. I realize why in a couple seconds. For one thing he is wearing his mask. His attire is exclusively black and his arm looks different, the metal one, the one that I designed. It looked altered with some sort of weaponry and it glowed almost dangerously. I felt violated myself. I’d spend the better part of six months perfectly designing that arm and thinking of the man behind it and now it was defiled. I barely had time to finish my thought when I felt his butchered metal arm clasp it’s fingers around my neck. My hands instinctively went up to his grip trying to pry his fingers off. But, he was too strong. My vision was already beginning to blur when I realized this was one fight i’d never win. Instead I closed my eyes and let my body go limp. He felt my weight give in and let go. I fell to the floor still partly conscious, but fading fast. His grip on my throat had had a more adverse effect than i’d expected. After I hit the floor I heard his footsteps echo away from me towards the private labs. I pushed myself off the floor quickly and grabbed my phone and called the only person I know who loved him as much as I did, the only person who could save him now: Steve.

Leave me feedback guys. Even if its something like ‘your grammar is trash’ idc i need feedback.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader fluff #bucky x reader #Bucky fix #bucky smut

[problematic-camren]

Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

#5h #5h3 #down #thoughts #fifth harmony #Lauren jauregui #ally Brooke #Dinah Jane #Normani kordei #music #reviews