thinking a lot recently about the inevitability of my blog being a constant wall of text whenever i answer questions and it just kind of sucks because that’s not why i remade my blog. do u think it would be really silly to have a separate blog for questions? like i could turn asks off here and have a redirecting link. maybe it would make things a little more manageable
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Being a creator online sometimes sucks because I feel so inadequate because of all the pretty girls online. Then I remember that 90% are using filters, but I try the same ones and still don't look as good. It's honestly a little hard to resist the urge to use them when I feel like the creative space is a competition, but I dont want to feed into it and make someone else take my place in feeling like they aren't pretty.
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thing that keeps me up at night #44
neanderthals existed from about 130,000 to 40,000 years ago
homo sapiens have existed for 3000,000 years
that's 90k years of potential intermingling
that's almost an entire third of our existence, another species running parallel to us. but what were the differences? how different were their faces? their language? i was reading something that said they had less sophisticated language capabilities than us. when we interacted with them, what was it like? were our languages similar enough to get by? or as foreign as english and sumerian? the first evidence of the written word we have is from 3400 BCE. as we all know, that doesn't mean that's the first time we wrote anything down. it's just the first time we wrote something down on a tablet that survived for 5k years. the same is true for other arts. we have cave paintings as old as 45k years. that doesn't mean that's the first art ever. just the first that lasted so long.
did homo sapiens and neanderthals ever fall in love?
did they ever sit in a cave together, painting bulls and elk on the walls? did they tell each other stories? could they?
did a homo sapien and a human ever hold hands? did a homo sapien ever see a neanderthal from across the river and feel their heart thump in their chest? did a neanderthal ever caress the face of a homo sapien? did they ever look in each other's eyes and smile?
did love exist back then like it does now? when was the first time one human looked at another and thought,
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and only you."
we'll never know! and it fucking kills me.
we can trace language and history and biology so far back, hundreds of thousands and millions and billions of years. we know what beings 65 millions years ago looked like. we can guess when the fucking universe started.
but we can't know when the first human loved another.
i know this is saccharine and cheesy and corny but it really does keep me up at night. the indefinable aspects that make up the core human experience. how inherently unknowable they are. how inextricable they are. we can never know how our ancestors loved. but, at the end of the day, i also know that doesn't really matter, because we love how we love now, and that's more than enough.
still.
wouldn't it be nice to know where it came from?
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Little girl is having an xray today because her favorite thing to do is make me worry🙃🥺
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it is 4am. i still have 2 articles to read, and 2 others to do a refresher skim over. i also need to do the outline for the paper so i can just sit down and write it tomorrow. it is due in 11 hours.
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also irgendwie is der wurm drin, ne? gestern wollte ich waffeln machen--same resippy, same ingredience, same process wie immer--and it was a disaster. hab mir das ganze waffeleisen ruiniert. gestern nachmittag wäsche ohne waschmittel gewaschen. heute versucht zu kochen und alles brennt mir an. broke a glass and TWO BOWLS. ich bräuchte eigentlich sowieso schon ein abo für geschirr aber drei sachen am selben tag? das is selbst für meine verhältnisse viel. zum einkaufen los und portemonnaie vergessen. zum glück gemerkt bevor ich im laden war. abfluss in der dusche verstopft (wofür hab ich bitte nen buzzcut). heute morgen bei der wäsche das falsche programm eingestellt und wieder 3 stunden umsonst gewartet. und später is mir beim aufhängen noch ne UNTERHOSE vom balkon gefallen 💀
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