#ive looked into it and its Appealing but it scares me

[whatawonderfulexistence--blog]

Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part VII

*inhales aggressively* VESSEL CHAPTER!!!!!! FINALLY!!!! Reader has a talk with the boys about what exactly happened with the night's kissing incident, after so much time of him being a bit distant towards reader Vessel decides to let his softer side show, plus more moments with III because I'm in love with him and I can't help myself sorry not sorry hehe I can't wait to know what you all think of this chapter thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments. If you would like to be added to the tag list please let me know!!

WARNINGS: discussion of boundaries, proposals of a polyamorous relationship (I tried my best to make it realistic but I, myself, am not polyamorous), fluffy stuff per usual. NOT PROOFREAD

My Masterlist! ~ AO3 Link!

Part VI - Part VIII (TBA)

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The sight before you almost made you want to laugh. The four grown men that sat in various seats around your living room almost resembled a group of school kids waiting anxiously outside the principal's office. “I’m sorry.” III was the first of them to speak up.

“No, if anything I should be the one apologizing.” II quickly follows, both of them unable to even look in your direction.

“I’m not upset at either of you, I’m just… confused.” You respond softly.

“It started off as simple crushes; me, IV, III, Ves.” You noticed Vessel’s shoulder tense as he was dragged into this conversation as well. “We all think you’re beautiful-”

“And very sweet.” III adds on. You can’t help the subtle smile that finds its way to your lips at their compliments.

“We could tell things had gotten a little more serious between you and III so we all decided to back off. But, I can’t lie to you,” II chuckled, “I’m a very jealous man. So when someone tries to keep me from what I want I don’t typically respond the best.”

“And I don’t feel right asking you to commit solely to me when you clearly have feelings for II, as well.” III adds his piece. You found it odd, there was no anger in his voice at the thought of you with his friend. “I guess what we’re trying to say is, um…” he trails off, looking to II as he searches for the right words to say.

“How would you feel about dating all of us?” Vessel breaks the thick tension with his blunt question. You felt like all of the air had been punched from your lungs, your heart jumping into your throat as your head snapped in his direction.

“Vessel, you can’t phrase it like that!” IV groans from his spot on your couch, dropping his head into his hand.

“What? She's a big girl, you don't need to beat around the bush.”

“Dating… dating all of you?” You finally mutter after a few moments of shocked silence.

“Obviously only if you're comfortable with that.” III stands from his seat, slowly stepping closer to you. “You don't have to say yes to any of this. It doesn't matter if you want to date only me, or if you would be okay dating all of us. Hell, after dropping this on you, there's a chance you might not want to see any of us ever again.” You didn't miss the nervousness that laced its way into his laughter. III was genuinely scared that this was going to fully push you away. “But, it's about what you want, that's the important part.”

“And you're all okay with this?” You would be lying if you tried to say you didn't find the offer very appealing. Every member of the group that sat before you drew you to them in one way or another, they were definitely an attractive bunch to put it lightly; III with his subtle intensity, who was always making you laugh, II who would turn you into a flustered mess with his sweet words, IV who’s easily excitable nature and blind confidence when it came to complimenting you made your heart thrum in your chest, Vessel who lets his hand linger on your waist as he maneuvers around you doing restock days, who holds your gaze for perhaps a little longer than necessary when wishing you goodbye at night. But, could you really handle four relationships? 

“The way we see it, we’d rather share you with others who we know are going to take good care of you than to be forced to hold our tongues about how we feel about you.” II explains.

“I…” you trail off as you look between the four of them. “I need some time to think.” Your voice shook slightly as you spoke.

“Of course.” Vessel responds. Without another word II, III, and IV stood, quietly said their goodbyes to you and left your apartment. Vessel hung back for a moment, waiting for III to fully shut the door behind him before breathing out a sigh. “I'm sorry that all of this happened the way it did. I kept telling them to wait to bring it up.” His gaze drops to you, who was silently fidgeting with your fingers as you leaned against the wall.

“I can always tell them to back off, love.”

“No, you don't have to do that.” You brush him off. “It's nothing to do with any of you, you're all incredible. It's just- it's me, that's what the problem is.” You tried to force a laugh to prove to Vessel that you were fine, his unchanging expression let you know immediately that he saw right through you. “You're all so wonderful, and the fact that you would be willing to make such a huge compromise.” You stare through the slits of his mask, believing you were meeting his eyes. “What if it's not worth it?”

You didn't have time to register what was happening before Vessel was in front of you, pulling you into a warm embrace.

“I know I might not be as… prominent with my acts of affection as the others.” He pulls back slightly, one large hand coming up to cradle the back of your head as your eyes instinctively rise to look at him. “But, considering II put things out in the open, I need you to know that I care for you viscerally.” The soft growl that found its way into his voice made your cheeks grow warm. “I don't want you to feel pressured into anything you don't want, but I need you to understand that there has not been a single moment since I met you that would make me think any of this wasn't worth it.” You blink slowly as a hand comes to rest on the top of your head, comfortingly patting the spot. “Would it be alright if I came and checked in tomorrow?” You nod, reluctantly letting your hands fall away from their position pressed against his chest as he stepped back, his warmth fading away with it.

“Goodnight, Ves.” Your voice cracked slightly as you tried to keep your overwhelming emotions in check.

“Goodnight love, rest well.”

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You watched the second hand on the clock tick, bringing you closer to when Vessel would usually make his nightly supply runs. You hadn’t managed to sleep at all the night prior, tossing and turning as you played through every scenario you could think of as you made your decision. At the sight of the familiar pick up truck rumbling into the lot you felt your heart race. “This is it.” You muttered out loud to the empty store. “No going back now.” He poked his head through the door before fully entering.

“You still open?” He offers you a playful smile.

“No, but for you I'll make an exception.” You giggle in response. He slowly steps inside and approaches the counter.

“How’d thinking on things go?” He rests his elbows on the counter, bringing him closer to face level with you.

You set a hand down on the counter, Vessel cautiously reaching out to take it in his own. He hesitates for a moment, his hand drawing back slightly as if he was preparing to pull away. His fingers were rough against the soft skin of your hand when he finally decided to take his, his thumb running languidly across the peaks and valleys of your knuckles as he waited patiently for your response. “I want to take things slow… but the thought of having all of you to myself is a little too good to pass up.” He breathes out a chuckle, flashing you a sharp smirk that makes your breath catch in your throat.

“Is that so?” He mulls over how to respond to your statement for a moment. “How about I make us dinner and we can sit down and talk about how slow you want to take things, just so we can make sure everyone is on the same page.”

“You want to cook me dinner?” You shoot him a playful smile. “Is it going to be edible?” He bellows out a laugh in response.

“You're funny, you know I've been told I'm a wonderful cook.” He points an accusatory finger at you, standing up to collect what ingredients he needed from around the store. “Just you wait and see, this is going to be the best damn meal you've ever eaten.”

The whole thing was a bit strange in the best way. If he hasn't told you so directly you would've sworn that Vessel thought of you as little more than an acquaintance. But now, you were sitting on your kitchen counter, a glass of white wine swirling around in your hand, rolling your eyes playfully at all of Vessel’s terrible jokes as he made the two of you dinner. He asks you where you keep your plates, you easily reach into the cabinet behind you and produce a pair, holding them out to him with a soft smile. He carefully plates the pasta he made, penne with bacon and spinach and some type of cream sauce he had pulled together with odds and ends from your pantry. “It smells incredible.” He saunters in front of you, trapping you on the counter by placing a hand on either side of your waist.

“And here you were questioning my culinary skills.” He feigns a hurt tone before a soft chuckle rumbles from his chest. “Come on beautiful, let's go eat.” He pulls away from you, your body trailing after his warmth. You pad your way into the living room, Vessel close behind as he carries your plate for you. You sat close together on the couch, angling yourself to better face him. “So, define slow.” He jumps in immediately.

“Let me at least get a couple bites in.” Vessel can't help but smile at your teasing tone. “I just… I don’t know. This is all so different I don't think I can really tell you what going slow even means.”

“Well, I can assure you that all of us care a lot about how you feel during all of this.”

“And I know that.”

“I think you're worried about more than just taking things slow, love. What's on your mind?” The softness to his tone immediately lulled your anxious mind into a sense of safety.

“I'm worried about things developing quicker in certain relationships than others, I just don't want that to cause any of you to fight.” You absentmindedly twisted your fork around in your fingers, studying it as you tried to put into words what was racing through your mind.

“That might happen, but if it does it's alright. Unfortunately that's just something we have to deal with.” He chuckles. “There's no doubt in my mind that you would be more comfortable moving a bit quicker with III than you would with me, he started flirting with you from the start. We all know that you're in various stages of getting to know us, we're more than willing to give you time to figure all of that out.” Hearing him being so reassuring made the heaviness weighing in your chest lighten considerably. “Is there anything else I can do to ease that pretty little head of yours?” You slowly shake your head no before pausing. You looked at the man before you, swallowing thickly as you mulled over an idea. Vessel was an enigma to you even after months of knowing him. He was aloof, quiet, but the few rare instances he let part of his personality break through you could tell just how wonderful he could really be.

“Dance with me?” The question hung in the air for a moment before Vessel wordlessly rose to his feet.

“I will warn you, I'm not much of a dancer.” He chuckles, outstretching his hand for you to take. His palm was warm against your fingertips; the smudged edges of his paint were a stark contrast to the pale skin underneath.

“What a shame, neither am I.” You giggle in response before he pulls you to your feet. He looks around the room, making a small sound of affirmation to himself before pushing your coffee table out of the way to open up the space. You walked over to a bookshelf in the corner of the room, clicking on your radio and letting the soft tune crackle to life. Vessel stood in the center of the room, hands shoved into his pockets as he waited for your return, a soft smile settling onto his lips.

“You look really beautiful today.” He says softly, one strong arm reaching out for you and wrapping around your waist when you were within reach. Your fingers intertwine with his, Vessel watching carefully as each delicate digit slotted between his own. Your cheeks grow warm as you timidly accept the compliment. You had never been this close to Vessel before, feeling the way his muscles tensed and shifted under the hand that rested on his shoulder sent a shiver down your spine. You were unable to tear your eyes away from him, the intricate detailing along the edge of his mask highlighting how wide and bright his smile was as he gazed down at your flustered form. The music you had turned on was non existent at this point, the only thing mattering at this point in time was Vessel finally allowing you the briefest glimpse inside his walls. You managed to trip over your own feet, yelping slightly as you stumbled into him. “Easy now, I got you.” He chuckles, helping to steady you on your feet. “If you're going to faint at least wait until I kiss you for the first time.” He jokes

“Already thinking about kissing me, huh?” You smile coyly

“It'd be hard not to with a pretty face like that.” You let out a flustered laugh, your eyes dropping to the floor. You jumped when there was a sudden knock on the door. You reluctantly pull out of Vessel’s grasp, his fingers trailing across your waist as he tries to remain connected to you until the last possible moment. You slowly open the door, not knowing who to expect on the other side so late. You froze when your eyes landed on III, who was nervously swaying his heels on the creaky wooden landing outside. The moment he realized you had answered he immediately began to ramble.

“I'm sorry, I know you said you needed time to think and I absolutely respect that. I just, I know we kissed, and if you decide you don't want to go through with this I don't want it to make things weird-”

“III.” His mouth snaps shut as you softly say his name. You look back into your living room, Vessel’s head rested in his hand, he seemed mildly annoyed to be interrupted. Not knowing how to respond, you simply pushed the door wide open, III’s attention immediately drawn to Vessel. “We were actually just talking about that.” His eyes widen slightly, his gaze switching between you and his friend.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt-”

“I was just leaving, actually.” Your brows furrowed in confusion. You turn to face him as he walks up to you. He cradles your face in his hand, “tonight was wonderful, I hope we get to do this again soon.” He swipes his thumb across your cheek, leaving a thin black streak in its wake. “Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight, Ves.” You respond breathlessly. You turn to face III, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth before reaching out and taking his hand, tugging him inside your apartment. His eyes stay locked on you as he follows you through the door, shutting it quietly behind him. “I really enjoyed, um… kissing you last night was really nice.” You let out a flustered laugh. “I don’t want you to worry that you made things weird.”

He chuckles, “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He stuffs his hand in his pockets, shifting his weight awkwardly. “I hope that talk you guys were having was a good one.”

“I think you’ll be very satisfied with the outcome.” You giggle. He gazes at you curiously, the usual playful sparkle back in his eyes when he realized he hadn’t scared you off.

“Is that so?” He saunters closer to you, his towering height and intense gaze threatening to make your knees buckle. “You let me know if any of this is moving too fast, okay?” He says sweetly, gently cupping your jaw.

“Okay.” You smile up at him. He trails his thumb over your bottom lip, his bright blue eyes darting around your features as he drank in the sight of you.

“You are simply gorgeous, love.” He whispers after a moment of silence.

“You flatter me too much.” Both hands slide around your waist, gently pulling you flush against him.

“I'm only telling my girl the truth.” He smiles. Your eyes flash up to meet his, the declaration of being his girl making your heart flutter in your chest. “Well, it seems like we have the night to ourselves. What would you like to do?” Wordlessly you take one of the hands that had settled against the curve of your hip, guiding him towards your couch. You threw on a movie, something mindless that you didn't need to pay attention to. Tonight was about spending time with III. No distractions, no hidden feelings, just you and someone who made you feel like a girl experiencing her first crush all over again. III takes you in his arms, laying back and pulling you on top of him in the process. One arm resting comfortably behind his head, the other slung over your waist as the two of you cuddled in a comfortable silence. “You know, I was really worried all of this would make you never speak to me again.” He speaks up after a while through a quiet chuckle.

“I was definitely a bit nervous about the idea, still kind of am if I'm being honest.” You laugh softly, absentmindedly tracing shapes against the soft material of his sweatshirt on his chest. “But, none of you have given me any reason not to trust you, so despite being nervous I feel like this is the right choice.”

“How you feel about this is very important to me, okay? If there's ever anything I can do for you love, just let me know.” He rubs his hand soothingly up and down your back, keeping you pressed close to him almost as if he was scared if he let you go you'd disappear. The two of you stayed up talking late into the night; you learned that III is more of a cat person than a dog person, his favorite color is red, and he would willingly disappear into the woods without a trace if it meant never folding laundry again. “It's such a dumb concept, I'm going to put the damn clothes on anyways. Why do they have to be folded and put away?” You hid your face against his shoulder, trying to hide the fact you had tears forming in your eyes from laughing so hard. You look up at him with a bright smile, the tangent dying in his throat as his eyes meet yours. He slowly sits himself up on his elbows, your body responding as it gradually slid into his lap. One of his hands pressed into the small of your back, keeping you held as close to him as possible, the other moving to cup your cheek.

“I haven't been able to stop thinking about kissing you since last night.” You admit in a tone barely above a whisper.

“Trust me, I wasn't doing much better.” He chuckles, his gaze briefly flashing down to your lips. “Everything about you… everything about you is just so perfect, and for the life of me I can't figure out why you give me the time of day.”

“Because you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.” Your voice shook as you spoke, you could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears and you were nearly positive that III could hear it too.

“Because you are the only girl in the world for me.” He admits without a second thought. “I haven't been able to get last night out of my head. Of course I want to kiss you again, but this time I want to kiss you and mean it.” Trembling fingers rose to the edge of his mask, glancing up at him through your lashes asking for silent permission to raise his mask enough to kiss him. He nods, studying your nervous expression as you gently took the edge of the fabric and raised it to just below his nose. Your breath was snatched from your lungs as III crushed his lips against yours, your mind immediately swimming in the overwhelming sensation that was him. His lips subtly sweet as he eased your mouth open, his tongue carefully caressing yours, making sure to take things at a bear agonizing pace in order for you to be able to back away at any time. Your hands slid up his torso, III shivered under your delicate touch. You felt lightheaded as the kiss took over your senses; the euphoric feeling of his warm lips against yours, the deep, earthy smell of his cologne, his massive hand kneading at the softness of your hip. You both pulled away equally breathless, your hands coming up to his mask in order to readjust it into place before he had a chance to.

“I think you definitely meant it this time.” You giggle, your forehead falling to rest against his.

“There's going to be plenty more where that came from.” He winks playfully at you.

III decided to leave you for the night when you could barely keep your head up anymore. He scoops you up in his arms. You grumble in annoyance despite the fact you immediately begin to nuzzle your face against his chest. “Where are we going?” You ask through a yawn.

“I’m taking you to bed sweetheart, you need to rest.” He chuckles.

“-’m not tired.” You try to protest, your actions only make him laugh again before he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Says the woman who can’t keep her eyes open.” You could hear his smile in his voice.

“I don’t want you to leave.” You admit softly.

“I know love, but you have a store to run, I’m afraid I’ve kept you up more than I already meant to.” He carefully maneuvers himself so he’s holding you in one arm, pulling back your blankets with his now free hand. He lays you gently into bed, his knuckles trailing across your cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” His head dips down, allowing you to share one more chaste kiss before he left you to fall into a dreamless sleep.

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[artsycrapfromsai]

I saw you already got a similar ask, but it's worth saying: Amaryllis is just... she feels so... *specifically* tailored to me in a way? Obviously I'm not implying that you made her for me, some rando, I just find it funny which very precise boxes she ticks that appeal to me. Her look and pink and flower motifs aside, it's very validating to see her demisexuality coupled with her sincerity and how you contrast it with Astarion's ineffective flirting. If she likes you, she will say so! And when the time comes she will get to the good stuff. But first she will build actual personal intimacy w/ you. Coyness is foreign to her and I ADORE that, it means a lot. It feels refreshing, relatable, and validating to see, thank you :)

Djgfjgdhf this is so sweet to read?????

Honestly the amount of messages I've gotten from people who relate to Amaryllis and the way I write her is just so... Nice, and validating???? Its????

Ive been writing her for 5ish years now, but most of that was in the context of our personal DnD campaign; but now that I'm drawing the comics with Astarion, its easier for people to understand her and so many folks are telling me that they're enjoying what they see, and its just???? Such a nice feeling???

Im glad she scratches such a specific itch in people fkvjbcj aaaaaaaa

She was honestly made by me wanting to toss all of my favorite self indulgent tropes into one character (pink, unicorn, cute girl that is Very Strong, socially awkward, extremely curious and just wants to make friends and explore/learn...)

Funnily enough, romance wasn't even considered when I first made her, but as her relationships grew and naturally developed, it became really easy to write those parts and how they confused and flustered her

When it comes to romance, she has to be the one to realize her own feelings first or else any attemps at it with her will just scare her off. All of her relationships in her DnD campaign took months to actually get to, if not years with some partners (both in and out of the campaign), bc she does need that relationship & intimacy built up first. She needs to really get to know someone first, or else it just won't work

But once she's there, she can become really flustered and blushy and awkward around the person she likes (especially if she doesn't know if they like her back), and super incredibly affectionate and loving and adorable.

She loves hugging and kissing and cuddling her partners, bc she just feels so much love and affection when she is in a relationship. It just takes a while to get there

Just. Aaaaaaaaaaa im so glad people like and can relate to Amy so much!!

Thank you for such a kind message!!!!

#ask #bg3 tav #amaryllis tav #i think imma use that tag for bg3 amy stuff fkhgcbbv

[noisemastter]

hi.... i am thinking about how much sweet capn nd k_k both parallel and r an antithesis of the fun gang ..... ok ? i think ......... i will mindlessly ramble . listen to me if you want . this may or may not be coherent at all . pay me no mind ok ?

they each have like,,, 1 basic trait thats described to them

okok so i think its really funny how much theyre complete fuckin opposites ( with the person they dance with ) .

kris - quiet person by susie and king

susie - mean girl by a save point

and yk . scc are energetic smooth and silly . its in their check dialogue . stated outright

ralsei - fluffy boy by a save point

energetic - quiet

smooth - fluffy

silly - mean

real interesting thing about capn and ralseis that isnt really important . . theyre both an adjective referring to a personality trait and a surface

ummm ill just go through them in sccs order . soooo,,, sweet / kris, cap / ralsei , and k_k / susie

sorry if this doesnt make sense im bad with words .

sweet / kris . . . . so much to say . mainly about sweet .

kris isnt shown to have much of a personality atleast in game ... which makes like a lot of sense considering they dont have free will for most of them . all we reaaally know is that theyre an introvert . theyre described as not being very energetic by tori, rarely ever waking up on time for school, usually sleeping through the start of class, and preferring tori drive them to school rather then walk . noelle also makes a comment about how kris isnt usually so talkative when you select the "anything" option in the hospital and as previously mentioned, theyre described as a quiet person

sweet on the other hand, is literally "the energetic one" . their movements are a lot more exaggerated and bouncier then the others, their way of speaking is a lot more upbeat then the others, and theyre the one who follows you around for ( most of ) cyber field ,,, they also have the most dialogue out of the 3 and are real passionate about their interests, being the most into the whole rebellion thing and likely being the one who started it all . they also use multiple exclamation marks in most sentences as a way of showing how enthusiastic they are about most things !!!!! this is a little small detail i noticed but.... they r also slightly off sync with the others whenever you ask them to play a song 4 you .

cap / ralsei,,,,,,, capsei shippers dee en eye you guys are weird

ough . i have so little to say about ralsei im sorry ralsei fans . ok anyways

ralsei is "the nice one" of the group i think . he tries to convince you to spare everyone, hes generally the most polite, and is maybe the tiniest bit naive in chapter 1, having to learn by the end that he cant trust everyone . even though hes nice, hes never exactly shown to be cowardly unlike most "nice" characters !!! he doesnt stand down to most enemies and is generally a lot less scared of . actual life threatening situations then a teenager should be .

cap'n on the other hand,,, is . the reason the game got a higher rating in japan because he says a statue looks like shit . capn is,,, from what ive seen, the least liked of the trio for coming off as rude in a lot of his dialogue ( hes just some guy i think ) . hes the most upfront about thinking you helped kidnap noelle, mocking you and making comments about it all throughout the first part of the game ( even trying to scam you because of it !!! ) . he also talks in a less formal way then ralsei does and makes several comments that are accidentally taken as flirty towards noelle ( hes just a little bit of a dumbass hes not a p/do . . targetted i see you freaks ) . hes basically shown to be willing to do anything if it benefits him and the others, trying to scam, trick, and appeal towards girls in an attempt to earn more money . hes also not a fan of fighting, and is reffered to as a coward by sweet for not really wanting to fight physically, even suggesting towards the start of the fight to just wait for other bad guys to come around . hes silly i love capn he reminds me of my best friend

cakes / susie .... i have so much to say about k_k you have no idea so many people get his character entirely wrong and it pisses me off . infact im breaking the pattern and starting with him because i have very little to say about susie and also fuck you

k_k is, in every way, kind of a doormat . they let people shortchange them, purposefully try and make themselves shorter to be less intimidating, and dont really wanna cause any trouble like at all . they try and make themselves sillier so they arent perceived as some sort of threat or something to be scared of ( considering theyre like 10ft tall . i did the math hes like 7 in his sprite and based on nelnals art, like 10'2 ) . hes the exact opposite of susie in every way !! k_k is tall and tries to make himself more approachable, giving you bagels for free if you dont have the money, trying to appeal to everyone by never really giving sweet or capn an answer that supports eithers argument, and just,, generally being a lot more polite then the other 2, despite the others best efforts . theyre also the first to try and cheer sweet up after they lose their battle, saying that they won because their dancing was better !!! a lot of trying to be smaller and appear as less mature likely comes from a place of anxiety,, as they only ever really speak whenever spoken to directly, try to stay on everyones good side, and have the least amount of dialogue out of the 3 by, like, 10%, most times them speaking being short, straightforward answers rather then them talking unprovoked

susie is,, kind of a smaller person trying to make herself seem bigger and scarier . she puts on a tough persona and is an asshole to most people who arent her friends, getting aggressive whenever people she perceives as threats bother her or the others and being a lot snarkier then the other 2 . towards ralsei and kris shes,, still pretty aggressive but its more in a playful way . she teases them often and is the only reason ralsei and her ever get an act option, because she points out how theyre not dumb and they can act by themselves . shes,, pretty much just any teenager with her friends

scc also think of themselves as the main characters . they make a constant attempt to act as so, trying to fight the fun gang because they think they helped the queen kidnap noelle, but in the end they just arent ,,, enough .

the fun gang r kinda just. kids who probably just wanna be kids but Cant because they kinda have this whole prophecy thing on their backs (susie and kris especially) and didnt really . choose to be the main guys .

i think,,, them being opposites is also a huge reason why scc being adults is so important to me . of course you can hc them as any age !!! but thinking of them as kids because theyre immature is,,,, boring as fuck . making them adults ties in a lot more with all of these opposites . thinking of them as adults who never really grew up would act as a sort of antithesis to the fun gang being teenagers who r growing up a little too fast and its soo... fun to play with . its fun to explore why they never matured like a lot of other people or if theyre just a little immature naturally !! theyre silly and theyre fun and theyre so entertaining to me i wanna put them under a microscope and study them ...

scc being adults who never grew up and the fun gang being teenagers who r growing up too fast is so fun to me i think . scc try so desperately to be the "main characters" . to be important . to be those guys . while the fun gang didnt even really try !!!! kris and susie just wanted to get chalk and got sucked into a huge prophecy thing in a world they didnt even know existed and i just . idk this is probably incomprehensible at this point sorry . i jusy think the fact theyre opposites is really fun and i dont think enough people notice it

tldr kris is quiet and introverted , sweet is energetic and ( likely ) loud judging from how they talk

ralsei is nice but not timid or cowardly at all, while a lot of capns dialogue is accidentally rude and hes literally called a coward ingame,

and susie tries to make herself bigger and scarier while k_k wants to be viewed as non-threatening and friendly as possible

thanks for listening to my autism rant . if you care .

#i dont know if i want to tag this or not . #maybe i will . just incase someones interested . #scc #sweet cap'n cakes #sweet capn cakes #deltarune #capsei shippers dee en fucking eye btw you all suck #sorry that was mean . but god some of you are insufferable #ralsei would hate capn but try and be nice about it and like slightly passive aggressive while capn would like. #piss him off on purpose because he thinks its funny to watch ralsei try and stay calm #do you get me here #fuck capsei

[houndfaker]

Are mercury byte and pluto part of a story or are they more like standalone OCs? They're all super cool I'd love to hear more about their personalities if you've anything you'd like to share :]

iiiii. wrote so much in response to this forgive me.

they ARE part of a story that ive been on and off working on for a little while (development extremely slow and very 'this only makes progress when im REAAAALLY feeling it') to keep things loose given so much of it is still liable to change in development, its about robots fighting and exploring a world with autonomous machines living alongside organic life?

slipping most of this under a cut since im gonna be wordy

mercury is the protagonist, they were created by dr. lumen, a retired hero having sought to make something of a child that doubled as an aid/bodyguard for themselves in their old age. mercury quickly became much more than that as they became familiar with lumen's past as a hero and sought to take lumen's place as a local hero. mercury is relatively young and as a result is a little bit foolish and overconfident. they are extremely well-meaning and love to help people, but theyre also wrapped up in this desire to be adored as a hero and theyre going to have to contend with what parts of being a hero actually appeal to them, what they are capable of realistically and what compromises they'll have to make, and how to mature as a person. they're curious, excitable, and eager.

you didnt exactly Ask for these but i'll throw in funfacts for each character that i like to share

mercury curates a small collection of retro gaming tech; their favorite thing to collect is gameboys!

mercury also curates a physical library of their favorite music and they love dancing. They also often create tunes in their spare time. All of them use some sort of old game soundfont.

mercury has a small camera behind their head's lense! They use this for their photography hobby, and can open up/connect to a small port in the back of their head that lets them download the images/recordings onto a computer.

mercury does not verbally communicate (robots using verbal communication is common in this world) but is able to emit a variety of beeping sounds. (i actually have examples of what this sounds like as i had to create them for a bomb rush cyberfunk mod that puts mercury in the game!)

byte is mercury's adoptive sibling. he kinda has a 'born all alone in a wet cardboard box' thing going on; he's a half-baked computer program (programs are semi-corporeal, able to move between machinery and the real world) that was set for deletion but forgotten about so quickly that he winded up worming his way out of the computer he was made on! hes one of the very first individuals mercury saved after deciding they wanted to be a hero, getting rid of some feral virus entities that were intending to eat byte. merc had lumen smooth out byte's gnarly code and he wound up pretty much adopted afterward. he looks up to mercury but is also their little brother and is thus a little bastard about it. hes also loud, emotionally unstable, scares easy, and loyal to a fault.

surprisingly a huge fan of origami and does it to calm down from stressful situations. mercury keeps emergency folding papers for him in a compartment on their body.

he loves cartoons and animation and will ramble without a second thought if you watch something with him

pluto i have admittedly ironed out the most despite it being the most recent design of the trio, which means i have The Most context to give regarding it. it is the eventual deuteragonist, an old robot that was once a member of the story's main antagonistic faction, DEADSUN, a robot assassin group. pluto was initially built as the perfect champion of an unsanctioned robot fighting ring, but after being cheated out of its purpose, attacked and killed numerous participants, both organic and not, in a blind rage when no one would believe it. after this, it was scouted by a member of DEADSUN that had been observing it. not long into its time as a member of the group, though, it was deemed too reckless and untrainable, and it was forcibly deactivated and left in a basement of the group's headquarters at the time to be eventually used for scrap parts.

pluto was forgotten when DEADSUN transferred to different headquarters. the original base's site became a junkyard. after a planned story beat where mercury unleashes a burst of energy in that specific junkyard after losing the trail of an antagonist, the energy surges into the depths of the site and jumpstarts pluto back to life. it claws its way out of the abandoned facility and instantly tries to pick a fight with mercury because it wrongfully identifies them as a member of DEADSUN.

pluto is my favorite so far as you might be able to gather from the above. it is a machine with anger quite literally written into its soul. DEADSUN was intending to “tame” pluto in a sense. this backfires because pluto never regretted its previous actions. it never rejected its anger. it embraced it, owned what it was; a dangerous and powerful machine with no master. it still doesn’t regret what it is. it feels its reasons were justified. it expects people to be deterred from it when learning what it did and who it is, and therefore kept as few friends as possible. its blunt, rude, and doesn't take any shit. but at the same time, if it trusts you, its very personable and playful.

it likes skateboarding but due to its low capacity of patience it has snapped numerous boards and is always seen with a different one.

its feet are bendy; its able to jump really high and deliver kinda devastating kicks. its body is built to be pretty agile despite the bulk of its arms. it likes parkour and urban exploration.

its wholeheartedly accepted and even cared for by mercury and byte and lumen. without the strings attached for once. it hates mushy shit, but its grateful for them and shows that by being deeply protective.

and to cap this off i'll leave some misc doodles involving the trio. since ive poured my heart out regarding these three i might as well give a peek into their dynamic directly on the post yknow

#long post #quinn moment #quinn drawings #quinn ocs #pluto #mercury #byte #wild bot city #asks #princekirijo #thank u so much for asking. sorry its a Chunky Ass Read with little context #also to your finding pluto gender comment from the original post. no its not weird in the least because i feel the same way about it and i #made the thang. derive as much gender from my designs as you like

[vaingod]

What are some of the things you've noticed about these middle class city gays and their lifestyles? What are some of the things that stood out to you the most that is completely normalized? Because I see these pretty gay boys from the global north on Instagram and how perfect and white their teeth are, iPhone, MacBook, nice restaurants, nice gyms, holidays, expensive clothes that look very plain but you know that plain white t shirt was somehow $100 to me its like when Katniss sees the people in the Capitol and I just can't relate...especially since theyre all so skinny and pretty and have nice things!

Ok im saying this all as an immigrant thats lived here for a decade and still experiences this disconnection between city gays. Its the money, its always the amount of money they are comfortable throwing away on tech like you said but its more than just some rando city person buying themself an apple product once every 3 years or something. In order to live the life that you noticed these people tend to live you need 1 of the 2.

1. Rich parents. Most city gays that you see on Instagram are these. They usually go to school or have a job like one day a week type deal but they dont worry about rent or bills ever, no number on paper scares them to say the least but they are also really weird about you paying back like coffees or miniscule shit.

2. Are in debt. Most of my friends that are middle class are this

Like i wont forget meeting this girl through a drag actor friend of mine and she was cool and one of those all pink people so we vibed nicely until she started pulling up pages and pages of clothes and shoes and furniture that cost more than ive spent my entire life and talking about all the things she wants like a bratty child and i was losing my grip on reality before she talked about her hot pink custom paint job porshe and how her dad payed for it all cus she wasnt gonna drive a boring straight car. Like this attitude specifically is what drives me up the wall cus as someone whos jumped to and from alternative scenes a big appeal was making my own accessories and clothes and fucking shit up and looking trashy but alluring to other people like me. even when i went through my fem diva phase i exclusively thrifted vintage clothes to embody a 60 year old diva i didnt spend hundreds of dollars to look good?? My 90s thrifted furcoat ive worn for 7 years cost me 10 bucks.

As for middle class or poor gays that are in debt that keep going in debt to allow themselves the luxuries that they see gays with (their parents) money can allow themselves, i feel like its a very complex social dynamic that isnt easily explained by poor prople are allowed nice things or everyone deserves luxuries. And its harmful however its explained because very often the sentiment from middle class gays in regards to overspending obfuscates what a luxury is, not a few times have i heard from gays with debt "if i had the money i would take a private jet everywhere i wouldnt give a single fuck if i had access to things that rich people had I would use them just the same or more"

Class division is really like that tho, id compare it to how middle class suburbians dont want better public transport and shut any finances that go into it cus they dont want poor "suspicious" people coming to their neighborhoods. And that shut down of public transport only hurts them and their community but they do it anyway. Ill say it outright most middle class gays in debt that do everything to spend money to live a fantasy of not being in the same social class as poor gays are doing so intentionally.

#again im just some insane immigrant babbling but the way you described that type of people felt closer to my perception of them? #like theyd do anything not to be socially or technologically behind. they must be the epitome of beauty no matter what it costs #therefore expensive gyms and diets and cleanses that dont work and laser and chemical peels and scar removal white teeth etc etc etc

[purgemarchlockdown]

I tried to sleep early for once and now im awake now so???

Anyway Ive been holding in those dichotemy thoughts for a long yime Ive talked about it before that post because Im incapable of shutting up but like- I clued into those when I watched AKAA for the first time and I just had to go quietly insane about it since I was so scared that people would be mean about it.

Assorted sleepy thoughts about it:

-Mikoto also falls into this, Milgram I see your “playing into bias” narrative moves, you do not frame someone this much in blood and this much shadow if you arent trying to scare Someone. Mikoto being the most obviously horror movieish in MeMe was the biggest hint that something was up with it- why in thre series filled with murderers is this guy so scary huh Milgram??? What about this guy in particular? What was so different about him huh? I love it when stories do this shit- its always So Fucked I love it.

-Both TIHTBILWY and I Love You play into this to some extent but its much more subtly present in TIHTBILWY. That pouncing animation? The phone scene? The lyrics about matching pain and break up rituals? Fantastic, 10/10. Giving her Psychogram was even better.

-Going Back to Magic Amane is like…not scary, at all in Magic. She is Not Terrifiying in it. Its not even an After Pain Muu situation where if you look back you can see her “true colors” hidden behind the surface- Magic Amane is only really “scary” in that one shot where her eyes turn into spirals and thats less scary and more “quietly horrifiying if you know the implications”

Magic Amane was not scary and we voted her guilty so she could improve- I can imagine Yamanaka fucking cackling when the verdict was finalized. Which fair enough!

-Haruka and Muu play into this so hard that if I wasnt so Amane-brained the post would of been about them. I wonder if Haruka and Muu were partially intended to see how the audience would react to characters that used to be “appealing” but now are “people” and thus aren’t easily infantalized.

This leads into fun Audience-Kotoko paralles (useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!) like- we’re pulling a Kotoko and I am (narrativly) Here For It!

-Muu Its not my fault is soo very good with this lens. Since- she really did do bad things! They all did! And Muu’s so unwilling to change its going to destroy her one day! Muu always tried to position herself as a “good victim” or “powerful person” its fantastic, I love it, itll destroy her one day.

-I hope this doesnt need to be said but dont use this to judge your morality or smthn. Im stating this cause Im relizing that if I didnt think about this all the time Id hound myaelf with guilt over playing into nasty dichotimies but also this is just some fun narrative stuff that is intended to make you reflect on real life, not a judgement of your moral character- I fall into that trap too easily so Im just gonna put that here.

[abstract-crossverse]

okay but I need to get smtg off my chest, you ppl who indulge in hardcore yandere stuff scare me, I don't know how yall handle it, cuz there's some people that write seriously messed up shit

the other day I was looking for some fics to indulge cuz shit day yknow, and there were only yandere fics, it was hard finding fluff, and if there were fluff, it was something I had already read or something I made. I looked at the TWs and I see fucking- AMPUTATION mention, GASLIGHTING, FUCKING PHYSICAL ABUSE and a lot more

Im sorry I have a serious case of putting myself in ppls shoes, so I feel even worse for the 's/o' whos going through that torture, tell me, please, enlighten my path, WHATS SO GREAT ABOUT BEING ABUSED AND TORTURED by a character whom you love and/or would want to kiss????? I genuinely don't get it. Im sorry but if you write madcom in this degree of yandere, Im terrified of you and I want distance pls

if you just indulge in it, I dont get it, Im still terrified of you but you're at least mildly better and I cant tell if you either have a kink for that or you need therapy(/lh /hj) . Im sorry but there's a line between "seriously fucked up" and "okay to a degree", the shit Ive seen has gone over the line and further

the only 'okay to a degree' content I have seen in here is Saltymongoose's writing, where while the boys are still a bit obsessive and would kill for you, they arent actively abusing you which is a great thing and actually take into the consideration the fact that killing people you like is going to make you upset, and its something I can actually read without being disturbed and uncomfortable. I dont actively consume this sort of content, but we need more content like this, where the yandere in question takes your feelings into consideration instead of blindly killing anyone who even glances at you.

thank you for coming to my ted talk, I really needed to get this out of my chest. and if someone who consumes the hardcore yandere stuff or writes it, can you please explain the appeal to me? I genuinely want to know /srs

much love to you all. I hope to post more fic's soon

#srsly im confused about the appeal #madness combat #madcom #madness combat x reader #maskrambles #masktalks #something off my chest

[s-c-l-n]

is this a safe space to say i dont believe taylor swift really cares about her music anymore ? maybe its because ive matured over the last decade and have come to realize her songs are mid, but especially with this album i cannot find it in me to see any care done well for it. all the songs sound similar, the flow of them is never changing, and the mixing is mid. (see tl;dr at the end if you dont want to read 9 paragraphs of deep dive ranting)

if you look at her debut album, its not great. its lyrics are fine, the instrumentals and mixing are whatever, and it just generally is a find/mid album. if that album was released in 2006, why 18 years and 9 albums later does this album seem to have similar issues ?

personally i think it all boils down to a general lack of care and a need to make herself seem more sophisticated than she actually is. in times of her generally most loved albums (speak now->folklore) you see the lyrics are not trying to be anything more than lyrics. of course there is deeper meaning, but it is not convoluting itself for you to find the main meaning. it is pop and electric songs through and through.

when taylor tried to break into a more folk sound it is in my opinion what broke her. she had a hit with folklore, lyrics not yet super convoluted in meaning, and definitely holding a more folk sound as opposed to her usual pop sound. her voice became softer and the instrumentals followed.

the problem with this though, is that folk music is typically little instrumentals but with deep and meaningful story telling lyrics. taylor saw this is something thats is 1) getting popular again (see noah kahn) and 2) something that she has vaguely done before. so she writes evermore.

evermore is not as good as folklore, point blank period. swifties still adore it though. it is the true beginning of convoluted lyrics trying to seem deeper than they really are. it makes her seem more “folk” if you will. filling spaces with long sat words tat make the listener confused as opposed to her prior style of basically just sitting you down and telling a story like it was a casual chat between friends.

with midnights this same issue of lyrics comes up again, but also the question of what the hell is the sound of this album. its like a poppy folk album. very confusing and not very good. people are not huge fans but will listen anyways cause its taylor swift.

finally with this album i believe we are finally seeing the result of what trying to appeal to an audience as opposed to yourself while also seeming much more than you really are has done to her. almost all the songs on ttpd sound the same, her ow has become not only predicable but nearly the same throughout most all her songs.

the beauty that used to be taylor swift was that she could do a thousand different genres and have mediocre but fun lyrics that people could enjoy. after the initial failure of reputation taylor began appealing more to the public rather than what she wanted. she made another pop album that did fine. she kinda went off and made a folksy album, but has yet to shake off the folksiness of folklore because the people like it and she does not want to get massively ridiculed again or lose money/not make a hit album.

taylor swift is a sellout and a mediocre lyricist, leading to “deep” lyrics like “I'd say the 1830s but without all the racists” and “You know how to ball, I know Aristotle/Brand new, full throttle/Touch me while your bros play Grad Theft Auto” which are just horrendous lyrics.

the thing of it all, my tl;dr, is that taylor seift got so ridiculed for reputation and to an extent lover that she wound up only doing music that appealed to the people rather than what she did before which was make music generally more for herself. red and speak now are some of the peoples favorite albums of hers, because they felt authentic. midnights and ttpd do not feel authentic, and to some extent evermore as well. taylor swift is a sellout and is scared to do anything that might make her lose money or fans. she does not care for the music as much as she cares about numbers. numbers of listeners, of money, of awards. it has become a game to her and it is a game that will cause her to implode on herself and i think we are seeing it now

#does any of this make sense #also sorry for the divergence from the typicaly haikyuu content this is a very important topic to me #but anyways #i wish taylor would start making music out of love rather than to make money #its a teue shame what happens when people sell out #taylor swift #ttpd #taylor swift ttpd #the tortured poets department

[cardcaptorr]

What made you change your mind about wanting kids? I decided not to have them also, for me one of the reasons is that i wouldnt be able to protect them from everything, & i think it would be hard for me to watch my child go through so many of life’s inevitably painful experiences 😣 i think its good more people are thinking about it more these days , its a really big decision i think alot of ppl overlook & alot of ppl out there grew up to have alot of trauma because of their parents not waiting/thinking about it more. I think theres alot of ppl too out there that just had them with no thought & just always expected to have them because its “normal” & everyones doing it , but not because they really wanted them. Im surprised to see you changed your mind though! i followed you for a while & you always seemed so sure😮 nothing wrong with that though just curious if we share the same thoughts or what your reasons are

ur right I was extremely sure. I thought my purpose in life for a long time was to be a mom, and a kindergarten teacher also so I can keep children safe, healthy and happy (mainly bc as a kid I hated the adults in my life and felt constantly shamed by them and uncomfy around them lol) and when I started being a nanny/babysitter it felt so fulfilling being able to provide children with the safe space I've never had, I fell in love with child-care and teaching, and I do still love it, and still love kids with my whole heart (id fr take a bullet for every child ive ever taken care of)

this is hard to explain but ill try my best: i think what changed is that being a mom used to look like this two dimensional thing- it looked appealing in my mind, and there wasn't much to it, just good lil things like my kid running into my arms when I pick them up from school, or holding their hand until they fall asleep (just like when I was a nanny) then, when my older sister and best friend had a baby (around the exact same time) the image of it in my head slowly became 3D, and I saw it for what it truly is, the bad parts too. im scared of every single thing that has to do with it. and it's a fear based in truth and in facts, like there's a very real possibility that all the things I fear will happen; to the point where I just don't think it would be worth it anymore.

and I do think it's been too normalized and even became a cute lil trend lol, just a lil somethin to do for ppl. i think they also see it as that two dimensional thing. and I don't think it should be like that. I personally always wanted to be married before having kids, because the decision to bring a whole new human into the world is much more severe than choosing to spend your life with someone, a decision that can be undone at any time. also while on the subject, imo, people that have kids should be required to take early childhood education/child development courses, but ofc that's not possible for everyone, in a perfect world they would be free to take for expecting parents, and expecting parents would have all the time in the world to focus on being incredible parents.

just my two cents lol. i have a lot more to say abt this topic but im done for now haha i hope that explains my POV a lil bit :3

[segasys]

“send me a character and ill list” redeem yourself and do srs again

favorite thing about them: i like the character development of them, how they start to get more attached to their messanger, as well as noticing their errors, and feeling guilt for it. i also like the fact that they are scared nsh will leave them, they have already lost everything else, even their messanger. you can see that they do start to fall into a depressive state during the event of spearmasters campaign "You're right. I guess I'm just scared of losing them. I've grown more attached than I could've expected...If I lost them as well, I don't know what I'd do." "Please respond to my messages. I don't want to leave it like this. I need someone to talk to." i also really like the designs where they have the fluffy collar and cat ear looking antennae :D

least favorite thing about them: ofc theyre like, my favorite iterator soooo...., and they dont have a slugcat campaign i can say i dont like an aspect of, but i do dislike some portrayels of them from other fans

favorite line: "I'm just so frustrated. I feel like I've doomed not one. but two iterators." graaaaah!!!!! like i said before in the character development part

brOTP: NSH and SRS are pretty silly, the besties ever

OTP: im a sunstone shipper

nOTP: eclipse, i just dont see any appeal for it, plus no reason to ship them thats based on canon [though that doesnt really matter for ships, you guys have fun] i guess its just partly because i ship them with pebbles anyway, which is moon's brother, sooo.....

random headcanon: since i like the cat like designs i like to think they have some cat behaviors too, at least with spearmaster they will bonk heads, srs makes purring noises lol, if i made an off the string au they would be very touch starved and love affection, they love to climb things and get up high, and they have times when they would rather be alone [overstimulation, or if you dont respect their boundaries, like a cat, they just need to take time away, theyre not mad though]

unpopular opinion: people need to shut up the pronouns shit and leave people be. i also dont really like evil suns AUs, idk i just feel like it takes from the character and twists them around, just a huge dislike for it but no hate to the people who do like it

song i associate with them: i havent gotten one yet, besides maybe the songs ive assigned to an OC that i made based on some thoughts ive had for suns headcanons

favorite picture of them: theres only one piece of official art :(

LOOK AT THEM THOUGH RAAAAH

#im a srs they/he HCer #just didnt use he/him cause i dont want people to be upset about it #idk kill me if you want #weeblrs insane ramblings #weeblr chats #rain world headcanons #rain world #rw seven red suns #rw srs

[starsnores]

Hiiiii its me im back again to be a weirdo about solkat

i lowkey think davekat (in the way most people write it) is a teeny tiny bit boring but i like inserting sollux into that dynamic it makes jt funner.Like dave knows they had something going on but doesnt know the details, and hes too scared to ask because what if hes overstepping? what if this is a sensitive spot? what if this is what makes karkat want to get rid of him?? so he just leaves it alone, even if he can see the way they look at eachother and how affectionate they are and how much alone time they have. ive seen soldave before and its good but i think its FUNNER if they dont get along at first and if their personalities clash because theyre both assholes and i can totally see sollux sort of mildly, bitterly enjoying what he has over dave.

Because.like. he sort of does have something over dave, and i think dave sort of knows that. like hes not DATING karkat but hes the guy he tells dave not to worry about, hes daves wifes boyfriend hes mr steal your girl hes the one with nothing to lose and thats almost better

anyway sollux and karkat have something going on they hang out at night and dave has no clue what they do together. summary: cucking gets me hard

hello again!! and nice, i agree with you on the davekat thing lmao, it's just a matter of differing tastes i think. this is also sort of what appeals to me about gamzee cucking dave, but gamzee being less openly confrontational and dave gaslights himself about it. but also dave is more of a... prop. when i do it lol. More just something for karkat to feel guilty over.

#asks #karkat: don't worry about them they're just friends #the friends are both over 6ft tall handsome with close personal relationships to karkat #you can't hide that bone structure under clown paint gamzee

[tadpolesonalgae]

now i get that he was trying to help but why wasn't he feeding her.. i do like their vibe together though, he's an asshole but he's also the only one who actually tries to understand her

that line about her being as close to her family as eris is to his was something though, ive been sitting on the ic in this story but damn girl comparing them to beron. i do wonder how they're doing over in the night court though, kinda hope they all feel guilty as hell ngl also i hope nesta rubs it in elain and whoever else's faces that she was right in wanting to do something. i also wonder if with all this elain told them about the dream she had since it was what really pushed her away

also her being more scared of trousers than of the monster 😭 she was really about to have a panic attack - 🧶

‘now i get that he was trying to help but why wasn't he feeding her..’

Honestly, I was thinking about maybe putting in a scene where Eris talks about how he might have once fumbled with his own magic (I’ve decided against it), and then was thinking what Beron might have subjected him to since he seems like a pretty strict parent? I wouldn’t put it past him to have withheld food or put Eris in a situation where he could have been injured if he didn’t learn how to use his magic, and it would have worked, so that’s just a strategy Eris now employs (to a slightly lesser degree of course, he wouldn’t actually let someone starve, but they don’t need to know that)

‘i do like their vibe together though, he's an asshole but he's also the only one who actually tries to understand her’

I’m happy you think they work well together!! I was kind of anxious that maybe Eris was only looking good because everything else was so grey and gloomy, so maybe a full Eris chapter would lose its appeal too quickly, but it seems that didn’t happen!

Also I like the small comments they make toward one another, and then sometimes getting a little rawer than they intended (mainly on reader’s side, but she needs the help to figure some things out)

‘that line about her being as close to her family as eris is to his was something though, ive been sitting on the ic in this story but damn girl comparing them to beron.’

She definitely spoke without thinking there, but at the same time she probably doesn’t know what we know? I’m pretty sure it’s been heavily implied Beron’s had Eris tortured or at least put under some kind of duress in the past, but reader doesn’t know about that, all she’s aware of is what she’s seen and things she’s overheard from the IC, which is pretty limited. Then she knows Lucien ran away, and has probably heard small bits and pieces through Elain, so she has an idea that they aren’t great, but not the extent of what’s going on between Eris and his father :)

‘i do wonder how they're doing over in the night court though, kinda hope they all feel guilty as hell ngl’

I’ve actually already started writing the next chapter and we might begin with Az’s pov when he realises she isn’t even in Velaris—it’ll be fun to see what happens after that though 🧡💛

‘also i hope nesta rubs it in elain and whoever else's faces that she was right in wanting to do something.’

Made me chuckle 🤭

I mean sometimes it’s difficult to gauge what people need when you lack full context? Reader hardly knows what’s good for her, and the IC’ve had a lot of stuff on their plates the past few years and still do 😭

‘i also wonder if with all this elain told them about the dream she had since it was what really pushed her away’

We’ll be getting into that (hopefully) near the beginning of the next chapter to see what Az’ll have done with her apparent hibernation 🫣 pretty important information, but I suppose everything’s pretty important at the moment so it’s a fun mess to be in :)

‘also her being more scared of trousers than of the monster 😭 she was really about to have a panic attack’

Forget monsters, Eris should just threaten to shove her into a pair of riding trousers and parade her through the palace on a horse 🫡 she’d spark up real quick 😶‍🌫️

At least she managed to put her foot down and kick him out (kind of, not really) 🤷

Either way, I’ll be trying to get part 14 done asap to minimise waiting time, especially after taking such a long break between 12 and 13 🫣

Thank you so much for still reading it and telling me your thoughts, I absolutely love getting to read through them!! 🧡💛

#🧶 anon <3 #🧶 #cbmthy

[goremet-chef]

just found someone who makes monster hunter lego builds do NOT speak to me im. this. GRGRGRG

anyways heres some gifs i have of monsters cuz im in love with this series forever and always (super long ramble SFJKS ive been writing this for hours)

odogaron + ebony odo is like.... you dont understand. thats me i kin so many monsters from MH its insane like.. thats literally me nothing reflects me better LOOK AT THEM. rathalos, odogaron, nargacuga like any red scary thing i resonate with deep in my soul its insane

this one is one of my headmates favorites. shrieking legi really came thru when he was having a bad time and i love this for him. ITS JUST LIKE... so many of the monsters resonate with us on such personal levels, that its hard to even explain. i am selfish, and i do view monster hunter as my game (got that autism special) like these are my creatures they were made for me

REAL TALK THO, these two were genuinely actually made for me look at this shit

unknown (black flying wyvern) and valstrax my beloveds. fucking god tier

the fact that i already resonate with the rathalos so hard, and it turns out theres a black and red edgier cool version of it/????like are you insane when i discovered this thing i was. SO UNWELL IN MY CHANNEL ON DISCORD i literally rambled about it for AN HOUR STRAIGHT. then when i found out about valstrax i rambled about that one for an hour too SKFJS like wow they are so cool. autism is real

also have this one, xeno'jiiva is so. MHW was my first MH game (say what you will) and god damn. im gonna be real idk if id be so into it if it wasnt for MHW, cuz like.... the main appeal of the entire game series to me is the monsters themselves. like im. when i first started i was TOO SCARED TO FIGHT THE GREAT JAGRAS (yknow. the first large monster you fight 😭😭 like the 3rd quest. insane) because ive never been into fighting games and having something large PURSUE ME didnt sound pleasant

crazy that i went from being too scared to play it again to LITERALLY playing for 72 hours almost STRAIGHT with minimal pee and sleep breaks, and giving myself carpal fucking tunnel cuz i was just. obsessed. AUTISM IS REAL

went from couldnt stand 10 minutes of it to 400 hours in game SKFJSD

and i would do it again bitch!!!

so what im SAYING. alright. is that im not a fighter in games (well NOW i am, but before i super wasnt) but what drew me in was how i could just.. watch. how i could see all the big scary monsters sleep and eat and walk around and fight eachother. how i could get their tracks, listen to their sounds, ETC. like it was so. IT WAS THRILLING and ive never been more in love

like for context my first special interest is fnaf and i wouldnt be anything like myself if i never got into fnaf like life changing shit. but i gotta say, i mean. ive played the fnaf games and i love the story and EVERYTHING this is not a diss on my first home!!!! but i played MHW to the point of exhaustion, to where i needed to have an arm brace and even then despite the HORRIBLE PAIN in my wrist, i still kept playing

i played so much i literally managed to rub the s and w letters of my siblings keyboard KSJFSF like it was for real. i miss that, like a lot. i dont play as much anymore because i mean. i have it on my laptop. my laptop is a gaming laptop and it can run!! but its better for my

yknow i dont think i have an actual reason and im literally about to cry thinking about it SKFSFJ the good computer with the good graphics and running is my siblings and id need permission, yknow how it is. PLUS im a bit stuck? i need an urugaan ruby for my barioth mission lmao but ill get there

monster hunter world is so beautiful. the environments are fucking stunning, the visual upgrade for the monsters was INSANE and just watching them be animals? it brings me so much joy KSJSJSJ

one of my favorites is the rotten vale, which is funny cuz i remember the first time i ever went there i was so. PARANOID. i use sound with pretty much everything i play since my eyes might not track everything thats happening, so hearing the ambience for the vale freaked me out so much, i stayedat the camp for SO LONG and good thing too cuz the radobaan makes its way down that path and i was shook SKFJSF

also the big fucking dalamadur skeleton in the vale is so. UGHHHH

i love horror and rot and decay!!! its frightening its unsettling but even still the vale is such a necessary part of the ecosystem!!! like wow monsters come there to DIE? are youINSANE

(dalamadur is like one of the biggest monsters for reference. the whole upper part of the vale is made of its skeleton cuz its a big snake its so UGHHH)

also the???? STOMACH ACID POOL?

they were cooking bro,,,,, such a gorgeous and unsettling environment goddd

like GOD i cant think of anything better, the story for MHW is so good man. the tracker said "its an ecological marvel" and i took that personally (i repeat that so much about random shit its not even funny how long ive been doing that for)

or how like... any of the docile monsters (tobi kadachi, banbaro, kulu ya ku, ETC) i genuinely if i go on expedition, and i see theres a docile monster in one of the locales, ill go there and just follow them around the ENTIRE TIME SFKSFS

heres SEVERAL pics of me with banbaros at different times KSJFS

that isnt even all of them with JUST banbaro 💀💀💀 its my favorite activity

and sometimes i get hit with the banbaro / nightshade paolumu / coral pukei combo!!!! thats a triple docile whammy!!!!! thriving

also heres a cute viper tobi shot :] love viper tobi

also also i cant believe i never said anything yet but VAAL HAZAK??? my actual liege look at this mf

MY LORD!!! vaal is so fucking cool man. and the KICKER??? DOCILE

whenever i do this quest i do just follow it around for a while (which. ive had to do this quest A LOT cuz i thought i get vitality crystals from it (yknow cuz i got some from it) so i have probably 100% killed more vaal hazak than any of the other elder dragons SKFJSF

vaal hazak is so cool cuz its covered in rotten meat and uses the effluvium (corpse gas) as its like. life source. it pulls excess effluvium from the vale into itself and expels it when theres not enough, so its keeping the ecosystem tame its so cool UGHH

also one of its moves it plays dead its so fucked up itll fall over like you've knocked it over and then just lay there but you hear its inhale and it looks up and BLASTS YOU with its effluvia gas beam (WHICH. THAT THING HURTS!!!!!! for real the effluvium attack is so. plus it also halves yr health? like if vaal hits you with that shit itll give you miasma or whatever and it HALFS YR HEALTH BAR and you gotta eat a nulberry to negate it

im not one for switching shit around in my like item bar tho (MAINLY cuz most the time ive played MHW was with my siblings mouse and its scroll bare was broken so swapping items was hard) so i just put on like 3 effluvia resistance gems and it cant give me miasma. problem solved SKFSJF

i did get so tired of fighting it cuz yknw its a hard fight its an elder dragon, but i will say like the MUSIC? thats one of the things like. when we fought megan in the forest, they gave us battle music and THAT is why i kicked ass and abandoned all my fear, monster hunter instincts kicked in and i tanked alright like it was NOTHING, battle music just hits different

vaal hazak theme is so fucking good!!!! "keeper of hades" ARE YOU INSANE? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND????? i cant believe this shit!!!!!!!!

monster hunter stop being the coolest franchise ever challenge KSFJSF

i did do vaal hazak fight with no music before cuz i was trying to see and. THE MUSIC DOES SO MUCH? literally there was like no adrenaline without the music it was just. :| oh. im in the vale. thats the dragon. hes gonna breath attack. okay LIKE IT WAS SO LACK LUSTER IT WAS INSANE

i never realized how much the music did for fights but its so.. vital bro like it gets you in the fighting mood it compliments the monster and the area its !!!GRAAAAHHHH

monster hunter soundtrack is literally so fucking good. BANGERS back to back literally every song is so fucking cracked its epic

dont even get me STARTED on "proof of a hero" that song makes me stim so fucking hard man it makes me feel so fucking good. my sibling made his ringtone for me that song and AUGHHH crying sobbing

like yeah this is proof that im a hero!!! literally makes me feel so proud and FOR WHATTTT

idk im such a firm believer in the importance of sound design, sound design is EVERYTHINGGG and MH does such a good job with that shit, the monster roars and environmental ambience, audio cues to what attack is gonna happen, the music its all. perfect 10/10 godtier shit

anyways this is my monster hunter ramble, it most likely will happen again. love this game with all my heart

#monster hunter #MHW #MH #monster hunter world #another love letter to this game #even tho ive written like 50 things like this in other places #JUST AS LONG TOO SFKJSF #Youtube

[scaredgirlsilly]

🔥

(this is for the hot take ask game thang)

no clue if this is a hot take idk but its something i think about alot and also im a lil scared to say it too meanly because i know some people who do this (including me) and i dont wanna like. be mean to them 😭😭😭😭

but people who are all fuckin timid and like "oooo sorry i like this thing i know its just so cringe and dumb and stupid >////<" about their favorite thing or just something they enjoy, like your not helping anything.

ive had this thought for a little bit but getting into homestuck has really showed me like how prevalent it is. i fucking love homestuck. does it have its problems??

YEAH FUCKIN DUH!!!!!!!!

but when i say i like homestuck there are already people who instinctively cringe at me and go "ew thats fucking disgusting whats wrong with you?" and its like sometimes its a joke from my irl friends or sometimes i see people genuinely believe that but like. idk its fucking annoying and dumb cause they can never even tell me what medium its in let alone what its about!!!!!!!!

and so when i see other homestuck fans feel the need to surround their enjoyment of homestuck with a million caveats and apologies its just like. what are you doing?? are you trying to be "one of the good ones"?? are you just ashamed of a thing you like?? are you just trying to appeal to others?? like whats your goal here

idk this is extremely long and rambly and i can talk about it forever but when people already are predisposed to make fun of homestuck and its fans, it is so fucking annoying that other homestuck fans will join in on that and be like "hahaha yeah lol we fucking suck homestuck is so fucking dumb dont look at my 3 homestuck blogs lol i hate it just like you guys" like shut the fuck up oh my god!!!!!!!!

AND I DO IT TOO!!!!!!!! when my irl friends shit on homestuck theres this pressure to go along with it. but like. its not good KSBSKDJAJ yk like it actively makes me a lil sad when i do it. so i try to stop and i think other homestuck fans and really fans of anything should too because like. idk that cant be fun to constantly put down a thing you like to appeal to people who dont like it. just own it be cringe but forreal like actually be cringe who fucking cares

#people be like 'cringe is dead be yourself no matter what' until you like a piece of media that #middle schoolers like 10 years ago #and then all of a sudden its ok to call it cringe #tags arent really related to what im talking about but its still true

[sleeping-realist-waking-dreamer]

currently sad abt how paldea just has No culture

long post ahead i rambled longer than i expected

like ive been replaying gen 7 and like. the regional identity and theme is so strong??? the island deitys, the overhauling of traditional progression, the clear messages of friendship and family, kindness, nature, etc. and even between different towns, theres the tourist downtown strip, malie which has been built by those who immigrated from Johto, fuckin PO TOWN. but dont even get me STARTED on how powerful team skull is, being hoodlums of teens forgotten and ignored by the world now rejecting the island challenge and everything it stands for in pursuit of finding their own family with the other team skull members.

what does paldea have. they all need cyclizars to get around this obscenely way too large map or taxi money to go in a cab lofted by parrots because theres seemingly no other ways to get around. also the citys are based off those in spain and like. they type of gym leader there but ultimately have next to no individual flavor. nobody talks to you about the towns or world, the overarching theme of the game is "treasure" which is already dumb but also barely feels present beyond everything you do, the "evil" team is interesting but ultimately a self contained plot point that basically only hinges around the school, noone talks about team star outside of their specific scenes or the intro sequence. theres no god tier legendaries the people respect and look up to, nobody talks about the world at best people talk about that rich school thats so important for Some Reason and yet we still know so little concretely about it and. ARGH.

this game has such good plots and stories but ultimately despite supposedly being open world, the world doesn't EXIST. the people here dont have any serious beliefs or culture, they just talk about battles and sandwiches i guess.

Like, compare this to Every other game in the series. Kanto was. kanto. but like, even then lavender town and some other locations give more character to the graveyardless (DESPITE HAVING A GRAVESTONE POKEMON) Paldea. even while less cohesive, Johto is astonishingly rich even this early on, Hoenn has connection between people and Pokemon, sinnoh has. so much i love sinnoh even tho its a bit weaker imo but still has belief in good versus nihilism with Cyrus, with several towns having their own flavors, unova was unova yall already know its better, gen 6 region name even bests paldea with having beauty of life as a theme, alola i talked about, galar i never played nor got invested in but i feel like its better than PALDEA.

i say this as someone with 200+ hours in this game. i hate how little real identity it has. the fact that this main entry thats actually proud of itself is better than xy-KALOS IT'S KALOS. the fact that this does better than goddamn kalos in generation six, year of the "we got scared of regional identity and were dealing with a lot right now, we put gen 1 in here to appeal to the genwunners pls enjoy and buy game. also we're too scared to even do a pokemon Z. please dont pay attention to anything new this game brought to the series pllllssss" is ASTONISHING. FOR A SUPPOSED OPEN WORLD GAME!

and NO! scarlet and violet are not "open world" games. Theres no world to explore, theres no extra things you Get for exploring, theres nothing to see that doesn't look like Plastic, there is still an intended progression order you need to follow to even have a shot at enjoying the battles, theres no extra stories you get for exploring, no extra cities, noone who talks about anything interesting, nothing. The world exists only as a map you use your sandwich dragon to get across. Which, it's UNNECESSARILY MASSIVE. there is NO reason for the map to be this large.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO CULTURE OR IDENTITY THE OPEN WORLD FEELING SUFFERS. you dont get anything for going out of your way and exploring the world at hand, you just get like, scattered XP candies and berries or an HM or two. a couple trainer battles with generic dialogue. In a good open world, there are sidequests in various locations, that give you something about the world and offer a unique task. A random trainer at the bottom of a cliff is charming but... Why cant we help???!

Also, I'm not talking about DLC. Glimmerazzi, ogre ousting, the absolute dogshit BBQ situation are all interesting but I'm not paying Another 30$ for a finished game and also most of that has nothing to Do with paldea so cope. I will say though that the base game needed more glimmerazzi or perrin's pokemon snap quest. Like, being given the opportunity to do something that doesn't tie back in the story, just being there to do aside from the story.

anyways this post is a mess im so aurgh about this game ok. i love it and i want to see it be better. i keep trying to think about the characters in the world itself but paldea just has. Nothing!!! there's nothing we learn about them and it's so frustrating bc i Want to see that!!! and yet there's just. Nothing.

#pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon analysis #? idk moreso just a ramble. lmk if i should untag lol #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon scarvi #ill make an actual full breakdown. One day. #this game has ruined me #🌌sleeptalkings #🌌holding reality

[theoldaeroplane]

meandering thoughts (reflective style)

with my life seeming to settle a little bit (knock on wood) my brain returns to its favorite dilemma: relationships! how confusing they are for me! how i get crushes all the time on everyone and am too scared of alienating people important to me to do anything about them! operation "just be cool and hot and hope people are attracted to you" does not seem to be working, despite the fact i am both cooler and hotter than ever. i have always given off an unconscious air of "don't interact with me" that I think makes this difficult for people. (probably because I largely don't want most people to interact with me, and because I'm autistic and can't figure out social cues, and because even casual touch with people outside of a very small bubble activates like seventeen goblins in my brain!)

i talked to my therapist about these feelings last week and we're probably going to focus on them moving forward. this was really the year where i realized that the depths of the damage done to me growing up were much deeper than I thought. it's difficult to acknowledge that! it's hard to really look in the eye how much work I still have to do even now.

I've been reading about relationship anarchy and finding it appealing. the trouble of course comes in the practice. my therapist, who's trans and poly and is someone I trust to have good takes on these things, said something like ... "you can just ask the people you want to be closer to if they're interested in exploring a possible deeper intimacy." im both fascinated and terrified by this. sure i can just ask. what if i get told no? ive been told no so many times. it does a number on your self confidence! what if it makes this person who is important to me uncomfortable? what if it pushes them away from me? it's happened before! i can't risk losing what I have!

i suspect the fact my support network is almost entirely friends makes this much more frightening; without the kind of anchor relationship most people i know have in the form of immediate family, expressing interest in changing the relationships i do have kind of feels like fucking around in my operating system's files without a backup. it's sort of funny to be okay with the mortifying ordeal of being known, but being too afraid to even get to it.

relationship anarchy says, do away with preconceived notions of what a relationship "should" look like. kick out the fences and define new borders. fuck your friends and live domestically with your platonic life partner, if you want. this fascinates me. it's something I've been writing into many of my characters' relationships for some time now, without having a name for it. do i want a traditional partner? part of me thinks I do, but maybe that's just a lifetime of social conditioning. what would be the most fulfilling for me? i don't know. it seems like something you can probably only figure out with experience, and right now that's my problem.

i was raised by people who wanted me to "court" instead of date. (My therapist made a terrible face and said oh I hate that for you when I told him this.) i was raised by people who definitely would have tried to get me to read "i kissed dating goodbye" if i had done anything other than have a crush on a gay boy all through high school. I still talk to that guy all the time, crush free even, and he's in a great relationship with another man now. their relationship is strictly romantic; the partner fulfills his sexual needs with other people. i thought that was so cool when I first heard about it. I think it was the first time someone I knew personally demonstrated a functioning, nontraditional relationship. Others have followed. I'm so happy for them! I watch, fascinated, from behind the iron wall I've built for myself while "Hello My Old Heart" plays in the background.

it's Christmas as I write this, and I've got no plans. a few people have checked in on me, because I'm always alone at this time of year. (honestly, the checking in kind of makes it worse. "hey I'm celebrating with my loved ones and I know you aren't, how are you?") that's another complicated topic, but it's been a little easier this year. it's probably to do with both time and the fact that my adhd is being managed for the first time ever; it's common to have increased emotional regularity when that happens. I'm lonely, but I'm used to it, and things will go back to normal soon. It would be nice to have someone to spend it with. i don't know if it's in the cards for me. maybe next year.

I worry sometimes that I sabotage myself. Oh, I'm into this person, but they're in a relationship, or they're straight, or they're ace, or they live far away, or I work with them (as if any of those things are a hard limiter in all cases). I can find any excuse not to express my interest in someone. It's something I'm working with my therapist on.

As morose as this post is, I'm okay. today I'll mess around with my server project and go feed my friend's pets while he's away. I'll spend a lot of time thinking about this and distill my feelings down into something I can overlay onto a character; i see myself most clearly when I do it through a mask. I've got things to cook and a fridge to clean and an indoor bike to ride. There are people who care about me and it's important I try to remember that.

uh, happy holidays! i promise i am okay enough. please don't make me think about it any deeper than that. I really truly hope you have a good one.

#corgijournals!