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hadeestown · 5 years

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i watched the heathers on riverdale episode and listened to the soundtrack on spotify and i have a lot of things to say

FIRST OF ALL @ riverdale fandom dont freaking attack me for saying these. just being frank with yall

also the only actors whose names i know of are kj apa, cole sprouse, lili reinhart, camila mendes, and casey cott

BEAUTIFUL

- CASEY COTT,,,,he saved this song he should’ve just sang it alone - they made it so PG they didnt even include the fREAK SLUT CRIPPLE HOMO HOMO HOMO - okay camila sounded okay - kj apa,,,honey youre cute but pls stop singing - josie can sing but like,,,not for musicals - can everyone pls get the emotions right in this song thEYRE LITERALLY SINGING ABOUT HOW HIGH SCHOOL FREAKING SUCKS AND THEYRE ALL "just not today! :D" or "just not today *seductive wink*" - the autotune in lili's verse knjkACN - cole's voice is so deep he sounds like he wants to die - "why do i act like such a creep" whoever sang that im sorry but youre terribly fla t - so many wasted harmonies - "aHhh HEAther hEAther aNd hEATher" why falsetto - "lets make her beautiful" rip harmonies "okAY? okay?" rip falsetto uGh - cheryl can sing but i dont know something's wrong,,, probably autotune - "you hope you dream you pray ANd you GEt yoUR wAY" autotune count: ive lost count - The riverdale producers giving casey cott the high veronica notes is one of the few things they got right in this episode

CANDY STORE - heathers 101 lyrics knAKJCNJA i want to die - they can say biotch but not dick huh - the orchestration's weird,,,but okay - GO PLAY DUCK DUCK GOOSE - ICE CREAM - the first verse was okay then autotuned kicked in - the verses are pretty okay - i want more emotion pls just,,, sound bitchier - "SEE YOU DONT HAVE IT WATCH THIS" HACKNASCKJA IM CACKLING - rip harmonies in 2nd chorus,,,,those were great but they probably didnt find a person who can do the crazy mcnamara notes huh - DOORKNOB - cheryl youre struggling with the bridge - "kEEP ON TESTING ME *lower octave* and end up like her" oof whERE ARE THE HIGH MCNAMARA NOTES - i didnt understand the chandler riff what was that about - rip harmonies aGAIN this song had a lOT of amazing harmonies and they,,,threw it away

FIGHT FOR ME - josie honey youre terribly autotuned - kj apa kjnSCJNKANCKJA why - everything's so autotuned i dont even know what's real and what's not - i kinda like the end harmonies,,that's it tho

BIG FUN - okay orchestration's great - again with the heathers 101 lyrics jNCKSNAJC dont do heathers if you arent bold enough to curse on tv - rip harmonies,,,,,,,,,nobody did like the high notes jesus christ - convenient that they have a character named "Veronica" in the show - i dont know if thats camila's real voice but it did sound nice,,,however, i still believe it's autotUNED - once again, they gave casey cott the high veronica notes "i FEEL LIKE BONO AT LIVE AID" - "take a picTURE I'LL NEED PROOF" who the hell said that he sounded so monotone and emotionless like he forgot at the last minute he had to say a line - awkward silence for the part "i broUGHT SPARKLING CIDER :D" - no context "danG DANG DIGGITY DANG DANG" hAJKCSJNAC me initimidating my enemies - once again, akward silence for the dialogues - dang dang diggity dang dang everything's so autotuned - thE INSTRUMENTAL'S SO LOUD probably to mask the fact that most of the cast werent *cough* vocally trained

DEAD GIRL WALKING - what THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT TINY HARP SOUND AT THE INTRO OF DGW ANKCSJACI CHOKED - a u t o t u n e d girl walking - the instrumental got better - i see they went with like pianos and shit and not mostly electric guitar for the guitar solo riffs - "ALL HOPE IS GONE IM A DEAD GIRL WALKING IM ON YOUR LAWN" gurl,,,youre in school,,,and there is no window lock,,,,,,, - heATHERS 101 lYRICS KASNKCJANSCKA - "had to see yOU HOPE I DIDNT WAKE YOU" bitch youre all awake in school - i cant listen to this song anymore without hearing the weird hair swishes and sound effects - "that works for me" yall monotone as hELL like yall dont wanna have intense sex just,,,okay sex - "hoWD YOU FIND MY ADDRESS" none of the lyrics make sense bc uhm,,,,theyRE IN SCHOOL - "i think you tore my mattress" gurl is chill as hell where is the concern over the mattress AHAHFANKCC - at least the guy sounded a bit hornier than the other girl - goodbye intense barrett notes - AHAHAHHAA they yeeted away from the G#5 - it's just like G#4??? - the other girl doesnt sound shes enjoying the sex huh - the guy who did the jd riff at the end,,,,hMMM pretty good but is it auTOTUNED??? the question remains - i can tell the whole song's like,,,autotuned but if just a little bit, toni sounded actually great

OUR LOVE IS GOD - the cult girl is not showing any emotion,,,,she's like reciting the lyrics hDJCKAJ - casey cott sounds great but autotuned ruined his voice - harmonies sound great actually - the instrumental is inTENSELY loud as HELL again - "they die becauSE THEY SAY THEY MUST" no context bc jD did not kill anyone in this scene - the ending harmonies were great

SEVENTEEN - fuck me i liked this the first time i heard it - im biased probably bc i love seventeen knKSCAJ - intro instrumental sounded a bit off key - cole pls dont sound dead - lili sounds great - SEVANTEEN - cole redeemed himself in the harmony chorus - is this shit autotuned???? bitch - SEvANTEEN (Cole Sprouse, 2019) - okay one thing's for sure, the tonight part is dEFINITELY AuTOTUnED - the toni girl is intensely autotuned wtf

LIFEBOAT - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS INSTRUMENTAL - IT SOUNDS LIKE A NEW SONG LIKE LIFEBOAT WHO?? - I HATE IT - camila you dont sound oppressed - where's the emotion,,,,,elle mclemore who???? - i think the high notes are autotuned???????????????? whats new - I THOUGHT I WAS CAPTAIN - okay lyric change to fit the plot but,,,weird nonetheless - again,,,fuck this instrumental

SEVENTEEN REPRISE - in the episode, it looks weird as hell bc like random cast members are singing it when VERONICA and MARTHA should be singing it - hello??? chandler kurt and ram should be dead yet theyre still on stage???? fully clothed??? singing with everyone else????? - the producers DID NOT watch the musical - "martha are you free tonight?" - the girl playing veronica sawyer sings as she stares out into the audience and not at martha bc riverdale isnt about to cast a fat girl and give a fat girl some screentime on their show - KJ APA PLS - also cheryl,,,pls - a u t o tu n e - the song doesnt make any sense anymore bc it's taken out of context to fit the plot,,, - theyre all singing to an invisible martha - at least the harmonies sound decent fiNALLY - hello head voice - "TAKE oFF OUR SHOES AND DANCe" - the ending "BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL" i could not hear the girls bc they were all. singing. in. head. voice. or was it falsetto??? - im so done with this

OVERALL - what's the point of doing a heathers episode if yall aint gonna stick to the musical - i get that it has to be aligned with the show's plot but,,,,okay you do you - the people playing JD and Veronica were totally ignored bc like some songs meant for them werent even sung by them lmaooOOOO what is this - to summarize: AUTOTUNE - heathers kidz bop version by riverdale (2019) - im honestly just thirsty for new heathers content so i forced myself to live through this - costumes look cute tho - ALSO in their heathers promo poster, josie is wearing her veronica sawyer costume,,,,i dont recall seeing her wear that except for the last scene in seventeen (reprise) - basically seventeen (reprise) was a mess,,, - im judging them so much as if i can do better,,,,,,,,but whatever

IN CONCLUSION - they shouldve learned from their carie episode that musical episodes arent meant for riverdale - at this point, i dont even know what's autotuned and what's real

#heathers #heathers uk #heathers the musical #heathers on riverdale #riverdale #Barrett Wilbert Weed #ryan mccartan #carrie hope fletcher #jamie muscato #musicals #rant #broadway #veronica sawyer #jason dean #heather chandler #heather mcnamara #heather duke

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myforeverforlife · 6 years

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home is with you.

Your boyfriend is extremely important to you — but so is your job. When you’re offered the opportunity to do work abroad for the summer, you jump at the chance. Jongdae is understanding, the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. But even kind words meant to comfort aren’t the same as having your best friend, the love of your life by your side.

Word Count: 5,904

Masterlist

You weren’t always this lucky to have time to call Jongdae nowadays.

”And then, Jongin realized that he had left his keys inside his car, but the door had already locked behind him! He had to call a locksmith to get him in.”

You laughed along with Jongdae, hand coming up to cover your mouth in a half-hearted attempt to stifle yourself. “Was it the same person as last time?”

“The exact same one. They looked pretty annoyed,” Jongdae told you, chuckling to himself from his side of the phone.

“He should just leave a spare key somewhere, for the next time that this happens.”

“You know Jongin, he’d end up losing that one too.”

You hummed in agreement, rolling onto your back and pressing the phone closer to your ear. It was 5:18 in the afternoon in Seoul, but 10:18 in the morning for you. You were currently on a summer trip with some other professors and a handful of graduate students from your university studying a small sample of the wide variety of languages spoken in South Africa. The hotel you were staying at in Johannesburg was beautiful, but it didn’t have the same appeal as home.

Especially when your favorite person was almost 8,000 miles away.

“How is your work going? Fluent in any new languages yet?” Jongdae asked, a crinkling noise carrying through the phone as he moved around.

“I wish I was that good,” you said with a giggle. “We’ve been focusing on finishing up our lessons on Xhosa first before starting on Zulu next week.”

“Oh wait, Xhosa’s language that they used in Black Panther, right? The one with the clicks?” Jongdae gave a small click of his tongue himself.

“Yep! I’m surprised you even remember that.”

“I learned from the best.”

You chuckled, never failing to be flattered by the way Jongdae dropped compliments on you out of the blue. He always did it so easily, you couldn’t do anything but accept them gratefully. “I can only hope that my students think the same thing.”

“I’m sure they do. You always have a bunch of students talking to you and trying to get in touch with you. Speaking of, you have some letters in the mail from some of them.”

“Did you read them?”

“No. Did you want me to?” You heard a creak and guessed that he’d gotten up from his seat, heading over to the counter where you keep your unread mail. You could picture it so clearly, Jongdae’s slipper-covered feet padding across the floor as he flipped on light switches in the hallway until he reached the mail. The thought was so vivid, you felt a familiar wave of uneasiness come over you. These periods of homesickness still came to you often, even though you’d been in Johannesburg for almost a month already.

You cleared your throat, forcing yourself to focus on the present. “No, it’s okay. How many letters are there?”

Jongdae hummed to himself as he counted, and you knew that he was flipping through the letters one by one, movements swift like they always were. “Four. Are these all your senior students?”

“They might be. Actually, can you open them up and send me pictures of them? They might be urgent.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks, Dae.” You stretched out on your bed, sighing as you felt yourself physically relax. “I miss being home, even with all the work.”

“I miss you too. Eating at home by myself is getting pretty old.”

Your eyes closed shut at this, a grimace finding its way onto your face. “I feel so guilty. I wish you could have come with me.”

“Oh babe, I didn’t mean it like that. Don’t feel bad, please? I’m glad you got the chance to go on this trip. How often do you get to go travel, especially to places far away like South Africa?”

“I know, but still.... I miss having you with me.”

“I miss you too, Y/N.” Jongdae’s voice was more quiet, taking on a more somber tone. “But it’s two months away from home, and you’re already halfway through. Before we know it, you’ll be back home.”

You smiled to yourself at these last words. Home. Back home with Jongdae, in the comforts of the apartment the two of you have been living in for a couple of years. “You’re right. I’ll be back home and leaving my lecture outlines and worksheets all over the place like usual.”

Jongdae laughed, the sound light and cheery like always, reminding you of sweet lemonade on a warm day. “I found a page from one of your lectures the other day. It was under the table in the living room. I didn’t realize how much I really missed you until I started getting all emotional over a piece of paper, and it was like the most boring of papers you could have ever imagined. It was a sample page from a dictionary, your freaking Latin dictionary, can you believe it? I was tearing up over that?!”

A snort escaped from you, and you fought back the giggles as you heard Jongdae joke over the line about how it wasn’t supposed to be funny, it was supposed to be touching and romantic.

You’ve missed talking to him like this.

A couple of days later, you were sitting beside one of your colleagues in a private bus on your way to your destination: the University of KwaZulu-Natal. The trip would be long, almost six hours if you were lucky, but the dean of your department had a close friend who taught Zulu at the university, and had arranged for him to get your travel group familirized with the language. You were looking forward to a change in scenery after staying in Johannesburg for the past month, and thankfully the hotel that you would be staying at in Durban was close to the ocean.

You stared out the window aimlessly, watching the other cars and people as they passed by while the rest of your colleagues chattered amongst themselves. Since you were so caught up in your own thoughts, you almost missed the slight buzz coming from your cellphone.

Quickly, you pulled it out of your pocket, letting out a sigh of relief when you saw who had texted you: Jongdae.

JD: did you sleep well? :)

🌷: I did! 💕 what are you doing right now?

JD: missing you

🌷: jesus CHRIST dae

JD: i love you!!! so much

You giggled softly to yourself, garnering the attention from your seatmate, Nari. She had been teaching at the university a bit longer than you had, and she was like an older sister to you. “Texting your boyfriend?” she asked with a playful wiggle of her eyebrows.

“The one and only,” you replied, sending Jongdae a text before putting your phone down so that you could talk to your colleague properly. “He’s been extremely cheesy lately.”

“He must miss you a lot.”

“Yeah.” Nari didn’t fail to notice how your face fell, and she gave your arm a light poke.

“Look at you, Miss Lovebird over here,” she sang with a childish grin. “I bet you’ll be the happiest out of all of us when we get to go home.”

Her efforts to cheer you up didn’t go unnoticed, and you were overcome with gratitude for this entire experience. Not only was the trip extremely well-planned out, but your colleagues and seniors were also friendly and kind as well. You really couldn’t ask for a better trip.

“I guess so,” you replied, resting your head against the back of your seat. “Although I heard that you’ve got someone waiting for you back home too.”

“What?! Who told you?” Nari exclaimed in a hushed whisper, quickly looking around to make sure no one had heard. “I didn’t even say a word about him to anyone!”

The next hour was filled with soft giggles and gossip about the budding romance between your colleague and another professor in your university’s History department.

When the long drive was finally crawling to an end and you were able to catch the sight of the rippling crystal-clear ocean by the coast of Durban, you let out a sigh of relief. Being landlocked didn’t suit you, and getting even a small glimpse of the water was enough to put you at ease.

The hotel was situated close to the beach, promising you a beautiful view of the sunrise and the sunset every day for the remaining month in South Africa. Eager to show Jongdae, you stepped out onto the balcony of your room and held your phone up, snapping a vibrant photo of the landscape before you. Without hesitation, you sent the picture to Jongdae before remembering that it was almost midnight over in South Korea.

JD: you’re at the beach??

🌷: close to it, our hotel is like right by it sorry, were you about to fall asleep?

JD: no i’m over at minseok’s house he and chanyeol say hi 👋🏻

🌷: tell them i say hi too!! babe, we’re coming here together someday so we can stay in this hotel

JD: YES!!!! ✈️

🌷: lol i love the enthusiasm!

JD: you know me, your trusty hype man always on hand

🌷: true, true 😂 do you have time to talk? not facetime tho, i look so sweaty ugh

A couple of seconds after sending the last text, your phone screen changed to alert you of an incoming call from Jongdae. You smiled at the profile picture you had set for him: one of him grinning widely as he stood with his arms wrapped around you from behind. It had been taken at your birthday dinner last year, and you could never find the will to change the picture. “Hello?”

“Babe!” he yelled, a laugh filled with giddiness filtering out through the phone’s speaker. “I want to go over there to see you right now,” he said, a wistful whine seeping into his voice. “And you know I don’t care how sweaty you are,” he added in reference to your last text.

Before you could answer, another voice broke in. “Y/N!” You easily recognized the voice as Chanyeol’s. “Hurry up and come back, your boyfriend’s going crazy without you!”

“I am not!” You heard Jongdae yell, and the sounds of scuffling as you assumed the boys were fighting over the phone.

“Dae? Hello?” you called out, rolling your eyes as they continued to wrestle over the phone. Suddenly, as if at the flick of a light switch, all traces of the boys’ fight were gone, leaving only an empty silence on the other side of the phone. “Dae?” you tried once again, eyes growing shifty as you tried to figure out what had happened.

“Hey, Y/N,” a new voice spoke. “I stole the phone from these goofs before they could break it.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you had been holding. “Hi, Minseok. I hope Dae hasn’t been bugging you too much. How’ve you been?”

“Eh, same as usual.” You could tell the older boy was smiling, the thought of his wide grin bringing back memories of home with your friends.

“Hey, give me my phone back! I was talking to the love of my life!” Jongdae yelled out, probably from behind Minseok, you guessed.

Minseok sighed, pretending to gag before you heard him yelp. “It was nice talking to you, Y/N. I’m giving the phone back before Jongdae punches me again. Enjoy the rest of your trip!”

“Thanks, Minseok!”

A breathless Jongdae was heard once more, panting slightly as he spoke into the phone again. “Hi again, babe.”

“Dae, why are you breathing like that?”

“Have you ever tried to grab a phone from Chanyeol? That monster’s like two buildings tall.” You heard the sound of a door clicking shut. “I’m hiding out in Minseok’s bedroom now so they don’t try to steal it away again.”

“Mm, good thinking.”

“So, where were we?”

“I honestly don’t even remember. Probably something along the lines of us missing each other a lot.”

“Yeah, that sounds like us.”

“Just four more weeks, and then I’ll be back home. I can’t wait to show you all the pictures I took. And the beach here is so pretty! I mean, I haven’t gotten a chance to actually go down there yet, but I’m planning to whenever I can.”

“Is it prettier than the ones here?”

“Nothing beats the beaches back home.”

“We should go on a trip together someday, but your semester’s coming up soon and I’m always busy with work.” Jongdae made a small noise, a small humming as he tried to think of a solution.

“We could always leave work behind and go on a surprise trip,” you teased, knowing both of you would never actually do such a thing.

True enough, Jongdae laughed. “Even I’m not that spontaneous, athough the idea is tempting. I’d love nothing more than to just have more than a couple hours just for the two of us. No work, nothing to worry about.”

“Same.” You thought back to your last date with Jongdae; a trip to the movie theater to go see Infinity War. Both of you were entirely too busy to have more than the weekends and the occasional day off. Even then, it seemed like some parts of your minds were always reminded of something that needed taking care of at work.

The door to your hotel room opened behind you, and you spun around to see Nari’s head peeking out from behind. Her eyes glanced up to the phone at your ear before she tapped at her watch, then held up five fingers.

You looked over at the clock on your nightstand, surprised to see it was almost time for dinner. With a grateful smile to your roommate for the reminder, you watched as she silently closed the door behind her. “Dae, I have to go. The rest of the staff is meeting downstairs for dinner with the dean, and I can’t be late.”

“Yeah, no worries! I’ll text you later before I fall asleep.”

“Okay, bye Dae. I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.”

The next couple of weeks passed by so quickly, you were almost convinced that they had been a dream. Your team got to learn from some of the university’s professors not only about the Zulu language, but also about the culture and the history of the people who spoke it. The professors were kind and accommodating every step of the way, and you had been over the moon when they gave you copies of some of the materials that they used to teach in their classes. The appeal of having new material to share with your students and colleagues back home was so great, you almost forgot about how homesick you had been at the beginning of the trip.

Before you knew it, it was your final week in South Africa, and you had almost everything prepared for your return trip back home. Your suitcases were nearly packed with your belongings and souvenirs for your loved ones waiting for you, a daily reminder that soon, you would be back. It seemed that the feeling was contagious — the number one topic that you and your colleagues all talked about was what it would be like when the plane landed back in South Korea.

“The first thing I’m gonna do is run back home to visit my mom,” Justin, a professor in Ethnic Studies, spoke up. You were all gathered around a set of tables at a restaurant, lazing around and relishing in the easy conversation that came to you all. Drinks had followed after the savory dishes, and you would be lying if you said that you weren’t feeling a bit tipsy at this point.

“Because you miss her?” someone called out, too far down the table for you to see who it was.

“Well, yeah, that too. But also because I miss her cooking.”

The table broke out into groans and chortles of laughter as Justin’s voice grew louder. “What?” he asked, face red from the drinks he had earlier and his embarrassment.

“I never would’ve guessed that alcohol makes our friend Justin here all sentimental,” Nari whispered to you, hiding her smirk behind her hand.

You hummed in agreement, downing the rest of your drink before setting it down on the table. “You’re one to talk,” you said with a laugh, the sound more of a silly giggle as you let yourself relax. “Remember that time we went drinking to celebrate you getting approved for tenure and you cried for hours at the bar?”

“She did what?!” Justin yelled, eyes bugging out as he glanced from you to Nari. Who would have imagined calm, always-prepared Nari as emotional when drunk?

She shot you a glare, but you pretended not to notice and continued on. “If you ever see Nari drunk, she gets all sappy and basically starts giving speeches about how much she loves every single person in her life. That time, I was worried until she started talking about how thankful she was to everyone she worked with. In. Full. Detail. We were there for practically the whole night.” “Alright, and alcohol turns you into a chatterbox,” Nari interrupted, pulling you up along with her. “I’ll be taking this girl back to the hotel before she gets even more intoxicated.”

The rest of your drinking party shouted out their farewells, some of them advising you two to stay safe as you stumbled out of the restaurant.

“I’m not that drunk,” you grumbled, although you let Nari hold onto your arm for safety. As you continued to walk, you found yourself leaning onto her more and more, your steps growing heavier.

“Yeah, okay. I’m pretty sure your boyfriend would lose his mind if I let you do something crazy.”

Your eyes widened at the mention of Jongdae, and you clumsily got the clasp of your bag open, rummaging through it for your cell phone. “I should call him! I can’t remember the last time I even texted him.”

“Y/N, I saw you texting him an hour ago. He’ll live without you texting him until tomorrow morning.”

Despite her words, you finally got your phone out and began typing out a text to Jongdae.

🌷: dae i loove yiu

JD: babe? are you okay??

🌷: aveolutelyy fome

You squinted at the screen of your phone, trying to decipher your own text while Nari stood beside you and tried to call a taxi. Your phone suddenly started to ring, the familiar ringtone that you reserved for Jongdae playing in your ears.

“Y/N?” you could hear him say, and you pressed the phone lazily to your ear. “Where are you?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Out eating. And drinking.” You stifled a small burp before continuing on. “I love you, Dae.”

“I love you too babe, but are you sure you’re okay?”

“I am absolutely, one hundred percent fine.”

Nari leaned closer, rolling her eyes at your statement. “Jongdae? This is Nari, your girlfriend’s pretty drunk so I’m taking her back to our room.”

“Thanks,” Jongdae sighed out in relief.

“He says thanks,” you relayed to Nari. “But you’re wrong — I’m not pretty drunk, I’m only slightly drunk.”

Nari snorted at this, continuing to look for a taxi while you heard Jongdae speak up through the phone. “I really doubt that,” Jongdae said with a chuckle. “Get some rest and I’ll call you later.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

“Okay. You better remember.”

Jongdae let out a breathy laugh before making a sound in acknowledgement. “I will. Goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight,” you murmured before hanging up, the phone cold and heavy in your hand.

A taxi suddenly drove up to the sidewalk, and Nari patted your shoulder softly. “Come on, Miss Lovebird. Let’s get you back so you can catch some sleep.”

You let her help you into the cab, leaning against her shoulder as she gave the hotel’s address to the driver. “Nari?” you asked, watching the lights of other cars whiz past as you looked out through the window.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for always looking out for me.”

She glanced down at you, brows raised in surprise. “Yeah, of course. It’s nothing.” As your best friend, it was second nature for her to have your back. Of course, she didn’t tell you that before this trip, Jongdae had asked her to keep you safe as well.

“That boyfriend of yours is a real gentleman,” she told you, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “You guys are so cute, it makes me sick.”

You shook your head, closing your eyes. “Jongdae’s the cute one.”

“Okay. Just go to sleep, dream about Jongdae or something,” she teased.

You didn’t answer, the only indication that you had heard being a small nod.

You didn’t remember much of anything else, except for being woken up by Nari, heading up the elevator and then a fluffy blanket being draped over you.

And silly as it was, you did dream of Jongdae.

The countdown to your flight was drawing excitingly closer, and you felt as if you were all the way up on cloud nine with no intention of coming down. But of course, something managed to bring you down anyways. Multiple things, in fact.

The first disappointment came a couple of days before your flight was scheduled to return home. Jongdae had called you just as you were about to leave the university and head back to your hotel, his words coming out in a blur.

“Babe, I’m sorry, but something came up and I can’t pick you up at the airport when you get back. But I’ll send someone to come get you, I promise!”

“Dae, don’t worry about it. I’ll grab a ride from a friend or something,” you told him, even though you did feel slightly let down by this change in events.

“No, I’ll make sure there’s someone there to get you! I don’t want you to have to go home by yourself.”

Even with the sudden drop in your mood, you still couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad at Jongdae. Whenever things fell through, he always found a way to make up for it. “Alright, Dae. I’ll see you soon.”

The next blow hit you when you were finally, at long last aboard the flight and realized that you were missing a USB full of notes and assignments you had collected during your summer in South Africa. The files contained things you wanted to include in your lectures for the new semester, and after failing to find it in your carry-on with your laptop, you could only hope that it was with your luggage. It really wasn’t as big of a deal as you thought it was, considering the fact that you could email the professors in South Africa and explain the situatoon to them. But with tensions already high and fatigue riddling your brain, the USB remained a dark cloud over your thoughts. For the rest of your flight, you were constantly plagued with the worry that it had been left behind in South Africa, now thousands of miles away and laying abandoned on a polished hotel table.

When your flight finally landed after an excruciating twenty-seven hours up in the air, you grabbed your belongings and headed out to where Jongdae had texted you to wait for your pickup. At that point, you were so tired that you forgot about looking for your USB, and you were determined to catch some sleep in the comforts of your bed with your favorite person.

You had said your goodbyes to everyone else, giving Nari a hug and promising to call her before heading over to where Jongdae had said your ride would be. You were walking with your bags in hand, looking down at your phone when someone called out your name, the voice all too familiar. Looking up, you saw Junmyeon waiting for you, waving his hand and holding up a sign that read: “Professor Y/N, welcome home!”

“Jun!” you screamed excitedly, or at least, as much as your jet-lagged, exhausted self would let you. You came closer with arms outstretched, leaving the suitcases a couple of paces behind.

“Welcome back!” he greeted you cheerily, returning your hug and then taking the suitcases himself. “How was your flight?”

“Long. I honestly just want to sleep for decades. Oh!” You suddenly remembered the USB, explaining the story in full detail to Junmyeon even as he looked over you warily.

“We can look for your USB later, I think your health is more important. Plus, Jongdae will be pissed at me if you end up fainting from exhaustion. Come on.”

You lumbered into Junmyeon’s car, letting your head rest on the window as the two of you talked. Junmyeon filled you in on everything you had missed: from Jongin and Chanyeol’s joint cafe venture being a success, to Yixing’s latest return from Changsha. You gave him the gist of your trip, elaborate stories shortened down to small summaries in your weary condition, but Junmyeon knew he’d end up hearing the full stories sometime later on once you were well-rested.

He pulled up to your place, immediately getting out to grab your suitcases for you. “Will you be okay getting this stuff up by yourself?” he asked worriedly, his feet shuffling slightly as he thought.

“Yeah, I’ll take the elevator, don’t worry. Is Jongdae home?”

His eyes widened briefly before he looked away, clearing his throat before he spoke. “Uh, I don’t know. He didn’t tell me anything before I came to pick you up.”

Too worn out to question his behavior, you gave little thought to his response. After waving goodbye, you managed to get all of your belongings inside, up the elevator and to your floor. The wheels of your suitcases made a hushed, rustling sound as they rolled over the carpeted hallway. There was no one else out yet, seeing as it was still only eight in the morning and on a Saturday, no less. You let out a small huff of exhaustion as you got to your door, unlocking it and pushing it open with your shoulder. What lay beyond the threshold, however, left you speechless.

You were taken aback to see papers scattering almost every available surface of your home, each one slightly different from the rest. From where you stood at the door, you could tell that there was a line of text on each one of them, although you couldn’t tell what they said from this distance.

After switching your shoes for your well-missed slippers, you ventured closer to a sheer of paper laying on the floor next to the shoe rack. A smile lit up your face as you realized what was on it: the words “I love you”. A glance at the pages nearby showed the same phrase, but in other languages.

A small journey around the room had you gaping in awe at the diversity of the langauges scattered throughout it. “I love you” in Korean stared up at you from the couch, one in Italian was taped to the TV. You were even impressed to see it written out in Icelandic and even Xhosa and Zulu, the two languages you had been studying during your summer trip.

“Oh my God,” you breathed out, taking precious time to study each sheet of paper, every symbol on them all written in a hand you knew too well: Jongdae’s. “Dae?” you called out, stepping over a sheet of paper in your way. “Are you in here?”

You turned the lights on as you made your way to the bedroom, the bulbs sputtering to life as they lit up overhead. When you finally got there, pushing the door open cautiously, you were disappointed to see no sign of Jongdae anywhere. Upon further inspection, you caught sight of a small, yellow envelope resting on top of the blankets.

Careful to take your time in reading, you couldn’t help the smile that came to your face and the sudden warmth settling in your chest.

“Welcome home, babe! I’ve missed you, I hope you enjoyed the small surprise I set up~ I’m sure you’re wondering where I am, right? Meet me at the place where we first met, I’ll be waiting for you there ❤️”

The place where you first met? You remembered first meeting Jongdae at a mutual friend’s housewarming party, but you were confident that he didn’t mean for you to meet him there? Surely you were missing something...

You paced around, the envelope in your hand as you willed yourself to think. “Come on brain, work with me here,” you pleaded, throwing your head back to stare up at the ceiling as you continued to walk around in circles.

Circles. A hand came to your mouth as the answer suddenly hit you like a flash of lightning. The party was the first place where you two had actually spoken to each other, but you two had met each other for the first time while walking in circles at the botanical gardens close to your university. You were there on a lazy Sunday afternoon with Sehun taking pictures to fit his Instagram aesthetic when he had spotted his friends, Jongdae and Kyungsoo. Jongdae had assumed you two were dating at first, and he had later confided to you that he was glad the opposite was true.

Quicker than you would have thought physically possible, you were back downstairs and beginning to worry about how to get to the gardens when you recognized a car parked outside.

“Jun? What are you still doing here?” you asked, peering into his car.

Junmyeon rolled down the passenger window, a playful grin on his face as he unlocked the doors. “Need a ride?”

“You’re in on this too!” you exclaimed, hopping into the car.

“I’m guessing you know where we’re going?” he asked, already setting off.

“Seoul Iris Garden!”

The drive was far too long for your waning patience, your feet tapping against the floor of the car as you fidgeted in your seat. All of the fatigue that had been weighing you down earlier was gone, a sudden rush of adrenaline replacing it.

“Will you at least tell me where he’s waiting?” you pleaded, for what was probably the fiftieth time since you got in.

“It’s a secret. And if I tell you, it won’t be as fun.”

“For you, or for me?”

Junmyeon ignored this with a knowing smile, pulling into the parking lot. Before he could even put the car into park, you were out and jogging into the depths of the gardens.

The gardens were peacefully quiet, only a couple of people walking around in the early morning. You, by contrast, were out of breath and starting to get sweaty with all of the running around you were doing. You had seriously underestimated how difficult it would be to find Jongdae.

As you dashed past patches of flowers, you finally caught sight of a small figure standing atop a bridge spanning a small stream. “Jongdae!” you chirped out, a triumphant laugh leaving your lips as you approached him.

He turned around, his grin spreading on his face and his eyes alight with mirth as soon as he caught sight of you. A burst of laughter bubbled out of him as you wrapped your arms around his waist, holding him close to you as you rested your head against his chest. “You found me! And you saw all the papers back home?”

“I did! I can’t believe you had me run over here in my airport sweats though, especially now that I see what you’re wearing,” you joked as you loosened your grip to look him over. Jongdae stood before you in a button-down you had bought for him a couple of years ago, with a pair of black pants and shiny dress shoes.

“You know it doesn’t matter to me even if you’re even out in pajamas,” he murmured. He lifted a hand to your face, running his thumb over your cheek as he gazed into your eyes, as if he couldn’t believe you were really there before him.

“So what’s the big occassion? This is all a bit much just to welcome me home, isn’t it?”

“Well...” Jongdae cleared his throat before dropping his hand from your face. He held onto both of your hands in his own, his thumbs running over the back of them nervously. “I missed you so much, more than I even expected.”

“I missed you too, Dae.” You leaned up to press your lips to his, the sensation of his lips against yours something that you had been longing for ever since you left.

Jongdae pulled away, much too quickly before your liking before resting his forehead against yours. “This trip was an eye-opener to me. I mean, I already knew that I loved you, but I didn’t know that I had room in my heart to love you even more until after you were miles away from me. I looked forward to every text, every phone call, every picture that you sent me. Chanyeol wasn’t kidding when he said I was going crazy with you gone,” he added with a small chuckle. “I think I went over these plans like crazy for the past month or so.”

“And it definitely swept me off my feet. Thank you, Dae.” You nudged his nose with yours, giving a hushed giggle when he pressed back, just as gently.

“There’s still one more thing.”

Jongdae let go of your hands, and before you knew it, he was down on one knee and pulling a small box out of his pocket as you gaped down at him. With trembling fingers, he got the top of the box open, revealing a delicately designed ring inside, the diamonds there sparkling in the light of the morning sun.

“Y/N, I love you. So much. I can’t imagine a day without you in my life. I love hearing the sound of your laughter, the way you whisper to me when we’re falling asleep at night. I want to wake up beside you everyday for the rest of my life, not just as your boyfriend, but as your husband. Will you marry me?”

You were nodding even before he could finish his question, dropping down beside him and catching his lips with yours in a kiss. “Of course,” you breathed against his lips. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

Jongdae beamed at you with a smile so full of love, you weren’t sure how any single person was capable of carrying around so much affection. You let him slip the ring onto your finger, the cool metal resting there as if it had been there all along. He brought your hand up, his lips brushing over the ring as you felt a flush start to dust your cheeks.

Your relationship was strong enough to withstand time and distance, something both of you had learned through this trip. Together or apart, you two would always come back together. Home was with Jongdae, and his was with you.

And now, the two of you would create a new one together.

A/N: i knew going into this that there really was only one option for the ending — absolute fluff haha! i hope that you guys enjoyed this and that it was worth the wait! this fic was inspired by exo-cbx’s “miss you”, which talks about a long-distance relationship as well (and also the song is just really good, so that was definitely on repeat while i was writing this) also fun fact: i almost majored in linguistics, and then decided against it because grammar is my #1 enemy 😅

@mikapeanut

#kpoptrashtag #exo #jongdae #chen scenario #jongdae scenario #chen fanfic #jongdae fanfic #exo scenario #writings

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getreadytosmash · 6 years

Text

The Past that Smashed

Chapter 17

She Hulk’s POV

I was getting ready to go to the movies with Carla and I was trying to see what to wear.

Carla went into another room to straighten her hair because it takes a really long time to do if you have really big curly hair.

I was kind of excited because it’s been long that I went out but not go fight or train like I normally do. Finally, a day that I can take a break.

I had Skaar with me to help pick out my out for because he wanted to be involved with something. He had Mattie on the bed too, since he really liked the snake and sometimes asked questions about the clothes.

“Mattie told Skaar that Jen should use purple.”

“Use purple, huh?”

I mean I don’t look bad in it so maybe I can find something.

I finally found an electric purple blouse with black lines. I picked up a black pants with a silver belt with a silver necklace because Skaar likes how my sparkling silver shoes looked and wanted me to try them on so I had to find anything silver to use it with. Not bad for a guy to actually help in clothing.

I decided that I could curl my hair, but I couldn’t help but wondered how Carla’s hair looks like.

When I got out I saw her coming out of Red’s room but her hair was completely straight. She had a peach blouse with white pants and white shoes. She also a brown belt with a brown necklace too and pink tinted sunglasses with the temples being white. Turns out that she used Red’s heat to straighten her hair. When he was in his overheat mode, he carefully grabbed bits of her hair and straighten it that was. Smart.

We were on our way to the theater, hoping that nothing goes wrong.

Red’s POV

Jones and I was at the concert waiting for that DJ to start playing. Can’t they hurry up with this already?

We were at the back since we were too tall and we didn’t want people to complain about us. Jones went to buy some churros for me since he promised that he would buy me any food I want. Finally Jones came in with my churros when the DJ finally came in.

He was a brunette with his hair that almost touched his shoulders. He had a black tan top on with a rainbow paint splat on it and in the middle was a music note. He had a black jacket with silver lines and black pants. That’s weird, he even had combat boots but I think he just like the style. He also had a chain that hung to his pants on the right side and golden necklace that said DJ JD. He put on his silver and black headphones and started the music.

It wasn’t that bad, but man, the people here was a crazy in the front. Sadly Jones was one of those people who hollered and waved his arms like an idiot. God, what a kid. I noticed that some people were in the back like me, away from the crowd. I don’t blamed them. I tried to look for Jones to buy me something else since I finished my churro.

The song changed after that and he announced that ‘In the Name of Love’ was next.

Oh for fuck sake! I had it with that song ever since Jones, Albizu, and even Leader started to sing this crap!

I noticed someone was moving very quick when the first part came on. I looked to my right and saw that it was a man that looked like he was getting ready to dance. That would have not been really damn weird if he wasn’t dressed like how he was. He has wavy medium length black hair that looked a unwashed. A black leather jacket with , again seriously people, black combat boots. A grey shirt with black writing on it saying “Does it look like I care?” and rings under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in weeks. He had a chain on his dark jeans on the left side of the pants and black sunglasses with orange around where the lens were. Why the hell does he bring sunglasses in the middle of the night? Jesus Christ, with these people.

‘If I told you-’

He slide to his right.

‘-this was only gonna hurt’

He came back to his spot with small quick steps while he waved his right arm.

‘If I warned you-’

He did it again but slid to his left.

‘-that the fire’s gonna burn’

And again with the same movement.

‘Would you walk in?’

He slide forward with his right hand reaching out.

‘Would you let me do it first?’

He walked slowly back with his hand turning him to a ball and pulled in.

‘Do it all in the-’

He put his right hand up at ‘all’ and the left in ‘the.”

‘-name of love’

He put them on his chest making a heart out of them.

‘Would you let me lead you even when you’re blind?’

He slid to his right and did the same movements.

‘In the darkness, in the middle of the night’

Then moved to the left and did that the same as well.

‘In the silence, when there’s no one by your side’

He went forward and came back the same way as he did before.

‘Would you call in the-’

He puts his hands up but making an X this time.

‘-name of love?’

He lower his arms down and separate them in the middle but it came back as a X again on his chest.

‘In the name of love,’

He leaned and reached out to his right but without moving from his spot and leaned back while his hands made a finger roll as he pulled it in so that he had his head down, legs apart, and hands down into a fist.

‘name of love’

Did the same but to the left.

‘In the name of love,’

This time he reached to the sky and came back with the same pose.

‘name of love’

He reach to the ground.

‘In the name of-”

Oh sweet Jesus! He is actually dance really well. He did a look of impressive moves like flipping, handstands, twirling, and even ‘fell’ into a ground into an uncomfortable position but came back up like nothing happened. The way he spun reminded me of a ballerina….ballerina huh?

‘If I told you we could bathe in all the lights’

He did the same moves as before but he move with more passion. I don’t me like exaggerate or anything. He dances like no one was watching, or I don’t know what his mentality was but it was actually…fun to watch I guess?

I don’t know why but I positioned myself in what ballerina are usually seen as, but it just felt natural doing it. I actually know ballet. I was on my toes with my hands were down making a U with my arms.

‘In the name of love,’

The guy did the same move, reaching out and pulling back in. However I slowly moved my right hand up and back down slowly.

I noticed that he looked at me.

‘name of love’

He did the same move on his left. I however swayed my hand to the left without it going above my waist.

He smirked at me.

‘In the name of love,’

He moved forward while my right hand did the same move but forward and towards the sky.

‘name of love’

He went back so my left hand swayed back.

‘In the name of-’

So I might have bust out my old ballet moves but I didn’t care. I was just twirling like there was no tomorrow. As I leaped, a crowd gather around me and the other guy. He moved closer to where I was.

“Yeah, let’s give it out to the guys in the back dancing! Give them a round of applause for giving this concert more life!” yelled the DJ.

Everyone screamed and clapped.

I actually was enjoying myself for once. No worry about Hulk going back. No worry about Devil boy burying me in the goddamn morning. Nothing. Well, maybe I did wondered if Hulk even left. But nothing could stop me now.

“WOO! Go Red!”

“Shut it, Jones!”

\I know that I said that I was going to show how Sammy and Ennui met but I got too into the whole describing the clothes and the dance so I got carried away. I didn’t want to put it so it would be as long as the other one. Sorry if you were waiting on how they met! But on the next chapter I will say it! Ahhhh! I feel bad. Hope you enjoy this one.\

(Buddy. The fact you made Red do ballet is enough to make me happy until the day I die. I can't believe you remembered that about him! Thanks! And I like the outfits Jen and Carla wore, having Skaar help while being cute with Mattie. Sweetie Red helping out with hair makes me melt every time and I'm glad he could relax and be happy for once, even if it's dancing with his enemy's boyfriend(?). A great chapter featuring my favourite smasher and second favourite character! Nobody can replace Leader after all ;D)

#fanfic #The past that smashed #Carla #Rag Doll #Ennui Shorts #David Jerry #A-bomb #She-hulk #Skaar #Red #Agents of s.m.a.s.h #my big red cutie pie...#submission

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thescrewedrooger · 7 years

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Chapter 20

I managed to get through the two days. It’s now the 26th. Seth’s Birthday. It’s 6am. I decided I go to his place about lunch time. I knew he was going to have a friend’s over later. I get there at lunch time, he already has his friends over. They were sitting out the back in the entertainment area. I sneak around the back way. Seth was sitting with his back to me which made it perfect to surprise him. Mila and Charlize seen me. I put my finger up to my lips to mimck saying “Shhh” They look away and act like they haven’t seen anything. I get close enough to Seth, I put my hands over his eyes, I give his earlobe a bit of a suck and nibble. He knew straight away who it was. He turns around quick, “You’re here”

His eyes said it all about how much it meant to him. “Happy Birthday!”

“Thankyou” he still sounded shocked

He then said “You are not meant to be back until the 31st”

“I have an amazing best friend who is riding Spirit for me so I can be here!”

“Remind me to thank Emma” he says.

Seth then introduces me to Charlize “Mandy this is Charlize, Charlize this is Mandy” we both say “nice to meet you”.

Mila, Ashton and Seth G are there as well. We all ssay “Hello” to each other.

Then Seth G. Asks “Is Seth going to get another dance since it is his birthday?”

“No” I flatly reply

��Why not?” Mila joins in

“Because that’s never ever going to happen again, I didn’t even want to do it”

Charlize asks “Guys, what am I missing? What dance?”

Seth G pulls out his phone

I say sarcastically “Ahh, the video, great! I’m getting a drink now”

Seth followed me inside, he didn’t want to be there while they watch the video, we could already hear them laughing.

Seth and I sit down at his dining room table, next to each other, we had a few shots each, I had Jimmy and he had JD.

“It means so much to me that you are here” he says.

“I know, I think alot of you” I say to him I get up, go behind him, and start giving a shoulder and neck massage. He was tense. I very gently move his head forward.

He commented “You know you have started something now!”

I reply “Smart arse” he gives a small chuckle. He just used the line I used on him with the foot massages.

“We better go back outside, they are done with the video” I say

“They are waiting to give us shit” he replies

“I know”

We go outside and sit down with the others.

Charlize was the first to say something “That dance was….. The only word I can say is wow!”

Seth and I just smile and blush

Mila asks “What’s going on with you guys?”

Seth rolls his eyes because of that question. Again. “We aren’t together, we are just friends”

Mila then hits back with “I call bullshit! Friends don’t dance like that for each other, for Christ’s sake Mandy, you grabbed Seth’s dick in that dance, not to mention when you kissed him! You nibbled his ear lobes when you first got here today. Something is going on”

I laugh “What will it take for me to prove that we aren’t together?”

She says “I dunno at this moment, but you two are not normal!” then all of a sudden she has a light bulb moment “Oh my God! You two are fuck buddies! That explains everything!”

Seth laughed “That’s crazy, we are just friends, that’s it!” Ashton, Seth. G. and Charlize are finding this grilling of Seth and I highly amusing.

Then Mila continues, I’m glad she’s focusing on Seth now “Where did you two disappear to after the dance? You were gone for for over half an hour and turn up at the same time.”

Seth still laughing, blushing big time now just shrugs his shoulders. Mila isn’t done yet “Oh and another thing, when you two finally show up, Mandy has bruises all the way around her wrists, explain that one” Seth and I look at each other, start laughing harder and shrug our shoulders.

Charlize in disbelief “What the fuck? Are you fucking serious Mila?” she starts laughing hard.

Mila looks at Charlize, “Oh I’m deadly serious!”

Mila turns back to Seth “Are you going to answer any of my questions?”

Seth is laughing, starts to get up “Sit your ass down MacFarlane”

Seth replies “How about no?”

Then says as he’s heading inside “Mandy will tell you everything you want to know”

“You arsehole” I say combined with a dirty look.

Mila turns to me and says “It’s time to admit it”

I look her in the eye, keep a poker face on “We are not fuck buddies, nor are we together”

She then said “Well at least offer me some explanation!”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because I know you two are lying, and trust me I will find out the truth!”

I walked inside to get another few shots and to give Seth a piece of my mind. He’s sitting at the table “You fucking knob jockey” I lower my voice so they can’t hear, they are trying to listen “Not only did you give it away, you passed everything onto me”

“Did you admit to anything?”

“No, of course not”

He lined up 8 shot glasses, poured 4 with Jimmy, and the other 4 with JD

He said “Let’s get hammered, I will race you”

We pick up our first Shot, we clink before counting “1,2,3” Only a couple of seconds pass and the race was done. I beat him! I can’t believe it! I rub it in “Suck shit”

He asks “Still confident?” he smiles I nod my head feeling proud

“Good! Let’s go again” he pours the shots again. We pick our first shot up again, clink the glasses then count “1,2,3” then down our shots one after the other. Fuck. He beat me.

He says “Suck shit!” using my words against me. Again.

I say “2 out of 3 big boy, line ‘em up again!”

“Alright. 2 out of 3, what’s the wager?” he asks

“100 bucks” I say sounding cocky

“100 it is” he replies sounding cocky himself.

We each put $100 on the table. We clink glasses, count 1, 2, 3. We start the race. I fucking won! I say “I think I will take what’s mine” while grabbing the $200 off the table.

He says “I think I will take you right now, on the table”

I say sarcastically “Jesus Seth, Don’t be so subtle next time”

He laughs “You don’t believe me?”

“So you are saying you want to take me on the table right now?”

“Yes. That is correct” he says matter of factly

I laugh “You know the group is still outside”

“Annnnd…… Your point is?” he asks

Just then all the shots hit me at once. It was like someone flicked a switch and for some idiotic reason I fucking agree to it.

“Alright, let’s go! You have gotta be quick though”

“I promise I will”

I grab him roughly on the back of his head, messing up the back of his hair, and pull him in for a deep kiss, he gets into it straight away. We break the kiss to stand up, then we go back to kissing madly again, He breaks the kiss to strip my jeans and panties off. He pulls his jeans and boxers down just below his butt. He turns me around so I’m facing the table, then with one hand he pushes my upper back down while with the other hand, pulls my hips out. He puts his hands on the inside of my thighs and pushes my legs apart. Now I’m in the perfect position. He puts two fingers in his mouth, lubricates them with plenty of saliva and then inserts them into me. I immediately gasp, it felt great. He moves his fingers around inside me. He takes his fingers out and put them in his mouth again, putting plenty more saliva on them before inserting in me again, I feel every movement his fingers are making inside, it’s awesome. Once he’s satisfied with how wet I am, he takes his fingers out, he puts them back in his mouth, but this time he sucks them. Then he grabs my hips and pushes himself inside me. Hard. He’s definitely on a mission to be quick. He’s pounding me hard and fast now. We are both breathing heavy. I feel him getting harder inside me, he’s close. He says sounding short of breath “Fuck, I’m coming” he picks up the pace of the pounding, going harder and deeper then he finishes coming. He pushes in slow and deep a few times before withdrawing. Then we quickly get ourselves in order. We are surprised we didn’t get busted.

He asks"Wasn’t that the best idea?“ still breathing heavy

"It was a pretty good idea, at least you kept your promise!” I tell him

We hear Charlize ask Mila, Ashton and Seth. G.“I’m getting another round of drinks, who wants what?”

Seth and I quickly make up another line of shots, sit down, and quickly count 1,2,3 then down our 4 shots. Seth won this time. He didn’t rub it in, he was focusing on making sure Charlize didn’t catch on..

That set of four shots hits us both immediately. We are beyond hammered now.

Charlize sees us “Well aren’t you two just social butterflies” she says with sarcasm.

Seth and I look at each other, and for some reason we burst out laughing. She realises just how hammered we are.

“Jesus Christ! How much have you two had to drink since coming inside?”

Seth, still laughing “Just a teeny, tiny bit” he says in a high voice while pinching his thumb and index finger together.

Charlize says “Are you sure it’s just a teeny, tiny bit”

I reply quickly “Nope, it’s only a smidgen”

Seth and I start laughing again.

Charlize just gives us an amused look and says “We are all drunk, but you two are fucking smashed. I’m going back outside now. Feel free to join us!”

She heads outside with all the drinks in her hands.

Next Chapter Masterlist Previous Chapter

#seth macfarlane fiction #seth macfarlane fanfic #seth fiction #seth fanfic

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

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Southern Charm Recap: Flamingo-ing Crazy

Evening, party people. Smiling faces, beautiful places, welcome back to another week of . Lets see what bat shit craziness this week has in store.

Cameran solidifies her role as the unofficial protagonist of the show, narrating the opening sequence (and even saying the word bitch. Well, I do declare!) My familys about to make fun of me for debasing myself by watching this show for yet another week. Suck it, dad, this shits entertaining and makes me feel like a very accomplished adult in comparison to these 35-year-old train wrecks. On a side note, Im kind of getting into this theme song. As an extra side note, my TV is broken and everything is green tinted, which is fitting, I feel.

We open with Thomas on the phone with JD, the former bitching about Kathryn (what else is new?). He rolls up to JDs house and cant even say yes to a cup of coffee without breaking out the French. Ugh, I thought that was a one-episode thing. Thomas apparently told Kathryn he wasnt cosigning her lease (after the whole polo fiasco, if you’ll recall) and she went so nuts that she ended up IN THE HOSPITAL AND MAY HAVE GONE INTO LABOR PREMATURELY. Jesus fucking Christ. So now, what does Thomas do? He agrees to cosign.

JD is like, wait, so you call Kathryn and tell her youre not cosigning, she gets upset, and now youre cosigning anyway because you feel bad for her

JD: I upset my wife plenty of times when she was pregnant but she didnt end up in the hospital over it.

Thomas is like, Wow, everybody was righthomegirl really does know how to manipulate.

Apparently Jennifer is the ultimate shadester, she used to date Thomas and screenshotted everything and sent it to Kathryn just to stir shit up. Taking it a bit far, don’t you think?

Thomas: If I can handle prison for six months, I can handle this bullshit for two more months.

Hold up, like actual prison or just being with Kathryn? Maybe that random Facebook commenter was right and I do need to go back and watch the show from season 1.

Cameran is one of those white people who answers the phone with, Yello! and we promptly learn she was up all night with diarrhea. Gross. Shep goes to watch Craig turn in his application for the bar exam because hes so full of shit that nobody believes him unless they see it with their own eyes. Thats gotta hurt, Craig.

Shep rolls up to good ol Gentry HQ and asks Craig how business is doing. Craig starts talking about some BS I zoned out pretty quick listening to, something about a bourbon side and a hotel side of something.Damn, and youre not gonna let Landon get in on this bourbon business? Thats cold, Craig.

Craig has one more step to nail before he can take the bar, and if he doesnt complete it in time he wont be able to take the test. I feel a setup coming on

These guys are literally arguing over which type of adhesive Craig should use to affix his passport photos to his application.

Cameran meets up with Danni, the roast thief from the earlier episode, and another friend for lunch. One of their friends orders a sweet tea instead of wine and they all jump on her immediately to ask if shes pregnant. Like…a girl can’t order a damn sweet tea in the middle of the day without everyone assuming she’s got a bun in the oven? Cameron is SO OBVIOUSLY not ready to be a mother and these bitches wont leave her the fuck alone about it. Newsflash: This is 2016! Women can aspire to more nowadays than just being a mother. Leave Cameran alone!

Cameran has anxiety too, she reveals, and this show is becoming one giant therapy advertisement. Just goes to show you, money cant solve all your problems. Spinoff idea: What if they all go to the same therapist? Also, Cam’s friend is like, because thats totally a cure for a legitimate mental illness. WTF is wrong with you. What decade do these people live in.

Only 15 minutes in and my fingers are already tired from all this ranting. Gonna be a long episode. Also, wtf happened to Whitney? Is he still alive?

Its finally (almost) time for the flamingo party. Yay! Patricia will be photographing this party for her entertainment book whcih, Im sorry, Im definitely buying. They’re going to have a ros tower and idk what that is, but I know I want one. Patricia is explaining those champagne tower things where you pour the champagne in the top of the pyramid and it spills into all the ones at the bottom and is like, No its not. Its basically 3D beer pong without the balls. Just chill.

Wait ok the Gentry is a hotel?? I feel like an idiot but if they wouldve just explained this shit at the beginning we wouldnt be here. Anyway, Landon and Craig are prepping for the party and going to a spa.

Landon: Part of being a Southern belle is being well-kept, which makes you a good person.

Yeah, maybe on the outside. Im not convinced any of you except Cameran are good people on the inside. And maybeee Craig. He seems pretty earnest.

Craig is aiming for Gatsby-ish pink in terms of outfit color and Landon is like, Im sorry, bitch what? Don’t be over there acting like your Southern asses did not fucking invent salmon pink shorts as a menswear item. Yeah, you THOUGHT you could insult us Yankees.

Jennifer called Craig to let him know Kathryn literally made herself sick and is in the hospital, and he of course feels super bad for her. Meanwhile, Landon does not give one shit!

Landon: Ugh here we go with the drama. People go to the hospital every day. Calm the fuck down.

Okay, people also die everyday, does that make dying any less shitty?

Landon: Did she really almost die? Doubt it. TTYL, DGAF, going to the spa.

Jennifer tells Craig that Thomas didn’t visit Kathryn in the hospital. This detail is important later, so keep it in mind.

Landon: Im tired of Kathryn controlling and manipulating everyone with this child, Im not gonna be manipulated by this psychopath.

Landon literally thinks Kathryn got a slight headache and rushed to the ER. Not sure if this is warranted or not but I’m semi impressed by the fact that she can’t even pretend to be mildly concerned.

We see Kathryn and she explains she basically gave herself such high blood pressure that it affected the baby. IDK how you can personally know what your own blood pressure feels like unless youre constantly taking it, but ok.

Kathryn: All this baby and I need is a stable place to live in a not-stressful environment and if Thomas wont help me get a huge-ass house he doesnt deserve to be in my babys life as far as Im concerned.

Bonus round: Kathryn manipulates Thomas into helping her move, too.

Kathryn: Cosigning on this house is the least he could do for me at this point. YOU MEAN ASIDE FROM THE LIKE $2500 YOU GET A MONTH? YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT FROM LAST EPISODE, IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT.

Back at Patricias house where shes still setting up for the flamingo party. God damn, they are milking it.

Patricia: I grew up in the 50s. Mothers wore dresses and high heels and had their hair and makeup done. Ive always maintained you have to put on the dog and try to ge as glamorous as you can.

IDK what putting on the dog means but thats gonna be my next getting ready Instagram caption.

Sligthly disappointed there are no real flamingos at this flamingo party. I was definitely holding out for some exotic birds to be present.

Thomas saying yeah, pop that is the most uncomfortable Ive been all evening, even if they are referring to a bottle of wine.

Thomas is setting Landon up with some dude with a ponytail who I feel like is probably her kryptonite since he seem like the type of dude whod call himself an artist, too. Landon also greets everyone with bonsoir. Can we fucking stop pretending we’re European?

Patricia has a fortune teller at her party. What a rager. I am very sad I did not get an invite. Patricia, if youre reading this, I can clean up really well and I wont get belligerent drunk, which is more than I can say of at least half your guests. Hook a girl up.

This is the first/most weve seen of Whitney in like, two weeks. Some girl said hi to Shep and called him babe and I can see the smoke coming out of Landons ears. OMG JUST HIT ON HIM ALREADY, THIS IS SO PATHETIC TO WATCH.

Craig got Patricia this gaudy flamingo-decorated martini glass and Patricia just HAS to drop that she has 18th-century porcelain. Calm down, Patricia, nobody doubts that you have class. You don’t need to be so ostentatious.

Whitney: Trying to watch Thomas flirt with girls is like trying to watch your horny drunk uncle.

YES. SPOT ON. Somebody give Whitney more screen time!

Cameran shows up poss wasted and with a huge flamingo hat. Cameran is me in college, committing to the theme so hard she doesn’t care if she looks ridiculous.

Five seconds into the party, and Shep is already naked and in the pool. Don’t you know this is a classy affair??

Craig confronts Thomas about Kathryns hospital visit and asks if he saw her. Thomas is likeand Craig is like *sips wine*

Shit-starting Jen may or may not be lying about Thomas not going to visit Kathryn. It’s about to get real.

Craig: One of the reasons Thomas hates Jen so much is because she was supposed to be the fun mistress and wasnt supposed to stick around and meddle in his affairs.

THE PLOT THICKENS. Who can we trust? Nobody, really. Everybodys conniving af. Except Cameran. Im really liking her. Can you tell?

Some girl Bailey asked Landon if she and Shep have ever fucked, or even kissed.

Landon: I’m not gonna lie, theres sometimes I wonder if Shep and I could be in a relationship but I dont wanna risk getting hurt.

Landon. OMG. You are more transparent than every Kardashian PR stunt ever. You clearly wonder ALL THE TIME if you and Shep could be in a relationship, why youre not, when hes going to wake up and realize youre the one for him

Shep gets his fortune told and the fortune teller is like and Sheps like and everyones like Shep is just making a bunch of thats what she said jokes like the mature gentleman he is. Landon, you picked a real winner.

The gay dude who visited Kathryn earlier in the first episode (idk his name, go cross-reference my other recap if you really care that much) pulls Patricia aside to be like

Patricia: I think its very unattractive that hes friends with Kathryn Dennis. Its very low-rent to me. (Yes, she actually used the words “low-rent.”)

Dude whose name I 100% forgot: Its very clear what Patricia sees in Kathryn that she doesnt like: she sees herself.

Patricia calls this dude a knockoff Truman Capote. I gotta say, the South has got their shit-talking on point.

Jen shows up and we already know its going to be good. Thomas is not pleased and calls her a piece of trash. HERE WE GO.

Thomas: Tell this chick Im going to throw her in the pool. JD: You dont need another assault charge, homie.

One things for sure: some type of confrontation is about to go down.

JD is talking about doing another polo match. Jen is likeaka,

Thomas is watching Jen talk to Elizabeth and JD and hes just seething over there. FWIW, Elizabeth seems like a very nice woman. Jen does not, really. Thomas pulls Jen aside.

Thomas: Craig told me you told him I didn’t see Kathryn in the hospital Jen: I meant you didnt stay overnight

Cut to: Jen definitely in plain English saying that Thomas wasnt there at all.

Then Jen criticizes Thomas for only being there for two hours. Like, splitting hairs much? Youre just looking for a reason to shit on him.

Jen: If Thomas is criticizing me for putting Kathryns health at risk, he needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and then go play in traffic.

Thomas: A blind person could see through these lies.

They have a lie vs. misunderstanding argument for like 30 seconds before Thomas tells Jennifer to fuck off.

Jennifer: Im the only friend Kathryn trusts. It would be nice if the father of her kids was the other one.

Thomas thinks its Jens mission in life to wreck his life and make him out to be the enemy.

Jen: Im torn between completely cussing him out and telling him how I really feel, or just feeling sorry for him because hes truly delusional.

AKA how I feel watching this show.

Jens like, and Thomas is like And I’m like:

Patricia is not going to like this argument. Very not luxe.

Just when you think punches are about to fly, they both walk away from the argument. Phew, dodged a bullet. Or like, an assault charge.

JD: Thomas and Kathryn have enough problems, Jennifer doesnt need to add to them. This dams gonna break.

Exciting news tidbit: Thomas pronounces water like wooder.

Whats the first thing Jennifer does after being accused of starting drama? She fucking calls Kathryn from the porch of Patricias house! Whitney is like because his mom has to fight his battles. Everybodys gathered to watch while acting like theyre too classy to watch. Jennifer leaves on her own accord, fuck this show for being anticlimactic AF. I wanted an eviction!

Jennifer: I know what Kathryns going through because now I’m the one nobody likes.

Thomas: I can take a lot. Imprisonment, false political allegations, but do not mess with my family. It’s only okay when I treat Kathryn like shit.

Jennifer leaves yelling and once again this show is so fucking anticlimactic! You built up this party for three fucking episodes and what did we get? A heated argument from which both adults walk away on their own accord, and not even one person gets thrown out? Give me some damn drama, give me a fucking cliffhanger! Come on, Bravo! Do better.

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Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/05/27/southern-charm-recap-flamingo-ing-crazy/

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adambstingus · 7 years