#just bc of my own personal beliefs

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

uh oh I want to say something controversial

#it is not bad for me as a Christian to resonate with Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah in that way #just like it's not wrong for an islamic or jewish person to resonate with say catholic imagery wrt to their own beliefs #idek what the original context behind Hallelujah was bc Google isn't giving me anything relevant but I've seen people #criticizing how it's used at Christmas and made to mean something it wasn't intended to. but I think that it's possible #to respect a thing's original context while also being able to engage with it within our own #idk it's only relevant rn bc I'm thinking about hum hallelujah again and my Christian context for the WORD 'hallelujah' #is probably why I find the hope in it so easily #anyway. #delete later probably

[harapeveco]

My favorite interaction with an Eve stan has to be with this one guy I met back when I was in tdt who always said that the only canon MVs were the ones that had Hitotsume in them and if he wasn’t there then it didn’t count as canon which annoyed me so I told them that if we followed that logic then Hakugin is canon bc Hitotsume appears in it and that made them so mad they never spoke to me again

#eve utaite #i hate when people divide the MVs like I’m not saying you can’t think ones aren’t canon and other aren’t that’s up to interpretation #but it’s annoying when you impose that view on others like if I want to believe Anoko no Secret is canon then let me be it’s my problem #to me every MV is canon in its own way like they all happen in the same universe but in different times and eras you know what I mean? #every MV is valid and we should stop this war of what’s canon and what isn’t just bc you think one is doesn’t make it the absolute truth #and gives you permission to make fun of others’ interpretations #you don’t have to agree with them but you should respect them at least #also people who say and MV is not canon bc the character won’t appear in the manga Can suck my micro dick #knk is just an extension of the univers it doesn’t dictate what’s canon and what’s not #we are supposed to have fun not to tear each other apart for personal beliefs #anyway sorry for the rant

[capricioussun]

4am time to post massive snippet from a note I will not be sharing the rest of <3

Personally, I see UF Papyrus as having self worth issues not so much in the way of self hatred or low self esteem (under the bravado he puts out), but rather that he hinges his self worth almost entirely on how useful he can be. It’s put a tremendous strain on his own inner relationship with himself, that he almost lacks a sense of self. He becomes what he needs to be, to survive, for acceptance, in the hope of “earning” love admiration, to keep them safe. As long as he’s successfully doing those things, nothing else matters.

He’s convinced himself of that so much, so thoroughly, that he never lets himself fail, never lets himself give up. Because if he does, then what’s the point? What’s he there for? If he can’t even do what he sees as the bare minimum, what good does he do by existing at all?

Whenever I think about surface scenarios at length, there’s almost always some point he stumbles into an existential crisis. He has such a genuinely hard time understanding the reasoning “just because”. His entire life has been means to an end but the end wasn’t an ending at all.

Despite wanting friends and acceptance and affection, those have always been a “waste of time”, or even dangerous. A vulnerability waiting to be exploited. He and Sans always stuck together because it was the smart thing to do, because no one else knew them like they knew each other, because they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt they could always trust each other, and that was rare. The concept of Sans actually caring about him, enough to want to be part of his life simply because they’re brothers, isn’t entirely alien, but it’s never been enough before. If he isn’t useful to Sans, why would they bother? And since they don’t live together anymore, and Sans has Toriel to cook and clean, and he actually likes, seeks her company, why would Sans want anything to do with him?

Would he want that? Well of course! Not that he’d easily admit it, but he’d felt like he’d lost the right to being part of Sans’ life “just because” a long time ago. Back when he started feeling like more trouble than he was worth. When they barely had any food or stable shelter and it seemed like all he ever managed to do was annoy Sans or get them in trouble. Sure, he’d managed to “make himself worth it” by “pulling his own weight” eventually, but that set the standard for him.

He and Undyne were fierce allies, Captains of the North and South, she’d known him since he was a teenager, they’d looked out for each other. Maybe they each had different priorities, but at the end of the day, through even the roughest of patches, they’d formed a strong loyalty to each other. But they weren’t friends, don’t be ridiculous. The notion that she would choose to spend time with him for any other reason than that they work together is absurd. Sure, maybe they’d taken comfort in being able to relax around each other enough knowing the other wouldn’t stab them in the back, but again, that was just something to take advantage of being so rare in their society. If their furthering of trust building no longer benefits them, why would she want that? What does she gain from talking to him about “unimportant” personal matters anymore?

Frisk, Frisk at least he understands. They’re just a child, after all, they need protection and guidance. When children are young they also still need more “emotional” support, too, they’re still learning how the world works. But once they’re older and more capable of handling themself, of course they won’t need him anymore. That’s just how it works, they won’t need the protection, they wouldn’t gain anything from dealing with him beyond what would be expected professionally, and perhaps maintaining a few personal ties to help support a strong working relationship as well.

And it’s bizarrely self contained, too. He doesn’t automatically view others’ relationships through the same lens because so much of why he views his own this way stem from the burden of responsibility that’d been impressed on him from an incredibly early age, first by Gaster, then Sans, then Asgore. Sans and Toriel care about each other, simply because they do, just as Toriel cares for Frisk and Undyne and Alphys care for each other. But for him, he has to earn it. He has to be worth taking up space in someone’s life, he has to serve a purpose because he was made to serve a purpose, and it’s only exacerbated by how deeply he’d come to view his own intrinsic personality traits as negative.

Being kind, believing in the greater good, looking for the best in others was a quick way to get dusted and Sans tried desperately hard to teach that to him when they were living on the streets, because he had to. A good natured little kid like him would’ve been swallowed whole by their world and it was all Sans could do to teach him to repress and reject those tendencies. He needed to harden up and learn to prioritize himself but he never did because that contradicted with his “serving a purpose” mentality and led to Papyrus prioritizing the well being of everyone else first, but prioritizing his own well being enough to make sure he survived to be able to otherwise prioritize them.

But interests and innocence and kindness and seeking affection were bad. They were bad and would get him, and thusly Sans, killed. Loving and being happy and showing positive feelings are bad and so, inevitably, when faced with understanding he could be loved just because, he doesn’t understand why. What is there to love about someone who just is for whatever reason he needs to be?

False confidence was one key to surviving, part of his facade, but if asked why, he’d only be able to insist he is admired and respected for technical attributes. His strength, his status, his ability to protect, his loyalty, his intelligence, his ingenuity. The things that make him able to serve his purposes. He doesn’t consider the fact Sans is endlessly inspired by how immutable his kindness is. He doesn’t consider the fact Undyne thinks he’s hilarious and similarly admires his commitment to helping others. He doesn’t consider the guards might actually be loyal to him because they trust him not because of his status or power but because he’s always looked out for them, even when their own king would not.

He is incapable of seeing himself as an entire monster, and thusly incapable of understanding others can. That they could like, even love him, for every facet, not just the ones he wears proudly, pinned to his chest, a painstakingly crafted mask designed to earn approval. Maybe, maybe he might learn how to take it off, on purpose, and be able to see himself in the reflection. But I think it’d take a very, very long time.

#it’s more complicated than this bc of a lot of specific instances TOO but like. u get the gist right #this all stems from my belief Papyrus in UT is trying hard to be what others perceive him as (for whatever reason that may be) #obviously he *does* have his own personality and makes his own choices but just…there’s a lot about him that seems *crafted* by him ykwim #anyway I’m insane <3 #bye #underfell #underfell papyrus #uf edge #sun spots

[frecklystars]

I want to say real quick, again, thank you guys so much for sending me asks. The messages just keep pouring and I cannot put into words how much it means to me, how much I need them right now. I know writing messages takes energy, and half of you don’t even know me, some of you are even saying “oh I just followed you today, I hope you feel better” and!! That’s so kind!!! I fucking love you guys. Thank you for using your time and energy, choosing to write to me. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but across the screens, you’re helping a real breathing person heal.

I missed so many of you, even the people I only interacted with one time, like for a commission you bought from me, or maybe you wrote a nice tag on my art, I do remember you fondly. I always remember when someone is kind to me because I didn’t grow up surrounded by kind people; when I recognize acts of kindness, I really hold onto it. 

To the newcomers, welcome to my blog, and I’m so sorry you’re seeing me like this. I want to say I’m not normally in such devastated state, but I’ve felt so incredibly hopeless for such a long amount of time, I’m not quite sure how to be my old self again. I’m really hoping I can heal one day, and it feels a little bit more possible because of your support. It’s so touching that there’s so many of you who are like “oh I just found your blog today and I’m sending you so much love”. You’re seeing me in such a raw, wounded state, and yet you’re still willing to extend your positivity even though you don’t know me. It means so much.

I cannot tell you how comforting it feels to open my inbox and my dms and re-read all of these messages you’re sending me. And then I’ll refresh and suddenly there will be more. I promise you I am reading every single one of them, and I am slowly but surely answering as many as I can, even if I’m so slow at it, I’m very rusty from not speaking to almost anyone for nearly 9 months lol. Not only do I feel encouraged when you’re lifting me up like this, but spending a few minutes distracting my mind from the traumatic events by focusing on reading your words, it helps to ground me. When I feel more vulnerable to flashbacks, whether it’s just that kind of day where I wake up and the wounds are reopened, or maybe I’ve been triggered by something and my emotions are raw, I’ll try to open my inbox and read your messages again, to try to ground myself. Some of you are even worried about putting content warnings onto your asks, which is so sweet. I promise you you don’t have to do that, but that’s so incredibly nice of you to even think about that. You don’t have to worry about whether your transformers URLs are going to make me flinch, or if there’s pink profile pictures, or if you mention Starscream or Knockout or Megatron or Bee or literally whomever. Just the fact that you’re being careful with me, that’s so sweet, I can’t believe how all of you, 100% of you, have taken me seriously. None of you have made fun of me, none of you have put me down for being scared -- hell, even non-self shippers have told me they support me in my journey to reclaiming the many characters I’ve lost. I think I’ve reached over 100 messages in the last three days that I’ve returned, and all of them are nothing but kind and empathetic. I’m shocked. 

I really thought I was going to be in this alone. I really didn’t expect anyone to believe me. A few of M’s close friends blocked me back when she was manipulating me, and it hurt, because I didn’t even know what I had done wrong. No explanation, I had lost a few people who I thought I was close with. And it was just more fuel for her to tell me how she would think I’m special, that she would never leave me like that. I was scared that when I’d return online, everyone would shun me, that she might be spreading rumors about me (which she is known to do). But I’ve even had FIVE PEOPLE come forward in the last two days and say “I know who you’re venting about, even though you didn’t say her name, and she hurt me too. She hurts a lot of people and I’m sorry she hurt you. Don’t let her ruin Transformers for you, it’s yours.” I felt so relieved to hear I wasn’t alone, that we’re not alone, that I’m not going crazy. Thank you guys for validating my feelings. 

My ask box is always open, my dms are always open (when they’re not being glitchy lol) and none of you should ever worry about “being too overwhelming” when sending messages. You’re not tiring me out, you’re not making me feel pressured to respond. You’re all making me feel seen. You can send me 500 supportive messages and I am going to read all of them. I had no idea how much I needed support until I received it. I burst into tears the first time you guys started messaging me because I was awash with relief. You’re all really helping me get onto the path of healing and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for helping me and thank you for being patient with me as I heal. 

#woof #im so scared that i cant get better. but so many of you keep insisting that i WILL get better #and man i hope you're right. i cant tell you how lonely it feels without my starlight :( #that love is still deep inside of my heart somewhere... i just dont know how to find it again #but all of you supporting me is seriously helping me so so so much #...also it's 5 in the morning and i couldnt sleep bc of a nightmare fhdhfj so. here i am #reading more messages and it helps me forget the nightmare and focus more on the Support #i was so isolated and lonely for so long. only filled with the belief that im unworthy of love #that my own comfort characters would *enjoy* hurting me #and im so shocked seeing these waves of kindness from so many of you #im not used to people being nice to me bc i spent so long being with one person who hurt me repeatedly #so each time i get a new Nice Message im like. surprised all over again #ok im gonna try to go back to sleep now bc i have a bartending shift at the theater in a few hours #im so excited! i genuinely love to bartend at the theater and i love getting to watch free shows #but i wont be able to pour any drinks if i am falling asleep at the counter sdlfjsdf #the nightmare really shook me up so i might be slow to responding when im home from work #but i will try to get back to as many as i can today. u guys are so amazing. thank you.

[dq1]

:////

#hate avpd man i hate that ill never be able.to be close to people the way they would want me to #exgf literally left me also because i went through a phase of not really wanting to be touched and needing alone time bc of said avpd #like how could i ever have a relationship when i need to have my own room even in a relationship sometimes...or spend time separate #and its on and off bc sometimes i will b up someones ass but then 2 days later i need to not really talk much and be totally alone 4 a week #like idk ! i am not ! a lovable person ! #back and forth from hypersexual to nearly asexual sometimes. clingy to wanting to b alone. needing my own bed and stuff #half the time I'm not even good at cuddling without getting overstimulated #qpp and i basically codependents but i dont even know if either of us have the ability to have a closer relationship than that w a partner #we r only 20s but i feel like we have practically given up #add weird spiritual beliefs i have on top of that like how could someone love me when im insane and delusional and avoidant and whatever #cant believe exgf got annoyed when i would just wanna play ovw alone or something instead of sitting in bed watching her watch yt videos #like idk i need space sometimes too im just frustrated rn omfg #like am i destined to only being ok at ldr ... but even then i dont text well when j want to be Alon #kill me omfg....... this is ridiculous

[girlwithfish]

should someone apologize over a joke that u took offense to

#going insane #ppl telling me either way not to trust my own judgment or beliefs or opinions or stance on my own mental state it is so frustrating #either way im fucked bc it feels like no one is ever on my side and my words never matter. like tbe things i say #dont matter to a lot of ppl its always tossed to the side #and then its my fault bc i dont have the personality or will to fight to be heard or idk wouldnt it be nice if ppl just #took u seriously and respected u #and either way im fucked im too sensitive too emotional irrational delusional etc #hate it so much #like i wish i wasnt mentally unwell at all then ppl wld take u serious maybe. maybe my feelings wouldnt always be labeled as overreaction #idk #👍

[heartbeetz]

Going to look at a couple apartments tomorrow and the next day... the anxiety is setting in

#nervous about whether or not my friend and I will be able to get a place #but now even more nervous about like. whether or not he's going to keep up on payments #he's the one with a job rn (both of us will have to find new ones once we move) but he's also historically VERY lax with money #in a way that scares me #(including not paying rent at some points during college) #I don't particularly fault him for it. life happens + buying things for your own enjoyment is fine #but when it impacts ME I get very scared #and idk how to bring this up without being a fucking asshole #and idk who should be ''in charge'' of the lease / payments / etc #I want it to be ME. bc I'm literally the most trustworthy one #but 1) I have no work history etc for the landlord to look at. which isn't great!! #and 2) if I CAN end up in charge despite that... idk if I trust him to always give me his portion so I can make payments from my account #grrr grrr grrr anxious beyond belief rn #for all I know the places we check out will suck shit in person and we won't try to rent there anyway #but just the thought..... #paces. paces. paces #roz posts

[carrieway]

grips you all by the shoulders i dont know how much longer i can keep doin this man

vent n suicide mention in the tags i ran out of tags so i cant tag it dear lord it's all angst

#just woke up and feel like im dying already #all because of two very dumb factors #ooga booga i have bpd . i am burning from the inside out #i saw a post about bpd saying there are no metaphors to describe it because there is no beauty there is nothing poetic #it's just neverending pain and suffering and knowing you will die by your own hand very soon #and . yeha . no matter how i try to twist it into words that can help others understand while also not making them uncomfortable it doesnt #work #i can tell you it feels like knives are stabbing and dragging down through every inch of my being inside and out but that is still not close #enough !!!!!!!!!!!!! #your brains just . convinced everyone is out to get you #everyones saying shit behind your back and you are hated by every single person you love #and no matter how many time you're reassured you're just pushed deeper and deeper into that belief #n you're also just . so angry #so very angry #furious at yourself most of all but you also hate everyone you love #because they don't love you . they're lying to you . #they say they aren't but no liars want to get caught #ans then you're absolutely sure abandonment is happening so you push and push and push away #maybe you're a piece of shit to them bc then you know they left you bc of that and not because you're you #maybe you bring them too close in an attempt to stop it from happening and it happens anyway and you want to die #and you will die . it's so easy to die with bpd . it takes every fiber of my being to stay in my room rather than going to try and die #it's just batshit . you feel like you're inherently wrong and you dont have a place anywhere #you feel like you're losing your mind when mood swings happen because they will happen and they happen fast #a moments silence from someone you love is disastrous and world ending but on the other side they're just doing a small task #and forgot their phone #and it builds up and up and up and up until you cant mask anymore you cant pretend you're healthy anymore because you're not and then you #lose everyone #ive lost everyone so many times and i dont have many people now so im more or less clawed into them . they cant leave me too #i dunno . i dunno . bpd is so impossible to verbalize it's physically painful and i mean that i really do #you feel it in every part of you and you feel so empty and so alone even if you're not and then you feel nothing

[padfootastic]

Feel free to elaborate more on the family magic, I’m very interested in your thoughts and opinions on it

hskgahagsgje!!!!!!! anon!!!

*coughs* moving on.

man, family magic is—such a handwavey, nebulous fanon term. it can mean so much & depends heavily on ur world building, imo.

here’s a few of my fav interpretations of it tho:

- magic gets compounded across generations, slowly becoming more like a communal well that people can dip into instead of individual reserves. it’s why family & blood is so sacred/imp in the WW, because not only can u trace ur lineage, but it can often correlate to power levels/skills as well. (for eg: metamorphmagus being a black family trait)

- family magic as sentient. i think,,,a marauders plan had this but it it could basically be weilded defensively/offensively by the person deemed worthy of it by the family magic. so it takes the shape of whichever animal is the family’s motif/traditional protector.

- perhaps one of my favs—family magic evolving to have certain skills that the members excel in. familial affinities, if u will. some examples are battle magic, illusion magic, potions ability, heightened defensive skills, alchemical magic, fertility magic etc etc. it’s. a bit,,,essentialist ngl but it’s also just really fun?

- family magic as something you achieve through ritual and worthiness, and it gives u a general boost magically & physically. (and in one particular fic, tattoos of animals w a connection to u)

i also just love like—the concept of lordships/headships and family/blood having more than just symbolic weight ykno? so when u combine family magic w this, it’s like—the head has a lot of power over the other members. casting them away takes on a whole other meaning; u can limit their magical abilities, punish them harshly, take control of family wards creatively etc etc the list is never ending ykno?

i think what i really like about it is like, this element of otherworldliness about it? like, at it’s core, the WW is a completely separate, isolated society ykno? it stands to reason that their cultural/magical practices would be distinct from muggle ones. and it’s just…fun to imagine how. i’m also a huge fan of sentient magic so i feel like that’ll also play a role in how their society has evolved. and if blood is really such a big deal, if that’s the one variable they structure their entire population around—well, stands to reason there would be some reason for it, perceived or otherwise.

#that bit of weirdness in the beginning is bc im always so !!! when someone asks for my opinion hehe #it’s just—wack #anyway. family magic is really very subjective #and can mean anything #it really depends on which part speaks to u #also!!! if i’m giving my own example #this one fic i was working on months ago—i delved into worldbuilding #and family magics #and it involves the importance of a head and a hearth #and not having one or both can lead to deteriorating family magic which can have an effect on the members #bc the magic is ‘upset’ so to say #it’s almost—like a form of wizarding religion i’d say? #except more personal and individualised #i find it hard to believe some forms of superstitions/beliefs didn’t arise in the WW #particularly when so much of what they do is *invisible* #historically that is the most fertile ground for religion/spirituality to crop up #anyway sorry i went off on a while rant there lol #i just got excited #this is my fav way to speculate about & interact w hp #bc it’s such a fantastical world and u have so many possibilities ykno? #pen’s asks

[jvzebel-x]

"The impulse toward chaos was one he knew. It ran hand in hand with the desire for violence to be done to him. To destroy him because he was not worth saving."

x. "The Vanished Queen", Lisbeth Campbell

#The Vanished Queen #Lisbeth Campbell #📚 #oh ouch LMAO #despite my longstanding love of fantasy royal settings i have always had. issues. w the royal characters depicted LMAO. #maybe its bc of the lifelong irony that ive felt&joked about in relation to my own name??? it isnt my fault i was named after the wrong #character in aladin so now we all have to deal w my streetrat jokes&princess quips LMAO. #but anyway this is the first of these types of books that ive read in a sec that had such a relatable prince character LMAO. #i can appreciate the trend towards books centering royalty+political intrigue to end w a dissolution of that royalty. but also #it can get... tiring having the same basic premise be that the royalty in question is forced to reckon w how fucking awful their bloodline #specifically has made things for their own ppl-- usually finding this all out against their will&in between feeling massively sorry #for themselves while also defending their family&core beliefs before finally coming to terms w the fact that things need to change lmao. #i understand the message+whatever&respect the trope value. it just. is the most frustrating part of these sorts of stories for me lmao. #bc this book centers on a tyrant king there's no moment of needing to reckon w beliefs being disproven or reworked to accommodate how badly #things are. the understanding of the tyranny is already there so the growth from the princes themselves are more in finding the means to #unseat their father. the growth of the pov prince focuses A Lot on his rage issues-- as the story goes on it becomes more&more clear #that his disinterest in the throne isnt only out of loyalty to his brother its also bc of this soul deep self-hatred that manifests #more&more in moments of increasingly dangerous&arguably suicidal behaviour. #&someone hating themselves for their impotence+lack of power in a world where they should have all the power is a lot more understandable #to me personally than someone who is forced to realize what harm theyve been apart of causing&their main storyline is coming to terms #w the fact that ppl not being oppressed+viciously abused is more important than a crown LMAO. #anger of various kinds was actually a HUGE theme in this book. it might be why i liked it so much lmao. my ever present anger issues #have been ripping me apart like rabid dogs as of late lmao. it makes me want to claw my skin off. sometimes. lmao. #something something rage is such an amazing source of energy that burns out so fucking hard lmao. human nitrous boost or whatever. #my moms birthday was the other day. maybe im just finally going certifiable.

[stonesandswords]

my parents are such fucking jackasses. they always assume absolutely the worst in me and always jump to these insane conclusions about me based off these wild assumptions they make up and will confront me very aggressively about their assumptions and will harass and gaslight me when i’m tell them i have no fucking clue what they’re talking about.

#my dad wanted to meet up today which i was already so anxious about #and he’s acting all shifty and shows me this video of someone who fell asleep on the bus #and he starts getting aggressive at me and is immediately like ‘well don’t get upset with me right now’ #even though i made absolutely zero change in tone or body language #and he’s immediately like ‘i know this person is you and i know that you were drunk on the bus when this was taken’ #and he goes off on this tirade and starts lecturing me and telling me that i have a problem #and i’m just sitting there like ????? why the fuck do you assume that person is me? #that person was literally wearing clothes that i’ve never seen before in my fucking life and that i would never wear and never have worn #and he’s going off and throwing at lot of my past in my face and shaming me #and the person in the video WASN’T EVEN ME!!!!! #i have no clue who that person was and my dad was sitting there bullying me over someone who wasn’t even me #like you can’t even recognize your own child or their personal style? like you really have such little regard for me or belief in me #that you assuming i’m falling asleep drunk on the bus in the middle of the day???? #like i feel so disrespected that he assumed that of me and then went off on me shaming me before i even had the chance to speak up at all #and then he just brushed it off and didn’t even apologize when i said it wasn’t me and it was like ?? you’re really going to attack me #over that for no fucking reason and shame and bully me and then not even apologize? #and he was like ‘everyone’s seen this video and everyone knows it’s you’ and it’s like ?? who’s fucking everyone?? that’s not even me!!! #like how many fucking people are sending you this video assuming it’s me and you don’t even recognize me enough to shut them down about it? #and his excuse was ‘well you just mumbled the same’ MUMBLED THE SAME?? tf does that mean?? #you’re telling me that you made this assumption about me bc there’s another fat person out there who vaguely looks like me and MUMBLED??? #i’m so unsettled right now because WHAT THE FUCK?? this is one of the most insane accusations they’ve ever launched at me #and i just can’t believe they think so little of me and view me so fucking poorly #personal

[darkclouds-rainsounds]

More of this

The first image was moreso supposed to depict a slightly pissed off Volo whose only tell that he's angry is the minute waver of his illusion, hence the ends of his hair being faded and the part that sticks out of his bun is wispy. Alas, I effectively failed in portraying that both in terms of expression and because I have little skill in drawing side-profiles. Also the first image is him topless because I don't really know how to draw clothing on a side profile and have barely enough knowledge of anatomy to go 'fuck it ┐( ˘_˘)┌'.

Second Image I tried to do what I failed in the first and I guess??? it turned out okay??

H.Zoroark!Volo aside, the first image is also just how I headcanon him to look in terms of body type and being more scarred.

#【𝙿 𝚁 𝙸 𝚂 𝙼】 #i have difficulty fathoming how some ppl look at volo and not see him as muscular in some manner??? #like‚ some ppl do draw him thin or w/ an average body type but it doesn't click that it also means they perceive him as not physically #strong. bc in so many medias a character is basically your average joe but is strong af so there's dissonance in my brain that carries #across several different kinds of media. it's only when i undoubtedly see someone portray him as not that strong i go ?????? #to me‚ personally‚ i /cannot/ perceive him as anything other than muscular given 1. he lugs that heavy ass backpack around /everywhere/ #sure‚ he may or may not have it always stocked with supplies since he we only ever see him /actually/ do his job once ever but every time #we see him he's carrying that thing that if it isn't filled with stock‚ is filled with supplies for himself and his growing team of pokemon #which i would think wouldn't exactly lead to a light weight. (+ there's the spooky plate which itself doesn't weigh that much but it's #still weight) 2. he travels all of hisui by foot at least most of the time. we see that there are carts(?) that the guild members can ride #in that are pulled by pokemon so they don't have to walk those long distances all the time. volo is a loner within the guild somewhat #he's usually seen doing his own thing and checking out ruins and other things of his interest and only halfheartedly attends to his job as #a merchant. in order for him to do that period he would have to act alone and travel of his own accord bc the guild certainly wouldn't #allow it. you can also explicitly see in his concept art of him in his arceus outfit that he has /really/ big thighs which‚ like‚ no duh #and 3. THIS IS /HISUI/. these are times still long in the past! it'd be a miracle for any adult to be scarless given how dangerous those #times were. and again i reiterate: volo travels mostly /on his own/ he at least a lot of the time has no one but himself and his pokemon #to defend him and at the time we meet him a he has but only a single baby togepi! i honestly just have the firm belief of gamefreak being #a coward. i wouldn't really think that if gaeric and fucking /irida/ didn't look like twigs despite living in a place that has constant sub #zero temperatures. WHERE IS THEIR FAT? WHY DO THEY LOOK LEAN? GAMEFREAK HAS SHOWN THAT THEY CAN MAKE FAT/BUFF CHARACTERS. WHAT HAPPENED #you: it's literally pokemon‚ my guy. me: ←struggles to have a suspension of disbelief bc i have a hard time comprehending things that don't #make sense #edit: first mention of stocked w/ supplies i meant selling stock not personal

[golisopod-mutual]

Happy pride, I'm so glad to be aro

#i really struggled coming to terms w it at first but I've accepted it & even am happy to be aro #it's not only put a lot of my experiences into context but it's also given me a new perspective in a lot of things #realizing i was aro made me reevaluate some stuff #& i realized i held some beliefs that weren't truly what i wanted they'd just been so ingrained in me by society #it was a starting point of me recognizing what i really want & what's important to me in relationships #like it was the thing that kickstarted a HUGE shift in my perspective & led to me breaking away from the restrictive ideas I previously had #and now i feel so much more free. more in touch w my own wants. and overall happier #before i was rly hung up on getting a bf/gf bc i felt not having one was a reflection of my value as a person. #but then i realized i dont even WANT one i just felt i had to gave one regardless of my wants #and since then I've been able to appreciate the ppl in my life more bc im not hung up on labels or stuck chasing smthg that wouldn't #make me happy anyway #like now instead of being so concerned w 'i have to get a bf regardless of what that relationship actually is like' #I'm more able to appreciate the relationships in my life for the content of the relationship & not the label #I've realized what's important to me isn't romance & kissing & etc. it's just important that i have ppl i trust & care for to hang w #it's been rly freeing to be like 'here's what's important to me & here's what i was made to believe was important but rly isnt to me' #and its opened the door for me to really appreciate the important ppl i have around & the ways in which i can & do love them #instead of me always being too preoccupied chasing romance i didnt even ever rly want just bc i felt i had to

[vampacidic]

what are your thoughts on suou tsukasa. i think she is very egglike and also chubby

uu i've acfually never really dug into tsukasa lore LMAO she's just not a character my brain attached to.. i feel like i'd be obsessed with her if i dug into her maybe 2 years agai bc her struggle with expectations reeeeally would've reflected my own at the time but i never did.. i think she's cute. a bit of a try hard but in the cutest way possible. for some reason i have all of her gacha five stars on both music and basic.... i'm squeezing her like this

#ask #len 🐻 #i tend to avoid characters/stories that deal heavily with weight gain/loss and eating problems regardless of what the message is bc of #my own mental health... regardless of whether the message reflects my own beliefs or not i just kinda. Cant deal with that stuff #which is why i tend to avoid knights stories... i think they have fun dynamics and i read fics (sometimes) but canon will just throw #out dieting culture/eating disorder stuff and i Physically can't deal with it lol... #i don't have an ED diagnosed but i recognize a lot of those purging/reward system behaviors in myself and i have found out the best way to #deal with them in my case is to jsut. ignore eating concepts as a whole #i work out i take care of myself i eat my veggies and that's about it and if i think too much the behavior comes back #so like. this is a long and personal tangent to say 'i haven't read any tsukasa stories because i'm afraid ED concepts will show up' #coughs. izumi #regardless i kinda watch her from a distance and go yeah.. that's the tsukasa #this is like how when tumblr had the like. 'posts based on what you like :)' feature that would just show up on mobile dash #i kept getting ED concepts and i was like haha! i physically can't do that! so i blocked so many ED blogs #actually when i still used twitter i had an old mutual deactivate #years later they came back to me via dms and were like 'hey it's X if you wanna be mutuals again?' #(cw for mentions of ED culture) #and they were an ED account lol. all rts of thinspo/calorie counting/etc #and i never responded bc i physically couldn't do it. lol. it was wild #anywya. sage lore of the day

[astrxealis]

comin in ere just rq to say tldr (final. real.) fuuta !! i want him to be voted innocent/forgiven bcs i hope he can. make peace with himself. i think he's truly a good guy at heart even if that doesn't excuse all that he did (i think he's. some sort of victim too and he deserved better. by this i mean like w his friends?? some sort of pressure and all. also the fact all the blame got put onto him which sucks but also with context, if that context is right, is rather deserved ngl. also i'm worried if he gets voted guilty bcs something bad will def happen)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #being a twitter user and chronically online did this to him /j #joking bcs yeah a bit of that maybe but i think the guy is kinda lonely. like. friends but there's the pressure from them too and all #yeah my thoughts are clearer now (phew!) i think i think too hard and too much but thinking so much was fun tbh #now i'm chill (listening to haruka's song on repeat as i try to do homework. keyword try) #he/milgram/viewers/es. the 'same'. and. agh. it is just so interesting and so so amazing to me (wow!) #but now i will try to chill (keyword try. it is 1 am i really should do my homework i hate chem) #i have more hw for the week still and then next week... i'll try to do my best and hopefully not get distracted #it's still kinda complicated bcs i want to vote 'what would be best overall' but yeah forgiving him aligns with that i think #as well as my own personal beliefs. so yeah #huh. i think i just thought way too much and confused myself (happens often bcs i try to understand all sides. oops!) #i like fuuta a lot. he reminds me of himself and that's another reason why i think forgiving him this time is for the best #and then ultimately forgiving him as well. but imo guilty first trial actually makes sense even if... at the same time idk #it kinda broke him uhh. made him unstable and all. yk the drama audio yeah. but it helped in making his beliefs better and all #i think milgram makes my brain go into overdrive. maybe even a bit too much #didn't realize how much time passed and i was just thinking and talking about milgram goddamn #hi more thoughts but yeah... he feels regret and i think hes starting to feel guilty. maybe? im not sure my head is sort of a mess again #maybe i just need to sleep. it is 5 am now. hmmm. but yeah hes definitely changed #he's heading towards improvment <3 !! fuuta innocent so true please #im still confused about whether the whole. Guilt thing #sometimes i forget what some words mean or use them as synonyms oops (metavoting and guilt oops!)

[queen-of-bel]

despite the fact that like. overclocked is overall the better experience AND it's the version i recommend to people, i'm still always going to personally prefer the original to the remake

#amelia rambles #desu rambles #there's a few reasons for this but the biggest one is that I'm actually extremely lukewarm to yuzu and amane's eighth days #this isn't just personal bias but naoya's route needed that extra bit of fleshing out bc there was always the open question of #'but what if i genuinely want to help people in this route' #fleshing the eighth day out into subroutes was great #but for some reason that nuance wasn't extended to amane's eighth day #no matter which way you slice it desu is a very anti law game #the only person who actually believes in the law alignment gets fucking obliterated #and the actual law rep doesn't even want to do her own alignment #she just doesn't agree with what her father's doing #if you look at just the original ending the only two motivations for kazuya that actually make sense are either #1. belief in ruling through fear #2. wanting personal revenge on naoya and doing this bc he hates him #it's fine for the 8th day to retcon and paint law in a more positive light but they also should've embraced the negative #like they did with naoya's 8th day #to hell with everything; abel loses himself in burning it all down just to get back at cain bc his hatred is *that strong* #and literally do not get me started on yuzu's 8th day that was literally only made bc fans were mad that her ending was like that #'oh no look who it is it's the consequence of my own actions' #man I'm just so sad that ending got a redemption. #... this actually should have been in the main post and not the tags but uhh too lazy to transfer it now..