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haechurch · 2 years

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heart for two

pairing: bf!jaemin x fem!reader

warnings: explicit sexual content, smut, fluff at the end

summary: you're in love with both jeno and jaemin

wc: 3.9k+

this is embarrassing and idk what am i doing im sorry bcs this was truly absurd lol okay bye <3 just for fun ·ᴗ·

Your feelings are overlapping. You were supposed to be with lee jeno; only if he had the damn courage to confess to you a long time ago. But here you are, dating someone from your friends' set up blind date on your sophomore year that happened a year ago.

Just when jeno realized his feelings for you were mutual, you are already in a relationship with na jaemin, which also turned out that he's an acquaintance of jeno. And the bad news is, your conscience still wanted jeno to reciprocate your little feelings for him even though you have jaemin by your side, and you start to feel guilty, because you really do love jaemin.

You feel bad for him when sometimes you think about jeno and his cowardly ass; how you can do a lot of things with him just like what you did with jaemin. While jaemin, oh, he indulged you so much every time on every single day that it only makes your guilt just built so much higher in state you're getting confused by your own feelings, whether you did this just to forget jeno in the first place (which your heart's final decision is that the willing to date jaemin was purely because you really like him), or just staying by jaemin's side for both of your relationship sake along with this desire on not to hurt his feelings, or even worst, losing him.

But then he finally confessed. You and jaemin were dating not long ago when jeno finally said he likes you. And from that moment, you really thought that you're doomed.

Jaemin is the best boyfriend you've ever had. He's the ideal type of boyfriend that every woman's parents would love for him to be their son in law. He's kind, smart, handsome, basically perfect, and most important of all, a whole husband material.

Everyone can tell that he's ready for it albeit his young age. And the problem is, since he is a very loving person, such a heartwarming human being, you don't want to break his heart from any sort of iniquity. You just love jaemin too much to leave him for someone like jeno (he's too late for this), but at the same time, you gotta admit that you want him in the way you yourself can’t explain how you wanted him to be.

You fuck with jaemin an hour ago, now you two are lying on his bed, naked, and covered with a thick duvet of his. You lay on your stomach while your arms crossed, being a pillow for your head. Jaemin is full of thought when he stares blankly on the ceiling, you can tell. After all, you two are lovers.

"Tell me what's on your mind." You scoot closer and hug his waist while resting your cheek on his bare torso. He let out a chuckle, "tell me what's on yours." A comfortable silence fulfill the room.

You want to tell jaemin.

Want to tell him, that when jeno confessed his feelings couple of days ago, you two were ended up fucking from the unspoken truth and emotions that overwhelm from the both of you. You know you have no excuses for what you've done and it’s just unacceptable regardless.

You have to tell him.

You have to tell jaemin that no one can really stop you from the feelings you've been fighting to this whole time. That you love both men with all of your heart. It's like jeno is from the past and jaemin is there to complete the present; the timeline, and you can't live without them for the rest of your life. You can't live without your past, and you can't live without what you believe is your future, because they are what makes you until right now.

But how?

Just how?

You say nothing, pretty much lost in your own thoughts and so jaemin break the silence.

"Y/n." Jaemin called. "I think i know what's on your mind. You don't have to mind it, since i'm okay with it."

"What are you talking about?" You frown, getting up on your elbow.

"Jeno told me." Your heart already sank at his confession. "He told me that you guys were.." jaemin saw that you freaked out, tears starting to pool in your eyes and you shook your head in disbelief. He shush you before he continue. Even at this fucking irksome circumstance he always putting you first. You should've been ashamed of yourself. And you are, you are, but at this point, you seem like you're already losing your conscience and couldn't care less about shit anymore. That you can't think about anything else but fucked up and have failed this relationship; with jaemin, with jeno.

You don't know what to do, you just keep crying your eyes out like a toddler losing their mom in the crowd while jaemin comforts you, hugging you in his arms. You hate how warm he is. How he has always been.

"Jaemin, i'm so sorry, i don't know what to say- i- you have every right to hate me, just-" before you can continue your ramblings, jaemin silence you with a kiss. As the kiss goes on, it turns out to be more passionate, more harsh that you can feel your opponent is rather frustrated.

It's unfortunate that jaemin also seems to have failed to set his feelings aside, alas, he's madly in love with you.

Jaemin nip at your bottom lip, making you moan. He devour your lips until it got swollen, and you can feel heat scorching between your bodies. He started to trail kisses on your neck, giving your throat a nice love bites at the surface. His hands tightened, wrapping your body close to his as he continue to nibbling at your earlobe and whispering filthy words you don't expect someone like na jaemin to say,

“Fucking whore. Sleeping around with your lover's so called friend when you were supposed to be mine. Mine and mine only."

You felt like choking at his words. You should be ashamed of yourself for being turned on at this side of jaemin right now. And unfortunately, that didn't go unnoticed by him.

Jaemin felt your body tremble in excitement. He started to play with your nipples, flicking the bud with his tongue ever so slightly, making you shiver and craving for more.

He then sucked hardly at one swell, his free hand pinching the others. You arched your body, which just makes him go lower to your stomach and ignoring your neediness to be touched on both breasts, trailing open mouthed kisses and licks along your torso until his face is eye level with your pussy.

His mouth hovering over your cunt, you can feel his warm breath against your throbbing heat, and being a tease he is, jaemin graze the tip of his tongue at your folds with another ever so slightly touch which he knows that it's driving you crazy.

You buck your hips but he's backing away, strong hands pinning you down so you won't move. You whine in frustration and he sneers to his liking.

Another tears running down your cheeks, jaemin give you a look and wiped your tears away with his tongue. "My angel's crying? Why is that?" He taunt you.

"Please... jaemin, please.." you can't think anymore, it feels like your brain turned into mush, you don't even know what you are pleading for nor realizing that you're pleading.

"Ha... do.. do something.." your voice shaking, body squirming, longing for his touch.

He chuckles before his tongue finally making contact with your pussy, you yelp and unconsciously roll your hips onto his mouth.

"Stop fucking moving. Or you're not gonna get a thing." He menaced. You just pant, nodding quickly at his direction.

"Words." Jaemin said sternly. "Yes. Please-" you choked on your voice and tone was so desperate that you felt highly mortified at yourself. But you can't help it. You want him.

Jaemin finally flattened his tongue on your folds and licked a stripe before he sucked the whole of it. He’s doing it so passionately that it makes you keep squirming and slowly losing your mind, but the strength of his hands that keep you grounded is just incomparable with yours.

“Jaemin, please fuck me..” your patience finally ran out.

He glanced at you between your legs. "What a cockslut. You want a dick in your hole so bad, don't you?"

"Y-yes," you let out a sigh. "Want you, daddy. Need you to fill me up to the brim. Make me feel so stretched out and full, want you to use me as you pleased," you threw away your shame and testing the waters.

You do want to try having this kind of thing with jaemin someday, he's always been soft and gentle when it's come to sex, and you didn't expect that the thing is happening at the most unexpected situation.

Fuck it.

Jaemin cursed under his breath hearing the pet name. He then manhandle you so you're laying on your stomach and slowly bottom up without a warning. He started to thrust in a painfully slow pace that got you mewl out loud. You can feel how big he is, the girth, the veins that are popping out from every graze of his cock on your tight wall.

"H-harder.. please... jaemin-"

Spank.

He slap your ass and then stop thrusting. "Hm? I thought you'd like it to be slow? You're enjoying this a little bit too much, don't you think, angel?"

You just nod your head weakly, you feel like your energy is drained. Another tears rolling down your temples. "I- i don't want you to go slow,"

"You don't like it slow? Then tell me how do you want to be fucked. Beg for it."

"Please please please please jaemin i need you, need you to fuck me hard and good," you pant, "please be rough with me," you glance behind your shoulder, eyes locked with jaemin and he hissed at your lewd ment.

Jaemin groans, dying to control himself on not fucking you hard, he shallowly thrust in a slow motion, enjoying himself to seeing you helpless like this a lil bit too much as well.

"Whose this pussy belongs to?"

"You. Yours. I'm yours. I love you-"

Jaemin finally thrust hard and deep, leaving just the tip in your opening, only for him to thrust back into you powerfully, reaching to the deepest place of your hole that got your eyes rolled to the back of your head. "That's right. You're mine."

"Mine," thrust. "Mine," another thrust. "Mine," thrust, as the tip of his length reached your sweetest spot that made you whine and moan deliciously.

"Hmph- jaemin, so, fucking- deep, so- big, hmph-" your words muffled, your drools and tears staining the sheets underneath you.

Jaemin lift your waist so you're on your knees, hands clawing at your hips as he thrust in an inhuman pace that your whole body gave up and slumped onto the sheets while he manage to use his strength to keep your ass lifted for him as he fuck you harder.

Your face is a mess, hair's tangled, your high pitched moan and scream can be heard by anyone else near his apartment at this point, and his neighbour is probably gonna complain for the nuisance, but you two couldn't care less.

"Just like that, angel, cry for me." You're so close to your mind blowing orgasm that you clenched firmly around him, but then he stopped.

"Fuck... jaemin.." you're literally shed tears at his edging, sobbing painfully when you're begging and apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry, just- please. I should've told you first about me and jeno before you-" your words vanished as he shoved you harshly onto the mattress. You feel like you can't breathe but at the same time you don't understand why you are liking the feeling so much.

"Don't. Say. His name. While. I fuck you. Slut." Your tears just won't stop flowing from your eyes to your cheeks, spreading to all over your face. You breathe heavily, a sorrowful pain and guilt clutching at your chest but you still feel aroused at the same time.

Jaemin's heart sink a little at your fucked up state, he tucked your hair and give you a kiss on your eyes, nose, then lips before he continue to fuck you senseless.

"Say my name," jaemin demands. "Say it."

"Jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin, jaemin!" He pound into you again, precisely and forcefully, he fuck you so good that you can feel your orgasm is coming again anytime soon.

Jaemin groan as he steadily plunge into you, head tossed back and his mouth never stop degrading and praising you at the same time.

"So pretty. You're driving me crazy, you know that, slut? That's why you fuck jeno behind my back huh? To drive me even more crazy?"

"No! I'm sorry!" You manage to scream, his words just made you feel even more guilty.

"My pretty whore. Want me to use you as i pleased, hm? You're lucky cause i'm gonna do as you wish."

Jaemin's name is just like a spell to you before your mind goes blank and you bawling as you came. You're a blubbering mess, your body jolting as you recovering from your high while jaemin keep thrusting into you sloppily, which both of you know he's also close from coming undone.

"Jaemin..." you manage to call his name as he chasing his own high, "inside... please cum inside me.." is the last thing he need to hear from you and he finally spurting his seed inside, he groaned out loud as he shallowly thrusted until he finished emptying his load that overflowed onto your thighs.

When you thought that he's finished, you were dead wrong.

He flipped you onto your back, you gasped as he touch your folds and pushing back his cum into your gushing pussy to take all of what he gave to you. He then lift both of your thighs until your ass is levitating, giving your upper legs kisses and sucked harshly, marking it. He can see that your pussy's clenching and then he sneers, "someone's eager tonight."

"No.." you feel like you're about to pass out from over sensitivity if he keep going, but you don't even realize that your body is still begging for his touch.

"No?" Jaemin put your legs down, he slap your inner thigh and knead it before spreading the remaining essence with his fingers; yours and his to all over your pussy. And then he eat you out. You scream in silence at the contact of his tongue against your heat as he lapping and sucking on your clit. He shoved his tongue and prod at your entrance, got your face all contorted and hands covering your mouth, head thrown back. He cleaned your pussy up and sucked hard for the last time before letting go with a loud pop.

"Fuck, you said 'no' yet your cunt won’t stop dripping from arousal," he drag his thumb up and down your slit, and you jolt from the over stimulation. "So fucking wet for me.. guess your pussy's more honest than your mouth, hm? Tell me about it."

You sigh in loss, "y-yes, only for you, nana, please," scratch that, you want him all over you for the rest of the night.

"I'm gonna hold you all night."

Oh boy, just as he can read your mind.

Jaemin lining himself at your entrance, teasing your clit and folds with the tip of his length for a good minute. You’re sighing out loud from feeling so good as well as being slightly frustrated. You can’t stand his tease anymore, so you started to fuck yourself into jaemin’s cock. Good thing he didn’t oppose.

“Look how needy you are.. can’t get enough of my dick, isn’t that right, princess?” Jaemin stay still in his place while you’re rolling your hips vigorously, body hovering while your palms supporting your weight. “Y-yes, love your cock, s-so much,” you said as your eyes shut.

“Angel, come and ride my dick.” Jaemin hold your waist and you sit down before immediately grab his shoulder and straddle him, devouring his lips feverishly before sinking down into his cock and start moving rapidly. “So big, so fucking deep, hmh- feels so good, nana,” you moan out loud.

Jaemin suck at your nipples and leaving some fresh marks around your cleavage, feeling satisfied at his doing. “So fucking pretty.”

“J-jaemin..” you stutter, feeling your body and legs giving up after riding him for a while, jaemin takes the cue as he softly push you so you’re falling on your back and he started to pound into you again.

He hiss as he piston in and out, groaning at the sight of his cock swallowed by your soak as fuck pussy that it dripped down your thighs.

Skin against skin clapping; your needy moan; and jaemin's grunt that heard all over the four walls are the only sound which is sinfully echoing through jaemin’s apartment.

“Pussy’s so tight. So wet. Only for my use. Mine,” he praised you in the most lewd way possible that got you dizzy, then you started to feel an overwhelming sensation in your lower stomach.

"Jaemin, i’m gonna cum!”

"Cum for me, baby. I want you to cum for me.” Your eyes rolled and you saw stars, back arched from the mattress, clenching incredibly hard at jaemin’s cock that got him released inside you not long after. Jaemin stay still with heavy breathing after he rode his orgasm and bend down to nip at your earlobe as he breathed,

"You're mine, and i'm not gonna let you go for anyone else, not even jeno."

“I was actually jealous when i know you fuck jeno.” Jaemin admit between the after care (you should’ve not surprised cause he just fuck your brains out quite literally after he said he was okay (??)) Also not even expecting that he’d proceeds a jealous or angry sex or whatever in between the case.

But more for your surprise, you did not expecting jeno to told jaemin that you two fucked behind him. Ugh, your head feels heavy when the thought of jeno crushing your brain again.

It turns out that jeno and jaemin are good friends. Jaemin actually knows you since jeno ever talked about you in the past when you guys were in high school. It's so funny how fate works. You do believe in fate and that's why you're a hopeless romantic (tmi).

“He said that he was sorry, that he doesn't want to ruin your relationship with me and he thought it’s the best for all of us to talk and sort things out. His morals say that it was wrong and decided to told me before everything gets worse. Also to keep our precious friendship i guess?” Jaemin explained. “He didn’t deserve you anyway. Jeno that prick..” (he's just jealous, guys).

You sigh loudly. “I’m sorry, jaemin. And i'm sorry that you have to know about uhm that, from jeno's mouth before i did. You know, jeno is my best friend. My soulmate. I just can feel it. It just feels so right when i'm with him, you know?"

Jaemin stares at you when you started to give him a story telling about jeno.

"Jaemin, if i had to be honest.." you nip your bottom lip nervously before continuing, "i love him so much.. like.. more than friends. And i love you too. So much that my heart aches.” You look at him with doe eyes, trying to read his face but failing. "I.. i apologize that i ruined everything, i'm sorry," you exhale weakly, jaemin catches you when your tears roll down your cheeks again.

He inhale then exhale deeply. If that's how you're feeling, what can he do to stop you from feeling it? Who are jaemin to control a feeling that does not even belong to him?

You smile bitterly at jaemin. "Jaemin, it's okay if you want to leave me. After all, you don't deserve someone whose heart is branched for two people at once." Jaemin just stares at you with the same gaze, his face clearly tells that he is somehow disheartened, but you really don't know what he's thinking inside. "I don't deserve you. You're too good for me." Your voice started to shake. "And i'm evil. I'm sorry that i.." you stop for a while before continuing a word that never gonna escape from your mouth in the first place. "You know what, never mind. It's me. The problem is me." You shake your head. “I guess this is the end. It’s over. We’re over.”

Jaemin's eyes widen, he immediately grab your wrist, jaw clenching hard. "What do you mean?" His low voice was full of disapproval.

You let out a chuckle. "Now you're talking to me. You heard me. I'm gonna leave because i think that would be the best for the three of us. See? I told you, i'm evil. I'm selfish, jaemin, i-"

"Don't. Ever say that again." He snapped and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly that you could barely breathe. "I don't want you to leave. How can you say things like that?" He brush your crown of head and burying his nose between your hair. "Who says that you can leave me, hm?" His voice got softened that it is almost sound like a whisper.

"You heard me when i said that i already knew you back then, right? You might not know me, and i might not know you properly, but one thing i know is, i already liked you since i first saw you." You can feel that he smile fondly while he's talking. You close your eyes with furrowed brows and listen to every word that came out from his mouth, your chin resting on his shoulder as he shared his warmth with you.

"You keep talking, so i thought i'm just gonna hear it until you finished. Definitely not expecting the last one though." He chuckles, then let you go from the hug to cup your cheeks. "I didn't say that i mind you to having feelings for jeno. Did i say that i don't want you anymore because you have feelings for him? You're making assumptions on your own, y/n. I'm not gonna let you go even if you love someone else other than me." He said as he brushed another freshly stain of your tears from your cheek.

"But jaemin, you don't understand. I love both of you. And i don't think i'm gonna turn either of you down."

"I know." He answered sternly.

Jaemin is looking at you right in the eyes. One another maintaining eye contact as fighting for a domination. And finally you know that he understands.

"Oh." You uttered.

"Yeah."

Jaemin cock an eyebrow. "Still want to break up with me?"

You pressed your lips together and hum. "Nope."

"No?"

"No..?"

Jaemin snuggled into the crook of your neck and bite in awe. “You’re so fucking cute.”

You giggled, “you know, you’re so sexy when you’re swearing.”

“I just happened to know about it not long ago.” You hug jaemin tightly, burying your face in his chest and arms. Moreover, you realized that you never felt this happy in your whole life before.

“You know, you could actually confess to jeno first if he was that dense.” Jaemin spare a glance to you. "But glad that you didn’t though. And thank god that you two weren't that senseful. Can’t imagine if you’re ended up with jeno and not me this whole time.” Jaemin smiles in victory.

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aroacesigma · 9 months

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do you have any sigzai hcs (or just hcs about sigma or dazai separately)

you're going to regret asking this . headcanons under the cut cause im gonna feel annoying otherwise . most of them are what i headcanon as happening like post canon in a nice world where everyone is alive and happy lol

sigzais <3

ok so to me they are THE transmasc qpps ever . i might be projecting a little but both dazai and sigma are both so transmasc to me. on one hand you have sigma who wears 10 billion shirt layers and a long ass coat and goes on and on about being an ordinary man, and then on the other hand you have dazai who also wears clothes like that and bandages over his chest

hc sigma as oriented aroace with ???? orientation . hes just very confused . theyre so confused . and dazai as bi aroacespec and not particularly averse to any stuff just doesnt feel the attraction most of the time

poor sigma has spent all this time around fyolai like 'god why the fuck are people like this' and then he meets dazai and is like ohhhhhhh. oh .

when sigma joins the ada (and they will u mark my words) him and dazai end up sharing an apartment

at first dazais excited because maybe he wont be living off horrible cooking

unfortunately sigma also cannot cook for shit . he fucking sucks . legitimately the only thing he can cook is cookies in a packet mix .

sigma is unfortunately going through the same phase that kids of controlling parents go through when they finally get freedom, which is making a bunch of stupid decisions . dazai , being the wonderful boyfriend he is, is encouraging all the dumb decisions because he thinks its funny

most of their dates is just going to cafes because sigma has the worlds most horrendous sweet tooth and sigma has no moral objections to guilt tripping him into it

despite being pretty bad at it themself, sigma has a tendency to hit dazai with a pillow until he takes care of himself

vice versa dazai will be a distracting little bitch and wont stop if he thinks sigma is overworking himself

sigma

he/they sigma is so real to me btw just need everyone to know this . they like messing around with neos as well sometimes i think

even though he's pretty much always tired , isnt really a huge fan of coffee , definitely prefers really fancy tea and energy drinks

decided to run with the whole purple thing cause of his hair , abolutely loves the colour. anything he owns is purple if they can get it .

smiles all happy while listening to music in a way that makes you think its something nice . its not . his only musical requirements are loud and screaming to drown out the Anxiety™

not my headcanon but i saw someone say once that they headcanon that occasionally people get an uncanny valley kinda vibe from looking at him cause of his weird origins and honestly i think thats pretty interesting

very happy to join the ada . not quite as impressed by the paycheck .

like , really not impressed by the paycheck . theyre struggling with the dwindling clothes budget . i can totally see him trying to decide whether he wants dinner or new earrings . and probably picking the earrings .

they get along with everyone at the agency really well . a few people dont really trust him straight up but atsushi and dazai vouching for him shuts that down relatively quickly

he gets along the best with atsushi

they have a friendly rivalry with kunikida . agency productivity going straight up just because those two keep trying to outdo each other

dazai

100% has multiple troll accounts online . he enjoys being a menace . not in the mean way , in the absolutely fucking infuriating kind of way

remained in denial (or more oblivious really) about being trans until he was 16 because he asked chuuya if everyone felt like that one time and chuuya was like well yeah (also trans and stupid)

on a related note (this one is kind of about dazai and chuuya but it still counts) mori was kind of like ohhh teenage boys are so much easier to deal with right ? kouyou decided it was best not to inform him that hrt gives you mood swings .

adhd. adhd. adhd.

hes a candy crush mum . its a problem .

eats everyone at the ada's food . but he doesnt eat the whole thing he'll just take a bite . its high up on kunikidas 'things that make me want to string dazai up by his legs and attach him to a ceiling fan' list

has been known to send 12 yr olds graphic violent death threats after losing to them in video games

he has the music taste of a 14 yr old cishet girl . i will let you decide what that entails .

my deepest apologies for making you read all this but i love them both dearly and i have lots of Thoughts

#asks #dreamsicle262 #sigzai #sigma #dazai #ramblings #headcanons i like

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angst-fairygodmother · 9 months

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Hii im that anon who requested the diego prompt! I really didnt realise you already wrote it sorry but maybe “That is not a Christmas movie!” “Yes it is, and I can prove it.” prompt instead? Thanks for being so nice <3

A/N: No need to apologize :) Like I said, it's a great prompt, and I don't expect anyone to have already read through my entire masterlist in order to request something. I just wanted to make sure you were getting something special and unique. Word Count: 619 Rating: G - really no warnings other than some mildly implied future sexy shenanigans and one brief reference to knives. Which really, for Diego is...impressive

“See that?” Diego pointed emphatically at the paused tv screen, remote following the line of his hand like it was one of his knives poised to throw.

“What?” You countered, barely suppressing a laugh. “The Christmas tree?”

“Yes! A Christmas tree. Prominently placed in the background to show that this movie is set at Christmas. Which only matters if it's a Christmas movie.” You could tell by the way he looked back at you, and the way he deflated when you shrugged, that he thought he had an open and shut answer to the argument that had raged between the two of you for the better part of an hour.

“Or they set it at Christmas time to have more room for terrible one liners and weird decor-based shenanigans they think are funny. Happy Tuesday or Happy Easter asshole doesn't quite have the same ring as Merry Christmas. And strangling a guy with musical twinkle lights is…memorable.”

“So what? You just acknowledged it was set at Christmas. What else does it need to be a Christmas movie?”

“The Christmas spirit? Traditional themes of love or family or generosity? Major Christmas iconography besides a single background tree and the aforementioned lights?”

“The main character's boss could be impliedly Santa! Old man with white hair, mysterious ability to always be anywhere in the world without limit and have exactly what's needed for the situation, global surveillance network.”

“So while Five was working for the Commission, he was Santa? Your Dad is Evil Santa?”

“What?” Diego's whole face became a question mark, head cocked to one side in curious confusion. “No. Why…how would they be Santa?”

“They meet your whole checklist for implied Santa-hood. If you didn't want me to think you meant them too, you should be more specific, narrow things down more.”

Diego fell silent, obviously pouting, and waiting to find the perfect point to illustrate his claim that you were definitely watching a Christmas movie, a point you were convinced wouldn’t come. When the credits rolled and you still hadn't agreed, Diego looked crestfallen, and you felt a twinge of guilt. You turned to face him, exaggerated doe eyes wide.

“I’m sorry baby, I know since I don’t think it’s a true Christmas movie, that ruins your plan for a festive marathon, but it’s good to have a little break, avoid getting holiday burnout. But I promise, we can get back on track and still have plenty of time to cover them all. How about Batman Returns next?”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“What's wrong with Batman?”

“You just spent all this time arguing with me over whether this is a Christmas movie, but you think Batman Returns is one?!”

“Of course it is.”

“How?!” You weren’t sure you had ever heard Diego’s voice rise so many octaves as it did when he asked the question, and it was all you could do to fight back a laugh.

“While we're watching, I'll prove it. And besides…” You smirked at him, stretching upward to kiss the underside of his jaw the way you knew made him shiver. “I don't really disagree. I just like how passionate you get when you're riled up. It's sexy.”

Feigning indignity, he gave you a gentle shove backwards. Letting him get the upper hand, you kept moving until were lying back on the couch, guiding him to tower over you with a hand planted on the cushion on either side of your head.

“Oh yeah?” he asked with a smile that made you shiver, “How sexy?”

“Very.” you answered in the breaths before you curled your own hand around his neck and pulled him down into a fiery kiss, the movie marathon quickly forgotten.

#Christmas movies #now a Christmas in July fic #Diego Hargreeves x reader #The Umbrella Academy fic #queued many months in advance #sorry for the Very Late fic Nonny

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grntaire · 8 months

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oversharing on the internet again lol

i kinda think i should break up w my partner and im super sad and confused abt it bc like. i love him very much and he is an incredibly kind person and is rly funny and attractive and all of these things and yet. i still feel like something is missing. like i never felt a magnetism to him or butterflies or anything like that? i would get excited when he'd text me and i would look forward to seeing him but i think i just need someone who matches my energy more? i'm definitely more outgoing than he is which is ironic bc i'm really not extroverted in the traditional sense. like i can talk to ppl plenty once i'm comfortable but it takes me a bit to get there. and truthfully being the more outgoing one in a relationship is not really a pressure i can handle. i'm also like, the only one who ever suggests we go out and do stuff. i genuinely can't remember the last time or if he's ever suggested we go out on a date, ever, and ik he doesn't mostly because of money which i get, and also bc he's very much the type of person who any quality time is good quality time and doesn't need to go out on dates to know that but it's really important to me and i've told him that and he's never done anything abt it. also when we do go out i usually end up paying for the both of us bc he's a full time student rn and i was working full time for a while and could kind of afford it but also like, no i couldn't lol. that's not to say he doesn't do anything for me ever, quite the opposite, really. like i don't drive bc Trauma so he has to drive an hour just to see me and he does it gladly, he's also given me so many rides to work before too. not to say we've been too transactional bc for the most part we've been okay about it but at the end of the day i think i just feel love on like, a bigger scale than he does, or i want a love that feels bigger than this. i am definitely more of a romantic than i let myself admit and idk i am so scared that i would be settling if i stayed with him.

but also generally i'm in an odd place w my life. i'm living at home again and i'm putting off my student teaching again so i can save up money and get my breast reduction and all that and i went through a whole career crisis bc graduating college in 2020 and starting grad school immediately that fall fucking sucked and i had wicked bad burn out that i'm still recovering from and i really struggled with whether or not with my love for music and if i still wanted to teach it. im finally in a place where i know its what i love and it's what i want to do, though, which is nice. i also need to restart therapy (doing so at the end of the month) and work thru my trauma so i can get my license bc oh man is it catching up to me and dealing w the guilt of ppl having to drive me places is slowly driving me nuts. so part of me is like idk maybe its not him maybe its everything else. or maybe its all of it. but it just feel like my life right now is so crowded and i just cant handle it all and my gut is saying i need space from him. but i'll miss him so much, too. fuck this fucking sucks lmao

#personal

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hurrakka · 9 months

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oh man. theoretically in a l4d au luis would've helped develop the green flu yeah? sure it's a naturally occurring virus in l4d canon (maybe. we're not really sure where it comes from cus ceda doesnt say shit but ellis mentions the government using bio-bombs in one of his keith stories so it could be a bioweapon?) but this is an au we can do what we want.

anygays im just imagining leon getting infected. we know better-safe-than-sorry-guy (i call him scout cus his va is the same as scout from tf2) is human when we first find him but experiencing extreme paranoia and some compulsions then a few minutes later he fully turns, going from able to speak and function to choking and growling and fully mutated (either into a hunter, boomer, or smoker) so there's always the possibility of a rapid transformation too. im thinking leon falling behind a bit while theyre walking because he's coughing and chokin and shit n he falls to his knees and luis is all like "bro whats wrong!!" and he gets to watch as leon Turns Before His Eyes. even better if he turns into a hunter cus if you look closely at their models they don't have eyes. we can't be exactly sure what Happens to their eyes when they turn but the two most popular headcanons are both equally brutal-- either Luis has to watch Leon's eyes quite literally melt out of his skull or he gets to watch him claw his own eyes out. Fun!

BUT there's graffiti in one of the safe rooms arguing over how long it actually takes to turn-- whether it's 20 minutes, 2 hours, overnight, or some other wacky chunk of time. so there's also the thought of Leon turning slowly. progressively becoming irritable and irrational and confused and him slipping in and out of conciousness for days until Luis goes to check his temp one day and he fucking Lunges.

and if leon turns and luis makes it out alive imagine the Guilt. he feels awful enough in re4 canon when there's a cure,,, but the green flu mutates too often to develop a proper cure for it. if leon gets infected and he isnt immune then he's just. done. theres nothing that can help him at that point. and luis already feels so goddamn guilty about the millions of people he's killed and now leon's gone too and he cant help but visualize every single person who had somebody ripped from them by his hands.

oh man and if luis has to put leon down? its joever. that man would Never recover. i dont even know if he'd keep trying to survive at that point. maybe just for that shred of hope of developing a cure (even though he knows it'd be damn-near impossible but it's the only thing hes got, dammit) and stopping this whole disaster.

coughs. sorry for the rambling i simply have been obsessed with l4d for going on 12 years now so <3

I had to lay down for a moment bc of the feels and potential outcomes in the event luis lives on while leon well...yeah (thinkin abt how buddy from re damnation would jus turn as well since leon is no longer there and that made me big sad dgkrnekhbfgnjklh) Since the re verse has like morbillion viruses, the green flu existing would be plausible so its just another stonks moment for umbrella lol. But yeah luis would absolutely be devastated. He probably doesnt have the guts to pull the trigger, least he can do is to restrain leon for a while and tries to find whatever humanity he has left in his nonexistent eyes. Tho in my witch!leon hc I think luis may have a chance to keep leon around??? Since witches seem to have the most humanity among the infected (and thats not saying much) he could probs observe him a lil bit without getting eaten right away. It would just be a warm bodies scenario ngl (i just watched that movie recently so this is huge copium dksfghbshgndfh) Honestly Im glad l4d fandom still alive after all these years. That game will always be goated and it was one of my high-school obsessions. I used to do crossover stuff back then and Im back to doing it now. Time rly do be a flat circle

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luxgalador · 1 year

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Hey Lux, I normally don't message people but I wanted to share this, since I saw you say you got some mean messages recently.

I've been following you since like 2015 youtube, back when I was a closeted lil bi girl looking for representation. Back then I remember you were one of the only openly bi people on the platform. You made me feel comfortable in my own skin, heart & mind, so im forever grateful for that. And now, seeing you transition on tumblr, seeing you becoming comfortable and empowered in YOUR skin heart & mind, has just made me so happy for you!!! You look so beautiful and are a genuinely kind and creative soul in my eyes. Much love

I'm gonna cry for real

Thank you

I was so lost back then, but I loved the way I chose to seek answers to all my questions. I want you and anyone else reading this to know how seriously I took my visibility back then. It was and is still so precious to me. There weren't many people doing what I was doing, thus I was kinda thrust into the forefront of the YouTube bi community despite not really understanding a lot of things.

Thank you for allowing me to learn with you all.

I'm gonna be honest, once I realized that I was a lesbian about a year ago and not bi after all, I did feel a little bit that I was betraying my own past, the bi+ community, and anyone who ever looked to me as a source of bi visibility from back then. After all the videos debunking bi stereotypes and misconceptions, I felt guilt over the fact that it actually for me was a phase and that I actually was confused.

I'm glad that didn't last long. The whole point of those videos was to encourage curiosity of the self, to ask questions, and to embrace whatever answers we come to as our truth, whether that truth lasts a moment or a lifetime.

Thank you for trusting me back then. I was a patchwork person held together so tenuously by a relentless pursuit of understanding born out of a need for survival in those days. The very fabric of the reality of my existence felt so warped and unstable, at risk of tearing entirely. I had to learn and understand and speak to as many pieces of truth I could hold onto or else I'd fall apart entirely. The people who stuck around for what I was doing, who sent me messages then and occasionally now, are so responsible for my existing on the other side of that era into the present.

I'm in awe of every one of you. I'm in awe of all of us. How beautiful that we've all grown up so much.

#word vomit

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free--therapy · 2 years

Note

Hi! thank you so much for answering my ask and your reply kinda made me cry from how kind it was. thank you for being so understanding, I'm very grateful

The past two weeks have been very stressful with midterm tests, thesis, assignments all due at the same time and this has taken a huge toll on my mental health because i ended up experiencing a setback in my healing from anxiety. the last time i felt this anxious over things was in july so it feels weird to be there again after a long time of minimal anxiety. It feels really bad...like being sucked into the same dark place again haha

this time around, my guilt and anxiety over that nsfw content i watched came back and while i tried to brush it off by telling myself that I've dealt with these thoughts already....in the end i did end up overthinking a lot again.

this is sort of a long messy ask so please feel free to ignore!

the content im referring to is both the pet related thing and also the weird side of anime/manga (hentai involving underage children). Honestly, i just randomly remembered it and started thinking "wait how do i know it's not illegal or something?" and i ended up searching whether it is or isn't

well after searching for official rules/laws, i didn't find any ban or restrictions on watching that nsfw pet content thing (though it still makes me uncomfortable now and ofc im never even thinking about it again) but surprisingly what i did find was apparently, that animal nsfw content was among most searched for nsfw content in a major big city in my country. it kinda threw me off because i thought i was a weird gross person who watched it without feeling weird until i grew up and left it for good but turns out there are many people who watch it or search for it too.....i mean, that is wrong ofc but knowing im not alone feels kinda less lonely and knowing it's not illegal or something helped me calm down from anxiety related to it tbh

however the anime/manga l*licon content is a whole different story. personally, i didn't care about it because i always thought it was fictional and animated so doesn't really matter if someone watched it or even if i end up conauming it somehow but as you said, even if it's animated, the ideas are still real

and when i searched for any laws related to it...i ended up finding mixed opinions? apparently out of the two laws, one stated that distributing such content in any form of media (including cartoons and such) was not allowed and if you store or download it for personal reasons, it has to be deleted. i've never done any of those since i've only ever come across it online. i never download or store or share any nsfw content except viewing it online if i do and apparently that's allowed so that's not a problem

However the second (older) law ended up triggering quite a bit of anxiety tbh. because it mentions that distributing, sharing downloading or browsing of any explicit nsfw content (in form of real videos, drawings/painting, images and such) that contains children under eighteen is not allowed. its only allowed if its for good reasons for science, literature or art purpose but what does that even mean? and this guideline does not mention anything about animated fictional content so idk if anime/manga is considered here or not.....but ofc my anxiety is at the peak and all i can think about is...what if anime/manga type content is not allowed either? then does that mean i did something illegal? where can i find more information on this? etc. i've only ever browsed anime content that i randomly come across but is that wrong too? or does it not count?

not to mention....it confused me a lot because even when i considered normal anime/manga content...something like a romance shoujo or something with characters around 17 y/o...in those types of series as well there are sometimes scenes that can get explicit but this never striked as wrong to me since the main characters are high schoolers and many mainstream anime/manga series do have this content but if the law really doesn't allow animated fictional content either then does that mean i can't watch any anime? lol i'm so confused and anxious 😭

idk if anime/manga related underage stuff is legal under this law since it isn't directly mentioned and my overthinking is through the roof rn. every time i get free time, my mind keeps going back to those worries and idk what to do?

i mean....a part of me is like "stop, you're overthinking. let this be and move on" but another part is like "yeah but what if it's illegal? what will you do then?" i keep getting intrusive thoughts like "is it really legal?" "what if it isn't?" "If it's illegal then does that make me a offender?" "What do i do now?" And all those kinds of thoughts

so whenever i try to move on from feom this worry and try to find some peace of mind, my thoughts go "but should you be looking for peace of mind if what you watched really turns out to be illegal?" and so....these types of thoughts are making me unable to move on or distance myself from these worries

and i know a big part of me feeling this is my anxiety. since a big part of my anxiety is focused around wanting to be perfect and not making any mistakes or wrong acts. so whenever i find any mistake i recently made, i just keep feeling like i should correct it somehow and i feel the same way for this issue too. i end up searching if there's anything mentioned on what's allowed or what's not

i feel like im thinking too much and taking this too seriously. ofc the law should be follwed but in this case where idk what's true or not....i feel like i should let it go and that im being too focused on this. because i know a lot of people around me who have watched or read similar content regardless of if its wrong or not but they don't think so much about it? so am i supposed to do the same?

idk what the correct response to this situation would be and is it even okay to just forget this and move on? would that even be okay? what do u think?

(Sorry for sending this heavy ask)

- 🌼

No problem, Anon :) I'm always happy to help and give some advice.

One thing you have to remember when you're on your healing journey is that there will be setbacks. You will have moments where you feel like you've gone one step forward and three steps back. Healing is not linear though, and that's something I had to accept when I was on my journey too (and still face with even though I've gotten so far!)

I understand where your anxiety is coming from and it's a good thing you tried looking that stuff up to try and calm your mind. Of course it didn't have the results you wanted to see, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's kind of hard to gauge what's allowed or not when it comes to the internet because it's so easy to come across certain things, even by accident. I think if it's something you do on a continuous basis, then there'd be a problem. We've all broken a law one way or another, whether we're aware they're even laws to begin with. Jaywalking is usually illegal, but sooo many people do it. Sometimes I think that some of these laws are put in place so that when people do get caught doing something bad/illegal, they can tack on all the little offences too as a way to make a fine or sentencing worse. There's honestly just so much grey area with a lot of different laws. I don't think something you've done in the past will get you into serious trouble. Even if you were to say turn yourself into the police right now, they'd probably laugh. I don't think you should stop watching anime though, but just be mindful of the content that you are consuming.

If those things are still weighing heavy on your mind, see if you can contact someone in your local government who knows the law that can maybe help easer your mind. I do think you are overthinking and catastrophizing this situation a little too much, but I'm not dismissing or minimizing how you feel. I just want you to make sure you're recognizing how you're reacting to this situation so that you can focus on the things that you can control right now: how you think about the situation.

Your anxiety is definitely searching yourself with a fine tooth comb to come up with things to be anxious about. What you can do it recognize that this is happening and challenging those thoughts that come up. Remind that voice in your head that you've already made peace with this situation before and no amount of overthinking about it is going to change what happened. All you can control is the here and now and how you get to choose not to let these thoughts try to bring you down. See those thoughts come up to the surface, acknowledge them and how they make you feel, but don't entertain them.

idk what the correct response to this situation would be and is it even okay to just forget this and move on? would that even be okay? what do u think?

Yes, it would be okay to let go of these things from the past and move on. It's not worth wasting your energy and time on overthinking when you have so many other important things to focus on that's happening in your life right NOW. Don't get too hung up on the fact that it could be against a law. What happened happened and you didn't get caught. Now that you know better you can do better and that's where the focus should be. We all do things in our past that we may not be proud of, but it's part of our growth.

#ask #answered #anon #perfectionism #fear of failure #mistakes #rumination #letting go of the past #anxiety #overthinking

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kazuchii · 3 years

Note

Hello! Can i request headcanons on xiao and diluc (separately) f!s/o crying in her sleep cause of a nightmare?

Oh, and since xiao doesn't sleep maybe his s/o could be saying his name in her sleep? And for diluc...maybe he hears her sniffles and quite please of help? Idk im trying to help sorry ^^

Fem!Reader Having a Nightmare w/ Genshin Boys

A/N: Thank you for requesting! I’m weak for these kinds of stories. Sorry this took a bit. I’ve been catching up on the Tokyo Revengers manga and crying XD

Synopsis: The Genshin boys overhear their s/o having a nightmare and crying in her sleep

Characters: Diluc, Xiao

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Mention of blood+death, nightmares, not proofread

Masterlist

Diluc oftentimes never went to bed when you did. He would be staying up late, dealing with pretty much anything that had to be done before he could rest for the day. It would range from reading over paperwork or fulfilling his Darknight duties.

So most of the time, you'd head to bed before him. But you'd always know right when he would come to bed. You would always feel a dip in the bed his warm arms wrapping around your form as a protective shield. He was your protector from anything that could harm you.

Of course, there were times when the two of you would head to bed together.

But tonight was not one of those nights. Tonight, you didn't have that protective shield.

Diluc had gone out to deal with any possible enemies around Mondstadt, leaving you and any servants left in the mansion.

Everything seemed peaceful enough. You were dreaming away at first, subconsciously waiting for Diluc's arrival home. But that peaceful dream soon shifted into a nightmare. You began to picture horrid visions; blood splattered everywhere and Diluc's body laid out in the center of it all.

Diluc was just arriving home during this whole nightmare, instantly making his way towards your shared bedroom. Just as he reached towards the doorknob, a noise from the inside of the room distracted him.

He heard your cries. His eyes shot open, immediately shoving the door open.

"(Y/N)!"

He found you quivering underneath the bedsheets, rolling up in a little ball. Diluc rushed towards you, crouching beside the bed and reaching his hands out towards you.

"(Y/N), what's wrong? What happened?"

But all you did was swing your head back and forth, the disturbing pictures engraved into your mind as the wet tears streamed down your face. No matter how hard you tried, the words just wouldn't come out of your mouth, only painful sobs.

This only doubled the amount of worry growing inside Diluc. He felt incapable of doing anything. You wouldn't tell him what was bothering you. He could only conclude you had a nightmare since there seemed to be no evidence of a break-in.

Diluc only felt guilt at that moment. He was supposed to act as your protector, but he couldn't even protect you from the nightmares occurring in your sleep.

The only thing he could deem to do was lay beside you. He gazed towards your redden face, his hands absentmindedly reaching for you. He wrapped them around your trembling body, pulling you against him.

"I realize you don't want to talk about it now, love. If you wish, we can discuss it tomorrow morning when you're feeling more confident. But until then, I'll be here by your side."

You only responded with a headshake and a sniffle.

Everyone who learned of your existence was shocked, to say the least. Xiao had always appeared cold and distant to approach, so when the citizens of Liyue heard that the Adeptus Xiao had become attached to a human, it was unexpected.

It was unexpected for Xiao as well. He was positive he built up a high enough wall so no one would ever be able to climb up. But you were full of surprises ever since he first met you.

At first, he was annoyed by your existence. You would drop by Wangshu Inn every couple of days, a bowl of almond tofu in your hands as a gift for him.

He honestly just wanted you to leave him alone, but over time you managed to break down that wall he built around his heart and proudly marched your way through.

Sometimes he wished that he never formed an attachment towards you, that you never tried so hard to earn his attention. After all, you were a mortal. You would eventually pass away; whether it be from sickness, injuries, or natural death.

Internally to himself, Xiao swore one thing.

He would do absolutely everything in his power to protect you from anything. He was aware that you could handle things on your own for the most part, but what if there was a day when you couldn't? That thought was latched onto Xiao's mind whenever you were away.

He wished he could follow you wherever you traveled, but he had an obligation to follow.

But he still required you to call out to him whenever you were in trouble.

So when he heard you call out to him in the middle of the night, stars and the moon illuminating in the sky, a flash of concern reflected in his eyes. He knew where you were, you were supposed to be asleep in your bed

He disappeared from the roof of the inn, appearing beside your bed, prepared for anything that could perhaps be hurting you in the middle of the night.

But, there was nothing. Only you.

"Xiao!"

Only then did the Adeptus realize the reason you were crying out his name. Your eyes were squeezed shut, your body moving in frantic motions underneath the bedsheets.

When Xiao spotted tears leaking out of the tips of your eyes, he felt frozen in place. He wasn't sure how to react to this; should he wake you up or wait for you to wake up?

Or should he resort back to his old ways? Back to the time where he would devour the dreams of others. In your case, wouldn't that be the best scenario? He may feel an attraction towards you, but he still isn't the best at understanding human emotions.

"You mortals are confusing..."

Careful to not wake you, Xiao slid underneath the sheets beside your quivering form. His eyes were locked onto you and only you at that moment before they fluttered shut.

"But either way...I wish to protect you from your nightmares. You called out my name so I will be here when you awake."

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spikesbimbo · 3 years

Text

-Giving head for the first time

-Sakusa, Atsumu, Hirugami, Boktuo

a/n: this was inspired by me thinking about being the first person omi gives head to </3

first post of the year!

18+ Minors DNI

-Kiyoomi Sakusa

Again, give and take.

This isn't the first time hes seen your bare cunt, exposed to the world, him being in it and making a mess multiple times.

You assured him that he didn't have to go down on you due to his “predicament”.

You said that just touching and kissing him was enough, and you were right, everytime leaving you soaked.

But he insisted, it internally hurting his pride of whether he could get you off, and also believing that's what a good boyfriend should do. Bless his heart

You returned the thought, wanting to suck him off, but he declined saying maybe later.

You eventually did before him, now wanting to get you off even more because of the guilt that you've given him head but not the opposite.

“Yoomi'' you whined as he opened your legs, him facing you needy cunt. You've never been so shy in your life, him staring at it for what felt like forever, not moving an inch.

“Baby” you started, uncovering your eyes with your hands and moving them down to his head. “You don't have too” you softly continued, gently stroking his cheek with your fingers getting tangled in his locks.

This isn't just his first time with you, it's his first time with anybody. Yes he was confident in everything he did, but that was because he had practiced before. And also he wanted to do good for you, worrying if he was going to be good enough even though he would never admit that outloud.

But you already knew, making your heart flutter that he would go to such lengths for you, getting you even wetter without him touching you.

He moves his head closer to your entrance, slowly taking your hands off his face and putting them in his hair, gently grabbing it. He started kissing around it, natural instincts coming into play, gripping your legs.

You let out a whimper as he bit the sensitive area around your thighs, he looked up to make out if that was a good or bad one, quickly seeing your head roll back with your eyes, instilling confidence in him.

“Fuck yoomi, please” You moaned shoving your greedy cunt into his face. He usually wouldn't tolerate this attitude, but seeing as he's doing this for you, he lets it slide and at last connects his lips to your swollen clit.

He works his tongue making you let out a string of cries and whines getting him painfully hard. As much and he wanted to make himself feel good, he reminded himself that this was all for you and him now , putting all of his work into both of his hands and mouth.

He continued flicking his tongue making you arch your back, now roughly grabbing his hair, not letting him up, getting lost in your own world, feeling prideful that he could make you feel this good.

He was in his own world too right now, not even worrying about the mess he was in, even admiring it. “Fuck doll” he groaned, his face still buried deep in your cunt, your movement getting eratic, letting him know you were close.

“I-im gonna cum- yoomi… please!” You begged, feeling like you were about to tip over and the only thing keeping you stable was his touch.

“Cum for me.” he muttered, taking his lips slightly off enough to reposition them, placing them in the spot he knew you loved.

“Fuck” you cried gripping onto hair even stonger making you see white while cumming all over him, drowning him in more of a mess.

Coming back to reality, realizing what you've done, now hiding your face again. You knew he wasn't mad at you, and he was trying his hardest not to care about being soaked in your cum.

“I love you” he commented, already proving it but reminding you in a different form.

“I know” you giggled, feeling his cock, still stunningly hard. “lemme take care of you now?”

-Atsumu Miya

Boy is needy asf

But you're his shy little virgin gf, which he respects, even though he's been daydreaming about him in between your legs.

So one day you finally get there after kissing for what seems like hours.

He makes you look him in the eyes, making sure you're actually okay with this, and not just going along with it because you don't want him to get upset.

He loves, and I mean loves, watching you squirm and cry out because of him.

It makes his ego rise causing him to be more cocky, shoving his face back into you like he would die if he didn't get a taste.

When you finally cum for the nth time while he's eating you out he's puts that to rest, then fingers you till you pass out, crying out his name, saying that you can't take it anymore even though you could

What a good boyfriend < 3

“Tsum- ahh” you moaned sitting on his lap, grinding on his erection, making your pussy wetter than you've ever got it before.

“You gonna let me take care of you?” he kissed into your skin making you let out another whine.

“Hmm baby?” he grinned seeing you in such an already fucked out state with him barely even touching you. “Cmere doll.” he said flipping you over so that you were now on your back and he was above you.

“Dont hide that pretty face, lemme see you.” he gently said, not wanting to overstress you, wanting to put all his energy into taking care of you. “Good girl.” he praised after you shyly removed your hands, now just laying there.

“You sure u want this baby?” he asked, looking you deeply in your eyes, stroking your cheek with one of his hands. “….y-yeah” you replied, grabbing him by the shoulder dragging him in for another kiss.

“Needy little thing” he muttered, dragging his fingers across your oh so wet panties. “I should just give you my dick huh, you'd like that baby wouldn't you?” he teased dragging them off finally seeing your pretty little pussy for himself.

“Just playing baby.” he said, moving his head down to be face to face with your cunt. “wouldn't wanna break ya.”

“Tsumie please” you could only moan at the thought of being stuffed full, feeling his breath on you, increasing the wetness between your legs.

“There she is! My pretty girl at last opening up...You wanna tell me what you want princess?” he teased again.

“Y-you-”

“Hmm can't hear you” he said cutting you off, his lips now hovering over your clit.

“Y-our mou-th” you finally got out, feeling more embarrassed than ever to admitting what you desperately wanted. You were by no means a “good girl”. But you kept yourself closed off, not wanting a hit and run relationship, but the way you acted when you were needy was a whole different story, that he loved to pull out of you.

“Yes maam.” he uttered as he started kissing on it, it all being a foreign feeling to you, you never making yourself feel this good.

He increased his pace going between sucking on your clit and licking it all up, leaving you a mess before his eyes, he was blessed. The fact he had someone as sweet and beautiful as you in his life made him want to worship the ground you walked on, devoting all his pleasure to you.

He went back at it making you cum for the 3rd time, feeling pride that he got you off this easily, but not letting it get to his head, just yet.

“Ahhh!” you squealed feeling his finger suddenly inside you. “Shh relax baby” he said, to which you listened, letting him at last thrust his fingers inside of you. “Dont that feel good?”

“Y-yeah f-fuck.” you moaned, not even trying to hold it back anymore. The pleasure of his mouth and fingers pushing you into your 4th orgasm today.

You grabbed his wrist wanting the attention on you right now and not your throbbing cunt even though you loved the feeling and didn't want it to stop. He turned his head to see your pretty face once again, already reading your mind, locking eyes for what seems like forever, eventually smirking along with you, grabbing you back up in his arms saying “Oh were not even close to done baby.”

-Sachiro Hirugami

You had a bad day : (

So when you come home and immediately clinging to your boyfriend, he knows just what to do to cheer you up.

You haven't been dating for that long, only a few months, but he could tell by the way you greedily kissed him that you wanted more.

He grabs your lower back as you snuggle into him, letting you complain about your day, talking his ears off, listening as he should.

But what he starts to do, slowly sliding his hands down your shorts, making you go wide eyed then falling into his touch making you let out a few held back moans.

BUT HERE'S THE THING

He lets you rant about your day while you ride his face.

True love< 3

“Gamiii” you whined completely, losing focus. The tv in the background being muted in your mind, the only sense you're feeling right now is his touch.

“Hold on honey” he softly laughed repositioning you in his lap, you not being shy at all, being so needy for him with a pout adorning your face. He continued to listen about you rant about your day while kissing your neck every so often, hands gently but firmly holding onto your sides.

You stopped for a second, his hand getting extra close to your ass, did he mean it? You don't know, but what you did know was that it gave you butterflies, in your heart and pussy.

You moaned into his neck again, this time accompanied by your hips swinging back and forth, taking out your stress on your poor boyfriend, not that he minded. You could use him in any way you wanted. He just lived to please you.

“I got an idea love.” he said, taking your hand into his, playing with your fingers.

He laid down on the couch, you still in his lap, just moving you slightly with your hands now resting on his chest. He took your hand in his again pulling you towards his face, to your confusion.

“If you wanted to kiss then we could have done it sitting.” you thought, missing the feeling in his lap. But before you could pout any longer he dragged you on even further, you mind guessing what was happening but your conscious not wanting to admit it.

You immediately got flustered, the fact that he was wanting you, to sit on his face, made your cheeks burn.

“A-are you sure” you mumbled out, feeling him grow in anticipation. “Yeah baby. If i wasn't thinking about it ever since you came home i wouldn't have”

“Thinking… about me. Really?” you shyly confessed. “Of course love.” he said, sliding your shorts off along with your panites, wanting to taste you for so long. “All I do at work is think about you, wanting to touch you, feel you, kiss you.”

He finally got you to hover over his face, being nervous about the whole thing, wondering if he could handle your weight. But he assured you by pulling you down onto his lips, immediately sucking on your neglected clit.

“nghh” you instantly moaned, trying to be more quiet, leaning back onto his waist, your hands supporting you there.

“No keep talking, lemme know what went wrong with your day angel.” he said putting you back onto his face.

“W-well, ahh, my bos-s made me-nggh, re-edo the who-le project… by mysel-lf” you got out, a few moans escaping here and there.

“By yourself?” he sated giving you a break. “Oh no baby.” he genuinely said, wrapping his lips around it once again. He was working magic beneath you making you feel weightless, taking the stress out of your body, making you feel oh so good.

“You're so lucky you've got a man like me huh?” he cooed, you feeling the smirk he had in between your legs.

“Yeah,” you stated, voice shaky, not one trace of a lie being hidden. “yeah i am.”

-Kotaro Bokuto

Virgin!Bo!!!

Baby boy is so nervous, never doing this before in his life, only using his fist and incredibly active mind.

But it's okay you’ll guide him through it, like to good gf you are.

He loves- no needs praise.

Moan out how good he's doing while grabbing his hair

That'll set something off in him, turning him into a whole different man between your legs

Making him grab and suck the life out of you, leaving tons of hickies and marks on your thighs

Good luck getting away from it once you've started it

“Am I doing it good?” he asked, voice muffled by your pussy, sitting on the floor between your legs as you rested on the bed.

“Yeah. fuck baby. You're doing so good, being such a good boy.” You praised not lying once. Fuck he was good. After all that time building up to this, him shying away because he was scared, not wanting to disappoint you.

He looked up at you for approval; noticing this you let yourself go, not holding back any moans or sounds that wanted to escape your body, wanting him to know that he was doing such a good job. The bite marks, bruises and hickeys, along with your dripping wet cunt, being visible proof.

“fuck y/n” he groaned, being in distress, not knowing what to do, whether to take care of his hard cock or keep all his attention on you.

He chose the latter, wanting to be your good boy, loving how hard you pulled his hair, and moaned his name.

He continued making you cum another time before completely pausing himself, realizing what he'd just done.

“Hmm, what wrong baby?” you quickly said noticing his state, not caring about the pleasure anymore, just waiting to make sure your boyfriend was okay.

He didn't say anything but you noticed the blush on his cheeks, and the ruffled look on his face. Your eyes scanned down until you saw what the problem was.

“Aww baby, did you cum? Because of me!? How cute.” you giggled taking him his large frame into your arms, him letting you not waiting to be seen right now. It made your heart race that he go this worked up over you, the fact that calling hi a good boy sent him over the edge.

He was so embarrassed, wanting to hide in your chest forever, hoping that this was just a dream and not real. “Ko- look at me.” you said pulling dragging him out of your chest, him missing the warm comforting feeling of your boobs.

“Don't be embarrassed, that was hot.” you said assuring him that it was in fact not something to be ashamed of but instead embrace.

“C'mere “ you said, jestering him to sit on the bed, already getting on your knees. “Lemme show you how hot that was.”

#sakusa smut #atsumu smut #hirugami smut #haikyuu smut #bokuto smut #sachrio smut #haikyuu x reader #hirugami x reader #sakusa x reader #atsumu x reader #bokuto x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu headcanons

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lepusrufus · 3 years

Photo

Sometimes the girls butt heads, sometimes they tear each other to shreds. This got kinda long so im breaking it into two parts since i have two sketches for it anyways. Enjoy the gory angst under the cut my lovelies (and the sketch although kinda messy)

(Also in case there’s any confusion, here’s my hc on how the daughter’s mutations work. Just in case anyone looks at this and thinks why tf does she have weird bat wings)

Butting heads part 1 (p2)

“Shut up, Bela! Shut the fuck up!”

The shout, bordering on a howl, could be heard all throughout the lower levels of the castle. Cassandra was pinned to the wall by her older sister, an arm pressed firmly against her throat. She was thrashing wildly, talon tipped fingers ripping at anything they could reach. But Bela was more focused on the elongating sharp fangs snapping in her direction.

“Cassandra calm down-”

“No. You don’t know shit! Fuck you!”

Her skin was starting to turn ashy and thick, dark blood was dripping from her nose and mouth, some of it splattering on Bela’s face. The mutation was even causing her flies to destabilize, part of the swarm buzzing frantically around them, unable to find its place.

The situation was escalating quickly and Bela’s calm was cracking under her sister's talons. Too focused on keeping Cassandra in place, she couldn’t will her flies to break apart and reform when long claws were slashing at her arms. She could feel her own blood coating her skin and soaking her dress.

Even on a good day, Cassandra was physically the strongest. What she may have lacked in speed she made up for in sheer brute force. And that was when she looked like a semi normal human.

Daniela was well aware of this, so when she approached the two to help, Bela’s head quickly snapped in her direction.

“No, Dani stay ba-”

The small distraction was all Cassandra needed to push herself off the brick wall and come crashing down on top of her sister. Her hand was pushing down with all her weight crushing bone and muscle. A choked yelp escaped Bela’s lips when her sister suddenly bit down on her midsection, close to the bottom of her ribcage, and yanked her head back, pulling apart the blood soaked skin.

Then everything went black.

Bela could faintly hear a fourth voice drowned out by frantic buzzing. Were the flies hers or Cassandra’s? The heavy weight on top of her was lifted and all she could do was curl up and groan in pain. She instinctively tried to cover her abdomen but when her hand came in contact with exposed and torn muscle, pain shot through her entire body like a bullet. Her right arm also seemed to not obey her, pain joining in on the agony party each time she tried to lift it off the dirty floor. The floor had been clean before. Why did it feel so grimy under her body now? The only explanation that her hazy mind could come up with was that she was laying in a puddle of blood. Whether it was hers, Cassandra’s or both was up to debate.

A series of strangled growls reached her ears accompanied by a rushed exchange of words and the buzzing was starting to feel like static and everything was so goddamn loud.

She was somewhat snapped out of her haze when a pair of arms lifted her along with a gentle voice.

“Hey, hey, you’re good I got you”

“Daniela?”

Her youngest sister’s face came slowly into focus after realizing that her inability to see was caused by keeping her eyes tightly shut. She wouldn't normally allow such vulnerability but right now she was tired and the entirety of her upper body hurt and each breath was painfully ragged. So she defeatedly leaned on her sister’s shoulder and allowed herself to be carried to what she assumed was the infirmary.

----

A couple hallways away, Alcina was carrying her thrashing and growling middle daughter. Without another body to claw at, Cassandra resorted to sinking her talons into her own flesh, clearly in pain now. Her mother quickened her pace and finally ducked into a bedroom. It was one of the more barren rooms of the castle, with only a couple pieces of furniture and a large bed inside. It had no decoration that could be crashed into and cause her child any more injuries.

Cassandra was gingerly lowered on the soft sheets, Alcinas tenderness a stark contrast to her daughter’s violent shaking and clawing at the fabric on the bed.

Cassandra had yet to regain any semblance of conscious thought. All Alcina could do for her was sit beside her and wait for hunger to take over enough for her body to be too weak to exist in that state. She tried gentle strokes, but each touch, no matter how gentle, broke the skin into a small frantic swarm that seemed to struggle to find its place again. It felt like hours before Cassandra stopped spasming, but with how fast hunger settled in when the girls mutated it couldn’t have been more than ten minutes.

“Mom?” Her voice came out raspy and choked, probably due to the blood stuck in her throat.

“I’m here little one.”

Alcina tentatively stroked her daughter’s damp hair. When her form remained whole, she gently pulled her head in her lap.

“It hurts-”

Her complaint was cut short with a groan at the searing pain caused by hunger. She wrapped her arms around her midsection in an useless attempt to ease her own suffering.

Alcina winced at how Cassandra was dipping her talons into the skin of her abdomen, too delirious to realize that was only causing more pain. So she grabbed her hands and held them still.

Cassandra started to shake again, mumbling under her breath.

“We were-...were hunting and I” she interrupted herself with a sob “messed up. Bela an…. ‘m sorry-”

“Shh, it’s okay love. You need to focus on going back to normal now darling,” Alcina cooed.

Cassandra scrunched her nose and shut her eyes. She did her best to focus on the flies that formed her body, willing them to set back in their rightful place and to stop shifting and breaking apart. She had mild success and now the big frantic swarm was reduced to a smaller group of flies still buzzing about the room. The hunger and pain were still present as ever though, her bones and muscles breaking and tearing apart from the mutation’s effects.

Alcina praised her for regaining some semblance of control and told her something that fell on deaf ears. The next thing the brunette knew was that she was being shifted off her mother’s lap and out of instinct she grabbed the white dress in order to keep her near.

“Darling, did you hear me?” Alcina’s voice was soft and she waited until her daughter’s eyes were focused on her to continue. “I’m going to bring you something to eat. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.”

Cassandra only groaned in response, the mere mention of food worsening the pain in her abdomen. She nodded slowly and curled back into herself, allowing her mother to exit the room in a rush.

Left alone, she kept trying to fight against her own body. She could feel the sickening cracks of her bones placing themselves back in position. Her muscles felt like writhing parasites under her skin, shifting and twisting and occasionally falling apart into flies to reposition themselves. The hunger was the perfect cherry on top of the agony cake she was feeling.

It felt like an eternity before the door finally opened and her mother approached the bed with a big plate of fresh raw meat. Cassandra started to dig in the moment it was within her reach. She didn’t know exactly what body part she was chewing on at the moment but she didn’t care in the slightest. It took her no more than five minutes to finish everything, almost choking a couple of times.

She sighed in relief and let her head fall back on the now stained sheets. The pain was still present, but it felt more like a dull ache rather than jolts shaking her entire body. The comforting circles that her mother was rubbing on her back were also helping.

“How are you feeling, little one?”

“Better.”

Alcina smiled fondly at her daughter, leaning down to place a soft kiss on the top of her head.

“Will you be alright on your own for a bit? I need to check on Bela-”

The brunette’s head snapped up, eyes wide. She had forgotten how this mess started in the first place and now that she remembered, guilt started to gnaw at her like the ache in her bones.

“I’ll come with y-”

“Ah ah ah, you will do no such thing. Rest for now, I’m sure she’s fine,” she lied. The image of Bela laying on the floor in a puddle of her own blood and her upper body almost torn to shreds was seared in her mind. The only comfort right now came from the fact that Daniela was taking care of her and, while unpredictable, her youngest cared deeply about her sisters and was more than capable of patching wounds.

Alcina planted another kiss on Cassandra's head and placed a blanket on top of her. She left her side with the promise of coming back shortly and exited the room, door left just slightly ajar so she could hear if her daughter called for her.

#lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil village #fanfic #blood #gore

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angelyuji · 3 years

Note

I also love Yan!Spiderman, there will never be enough content for him ! Can I request a headcannon ? Or a blurb, whatever you prefer ? I love the amnesia trope, like the reader having long-term amnesia after an accident or whatever and yan!Spiderman swooping in, saying they have been dating for months... You may get suspicious of how flustered he gets but he knows so much about you, he can't be lying, right ? 😚

17+

cw// stalking, non-consensual picture taking, kind of kidnapping, familial neglect, car accident caused by superheroes, non-consensual kissing, non-consensual touching, forced hugs, lying, manipulation, “gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss” energy, implied murder, peter being a crybaby to guilt trip you, idk peter being gross and pervy and being a liar, toxic relationship (kind of because you’re kinda not aware of the fact that he sucks and he’s lying)

· OMGBESTIE sorry i just absolutely ADORE the amnesia trope in yandere fics GHJKJHGF

· it’s just so perfect *chef’s kiss*

· anyway

· you got into accident that totally not caused by peter…yeah, it was totally definitely the criminal’s fault …

· but i mean, why were you driving in the middle of a villain attack anyway? oh, you had to go to work?...so??? peter didn’t give you the ok?????

· right, so he’s tossing cars and trying to bring justice (or something like that) and he saw you coming, but alas, he's too late

· you see something hurtling towards your car as you stop at a red light. you squint your eyes, “oh. ha, that’s a car…wait”

· peter was only a couple feet away when he sees the truck he threw slam against the hood of your car, crumpling the hood like it’s made of aluminum foil. time moves in slow motion as peter tries to reach you. out of reflex, peter shoots his webs to move you from impact. he can feel himself move, but his mind shuts down. when he regains consciousness, you’re in his arms, passed out, but seemingly unscathed. he feels relief, then fury. peter barely noticed when the paramedics came to move you out of his arms. he turns to the villain, his whole body shaking, and launches himself at the man.

· you end up in the hospital for a brain injury that left you in a coma and peter literally never left your side. he came every day and stayed by your side until visiting hours were over, and came into your room at night as spiderman after patrol.

· the hospital staff saw him so much that they assumed you were both in a relationship, so when you woke up at night during his patrol hours, they called him first.

· they called your parents after…weird, i know

· “how do you feel?”

· “fine, i guess. tired, surprisingly” you chuckle dryly and the doctor smiles.

· “fine is good. what’s the last thing you remember?”

· “…um….i can’t… I don’t-”

· “hey, it’s okay. take your time.” the doctor tries to be reassuring, but you feel panic bubble. what’s going on, why can’t you remember what happened? what’s happening to you? your breathing turns rough and the air feels thicker as you seem to remember less and less of what you should know. all of a sudden, two arms wrap around you and pull you into them.

· “it’s gonna be okay” they mumble into your hair as you cry into their shirt.

· peter and the doctor eventually figured out that you were missing 4 years of your life. the 4 years that you’ve lived in queens, to be exact.

· peter realizes exactly what he has to do when the doctor pulls him and your family aside to explain the situation

· (they had asked him who tf he was and he, in a panic to not be kicked out, said y’all were dating)

· he offers your family a way out, a way to not take the stress of taking care of you, by letting him take care of you

· “i love them. i can’t lose them and i won’t lose them, so please, let me take care of them”

· honestly, your family was lowkey relieved that peter offered to take care of you, not even remembering that you have never mentioned this man in any conversation (who has amnesia now??)

· peter would go into your room and tell you that you’re going home with him

· “what? what about my family?”

· “they’re okay with it. they have a lot going on and, as your boyfriend-”

· “boyfriend? i’ve never seen you before in my life?”

· “no! no, we started dating when you moved to queens!" at your blank stare, he lowers his head slightly and you see tears fall, "i wish you would remember”

· peter will pull out his pictures of you saying stuff like “then how do i have these pictures?? hmm????” and fake crying to make it seem like he was your grieving boyfriend

· he’ll be constantly mentioning the fact that he’s your boyfriend to you and to others (at some point, ur confused on whether he’s trying to convince you or trying to convince himself) “as your boyfriend’ “your boyfriend” “i love being with you and going on dates haha yk since im your bf”

· he’ll make up different stories from places he’s seen you. if he stalked you while you were walking at the park, he’ll say you both went on walks often. if you went on picnics by yourself often, he’ll say you constantly had picnic dates. had a fun day at the arcade? more like, you had fun day at the arcade with peter!

· peter’s smart, he uses these events as a way of tricking your brain into thinking that each memory you recover of these moments are just moments that are missing him, and eventually, he’ll start appearing in memories

· peter would take you to his apartment and absolutely REFUSE to let you leave, he’ll have an excuse ready to make sure you can’t leave your new home

· “the doctor said you shouldn’t move too much”

· he’ll make you sleep in the same bed as him, go on dates with him, hug and kiss him like “you used to do” with the excuse of “the doctor said you should do things that you used to do before the accident to start remembering everything”

· …riiight

· “are you coming to bed?” you lay in his bed, waiting for peter.

· “i-i sorry, yes, I-” peter stumbles on his words as he stands by the bed.

· you sit up in annoyance, “peter, you said we slept together. what’s wrong?”

· peter turns bright red, “no! nothing’s wrong! it’s nothing, i-i’m coming to bed in a sec.” you lay back down and soon you feel him crawl into bed. you turn your back to him, but peter pulls you closer to him and start leaving kisses down your back.

· “what are you doing.” you whisper into the darkness. his small touches feel foreign on your skin and your body itches to move in disgust.

· “i’m helping you sleep. uh-before, i helped you fall sleep like this, maybe this’ll help you remember” peter pushes his head into the crook of your neck and holds you closer, his fingers grazing under your shirt and feeling your stomach.

· you try to move away without panicking, “maybe, we’re moving too fast? i kinda need some spa-” you feel peter freeze.

· “do-do you not love me anymore?” you feel peter’s tears before you hear his sniffles, “i didn’t want to push you, but i just missed you so much and i thought that you were starting to remember how much you love me.” his sniffles turn to sobs and you start feeling guilty. you push your discomfort away and let yourself get pulled into his warmth.

· “no, it's fine. just don’t, you know, cry please.” you press your lips into a thin line and sigh as peter stops sniffling and hums in content.

· he’ll guilt you into doing what he wants with tears and sobs about how he misses “the old you”

· funny, considering the fact that this mf basically made up his entire relationship with you because he’s literally psychotic

· your relationship would be seemingly normal too, except that all of the friends that talked about how they’ve never met peter before your accident went missing…huh, definitely no connection there…

· but by the time they inform you of their concern, it is already months after your accident and peter would have already made you believe that you were dating

· in peter’s mind, you’re everything and more than he imagined, even though you barely know him, he knows you so well that it’s easy for him to make you believe that you’re together.

· peter would tell he’s spiderman once you’ve stopped resisting him to make sure that you won’t search up your accident and see that spiderman was involved

· the only way for you to break from peter’s grip on your mind is for him to accidently confess that he’s lied to you

· and that’ll happen, peter may be good at lying, but during a fight, he might let it slip

· “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK TO THEM.”

· “they’re my friends, peter. you can’t stop me from seeing them.” you roll your eyes when peter’s face crumples. “ugh, peter, stop with the guilt-tripping. your fake tears don’t work on me anymore.”

· peter’s face turns cold, “your friends are liars and they’ve been trying to break us up since the accident. all they say when they see me are lies.”

· you keep a straight face, “well, i know it’s a lie, so you don’t have to act like this.”

· “but-but what if you start believing them? what if you realize that you can do better than me? what if you remember everything? what if they make you break up with me? wh-” peter turns to you and sees you frozen in place. he moves towards you and pulls you into a hug, but you stay stiff.

· “what do you mean “remember”?” you whisper and peter’s eyes go wide. silence fills the room as peter says still.

· “well, shit”

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ethernetchord · 3 years

Text

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

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stanknotstark · 3 years

Text

Pizza, or Loki?

So while i was reading a fanfic this brilliant idea hit me and I started jotting it down in my phone’s notes and it was only gonna be a small segment but then turned into a small one shot! I’m quite happy with it and hope you all enjoy it too!

Playing hard to get even though you’re dating the God of Mischievous causes some feelings of concern on both ends. Needless to say, it ends happily for the both of you anyways.

"Darling....the pizza.....or me?" Loki said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk thinking he's secure in your answer as all the Avengers stare at you with a mix of amusement and concerned looks on their faces.

You stand there with a soda half way to your lips and let the silence linger for a second, Loki's knowing smirk suddenly faltering.

"Oh...."

Everyone leaned into you.

"The pizza for sure." You said shrugging and taking a drink of your soda then leaving the room. Loki stuck with his mouth open and the avengers laughing.

Loki wasn’t quite sure whether to take this as an insult or not, considering you were his, he shivers at the thought of the word, girlfriend. Why couldn't mortals come up with some better word to describe their significant other.

~~~~~

The next day you smirk internally because when you awake Loki bursts in the room, a tray of food ready for you. He brought pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, and even ham, knowing you're very much a omnivore but leaning more towards carnivore. To top it all off he even brought your favorite, strawberry milk.

"Did you make this all by yourself?" You ask him as you eat with his company in bed.

Loki takes in a deep breath and frowns, "Technically...yes," he chuckles, "My dear?"

You only smile at the questionable tilt of the nick name for you.

~~~~~~~

The next day Loki says he would like to spar with you. It doesn't sound like much, but it is, because when you first started dating you had begged Loki to spar with you but he had adamantly denied every request with the same excuse, "No, do you know how easily I could break you with my strength?"

So when Loki asks if you want to spar you say yes.

When you go to sleep at night Loki is still up but before you can fully fall asleep you happily let him kiss every bruise he left on you knowing it will placate him and his guilt. You do however reassure him it doesn't hurt much and you’re not weak, the soreness is welcoming and you had a lot of fun.

~~~~~~

Finally, the day after, Loki brings you news you never thought you'd hear him say.

"Would you be adverse to meeting my parents?" Loki asks off handedly, or so it seems, in reality he is giddy thinking after this you'll have to pick him over pizza.

You look at him with wide eyes and stutter before you catch yourself and say, "I mean I’m not adverse i would love to Loki, I’m more concerned about you, are you sure you're ready for this?"

Loki can only smile at you and pretend to think on it for a second, "Yes. Im quite sure, darling."

A week later you, Loki, and the avengers are together again. Your "meeting the parents" date went wonderful and you really bonded with Loki's mother, Frigga. When leaving Odin even said he would be pleased to have you over more often.

Tony is the one who brings the question up though.

"I mean we can't really ignore what's been going on between you two, getting so...lovey dovey recently," Tony raises his eyebrows, "so, Loki or pizza?" Tony asked excitedly.

You looked at Loki and smiled, he didn't outright smile at you but the little twitch of his lips told you what you needed to know.

"Pizza." You said, no hesitation.

Loki frowned but Thor clapped his shoulder as he was laughing and broke the God's thought process. You decided to leave the room but first gave Loki a peck on the cheek.

~~~~~~

It was 2 hours later after Loki had time to think about what you said and he couldn't tell if he was angry or not because surely....surely you were joking, right? Come on, it was pizza.....

Right?

He was headed to his room to grab a book and maybe take his mind of things when he passed the kitchen area and heard two voices. Specifically your voice and Natasha's. He stopped before passing the archway and listened.

"Come on, pizza, really? We can all tell you’re head over heels for Loki."

"I am, it's honestly a little scary if I’m being honest I’ve never really felt this way about anyone before," Loki heard water splash and assumed you two were doing dishes after tonight's dinner, "I mean I thought with my ex's I had felt love but then....he came around and suddenly I’m not so sure anymore."

Loki heard a soft thump and you giggle. Nat must have bumped you with her hip.

"So why pizza then?"

"I....."

Loki leaned into the archway, catching himself from nearly falling through it, anxiously awaiting your response.

"I feel like I need to play hard to get, you know? Loki comes from Asgard, he is literally surrounded by goddesses every day, or at least growing up. This man is so damn handsome he could literally take any woman off the streets and they would love it so I guess I do it to keep him humble?" Loki heard you sigh, "I don’t know I’m probably over reacting and it's not his fault but I feel like....the whole world, or, well universe, is my competition."

Loki hears Nat hum, "I'm not so sure about that...Loki is head over heels in love with you and if I remember correctly Asgardians are very serious about dating, they usually have a long term plan if they start courting you."

"I....ya."

"All I’m saying is give Loki more credit is all."

Loki doesn't realize how lost in thought he is until Natasha comes out the door and pointedly looks at him, nodding her head to the kitchen and quietly saying with that one look, get in there, work your magic. So, Loki does.

Loki enters the kitchen and clears his throat so you glance behind yourself and smile, taking a second to dry your hands then turn and give him your full attention.

"What's up, Loke?"

For once in his life Loki, the silver tongued God doesn't know what to say. So instead, he confidently walks over to you and pulls you to himself, freezing you in a hug, his chin resting on your head and relaxes into you as you wrap your arms around him too.

"I think...." Loki forms his thoughts in his head and decides to be brutally honest for once, "I think without you I may have ventured down a dark path. I believe you've taught me what loyalty and love truly are. I can think of nothing better than living out the rest of my life with you, only you....forever."

"I..." you say, pulling back a bit to look Loki in the eyes in shock and confusion but Loki can see something like relief too before the look in your eyes changes and he frowns for a second not knowing what you're feeling right now.

"Was that your way of proposing to me?" You ask in a shy and timid voice. Loki blinks, blinks once more, then smiles softly, "If that's what you want then...yes."

You blush and hide your face in his chest and begin babbling, "I mean I don’t want to push you into a marriage so don't feel like you-"

Loki pushes you away from his body and holds onto your shoulders like it's his life line, looking you in the eyes and says, "I want it more than you'll ever know. Will you marry me?"

You can feel the tears in your eyes but nod yes before saying it too, "Yes. Yes, yes, God yes!"

Loki chuckles as you laugh and brings your mouth to his, both of you kissing through smiles and your tears of happiness.

~~~~~~~

After things have calmed down and you told the avengers about your sealed fate, you’re all together celebrating when Natasha comes up between you and Loki, she gives you both a pointed look then looks at you.

"Pizza, or Loki?"

You look at Loki in the eyes and smile, he smiles back at you and grabs your hand toying with the golden ring, with emeralds going around the band.

"Well...."

END

#loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #reader insert #pizza or loki #my writing #loki #marriage #loki gif #tom hiddleston #one shot #avengers #natasha romanov

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vibraniumwing · 3 years

Text

wildest dreams.

a steve rogers x fem!reader wherein the reader falls in love with the super soldier who can’t seem to let go of the past.

WARNING: angst, one-sided relationships, set four years after the snap.

A/N: hello !!! this is the first marvel fic i’m posting and i am very nervous about it aha. i hope all of you would like it though !! i’m kind of back into the flow of things for writing (since im on a one week break from school) but im still trying to maneuver through it. this is inspired by wildest dreams; complementary tissues are here if needed.

word count: 3.7K.

---

Your attitude died the same day your little brother turned to dust in your arms four years ago. The fear and pain his face had was burned into the back of your mind, haunting you on a daily basis; his cries echoing in your head.

But things seemed to change when your aunt introduced you to the talks the remaining Avengers had weekly for the people who were still struggling with the sudden loss of their loved ones; seeing and meeting people who were going through the similar struggle as you helped a lot in coping with the eternal torture that you had.

That’s when you met him; the man who held your heart in the palm of his hands. Steve Rogers.

---

“How come you’ve only started going to these meetings after four years?” Kenzie, a girl who’s a few years younger than you asked, causing everyone in the meeting circle to look at you. Your eyes widened at the sudden question, feeling a slight tinge of pink creep up on your cheeks at the attention you’ve gained.

You bit your lower lip as you contemplated whether or not to answer the question, “I- I had a hard time accepting my brother’s gone since he's my only family. I locked myself up for the last four years, rarely talking to anyone until my aunt forced me to get into these types of things and well now I go here whenever my days get really bad. I had to move on somehow.” You answered, tone laced with truthfulness, giving her a small smile.

“Well we’re both glad and proud you’re here and that you’ve decided to move on from what happened.” Steve spoke up, making everyone look at him, including you. His blue eyes peering into yours, giving you a small nod which you reciprocated, the eye-contact causing the others words of agreement and encouragement to be drowned out.

The rest of the meeting flew by as normal as the superhero continued to talk about how everyone should move on from what happened一 accompanied with the occasional stolen glances Steve gives you一 and soon enough, everyone was giving each other hugs and bidding their goodbyes until the next meeting.

You were grabbing your jacket when someone tapped your shoulder, looking back you saw the super soldier look at you with a somewhat nervous glint in his eyes, “You’re Y/N, right?” He asked, showing you a small grin as he pushed his hands inside of his pocket.

“You have the right person, Mr. Rogers.” You answered, unsure of why he would suddenly come up to you. It didn’t even take you a second to register the rather homey smell of laundry detergent and a hint of a manly perfume you couldn’t put a name on that he sported.

“I’ve been seeing you a lot in these sessions一 I, I was wondering if you would like to go grab some dinner sometime?” He asked awkwardly, unsure of how to sentence the thoughts that were inside his mind.

Your eyebrow quirked at the male who was normally eloquent and sure of his words, is now fumbling over how to ask you out for dinner but who were you to say no to such a rare opportune to spend some time with the male, “I… I would love to.”

And that was the start of it all.

---

At first he was worried about the situation the both of you had, fearing that you might be hated for once the word goes out to the public that you were dating him so you compromised, telling him that no one has to know what the both of you do; that it was okay for him to keep you as his secret, admitting that all of this gave you a thrill.

Until eight months later, Steve had finally said he had enough of hiding and offered to take you to the Avengers compound where he introduced you to the rest of the heroes who were working hard to keep everything intact after the tragic event that happened a little well-over four一almost five一 years ago.

“Steve, do you think they liked me?” You had asked him, eyes trained to the ground as the both of you walked around the Facility, hands tucked behind your back as the cool air of the setting sun wafted around the both of you. There was silence on his end before he spoke up, “Nat wouldn’t have choked on her drink at that joke you made if she didn’t.”

You looked up at him, a hopeful smile adorning your lips, “So does that mean I’m accepted here, then?” It was kind of ridiculous to ask that question after hearing him just say that Natasha laughed at your joke, but all he did was nod and wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in.

“Even if they didn’t, they have no choice. You’re stuck with me.”

The mere memory made you smile as you drove into the facility, having the intention of surprising him with a gift you had made him; a painting of the first photo you two took together, at Time Square.

You and Steve were on another spontaneous road trip; he was free for the day and had asked you to accompany him to drive around New York and before you could even decline, he was already knocking at your apartment door, ready to pick you up.

The day was filled with quiet laughter as you introduced him to newer music and those timeless masterpieces that he missed out on during his 70 year freeze. “I can’t believe you don’t listen to Queen! That band is a whole icon!” You called him out as you started to play Bohemian Rhapsody in the background. “I’m introducing you to the basics.”

“Hey I don’t have as much free time as you, you know.” Steve said, stepping on the gas as you two finally entered the rather empty streets of Times Square.

Your day was filled with laughs and banter as you continued to introduce him to newer songs, occasionally playing some older tunes that he could enjoy himself and talked about how his life was before he was dunked into the ice. “Must’ve been a real hard time for you to grasp on to everything suddenly being so modern.” You commented, looking up from your phone to give him a small smile.

“Oh trust me, it gave me quite the shock waking up to see everything so… new and foreign. But I had to learn一adapt even to what happened.” He started off, slowing down the car for him to look up at the large skyscrapers. “I had to move on or else I would still be miserable until now.” He said, tongue clicking at the top of his mouth.

The car came into a full stop making you look at him in confusion. “Why’d you stop the car?” But he didn’t answer, instead he got out and jogged around the car to open the door for you. You stepped out, brows still furrowed. “We didn’t have the luxury to take that many photos back in the day and I would regret it if I didn’t have one with you.” He said, rubbing the nape of his neck.

Breaking out into a smile, you agreed almost instantly and pulled your phone out, quickly opening the camera. “This is a selfie, alright?” You said, not forgetting to tease him, earning you an eye roll from the male. “I’m not that outdated!” he retorted, pulling you into him as he motioned you to take the photo.

You were snug in his arms as you put the phone up, “To more memories with you, Captain.”

You were all smiles the moment you parked your car and grabbed the canvas from the trunk, heading inside the compound where Nat instructed you to go around when you bumped into Rhodey who was quick to recognize you, “Hey you’re Cap’s girl, right?” which made you shake your head hesitantly, causing the other to look at you with a bamboozled expression. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“Well, Steve hasn’t asked me out officially but that’ll change soon enough. I made him this gift and will actually ask him. A bit odd I know, but if neither of us would make a move then this would probably drag on.” You confessed, grinning at the soldier excitedly who now had an amazed expression on his face. “Alright then. He’s in the office with Romanoff so knock yourself out.”

You were nearing the office when you overheard the conversation between assassin and Steve.

“So when are you officially going to ask Y/N out?” The female asked, making your heart race in anticipation and hope that he might actually ask you to be his soon. However, the quietness that followed made your excitement go down and your heart to drop to your stomach; the giddiness you were feeling was replaced with worry as negative thoughts started to infiltrate your mind.

A sigh was finally heard from the other end, “Nat, I haven’t been completely honest with you. I… I don’t think I ever will.” The latter started off, heaving another sigh as a shuffle of feet was resonating through the quiet room. “It’s just… Y/N’s a great girl you know? I thought I could love her but she’s一 she’s not like Peggy.”

You could hear Nat scoff lightly, probably in disapproval, “Then why’d you lead her on like this? That’s an asshole move from you, Steve.” and you couldn’t agree more. Your mouth was held over your mouth as you tried your best not to make any sound, wanting to hear more from his side before you make your presence known; in foolish hopes that he might be able to move on and be with you instead.

“I… I honestly don’t know how to bring it up to her. She seems so happy with me and I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t like her the same way she does with me.” He answered, voice laced with regret and guilt that he made you believe in something that wasn’t even possible in the first place.

That’s when your dreams of being with him was shattered; the visions you had of being in a family with him and living the rest of your days together were turned into dust. You were aware of the history Steve had with the woman; how he met her before subsequently falling into the ice that would freeze him. He made you feel so loved and convinced you that what you were feeling was reciprocal to his but you were wrong.

So damn wrong.

Suddenly, the promises he made of being with you until time permits became a blur to you, those late night talks of imagining what could happen if he and the others were to save the world and him bringing back your younger brother seemed like a far-fetched dream which shattered you even more.

So with every strong fiber that you had left within you, you re-emerged from your hiding spot and looked at the two heroes, Steve being the first one to see you, the color from his face drained. “Y/N I could expl一”

“Save it. Delete my name from your contacts, Rogers. I’m sorry I was foolish enough to think you would like me.” You told him, walking over to where he was to give the painting you worked so hard on, shoving it into his hands and mustering up the courage to look at him again. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t be your best girl.”

And then you ran, pretending not to hear him calling out for you; you ran all the way to the parking lot and by the time you could lean onto the door of your car, you were breathless and choking on the tears you fought hard to not spill but it was all too much.

As you drove away, a part of you hoped he ran after you but you were foolish enough to even hope so because he never did.

---

You sat by the window of your brother’s room, looking out into the empty streets of Manhattan. After the incident with Steve, you were left to fend for yourself again and it left you feeling lonelier than ever. He never contacted you, not even once after everything the two of you have been through. It seems like you were just a memory that was easy for him to forget.

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes once again when you heard something swoosh from the other side of the room. Snapping your head to the side, you could see something or someone form from dust and that’s when you realized it was your younger brother.

Rising to your feet, you sprinted over to where he was, “Xavier?” You whispered, choking up on tears as your little brother’s doe eyes looked up at you in disbelief and fear. He was only five years old when he disappeared into nothing and it looks like he hasn’t aged even a day. His arms immediately sprung up to ask for your embrace to which you complied with.

You scooped the toddler up in your arms and hugged him tightly, fearing he might disappear again. Then you heard it, the streets outside were filled with screams of confusion and terror as people started forming again one by one, chaos ensuing outside of your quiet home; but you were tranquil, because you knew Steve had kept his promise of giving you your brother back, of making everyone else return.

---

It's been a good week since everyone has gone back, people still trying to process everything that has happened. Families were and still are reconnecting, businesses and government officials are trying to get a hold of things together.

Your life was slowly going back to normal. Your little brother was back meaning the small house you live in is starting to be filled with joyous laughter again as the little tyke's energy was bursting at the seams.

You and your aunt watched as Xav played with the teddy bear she got for him upon her visit, "Everything seems so much lighter with the little troublemaker around, isn't it?" She asked, glancing at you as she continued to knead the dough of the cookies she's making for you and your brother.

"It definitely is. Suddenly this place feels like home aga—" Your sentence was cut in the middle when a loud knock came from your door making your brows furrow.

"Oh were you expecting anyone?" Your aunt asked, you shook your head in response but before you could answer her your brother's voice resonated through the house. "I'll get it!" but what you expected next was the last thing you could have ever expected.

“Y/N! It’s- It’s Captain America!” Xavier’s voice was a pitch higher due to his excitement upon seeing the superhero then his laughter soon followed. Your aunt gave you a surprised yet knowing look, motioning you to go to the door. “You better go and ask the man what he wants from you. I’m not listening to your excuses, go.”

You knew better than to argue with the woman so you slowly made your way to the front door where you saw Steve who sported a few wounds to his face carrying your little brother, his smile wide as he answered questions the child asked. “I think Cap has had enough questions to answer, Xav. Go back inside.” You told him, much to the five year old’s dismay.

“But Y/N! I haven’t asked一” “I’ll be back later to answer those okay? Go listen to your sister.” Steve was the one to answer now, setting Xavier down and patted his head. He gave the super-soldier a thumbs up and ran inside, giddily telling your aunt that he got carried by the blonde.

The two of you stared at each other quietly, before you decided to speak up. “How about we go to the backyard and speak there, yeah?” You offered, making some room for him to enter the house, to which he agreed with, entering your humble home. Upon closing the door, you whispered a quiet “let’s go” to him and led him to the back of your house.

You sat down by the lone tree that stood in the middle of your garden, patting down the space next to you. “So what brings you here?” You asked once he sat down, turning to the male with a small yet hesitant smile.

“I’m returning the infinity stones tomorrow but before that I want to apologize.” Steve started off, looking into the distance as he couldn’t bring himself to look into your E/C orbs that he once found comfort in, fearing that it might be filled with hatred for him. “I’m not sure how much you heard that night but I have… no excuse for what I did to you. I thought I could love you, that I could move on but I guess I’m still stuck in the past.” He admitted, tone quiet and soft like the rustles of the leaves that hovered above the both of you.

“I came to you because you reminded me of Peggy. It was selfish of me to even approach you with that intention in the first place but I can assure you that every moment we shared together is something that I cherish deeply. Even一 even the first kiss we had right under this tree right here.” He finished, a sad sigh following his sentence.

It was a cool night and you were drifting off to sleep when you heard something tap the windows of your room, causing you to sit up and walk towards the source of the noise to see Steve gathering more rocks. Opening the window, “Steve? What on earth are you doing here?” You asked, amused at his antics that seemed too out of character even for him.

“I came to see you! You aren’t going to the session tomorrow, right?” Steve said, motioning you to come down. His smile was big as the moon shined over him, defining his facial structure even more despite the darkness of the night.

You shook your head in disbelief, you had told him that you weren’t going to attend this week due to the fact that it was supposed to be your brother’s tenth birthday today and you had every intention to celebrate for him. “Go to the back! I’ll meet you there.” You told him, motioning to the garden at the back of your childhood home.

You quickly threw on a pair of pajama pants and headed down, grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen pantry before heading out to the backyard where you saw him sitting down by the tree and waved for you to come on over to him.

You plopped down next to him and his arms were instantly around you, “How old is your brother by tomorrow?” He asked, squeezing you to him gently as he placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. His familiar scent greets your senses, causing you to completely ease up in his touch.

“Xav’s supposed to be ten tomorrow. I promised him I would take him to the beach for this tenth birthday so I have every intention of doing so even without him here.” You answered, the familiar feeling of sadness forming in your chest at the idea of spending another birthday without him; it was too painful for you.

Comfortable silence then wrapped the both of you before he spoke up again, “I promise I’m getting your brother back. I don’t know how we can do that, but I promise you I will.” Determination was dripping through every word, making you look up at him as hopefulness filled your eyes. Your gaze met before you leaned in to connect your lips with his for a quick kiss.

Realizing your actions, you looked at him in shock as a hand hovered over your lips. “Steve I’m so sorry” but you were quickly silenced when his plush tiers met yours for another kiss, this time longer and filled with more emotions. The both of you kissed until you had to break away due to the lack of oxygen, resting your forehead against his.

“Don’t be sorry, Y/N.”

You chuckled softly at the memory, a sad smile on your lips as you decided to speak up, “Did you ever regret meeting me, Steve?” You questioned, staring off into the distance as the feeling of defeat consumed you. There was a shift in his position as his hand cupped your cheek, making you look at him.

His brows were furrowed as he shook his head, “No, I could never regret meeting you. The only regret I have is with myself. For making you love me when I couldn’t even love you back.”

You leaned into his touch as tears flowed down from your eyes, your sobs following as your heart broke more. There was no denying you had fallen for him, that you had fallen quite hard for him but you couldn’t keep him to yourself; not when he’s still in love with the woman he met decades ago. “Thank you for giving me a chance to love you.” You whispered, thankful for the time he spent with you; for making you feel like he was yours for even just a fleeting moment.

No words left his mouth as he leaned in to give you another kiss. Unlike the many you’ve shared, this one was chaste and had guilt written all over it. “I have to go.” He then said, hugging you for the last time as he stood up.

Your hand stopped him from going any further, he looked back down at you with a curious gaze. With the last strong thread that you had, you mustered up a big smile at him. "I hope you still remember me; us. Even if it's just in your wildest dreams." before letting him go.

“I’ll always remember you, Y/N.”

---

TAGLIST: will be fixed soon!

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #captain america x reader #captain america x y/n #captain america x you #captain america #steve rogers #steve rogers angst #captain america angst #avengers #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fics

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