#just personal ruminations

[the-promise-has-been-made]

I rewatched my all-time favourite comfort movie Strictly Ballroom and at the end when Doug comes up to Shirley after everything, takes her hand and asks 'Shall we dance?' and she does that little cry gasp. Of course nowadays my mind immediately went to Hades and Perpehone 'and brother you know what they did? They danced' because they, too, had forgotten about their love and had to be reminded of it and in Hadestown it was through Orpheus' song, and in Strictly Ballroom it was through watching their son dance freely, without the restrictions, and him being unabashedly happy and in love and it reminded them of what they had once had and what really mattered and I guess what I am trying to say is I love the trope of estranged, older couples who had become bitter and jaded to each other rediscovering what is really important and that they really do love each other!

But also it made me think of Hadestown reimagined as a ostentaciously sparkly, corny, early 90s ballroom dance competition and that idea made me laugh really really hard!

#I don't even know if I wanna tag this #just personal ruminations

[stuckinapril]

Reframing whenever someone decides to leave you out of something or walks out of your life or just all around neglects your presence not as your loss but as theirs…. like that could have been so much more fun w me in it but I wasn’t and that will forever be your loss

#It might sound arrogant conceited etc but I used to deal w a lot of attachment anxiety bc id be like #That person is so cool. They’re so exciting. They know how to liven something up. I’m missing out on their energy #But now I think ab how they’re missing out on mine too and how they’re at the risk of losing me w every half assed action they take #Loss is never just one way if you know you bring value to something. I legit felt that yesterday for the first time in my life #Ruminating and clinging to ppl less has truly come at the behest of knowing I’m someone worth keeping around #And if you decide not to that’s a failing on your end and I don’t have to overcompensate by proving my worth to you

[yandere-daydreams]

As a person on the aro/ace spectrum, I think personally I don’t mind Alastor smut and all that cus asexuals do fuck, they still have sex, not all I recognise, but it’s a spectrum depending on the person. Like my asexual friends do it to pleasure their partners and find joy in that. Or they just aren’t as sexually interested, but can still be down other times. Aromantic ppl can still be in relationships as well ! I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but that’s what I think

this is a very personal tangent about a very niche subject, but i do actually find the fact that alastor is actively 100% not into sex at all kinda refreshing from a representation standpoint. a lot of allo people's first reaction to finding out asexuality is,,, like,,, a thing is to be like 'oh but you still do fuck right??? you're not all touch-adverse celibate freaks right???' and, as someone who is one of those touch-adverse celibate freaks, i have just grown a bit tired of it. like, sure, some ace people do have sex and some aro people are in relationships, but, like, what if they don't? what are you going to do then, linda?

#to be clear this is not related at all to the ask lmao #it's just something i've been thinking about for a while #and now i be ruminating #personal #anon aks

[dollsuguru]

need to rewatch mdzs i’m thinking HEAVILY about wei wuxian rn……….

#i wanted the weiwuxian url so bad but someone beat me to it… the biggest travesty #ANYWAYS…….. he’s so fucking sexy #the yiling patriarch… the grandmaster of demonic cultivation… he’s a good guy ok don’t be fooled #i love long dark-haired anime men ok they’re just sooooooooo my type omfg #he’s so silly and cute too he has DICHOTOMY #personal #wei wuxian #mdzs #i need to create another catchall tag for my other show gifsets i wanna rb… lemme ruminate on that #maybe i’ll just be basic and put it under anime 😭 even though it’s a chinese #donghua! but i need a catchall so maybe it’ll be anime…….. 😭😭😭 we’ll see

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm on a trip right now but next week when I get home I'm gonna draw Xiao Pingguo and Lan Wunian

Would you do it. Would you do it for them

#ask #equineswap au #xiao pingguo #lan wunian #Anon sent this a week ago (whoops (welcome home (I'm putting absolutely no pressure on you I just want to be silly))) #They both had to learn this technique from fairy btw #the act of using the soggy eyes is not a natural inclination for their personalities #I like to imagine she's just out of frame directing them. 'Get soggier' she says 'Like you will die unless you get some peanutbutter' #Fairy the dog is probably not much of a beggar. Jin Ling doesn't want her belly to hurt. #Jiang Cheng only spoils dogs with cuddles #So lets go with 'Fairy the human's love language is probably touch and words of affirmation' #of course I'm thinking about love languages for these AU characters right now. I will ruminate on the other two girls' today. #this has nothing at all to do with Anon saying they want to draw the beloveds. my god I'll die for you if you do but no pressure

[lokh]

oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios

#they wouldve died. badly. #unfortunately ive lost the link saw it on twitter but i think laios gets knocked unconscious and imagines that it had been him that got ate #and not falin. and falin is the only one to advocate for them going back #but no one wants to go along with her presumably because they dont care for laios that much #(or at least this is laios' perception as this is just his imagination) #but also because she doesnt know as much about monsters and couldnt come up with a good argument for going back in #<- didnt know about prolonged digestion in red dragons and marcille assumed the interval was the same as in humans (1-3 days) #BUT...................... when everyone leaves falin turns back and goes in herself. and laios realises that shes always been that sort #of person and theres no point in ruminating over what could have been. #now. i want to believe that had they known falin would turn back without them. that at the very least shuro would have gone in with her. #theres no way he would have let her go on her own. and frankly i dont think he would have assembled his retainers #to go save laios rip... #marcille would have gone if she had known falin would turn back. and honestly i think she mightve known her well enough to guess this irl #anyways what i was GOING to say was maybe as they venture thru the dungeon shuro gets to learn more about laios thru falins view #maybe they get to know each other more and he opens up more about how he thinks of laios and like. falin is able to explain more about him #diffuse tension and give him a better understanding. like yeah hes still annoyed at him but he has a better view of how laios is #they get close and become better friends but maybe it also helps falin make up her mind and let him down gently............................ #and maybe they go and save laios but the dragon thing still happens to him #and its again a 'you felt like that all along??' situation irt him wanting to be a monster but it turns out ok and they (laishuro) #open up to one another in the end......................... #but. again im gonna be real. they would not have made it that far LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO laios the goat for real

[tackytigerfic]

Unfinished Friday

Thank you to the lovely people who have tagged me recently in WIP snip posts - pls expect reblogs soon, I am sort of off Tumblr atm and have a lot to catch up on but I am so grateful to be tagged and to get to read all your fucking phenomenal writing. Writing loads atm. Long wartime AU/ multiverse fic is progressing well. Here is a snip from it. Seven years after the war began, Draco has gone undercover with the Death Eaters to try to get close to Voldemort. Draco visits the Order HQ when he can. Draco and Harry are best friends and have been hooking up in secret. They're also in love but haven't really talked about it.

Downstairs in the Order meeting, Draco had been chilly and controlled—a gloved fist, a bridled Abraxan. He had barely looked at Harry the whole way through the meeting, but after the reports were all in, he had stood up in front of everyone and held a hand out to Harry across the table, and Harry had leaned right over to him and taken it. It didn’t seem to matter anymore who knew, or what they thought. There was no need for the smallness of subtleties in the face of something so horribly huge as Draco having to leave, again and again and again.

Together they made for the stairs, bumping shoulders as they went out the big double doors, Harry’s skin overheated where Draco’s hand made a bracelet round his wrist, not caring who was looking. They ignored the wolf whistle that followed them (Malfoy, no doubt, the smug prick), racing together up the steps two at a time until they reached their corridor and then finally Draco was a warm and moving thing under Harry’s demanding hands.

And he was different here in the shifting shadows of their old shared room, both of them jammed into Harry’s single bed, the moon a sick yellowed disc through the window. He looked glossy and well-fed, flesh solid over his ribs when Harry spanned them greedily with both hands, skin soft and rich-smelling, his hair swooping over one eye with the sheen of a starling's wing. His clothes, discarded on the floor, were too formal, too many pinnings and fastenings, too stiff with ornamentation and embellishments. He looked like what he was, Harry supposed; Lord Malfoy, the Viscount.

As Harry tried to undo him, he wondered for a moment how easily Draco slipped back beneath the trappings, but then he felt the frantic tap of Draco’s pulse under his fingertips and the familiar warmth of his breath as he pressed a kiss to the corner of Harry’s mouth, carelessly, like he couldn’t wait any longer, and Harry knew he had him back.

“How long have you got?” Harry asked, breathless already, fingers slipping wet with lube over Draco’s skin, and Draco kissed him almost angrily.

“Long enough,” he said. “We have time. God, you’re all I can think about.”

If you've read this far then please consider sharing your own WIP snip - I would love to read it. And artists/reccers/other creators too, if you have a WIP you're working on!

#tacky's fth #just looking at this i can see how much editing i'll need to do #like how much of this descriptive stuff might need the chop #maybe next time i'll try an omniscient 3rd person pov for funsies #anyway have spent far too much time recently ruminating on craft #and far too little time actually writing #though no fault of my own #but hey ho #summer holiday hell

[karamazovanon]

Do you have any thoughts about Alyosha's momentary crisis of faith? Because I understood why he had one, but not so much why he was immediately ready to drink and go see Grushenka. Interested to see if you've any opinions on the matter, either regarding Grushenka or just in general.

OOOOOO this is an interesting question and my answer is going to get kinda long, warning you now LOL

i think alcohol & drinking in general is often a big part of "the karamazovian nature"—fyodor pavlovich and mitya are open alcoholics & hedonists, and ivan's heavily implied to be an alcoholic as well by his delirium tremens at the end—and more generally as one of the wordly temptations that human nature as a whole is susceptible to (tangent, but this is also really interesting when you keep in mind ivan's cup analogy!! drinking & cups are tied to living & life so often; mitya chooses to "fill" his cup/life with alcohol, ivan drinks in secret until he throws the cup/life to the ground at 30 in rebellion, and alyosha instead chooses to fill his cup/life with god. one of the schiller verses mitya quotes in the ardent confession chapter even says "To the soul of God’s creation / Joy eternal brings her draught, / In strong secret fermentation / Flames the cup of life aloft")

and the common denominator is that they don't believe enough to overcome the natural urge to indulge. mitya does believe, but he can't stop himself and reproaches himself for it; ivan doesn't believe despite wanting to and that contributes too imo. but alyosha doesn't drink and is an ascetic for the most part bc everything for him is based off of his unwavering faith—and so when his entire worldview and moral system is shaken by both ivan and father zosima, he questions EVERYTHING and begins feeling detached from reality when it doesn't match up. without his bulletproof faith intact, he no longer has the external ruleset to dictate his behavior, and the karamazovian desire to ease pain with alcohol wins for a moment without being able to trust his prior moral compass

(on rereading for this post, i don't have a formulated thought on it but it's interesting that he agrees to rakitin's initial offer of vodka even though they end up having champagne instead—there's probably some connection there between vodka and worldly/russian baseness vs champagne, which while not communion wine is still wine LMAO)

this quote from the onion chapter is what stands out the most to me, bold mine:

"Alyosha cried out with a wail in his voice. ‘I speak to you not as a judge, but as the least of the judged. What am I before her? I came here in order to be destroyed, saying: “Go on, go on!” – and that was because of my cowardice, while she, after five years of suffering, no sooner did someone come and say a sincere word to her, forgave everything, forgot everything and cried! The assailant of her honour has returned, is summoning her, and yet she forgives him everything and hurries to him in joy and she will not take the knife, she will not take it! Oh, I am not like that! I do not know whether you are like that, Misha, but I am not like that! Today, the moment I received this lesson, I … She loves in a way that is loftier than yours or mine … Have you heard her say this earlier, what she said just now? No, you have not; if you had, you would have understood everything long ago … And let the other woman, whom she offended the other day, let her, too, forgive her! And she will forgive her, if she learns of this … and she shall learn of it … This soul has not yet been reconciled, we must spare it … This soul may contain a treasure …" (tr. mcduff)

when he loses his infallible external/divine guidance, he has to turn inward/to the world around him instead, where he finds guilt and the human urge to self-destroy (as well as the influence of rakitin & his schadenfreude) and as a karamazov, it naturally comes first in the form of alcohol (women, too, but alyosha never really shows any desire on that front) when he sees grushenka's kindness and forgiveness, he snaps out of it and his faith is reinforced (while he believes he's a sinner and unworthy, he sees in her christlike forgiveness and is reminded that although he has these karamazovian urges, giving in to them entirely isn't the answer etc etc im not a theologian and have been writing too long anyway)

this has been such a long ramble with so little structure but this is SUCH an interesting plot point, thank you for asking my thoughts on it!! :D

#lmk what yall think!!! i only skimmed so its not impossible for me to be misremembering or misinterpreting something LOL #his Temptation is so so interesting #i think its bc seeing his doubt result in even stronger faith is so opposite to my personal experience that it FASCINATES me in literature #anonasks #the brothers karamazov #also i originally wrote “the karamazovian need to get white girl wasted” but decided to be serious for once instead #Also the fucking whiplash from the last ask to this one icb. #to me its like. he loses the spiritual morality so all he has left is to turn to the worldly morality and everyone around him drinks and #is a bad influence lol #and changing your faith is a HUGE paradigm shift too bc its a TON of beliefs rolled into one #for the devout like alyosha its the basis of EVERYTHING. your epistemology morality your perception of reality and people etc #so once the first domino falls you get a novice drinking champagne LMAO #i hope this was clear!! i keep ruminating and adding thoughts but i feel like my attempts to articulate them just make it more confusing LO #anonpost

[feline-evil]

Aoetic desecration and S.O.S both having this rising section of guitar, but in AD it ends after just a few rounds whereas in S.O.S it just keeps climbing and climbing and climbing higher and higher; and the way that section version of that guitar section puts me in mind of the visuals of Nathan climbing that hill during Knubbler's training, making it feel as if S.O.S is triumphant not effortlessly but with great effort and exertion to keep rising and not falling- because failing or giving up is easier sometimes but that doesn't make it the right thing to do, same as sometimes persevering and succeeding and doing the right thing is sometimes hard fucking work but that doesn't make it worthless or not something you should do.

This isn't a hidden theme, its just textual it's literally what Nathan's arc entails, i'm not saying anything big nor smart lol- but i do just like how narratively the instrumentals of the movies music drive the movies themes home too in this way! It adds so much more to feel and sink your teeth into when it comes to this plotline about him having to put the effort in to be a better person and to grow and do the right thing instead of just resorting to giving up or falling back on old habits and what he knows and does best!!

#jay talkin #metalocalypse #army of the doomstar #aotd spoilers #i care him so fucking much i do i cant deny it and this movie is my fuckin everything #im so tired i got no idea if im making sense rn im rlly just saying shit. anyway. aotd fucking good #n also hey w the themes around nathans wellbeing in this movie i also fuckin connect to like #IDK. IN A METAPHORICAL SENSE BEING A GUY IN A SIMILAR POSITION B4. LESS APOCALYPTIC BUT YKNOW #yyouuuu can see some of this to be abt recovery to and doing better and it makes it feel like. acknowleged that YEAH ITS FUCKING HARD #and i like that triumphant feeling of 'we have to keep fighting. its fucking hard and youll want to give up but we have to' IDK ITS GOOD #DUNNO. s'not intentional probably but i can see smth thats meaningful to me personally in there #not coherent enough to figure this personal feeling out rn maybe ill ruminate and type it out another time. im tired.

[grimweathers]

hey quick question what does it mean when you pull the exact same tarot card in reverse twice in 3 days after plenty of shuffling and flipping random cards upside down just asking for a friend!!!!!!!

#sdkflsjd i have the heebie jeebies!!!! #personally i don't believe that like. 'spirits' are talking to me through the cards or anything like that #but this really weirded me out lmao 😭 #i was ruminating on the exact same topic too before pulling the card... #if anyone is curious i pulled the high priestess in reverse today and the day before yesterday #thinking about isolation and social connection and reaching out to someone specific 🥴 #so uhhhhh i guess maybe i should stop convincing myself to Not reach out to this person and just do it. #river talks

[bogkeep]

is it really plausible that i, a bundle of neuroses barely held together with duct tape, could have Anxiety for real

#Surely Not #idk im still ruminating on the possibility #i think i really badly internalised the 'anxiety is a very real and debilitating illness and not just a cutesy thing to add to your brain C #and went Ok So I Definitely Don't Have It Then despite having anxiety as a feeling deeply embedded in my entire body my entire life #i also think our elementary school teacher read us a book about a kid with a mom that had anxiety so bad she never left her room #and that was my exposure to it #along with the general autism experience of 'the thing you're describing doesn't sound so bad you can definitely handle it' #i personally think i handle all my brain garbage just fine #but there's a lot of it. i just live like this? #every time i hear someone kick a ball i flinch a little because i expect it to hit me in the head. that's maybe not normal

[wastemanjohn]

on the subject of how friend breakups hurt just as much as romantic breakups... i'm sure someone was on the subject somewhere lmao... i'm having sads tonight even if it was fucking ages ago technically and its my own fault bc I read through some messages idk why i havent deleted... or why i did that. meh. i need a good everything shower and an early night.

#this person hurt me more than anyone ever has in my life and I still miss them #and then there's the guilt for not handling it well #and the fear that they'll slide back like nothing happened which they did SO many times #and idk there's still a lot of reminders #that are hard to avoid this time of year especially #and just the ruminating... were they the problem or was I or a secret third thing where we just brought out the worst in each other #I've grown as a person since we were friends. a lot #and I think not having them in my life is a lot to do with that #but god it still fucking hurts sometimes lol #yeah I'll probably delete this later when I've got over myself lol

[mindshelter]

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah 

this guy really had. no idea. not a clue this snotty know-it-all uppity asshole was going to become an incredibly dear friend. he cared for tim and valued their relationship, sure, but there was a significant amount of resentment present thanks to kon assuming tim considered himself above the rest of them— so it’s so neat seeing how drastically the tone of their relationship changes after kon begins to learn just how self-critical tim can be, and sees tim’s doubts about his capacity to lead and fill an impossibly large pair of shoes. 

his frustrations with tim largely vanish, and their casual friendship with. faint traces of antagonism deepens; it becomes so warm and wholly supportive: robin becomes his close friend. his confidant. his secret-keeper. of course tim has his tendencies towards being a jackass, but to kon... that’s the boy who promised him nothing would change after discovering kon’s connection to lex. who’d roll his eyes good-naturedly when kon teases him, and tease him right back. who’d drop everything to help him (leaving his post in blüdhaven after the city was destroyed, not knowing if his stepmother, uncle for hire, or even if dick was alright— or alive, for the matter), because kon is family too. that’s the boy he now knows must be hurting, but still wants nothing more than to do the world some good. all he hopes is to make it a little safer, a little happier. 

for two people who are both so completely terrified of what they might become— who are so convinced they may really be rotten at their cores, it’s fitting that once their misconceptions of one another were stripped away, the only thing either of them could find was someone to love. 

(young justice (1998) #38/robin (1993) #146)

#yeah. #timkon #dc #kon aggressively gets proven wrong for the next ten years #do not mind me! i am just ruminating as i'm writing fic lol. brain exercise #everybody should acknowledge that one of timkon's recurring themes is literally just. open and honest communication #kon: what if i was a horrible person #tim: what if i was a horrible person #both of them pointing at each other à la spider-man meme and going HEY THAT'S NOT ALLOWED!! BE NICE TO YOURSELF! >:0 #l. listen. tim spent so long being secretive and scarce on personal details it nearly ended in them having a full out brawl #and years later #when they lay bare what they think are the worst. the nastiest. most repulsive parts of themselves #all they find staring back at them is kindness #they are genuinely so wonderful to each other... they are so special. and fucking stupid also #oh i'm pacing around in normaltown again #comic blogging

[luminlunii]

Hi, how are you?

This is only a question.

If you had to choose between a ship,

which one would it be?

Mordecai x Rocky (HellerBy)

or Mordecai x Viktor (Vikdecai)?

Is there any other ship you like?

Hello! I'm doing alright, thank you for asking :))

I would choose Hellerby solely because the age gap between Rocky and Mordecai don't bother me as much as Mordecai and Viktor. Viktor is 40. Mordecai is 29. That is thirteen years apart. (I saw a post referring to them both as old men when Viktor is the only one we could actually consider old. And he's just 40.)

As much as I indulge you guys with Hellerby, I actually hate shipping characters lmao

Not my thing and never will be. I just think it's hilarious and a good way to practice poses between two characters interacting.

#lumin ruminates #also someone requested a serafine x rocky a while ago #i am so sorry to that person #it's just been sitting in my drafts #i'll draw it someday i swear

[spamsandsuch]

In my mind i dont think swatch necessarily hates spamton but spamton does think they hate him

#spamton #spamtonposting #swatch #swatchposting #in a sense i feel like spamton just thinks everybody hates them due to its circumstances and is extremely distrustful/disdainful to others #as a result #and especially hates ppl like swatch and the adds for believing them to be fake friends #(i include swatch in this cuz of the sweepstakes q&a) #but would swatch hold the same amount of contempt for spamton? To me not really #I think its more so that swatch is just uncomfortable around spamton due to its actions #And due to swatches personality is often annoyed by spamtons actions as well #Thought that doesnt necessarily equate to swatch hating him (or in my fanon at least… though even from a canon standpoint #i feel like swatch is more so annoyed and uncomfortable with spamton rather than actively despises them) #i think in afttp they would get more on friendly terms and become acquaintances after talking through their issues together #(but who knows i might make them friends eventually too? who knows..) #my headcanons #also sorry for not posting as much lately i got a new job recently and just been dealing w/ some personal stuff #to the point where i forget i can just posts my ruminating dr thoughts (which i used to do more often and i feel a lil bad for not doing so #as much now) #anyway thats all i dont have much else to say lol