#lack of nurture

[furiousgoldfish]

Today I am bothered by the fact that babies and toddlers are programmed to ask for attention and affection naturally, right, and if they don’t get it, they ask for it louder and louder, until they get completely exhausted and they can’t move anymore, which is when it sinks to them that there is no help, no attention, nobody coming, they’re not being cared for, which is when they go silent and numb and stop asking for it.

Natural progression for a human is to get as much attention and care as they need as a baby, then also as a toddler, and then at some stage later they stop needing it as much, they start desiring separation and individuality, and their desires for attention flow towards different people then, they want positive attention from their peers, then from the rest of the world as well, but not in that parental way anymore, now they want to be acknowledged and equal and needed and wanted, not fed and pampered and hugged, although a tiny amount of that isn’t rejected if offered.

If abused, these needs can developed differently. If as a toddler you’ve spent more time in that catatonic and numb state, fearing for survival because you’re a baby and there’s no caretakers, that leaves a mark on you. If you’ve been denied physical attention, hugs and pats and strokes on your head, as a toddler, that again leaves a mark, makes you feel undesirable, unwanted, disgusting, unworthy. And since you’re constantly feeling hurt, the desire for separation can come early too; because your instinct is to survive, and if your caretaker is a danger to you, you still love them of course, but you realize you have to be independent, have to take care of yourself, have to figure your own issues out without asking for help. It’s also followed by a dose of dissociation because the pain of being emotionally abandoned so young, is too much for anyone. Being neglected when you desperately need someone, will cause you to dissociate, possibly even develop a dissociative disorder to survive.

But what happens with all those needs for affection? If nobody fulfilled your basic needs for care as a toddler, do you ever evolve to wanting to be equal to others? Or do you, forever, yearn for parental type of care? Need to be pampered and reassured that you’re wanted and valuable and that someone will take care of you, make sure you eat, make sure you don’t die, make sure you’re safe? Does this ever go away, if nobody ever takes care of you this way? Do you ever feel completely comfortable being equal to someone? Do you not interpret intimacy as a way to get that positive touch, and crave it not in a sexual, but in a ‘i need to be held’ kind of way? Do you not assume they also want to be pampered, and offer it as a wild hope they might do it back, but they just accept it and take it and run off with it? Do you forever just end up a caretaker nobody ever took care of, who has no way to ask for it because it feels so wildly inappropriate?

#unmet needs #abusive parents #child abuse #emotional abandonment #lack of care #lack of positive touch #lack of nurture #child neglect #physical abandoment #making children feel unwanted and gross #causes of dissociation #sadness #i didn't do this to myself but i feel gross about it anway

[kingstooth]

heres to the other dandelions out there

#to grow without being nurtured by kindness but in spite of lack of care #maybe you were not treated with love. but still you sprouted in the hostility and grew to meet the sun #dandelions

[citnamora]

The thing is.. Iris knows Dahlia won't change. She knows her sister is past the point of saving. Iris saw the corruption, firsthand, only because Dahlia is her sister. As identical twins, Iris was there from the day Dahlia was born to the day that she died. She witnessed the progressive distortion of her sister. But they share a face and once shared a name. Iris believes that she, herself, is proof that Dahlia could have grown and matured as she had. And this is why even now when her sister has once again attempted to take a life, she can't bring herself to feel contempt. She will always love Dahlia even if she wanted to hate her because she will always blame herself, first.

#gyakuten saiban #ace attorney #t&t spoilers #ayame #iris fey #sister iris #iris hawthorne #chinami miyanagi #dahlia hawthorne #iris could have been dahlia. but dahlia also could have been iris. their coexistence in the narrative is important to understanding them #dahlia lacked the support system that iris had. they both could have been happy. but their upbringings doomed them #to watching one suffer and the other curse themselves. dahlia is not just an evil twin. she is a deeply traumatized individual #who only learned to hurt. to be angry. to hate. where iris learned to be kind. to be patient. to nurture #anyways the hawthorne sisters deserved better! the feys as a whole are a doomed family!

[transphilza]

not forcibly assigning phil a dad role in every single rp relationship regardless of if it actually makes sense is not just about not being annoying and forcing ooc headcanons onto characters, but like character wise it’s actually extremely good for characters to have relationships on equal ground. this is why c!emeraldduo Not being family is so good, because both phil and techno’s characters lacked equal-ground relationships and so having a closely trusted friend who is an equal was a very powerful dynamic. in both dsmp and qsmp phil Is a guiding or paternal figure in a lot of ways for a lot of other characters and because of that, him having relationships that are Different than that is really important and good

#because this is a topic being discussed on the dash today #i can speak for d smp a lot more than q cause i really Only watch phil on q lmao #techno and phil were literally kind of Above it all by virtue alone of just being immortal #techno was isolated and used as a weapon and put on a pedestal which meant he had very few equals #phil was a paternal figure for at least two major people; was untouchable by virtue of his proximity to techno too #when involved with others phil often took on a nurturing if not meddling sort of role where he intended to help and guide people #of course he’s a little bit deranged so his perception of Helping can be wacky kekw #but yeah both of them lacked equals #techno Especially #so cemeralds was so special……..

[stuckinapril]

there’s so much responsibility that comes with parenting. like a crazy amount. like i don’t think many parents are informed on how their children’s childhoods can literally shape the rest of their lives. there really has to be some mandate where couples have to take a mental health course before the government allows them to conceive or something. or just. something. anything to lessen the ignorance & volume of people who should never be parents becoming parents

#like people genuinely don’t realize #they think a bad temper or poor conflict resolution or just lack of nurturing can be swept under the rug or forgotten #but it’s the exact opposite #that shit will manifest in the most unexpected ways

[prommytheus]

grown-up sebastian debeste :]

#my art #sebastian debeste #this is my favorite drawing of him i’ve done yet tbh. hes so joyous and confident!! #im not a sebastian expert (yet…) so i dont have any real takes on how i think he’d turn out. but I THINK HE SHOULD TEACH AT THEMIS #like. he was the way that he was because of poor nurture and a lack of good role models willing to be honest with him- until justine & miles #he came into his own and his own autonomy and confidence because of teachers that believed in him and trusted him to take it #and i think he’d want to be that for someone #also i think he should still be a little overconfident but more as an intentional bit than as a result of ignorance #less ‘idiot who thinks hes hot shit’ more ‘orchestra/theatre teacher having the time of his life’ #ALSO I GOT BORED OF ONLY EVER DRAWING HIM IN RED AND BLUE SKDKLSJD #green and yellow suit him ^_^ both bc of symbolism with miles and his dad & bc then he’ll compliment kay’s color scheme

[the-darklings]

What is he if not Lord of unanswered dreams and hopes?

Honestly, it pains me so much that Dream always fails to recognise his own value. That he knows his meaning to the Dreaming, but can’t he see his worth apart from his function. That killed me in the TV series and it kills me here. How often had somebody said something like “you have to do this” or “you don’t have a saying in this” for him to only believe himself worthy as a king for those who sleep instead for a being that deserves to love and dream as well.

I agree, and it's one of the first things I truly appreciated about his characterisation.

To be honest, it's a question that could be argued in many different ways. Past experiences are the first point that pops into my mind. The idea that all past attempts to have something more, to live for something other than his function, is beyond his grasp. Yet, more often than not, if you analyse Dream's pattern, the relationship is either doomed from the start (and he fails to see it/accept it), or he is entirely incompatible with the individual, to begin with. Dream's own inability to form meaningful change is, arguably, half the issue here, if not most of it.

It's clear that Dream is lonely. That he dearly desires something more but has been burned too many times to try and shoulder the potentially another failure. He has such responsibility placed on him that he instead chooses to - as Corinthian aptly puts it - "feel nothing". I think it's easier for him to focus on his duty because the depth of his own loneliness might undo him. Again, it's not a lack of love or even care. It's too much love. Dream is cold not because he doesn't feel but because he loves too much, too quickly, too intensely.

But he is also oh so proud. All those failed relationships and connections are felt so much deeper, even if he's not verbal about them.

#this is why with tibyim i took such slowburn/platonic focus #half the fic is arguably platonic. there are no concrete romantic feelings between them at least until 5. #that thousand years was both about them mutually having a constant but also learning to value of connection #when you really analyse dream's past relationship they were all very sudden and intense #wanderer and dream /grow/ together. they are there for each other without need for anything physical. they learn to care #about each other as people first and foremost. love grows from that care/trust/connection #that's why it simmers so deeply. because it's been nurtured. bruised. then grows stronger with each test. #dream doesn't need another lover just for the sake of having something physical. he needs someone who would love him #for him. but also not be afraid to challenge him. like wanderer says in 10 /because of respect/ not from lack of it. #when i was trying to really analyse them as individuals and potential couple it was important to me that they could stand individually #but make each other better when together. and I don't mean erases each other's flaws but inspire the other to best version #of themselves #byeee sorry about the rant sdjghsdg #asks #fic: today i bury you in me

[crumbleclub]

Something I think would destroy Michael when he finally got out of William's house:

At every turn, the adults who were supposed to care for him failed him. Now that he's an adult, nobody is expected to help him at all.

#something something the inherently inhospitable nature of a society lacking in community support #also the weird idea that once people are grown to a certain point they don't need like. nurturing #humans are social creatures who need nurturing even in elderhood #and he just. he doesn't have anybody to turn to for guidance rlly #henry would say he's there but in practice. there's a lot he cannot adequately do. esp after denying helping mike for so long #also full disclosure i am having A Time at 4 am and 100% projecting #my healthiest coping mechanism is. tormenting writing michael ig #getting gerascophobia vibes from mike tbh. he was scared of adults as a kid and now that he is one he's alone #which makes it darkly comical that he ends up having to live inside a body that rotted instead #he never got the chance to grow old. but what is decay if not the degenerative part of aging taken to an extreme #i feel like someone could write a poem about that but i need to fucking sleep #i have to be up in. 2 hours. help #fnaf #michael afton #mike's stuff

[alexandersimpleton]

#cursed princess club #cpc frederick #prince frederick #why does everyone hate him so much :( #I'm starting to think his constant paranoia and fear of people hurting him is less nature and more nurture #or lack of nurture #Frederick's been dealing with people wanting to hurt him his whole life #of course he was scared of Gwen #the others don't know that #but i still wish they'd be less mean about it :(

[fruiteggsaladit]

Every once in a while I'll despair a little at finding so little Hina and/or Rui or Koorime content in general and then I'll recall how in a post asking "whatever character you're drawing their fate is yours now", a description of mine of Hina (I think I said "had illegal sex and will die in illegal childbirth (allegedly, in the manga, but yes does die) or by suicide after having said illegal childbirth (allegedly, in the anime)") picqued someone's interest and they wondered what that character was from. I told them and then they never asked me any further abt that (fair, it's a heavy description to hear on the Internet from a stranger and the yyh fandom is terrifying and Hina's presence in the story as "tragic female character willing to die in childbirth" and it being not left to much speculation Why She Was Willing To Do That aside from the expectant "well she's a female character and she was written by a man so it must've been the ye old ideal and self-sacrificing mother trope" are all fine reasons that come to mind) but I'm carrying that affirmation in my heart! I know that if a character's story is just told in an interesting way, they can in fact become interesting through that interpretation, even if at first they were expected to be boring.

#I think another couple of factors was Togashi's exhaustion with the series #and also bc his initial thought to “deconstruct the characters” was dissuaded from #but also bc a lot of intrigue for Hiei lies in him being a mysterious gremlin with no home #the only reason for giving him a home is to give him a home that will reject him #to give him a family is to give him a background where suddenly his behaviour is much less nature #and nurture in a way that a given fan might not like for him #hes no longer “gremlin” or “little jackass” he becomes a “person (character)” #hes no longer a badass he's a tragic character with the sort of backstory that in no way Leaves him a badass #this view I have of yyh fans might be incorrect but from my experience the biggest circle #fall for the very things the dt antagonists belive that there's nothing worse #than being a human being who has an impact on the world and that the world can see them #this combined w the lack of time and the lack of energy to continue it any more than he had to #is what resulted in “dead mum; she was dead bf u got here” thing & Rui feeling so guilty shed rather b killed #&Yukina being so “respectful” of Hieis decision not to reveal himself even tho she must know #who he is - never allowed to confront him & yet Hieis development is given form through *Mukuro* #another “badass character” but who needs saving she won't admit to & is in no way tied to him familially #I think Mukuros “catharsis” was meant 2b Hieis & Hieis role in that chapter was supposed 2b Yukinas Ill die on this hill!! #yyh things #Hina #Yukina #Rui #Mukuro

[fazeruined]

Yall?

I think gregory might just have become the biggest scumbag ever

#fnaf sb ruin spoilers #now i want a verse where gretel survives that DOUBLE betrayal and teams up with roxy and helpi to take down the Bastard... #oh yeah and the da too. heck he prolly nurtures gretel back into health with roxys help from that elevator fall #tHEN SWEARS HERSELF GREGORYS ARCH ENEMY FOR LIFE #if they make it back out... she will HUNT him down for as long as theyre both alive #im just disappointed by the lack of freddy. no his headless body doesnt count

[doux-amer]

Thinking about how Dele was thrown under the bus at Beşiktaş and getting mad again. :)

#even if you didn't know what he was up to over in turkey it was immediate from the get-go that he was struggling #i'm livid about how little and uneven the support is for players in football #it's gotten better than before and players and teams talk about seeing psychologists more openly #but god. there's still such a lack of understanding or a safety net #when there SHOULD be one because players start YOUNG and they need to be protected nurtured and educated #(i'm saying the educated part because countless retired players talk about how they're not set up for their lives after their careers end) #the extreme pressure that the players are under and the unprecedented media/social media scrutiny are enough to make anyone cave #but these are kids who start with that pressure and some of them make it to the first team when they're still in high school #not to mention that this is the sport that beyond any other sport draws people from all backgrounds #including underprivileged ones and less stable ones #and that's common. and add what dele went through on top of that #god. anyway. really glad that dele did his interview even if it didn't come at the right time

[downn-in-flames]

people who say the kaz-wylan dad-son jokes can’t be funny because their actual dynamic is more akin to older brother-younger brother clearly haven’t been called mom (or dad) in the groupchat by their friends and it shows

#me being called dad on occasion is apparently a reference to the fact that i ‘lack any sort of nurturing qualities’ #which is………. fair #but like i have been called mom in the groupchat two times today alone

[whomturgled]

aries venus drives me absolutely bonkers with how it's very not me but also when i let myself be very open and honest w/ myself SOME of it does resonate EXCEPT i sure have to reach to find the ways in which is does fit me. i just feel like aries venus as a placement SUCKS (personally. for me.) and it makes me MAD ! i just wanna LOVE and BE LOVED

#and i know astrology probably isn't real but i just think it's neat and more fun to be like ah ur this way bc of this than to #tie everything back to childhood trauma and (lack of) nurture. etc. let me live. #if anything aries venus fit my younger self more than it does now but even then it's not much or like in a vague sense #oh my god im looking up my chart for if i had been born on that day i was supposed to be instead of early and its . something LMAO

[sylvctica]

      Their grip on the book in their hands is dangerously hard, the poor book is almost creaking.

#[ sylvie vc: what happened to my poor home that people take pride in not having dreams ] #[ SYLVIE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GOD TO NURTURE WHIMSY ] #[ even in adults ] #[ so this is literally driving them up a wall right now ] #[ then again idk if the lack of dreams was always a thing but i HC it like ] #[ creativity was always nurtured under their watch ] #SYLVIE // COMMENTARY.

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

I feel like you probably like lizards and don't play many video games

I DO like lizards, I DON’T play many video games, you’re correct!

#The video games thing isn’t an opinion based thing I just didn’t play video games growing up and the learning curve is kinda steep now 🥲 #lack of nurtured interest + inherent difficulty = not a whole lot of video game playing unfortunately #ask games #asks #lovely mutual rabid-catboy