#let's all enjoy it while we can

[rollercoasterwords]

the tiktokification of ao3

or: some of you fundamentally misunderstand ao3 and it really, really shows

i was talking about this with a friend a few days ago and since then i've seen multiple posts of various sorts that have just made me think about it more, so. here is me breaking down a disconnect i see particularly with younger members of the marauders fandom (i say marauders specifically just bc that's the only one i'm plugged into):

okay, so i've seen many (usually younger) marauders fans either talking online about how they wish ao3 was more like social media (specifically regarding algorithms) OR talking about ao3/fanfiction/fanfic writers as if they are operating under the same etiquette/guidelines/assumptions they would bring into social media platforms. this ranges from being mildly irritating to genuinely harmful, and i want to talk abt why.

first - you have to understand that social media, in this day and age, exists in a profit economy. and when i say social media here, i'm referring to platforms like tiktok, twitter, instagram, etc. all of these platforms exist in a profit economy where content is a product that can be monetized. this leads to a few important distinctions:

people posting on these social media platforms are generally posting with the intent to get their content seen by as many people as possible, as quickly as possible

they post with this intent because once their content is consumed by enough people, it becomes a product that they can monetize

therefore, if that content gets popular enough, these people can become influencers, where content creation is an actual job and their audience are, in a sort of vague and obscured way, similar to consumers purchasing a product

because of the profit economy surrounding social media, there are certain assumptions + forms of interaction that bleed across almost all social media platforms. the ones relevant to this little essay include:

operating under the assumption that anyone posting anything on the internet wants to go viral, ie. be seen by as many people as possible as quickly as possible in order to grow an "audience"

these influencers are creating content for us, their audience, so they should want to please us. they should also be trying to appeal to the broadest possible audience. therefore, if we dislike their content, we have a right to make that very, very clear.

in that same vein, we have a general right to critique content creators, as they are making a profit and we are the consumers purchasing their product--much like you might feel entitled to a certain standard of service in a restaurant where you are paying for the food.

when you carry these assumptions over to a platform like ao3, it creates problems. why? in a nutshell: because ao3 exists outside the profit economy

ao3 is a non-profit. it does not have an algorithm because it is not trying to sell you anything. this means that the writers posting their work on ao3 are not making a profit. we are not influencers. we are not creating monetized content to sell to a consumer-audience. where consuming content on other social media platforms might be comparable to eating at a restaurant, reading fanfiction on ao3 is more like coming over to someone's house and eating cookies that they made for free. you are in their house. the cookies are free, given as a gift. so what happens when those assumptions outlined above start to bleed over from other social media?

assuming that anyone posting fanfiction online wants their work to go viral -- i've seen this with popular fic writers getting questions like, "are you worried x isn't going to be as popular as y?" those questions are usually not ill-intended, but they demonstrate a fundamental lack of understanding about why writers post work on ao3. it's not to go viral. it's not to build any sort of online following. most of us who post on ao3 have jobs or schoolwork or other commitments, and writing fanfiction is something done for fun, out of a love for writing. those sharing their work online might be seeking community, but that is fundamentally different from seeking an audience, and in no way involves internet virality. if someone is posting fanfic on ao3 with the hope that it'll "go viral," then they likely either won't continue writing fanfic for long or will reach a point where they have to re-evalute their motivations, because seeking joy and validation by turning your art into a product for consumption just isn't very sustainable.

influencers are creating content for us, so we have a right to let them know if we don't like it -- nope!! fic writers are not influencers. yes, even the popular ones. no matter how much other people might blow their work up on social media, fic writers are still outside the profit economy. they are not creating content for an audience. they are not creating content for you. they are writing because they love it, and they are generously sharing it. if you don't like it, don't interact with it. you are never entitled to loudly and publicly proclaim how much you dislike a fic. i talk about this more here

we have a general right to critique fic writers, the same way we do with content creators/influencers -- again, no. you should not be treating fic writers the way you would treat an influencer on another social media platform, no matter how popular they may be. this is not to say fic writers are beyond all reproach; rather, it is a call-in to check your entitlement. fic writers are not little jesters entertaining in your court. they are not subject to your whims. they do not have to do things for you. they do not have to write things you like. in that post i linked on point 2, i talk about what etiquette might look like if you're really concerned that a fic writer is doing something harmful, but that is not what i'm talking about here. i am talking about the proliferation of negativity i have seen, especially on twitter and tiktok, where people essentially just talk shit about fics or fic writers as though they are entitled to have those fic writers working to please them. this is gross, and it needs to stop. you wouldn't go over to someone's house, eat the cookies they baked to share, and then spit those cookies back in their face and start shouting about what a shitty baker they are. or maybe you would--in which case, congratulations! you are Not A Good Person.

anyway, at the end of the day, a lot of this can be boiled down to: Because ao3 exists outside the profit economy, fic writers are not influencers, and you should never be treating them as though they are. i think i see this disconnect largely with younger people just because they've maybe only ever really understood social media within this sort of influencer-consumer-culture economy, and genuinely don't understand how to interact differently with the internet. so, consider this post a call-in to reevaluate the way you interact with fic writers and the etiquette you use when it comes to engaging with fanfic on ao3! i promise that ao3 being different from social media is a very, very good thing, and also a very, very rare thing, so let's treasure it and focus on fostering community rather than trying to morph it to fit the mould of influencer-audience dynamics that we see almost everywhere else <3

#tldr: fic writers aren't influencers #stop acting like they are #it only creates problems!!!! #anyway if you have engaged in some of these behaviors that doesn't make u a bad person #it just means u should maybe shift ur perspective moving forward #capitalism is a lifeless desert that grows every day and ao3 is a little oasis #let's all enjoy it while we can #instead of trying to place it within a consumer economy #ranting and raving #txt

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

when you mentioned in your tags that there was hardly any laughingstock i didn't believe you at first, but holy shit ur right. YOU AND @krasytoonz MADE ME INTO A LAUGHINGSTOCK BELIEVER. I WILL PAY TRIBUTE TO THESE SKRUNGLY FUCKERS SOON, MARK MY WORDS *shakes fist into the void*

no yeah Seriously though its just us out here, fighting for our lives in the fucking Trenches. in ten years someone is gonna use the word 'laughingstock' casually in conversation and im gonna have War Flashbacks

#no please get out while you still can #once you let them in all the way They Will Not Fucking Leave they are There Forever #the inside of my brain is just me huddled in a corner while they make out in the middle of my skull #BUT YEAH THERES BARELY ANYTHING #trust me whenever krasytoonz posts them i am instantly there to ravenously devour the crumbs like a rabid pigeon #they are my only outside source of barnaby/howdy #them and the side plot in Stamps by Indigopoptart on ao3 #oh the side plot my beloved.... im still starving but sometimes they trick me into feeling like im Feasting.... #and that one tidbit in Beautiful Boy Its Only Love by ImaginatorOf Things - also on ao3 ofc #and thats IT thats ALL I HAVE. all We have #shoving my entire fist into my mouth and biting it off while sobbing. screaming. etc. #oh the pain and joy of rarepairs... its been a while since ive been so taken with one... #who knows? with the power of friendship and this gun i found maybe one day it wont just be viewed as a crackship by the masses #rambles from the bog #gotta be honest. krasytoonz also converted me all the way #like i was tenuous about it at first... #it was just a Thought yk yk #i was like 'oh thats cute but like. as a side thing. a background thing. they dont have much going for them' #i think that was because i had nothing to enjoy outside of my own brain #i liked the very rare very jokey crumbs from a couple of clownsuu's posts #but it wasnt enough to make me go Theyre Mine Now #then i stumbled upon krasytoonz and one scrolling session later! i was fully hooked! just like that! #laughingstock went from a nebulous interest to a Permanent Fixture In My Braincase! #but yeah uhhhhh glad i could contribute to passing on the Illness #if you ever get free i will envy you #and to future me: if youre free i envy you as well. but i also pity you bc theyre so so good theyre so cute whats wrong with you- #i hate them & i love them & theyre nothing & theyre everything & they wont leave & ive locked the door

[worstloki]

people just ignore Thor was a feral child, huh? like his life goal was probably to demolish another race at age 12 and he was probably begging to go to war and attempted to murder their father for not letting him via telepathy that he didn't have.

#people are like ''loki stabbed thor at age 8'' like im sorry but thor is older and im pretty sure he would've given loki the knife #Frigga was probably like ohhh you can wage war when your brother is old enough to go with you. can't let you two go alone! #and Thor naturally was like ''ok. i will Arm the Child'' #like for SURE Thor was the kid eating dirt while Loki just sat next to him looking very confused about it #Thor: Father said we are Part of Asgard and need to Eat To Grow and then one day will be Big Enough to Fight ! #he tries to feed Loki the dirt so he'll grow up quicker too but Loki starts crying and now Thor's forgotten about it and trying to calm him #Thor like no no don't cry i'll find us something else to get big with :( #carries him away and gets dirt all over them both because his hands were still dirty #fast forward the bros are sitting on the ground under a table monching on lemon cakes (or whatever) absolutely COVERED in dirt #they have left a dirt trail behind them so their hiding spot won't be effective for long #and also Thor doesn't think voices should get across what is clearly a sturdy table cloth so he's not sure how they were 'discovered' #Frigga: you cannot get dirty and go in the kitchens #Thor: LOKI WAS SAD. AND WE NEED SUSTAINENCE TO GROW MOTHER. WE MUST FEED. #Frigga: -_-'' #(Loki is still munching on a lemon tart. the same one despite the room change because he's eating it slowly while Thor reasons with Frigga) #(half of the words anyone is saying go over his head but he is enjoying the expressions being made)

[my-current-obsession]

FE Engage: makes it very difficult to use and level every character since the bonus battles meant for grinding scale to be above or on par with your strongest units, and also the entire map immediately charges and dogpiles you.

ALSO FE Engage: shames you by having characters you haven’t used for a while notice and ASK to be used.

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fe17 #i do really enjoy the gameplay and the challenge but man i feel like. punished because i can't use everyone #it's a weird blend of old FE difficulty and forcing you to pick a team and stick with it... #...while having NEW FE's infinite grinding potential and tons of supports to see #but BECAUSE it's so difficult and only gets HARDER you literally CAN'T use the grinding to actually grind your weaker units #instead it's just the rich getting richer while the scrubs are left on the bench. and they KNOW and they're upset about #i just. DESPERATELY miss the grinding in fates & awakening. #why let us grind at all if it's so tough we can ONLY use the units that DON'T need it? #doesn't help that the game absolutely plays favorites. between MC & Diamant & Kagetsu poor Lapis is just completely invalidated #etie stands no chance against alcryst and fogado. framme WILL fall behind jean thanks to his personal skill #and then they'll BOTH pale in comparison to pandreo... #RIP anyone (myself included) who got attached to these shitty units and HAS to bench them else they actively cripple their party

[frostbite-the-bat]

talked w/ a friend about this and wanted to post something similar yesterday after a convo i saw also

about people criticizing ttcc / ttcc fans for just... being cog fans? being cog centric? usually coming from people who only like the toons.

and everyone likes what they like! it's okay! but saying that people who like the cogs are horrible and support the bad things they do, is just blatantly wrong. i thought we knew that enjoying villainous and morally Bad / grey characters is... okay? it doesn't mean you support what they do. it's interesting to explore these topics.

i've seen many people just... paint anyone who likes the cogs as horrible because they're "apologists of x and y" and... i dunno. rubs me the wrong way! you do have a point and recognize the cogs do bad things, but liking them as characters means nothing about who you are as a person.

and this is not to say that people who are in toontown for the toons are bad. hell! they are right this IS toontown. i may be on the cog liker side but i like the toons! maybe ocs more than the npcs - mostly because i like my friends and the sheer creativity the toons can bring out!!

SO what i wanna say... i dunno. let's not point fingers...? let's have fun in a goofy cartoon game together??? also complaining about people liking VILLAIN ROBOTS on TUMBLR is kind of funny to me. do you realize where you are. but then again a lot of this i see on discord and in-game as well since i avoid things on tumblr... i am a sensitive little fella i avoid misty fight bc of One Really mean "Critic" guy i saw there and i have been shivering in my bootsies since. so you get me

but like yes ttcc is more cog centric but... that's okay? things could be written better and i still wanna speak on it, and i do thing the toons deserve attention and better writing... but the fact it focuses on the cogs isn't... bad? if you don't like how con centric it is you can go play ttr...? god forbid people have fun and explore the villain's side of things...? i'm not saying either toontown server is better or worse than the other... and everyone can like their own things!!

but like... people will just like the cogs and that's okay and it doesn't make you bad. let's all be friends okay? both sides may be going at each other's necks in-game and the cogs in fact do horrible things - but it's what makes them fun, and it gives the toons things to do in the game!! but we don't gotta !!!!!!!! i may be really sarcastic and sometimes mean in private but like that's me just privately sassing, deep down i think people should just... y'know..? enjoy things.

so yea that's the guzma / cathal thought of today. toon people cog people both people are all awesome as fuck and you keep doing what you're doing i love you toontown isn't toontown without you

#anyways omg god forbid ppl are cog kissers on the robot kissing website /silly #but like!! tt/r may not be for everyone and tt/cc may not be for everyone and THATS OK!! ur not gonna like everything!! #like i accepted tt/r isnt for me but its mostly bc they dont show cog health specifically and i struggle with these things but !! i #heard they are updating that so i might be able to play without getting bored / frustrated again ^^ i havent played properly in yeaaaars #i will still prefer clash bc fixation and?? i LIKE ROBOBTS....! #but tewtow is tewtow its all swag. the least toony thing u can do is bully someone for Liking Robobt. be niceys #like ya i admit im not perfect i also dont like people andhave so much one sided beef and i am sensitive to so many things and i complain #in private but at the end of the day its to make myself feel better and i KNOW to not engage and look away and work on feeling better #bc this stuff does Heehoo upset me bc Mental Health Probulem. but i know everyone should and can do their own thing and have fun #i may complain about (redacted ship) all the time and i dont get it at all but...? bro... just have fun... be free. im not here to stop you #im just not gonna interact as i should. good for both of us! joyous world! happy that ur happy!!!! #why complain abt ppl just Enjoying Cogs like that though................................................ do you not like fun #this is not at anyone specific #my friend did show me tags of a post anonymously #and i vague a person whos name i dont know ingame like A YEAR AGO #and a convo what happened in a server a while back. but its not anyone specific i just wanted to like. speak my thoughts #lets be frense... and if not thats okay lets not argue either then we all stay in our lanes

[cathalbravecog]

i'm the antonymph of the internet

#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life #MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do. #unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !! #i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi #from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D #this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but... #haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one #anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character #ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so #much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite. #fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online #a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more #fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her #too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders #standing!! #anyways from me just having fun being me #i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic #and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be #confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing. #anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah #toontown #toontown corporate clash #antonymph #guz art #rainmaker

[certified-anakinfucker]

ok this is unprompted but if you pride yourself on being the reason people leave a space for something they genuinely love and have done no objective wrong - youre a piece of shit btw. like full send youre horrible.

#cheeri rants #this is brought on by me finally letting myself get back into smth i loved for like 5-6 years #and got squicked out of by senseless witch hunts and trans/misogyny and the like #im really sitting here remembering all the nights i stayed up with amazing friends #the shoulders i cried on and the hands i held for others #the people who stood with me through some of the toughest times i can remember #we all loved the same silly things #we all poured bits of ourselves into everything we created and we shared that with everyone #i still so vividly remember lamenting that id never get to see our interest irl #and someone i didnt even know all that well dm’d me a few days later asking if i had venmo or paypal #because they were going to give me $50 to buy a ticket. they wanted to go but couldnt #for some reason i cant remember but they gave me their own money and told me to please enjoy in their place #and you know what? i fucking cried that night. you dont see that anymore #the all-nighters i pulled with my best friend watching the live reruns of our interest before we even got into the fandom #doing my homework while we were on facetime together squealing #and all of this came to a screeching halt because of some . PEOPLE. #who figured we were having fun the wrong way because they didnt like it #and we put up all the flashing neon signs to warn people #warn them of smth they should have already known #and just because people ignored those signs it was taken out on us anyway #and i have never been so heartbroken to watch one by one as some of the brightest people i ever knew #started leaving. breaking down. their light was being stomped out because some assholes cant mind their own #and i will be fucking damned before i stand by and let that happen again. to anyone.

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 15

“Over Yet" by Hayley Williams

#song of the day #very exciting to have one of my brothers tell me entirely unprompted that he's enjoying the current playlist #a very big win #I spent most of my work day today doing what I've been thinking of as 'evil rubber-ducking' #where the IT guys throw me the especially Difficult faculty members--the ones who can't be helped because they won't listen-- #and I trick them into actually talking me through what they're doing so we can find the problem and fix it #(eternally amazed by people who request help and then refuse it. you called me bud. you submitted a service request ticket on purpose. #oh you can't do your job without connecting to the vpn? that's great we can't fix it until you tell us what's fucking stopping you) #mostly this 'tricking' takes the form of me being a sweet young butter-wouldn't-melt Southern girl in over my head with mean IT guys #bless them (derogatory) these folks who won't let IT even attempt to start working through the 'have you tried' scripts #because they know they're getting something wrong but are too angry-embarrassed to admit they don't know what #are still delighted to mansplain the idea of a remote connection to me #--that's not fair. I shouldn't mischaracterize them it's mostly not mansplaining. #the two today were yankee-splaining me. city-splaining maybe. #what would a hick like me (y'all is one person. all y'all or some'a y'all for multiple people) possibly know about enterprise networks-- #anyway they were using the wrong login credentials and were so sure of themselves they'd never even tried the other set just to see #bless. their. hearts. #(IT owes me so many little favors like this now. the latest database tweak I asked for got done live while I described it to them) #anyway anyway! love the chorus on this song #'to get out of your head yes break a sweat / baby tell yourself it ain't over yet' #makes me move my head every time

[edge-oftheworld]

would you excuse me for a minute, i just realised the parallels between more and the whole premise of boy

#why can't we choose our emotion? cause we can feel something's broken. and i can't stay without hoping we'll never be alone #lately we've been living in different nations. enemy lines are drawn. we're speaking different tongues communicating right thru the bedroom #wall. like it's all about being lonely in a relationship i guess but 'lonely while surrounded by people' isn't all that different #they wrote that song when they were babies!! feeling misunderstood and unsatisfied!! all these years!! ago!! and what now? #will you share the lonely if my heart is small?? #like this is growth. yes. it's always there and it's good to feel this feeling and i do enjoy songs about it. maybe letting people in to #the lonely rather than your relationship being the source of the lonely? watch me manifest youngblood went to therapy #luke hemmings #5sos #5 seconds of summer #boy ep #shakes #more #youngblood

[akkivee]

hitoya likes people who are bad at thinking and i assume that’s because it’s easier to steamroll over them to get his desired result and i wish we got to see that side of him more often lol

#vee queued to fill the void #this was a wild question he got asked btw lmao #the bat rep skit where he swindles kuukou and jyushi into his favour is peak grey hitoya lol we should get more #it doesn’t have to be as overt as rei’s general conman schtick or hitoya himself willing to fabricate evidence to get his way lol #just more situations where you see he’s a bit of an asshole too LOL #it would have also been fun to see more of his money grubbing personality too lol #like it’s connected to his high class taste and desire to have the best where the pay off is that he wants to share that with his team #but man he bragged he enjoys looking at his bank account for fun lol pls give us more of that #i like it when bat are visibly chaotic good lol!!!!!! #kuukou making a steam bath for temple patrons but then sabotaging it to show them if they can suffocating steam they can handle anything!!!! #hitoya lowkey shading this girl by saying this is common sense but come to my law firm and i’ll make sure you win!!!!! #and while i’m at it i wish jyushi was Slightly more narcissistic lol!!!!! #he likes looking in mirrors so that makes him narcissistic????? he lacks confidence he’s literally hyping himself up????? #i don’t need terra charisma house levels of narcissism lmao just let jyushi flex sometimes lol #some guy: wow that was amazing jyushi!!!!! jyushi: i know✨ #at least that!!!!!!!! confident jyushi in all aspects arc WHEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[redstrewn]

Thinking abt vere.......what is going on in his head. He's so selfish but he holds a soft spot for Ais. What is going on in his heart. I want to know

#fighting tooth and nail trying not to project myself onto this man #getting affectionate for others but being too selfish for it #aaAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #not even selfish in the terms of yandere #its like. serving oneself. too self absorbed. not wanting to be shackled. not wanting to feel trapped. #commitment issues? #redstrewn talks #me when i found out that texting 24/7 and letting each other know in a relationship whats happening all the time always is #a (traditionally) not just acceptable thing but even *expected* #MISS ME W THAT SHIT???? I WANT INDIVIDUALITY??????? #yes i can enjoy yandere in fiction and still have complete opposite preferences IRL. its called knowing how to have fun while #simultaneously being healthy at the same time #can we have space to be our own pplz pls. ohmigawd #yes i want to do many things together but if i have to do everything together i will literally kill us both /hyp /j #yandere in fiction however...hahaha they can stalk and hog me all they like babygirl ♡♡♡♡♡

[mokutone]

I'm drawing Kakashi for the first time (as much as I love them, I rarely ever draw naruto characters so this is a little fun and new for me) and I'm struggling a little bc I'm trying to draw him relaxed, reclining with pakkun (in the way I recline with my cat) and I'm realizing there's something so personal abt drawing him in such a vulnerable pose ig. Like? I'm very tired too rn so maybe I'm being extra emotional and rambly but there are so few scenes of kakashi in canon where he's not wearing the jounin vest, where he's alone and relaxed and out of uniform. And I didn't realize it until I was trying to think back to other similar scenes and there really weren't any. and I'm kind of mesmerized by how you draw him because you capture that so so well, your art is gorgeous but it's also so real and expressive in a way that shows a lot of practice and a lot of love. Idk i think I've said this before and I'm sorry if it's annoying that I'm saying it again (I'll just shut up after this lol) but I went to an art school and I had massive burnout and only really started drawing again in the past 6 months and you were one of my inspirations 2 start drawing again and I'm still not as good as I'd like to be but I draw so much more now and having an actual passion for art has led to a huge improvement, so thank you and thank u for bearing with me and my sleep-deprived rambles. I think my original point got sidetracked. I forgot why i started writing this ask.

dkgjhsdgkjdshg no i think you're 100% right abt the kakashi relaxed thing, even when we see him "relaxed" he doesn't ever really Look relaxed. like

here he is chilling out in the hot springs. this man does not look relaxed but he DOES look exhausted and maybe a little like he's gotten lost. somebody help this confused man find the exit.

anyway art + motivation talk beneath the cut

djhsdkjghsdkjhg thank u for all the compliments abt my art, i do work really hard in order to draw expressive characters, and spend a lot of time paying attention to how the small details in posture and expression change how the character comes across, and im glad it pays off!

also yeah no, similarly, once i left art school (when the pandemic hit) i did have a good 6 months where i did not pick up the pencil even once, and like, usually i feel rlly bad or guilty when i'm not drawing, but my burnout was real bad and i was straight up angry abt everything dgkjhsdgkjh so i just...didn't draw for like 6 months. i didn't even feel bad about it bc i was too busy being angry

and i had a bad relationship with art at the time and eventually realized i kind of had to like? make a different relationship with art—like, try to stop seeing art as something which gave me fundamental worth as a human being, or part of who i am? you know? that's a LOT of pressure to put on just...something that i do. if i took that kind of approach to literally any other task in my life, i'd never do it. imagine thinking that the way and style with which you descend the stairs gives you your worth as a person and if you don't do it exactly right then it means you're worthless as a person? buddy i'd just find a way to go down and out through the window LMAO

i think this is the thing which gives a lot of people burnout, it's exhausting to be constantly working on something and ALSO believe that if you fuck it up even a little, it's because you are the fuckup, and a fundamental failure of a person. god thats so much pressure.

anyway so i decided to make a naruto art blog because i don't even like naruto That Much but my best friend had been trying to get me into it for years (ty kate ilu kate), and so any art that i made would be purely for fun, wouldn't have anything to do with my self worth, and might make kate laugh too, and that's why this blog exists! and taking the pressure off of creating art like that has been enormously helpful to my mental health and my ability to create, also i take breaks alllllll the time, i'm like...way healthier about my art thanks to that, and also just...a nicer person, i think? anyway i'm very glad that i inspired you to get back into art but i'm far more glad that you've found a passion for it, cultivating that passion and joy is so important

#a lot of the way i approach art is bc i worked with kids for a while and like. u can kinda tell when a kid is at the breaking point w/ art #where they're like ''if one more thing goes wrong i am going to Lose It'' #+ at that point as a ''teacher'' u have to pick between giving them critique on their artwork to improve OR letting it go + saying their #art is good and they're doing really well #and i always pick the second one—LIKE. once the kid is no longer feeling soooo frustrated abt their art that they're at a breakin point? #THEN we can talk critique. and even then i will still tell them what they're doing well #until theyre at that point tho its all ''yeah!!! you're killing it! look at these new skills you're learning! look how you're improving!'' #''look how funny/beautiful/exciting/cool your piece is!!!!'' #because first and foremost. i think that art should be enjoyed #having creation as a friend and ally vs A Duty is sooo important #TO BE CLEAR LIKE. this is also still technically a form of critique #i dont just say ''good job champ! great work doing art!'' if u wanna compliment art and have it mean something you do have to be #specific about what is good...not ''that looks great!'' but ''wow you draw really fabulously detailed noses! #or ''wow the fashion you're drawing is really cool—i wish i had that jacket!'' like. #as in all things. compliments and praise are only meaningful if they are /meant/ and you cant fake that #MY POINT IS. if we want to take the pressure off ourselves with art. i think we also gotta treat ourslves like this #look at what we're doing and compliment things we genuinely think weve improved upon. love our successes #nothing better for the ego than to compare new art to old art and look at what weve changed #i should do some redraws at some point #my jutsu

[iinmysights]

everybody praise me i just got through a 2hr dentist appointment i didn't cry ONCE!!!!!

#Ravage.txt #dl maybe #fr though i'm proud of myself! i had one yesterday and it ended in a panic attack so :) this was an improvement #cried once halfway through. cried again as we were scheduling the first of two cavity fillings (separate sides). cried again in the car. #cried again at home for about 20mins before i could pull myself together enough to open a fun etsy package and watch videos #with a LOTTT of freakout emotions in between. but this time i was still nervous but it was made easier bc the dentists were super nice and #understanding and let me put in my earbuds for the vast majority of the work (sometimes they had to ask me stuff so i'd take them out then) #and i just BLASTED metal. hope they enjoyed the mini concert because i am CERTAIN that it was loud enough for them to hear it over the mini #drills. i also got the laughing gas stuff but tbh i know how i felt before they put it on and while it was on and then off and there was 0 #effect. 0!!! but i didn't say SHIT bc what if i start feeling loopy??? i hateee not feeling like i'm fully present due to drugs/alcohol/etc #so i didn't say shiiit. mouth's still a bit numb but i can drink and eat just fine. won't be like that next time!!!!! (<- has to numb BOTH #SIDES OF MY FACE WHY COULDN'T THEY DO ALL THE LEFT AT ONCE)

[visdiefje]

I feel like I'm going to explode with stress. How do other people do this. There is a knot of anxiety in the back of my throat, in my chest, in my stomach. I have not slept enough and can't calm down enough to sleep. This is so stupid. Nothing is even happening. This is just from the confirmation that I will be moving out in a month and a half

#a leftover studio viewing today then tomorrow a contract signing for the apartment I'll be living in #and then we should be done with stuff for a while #then it's just a matter or arranging the insurance/gas/power/internet for the place #and scoring furniture where we can find it of course #there's plenty enough time and I'm sure my parents will help anywhere I need help #I'm certain they'll still let me sleep over anytime if I ever need it #so WHY is my body exploding. girl help #I'm entering a stress loop bc I'm leaving for budapest on the first #and last year I got what I believe was a stress induced illness this time of year while I was in denmark #and it SUCKED. I couldn't do anything and it felt like my heart was going to give out. #I was scared to go to sleep bc it felt like I wouldn't wake up. and that fed into the stress sleep deprivation loop #I hope this calms down because if it keeps up I will definitely get sick again. and I want to enjoy my friend trip!! aaaa!!!! #I also hope I can settle into the apartment okay #this is all very new for me and there is a fear that living apart just. won't work for me #but I'll get to try it for a year. and if it doesn't work? then so be it #but if it does? I get to stay in a nice apartment with a little private garden space #so I'll just have to endure feeling like shit for a while and stay strong #hashtag autism I love intense physical reactions to stress and major life changes #bien rambles

[scaredofmyocs]

I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long

#talk post #i love this blog i want to live here #I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg #but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before #WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY #(yelling at a mirror) #seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately #and im like “oh ill just get more sleep” and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week #making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts #and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again #this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row #but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school #and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing #and also try to fight the thoughts that are like “this shits pointless im not doing this” LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year #and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it #like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me #PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE #i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean #i keep saying “its ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoy” #but things only work for so long #i hate the passage of time #anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff) #walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor #ramble #hit post

[meatheadmutt]

i love when people post 100% genuine "cringey" things on the internet. dont laugh at them. they are the backbone and future of this world.

#barks #yes. do and share what makes you happy so i can see the authentic you #we are past the age of cringe #let me see you dance in your own funky way stranger on the internet #you enjoy yourself and i enjoy watching you make yourself happy while sharing so with the world #we all deserve to be unapologetically true to ourselves despite what others may think #youre stuck with you forever. might as well have a fun ride