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batfoonery · 3 years

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Badger Banter (Strange Hybrid Batfam! AU)

To the lovely person who asked for more~

Bruce is regularly caught off guard by exactly what lengths Jason will go to in order to give him grey hairs.

By now he shouldn't be, but as a Dad he will never grow immune from--Jason what are you doing?! Giving me a heartattack that's what you're doing. Jason Peter Todd-Wayne, I swear--

Jason, to be specific, is an American Badger hybrid. They aren't the largest breed, but they're still very aggressive and grumpity. Bruce remembers with startling clarity when he accidentally tripped over one of Jay's burrows for the first time. The little cub hadn't meant to claw up his ankle, but he's still got the scars after all these years.

There's webbing in between his fingers and toes. Dick thinks they're great, he loves pinching them and playing with them. Dick gets bitten on the regular.

If you tell him to smile, Jason will just bare his teeth at you. The trick is to distract him with footage of Tim falling over various items.

One time a reporter tried to tell Bruce that Jason wasn't as cute as a European Badger would've been. The other species is more delicate/willowy looking, but Bruce is of the firm opinion that his cub is the cutest ever. The reporter was not prepared to be catching hands and went home with a black eye.

Badgers are made to be digging machines, but Duke was entirely unprepared to find that gossip article focusing in on all the muscles in his big bro's legs and arms. He did not need the phrase "thiccer than tree trunks" haunting him the next time he and Jay dug out a burrow, thnx.

Jason is a part of the waddle squad, although he'll never admit it. Badgers are just built to be muscular with a more squat stature (although, Jason has grown to be surprisingly tall) so their gaits are a bit on the awkward side. Diana regularly demands videos and him and Dami waddling around on the manor grounds.

One day Cass finds an actual badger sete on the manor grounds. She drags Jason out to it, and they huddle around to watch it forage that night. It's the beginning of autumn, so they bring out lots of blankets to huddle under. They're both very surprised, and very honored, when the curious little critter makes its way over to them and shoves its little nose through their blankets and settles in with them with a grunt for a few hours.

Jay isn't the only badger rogue in Gotham....

Years later, Bruce would come to the startling realization that Jason's hybrid species might have been part of the reason he was targeted by the Joker. It makes him sad in ways he cannot put into words, and angry beyond belief.

It's because of one of the insane clown's other former victims, Harley Quinn.

Dr. Harleen Quinzel is an African Honey Badger hybrid. They're known for being the most vicious and cunning in the world, and regularly scare off lions and hyenas.

Despite her cuddly clown appearance, she quickly proves to be an actual menace, when she puts her mind to it and doesn't let anyone hold her back.

So it's a surprise when Bruce stumbles onto her and Jason while on patrol. They're running around rooftops in a strange little game of tag. It all sounds very aggressive, if Bruce is honest. Lots of growls and hisses and puffed up hackles. But they're both laughing in a way that doesn't set off alarm bells, so he figures it's probably a weird territorial thing and leaves them be.

If it's because he doesn't feel like dealing with being bitten, well.... it is a good reason.

It's Jason, to everyone's surprise, who really brings Harley into the family. She's more a fringe aunt or cousin, but there are days when he finds the kids building escape rooms for her and for Jason, because they both enjoy it.

Not puzzle rooms, mind you. These are deep pits filled with various traps and toggles to keep them from escaping. The first time Bruce saw one, it was shaking after a low grade explosion. His heart jumped into his throat, but the badgers just made happy screeches and continued their Great Escape.

"It's like training, Bruce!" Tim reassures him. "They're having fun, and no one will ever catch either off them off guard and be able to hurt them again."

He's still skeptical, up until Black Mask captures the Red Hood after a particularly harsh patrol. Batman is about the storm the building, when his cub pops up by his side. He'd lost his helmet along the way, but otherwise is unscathed from the supposed death trap.

Red Hood and Harley Quinn both end up with reputations of being able to walk through walls. They're un-catch-able. They're wild.

#idk why everyone says European badgers are cuter #I'm fond of American badgers #they just look so fluffy #if they wouldn't try to murder me i'd like to snuggle #yes i wanted both jay and harley to be hybrids who could be as wild and free as they wanted #specifically because they'd both been 'trapped' and traumitized #have you seen those videos of badgers escaping their enclosures at zoos and rescues?#they're cute as heck I highly recommend #batfam #batfamily headcanons #batfam hybrids au #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #damian wayne #dick grayson #harley quinn #duke thomas #cassandra cain

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ben-barnes-is-my-husband · 7 years

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JonSa AU where Jon is a Robin Hood type highwayman&Sansa is a rich debutante who cares and is actively involved, along with her other family members, in social causes. Starks are different from corpulent Lannisters/Baratheons. Ned's renowned for being honorable. Jon stops Sansa's carriage to loot it or something sparks fly etc. I'm really bad at this. Smut, if you please. Or roleplay where Jon's highwayman and Sansa a passenger. Or Jonsa!Robin Hood&Maid Marian whatever tickles ur fancy. Thnx

Okay, so I am FINALLY getting around to this (blame the person who gave me the prompt that spawned the Mrs. Robinson series!), and I decided to do a little something different with it AND incorporate it into the Jonsa Summer Challenge for @jonsa-creatives

Here is Day 3′s installment under Gifts.

The Highwayman’s Gift

England, 1835

Sansa knew she shouldn’t even think something so indelicate and crude, but she was, quite simply, in hell. As the carriage rattled and rolled down the path to her home, she kept, as best she could, a serene smile on her face while Lord Joffrey Baratheon prattled on about his hunting exploits. She was tired after a night of having her feet stepped on by Lord Joffrey and his terrible dancing skills. She had hoped to ride with her brother and sister-in-law, but as they had not yet left the ball…here she was.

Lord Joffrey’s mother sat beside him, smiling as though her son was the sun, the moon, and the stars. When she glanced at Sansa though, Sansa swore the other woman’s lip curled a bit.

Lady Cersei did not like her. That was fine considering Sansa didn’t like her. Or her odious son. Her son whom her parents might just end up betrothing her to. Her father didn’t want to do it, but her mother was not swayed and would not listen to reason. How Catelyn Stark had missed the rumors bandied about the ton about how Lord Joffrey liked his whores and his gambling, and a bit of blood play was beyond Sansa. And it terrified her that she might actually have to marry someone who would want to let her blood in the bedchamber! What if he wanted to do worse? Her brother Robb swore he’d seen Joffrey drown a box of kittens in a pond just because he wanted to.

Sansa could not in good conscience marry a kitten killer.

Something drastic had to be done to stop this.

“Ho there! Show yourself!”

Sansa started at the sound of the driver shouting into the night.

“Oh, bother,” Lady Cersei muttered.

“What is it, Mother?” Lord Joffrey asked.

“I don’t know,” Lady Cersei said. “Hopefully nothing serious.”

No sooner had she said that though did the carriage come to a grinding halt and there was the sound of horses whinnying. The driver shouted for them to stop and then more male voices, probably the coachmen, were shouting too. The carriage was jostled about and Sansa feared them turning over.

Then came the sound of cries and grunting and Sansa’s heart started to race. She drew her reticle up to her chest like a shield. “Highwaymen,” she whispered fearfully. It was the only possible explanation

Lady Cersei pursed her lips together and appeared ready to do battle.

Lord Joffrey appeared ready to cry.

Then, there was silence. Lady Cersei started to get up and move toward the door when it flew open. An unladylike screech flew from Sansa’s mouth. There, peering into the carriage was a man all in black. Even his hair was black. And curly. He wore a demi-masque, also black. His gaze swept over Lady Cersei and Lord Joffrey and his full lips curled in disgust.

And then he looked at Sansa and not only did he stare at her but his gaze ran over her in a leisurely manner that left Sansa quite unsettled.

Mainly because she liked it.

“Well, what sort of baggage ‘ave we got ‘ere?” He said, his accent some variant of cockney, and his voice a deep rumble that Sansa felt in her belly.

Among other very unladylike places….

“What do you want?” Lord Joffrey screeched fearfully. “We’ll give you anything you want!” He ripped off the gold ring he’d said his father had given him and handed it over. Followed by the other gold ring on his other hand. “Mother, hand over your jewels.”

“No,” Lady Cersei sneered and stared the Highwayman down. “I’ll do no such thing.”

Without a word, the Highwayman brandished a pistol. Still, Lady Cersei stared him down.

That was until Lord Joffrey yanked his mother’s hand from her lap and began to yank on the rings on her fingers.

“Joffrey!” Lady Cersei exclaimed in outrage.

“Best do what he asks,” Sansa said with wide-eyes.

“Listen to the lady ‘ere,” the Highwayman said.

“Oy, what’s goin’ on in there?” came a man’s voice behind the Highwayman.

“There’s more of them,” Sansa whispered.

The Highwayman looked at her. “Aye. There is.”

She handed over her reticule. “Here.”

His mouth curved into a grin and he took her reticule and passed it behind him without taking his eyes off her.

Meanwhile, Lord Joffrey had managed to rip two rings off his mother and was working on a third. Lady Cersei was attempting to fight him off, but to no avail. Lord Joffrey had her hand under his arm and was pulling with all his might.

“Give it all over,” the Highwayman sneered at her as he cocked the pistol and pointed it at Lord Joffrey’s head.

Lord Joffrey fainted dead away.

That seemed to snap Lady Cersei into action and she finished yanking off her rings and handed them over all the while muttering under her breath about thieves and retribution.

“The baubles around that pretty neck, too,” the Highwayman said.

Lady Cersei glared at him and with an exasperated sigh, Sansa reached over and yanked the necklace off. Lady Cersei cried out in outrage and Sansa handed the necklace of thick sapphires set in gold over. They sparkled in the dim light of the carriage from the bright moon above. They matched her eyes, she noted.

Sansa then reached over and grabbed Lady Cersei’s reticule. The other woman cried out and attempted to yank it back. A tug of war ensued until the Highwayman shot a hole through the roof and pointed the pistol at Lady Cersei. She dropped it.

Sansa picked it up and handed it over with a smile. “That’s everything, I think. Would you be so kind as to let us pass now?”

The Highwayman shook his head. “No. One more thing for me,” he said and reached out. He grabbed her arm and pulled on her.

She cried out. “I have nothing else!”

“I jus’ want you,” he hissed and pulled her out of the carriage. He shoved her in the direction of one of the other Highwaymen and Sansa noted there were three others. The driver and the two coachmen were bound and gagged on the dirt road.

The man the Highwayman passed her off to one of his men who all but threw her onto a stallion. Sansa screamed, but it was futile. There was nothing she could do.

The Highwayman climbed on in front of her and instructed her to hold on. She wrapped her arms around him tight and shut her eyes.

She certainly did not think about how strong he felt under her arms.

With a battle cry and a whoop, they were off.

All Sansa could do was hold on for dear life, burying her face in the back of the Highwayman.

She could feel his muscles ripple under her cheek.

The horses pounded hard and Sansa could feel the beat of the hooves pass through her body. She couldn’t think beyond the sound and the feel of it.

And then, the horses slowed down and then stopped.

She sighed, relieved, and spied what looked like a hunter’s lodge with a single light on inside. She looked around. They were deep in the woods. Very deep.

She sat up and waited. She didn’t have to wait long.

The Highwayman dismounted and turned to her. He held up a hand, smiling. “How’s my little baggage?” he asked, his accent not as thick now.

Sansa smiled down at him and reached for him. He helped her down, gathering her in his arms and she giggled and untied the mask from his face. Her sweet Jon Snow, a gentleman with no title whatsoever, smiled down at her. He leaned down and captured her lips in a kiss. He moaned, and began pulling the pins from her red hair.

“Don’t lose them!” she exclaimed, breaking the kiss. “How else will I keep my hair up?”

“I prefer it down,” Jon rasped and kissed her quickly. He started to laugh. “My little actress.”

She bit her lip. “You don’t think they suspected?”

“That horse’s ass certainly didn’t. He fainted dead away!” Jon said and laughed. “Come. Let’s go inside. Sam’s got a stew on for us.”

Sansa giggled and followed her beloved to the hunter’s lodge. Grenn and Tormund, Jon’s “men” were already inside, helping themselves to the stew.

Sam, Jon’s dearest friend, came over and smiled at Sansa. “It all went well then? I was worried.”

“No worries, Sam,” Sansa said and leaned into Jon who kept her close to his side and kissed her temple. “Everything went just as we’d all planned.”

“And now with our loot, courtesy of the Baratheons, we will have more than enough for a comfortable passage to America,” Jon said. “Plus perhaps a nice place to stay once we get there.”

“I already told you not to worry about that,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “I’ve a shop and rooms above it. You’ll live there and work for me until you find what you want to do.”

Sansa beamed up at her love and he grinned back down at her. “If you’ll excuse me, Sam, I have a gift I wish to bestow upon my lady.”

Sam turned red. “I don’t need to know about all that,” he said and hurried off.

Jon laughed and pulled Sansa with him down a hall and into a bedchamber at the end of it. A large mahogany canopy bed sat in the middle of it, there was a fire going in the fireplace, and there were assorted mahogany tables and chairs about the spacious room.

Sam’s family hailed from London, but his wife’s family hailed from America, and after Sam had married his Gilly, they’d gone to America where Sam sought to open his own bookshop. According to him, it was a successful one. It was through Sam that Jon had gotten the idea in his head that he needed to go America too and find his own way. A man could make money in America that he could not make in London.

He couldn’t offer for Sansa since he was not titled, and when it looked as though Sansa was about to be married off to Lord Joffrey, they made their plans for a “Highwayman” to kidnap Sansa and ruin her reputation. No Lord would want her after that. Enter her sweet Jon Snow who would marry her and whisk her away.

And if her parents didn’t agree, they’d elope. Simple as that.

Once Jon had shut the door, he reached into the black pouch he had tied to his trousers and dug out Lady Cersei’s sapphire necklace she may or may not have ogled in the carriage.

“You wanted this,” Jon said, handing it to her. “I saw you coveting it.”

Sansa bit her lip. “But it’s probably worth so much…”

“We have money, Sansa. I have money. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable, my love.”

She took the necklace, and gazed down at it in awe. “I know, but—”

“No buts. I might not have your Father’s money, but you will be taken care of. Keep it.”

She looked up at him. “I will. But if we need money—”

“Then we can sell it.”

She smiled and Jon snatched her against him. He kissed her deeply and began leaving hot, open-mouthed kissed along her neck. “Would you mind terribly,” he murmured, lifting his head and gazing down at her, “if I put that on you and stripped everything else off?”

Sansa beamed. “Oh yes, please!”

As Jon set about undressing her, she thought perhaps it was unladylike to plan a robbery, scheme her way out of marriage, and fornicate with a man who wasn’t her husband yet. Yet, she simply did not care.

#jonsas7summer #jonsa #jon x sansa #summer challenge

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