#like it always surprises ppl when i tell them im sad or upset or anxious or whatever and it’s like i have these giant gaping ragged wounds i | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.

#pinecone anon #ask #mod kait

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misterbitches · 3 years

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i think what bugs me the most about people being lazy and not wanting to read or pushing a narrative of something you didn't say or do onto you, then saying something about the method of delivery, and then getting their hackles raised at anything that pushes back (i do this too. like many times i overreact because i didnt read something right, or i don't think that maybe i don't need to be heard, or i take on a more combative tone even if someone agrees. so i need to de-escalate for myself as well and be aware....) esp on the basis of length and some grammar and syntax issues—not necessarily the content itself—is that i like....edit for a living.

i have a dumb BA and i have my MFA. i copy-edit on the side as a side-job and i am good at it. i am a literal video editor, a script editor, a scriptwriter, and artist. so like not only did i "train" in that, i have experience, and like.... im good at it. but that's my WORK like that's LITERALLY MY CAREER so when im on the internet i'm not trying to write a fucking thesis that's so intense and edited. i do that for my career and it's effort. this is me time, leisure time, im not being judged or graded and i don't need to put my whole back into something that is largely inconsequential. i'm typing from the top of the fucking dome and that's it man like there's a diff between a thing that takes me 5m to write and something i have to edit a trillion times on top of my learning disabilities and adhd. which isnt a fucking death sentence. adhd helps me be more creative, my LDs are what lead me to art, i'm intelligent and talented even if i hate myself and it's painful. idk how many times i can say this you know. someone said to me once "you're obviously not a native eng speaker" and fucking obviously i am but that wasnt the issue it was saying i can't construct sentences or whatever when im literally just stream of consciousness and it is just so invalidating. i dont like saying it but it's literally people calling you stupid for something you're not trying to heavily regulate because you ARE ALWAYS SELF-REGULATING.

honestly i get shocked at my typos or ways i word things if i re-read them but in my brain it just comes out that way. it doesnt always make sense either idk i try and say it. but i dont want to call it ableist it's just weird. fucking weird and it feels soooooo fucking bad bc i already know lmao im sorry man sometimes commas look like periods and i think im typing in the right tense or the right word but im not idk what to tell ya. u can edit it for me if u want

yesterday i couldnt focus at all like i was watching history (surprise) and had to keep rewinding because my brain started to trail off and i would stare at this box. or ill be thinking about something else the whole time. then i get anxious and try and concentrate and i cant. it's a lot of adrenaline buddy and our brains are like rubber or whatever ok im built different ;-;

other things adhd makes fun:

- when you receive your THC and it takes you hours to use it because your brain is trailing off. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR UR BRAIN TO STOP PROCRASTINATING TO HAVE FUN? dumbest thing ever esp since ppl w impulse issues <3 drugs cos we r sad every1 thinks we r STUPID

- when u literally just stare at the same page for like 10m. when it takes u all fucking day to watch 5 minutes of a stupid BL bc ur brain is like THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS AND WHAT IS THAT? THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS esp for me as a FILMMAKEURRRR AN ARTISTE A PRETENTIOUS BITCH i cant turn it the fuck off

- WITHOUT INSURANCE MY MEDS ARE 400 DOLLARS SO IF YOU GIVE ME THAT MONEY, I WILL LISTEN TO YOU

this is something i've talked abotu a lot and ppl who know me know that i really struggle with this. maybe that's why i turned to art i dont know but i think there is a gap between people who are willing to read and people who just aren't and then dont bother. but i feel like you should sort of take the time to maybe understand a person may have diff communication styles. like i can understand people or try my best if they dont have a great grasp on english. we know what the fuck communication is. there's this one troll i know of who literally just types nonsense because he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's a dick, and he's not a native eng speaker. that's a time where i'm like i literally cannot with this person because i dont think he even tries lmao. i just ignore him bc he says dumb shit now so maybe if someone thinks that of me they should just move it righgt along ithink im just going to start being a dick and calling eveyrone ableist and start acting like the ~*~*~*snowflake~**~~*~* they dont like bc bitch if im sad we all sad now

i also find it IRONIC when non black ppl comment on a flow or whatever since u all love to use our words wrong bitch back off if u cant say nigga i take 0 writing advice from u

all this is to say i know it's not cos of my adhd and learning disorders since i can do my jobs efficiently. i think that......people are just upset when u critique something that has nothing to do with them as a person but they tied their identity to it so now we all have to suffer im sorry that you...idk don't care about the world? who knows, what do you want? lol

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nohr-and-thirst · 5 years

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A matchup, please ^^ I am a bisexual girl that most of the time has too much energy when I'm around people and really love physical contact like hugging, cuddling, ect, Unless I am having a bad day. I usually cover those up by saying I am 'tired' and am really sensitive on those, even going as far as having sensory overloads from loud noises or people in general, especially if I am being touched. Being touched by strangers is a huge no-go for all days but the VERY good ones, anyways (1/?) ~Chris

and I physically cringe and freeze up if someone brushes against me. I sometimes have violent panic attacks that end in me injuring myself by scratching, so someone who would be able to help with those would be wonderful! I'd prefer someone who doesn't yell in arguments or gets angry with me often, since that's my main source for panic attacks. I am very paranoid about people secretly hating me for whatever small reasons my brain decides to torture me with. Now, to the positive things! I have many hobbies, but my main ones are drawing and playing video games. Minor ones are sewing and writing (Mostly stories, but I do poems sometimes). I am a creative person, I'd say, but I don't always voice my ideas. I absolutely LOVE animals, except insects... those I hate. If someone were to play with my hair or do my hair, I would melt in their hands like a small kitten and I adore soft touches. Random facts that might help with matching (for whatever reason?): I cannot swim, authority figures make me overly anxious to be around if I don't know them personally, I cannot speak infront of large crowds, I get either overly cheerfull or emotional when I'm tipsy, all friends I regularly talk to are people I have instantly clicked with and first talking to them always involved mutual interests. I am not very good at guessing other people's emotions, but I am very understanding. I once had anger issues but have gotten those in check over the past few years. If someone hurts a person I care deeply about, I can get over my anxiety pretty quickly to tell them a piece of my mind. I love dressing up in either very cute clothes and dark clothes, my fav aes being pastel with black accents. However, I am better at a 'cool' style. I am rather tall (170 cm) and prefer by 10cm min shorter or taller ppl Woops, this has gotten very long, sorry! Gahh I forgot one tiny detail please forgive me! I often zone out for a few secs so im often confused as to what is going on, so my f/o should be okay with simple questions about whats going on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I have two characters I would match you up with Chirs! Louisa May Alcott Edogawa Ranpo!Louisa is a shy, sweet, intelligent character! She experiences social anxiety as we see how she interacts with the other characters in the series. Louisa will always be there to help you with your anxieties because she doesn’t like to see you get hurt, and she cares about you. She is always quick on her feet for you to make sure you are safe and happy! She is always there to reassure that people do not hate you, she always tries to be logically, but she knows from first-hand experiences that anxiety doesn’t care about logic. However, she is always trying her best to calm your anxieties, and she gives you advice she has gathered from books and research from professionals. She loves how you are creative, and always wants to hear what you have to say! She encourages you to say your ideas, and to always make sure everyone hears what you have to say! She loves your fashion sense, and will sometimes ask for your help on what she could wear. She might even suggest wearing matching color clothes sometimes cause she thinks it will be cute! Louisa would absolutely find how cute you are when it comes to your love animals! She would ask you what is your favorite and why. I am sure, without a shadow of a doubt, she would get you plushies of your favorite animals, always with a cute little note saying how it was almost as cute as you it reminded her of you that she had to get it for you! She is very understanding and if something confuses you, she will happily explain to you! She will do everything her power to make sure everything is crystal clear for you! She just wishes for you to be happy, and to know that she loves you so much. She wants to help you overcome your anxiety, and she wants to improve her anxieties so she can show you that anyone and everyone can improve! She always has your back, she is always there for you no matter where and what time. Need someone to talk to in midday? She is always happy to talk! Need to vent a little and get a pick me up at three in the morning? You bet she is going to be there for you! Ranpo presents himself to be quite childish, but this is because of something that had occurred with him in his past. Ranpo will be quick to pick up that you are not feeling like your normal self on bad days, and will make it his goal for the whole month to make sure that you do not have another bad day. Seeing you anxious, sad, upset, or anything negative breaks his heart. He cares about you, he wants to see you happy and enjoy life. He wants to see you for your goals and be there to back you up. He is going to be there on your good days, bad days, okay days, any day really. He wants to see you happy and wants to make sure you that you live the life you deserve. If you start having a panic attack, he will help you through some exercises to help you calm down. He won’t leave your side for the rest of the day to make sure you are okay. You are his top priority, he wants to make sure that you are well, both mentally and physically. If he finds a cat, you can bet he will bring it into the office to show you or he will take pictures of the cat, some pictures will have him in it for sure. I feel like Ranpo will sometimes come up to you and just try place his hat on top of your head! He will for sure try and get you a few hats like his that go with your style. Ranpo will only be okay with sharing his sweets with you and might even try and pick up baking to try and surprise you with some homemade sweets! Just like Louisa, Ranpo is always happy to try and explain things for you. He doesn’t mind explaining to you about what happens when you dozed off. Also, I feel like he would be the type of boyfriend to take cute pictures of you when your smiling, and have it as your wallpaper, of course only if you are okay with this!

#hope you like you matches~!#louisa may alcott #edogawa ranpo #ranpo edogawa #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #match up #match ups #matchup #matchups #mor answers #chris courageous tag #this reminds me of a queue...#admirable anon #Anonymous

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woozi · 3 years

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henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH

#🪂 anon #anon #y.ask #long post

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isabclls-blog · 7 years

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[ hayley atwell, cis female ] - did you know ISABELLA MERCER is back in town ? i’ve heard that the THIRTY year old has been gone for THIRTEEN YEARS and used to be known as THE FERVOUR. now people call them THE BENEVOLENT but they’re still DIFFIDENT, and SELFLESS as usual. right now they’re busy as a DATA ENGINEER but i hope we have time to catch up !

guess who's back, back again, caitlyn's back, tell a friend. yES so anyways i'm back with the complete opposite of nick honestly ?? bella ?? my smol ?? child ?? who i hurt so dearly w her backstory ?? ( n w a lil bit of catherine’s help but we won't talk about that ) i have yet another basic connections page up for her here if ya'll wanna plot hmu on here or nicks ims, either one. and as always, the most extra of intro posts is below the cut because i don't know when to shut the fuck up.

( TW: mentions of death. )

BIOGRAPHY.

isabella was born in aston & raised by two v loving parents, her father was a surgeon, her mother a nurse. ( which is where those two met.. )

she is actually the youngest of the two children their parents had, her brother being seven years older than her.

was raised to be "practically perfect" in her parents eyes, made straight A's in school, never missed a day, never went and hung out with the wrong crowd, nothing. and unlike most, she really didn't mind that life.

but her brother, that was a different story, he went through a rebel phase and basically shut her and her parents out for a while.

life was great for all of them, their parents talking about taking the whole family on vacation for bella's 8th birthday because they knew they all needed a little break.

that vacation never came, though. bella was nine when she lost her parents to a freak car accident.

isabella was pulled out of school early that day by her neighbor as they had no other family in aston. but she didn't know why, not until her brother showed up to their neighbor's house in shambles.

apparently her brother had been caught trying to steal something out of a drug store and so they called her parents to come and get him and on their way to get him the rain caused a slick patch in the asphalt and that was that, their lives taken in an instant.

of course, since both of the mercer siblings were underage, they were put into the foster care system.

for a while, both of them didn't get anyone around to possibly adopt them, but shortly after she turned 9, her world flipped upside down once again.

her brother was adopted by a family who lived three states out who just so happened to be in the area and happened upon her brother, meaning she knew she'd probably never see him, or if she did, it would be very few and far between.

she didn't know how to handle this, her brother had been the only thing she'd known for almost three years and he was yanked away from her almost as quickly as her parents were.

after a few months of having basically no one, keeping to herself and only talking whenever she was spoken to, she crossed paths with one freddie wright, someone who would end up changing her life forever.

those two were like two peas in a pod and he made her forget the fact she'd basically lost her entire family.. he gave her hope that maybe she wasn't going to be alone for the rest of her life and she cherished him so damn much.

even though life wasn't the most perfect thing in the world for her, she never went into a "rebel" phase, always kept up with her schooling and found out that coding and anything that had to do with computers caused her so much peacefulness that she knew that's what she wanted to pursue a career in.

and to her surprise, she ended up getting a full scholarship to NYU, which happened to be the same college her best friend got into.

she was scared at first, was so unsure about packing her things and moving to a new state entirely, but she knew that she'd be able to make some sort of future for herself in new york, so she went for it.

and just like most, she ended up falling in love with the big city, finding places she loved to go whenever she wanted to, loved having people around her all the time.. it was something she'd never really felt before.

not to mention she was doing so damn well in college that even her professor told her he'd be surprised if she didn't end up working for a big corporation one day, and all of those good feelings put together was indescribable.

hell, she even ended up finding someone who she found herself head over heels for, and he felt that way about her too... flash forward to about a year later and she had a pretty little diamond ring sitting on her ring finger from him.

planning the wedding and keeping up with her schooling was difficult, and sometimes she just wanted to stop with school just until the big day was over, but she knew better. her parents taught her that an education was one of the greatest things a girl could have.

but she managed to get through it, had the wedding set for a beautiful day in the fall, the dress and everything else picked out and she was the happiest camper in the world.. she had someone she loved who she was going to marry and her best friend right by her side.

but things didn't turn out like she'd planned, on the day of the wedding, her husband to be left her at the altar and needless to say, this left her a broken mess.

without hesitation she took off to one of her favorite spots, still in her dress and a very expensive bottle of champagne to wash away the sadness.

but to her surprise, someone else had gone there too, the person who'd always been able to give her hope in life: freddie.

they sat in the park for a while and after everything, she found herself almost glad the wedding hadn't happened because she'd been missing a part of her ever since she'd met her ex-fiance.

but then life hit her in the face once again and altered everything.

she was at work when she heard the news of freddie's accident, her heart practically shattering from that alone. he was okay, but they had to tell her that more than a thousand times for her to believe it.

and even though there were bits and pieces of the years they'd been friends missing from his memories, she never once gave up on him because he never once gave up on her.

she fought and fought to make life better, for the both of them, but soon realized that maybe new york wasn't all it was cut out to be after all.

so she moved back to aston, thirteen years after she'd left.. hoping that maybe, just maybe life would start changing for her, that things would finally be okay and that she, along with everyone else could be happy.

PERSONALITY.

bella is literally a smol bean ??

like she's so kind to everyone even if they aren't the most friendly to her because ?? what if they were just ?? having a bad day ??

is v into the aesthetics of things ??

is also v minimalistic due to her growing up in the foster care system.

loves the color yellow ?? p sure she painted a few walls in her house yellow because she just... loves it that much.

however, if she's pissed off or trying to protect people she loves.... stay away from her... she might be smol, but girls got some fire in her.

is 110% into friendly cuddling ?? like ?? will curl up w anyone ?? just bc ?? she can ??

will also probably make everyone in aston cookies or a cake on their bday because she just wants people to be happy & if she can give ppl a reason to smile, she's happy too ??

has a reading corner in her house and sits there a lot bc it makes her feel v cosy and safe.

kinda... forgets to take care of herself tho bc... she's more worried about other people and their feelings so she just pushes hers back & locks them away.

actual floWER chiLD ??

intelligent af and loves anything that has to do w tech or computers, like if u put her infront of a screen.. she's so in her element i s2g.

absolutely loves her boring ass 9-5 desk job because she feels like what she does helps people a lot.

cries over cute animal videos and would love to own a puppy or kitten ( or both )

is scared af of thunderstorms ?? she curls up in a ball on her couch whenever one hits she haTES them.

will do anything and everything in her power to make people feel better because she hates when other people are sad.

also... if people get mad at her and raise their voice at her... she'll probs break down n cry or get v anxious or stressed bc she doesn't want ppl to be upset with her.

has a flower garden that she loves to death n cries if anything happens to her children.

is the type to volunteer at local food banks n things like that to try and give back to the community.

extremely weary when it comes to letting people in after the whole ex-fiance thing happened but fully believes that everyone still deserves a second chance.

someone could be threatening her life and she'd probably still be like "there's some good in them" bc.. that's how she is.

cannot.... handle stress v well. so if she gets stressed out about something she doesn't get a lot of sleep and just ?? internally freaks until things calm down.

she's HELLA a summer baby and will practically beg everyone to go to the beach w her whenever the weather permits because she loves the water.

doesn't drink all the time & is kinda a lightweight so when she does drink.. it doesn't take a ton to get her drunk.

speaking of, she's p clingy & touchy feely when she's drunk n will probs tell u she loves u a million times just so u know that.

probably a sub.... yeah she a sub...

can b pretty easily manipulated or pursueded into doing things bc !! you have to make ppl happy !! always !!

literally just a smol beb who's trying her best to make sure she leave the world a little bit better than she found it??

idk.... she's just... smol

STATS

BASICS

FULL NAME: isabella rose mercer. NICKNAME(S): isa, bella ( only freddie is allowed to call her this honestly ?? ) & rose. AGE: thirty. DATE OF BIRTH: june 5th. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. PLACE OF BIRTH: aston, maine. GENDER: female. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: bisexual. RELIGION: christian. ( nonpracticing. ) OCCUPATION: data engineer. LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: spanish, french, russian, welsh & english. ACCENT: american.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

FACE CLAIM: hayley atwell. HAIR COLOR: dark brown. EYE COLOR: brown. HEIGHT: 5′ 5″. WEIGHT: 120 LBS. BUILD: average.

PERSONALITY.

LABEL: the benevolent. POSITIVE TRAITS: selfless, loyal, intelligent. NEGATIVE TRAITS: diffident, quiet, naive. FEARS: astraphobia & arachnophobia. HOBBIES: baking, coding, reading books, watching tv, netflix, horseback riding, sewing, swimming. QUIRKS: believes in karma, fights for animals rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for marriage equality, counts stairs, enjoys camping, loves the smell of burning wood, loves board / video games, can solve a rubix cube. LIKES: fall, summertime, water, shopping, ice cream, nighttime, traveling, art, music, cuddling, movie / tv / netflix marathons, hiking, camping, horseback riding, working out, computers. DISLIKES: thunderstorms, snow, traffic, liars, hypocrites, cinnamon, spiders, snakes.

FAMILY.

FATHER: jordan david mercer. MOTHER: marie ann wallace-mercer. SIBLING(S): one, older brother. PET(S): none. FINANCIAL STATUS: middle to ( lower ) upper class.

TESTS

MYERS-BRIGGS: infj-t. ENNEAGRAM: type 2 ( the helper. ) TEMPERAMENT: melancholic. HOGWARTS HOUSE: hufflepuff.

#( & ooc. )#as.intro #....com lov this smol bb #watch this not show up in the tags lmao rip me

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