#like. not very much money at all but yknow

[jutsuuu]

girl help I’m experiencing

#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to???? #everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want #one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around #I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow? #and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted #and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces #which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes #and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE #on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal #and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties #maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties #I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff #I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack #or early next year #and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it #ughghghghghghggh #I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat. #after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing #anyway how are you?

[jorvikzelda]

Also got this positively adorable snapshot of Zelda Bowsmith and Heavyheart while window-shopping in Global Store. they're mirroring each other 🥺 its like a little dance! striking a lil pose !

#this is the dream outfit btw. I just dont have enough money asdfghj #thats why Im doing archaeology now babeyyyyyy #but once I get this i will be sooooooo powerful. both of my OCs will have Signature Outfits. and all will be well. #theyre so contrasting too LOL and i love that #if I ever get a 3rd account theyre gonna be the most colorful chaotic kinda person with clothes ever. Im gonna have so much chaos fun. #z talks #sso #ssoblr #na: heavyheart #Zelda Bowsmith is very much like... your standard preppy kinda rich dresses-nice horse girl. She will bite you #Zelda Axewatcher... is not that. She might still bite you though. #They probably will never meet (being in different parallel timelines and all yknow) but I think they would get along very well. #they could learn a thing or two from another if nothing else. #Bowsmith could use some of Axewatcher's carelessness. Axewatcher could use some of Bowsmith's sharp wits and cutting words. #wow look at me... developing my OCs more in the span of five tags than i literally EVER have before #Also they're both gay and trans but yknow ALL our ocs are. #So that goes without saying I feel.

[sanchoyo]

guess who got a JOB 👈👈😎

#idk how itll actually be but it sounds good in theory!!! #they can do my hours + benefits!!! on part time!!! (GOOD benefits too!!!) PLS LET IT WORK OUT....PRAYER CIRCLE #i dont start until MAYBE next week (or later depending on the speed of the background check/drug test stuff) BUT....it SOUNDS good to me #ill be workin Alone for the most part...just Vibin in my Own Area...free food/drinks too!! #i rly would like for it to work . bc this was GREAT TIMING i lose my dads insurance v v soon like 1 month T_T was starting to sweat over it #AND ITS NOT FAST FOOD OR RETAIL (HUGE W IF I HAD TO GO BACK I WOULD START BAWLING) #+ the boss seemed v nice and chill (and had sick tats) (I DONT HAVE TO DYE MY HAIR A NORMIE COLOR EITHER!!! DOUBLE W) #sanchoyorambles #very very happy. and so nervous i will probably puke #there were no interview questions btw it was just us cracking jokes + paperwork i got hired on the spot B) #i mean /i/ had questions but like none of the usual bs like #'where do u see urself in 5 years. why is this ur ideal job' type shit which was GREAT bc i hate those qs SO MUCH #we all know im here for money. and benefits. we do not need 2 play these games #but actually dishwasher or janitor kinda IS my ideal job?? so??? lol actually #i LIKE chill jobs where im cleaning things im GOOD at it when i had a higher pressure job where my work actually like #could influence HOW WELL AMBULANCES WORKED. IF I MISREAD A BLUEPRINT OR DIDNT DO MINOR THINGS RIGHT. THATWAS SCARY AND TOO MUCH PRESSURE #i mean my real dream job is artist/writer/otherwise creative in nature but. yknow! not realistic rn so....we r doing what we gotta 😤 #i...will try very hard this time #i NEED that debt to be paid off fr

[gibbearish]

ALSO IRT THE MOVIES LORE BEING DIFFERENT LIKE. idk how ppl are looking at a different canon as a bad thing rather than an opportunity to gather new information, like "what would this character do if xyz had happened" tells you so much stuff about that character !! for instance we can use mike's relationship with abby in this movie as a jumping off point to explore more about what michael afton wouldve done had elizabeth not died too, after directly causing his brother's death would he become more protective of elizabeth? would he push her away thinking himself to be the danger? or another one, another post pointed out that for game afton the springlocks failing is fast and complete, he has 0 choice how well he's locked in there and he essentially stumbles into possessing it, whereas for movie afton the springlocks are slow, he has time to think through his last act and specifically chooses to lock himself in there as hard as possible so he can come back, would game afton have done the same if his springlock failure was more like that? or would he have just died anyways and theres something about movie afton that makes him choose different, and if so what is that? and ESPECIALLY vanessa are you kidding?? idk abt yall, i personally was not pondering what the childhood of a vanessa raised by william afton wouldve looked like before the movie, but i sure am now. like how is that not super fun

#im excited for a security breach sequel as much as the next guy but also like. a huge complaint abt that game is that its very #yknow. we'll stop kicking this dead horse when it stops spitting out money? so idk how they expect to get new content outside of sequels #or aus. prequels???? i think the fucked up state of the game lore can speak to how bad of an idea adding in more prequels would be #i dont give a shit or fuck abt william aftons childhood anyways like. 'invents robots that do murder' is all the background we really need #on him imo? like theyll be like 'williams dad hit him which is why he did the robot murders in the first place' #like cool motive still robot murder this changes nothing about my opinions on him. give me something actually new to sink my teeth into

[inmirova]

yall my ex is so lucky we're not together now that I'm off my meds for like. not even the reason that makes sense.

#oooooh i have no appetite now that I'm not on multiple meds with weight gain as a side effect #surely that aspect of my being is evil of me #pretty sure my unmedicated bipolar disorder would just be like fun for him bc im not always depressed anymore #not to be like crazy or whatever but the fact that while i was taking meds and working on my relationship w food they were like. bitter? #like demonized me both having problems with food and seeking help for them #&viewed my being on medication as exceptionally privileged which like. i wish i was on them again i get it but also getting that 'privilege' #required 1) my own fucking money i got from having a job something they didnt get until we broke up and i was like #im not paying off our apartment alone so either you or your parents owe me money every month #and 2) getting hospitalized after an attempt #because i had the privilege of being on twice the max dose of an antidepressant that didnt help me #like. ugh yes it was a privilege and one that i miss having but it also sucked getting there it wasnt like #idk the way they framed it was always like i was offered the fucking luck of the draw on it or whatever #like sorry? remember when i was on so much lexapro i went into a dissociative fugue and started dating you lol fuck off #because i actually genuinely dont remember like 6 or 7 months because of that shit! #i actually ended up hospitalized from it and all i remember hearing about it was that you were sad bc you felt you werent enough to stop it #like it had fucking anything to do with you #like wish them all the best but damn. actually they sucked very very badly. i hope they figure it out one day but probably not #ik theyre on antidepressants now so yknow. im sure theyll forget being medicated means theyre privileged now #becomes normal once its them or some shit

[ayyponine]

girl help im going back n forth on whether or not i should send an email to thank the beautiful man fr letting me join the drawing session last week (more info on that entire situation here and here) and letting him know i probably wont be back but appreciate having had the experience either way. great or horrible idea leave a comment or DM to lmk.

#anyway more nuance on the whole situation is this. i am very single and this guy keeps being on my mind but i do not have any read on him #the last contact we had was me makin an ass of myself by going like hehe yeah this was nice everyone was nice ok yall have a nice evenin bye #while my heart was like visibly pounding out of my chest and u could probably see on my face i was internally thinking girl shut UP!!! LEAVE #so im like ok either hes weirded out by me so let me say thx AGAIN now in a composed way AND giving him peace of mind knowing i wont be back #unless?? i was not as awkward as i thought & get reassured i can return any time and then i could still b like thanks! and just Not go #i mean even then he might say it's fine even if he IS uncomfrtable w me just to 1. be nice and 2. make money w a participant locked in yknow #it does NOT help that the line btwn casual and professional was like NOT there btw its him just hosting the event as we all do our art idkkk #anyway if you THINK youve PROBABLY been a lil off is it better to 1. have a do-over and get closure or 2. fuck off forever hoping u never #like EVER run into the dude again and be awkward AGAIN bc well! u live in the same city and are both into art so?? there IS a possibility #I CAN SEE THE PROS AND CONS OF BOTH OPTIONS REALLY #yay for sending email: get a response get some clarity NOW. nay for sending email: girl u met him twice. please. leave the stranger alone <3 #the one positive abt me feeling Dumb and Embarrassing is at least every time i think back i heave a Big Ole Sigh. feels nice tbh feels good #sad part is i rediscovered how much i love doing art and want to improve. would love to return it was so cheap.. pleek ill get over my crush

[scrumpster]

im gonna be real with you so many of those narrated r/letsnotmeet videos are just some neurotypical person describing an autistic adult or teenager they saw in public and acting like it was the most terrifying experience of their life

#ableism #like damn okay sorry for speaking to you in a flat tone. go home and cry about it and post on reddit if it makes you feel better I guess #not to mention how many of them are like. blatant demonization #like some of these people literally did NOTHING and you need to write a whole post about how creepy their tone of voice was and how off #they seemed... because #why? #Im not following #willing to bet money that like 90% of those genre of posts are about black or brown ppl as well #yes that other post I just reblogged made me think about all of this #ive just seen it so much. #there is so much wrong with the horror community but I remember very strongly how I felt hearing my own harmless behaviors described by #neurotypicals #and yknow what it just makes me more terrified to go outside

[forgotten-daydreamer]

everyone please cross your fingers for my scholarship, i need to get it

#please please please #it's not much but i can make it last a lot!! over a year!! #i already pay very little at the canteen but 3€/day x 5days/week is still 540€/year (9 months of uni circa) so i could use the money #yes i bring food from home too but my knees arent made to bear weights since i barely bring textbooks #and my uni requires lots of walking to reach. up a hill. not like... climbing but... yknow. medieval city and all... #literally on my fucked up knees rn. praying to whatever's up there #friendly reminder that i have a kofi too

[islandofsages]

nice

#sorry whenever i see this i just think ''haha funny number'' #anyway perfect timing i was about to update yall on stuff #so i know i havent been posting much and im very sorry for that #ive been stressed out with studies and now im dreading a presentation this thursday #i do have something in the works rn tho dw #and also ive been thinking of opening up a kofi?? maybe?? #since other than writing i do plan on making youtube vids in the future #where i just talk to my camera about whatever the fuck i want lmao #like those kinda youtubers yknow what i mean #i mean technically i already have been making youtube vids but #ive been making playlists and one hour loop vids and it's like #illegal to make money off of those so LOL #still. im a content creator. content creators deserve money. so that means i deserve money #hope yall still support me all this time 😢 #not writing #updates

[wtf-amiru]

i'm just gonna rant in the tags for a minute to get it out ok

#idk feeling a weird melancholy today #with all this kingsfell stuff #i don't really know how to make myself feel better or different either #i'm scared because i have to start my resin business from scratch essentially #because this kickstarter destroyed me #and school starts up next week which means i'm back to the job i took because i had to shut my business down #ppl in the business also afflicted by kingsfell encouraged me to start again #bees has been very kind to me about it #but it's like #it's so much of me that i have to pour out to get everything started again #if it doesn't work again #i don't know what i'll do #i'll be worse than when i closed shop this time #so i need it to work but i'm scared i lost all the skills i formed #all the habit and things that made it easy before #and the desire to do it #what if i spend a bunch of money on resin and don't find it fun anymore yknow #i'm very worried and not at all confident but i'm trying to trudge forward #i really really miss making dice sometimes #so i'm hoping it's still there

[tartarus-pice]

lamictal is godly btw! i love it a lot

i still feel like i have periods of euphoria/impulsivity and depression/low energy but like. very very mild

i peek at my med and go "ty for allowing me to feel things normally!"

the only negative is now im not dissociating anymore (not due to med but due to less stress) and now i can feel all of my rage and anxiety full-force which ig is what coping is meant for!

#i deserved better. i still deserve better. #but its still upsetting to know someone i cared for and thought so positively of #is just getting worse and worse and worse #and they dont even realize it or care #like. i know you can be better than this. #i KNOW you can. #so why arent you trying? do you really feel that attached to your suffering? #are you scared of what youll become if you get better? #yknow. you always said that i was the one with the personality disorder but i rlly think it was you projecting #the only reason i ever said i had bpd was bc you convinced me long-term #bc you wouldnt let go of it. bc you wanted the psycho girlfriend #you wanted the yandere mommy domme mother gothel type #when I WASNT EVER THAT at my core #i always felt like i was faking or playing pretend #you did the exact same thing Hyde did. which was treat me like someone im not and try to mold me into that #like yeah you didnt sexually abuse me like he did (which. he was still part of your system btw) #but you absolutely emotionally abused me #and im upset that i wasted all that time and money and care on someone who evidently doesnt care abt me that much #if you were so quick to get over me and move on. when you only messaged me first to ask for things like comfort. #you treated me like i was still your partner after our relationship ended btw - which was very confusing and upsetting #bc you held me to the same expectations #and dont try and rebuff this by saying i didnt tell you!! I WAS TOO SCARED TO BC I HAD TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS #TO KEEP YOU FROM GETTING UPSET WITH ME AND GUILTTRIPPING ME #like!!! everything i did was bc i wanted to keep you happy and pleased with me! #take a step back and look at yourself to think why that was. #bc it sure as HELL wasnt all on me #and i know your going to tell all future partners that im the terrible unhealthy one who ghosted you in the end just like i inevitably #was meant to do #while conveniently leaving out wverything bad you did #absolving yourself of shame and guilt

[bluinary]

Waking up crying because after 2 years of grinding and understudying I was called back to play a real lead for a renowned director (me out of 3 girls total) and I lost the role to a girl who just auditioned here for the first time. The worst part is that I am also her understudy for the show before that!

#and it feels like no one actually gives a fuck. im being constantly invalidated #“thats showbiz” bitch this is a community theatre that prides itself on fairness #im not saying I shouldve just gotten the role bc ive been there. either role. #i am saying though that playing a fucking lead has historically been treated like a privilege. #because it can lead to huge opportunities once ppl see you that way #and tbf I nailed the callback. even the girl cast (whos also my new friend) said honestly she was sure it was me. #before i was even called back i had fellow actors saying id be perfect for it #i know why he cast the other girl. there are multiple reasons. #but honestly her reasons and mine weigh much the same. and she just got there. #im emphasizing SHE JUST GOT THERE #she even told me she just wanted to be involved #this is the 2nd time this has happened to me and im really fucking sick of it. #and now that ive regained some weight.....who tf else will cast me #i dont want to have to go all ED again i dont have the money or energy #also I cant dance very well. at least not in callbacks. i always forget what move comes next and i bomb it. #anyway. now im waking up crying. and its coming from a selfish place so no one is here to give a fuck. #this is the worst position to be in lmfao. if i have feelings about something im the villain and a diva. #i have to be “humble” but oh!! dont be down on yourself either!! have pride!! #this month has sucked so bad. #blu babbles #also. shes really good! but shes absolutely not THAT good lmfao. her presence is awesome and she dances well #and her voice is really nice! shes a triple threat but like. all areas are just *at* the bar yknow? #for me ive been told my acting is also at the bar my dancing is just below the bar and my voice is way above the bar. #shes been asking me for tips on singing and no one also seems to see how that feels like twisting the knife. #ik its not intentional. shes just naive. but it still hurts. it hurts really really bad. #im like @ god if you want me to have faith and confidence in myself why are you making me into a loser #first i lose my ex. then my car gets fucked up. also its been cloudy for 2+ weeks so depression. then i gain weight. #now i lose BOTH roles i was called back for. #i dont even want to go to rehearsal today. what the hell do they need me for.

[be-good-to-bugs]

one day everything is gonna be better!

#the bin #maybe after i move i can get a therapist again. thatd be good. #its weird how worried i get over a lot of things and i dont wanna do them bc of potential negative affects or judgment from others #includibg people who i dislike. but then my response to half of my stress is considering suicide #i dont attempt it much now bc im lacking most methods. i used to a whole lot. and yet i get so concerned over comparatively little things #i worry abt the negative affects of dxm which i want to tey oit so i have a waybto feel better so i dont kill myself #yknow honestly. i think any negative affects it might have are a lot better than being dead. and i get woreied abt money and my sister being #weird abt how much weed i have (which isnt even that much) but it helps me not want to die so. like. those issues are small in comparison #i get worried abt the fact i cant feel better without getting high but like. my life DOES suck. i have a lot of reasons to feel awful #and literally no support from any people. its not good if getting high is the only thing that makes me not wanna kill myself but at least it #stops me from doing that. thats better than death! itd be nice uf i had a healthier solition but i dont #not getting high doesnt make me depressed. but im always depressed from other things and i have nobody to talk to at all and i wanna die #so whatever helps is worth it. i was very much so raised in a 'if this substance stops you from wnatibg to kill yourself then you have a #severe problem and you have to stop using it immediately' which is stupid. self medicating like this isnt great but its still a valid option #if i was able to tuen of the 'i want to die' at will then id do it but i cant and any distraction is a welcome one. #idk when ill see my sister next. hopefully next week. she beeds to stop by and get her card anyway. ill probably ask to bring some groceries #and edibles by when that happens. she gets super weird abt me and weed and it sucks. but thats a her problem. sbe doenst need to get it

[tiredsadpeach]

Okay so update his bf apologized (the one I was talking to in the first place) but I haven’t heard from the friend since he asked me if I could come to one of his shows

#and I found out that there were probably more shows that I could’ve gone to but he never mentioned them and I was too scared to ask #he’s barely even tweeted since so I don’t even have a gauge of like how he’s feeling especially towards me #so there’s absolutely no way I’m contacting him first rn not if I can’t tell if he’s just gonna snap at me or something #but the bf and I talked things out and while I still don’t fully see how what I said was mean because tbh he just forgot to explain and I #wasn’t gonna pester him about it I did apologize too as yknow just because you don’t mean to hurt someone doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen #but yeah found out that he has a good psychiatrist but all I had heard of their relationship was that he was kinda upset that the #psychiatrist called him and my friends relationship unhealthy and one sided which unhealthy oohhh yeah but not at all one sided #so I just had assumed he didn’t like the psychiatrist that much and I don’t like mine so I called her method into question which is not a #bad thing to me but I guess since he likes her then it might’ve upset him and that’s fine I take responsibility there #I just wish I was idk talked to instead of the sudden aggression but I’m glad I’m coming out of this with at least one friendship in tact #will my friend apologize? who knows! I’m too scared to message first and he may be too stubborn to do it so lol #but I am very sad I didn’t get to see his musical because yknow still rn that’s my best friend he’ll that’s my fp and I couldn’t be there to #support him because of a stupid argument that doesn’t make any sense to me which only makes me assume he doesn’t like me and this is an #excuse to get rid of me because teehee bpd #also had a little breakdown because I can’t save money like I feel incapable of saving but I think I’m okay now and I have work tomorrow #payday is the end of next week so I gotta be super strict with it this time #but yeah that’s the update on the now over a week long arguement over not trusting psychiatrists

[viulus]

Do people actually like Genshin Impact

#vu's posts #serious question btw #well... half-serious question #i ask because it just seems very... generic? #the designs are generic and so is the gameplay like i don't get it #there are games like it that play MUCH better #plus gi is also extremely predatory 😶 the things that they charge money for is honestly ridiculous #idk i've felt this for a while but i have a very strong dislike for genshin impact #i hate everything that it stands for honestly #in terms of character design and gameplay and the whole microtransation bs... etc etc. i hate it all #also usually if like a friend or something has an interest that's not my thing then i'll usually still give it a chance yknow? #but if i ever had a friend that was into this game then i would straight up tell them like 'yeahhhh i don't care. sorry' #get better taste y'all. please

[sylvumbreon]

You see...... part of me wants to wait to see if there will be a third installment instead (like with Emerald/Platinum/Ultra etc)..... but we never got a third with SwSh and instead just ended up with the dlc so...... if I do wanna end up getting it, I think I'm gonna go with Violet....... praying they don't pull an Ultra and just rehash almost the same thing again tho ,,,

The outfit dilemma reminds me of Sun/Moon so much, the limited clothing colors thing was absolute bs like wtf ,,,

#i dont mean to sound so negative but im torn about all this and it's the cons that are drawing me back from just splurging on this yk #it is very much super buggy and i was alr iffy on it so like.... not so much against the game as i am how much i'll be spending yknow #....anyway based on the stuff ive seen i think i like the violet mons more #might just wait this one out a bit since its not even on sale rn anyway. pkmn stuff tends to go up in value instead rip #just bought a few games off the switch sale for pretty cheap so eh i think I'll wait till after the holidays #if i get gift money I'll use it on the game ig jahaha #my post #aerin.jpg #misc