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smilesthroughfandoms · 5 years

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Every Single Star vs. the Forces of Evil episode in one sentence or less

I’ll probably post a more in depth-review later this week, as I have opinions literally no one wants to hear but I will proclaim anyway, and then I’ll probably also due a revision of my ‘Past Queens Connection to Star’ post from way back in season 2. Cause that needs an update.

Anyway, enjoy!

Star Comes to Earth: Princess Cinnamon Roll that Could Kill you comes to earth and meets Misunderstood Safe Kid.

Party With a Pony: Spoopy Wardens hunt for the glitter pony while Star gets ice for Marco’s sweaty back.

Matchmaker: In which we learn it was probably a bad idea to give Star the wand in the first place.

School Spirit: Star misunderstands football and Marco tries to get Ferguson to blow his whistle not in that way.

Monster Arm: “Not my bowels! I love my bowels!”

The Other Exchange Student: Star is jealous of the meatball man from Bakersfieldville.

Cheer Up Star: “It’s supposed to be ironic!”

Quest Buy: Very accurate depiction of what it is like to work in retail.

Diaz Family Vacation: Both Marco and Star see new sides of their dads but that’s not necessarily a good thing

Brittney’s Party: Star and Marco party on a bus that Ludo hijacks

Mewberty: Star gets horny and snares boys in her web but not in that way

Pixtopia: Marco messed up and Alfonso marries Ferguson’s rebound

Lobster Claws: “… You can’t eat children.” “Really? Not even the annoying ones?”

Sleep Spell: “Camera Phooone!”

Blood Moon Ball: We’re suppose to ship them now, right?

Fortune Cookies: Love is never the answer kids

Freeze Day: Father Time offers Star and Marco some mud before riding away on his wheel-mobile pulled by giant time-hamsters I am not making this up.

Royal Pain: King Santa Claus destroy mini-golf

St. Olga’s Reform School for Wayward Princesses: Princess Prison sure is a nightma–OH MY GOD ARE THOSE CLUBS?!

Mewnipendence Day: No wonder monsters hate Mewmans so much.

The Banagic Wand: Star still doesn’t get Earth and like all of us, Marco is always hungry.

Interdemensional Field Trip: Miss Skullnick fears the “Big Change” while Marco sends Jackie cat memes

Marco Grows a Beard: Ludo is out, Toffee is in, and Marco will probbaly be terrified of beards forever

Storm the Castle: “SURPRISE!”

My New Wand!: DIP DOOOWN

Ludo in the Wild: Wait, since when did Ludo become badass?

Mr. Candle Cares: “Star and I have recently become smooch buddies… On the lips.”

Red Belt: Marco searches for a meaning in life and Star searches for hammer.

Star on Wheels: *epic remix of Marco saying Star is in trouble*

Fetch: Marco can’t open juice and Star runs away from her problems and sending thank you cards

Star vs. Echo Creek: Star gets high and destroys a police car

Wand to Wand: Both Ludo and Star are terrible at magic also major ship tease

Starstruck: Star and her idol Sailor Super Saiyan destroy a park and Marco is 100002% done with this shit

Camping Trip: King Butterfly has a mid-life crisis and tries to control an eagle

Starsitting: They’re gonna be great parents some day.

On the Job: Buff Dad is best dad and buff babies are adorable

Goblin Dogs: “You might think this line is long, but listen to my goblin song!~”

By the Book: Ludo and Star still suck at magic and Glossaryck is a bigger troll than Alex Hirsch

Game of Flags: And I thought my family was dysfunctional...

Girls’ Day Out: Janna is back and is still awesome btw

Sleepover: “TRUTH! STAR HAS A CRUSH ON MA–” *cue fandom freakout*

Gift of the Card: R.I.P. Rasticore Chaosus Disastorvayne… He couldn’ get his fucking chainsaw to work

Friendenemies: Star becomes one with Christmas tree while Tom and Marco go on a date and sing a romantic pop ballad.

Is Mystery: Meatfork is apparently a family name and Ludo is really starting to freak me out tbh

Hungry Larry: “He’s still hungry…”

Spider with a Top Hat: He tries and he is awesome and that’s all that matters

Into the Wand: SPAAAAADESS!!!

Pizza Thing: Marco is OCD about mushroom and Pony Head buys skinny jeans

Page Turner: Moon, how did you miss Toffee in the orb he was right there!

Naysaya: Marco is a mood in this episode

Bon Bon the Birthday Clown: Honestly my favorite episode overall

Raid the Cave: Glossaryck is the true neutral asshole.

Trickstar: Weird Al is a treasure and I’ll mes up anyone who makes Marco cry!

Baby: Aw, look at the little deadly baby, I love her!

Running With Scissors: Marco gets a new edition to his shipping harem and she is so cute!

Mathmagic: Why did the chicken cross the road?

The Bounce Lounge: Marco is definitely the mom friend.

Crystal Clear: The Chancellor guy is amazing and Rhombulus just needs a hug and wAS THAT ECLIPSA IN THE BACKGROUND?

The Hard Way: “SURPRISE!” 2.0

Heinous: Oh, so that’s how Marco got all that money.

All Belts Are Off: This is the negative side of “Pro-tag teen hangs out with older adult figure” trope done splendidly

Collateral Damage: Marco how do you not know what a possum is?

Just Friends: I’m fine! *blows up sign to prove just how fine I am*

Face the Music: This song is actually a banger

Star Crushed: Looking back, I’m starting to think the writing peaked at this episode....

BATTLE FOR MEWNI EDITION!!!!!

Return to Mewni: This is… just an exposition filler. Not much else to say….

Moon the Undaunted: B4! B4! B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4!

Book Be Gone: Seriously, did Glossy take trolling lessons from Alex Hirsch this is hilarious!

Marco and the King: This is the “Pro-tag teen hangs out with older adult figure” done slightly better

Puddle Defender: Aw, look at the little buff babies, they’re getting so big!

King Ludo: The mime stole the show.

Toffee: Yeah, I think the writing peaked somewhere around here...

Scent of Hoodie: Huh, so Ponyhead can be written as likeable, who would’ve thought?

Rest in Pudding: The colors are not doing the censors any favor here, huh?

Club Snubbed: I literally yelled “Phrasing!” whenever they dropped the title

Stranger Danger: Is she the new antagonist of the series? I can’t tell

Demoncism: Tom is a wonderful baby boy and Ponyhead is written as likeable, part 2!

Sophmore Slump: *sobbing* Jackie deserved better, dang it!

Lint Catcher: I’m starting to wonder if there is any competant authority figure in Mewni

Trial by Squire: I think the writers were all like” You think these guys will ship anyone with Marco?” and decided to test that theory.

Princess Turdina: I got more lore out of this episode than I thought I would.

Starfari: Welp, she makes me uncomfortable.

Sweet Dreams: *Sailor Moon-ing intensifies*

Lava Lake Beack: Proof that this fandom will ship anyone with Marco at the slightest inclanation

Death Peck: Rich Pigeon is my new favorite birb and Ponyhead is written as likeable for the third time

Ponymonium: Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Night Life: The writers made so many new ships they had to get rid of an old one!

Deep Dive: “Chicken butt”

Monster Bash: Well, that explains the cheekmarks.

Stump Day: I think they just made an episode based around a picture from that bookcover.

Holiday Special: *insert every cheesy Christmas/Holiday episode trope here*

The Bog Beast of Boggabah: The title is fun to say and the episode is average at best.

Total Eclipsa the Moon: Seriously, I’m supposed to think she’s an ultimate villain.

Butterfly Trap: In which we are all Sean, don’t lie we were all him at the end

Ludo, Where Art Thou?: Dennis is best brother, hands down.

Is Another Mystery: *sniff* I got more emotional over this episode than anyone else did and I’m not sure how I feel about that

Marco Jr.: I… I just… Why? What’s the point?

Skooled!: Epic advertisment fakeout combined with wonderful character development and lore with a shock ending makes a 8/10 episode.

Booth Buddies: Old Man McGucket ships Starco, proceed to react accordingly

Bam Ui Pati!: Ponyhead is kinda likeable in this episod–nevermind she’s back.

Tough Love: Oh man, it’s happening! It’s happening guys here we go!

Divide: We are going to war everybody–And they’re all dead. That was quick.

Conquer: They should have paid Alex HIrsch to voice Glossaryck at this point, it’d be more in character for him.

Butterfly Follies: Proof that someone will always complain about politics no matter what.

Escape from the Pie Folk: Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that he kinda resembles Eclipsa more than Festivia?

Moon Remembers: I was expecting a freakout but was pleasantly surprised

Swim Suit: I’m starting to get a bad feeling about Rhombulus

Ransomgram: Why is everyone in this dimesnion hot?!

Lake House Fever: She’s a good mom

Yada Yada Berries: They missed an opportunity to have a Seinfeld actor guest-star, just saying

Down by the River: I’m glad that she can relax

The Ponyhead Show!: And Ponyhead is offically no longer likeable, can someone toss her into an abyss please?

Surviving the Spiderbites: SpiderSlime is canon proceed to react accordingly

Out of Buisness: How did this place go out of buisness???

Kelly's World: Man, they’re really setting these non-Starco ships up to fail, huh?

Curse of the Blood Moon: Pfft, yeah, sure, Starco won’t be canon at all!

Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell: I think Ludo has the most consistent character arc out of the entire show’s history.

Ghost of Butterfly Castle: Moon, Star is your daughter and Star supports Eclipsa, why would you not tell her?

Cornball: This episode has a heartwarming lesson that I hope more people come to realize

Meteora's Lesson: I’ll take any Toffee scenes I can get

The Knight Shift: I honestly don’t remember what happened n this episode

Queen-Napped: Seriously, can someone please dropkick Ponyhead into an abyss?

Junkin' Janna: The JanTom interaction I’ve been waiting for

A Spell with No Name: These types of episodes stopped being charming awhile ago

A Boy and His DC-700XE: I think Tomco has more ground to stand-on then Starco at this point

The Monster and The Queen: Don Panchito voices Globgor! There’s hope for this show yet!

Cornonation: They’re the best couple/parents/anything around!

Doop-Doop: I honestly think Rick just put Morty through some flux-capacitor or something

Britta's Tacos: Hey, remember these people that we suddenly brought back? No? Me neither!

Beach Day: This feels like a Season 1 episode and it’s nice

Gone Baby Gone: I want a TV show aout them now! Disney, please!

Sad Teen Hotline: Mr. Diaz is way to invested in Star’s love life.

Jannanigans: Hello last minute Janna character development!

Mama Star: So that’s how Mewni came to be--and I don’t care anymore

Ready, Aim, Fire!: Let’s get that finale ball rolling people!

The Right Way: Ok, that spell is actually pretty badass.

Here to Help: There, Starco’s finally canon will you guys just shut up now!

Pizza Party: Moon you idiot you ruined everything!

The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse: Toffee was right all along... I think we all knew that in some way

Cleaved: I expect nothing substanial and that’s what I got

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #svtfoe2 #svtfoe3 #svtfoe4 #battle for mewni #smilesthroughfandoms #Don't repost without my permission #seriously don't #these are my opinions #scary i know

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hoyoungy · 6 years

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001. Sanctioned | Jun

genre: comedy, mentions of sex, college/roommates au, friends with benefits au | jun x fem!reader summary: dating does not come easy to apartment 417. sex is even worse. well, maybe it was just you. it seems like everyone you know is able to get laid, get a date - hell, even a hug! you look sad and desperate as you wallow in your dry spell, so when your roommates soonyoung, mingyu, and minghao try to be your wingmen on a saturday night, you end up signing a no-strings-attached contract with a very familiar, but very much willing face word count: 2839 a/n: .... i know i literally just said i didn’t want to post this soon...... yet here i am..... im sorry..... warnings include swearing, alcohol, mentions of sex, dialogue-heavy, and platonic relationships

part 002

“I think I’m gonna be celibate,” you said as you plopped down on the couch next to Soonyoung. You just wasted the past couple of days talking to this guy on Tinder and you just found out he was about to graduate… high school. You would think college would be the prime time for you to find a hookup through a free dating app, but boy, were you wrong. Probably because people your age were being competent adults who didn’t need an app to talk to someone.

“You said that last week,” Soonyoung said, not looking up from his textbook on the coffee table. He knew this routine all too well.

“But I mean it this time.”

“Didn’t you also say that last week?”

“I’m sure I did.”

“Did something happen to that Felix guy on Tinder?”

“He was so young it felt illegal,” you groaned.

“Like, Chan young?”

“Younger.”

“Jesus Christ, you cradle-robber.”

“Shut up, I know, ok! It’s not my fault, he totally lied about his age!”

“I don’t know, _____, you’re not getting any younger. Who knows, maybe young guys could be your new thing? It seems to be working. I know a few people! For example, Mingyu -”

“Soonyoung, I will not begin my cradle-robbing career with Mingyu, of all people.”

“Did someone say cradle-robbing and my name in the same sentence? Is there an older woman in need?” you both heard Mingyu say as he walked through the front door. He tossed his backpack near the collection of shoes in the corner before grabbing a snack in the kitchen like he always did when he came home.

“Ugh, I can just feel my panties drying up every time you speak.”

“Words can hurt, you know.”

“Are we making fun of Mingyu again?” Minghao said as he left his room to join you all.

“I literally just got home, can’t I have a snack first?” he pouted.

“Guys, it’s 4:00 PM, which means it’s my hour to complain! If we aren’t going to follow the schedule, then this is anarchy.” You referred to the poorly-drawn clock on the dry erase board that hung in the kitchen. Every hour that struck 11 or 4, AM or PM, was your time to complain about anything and everything, and the rest of the time was divided amongst the rest of the roommates. Your complaining got so out of hand that the boys decided to punish you by giving you set hours in a day and you were sure to use up every damn second.

“Sorry, Mingyu just makes it so easy,” Minghao snorted. “So what’s up?”

“What’s up is that I haven’t had sex in six months.”

“I am eating, you penis-repellant,” Mingyu scolded with cheeks full of food.

“My God, six months? I thought six days was bad… What happened with that Sungjin guy you brought home a couple of months ago?” Soonyoung asked.

“He ended up, um… Crying…”

“About what!?”

“Bro, I don’t even know, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yikes, ok. How about Sehun from Accounting?”

“Passed out when we got home.”

“Jin from the bar?”

“Strictly a cuddler.”

“Uh, Gymhead Youngjae?”

“Pulled a muscle before the foreplay started.”

“Steven the exchange student!?”

“See, it was going well, but the language barrier was kind of a big thing -”

“Good lord, you really are a penis repellant,” Soonyoung sighed. “You’re hopeless.”

“Couldn’t even get with Steven the exchange student,” Mingyu tisked.

“Guys, what do I do ~ !?” You threw your face into the nearest pillow. The years of your youth were dwindling down with each passing second and all you wanted to do was to have some fun, but these past six months have amounted to nothing.

You couldn’t blame anyone else but yourself, though. You’ve been single your entire college career - like, never had a boyfriend, but have gone on dates and had hookups and it was all by choice. These were the best, stressless four years of your entire life. You didn’t wanted to bother with your never-ending fear of commitment, but it was starting to take a real toll on your needs. If you just sucked it up and got a boyfriend, you wouldn’t be looking like a desperate mess.

“Let’s go out tonight,” Mingyu suggested. “It’s a Saturday night, midterms are over, we’ll be each other’s wingman, and I heard Jun’s throwing a banger ~”

“Jun!?” you screeched. “Isn’t his place like, super nice?”

“Yeah, his rent is ridiculous, but that’s how all foreign exchange students are.” All at once, you, Mingyu, and Soonyoung glared at a cowering Minghao who wore his Gucci slip ons. “C’mon, we’ll get all gussied up and have fun and - oh! Let’s all match!”

“Why…”

“Uh, because we’re a squad? Duh?”

“Fine, but I only wear black when I go out. It’s slimming.”

“Agreed, it makes my cheeks look not as squishy,” Soonyoung said.

“And it makes my orange hair stick out,” Minghao nodded.

“Ugh, you’re all so boring. Black it is. And we’re leaving promptly at 10:30 PM or his infamous concoction of Moon Juice, trademark is gonna run out.”

“Guys, can you be real with me and judge my outfit?” you asked as you stepped out from your room. The other three were ready to go, sitting in the living room. They all looked in your direction with wide eyes when you came out in an all black outfit that looked too hard to breathe in. “Be honest, does this scream ‘I’m desperate, please have sex with me’ ?”

“Your shoes sort of whisper ‘I’m both desperate and old’, but the outfit is yelling into a microphone saying ‘I am ready to drop to my knees any second’,” Minghao nodded as a matter-of-factly.

“That has to be the nicest thing you have ever said to me,” you smiled. “Ok, let’s get drunk and get laid ~!”

“We sound so sad right now,” Soonyoung sighed, closing the door behind him.

“So what’s the game plan? Is there an outline? An itinerary? Syllabus, maybe? Examples from previous students last semester?”

“All I know is Mingyu’s in charge.”

“Hell yeah, I’m in charge. And the plan is that there is no plan.”

“What, how could there be no plan?” you asked.

“You can’t make plans to get laid, that takes the whole fun out of the equation! See, we’re probably going to be, like, the best looking people there, and that means we have to be the ones playing hard to get.”

“That’s the exact opposite of what I’m trying to be.”

“Lucky for you, you won’t have to try hard because you kind of make yourself hard to get already when your standards are impossibly high.”

“They are not impossibly high!”

“Didn’t you turn down a guy because he wore man-flops?”

“Yeah, but -”

“And that one guy who wore really low v-necks?” Minghao chimed.

“Ok, well -”

“Can’t forget the one guy in our Stats class who wrote with 1.0 mm pens and pencils -”

“That is a completely valid reason, Soonyoung, and you know it! No one older than ten writes with such a large diameter!” you pouted. “Ok, I get it, I’m hard to get, but why is it when I’m trying to be easy to get, I still end up in bed alone?”

“Because you go for the guys who are also naturally hard to get! That’s the number one biggest mistake we beautiful people make all the time.”

“So you want her to bring home some ugly dude whose standards are as low as a sex doll with a fleshlight installed?” Soonyoung snorted.

“No, she just has to learn to play smart and pick out the guys like us - guys that only look like we’re playing hard to get.”

“Translation, Mingyu wants to have sex with you.”

“That is also true, but we signed a No Conflict-of-Interest contract, so I begrudgingly abide by it.”

“I almost forgot about that one. We have way too many contracts.” You sighed as the four of you arrived in front of Jun’s apartment - no, loft. If it was on the very top floor of a high-rise, you’d consider it a penthouse, it was that big. The door was tall and wide, made of some steel maybe? Iron? It was the most beautiful door you’ve ever seen, like it came out of a dream apartment catalog under the industrial themed homes, right next to the rustic section.

When Mingyu opened the door, there were so many people inside that even Mingyu couldn’t see past two rows of people.

“What the hell, it’s only 10:45! Why are there so many people here!? Minghao, call him ~!”

“Way ahead of you - yah, Hyung, we just got here!” Minghao yelled over the phone. “We’ll try to get to the windows. Bring four cups of juice while you’re at it!”

The four of you squeezed through the tight crowd with Minghao taking the lead. You took the opportunity to look at potential targets, but there was way too much going on to even focus on that. Jun had lots of plants and neon signs in his loft that you felt like you were in a music video set in California by some Soundcloud DJ. They really added to his cool, rich boy ambiance, except for the one guy taking a piss in one of the plant pots.

“See anyone you like yet?” Soonyoung asked once the four of you found an empty space to chill out in.

“I feel like I don’t eat enough avocado toast and arugula to get with anyone here…” you groaned. “Also, I don’t think my prescription is bad enough? This isn’t the pregame to a poetry slam, is it?”

“Why do you always ruin everything?”

“It’s the cynicism in me.”

“Found you!” Jun slipped through in front of you pinching four red cups filled with pink liquid. After handing each of you a cup, he casually wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pressing his cheek to the top of your head. “Ah, I missed you guys ~”

“Are you drunk?” you teased.

“No, I’m drunk.”

“Good lord…”

“The host isn’t supposed to be drunk!” Minghao scolded. “You do this every time and regret it because your place gets trashed!”

“It’s fine, I scheduled the cleaning crew to come at six tomorrow morning!” Jun giggled, squeezing your shoulders tightly. “I am having a great time, are you having a great time, _____?”

“I always have a good time drinking Moon Juice.” The drink touched your lips and you immediately cringed, regretting taking such a large gulp. It tasted much stronger than the first time he ever made it when you all were eighteen - was it supposed to burn this badly going down? “Holy shit, Jun, what’s in this!?”

“Lots of Everclear. I thought the new recipe was appropriate.”

“Good, she needs more of it.” Mingyu tilted your cup upwards, forcing you to gulp more down. “C’mon, you need more liquid courage before we start.”

“Start what?”

“Our hunt. It’ll end up being a scavenge if we continue at this pace.”

“Ooh, a hunt! I want to participate,”

“Wow, ok I am definitely feeling it,” you muttered, trying not to spit out the liquid heat. “I am feel - ing it…”

“Good, now go talk to that guy over there who’s been eyeing you since you walked in.” Mingyu gently shoved you towards a shy-smiling stranger across the way and you could feel your flirty instincts mix with the alcohol.

Let the hunt begin.

“Four hours,” you sighed. “I flirted for four hours and I got nothing!”

You were the only one left in Jun’s apartment, ‘helping’ him by drinking the rest of the Moon Juice so that it doesn’t go to waste and fueling your self-hatred. The guys left earlier, walking away much luckier than you and leaving you here to rot in your misery. Jun sat beside you with a cup of his own in his hands, listening to you rant for the last thirty minutes.

“I mean, I know I’m not the sexiest woman in the world, but I like to think that I’m kind of up there on the looker-scale, you know? Am I wrong, Jun?”

“Honestly, those guys are blind, _____.”

“Thank you!”

“Both theoretically and literally. Some of them are legally blind.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah…”

You sighed loudly again, kicking an empty cup that was on the floor in front of your feet. You tilted your head roughly to face Jun who only scowled at the mess everyone made. It was probably the alcohol talking, but in all your years of knowing Jun, you never previously appreciated how handsome he was as much as you are right now. His bone structure was so perfect and skin so clear and hair ends so kept together that you hated him for it.

“Stop looking at me like that, it’s embarrassing,” he chuckled.

“You’re just so damn perfect and I hate you.”

“See, if you were this charming earlier, you might have had someone to take home tonight! Why are you trying so hard, anyways?”

“Don’t laugh at me, ok?”

“No promises.”

“I haven’t had sex in six months.”

“Oh… Wow…” he whistled quietly, holding in his laugh. “I’m so sorry… Are you ok? Is there, like, something wrong with you, like did you have surgery or something -”

“Don’t pity me!”

“I’m not, I’m genuinely concerned for you! Do you at least play with yourself -”

“Shut up, for the love of God, don’t finish that sentence -”

“- or use toys, because if you don’t, I know a guy that sells customized ones and the quality is amazing -”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to scream.”

“Ok, ok,” he grinned. He playfully ruffled your hair when you kept the pout on your face. “Glad to see you’re still the same cute orientation leader that I met my sophomore year.”

“And you’re still the same reckless foreign exchange student that breaks the hearts of hundreds of young girls.”

“You flatter me too much.”

In the span of that short banter you and Jun shared, the two of you ended up with little-to-no space between each other on the couch. Your head fit comfortably on his broad shoulder and his soft hand felt warm as it rubbed your bare inner-thigh affectionately. His hand travelled a little higher with each stroke, sparking your interest and your core.

You knew exactly where this was headed.

“So, Jun…” you began awkwardly. “You wanna, like… you know ~”

“Good lord, is this how you’ve been asking guys to have sex with you this whole time!?” he asked. “No wonder they’ve all said no.”

“No…! I was totally cool about it when I asked…!”

“Prove it,” Jun challenged, sitting up to face you properly. “Show me how you ask to have sex.”

“Can’t you just be normal and carry me bridal-style to your room and, like, ruin me? Why do you have to test me!?”

“C’mon, _____, you know I’m not normal. I’m also trying to help you for future encounters. What if this is where your problem starts! Are you willing to risk that possibility?” Jun chuckled as you vigorously shook your head. “Good. Now show me how you ask, or we’re not doing it.”

“Ugh, you’re so weird!” you groaned, preparing your game-face reluctantly. “Ok, fine. Jun, will you ~ do the… do… with me.”

“Oh, my God, you are hopeless.”

“I am completely hopeless!” You buried your crying face into Jun’s strong, toned, and unexplainably exposed chest as he rubbed your back sincerely. “I need help!”

“Yeah, you do.”

“Jun, you need to help me.”

“Absolutely not -”

“Please, you are literally my only hope! Everyone in the apartment has done nothing to help me!”

“I’d much rather take your previous offer by just having sex with you instead,” he declared

“I mean, I assumed we were doing that anyways, but it’s not like you and I are going to keep it up after that.”

“Why not?” Jun’s smirking face leaned in close to yours so that the tips of your noses almost touched. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Are you proposing what I think you’re proposing? Because I don’t play games when it comes to deals, especially of this kind, Jun, so you better not be joking -”

“Holy shit, _____, you talk too much.”

After cutting you off, he aggressively pressed his lips to yours. He showed you that he wasn’t going to hold back tonight by shoving his tongue in your mouth and crawling on top of you on the couch. Even though you saw this coming, it didn’t stop your skin from feeling like fire wherever his hands touched you. The both of you were definitely still drunk and you both knew it when your hands messily explored each other’s bodies and struggled to remove each other’s clothes.

“Should we go to your room?” you asked breathlessly as Jun nibbled on the sensitive spot on your neck.

“Mm, no,” he muttered between kisses. “I don’t think I could wait that long.”

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onestowatch · 6 years

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Q&A: Drax Project Speaks on Going From Busking on the Streets to Playing Stadiums

Drax Project is quickly becoming one of the most captivating acts to come out of New Zealand in recent memory. In a matter of short few years, the foursome went from being music students busking on the streets to playing packed stadiums, opening for the likes of Camila Cabello, Ed Sheeran, and Lorde. Such a transformation at first seems unfathomable, but one listen to the New Zealand quartet’s music will have you thinking otherwise.

Blending the aesthetic elements of R&B with electrifying production and presenting it all in a package of irresistible indie pop. The band’s first taste of major success came in the form of their breakout hit “Woke Up Late,” a laidback radio hit in the making, which currently has over 10-million plays on Spotify alone. With the band continuing to spread their infectious sound across the world, we invited the future hitmakers to our rooftop, so we could learn more about their humble beginnings, the differences between Aussies and Kiwis, and an apparent fascination with The Lord of the Rings that may not be shared by all band members.

OTW: How did everyone meet?

Matt: We meet at Jazz school in Wellington, New Zealand. We were studying jazz and kind of randomly decided to go busking—street performing—and with Shaan on saxophone and myself on drums. (everyone in the background “sexy Shaan”) And we started playing covers. Shaan: Playing big pop bangers from like 9pm to maybe 4am. Matt: Just having fun, not even a serious band thing. Then entered Sam on bass and then Ben on guitar. But after that, we started writing our own music. That was about four years ago.

OTW: What did some of those early covers look like? Matt: Literally everything. “Thrift Shop,” that was our money maker. It had a saxophone thing, so we abused it. Shaan: We played at this thing called the Sevens after party. The Sevens is a rugby tournament in Wellington. It used to be a massive street party afterward, following a three-day tournament. The last night of it they close off one of the main streets in Courtney Place, and it is just a free-for-all street party. Everything was set up. Drum, sax, and bass. There were a bunch of videos that were taken, and we found them on YouTube. Like Matt is playing drums and eating a burger at the same time. It was pretty hectic, but we were gaining recognition when we were playing covers and not even really a band at that stage. Sam: Because they were versions though of the songs. They weren’t straight covers. Shaan: Like trance tunes on sax and bass. It works pretty good. It was definitely a big party. But after that, there was four of us, and we started writing and took influence from the street party.

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OTW: Were you still called Drax Project while you were busking or did that name come later on?

Shaan: People were asking us,”We want to upload the video of you guys busking. What are you called?” So, we had to come up with a name really quickly. Sam: This was before I was playing with them. Shaan: Yeah it was just a duo, sax and drums, drums and sax, drax.

OTW: OH!

Drax: *Laughter*

Shaan: So that’s the punch line. Luckily it stuck. Matt: New Zealand is pretty small. So, we had this semi-viral video that had 10,000 views and then a radio station posted about us playing saxophone on the street. So, we really had to have a name.

OTW: So, lead me in how it went from there to opening for Ed Sheeran.

Shaan: So, the short version is four years later, because there was a lot of steps in between.

Sam: From busking, we ended up being asked by bar owners to play in their clubs or bars. Small 100 to maybe 200 people venues. Still playing covers. When Ben joined we started writing our own material and recorded a four-track EP which was all demos. We did it all ourselves. Then we worked with a producer called Devin Abrams, which was a year and a half later. Still doing gigs. Matt: Before this EP we just released, Noon, we released two EP’s in New Zealand. We only had nine songs. Shaan: Over those three years it was just opening for different acts. Either New Zealand based or international. We just were playing other gigs like corporate functions. Matt: We never had a breakthrough song or a radio hit. We kind of got one called “Woke Up Late,” and that came out in November and the gigs were in March and kind of pushed us. Shaan: It gave us the opportunity to take advantage of those gigs and have a lot of people say, “I’ve heard that song before,” and hear it live. I think opening for the international acts helped us a lot. Ben: The biggest crowd we played to was 4,000 and it was opening for Lorde in Auckland. That gig was the first gig we played after releasing “Woke Up Late.” And soon as we started playing it people were cheering and clapping. People were singing, and our parents were in the audience. People were like, “I didn’t know these guys were Kiwis! What the hell?!” It was so cool.

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OTW: Well then it probably wasn’t too rough to open for Lorde, since those years of gigging probably helped you nail your live show?

Shaan: We had it down, but it was different because we had to play to people our recorded song with more energy. Matt: We are a high energy band, so we found it hard to translate that into our recording. Sam: It is an interesting thing to play to people who actually know the recorded song more than they know what you are like live. Maybe it is the first time they’ve come to see us live and they are coming to see us play those songs, and, in the past, we always did things like mash the songs up. So, it is interesting finding the balance between the two.

OTW: I don’t see this in a lot of bands, especially ones that are up-and-coming, but the four of you have done your fair share of stadium shows. It’s just something that seems relatively unheard of.

Sam: The first gig for Ed Sheeran we walked on and were just like “holy.” It was just an ocean of people. Shaan: For real though, we have been really lucky this year and toured with Camila and that was all sold out. They were big arenas. If we even tried to go to Europe by ourselves wed be lucky to play to like 30 people. We are really grateful and fortunate.

OTW: Yeah, how did that come about?

Shaan: We did a cover of her song in New Zealand. Matt: We covered “Havana” and are massive fans of hers. Shaan: It found its way up the grapevine and a connection happened in the background that allowed us to go on tour with her. I think they heard us when we opened for Ed Sheeran in New Zealand and heard we did a good job of it. So that’s it!

OTW: Do you guys have a lot of crazy riders now? Like can you request anything you want? DRAX: We are so boring with our riders. It’s all the same stuff! Shaan: They ask, “Are you sure you just want that?” Ben: We had a little portable ping pong net that we started carrying around with us. And we played two of our own shows in Auckland, New Zealand right before we left to come over here and the first night we did is take all the food off the table and set the ping pong net. So, they actually just bought us an extra table and now that’s just added on.

OTW: What’s next for Drax Project?

Shaan: We’ve been itching because when we were away it’s been quite busy, and we haven’t had much time to write. But since we’ve been in LA hanging out we’ve been putting together some ideas. Sam: And definitely playing more shows and releasing more music.

OTW: I know a lot of bands move to Los Angeles eventually, but I know you guys love New Zealand. Do you think you’ll ever make that jump?

Ben: If we could, we would spend Summer in New Zealand and come here when it starts getting cold.

OTW: How cold does it get there?

Matt: Pretty cold. It’s like 0 Celsius right now in the South Island but in Wellington, where we live, it is just wet and windy. It is worse than snow. Because it’s winter and wet.

Shaan: And summer is sweet. It’s the best place in the world. So, if we could somehow sort it for summer in New Zealand and summer in LA it would be the dream. That’s our plan. We almost did it this year. This is only our first time out of New Zealand, so it’s not like we are going to be picky. But baby steps. But we do like LA though. LA is sick.

Photo: Jack Alexander

OTW: What’s the best place you’ve toured so far?

Shaan: We all have a different one. I really like Amsterdam. I have a couple of friends who live there. It was really chill and had really good food everywhere. It was just beautiful Ben: I had a really good time in Paris. It was beautiful. I really want to learn French now. Sam: I really enjoyed Madrid. I think that there’s a really awesome community of people who are really into music there, and the response from the audience was crazy.

OTW: Have you guys ever been to Hobbiton? Matt: No, but they filmed part of The Lord of the Rings on the streets that I lived on. And Isengard in the first one where Gandalf and Sarumon made up just before you realize Sarumon has turned and they are walking in the garden? That’s on my street. The company that made The Lord of The Rings is based in Wellington. We have friends who work there and have played for some of the production company’s Christmas parties. Shaan: I remember in high school they had a lot of elf auditions and there were thousands of people flocking over trying to audition. I remember there was a cricket game at a stadium and Peter Jackson came out in the middle and told the whole crowd of like 30,000 people to start stomping and go “RAWH! RAWH! RAWH!" And they recorded that and used it for the sound of Orcs like storming.

OTW: What are some other stereotypes that come with living in New Zealand?

Matt: The first thing they think is we’re Australian, and we tell them we are from New Zealand. And they are like, “I am so sorry”

OTW: If you had to set the record straight, what you say is the difference between the accents?

Matt: Smoother accents! Just generally better! (laughter) Aussies are just a bit more nasally. We are very similar people though I think. I think New Zealanders are more laidback and Aussies are…less.

Photo: Jack Alexander OTW: Are you guys heavy into Rugby and Haka? Matt: We’ve done Haka before but not as a band. It’s like a traditional New Zealand war dance. It’s made famous by the All Blacks, the New Zealand rugby team. They do it before every rugby game. Shaan: In primary school and high school everyone learns Māori songs and does dances and songs. It is part of the culture. Ben: Sam is the only one of us to actually play rugby before. It is a tiny place. You can’t not know about rugby. Sam: I think in some ways Māori culture is similar to Hawaiian culture. Shaan: Small island nation, similar thing.

OTW: If you weren’t doing music, what would you be doing right now?

Matt: That’s so hard! Shaan: There is no plan B for me. I really like doing lots of different things, gaming or whatever. But like there was never really a plan B. Ben: I honestly don’t know what I’d do. Sell all my things and live in a van. Sam: I think for all of us we have been involved in music for the majority of our lives, you know? So, yeah growing up I didn’t think of other options. I did apply for fine arts when I was going to university. Ben: Oh yeah, Sam is really good at painting. Sam: I wouldn’t say that not. Honestly, if I didn’t get into music I would do that.

OTW: What is everyone’s earliest music memory? Matt: My mom used to run music and movement classes for babies. So, she’d get all these babies in a circle and put some music on and get us all dancing and shaking rattlers and stuff. Sam: When I was six, I got up on a stage that was set up in a mall and sang jingle balls, and it came through the PA. I was real keen to do it. Ben: I don’t know what my earliest memory was. Both of my parents are musicians so, it probably had something to do with my mom playing piano. I do remember going to that thing Matt was talking about, music for babies. It was a class thing that my mom’s friend did, and they had these long PVC pipes that were kind of bendy and you would swing them around in the air and they made noise. I remember just being real fascinated by that. Shaan: I think it was when I was real young and we went to Sikh Temples because my father is Indian and they used to play tabla and organ. I think that was my earliest memory. Matt: You went busking on trumpet. Shaan: Yeah I went busking when I was 8 years old with my brother at the mall, and we’d get heaps of money. I paid for half-a-year for my saxophone lessons that way. My mom wouldn’t let me learn saxophone, because it was really expensive, so my brother and I hustled for it.

OTW: Who are your guys' Ones to Watch? Ben: There is a producer in New Zealand, we went to the same school. He is a couple of years younger, so I didn’t know him, but his name is Montell2099. Sam: I went to randomly go see them at The Echo about a month ago but there is this duo from Melbourne called Kllo. I am really into them. I’ve seen them once before in Wellington, but they are fun and engaging. She is a really good frontwoman who conveys the emotions of the songs, and he is a really amazing producer. Matt: There is this dude Justin Timberlake…I don’t even know. Ben: He might be more well known in the states, but there is this guy Gabriel Garzón-Montano. Matt: Well someone who is definitely passed the up and coming stage is Smino. He played in Wellington and he was so good. OH! And Robinson from New Zealand. Shaan: I really like Billie Eilish and SZA but they are really big. Do you know that song by Dennis Lloyd called “Nevermind”? I think that’s my favorite song in the top hits right now. I think he's got some mad potential.

Listen to Drax Project’s Noon below:

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celticnoise · 6 years

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Had I been fully back on my feet on Wednesday there is no way that this one would have passed me by. Had I actually been on Twitter more over the last few weeks I would have caught on to it even sooner. But it’s 6 April, and I’m all the way caught up.

And what a story this one was.

Another episode which heaps shame on our media.

Not that they’re feeling it or anything.

Our media literally has no shame, and Neil Cameron has less shame than most.

This is guy who frequently throws invective around like confetti and then tries to bemoan the lack of standards online. If he had standards, either personally or professionally, then some of us wouldn’t need to do what we do.

Let me go back to where this story begins; it starts, if I’m correct, with an email sent to the MSP James Dornan, on March 27, drawing his attention to a leaflet extolling the virtues of Smash A Fenian Day. I wrote about James Dornan on this site a couple of times before; he’s one of the loudest drum bangers for what used to be the Offensive Behaviour Act, but unlike a lot of his colleagues I get the impression he’s invested in the stated intent; i.e. he hates sectarianism and wants to see it eradicated from Scotland.

Don’t we all? My quibble with James is that neither he nor anyone else has ever explained to me how banning certain songs at the football will do that.

Anyway, this is the leaflet.

James Dornan did what any sensible person would do when faced with that; he brought in the police.

He also tweeted the offensive mail to see which other MSP’s or elected officials might have received something similar.

This, curiously, gave some of the haters an excuse to have a pop at him … asking why he would ever have publicised such a thing in the first place.

Easy answer. He didn’t. It was sent to him … and it was already out there.

I know that Dornan was not the first person to clap eyes on this thing; it’s been doing the rounds. In fact, it was Martin Beatty, Jay’s dad, who was the first person to draw my attention to it, but even trying to defend Dornan on this score is ridiculous anyway.

The accusation that he manufactured it himself, just for the purpose of causing trouble for “the PUL community” is a ghastly allegation which betrays just how sick some of the Peepul we are dealing with are. Here is a sample of what I’m talking about.

Regardless; this thing’s internet history could not be less important, because bear in mind that the very act of creating that and sending it out into the world was a crime.

A criminal offence, okay?

And not under the Offensive Behaviour at Football Act either.

Cameron is not saying that Dornan invented it.

He’s saying it was a bit of banter.

Frankly, I don’t know which suggestion is the more offensive.

There is no light-hearted way to look at that leaflet, and yes I know it’s a knock-off from similar ones that have been doing the rounds about Muslims for a while now. That’s kind of my point though; in England, those sort of leaflets are routinely prosecuted.

The people who produce them and share them know the stakes of the game, or they learn fast.

Dornan is the guy who brought it to a wider audience than it might otherwise have had … but since he did it has been reproduced, retweeted, re-posted and shared countless times, by people who agree with every single sentiment that’s on it.

It’s a matter of time before one of those leaflets is responsible for putting someone in a hospital or worse, on a mortuary slab.

That’s how serious they are.

And yet, predictably, Dornan’s entire timeline turned into a slew of invective against him, with, as I said, some people going as far as to accuse him of manufacturing the thing himself. One long-standing internet troll with a lot of followers and friends in the mainstream media – so many, in fact, that it’s not silly to speculate that said individual is a member of the press or at least used to be – decided to publicly accuse Dornan of “admitting” that he hadn’t been sent it.

Dornan called him a liar.

Of course.

As that’s exactly what he is.

That reply was in response to the following:

And that’s when Cameron first jumped into this, with this tweet which I presume he found funny.

Although I wonder whether Gerry Braiden did.

I wonder whether the victims of sectarian violence across Scotland did.

There’s an example, right there, of Cameron trying to make a joke out of something that’s extremely serious, and which was raised by an elected official who was sent it by email. A case could be made for saying it amounts to an actual threat of physical violence against James Dornan.

For Cameron, it was an excuse to indulge in cheap laughs.

Yet its public dissemination on various forums and by re-tweets and shares clearly constitutes incitement.

We have a sordid little history of all this stuff in Scotland, and it’s why people like James Dornan have become so determined to combat it and wash it away. I’ve long argued that our media does us no favours in this regard; they stir the pot, then they walk away when it starts to bubble up. They promote hate, and then panic when it threatens to (or sometimes does) become violence. None of them has done enough to challenge this kind of thing.

It is not weeks ago that the Union Bears marched to Ibrox in a paramilitary style parade, black clad, faces covered, making the Nazi salute. On Scottish streets. They had advertised their intent to do so days in advance and police allowed it.

The leaflet which promoted it included a vicious logo of a Celtic fan being kicked in the face.

The Smash A Fenian leaflet is dredged up from the same cesspool; the stinking one where anti-Catholic hate is still tolerated here in Scotland and if it comes with anti-Irish tinge all the better. They don’t call it “the last acceptable form of bigotry” for nothing.

The thing is, what happens on the internet all too often creeps off of it.

The media knows this, having played an active role in promoting hatred against Neil Lennon only to watch it morph into something infinitely worse. The morphing started online, on fan forums so filled with toxicity you need full body protection just to survey them. It deepened there until a few psychopaths were inspired into action and then it wasn’t emails getting sent to people; it was bombs. It was bullets. Lennon himself was physically attacked on the job.

But then, so was Scott Brown last year and I’m still waiting to hear what the SFA intends to do about that or the collective failure to properly steward Ibrox that day which I wrote several articles on at the time. This is all to say that this stuff isn’t a joke.

Cameron disagrees. In fact, that’s exactly what he said this stuff was.

A dark joke. A peculiarly Scottish version of it.

Something “we sort of invented” … I wonder who “we” are in Cameron’s disgusting claim?

I wonder if Cara Henderson, the girl who might have been Cara Scott had a sectarian bigot not cut then boyfriend Mark Scott’s throat outside of a Bridgeton dive, finds it funny. She formed the organisation Nil By Mouth; maybe they do. To the best of my knowledge they’ve not said a word to condemn Neil Cameron or The Herald Group for the reprehensible tweet with which they are now indelibly associated.

I just wonder if she, and they, appreciate the laugh out loud quality of it.

What was the slogan Nil By Mouth pioneered?

“Sectarian humour can have you in stitches.”

Yeah, Cameron.

You are hilarious.

A dark joke, eah? Who can beat it? It’s funny if you’re not the one sitting in the A&E. And you know what? It’s not even funny then. It’s twisted, both the act of producing that piece of filth and the act of defending it as a joke.

Not that Cameron is defending it, of course.

In fact, he seems to be trying to deny that’s what he meant.

The reason this double-blipped on my radar was that he got into an argument with a couple of folk on Twitter about it.

Before I go on, I have a confession to make; I absolutely love Bob Smith Walker and Matthew Leslie. The first is a Don’s fan, a sterling social commentator, activist and publisher who speaks his mind and isn’t afraid of controversy, much like many of the people whose work he has helped get into print; this includes Phil. Bob is, of course, the head honcho at Frontline Noir, who published Downfall. Matt Leslie is a fantastic blogger on all-things Scottish football. Like myself he doesn’t limit his writing to his own club, which is Hearts.

Neither of them found Cameron’s comments either humour or appropriate.

Bob Smith Walker called him out on them in the following tweet.

And Cameron, true to type, then got in a flap.

He claimed he’d been misquoted or misrepresented.

The exchange that follows is instructive.

No Twitter most certainly didn’t dream it, or his “I’ve booked a bus” comment either.

The following exchange should give you some insight into the kind of person Cameron is; he has publicly accused someone of lying (although they’re clearly not) and when confronted to make good on that accusation this is how he chose to defend himself:

Later on that night, he posted the following tweet.

Isn’t that pathetic? Isn’t that a pitiful response?

That sums him up to a T.

From laughing at sectarianism, and defending a criminal act as a bit of banter, to wallowing in self-pity because he was called on it … what a wretched human being.

You know what?

Scotland is full of people like Cameron.

I’m not suggesting that he’s a bigot, but here he’s treated something appalling and dangerous as if it were a giggle.

Which, as Bob Smith Walker himself pointed out, makes him a moron at the very least. I would go further though. In suggesting that this stuff was “a dark joke” and that it’s somehow woven into Scottish culture, as if something to be proud of, he’s stepped over a line.

It’s because of that I think he has questions to answer.

I think his bosses at The Herald have questions to answer.

This guy’s Twitter page has his job description down there on it.

It’s not enough for him to say “all my views” on there, as if it exonerates them.

His “views” here are repellent.

I am not asking The Herald if it’s editorial line on sectarianism in Scotland is that it’s “a dark joke” and something to be mocked.

I’m asking if they are satisfied that this contemptuous attitude towards the subject, ably demonstrated in public by one of their senior employees, helps them or hurts them whenever they have to write about the issue. If someone at their paper scorned antisemitism as a joke, or racism as something that “the sane people” didn’t get in a flap about, this “all my views” disclaimer wouldn’t fly for one second. This is a deeply disturbing incident, made a million times worse by how he’s handled it.

The ball is entirely in their court.

A lot of us will be watching with great interest.

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