Recently saw a post about folks feeling upset about CDD systems saying they are endo-neutral yet also not wanting to see endo stuff on their dashboards. I’m not reblogging and adding to it because I feel like it would kind of be beating a dead horse because a mutual of mine said basically the same thing I’m about to say and I wanted to make my own post about it. I rarely make posts about syscourse for a variety of reasons but I do think this is something that is important.
I’ve been endo-neutral for a long time, a couple years at least. I’ve openly stated that I find endogenic plurality plausible and interesting. I’ve made a video on tiktok about this subject that got me a plethora of vague posts and made people despise me for having the take that I did. I’ve gotten both hate anons and positive anons on tumblr thanking me or hating me for taking the stance that I did. I’ve met endos who were lovely people and I’ve met endos who were really shitty people. And the same for anti-endos. I’ve been watching the syscourse battle rage on for years and the fact that the same stuff keeps coming up over and over with no “winner” (because it’s a discussion that doesn’t need to have a winner imo—endos can believe what they want and so can anti-endos) makes it feel like the two sides are constantly battling over a fictional no-man’s-land that has only ended in people being hurt, people being hurtful, and just so much fucking negativity.
However, as a CDD system, I don’t think it’s completely implausible to not want to see endo related stuff on my dashboard. I personally believe that the two groups *should* be separate. Because clearly the two groups trying to blend together is what *causes* this discourse to get so bad in the first place. Even if you believe you have a traumagenic system but identify as endo because you don’t think you’re disordered, then the resources and experiences talked about in the CDD tag won’t apply to you. Folks who have a CDD have childhood trauma and therefore their experiences are going to center around being traumatized. I shouldn’t have to want to see stuff from a non-disordered/endo system on my dash if our experiences don’t align at all. I shouldn’t have to preach my neutrality or support for endos day and night for me to be able to say that I am endo neutral or endo supportive.
The main reason I identify as endo neutral despite having a general support of endo systems existing is for a variety of reasons. The main ones being 1) I cannot police other people’s personal experiences 2) whether endogenic plurality is proven by science or not doesn’t matter to me because I’m not endogenic 3) I hate participating in syscourse and taking sides or disclosing sides openly is by nature partaking in it but Gods Forbid I don’t declare what side I’m on or I’m somehow betraying one side or the other 4) both sides can and have been incredibly toxic to each other and I don’t like that kind of negativity in my life, I’ve had enough of having to take sides who are both shit in my life 5) I think the fact that we are STILL fighting over this shit and have been for years with no leeway one way or another makes the fight pointless and should just Stop and 6) I do believe in a separation of the groups because I genuinely believe many if not most systems on either side will refuse to exist in harmony, not to mention the experiences of each side are completely different and non-comparable in exception to both sides having alters present—whether formed by trauma or other means.
I support the views of some endos. I support the views of some anti-endos. I understand why there is animosity on both sides. It is not possible for me to even take a side. However, because I’m a CDD system who has A Lot of trauma, my experiences are not comparable to that of endos and I don’t want to see their content on my dash. I don’t follow the plural tag, I don’t follow the syscourse tag, so I don’t often see endo stuff on my dash because those tend to be spaces in which both are present. And that’s fine because I can curate my own tumblr experiences. But when I see endo stuff in the DID tag or the dissociative disorder tags, that’s when I do get annoyed because endogenic plurality is not comparable to a CDD. And if you’re a traumagenic system who identifies as endo, I feel like that means you should make your own tags and stay out of the ones meant for one side or the other. Or stick to endo only tags. Mixed origins tags exist, don’t co-opt the traumagenic tags when you have distanced yourself from being traumagenic by identifying as endo. You know? Traumagenic tags, DID tags, dissociative disorder tags—all those are for disordered systems, systems who have a complex dissociative disorder. We HAVE made our own tags and our own spaces, they just semi-regularly get co-opted by endo users.
And the same goes for anti-endos. Stop freaking tagging your endo hate with endogenic tags. If you don’t want them in your spaces so badly, don’t invade their spaces either. Fucksakes.
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Also some people seemed to not have known that Hbomberguy is Bi and if ur one of those people I highly recommend this video
He talks abt it here! tis a very good video
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More thinking about the Jonder (Jon Gender). I imagine Jon discovering it/its pronouns and just being Drawn to them. Jon meets somebody who goes by it/its and can’t stop thinking about it (pun intented) but can never work up the courage to admit it even to themselves so they use they/them in their head or with close friends (read: Georgie) and he/him everywhere else. By the time Jon is ready to use it/its for itself it’s already at the Magnus Institute, a place where they feel a constant need to come off as Professionally As Possible and nobody ELSE is using Neopronouns (for the same reasons as Jon, although it doesn’t know that) and is it even safe to be out as any shade of queer at all so it continues with business as usual pronoun-wise. And then it discovers that it’s turning into an eldritch inhuman monster and its gender feelings get 5000% more complicated.
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I have yet to keep inspecting the sweepstakes, I need some air and food first, but I might as well share what I've been thinking about Mike today, because I heard of an interpretation saying Mike was a camera man for Spamton which ... Is very interesting. Like for me this makes me think of Mike as someone who admired Spamton, someone way smaller than him, definitely younger imo, who simply excitedly followed along with the orders given. I mean, up to a certain point. I mean this feeling is reinforced in the q&a when asked about Mike, that makes Spamton get very defensive, almost protective. In my eyes it almost creates this almost platonic familiar bond dynamic whatever. But like this is just a shot in the dark, bc what we know is, 3 lines, period. But if when chapter 3, 4 and 5 come out and Mike is there and I'm right about these things then I'm gonna feel like a god tbh.
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— ✿ TAG DUMP. › JILLIAN NAKAMURA.
— ✿ i'll bring you to life i'm a holy fuck. › jillian's main verse.
— ✿ she’s dropping out of school ‘cause she don’t need the grades the colors in her hair don’t seem to fade. › jillian's high school verse.
— ✿ and all you wanted was somebody who cared. › jillian's yugioh gx verse.
— ✿ you say i'm complicated that i must be out my mind. › yugioh 5ds verse.
— ✿ i’m your biggest fan i’ll follow you until you love me. › jillian's rockstar verse.
— ✿ step right up to watch the freak go crazy. › jillian's naruto verse.
— ✿ she's a novice a beginner i'm the sexorcist the sinner. › jillian's noragami verse.
— ✿ what's wrong with being confident. › jillian's ohshc verse.
— ✿ oh please let me warn them don't you come here don't bring anyone here. › jillian's ancient egypt verse.
— ✿ jillian nakamura. › in character.
— ✿ came from the trauma stayed for the drama. › jillian's aesthetics.
— ✿ i can guide you i can teach you honey this is just a preview. › jillian's headcanons.
— ✿ try to be sexy but don't be too sexual. › jillian's appearance.
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— ✿ tag dump. › JILLIAN NAKAMURA.
— ✿ i'll bring you to life i'm a holy fuck. › main verse.
— ✿ she’s dropping out of school ‘cause she don’t need the grades the colors in her hair don’t seem to fade. › high school verse.
— ✿ and all you wanted was somebody who cared. › yugioh gx verse.
— ✿ you say i'm complicated that i must be out my mind. › yugioh 5ds verse.
— ✿ i’m your biggest fan i’ll follow you until you love me. › rockstar verse.
— ✿ step right up to watch the freak go crazy. › naruto verse.
— ✿ she's a novice a beginner i'm the sexorcist the sinner. › noragami verse.
— ✿ what's wrong with being confident. › ohshc verse.
— ✿ oh please let me warn them don't you come here don't bring anyone here. › ancient egypt verse.
— ✿ jillian nakamura. › in character.
— ✿ came from the trauma stayed for the drama. › aesthetics.
— ✿ i can guide you i can teach you honey this is just a preview. › headcanons.
— ✿ try to be sexy but don't be too sexual. › appearance.
0 notes
— ✿ tag dump. › JILLIAN NAKAMURA.
— ✿ i'll bring you to life i'm a holy fuck. › main verse.
— ✿ she’s dropping out of school ‘cause she don’t need the grades the colors in her hair don’t seem to fade. › high school verse.
— ✿ and all you wanted was somebody who cared. › yugioh gx verse.
— ✿ you say i'm complicated that i must be out my mind. › yugioh 5ds verse.
— ✿ i’m your biggest fan i’ll follow you until you love me. › rockstar verse.
— ✿ step right up to watch the freak go crazy. › naruto verse.
— ✿ she's a novice a beginner i'm the sexorcist the sinner. › noragami verse.
— ✿ what's wrong with being confident. › ohshc verse.
— ✿ jillian nakamura. › in character.
— ✿ came from the trauma stayed for the drama. › aesthetics.
— ✿ i can guide you i can teach you honey this is just a preview. › headcanons.
— ✿ try to be sexy but don't be too sexual. › appearance.
0 notes