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massapequalobsters · 1 year

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Max Lewinsky

So you work hard, you do your best and I guarantee you'll get remembered as a nobody. [Max Lewinsky - Welcome to the Punch (2013)]

#james mcavoy #welcome to the punch #punch #max lewinsky #that wink will kill me

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portinastorm · 2 years

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An old new piece! I wrote this back in 2014, a year after Welcome to the Punch was released. Please be gentle to younger me!

Max Lewinsky/Jacob Sternwood

Summary: After its all done, who does Max have, really?

#fanfic #welcome to the punch #max lewinsky/jacob sternwood

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judgementdaysunshine · 2 years

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Yep Even More And Random Characters I Write For!

Sam Monroe (Life As A House)

Benjamin Barry (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days)

Rachel (Imagine Me And You)

Laney Boggs (She's All That)

Iris (The Holiday)

Barbara Novak (Down With Love)

Daphne Moon (Fraiser)

Marni (You Again)

Tess Finnegan (Fool's Gold)

Ryan Williams (Boys And Girls)

David Abbott (Just Like Heaven)

Christian (Ailen Resurrection)

Tris Prior (Divergent)

Ted (Bill And Ted)

Stephanie Speck (Short Circuit)

Toni (Red Dawn)

Elizabeth Martinson (Just Like Heaven)

Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter)

Zack Siler (She's All That)

Skeeter (The Help)

Andie Anderson (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days)

Quinn Fabray (Glee)

Vida Boheme/Eugene (To Wong Foo TFE Julie Newmar)

Samantha Caine (The Long Kiss Goodnight)

Bill (Bill And Ted)

Elliott (E.T.)

Mathilda (Leon The Professional)

Jed Eckhart (Red Dawn)

Chris Chambers (Stand By Me)

Marta (Knives Out)

Max Lewinsky (Welcome To The Punch)

Michael Perry (Won't Back Down)

John Wick (John Wick)

And Finally

Beatrix Kiddo (Kill Bill)

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the-firebird69 · 20 days

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29th Annual Texas States Championship 360 Chickenwing over the pond ...

His people are saying they found a way to steal the Sun away and they mean from this solar system the star and they don't have a clue in there trying to find out how anything he just says you don't have the technology and you don't have the metal and you probably won't ever have it because of what you're doing to me and it's this s*** head next door and he is juiced up on telling people what he's doing and he's going to be gone soon and he's juiced up on thinking he is on trial for the same kind of crime he was as President Clinton when it wasn't really a trial and he's saying same thing and stuff like that

Her son and daughter nail it and it is about Prince while Clinton but really it's about Clint Eastwood and it's not a joke it has to do with him not being able to sneak in as President Clinton and he's threatening the s*** out of people and did nothing and he then heard about the Monica Lewinsky stuff and flips out since you're ruining it and it's just no it's about you and going after me and I'll use it and he's trying to use it still and he's getting his ass handed to him by almost everybody and it's absolutely true and the guy simply won't back off and it is not what he thought it would be but he doesn't know that and the new trial he thinks is to reset it and the max today because he is bothering the s*** out of my son saying that he's won and he's already there and all this crap is for him to get back in and the last wife and stuff like that my son is trying to explain it to him he said you backstabbed them we caught some tons of stuff and thereafter you and they're trying to tell you to f*** off and you don't even know it so he said I don't think so and little kid and stuff like that is on the show as this little idiot kid and he didn't even cook the lamb at all they put in the oven for like 5 seconds and they said what the f*** are you doing and you know this is not cooked at all and they touched it and wouldn't eat it I tasted it and says it's not cooked at all and he looks up and goes what do you mean and said it's not cooked you didn't bother cooking it he got mad he's saying something like who told you that he goes I'm sitting here watching you not cook it and he does so you're watching me not cooking and you didn't say anything he's saying it in code I watched you doing it and you're not cooking it what of it. Is about to go off and see he's the show and stuff and he looks it's red and it's lamb and it's not that great to eat raw it's not really that bad it's not pork so they said this what it is is he's tasting the lamb from your three and he was out there checking it and so Trump is saying it to him and he's going why why like that to the people there that's it because you're stupid and you don't really run projects the max are walking all over you and he said holy s*** and other people now going down finally the guy was holding everybody hostage with a bunch of stuff and keeping people off the max and the max went and freed people by pushing the idiot off the money

-now they're going down to where these Giants are and we're going to show the video once again

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

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derailedfiction · 6 months

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Run boy, run | Merlin | Kingsman

Chapter 1: Everything's going to be all right

Summary: Merlin sighed as he hung his head. The organization was going to be a mess by the time he got back to sort things out. Arthur betrayed them and paid dearly for his arrogance. Galahad had died in a suicide mission, thanks to Arthur. He didn’t want to think about the number of people who were either dead or barely alive after Valentine's incident.

A/N: I wrote it in 2015 pls have mercy on me

You have 100 voice messages.

Received 13th of March at 16.43 “Hey, I hope you will call me back soon. I know you are working and probably not available, but my mother is driving me crazy and she doesn't want to take care of Alex while I'm at work and you perfectly know I can't bring him with me. And it's time you usually are at home so I hope you will be back soon. Love you babe.”

Received 18th of March at 12.32 “Hi daddy, Mom told me that I can call you Daddy. I drew a picture of us having a picnic and you are playing with me. Mummy said that you need time in your work and I don't need to worry about you because you will come home. I don't like Mrs. Lewinsky she smells funny and doesn't want to give me any sweets... “Who are you talking with?" “Daddy...” “Can I? Hamish? Hamish...? Oh, you were recording sweetie?” “Yes Mummy.” “All right, say bye to Daddy and we can go to park.” “Bye, bye Daddy I love you.” “Max please call me back, I love you too.”

Received 20th of March at 17.34 “Babe it's my hundredth or so call and you didn't answer me! Anyway, I hope you remember that we’re having dinner with my parents. Alex is refusing to eat again and you know you’re the only one who can convince him to eat... It's been few days since I've talked to you and I'm starting to worry about you. I wish I could see your face and hear your voice. I hope to hear from you soon sweetie, I love you. Bye”

Received 21st of March at 15.00 “It's been like a week and a half since we've talked and I know at work you have hardly time to call me but you used to contact me when something was happening. I know you’re still alive because some sad man in a black suit would show up to tell me about it, but for fuck's sake! Hamish I can't sleep and Alexander misses you so much. I'm constantly worrying about you and it drives me crazy... Ok, I need to go... I love you.”

Received at 16.55 “Hamish? Could you please answer the phone? I don't know what is happening!? The town just went crazy! God damn it ... Get the fuck out of here or I'll rip your heart out of your chest! ...”

Last message received at 16.59 “... I am fucking bleeding... Uh... Alex sweetheart everything is fine but you need to go to your room and close the door with a key all right?” “Yes Mummy, what is that?” “Nothing darling it's juice. Mommy split her juice. Go to your room now, all right? Max please if this happens again... Hamish, I can't control myself what if I hurt Alex? Good Lord... I need you I'm so scared... If I don't call again... Hamish, I love you, I love you so so much...”

He sat in silence for a few moments, looking at the monitor thoughtlessly. Once again he listened to the record hoping that another message would appear but it didn’t.

“Oh for fuck's sake... “, he mumbled angrily, dialling the number. First attempt, no one answered. He tried once again. “Oh, come on! Please pick up the phone. Do it, do it!”, but the phone continued to ring. Seconds before he decided to disconnect he heard something, ”Hello? Is anyone there?”

“Daddy?” Hearing his voice was the biggest relief in his life.

“Alex, yes it's Daddy. Can you give the phone to Mom? I need to speak to her...”

“Mummy is sleeping on the floor. She doesn't want to wake up Dad.” He froze for a moment at those words, suddenly feeling numb.

“Alex, listen to me very carefully. I'm calling for an ambulance and you need to try to wake up Mummy - is that clear?” he asked, trying to sound calm.

“I called for help before your call.”

“Good work son, I'll be home soon. Just try to wake her up, please.” He heard sniffling on the other end and knew his son was close to tears. He could even see his son’s trembling chin, which always came before the flood of tears.

“I'm scared Dad...”

He's about to cry , he thought. The thought crossed his mind several times during that conversation. Why am I surprised? He's only five, for love of God.

“I know Alex; you’re a very brave boy,” his voice trembled a little at the thought of his wife lying on the ground, bleeding out, and a five-year-old child trying to help her. “Mom needs you son, you must wake her up at any cost. Spill water on her or try to pinch her. All right?”

“Are they coming again? The people? They were angry,” Alex sniffed loudly, trying to hold back his tears.

Max heard some muffled movements and moans in the background. He just hoped that his wife was still there and that she would make it.

“No, they're not coming back. Is over now. Alex?”

“Yes, Dad,” the little boy replied.

“I would give up everything to be there with you. Give you a big hug for being so brave, baby son. Everything is going to be all right. I can hear the ambulance from here. Can you see it?”

“Alex, baby?’ a faint voice called from the floor.

“Mom! It's Dad! He's fine.” Small gasp escape from his mouth when he heard it – she was alive.

“Hamish? Is that really you?” she asked weakly.

“Yes darling it's me...” he sighed in relief, “How bad it is?”

“Shot in the arm and leg and I think I was stabbed but it's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you, you bald fool!” she said vigorously. He laughed quietly; it couldn’t be that bad if she had the strength to threaten him like that.

“I love when you talk like that to me but for now, you need to go to the hospital with Alex. I'll see you two soon. I love you.”

That was the last thing she heard before she lost her consciousness again.

***

She groaned as she pried her eyes open. The room was rather dark, which didn’t help with trying to remember what happened. She frowned, trying to see if something would come back to her – any memory about what happened before she woke up here – and then it hit her: that strange attack. There was a man who appeared out of the blue with a gun pointed at her and one with a knife. In that exact moment she felt an overpowering urge to kill them, actually anyone in that moment. She closed her eyes as she recalled snapping out of the strange trance, surrounded by two bloody corpses. She killed them – she had to – no she wanted to, oh dear Lord, she wanted to do it. She felt such satisfaction when she stabbed that stranger. In that moment, she swore that holding that knife in her hand was the best thing she ever felt. She felt united with it and she wanted to kill someone else. She went out and joined the mess of people were fighting in the streets. She got shot by someone but didn’t care much about it, as she threw the knife into her shooter’s chest.

I did it. I killed all those people, she thought, horrified. It was… a darker part of my soul. Dear Lord have mercy on me – I wanted to do it. I wanted to kill. She opened her eyes, which were starting to fill with tears. What have I done?

She couldn’t move her right arm which was bandaged and resting on the blanket. Despite the medications she was probably given, the pain was excruciating. Not to mention she also felt pain in her back and left leg. She tried to move but the pain became more unbearable, making her cry out.

“Don’t move. You were shot in the arm and you twisted your ankle. Try to relax, okay? Everything’s going to be all right,” a voice informed her. She looked at her left and smiled, relieved to see it was her husband.

“Oh darling, I thought you were dead,” she whispered. “You weren’t answering my calls and I was so scared that…”

“I thought I almost lost you,” he said as he moved closer. “I nearly had a heart attack when Alex told me you were lying on the floor unconscious.”

“Where is he? Is he all right?” the woman asked. She tried to look for her son without straining herself but couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Yes, he’s in company of one of my colleagues, relax!” Hamish replied as he stroked her hand. “Nothing is going to happen to him, Cissy.”

“One of your colleagues,” she snorted, “I hope it won’t end up like the last time… But do you have something to tell me? My dearest?” She looked at him firecefully with tighten lips. He was surprised at first but then he realized.

“Cecilia, love, you know how my work is,” Hamish sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t always have an opportunity to call and speak with you even if I wanted to.” He paused and looked up at her, well aware by her expression that she wasn’t convinced. “I know you are mad at me.”

“Mad? Are you fucking kidding me? Hamish, for fuck’s sake I nearly died! Alex could have been harmed too and you think I’m just mad? God, I swear I want to beat living shit out of you for not being there when I needed you!” Cecilia snapped as she slipped her hand out of his. “You have a lot of nerve for suggesting that I’m just mad at you! It’s been nearly two weeks since I last heard from you! I didn’t know what to think when you never returned my calls. I even thought you were dead!”

He remained silent, listening to her berate him for the lack of communication, for not being there for her or Alex. He had no excuses for this one and he couldn’t tell her the truth for his silence because despite Cecilia being injured, she could have killed him. Plus it wouldn’t make any sense to her – even if he was allowed to tell her his real occupation, she would think he had gone completely mad and would have taken Alex away from him. He observed her carefully as she tried to hold back tears and her concerns about his lack of communication.

“Cecilia, I promise it won’t happen again. I swear it. You and Alexander are everything to me and I don’t know how could I survive if I had ever lost you. Look at me,” he said as he caught her chin. He gently tilted it so he was able to look into her teary eyes. “I’d die if I had lost you, my dearest.”

“You are an imbecile.”

His shoulders sagged at that comment. Judging from her tone, he assumed that she was now highly offended by his actions and not satisfied with the answers he gave her. He knew the best thing to do was just take it like a man and hope that once she got it out of her system, she might find something in her heart to forgive him for not being there.

“I know,” he said as he waited for the next one.

“You are the stupidest man on the planet that I have ever met!”

“That is true, darling.”

“You’re a bald little shit, Hamish and I swear, when I’m better, I’m going to kill you.”

“Anything you say, darling. Are you feeling better?” he asked.

Cecilia saw the little grin on his face and she couldn’t believe it. “You think this is funny?”

“No, my love,” he replied before he kissed her forehead. “I’m dead serious and if reviling will help you then do it because I deserve it.”

“Good, glad you can admit it. Now shut up and kiss me,” she ordered him.

“As my lady commands.”

This time she smiled until he kissed her gently at first, then he deepened the kiss. With her left hand, she grabbed his white shirt and pulled him closer.

“Don’t you ever do that again or I want a divorce,” she whispered between kisses.

“Understood,” he promised her as he ruffled her hair tenderly. He leaned in to plant another kiss on her lips.

“You are the most evil, perverse and wretched man I have ever met. I love you but still I want to kill you, so don’t act too confident around me,” Cecilia warned before she stole one more kiss. She looked past her husband and noticed a jacked draped over the chair near her. “What’s that?”

“What do you mean?” he asked surprised by this rapid change of topic.

“That nice jacket on the chair which looks like a very nice piece of a pilot’s uniform, my dear. Am I right?” she asked. Her voice was as sweet as her little smile, which he loved from the first time they met.

“Yes, indeed you’re right. What about it?”

“Hand on to it - it’ll be useful in the second part of your apology,” she replied. Her innocent smile had turned into a very devilish one and Hamish blinked.

“Who are you and what have you done to my wife?” he asked with wide eyes.

Cecilia laughed quietly, still upset with him. She had plans to keep him on his toes, which made her feel powerful as she watched him react. “By your actions, you’re turning me into a monster, sweetie. Now could you please fetch Lexie? I want to make sure he’s all right.”

Without a word he went into the hospital’s corridor and smiled as his colleague Percival walked over with Alexander in tow. The young boy let go of the agent’s hand as he ran towards his father.

“Mom wants to see you, son,” he said as he held the door open. He watched the boy run into the room happily reaching for her and yelling how happy he was to see her awake. Hamish turned his attention to his colleague and nodded.

“Thank you for coming here so quickly and taking care of him. I’m afraid the shortest time I could make it from Valentine’s bunker to London was three hours,” he sighed. “I would have liked it to have been sooner but… well, I don’t need to get into messy details.”

“Merlin I know you would have done the same for me. It’s never a problem. Anyway…” Percival paused as two nurses passed by them. He smiled at them with a polite greeting before waiting until they were out of earshot. “I’m afraid we lost another one during this incident.”

Merlin sighed as he hung his head. The organization was going to be a mess by the time he got back to sort things out. Arthur betrayed them and paid dearly for his arrogance. Galahad had died in a suicide mission, thanks to Arthur. He didn’t want to think about the number of people who were either dead or barely alive after today’s incident. “I thought so but I will take care of it when everything is back in order. Now’s not the best time to talk or do anything. For now, I have enough problems with my wife…”

“About that, I believe that her brother is coming towards us and he doesn’t look happy,” Percival murmured with a slight move of his head. Merlin turned just in time to avoid the fist of his brother-in-law punching past him, missing his face.

“Matthew, it’s always nice to see you,” he said in a calm voice. “ I do believe it’s not the best place to start a fight, especially when Cecilia can see everything through the door.”

“This time you’re lucky she’s here but next time – “

“Next time I’ll tell her about your dirty secrets, which I’m really curious how she will react,” Merlin replied as he pushed his glasses up.

He watched as Matthew closed his mouth, shocked.

“Oh yes, I know that and trust me I know much more about you and your friends. If I were you, I would go to your sister because, at the moment, she’s who we should be focused on,” Merlin added after a while of enjoying his victory over his uncouth brother-in-law. “Off you go.” He watched as Matthew gaped at him for a moment before yanking open the door to Cecilia's room and entering it without looking back.

“Is he always like that?” Percival asked when Matthew had left.

“Not really… it started a while ago. Well, from the beginning I had a feeling that her father wasn’t fond of me,” he sighed wearily. “It’s quite obvious that my father-in-law must have encouraged him to make up his current attitude towards me. Never mind that. Thank you again for watching over them and see you shortly at the shop.”

“The pleasure is all mine. Alexander is an adorable kid, Merlin. Quite a curious mind – wonder where he got that from,” he replied. He smiled at Merlin and shook hands with him before departing.

Merlin stood alone in the corridor, trying to pull his thoughts together and organize them in a logical manner. Until they selected a new person to take over as Arthur, he realized that he was the one who had to restore Kingsman to its former state. The thought of the long, hard months he had ahead of him, made him feel worn and old. He wasn’t a young man anymore, shooting targets and enjoying a drink or two with Harry when they were recently inducted into the organization. He sighed before pushing all thoughts of rebuilding and restructuring out of his mind, he entered the room with a small smile on his face.

#merlin x ofc #kingsman fic #merlin kingsman #hamish mycroft #kingsman secret service

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bobmccullochny · 9 months

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History

August 17, 1943 - During World War II in Europe, the Allies completed the conquest of the island of Sicily after just 38 days. This gave the Allies control of the Mediterranean and also led to the downfall of Benito Mussolini and Italy's eventual withdrawal from the war. However, the Germans managed to evacuate 39,569 troops, 47 tanks, 94 heavy guns, over 9,000 vehicles and 2,000 tons of ammunition back to the Italian mainland from Sicily.

August 17, 1978 - The first transatlantic balloon trip was completed by three Americans; Max Anderson, Ben Abruzzo, and Larry Newman, all from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Starting from Maine on August 11th, they traveled in Double Eagle II over 3,000 miles in 137 hours, landing about 60 miles west of Paris.

August 17, 1998- Bill Clinton became the first sitting President to give testimony before a grand jury in which he, the President, was the focus of the investigation. This resulted from a sweeping investigation of the President by Independent Counsel Ken Starr as well as a private lawsuit concerning alleged sexual harassment by Clinton before he became President. In the evening, President Clinton appeared on national television and gave a speech admitting he had engaged in an improper relationship with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. The admission occurred several months after a much publicized denial.

Birthday - American frontiersman Davy Crockett (1786-1836) was born in Hawkins County, Tennessee. He was a farmer, scout and politician who perished at age 49 during the final heroic defense of the Alamo in Texas.

#todays smile

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roosterbox · 1 year

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Fic Rec Friday 4/14/23

Title: your broken old sentimental heart

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: Welcome to the Punch (2013)

Relationship: Max Lewinsky/Jacob Sternwood

Additional Tags: Needles, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, CANNON - Soulmates, On the Run, Scars, Kinktober 2017

Summary: Six months after he let Sternwood go a second time, Max feels the buzz again.

His soulmate is near.

———

This rec. Oh boy, this rec. *rubs hands together in glee*

Today’s rec comes from the beautiful, yet painful world of my rarepair collection. Because I am a glutton for punishment, I ‘enjoy’ latching on to ships with less than 100 fics to their name on Ao3. Every time is the last time, I swear to myself. But then I find another one.

This once specifically is Jacob/Max from the movie Welcome to the Punch - played by Mark Strong and James McAvoy, respectively. If you’ve seen the movie then you know. The chemistry is BANGING, their looks are FIRE. And you just know that the hatefucking would be Off. The. Chain.

But this fic is a bit sweeter than your typical Jacob/Max fic (as typical as you can get in a ship with less than 50 fics?). A bit gentler. A nice little Soulmates AU. Well, slightly AU, that is. It’s implied that canon stuff still happened, but with the added bonus angst factor of them being soulmates on top of everything else. It’s short but sweet. The characterization is on point. The smut is hnnnnnnnng perfect. And there’s a nice little bit of hurt/comfort at the end. A truly great recipe for a stellar story. The real danger of a fic this good is that it makes me want to sit down and watch Welcome to the Punch again. And nobody should have to subject themselves to that movie more than once, lol.

———

Next Week: Controversial pick for next time, guys. Brace yourselves, because we’re diving into RPF fic! If it’s not your thing, don’t worry - it’ll be tagged appropriately for anybody’s blacklist, and I won’t hold it against you - but I still strongly feel like you’d like it if you gave it a chance. After all, it’s an AU. The characters in it are not supposed to be the actors themselves - one’s a doctor, the other a scientist - their names are just the same (and they look the same too, of course). So perhaps that mitigates the ick factor for you a little bit? Either way, I understand if you skip this next one. It’s really fucking good though.

See you next Friday!

#fic rec friday #jacob x max #welcome to the punch #rarepair #soulmate au #writer: wolfrayetstar #unexpectedly sweet #and also beautiful #I loved this one quite a bit

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todayshistory · 1 year

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Today In History:

A bit of January 7th history…

1714 - Typewriter patented, built years later

1782 - 1st US commercial bank opens, Bank of North America

1927 - Harlem Globetrotters play their 1st game (pictured)

1953 - US President Truman announces American development of the hydrogen bomb

1970 - Farmers sue Max Yasgur for $35,000 in damages caused by “Woodstock”

1999 - US President Clinton’s Impeachment trial begins in the US Senate after the House voted to impeach him for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky

2019 - Amazon overtakes Microsoft to become the world’s most valuable listed company for 1st time, worth 797 billion

#Today In History:

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hraishin · 3 years

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So, I put some James McAvoy characters into the Hunger Games simulator and here are some highlights

First, of course, our contestants, including Jimmy who against all odds won last time, and some characters who weren't there the last time I made it.

Yes, I'll still stand by my saying that Charles Xavier and Bald Charles Xavier are two different people (and I also needed more characters) and also James McAvoy and Bake-Off James McAvoy are not the same here, thank you.

Here are the highlights with no explanation of what happened, I'll leave it for your imagination (I'll also put the kills at the end so everyone can read it lmao):