#maybe i'll make worse things one day

[theokusgallery]

Why did you make this AU?

Short answer: I love unethical men.

#i have a Thing for emotional manipulation in fiction. originally i wasnt supposed to talk about nick on main #usually when i see emotional manipulation in comics or fics or else its too... obvious? like. not subtle enough to be... realistic? #i dont know if im making sense. but theres multiple things i think about when making nick lore #1) no one wakes up one day thinking 'im gonna be a bad person today ! :D' #2) no one wakes up one day thinking 'im gonna let myself get manipulated today ! :D' #theres gotta be plausable deniability *or* youre in too deep to even try to deny-- that wasnt your original question was it #anyway. to stop the rambling: i have a thing for exploring the worst parts of the human psyche *and* im a homosexual. #i want to see bad people who are genuinely bad people and there's not a lot of those so im making 'em myself #...nick isn't as bad as it could get really. he's pretty tame actually #maybe i'll make worse things one day #ask #powercoreact #and of course there's the fact that nick was originally a vent thing but that's a story you unlock at lvl. 5+ friendship #arsenic #omori au #omori

[b4kuch1n]

I'm not gonna screenshot it bc 1/it really doesn't matter that much and 2/the person who made the comment is a kid but: a while ago I made a comic that's supposed to be a genuine study and reinterpretation of someone else's sprite comic (made in the spirit of authenticity too - to recreate the vibes of the sprite comics from that era, iirc very specifically because it's funny) and I got a comment on that comic's post that's like "glow up"

which is a compliment obvs. and the commenter probably didn't mean anything by it, it's a common expression. but I've been trying to find a way to gracefully put that comment away ever since it appeared lol

I just very much don't want my art to be taken as trying to one-up someone else's art when that's not the piece's intention. especially when the piece that inspired my art is perceived as "low effort" or "shitpost" or stuff like that. I did mention in the tags of that post that my considering it a study is entirely genuine, and I can legitimately write pages about the cool stuff I find in it other than and inherent in the haha funneys, but that's not for you guys that's for me. I just think that approaching art competition-first like that is a miserable way to do it, and (tipping into overthinking here if the whole tiny-comment-got-stuck-in-my-brain-for-almost-a-month part hasn't given that away yet lol) I really don't want that to be the takeaway from my own art. at least generally. if I actually think the source material is trash and what I'm doing is genuinely categorically better I'd just come out and say it lmao

#bakuspeech #yeah it's the darkhog sprite comic #honestly I don't love comments that put my art and other artists' art in a hierarchy in general. wherever my art lands on that scale #especially when it comes to character writing and trans 'representation' #which like. idk man I'm writing One character. he's NOT gonna be The Trans Experience. he's gonna be one character. #but yeah I'd guess I'm writing it all out in a post bc it's not really a race that anyone opts in #I don't actively participate but by virtue of how my art is perceived I just end up on the scale anyway #so uh. I'm suggesting that we do not bring the scale into my house at all lmao #there's also the like. Don't Yuck My Yum guideline of looking at art that's like #I like the things I'm aping! most of the times! if I don't say it's shit and I'm drawing stuff from it usually that means I like it lol #and then you kinda come in like wow what you're doing here is better than the thing you like. and it's not like yknow. #really anything. it's extremely trivial comparatively. but you are in fact yucking my yum there #tldr please try not to think abt art u like vs art u don't as ''better'' or ''worse'' and #have grace for the things that don't please u personally. anyways I'm omw to finishing the frog now. just need to fell all the seams down #and put that boy in da spinner for a ride. and then it can live in a gift bag until the day #I really enjoy holding it actually... maybe after this one I'll make something else. tbh slick stretchy fabrics are superior to fuzzy fabri #doesn't pill And cooler to touch. stuffed toys for the subtropical population #I'll get a combilation of pics once the thing's at its new home. but for now. we must finish the job

[ellies-enrichment]

I always thought we'd fix things in our forties or so I never imagined that I'd be the only one getting old

ryne’s song - ashe

#sorry i AM making memes but im listening to the saddest songs ever created also so i was thinking about game joel & ellie #ive upset myself i was thinking and then i was listening to my silly little playlist and i thought about joel which made things Worse #so basically only these lyrics fit and i cant make a video with that lil bit #and maybe one day i'll make a video #but i like making these as video placeholders #they'll be edits one day but for now theyre lil images with lyrics #tlou part 2 spoilers

[katyspersonal]

It is only first month of 2024, and I've already lost not one but two subjects of nightmares, paranoia and reoccurring emotional torture. I really wish there was another way to get rid of these besides having extremely painful conversations.. but at least these scars are closing, one by one

#/vent #personal #and this time was like.. opposite of the previous one #previous one absolutely wrecked me with very ugly insight and basically made all puzzle pieces fall together #this one was just pain and crying and having my worst suspicions about other person AND self faced and confirmed #but again it got solved #I really want the power to move on without having a closure. #I hope I will be strong enough for it one day. #I just need to think.. #I think I really should avoid other depressed/traumatised people until something can be done with how I react at perceived threats #(which is eternity because hell I know when I will be able to afford therapy. probably never with how my life situation is going) #as jarring as being close only with 'healthy' people would be I just can't make things worse for both me and them #until I can change my default response from aggression into avoidance I'll just stay away from anyone with depression #I say very terrible things when I feel threatened and it is way too easy to make me feel threatened. it is THE easiest thing in the world. #I won't survive without close friends anyhow but there is category of people that can't recover from these words normally #I mean I am ALSO this 'category'. I also hurt from awful words thrown at me for MONTHS don't I #it is very hard to be aware of my glaring flaws when everyone that points them out is outright malicious and wants me bullied off the Earth #and then everyone who does think I deserve my human rights either doesn't see my flaws or doesn't mention them #so at least discussing it without outright intention to harm me was helpful for a change #maybe one day I'll have a friend that can be open if I've hurt them a lot so I can work on it but that's another story I guess

[wipples]

What is it like to lack a sense of agency?

What is it like to have it?

#oc #it's her full outfit no flippin way #sometimes her name is miranda #sometimes her name is Bunny #depends on the fandom LMAO #her bit is always the same though: kinda stupid college student with a knack for urban exploring and nature stuff #she's stupid in the way that junji ito protagonists are: just kinda lets shit happen and doesn't stop it #lets herself fall into the abyss basically because depression is a bitch and she's a little obsessed with escapism #she also hates cops and is a big ol druggie but thats not important for the majority of situations i stick her in #her brain is also weird but thats just bc shes basically me but worse and also better #worse and better how? idk you tell me #she's also nb and goes by any pronouns but defaults to she/her #she's still a boy tho lol #she'd allow you to call her a girl but she mostly likes being called a guy #this bitch wears binders unless going out urban exploring or hiking etc because shit gets sweaty and you should never exercise with them #shes also vaguely southern because im from the south yehaw #mmm grits and pimento cheese yummery #I'LL MAKE A REAL CHARACTER INFO THING ONE DAY maybe

[eithernich]

#when will i stop staying awake for 30+ hours at a time i am surely causing irreparable damage to my brain #i say this like it's a choice the reality is i blink and whole days have passed when my dissociation is especially bad #i feel so far from everything it all feels wrong and unfamiliar then again that feeling itself is familiar #might put on that james spader audiobook on low volume (low enough volume that i don't start focusing on his voice and keeping myself awake #in the process......) #maybe that'll help maybe it'll make it worse #i have a habit when listening to it where i'll hear him say a certain thing and think i Have to write down a timestamp to go back #to it haha #and that would keep me awake #i almost started a fire earlier accidentally while testing out one of those big ol tv's from the aforementioned (like a month ago) moldy #house down the street #the second i switched the power on it started popping and zapping at me and i swear i smelled smoke so i panicked and unplugged #it and lugged it outside and now i'm paranoid that somehow a slowly burning internal fire will start while i am asleep and spread from the #porch to the house. i mean not Start but Continue. if there is one to continue somewhere in there....... #it's a solemn life i lead #i need to try to sleep now. so i can wake up #so on and so forth #i need to purchase a fire extinguisher.

[icewindandboringhorror]

feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like 

#Like usually I cycle between like. joint pain issues. chest muscle injury stuff. back pain. stomach problems. headaches. etc. #There is never a day that I feel totally normal for the most part. but it's usually just little things here and there on and off #chronic things that seem to flare up sometimes. But then every once in a while it's like the flare ups align and I'll have 6 of the problems #at the same time and then is AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #For some reason it's okay to deal with one or two of these things at any given time. but if I have to deal with like 3+ at once #or two of the old ones plus one NEW thing I've never had before or etc. etc. #I just can't even do anything. I run around stressed out of my mind unable to focus on any tasks or do anything but feel bad #then I cant even play games or do fun stuff becuause my brain wont let me be distracted from fixating on the fact that I feel bad #It's kind of the same way that it's stressful for me to go into grocery stores because my brain LITERALLY just is not capable of tuning out #all of the noises and lights and sensory information - so it' gets overwhelming quickly. I also just literally cannot tune out sensory infor #mation from my body. so if something feels even a LITTLE weird or a LITTLE painful or is even slightly different than usual #especially if it's overlapping with multiple other 'low level chronic pain' type things then my brain is just like.. being given way too muc #h information that it still cant tune out and then I can't focus and just walk around in a daze for however long until one of the issues #goes away on it's own (like joint pain flare ups usually come and go etc. etc.). or until I see a doctor abut whatever the new thing is #and maybe something they do or say actually helps or etc. etc. #Idk I have SO SO much I want to do the beginning of the year and so many projects to finish and things to post and schedules I have #written out for me to get on (like excercising more consistently and etc.) and it's just furstrating for my brain to just be like #ah.. nope.. we are not doing that. instead we are going to be completely incapacitated by a host of physical issues #which I think most ''normal people'' would just ignore like ''oh yeah I'll just load myself up on ibuprophen and coffee and energy #drinks and advil and sleep supplements and this and that'' or whatever but I can't do that it just makes stuff worse. I have to just sit for #days having a mind battle like 'okay yes we're having these problems.. but we can still like.. do SOMETHING right? we could like.. write #or draw. or things that don't take much energy'' and brain is just like NO!!! WE CANT!!! BECAUSE!! THING IS WEIRD!!!' and it's like okay #but thing is going to be weird. there's nothing we can do about thing being weird right now. so we should just focus on something else #'NO!! CANNOT TUNE OUT THING BEING WEIRD!! lets just fixate on it instead and wander aimlessly from thing to thing never able #to fully focus on any other task. hee hee''. anyway. hhghh.. sometimes I just get tired of having Various Ailments at any given time #especially unexplained ones or weird recurring problems that doctors haven't done much about because then it lends to paranoia like #'what if something is seriously wrong but I just dont know it yet?' which could be the case. I mean hopefully not. but I just hate stuff #being unexplained. because if there's no clear answer then the answer could be anything. even somehting bad. *** :V #ANYWAY gghhb... just bothered at the moment. I was going to come here like 'hey maybe I could post some drafts or pictures or something that #could feel productive!' but.. i dont feel like it. i dont care. too focused on Bad Feeling. just going to complain instead lol

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay

[running-in-the-dark]

it has to be said though, I had a lovely rest of the day after my breakdown this morning. it was very cathartic. painted for like eight hours after that, and had a good time doing it.

#also watched Sad Boyz for... well that entire time tbh #maybe that also helped. probably. Jarvis in particular is always incredibly calming to me. I relate to him so much so it helps when he says #something very eloquent about his feelings or whatever. idk it's just good #big feelings day today I guess #alsooo had a......... long shower... for the first time in a month/since I've been here. if you get what I'm saying. because I'm #uncomfortable saying it lol. anyway that... also helped #removed a lot of the way-too-horny anxiety lol. #annnnnyway no one needs to know that but whatever 💖 #then I rewatched the night court episode with the law club where Dan is really just. selfless. and does something so nice for Christine #man I love that episode #he's my good boy. I could totally fix him and show him that he isn't the worst person on earth. that'd be fun #it'd fix me too tbh #or we could make each other worse 💖 I'd be okay with that too #anyway it's bed/daydream time. so that'll be fun haha #it is very frustrating that I can only realise things about myself and my own life through fictional characters and random guys. but #whatever I'll take what I can get #personal

[lynxalon]

gamers i feel fuckennnnnn terrible ✌️

#hm. #like. this particular situation feels hopeless like i cant salvage anything #its like when glass cracks and u know its broken and dangerous and all it would take is one lil push #and itd just fall #like. i always wanna be someone who tries but. i always try until im raw and bleeding and worse for it #theres trying and theres not knowing when enough is enough and i just dont know where the line is between that #is it really unsalvageable or do i just not wanna hurt over this any more #i know im cared about but. theres one person who i wish cared more. who i wish didnt say things and promise things #because now that its later down the line its clear none of that meant a thing which is exactly what i said then #promises like that dont last. especially from those with commitment issues. i would know. #its why i dont make those kinds of promises. only very rarely. and now im gonna be made into a liar #promise breaker. i hate that #i keep complaining about this and. i keep giving myself a few days. a week. over and over. #'maybe it'll change when my heads clearer. maybe i'll feel differently later' #and tbf i do for a bit. but it doesnt last. it lasts for less time each time i try that #im still mad and upset and hurt #i'll figure it out but. why me. why does this happen

[gideonisms]

sometimes I like to think that maybe there is an older version of me who has different problems and understands why I was the way I was and is able to have pity for this version and maybe would come back and sit next to me if she could. I'd like for there to be a sexy 40 year old version with silver streaks in her hair and glasses. I'll probably be obsessed with myself if I get that old. I've always wanted to look like the one random lady general from the first 30 minutes of any star wa rs movie

#sometimes i think! you know i felt bad about my religion for the entire first 18 years of my life and then it just. stopped being a problem #well it didn't stop being a problem it became an entirely different problem opposite to the one i had #i felt weird about liking women for ages until once again. it became a totally different problem! #idk there are so many things about me that probably are just going to be different someday. i never like to assume i won't change #maybe one day i'll even muster some compassion in my soul for the version of me who lived from 2013-2022. idk. that one's difficult #it's easy to look at yourself at age 11 and be like aw she was trying! give her a break #ages 17-27 are harder. she was grown up all of that was cringe and fail #being kind to your past self is for people who never actually did any harm #i've been kinder the past few years by just leaving a situation when i get angry or sometimes prematurely before i can make anything worse. #but it's not like i'm a better person i just take myself away until i can be nice #i kinda hate that bitch (me) but like what are you going to do. it's wildly impractical to live in that emotion #better to have other emotions instead so you don't think about that one

[yououghtaknow]

hard thing about Being Me is i will write things that are So Good but i cannot show them to people because it will mentally destroy them

#i have enough songs about the redacted situation to make a BANGING ep #but tonight i'm going to stop writing songs about other people and write about me #ALSO i have my keyboard now!!!!!!! so i'm gonna play some piano #which i'll feel more comfortable doing at night because it's a daw and i can use my headphones on it :) #[guy who experienced One moment of being known and loved that no one else knows about] omg the world is a beautiful place??? #just. being appreciated despite all of my intense mental shit really Gets me. #is it a bit messed up that i only feel validated when people relate me to media??? maybe. but we COPE. #ANYWAYS are most of my friends going to be on the other side of the country for the next few days?? yes. #but i am going to do things without them. i'm going to live. sick of wallowing sick of rotting sick of sadness. #I'M GOING TO COMPILE THE [REDACTED] SONGS INTO AN EP TRACKLIST BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY #and i will work on editing wrex and holland and drafting my emails to theatre people i want to talk to #i am a PERSON who can DO THINGS. i am NOT my trauma or my mental illnesses. #kind of realised that being around people but specifically my close friends/family makes my mental illnesses a lot worse #which i don't know how to Deconstruct yet but i will talk to my therapist #but i'm trying to be better. i Want to be better.

[tannithvibes]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Borderlands (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Maya/Patricia Tannis, Tannis & Ava Characters: Patricia Tannis, Ava (Borderlands) Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss, Pining, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, i havent played a borderlands game in over a year but this idea grabbed me by the throat, its actually less angsty than planned, i decided not to go thru with the Whole Idea Summary:

Grief is a funny thing and sometimes revelations only make that worse.

or

Tannis and Ava have one thing in common; they miss Maya.

#my writing #maya/tannis #maya the siren #patricia tannis #ava the apprentice #have this thing i cobbled together in like 3 hours on an impulse #maybe one day I'll come back to this idea and do the whole thing...if I can handle the vent without making myself worse

[spacedykez]

.

#the otter ventposts #tw dysphoria #tw dysmorphia #i don't know the difference and can't be bothered to google it #vent in readmore #seriously do not feel obligated to read i just need to get it out #i wanna cry im going to cry i hate my chest so much i hate that i have to deal with my body despite the fact i'll never use it i dont want- #-this consant assumption that i'll have kids one day anyways but i just hate my chest its so fucking big and uncomfortable and bras never- #-fucking make it GO AWAY they dont hold it in place and then i get fucking reminded of it every time i take a STEP and i can't ignore it- #-because it just gets worse and worse and weighs in the back of my mind and now i can't do Anything because i'm just fucking THINKING- #-about it and ive never felt more sure im not faking something in my Life because it's a physical feeling of Dread and Hate and FUCK i- #-hate them so much. i dont want to see them i dont want to deal with them i dont want the weight on my chest i dont want the fucking- #-FEELINGS and theres no way to solve it why cant i just have a small chest at least why do i have to have these stupid fucking things- #-and i'm pretty sure it's just body dysmorphia but i don't have it for any other part of my body Ever and definitely never in this amount- #-i don't know maybe im demigender or something i dont fucking know i cant figure it out its fucking exhausting nothing feels right and- #-i know she/her doesn't Feel fully right but then i keep thinking no im just trying to be like everyone else and i dont think i am because- #-i dont fucking Want this confusion and hate and everything but i dont know. feminine doesn't feel wrong but Female and Woman and Girl- #-don't feel right either. and she/her doesn't feel Wrong like i'm not upset by it irl at all so. fuck. sorry. i just wish i could figure- #-it out. and i wish i didnt have this stupid chest. yeag.

[orcelito]

the hilarious thing will be if me being back in school actually Improves my productivity with writing. bc i have so goddamn much free time rn, but what am i doing with it? fucking anime and crochet. i really do need to get my ass in gear for cleaning and also writing this reverse bang fic. but really. im probably going to be able to do more writing once im back in school

How, you may ask?

procrastination is a powerful drug.

#speculation nation #also me having structure and something forcing me to be up and active #im just kinda sedentary. just kinda rotting. idfk. #im certainly not thriving. #theres not enough time to get a job b4 school starts again. wouldnt be worth it either. dont need the money & i dont wanna fuckin work #really i need to be spending this time getting my apartment in order. im just shit at self regulation. #i bought. a white board. for my fridge. and im going to use it. for lists. #im going to try making lists of goals to accomplish each day. and maybe that'll help me. #i also need to get out more. visit the woods. maybe that'd help me with my writer's block. #go to a goddamned bubble tea shop (besides the one i worked at lmfao) as motivation or something #im trying. i am. i'll get there. #i should probably start exercising again. havent been biking much in Months now. that's probably not good for me. #cleaned up a dumbbell to do some arm shit while watching things. idfk. some activity is better than none. #waaaaaaaaaaaaaa i really am just a fuckin lump on a log in my natural state of being. ugh. #doesnt help that the throat bleeding disease kinda fucked me up bad enough that my stamina is... worse than before. #i can probably get it back. but man. i feel like a wasted fucking shell right now. #my general absence from tumblr hasnt been me living life to the fullest. im just too goddamned depressed to post. #nothing interesting going on in my life. and so it goes. #i'll get there. im working on it. im trying to make things better for myself. #exercise and fresh air will do me well... just gotta get some exercise and fresh air...

[medicinemane]

I don't know, here's my problem with all that gratitude stuff people are always pushing

I'm here finding myself grateful for the really bad unexplained stomach problems I had for months that randomly flared up so bad I couldn't leave the house safely somedays (literally missed my last doctor's appointment cause it turned out that wasn't a day to be out and about)

Like unprompted, not as some kind of exercise or something, I find myself being like "yeah it may have royally sucked, but it really has helped me get a feel for how my stomach is doing so maybe I appreciate it"

Feel like that's fairly gratitude minded when you can find yourself being grateful for basically months of being sick, you know?

...so fuck off an let me be. If me organically being grateful for a painful time in my life where a lot of nights I'd be worried about going to sleep and dealing with issues so bad I was worried about how I was gonna be able to take this trip unless I got lucky... if I just on my own end up being grateful for that and still want to put a bullet in my head, maybe gratitude isn't a cure all

Maybe piss off with it, you know? I'm the first to say it's good to be grateful for shit, and frankly even walls (even when there's insulation issues) are a fucking blessing and I'll always thank my house for everything it does for me

Still not a magic bullet against depression and I get fucking sick of everyone talking like it is one... like if I just gratituded harder I'd feel better

#as always; this is why I have my no advice without being willing to help implement it policy #I don't get to tell people what to do to feel better #I just get to offer support and get stuck in with helping try to change things for the better for them in my small ineffective ways #and you know they may never feel better; and that would fucking suck cause they deserve to #but I'm not gonna make them feel bad for being open and honest about how they're doing #and I'll just keep telling them the things I like about them till maybe one day they can internalize it #and... and I'll keep trying to do the small things I can to help support them in making changes #or if at all possible directly participate in making a change for them #rather have someone be miserable and honest about it than ever try to spare my feelings #no I never want them to be doing bad but I'd rather try to just sit with them through it than make them sit alone #and I'd rather fix it all... but sometimes neither of us fucking can right now... and it's time to wait with them #had someone dealing with a real shit situation #and you know what? I knew the exact fix for the shit situation #but here's the problem... people can't do shit till they're ready and me trying to force it would have made it worse #so I just hung out and let them vent and repeatedly made sure they knew they were making sense; validated their perception of reality #made an introduction so they had more people around who'd be in their corner building them up instead of tearing them down #eventually they made the fix I knew was the fix all along and it hurt like hell to do it #and yet things started getting better pretty much immediately; cause it was always the problem #and if I could go back and do it again I'd do it the same; I wouldn't force the fix any sooner cause it had to be their choice #and frankly me pushing could have sabotaged shit #and it's still hard; and often all I can do is sit with them as they ride shit out right now and... I don't like that #I want to fix things in every way for them; they deserve that #but I can't... so I'd rather be with them as things are than make them repair everything so I feel comfortable #that's my opinion on all this #and frankly if you want to dig up my nasty bitter fucking side I try to keep tamped down #this shit is a good way to bring that side of me out #like fuck off; either you're gonna help or you're being a fucking busy body #and you can shove your advice up your ass cause spoiler I fucking tried it #I never stop putting one foot in front of the other and it's got me a house and I cleaned that fucking trailer #so how about you stuff it if you don't like how miserable I am