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appliedpsychedelics · 1 year

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My MOLLY EXPERIENCE #2

Hey guys so I took a capsule of, it was either 0.2 or 0.5 grams of Molly , I forgot how much

It kicked in during my math class in the morning

Let's begin with physical changes:

My body was having trouble regulating temperature, but I don't know if that was from the molly or not. Like, I'd go from being sweating to being really cold, and I kept changing in and out of my sweater

My teeth were gritted together, pressed very tightly, and I had to exercise conscious effort to pry them apart

I walked faster than usual

In the hallways, everything felt crazy, like a big circus, all the people and the noise they made was a little overwhelming but it was fun

I didn't notice until I went outside and took out my earbuds, but my breathing was sort of fucked

I felt a warm, euphoric feeling, very strong

I felt totally energized and wired

I was speeding through the math questions so feverishly that the teacher came up to check on me, but he said I got them all right so he moved on to talk to some other kid

My body was very tense and I felt like I needed to be constantly moving

I felt like I really understood the math lesson and was able to get a lot of work done

Time seemed to be moving faster. when I'm sober, ten minutes feels like a long time to me, but on Molly ten minutes flew by like nothing

I was having fun!!

I had the confidence to compliment a few strangers on their hair, outfits, whatever, and their smiles made me happy

Now let's get on to my emotional state:

A few quotes from the voice messages I sent my bf:

"math is just logic. I like, uh, logical reasoning. I like how there's a right way to do it, so if I get it wrong, I can just learn the right way.... I think I've grown to appreciate it (math)"

"I'm just so thankful that my life is so amazing and I can live in this world that's so beautiful"

"I'm looking at the houses," (I was outside smoking a cigarette) "...and Uhm, they're just really beautiful and I love the way that they're so geometric , and, they Stand,... rigid... ... They stand, like, strong, ... And peoples families like, live in there! It's like uh, a representation, a suburban house is like a representation of a strong family bond, and I think it's really pretty, and I think I wanna start painting houses"

"I don't think I need to be defining myself with labels like that... , Like saying oh I'm this or I'm that, like, the trans stuff too, who cares... How people see me or what they think about me? Cos Uhm, I think if they just get to know me, they'll realize none of that stupid shit matters"

"I feel insane, like, I just... I feel crazy"

"the teacher noticed (something was off)... I look really stressed on the outside... But its all good, my whole life is so good. Like, I'm happy that I go to this school, and there's all these people..."

"i told a girl I liked her hair and she said thanks I'm... I'm just so, happy, and, I'm sorry about all the things I've done that were bad, all the things that I've done, I'm really sorry " (on the side of the shed I was sitting next to when I said this, was a picture of Jesus Christs face that I graffed the year prior to this, so i started like apologizing for everything bad I ever did)

I won't quote this next part but I told a story about a customer from my work who kept recommending me movies and how he was so nice to me, and then I started crying a bit

And I'll quote this next part, regarding the work story: "I really like when people recognize that everyone is just a human and we all just want, Uhm, to have friends and to be seen and recognized, yknow, and, I hope that I can develop my social skills and do that... For other people! I wanna make them feel seen and heard..."

"I think that maybe if I just keep complimenting people, they'll feel better about themselves... I just want everyone to be happy... Because this world is BEAUTIFUL..." (by the end of this quote I was crying)

"it's so beautiful, all the snow, it's like a blanket over the earth, Uhm, and all the houses, they stand so STRONG , and the sky is this BRIGHT white, with like, faded parts of blue, and I think it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and this whole world is amazing, and I don't know why I would ever want to kill myself or like, leavveee the world, I dont know why I always complain about my life... Because it (my life) is just the best! I just worry over stupid things that don't even matter" (after this I discussed a problem I have been dealing with and concluded with "I think if I can just like get over it... Like who cares about the past, I'm old, I have a new life now, and I wanna go to university and I'm so happy that I have a future"

Then I was telling my boyfriend "YOU have a future too, you have so much chance to do good things in your life, you have so many years before you die"

Then I talked more about how I wanted to make people feel happy and less lonely by taking to them.

"I want to show everyone the beauty of the world"

"I think in art class I'm gonna paint houses because everyone needs to see how beautiful it is, there's these houses, all on the street, and in every house, there's a family! And that family has got like... Their own connections and stuff... Their own BOND, and I like to think that they all love each other, maybe they have problems, but, everyone has problems"

A side note here, I think that's what love IS... It's pushing past problems.

Then I started crying again

"...we all love each other and everyones just tryna do the best that they can... And I'm just really emotional, because, everyone's just so beautiful... Even people I don't agree with or I might make fun of, they have their own hopes and dreams and everything !

"everyone's got their own Thing, and I'm really in love with Humanity, I wanna hear people talk about what they find interesting and exciting... Because its really beautiful, and it means a lot to me, Uhm, I wanna show people that I Do care about what they say, even if I don't like it... Their voice has got a place on this world!!!" (This was said through tears as well)

"YOU MATTER!!"

I then discussed how I enjoyed watching people in the hallways, observing them, because I found it so fascinating that every one of those breathing bodies moving in a rush to and fro, has like, a LIFE

"everyone is just their own person and I think it's beautiful"

" I love everyone"

"God made all of us, an we're just here, and we all have our hopes and dreams,

OVERALL: I would say Molly is fun , but I would be careful about doing it at school, it's really more of a party drug than anything, it's good for if you want to dance or run around. Otherwise though, you might find yourself feeling a bit pent up. However, Molly increased my productivity and I was still able to do schoolwork correctly, and so I'm going to rate this drug as, 4 stars. It's amazing, but it can get to be overwhelming at some moments. Overall I would totally do it again. I'm doing it tommorow actually. But, I would reccomend giving yourself at least one day, two days, in between doses, just because it is a powerful drug and it's addictive and every time I recall my experience(s) taking the drug, I just want more of it and I know if I get hooked on this it's going to DRAIN my fucking bank account.

#molly #drugs #drug experience #trip report #mdmatherapy #mdma #mdmamazing

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