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fr3sh-tragedies · 7 months

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Caught My Attention

[Mean Girls 2004] Janis Ian x Female Reader

Word Count: 3.41k

Proofread: Yes

Content Warnings: Hints of homophobia/slurs, language (?).

[A/N]: None.

Enjoy!

“Janis, calm down, for god’s sake. You’re gonna pace a literal trench into the ground,” Damian voiced from the kitchen table, chuckling at seeing how uncharacteristically nervous his best friend was. The ravenette jutted her chin over to face him with a scowl at his comment, though concern still riddled her features, creasing her brows as she scoffed. “How am I supposed to calm down? You know damn well how long I’ve liked this girl, and you know I’ve wanted to ask her out for years now. If this doesn’t go right, and she doesn’t feel the same way, I-I don’t know what I’ll do.”

Cady, who had no idea who the two were talking about, watched the scene before her as she stood behind the island in the kitchen, her nails tapping anxiously at her plastic cup that she hadn’t taken a sip from since Janis left her seat. “Well,” the redhead started with a stutter, unsure of what to say. She hadn’t known Damian or Janis for very long, but even she was visibly surprised at how worried the goth seemed to be. “Maybe you should just focus on the positive?” Before Janis could bite back with a snarky retort, Damian chimed in again to agree. “Yeah, that’s what a lot of the group has to do for theater. It’s supposed to help with the nerves or something.”

An annoyed groan slipped through Janis’s lips as she ran her hands down her face. “Look, I know I shouldn’t be overthinking things, but it’s hard not to, okay? She just…she means so much to me. I don’t wanna make things awkward between us and lose her as a friend. I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you,” she said, lifting her hand to wave it in Damian’s direction, “and I just can’t lose all of that because of some stupid crush.”

At that statement, Cady left her spot behind the counter, setting her cup to the side to step closer to Janis and place a gentle hand to her shoulder. She had no idea how to comfort other people–she was still getting used to it–but she had seen girls in the hallway at school do similar things when talking, so she figured it was worth a shot. “Hey, look, I don’t know this girl, but if she caught your eye and makes you happy, then I don’t think that’s stupid. Do you really think that?” A moment passed with Janis glancing between the girl beside her and the hand still on her shoulder.

She let out a small sigh after a while, a defeated look forming on her face. “No, I guess not, but still. What if–” “Don’t focus on what ifs, okay? That’s what’s making you so nervous right now.” Again, Janis seemed at war with herself, though more confused about Cady’s sudden comfort. She chuckled quietly and nudged the redhead’s hand from her shoulder. “Since when did you know how to comfort people like that?” Cady laughed at herself with a shrug. “Honestly? Most of it is from what I’ve seen from those weird teen romance movies people told me to watch.”

The two of them shared a smile before Janis turned away, thinking silently to herself. Before Damian or Cady could ask if she was alright, she turned back to them, a genuine grin finally painting her lips. “Okay, okay, I’ll try to stay positive. But I’ve never confessed to anyone before, so–as much as I hate to say it–I’m gonna need the two of you to help.”

Somewhere along the way, while multiple suggestions were being thrown out for Janis’s confession, someone in the trio mentioned asking her to the prom, which was right around the corner. Janis was hesitant, voicing her concern about people making fun of her and [Y/N] for being “gay in public” like they often did to her alone–thanks to Regina. It took a little convincing, but she ultimately agreed.

Although she agreed to go to the prom with [Y/N], if she accepted, she managed to persuade Damian and Cady into letting her confess and ask her privately to avoid everything being ruined by one of her bullies.

She hated cheesy romance, and she especially hated cliches, but she was willing to step outside of her comfort zone if it meant she could be with the girl she loved. Over the weekend, they threw together a messy plan. Damian brought [Y/N] to a seemingly random field after school one day, which made [Y/N] genuinely wonder if she had said her final goodbyes ahead of time. Janis, who had managed to get the day off from work after classes, was waiting there for her, which instantly eased her spiked nerves. She led her to a more remote location after Damian drove off. After a couple minutes of walking, Janis finally stepped to the side to reveal a small setup that was mainly put together by Cady.

Underneath a large oak tree rested a thin checkered blanket, topped with a basket packed full with pastries, drinks, and small sandwiches. To the side, a large sign was strung up between one of the branches of the tree and an adjacent metal rod that was once a tetherball pole. In large letters, decorated with doodles and drawings that were very clearly made by Janis, was the question she hadn’t even known she would ever ask.

Will you go to prom with me?

The two of them sat down after [Y/N]’s initial shock wore off. Janis began unpacking the woven basket to avoid eye contact as she asked what her answer was, hinting that she was wanting to take their relationship to the next level. [Y/N] chuckled at her, prompting her small amount of confidence to begin crumbling. “Janis, I’m gonna be honest, I already thought we were dating, so I thought going to the prom together was a given.”

Never in her life had Janis grinned so wide.

They spent the rest of the day together, ending it with Janis sketching [Y/N] still sitting beside her and talking about their plans for the dance before Damian finally pulled back up to drive the two of them home. [Y/N] was first to be dropped off, leaving Damian and Cady, who was invited in case the confession went either way, to bombard the goth with endless questions about how it went. Completely lovestruck and excited, Janis held no irritation or annoyance in her tone at the questions she would’ve usually greeted with venom.

Upon seeing his best friend so thrilled about the events that had happened only a couple of hours prior, Damian seemed far more excited about the two getting together than Janis did. He not-so-jokingly started planning what songs they should play at their wedding and what kind of suit Janis should wear. The ravenette brushed him off with a playful shake of her head and shove, though the smile never left her face. The rest of the ride to drop her and Cady off separately, all she could think about is what [Y/N] would look like in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle towards her--how she would look wearing a band she gave her. Then she got to thinking of prom.

What kind of dress would she wear then?

Shortly after the confession, Janis and [Y/N] started to hang out far more often than they already did. There was a small tension between them, both too awkward to know what to do, though it was far from unbearable. Whenever there would be a long, outstretched period of silence, they’d usually bring up random memories they had made together, unsure of what else to speak of.

Three days before prom, the two of them managed to find a random movie neither of them had seen before. They bundled up together in [Y/N]’s bed as they watched it, snacking on a large bowl of popcorn that was washed down with the soda they had bought when they met up. Halfway through the film, which struggled to keep their attention anyway, [Y/N] turned to her girlfriend and tapped her shoulder. Janis turned to her and hummed curiously.

“I’ve been thinking about what to wear for prom, but I really don’t know what I should. I mean, I’ve never gone to a school dance before, so…never had to shop for a dress for one, y’know?” The goth nodded at her. “Yeah, I know. I’ve never been to one either–not with someone else anyway. But I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing some fancy-ass dress. Skirt? Maybe, but only if it’s long enough to cover my legs all the way. Don’t wanna be mistaken for the Plastics after all. By the way, have you noticed that Karen’s skirts are getting, like, half an inch shorter every single week?”

[Y/N] chuckled at her comment, making her smile without realizing it. “Hey, don’t speak too soon. Next thing you know, she’s gonna be walking around in bikini underwear.” Janis shrugged with a laugh of her own. “I don’t know, she kinda already is. I wouldn’t put it past her.”

They snickered at the remark. When she quieted down again, [Y/N] shuffled over to let her head rest on top of Janis’s shoulder, making the girl tense lightly and blush at the sudden contact. “But anyway, I was thinking. Now that I know that neither of us has ever really done this before, maybe we could try to surprise each other? Make it that much more memorable.” The goth hummed, finally letting her own head drop down to rest on top of [Y/N]’s.

“Yeah, that’d be cool. Not entirely sure if I’d be able to find something that would make me look as good as you will.” Playfully, [Y/N] let her hand gently smack Janis’s abdomen. “Hey, don’t sell yourself short. You’re beautiful–always have been.” Janis turned away shyly at that, her free arm coming up far enough to let her scratch the back of her neck. “Oh, I don’t know about that.” They argued back and forth for a bit about who’s prettier, and eventually stopped when they yawned. “I'm pretty sure I’m gonna crash, but don’t think this is over,” Janis teased, scooting up further on the bed to allow herself to lay her head down properly on her pillow. “It is. I win. You’re prettier,” [Y/N] replied, mirroring her motions.

They murmured to each other as they slowly fell asleep, still telling the other that they were prettier.

Days passed, and it was finally the day of the prom. Janis had chosen a suit in shades of black and purple, tying her hair up in a more formal fashion. She had planned on heading home before the prom to have time to get changed and steel her nerves, though she and Damian ended up sitting on one of the stairwells towards the main rear entrance to the school. The cool tile beneath them made Janis shiver and move to tuck her skirt further underneath her legs.

The two of them seemed to talk mindlessly about anything and everything. Neither of them realized what time it was until Damian finally looked up at one of the clocks hanging up towards the ceiling. “Oh shit,” he mumbled, looking down at his watch to confirm. Janis checked the clock as well, cursing under her breath as she moved to stand. A hand gripped her wrist firmly and tugged her back down. She looked over at her friend in confusion. “What the hell, man? I’ve gotta get back to my house to get changed.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about that. I actually brought your suit here in my car because I knew we were gonna stay late.” Now completely puzzled, Janis tilted her head. “You knew? What the fuck is this?” Damian smirked. “Yeah, [Y/N] and I planned a surprise. I wanted you to see her ahead of time. Her dress?” He pinched his fingers together and pressed them to his lips, kissing the tips of them before pulling his hand away and spreading his fingers wide. “Incredible. You’re gonna love it.” “You mean you’ve already seen it?” “Yeah, but only by itself. I haven’t seen her wear it yet. I know you’re gonna be blown away though. It’s pretty simple, but it’s definitely your style.”

“And that’s how you know I’m gonna like it, huh?” Damian nodded and grinned pridefully, crossing his arms and glancing back up at the time. “Yep. And she should be here any minute now.”

As if on cue, [Y/N]’s form emerged from the nearest hallway. With how Janis was angled, she couldn’t see her yet, but Damian could. His smile widened at the sight of her. “Holy shit,” he mumbled. “Yeah, you’re definitely gonna love it.” He could already picture his best friend’s reaction before she had it.

With now spiked nerves, Janis slowly turned her head at the sound of footsteps. Her mouth hung slightly agape as more and more of her girlfriend came into view, a deep shade of crimson dusting her cheeks as she froze. As the two of them made eye contact, [Y/N] shyly pulled her arm from behind her back to wave. “Hey,” she managed to whisper. Slowly, Janis rose to her feet to be closer to eye-level. Her green eyes traveled down [Y/N]’s figure, admiring the dress. As Damian had said, it was a fairly simple design: a black lace dress with extra fringe on the hem, which draped down to end about an inch or two above her knees. To match, she wore black dress shoes with small heels built in, basic floral designs etched into the toes.

A small chuckle managed to snap Janis out of whatever trance she stayed in for what felt like forever. She didn’t glance over to look, but she knew that it was Damian once she felt an elbow gently nudge her arm. “Damn, Janis. I’ve never seen you speechless like this before,” he teased, snickering when the ravenette could only blink in response, her gaze never leaving [Y/N].

“Holy shit, you look…” She managed to step forward and gently take [Y/N]’s hands into her own, her eyes once again studying her outfit and figure. “You look amazing. That dress looks perfect on you.” Shyly, [Y/N] smiled wider and lowered her head to hide the growing shade of red across her face. “Oh, thanks. I tried to think of what you might like, and this was pretty much all I could find on such short notice. I’m glad you like it.”

As Janis struggled to wrack her brain for something else to say to break the silence, Damian slipped away to his car, snatching the goth’s suit from the backseat and bringing it back inside. When he found the two of them again, he gently poked Janis’s arm, smirking as he watched her struggle to tear her eyes away to glance over at him. “I don’t know if you plan on going in that outfit or not, but the dance is supposed to start in fifteen minutes, so I’d suggest you suit up.”

Finally, Janis managed to nod and properly turn away to grab ahold of the suit. She murmured a quick, “be right back,” to [Y/N] before dashing to the nearest restroom to get changed. She had to mentally scream at herself to slow down so she wouldn’t accidentally tear or wrinkle the freshly pressed suit. Before leaving to find the two again, she checked herself in the mirror, quickly readjusting her hair into the neater bun it had been in all day. Her hands slid down her blazer to smooth it out even further. She sucked in a quick breath, glanced at her appearance once more, and finally left.

She met [Y/N], now alone, in front of the entrance to the auditorium, which had barely been opened within the past few minutes. A handful of students and staff had already made their way inside and started fixing themselves cups of the provided punch that centered itself in a bowl on a large table towards the side.

Before stepping inside, Janis gently took [Y/N]’s hand into her own and tugged her aside. In a whisper, she finally asked what she had been stressing about the entire time. “Are you sure you’re okay being seen with me? I mean, being seen together like this? I can understand if you don’t wanna deal with people treating you like shit because of it.” A confused tilt of the head was her response at first. “What do you mean?”

Janis sighed and glanced down at the floor beneath her. “You know. Like how Regina told everyone I like girls and how people call me–” she sucked in a breath to stop herself. “Certain names.” [Y/N] gently squeezed her hand in a reassuring motion. “Oh, I don’t care about all that. They can all fuck themselves, honestly. It’s none of their business.” Janis blinked, slightly caught off guard by the sudden use of language. [Y/N] hardly cussed so easily. It was usually hilarious to her when she did, but this time it felt strangely comforting.

She grinned softly. “So you really aren’t afraid to do this with me?” [Y/N] returned her smile. “No, not at all. I’d be proud to be seen with you.” Janis’s heart fluttered, a feeling she had long forgotten until the recent months when she finally realized just how serious her feelings were for this girl.

“Yeah,” she murmured. Her hand shifted a bit to allow her to interlock her fingers with [Y/N]’s. She squeezed her hand softly against her own palm, finally making eye contact again, accompanied with a far more confident smirk.

“I’d be proud to be seen with you too.”

Just as the two of them had expected, there were several students who glanced at them with disapproving looks. It bothered Janis for a while when the dances began, but after [Y/N] managed to find a way to keep her attention on her, she was able to completely ignore her insecurities. A few fast-paced songs blared through the large speakers at the end of the room, leaving [Y/N] and Janis laughing as they struggled to keep up with the beat. Finally, the music began to slow, and Janis found herself pulling [Y/N] closer.

With her sheepishness left at the door, [Y/N] beamed up at the ravenette gleefully. She hummed and glanced down at the suit she was wearing. “I wasn’t able to say it earlier since we were trying to get in before everyone else, but you look so damn good in that suit,” she managed to say over the music. Even with its much slower pace, the song still reverberated loudly throughout the large room.

Janis couldn’t help but blush at the sudden bluntness of the compliment. She chuckled, glancing down for only a moment. “Thanks,” she mouthed, her suddenly shy tone too soft to be heard over the noise buzzing from the speakers the two of them had accidentally drifted too close to. Her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, wanting so desperately to free the outpour of compliments bubbling up in her throat. She finally gave up after realizing she wasn’t able to project loud enough in the moment, instead laughing and tugging [Y/N] even closer.

The two of them settled against each other as they swayed side to side. After glancing up at her to confirm that it was okay, [Y/N] gently lowered her head to rest against Janis’s shoulder, the tip of her nose barely grazing over the skin of the ravenette’s neck. A muffled shudder was her only response for a moment, though Janis’s head soon moved to lean against her own. The two closed their eyes just as Janis realized she could now speak audibly into [Y/N]’s ear. There, her lips parted to finally speak again.

“You know, I’m not one for surprises, but… I really am glad that we agreed to surprise each other tonight. You were right about it being more memorable.”

[Y/N] giggled and nodded. “Told you so.”

Janis playfully scoffed and rolled her eyes, though she still moved to press her lips gently against the girl’s temple. “Yeah, I guess you did.”

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fr3sh-tragedies · 6 months

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Busy Confession

[Mean Girls 2004] Janis Ian x Female Reader

Word Count: 5.81k

Proofread: No

Content Warnings: Language, anxiety, and feelings of rejection

[A/N]: Story three for Janis--I'll be working on another character soon. I still have a couple of characters I want to write for, but then I'll upload the master list I'm currently making and start answering requests.

[A/N] #2: Sorry this one took longer than the others. I've been trying to post every Saturday, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to write this one. I haven't proofread this yet, so let me know if there are any mistakes.

Enjoy!

“Oh come on, turn red already!” Janis hollered, her voice raising towards the end as her nails dug into the material of her steering wheel. Her hands had begun to cramp in the past few minutes, and she knew it was from her white knuckled grip that she had on the wheel during the entirety of her drive, but each time she tried to loosen said grip to help her tense, aching muscles relax, they’d return to their firm grasp at the mere thought of the text she had received.

Logistically speaking, Janis knew [Y/N] wasn’t trying to come across as flirty or teasing. In the emotional part of her mind, however, she wondered if it was actually the opposite–if the girl she had been crushing on for years was finally picking up on it and was now taunting her with semi-flirty responses. Usually, when her emotions would spiral out of control the way they were in the moment, she’d head to [Y/N]’s house to rant about it and ask for any kind of advice. Since that was who was causing what she was feeling, however, she knew she had to resort to her other best friend: Damian. Too jittery from her gay panic, Janis only managed to call him long enough to let him know she was headed over.

He had tried to say something to her before she hung up, but she was in too much of a rush to get in the car that she didn’t comprehend a word he said. She hopped into her car after barely remembering to snag her keys from the hook by the door, scolded herself when she struggled to get the key into the ignition, then sped off out of her driveway toward the direction of Damian’s house.

On the way there, she continued to glance anxiously over at her phone, which she had tossed over into the passenger seat. She feared that [Y/N] would notice her going silent and say something, but she herself couldn’t think of anything to say. With anyone else, she could blurt out a clever retort or crack some kind of joke. With this girl, however, she always seemed to find herself falling silent. The last thing she wanted to do was say something weird or make the situation worse and lose [Y/N]. She was aware that wasn’t how it would happen. After all, she had known [Y/N] far longer than she had known Damian, and even knew her before Regina George changed the course of her life back in middle school.

But that was exactly why she was suddenly so cautious over her words around her. She didn’t want to ruin all of those years together and lose the one person who genuinely seemed to love her for who she is. As far back as she could remember, [Y/N] was the one person she could always rely on without the constant worry of being talked about behind her back. She didn’t want to ruin that by assuming [Y/N] felt the same way about her that she did.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Janis finally made it to Damian’s house. There, she practically fell out of her car with her phone tugged tightly against her chest. Quick footsteps beneath her was all she could hear as she more or less ran to the front door. Subconsciously, her arm raised far enough for the side of her fist to pound against the thick wood of the door now in front of her. Almost immediately after, it swung open, revealing Damian standing there with a conflicted look. Before he could say anything, however, Janis pushed her way past him and dashed into the kitchen. She froze in the doorway upon seeing Cady standing there as well, visibly confused at her desperation.

“Janis? What’s going on?” Speechless for a moment, Janis could only stare at her. At length, Damian stepped in and cleared his throat, moving to stand beside Cady. “Yeah,” he started, “I was trying to tell you that she’s here, but I guess you weren’t listening. Which, I mean, your face right now kinda confirms that for me.” Finally, the goth managed to blurt out a small, “oh,” before glancing at her feet to avoid eye contact with the redhead still glancing at her in puzzlement. “Am I interrupting something?”

A heavy sigh slipped past Damian’s lips as his hand shifted up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “No, but I think I’m not the only one here that’s “too gay to function.” Not sure if she even heard me at all before she hung up.” Finally, a look of understanding crossed Cady’s features. “Oh,” she mumbled as she once again turned to gaze at Janis. Although she was still averting her eyes from Cady’s focus, Janis managed to sneer up at Damian at his words.

Now worried she was in the way, Cady slipped past the two having a one-sided staredown and made her way over to the front door. “Well, I was just about to head out anyway.” Janis glanced up at this, looking slightly relieved. “But, uh…I’ll give you a call about our plan later on, Damian.” The exhausted teen, at the mention of his name, looked over at Cady as well and nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

With that, the redhead vanished through the door and began walking home. Only waiting a moment to make sure she was really gone, Janis quickly whipped her phone back up and powered it on, clicked over to her recent messages, and turned the phone for Damian to see. “Dude, I don’t know what to do. What the fuck do I even say after that? Do you think she knows how I feel about her? What if she does? I don’t want her to hate me for it. How would she react if she really did know? Would she–” Two hands landed heavily on her shoulders, halting her babbling and forcing her to look up and away from the screen.

“Janis, calm the hell down, holy shit.”

He huffed when she managed to settle a bit, then took the phone from her hand to read the screen properly. At the sight of the words [Y/N]’s had chosen, he chuckled and ran a hand down his face. “Good lord, I have no idea how you’re gonna survive if the two of you actually start dating.”

“That’s exactly why I came here, Damian: if I don’t ask her out soon, and if she starts talking like this all the time, I’m going to fucking die of embarrassment. Problem is, I have no idea how to ask her out without ruining everything. I need your help, man. Please.” Damian let out a laugh, crumbling whatever sense of confidence Janis may have had. “Oh my god, you and Cady are the bane of my existence today. How did I manage to not be busy the exact same day you both decided you needed relationship advice?” At his words, the goth tilted her head and hummed in confusion.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you over the phone: the reason Cady was here was because she was trying to figure out how to ask Aaron out on a date without Regina ripping her to shreds.” Janis’s brows shot up in surprise. “Oh, shit. Seriously? Is that what the phone call she mentioned was about?” Damian only nodded in reply, crossing his arms as he suppressed another groan. A moment passed where they only stood there in silence, and Damian was internally grateful his parents were at work as Janis had an existential crisis in the middle of their kitchen.

Finally, a smirk replaced his bothered grimace. “So, she wants to kiss you, huh? Wanna do that with her?” He teased, leaning down to nudge her shoulder and gain her attention again. Janis scoffed and shoved his arm away. Her head turned and lowered in an attempt to hide the growing shade of red on her face, though she wasn’t able to bite back the small grin that painted her lips. “You know damn well I do,” she murmured almost silently.

Damian snickered, cupping his ear and leaning toward her in a mocking manner. “What was that? Speak up–you know I’m selectively deaf.” Janis sighed, forcing herself to speak in a louder tone. “I said you know damn well I want to kiss her.” Upon finishing her statement, she stormed over to the kitchen table and planted herself in one of the chairs, crossing her arms on the tabletop and burying her face in them with a drawn out groan.

As she struggled to gather her thoughts, Damian moved to sit next to her, cackling softly to himself at seeing how uncharacteristically distressed his best friend was over a girl. “But it’s not just kissing you wanna do, is it?” He questioned after a moment. Janis shot up from her slouched position and gestured wildly with her hands. “Of course that’s not it! You know it isn’t! But I just…” She glanced down again, her fingers tangling themselves into her fringe and tugging harshly at the strands as she wordlessly went to war with herself, unsure of what to actually say.

“I just don’t wanna mess everything up,” she all but whispered in a broken confession, returning to her previous position of hiding her face in her arms.

The sound of a chair squeaking followed by something landing softly on the table and being slid her direction made her glance up again. Damian had slid her phone back over to her, though now it was face-down and powered off. “I know. I know you love her–pretty sure everyone does at this point. You’re terrible at hiding it.” Janis jabbed him in the arm again, making him chuckle. Upon seeing how distressed the goth was, he sighed, his voice taking on a much softer tone.

“But I do know that she’s one of those people too, even if that’s not what you wanna hear. Trust me, she feels the same. I’ve got quite the eye for these kinds of things.” Defeated, Janis sighed. She leaned back against the chair, dropping her head back to glare up at the ceiling. “Even if that were true, how the hell would I confess without sounding like some sort of loser? I don’t want her to think I’m a creep or something.”

Her friend hummed in thought at this, his eyes seemingly scanning everything and nothing in front of him at once. “Well, why don’t you make it count then? Make it special–your confession, I mean. Just add a whole bunch of stuff she likes. I mean, she loves going to the movies, eating out at restaurants, playing random sports and board games…there’s all kinds of stuff you could do.”

Janis remained silent for a while, prompting Damian to question if he said something wrong, or if she had even heard anything he said. Finally, right as he parted his lips to ask if she was alright, Janis slowly looked up with a growing smile, almost as if realizing something. “That’s a good idea,” she murmured. “Uh,” Damian started in reply, glancing around nervously as she pocketed her phone and began to stand. “Which one?”

“All of them.”

Over the span of another two and a half weeks, Damian managed to help Janis set up a plan where she could finally confess her feelings to [Y/N] and ask her out. The day had come that they agreed to put it into motion. Janis had never felt so nervous before. Not when she had a class presentation, not during any of the art contests she had participated in, and not even when she came back to school after leaving for the final half of her eighth grade year. She knew how to handle those levels of anxiety, but not this.

Never before had she confessed to someone–let alone someone she could actually picture a future with. In the past, when she found herself developing some sort of crush on another girl in her class, it was short lived. She never had to deal with the feeling long, which is why her feelings for [Y/N] became very evident after reflecting for a while.

In the days leading up to her confession, Janis more often than not found herself sketching [Y/N] on everything. She wasn’t able to focus during classes, so she’d pretend she was taking notes or working on an assignment to hide her inattention from the teacher. Even when [Y/N] wasn’t there for her to see, Janis was still doodling her from memory on anything and everything available to her.

Her sketchbook had been filled to the brim with illustrations of the girl before, but the closer she got to the end of the book, the more the pages seemed to be occupied by her face. No matter what she tried–playing video games, watching movies, going to work after school–she couldn’t get [Y/N] out of her head. More than usual, anyway. Tucked away in the corner of her room, hidden by a thin white sheet, she kept a canvas propped up on her favorite easel. Underneath the cover lay a portrait of [Y/N] she had spent weeks on, always finding another flaw that had her repainting over the dried, flaking pigment.

In her mind, Janis could picture the girl so easily. She could recall every little marking, whether it be a scar or a freckle of some kind, it was so vivid. On her canvas and on paper, however, she just couldn’t seem to get it right. She wanted the illustrations and paintings she made of her to be perfect because that’s how she saw her.

That’s how she had always seen her.

It felt nice thinking about someone she loved so much, but it also worsened her anxiety for her upcoming plans.

She waited until school had been let out for a holiday toward the end of the second semester to carry them out. It would allow for her to set up an outdoor date that would hopefully take place past the beginning of her and Damian’s ideas, as well as give her time off from both school and work.

After making sure [Y/N] was ready for the day, Janis let her know she was headed in her direction to pick her up. The entire drive there, everything about her was shaky, including her breathing. By the time she arrived, her mind was numb and her limbs were tingling. She barely managed to type out a coherent message to let the girl know she was there. Her breathing only got worse once [Y/N] was in the car with her, sat so close to Janis, yet so far away somehow. When she greeted her, her voice cracked and shook, furthering her embarrassment. [Y/N] giggled at her, so she looked down. “God, fuck my voice,” she mumbled.

Again, [Y/N] chuckled, but planted her hand gently on the goth’s shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze. “Hey, I don’t know why you’re getting so flustered about it. Do you not remember when we first met back in elementary school? You know. When I was crying?” Janis sat up a little straighter and smirked. “Because another kid ate one of your dino nuggets during snack time? Yeah, I remember that. Squeakiest voice I’ve ever heard, even to this day.” [Y/N] faked a gasp and a look of offense, bringing her free hand to her chest in an exaggerated manner. “How dare you say that when Karen Smith exists in the same town as us?”

Finally, Janis snickered at her, turning back to the wheel and shifting her gear into drive. “Fair point,” she replied. She leaned over a bit. “You’re definitely the runner up, though.” A scoff and a playful shove was what she was greeted with in reply, prompting her to finally let out a proper laugh. Her smile visibly faltered for just a moment at the feeling of [Y/N]’s hand sliding off of her shoulder a moment later and moving back to rest in her lap in the passenger seat.

“So, what all are we doing today?” At this, Janis’s anxiety spiked once again. “Well, I thought we could go see a movie and then go eat somewhere before I show you the surprise I have for you.”

[Y/N] leaned over a bit, drawing out a long “oooh” with a dorky grin. “What’s the surprise?” Janis laughed and gently pushed her back, even though she didn’t want to. “If I told you the surprise, then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Again, the girl in the passenger seat faked a look of hurt, though it was quickly replaced with a smirk. “Okay, okay, fine. Fair enough.”

As Janis began leading the car in the direction of the nearest movie theater, [Y/N] slipped her phone out from her back pocket and began typing away and swiping through her apps. Unintentionally, Janis continued to glance over at her and her screen periodically, some unknown feeling bubbling up underneath her skin and causing her throat to fall dry. Her hand slipped to the side to turn the AC’s settings up higher, then drove upwards to run down her face as she sighed. Whatever it was that she was feeling was making her burn up.

[Y/N]’s attention was drawn to Janis’s motions, her head perking up and turning in her direction. “You good?” The goth only nodded, desperately trying to scrounge up some sort of excuse as to why she was suddenly far more flustered than she previously was mere moments ago. “Yeah, I just…I’m really hoping you’ll like the surprise when we get to it. I worked really hard on it.” A small pause. “Oh.” Another pause, one that had Janis fighting the urge to scratch or pick at something with her fidgety hands.

“I’m sure it’ll be amazing, Jan. You don’t need to worry about anything.”

With a bit of force, Janis managed to convince her lungs to work properly again. She sucked in a deep breath, trying to hide her struggle in the motion, and let it slip back out in the form of a heavy sigh. “Yeah, okay,” she replied softly. Thankfully, before things could grow even more awkward, Janis pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater. She switched the engine off and tucked her keys away in one of the pockets of her black, baggy cargo pants. “Well, I guess we should get inside if we wanna get through the long ass line for concessions,” she explained as she pushed her door open and slipped out of the car.

Without thinking too much about it, Janis sped over to the passenger side and tugged the door open for [Y/N], who glanced up at her with a confused stare. She quickly chuckled, however, and stepped out, moving over far enough for Janis to close the door again and lock the car. “Such a gentlewoman,” she teased, prompting the goth’s pale face to flush red again. She still laughed, even through her slight embarrassment, and rolled her eyes. “Whatever. You’re welcome.”

“Thanks,” came her reply, though it was accompanied by a small bump against her shoulder. She had turned to walk towards the entrance, but [Y/N] had almost immediately caught up with her and nudged her arm with her own. Janis grinned at her and double checked that her car was locked before they got too far. As she stuffed her hands into her front pockets, Janis found herself glancing around at the other people littering the street nearby.

She subconsciously let her teeth hook against her bottom lip as she spotted the couples walking in and out of the building, each one leaning against each other and sharing light conversation or cracking jokes. Her fingers bent upwards, allowing her to toy with her rings as she managed to tear her eyes away from a pair sharing a quick kiss and focus on the ground in front of her. For just a moment, her eyes glimpsed over at [Y/N], who was squinting to try and read the movie posters lined up on the wall still halfway across the parking lot.

Janis couldn’t bite back her small smirk at her focused expression, though she let her gaze drop back down to continue watching her feet leading her forward. Too caught up in her thoughts, Janis let out a startled gasp when she felt two arms wrap themselves around her left one. One hooked around her elbow, the other sliding down so a hand could rest on her forearm. She turned her head to face who had clutched onto her, her cheeks and ears bursting with color as [Y/N] stepped closer and beamed up at her. “A-Ah, you okay?” Was all she could manage to ask between stuttering breaths.

“Yeah, I just like your jackets. They’re cozy, even if I’m not the one wearing them. Like, this sleeve?” [Y/N] gently patted the section of Janis’s sleeve covering her bicep to clarify, making the other girl jump, “it’s soft. Not sure how. Looks really rough, but it’s not.” She giggled to herself for a second. “Kinda like you.”

A darker shade of crimson dusted Janis’s already reddened face. “What?” [Y/N] smirked at her reaction. “Well, I mean, a lot of people are scared of you–specifically the freshmen–but I’m pretty sure it’s just because of your style. You’re really good with comebacks too, and even when they’re mean, they’re still funny as fuck. I think people are just afraid to confront you because they know you’ll destroy them. But you’re actually the sweetest person I know. And you’re really cool. I don’t think you and I have ever really gotten into an actual argument, but I also think it’s because you make sure to listen to me and hear me out.

“Most of the time. Unless you’re trying to lecture me on my gaming skills.” Janis smiled at her last statement, though her heart hammered against her ribs for the small speech before. She thinks I’m sweet? And cool? Unintentionally, she tuned out the majority of what the conversation was about as they both headed inside, the wide, sheepish grin never leaving her lips.

They got their tickets checked, stepped into line, got their drinks and snacks, then headed to the room playing the movie they were there for. As they sat in their seats toward the back of the room, Janis finally felt her spiked nerves subsiding a bit, realizing they could both focus on the movie and avoid having to make awkward conversation.

She didn’t pay attention to most of the film. Although her anxiety had calmed, it was certainly still there. Each time she thought of what she had planned next, another wave of trembling shot through her body. Roughly halfway through, [Y/N] shivered, shifted in her seat, and grumbled something under her breath, gaining Janis’s attention. Sensing eyes now on her, [Y/N] made eye contact and sent a nervous smile in her direction. “Sorry, I just keep forgetting how cold this damned theater is.”

Janis hummed, and almost instantly, after putting her box of small chocolates down, she slid her jacket from her arms. She leaned over a bit, motioning for [Y/N] to lean forward. When she did, the goth dropped the jacket gently on her shoulders and pulled it around her a bit before moving to sit properly in her chair again. She fought the urge to glance back over at [Y/N], but from the corner of her eye, she could see the girl tug the jacket snug around her frame. She let out a gentle sigh at the warmth.

Janis cracked a smile without realizing. She picked her overpriced sweets back up and pulled another one from the box, popping it in her mouth before scooching over enough to take a sip from her soda. For the remainder of the movie, the two sat in silence, simply enjoying each other’s presence. When the film ended and the lights came on, they got up and wordlessly left the theater. Once they were in the car, Janis finally fully looked over at [Y/N], sucking in a breath at the sight of the jacket now fully on her.

Sometime during the ending, [Y/N] had ultimately slipped her arms into the sleeves to wear it properly. Janis beamed, feeling a strange sense of pride. “So,” [Y/N] chirped, snapping her out of her trance. “Which restaurant are we going to?”

Oh, right. Her plans.

Janis, to distract herself momentarily, turned her car on and began the journey to the restaurant she had made a reservation at prior to the movie. She checked the time before answering. “Ah, it’s that new Italian place down by the mall.” “Oh, cool! Have you heard if it’s good?” “Yeah, it’s got a lot of good reviews online. It was also honestly the only place I could find that the two of us haven’t both been to.” [Y/N] laughed gently. “Yeah, but who knew we’d end up being drawn to so many different places here?”

The time at the restaurant, much like the theater, was hard to pay attention to for Janis. Throughout the meal, even when she didn’t realize it, she could be caught practically staring at [Y/N] as they both ate their dishes. She managed to focus enough to answer any questions thrown her way and keep the conversation going, but had anyone asked what they talked about, she wouldn’t be able to answer.

By the time they had made it back to the car, [Y/N] was able to tell something was wrong. As soon as the car started and Janis pulled out onto the road to head toward her next plan, [Y/N] tapped her arm to get her attention. A hum slipped from the goth to show she had acknowledged the touch, though she kept her eyes on the road. “Are you alright? You’ve been really…quiet. Like, all day.”

Shit.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m still just really nervous about the whole surprise thing. Which…is where we’re going now.”

After she pulled up to an empty parking lot, Janis took a breath, practically freezing in her seat as [Y/N] slowly got out of the car. A moment or so later, at the sound of a knock on her window, the goth finally pulled her attention away from the steering wheel to find [Y/N] standing there, confused. Finally, she managed to pry herself out of the driver’s seat and close the door. She locked the car with trembling hands before wordlessly walking in a random direction. With a small squeak of surprise, [Y/N] jogged to catch up with her, immediately questioning where she was headed.

“Oh, right,” Janis muttered, glancing up at the now concerned girl for just a second. She turned around to face where she was walking again. “Sorry, I’m just…I’m leading you to where the surprise is, I just forgot to say that somehow.” “Oh.”

Too anxious, Janis couldn’t force herself to blurt anything out, too afraid of making small talk as they headed to where her source of anxiety was originating from. The entirety of the walk, [Y/N] trailed behind her and quickly told herself to just look around at the scenery. They had stopped at some kind of large park, though the part they were headed toward looked more like the entrance of the woods. The sight at the darker shade under the trees caused her nerves to spike, though she calmed down when Janis finally managed to mumble a really soft–almost inaudible–“we’re almost there.”

The closer they got to the wooded part of the field, the more concerned and puzzled [Y/N] grew. Finally, just as she was ready to ask if they were lost, or if Janis planned on killing her–which in her mind made sense, considering the goth had started acting weird in the past hour–Janis sighed and stepped to the side. She lifted and waved her arm, motioning toward a small setup partially in the shade. “We’re here.”

[Y/N] turned her focus to the setup, which made her gasp softly. It was a classic picnic scene: a red and white checkered blanket laid out neatly underneath a large oak tree, a small woven basket weighing one of the corners down, and a cooler for the drinks. However, a decently sized gift was wrapped up and was propped up against the bark. “Surprise,” Janis murmured, snapping [Y/N] out of her surprised trance.

“Oh, Janis,” she whispered. “It’s beautiful.” Janis seemed surprised at her words, a small smile finally painting her lips again. “Really? I figured you’d find it cliche or something.” [Y/N] chuckled and gently nudged the goth’s shoulder. “I mean, you know I love a good cliche. It’s not a bad thing.”

After sharing an awkward grin, the two of them headed over to the blanket and sat down. They picked a few snacks from the basket on the corner, as well as a drink from the cooler, then ate slowly as they did their best to strike up a normal conversation. This worked for a very short amount of time, but [Y/N] eventually gave in and finally asked what it was all for, to which Janis grew nervous all over again.

She tried to find a way to segway smoothly into her confession, but eventually realized there was no point in trying to appear confident. She had blown that long ago. With a heavy sigh of defeat, she stared down at her lap, fiddling with the tab of her soda can to pull her attention away from the set of eyes on her. “Okay, I can’t keep this up anymore,” she began.

“I brought you here because I–” She swallowed hard and shut her eyes. It was just a confession. How hard could it possibly be?

“I brought you here, and did everything else today, to tell you that I really like you. Like, I’m in love with you. A-And I wanted to bring you here to ask you to be my girlfriend.” A moment passed where the two just sat in silence, and although she didn’t want to, Janis finally managed to open her eyes again to glance up at [Y/N]. She worried she had been completely ignored, but she mainly feared she was about to be made fun of by the one girl she actually had serious feelings for.

Instead, she was greeted with the sight of [Y/N] blushing for the first time that evening, a small smile cracked across her lips. “Uh,” the goth stuttered. “It’s fine if you say no. When I told Damian about wanting to ask you out, he said I should make the whole thing special, so…here we are.” More silence, though Janis couldn’t tell that it was only there because [Y/N] couldn’t find the right words to express how she felt. After what felt like a whole hour to her, Janis finally sighed and put her drink down, readying herself to stand up. “This was a mistake, wasn’t it?”

As she began to lift herself off the blanket beneath her, a hand grasped her wrist, halting her movements and prompting her to sit down again. “No, I’m sorry, Jan! It wasn’t a mistake, I just…I never thought you’d actually ask.”

Janis could only gawk at her, mouth agape. “Huh?”

[Y/N] giggled at her reaction. “I would love to be your girlfriend, Janis.”

More laughter stemmed from Janis sitting there, purely dumbfounded as she visibly tried to process the words. Finally, a bright smile graced her lips, one wider than ever before. An excited glimmer shone in her eyes. “Wait, really? You would?” “Yeah, of course!”

Janis finally let out a laugh, then a sigh as she shifted to fall over and let her head land in [Y/N]’s lap. “Oh thank fucking god,” she blurted, causing the girl to chuckle and gaze down at her in slight bewilderment. “I’m so tired. I spent so much time planning this whole thing out. I wanted things to be perfect. I didn’t know you were going to say yes like it was the most obvious thing on earth.” They shared a laugh, the previously thick tension finally lifting.

“Yeah, no, I was always gonna say yes. But don’t worry, I really loved everything we did today. Uh, well, except when you were leading me to the woods and started acting weird. Thought I was about to be wiped from this planet.” Janis snickered again. “Nah, I wouldn’t do that to you.” She grinned softly up at her, shifting to lean against [Y/N]’s stomach. “But I am glad you liked everything today. That’s a relief.”

[Y/N] beamed wider and nodded. She drove her free hand upwards to let her fingers rake through the goth’s dark strands, causing her to let her eyes to flutter shut and lean into the touch. They stayed like that for a while, but [Y/N] eventually had a small reminder pop into her head. “Oh, what’s the box against the tree for by the way?”

Janis’s eyes shot open again, a deep crimson red dusting her cheeks. “Ah, well…” She hesitantly sat up and stood long enough to pick up the present and hand it to [Y/N]. She sat back down next to her and watched as she carefully peeled open the gift. Once it was mostly torn away, [Y/N] gasped gently at the sight of a canvas with a portrait of her, glazed over nicely with Janis’s signature down in the bottom left corner, right next to a small note.

To the one person who has always seen the best in me and has never treated me poorly. I hope this painting does you justice.

Silently waiting for a response, Janis kept glancing over between the portrait and [Y/N], trying to gauge her reaction. When she got nothing, the overly anxious girl cleared her throat. “Do you…like it?” Finally, [Y/N] turned to face her. “Are you kidding? I fucking love it,” was her reply. Janis huffed out a sigh of relief from the reassurance and smirked, leaning against the other girl’s shoulder and closing her eyes again. “Jesus Christ, another huge relief. I love you so much.”

Softly, [Y/N] nuzzled her head against Janis’s, slipping one hand from the partially unwrapped canvas to lift it and cup the girl’s cheek, her fingertips lightly grazing her raven hair.

“I love you too.”

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