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indiemags · 6 years

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What is Indie?

Indiecon 2018 - Indie nations

Oliver Gehrs – DUMMY “Being independent means being free.”

Jana Al Obeidyine – a Dance Mag “Indie is being true to yourself despite the adversity.”

Davide Cazarro – NANG Magazine “A sprawling and layered term, an opportunity, an aspiration, a promise… a chimera?”

Mike Koedinger – Maison Moderne/Paperjam “It’s primarily about freedom of expression, and less a matter of size.”

Sissel Hansen – Startup Guide “Indie means trying new things, being unconventional and sticking to your own vision.”

Meg Miller– Eye on Design “Free to be experimental, thoughtful, and dynamic with the contents of your publication, in pursuit of making something valuable and considered above all else.”

Iris Lee– ArtQpie Library “Small scale but big impact.”

Laurel Schwulst – Beautiful Company “I think it's short for independent.”

Monika Szewczyk – South as State of Mind “Quote from The Life of Brian: ‘We are all indie-vidiuals’, defined by our alliances.”

Florian Mecklenburg & Karoline Buurman – NXS “Being independent from any safe and proven formats and aesthetics.”

Indiecon 2017 - Indie first

Justinien Tribillon – Migrant Journal “Being independent means highlighting stories and showing perspectives that are not bound to financial interests or sensationalist requirements.”

Ryan Fitzgibbon – hello mr. “Indie means finding your motivation in challenging the status quo.”

Steve Watson – Stack “Indie is unstoppable.”

Jeremy Leslie – magCulture “Indie is anything you dream.”

Ibrahim Nehme – Outpost “Indie is disconnecting from the system to find freedom.”

Stefanie Lohhaus – Missy “Passionate, content-driven journalism. Avantgarde. Taking Risks both content and layout-wise. Being radical.”

Megan Le Masurier – University of Sydney “Indie is the desire for a Utopian space, creating what is missing.”

Nelson Ng – LOST “Indie is about having a strong belief in something.”

Yaonyou Yuan Di “Indie is without any interruption.”

Rose Nordin – OOMK “Indie is in line with D.I.Y – making projects happen with little resources and with a lot of personal investment.”

Kati Krause – ANXY “’Indie’ is a carte blanche for radical creativity, for making magazines that verge on art. It means trying out subject matters and storytelling that readers didn’t even know they were interested in. It means forging audiences rather than following them.”

Besa Luci – Kosorvo 2.0 “Indie means being self-aware and self-critical.”

Joachim Baldauf – VORN “Real Indie for me is non-capitalistic. Not focused on money, but spirit.”

Steve Anglesey – The New European “Indie is the Second Annual Report album by Throbbing Gristle (1977) – self-written, self-recorded, self-performed using self-built equipment, self-published because no major would have dared; created for no-one but the artists, yet manage to inspire and connect a network of individuals.”

Heike Grebin – Troppo-Automated “Limitations make you creative – hopefully.”

Andreas Trogisch – Troppo-Automated “You get the idea and you do it.”

Timo Rychert – Troppo-Automated “The moment you find out what Indie is, it stops being Indie.”

Sara Schurmann – VICE / F Mag “For me magazines are „indie“, when the editorial team developed the idea independently and not on behalf of a client. Which doesn’t mean you can’t work with or for publishing houses.”

Susanne Eigenmann – Hamburg Kreativ Gesellschaft “Indie is authentically, surprising and likeable.”

Teresa Bücker – Edition F “Indie is about being stronger together.”

Indhira Rojas – ANXY “Indie is creative freedom, freedom to invent and make things on your terms and follow that vision. It's taking the risk to pursue your ideas outside of traditional frameworks, and in that process finding your own path.”

Indiecon 2016 - Indienet Pioneer Communities

Danny Miller – Weapons of Reason “I don’t have a definitive answer for this.”

Ricarda Messner – Flaneur “Doing whatever you want to do.”

Agnese Kleina – Benji Knewman “Inventing your own universe and rules.”

Joachim Baldauf – Vorn “Real Indie for me is non-capitalistic. Not focused on money, but spirit.”

Steven Watson – Stack “Indie is unstoppable.”

Fabian Weiß “Indie is doing what you like and listening to your heart.”

Sebastian Pranz – Froh “Indie is creating alternative public spheres!”

Penny Martin – The Gentlewoman “A lifetime membership of the London Library and a taxi account.”

Rosetta Mills – The Lifted Brow “Making a thing you love with good people, for good people who will love it.”

Jeff Taylor – Courier “Today’s ‘indie’ crews have found multiple models that help them launch titles for far less money than before, and in the process, are creating a wave of fresh, unique titles.”

Veronica Ditting – The Gentlewoman “Indie is an outspoken and personal voice.”

Sam Cooney – The Lifted Brow “Indie is making meaning rather than money.”

Fabian Ebeling – Die Epilog “Doing (almost) whatever you want.”

Klaus Neuburg – Froh “Doing it anyway.”

Timo Durst – PFDFNDR “Indie is intrinsic.”

Max Weinland – PFDFNDR “Indie is autocracy.”

Richard O’Mahony – The Gentlewoman “The opportunity of a lifetime.”

Sebastian Zimmerhackl – Selam X “Through the wall.”

Michael Hopp – Hopp und Frenz “Indie is print without regrets.”

Nelson Ng – Lost “Indie is about having a strong belief in something.”

Indiecon 2015 - Indie forever

Philipp Köster – 11 Freunde “Indie ist: Sich selbst ausbeuten, statt sich von anderen ausbeuten zu lassen.“

Ryan Fitzgibbon – Hello Mr. “Finding motivation in the attempt to prove everyone wrong.”

Jeremy Leslie – Magculture “Complete Control.”

Kai Brach – Offscreen “Being able to decide today what the magazine will look like tomorrow, without asking anyone for permission.”

Ole Jendis – Impulse “Indie jetzt gründen – der wahrscheinlich verrückteste und beste Zeitpunkt zugleich.“

Tristan Rodgers – MC1R “The freedom to do everything you like to do and having it under your own control.”

Mathias Zeiske – Edit “Getting to choose the people you depend on.”

Anke Eberhardt – CUT “(i)nspiring, (n)iche dedicated, (d)eadline heavy, (i)nsane, (e)xceptional”

Julia Kahl – Slanted “Independently created and published publications.”

Jan Spading – zmyk “Sich unabhängig entscheiden zu können, von wem oder was man als Magazinmacher abhängig sein muss und will.“

Steven Gregor – Gym Class Mag “Indie is a frame of mind. It’s an intention… a voice different from the norm. Indie is risk. It’s Shia LaBeouf’s rattail, not Kim Kardashian’s butt. Indie has nothing to do with fancy paper, typefaces or printing techniques. And it most certainly has nothing to do with small business models.”

Mads Pankow – Die Epilog “To us indie means independent from the market, trying to make a magazine that reflects a unique point of view, without thinking about the target audience. Only if you keep straight to your own perspective you will find an audience which appreciates it.”

Dolf Hermannstädter – Trust “Overrated.”

Ibrahim Nehme – The Outpost “Indie is a blueprint of the world you want to live in – made with no budget.”

Juliane Schiemenz – Reportagen “… wenn du Sachen anders machen kannst als die anderen – und davon trotzdem deine Miete bezahlen. // - und davon trotzdem deine Miete bezahlst. // wenn du Sachen anders machst als die anderen - und davon trotzdem deine Miete bezahlen kannst.“

Daniel Beskos – mairisch Verlag “Working with people you like on magazines and books that are well done and worth being published."

Alexander Scholz – HOLO “A trade-off: the joy of answering to no one, the horrors of bearing all the risk.”

Chris Köver – Missy “Wenn die Sache wichtiger ist als das Geld, das man damit verdient.“

Sebastian Pranz – Froh “Indie is creating alternative public spheres!”

Indiecon 2014 - Was ist indie

Gabriele Fischer – brand eins “Wenn die Idee stärker ist, als die Vernunft.“

Steve Watson – stack ”Publishing because it matters, not because it pays.”

Kai Brach – Offscreen “Etablierte Weisheiten über Bord zu werfen.“

Stephan Busse – dpv “Zu machen, worauf man Lust hat - und dann erst die Erwartungen anderer zu erfüllen.“

Ale Dumbsky – READ “Indie ist ein dreichsnkliges Dreieck. Idiotie, Verantwortung, Romantik.”

Nikolaus Förster – Impulse “Wenn die Lust auf Freiheit einen überwältigt - und sich auszahlt.“

Oliver Gehrs – Dummy “Wenn man Themen bringen kann, die Anzeigenkunden meiden.“

Josephine Götz – Päng! “Anzeigen zu verkaufen, während die Mitbewohner nebenan Sex haben.“

Michael Hopp – H&F “Wenn es mit uns selbst zu tun hat - und damit mit anderen.“

Ole Jendis – Impulse “Mit den eigenen Ideen Leser zu begeistern und an sich zu binden.“

Fabian Knöbel – Analog Sonntag “Indie-Projekte sind do-it-Projekte mit offenem Ausgang.“

Kati Krause – All Seasons Mag “Indie ist Mut dazu, nicht von jedem verstanden zu werden.“

Volker Lilienthal – IJK “Immer wieder Pionierarbeit mit Kraft und Fantasie.“

Katarzyna Mol-Wolf – Emotion “Indie ist authentisch, immer ein bisschen Rock'n Roll und nachhaltig erfolgreich.“

Horst Moser – Cut “Indie c'est moi.”

Dirk Mönkenmöller – The Weekender “Machen zu können, was man will.“

Boris Rosenkranz – NDR “Indie ist das Gegenteil von Langeweile.“

Andreas Volleritsch – Neubau Design “Indie ist immer mit Liebe und Leidenschaft gemacht.“

Marc Winkelmann – enorm “Indie ist Selbstverwirklichung durch Selbstausbeutung.“

Oliver Wurm - 547490 “Machen, zweifeln, sorgen, durchziehen, freuen. In der Reihenfolge.“

=== The Independent Magazine Festival is a project by Die Brueder Publishing. Indiecon 2018 online: www.indienations.de, instagram.com/indiemags, facebook.com/indiemags, twitter.com/indiemags

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mbtizone · 7 years

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Troy Otto (Fear the Walking Dead): ISTP

Dominant Introverted Thinking [Ti]: Troy is obsessed with killing people of different ages, sizes, and ethnicities to see what he can learn about the turning process. He wants to collect data, which he then goes on to categorize, or draw conclusions from. He is confident in his assertion that it will take him 87 minutes to die, because of his age, weight, and BMI. He’s so obsessed with collecting this information that when Nick threatens to kill him, Troy begs him to time how long it takes him to turn. He cares about accumulating knowledge and, when Nick wants to know what’s wrong with him, Troy simply responds that Newton stabbed himself in the eye just to understand the nature of light. Troy wants to know why people spoil. He seeks to understand what is going on around him and remains callous and detached in his quest for answers. Troy’s way of thinking about things is subjective. He does what makes sense to him. He wants to take out the horde that he spots on the side of the road because they can’t risk allowing them to reach the ranch. Cooper argues with him, trying to tell him that it’s not on their to-do list and says that they’re on the clock, but Troy doesn’t care about their schedule. He’s guided by his own internal logic and is able to arrive at likely conclusions quickly. He spots shells from a gun that was owned by Phil, which leads Troy to deduce that Phil had engaged an attacker before retreating to the outpost.

Auxiliary Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Action and adventure are exciting for Troy and he likes to be in the thick of things. When he spots the horde on the side of the road and leads his men to take them out, he doesn’t allow them to use their guns because it’s “too much noise” and “not enough sport.” He enjoys taking risks and living in the moment. Troy is often reckless and puts himself and others in dangerous situations. He enjoys a good fight and is skilled with weapons. Troy is always aware of his physical surroundings and knows how to engage with them. His constant vigilance allows him to make many observations about his environment. Troy has very keen senses. He’s the first one to notice the smell that leads his men and Madison to the pile of charred bodies. Troy tells Madison that he’s “always been a bit of a nature boy.” He notices what’s going on around him (Se) and makes note of it (Ti). Although he is aware of the severity of most situations, he tends to treat the new world like a personal playground, with Madison noting that it’s like a “game” to Troy. Troy is impetuous and has trouble controlling his impulses (slaughtering the Trimbol family in the heat of the moment). He doesn’t believe in dwelling on the past. When someone dies, they’re gone. All you can do is get your revenge and move on. When Troy sees what Walker did to their people, he immediately wants to hit them back.

Tertiary Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Troy’s singular focus is on studying, observing, and acquiring information about the dead (Ti-Ni). He is consumed by it. He has a good sense about people and he sees right through Madison’s speech. Troy realizes that she said what she said to garner sympathy and remind the people at the ranch that she’s a victim. She didn’t say what she said to memorialize him. She had a reason and Troy saw right through her manipulation. He usually has an idea of what will happen in most situations (though, having a concept of what the consequences may be is rarely enough to stop him). Troy thinks that what he does is his “calling” in life. He believes it’s what he’s meant to do. It’s his purpose.

Inferior Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: Because he is so wrapped up in trying to comprehend the world around him, Troy doesn’t typically display empathy. When Madison is upset after seeing where the helicopter went down, he admonishes her, saying “there’s no room for grief.” In certain instances, he can become extremely emotional and throw a tantrum. He killed the Trimbol family because they left the ranch and Mike couldn’t even do him the courtesy of looking him in the eye and talking to Troy about it. He has a hard time dealing with his feelings and they cause him to lash out. Troy can be very good at understanding people (seeing Madison’s real motivation for her speech about Travis). Troy does genuinely care about the people at the ranch and wants to help them and protect them, but because he’s so unhealthy, he sometimes ends up doing more harm than good. He’s genuinely upset when he finds the heap of burned bodies and when his group comes across Phil. When Madison tells Troy that his mother never loved him, he later holds a knife to her throat in her sleep, but is unable to go through with it. When he returns to the ranch after their encounter with Walker, Troy wants to keep the truth from them. He only wants to tell Jeremiah, and Troy tries to keep Mike from telling everybody what happened, to no success.

Note: Troy is unbelievably unhealthy. He’s also very complex. Troy has sadistic tendencies and it’s difficult for him to control himself. He didn’t intend to kill the Trimbol family and he means what he says when he’s saying it. He’s just extremely damaged and probably one of the worst examples of an ISTP on television. It’s hard to separate what parts of Troy’s personality come from his cognitive functions and which parts stem from whatever psychological disorder he suffers from. I actually considered high Si for him, because he believes in preserving the ranch, serving it, and doing what he believes must be done in order to protect it. He also talks about the importance of “order, discipline, chain of command,” but I think he means that more for other people and not necessarily for himself. He doesn’t embody those values and tends to just do whatever he wants in the moment. His past has a huge, lasting impact on him, but I believe anyone of any type would be affected if they had the same experiences as Troy. He’s a stickler for “the rules” and how things should be done, but I think that might be part his illness. He uses his loyalty to the ranch as an excuse. They “don’t have enough resources” for Travis, but he’s okay with allowing Madison and Alicia in. I believe Jeremiah and Jake didn’t want to allow Luciana inside because that’s “not how they do things.” Troy hid behind this reason as well, but I think it probably had more to do with his desire to kill people to “learn.” He was probably already thinking about how long it would take Luciana to turn. The same goes for when Vernon, Mike, and the rest of the Trimbol family left the ranch. He was angry and upset, so he used the rules as a crutch. He berated them for leaving with “ranch property.” He didn’t really care about protecting the ranch in that moment, as Jake pointed out. He just used that as his reason because he didn’t want to get into the truth – that he was hurt and felt betrayed. It was also hard for me to decide what his dominant function was – Ti or Se? But there are strong signs of inferior Fe, and nearly everything he does is to feed his Ti curiosity, so ISTP seemed the better fit. Troy can be interpreted in numerous ways, so I used my own analysis of the character, as well as what I’ve read in interviews or heard on Talking Dead to form my judgments. He hasn’t been around very long, though, so I may see something that will cause me go back and retype him in the future. Time shall tell.

Enneagram: 8w7 5w6 3w2 So/Sx

Quotes:

Troy: Did you have contact back home before comms failed? Travis: No. Troy: Oh, shame. New Zealand’s isolated. I just thought, uh maybe your people – maybe they dodged all this. Maybe they turn different or not at all. Eh, could’ve learned something. We may still. Nick: Where’s my mom and my sister? Troy: Being processed. Nick: Don’t hurt them. Troy: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, ease your mind. I’m not a savage. Travis: That’s that’s good to hear. This woman needs attention. Troy: Yeah, she’ll be taken care of. Travis: No, she’s dying. Troy: Everyone here dies. It’s the only mercy I can offer for the sick and the maimed. Now, you can take a seat.

Madison: What are you writing? Troy: Oh, it’s just observations. I’ve always been a bit of a nature boy. I just I mark things down. It will matter later.

Troy: Two ways it cuts, huh? You can’t sleep ’cause of what’s weighing on you or bad times just waiting for you when you wake. Madison: What do you want? Troy: This area’s burned. You shouldn’t go back out there. Madison: Troy. Troy: We’re leaving. I can take you home with us. You and Alicia. Madison: What about Travis? Troy: Our resources are limited Madison: Is he alive? Troy: I’ll release him. I will… if you come.

Nick: Luci, hey- Man: Not sure she can hear you. Nick: What what do you mean? Troy: She’s not going to make it is what he means. Nick: Help her. Troy: No. We take her to the infirmary, she may turn. It’s against policy. Nick: It’s your fault. You shot her. Troy: I was defending my people. I’ll do it again. I know what to do. Nick: No, no, no, no. Troy: This is how it has to be. Nick: No.

[Madison enters and sees who she thinks is Nick in bed.] Madison: How’s Luciana? Troy: Oh, still alive. I liked your speech. I liked how you said his name. Travis. It makes him matter. Makes him real. Madison: He was real. Troy: That’s not why you said it, though. It wasn’t out of grief. It was pointed. You wanted to remind us that you’re a victim, too. Madison: You feel like a victim? Troy: Are you analyzing me now? Madison: No. Troy: What did you do in the old world? Madison: Guidance counselor. Troy: At a high school? [Madison nods] Oh. I never attended. “Certain social aspects of academia proved challenging for Troy.” Madison: You must have been lonely. Troy: No, no. No, I, uh I had this place. Everything that I do is in service to this place. Madison: Does your father believe that? Troy: Yeah, he understands. You know, complicated problems call for complicated solutions. Madison: Killing people’s not complicated. It’s simple. Troy: Do you see? You understand this world. You understand me. That’s why I picked you. But I didn’t – I didn’t pick Nick. Madison: He comes with me. Package deal. Troy: Why were you separated? Why was he with strangers and not his family? He doesn’t deserve his place here. I think you know it. Madison: He’ll earn it. [referring to the bed] That was made this morning, Troy.

Jake: Stay away from Madison and her family. Troy: They’re my friends. Jake: They came here under my invite. They trust me. Troy: They came here not to get eaten. I wouldn’t flatter yourself. Jake: Yeah, but they’re staying ’cause I said I’d protect them from you. Troy: And how are you going to do that? Jake: Please don’t do this. Troy, please. I’m the one that still believes in you. Troy: Well, I don’t need you to anymore. Jake: Yeah, you do. You do. If the ranch knew what you really are- Troy: And what am I, Jake? Jake: Do you really think that you were helping those people out at the depot? Troy: I think I was helping all of us. Jake: Troy when Dad’s gone, this is all on us. We have to take care of this place. We have to lead – Together. Troy: Together. Jake: Yeah. But I need you to do something for me. I need you to stay away from the Clarks. Do you hear me? Troy: Yep. I hear you. Jake: Do you mean it? Troy: I always mean it, Jake.

Troy: The ground’s soft. You could dig a grave real easy. I mean, people would suspect you, but well, they really wouldn’t know for sure. Nick: I wonder how long it’ll take you to turn. Troy: Eighty-seven minutes. Eighty-seven minutes given my weight, BMI, age. You know, if you do do it, you should time it. Journal’s in my pocket. Nick: You are not a scientist. Troy: Time it. Nick, please. Nick: What is wrong with you? Troy: Newton stabbed his own eye to understand the nature of light. I just – I need to know. I need to know why we spoil.

Troy: Cooper, are you seeing what I’m seeing? We got a party to attend! Cooper: It’s out of our way, Troy. We need to get to the Huey and back. Over. Troy: No, no, no, we leave them, they could migrate up the highway toward the ranch. We can’t risk that. Cooper: Not on our to-do list. We’re on a clock, man. Madison: I’m with you. Troy: We’re not making this someone else’s problem, Cooper. We’ll be in and out in five minutes. That’s it. Oh, no, no, no. No guns. It’s too much noise. Not enough sport.

[after he, his men, and Madison take out a horde] Troy: Oh, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. Who timed that? Man: It was just under a minute. Troy: Eh, it’s good work. Short work.

Troy: You ready for what comes next? It’s gonna be living, not dead. Whoa, you’re gonna need more fight in you than that. Madison: I’ll have fight. Don’t worry. Troy: You sure? Madison: Seeing where it happened was harder than I thought. Troy: Oh, you need to let that go. There’s no room for grief. Madison: If it was your father, you wouldn’t mourn him? Troy: Big Otto is immortal. Madison: And you didn’t grieve for your mother? Troy: Nah, if someone is dead, they’re dead, you know? There’s no point dwelling. All you can do is take out the assholes who did you wrong. Madison: Eye for an eye. Troy: Ah, a tooth for a tooth, amen. Madison: It’s just a game to you. Troy: No, it’s not a game. It’s my calling.

Madison: Your men are tired. Troy: Yeah, well, newsflash so am I. Listen, Walker and those assholes will make it back before us if we don’t move double time. You want that visited on your family? Huh? You really think Nick can handle something like that? Madison: We’re not gonna make it back. Troy: You’re overstepping, Madison. Mike, will you pick your ass up? Just wrap your foot and hoof it. Come on, let’s go. Madison: You want them to follow you out of fear or respect? Troy: What did you just say to me? Madison: Being a leader is knowing when to stop. Troy: Okay. Okay. Come here. This is my mission and these are my men. Madison: Yours or your father’s? Would he back this play? Troy: Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m not your son. Madison: But you have such a strange fixation on him. You wanna be a mama’s boy, Troy? Was your mother too cruel for that? Troy: Shut up. Madison: She hated you, didn’t she? Troy: Shut up. Shut up. Madison: Even in the end, when you cared for her and bathed her, she still didn’t love you, did she? Who says we should rest up? Troy: I’m the only one who knows the way back. So you better pick your asses up at first light because I will leave you. I’ll leave you all for the wasted.

Mike: They’re dead. They’re all dead. Troy: Mike, lock your shit down. Lock it down. Mike: They’re dead. And we’re gonna die, too, if we don’t leave! Troy: Shut up! Man: Is that true? Mike: If we stay, we- Troy: Mike, shut the hell up. Mike: If we stay, we die!

Troy: No, no, no, we go after them. Now. We hit them back. Jeremiah: So you can stroll into another ambush, Colonel Custer?

Madison: I was worried you might do something rash. Troy: To my family? No, no. Never. Madison: Can’t blame my worry. Troy: No. All I’ve ever had in my – my whole life is this – this place and these people, and I don’t know, it just I don’t understand, you know. Like, the world out there, it’s, uh – it’s burned. Madison: They wanted to see for themselves. Troy: Anyone who leaves is dead to me. Now, Mike, he was – he was soft, but he was – he’s been my friend since I was a kid. He stayed in school when I got – I got pulled. But he never quit on me. Never. Even when others did. Madison: He didn’t quit on you, Troy. He just stood by his family. Troy: He wouldn’t look at me. He just… Hard to know how to react to something like that. Madison: You make sure no one else leaves. Save them from the same mistake. I’ll help you.

Troy: I didn’t go out there to do that, I swear. I – He owed me. He had to look me directly in the eye. He had to say it to my face, say it like Vernon said it to my father. He owed me that. Madison: He didn’t want to do that, did he? Troy: He said some things, and I did some things. Then it went bad. Not what you want to hear, is it? Madison: You could run this place, Troy, but not if you let things break like that. Last night you had command. I saw that. Your militia saw that, and they responded. Your brother doesn’t have what you have. He’s not of this place. You’re the survivor. You’re the heir. So, no, the last thing I want to hear is how you lost control. That can’t happen. I don’t care how you did it. I don’t care why you did it. All I care about is that you can control it. There’s a fight coming, and you have to save us. Can you? Troy: Yes, ma’am.

Troy Otto (Fear the Walking Dead): ISTP was originally published on MBTI Zone

#Fear the Walking Dead #FtWD #Troy Otto #ISTP #mbti #mbti types #mbti personality types #fictionalcharactermbti #fictionmbti #tv mbti #enneagram #enneatypes #enneagram type #Type 8 #enneagram 8 #8w7 5w6 2w3 #So/Sx

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nocteverbascio · 7 years

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the ways we meet: kara/lucy + miscommunication

Pairing: Kara Danvers/Lucy Lane Summary: Lucy thinks she's the only one on Earth without a soulmate, while Kara constantly worries for hers. (the soulmate au where if you get hurt or your soulmate gets hurt you also get hurt) A/N: this is 7k words jsyk---i didnt intend for it to be this long or have so many emotions but IF YOURE DOWN FOR ANGST AND LOVE HERE IT IS

ao3 link

When Lucy was growing up, she was told that she’d be connected to her soulmate physically. If they were to get hurt in any shape or form, she’d be able to feel it and see it. It sounded stupid to Lucy, a weird, twisted form of romantic tragedy. If they get hurt, I get hurt? Why would I want that? Why would I want them to feel that?

Lucy was always careful. She took care of her body like it was a temple. Health and fitness have always been important to her because she didn’t want her soulmate to get hurt on her account.

There were some accidents of course. Her broken arm when she was 7 years old. Her high ankle sprain when she was 15 years old. Her concussion when she was 17 years old.

Then she decided on going to West Point.

And there were plenty of nights, she’d lie in bed staring at the ceiling hoping that her apologies would reach her soulmate somehow.

In all those years, Lucy realized that she’d never gotten a response - a response being a bruise or mark from her soulmate getting hurt. She’d chalk it up to her soulmate being just as careful as she was. But she knew it was human to get into accidents sometimes.

When she shipped out for the war on her first tour, she started to question whether or not her soulmate even existed.

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Kara landed on Earth when she was 12 years old, new to Earth customs and culture. The most interesting thing was soulmates. The Codex never existed for romance and Kara wondered if she’d be the only person on Earth without a soulmate.

However, five months living on earth, learning about her abilities that made her almost indestructible on earth, Kara collapsed in the middle of class, feeling like her head had been split into two. Alex says she’s being dramatic, but she was careful to call their parents to figure out what it was.

Kara had a huge bruise on the side of her head and all the symptoms of a concussion without actually doing anything.

It surprised everyone to realize that maybe, somehow, Kara had a soulmate just like any other person on Earth. So she’d grown up feeling comforted by the fact that there was someone out there on Earth that Kara had a bond with. Although, there were days that multiple bruises that would appear on her body, making her look like a punching bag. While it never hurt Kara much, she was deeply worried for her soulmate and took an extra effort to take care of herself.

By the time she and Alex were teenagers, they realized their soulmates had a knack for running into violent situations. Alex would go home after school some days with a split lip or black eyes. There were nights they’d go to sleep hoping that whatever situation their soulmate was in, they’d be safe.

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The desert is hot and dry. Lucy wonders if she can ever enjoy the beach again because there are places where she still feels sand rubbing against her and she wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

She’s starting her second tour, being jostled in the back of a humvee next to a guy named Mike, who has been extra annoying.

“How’d you get that scar?” he asks, smirking underneath his sunglasses.

Lucy looks at him in confusion. “What scar?”

“The one at your eyebrow. You run into something?”

Lucy thinks for a moment about the little indentation at the beginning of her left eyebrow. “Don’t know, born with it,” she responds curtly, not really in the mood for a conversation when they’re in hot territory.

“Figured it’d be from your soulmate,” he notes before pushing off his glove briefly to reveal a scar across his palm. “That’s how I got mine.”

Lucy stares at him curiously and briefly wonders if her soulmate (if they exist) was the reason for that mark.

The thought it quickly pushed to the back of her mind when a rocket launcher gets shot 100 feet in front of them. There’s a cacophony of screams, explosions, and bullets ricocheting that Lucy would never forget.

-------------

Alex and Kara are at the beach enjoying Kara’s first summer from college when it happens.

One minute they’re wrestling in the sand and the next a sharp pain rips through Kara’s shoulder. Kara screams painfully because she feels something digging through her skin. She collapses onto the sand with Alex yelling her name. She’d never felt pain like this before and she clutches to Alex hovering above her, trying to control the bleeding.

She feels like she’s dying. “Alex---my soulmate---” she gasps raggedly, terrified at the thoughts running through her head.

“You’re going to be fine, Kara, we just have to stop the bleeding,” Alex tries to remain as calm as possible, pushing a dry towel onto her bleeding shoulder. She yells for someone to call an ambulance. “You and your person are going to be just fine.”

“Promise?” Kara clutches Alex.

Alex nods confidently. “You know how tough our people are.”

Kara finds out later from Alex that she--her soulmate--had been shot clean through the shoulder.

“Guess you’re not entirely bulletproof,” Alex jokes.

Kara just rolls her eyes and sinks back into the bed, grateful that there were no major arteries or nerves that were hit. However, it’s one of the few scars that’s left behind on Kara’s alien skin on Earth.

There’s a sense of comfort in Kara’s heart to know that her soulmate didn’t have to go through that alone. Every second, she lied there bleeding, she’d pray to Rao for the safety of her person.

But it doesn’t get better right away and Kara fears the worst. There are bruises on her face, superficial cuts from fine blades on her body, and a couple of broken fingers for the following week that Kara doesn’t leave the house for the rest of the summer. She feels like a prisoner being tortured and Kara has half a mind to fly into a war zone the minute Alex alludes to the idea.

She constantly worries for her soulmate after that.

Especially when there’s a significant lack of injuries afterwards. Alex reminds her that humans take time to heal and if the injuries have stopped, that maybe her soulmate is recovering.

It’s not until almost a year later that Kara gets a papercut that she cries for joy.

Over the next couple of years, Kara learns her soulmate must’ve stopped doing dangerous things. The bruises still come but not as frequently, her hands have random papercuts, occasionally, there are what feels like hot water burns on her hands and lap.

Everything was going to be okay because Kara is indestructible and her soulmate was healing.

Until she becomes Supergirl.

-------------

Lucy remembers staring at the sunlight, bleeding profusely from her shoulder as she tries to reorient her senses. She remembers being taken as a prisoner (later she finds out for approximately 8 days) and tortured for information. There were threats to her life and to her soulmate’s life.

However, on day 3, Lucy already admitted to herself that she doesn’t have a soulmate. Because there’s no chance in all of her life that her soulmate would be a perfect human to not get hurt in some shape or form, on purpose or by accident. And it’s fine. It brings her comfort to know that while she’s going through hell, at least someone else wouldn’t have to suffer with her.

When they find her and take her back home, Lucy does her best to move on. She honors the men she served with and takes on a new path in her life. She goes back to school, Harvard Law, asking herself for awhile if she’d ever really leave the army or if the change of environment would do her good. She fills her life with things that she wants to do, hobbies that don’t require a gun or gloves (she picks up kickboxing again for fitness of course), and resolves to find love.

She meets Jimmy and thinks he’s the one. She falls for his smile and charm; his kindness reminds her of some of the goodness left in the world. He tells her that at a young age, he’d have nasty bruises, sometimes almost angry. It scared him until one day they stopped completely and for a brief moment, he felt empty. Lucy sympathizes with him, holding his hand, leaning on his shoulder and says she’d never felt anything ever.

They stay together until one day Jimmy gets a bruise on his arm.

He smiles brighter than the year the spent together. Lucy feels her heart break but she still loves him and is happy she was able to be loved if only briefly. They break up, Jimmy finding a new position in National City at CatCo because of someone named Supergirl making waves and Lucy’s left on her own.

The job she tolerated with a bunch of stuffy rich white men becomes less tolerable now that Jimmy isn’t there. It takes about a week for the news to get to her father and she gets offered a position as his legal attache.

The work takes her to National City for Supergirl.

-------------

Lucy meets her for the first time and she isn’t impressed.

“Major Lane,” Lucy politely introduces after having slapped an executive order at Director Henshaw.

“Supergirl,” the taller blonde greets as she takes Lucy’s hand.

Lucy doesn’t realize that the ice blue eyes are studying her face until they widen imperceptibly. “Is there a problem?” she asks, startling the superhero.

“No, no! I’m sorry, just-I thought---nevermind,” Supergirl rambles---she rambles, before quickly letting go of her hand like it’s on fire.

It’s kind of cute.

Lucy feels her interest piqued. She’s read Supergirl’s file and updates herself on the news reports and Cat Grant’s articles. Supergirl is young and impulsive as she is pretty (Lucy tries not to linger on the thought). She still has a lot to learn that it frustrates Lucy.

Lucy is a soldier. She’s been trained to save lives. Supergirl is just a young woman going out there with no proper training or regard for the effect she has. But as much as Lucy dislikes Supergirl, there are things she can respect (and admire) like her verve, passion, and hope.

Supergirl always seems to have hope when things go south. She might not know what to do next, but she will damn well reassure the team they’d do the right thing. She smiles bright enough to even bring a smile to Lucy’s face.

-------------

Then she meets Kara Danvers and finds that energy and hope almost tenfold.

Lucy bumps into Kara in the lobby of CatCo, a hot latte spilling onto both of them. Lucy hisses at the hot liquid on her arm.

“Oh god, that was hotter than I imagined it would be,” Kara exclaims with surprise in her voice. She pauses briefly and her eyes widen upon seeing Lucy. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay,” Lucy tries as she inspects her arm for any burns. “I think I’m going to be okay.”

Kara takes her hand and pulls her upstairs. “Come on, I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay and get you a new shirt so I can take yours to dry cleaning,” she goes off quickly.

Lucy follows after. “You don’t have to worry about that---”

“No, it’s okay, I insist,” she goes on. “I should’ve been more careful. Sometimes I space out.”

-------------

Lucy also insists that she’s fine but Kara doesn’t take no for an answer. It isn’t until they’re in the bathroom together as Lucy tugs on one of Kara’s spare button ups that she thinks to ask Kara if she’s okay. Kara awkwardly tugs her fresh shirt before nodding.

“I’m fine, my sister says I’ve got thick skin,” she jokes.

Lucy stares suspiciously, her eyes meeting the familiar ice blue ones that are hidden behind her thick framed glasses. “Have we met before?”

Kara’s face turns red and she shakes her head profusely. “No, no! I might just have one of those faces. I get mixed up for Blake Lively sometimes, which is kind of crazy because I don’t think we look anything alike but some people just randomly come up to me and call me Blake,” she rambles quickly.

Lucy actually laughs at how flustered Kara is and it only furthers her embarrassment. But it’s cute. And for once, Lucy feels like she’s around someone that fills her heart with warmth.

Eventually, Lucy mentions she’s there to see Jimmy and take him to lunch.

“Hey, you!” Jimmy greets enthusiastically as he gets up from his desk to hug Lucy. He takes in her appearance for a moment. “Did you come from a walk of shame? Because I know that’s definitely not your shirt.”

“Sorry!” Kara blurts out, red tinting her cheeks still. “I bumped into her earlier and got coffee all over her shirt, so I lent her one of mine. I thought I’d bring your soulmate to you in one piece as all.”

“Oh no, we’re not soulmates,” Lucy protests fairly quickly. She doesn’t know why she feels the need to dispel that idea quickly.

Kara stares in confusion before Jimmy adds, “We dated, but we aren’t soulmates. It’s kind of complicated.”

“His soulmate is somewhere out there waiting to fall into these gorgeous large arms and I don’t have one,” Lucy says flippantly that Jimmy slaps her shoulder.

Kara opens her mouth trying to process what Lucy’s said but just stares at her instead like she wants to say something.

“Shut up, your soulmate is out there too,” Jimmy chides, distracting Kara. “Sorry, she’s kind of a self deprecating human but she’ll be better when you get to know her.”

Lucy rolls her eyes and Kara goes with it. Although, she continues to stare at Lucy curiously before she says something about hearing Miss Grant call for her.

Lucy doesn’t realize she stares until Jimmy waves his hand in front of her. “What’re you doing?”

“You were staring at Kara,” he notes with a smile on his face. “Are you interested?”

Lucy scoffs. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s probably already met her soulmate.”

-------------

They get to know each other while Lucy is National City. It was nice to have someone to talk to outside of the army and DEO other than James. She’d meet Kara for lunch and coffee occasionally.

Until there was a particular evening Noonan’s that Kara found her contemplating over a glass of whiskey about what to think of Supergirl.

“I don’t think she’s terrible, I think she just needs some guidance and support,” Lucy admits after four glasses. “Everyone sees her as a hero and she is one. She’s proven over and over that she’s here for the people of National City. She’s not some sort of creature that needs to be taken into the lab for experiments. That’s crazy, I can’t stand for that.”

Kara looks shocked at Lucy’s words and slightly scared.

“Oh god, I really shouldn’t be telling you these things,” Lucy grimaces as she polishes off her fifth glass quickly. “Don’t remind me I did this.” She orders a sixth, even though she’s bordering drunk.

Kara’s hand falls on her back, rubbing in comforting circles that catches Lucy’s attention, and the other hand reaches to stop Lucy from grabbing the sixth glass of whiskey. “Hey, it’s okay,” she soothes. “I know work can be really frustrating and it must be difficult to have all these conflicting feelings. For what it’s worth, I know your heart is in the right place, and if Supergirl were here right now, she’d appreciate you for defending her.”

Kara speaks with such certainty that Lucy almost believes her. There’s a hopeful look on Kara’s face as she takes a moment to stare, her eyes meeting the icy blue ones once more. They’re such kind and beautiful eyes that Lucy feels herself mesmerized.

For a fleeting moment, Lucy wants to kiss Kara. Kara’s eyes dart to her lips and Lucy leans in. She’s kissing Kara Danvers and it feels like her heart is soaring because Kara is kissing her back. It feels like they’ve been dying to do that forever.

Even though there’s a nagging thought in the back of her mind that Kara’s soulmate is somewhere still out there, waiting to meet her, Lucy can have this for now. She can have beautiful, hopeful Kara that makes her heart swell with life.

Kara can’t believe this. She almost wants to push Lucy back and tell her it’s a mistake and they shouldn’t be doing this.

She does just that and there’s hurt look written across Lucy’s face that makes her heart ache inside of her.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that clearly,” Lucy tries to brush off, even though her eyes are already tearing up. “You have someone…”

Kara opens her mouth and quickly closes it. “I--” she contemplates telling Lucy the truth, that she thinks Lucy might actually be her soulmate. But she isn’t sure. At least not entirely. All she knows is that she wants Lucy. And she settles it quickly with, “It’s not that...just I thought--I don’t want to take advantage of you because you’re drunk right now.”

Lucy laughs sardonically and reaches for that sixth glass of whiskey. Kara reaches for it and settles it back on the table gently.

“Come stay with me tonight?” Kara offers carefully. “No funny business…”

Lucy shakes her head. “It’s fine,” she smiles, despite not wanting to at all. “I have my own place.”

Kara turns Lucy to face her, clasping her hands. “I want you with me tonight,” she admits because the yearning in her chest is becoming unbearable. “Tomorrow we can talk about whatever this is.”

Lucy opens her mouth to protest when Kara leans in quickly, pressing her lips against Lucy to stop her. She’s so sure that Lucy’s hers and she doesn’t want Lucy to lose hope. She just needs to find a way to let Lucy know she has a soulmate.

When Kara pulls away, Lucy’s eyes are shut, lips pursed and she swallows as if she’s savoring Kara’s kiss.

“Lucy?” Kara asks softly.

Lucy nods. “Tomorrow,” she agrees.

-------------

When tomorrow does come, it’s awkward and messy. Lucy tries very hard to talk Kara out of whatever they’re going to try that it confuses the hell out of Kara. However, Kara clings to the hope that Lucy is her soulmate, she’s sure of it. Because the more she’s around Lucy, the more she stares at Lucy, the more she feels connected to her.

Until Lucy says it to her face, “One day, you’re going to wake up with a bruise, a cut, or whatever from your soulmate letting you know that they’re there. That they’re real and waiting for you find them. Trust me, I’ve been waiting for years for a sign and if they’re not here now, maybe they just never were.”

The words cut so deep into Kara that all she can do is blurt out, “That’s not true. I know it’s not. I am here for you Lucy! I want to be here for you now!”

Lucy looks up at Kara with such intense eyes that Kara is scared she’s said the wrong thing. But she stands firmly, staring back at Lucy just as intensely. While Lucy’s eyes shines like emeralds in the morning light, Kara notices the little indentation at Lucy’s left eyebrow.

The same mark and placement of when she ran into the corner of table back on Krypton and Kara’s heart swells, feeling more sure than ever that Lucy is hers.

Before she can say anything, Lucy throws her arms around Kara’s shoulders kissing her fully and Kara returns the passion quickly. If she has hope that Lucy is hers then she wants to make sure that Lucy can believe that Kara is hers too.

They decide to try--more like, Kara convinces Lucy to give them a shot--but it isn’t easy.

-------------

There’s an alien attack on the president that has everyone on high alert and the tarmac of National City Airport becomes a crime scene.

Lucy takes care of the press, Supergirl the president, and Alex the crime scene. But Alex is hanging behind Lucy as she signs off on official press statements.

Lucy finishes signing the last document before looking at Alex dressed as an FBI agent. “Is there something wrong, Danvers?”

Alex just purses her lips and crosses her arms. “My sister tells me you two are dating,” she notes aloud.

Lucy stands there impassively, but inside she shakes. “We are,” she straightens her back. “Is that going to be a problem?”

Alex looks her up and down carefully before leaning in. “If you hurt my little sister, I know ten different ways to get rid of a body.”

“Does your sister know that?” Lucy throws back playfully.

Alex reels back briefly in confusion, the same face Kara makes when Lucy says something particular. Lucy raises an eyebrow. “I’m a scientist, of course she knows,” Alex answers, almost sounding like a lie.

Lucy hums to herself before pointing behind Alex. “You better claim your crime scene before someone else does.”

Alex turns around to where Lucy is pointing to and sees a woman in a leather jacket with a badge strapped to her hip and angrily stalks over.

-------------

It doesn’t take long for a month to go by. After successfully capturing the bandits trying to attack the president and Alex finally meeting her soulmate, being with Kara almost becomes easy.

Almost.

Lucy feels her heart ache for Kara, like loving her has become too much in the year she’s moved to National City. She wants Kara and she knows Kara wants her too, through all of Kara’s declarations. Part of her hopes that when Kara finds her soulmate that maybe she’ll find hers also. The other half of her wishes that Kara was her soulmate because she doesn’t think she’ll ever feel this deeply for anyone else.

-------------

They have a game night because Kara wants everyone to meet Alex’s soulmate and she wants to celebrate a month with Lucy.

Yet, Kara starts acting funny. Almost restless.

It worries Lucy because she knows Kara well enough to sense that she’s hiding something.

Kara is zooming around the kitchen and Lucy swears she turns into a blur for a moment. She’s been fussing all night and all Lucy can do is stand by to make sure everything Kara needs is there.

It gets to be too much and Lucy reaches for Kara as she rearranges the board games for the umpteenth time.

“Is everything okay?” Lucy asks as she pulls Kara to sit down next to her on the couch. She reaches for her glass of wine to offer it to Kara.

While Kara doesn’t drink much or ever really, tonight she does and she takes the glass from Lucy and chugs it before setting it down.

Lucy stares in shock before she pulls Kara to face her. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Kara nods quickly without looking at Lucy. She readjusts her glasses on her face. “I’m sorry, I just want everything to go perfectly tonight.”

Lucy smiles affectionately, pushing aside Kara’s hair. “We’ve had game nights before and they all turned out fine,” she comforts, moving closer to the blonde. “What’s really bothering you? You’ve been acting strange all week.”

“No, I’m not,” Kara protests quickly, staring at Lucy. She immediately apologizes. “I’m sorry, it’s just been kind of stressful and I don’t really know what to do about it.”

“You can talk to me,” Lucy assures as she pecks Kara. “We always talk about what’s bothering us.”

Kara shivers before nodding. “I know, I know,” she almost chastises herself.

Lucy shakes her head at Kara. “Maybe this will help calm you down,” she says mischievously as she wraps her arms around Kara’s strong shoulders.

“Huh?” Kara dumbly says before Lucy straddles her lap and kisses her. Whatever’s been bothering Kara gets quickly forgotten as Kara sighs into the kiss. She sits back into the cushions as Lucy deepens the kiss.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to feel hot. Kara’s hand finds its way underneath Lucy’s shirt and Lucy’s hands running through Kara’s hair. Kara moans into the kisses, as her hands roam around Lucy’s body. Lucy untucks Kara’s shirt to feel her hot muscled abs underneath her fingers quiver and slowly trails kisses down to her neck. Even if they haven't had sex yet, kissing Kara was addictive.

“Lucy, people are coming over,” Kara breathily reminds as she lolls her head back onto the couch. She grips Lucy’s waist tightly.

“That’s okay,” Lucy smiles into Kara’s neck before nipping gently. It’s always hard to leave a mark on Kara that she’s given up on it, too afraid to break skin if she tried any harder.

“We haven’t--”

There’s a knock on the door and Kara sits up quickly that it almost knocks Lucy over. Lucy fixes her shirt and hair while Kara is already opening the door to Alex holding a bottle of whiskey.

Lucy comes up behind Kara to greet Alex.

Alex purses her lips between the two of them before saying aloud, “Lucy’s shade doesn’t suit you Kara.”

Kara turns around aghast, wiping her lips of Lucy’s lipstick and Lucy shrugs with a smug look to annoy Alex.

Winn and James show up with food not too long after that has Kara bouncing off the walls. Lucy just takes it all in, how normal it all feels with everyone in the room. It gets even better when Alex’s soulmate shows up because she instantly recognizes Lucy from the crime scene. So they bond a bit through teasing Alex’s no nonsense attitude because everyone knows Alex is a big softie.

After a couple of rounds of taboo (which James and Winn somehow dominate), a very competitive round of Settlers of Catan (because of Alex), a hilarious edition of charades (because Maggie is downright goofy), they finally decide to switch games.

Alex steals away Kara for the break and Lucy decides maybe it’s time for some coffee and tea if they’re going to be up any longer. James and Winn are too deeply enamored in conversation that Lucy lets them have their moment, while Maggie helps her in the kitchen.

“So we have a thing for the Danvers sisters,” Maggie jokes as an icebreaker.

Lucy laughs in agreement. “That we do,” she says as she pulls some mugs onto the island.

“When did you find out that Kara was yours?”

Lucy swallows, as she settles the kettle on the stove. She puts on a brave face as she looks at Maggie. “Oh, Kara isn’t my soulmate,” she admits as casually as she can.

Maggie stares at her in confusion. “Sorry, you’re not?” she tries to be understanding as she asks.

Lucy busies herself, looking for tea and coffee. “We’re not---we’re just dating,” she fumbles over her words as she pulls out the boxes. “It’s a little complicated.”

Maggie studies Lucy’s face briefly as she turns to put down the boxes next to the mugs. “Sorry, I just assumed you were.”

“What gave you that idea?”

“Well, I was a non-white non-straight in a small town of Nebraska, soooo getting roughed up came with the territory, and she mentioned you were in the army, so I just assumed if anything could explain the Danvers sisters’ bruises it’d probably be that,” Maggie explains. “I figured we’d also have to be really tough to handle them.” She says it so affectionately that Lucy is a bit jealous Maggie can speak so freely about Alex.

Lucy shrugs. “Sometimes, things aren’t what they seem.”

Maggie nods thoughtfully, reaching for the whiskey and pouring it into the mug in front of Lucy before pouring her own. “That I can agree with,” she says almost knowingly.

Lucy takes the mug of whiskey regardless and clinks with Maggie.

The kettle screeches for her attention and Maggie helps Lucy by asking the boys what they’d like to drink and Lucy goes to find Alex and Kara.

There’s a crack in Kara’s bedroom door and Lucy’s about to enter when she hears Alex.

“You should really tell her, she deserves to know.”

Kara groans. “Don’t you think I want to? It’s just so complicated.”

“You guys have been together for a month and you still haven’t mentioned it to her?”

Lucy feels her heart drop. Kara was hiding something from her.

“I just didn’t know how to. She doesn’t believe her soulmate is alive anymore and I couldn’t just give her false hope.”

“Now that you know for sure, Lucy deserves to hear the truth.”

“You weren’t there, Alex. You don’t know how hard it was for me that night. I thought I was just going to tell her everything then but I couldn’t do that to her; seeing her like that broke my heart. All I could do just let her know that someone was there for her, that at least I was there for her. ”

Her hand clenches at her side. She knew it. She should’ve steadfast to saying No to Kara, to not getting involved. Kara was with her out of pity and Lucy doesn’t do pity. She doesn’t stick around to listen anymore.

She doesn’t say goodbye as she grabs her jacket and walks right out of Kara’s apartment.

And now Lucy’s really glad that she doesn’t have a soulmate because they wouldn’t have to feel Lucy’s heart being ripped apart in that very moment.

-------------

Lucy won’t talk to her. Kara doesn’t know what kills her more, the fact that Lucy won’t talk to her or the fact that Lucy will never believe Kara is her soulmate now.

She’d heard the door slam shut and came out of the room instantly. When she looks around her apartment, Lucy was nowhere to be found.

Lucy is half a block away when Kara catches up to her.

“Lucy, are you okay? Where are you going?” Kara asks quickly, voice filled with concern.

Lucy whips around at her, eyes red from crying and she steps up to Kara. “I don’t ever want to see you again,” she seethes angrily.

“What?”

“I heard you talking to,Alex, and I can’t believe how stupid I was to think that we could’ve had something real,” Lucy spits out with disdain.

Kara feels her heart tighten inside of her. “Lucy, whatever you think about us right now, it’s not what it seems. I care about you and I--”

“Save it, Kara,” she interrupts furiously. “I don’t want your pity anymore.”

“Pity? What’re you talking about? Lucy, I want to be with you,” Kara argues as she reaches for Lucy.

Lucy steps back, heels stomping into the ground loudly. “You should’ve listened to me in the first place. Your soulmate is still out there, waiting for you, wanting to be with you. Stop wasting your time and my time and move on with your life.”

“Lucy, your soulmate is alive! Your soulmate is--”

“Don’t. Just stop. Stop lying to me. Stop speaking to me. Just stop. This is it. Whatever you thought this was is over,” Lucy declares with finality. She doesn’t wait for Kara to say anything else and continues to walk away.

Kara stands there feeling her heart ache painfully in her chest as she watches her soulmate walk away from her. She was afraid of this and now that it’s happened, she hates herself for not knowing what to do.

-------------

She tries. She calls and texts her a million apologies. Lucy ignores every single one of them. She doesn’t come to CatCo for lunch with James and doesn’t stop at Noonan’s for coffee at all. Not only has she cut herself from Kara, but everyone else as well. James hasn’t received any word from Lucy since that night. Alex hasn’t seen her at work for a few days.

Kara is at the DEO, in her Supergirl uniform, pouting next to Alex as she tries to dissect a baby alien spawn found dead in a Cadmus warehouse.

“Alex, what do I do?” Kara whines as she slumps on the stool next to Alex.

Alex rolls her eyes. “I told you to tell her the truth,” she reminds as she looks into her microscope.

“That’s not helpful,” Kara grumbles as she pushes her sister. “I was going to, I just didn’t know how I was going to do it. I was hoping that I’d be able to find absolute proof to show her.”

Alex glares at her sister. “I gave you proof. You wanted Maggie and I to look into Lucy’s army file and we did. She was honorably discharged after a tour where she was shot clean through the shoulder and tortured for eight days.”

Kara winces because she knows the grizzly details now and it only makes her feel worse.

“It’s not my fault you didn’t bring it up when you noticed the scar on her eyebrow that looked exactly like yours,” Alex adds the salt into the wound.

“I didn’t know for sure!” Kara argues. “How was I supposed to know she would be able to get that scar across a galaxy. Not to mention time? Because I was technically born before her!”

Alex puts her pen down and snaps off her gloves. “Kara, you know that we can’t explain any of this soulmate business. It’s not like all the rules are written in some book of truth. The only thing that we do know for sure is that when you meet your soulmate, in this universe that we are in now, you just know it’s them regardless of space and time.”

Kara sighs sadly. “I’m sorry,” she says softly. There are a myriad of things she needs to apologize for and most of them feel like her fault.

Alex pulls her sister into her chest. “I’m sorry too,” she returns, wishing she could do more for her sister. “I’m especially sorry if it seems like I am being hard on you about this because we didn’t think it could turn out like this.”

“You mean me being an impenetrable alien that moonlights as a superhero?” Kara tries sadly against Alex’s chest and wraps her arms around her sister’s waist.

Alex light laughs. “Yes, that,” she agrees. “We just didn’t take into account that if you could feel what she feels, that maybe she needed to feel like you were there too.”

Kara sighs, hugging Alex closer. “I just wished she didn’t give up on me so soon.”

“She didn’t, Kara,” Alex assures as she smooths out Kara’s hair. “She liked you for you, regardless of whether or not she thought you were her soulmate, Lucy wanted to give you a chance. You gave her enough hope that she could at least try to love and be loved.”

“I wish there was some way I could give her that hope and reassurance again, so she knows I’m not lying to her when I tell the truth,” Kara complains. “If I get to tell her the truth.”

“The whole truth and nothing but the truth?” Alex asks with a smile on her face.

Kara nods furiously. “The whole ten yards, about the pod, Supergirl, all of it.”

Alex sighs, wishing her sister caught the joke. “Alright, good, because Lucy is here.”

Kara jerks her head up Alex in disbelief before Alex points through her window. When she looks quickly, she sees Lucy in her tactical uniform, standing tall and proud, just turning the corner and scrambles after her.

Kara rushes down the halls to look around for Lucy and think Alex hallucinated until she runs into Vasquez, who tells her that Lucy took a turn into the armory.

“Lucy,” Kara breathes out as she reaches the doorway of the armory.

Lucy doesn’t jump in surprise but she slowly turns to the sudden voice. “Supergirl,” she greets curiously.

Kara looks at herself and huffs. Maybe she should’ve changed. She grumbles to herself.

“Did you need something, Supergirl?” Lucy asks.

Kara stops thinking a mile per minute and steps into the space. “Lucy, I want to tell you the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

“So help you god?” Lucy jokes that makes Kara pause mid-thought. “Sorry, it’s a lame law joke. What’re you saying about the truth?”

“Oh right, yes, all of it,” Kara says, trying to form her thoughts as she goes along. “I want you to know about me and how difficult it is for me to get hurt.”

Lucy raises an eyebrow. “I’ve seen your performance, Supergirl, you’re known as the girl of steel,” she reminds playfully.

Kara runs her hands over her face in frustration. “Aghh,” she groans, “I am not explaining this well. I want to tell you the truth, about me being Supergirl, about the soul mate thing, and Kara Danvers.”

Lucy pauses and the playfulness slips away instantaneously. She crosses her arms defensively and steps toward Kara. “How do you know about Kara Danvers?”

“Because I--”

Kara’s words are cut off by the PA system with J’onn calling to the team to meet on the floor.

“Can I find you later to talk about this?” Kara asks Lucy quickly, who has a scowl on her face.

Lucy doesn’t respond as she brushes by Kara. “There’s nothing really to talk about. I’ll see you on the floor Supergirl.”

Kara throws her head back petulantly as Lucy walks down the hallway away from her again. There’s never going to be a good time for this is there?

-------------

Lucy is standing at the controls, simmering with annoyance as she keeps a close eye on the field. She and Supergirl were just beginning to have a good rapport, they would even consider one another friends. Obviously, not friends to go drinking with or shoot pool with, but friendly enough to talk.

They’ve had short conversations after a long mission before, most of them with Lucy reviewing her performance but Supergirl was always eager to learn from Lucy. Their teamwork was much more positive since their first meeting.

Even J’onn was pleased by their rapport.

Lucy even complained to Kara less about Supergirl, who was also very happy by the development or maybe relieved, which Lucy never understood.

By no means, however, were they close enough to talk about her personal life. So when Supergirl comes in wanting to talk about the truth about soulmates and Kara, Lucy is ready to step to the Kryptonian and give her a piece of her mind. Supergirl has no business in Lucy’s personal life.

“Supergirl, backup is two minutes out,” J’onn says into the comms beside Lucy.

Lucy keeps her eyes on the screens, accounting for all the assailants because there were reports of a luminous green substance lining their weapons. Just what they needed, Kryptonite toting robbers. One of them suddenly appears behind Kara and Lucy yells, “Supergirl, behind you!”

It doesn’t come quickly enough and they see a right hook to the hero’s face.

Lucy feels her head jerk to the side and hears something crack. She curses loudly at the sudden break in her nose and blood flooding her nostrils. “Shit, what the fuck was that?!” she yells without any care for decorum.

Everyone looks at Lucy in shock as she clutches her nose.

“Okay, ow ow ow, that really hurt,” Supergirl whines through the comm. “How far is back up now? Because that Kryptonite really hurt my face.”

Lucy gasps, choking on the blood that drip back to the throat. Alex is coming up beside her, shoving people aside to check on Lucy. She looks at the screen to see Supergirl standing there, blood pouring down from her nose.

“Supergirl?” Lucy stares in confusion.

J’onn smirks at Lucy.

“Sir?”

Alex redirects Lucy’s attention to get the blood flow to stop as soon as possible. “Supergirl’s nose is bleeding, you’re nose is bleeding, you do the math, Lane,” Alex huffs impatiently as she gently feels Lucy’s nose.

Lucy hisses at the pain. “Be careful would you?”

Alex hmms before using two fingers and resetting the disjointed part.

Lucy yells in pain and Supergirl also screams through the comms.

“Alex, what the hell?!” Both Supergirl and Lucy scream.

“Jesus, how she knew it was me, I don’t know,” Alex grumbles as she holds the gauze underneath Lucy’s nose to catch the blood. “Do you get it yet?”

Lucy’s attention is split between the screen and the woman before her. Everything seems to be moving so quickly that she can barely process it.

Supergirl is still complaining on the other end of the comm to J’onn until he and Alex both say, “Kara, stop complaining.”

Lucy’s eyes bulge out of her head comically and everything starts falling together. “Kara is Supergirl? She’s my soulmate?!” she exclaims.

“Uh..yeah, Major, took you long enough,” Alex quips.

“If I could get you for insubordination right now,” Lucy grumbles before it really hits her. “How come no one told me the Kryptonian superhero was my soulmate?” She then turns her attention to the comm. “You knew didn’t you? How come you didn’t tell me we were soulmates? What kind of person does that? ”

Kara visibly cringes on the screen that has J’onn suppressing a laugh. “I’m sorry?” Kara says. “I told you I wanted to come clean about this. There was just no right time and the first time we met you look like you didn’t even like me. It was really hard for me to just say, ‘Hey, I’m your Kryptonian soulmate, just in case you didn’t know.’”

Lucy listens to Kara rambling and just shakes her head. Everything feels like it falls into place as Lucy thinks back to all the time they’ve spent together. The subtle strange things Kara says or the way she dotes on Lucy to be careful. To think the time she felt imagining that there was a connection between them, only to turn around and find out there really was something, brings so much unbridled joy to Lucy.

All this time, she thought she was alone. Her soulmate was just strong enough so Lucy would never get hurt.

“Kara,” Lucy says lowly.

“Hmm?” Kara eagerly sounds to Lucy’s voice.

“Finish this and come home. You have some explaining to do,” Lucy orders with a smile on her face as Alex smiles at her.

“Lucyyy, you’ve got some ‘splaining to do,” Kara imitates proudly that makes everyone roll their eyes. “What? Was that not the reference?”

Lucy laughs. “Shut up, nerd. We’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

#superlane #kara x lucy #soulmate #soulmate au #if you get injured they get injured #angst #fluff #romance #alternate universe #everyone is gay #kara danvers #lucy lane #jimmy olsen #alex danvers #winn schott jr #maggie sawyer

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