#mistakeseries

[nicotinemaiden]

Such Great Heights

I am thinking it's a sign That the freckles in our eyes Are mirror images And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate That God Himself did make Us into corresponding shapes Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch But it's thoughts like this that catch My troubled head when you're away A nd when I am missing you to death

[ The Postal Service ]

[Chapter 3 of Mistake Series dedicated to @ccprovolomies for proposing the beautiful song that inspired me to write it. Thank you so much!!]

Read on AO3  →

The third, a proclamation.

The blood felt warm on his skin, at the corner of his mouth, dripping down his lower lip. That last hit had come close. Not as close as the open wound in his stomach but close enough to crack his lip in two. He lifted his hand to wipe the iron liquid from his face, as much as it was possible, and kept looking ahead, towards the hooded figure that looked at him in return holding a silver dagger in his left hand and several injuries along his legs and arms. He moved slowly to the side, limping yet still more graceful than normal people. The sunset started to vanish slowly behind him, making the shadows of the trees creeping on them a little bit more unsettling.

He could hear footsteps running towards him. It won’t be long until he wasn’t alone anymore, he just had to wait, to lose time, to slow him down as much as possible. His left hand pushed against the wound begging it to stop bleeding even for a moment, to stop making him so freaking dizzy and just let him throw the knife at the right place. Breathing deeply, he decided that his condition wasn’t as important as his mission and, whatever happened, he had to stop him long enough for the other knights to come. He couldn’t let go of this person, this trained assassin that knew where his target was and had no intention of missing this chance.

He hadn’t said a word but Obi didn’t really need any kind of confirmation about it. He could see the desperation in his eyes, the willingness to do anything to complete his task. And that was the problem. The most deadly people are the ones with nothing to lose and a lot to gain. So he fixed his golden gaze on the one ahead and dashed towards it.

Her eyes were still green and bright - not so bright as they had been these last couple of weeks but bright enough for someone who knew her well to know that there was something different about her - happiness that wasn’t there before and now consumed her almost entirely. Her comb slid through her hair as it would do through threads of silk, leaving it on top of her shoulders. It had grown so long since that fateful night when she had to cut it to save her freedom that sometimes the memory seemed more like a dream. She could almost believe it.

But looking at herself in the mirror she was… glad it happened. The consequences of that night brought her here. And she smiled at her reflection, searching for the girl from that night in her expression, in her eyes, in her hair. She was the same yet completely different - stronger, more confident, more knowledgeable.

She remembered Obi’s face on top of hers the night before, the look on his eyes as they travelled down her body once again for so long he might as well have painted it, and, with a blush taking hold of her face, thought that maybe she was more beautiful, more mature, more attractive.

She was no longer the young eighteen-year-old girl that ran from her home with hopes of not being discovered. She was an official pharmacist for the kingdom, she was a friend for the people who cared about her and, lately, she was a girlfriend and a lover, she was cared for, she was loved in return.

Shirayuki always thought stupid the concept that love changes people. Yes, maybe she was braver before because she had a goal - to prove herself, not only to other people but to herself. And she’d done it time after time and she was comfortable with things as they were. But until now she hadn’t really grasped the meaning of that phrase, the way your world fills with colors that you didn’t even know existed, the pressure on your heart every time something reminds you of that person and the extreme satisfaction and happiness of knowing that that person feels the same way.

Even knowing that Zen was at the mansion and he could be here at the pharmacy at any moment her smile grew brighter as she distanced herself from the small mirror and returned to the office. This time it was a planned visit, everything legal with documents and paperwork, and as such, he had to make an official entrance with official tea and conversation. Only thinking about it tired her out. The only thing that she could do was wait while working. If only she could have Obi with her to listen to his comments and gossip.

“Mitsuhide!”

Kiki’s voice distracted him but not enough to fail this time. His kick landed perfectly on the back of the head of the assassin in front of him, knocking him out. As quickly as his body allowed him he moved to his companions, blocking a dagger centimetres from his face and looking back only a second. Miss Kiki had moved to the side of Mister, who was unconscious on the floor, blood pouring from his head. A blunt hit. He inspected the new opponent - besides his dagger he had a sword on his other hand, the handle bathed in blood. Not only was he agile but he was strong too.

He narrowed his eyes, their blades still crashing, and jumped back, rotating the knife in his hand for a moment. He needed to get out of here. Not only because of his own wounds but because of Mister. He didn’t know how severe his injury was but he needed to get him to his Miss as soon as possible so this had to be quick. He wasn’t the only one thinking this because, the next moment, the other man started running.

“Oh, no, you don’t.”

He recognized his own smile, only one corner of his mouth lifting, sharing with the world a part of him that had been well hidden most of the time but that he couldn’t simply ignore in the middle of a fight. That strange thirst for blood that told that the only thing he ever knew before being here had been shadows, war and murder. Accepting that part of him for the moment and forgetting about his own pain he ran after him. He could hear Kiki shouting for him, her footsteps quick behind but not enough to catch after them. It wasn’t long before Obi surrounded the man, surprising him at his front and before he could react he was pinning his opponent to the floor, a knife to his throat. He wanted to sink it on him so badly, to watch him bleed to death as payment for what he did to Mister. He pushed harder until the first drops of blood tinted his weapon and he saw his own eyes reflected on it. He wasn’t this way. He may have been once because he didn’t know anything else but now…

He closed his eyes. Now he had people to protect, not kill. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t take that burden, even when his body was pleading him to do it. In another situation, maybe, but his opponent wasn’t doing much anymore, no one's life was in danger - or so he hoped. He didn’t have the right to choose to kill him just because he was angry. He smiled thinking that so much time with Shirayuki was rubbing on him more than he was aware of. What would she have said? Probably she would have offered to heal the man, even knowing he was an enemy. She was just that good. So he decided he needed to be a little good too. For her.

“You’re coming with me.”

She was nervous, impatient, anxious. She couldn’t get herself to read, to study, to stay put. She kept pacing up and down the office. She asked a guard about the whereabouts of her knight and, apparently, they’d had a problem with some letter being intercepted on the way and part of the rebellion knew that the Second Prince was here so it was necessary to send him along with Zen’s personal knights - or Kiki and Mitsuhide to her - because they saw suspicious people in the forest. So now the conversation with Zen was pretty low on her list of priorities. First, she needed to make sure everyone was alright.

No one would let her leave the mansion and she tried three different exits without success. So she stomped on her chair only to get up immediately. Doing nothing wasn’t for her. She knew if they really encountered someone out there she wouldn’t be much help but still, she could do something. She had different plant concoctions that could be used as smoke, she did it before, she could do it again. And she was a good healer - or so she liked to believe - so she could treat injuries on the spot. Yet there she was again, completely useless with the only action of ‘worry’ on her vocabulary for the moment.

A white mane of hair appeared at the door, knocking softly on the frame. Surprised, she jumped and turned to see Zen smiling at her while walking into the room. He was… exactly as she remembered him. It wasn’t so long since the last time they saw each other yet she expected everything to be different. She expected to see an ugly guy with cold eyes and maybe a sign pointing to him that said ‘you don’t love him anymore’ as if the fact of admitting being in love with someone else would somehow change who Zen was. But everything was normal. Well, almost everything.

“Shirayuki, you’re as beautiful as ever.”

Damn. That was so not normal. She was so not ready for this at the moment. She blushed without thinking and tried to return the smile. That phrase was so not Zen that it made her skin tickle, and not in a good way, so she had to say it. Because when has she just stayed shut when she had something to say?

“Now you sound like Obi.”

He lifted a hand to the back of his neck, embarrassed, the red starting to show at the tip of his ears.

“That obvious, uh? He gave me some pointers some time ago so I just wanted to try it. For the record, you really are beautiful.”

He wasn’t looking at her now, more like searching for something at the side. She felt herself chuckle. She really loved Zen. She loved him like a really good friend, that was the problem.

“Thank you and please don’t do that again. I have enough with one Obi in my life.”

She hoped her blush wasn’t as evident as it seemed because the things that crossed her mind when she said that weren't exactly just teasing and flirting. Her mind wandered there for a second and then moved to the start of this conversation. How different she felt whenever it was her knight who crossed that door. With Zen, she always had been nervous whenever he was around as if she could break their relationship by saying something wrong or - when she wasn't worried about that - as if she was going to bore him to death.

That was something that never happened with Obi. Whatever the conversation, even the ones that would be boring to every person on the planet except her, he was always listening, making comments here and there and contributing ideas. Lately, she thought he just didn’t want to miss anything she could say even if it was utterly irreverent. And she realized it was the same for her. She was happy just listening to him. And the thought brought an honest smile to his lips, her gaze fixed on nothing, looking without looking to the door behind the prince.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… nervous.”

He hugged her suddenly, leaning his cheek against her temple and her arms pinned between their bodies. For a second she was tense, stiff, expecting more from him, waiting for his face to search hers like it had done many times before. But then she just relaxed in his arms rested her head under his chin and smiled.

“It’s still me, you know? You don’t have to be.”

“I know. That's why I am. I’ve missed you.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. She wanted to say that she did too because part of her did. But she had thought so little of him lately, the only times being the ones where she dreaded the moment she had to talk to him. Actually talk to him about everything that happened, everything that has changed. So she went completely still, not knowing what to add to the conversation.

He realized, it seemed, because he took her by her arms and moved her enough to look at her. His eyes were so warm, full of love and understanding, a small shadow on them that could have been pain or even disappointment. It just made her feel worse and she forced her eyes to the floor. It hurt to look at him.

“I know you have something to tell me. I also can guess what it is but I imagine you would like to tell me yourself instead of leaving me with guesses. I won’t force you to say anything, just know that I’m willing to listen and… I would never think less of you and would always care about you.”

Every word made it a bit easier. She was so glad to have found someone like Zen. Someone that even without completely understanding her accepted and cared for her. Someone that wouldn’t pressure her into anything and that would always worry first about other people instead of themselves. Slowly her gaze returned to the blue one and she nodded. There was one thing he said that caught her interest. She looked at him questioningly.

“You can guess what I wanted to tell you? Is it really that obvious?”

The prince chuckled, using his fist to hide part of his smile. That was almost enough of an answer but he spoke anyway.

“You’ll have to tell me first for me to answer that but there are certain things that have been painfully obvious for a while.”

Something in his voice told her that he really had tried to ignore it, to convince himself that he was imagining things, but he seemed to have accepted it. So she was about to basically confirm his suspicions, because after that conversation she had no doubt he already knew, when rushed footsteps sounded from the hall. They stopped just at the door and they both turned to see who it was.

“Lady Shirayuki!”

Shuu caught his breath for a moment, leaning on the frame of the door and sparing a look at Zen.

“Your Highness.”

He breathed as a greeting before turning his attention to her completely.

“Follow me.”

He started almost running again and they followed right behind, looking at each other for a moment, a worried look on both of them.

“They are in really bad condition. Both of them. Mister Ryuu is with them, so I’m a little less worried but still, everyone agreed it was necessary for you to be there.”

They rounded a corner while he was talking and she could feel her stomach turn one and time again. She wished he could be more specific and at the same time, she wished he just stopped talking and they just reached the place they were going towards.

“We have apprehended one of the men that caused this and the other one is tied up in the forest. Our men are currently in the process of bringing him here.”

Another set of halls, another corner, and she started to understand why Shuu was without breath when he arrived at her assigned office.

“Here, please hurry.”

He opened the door in front of them and moved to the side, allowing them to practically jump inside, taking in everything that was happening. The first thing she noticed was Kiki sitting on a chair beside Ryuu who was working on the back of Mitsuhide's head. She was gripping his hand to the point her knuckles were white but he wasn’t conscious. For the place of the injury it was clear he would be out of it for a while plus Ryuu would have given him something before working on it. She breathed a bit, glad that even if in bad shape he was alive.

After that, she noticed the corner and that breathing stopped completely. Her hand moved to her lips to stop the silent scream that wanted to leave her. She ran to it and kneeled just in front of the chair, in front of blooded legs and ragged clothing. Obi’s head rested against the wall at his side, his lip red and a bit swollen, a deep cut on one side that seemed to have stopped bleeding.

He was shirtless, almost the entirety of his lower chest and stomach were bathed in blood. His skin was so much paler than his usual tanner one, a sick blue starting to show. It was so so little that maybe someone else wouldn’t have noticed but she did. Stomach wounds weren’t usually lethal but the blood loss was. And the pain… She could feel her eyes sting just thinking about what he just endured. She placed one hand over his to get him to move and was terrified of the cold it was. She wanted to scream at him. Why?! Why this?! And why now?! Why put his life in danger now that she had him? It was childish and selfish and she forced herself to think another way. It was his job. A noble job. He helped people, saved them.

A bag of healing provisions landed beside her and she looked in the direction it came. Ryuu was already back at work but he answered her unspoken question anyway.

“He insisted that Mister Mitsuhide would be treated first. He wouldn’t even let me look at his wound. To be honest, he probably saved his life. This was… really bad. Worst that it seemed at first.”

The sharp intake of breath of Kiki could have as well been hers. Yes, she had no right to be angry at him. No real motive. She was just… selfish sometimes. And terribly afraid. Afraid of losing everything they had right now. Afraid of everything changing again, this time for the worst. So she had to heal him, save him, no matter what.

He could hear voices and rustling. He could also hear his own thoughts without them being blurry, thank the universe. He wanted to touch his head because it hurt, not as much as before yet enough to make him want to put pressure on it. Someone stopped him, a soft hand keeping his hand in place on top of his leg. He opened his eyes slowly and closed the second a flash of light reached them. He tried again and, this time, his Miss was looking at him, kneeling in front of him. He blinked a couple of times and was about to say something cheeky when she moved her hand with a small cloth to his wound and he almost screamed, forcing his head to the wall behind and looking at the ceiling.

“Now that was just punishment, Miss.”

“Should I know how much time you have been running around with that wound?”

Her voice was cold and angry yet warm and soft. How she managed the combination was something that he would really like to know. He looked at her and her eyes were exactly the same. He realized he didn’t feel the stench of blood, not the pain of his lip and he smiled brightly.

“Long enough to see you again.”

There was a light chuckle somewhere in the room and he realized they were not alone. A pained grunt came to him. He wanted to kiss her so badly, to thank her properly for healing him, probably saving him because he felt he was about to die when they reached the mansion. The only reason he kept going instead of falling to the floor was the fact that he was almost carrying Mitsuhide, dragging his legs between the two of them. And, on the other side, a tied enemy of the Kingdom that he dragged completely because his strength was already failing and couldn’t simply toss it on top of his shoulder. So yes, she possibly saved his life. As she did the moment he met her and decided to stay by her side.

She looked at him with so much warmth and love that he forgot the rest of the people again and smiled only for her. She got up, picking up the clothes off the floor to leave them in a basket, and he followed as it was customary for them. His injury hurt, more so than when he was sitting, but he made no movement to show it. The rest of the room was almost as he left it. Ryuu had moved his chair closer to them and was now resting on it. Something told him that he had been helping Shirayuki with him once he’d done all he could for Mitsuhide. Kiki was still holding his hand but looked at them and, when their eyes crashed she smiled softly. A look of gratitude that he was sure he was mirroring. They saved each other.

At the side of the door in a small cushion was Zen, his shoulder and jaw - that were visibly tensed - relaxed when they looked at each other and both smiled. They were alive and together and he couldn’t ask for anything more. They had a lot of work to do ahead of them, probably a lot of situations like this to come, yet for the moment this was enough.

“Allow me to accompany you to your rooms, Mister Obi. We will prepare something to eat while you rest.”

He was so accustomed to hiding… Well, almost everything, that he almost turned the offer down with some lame excuse as to how he was fine and he didn’t really feel the need to rest. He had just been unconscious for a while after all. But Shirayuki’s voice was almost an order, even when she said it so gently.

“Please go to the room and rest. I will go see how it’s going the moment I’m finished here.”

He looked at her and really, how could he say no to her? She could ask him to go get lost in the middle of hell and he would do it. It was almost scary how one person could have so much power over him. So he nodded and moved painfully to the door, trying to mask his limping under his usually graceful movements and standing there for a second while watching her follow him. His eyes playfully looked at her, a lopsided smile and an arched brow. He didn’t have to say anything more to see the thrown off look on her face and the red on the tip of her ears. He was glad she had a ponytail right now because it was extremely cute and otherwise he wouldn’t have seen it.

What he really didn’t see coming was her reaction. Shirayuki got up on her toes, brought her hand to the back of his neck and kissed him. And it wasn’t a soft kiss either. He could swear he heard some gasps around the room but he wasn’t paying attention. His arm surrounded her waist and brought her towards him, just a bit more, just enough to feel her without touching his stomach. It was desperate, as if both of them realized how close they’ve been to lose each other. How the small kiss with which they parted that morning could have been the last. His other hand cupped her face, slowing the kiss until they were far enough to look at each other. There were so many things they wanted to say that neither of them wanted to break the silence.

"You're the worst and I hate you."

She said, at last, her words so different to what her eyes said that he laughed without thinking, a small flinch taking hold of his body. He was starting to think that he really shouldn’t be up yet but that wasn’t about to stop the mix of happiness and shock that he was feeling. He was almost as shocked as the first time she kissed him because… they were in public. Yes, they flirted and touched sometimes and most people in the mansion believed them to be a couple since before they really were but they never confirmed it so clearly. And, of course, his Master was in the room, looking at them.

It felt weird. It felt right. It felt all kinds of liberating, as if breaking invisible chains that were there since the moment he realized he was falling for her. Part of them broke at their first kiss, at their first night together, yet the rest had been still there, wondering if she would change her mind, if they would always have to hide what they had, what they felt. If it wasn’t from the piercing pain he could have started floating with how light he felt, how free of all weight. So he kissed her again. And again. And again. Small kisses that slowly brought back her smile, mirroring his. Real smiles, both of them.

"If that's what hate feels like, I welcome it."

She was almost laughing at that point, her cheeks a bit more colorful, the small chuckles so funny, so happy he had to catch one of them kissing her one more time before letting go. Her hand lingered on his chest a moment longer after that, almost afraid that their happiness would vanish if they stopped at that point. But she used that same hand to give him a little push in the arm, rushing him to the hall behind them where Shuu was waiting.

“Now off you go. You should be laying down and sleeping. I would wake you up to change the bandages and see how it’s going.”

There was a glint in his eyes. A playful glint said that he was still not ready to end the conversation after that. He couldn’t see most of the people inside or their reactions but he could see Kiki with a knowing smile and an approving look in her eyes and maybe that was enough. Maybe he didn’t even need that. Feeling a bit braver after the scene they made he grinned and added:

“Just because I can’t wait for you to touch me again.”

She rolled her eyes, actually rolled her eyes, but was brightly smiling while she closed the door in front of him, forcing her knight to leave even when she didn’t want to say goodbye, not for a moment. But she knew that he was fine - not in perfect condition but fine enough - and that she still had to talk to Zen.

She looked at him at the side of the door and was surprised to see him exchanging looks with Kiki, both of them containing their laugh as best as they could. The prince even had a hand over his mouth and she gifted him with a ‘really?’ look. This was what she was nervous for? Kissing Obi in front of them had been a lot more terrifying than jumping off a tower. She didn’t want to be seen as… as the things people usually called women that played with men. But she wasn’t playing. She just changed over the years. Her feelings changed. Could she really have been blamed for it?

“For a moment there I thought you just did it because damn, he almost died and you were relieved but that was not a first kiss. So… when did that happen?”

Kiki had calmed herself and now was clearly out for answers. Sitting here for hours just worrying must have made her need to take her mind out of that problem a lot bigger. Sighing she moved to sit beside the prince, who also had stopped almost laughing and was looking at her with a smile and a warm and questioning look that supported the knight’s question. Surprisingly, Ryuu also moved his chair closer, visibly interested. She inhaled deeply before starting.

“I can’t say exactly when it started for me. I can’t even say when I started to realize that it was happening. One night a couple of weeks ago I just… It was too much. I needed to be closer to him. So I kissed him.”

She looked away, embarrassed. It was her fault they were in this situation, to begin with. She didn’t exactly know why she felt bad talking about it, as if she were betraying them by being honest with herself.

“Mitsuhide owes us now.”

Zen was looking at the blond knight with an amused expression after hearing her words and he nodded, shrugging his shoulders.

“I told him that Obi would never be the one to shatter that wall. He’s been in this situation for years after all. And he’s always been trying to push us together.”

He shook his head, a bit of sadness in his eyes when he spoke again. There was that tone on his voice again, the one that said that he only understood everything now and that he was better off before.

“Honestly I don’t know how he could.”

Shirayuki was looking at them as if suddenly their hair was the same color as hers. She was confused and felt left out of the conversation. They knew? Or at least they knew about his feelings. Since when? She remembered him telling her something about how long he’d loved her but she didn’t think it was so much that their friends in Clarines already knew and, by the looks of it, they’ve known for a long time.

“W-wait, wait. Did you all know?”

One by one the three people that were with her - and conscious - nodded. She shook her head in an automatic movement. She should have seen it coming. He was extremely honest most of the time - the only times he really wasn’t were when he was pretending to be fine, hiding a wound or an illness. And she knew he just didn’t want to worry her. Luckily for her, those moments have been fewer and fewer lately.

Ryuu looked at them thoughtfully, wanting to add something but thinking carefully about exactly what. When he spoke his voice was a bit deeper than usual, his tone a lot more lively than when he had been working before.

“He never told me directly and I didn’t really need confirmation but… one day I asked him: Why don’t you tell her? His answer… I didn’t push after that. He had his reasons and, honestly, they were good ones. But I’m glad it worked out in the end.”

He smiled at her and she reciprocated it. She wondered what would have been her reaction if he’d told her before, if it hadn’t been her who did something but him. Part of her thought that she would have rejected him and all their relationship would have changed suddenly. The other part of her, the one that was completely sure about her feelings, said that she would have kissed him back, that something would have clicked in her head the same way it did a couple of weeks ago and she would have realized sooner that he was the one. The real one for her.

It would have been a gamble the same way it had been when she kissed him. Yet something told her they would be in the same situation now because… she couldn't imagine a life beside Zen anymore. Not as his partner, not as his princess, not as his wife. If she was honest with herself she stopped imagining something like that so long ago she forgot about forgetting it.

When Shirayuki looked at the prince he was looking at her, almost admiring her deep-in-thought look.

“You know? I’m glad too. I thought, still do sometimes, that we could have worked. But I’ve heard what people say, I’ve seen it in both of you every time we’re together. That kind of connection… I can’t understand it, I can only see it from outside. And you deserve someone like him. I should have told him long ago.”

There was a sad chuckle in his voice that would have broken her were it not for the way his eyes were bright and honest. He really was happy about it.

“Every time he told me that I deserved you and that only I could make you happy… I already knew it wasn’t true. Yet he didn’t seem to realize that the times when you were really smiling and laughing were always with him. So…”

He picked up her hand between his, caressing her skin slowly with his fingers.

“I still care about you and I know you understand that my feelings are not just going to float away suddenly but I’m really happy for you both and you would always have my support and my friendship if you still want it.”

Her eyes filled with hot liquid and her lip started trembling. It was exactly what she wanted to hear. Word by word. At the corner of her eye, she could see Kiki nodding emphatically, possibly wanting to say that she would be there for her too. Ryuu was blushing and also nodding, his hand pulling from his clothes until his mouth was almost hidden. That was an Obi gesture and her heart warmed to see it replicated on the young boy. He was starting to imitate - unknowingly or not - various behaviours of her knight. She had yet to decide if that was a good thing or not.

Returning her gaze to Zen after the quick inspection and now that she had blocked her tears she launched at him, practically jumping into his lap, and hugged him. How was she so lucky? What did she do to deserve such wonderful people in her life? Kiki joined the hug from the other side of the cushion and Ryuu wasn’t much for hugs yet moved a hand to her shoulder and squeezed a bit to let her know he was there too.

She couldn’t stop them anymore. She started crying, surrounded by people who cared and loved her and all the tension, the jitters, the almost-lost-someone-today feeling disappeared slowly with every intake of breath. That was it. They were free to pursue their feelings, they were still loved, they still had their friends, the ones that made both of them stay in the first place.

They still were a family.

#hello there! #mistake series chapter 3 here #i hope you really like it #as always if you read it on ao3 you can find a couple of emphasized words in italic therest is the same #this has been a new experience for me because my zen is usually pretty ooc and this time i'm really happy how it came out #i love my ooc zen but i love this too #balance is the key i guess #as always you can suggest songs #promts #etc #im really grateful to those who do and hope you like this work as much as i do #enjoy! #one more thing #italic = obi normal = shirayuki #:D #mistakeseries #mistake series #obiyuki #fanfic #mywork #isfhs

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[lamarkcheston]

Life TRULY is hard. 🤷🏾‍♂️ • #actorlife @mistakeseries • #eatsleepputinworkrepeat #mAxximizeyouRpoTential www.LamarKCheston.com https://www.instagram.com/p/BnJ9MLuBasP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rqp9ayr1a86u

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[heybeyyehy]

The 2017 @nycwebfest starts tomorrow and I’m SO excited! Tickets, passes, and schedules are available at the link in their bio! For now, check out my write up on the official selections and nominees like @5knivesthemovie & @mistakeseries at @blacktalenttv link in their bio. You won’t want to miss this years event! #nycwebfest #nyc #blacktalenttv #webseries #shortfilms #pilot #newyork #newyorkfilm

#pilot #webseries #shortfilms #newyorkfilm #blacktalenttv #nyc #newyork #nycwebfest

[nicotinemaiden]

Just found Heaven

I don't really care where I go when I die 'Cause I just found heaven

You can tell the devil that's he's wasting his time 'Cause I just found heaven

Sins washed away, dark turns to light If your body is a temple, take me inside

I feel no pain, pleasures of mine If you give me a taste of eternal life

[Daughtry]

Read on AO3  → 

The second one, a promise.

It had been a couple of days since Shirayuki saw Obi for the last time, peacefully sleeping next to her after the night they shared together. That day, when she finally dragged herself out of bed - tired of the nightmares that told her she would never see him again - she buried herself in her work and didn't talk to anyone more than what was necessary. If she could she would only nod and keep working. It was the only way she could stop thinking.

The next day even the office they assigned to them during their stay seemed too quiet, too calm without him reading small excerpts of the books - interesting facts that may be useful someday Miss, he would say. Some were more useful than others and, of course, sometimes he read things only for her to blush profoundly and throw something at him - there really are things you shouldn't read out loud Obi, she would answer after that, an unhidden smile on her face hearing his laugh. She missed him too much for her own good.

The third day she was growing impatient. So much so she decided to ask Ryuu if he'd seen him. He looked at her confused and surprised, as if she just asked an obvious question, his eyes picking at her from behind the book he was reading today.

"Obi is on a reconnaissance mission on the Bergatt territory to prepare for the soiree of masked knights."

She grunted loudly. How did she forget about that? She was busy preparing the medicine for that same event, relying on trial and error a lot more than she intended.

"I don't think it will be too long until he's back, if that's any help."

Ryuu added, arching one eyebrow, clearly wondering what was wrong with her lately.

She muttered a low yes, of course, thank you before returning to her desk. The young boy kept staring at her for a moment until he returned to his studies, writing in a patch of paper on his own desk. That was - maybe, probably - a good idea. If she could not talk to Obi maybe it was time she talked to the person she less wanted to at the moment: The second prince of Clarines.

She grabbed a piece of paper from the first drawer and tipped her quill on the ink. Good, that was the easy part. She breathed before starting, her thoughts unclear as to what she wanted to write in the first place.

Dear Zen, - she started, feeling confident only in those two words - I know we just saw each other not so long ago - if she was being honest with herself, it had been like two weeks - but I need to see you as soon as…

She stopped herself, crossing out the last words. They sounded… desperate. And a lot more romantic than she needed it to be. At least that was what her head told her. She continued on the same paper, deciding it was best to make a draft and then cleaning it when her thoughts were sorted.

I have to see you, whenever you can, only if you have time, there's no rush.

She crossed out that line too. She was in a hurry. She needed to tell him as soon as possible. She couldn't keep feeling like this and he deserved to know. Yet at the same time she felt she had no right to say anything before talking to Obi.

Shirayuki used the quill to scratch her chin, thinking.

"How would you tell someone you have to talk to them and it's not good news?"

She asked to the air, feeling hopeless. She was always good at talking her mind… in person. It was a lot more difficult doing so via letter.

It took a moment for Ryuu to realize he was the only one who could answer and he seemed startled by the question.

"I-I don't think I'm the best person to ask about relationships with people."

He watched her sulk a bit in her chair, her eyes fixing on the paper. He wanted to ask what was happening, what were those bad news, but he also knew she would tell him when she was ready. He didn't want to pry in something that didn't concern him.

So he closed his book on the table, whipping with his hands little smudges of dust from the corners.

"But… I'll try to be honest."

His voice caught her attention again, her eyes now studying him.

"I'll say there's something important that I have to say and that I would prefer to do so in person. If the person you're writing to cares at least a little about you, they will understand."

She smiled, her ideas clearer in her head.

"Thank you so much Ryuu. I knew you could help me."

He blushed, as always, before opening his book again and returning to it.

Dear Zen, I'm sorry to bother you as I'm aware you are busy. You know I wouldn't unless I had a good reason to do it. And I do. I need to talk to you, in person. We need to talk. And it's not something I could write or you would already know what's troubling me. I hope we can talk soon and I wish for our reunion to be one as friends, as it has always been. Shirayuki.

Reading it for the tenth time, she felt confident. She had been able to write it neutral, kind of urgent and important. Just the right amount. She pushed it to the envelope and sealed it before leaving her office to send it. That little letter was the first step on clearing the mess she forged for herself. Soon, it will all be different, be it a bad different or a good different. In all honesty, it already was.

She turned a corner of the hall just to come face to face with Hisame and she almost hissed at him, wanting to run far away from him. She didn't hate him, didn't even blame him anymore for what happened, but that didn't mean she was fine with having a conversation with him at that exact moment.

"Miss Shirayuki. Always a pleasure to see you."

Can't say the same, she thought, pushing the rude words away from her throat.

"H-Hisame, good evening. I wasn't aware you were still here."

He brushed her words with a hand, shaking his head.

"I just arrived a couple hours ago. Just some business to take care of."

She nodded, hoping it wasn't as visible as she felt it the fact that she wanted to bolt from him.

"That remembers me… Where is your shadow today? Haven't seen him."

There was a glint in his eyes that told her he was asking for more than that, but she answered only to his words.

"He's on a mission, won't be around for a couple days. If you have something to say to him you could rely your message to me and I'll make sure he hears it the moment he returns. If you trust me with such things, of course."

She smiled, just a facade to hide her jitters.

"Oh, I would, of course. But that's not it. I was just curious as to if he was the one who left that mark on your neck. I have a bet to win, after all."

With those small words, she panicked. Her hand moved to her neck without warning, searching for it even when she knew she couldn't feel that kind of mark just with her touch. Had it been there the whole time? Did the whole mansion know what she had done? She hadn't felt it when he'd done it. Why would he leave something like that if this was supposed to be a secret? She hadn't looked at a mirror in a while more than some passing glances, she hadn't felt the need to. Now she regretted it. Her mind kept racing, wondering why Ryuu hadn't said anything to her about it, and forgot she was supposed to be talking. Clearly Hisame saw the sudden display of nerves and the whiteness of her face because he laughed softly in front of her.

"Don't you worry, young miss."

He emphasised her nickname, the one Obi had made already clear it was reserved for him, and it made her angry, knowing it wasn't him who used it.

"You have absolutely nothing in your neck. I just wanted to see if something happened."

He came closer to her, crouching a bit to bring his eyes to her eye level.

"And the amusing thing is: It did."

He laughed a bit more.

"I didn't think he'd have the guts. Congratulations."

"I'm not here to amuse you, Lord Hisame. So if you'll excuse me."

She backed away a step, hoping for him to shut up and let her pass. She has had enough and felt stupid for letting herself be tricked like this. But there was no point telling him it wasn't true. She knew her reaction told him everything he needed to know.

He studied her for a moment longer before straightening himself and moving slowly to the side. She started walking and stopped herself after hearing his voice again behind her.

"I wasn't joking, I honestly congratulate you. I've seen the look on your eyes when you look at each other. This… fake relationship thing you had going on wasn't as fake as you two pretended to believe. I'm just relieved to see you being honest with each other."

She smiled subtly, looking at him over her shoulder, and continued walking on.

Honest. That was the word that failed her. She hadn't been completely honest. She was just now starting to be. But she made herself a promise that she would be. She would tell him everything once he was with her again and she would hope that, after knowing everything she knew, he would stay with her. As a friend, at least.

Before returning to her room she sent the letter she worked so hard to put together, not feeling any better than before doing it.

The next day started worse than any other. The nightmares were unrelenting and the pain in her chest seemed to have expanded to her head, her arms, her legs… She awoke before dawn feeling utterly sick yet being unable to return to bed. Lightning a candle next to the vanity she sat there, doing nothing, for a long time. Once the fog of her mind cleared and her brain accepted that nightmares were just that - nightmares - she picked up her brush and tried to tame her wild hair. She had to at least give the impression of being a normal person today. And she was so close to finishing the medicine she was sure today was the day. She had to give it her all.

When she arrived at the office she was alone. It was too early for Ryuu, or too late. More than once had she arrived at the pharmacy just in time to wish him a good sleep after a sleepless night of work. In any case, first things first: She needed a painkiller remedy. Shirayuki looked at the cupboards and stands, inspecting them. She picked up three petals of bromelain - which should have provided a small relief - before she found a jar of turmeric and decided that mixing the two would prove more effective. She just needed to reach it. It was a common ingredient, why in the world would it be in the tallest rack she had no idea. It was possible that she mistook it for another spice but that color was characteristic and the other she knew were similar were also uncommon. Or used in the kitchen instead of a pharmacy. She decided it was worthless trying to explain when everything here was sorted in a manner she couldn't comprehend. She missed the order of her pharmacy.

She moved the ladder under it without much effort, grateful for its lightness. One, two, three… and four steps took her to reach the jar. Or would have if she hadn't slipped at the last one, freeing the ladder from her hands before it could fall with her. She was ready to hit the ground any moment but, just like every other time she fell since she first left Tanbarun, her fall was stopped by strong arms keeping her steady for a moment before releasing her on her feet. She could still feel the burning of her skin - or his - moments later, crashing with the cold she had been feeling these last days.

"I can't leave you alone and trust you wouldn't hurt yourself even for a moment, can I?"

He sighed but she could hear the playful notes on his voice even louder than the pumping of her heart, so that was something. He was there, now in front of her, a half smile on his lips and dark marks under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept at all since his departure. Seeing him made her forget completely the reason as to why was she reaching for the jar. The pain, the ache, completely evaporated.

"What a shame. It seems you shouldn't leave me alone at all in case this happens."

She panicked just after hearing herself and tried to hide it pointing to the stairs, making a move to step on it again. Just an excuse at this point - she had exactly the painkiller she needed, right in front of her. He stopped her with a hand on her back and, with a swift movement and just one step on the ladder he pointed at the jar until she nodded and he snatched it out of the shelf.

"How's the medicine coming?"

He asked casually, leaving the jar on the desk and ignoring completely her last attempt at flirting.

"Good."

She thought for a moment, still looking at him, admiring him.

"I mean, it's not ready yet, but almost. I've had… trouble, concentrating, that's it."

He nodded and they both looked away, an awkward silence between them. She had so much to say she lost the words to say them. Looking at him like that, his eyes gleaming with the red of dawn, his hand playing nervously with his hair, his lips a thin line - void of the playfulness that played in them before… She just needed to kiss him. She wasn't sure if that was a normal thought on their situation but she restrained herself after realizing she was moving closer to him. Obi sat on top of the desk, facing the window but looking at her again. She could feel he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how.

"Miss, I- / Obi, I -"

They spoke at the same time and paused at the same time, causing a giggle from her. At least they broke the ice. She decided, as much as she wanted to know what he would say, she needed to speak first.

"I'm sorry Obi. For last time. I should have spoken to you… before anything happened."

She looked away. What they did was natural yet she didn't have the confidence to talk about it as if it was nothing. Not when it happened between them .

"No Miss. I should be the one apologizing. Nothing should have happened. I'm sorry I didn't stop it when I had the chance."

Was he… regretting it? She needed to know. Preferably before pouring her heart at him just to have it drained.

"Do you regret it Obi? That night… Would you like to go back to make things differently, if you could?"

Part of her was afraid of the answer while another was growing annoyed and angrier. This was not exactly how she expected this encounter to go.

"Of course I would. Of course I regret it. How could I not?"

He looked at her as if expecting understanding, but she was just angry and hurt. Most of it directed at herself. It was her fault he regretted it, it was her fault he was looking at her with such hurt on his eyes.

"You heard me the next morning, did you not?"

He nodded and looked away as if embarrassed to admit it.

"I was just… figuring out my entire life."

She allowed herself a small smile knowing she had already figured it out.

“I know how it must have seemed to you, that’s why I needed to talk to you. I don’t…”

She breathed for a minute. This was her moment. She needed to be clear, to say everything that was on her mind once and for all. And so, returning her eyes to his, she started talking faster than she could think, almost not breathing.

“I don’t regret it. I don’t think I ever will. It wasn’t just some crazy night of alcohol and hormones. Well, mostly it was, because that’s the way our body works, but that wasn’t all. I wouldn’t have done it with anyone else. And I mean anyone. I thought it was a mistake. Yes, the next morning that was the first thing I thought. But not because of you! It was a mistake because of the situation. I should have realized things first and done later, not the other way around. But, again, I was so blind I think it had to be this way.”

She was pacing nervously, moving her hands just to have something to do with them, talking more to herself than to him at this point. And she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to. She was drowned in all the thoughts that crossed her mind lately.

“I feel horrible lying to Zen. I ain’t even lying because I hadn’t been able to talk to him yet. But I already felt this way before, the last time he kissed me when I thought I didn’t really want to. I just needed it to be over. I just let him kiss me because it was safe, it was what I’ve known for years. And I was so afraid when my heart stood at the same pace while I was with him. I was calm yet nervous. I should have known then as I know now. But I didn’t. And now I feel I’ve been lying to every last person in my life, myself included. I had a path I was sure to follow, everything just to be at his side, and now I’m not even sur-”

She stopped suddenly when she felt his arms around her, burning away every word left on her throat.

“Breathe, Miss. I almost couldn’t catch half the things you wanted to say.”

And she did. She closed her eyes for a moment, hugging him back, and buried herself in his smell. Everytime she was like this she felt lost in a forest at night, a warm bonfire at her side, plants and flowers surrounding her. It was the safest place in the world, his arms. She had thought about it before but never had she seen it so clearly.

“This is exactly what I was trying to say.”

She looked up to his face, a smile wide on hers.

“Usually it’s shorter to say ‘I need a hug’”

And she hit him then, punching his arm with all the strength she could muster. But he saw something in her eyes, in her smile, because as soon as she lowered her hand he brought her closer again and kissed her. Without so much as another word. It was slow and warm and she was kissing him back before even giving the order to her body. It wasn’t the first time they kissed but it felt like it. It was the first time she could do so knowing full well that it was what she wanted, what they wanted. And this time - contrary to the night they spent together - it was him who kissed her. He didn’t run away, he didn’t put a wall between them, he wasn’t telling her it was a stupid decision. No. He was kissing her and she… she was crying. Because she hadn’t felt so right in all her life. It was as if all of her - really - stupid decisions brought her to this moment. To the moment in her life when everything clicked. All the times she had to endure the touches and sinful words of the drunkards in her grandparents bar, all the unwanted attention on the streets, at her own home. All the times she thought she was weird, an exotic gem, something - not someone - to decorate the room with. You don’t need to hate it, it’s part of you, but it’s not you. You’re so much more. He was the first one to encourage her to show it, not hide it. He always wanted her to be herself - not more calm, not more smiling, not more reserved. If she jumped out a tower he would jump with her, not wait to tell her she was being reckless. She paused for a moment, her entire being, the kiss, her thoughts.

“I love you, Obi. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize. And I’m sorry I made you think you were the problem when I was.”

It was the first time she actually saw him trip over the desk, catching himself in time to sit gracefully on top of it. She smiled, biting her lower lip. It wasn’t a bad shock, she could tell because he was smiling even wider than her, even when he didn't seem to notice. If she was going to keep getting reactions like that or like their kiss, she should keep talking. But he didn’t give her time to.

“Mis-”

He interrupted himself immediately, changing his wording.

“Shirayuki, you were never the problem. I was… really scared that morning too. I was absolutely sure you were going to, I don’t know, tell me that it was the worst decision of your life and that you never wanted to even look at me again. I was terrified thinking that maybe you were right and I had broken our friendship forever. And, of course, everything went south when I heard you, crying.”

Even knowing it wasn’t exactly that what caused her crying it still pained him. She could see it in the golden orbs that fixed on her.

“I had to do this mission but I was ready to leave. I wanted to talk to you, to apologize and pack my things afterwards. Instead, the first thing you say to me today? Hey maybe you shouldn’t leave anymore. How- What- You know how confusing it is coming back believing it will be the last time I see you only for you to tell me that?”

And they laughed, because that was the thing they did most when they were together. Worrying about one another and laughing.

“I’m sorry for that too. I just kept having these nightmares where you would go and never come back without even hearing what I had to say. I just needed to tell you. I won’t make you stay, unless you want to.”

He picked her up easily, her legs holding her to his body and her arms up on his shoulders, and kissed her again. Maybe it was the kisses who told her or the little smiles between them. Maybe it was the bigger smiles or the way her arms got up and her upper-body followed back, laughing to the sky - or to the ceiling, to be more accurate. Or maybe it was the way his hand pressed down her back, bringing her to him again just before she heard every word she needed to hear.

“I love you Shirayuki. And, for as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here.”

She stopped her laughs and smiles and lowered herself to the ground, looking at him so seriously he seemed startled.

“Would you say that again?"

Shirayuki could swear he was blushing. He was. And she enjoyed it as much as she could for the brief moment it lasted.

"I love you. I've loved you for so long I feel I'm dreaming. I think I'm just saying these things because I'm waiting to wake up at any moment."

The feeling, that unnamed feeling in her heart, so warm, filing her chest with a strange kind of pain. One that hurt but wasn't bad. It was as if someone was gripping her heart with all its strength, so much so she was afraid it would explode. Yet at the same time she felt incomplete without that pressure. She never wanted to feel so empty again.

She brought her hand to her chest without thinking, taking in the universe that was originating inside of her. She had been afraid of many things in her life, never so much as to stop her from doing what she thought was right but she wasn't new to the feeling. Yet at that moment she was terrified. Terrified something would happen that would tear everything from her. Was it normal that, at the happiest moment of her life, all she could think about for a moment was how she feared to lose it?

And then it happened again. He touched her arm - a little pressure to remind her he was there - and smiled while lowering his hand to hers. He didn't say anything, didn't need to.

He was with her.

He was hers .

And if there was something everyone knew about them was that, while together, they could do anything - and so, so much more.

#hey nicotine maiden here wishing you all a good reading! #hope you like it #mistake series #mistakeseries #mistakeseries2 #Akagami no Shirayukihime #ans #obiyuki #Obi x Shirayuki #mywork #fanfic #posted on ao3

[nicotinemaiden]

My mistake

And if I knew the words that you sold me Covered up the truth you've been holding I would learn to let you go Before we travelled down this road Now all I have is ignorance to blame But I guess that was my mistake

[Nico Collins]

Read on AO3 →

The first time was a mistake.

At least that was what she kept telling herself the morning after when the influence of the alcohol had disappeared completely from her body and all the memories of the night before returned to her. They were still a bit hazy, clearing slowly with every passing second.

To her side the bare back of a well-known friend rested against her, the shadows the waking sun projected over it emphasizing his muscles and the scars that were there before she could do anything for them. She found the urge of touching them - again, her mind reminded her - and buried it inside, far away from her current thoughts.

Her breath was nowhere to be found, lost someplace between her naked body and the lips of the man beside her. Her heart raced to a pace she wondered if it was healthful, if it wasn't the first time it had done that. Turns out, it definitely wasn't. Last night was just her most recent example but… she remembered this sensation from almost every time Obi was closer than usual. Her heart trying to escape, she told Yuzuri once. To be with whom it really belonged, she answered, a knowingly smile on her lips. She didn't understand it then and now, even having a subtle idea of what was her friend referring to, was definitely not the time to be thinking about it. She had enough on her hands for the moment.

Her hands, unbuttoning his shirt with the care she would put mending his wounds. Her hands, entangling themselves on his hair as if it was the rope from which her life hanged. Her hands, wandering to places of his body that were forbidden for most people, caressing them and stroking them and - 

She forced herself to the present, trying her best to calm the excessive beating of her heart and failing miserably. The weight of what she had done, what they’d done, hit her hard, a lot harder than she expected. The guilt crawled up her throat so forcefully she had to fight in order to stop herself from throwing up. 

"Miss, you're drunk."

His voice was low in her ears, his lips almost touching hers. She just wanted to shut him up and feel the burning of his kisses again, the way his hand gripped her right tight, lifting up her dress, distracting her from what he was saying. It wasn't a question, she processed later, but she had already answered.

"Yes."

She went to kiss him again but he retreated just a bit, enough to be out of her reach.

"I'm drunk."

That wasn't a question either, but she answered anyway.

"Yes."

She looked at his eyes and then she understood. He thought this was only the alcohol talking, not herself. He thought she was just in a… playful mood. But that was far, oh so far, from the truth. She'd wanted him for so long she didn't even remember when was the first time her thoughts wandered to him in that particular manner.

But she wasn't just thinking about sex. She was attracted to him, that much she knew - and if she was having any doubts the first of their kisses melted them all away - but it was something more. It wasn't love, she loved Zen, she knew how that felt… did she not? Zen. She hadn't… She hadn't remembered him until now and… she didn't want to remember him. Not here, not now, not being with Obi. He was consuming her entire world and… she was honest when she told herself she wouldn't want to be anywhere else, nor with anyone else. So she added, clarifying her thoughts to him in a small sentence.

"And that doesn't make me want you any less."

She forced herself up with one arm, kissing him slowly, lovingly, the way a wife would kiss her husband, clearly not a lover's kiss. And he smiled against her lips, warming her heart even more.

Her head ached as if she had just been banging it against the wall all night long. She brought her hand to her temple, wanting the cool of it to help whatever little it could. She needed to get out of this room - their room, she remembered herself, leaving little places in this unknown palace to run off to.

She was going to kill Hisame. This was all his fault, his and his stupid ideas. Fake dating, yes, of course, they could do that, it seemed simple enough.

Until it wasn't.

It was hard enough sharing a room with him - He insisted on sleeping on the floor most of the nights unless she practically forced him onto the bed, afraid all she would find of her knight the next morning was an ice cube - but the subtle touches, the long stares, his proximity when he slid his arm down her waist, bringing her to him, so close she thought she would kiss him if he wasn't so quick to flee her side once the show was over.

That's all it was: A show. A show for the people of this cold place, an entertainment for Hisame and torture for herself. She asked her knight once his thoughts about their new situation and he just dismissed the question with a flirtatious response and a smile. It was so Obi she just left it there, thinking he wasn't against the idea. She wondered what he would say now that their relationship was a lot less fake than they anticipated.

She was still clinging to his neck, her hands completely still, too afraid to make a sudden movement lest he decided it was time to do rounds or to eat something, or to go to the bathroom. It wasn't the first time they've been in this situation, their hug loose enough for them to look each other in the eyes, forgetting what drove them to be this way in the first place. She spoke softly, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Tell me, Obi, what would you do if I…" She trailed off, seeing his confused look, and decided it was best to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. She'll have to thank the alcohol later because without it she would never have had the courage to do it.

She lifted herself up her toes and brought her lips to his. It was just a soft kiss, so short she believed she imagined it, but she could still feel the softness of his lips so she kept her eyes closed for a moment. How something so little, so innocent, could awaken so much in her was beyond her comprehension. She felt flashes of lightning all through her body, from top to bottom, making it difficult to feel bad about it. She just… kissed him. Without asking if he wanted it as bad as her.

She opened her eyes ashamed, thinking she would find rejection in the ones that mirrored her own. Expecting to hear a soft joke and a laugh, maybe some excuse as to why he suddenly needed to be out of there. But he was looking at her with such intensity, such lust, his golden eyes a shade darker, a mixture of emotions under the obvious ones that she couldn't really place.

She stared back, realizing she felt like a prey under his gaze, as if she had just awoken a beast. But she wasn't intimidated by it… On the contrary, all of her was screaming to let herself be eaten. And that… that she could do.

Shirayuki wasn't sure who moved first, it didn't really matter. In a moment her fingers were playing with his hair - meddling with it, uninvited but not unwelcome - while her lips opened to him, letting his experience guide her. His hands were her anchor, the pressure of them - one on her waist and the other in the lower part of her back - the only thing keeping her from flying. She was a woman of science, she knew she would most likely fall instead of fly if he released her, but she felt so light. If only she didn't feel like she was burning and he was the cool water and the raging fire at the same time.

She could feel her legs shaking under the mattress. She had heard her knight before, talking about how he knew how to light a candle in women. She never doubted it, she felt it herself more than once, but this… She was screwed because what she was feeling wasn't a candle, oh no, it was an entire forest set ablaze. A fire so tall, so wide, so hot she lost herself burning on it and, now, hours later, all that remained of her were ashes.

She forced herself up, still shocked at the lack of clothes on her body, and moved to the closet as silently as she could. She needed him to stay asleep, she wasn't ready to talk to him. Or to look at him. Or… anything, really. She just needed a bath, a walk through the gardens, maybe even shut herself in the library. He would find her, he always did, but later was better in this situation.

She tripped over her dress, the one she was wearing last night, and picked it up carefully, ready to leave it on one of the chairs until the maid came to pick it up for laundry. The soft green and black fabric practically slid through her arms before she could put it down.

Her dress was loose and it fell subtly over her breasts. He took his time lowering it, planting kisses on her neck and shoulders, biting them before reclaiming her mouth to his. She got lost on his kisses until she noticed the cold air on her chest and she breathed, waiting for his reaction. He was the first man to see her like this and she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else, not with the look he was giving her. 

Under his eyes, she felt made for him, as if she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, as if he never could look at someone the way he was looking at her. As if she was his woman. 

She got up, missing immediately his touch, and undressed completely, letting her dress fall on the floor. The only thing left on her was her green underwear. She didn’t miss the look on the golden eyes before her while she lowered her dress. She felt she could do anything in the world and that’s why she did it. She was embarrassed, yes, but those feelings disappeared completely every time he looked at her, leaving only the colour of her cheeks. 

He got up after her, one step after the other, so slowly she was about to jump at him. One of his arms hugged her waist, making her react in time to hug his neck. After a moment she felt her hair fall free on her shoulders - sometimes she almost forgot how long it was again.

As if she was a work of art in a museum he studied her, smiling, for almost a minute. Then he resumed his pace from before, kissing her shoulders, her neck, her chest…

The bath was cold, left there from the night before when neither of them found it necessary. Now she was really grateful for the sudden change of temperature even if her body was against it. It started trembling and she wasn't sure if it was because of the bath until she felt her eyes sting and her cheeks soaking. She hugged her knees with her arms and buried her face there, unable to stop her crying. She knew why… or so she thought. All the things she fought for, all the friends waiting for her… she just destroyed them all. Last night everything was crystal clear to her. It still was. But… it should have been different. She should have talked to Zen before, she should have told him that she won't be waiting for him anymore, that she simply… didn't feel the same. She hasn't since a lot of time ago. It would have been easier than going to him and saying 'Hey I slept with Obi and I realized I've been in love with him for a long time. I hope we can still be friends?'. She cried louder, hitting herself in the process. She just realized the truth of her words.

She loved him. She loved him so much she gifted herself to him without thinking about the consequences, about the damage she would do to the rest of the people in her life, including him. They… they could tear him apart from her. They could exile him from Clarines, from Lyrias. Relieve him from his duties with the kingdom. Would he leave then? Would he leave her alone, denied of her friends, of the man she truly loved? Or would he be willing to take her with him? Did he even felt the same? She didn't ask. She didn't… she didn't even tell him. Not once. She didn't even know until now, until all the pieces clicked on her head. She sniffled again. It had been a mistake.

And with that, she realized, she lied to him too.

She moved to kiss him again but he moved quicker, keeping her away. For a moment she was hurt but the look in his eyes only told her that he was not done talking.

“Shirayuki, listen to me. You may be able to live knowing you made this mistake here with me but I won’t.”

He spoke lightly, softly, like hearing a caress. The first time she heard her name from his voice and it was… beautiful. She never thought she would like her name more than coming from his lips. She needed to hear it again, every day, every hour, every minute even if it was whispered like that. She couldn't help but be quiet, waiting. Then he smiled, cupping her face with one hand and kissing her the same way his words had spoken to her. She got the feeling there were too many things she wouldn't get to hear tonight, not in words at least.

“I don’t want this to be a mistake. I don’t want us to be a mistake.”

The warm that invaded her felt odd. It wasn’t a normal warmth, it was sad, hurtful. How could he be a mistake for her? He was precious, the most precious person she had. He was always by her side, understanding her without words, making her laugh, giving her time when she needed it and lending an ear to her when she had too much going on in her mind. She could be anywhere, go anywhere, if he was with her. He allowed her to be, without masks, without politics, without a false respect.

Her heart pressed on her chest, drowning her. She felt guilty for making him think like that yet she forgot the reason behind his words. Why would this be a mistake? She didn’t know nor wanted to. It was right, it felt right. She forgot to think past that.

“Obi. This will never be a mistake. You will never be a mistake. Ever. Whatever happens tonight or the rest of my life.”

Everything hurt. From her body to her brain, but most of all, her heart. She needed to tell him. She needed him to know that, even if at this moment everything else felt wrong the only thing that didn't was him. And the night she spent with him. The years she spent with him. She would find a solution, with or without him, and she would accept his answer, even if that meant he would go again, feeling his freedom crushed by her feelings. She would accept it. But she needed him to know. Yes, it had been a mistake but not because she didn't want it, not because she didn't want him, needed him, but because she felt guilty for hurting Zen and the people who fought for them. It was simply a matter of timing.

She put on a towel after washing her face, a smile creeping on her mouth. He always understood her, she knew this time would be the same. She was lucky, so lucky to have fallen in love with him. Suddenly she needed him to know, as soon as possible.

Barefoot and with only the towel to cover her she ran to the door, opening it with more strength than was necessary, still smiling.

Her smile faltered quickly, disappearing almost immediately after finding the room empty, the bloodied sheets they left on the floor - the only proof she had that any of this had been real - nowhere to be found.

She let herself fall to the floor, her knees suddenly touching the carpet, startling her. Of course... How would she feel if she had awakened to hear Obi crying in the bathroom after what they'd done? She was so, so utterly stupid she wanted to cry again.

This was her punishment, she was sure of it. Whatever force of nature or destiny or any shit like that that was messing with her. She was tired. Tired of thinking, of crying, and of realizing things too little too late.

She wanted to go find him, to explain all that her mind explained to her minutes ago, but she knew she couldn't. Not if he didn't want to be found.

So Shirayuki crawled into the bed again, hugging the pillow that had belonged to her best friend, and hoped that the fact that she returned to sleep with her hair soaking would hide her tears.

#i hope you like it! #italic are memories in case anyone is confused #thank you for reading!!<3 #mistakeseries1 #infinitesongsforhersmile #mistakeseries #fanfic #obiyuki #ans #Akagami no Shirayukihime #Obi x Shirayuki #mywork

[jimmeblow]

Coming 2017!! #mistakeseries #Mistake @imanaactress7 @nicolette.ellis @cyllaaa @mistakeseries #blackgirlmagic #blackwomeninfilm #newyork #newyorkcity (at New York, New York)

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