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suaine · 1 year

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6x15 coda | Eddie goes to El Paso and talks to his mom | 1.5k

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Even though he thinks of LA as home these days, El Paso is where he grew up, where he met Shannon, where Chris was born. El Paso has his heart in ways that LA could never understand and never replicate. Eddie sits on his parents’ porch late at night and listens to the noise of late spring in Texas. They are far enough outside the city for nature to replace the sounds of humans and it’s a symphony he knows well, white noise that is working away at the noise in his head.

Eddie knows it won’t drown it out altogether, but maybe if he just sits here for a while, he’ll be able to sleep.

It’s entirely dark when he hears the screen door open and close, a distinct sound that reminds him of a childhood running after his sisters as they start a new game and draw him in. Eddie smiles to himself but it feels heavy somehow, like he’s saying goodbye to something.

His mother sits next to him without a word but she hands him a steaming mug of coffee, the way he used to drink it, a little more bitter and less frivolous than he has come to enjoy it. There’s a softness to him now he has never allowed himself to feel when he was younger.

“Thanks,” Eddie says, eyes still on the horizon. The desert stares back at him with a vastness that would be terrifying if he was here alone. But he’s not alone and that’s something he’s slowly letting himself believe.

His mother hums and takes a sip from her own mug. “You looked like you needed it.”

Eddie has never doubted his mother’s love for him, not the way Buck always struggled with his own parents, but she has a way about her that makes it hard to be truly open. They have that in common, walls so high that no one can climb over them, only knock them down.

“Pepa talked to you,” he says, suddenly certain that this is why she’s been pushing for them to come visit.

His mother sighs. “She means well. Ramon and Pepa and your abuela, they all love you so much. They only want the best for you, all in their own way.” She rests her hand on his knee. “But they don’t know you like I do.”

Eddie shakes his head, but not because she is wrong. There is a connection between them, something so primal it’s hard to put into words. They’re too similar to get along, sometimes, too broken in the same ways to really communicate. “I’ve been thinking about Shannon a lot,” he says and his mother tenses.

“Ah.” It’s a sound that stands alone, that encompasses so much hurt and misunderstanding and guilt.

“I know you never liked her,” he says, weary and unwilling to fight over choices he made long ago.

But his mother huffs. “I liked her fine,” she says, “I just didn’t like her for you.”

A brittle, nasty laugh breaks out of Eddie’s chest. “Yeah, that’s just the same thing dressed up for church.”

“Eddie,” she says. She sounds weary, too. “You are my son.” Her voice suddenly sounds foreign, harder, like she’s speaking from a place far north, half a world away. “You are my son and that’s something I’ve tried to shield you from more than you know.”

Eddie thinks about all of the times in his childhood when his mother insisted to cook his abuela’s recipes, to celebrate their holidays the Mexican way, to hide herself in his father’s culture. How he calls her abuela when he speaks to Christopher and never thought to learn Swedish, a language that was never spoken in this house.

“When I met your father, he was warm and full of life, and I knew that I would follow him anywhere. But I was glad it was here.” She looks out at the desert. “It is easy to say I love you in English.”

Growing up, he and his sisters sometimes laughed about his mother’s accent when she spoke Spanish, but it’s only now that he’s letting himself think about the fact she learned two languages for them and never spoke her own.

“Shannon was a good girl, but you and her were two kids clinging to each other because the world was a scary place and you recognized a kindred spirit. I know, because I saw a lot of myself in her. And there is too much of me in you.”

Eddie is silent. There is nothing he can say.

“She died before either of you could find out that you were walking the same path in different directions.”

Eddie swallows hard, a sudden lump constricting his throat. “Before, uh, before she died. Shannon, she wanted a divorce.”

He’s never told his mother this because he was afraid of the vindication she would feel. Knowing that she was always right and showing it, making him feel young and foolish. But she doesn’t do that now, only sighs and leans closer, wrapping her arms around him. “Oh, Eddie, my poor boy.”

And he doesn’t know why this is what sets him off, that lets the tears finally run freely. But he is burning with it, tears running hot and wet down his face, his every breath a sob that shakes him to the core. “She- she said she needed to learn to be a mother first. That she couldn’t be both.”

His mother is running soft hands down his back and through his hair, humming something that could be a lullaby, but one he’s never heard before. Eddie lets himself be held and allows his tears to fall freely.

It takes hours, years, minutes, a moment. But the weight on his chest is lighter and the noise in his head is quieter. It feels like the desert just after a thunderstorm.

His mother lets him go as he pushes away slowly, but her eyes are on his, searching for something. She nods when she finds what she’s looking for and puts her hands on his face, rubbing the tear tracks with her thumbs. There is a light in her that Eddie has never let himself see, always eclipsed by the Texas sun.

“When you find the one you want to be with, you will know, because they will burn brighter than the sun. They will make you feel warm and safe and loved like no one else ever has.”

She smiles and Eddie feels the way she carefully avoids gender like a punch to the chest. How could she know when he hasn’t let himself even think about that part of himself? Has it always been there? And worse than that, when her words fall on him, each one stings with the knowledge that he has found his person long ago, has found exactly this feeling and is maybe too scared to ever do something about it.

“What if- what if they don’t want me back?” It’s the fear that keeps him locked up tight, running everywhere but where he wants to be.

His mother smiles. “Eddito,” she says, her accent so familiar it wraps around him like a blanket, “anyone would be lucky to have you. When he sees you, he will love you.”

He already does, Eddie knows that, just maybe not the way Eddie wants. And oh.

Oh, his mother knows this, too. Eddie doesn’t talk about Buck to his parents, tries to keep what they have, this weird, fragile little family that is always, always on a deadline, to himself as much as possible. But of course, his mother talks to her grandson and Chris has no such problems gushing about the man that’s taking up so much space in their lives.

What Eddie doesn’t say is as loud as the things he does and his mother has been hearing him his whole life. But she is like him, and he is like her, unable to put words to the emotions that are so heavy and vast in his chest. It’s not that they don’t feel, the two of them, it’s that they feel in ways that are hard to translate.

“Mom, I-” He stops, frustrated with himself and his silence.

She puts a finger to her lips and taps twice, shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to say anything before you’re ready. But I think you will be ready soon and we will be here when you are.”

A new silence falls between them. It feels lighter, more complicit, like they are sharing a secret in the dark. Eddie drinks the last of his coffee, long since cooled to the ambient temperature. It tastes bitter.

“Mom, I have to tell you something. I actually like my coffee with oat milk and sugar these days,” he says, because he can’t say everything else.

She pats his back and nods. “Then we’ll make another pot.”

Eddie smiles at her. “That sounds like a great idea.”

#911 fic #911 spoilers #eddie diaz #buddie

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gothmikasagf · 2 years

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hi!! could i please get a matchup for stranger things? i’m bisexual :)

physically: i’m 18. i am 5’8”, have pale skin, dark long wavy hair (almost black) and light brown eyes. i’m half mexican and half white. i have an hourglass body shape and am chubby/midsize (i absolutely despise it lol). i have 3 tattoos. i’ve been told i look like a vampire lol.

style: i wear mostly black. i don’t know what to describe my style as, but i wear a lot of band tees, black floral skirts, black jeans and fall sweaters. i have a mixture of feminine and androgynous clothing. i like the look of anything witchy/stevie nicks inspired.

more about me: i’m a huge astrology person (leo sun, capricorn moon, libra rising). i love anything related to witchcraft and most people around me call me a witch. i love dark things. creepy pastas and horror analogs are my kind of thing. i LOVE horror movies with every fiber of my body, but my favorite movie is labyrinth (1986). i love the fall and halloween. i play a lot of video games, my favorite game is the sims 4 but i love horror games. i am in college and am majoring in psychology, i hope to be a therapist. i am an artist and draw a lot. i also read and play piano. i like a lot of classic rock and music i grew up with. my parents were super into grunge/rock music/style so i grew up listening to metallica, nirvana, weezer, the pixies, smashing pumpkins, hole, etc. my favorite artists are fleetwood mac, david bowie, mitski and nirvana. finally, i am a HUGE dnd nerd. i’m in two campaigns at the moment and have been playing for awhile. i am hoping to dm my own campaign or one shot one day, but right now i’m too anxious.

personality: i am very shy and usually am silent. i have a lot of trouble with anxiety, so speaking to people i don’t know is difficult. i’m very sensitive and think a lot about what i say before i say it. i try to be positive, especially when people around me are sad. i am ALWAYS called the therapist/mom friend of the group. i do get passionate and angry when people hurt the ones i love. i’m very protective and will call someone out on their bullshit if needed. once i get to know someone/get comfortable, i make jokes and am funny. i definitely have a unique sense of humor that most older people wouldn’t get lol.

type: i like someone who can make me laugh. honestly, appearance doesn’t matter to me as long as they are funny. since i get so quiet, having someone more outgoing is also nice, but not someone who would pressure me to be in uncomfortable social situations. having someone with shared interests would be cool too!

thank you so much!! sorry if this was long lol

I match you with...

Eddie Munson!

You met trough the hellfire club.

He found out you had some interests in common and he was smitten.

He’s totally help you out with managing your own campaign but without pressuring you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

He likes horror movies too so you have movie nights at least once a week.

Doesn’t really understand your craft but he’s very supportive. He’s very drawn to crystals but will never admit it.

He loves your protective side especially if you stand up for him.

If you want someone able to make you laugh he’s your guy.

Seriously seeing you laugh it’s his number one priority. Maybe after graduating.

I really hope you like it!

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things x reader #Matchups

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luv-eddiediaz · 3 years

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Oh god. No. Not here. Not now. Not with these people. Eddie can't breathe, but he can't let them know he can't breathe. He loosens his tie just a little bit - the one Ana went back for after Eddie was discharged from the hospital. His nervous laughter is really a way to suck some oxygen back into his lungs, and when a heavy hand touches his elbow, and the smile on its owner’s face distorts. He's going to pass out if he doesn't move, doesn't flee from this spiraling, spinning disaster.

"Could you, uh, could you excuse me?" He asks and plasters on his best charming smile, hoping his voice isn't as high and squeaky as he thinks it is.

He catches Ana's eye from across the room as he moves through what feels like a sea of strangers. She's worried, but Eddie doesn't stop to explain anything and continues his way to the bathroom, where he locks himself inside and lets himself fall apart the way his body was begging to.

His fingers curl tight the porcelain of the sink, and he tries, tries to slow his breathing. Finally, he tells himself to stop it in the mirror, even smacks himself across the cheek, but nothing changes.

There's a soft knock on the door, and Ana's gentle voice comes through the cracks, "Eddie? Are you okay?"

"Fine," he grits out.

"Are you having another attack?"

"I said I'm fine!" his anger and frustration echo too loud against the tile of the bathroom. , get a grip, Diaz. "Can you just get Chris some cake? I'll be right out."

Ana's fading footsteps are the only answer he gets, and Eddie focuses back on himself. He tries to remember what the pamphlet from the hospital said, or rather, what Buck said it says the night he found it buried on Eddie's counter and read it to him, but his brain is just a white-hot sear of nothing. Eddie pulls out his phone and dials Buck - no time to look for his name in the phone book. He doesn't answer, and Eddie nearly throws the phone into the sink.

"Damn!"

But it's Sunday, and Buck said something about Taylor coming over on Sunday, so, of course, he isn't answering. Eddie thinks for a second, in desperation, he'll call Bobby, but then his phone vibrates, and he sees Buck's smile fill the screen. He rubs his thumb over it before swiping to answer.

"Buck?" He answers.

"Hey, you called?" Buck asks on the other end of the line, slightly fuzzy, but Eddie can hear the smile in his voice, and the vice around his heart loosens just a little bit.

"Buck?" He asks again as if he can't process anything else.

"Uh, yea. Are you okay?"

"No. Panic attack."

"But aren't you at that christening?"

"Yes."

"Shit."

"Buck, help.” He hates how desperate he must sound, but Buck’s already seen him at his most desperate, trying to hold onto his life and knowing, instinctively, that Buck would help him. He would save him.

Buck always saves him.

" What have you tried?" Buck asks.

"Not much. Nothing. I just, I called you.”

"That’s good. Where are you?"

"Bathroom."

"You need to focus on something besides the panic. So, find me four things you see, Eddie. Try to be specific."

"Okay,” Eddie looks around the bathroom. He sees a million times too many things, and it takes him a second to focus in on something, “Uh, a pink shower curtain,” like your pink sweater that you say is salmon, but Buck, it’s pink. “white rugs,” dazzling white like your teeth when you smile, and that patch of skin that sometimes peeks through under your waistband. “a bristly hairbrush,” god, you’re hair is always so perfect, “and, and curtains on the window. They’re sheer; pink too,” just like that sweater.

"Good,” Buck soothes, “now, three things you can smell."

"Umm, vanilla soap,” sometimes you smell like vanilla, and sugar - like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, “cinnamon toothpaste,” like in your bathroom, crumpled up in the corner, “my cologne,” you bought me this bottle for Christmas.

"That’s good, Eddie. Two things you can hear."

"I hear people - outside the door."

"Not them,” Buck tells him, “Two other things. Ignore that sound."

"I hear - I hear crickets outside the open window, and I hear...you. Your voice in my ear, your breath,” I always hear you, even when I don’t want to.

"One thing you can touch," Buck says quietly, and Eddie takes a shaking breath, presses his hand over his chest.

"My heartbeat."

"Is it slower than before?"

"Yes."

"Good. Do you think you're okay?"

“Yea. I um, I’m probably just going to go home, sleep it off.”

“Good idea.”

“Thank you, Buck.”

“Of course.”

Eddie hangs up and slips his phone back into his pocket. He isn’t panicking anymore, but he doesn’t feel great. He splashes his face with water and tries to smooth down all the places he’s rumpled before he opens the bathroom door and finds Ana on the other side, Christopher sitting next to her on the floor with a plate of cake in his lap.

“Are you okay?” she asks, putting a hand to his cheek, and it burns where there was just cold air against the drying water.

Eddie nods, “I’m okay. But I think I’m probably gonna go. In case it happens again.”

“Let me get my purse.”

“No, you stay. It’s your family. Just tell them I got sick.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea,” he leans down and kisses her cheek before helping Chris up.

Neither says much to the other in the car, but Eddie chuckles when Chris rips his suit jacket off the moment the door is closed. He sees the silhouette on the front steps against the fading sun before he gets the truck parked and shakes his head at the realization it’s Buck.

"What are you doing here?" he asks when Buck jogs up to him.

"I didn't want you to be alone when you got home,” Buck answers quietly and then turns his attention to Christopher once the back door is open, and he’s climbing out, “Hey, buddy, did you have a good time? You look pretty handsome in that suit."

Chris rolls his eyes, "that's what everyone kept telling me. But then they said I would have looked better if I cut my hair.

“Well, you know what? I like this long, floppy look,” Buck ruffles his hand through Chris’s hair. It had definitely gotten long, and maybe a little out of control, but he didn’t want to cut it, and Eddie only remembered being dragged to the barbershop every five weeks to have his hair clipped, no matter how much he begged to keep it just a little bit longer.

Chris smiles, “thanks, Buck.”

“Do you think you could give me a minute with your dad?” Buck asks when they all get inside the house. Eddie flips on the lamp by the door, and Christopher nods and leaves for his room, closing the door behind him.

“I’m fine, Buck,” Eddie says, walking further into the house, turning on lights as he goes.

“Okay, but do you wanna talk about what happened?”

“No.”

“Was it too many people?”

Eddie huffs out a laugh, “I’m half Mexican, Buck; I grew up going to huge parties, family and friends always over on the weekend. That wasn’t it.”

“What was it, then?”

“Why does it matter?” he doesn’t mean to sound as exasperated as he does, but sometimes Buck just brings it out of him.

“Because if you can figure out what’s triggering you, you can figure out how to control the panic better.”

“I don’t panic.”

“You didn’t, but now you are. So let’s try and figure out why.”

Eddie sighs, “can I have a beer while we do it, at least?”

“If I get one too.”

They go into the kitchen, and Eddie takes two beers from the fridge and cracks one open before handing it to Buck. He watches him take a long, slow sip. Eddie’s hands start to shake around the glass, and he forces himself to look away, down at the shine of his shoes to keep whatever is trying to rise pushed down.

“Was there like some kind of a loud noise?” Buck asks.

“No. It isn’t - loud noises have never bothered me.”

“Things have changed a little bit, though.”

“I don’t think they have anything to do with being shot. I know no one wants to believe me, but I’m fine about that.”

“Maybe no one wants to believe you because you were shot. That doesn’t happen to most people even once, and it’s happened to you twice.”

“I know, but I swear to you, I’m okay. I don’t think that’ what this about.”

“If you say so. Let’s recount the night then. What happened right before it started?”

“Ana’s great aunt, she - she said I was perfect for Ana - a good addition to their family.”

Buck takes another swig from the bottle; his eyebrows are knitted in thought. If Chim or Hen were there, they’d make a joke about him not straining himself, and they’d only be kidding, but Eddie knows Buck has a lot of thoughts, a lot of good, deep ones, that maybe Eddie is the only one to have ever heard, “And didn’t you say the first time was after the salesman referred to Ana as Chris’s mom?”

“Yea,” Eddie says quietly.

“Do you think maybe you’re just having a hard time with how serious your relationship is getting?”

“It’s not getting that serious.”

“Eddie, she introduced you to like all her family, you went to an important family event, her great-aunt thinks your excellent husband material.”

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat, and he coughs, trying to force it out, but it sits there like a bubble trying to choke him, and the kitchen starts to spin, turquoise spiraling into stainless steel, spiraling into Buck.

“Stop, stop saying things like that,” he sputters out.

“You’re starting to panic again, aren’t you?” Buck asks.

“When the hell did it get so serious? I was just - I don’t know what I was doing. I liked her, but I didn’t mean-”

Eddie backs against the counter next to the sink, he tries to loosen his tie, but he can’t make his fingers work. Then Buck crosses the space between them and replaces Eddie’s hand with his own, pulling down on the knot and unbuttoning Eddie’s collar. “Breathe; breathe,” he whispers to him and puts his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, and he’s so close Eddie has no choice but to look at him. He feels his hand in Buck’s, slowly pressing against the other man’s chest.

“Breathe with it,” Buck says of his heartbeat, and Eddie closes his eyes. It takes a few moments, but soon his breath is in sync with Buck’s heartbeat, and he’s not sure he’s ever felt this kind of calm before.

“Okay?” Buck asks.

“No, but yes.”

“I’m gonna ask you something, and I need you to be honest - not for me, but for yourself.”

“O-okay.”

“Do you want Ana to be in your future? Your far future?”

“No,” he answers quickly, but it’s a question he’s asked himself before and was just too afraid to say out loud, “but -”

“But what? Chris likes her?”

“Yes!” Eddie shouts.

“Maybe he does, maybe he even loves her a little, but he loves you more, and he wants you to be happy, and he knows you aren’t happy, and he probably knows it’s because of her.”

“He does?”

“Yes,” Buck takes Eddie’s hand away from his heart, but he doesn’t let go of it, “your heart knows it too, and it’s screaming at you, Eddie, but you aren’t listening.”

“I wanted to be ready, to move on from Shannon, not just after she died, but long before that too.”

“I know.”

“Am I never going to be ready?” He can feel the wet of his eyes as he blinks up at Buck, vulnerable once again in front of him.

“I think you are, but not with Ana, and that’s okay. I mean, she’s the first person you seriously dated besides your wife, Eds. So it’s okay that she isn’t the right fit, and it’s okay if it takes you a little while longer to find who is.”

“Is Taylor your right fit?” Eddie blurts out, and it makes Buck let go of his hand.

“Whoah, we’re talking about you here.”

“Is she? It’s been four months, and you’re still together; she’s still actually here.”

“Yea, she hasn’t run away from me yet, and ya know, we have a good time.”

“She makes you happy?”

“Y-yea. I mean, am I ready to ask her to marry me? No, but I gave her a drawer last week.”

“A drawer?”

“Yea. She’s only got a few things in it; honestly, she lives more in the news van than anything.”

“You gave Taylor a drawer. In your loft?”

“Am I mumbling or something? A drawer, yes. In my loft.”

“That’s uh - that’s cool.” But, damnit, Eddie can’t do this for the third time. He doesn’t have the strength left. He grips the dishtowel hanging from the knife drawer just to ground himself to something.

“You okay?”

“Yep, yep.”

“You’re looking a little panicky. Maybe it’s not just Ana. Maybe you’ve just got a real fear of commitment thing going on. Even if it’s mine.”

“Shit,” his chest hurts this time, and his whole body is hot, but he’s shivering.

“Put your hand back on my heart.”

“No, no! God, that’s going to make this worse.”

“What? Why? It worked last time.”

“Exactly. And in the bathroom, it was you, so much you,” Eddie’s knees are weak now. He isn’t sure how much longer he can stay upright, and suddenly everything, fucking everything, smells like Buck.

“Eddie, you’re not making any sense.”

“I need you to go. Can you go, please?”

“I’m not going to leave you like this.”

And, of course, Eddie knows Buck won’t leave him. Buck will do just about anything Eddie asks, but he won’t do this. He won’t leave Eddie when Eddie needs him so badly.

“Buck, please, you’re making things worse.”

“How am I making things worse?”

“Because you’re the only one who can make them better!”

“Eddie, Eddie.” Buck wraps Eddie up in his arms before he can fall to the floor, probably hitting his head on the way down. The instant calm he feels with Buck’s body pressed hard against his, his soft breath hitting the curve of Eddie’s neck terrifies him. It isn’t a new fear, but it’s one he’s been feeling so much more lately, one he can’t seem to ignore. He’s so tired from his body trying to run away from everything; his bones ache, his chest is sore. Finally, he closes his eyes and gives in to the fear, stops trying to fight or flee, and just lets Buck hold onto him. His fingers rake through Eddie’s sweat-slicked hair as Eddie’s breathing starts to slow.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Buck whispers into Eddie’s throbbing temple.

“It’s not okay at all.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in love with you,” he rushes out in one broken breath, “it isn’t just that Ana feels wrong; it’s that you feel right. You’ve always felt right.”

Buck is quiet for what feels like a hundred moments before he finally seems to have something to say.

“Huh,” he breathes out from the back of his throat.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“What would you like me to say?”

“I don’t know. You could say that I’m insane, that you love Taylor, that you’re not into men, not into me.”

“I could say any of that, but then I’d be lying to you.”

“What?”

“Look, Eddie, I-I don’t know if I’m in love with you, but I feel something. Something more than I’ve ever felt with anyone, and I kinda keep thinking it’s going to go away, but it never goes away.”

“Huh.”

Buck laughs and gently sits Eddie up, tangled across Buck’s long legs, still safe in his arms, “are you okay?” he asks.

“I think I am.”

“Good.”

Buck presses a kiss to the tip of Eddie’s nose, and Eddie smiles before he tilts his chin, so Buck’s lips fall against his. It’s a slow, quiet kiss that lasts only a few seconds before they both pull away.

Eddie is so tired he can barely keep his eyes open, so he lets them slip closed, lets Buck hold him closer in the middle of the kitchen floor until he falls asleep.

#i had to do it #long fic #buddie fic #eddie's anxiety attacks #not anti ana #but not pro ana by any means either #panic attacks #buddie

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athenagrantnash · 3 years

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hi! so i know you’re a big ana fan and that’s why i wanted to ask you. i just found out that gabrielle isn’t latina? apparently she’s half black and irish, but she has taken multiple latina roles because she grew up around a lot of mexicans and feels like an honorary mexican... now i’m white so i can’t really say anything, but i feel like that’s wrong? idk if that’s just me. i feel like they should’ve had her be biracial OR casted someone else if they wanted eddie to date someone latina. just wanted your prospective on it!

here’s the link: https://gozamos.com/2014/04/interview-chicago-native-gabrielle-walsh-talks-the-marked-ones/

So I’m actually less of an Ana fan and more of an Ana defender.

I like her, and want them to flesh her out more because she has a lot of potential (both as her own character and as the newest member of the Diaz fam), but first and foremost I’m here to defend her from people who hate her just because of a ship.

I’m so sick of shippers going after female characters (especially woc) just because they get in the way of their fanon ship (and yes, Buddie is fanon) that I will do whatever it takes to defend that character from people like that. But as long as people keep their hate-pieces out of her tags I’m also going to be fairly chill about it.

But on to your question...

If you can’t say anything because you are white then I’m afraid I’m in that same boat. However, while she is technically implied to be Latina (her name is very Latina, her grandfather is named Edmundo, etc.) they didn’t straight-up say that she is. And since a lot of people who hate her for it are saying that something isn’t canon if it’s simply implied and if it’s not flat-out stated in dialogue, then I’m going to be petty and hold their same standards to them and say that the character is probably the same race that Gabrielle is (until proven otherwise through specific dialogue).

I’m also not in a position to either defend what she said or condemn her for it, but I can say that I know many people in similar situations. My mom was “An honorary black person” even though she’s as white as fresh milk because she was the only white person in her friend group and so was basically adopted into their culture. But obviously, it would be wrong to cast her as a black woman, regardless of how immersed in the culture she is.

In a similar point, one of my closest friends is half black but has very fair skin and blue-green eyes so nobody would guess her race just by looking at her. But unfortunately, even though she IS half black and is very much a part of black culture, many “purists” would deny her the opportunity of playing a black or half-black character because she doesn’t “look” her race. So would you say it’s wrong to deny my friend her heritage and never let her play a half-black character simply because she looks white?

Another of my closest friends is half Jewish and half Egyptian, but through a fluke in her genetic makeup looks more Indian. (please note: by “Indian” I am saying born in India, not Native American). So what role could she get?

All I can say from my experience is that it can be a complex issue, and if Gabrielle has had conversations with her Latina friends (which it seems that she has) and they have no problem with it, I can’t argue with them.

Edit: My apologies if I come across as ignorant. But I was asked a question, and I’m trying to answer as honestly and as tastefully as I can without actually stepping on any toes...

#Anonymous #Ask me a question

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sidekickhq · 5 years

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where do you think scarlett leithold could fit? this rp looks amazing !

thank you so much ! i think she could fit in a lot of different families : steve rogers ( adopted ), loki & sigyn, hope van dyne, black tom cassidy & eilish sullivan, caitlin snow & ronnie raymond, stephanie brown & cassandra cain ( adopted ), dan espinoza & chloe decker & lucifer morningstar, eddie brock, kara zor-el, hal jordan & carol ferris, harley quinn & pamela isley, jason todd ( adopted ), hela & thanos, koriand’r & raven roth ( adopted ), natasha romanoff ( adopted ), stephen strange & clea, bruce wayne, oliver queen & dinah lance, warren worthington iii, michael jon carter & ted kord ( adopted ) !

and if you’re interested, some familial wanted connections she could fit :

VIDAR BJÖRK-THORSON & TOVA VIDARSDOTTIR, our CHARLIE HUNNAM & EMMA MACKEY fcs are looking for a CHILD / SIBLING connection who looks like BILLIE EILISH, MARGOT ROBBIE, HENRIK HOLM, ELLIOT FLETCHER, KATELYN NACON, JOE KEERY, JENNY BOYD, NAT WOLFF / UTP who is 17-19 or 23 you DON’T have to contact prior to applying at ofichvr / tofuisms. ( but you can if you want ! ) ( tova would… die for each of them, any time any place, but also… you know how ur sibs are your best friends but also your worst enemies? .. yeah. when they’re good, they’re reALLY good - but when they’re bad, mom or dad probably has to step in eventually to referee the arguments. the dynamic would prob be different depending on whether tova is older or younger ; if she’s the eldest, then her natural protectiveness extends to them, and if they’re older… well, same, but she’s probably a little bit TOO textbook ‘annoying younger sister’ a lot of the time. it is very possible that vidar isn’t close to this child due to him not being around for AWHILE - he was in the army from age 18 to early 30s but would come home whenever he was able to - which was NEVER enough! so they could have a relationship where vidar tries and ur chara just doesn’t want that, ur chara looks up to him but they don’t rly know how to interact , etc! it is also an option for the chara to be a TWIN but thats completely up to u! please check out vidar’s INTRO for background info and more fc options! )

THEORA TREVOR, our KATE SIEGEL fc, is looking for a FOSTER CHILD connection who looks like CAMERON BOYCE, LISA TEIGE, AMANDLA STENBERG, KARAN BARR, DAVID CASTRO, RJ CYLER, ABIGAIL COWEN, PARIS BERELC, YARA SHAHIDI, IMAN MESKINI // PLAYER’S CHOICE who is 16/17. you DO have to contact prior to applying at WVTCHFUL. ( credit to rachel for giving me part of this idea !! theora works in the e.r. and one day a kid ended up there for some reason.when it came time for them to be discharged, they had nowhere to go and theora got temporary custody while they waited for the situation to be worked out. flash forward a few days, theora is attached and filling out the paperwork to become a foster parent. )

EMMA FROST, our KATIE CASSIDY fc is looking for her LIL DEATH MACHINES / STEPFORD CUCKOOS X3 - CELESTE, MINDEE, PHOEBE who look like GIORGIA WHIGHAM, KIERNAN SHIPKA, JENNY BOYD, ANNASOPHIA ROBB, ANY MATCHING BLONDE FC who are 16-26 YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( we all kno the stepford cuckoos. they and their sisters - two named dead, thousands of unnamed - are emma’s clones, and though they appear to be mature, are actually, chronologically, like, five or smth, cos they were grown rapidly in tubes. it wasn’t known from minute one that they were emma’s, but the minute this became public knowledge, she accepted it and started to think of them as her daughters. diamond form, telepathic hive mind, coordinated outfits ; how much more could u want? )

GRÁINNE CASSIDY, our SOPHIE RUNDLE fc is looking for her SIBLINGS / TWO OLDER, TWO YOUNGER who look like FINN COLE, OLIVIA COOKE, CILLIAN MURPHY, EMILY BROWNING, DOUGLAS BOOTH / ANY FACE CLAIM who are anything from 20-40 YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( do u want to play a member of a crime fam, but ur not sure which to pick? do u want to play an irish char, but dont know what to do? if the answer is yes to the first and no to the second, but ur ok with settling, then boy o boy do i have the crime fam for you ! mutant on their fathers side and mobster on their mothers, the cassidy-sullivan’s are honestly… p hot, if i say so myself. their matriarch was left the only member of the fam after they were wiped out in gotham about ten years ago, and now they’re all getting older, the kids are restarting that specific fam business. i love the idea of them all having like… conflicting ideals, conflicting ideas for their fam, conflicting LIVES. gráinne fancies herself the head of the family right now, and at least for the minute is continuing their loyalty to the falcone’s. her sibs could want to challenge her… could be happy working alongside her… could mayb not even wanna be apart of the family - it’s honestly up to YOU ! )

JEANNIE DRAKE KENT, our STEFANIE SCOTT fc is looking for a HALF SIBLING ( via warren ) connection who looks like ( EMMA DUMONT, ASAMI ZDRENKA, RYAN POTTER ANY ½ WHITE FC )) who is ( 19-23 YEARS OLD. ) you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( half siblings that are known publically to be worthington – nothing is set in stone with this connection but feel free to message at gods lost roomba#5813 to hear more about it! )

PERSEUS XAVIER-LEHNSHERR, our NICK ROBINSON fc is looking for an UNKNOWN BIOLOGICAL FAMILY connection who looks like any white/half white (brunette) kid !! / grace phipps, jake t austin, madison davenport, noah centineo, piper curda, richard harmon, thomas hayes, willa holland, xavier serrano who is 20+ YEARS OLD. you DO have to contact prior to applying at JEEZPERSEUS. ( he was born to two degenerates in camden, new jersey. neither good parents, but he never experienced it because he was very little when he & his seven siblings were placed into the custody of the state for neglect. they were a high powered family, two mutant parents, but there’s a possibility one of the kids was human. they can be siblings or half-siblings or even cousins. or even his twin sister!! they’d be 20 or older if they’re a (half-)sibling, bc percy is youngest. go wild. ) ( thalia, more )

ROSARIO HILL, our MELISSA BARRERA fc, is looking for a YOUNGER HALF SIBLINGS / ADOPTED SIBLINGS ( 1 to 2 ) connection who looks like DIEGO TINOCO, TRINITY ANNE, EDEN ESTRADA, SOFIA REYES, CIERRA RAMRIEZ, ISSA LISH, DANNA PAOLA, ARIELA BARER, MANPREET MABRA, LAURA HARRIER, TRISTIN MAYS, LULU ANTARISKA, KEKE PALMER, TAZZY PHE, TINA TAMASHIRO, TOMMY MARTINEZ, MARLON LANGELAND / AT LEAST HALF MEXICAN IF BIO, ANY FACE IF ADOPTED who is UNDER 25 you DON’T have to contact prior to applying.

TRIXIE ESPINOZA DECKER MORNINGSTAR, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for her ( TWO ) YOUNGER HALF-SIBLINGS VIA CHLOE & LUCIFER who look like ANY HALF WHITE, HALF MEXICAN FC who are anything from 16-22 YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( i’m tweaking the timeline that i’m mainly working from - the lucifer tv show - just a bit to allow for a broader age range of siblings, but what i waNT here is !! lil decker-morningstar kids !! i’m not even fussy on whether they’re like, bio or not, i just think… trix would be an awesome big sister, and it would REALLY solidify the fam connection here for there to be a lil fam running abt the place. )

WILLIAM WADE WILSON, our BRANDON FLYNN fc is looking for a FULL SIBLING connection who looks like CAITLIN STASEY, MERRITT PATTERSON, NINA DOBREV, DAISY RIDLEY, COLIN FORD, ALEX LAWTHER, TYLER YOUNG, THOMAS HAYES, UTP+ who is 16-17, 22+ you DON’T have to contact prior to applying at willicmwilson. ( Okay, I’m not super duper picky with this connection- I really just want to explore their relationship/the family dynamic. Also, it’s completely optional but I think it’d be cool to continue the whole 3 W tradition when naming them! Feel free to contact me if you do have any questions!)

#marvel rp #dc rp #avengers rp #next gen rp #town rp #appless rp #answered #admin h #Anonymous

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eddycurrents · 6 years

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Border Town #1 & 2 “Número Uno: Bienvenidos a Hell” & “Número Dos: Máscaras”

Writer: Eric M. Esquivel | Artist: Ramon Villalobos | Colourist: Tamra Bonvillain | Letterer: Deron Bennett

Published by DC Comics / DC Vertigo | 5.9.2018 & 3.10.2018 | $3.99

The Sandman Universe titles notwithstanding, Border Town was heralded as the flagship of the new DC Vertigo relaunch and refocus. When you look at the content, it’s easy to see why, even outside of the obvious quality of the story being told.

Border Town encapsulates a lot of the verve and substance of the early Vertigo breakout projects, incorporating bits of the supernatural, mythology, humour, and the human experience in a mature and thought-provoking way.

Thematically, it’s also a series about that lurker at the threshold, the unknown just behind that liminal boundary, so it makes sense that it would serve as the doorway into the new DC Vertigo.

The first issue introduces us to one of our main point of view characters, Frank, as he and his family move to the town of Devil’s Fork, Arizona. He’s a fairly typical teenager, looking to more or less fit in, rebel against his parents, and punch white supremacists in the face. Complicating this is a bizarre little chupacabra, who is appearing as things that people fear, and eating people around town.

The second issue expands more or the mythological and folklore-based creatures residing in Mictlan, as we find out that the chupacabra from the first issue is a bit of a misfit of its own. It also gives a hint as to what’s happening to Blake since getting bit, and reforming a bit of a new Scooby Gang of Frank, Julietta, Aimi, and Quinteh even after they claimed to have gone their separate ways.

Frank is an interesting protagonist, if flawed.

Through his point of view, we get a fresh look at Devil’s Fork, a quick run down of the numerous flaws of Arizona as a state, and that fish out of water quality of moving to a new town. You get a sense from him that he is fairly progressive, but there’s a violent streak in there. Kind of conflicting natures between someone looking to conform and someone looking to rebel. In essence, a teenager trying to find his place in the world.

I find how Eric M. Esquivel is developing Quinteh more interesting. In the first issue he’s somewhat the silent, misunderstood brute archetype, with it even being pointed out, but not necessarily confirmed, that he may be developmentally disabled. The second issue makes you wonder more if it’s just anxiety, as there’s a very nice story from his mom to help him overcome stress in social situations, and no particular irregularities in his speech patterns. I also quite like the parallel between his luchador mask and the ritual headdresses from Aztec culture.

Blake, a straight edge Nazi skinhead--which seems like a bizarre combination--, is set up as the early antagonist. He’s about what you’d expect from a racist playing at being a tough guy. That when it comes down to it, he’s a coward. He is changing, though, as hinted at in the second issue and it should be interesting to see what kind of monster he becomes.

The other characters are interesting, but still need some fleshing out. They feel like real people with interesting quirks. I particularly like Frank’s mom’s boyfriend, Nick. He’s obviously set up as a foil for Frank, and someone to rebel against, to blame for Frank’s current predicament, but he’s not particularly a “bad guy” for what little he appears so far. He’s kind of obnoxious, and holds some questionable views, but he comes across as someone at least trying to support his family.

I wonder about those creatures of myth and legend in Mictlan, though. We’ve only got the main characters interacting with the chupacabra so far, it’ll be interesting to see what develops further. With Frank and the kids ducking into La Curandera’s shop, and her hinting at something bigger, I wonder if this is going to take on more of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer approach in the future. I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing further issues and arcs centring around these other beasties. La Llorona and La Lechuza have some fairly well-known transitions into English storytelling, but I’d love to see all of them developed.

The art in Border Town is incredible. Ramon Villalobos and Tamra Bonvillain are creating a unique and impressive visual array with this series, ranging from the ordinary kids to the weird supernatural creatures.

I really like Villalobos’ artwork. His style is in roughly the same school as Frank Quitely, Chris Burnham, and Martín Morazzo; highly stylized, but with an impressive range of character expression and design. The human characters are appealing and unique, especially when it comes to Quinteh and his luchador mask, but where he really shines is the supernatural aspect. The designs for the chupacabra, Mictlāntēcutli, and the other residents of Mictlan are very impressive. The variety and detail that go into the reflections of fears embodied by the chupacabra’s appearance is both humorous and interesting. I especially got a kick out of the “urban teenager” and Bane panels in the first issue.

Though using fairly normal, grounded hues for the human characters, there’s also a somewhat otherworldly glow that Bonvillain is applying to the world. The skies are often purple for night scenes and there are some very interesting choices for pinks, greens, and blues in backgrounds and in the characters that make it feel just slightly unnatural. It manages to enhance the overall feel of the story, making you feel something’s just a little bit off. This effect becomes even more pronounced in Mictlan when even stranger colours come to the fore.

Deron Bennett’s lettering is also quite nice. Particularly what I’d call the “Halloween font” for Mictlāntēcutli’s dialogue. It’s hilariously over the top and perfectly fits the grandstanding for the character.

There are a couple of problems, however, that arise in the book.

The first is the use of language. In the first issue, Quinteh is referred to with a slur used against the developmentally disabled. On Twitter, Esquivel has responded that it’s uttered by the “bad guy”, and that it is meant to portray Quinteh’s regular experience, which in itself is valid, but it still normalizes the ablest insult. It doesn’t matter if it’s being uttered by an antagonist or villain, it still uses the term in a negative and derogatory fashion.

Similarly, in both first and second issues, “pussy” is used to mean coward. In both cases, they’re spoken by a protagonist, so it can’t even be relegated to a bad act by a “bad guy”. This one is a bit more nebulous than the first since etymologically “pussy” in this regard isn’t problematic, however, most people don’t know the diminution of pusillanimous. Instead, they conflate it with a euphemism for female genitalia. Despite not logically making any sense to call a coward a vagina, it’s still perpetuates that meaning to many.

Which ties into the second potential problem of an undercurrent of toxic masculinity bleeding into the work. It’s very clear that some of the worst of it is an exhibited trait from the various antagonists in the series, like Blake, Frank’s mom’s boyfriend (though I don’t necessarily think of him as a “bad guy”, just not necessarily the brightest bulb and in the beginning a foil for Frank’s social unrest), the MAGA idiots at the beginning of the first issue, but it’s also exhibited by Frank himself.

Like with the use of “pussy” as an insult, Frank glorifies violence, and follows through with an assault on Blake. While this could certainly be considered justifiable given Blake’s attitude, and could be interpreted as a pleasing thing to the audience seeing it as a racist’s comeuppance, it’s undermined a bit by Frank’s further insult of Blake’s group being “White Powerpuff Girls”. While it is a clever pun, it further reinforces that idea of women or girls being an insult.

Given the care that Esquivel takes in the first issue to delineate how one should take pride in all of their ethnic heritage in their speech, not breaking it down by percentages like a “Half-Mexican”, it seems weird that this kind of machismo would be present. Maybe it’s intentional. Maybe it’s as is alluded to in the second issue another “mask”, another tough guy act that will be addressed, but all of this can be off-putting to some. I’d give Esquivel the benefit of the doubt for this being something to be addressed further in to the story.

Overall, I quite like this.

The story so far is a nice mix of relevant social issues and supernatural adventures that reminds me a bit of an updated Buffy, but with a more irreverent sense of humour and pulling some of the kids’ problems to the forefront. It’s less about the supernatural right now, more about the coming-of-age aspect, though I feel like that’s going to slightly change. I do wonder how I’d feel about Frank being a “chosen one”.

And the art is fantastic. The storytelling from Villalobos and Bonvillain just makes the book come together. The characters, designs, and action elevate the book incredibly.

I’d recommend this to people who like a bit of humour with their horror, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wynonna Earp, or even something like Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files. Lapsed early Vertigo readers should also find something to like in Esquivel and Villalobos’ use of mythology and folklore to help explore the human condition.

Extra: There is a nice panel with a number of Easter eggs that ties together some Vertigo and DC mainstays. The most obvious being Dream’s mask, Doctor Occult’s talisman, a variation on Doctor Fate’s helmet, a poster of Constantine and Zatanna, Wonder Woman as a Virgin Mary stature, a Black Mercy plant, and more if you want to point out some of the other things on display. It’s a nice homage to what’s come before and places Border Town in the wider context of the DC/Vertigo history.

d. emerson eddy has a copy of the Lurker at the Threshold. It doesn’t have anything to do with this, but just wanted to mention HP Lovecraft. Who, despite being problematic in his racism and misogyny, still wrote some pretty great horror. Even if that one apparently is mostly August Derleth.

#Fear in a Handful of Dust #Border Town #Eric M Esquivel #Ramon Villalobos #DC Vertigo

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libraryofloveletters · 3 years

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eddie’s mexican tho he’s not white lol

I know lmao his mom is Swedish or something no ? so like half white but I know what you mean

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insecure-hbo-the-recaps · 7 years

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hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She’s all about her hoe-tation. Molly’s dad cheated on Molly’s mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa’s alarm goes off and at first it looks like she’s beyond late for work. But it’s something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it’s a huge hassle. “Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off,” some idiot points out obliviously. “Thanks!” Issa trills in a curt “no duh” kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they’re going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don’t trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it’s her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn’t answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa’s superfluously woke outerwear. She’s wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a “Sexplosion,” which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she’ll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She’s one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae’s door. He is surprised to see her, but he’s clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn’t have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle (“I could cry right now I’m so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can’t get it up and that her pussy is trash”) I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You’re going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you’re going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it’s not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she’d tell me stories I’d be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you’ll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you’re single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he’s busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There’s an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she’s going to Target. “Why would I be?” Issa snaps. I mean, it’s a fair question. I’m potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: “it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that.” Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I’m not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I’m watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say… technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And… this was the idea he’d been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH “WOOT WOOT”?!

Two guys that I’m going to assume are Lawrence’s superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I’m glad I’m not inclined to this field because it’s honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it’s great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it’s a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they’re doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand… white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don’t have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I’m at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she’s worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn’t be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it’s nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa’s having it with Molly.

It turns out they’re in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who’s seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is… if you start fucking a married man you really can’t be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you’d think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn’t want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they’ll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she’s getting body work done) and it’ll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly “there are other places with other letters”) seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can’t afford to repair her car, she can’t afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She’s still having trouble accepting that men she’s seeing casually aren’t just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so… how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you’re gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don’t think I would ever describe sex with me as “acceptable” except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I’m partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it’s something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone’s attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana’s desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn’t think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it’s fine if she doesn’t see the vision and who cares because she’s not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren’t into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says “it’s like they didn’t want to offend you,” Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she’s entitled to her opinion. While I don’t approve of Lawrence’s childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro’s behavior doesn’t seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she’s being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that’s all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly’s place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly’s headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone’s financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we’ve seen so far I think Molly’s sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn’t really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it’s like… do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It’s painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he’s meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - “I really like you and I don’t want to rush past this, I want to get to know you” - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she’s coming from, I do. But she’s going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly’s, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn’t want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn’t looking for a second side piece which you’d think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She’s asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn’t that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses’ office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana’s words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his “perspective and input” which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. “You bring a lot to the team,” the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see “Lawrence 2.0” and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn’t get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again (“what store did you get those from again?”) should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating… no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let’s move on. They aren’t particularly original, so I’ll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so… what is Tiffany’s job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let’s just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn’t do it wholesale, Issa doesn’t like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it’s not her favorite but she’s flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a “ho” and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn’t see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn’t know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I’d left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I’m not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I’d be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can’t - I feel like I’m biased and I don’t want to preach from that perspective, so I’m not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don’t know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It’s a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging “Woot Woot” is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there’s some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel’s listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich… it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That’s new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which… I mean, I don’t know, if they like it then I’ll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel’s he is impressed with Issa’s blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he’s about to come, and he grabs Issa’s head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He’s holding her head down, so he… strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn’t know why she’s upset. Issa is so mad she’s incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa’s anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude’s dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain’t-shit knows it’s rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I’ve dated men that wouldn’t come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn’t give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel’s rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. “Issa?” the driver asks. “Issa car pool!” and everyone laughs except Issa because she’s tired of getting the idea that she’s the butt of every joke.

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insecure-hbo-recaps · 7 years

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hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She's all about her hoe-tation. Molly's dad cheated on Molly's mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa's alarm goes off and at first it looks like she's beyond late for work. But it's something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it's a huge hassle. "Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off," some idiot points out obliviously. "Thanks!" Issa trills in a curt "no duh" kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they're going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don't trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it's her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn't answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa's superfluously woke outerwear. She's wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a "Sexplosion," which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she'll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She's one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae's door. He is surprised to see her, but he's clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn't have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle ("I could cry right now I'm so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can't get it up and that her pussy is trash") I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You're going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you're going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it's not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she'd tell me stories I'd be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you'll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you're single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he's busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There's an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she's going to Target. "Why would I be?" Issa snaps. I mean, it's a fair question. I'm potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: "it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that." Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I'm not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I'm watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say... technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And... this was the idea he'd been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH "WOOT WOOT"?!

Two guys that I'm going to assume are Lawrence's superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I'm glad I'm not inclined to this field because it's honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it's great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it's a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they're doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand... white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don't have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I'm at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she's worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn't be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it's nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa's having it with Molly.

It turns out they're in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who's seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is... if you start fucking a married man you really can't be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you'd think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn't want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they'll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she's getting body work done) and it'll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly "there are other places with other letters") seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can't afford to repair her car, she can't afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She's still having trouble accepting that men she's seeing casually aren't just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so... how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you're gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don't think I would ever describe sex with me as "acceptable" except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I'm partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it's something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone's attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana's desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn't think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it's fine if she doesn't see the vision and who cares because she's not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren't into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says "it's like they didn't want to offend you," Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she's entitled to her opinion. While I don't approve of Lawrence's childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro's behavior doesn't seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she's being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that's all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly's place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly's headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone's financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we've seen so far I think Molly's sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn't really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it's like... do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It's painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he's meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - "I really like you and I don't want to rush past this, I want to get to know you" - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she's coming from, I do. But she's going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly's, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn't want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn't looking for a second side piece which you'd think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She's asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn't that inherently answering its own question?

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses' office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana's words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his "perspective and input" which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. "You bring a lot to the team," the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see "Lawrence 2.0" and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn't get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again ("what store did you get those from again?") should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating... no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let's move on. They aren't particularly original, so I'll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so... what is Tiffany's job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let's just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn't do it wholesale, Issa doesn't like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it's not her favorite but she's flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a "ho" and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn't see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn't know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I'd left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I'm not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I'd be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can't - I feel like I'm biased and I don't want to preach from that perspective, so I'm not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don't know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It's a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging "Woot Woot" is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there's some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel's listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich... it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That's new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which... I mean, I don't know, if they like it then I'll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel's he is impressed with Issa's blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he's about to come, and he grabs Issa's head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He's holding her head down, so he... strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn't know why she's upset. Issa is so mad she's incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa's anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude's dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain't-shit knows it's rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I've dated men that wouldn't come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn't give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel's rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. "Issa?" the driver asks. "Issa car pool!" and everyone laughs except Issa because she's tired of getting the idea that she's the butt of every joke.

#insecure hbo #issa rae

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lopevic · 4 years

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From the Pond to a Puddle

5 Latinx students share what it’s like coming from a big city to Madison.

When I came to Madison, I noticed an immediate difference between here and my hometown of Chicago. Chicago had no shortage of Latinx students like me. It was so easy to find other people to talk to in Spanish, to meet up to try that new Mexican restaurant down the block. Here, authentic Mexican food is hard to come by. I’ve found very few people who I can speak Spanish with. It was so jarring to go from being surrounded by people like me to having almost nothing.

“I can’t be the only one,” I mused to myself. There are about 40,000 undergraduate and graduate students that attend UW-Madison. There had to be other Latinx students, and especially other big city Latinx students who experienced as big of a culture shock as me.

And so, while Latinx Heritage Month may be over, I wanted to bring attention to Latinx students who came from other cities. Latinx students encapsulate about four percent of UW-Madison’s undergraduate population; we’re a small group, but we still matter. And we have a few words to say about how we’re represented and treated on campus.

Without further ado, let me introduce you to the five students that I interviewed:

Eddie

City: Milwaukee

Nationality: Mexican-American

Eddie is a first-generation Computer Science student at UW-Madison. After watching his parents work tirelessly to provide a better life for himself and his brothers, Eddie sought a degree that would both make him happy and help support his parents. Outside of school, Eddie can be found modding the UW-Memes for Milk Chugging Teens Facebook page. He’s also a part of Leaders in Engineering Excellence and Diversity (LEED), a scholarship program that aims to promote academically talented students from underrepresented groups.

Jaime

City: Los Angeles

Nationality: Mexican-American

Jaime is a first-generation student at UW-Madison studying Genetics. Although he sometimes feels uncomfortable at UW-Madison, Jaime takes his fear in stride to carve a path for other Latinx students. Jaime is also the president of the Society of Advancement of Chicanos and Native Americans in Science, Inc. (SACNAS). There, he works to provide career and leadership positions for his members.

Nancy

City: San Francisco

Nationality: Mexican-American

Nancy is a first-generation student at UW-Madison. Latinx citizens are taken advantage of daily, a fact that Nancy is no stranger to. After witnessing this, she was motivated to pursue a degree in Law. Nancy is a part of the Latinx Law Students Association (LLSA) outside of school, where she strives to increase diversity in UW-Madison and make students feel comfortable on campus.

Soph

City: Houston

Nationality: Venezuelan-American

Soph is a second-year student at UW-Madison studying Pre-Med. Being surrounded by her family’s lively traditions and delicious food has made Soph proud of her heritage. While she misses her family dearly, Soph enjoys trying new restaurants in Madison to get a taste of home. Additionally, as a peer mentor for ILS 138 and Learning Community Programming Assistant (LCPA) at Chadbourne residence hall, Soph dedicates herself to providing a memorable experience at UW-Madison for first-year students.

Sophia

City: Los Angeles

Nationality: Bengali, Guatemalan-American

Sophia is a half Bengali, half Guatemalan-American student pursuing Journalism at UW-Madison. Sophia acknowledges that it’s hard for cities like Madison to encapsulate her ethnicities. Nonetheless, she misses parts of her culture, such as bachata music, Guatemalan food, and speaking Spanish in general. Outside of school, Sophia is a part of the Latin Student Union (LSU), ALT Magazine, and has participated in the Latin History Month Committee.

Questions.

Do you speak Spanish? Would you describe knowing the language as being an important factor in being culturally attuned?

Eddie: Yes, and I would say so. Mostly because then you can speak to your family in your native tongue. It also helps you become closer to traditions.

Jaime: Yes, but — it’s funny. I don’t know if Spanish is either my first language or my second language. I always forget! I always had to speak it because my mom only speaks Spanish. I had to learn it to be able to communicate with her.

But anyway, yeah, I think so. There have been times where, at least here in Madison, I’ll go to one of the Mexican markets. That’s probably one of the only places where I get to speak Spanish. And it’s like, “Okay, cool. I can actually have a conversation in my language.” So yeah, I think it’s important anywhere.

Nancy: I do, and — yes and no. I have a sense of pride in speaking Spanish. For me personally, I feel more attuned with my culture. I can have certain conversations with people and in some settings, I even feel more comfortable around certain people speaking the language. I do think it’s super important to know the language and the benefits that come along with it. However, I don’t feel like speaking Spanish is a requirement for being attuned with your culture.

Soph: I’m working on it! I understand a lot of it really well. I just get nervous when I speak it because I sound white. But in terms of being an important factor, I kind of feel like it is. I want to join the Venezuelan club on campus, but I feel like I’m not “Venezuelan enough” because I don’t speak Spanish. At home, though, I don’t feel any less for not being able to speak Spanish. Or when I go to a restaurant, I feel just as home whether I speak Spanish or not. In a way, I feel like speaking Spanish is important, but it’s not a necessity to have. I can still belong to the culture without speaking it.

Sophia: Yes. I think that being able to speak and understand Spanish opens up doors to aspects of the culture, such as being able to watch novellas or listen to Spanish music, but I think you can connect to the culture even if you don't speak Spanish.

Would you describe your hometown / city diverse? If so, in what ways? (e.g. ethnically, socially, culturally) If not, what makes you think so?

Eddie: I grew up in the southside of Milwaukee, which is notorious for being very segregated. The southside is primarily Hispanic. So in regards to “diverse,” it depends on what you consider diverse. If you consider diversity as actual different groups — then no. I had maybe one or two white neighbors around the block. Maybe one or two African-American neighbors. Even businesses were Hispanic.

To be more specific, I would say it was mostly Mexican. I’m only saying that not because I spoke with too many of my neighbors, but because the businesses around us were mainly owned by other Mexicans.

Jaime: Here, it’s almost a rarity seeing another Latinx person. Over in LA, regardless of where you are, it’s rare to not find someone speaking Spanish. You’ll also find all types of food. Where I live, there are Mexican restaurants, and like, two or three Cuban restaurants. You’ve also got Chinatown and Korea Town. So, you not only have Latinx people, but people coming from a variety of cultures.

Nancy: San Francisco is diverse in many ways. Although it caters to more wealthy individuals, there are still a lot of people of a variety of income levels. Along with that, every ethnicity, food, type of activity you can think of is available in San Francisco. That’s what made it what it was.

Because it’s such an expensive city to live in, though, diversity in San Francisco is changing. It’s pushing a lot of people out, a lot of which are artists and service workers — people who can’t afford to keep living there. I lived in the Mission neighborhood, and you can definitely see the contrast between the small mom and pop shops to the fancy restaurants next door.

Soph: Houston is so culturally diverse and there are so many types of people there. Liza Koshy, who’s a Houston native, described it as a salad bowl. Not a melting pot, because it’s not like we’re all enveloped together. You need different parts of everything to make it a wonderful salad. And I think that’s a great way to describe Houston. It’s very diverse but we’re not melting together. We appreciate every aspect of each group of people that are there.

Sophia: I’m from Bellflower, California, which is in LA. California is very well known for its diversity, and Bellflower reflected this. Especially at school; it was very easy to recognize the various cultures and ethnicities present.

How would you describe the role that being Latinx had on your personal identity?

Eddie: I mean, it’s not like every day I wake up and think to myself, “I’m Mexican.” But I do think it made me more appreciative of family. That’s very much one of the tenants in Hispanic culture. Family is important, especially in terms of respect. You should also keep in contact with them. I call or text my mom every day. And those are skills I apply to my friends too. In that way, that’s affected what I do and who I am.

Jaime: Being Latinx is really stressful! I say that being here in Madison specifically. It’s no surprise that there aren’t many Latinx people here, and even less in the university. In my department, there are very few people of color. The Genetics department is working toward increasing diversity, but being Latinx and being in this environment almost seems like I’m representing my whole culture. I mean, realistically I know I’m not, but I’m one of the few Mexicans. The impression that I leave on my colleagues could make it or break it for someone else down the line.

Nancy: It played a big role on the path I had to take to get here. I’m very proud of my heritage, my family, and the fact that I’m a first-generation American. To me, that’s a part of the overarching background of my life.

For example, I got to see how people who couldn’t speak English got taken advantage of. People who live in rural communities, who don’t have a lot of money, get taken advantage of by “lawyers” who are abusing the system. Being Latinx allowed me to see that firsthand. This, along with issues surrounding DACA, are things that are specific to our community. That inspired my decision in pursuing a degree in law.

Soph: I think it had a big role in my identity. I love my culture, I love the food, I miss the language while I’m here. I get upset because I look white when I’m not. I’m so much more than that. A big part of me is Venezuelan and I don’t think that gets highlighted enough.

Sophia: Growing up half Latinx was great! I was exposed to a really amazing culture, and I enjoyed Guatemalan dishes like Guatemalan tamales. I also listened to Bachata with my mom and sister. Being able to have the Latinx culture in my life really shaped me as a person. From having a strong work ethic to appreciating family, Latin culture will forever have an influence in my life. However, it was also confusing since I’m half Bengali. There was definitely a culture clash at times. Overall, I was able to — and am able to — experience both cultures and really appreciate them for what they are.

Did you grow up in a community with people of similar ethnic backgrounds as you? If so, what was the dynamic of the community (e.g. being social, lively, interactive, etc.)? If not, did that impact your cultural identity at all?

Eddie: Well, the friends I made were pretty mixed. It was about 50/50, and in high school, I actually had more white friends. But on the Hispanic side, it led to a larger prevalence of Mexican holidays. Mexican radio stations were also a lot more prevalent, such as La Grande. There were also organizations focused on getting documentation for those who were undocumented.

That community helped me realize who I am. “Who am I?” is a question that only we can dictate for ourselves, but I would say that has helped me affiliate with those who are hardworking, those who will sacrifice anything for another person.

I see that a lot in my own family. Especially my dad, who works 70 hours work weeks. Some days he leaves for work at 10:30 and comes back at 11. That kind of sacrifice is what I admire. When I asked him about it, he said that it was worthwhile to see me and my two brothers grow up.

That’s a big influencer as to why I’m here. Why I’m going for Computer Science. It’s not only a field that I’m interested in, but it’s also a field in which I can earn more money than what my dad does. I hope I can help him out, which I guess dictated the direction I’m going in life.

Jaime: So, I grew up in a city called Bell Gardens, a suburb east of LA. It was about 85 percent Latino and very few non-people of color. When I was 13, my family and I moved to a city right next door called Downey. It was the same thing: a lot of Latinos — Mexicans, Salvadorans, Cubans. Those were the three biggest groups if I remember correctly. Both cities provided a lively community but in different ways.

Bell Gardens didn’t provide the best community. I guess because it wasn’t the safest. Downey had its own things too. But Bell Gardens had more of a family feel to it, and I think it was because I lived across a park. Downey was more modern and had more of a bigger city vibe to it, even though it was the same size as Bell Gardens.

Nancy: The town I grew up in, which was also in California, had a large Latinx community. As an agricultural town, there were a lot of rich, white people who owned dairy farms. Those who usually worked on those farms were Latinx or brown in general.

The community was, at least in the Spanish-speaking community, very intertwined. We all knew each other to some extent. It was a small enough town where I went to elementary, middle, and high school with the same people. You’re familiar enough with each other, but the Latinx culture you were a part of expressed itself in different ways. It created a bit of a divide, in terms of who you hung out with or the interests you had. We still understood each other though, just on a different level.

Soph: I grew up in a more suburban part of Houston. And yeah, a lot of it was Hispanic. In fact, my best friend growing up was Colombian. It was something that we both had in our back pocket because, like me, she also looked very white. So I grew up around it, but it wasn’t a major part of the community.

When I’m around family, it gets so lively. We talk so loud and so fast and there’s just so much food! And it makes me so happy. Spanish sounds the same to a lot of people, but it really doesn’t. I love Venezuelan Spanish more than anything in the world.

Come to think of it, I hid that I was Hispanic for a long time. I vaguely remember hearing in elementary school that Latinx people were not as smart as white people. So when I’d fill out standardized tests, I would say that I was white because I didn’t want people to think that I was stupid.

Sophia: Growing up, my relatives were around a lot, which helped expose me to my Guatemalan culture. My aunts and uncles would visit often and I would spend a lot of time with my cousin. Growing up, we were like sisters. In addition, my parents were friends with our neighbors, who were Mexican. They had kids around the same age as my siblings. We would hang out a lot!

Have you ever experienced a situation where you personally felt that a UW Madison was tone-deaf on a subject regarding your heritage?

Eddie: It wasn’t institutional, but I sometimes feel that can’t really relate to other people here. I hear people in my classes ask questions like “Have your parents gone to this university?” or “What’s your lineage?” My parents could barely get a high school education back in Mexico. So, not the university itself, but people have reminded me that I’m different.

Jaime: Not personally, and it’s probably because of my own ignorance. There are certain things that I try to not concern myself with. But I know, for example, there are things like the Homecoming video.

Thankfully, I’ve had good experiences. About a month after I got to Madison, my student coordinator asked if I could meet her in her office. First question that she asked: “How are you doing?”

And I said, “I’m doing good.”

“No,” she responded. “I’m asking because Madison is very white.”

That was something that I really appreciated. So, although I’ve had positive experiences, I know that not everything is peachy.

Nancy: I don’t know that I can speak to that for the larger campus because I’ve only been in Madison for a couple of years. I spend a lot of my time in the Law building. We don’t have a lot of time to explore the rest of campus.

However, I think that it’s difficult to help students of color feel comfortable in a place that doesn’t have much experience in catering to students of color. The university is aware and trying, but it’s difficult to help students of color when they don’t know how to. It’s also hard to increase diversity, at least within the Law School, when people know it’s not diverse. It’s like a cycle. I’ve been lucky to have made friends that are culturally-aware, and thankfully I’m comfortable here, but I’m not blind to the fact there’s a lot of work that needs to be done. I’ve had conversations with the Law School’s administration and we’re definitely making efforts to increase the diversity.

I also know that there’s the Homecoming video. A few friends and I were talking about how it’s important to depict UW-Madison in a very realistic way. It is predominantly white. There are communities of color in Madison, there are ethnic clubs that cater to students of color, and there are various religious groups. There’s a presence in Madison that is diverse. And I’m not saying that you should put every token student of color in the video to make Madison look more diverse, but the video could and should have been done differently.

Soph: Well, there’s obviously the Homecoming video. But I do see posters for events talking about issues regarding Venezuela. I’m glad that they’re bringing attention to these issues because Venezuela is not in a good place right now.

Sophia: Definitely. There are certain things on campus that the UW Madison administration prioritizes, and supporting the Lantinx and APIDA communities isn’t one of them. The Latinx and APIDA centers were only added into Multicultural Center within the last semester or so. The renovations for them have been repeatedly pushed back, as well. In addition, there is an overall lack of awareness of all multicultural communities on campus. It is blatantly obvious that UW-Madison doesn’t pay attention to concerns and needs of students of color.

How would you compare and contrast where you’re from to Madison?

Eddie: Madison’s definitely a smaller city compared to Milwaukee. Madison’s demographics don’t match at all to Milwaukee’s, but I have seen more people from Asia here. Percentage-wise, though, UW-Madison is primarily white. So in that regard, Madison is a lot more white than Milwaukee.

Jaime: Madison is way smaller than LA. Don’t get me wrong, I like Madison, but LA has diversity in literally everything. Probably anything you can think of you can be found in LA. I can go a couple of miles from where I live, and there’s a pho restaurant on every corner, there’s a Korean barbecue place on every block. In Madison, there are very few pho restaurants, very few Korean barbecue places. In terms of food, people around me, and convenience, LA has Madison beat.

The biggest thing, though, is that I almost feel trapped in Madison. Here, there’s Madison, the villages surrounding it, and then cornfields. It’ll take hours before you reach places like Milwaukee, Chicago, or even the Dells. Back home, you’ll have to drive for a while before you reach a non-city area.

Nancy: Madison is a lot smaller. It feels more like a big town. San Francisco is obviously very big and very loud. Madison is quieter but it moves at a pace that’s healthier for life. Everyone is hard-working, but everyone understands that there’s more to life than just that.

Soph: I’m actually pleasantly surprised by the amount of Venezuelan food in Madison. I did not think there was going to be any. And I was so excited to find a Venezuelan restaurant that tastes just like home. Madison also has Peruvian food — and really good Peruvian food, which is something I didn’t really have in Houston. So I was really surprised by the diversity of food here.

Sophia: Between LA and Madison, the distinction of diversity is very obvious. Between Madison and Pewaukee, I would say Madison is far more diverse. I do appreciate the local Indian and Latin restaurants and stores in Madison because it makes it feel a little more like home. In Pewaukee, there are barely any Latin restaurants, which was a difficult adjustment since LA has a variety of stores and restaurants to choose from.

Do you feel that your specific ethnicity/nationality is equally represented in both where you’re from and Madison?

Eddie: No. God, no. Milwaukee, in general, had a good Hispanic community. I don’t really see that here in Madison, other than outreach events hosted by the university.

Jaime: No, not at all. Like I said, in LA, it’s hard to run into someone who’s not Mexican or Latino or even brown. Here, I’ll sometimes look around and think to myself, “Hmm. There’s not a single other Hispanic person in this room.” Sometimes that makes me uncomfortable, but it depends on the situation. It just makes me feel like all eyes are on me. The imposter syndrome will sometimes kick in, where it feels like I don’t belong here. But then I remember that my being the only person color in the room doesn’t mean anything as to how I got here. If anything, it means that I’m trying to put my foot in and make it easier for other people of color down the line.

Nancy: No, absolutely not. It comes back to that cycle I mentioned. My undergrad alone had more Latinx students than I’ve seen here in Madison. But it was also a coast school, so demographics were different. There’s a strong community here, though, and I’ve started to get acquainted with them all. It’s wonderful. There’s some representation, it’s just more low-key and smaller than what I’m used to.

Soph: I’ve only met one other Venezuelan on campus. He and I talked on the “UW-Madison class of 2022” page on Facebook, but I haven’t talked to him in a while. In general, I haven’t met many South American people here. In Houston, you can find them everywhere.

I know other Latinx people here, though. I see them, I talk to them, I teach them. But I feel like we don’t really talk about our cultures. We’re friends for the sake of being friends, not for our heritages.

Sophia: I think my ethnicity is hard to be represented in any city, whether it be LA or Madison. However, it was a lot more accessible for me to interact with more diverse people in LA. My middle school was extremely diverse in comparison to UW-Madison. Classes here consist of very few students of color, whereas a class in my middle school was comprised of students of many backgrounds.

Do you feel comfortable openly discussing your heritage in Madison? Why or why not?

Eddie: I haven’t met anyone that’s been openly racist to me. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that if I were to speak about who I am and my experiences, they won’t jump to conclusions. I mean, I’ve felt microaggressions, but that’s something that comes with being in the minority. So like, when it comes to group projects or discussions, I get a general feeling that other students think I don’t speak English well. They’ll repeat the questions to me or speak to me slowly. Or sometimes people will tell me, “Oh wow, I don’t hear an accent!” when I speak. I know I look different, but speaking differently comes with being a different person.

Jaime: Yes, but not in just my heritage, but about anything. I never realized how important my culture was to me before I moved here. Being able to share it, regardless of who it’s with, is important so that I can keep what lays inside me.

Nancy: I’m not uncomfortable at all. And like I said, maybe it’s because I got lucky and I’ve made wonderful friends that genuinely care and are curious about my heritage. I’ve never felt uncomfortable expressing that I’m Latinx. Madison is very open to that. Maybe I haven’t had that experience yet and maybe I will soon — knock on wood!

Soph: I do but I’m also an open person. I try not to hide anything about myself, I want people to know about me and my culture and what’s going on at home. I feel like it’s important to know, and I want people to know about my family and heritage. I keep coming back to family, but that’s what’s important to me. I really, really just love my heritage and where I come from.

Sophia: I would say that I’m pretty comfortable discussing my heritage in Madison, especially when people seem genuinely interested. It’s important to talk about my heritage and other minority groups on campus to bring awareness. There are many cultures out there and being diverse is an important aspect of society.

Link to article here.

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