#my brain is truly so dead

[fairycosmos]

i need something i cant identify so deeply and intrinsically. surely the answer will be found by scrolling social media 14hrs a day

#my brain is truly so dead #i am so locked into just Surviving #and numbing it all out w screens and drinking

[skitskatdacat63]

Every time I read Fernando cursing in fic, I can only think about this clip and then my brain short-circuits

#i have many feelings i shall not disclose about this clip #but i thought abt it again bcs in some fic i was reading it had fernando saying 'joder' #AND THIS CLIP JUST SHOT DIRECTLY INTO THE FOREFRONT OF MY BRAIN #fernando season 1 truly fed us so well #like seriously that show is a fernando fans wet dream theres just...so much...interesting...stuff... #i kept having to replay this clip bcs aaaahhhhhhhh my god.......the cursing...the low tone...the rolling Rs #wdym this clip is about being ahead in a race? all i can hear is sexy cursing and that it is brilliant :) #and nando himself listening back to the clip and just nodding confidently...I AM DEAD HE KILLED ME #(im not really used to reading Spanish J(too used to English J and German J) so the H sound doesnt really pop into my head immediately) #(so i could never really like visualize Spanish speaking charas saying words like joder in a sexy way) #(and then they showed that part in the show and my brain leaked out of my head) #*not actually strollonso but strollonso in my heart because this clip is how I visualize dom Fernando hehehe #i dont remember the ep i think it was either 4 or 5 #i think itd be funny if it was 4 tho bcs i think that ep had the most insane clips and gave so much content #(that one had kitty fernando/carlando sr gay drama scene/nando getting railed(thematically)/etc) #fernando alonso #fernando(show) #fa14 #formula 1 #formula one #f1 #we do a little bit of f1 #fernando s1e5

[textfromthelookout]

Did you hear of the news?

I have. :(

Everyone else has their tributes so, here, a summary of my experience with Dragon Ball.

I was in fourth grade art class. A kid had the February 2005 issue of Shonen Jump, back when Shonen Jump was still physically printed here. I recognized Atem on the front cover because the Blockbuster around the corner from our house had DVDs (I think they were DVDs and not VHSs then since I distinctly remember it having a menu and special features) of some of the later episodes of Duelist Kingdom and my brother and I watched them on repeat. So I was like oh, hey, what's this? They make books of that stuff? I don't remember the conversation but the kid ended up giving me that issue, and I took it home with me.

There were a LOT of significant, groundwork things happening in that issue, now that I think about it. We were just beginning to see Sanji truly in action against Pearl. The Dark Tournament was in it's early stages still with Roto fucking around and finding out against Kurama. Sakura shears off her hair in a move that rearranged sexualities the world over. The reason Atem was on the cover was because Yu-Gi-Oh Millennium World was just debuting its first and second chapter. Bleach wasn't even serialized yet. And Dragon Ball, of course, was also there, about a hundred and fifty chapters ahead of everybody else.

Keep in mind that this was my first experience with manga, period. So my very first experience with Dragon Ball opened on this:

and ended on this:

Yeah. Truth be told, at the time Yu Yu Hakusho piqued my interest more than Dragon Ball (a guy fighting with plants? how creative!) but I never did forget these chapters. I thought the art style was so different from the others.

At some point after this, probably between several months and a year and a half, the TV happened to be on one evening when Toonami was airing Dragon Ball Z. Oh hey, I said, I recognize that art, I know those characters. So I hung around and watched some of episode 281. Two things about watching that episode stick with absolute crystal clarity in my mind to this day. Firstly: Buu choking Vegeta out with his arm freaked me the FUCK out as a child. I could not tell you why I had a fear reaction to it but hey, there you go. The second is this:

Specifically I remember 'You died once. If anything happens to you now, you won't exist anymore. There'll be nothing I can do to bring you back.' Not precisely word for word over the years, but Schemmel's tone of voice on this particular lineread. If I had to guess I'd say it was because at that point in my life, uh, death was kinda permanent? So wait, what do you mean died ONCE. Doesn't that apply to everyone?

This still wasn't enough to get me super invested in it though, it just didn't seem like something that would appeal to me that much. So a couple years go by, I don't think about it all that much, and then of course, TFS hits the scene and drops DBZ Abridged. So you know. As a shithead middle schooler with a shithead sense of humor I thought it was the best damn thing since sliced bread. (My biggest character flaw is that I still think a lot of Season 1 is genuinely funny)

And that was really the extent of my interaction with the franchise for the next several years. Say what you will about DBZA but they did manage to put it all together such that someone who had a nonexistent concept of what the original context was could grok it with not a lot of effort. Some time in high school, I think I was around 15, I decided to bite the bullet and read all the manga, as much to increase the funny factor of DBZA as sheerly for the sake of being able to say I had. Stick it to the other weebs, y'know. Now they can't say I didn't know anything about good anime. This was unfortunately at a time when all that was available online were dirty poor-quality scans and questionable translations, but read it I did. I went 'yep, that sure is about what I expected', and proceeded to get on with my life. GT came and went, I looked up and saw Battle of Gods coming out and went 'oh hey that's still a thing huh', kinda was peripherally aware of all the divisiveness of Super as it was happening, didn't really pay it much attention, just stuck to DBZA and quite a lot of wiki-ing.

And then, this time of year about three years ago now, in the middle of conversation with @prophecydungeon, Dragon Ball somehow came up. Something to do with 'Even though I'm not hugely into DBZ's story or whatever Toriyama does have some great character designs' (yes I was referring to Vegeta and Future Trunks at the time, no i will not stop being predictable, yes i am a parody of myself). They eventually brought up the DBS Broly movie and said, and i quote: 'that was a solid 1.5h of unbelievably fun and wacky animation'. Having seen the Gogeta vs Broly part of it on twitter and been like 'damn that animation's kinda off the hook actually, good for them good for them', my response was to be like. Oh word? I've got a spare hour and a half to kill, sure, fuck it, why not, time to watch DBS Broly.

I think that movie was precision crafted to hit me in the hyperfixation, if we're being honest. Opening on a solid 20 minutes of Lore and Worldbuilding and then having most of the rest of the runtime being mindless slobberknocker fun by way of some of the hardest animation flexes ever? I was done for.

In summation. I have been aware of Dragon Ball for a lot of my life, in that its presence was pervasive and enduring as I grew up. I may have been late to the game of actually wholeheartedly enjoying it, but enjoy it I do. Dragon Ball is the roots of a vast tree of anime, and in reading it I began to understand why that is. I respect it for that, and I love it for that. My current fixation may have shifted, but as far as time devoted to one individual thing goes... it took me a year and a half to watch my way through all of the anime and read all of the manga. ALL of it. So there's something good in there, I'd say.

#rip to a legend #text from the mod #tangentially related: i am not actually dead #it's just that between school and my job and the pirate brainrot #(the previous four months of which was feverishly consumed with a 16k word project) #i have had neither time nor impetus to make dragon ball funnies #there is also the fact that my stupid autism brain is still fuming over the website changes #that have fucked up the Aesthetique of the text posts and made them much more annoying to get in a usable form #thus adding steps to what was a simple and comfortable process #and aforementioned idiot dumb brain has not stopped pitching a bitch fit over the inconvenience. #i know it's a stupid hangup. believe me i am fully aware. but there is so little i can do about it #so i am sorry about my long absence. i really truly am. #especially to the asks that have been chillin in my inbox for all this time now #it's just that they're interesting questions that deserve me giving 100% of my brainpower to them ya feel #i want to devote appropriate attention to these little funnies and not phone it in or half ass it LOL

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle” #I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!! #I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔 #I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff - #- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong” #at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

[verflares]

i feel like i could write an entire mini-essay thing on why draconification rules as a narrative thingy + why it, the dragons and the thematic of immortality/undeath are so relevant and impactful towards botw/totks characters and themes as a whole. like i WONT because it really is just text thats already there. but i could .

#i loveeeee it. its so miserable and tragic and so fun for my brain to munch on #i am learning that miyazaki (fromsoft) tends to include dragons and humans wanting to Become dragons as a common theme in his work #theres this futile pursuit of immortality and the punishment of it (often humans being trapped in ugly half-man-half-draconic states) #or they become wyrms who are trapped to roam the earth with wings that aren't even large enough to fly and support their own weight (hubris #and of course the entire loss of identity that comes with all of that.. its rebirth in the truest sense of the word. nothing is left of you #in botw/totks case too. defying death but losing everything that made you who you were. are you still dead? are you even truly alive? #its interesting too because of how sacrificial its portrayed in botw/totk. it really highlights the unwitting nature of the whole thing #OKAY ANYWAYS. elden ring and fromsoftware good. i am just constantly loz brained also #personal.txt

[castlesinchaos]

I read solitaire last night and I’m actually much worse now thank you for asking.

You can’t just say

“I don’t want people to try and understand why I’m the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I don’t understand yet.”

and expect me to be perfectly okay afterwards. It’d be easier to ask me to disassemble the known universe atom by atom and then put it back together again.

#how do I get a restrainting order against Alice Oseman for trespassing into my brain and putting my thoughts into words #I genuinely have so many things to say about this book that I cannot find the right combination of letters to tell the world with #i hate it I love it I’m dead I’m alive I’m sick I’m elated I’m on the brink I’ve never been better #i don’t want to like this book or relate to this book or let it affect me but then I am put into a chokehold by the similarities between us #us being Tori spring and yours truly #god this book is living in my head rent free #the entire osemanverse is #tiny talks #heartstopper #solitaire #solitaire alice oseman #alice oseman #Tori spring #Victoria spring #sprolden #micheal Holden #Charlie spring #nick Nelson #tiny talks books

[rangerdoubt]

:weep:

#I THINK YOURE LONELY #(and you are. so lonely. so lonely that you’re numb to it) #(and when people start to matter to you again it’s going to be like the blood coming back into frostbitten limbs and you’re gonna fucking #HATE IT) #god. this with ‘you haven’t felt warm in years’ in therapy. #the relentless cold clinical cynicism underneath the layer of whimsy #also: if nothing is truly dead if it is remembered then elmo my guy you have named yourself after possibly the most ominous #brain ghost in existence. you couldn’t have been an anathema or something??? #fhr: ellian lam

[six-of-ravens]

this might be one of those days where i post every chore I do bc I need the motivation to actually do them

#after 4 office days my social battery is dead and i do truly want to go full sophie from howls moving castle on this apartment #clean the shit out of it. cook some bacon and eggs. make myself feel better. not talk to another human for like 24 hours except maybe mom #but also. couch comfy #ive had like 4 nights in a row with less than 6 hours of sleep which is partly why im so burnt out too #but also the cure for that is to legitimately wear myself out physically so i sleep without having to fight the brain demons tonight

[a-lilypad]

i just got the life completely sucked out of me by a lecture, barty crouch jr style

#i hit like twenty minutes left and my brain was so fogged up my head was dropping #i wrote over 2000 words of just notes #i don’t think i’ve ever done that much work in just a lecture #i really truly feel completely dead #i’m a shell of myself #a hollow creature #how i love being a student #barty crouch jr

[craycraybluejay]

If I wanted to, I could, and worse, you would let me

#and my delusions and aches need healing #and i need you #to love me enough for me not to want to force my love on you #and my rational mind wherever it is knows you do it knows it does #it knows #but. the irrational mind wants some kind of Proof #it wants to force to feed to get inside and look around #nothings ever enough for me i want inside #soft and warm like the womb #you know it #the sick me wants you to somehow prove everything ever #proof of love. proof that im not the only monster. proof of protection of care of empathy of trust of acceptance #its never enough but to be fair you and i both know who made me this way #of course there were many but there are catalysts and then there are nothing-people #prove it to me #i look at you and i feel like youre slipping away someone else has their guts on you someone else has convinced you they are worth your tim #but theyre pathetic and not poetic about it. weak and spineless. they USE YOU to make themselves look strong they USE YOU to talk shit at t #they are useless so they use you like me. and i know i cannot rush it cannot learn your lessons for you #i can't convince you of whats dangrous or cruel until you live it until it breaks your golden heart #but i wish i could protect you from all that somehow #and too i wish a million years would pass and you were as dark as me and as kind as you #its selfish but i hate to see you truly hurt i hate it. it makes me so violently angry. my brain turns off i cant help it #you hurt so Easy you're so very soft but every tiny cruelty that hurts you i want to completely erase off this earth #i dont care if its alive if its helpless if it doesnt know better i dont care if it didnt mean to all i want to do is prove to you show you #keep you safe and cared for #its irrational. i'd put away honour and hurt someone weaker than me if it made you happy if it made you feel safe #i wish i could eliminate the real threat but i cant im trying #you make me crazy and you make me feel normal and simple and human. i know everything about you-- i want to know more #my irrational brain doesn't even register accepted right and wrong only what it considers significant and important. my rational brain read #it like a million page rulebook. be normal be good don't hurt anyone don't get dead don't act before you think

[4giorno]

if tadpole powers bad, why animations so cool?

#omg i got the power that makes a blast if youre currently using a spell that uses concentration #and it looks so cool your character like starts levitating and dark purple/red mist comes from them to the whole room #and their pose is rlly menacing and theres all the monster bits that appear........ #ive consumed like 5 of them now. but i think i have to stop bc even tho i think its what he would do im rlly afraid i truly fucked up #the whole story LMAO like in the brain interface the areas you unlock like turn colorless and dead #and kar1ach said that im now 'more mindflayer than [something]' so im gonna hope my guys not completely lost yet ⚰️ #anyway im stuck i cant find the silent library 💀 #(im gonna have to* hope my guys not completely lost. im so tired im forgetting so many words from my sentences 😩)

[impossible-rat-babies]

not the titania leitmotif playing during the pixie quests like I’m crying chief

#something about the fae in 14 makes my brain juice go #esp doing the anden quests ;—; #but the pixie beast tribe quests esp and how it’s like….death doesn’t truly happen #even in titania’s case they didn’t truly die #bc they live on in an lad #something about death not being the end in ShB gets me #both in saddest cases of the sin eaters existence #and in cases that the dead aren’t truly dead so long as we remember them #owen plays ffxiv #shadowbringers spoilers

[age-of-moonknight]

“Dead Reckoning,” Moon Knight: City of the Dead (Vol. 1/2023), #3.

Writer: David Pepose; Penciler: Sean Damien Hill; Inker: Jay Leisten; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Moon Knight: City of the Dead #Moon Knight comics #latest release #Moon Knight #Marc Spector #Scarlet Scarab #Layla el-Faouly #the over-the-top action the dialogue all feels so…late 80’s hahaha #but nonetheless I remain fascinated by Marc and Randall’s dynamic #despite Randall being one of Marc’s longest running antagonists #(particularly if you don’t count Moon Knight’s occasional beefs with Jack Russel) #I still feel sometimes that there’s something to be explored between these two brothers #the endless cycle of the chase; #is Randall truly more ruthless or just a crystalized reflection of Marc? (I have some half-formed opinions on that #but it would be a good premise for discussion) #like I’m racking my brain (and I guess I need to review hahaha) but there’s probably something there to be discussed between them #about Elias’ passing (I wonder if Lemire ever got asked where Randall was during his volume’s flashbacks alshshsk) #but anyway #definitely don’t think those sorts of things are going to be discussed in this comic #but in the meantime I’ll enjoy Moon Knight steering a ship straight into a giant crocodile #and I’m looking forward to what seems to be a trip down Moon Knight comic history lane next month #a treat for at least me personally hahaha

[babisawyer]

people being more upset about a woman breastfeeding her husband over the dude eating raw meat on my strange addiction is.....hilarious.

#🐇 #I get it I enjoy the smell of raw meat but like I've had salmonella before girl so no thanks but my issue is the way he speaks about it #talking about how much he loves raw organs. eating adrenal glands and how he learned to cut and crack open a skull to get the brains #out without damaging it and learning how to remove eyes with a complete dead look in his eyes was truly bone chilling to watch #and this is even more so than the lady who was slowly cannibalizing her dead husband #but then there was a doctor and a therapist who were both like is breastfeeding your partner the norm? no. but it's fine #this is like last week or whatever on 90 day fiance when everyone made sure to scream on twitter about how they were NOT okay with jasmine #and gino's piss kink and how disgusting it was like grow up!!!! #anyway I'm not condemning the raw meat guy either I mean the doctor said e.coli is completely ravaging his body and he says he thinks it'll #be fine but like whatever makes you happy dude I just hope I don't see you on dateline any time soon #anyway once again I'm begging you all to be more normal about sex

[pagesofkenna]

every day i'm tempted to go back to Metal Flowers (my knives!Hanakaki kanej fic) and edit the like two lines where the cure condition is described as feelings being reciprocated, into the cure condition being feelings confessed, and change nothing else

#the only reason i havent done it yet i guess is that it feels weird to make what's technically a big plot change on something published? #but like. it would truly be just two lines changed #and its SO much funnier to have kaz coughing up blood in the attic pissed at his own impending dead #and refusing to even acknowledge the one (1) thing he needs to do to safe his own life because it means recognizing his own emotions #like even in that published draft it was never 'gosh im mad i'm gonna die because she'd never love me' #it was 'i cant believe im dying for such a stupid reason and letting inej down and i havent even killed pekka yet' #like truly nothing really changes in this updated concept except kaz's emotional constipation is what almost kills him #AND the flowers arent 'inej loves him back so he's saved' but #'inej has enough emotional intelligence to realize what he was accidentally saying even though HE doesn't even' #im so funny y'all sometimes my brain does a good and this fic was one of them