#my dear guillermo

[cottoncandysprite]

As absolutely feral as the idea of guillermo with a scythe alone makes me, the scene around it is far far worse :)

#actively sobbing while writing it #is it really a season finale if i dont sob my eyes out over the characters losing everything they hold dear #wwdits #season 4.5 #guillermo de la cruz

[suddenrundown]

i love guillermo de la cruz. this slayer who could take out any of the vampires he lives with without much effort but chooses to steadily serve and love them instead, brushing off their attempts to put him down and consistently being like “anyone else feeling the found family vibes around here or do i have to walk into the room again?”

#what we do in the shadows #guillermo de la cruz #nadja #laszlo #nandor #the episode where they mourn colin robinson and he's like ''we're a family guys of course we're mourning :( " #and then this episode he's like ''nadja's my family and so are the rest of the vamps i live with'' #son boy. he's dear to me #guillermo i know you're gay but like please call me i just wanna talk

[colorofchroma]

i think gulliermo would make the polycule watch la mas draga

#guillermo de la cruz #this is an hc very near and dear to my heart bc i love la mas draga #me vas a decir que este joto no va estar tuned into la mas draga???

[palatial-monstrosity]

help the horrors have seen nbc hannibal

#not a great choice for my lunch break. dear god #guillermo del toro's cabinet of curiosities

[electric-rabbits]

Since I started wwdits I always said the two only possible directions for Nandor and Guillermo were them either fucking or killing each other. With the team behind the show saying Nandermo won't be together anytime soon, it's time for me to start campaigning for my second ideal finale: Let Guillermo Kill That Old Man

#Listen. I love Nandor #But the idea of Guillermo killing him on purpose has always been dear to me #It might just be my communist soul cheering for the death of an employee but still

[katamarei]

my dad has sent the same image of me from when I was like a sophomore in college (so um. like 6 years ago?) and I KNOW he's trying to be sweet but I hate it so much. like I'm at work sneaking food behind the counter (we used to work together) in my gayass pink pixie cut and my apron is pulling my shirt up and you can see how my pants are falling down and this was back when I weighed like 120 pounds so it's just like, christ I have gotten so fat. and that really wasn't That long ago?? just please God stop making me look at this image it makes me want to disappear

#I also never know what to say to him in response. like he doesn't send any text along with it JUST the accursed image #it's just like 1: unflattering 2: retroactively realizing how fucking gay I looked to my dad (who I am NOT out to bc he would Not like it) #3: feeling like shit about my body and my life and just everything in general #sorry I hate being like this publicly but I gotta put these thoughts somewhere. #I am clinging onto that Guillermo del Toro quote about turning 30 for dear fucking life. please be true PLEASE

[beansprean]

My Familiar’s Ghost part 63

Masterpost

New pages on Patreon!

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1. Waist up of vampire Guillermo on the couch as Nadja bursts into frame, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and pressing their cheeks together in an ecstatic hug. They both grin wildly, eyes squeezed shut, Guillermo's arms flying up automatically as he is rocked back by the force of her embrace. Nadja crows, 'You are, you sweet, dear, stupid boy!' 2. Repeat. Nadja settles into the hug, practically in Guillermo's lap, clasping her hands together over his shoulder and nuzzling her temple against his. Dolly comes into frame to join, smiling and boosting herself up with one tiny hand on Guillermo's arm. Guillermo smiles down at her shakily and puts his arm around her, still seeming a bit startled and touched by the affection. Dolly says, 'I told you it would work.' Nadja replies, eyes still closed, 'Yes, yes, we are a genius.' 3. Close up on Nandor as he recovers from Guillermo's hands on him, brushing fingers against his own cheek and aiming a self-deprecating chuckle at the floor. There is still some smeared blood visible on the left side of his neck where feral Guillermo's claws had pierced him. Offscreen, the Nadjas continue talking. Dolly shrieks, 'We?!' Nadja replies, 'Any brains of yours are brains of mine! I may even have brains you don't.' Dolly snaps back, 'Your brains are cluttered with 500 years of useless skatá!' 4. Repeat. Nandor's hand moves to cup his throat, feeling where feral Guillermo had gripped him. His expression tightens into a frown, a serious or worrisome thought suddenly passing through his mind. Offscreen, the Nadjas continue talking. Dolly says, 'I bet you can't even remember the name of our first donkey!' Nadja mumbles uncertainly, 'Errmm... Gyar... Gaidrr...?' /end ID

#wwdits #my familiars ghost #nandermo #mlm #vampire guillermo #guillermo de la cruz #nadja of antipaxos #nadja doll #nandor the relentless #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows fx #my art #fanart #fan comic #image described

[mycroftpedvia]

ALRIGHT since y’all are asking for this here’s NANDOR’s compilation: MY dear Guillermo, MY sweet sweet Guillermo, MY familiar, MY bodyguard, MY friend, MY fucking guy, MY closest companion

#honestly i just need him to say MY GUILLERMO once #can’t believe it’s been only four episodes #i mean wtf he’s gonna say next #wwdits spoilers #wwdits #nandermo #wwdits s4 #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandor x guillermo #what we do in the shadows s4 #what we do in the shadows

[weakformemo]

Guillermo is my familiar

My dear Guillermo

My sweet, sweet Guillermo

My poor dear thing

My furry little friend

Once my familiar, also my bodyguard, always my friend.

My fucking guy!

My closest companion of 13 years

My best man

The evolution from familiar to best man will always make me emotional.

Also: WE GET IT, NANDOR! GUILLERMO IS YOURS!

#nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #wwdits #wwdits season 5 #what we do in the shadows

[nandorscloak]

Nothing changed; everything changed.

Colin Robinson is back, but he left a child sized hole that deflated Laszlo and Guillermo’s entire world.

Laszlo. “Sounds like life goals achieved.” Now what? What do you have, Laszlo Cravensworth, that can fill the whole in your heart? Your little boy is gone, as well as all his memories, leaving you with nothing but a race car bed and the tinkling keys of a piano.

Guillermo packing away the toys like someone finally putting away their dreams, and still going to Nandor one last time. Not even to ask to be made into a vampire, just seeking some reason to stick around. Leaving behind his family, and putting a payment down on the life he always wanted (the one he always hoped love and devotion would grant him).

Nandor. My dumbest bitch. I truly do think at the end of season 3 he was on the verge of an emotional breakthrough, and I think season 4 began with him trying to muddle through somehow. He wanted love and affection. He tried every wish he could to get it. But he gradually wore himself down because that’s not the kind of thing you can build on your own, even with a Djinn’s help, and now he’s back where he’s started. Depressed. Closed off. Not the creepy-paper man we’ve grown to love.

Nadja, my dear ladywife with a loud voice, tired of being ignored in Europe and learning to scream while she was away. Nadja trying to bully her way into success and shuffling backwards every two steps, only to come back to her house of stupid, depressed morons. She was the most unaffected this season, but there’s definitely strife building between her and the Guide. And just like her dumb morons, she herself can be a dumb moron who’s unwilling to change. The Guide could have helped the whole time. Nadja had all the tools and help to make her nightclub successful- she had literal talent at her fingertips- but they weren’t as important as her version of the plan. The same way Guillermo’s idea about brainwashing the headmaster wasn’t as important as sticking to Nadia’s plan.

Unchangeable. Relentless as time itself. Literally rotting at the foundation. Hoping for change is something futile to the vampires. That’s what this season has hammered in over and over.

But Guillermo’s not a vampire. Guillermo’s a fundamental part of their rotting foundation- and he’s on the move to shake things up.

‘It only gets darker from here.’ But I think there was a reason for this season being so dark. They had two more seasons guaranteed. I think this season needed to happen to help destroy the previous stagnancy of the show. I think it was time to lay a new foundation.

But the one consistent element of the show is that Guillermo will always protect the vampires. He loves them. They are his family. And whatever happens next, whether he’s turned or it all goes wrong, I think that will still be true. He’s their body guard, their heart guard. Their familiar. He’s what’s familiar.

I lost the point of this. Anyways, can we get an episode next season of the household + Sean doing an Ocean’s 12 style heist to get the witches hat back from Simon the Devious? I think we’ve earned it.

#wwdits spoilers #wwdits #what we do in the shadows

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round one of the major bracket

Propaganda:

For Nandor and Guillermo:

I feel like accessory to murder and cause of the murder counts, right? 

Classic vampire/human who wants to be a vampire except there's an understanding in the show of how messed up that is, down to Guillermo helping chop up the bodies of Nandor's victims to hide them for him. Then there's the added wrinkle of Guillermo finding out he's a vampire hunter by blood and actually very good at killing vampires. There is more than one incredibly erotically charged scene with Guillermo holding a stake to Nandor's chest. Their dynamic is fantastically complex, from Guillermo starting as Nandor's somewhat disgruntled servant to him besting the vampire in combat and becoming his bodyguard, to Guillermo getting tired of waiting and getting another vampire to turn him leading to a long jealousy arc culminating in Nandor nearly killing him... there's just so much going on with these two. Nandor flew to space just to impress Guillermo. They do a number of heinous things to humans and vampires alike, but through it all they are so in love and so rich with pining. One of these days they'll kiss, I'm sure of it. It's just a monumental slow burn with many vampiric atrocities along the way.

They aren't romantically canon yet, but dear lord. Both are canon queer, Guillermo is specifically gay while nandor is mentioned to be pansexual in interviews. Yeah they are everything and nothing. They fought and can kill eachother but they literally can't do it emotionally. Also forbidden love trope, vampire x vampire slayer /familiar/ body gaurd / best man. They make me unwell.

For John and Jack:

So, they both are literal murders. One of them is a little bit more insane than the other. Okay, the little bit part is not right, totally insane that is John, yes. But gonna love him though. He had been in rehab for alcohol, drugs, sex and murder. Don't kiss him, he might be wearing poisoning lipstick. They are canon mlm. They had been stuck in a two week time loop for five years, which was like leading a married life for them. They didn't actually marry, but they were partners, both in business and sexually. They worked together for an time agency. Then Jack's memories of two years were erased and he left. He went into  independent self deployment, doing scams using his knowledge of future events. After that he build an alien hunting institute in Cardiff, Wales. When John and Jack see eachother again after years, you don't know whether they will they kiss or fight. They do both. Did I tell you that along this story Jack became an inmortal who can't stay dead? No matter how or how often he dies or is killed, he keeps coming back to life. This is all very scraping on the surface, but oh boy, would it be at least a novella to describe them.

They worked together in the Time Agency where they did horrible things to the extent where Jack had two years of his memory stolen so that he couldn’t know what he’d done. They were also in a time loop together for five years where they canonically thought of each other as the wife (John was a good wife :3), and were basically married. Then they had a divorce arc and they both separately went rogue from the Agency to become conmen, although they still worked together/clashed on occasions, always still with that spark of passion. “Frenemies with benefits” Jack called them once, although John preferred “my lover, my rival, my nemesis and destiny. And bane of my bloody life.” Canon finds us where Jack has tried to reform and be a better person, but John is still chasing cons, and all he wants to do is bring Jack back to the stars with him, back to the crime and the glitter of the galaxies (it doesn’t work and he shoves Jack off a building but Jack got himself immortal so he’s fine <3) anyway I am very normal about them xoxo

In John's introduction to the series he shows up on a roof where some guy is mugging someone, grabs him by the throat and dangles him over the edge of the building while this guy begs for his life before dropping him just because he felt like it. When John and Jack interact for the first time in the show there's a super cool guitar riff, very evil western vibes, they walk up to each other, look deeply into each other's eyes, make out, then start throwing punches to Blur's Song 2. In one of the audio dramas we're told about various times where these two conned people, stole a bunch of money and gold and gems and stuff, then had sex with whoever it is they conned before (sometimes) killing them. When Jack devided he was done and left John to die John escaped and married the queen of England (Victoria) then locked Jack up somewhere to take his life force and live forever, destroying the timeline in the process. John has tried to kill all of Jack's friends at least twice to have him all to himself. He found Jack's long lost brother and when the brother turned out to be a terrible person with a vendetta against Jack John did everything he could to save Jack. Their relationship is canon but very one-sided most of the time

just this video

#gay wrongs tournament round 1 #wwdits #torchwood #what we do in the shadows #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #john hart #jack harkness

[ladykeane]

Since the WWDITS brainrot is still absolutely rampant, I thought the only natural course of action was to attempt building the Staten Island vampire house in the Sims. This is available for download in the S4 Gallery under my creator ID Wuffums27. No CC but a helluva lotta DLC.

I downloaded Mutotoru's version of the vampires so I could watch Nandor and Guillermo make out so I could play them.

Laszlo's garden of "pussy" topiaries lol

I am so so happy I could give Colin Robinson the "Cringe" trait

Guillermo's little alcove, poor dear (that's a copy of "Dusk-light" on his night-table)

I couldn't resist reuniting Nandor w John (don't worry, it's overcast enough for him not to burn in the sun)

Then there's these random photos. Details unkown.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #sims #sims 4 #sims 4 build #nandermo #i'm not sorry

[torturedpoetemotions]

Baby darling sweetheart honey sugar BAH.

How about My dear Guillermo

My sweet Guillermo

My dear sweet Guillermo

My sweet, sweet Guillermo

My little friend

My furry little friend

Rascal

Little rascal

Vampire killer

Hmm? How about that?

#terms of endearment #wwdits #nandermo

[gorey-maiden]

The struggles of being a teen vampire | WWDITS | lazlo, Nadja and nandor x platonic! Musician Teen vampire fem reader |

I’ve had this idea for a while :p

Summary: reader is a vampire struggling with every day teen angst since she was bitten at the age of sixteen hundreds of years ago

“They keep getting on my nerves, I love them I really do because they are my family but I want to tear there heads off” reader states slumping back in her chair as the camera crew interviewed her“they keep wanting to spend time with me I never get any privacy” she rolls her eyes balling her fist “I’ve literally been with them for hundreds of years since I was bitten”

“Now this way” Nadja motioned with her hand as the walked down the hallway with the cameras, Guillermo following along side her “um Nadja? I don’t think we should bother reader she seems to be in a mood today” Guillermo looks back at the cameras stress evident on his face “I’m sure she’s fine just a mood swings is all” Nadja Brushes him off. They arrived at a door, it has ‘do not cross’ tape all over it along with a sign ‘KNOCK FIRST’ “she definitely has a unique way of decorating” Nadja sighs. Loud music can be heard through the door. Nadja opens the door “oh reader we just-“ the cameras focus on a dark silhouette, reader was hunched over sitting on her bed the laptop light illuminating her face, loud metal music was blaring through the room the only lights on where old red Christmas lights that where strung around and the many candles which sat everywhere. Posters of her favorite horror movies and bands stuck all over the walls. Her bed wasn’t a coffin but a large bed draped with red satin sheets and a black Canopy over top“GET OUT” reader yells, she grabs a book off of her nightstand and throws it at the door. Guillermo shuts the door quickly before anyone got hit. “Well…that was interesting” Nadja says looking at the camera.

“We’re all…slightly scared of reader” lazlo says looking Nadja “she is very powerful for such a young vampire, her type is a “soul vampire” they slowly suck the soul out of others” Nadja nods “we’ve seen it first hand, pretty gross” lazlo finishes.

Reader decided since they wanna hang out so badly with her she’d drag them along with her to do something she actually is passionate about.

“Everyone! Come to the fancy room, reader wants to tell us something!” Nandor calls. Everyone walks into the room sitting down “well..” reader starts fidgeting with her rings “I wanted to invite you all to a show my band is doing tonight” reader says “really? Oh dear that’s amazing of course we’ll attend” lazlo says with a smile “great, but one rule, no killing.” Reader states crossing her arms. They all sigh but agree “fine”

Should I continue this?

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #x reader #x teen!reader #nandor the relentless #lazlo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos

[mothguillotine]

Is It Still Family Dinner If You Can't Eat?

When you wake up, the sun has just about gone down. Nandor is still sleeping, and during the night, you had moved to lay on top of his chest. You just lay there for a bit, enjoying the feeling of being pressed into Nandor. A few minutes later, you feel him starting to move. 

"Good evening," you tell Nandor, looking up at him resting your chin on your hands, "I didn't realize that you are a cuddler."

"Why would I not?" he asks you, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't know," you say, "not that I mind it."

You both lay on the bed for a while, talking, until you hear a commotion down the hall. At first, you think that luckily, it doesn't involve you until your door is thrown open. Standing on the other side is Guillermo, who looks shocked. 

"GUILLERMO!" You and Nandor yell at the same time. 

"AHHH!" Guillermo shouts and covers his eyes.

"Shut the door!" You yell at him, which he does quickly.

On the other side of the door, Guillermo is looking directly into the camera, and he looks traumatized.

_________________________________________

Downstairs Nadja and Laszlo are sitting down in front of the camera, and they look pleased. 

"Our plan, it finally worked." Nadja says smiling, "Our dear friends have finally fucked. After so many days of managing them they haven't been able to get their hands off each other."

They both stop for a moment and the sounds of moaning can be heard echoing from upstairs. 

"Unfortunately an unforeseen consequence of this has been the noise." Laszlo says, "It has been making my dear wife and I very horny." 

"I honestly don't know how much more I can take," she says, "you know what. I am done."

Nadja stands up and rips off her microphone. She leaves the room and Laszlo quickly takes off his own microphone as well. They both move up the stairs at a fast rate while the crew closely follows behind. 

When they approach the door the sounds of moaning become louder and louder. The crew, still filming, watch as Laszlo knocks on the door and the moaning suddenly stops. A few moments later Nandor is peeking out of the door. 

The crew is unable to hear anything said by the vampires but they continue to watch them. Nandor turns back into the room, presumably to tell you something, and then Nandor opens the door. Nadja and Laszlo move quickly into the room and the crew runs down the hall. When they get there they hear the moaning start back up with new voices.

_________________________________________

Later in the evening you and Nandor are sitting together on the sofa in front of the fireplace. You are both reading books that you found in the library. His arm is wrapped securely around you and is pulling you into him. The last few days have been spent together and honestly you are at the happiest you've ever been, the only thing that could make it better is having your best friend with you.

Over the last few days with Nandor you have been surprised with how much he's told you about his past. The stories range from twenty to six hundred years ago. He tells you about Al Qolnidar and his time as a general during the Ottoman Empire. 

You tell him about how you moved from the Midwest when you were nine and moved to Staten Island. The entire time you are talking he is fully invested in what you are saying. It's nice to actually be listened to by someone and you never expected that person to be Nandor. 

The one thing it felt like you didn't really talk about was what the thing between you was. It felt silly to call him your boyfriend, the man is over 600 years old and the term ‘boyfriend’ doesn't really fit him. You guys have fucked quite a few times and not once have you had a conversation about how you both feel. 

“Master,” Guillermo says standing in the doorway, “Laszlo wishes to see you in the front yard.”

“Coming, Guillermo.” he says back and stands up, “I will be right back, my dove.”

You stay sitting at the sofa and check your phone. Still nothing from Oscar, you honestly expected for him to understand what had happened but you were wrong. Over the past few days you have realized that if Oscar doesn’t want to be in your life anymore you should let him go, as much as you want him in your life. 

_________________________________________

Guillermo had been observing you over the last few days. He had noticed that while you were happy it was obvious something was bothering you. He knew what it was, given the amount you were checking your phone to see if Oscar had texted you back yet and honestly it was starting to concern him. Guillermo knew that the last thing you wanted to do was hurt Oscar and you did that, unfortunately. 

Guillermo felt as though if Oscar could see how much you were hurting over what happened, your relationship may be repaired. What he also knew is that if you found out what he was planning you would stop him and so would any of the vampires, given how negatively he reacted the other day. So he would have to do this in secret. Guillermo puts his plan into action. He knows he needs a reason to get out of the house covertly. He quickly asks around to see if anyone needs anything from the store. 

When he has his list of items that people need he exits the house. Outside Guillermo sees Nandor and Laszlo speaking with Sean on the front lawn. He just knows that this is gonna be tricky to get out of here without drawing attention to himself. He tries his hardest to sneak by unnoticed and stays in the shadows as much as possible while moving slowly. Unfortunately when Guillermo is nearly at the edge of the lawn he is seen by Sean.

“G-money,” Sean yells, “get over here. We were just talking about Nandors new girl, over here”

“Yes, we were just talking about my girlfriend.” Nandor tells him proudly when gets close to the fence.

“Your girlfriend?” Guillermo asks.

“Yes, Gizmo.” Laszlo says, “Keep up.”

“Okay, well anyways, Master, do you need anything from the store?” Guillermo asks, “Nadja asked me to-”

“Guillermo I am busy, please leave.” Nandor dismisses him.

“Okay master.” Guillermo says and turns to leave.

“Wait, Guillermo.” Nandor says and Guillermo is worried he is caught, “Can you get more candles? They make a very romantic atmosphere.”

“Of course, Master.” he tells him realizing that nobody actually cares if he leaves or not and this whole plan was a waste.

_________________________________________

After amusing Sean for a while and agreeing to go with him on a ‘guys trip’ the next weekend, Nandor was finally allowed to go back inside. Even though he longed to spend time with you he was forced to sit down in front of the camera.

“Over the past few weeks I have realized something. I think I have finally found the vampire I wish to spend the rest of my life with.” Nandor tells the camera, “After centuries of searching I am finally done.”

“I know that we have only been together for a short amount of time,” Nandor says, “but after being around for centuries I know when someone is right for me.” 

_________________________________________

When Guillermo arrives at Oscar's apartment he takes a few moments before going to knock. He gathers himself and thinks about what he will tell Oscar, but when he goes to the door and knocks it's like all of his brain cells leave. Then Oscar opens the door and Guillermo really can't think of anyone to say.

“Guillermo, right?” Oscar asks, “What are you doing here? Are you going to kidnap me again? Because if you are, I really would prefer it if you didn't.”

“No!” Guillermo says suddenly, “I just want to know if you want to see her?”

“Listen, I know that she is upset but I don't know if I can be around her anymore. I can barely wrap my mind around the whole ‘vampires are real’ thing and on top of that my best friend is one.” he tells Guillermo, “I love her so much but it's just too much for me right now.”

“Okay.” Guillermo says.

“Really?” he asks, “That simple? You aren't trying to trick me or anything, right?” 

“No, I just-” Guillermo starts, “I can get how it is a lot. I just wanted to tell you how bad she's been since you came over. She didn't tell me to come or anything. Honestly if she found out that I was here she might eviscerate me.”

“Well that would be a shame.” Oscar tells him, “You are too cute for disembowelment.” 

“I- um… what?” Guillermo asks but Oscar just smiles.

“Do you want to come in and have some tea or coffee? or maybe something stronger?” Oscar asks him.

“uhh- yeah. That would be nice.” Guillermo says.

_________________________________________

At home you are cleaning up a bit, while Guillermo is using the one picking up, whenever the mood strikes you get into the zone. You decided to clean up the foyer and turn on some tunes. 

Living with the vampires you do unfortunately the are absolutely fucking horrible at using techniques which means many things are out of date in the house. Such as instead of having a tv with spotify on it they had a historical record player. 

This just did not work for you, mostly because the only music they had is original recordings. So when you moved in you brought your record player, with a variety of albums. For this particular job you knew that you needed a fun record so you decided on ABBA.

“YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN. YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY SEVENTEEN!!!” you sing.

“Are you singing a song from Mamma Mia?!” Nadja asks you excitedly.

“uh, yeah. I guess.” you tell her, “I mean this particular recording is the one from the band.”

“The band?” she asks.

“Well, yeah. The songs that they use in the movie are by the band ABBA.” You tell her.

“I want to hear more.” she tells you when the record comes to an end.

“Okay.” you tell her picking up your ABBA albums, “Pick out which one.”

You and Nadja spend time listening to your albums when you give up on cleaning, until Nandor and Laszlo return from outside. As soon as they get back in the house Lazslo and Nadja retire to their room. Which leaves you and Nandor by yourselves in the library.

“What took you so long?” you ask him when he sits on the couch.

“Sean, our neighbor, was very chatty tonight,” he tells you as you get pulled into his lap.

“Oh yeah? What did you talk about?” you ask, sinking into him while bringing your hand up to play with the ends of his hair.

“He wanted to talk about going up to his cabin next weekend for a ‘guys trip’.” he tells you, “he was also asking about you.”

“Oh, me?” You ask confused, “What did he say?”

“Well, he was just wondering who you were,” he tells you, “I just told him that you are my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?” You ask him, “I'm your girlfriend?”

You were right when you had thought it to be weird to refer to Nandor as your ‘boyfriend’ but the look on his face when he called you his girlfriend was unrivaled. Over the last few days, you had wondered what exactly your relationship was, and the idea that he decided to say that you were boyfriend-girlfriend was kinda funny.

“Is that not what humans call the people they are courting?” he asks you confused.

“No. I mean, yeah, it is, but I mean, you just never asked me to be your girlfriend.” You tell him.

“Oh, I just thought that the ‘stuff’ that we were doing meant you wanted to be with me.” he tells you and he looks sad.

“No, I do.” you tell him, “I just want you to ask me.”

“Okay. Will you be my girlfriend?” Nandor asks you.

“Yes, of course I will.” you tell him and go to kiss him. Both of you stay on the sofa for a while, chatting and kissing. 

“Master!” Guillermo announces, “I'm back!”

“Oh, hey Guillermo,” you greet him when he enters the library, “Where did you go?”

“Oh, uh, just to the store.” he tells you, “Nadja needed some things.”

“Okay,” you say, “You found everything that you needed?”

“Oh yeah,” Guillermo says, “found it all.” 

“Okay?” you say, starting to get suspicious. Guillermo may be able to trick the rest of your housemates but you could tell something was up.

_________________________________________

Guillermo was starting to feel really bad about what he had done. At first he had focused on helping your and Oscar's relationship but after a few glasses of wine he had lost the point of the conversation. He wasn't quite sure at what point it had led to his bedroom but it did. 

Seeing you in the library had made him feel even more guilty than before. He wasn't supposed to be at Oscar's apartment much less fucking him. Guillermo honestly did know which one you would be more upset about. 

He knew that ‘that’ couldn't happen again. No matter how much he enjoyed spending time with Oscar or how he honestly didn't feel that bad, but he felt bad about not feeling bad. It was just very confusing.

So he went over again to tell Oscar face-to-face why the next morning. Which, in hindsight, was a bad idea, because it led Guillermo to not saying anything and instead being invited in yet again. 

This time though Guillermo loses track of time and when he finally looks at his phone he realizes it's nearly sunset. 

“Shit,” Guillermo says looking down at his phone and suddenly stands up, “I have to go. It's almost time for me to get them up.”

“Okay,” Oscar says to Guillermo, “here's my number, you know, to text or whatever.”

“Oh, yeah.” Guillermo says, smiling.

“Yeah.” Oscar says handing him a piece of paper, presumably with his number on it.

“Okay,” he says when he gets a notification from Uber that his ride is here, “I have to go but I'll text you, yeah?”

“Perfect,” Oscar says as they walk to the door, “I'll see you later, Guillermo.”

Guillermo gives him a thumbs up and Oscar closes the door.

“Why did I give him a thumbs up?” Guillermo asks himself, “That was so stupid.”

He gets back to the house just in time to wake you all up and start work for the day. His first order of business was to wake everyone up from their slumber. After that he collects the mail from outside. 

Recently Nadja has had a bit of an obsession with online shopping after you showed her and the state of the porch was proof of that. Many packages were stacked atop one another, most of them addressed to Nadja and some for you. The mail has a few things for Colin, a subscription called TopiaryMonthly for Laszlo, and a single letter addressed to you.

“Hey guys!” Guillermo calls, “The mail is here!”

“Coming!” Nadja vocalizes. 

Guillermo watches as Nadja runs down the hall excitedly with Dolly.

“I bought you so much, my lovely bitch.” Nadja tells herself.

“Oh!” Dolly shouts, “I am so excited!”

Nadja hurriedly rips open her packages leaving a massive mess of boxes, bubble wrap, and tissue paper, which he knows he has to clean up. You arrive to collect your packages soon after Nadja leaves the foyer. 

“Hey, which ones are mine?” You ask Guillermo.

“You have these three,” Guillermo tells you, handing the packages over, “and you have a letter.”

“Oh really?” You ask, “I haven't submitted my change of address form.”

You set your packages down, and Guillermo hands you the letter. When you take one glance at it, you know who it's from.

“Fuck.” you say exhaling. 

“What?” Guillermo asks you.

“It's from my family.” you tell him and he looks concerned.

_________________________________________

“I wouldn't say I have a bad relationship with my parents,” you tell the camera, “We just don't always get along. Like normal families, I mean they yell a lot. More than even around here.”

When Guillermo first handed you the letter, it took your breath away for a second. They shouldn't know where you are and how they found you. You have no idea. The letter basically said that if you didn't come home soon, they would come here, and that definitely would not be good.

“I don't know what to do.” You say, “I can't exactly say ‘hey, mom and dad. I'm a vampire now.’ I mean, that's crazy, but it's true.”

You still haven't told Nandor everything about you, especially not the fact that your parents are crazy. In this life, you wanted them to not be involved. After years and years of being controlled by them, you wouldn't do it anymore. Which is why you end up on the doorstep of the home you grew up in.

You hold up your hand to knock but can't bring yourself to do it. Before you can turn to leave, the door bursts open, and behind it is your mom.

“Hey, mom.” you say.

“Where the hell have you been?” your mom says.

“I was just, you know, around.” You cover.

“Around where?” she asks, “I haven't seen you in over a month and have gotten barely any texts. Nani thought you were dead.”

“Ma, I'm fine.” You tell her, “I was just busy.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, “You look skinny.”

“Mom, I'm fine.” You assure her.

“Okay,” she says, “Well come in. Are you waiting for an invitation?” 

When you walk into the house, it feels weird. A few months ago, when you had last seen the house, your life was so much different. Back then, you were more agreeable before you met Nadja, Laszlo, and Guillermo before Nador, when you were human still. 

But you aren't human anymore and this house feels almost claustrophobic. The smells and sounds are overwhelming to say the least. Living in the house you have grown accustomed to the noises and smells of the old home, but this is overwhelming.

“Just sit at the table sweetie,” your mom calls from the kitchen and you sit down in the dining room, “We will bring out dinner.”

The smell of the food in the kitchen is enough to make you nauseous and the sounds in the house that you had never noticed before, were starting to overwhelm you. And when your parents bring out the food to the table it gets significantly worse.

“So, how has my little girl been?” your dad asks you.

“Good,” you tell him simply, “How are you?”

“We are good.” he says.

“Good.” you tell him.

All of you stay silent for a while, which is very awkward. You push your food around with a fork and bring it up every so often to take faux-bites. 

“Do you want some to take home?” your mom asks.

“Uh, yeah,” you tell her, planning to give Guillermo them, “It will heat up good.”

Your mom stands up to get some tupperware for the food in the kitchen. 

“So, we need to talk to you about something,” your dad tells you, “It's very serious.”

“Okay?” you ask confused, “What is it?”

“Well this isn't going to be easy to hear,” your father starts, and you can't help but hope that your parents are finally getting a divorce, “We are moving back home.”

“Okay.” you tell him, “That's it? You and mom are moving back home?”

“Well, no.” he says, “You are coming too.”

“What do you mean I'm coming too?” you ask him, “My whole life is here. My friends are here.”

“Well we are a part of your life too.” your dad says, growing more frustrated, “You are coming with us.”

“No, I'm not,” you tell him standing up suddenly from the table, “I am a fucking adult! I can choose where I live and you can't do anything about it.”

You decided to forego the leftovers and just go back home to your family. Before your mom or dad can say anything else, you slam the front door. After traveling down the road a bit so you are out of your parents' sight, you transform into a bat.

_________________________________________

Back at home it's quiet, Guillermo is texting away with Oscar, Nadja and Laszlo are working on a new song, Nandor is reading a new book you ordered for him about Al Qolnidar, and Colin is doing whatever the hell Colin does. So when you come inside the foyer Guillermo sees you right away, looking upset.

“Are you okay?” Guillermo says when he stands up to help you with your coat and bag.

“Yeah, I just,” you start to say, “my parents are just annoying. They want me to move back to Michigan with them. Which I obviously can't do, not that I want to.”

“What are you gonna do?” Guillermo asks you softly.

“I don't know,” you say, as you fall back on one of the chairs in the entryway, “Just try to get them to leave without me and if that doesn't work then hypnotize them.”

“Hypnotize them to forget about you?” Guillermo asks you, “What if your family asks about you? Then what? They just don't know?”

“Well no that wouldn't work.” you tell him, “What if I hypnotized them into just leaving?”

“That could work.” he tells you.

“But that's like the last choice.” you tell him, “I don't want to hypnotize them.”

“Yeah, absolutely. Only if we have no other choice.” Guillermo promises.

<Previous Part/Next Part>

Masterlist

#nandor the relentless #nandor the relentless x reader #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #lazslo cravensworth #nadja of antipaxos #wwdits nandor #guillermo de la cruz #colin robinson #female reader

[beansprean]

Guillermo you’ll never be a vampire if you can’t start committing to the bit.

Bonus “she’s a lil confused but she’s got the spirit”:

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Close up of Nadja talking to the camera with a confident grin, holding up a finger gun. She says, “Oh, yeah. I’ve got plenty more money-making schemes up my sleeve!” 1b. Nadja sitting at a desktop computer wearing a gaming headset, hands positioned over the mouse and wasd keys. She squints, reading a message off the screen aloud, “Show your tits for 12 months?” 1c. Nadja shrugs and begins to unbuckle her bodice, replying, “That is a long time, but okay!” On the side, the chat featuring users like “lady-dommy-trek”, “The_Guide”, and “discalculia96240” begins to explode with pog faces. On Nadja’s other side there is an excerpt from an email that reads ‘Dear NadjaPaxos1666, You have been permanently banned from Twitch for violating community rules’.

2a. Charmaine opens the door of her house to see Nadja, who smiles and says, “Hello, Charmaine! May I come in!” Charmaine responds, “Of course!” 2b. Nadja immediately kneels in front of the couch and starts digging between the cushions for loose change, smiling awkwardly up at Charmaine and asking, “So, uh, how have you been?” Charmaine just stares at her with an uncertain “um.”

3a. Nadja is counting out the change in her hand, looking up in surprise when Guillermo comes up behind her and casually asks, “Couldn’t you just hypnotize people into giving you their money?” 3b. Nadja whirls around at him, snarling, “What the fuck did you say?! What is wrong with you?!” Guillermo looks awkwardly away.

(Caption)

4. Nadja lays stretched out on a chaise, naked, hair draped artfully over her chest. In the foreground, Donal Logue is painting her likeness on a canvas. Laszlo, leaning against the side of the chaise, asks, “My dear lady wife, why is Donal Logue here painting your glorious body?” Nadja grins and replies, “Humans will pay money for my boobs on the Internets.” Laszlo responds, “Ohh, fantastic.” /end ID

#WWDITS #nadja of antipaxos #charmaine rinaldi #guillermo de la cruz #laszlo cravensworth #donal logue #what we do in the shadows fx #what we do in the shadows #my art #fanart #image described