#or soemthing or rather

[ah0yh0y]

do you ever think about about how much your thinking

like when you look too deep into the well of you forewaters the ripples of the future the tiny droplets of your lost youth

and you can feel the warmth leech out your figures leaving hollows for the salt of your tears

and the day above seems to darken seems to be too bright and you are blinded as you try to shade yourself

the line of what your are thinking o digging into you clawing with the knowledge not wisdom

waterfalls press at the dam in your eyelids

you wish it would not taste like salt

your tongue is slit with the fishing line with the thread with the nool of your fate your destiny

you can feel it out there you cant see it you cant feel it you know of it all too well the schematics but the not the worldy being

too young too ripped away knuckled down locked into foetal position in this too tiny hole

thesky is closing in on you

you are bloodied clean with a cloak of years you do are not owed

#ahoys thoughts #my writing #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #ahoys screamz #poetry #idk if it is #creative writing #creative screaming #chewing my tongue like its gum #i should i should i should #or soemthing or rather #writing #writeblr #ahoy wonders

[emilyartstudio-s]

Are you in any other fandoms? Not asking you to draw all the fandoms you're in or anything! Just wanna know if you have any personality other than "heeheehoohoo southpark" ?

i don't have a personality

#asks #tumblr is my all south park content #to the point where i don't even like posting my ocs here;;; #on twitter i go ham though #im talking the las/t of us #HAD/ES you know Hade/s #I love anima/l cross/ing when the animals cross #Im obsessed with all zombie things #I love pokemo/n so much I love Gen 4 and 5 with all my heart #i play lots of walking d/ead and watch that too #chai/n sa/w man as well omg #just finished watching that 90/s sh/ow because i loved that 70/s sho/w so much #I watched shameless and continue to rewatch it liek soemthing is wrogn with me #NIGHT IN THE W/OODS SHAPED ME BTW #I am currently reading this one comic called the ni/ce hou/se on the lake by Alvaro Martinez #i can go on but now i'm starting to think that you mean actual groups? Actual friends? actual FANDOM instead of media?. #because if thats the case #i choose to not be part of anything i just like lurking lmao #My sketchbook has all fandom art but i'd rather not share that stuff too much um they're just sketches #anyway no only hehehaha south aprk in my brain #and even then i just like to draw and be bymy lonesome #it's such a surprise i even made this blog in the first place 😂 #thanks for #the #question.

[basimibnishaqs]

“haytham would have been a good father”

#i just think the way some people frame Haytham and Connor’s relationship #through haytham’s pov is. weird #like in a lot of the analysis of their dynamic #their father-son relationship is framed as something Haytham lost #rather than something connor has to deal with #Haytham didn’t get soemthing while Connor did #a dad that is fighting for idealogical and social and political fascism #haytham is a nuanced character who did love ziio and Connor in his own way #but that way isn’t good #he would have been a father for sure #a good one though? #anyways #ac iii

[taupewolfy]

def something to be said about the uh usually us-centric reactions to two notable jp made open world games (cough ring of eld and the dogg'd dragons) having a whole different design philosophy driven by a lineage of games that tend to have been exclusive to jp that often comes out rather....negative...would prefer it to invite curiosity rather than disdain but it's pretty telling with how often it happens

#genuinely how do you not find that interesting that it differs so heavily. why are you mad that it's 'wrong' to you?? why do #you not want to seek out what lead it to be that way??? i don't understand the lack of curiosity being held in these cases #too broad overall appeal-pilled or soemthing??????????? #maybe i'm just very open to differing designs even when i don't like it and i'm the uncommon denominator here #but man idk i'd rather friction anyday and something that maybe fails at what it might be trying to do rather than #frictionless slop that tries to appeal to everyone and then ends up with nothing of substance

[icewindandboringhorror]

misc. daily life photos again .. for the every once in a while that I collect enough over a few months to actually make a photo set out of them lol

#Not sure how to caption every photo because you can unfortunately no longer caption photos so that text appears #under them when you view them. you can only add photo descriptions (which is more about literally describing #the image for people who can't see it or etc.). I wish they had the ability to have both captions and descriptions as both are useful for #different functions but it seems they took captions away entirely so. I guess I'll have to just number every picture and then talk about th #em in the tags or soemthing?? SO.. starting from top left to right -- #image 1: blackberries BUT also if you look close.. there's a tiny little bug on them lol #image 2: little water droplets on the back of a leaf that looked cool.. love anything with tiny water orbs #image 3&4: a spiky fuzzy sort of caterpillar outside on a yardwork glove.. small friend #image 5: THIS is such a bad slogan!!! what a lie!!! I personally would LOVE to have a sandwich party! in fact I would rather attend a #sandwich party than a pizza party because it would be fun to sample a wide variety of sandwich platters with all different meats and chee #& breads & ingredients & etc. !! now I just wish I could go to a cool sandwich sampling party w a full buffet of various mini sandwiches : #image 6: a chicken sandwich I made myself at home. with swiss cheese >:3 #image 7&8 : HHRGH it's a CAT and also bubble tea!!! AND is pastel teal! but alas.. it was like $20 and I didnt want to pay that but now #looking back on the photos slightly regret it lol. I think it's more because it's a brand name since the cat is some popular cat like hello #kitty or something. I didn't really notice that until later lol. I was just thinking 'OMG A CAT!'. I love all cats. brand or no brand lol #image 9: my single once a year trip to the drink place that has really nice garlic noodles. this time with beef? which was good too. And #the typical drink order of pina colada smoothie (i think it's coconut pineapple and strawberry?). plain matcha bubble tea (favorite and all #I ever get from anywhere). and a strawberry smoothie thing. I also usually get a coffee bubble tea but the place is like 50% of the time ou #of coffee for some reason so. hggh.. Which I know is like everyday food for some people but. I get food from places SO rarely that it's al #ays an event to take a picture about lol. Just cooking at home 99% of the time makes those trips for fancy food more special I guess #Id rather save the money/dont have much in the 1st place .& also am still a freak who hates using apps/dislikes shit like ubereats or etc. #I would literall NEVER get food delivered to my house under any circumstance unless I was dying alone inside on hospital bed rest with no #support system and no transportation and having food delivered to me was my last possible option. otherwise. if I want something so bad #I can just leave the house to physically pick it up myself without involving a middle man to the process and paying more. .. ANYWAY ghjgjh #image 10: BOY in BOX.. playing a new boardgame and he sits inside! rip to my big beautiful son. I miss him. #UpWords is a fun game though. It's similar to scrabble except you can stack the letters? interesting #Okay. that's all the pictures! Also for the record I do think it's a good thing to have image descriptions! I wasn't complaining in the sen #e that I wish they would get rid of them and bring captions back. more just I would like to have both preferrably. I liked being able to #caption things on the occasional post like this where the layout is better suited towards it. #photo diary

[nicollekidman]

feeling very crowded table dot mp3

#working on looking at my tiny life impact as something freeing and liberating rather than soemthing parhetic #like if i went away forever it would not impact my family’s life in any way and would probably only impact about a handful of people #but that’s okay! #it just means i can be better about appreciating that handful

[gamingdotcom]

was gonna make a pumpkin cheesecake for this get together but these recipes. i dont just. have a springform pan. or even a sheet with one inch depth

#misery #suffering #i would rather burst into flames than have to buy soemthing from the store when i could have baked #it's the ultimate shame!!! #maybe ill just make my moms rolls

[huldrabitch]

Finished the phantom liberty dlc... I got the king of wands ending and I am Crying😭😭

#I think I mightve lucked out and gotten the closest to a happy ending... For other people than v I mean #Nobody can tell me whatever the fuck song and V had isn't gay #My fucking god I did everything for her😭 even after betrayal after betrayal #There's just soemthing so much easier with feeling compassion for a single scared and hopeful individual rather than a cog #A cog in a military machine despite his own ideals who easily killed unnecessarily countless times and will contue to #They called so mi a ticking bomb and this might be true but she wanted freedom and to Get Out after being enlisted at 19 #Reed would never stop empathy be damned #Fuckkkk #Cyberpunk 2077 #Phantom liberty #King of wands

[jordanshenessy]

six/seven sentence Sunday

Thanks for tagging me @marwani-strickland 💕

I’ve never really written for lonestar before but I got a couple paragraphs out before I just abandoned this altogether lol so here’s something I wrote around a little after 3X08

The first time TK grieved his mother, he was surrounded by his boyfriend and their friends. The second time TK grieved his mother, he almost went catatonic thinking about Jonah. The third time…? Well, the third time is really just a constant state of grief lingering in the back of his mind.

He’s learning to deal with it - cope with it. It’s hard when his grief starts to mingle with his sobriety or when memories flood him of how his mother saved him and that he couldn’t do the same. Though day by day, bit by bit, he’s starting to feel more like himself thanks to Cooper and Carlos and Tommy’s support group.

A vibration in his pocket signals a message and he’s back to reality sitting at his dining table with Carlos. He paws his phone out, responding to Nancy about inventory.

Then he sees the date as he closes the messages app. Fuck. It just gets harder and harder doesn’t it?

“Is everything okay?” Carlos’s voice beckons him.

“Huh?” TK says, mildly distracted. “Oh, yeah. Everything’s fine, it’s just that -

“Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day,” he blurts.

And Carlos heaves a heavy sigh. Hand tightening with a beat of silence, in a steady voice he says, “I know.”

tagging @finetune @terramous @if-music-be-the-food-of-love @hidden-joy @bubblesandroses8 and anyone else who wants to! Feel free to ignore!

#tagging game #I haven’t written in FOREVER #the last thing I wrote was soemthing for jord*clan #and then I got swallowed up by the intrigue of art to better regurgitate my emotions rather than words lol

[torchickentacos]

Kid’s TV peaked at Phineas and Ferb tbh

Edit. Long tags. I’m the oldest of 4 and worked with kids briefly at an internship so I’m well versed in kids tv, so I ranked them in the tags. We don’t like pj masks here. This is an anti pj masks blog.

#my sisters like it. I watch with them idgaf #it’s actually hilarious #very good for sick days where you need something comforting and silly #<<<of which I have many #tbh being the oldest isn’t always great but at least I don’t mind kid’s shoes #shows* #and that’s good because I have to watch a lot of them #I was also a kindergarten music teacher aide for a bit so I’m rather well versed in them. #you either learn to watch them with the kiddos or you’re miserable #I should rank them tbh #phineas and ferb. top tier. #pj masks lowest tier. hated it and actively encouraged the twins to not watch it #octonauts. pretty high. I was too old for it when it came out but I would have loved it as a kid #ATLA. top tier. barely a kids show. only by technicality tbh #I mean not barely a kids show. just a very well done one #spirit: riding free. upper tier but not fully top #I paid attention to it when they watched it but it was eh after season 2 #mlp. ngl I don’t mind it. it was an early teens fandom of mine but not soemthing I’d choose to watch. #shimmer and shine. middle tier. not great but not annoying. theme song gets stuck in my head. #Sofia the first. lower tier. didn’t mind it at first but Sofia kind of annoys me ngl #that one with the trucks. eh #paw patrol. copaganda jokes aside I don’t hate it but won’t watch it with them. or pay attention to it #Pokémon. I mean I love it so top tier but also depends on the season #like objectively ag has its issues and probs isn’t top tier but idc. #top tier bc of bandana girl and rose boy and their weird cactus friend enemy person #ash is there too I guess /j

[naturenaruto]

#sakura #naruto #polls #ultiamtely i have alot of complex feelis abt her #i feel she got shafted w no progress which if you take out the 'she was written to be that way' concept then #as an actual character/person she seems very typical in the sense that shes relatable for always wanting to improve but like.. #its all words no action and i havent even finished shippuden yet but so far its like #shes so relatable because of her frustration over being stagnant and not good enough #but bc shes also fairly unlikeable like ppl dont have sympathy for her and its like Well Obviusly you wouldnt but #i just think its so common that like if she was more guy-likeable like hinata shed have more stans #and if she was more girl-likeable like ino shed have more stans #but also both of them legitmatly work to improve and i feel like sakura (so far) hasnt been given the Big Win shes looking for #id love to have seen her go down a darker path wheres shes alone and works on herself rather than being constantly framed around sasuke and #naruto bc i think thats where she fails herself #bc conparing to them is never going to positive for her bc theres just no way she cold get the overpowered mc trait and fame like naruto #and the hereditary and singular clout of sasuke #trying to compete w that is a no win for her and i think thats why she never gets anywhere #they shouldve pushed her far down an individual path of like maybe..secret medical jutsus and ancient healingg powers or soemthing #like shes the kind thst needs somethinf Special to feel good about herself so being an average ninja was never going to do it for her #i think thats why she went for the dreamfantasy of The Uchiha Wife™️ bc in the end she couldnt meet their standards so she had to get as #close as she could which was inly ever gonna be marriage #instead she shouldve focused on a specified skill that wouldve brought her notoriety which i think is the source of why she likes sasuke so #much like its not just him being the fantasy or badboy or ideal or we its his notoriety and fame and family name etc #shes after clout essentially bc her family isnt clan and despite being good in school its not impressive bc any of them were good enough in #school so what she always lacked was something unique to set her apart #and i think being in a team w two of the most overpowered unique ninja wasnt doing her any favours #she was always going to pale in comparison so she needs a specific thing to give her fame #also i think her bond w ino stands apart from her fixation w sasuke bc its the reality of actual bonding: #friendship and knowing someone udnerstanding them relating liking them etc #vs just likig sasuke bc hes Sasuke Uchiha™️ and hes cute

[pathologising]

my therapist did say also that trying to compulsively fill yourself with others will still leave you empty because at the end of the day true stability in the self comes from within and loving yourself comes from within and it takes time to get there and it isn't easy but it is rewarding in the end

#no and she was right i spent so much of my life not doing things because they were fun for me rather because i was compelled to because i #wanted to feel soemthing when that isnt really the way to feel anything for yourself rather #it causes more problems anyway one day i will love myself wholly

[cinnabeat]

people that play the bass and use the german bow are the strongest bitches in the world

#its so HARD omg #like i think youd need very flexible wrists?? OR SOEMTHING #i could never use it #even with the french bow id have to hold it in my fist rather than the proper pose #bc my fingers were weak and that shit was heavy #and you gotta stick ur fingers in the smallest place ever #you know who else is strong? #people with long hair that play the bass like #do u know how many times my hair got tangled in the uh #tuning knobs #i forgot the word but u know #theyre massive fucking screws #and i put my hair up!! and it still happened!!! #i was always terrified of having to tune my bass like girl imagine if that shit snaps? like good god #i remember seeing a uh contrabass? maybe is what its called? #its fucking huge and u need a ladder to use it and its strings are fucking massive and that terrifies me even more #michi tag #god i want to play the bass again

[be-good-to-bugs]

there is a god and he is cruel

#the bin #sorry sorry im having existential dread and terror. literally i dont think ive ever felt worse then i do over the fact im gonna have to wor #some stupid job so often that contributes nothing and get paid so little and be in pain the whole time and have so little time for fun #inat least wnat something that pays a bit better and feels like im actually doing something #tnis whole go to work and cycle through this same loop of donated items and then watch so many of them get tossed is killing me #my job feels so meaningless because it is. i dont know how to describe why. i think a job at a grocery store doing stocking would feel at #different. this type of production work is just so draining mentally. its not samey enough to just be ignorable. it sucks #i go to work and sort through stuff and then put it on the shelves and then everything gets all messed up and fixed and messed up again #and it repeats and its not the same as if it were boxed. because at least that would feel just like whatever yknow. its this horrible #capitalist system disgused as something small and friendly. ive always felt this way about big chain thrift stores and now that i work at #one that feeling is so much stronger. ' #'you love to thrift so why not work at thrift?' because it will crush your soul #sorry. i would rather like work at a store stocking a regular rotation of things and itd feel like corprate capitalism yattah yattah but #not pretending to be soemthing else. my coworkers are so nice but i hate this job #my managers are fine but theyre pushing more of tnis produce produce produce thing bc they have to and i dislike it a lot #like man i AM doing my best and its fast enough and its not even being said directly to me just everyone but it feels bad like they want #me doing this exact process for a job whee the things change. its not a bunch of same shape packeged blah blah its just an array of objects #a really boring array of objects that are all the same but also not the same enough to be easier #and you want to to act like its all packeged and stuff?? #ugh i hate it. i think this is why i like hanging bags so much cause its a simple sorting pricess and simple to put them up

[quirkypossum]

personal life shit ahead btw

gonna talk about some personal life bullshit under the cut so if you're not interested in my life drama or potentially triggering shit then I'd scroll past. Content warning for talking about disturbing/self-destructive thoughts, chronic pain and illness, and trans stuff..

well, I'm at the point where I am second-guessing myself again. my mom and her husband actually think I'm a hypochondriac and I didn't help my own thought spiral by watching a bunch of videos on people who supposedly made up their own chronic illnesses for crime or other reasons...

like i genuinely think there has been stuff going on with me for years now, but because i never brought some of it up to doctors at the time they tend to not believe its that serious.. Half the time they blame my symptoms on my weight (something that has changed very little over the last five years not including getting the tits chopped earlier this year) or they will blame it on my diet (another thing that has if anything gotten healthier over the last five years as I've explored more veggies and fruits).

Most recently, I went in after doing a bunch of research on POTS and hypermobility without really saying anything specific, keeping the most specific description at general hypermobility while describing my joints and pain and other problems. Well, the outcome I thought was going to be better because normally they dismiss it and don't do anything but this time it seemed different because my doctor actually ordered new blood tests that I haven't had before to rule out things like arthritis and lupus and stuff. The problem was that she said she would follow up and never did and its been like a month now since then and still nothing. Based on the ranges they show with the tests I'm within range for everything pretty much so part of me wonders if that's why she never reached out to confirm the results or what, but I am planning on sending her a message to ask what the next step is.

I know it's not smart to self-diagnose and do a ton of research into symptoms because you could be wildly off but given the fact that the doctors I keep getting just dismiss everything as normal without really doing anything to check most of the time I just can't forget about it and move on. I shouldn't be dealing with all the health problems that I am at the age that I am. Older adults always say stuff like "wait til you're older, then you'll really know pain" and it makes me so disheartened for my future if I'm already overwhelmed by it all rn. Like I really am at a "whats the fucking point?" type of mental state because of all this.

I feel like no one in my life really believes that the issues I have a real and everyone just thinks i make it all up because I complain a lot. Part of me wonders if I am faking it all and I'm just so delusional that i don't know I'm faking it. It's the same kinds of thoughts I have about being trans sometimes or about money. I've been really trying to avoid self harming lately because of all this shit.... Its so weird cause I'll have a great awesome day where I got all the shit done I needed to do, did something fun, socialized, showered, ate, all of it and at the end of it all I feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet... Like everything I said and did was wrong and of course my doctors don't believe me Im just making it up, of course my brother said no to sitting outside with me, I'm being annoying as usual. idk....

I have so many wishes for my life and my loved ones' lives and my mom always says that obnoxious response of "you wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster" to try and bring me back to reality and make me feel better I guess but obviously it never works. it just makes me feel worse about it like I shouldn't even complain in the first place. I really do wish things were different.

I wish I wasn't in pain every day, I wish I didn't have stomach problems every day, I wish I didn't feel like I might pass out every day, I wish my anxiety was the normal amount and not the terrifying heart palpitations I get every day, I wish I had enough money that these health problems wouldn't worry me so much, I wish my mom didn't have to work her soul-crushing job just to keep a roof over our family's heads, I wish that things were different....

If you read through all of this I applaud you and hope you can't relate to any of it.

#idk man #might not have needed the content warnings but better to put soemthing rather than nothing. #may delete later if i hate this later #the possum speaks #chronic illness #chronic pain #hypermobility #i realized i didn't even touch on the autism shit either lol #oh well just another thing that i keep second-guessing myself on

[taupewolfy]

i know because it’s in the source it’s more likely that tataru’s next quest tie-in will be fucking werylt but like. sorry tataru i am not doing all that to continue your questline

#;but just skip the cutscenes and unsync the trials' idk man even if i know im not going to like it #if i'm going to *do it* i might as well do it and know what the fuck im doing/going through ya know? #especially if i do it i can pinpoint exactly what i don't like about it rather than bellyache having to deal with more ga*s shit #part of me is kinda hoping she just goes 'oh hey can you take some of my stock over to the first? im sure they'd love to know more about us #or soemthing like that #FUNNIER STILL would be if it was tied to the alliance raid. get nier'd