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revchainsaw · 3 years

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Sonic: The Hedgehog (2020)

Sonic: The Hedgehog (2020)

Greeting my flock of film freaks and welcome again to the Cult of Cult. Todays offering is a bit more of the mainstream blockbuster variety, but as films based on Video Games are still actually quite niche and vastly underestimated I think we should open our hearts to Sonic: The Hedgehog and hope that we find it a pleasing tithe to the cult. I am your beloved minster, The Reverend Chainsaw, and welcome to today’s service.

The Message

I must confess to the congregation that I was drinking mighty heavily of the lord’s Tennessee sour mash when I was taking in this movie. That said, I think that this is a great movie to have a drink with and I mean that in the best possible way.

Sonic: The Hedgehog is of course based on the Sega video game franchise and stars Ben Schwartz as the titular blue rat. Schwartz brings his brand of high energy enthusiastic comedy to the voice role. While Schwartz is particularly on brand for Schwartz, is he on brand for Sonic? I’m not entirely sure, but I’m also not entirely sure I was ever in love with the old ways. I am not an avid fan or consumer of Sonic media and perhaps that means I am in a poor position to say. I am most familiar with the Sega games and Sonic cartoons from the 90s, and from what I have grasped the more recent entries with their more anime centric and high lore plots still owe quite a bit to the attitude era of the 90s. Sonic was a hero but he was also a bit of a cross between Mickey Mouse, the Flash, and Bart Simpson. As an angsty 90s boy I wanted to eat chili dogs and go very fast that was very appealing to me, but I’m not so sure it would be appealing to a vast audience of older millennials, or even todays kids. And though I think it would be a fair criticism to say that Ben Schwartz is playing sonic as basically the superhero version of his Dewey Duck from the VERY VERY good DuckTales reboot, I don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing.

Dewey Duck the Hedgehog is a small mammal (also not a rodent, I wanted to say rodent and apparently hedgehogs are not rodents, just googled it) from an alien planet where his adoptive mother, an owl named Long Claw, fears that he will be hunted for his special powers, which I think is just super speed but it might be other things. In line with these concerns after an attack by pursuers Longclaw gives Sonic the Moses treatment and floats the special blue boy down the metaphorical river. Unlike Moses, however, Sonic is not found by ultra rich ultra powerful extra special people but is instead alone. Sonic lives alone in exile outside a small American town as a sort of local cryptid.

Thus begins a charming adventure. Through a poor decision to use his powers while working out some personal issues, Sonic inadvertantly draws the attention of the U.S Government and their nasty big brain baddy Dr. Robotnik. Sonic recruits a small town police officer with big city dreams to assist him in finding his magic rings so that he might flee from earth to an uninhabited mushroom kingdom.

Now about these two human characters. Officer Everyman is played by cyclops from the X-men franchise. The actors name escapes me and so does the characters, and while, yes, I just looked up if hedgehogs were rodents, I will not be looking up this information. I like the review better this way. It makes me laugh. And while I don’t remember his name, I do remember that he used to live In Mt. Juliet, TN. Anyway, what you should know about Officer Goodguy is that he drives a Toyota Tacoma!

That Toyota Tacoma is also continuously abused by the mad machinations of our films biggest draw: Jim Carey as Dr. Robotnik. If we were to pitch a Sonic movie, I don’t think anyone would jump to Jim Carey as the must have for the role, but after seeing this film, boy was it the best choice. The way he chews the scenery and plays off the rest of the cast and situations is just so much fun to watch. It’s fantastic to see Jim Carey back in a larger than life role. The Decision to play Jim Carey as the kind of condescending nerd who has taken their lack of social skills and leaned in as opposed to working on themselves was a brilliant choice. We’ve all known that kind of guy who tries to play the misanthrope just because they are too egotistical to recognize their flaws. Here Dr. Robotnik has given up on human connection in favor of subordination. His intellect is his only value, and thus he demands everyone around him acknowledge intellect as the only quality that matters as he has. It was a great choice.

From the point the chase begins the film becomes a road trip flick, and despite the fact that Sonic could supposedly cover the distance required in the blink of an eye we watch the ins and outs of our heroes relationship as they learn what home, and being a hero mean to them. By the climax it is pretty by the numbers, Sonic has come to feel at home on Earth and now that he has friends who care for him they can begin to make a world from which neither will have to flee; and of course, they beat the bad guy. FOR NOW. we are treated to an even crazier Dr. Robotnik stranded in the Fungus Dimension bent on revenge.

The Benediction

Now for all things Holy and Profane in this film, please rise for the Benediction.

Best Scandal: Sonic the Cosmic Horror

The original look of this film was mired in dread when the early footage and trailers dropped revealing a hideously uncanny hedgehog monster in the form of sonic. The memes are amazing, the toys are unsettling, there’s still plenty of Quasimodo Sonic stuff out there floating on the web and I suggest that you search it out, the laughter is good for your heart. Also if anyone wants to send me any creepy sonic merch I’ll take it.

Thanks to the work of online fans and internet harassments, the studio felt it was going to lose money on the project and reeled back the release allowing for the design department to give us a more cartoony but less frightening alien monster. I mean he’s a cartoon, it’s okay for him to look like a cartoon.

Best Scene: Noodle Dance

It’s hard to choose, and it feels a bit biased, but there are a few scenes with Dr. Robotnik that are just what make the movie more than a forgettable IP adaptation. Not that Ben Schwartz wasn’t doing great as the character but I feel Sonic as a whole would be lost in the milieu of CG spectacles and Super Hero Origin stories that we are bombarded with every year if not for Jim Carey’s performances; and even with them Sonic: The Hedgehog is not completely out of those woods. That said, I think Dr. Robotnik’s Alone Time Dance Party has to be the stand out sequence in my memory. I can’t really speak to what makes it so enjoyable, but damn if it isn’t just the best scene in the movie.

Best Character: Silicon Valley Dr. Robotnik

Do I even need to say it? It’s Dr. Robotnik. I’m not a fan of this villain from any other media. I always found Dr. Robotniks look unappealing, I’m not a huge fan of his powers, or using robot henchman. it always struck me as pretty boring how Sonic didn’t have a cool rogues gallery (i’m talking about 90s sonic) the way Mario did. However, they did something with the design, characterization, and performance that just made him such a fun villain. Also, my friend Jacksons mom said I looked like him and it didn’t hurt my feelings so.

Best Actor: Jim Carey

Jim Carey. It really seems like he’s all I’m talking about in this movie. Once again, I think Ben Schwartz did great and Sonic IS basically Dewey Duck in this movie. Dewey Duck is my favorite part of the rebooted DuckTales series, BUT he is just outmaneuvered by Jim Carey in this role. I think it’s a compliment enough to say that Ben Schwartz was even able to keep up with his energy, let alone play his quicker perkier foil.

Worst Scene: Toyota Tacoma Commercial

Sonic: the Hedgehog’s worst scene would probably have to be the forced friend fight between Sonic and Officer Wachowski during the car chase. It’s an overproduced weightless car chase scene with a contrived buddy cop controversy meant to force apart our heroes so that they can ultimately grow a little and come back together later in the movie. Not that I mind a movie like this to be so by the numbers, but it just felt like two of the blandest things on this movies plate being forced into one scene. I do like the idea of giving me the crap part of the dish in one flavorless generic bite, but that still doesn’t save it from being the worst scene in the movie.

That Toyota Tacoma took a beating though.

Worst Feature: Nothing Ventured/ Nothing Earned

I’m sure many fans would feel that the worst feature of the film is that it isn’t loyal to any previous lore laden version of the character, (probably the one they like the most). In the portrayals of both Sonic and Dr. Robotnik there were decisions made that drastically differed from the ways they have been portrayed before. Sonic is naïve and idealistic, a bit childish, Dr. Robotnik is driven by a lot of insecurity. Where are the Chaos Crystals and my original character Grindy the Wolf Cub?

But I think that these are over all positive choices in a film that otherwise chose to play it incredibly safe. In their cautious approach to appeal to the widest possible audience the film makers gave us a pleasant and appealing cartoon romp but we are left with little to hold on to. The worst feature of Sonic: The Hedgehog is it’s safety.

Summary:

Sonic: The Hedgehog is often touted as “the first good video game movie”. A label that I disagree with wholeheartedly. It is certainly a good video game movie, but it’s not the first, and it is not by leaps and bounds better than other video game movies as a whole. It’s a sub genre that gets a ton of disrespect, and in a world where the biggest criticism levied against the Super Mario Bros is that it’s not a faithful adaptation, I don’t understand how Sonic the Buddy Cop/ Road Trip comedy is escaping that attitude.

All that said, I had a good time with this movie. But it felt like playing on the playground as a toddler. You have fun and then you leave and you don’t really remember what you played or who with. I’ll think about Jim Carey and Dewey Duck, but I had a hard time hating or loving anything this movie did in any strong way. I usually feel that a movie that is “bad” or “corny” or “shlocky” is always better than a movie that is generic, or pointless, or boring. Sonics pleasantness and cheerful energy just barely save it from being another Transformers franchise. I get that origin stories are hard, so I’m eagerly awaiting the next installment, and hopefully it’s going to do something that sets it apart. Probably not.

Overall Grade: C

James Marsden! I just remembered!

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cat-vase · 5 years

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Tim has DID 2.0

This is a better version of this post

Before I start I want to say that I do not have DID!! However! I try to do my research and I do not want to promote stereotypes/misinformation about DID! But!! If I say something that’s otherwise wrong or offensive please please PLEASE tell me!!!! I will fix it!!!

There would be fictives because they’re incredibly valid but I don’t watch many things, so... I can’t do that. I’m so scared about posting this, the only reason it’s under a cut is because it’s long, tell me if I need to add any warnings or anything because I’m kind of blind to that sort of stuff, okay here it goes!

I don’t think they would have a system name because they don’t feel the need for one and they have awful communication (they only communicate through notebooks. Any progress they made was wiped out due to Marble Hornets happening), but it would be The Crescendo System if they did because music is important to them!

Timothy (Tim/(Patient)1621/MDCXXI):

The core and a host!

Is the same age as and looks like the body

Sad lumberjack aesthetic

Has DID (obviously), Schizophrenia, Insomnia, Depression, and PTSD

Used to have Trichotillomania as a kid but has since gotten over it, he still tugs at his hair a lot though

Majored in music in college! He likes string instruments the best!

Is the main alter who went through Marble Hornets

Is very good at hiding things

Panics at loud/unexpected noises

Forgets to take care of himself a lot (either that or he doesn’t care enough to)

Scared of the dark

Counting calms him down, he likes routine

Gay, in love with, and in a relationship with Brian!

Has a cat! Her name is Quark! She’s a brown Maine Coon!

Knows Latin due to learning it in Jemison Center (the mental hospital he was in as a kid)

He’s trying his best, but his best isn’t enough apparently :(

Arcane (Ark/Masky/MDCXXI):

Used to be a host, but isn’t anymore due to being negatively affected by The Operator

Has always been a protector, but now goes to the extreme and attacks anyone he sees as a threat (which is almost everyone)

Static eyes!!

Likes his face to be covered, hence the mask and Tim covering his face whenever he gets nervous/scared

The tan jacket is a comfort object for him

Also went through Marble Hornets. Even though he wasn’t fronting for the majority of it, he was affected the most by it (which is why he doesn’t speak much anymore and is so violent, hence being repressed now and force fronting a lot)

Gives off a very angry, feral forest cryptid/animal energy

Used to be a couple years older than Tim, but now doesn’t seem to have an age (ageless)

Oliver (Oli/Ollie/Olly):

A little (around 7) and a memory holder!

Is the only alter that remembers positive things Janet Wright (their mom) did

His favorite colors are green and orange, but he will throw up if you give him an actual orange (the fruit). He’s not allergic, the smell is just… bad

His actual favorite fruit is strawberries!

Very extroverted! Loves meeting new people! Incredibly optimistic and only sees the good in people!

Tries his best to be nice and please people, but this leads to him getting frustrated a lot whenever people don’t get what he’s doing

Hoards stuffed animals!

Scribbles on the walls a lot

Overalls and sweaters are comfy!! He also has glasses

Scared of thunderstorms (not just because of the loud thunder, but because of the lightning too)

Also scared of the dark

Hush:

A teenager, probably around 13

Another protector

His name is incredibly ironic because all he does is yell at and fight back against authority (unless he’s brooding because silence is nice sometimes but the world is still awful)

Can and will throw down and stab you if you yell at him

Would rather die than take their prescription medication

Lowkey an alcoholic and smokes because Tim does (bad influence!)

Very sneaky! He’s able to steal things incredibly easily and never gets caught!

Likes fire a little too much

Likes to climb and carve things into trees

Knows Latin like Tim does!

Likes to write down everything in journals he hides in the ceiling

Has a passion for music/instruments like Tim does

Is able to survive alone in the middle of the woods (and has before)

Would probably own a black leather jacket and chains if they weren’t poor

Went dormant after they got into college, but came back after Marble Hornets (once they were in the mansion). Knows absolutely nothing about what happened during that time

K.M.:

A persecutor, and possibly an introject of their abuser (Lee)

Doesn’t care enough to give his age, but is an adult

If it wasn’t Tim or generally being reckless, it was him who caused a scar

100% an alcoholic, and it’s incredibly bad due to the fact that they shouldn’t drink because they’re on a bunch of prescription medication

Will flirt with anyone (hypersexual)

Reckless, chaotic, self-destructive. That’s… about it

Samantha:

Cis girl (she/her) and a caretaker!

Same age as Tim, probably

Very motherly to other people

Has wavy, long, brown hair

She likes to play the piano and likes photography!

Exudes a very calming/soothing aura

Her favorite season is fall because of the pretty leaves and the steady rainfall and how it slowly starts to get dark out earlier

Loves Tim’s cat!

Favorite colors are pink and light blue

Has an interest in witchcraft/the Wiccan religion

When their nails are painted (besides black), it’s a clear sign she fronted

Likes to be outside and get flowers for indoors!

Tries to organize their living space when she fronts, and also tries to help with anything they need to do (take medication, take a shower, eat, clean or bandage any wounds)

Did front during Marble Hornets a bit. Mainly in the hotels whenever things were especially rough. She tried to make things a little bit better, even if she didn’t actually know who the man in the room with her (Jay) was

Latet:

Agender (they/them), ageless, no one knew they existed until now

Their name means “lurks” in Latin

They found out Latet existed due to camera footage in the mansion (they stared into the camera for hours with emotionless eyes, not speaking and writing down codes, before turning it off)

Likes their face to be covered with masks. Preferably black ones, but occasionally steals Ark’s and Ann’s

Unknown if they are mute, or just don’t choose to speak/hasn’t spoken yet

Unknown if they are the one who appeared in the ToTheArk footage instead of it being Ark

Eli (Bug):

Another little! Around 8 or 9!

Likes to be called Bug as well as his real name Eli because he likes the outdoors and mud and trees and gross insects

Will be found more outdoors than in

Has definitely tried to eat things he’s not supposed to (dead animals or just… things that are inedible like crayons)

Likes to be around people too, but less so than Oli

Rain boots, maybe a raincoat, and… probably overalls like Eli too, honestly, just a lot dirtier

Likes to learn about animals!! The more slimy and dangerous the better!! Weird, freaky, smelly plants are ok too!

Does not listen when people tell him to do things, and will throw a fit if he’s not allowed to do something he wants to do

Emily (Em):

Demigirl/nonbinary (she/they), a teenager (around 16)

Punk/scene, probably wears a jean jacket and definitely has a neon green pixie cut

Lots of bracelets!! Maybe Kandi ones?

Rebellious/doesn’t care, yet at the same time is productive?

More accurate description: is productive when she wants to be

Because she does want to help! I swear! But other times it’s just… too much work. No. She’s not doing that.

Follows her own agenda, which is either apathy or slightly chaotic, but hey, she’s more productive than almost everyone else, give her credit where credit is due

Also kind of likes to play with fire

Black nail polish is a clear sign she fronted

#marble hornets #Timothy Wright #MH Masky #.arcane #.oliver #.hush #.k.m.#.samantha #.latet #headcanons #headcanon #AU #unnamed au #.eli #.emily

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