#ouch my friends. ouch. good coda. good. coda

[spockvarietyhour]

I was thinking about that thing you said about the universe. Going where the universe takes you? Right on. I think it's a cool philosophy. I was being metaphorical. It's a terrible philosophy. I've gone where the universe takes me my whole life. It's better to make those decisions for yourself.

#ouch my friends. ouch. good coda. good. coda #Breaking Bad #brba #el camino: a breaking bad movie #Jesse Pinkman #Jane Margolis #danny watches breaking bad #danny watches el camino: a breaking bad movie

[half-bakedboy]

Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it. 

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn’t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #coda fic #4x4 coda #love me anyway #has that line just been on repeat in anyone elses head??? #no??? #just me?? #lak;sdjflkasjfl;as #my writing

[angry-slytherin]

I’ve Been Waiting

Jo’s breathing slows and her sobs stifle. Link slowly releases her from his embrace.

“I don’t know what to say, Jo.” Link looks at her with soft eyes and a sympathetic expression. It’s not enough.

“I just- I can’t- There are no words. There are no words. My husband left me, Alex left me.”

“He loves you; I know he does. You two just renewed your vows. You’ve told me ever since I moved to Seattle that you’ve finally gotten your happiness. You don’t know he’s gone, Jo.”

Jo walks past him, towards the counter where her untouched glass of wine sat.

“I couldn’t bring myself to drink it. I feel sick. Where else could he be? Dead in a ditch? I think someone would’ve told me. He has abandoned his life, his job, his friends. He just left; like it was nobody’s business. He got sick of his life, and of me, and now, he’s gone.” She opens the box of donuts that Link brought over, taking out a powdered sugar.

Jo sighs, “I’m sorry Link. I know you have your Amelia situation. At least I know my husband doesn’t think I’m enough. You still don’t know if Amelia is carrying your baby or not, or even if she loves you.” Link follows Jo to the kitchen of the loft, drinking some of Jo’s wine.

“Ouch. But yeah, no word there. And Jo, husband gone trumps pregnant girlfriend.”

“God, I feel so stupid. Just in October we got married, again. He promised me he wasn’t going to run. I’m better now. He was good, we were good. We wanted babies and forever. What happened?” Tears run down her cheeks, and Jo puts the donut down.

“Want to watch a crappy movie?” Link suggests.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jo says distantly.

[Uninspired 16x15 Coda/Drabble. (Im)Patiently awaiting Thursday :( ]

#greysanatomy #jolexfanfic #jokarev #atticuslincoln #16x15 #alexkarev

[flowerfan2]

Affinity

McDanno, A03, 10.01

A continuous story of season 10 episode codas.  Steve may describe their relationship as a dysfunctional marriage, but at some point, will he and Danny take a closer look at what it really could be?   

Note:  this is a new coda series, a separate story from the season 9 coda series Bound To Be Together.

Chapter 1

Danny extracts himself from the group hug, brushing Tani’s hair out of his face, and wanders over to the shrimp truck to get more beer.  He’s going to need it, especially if Steve insists on behaving this way.  First he leaps off a building only to scrabble pitifully at a pipe with his fingertips – and pipes like that clearly weren’t intended for parkour; to be clear, not much is – and then Steve refuses to listen to Danny’s advice regarding Brooke.  

A few minutes later, Danny tries to bring up the Brooke situation again, but Steve just raises an eyebrow and turns away to ask Jerry about the book he wants to write.  He tells himself Steve isn’t really mad at him, he just likes to give him shit.  It’s their usual banter, back and forth until one of them cries uncle (or someone pulls a gun; these days it’s usually not even Steve or Danny doing the shooting).

Danny would be more annoyed if Steve wasn’t genuinely interested in Jerry’s new project, if his questions didn’t make Jerry light up and launch into a passionate description of all the research he’s already done.   This is Jerry’s party, after all, and he deserves to be the focus of Steve’s attention.

Danny gets up from the picnic bench, leaning close to Steve as he climbs over the seat.  “Be right back,” he says, face practically scraping against Steve’s scruff.   Steve nods and reaches out, patting Danny somewhere on his thigh as he stands.

Danny makes a show of stretching as he walks away from the group, but really he just needs a moment to calm himself down.  The undercurrent of annoyance at Steve he’s feeling today is bothering him more than usual, and he’s not sure why.  Steve’s superhero tendencies aren’t new, even if the gray in his beard is.  Frankly, Steve’s entirely unwarranted success with women isn’t new either.

But there’s something about the past few days that has him wound up, and it isn’t the monster truck chase through Waikiki (which, admittedly, was awesome).

 Tani comes up next to him and scans the beach in the direction Danny is staring.  “Something particularly fascinating out there?”

 Danny can feel himself pouting.  He’s really not in the mood for Tani’s sass right now.  

 “You wanna tell me why you’re in the doghouse?  Did you forget an anniversary, or something?”

 Danny actually freezes for a minute, stomach dropping at the through that he might have forgotten something important.  It’s pretty close to the day he and Steve met, but they actually celebrated that with steaks and a bottle of excellent scotch last week.  

 “Nah, nothing like that.”

 “Then what is it?  You know we hate it when mom and dad fight.”

 Danny shakes his head.  He doesn’t even protest the “mom and dad” characterization, it’s been going on forever, and, honestly, he likes it.  But even if he wanted to share, he doesn’t know how to explain his current frustration to Tani, not when he doesn’t really get it himself.  

 Tani won’t give up, though, so Danny sticks with the predictable topic.  “Steve won’t let me help him with his date.”

 Tani turns towards him.  “Does he really need help?”

 “Obviously.  He’s gonna mess it all up with Brooke, otherwise.  He’s hopeless.”

 Tani pokes at the sand with her manicured toes, making little circles.  “You really want this thing with Brooke to go well?”

 “Yeah, of course I do.  That’s why I’m trying to help.”

 Tani doesn’t look convinced.  “I hear you called him multiple times. During his actual dinner with this girl.”

 “He didn’t reply to my texts, what was I supposed to do?”

 “Danny,” Tani says, bumping her shoulder up against his arm.  “Maybe back off a little bit.  Give him some space.  Stop pulling his pigtails.  You’re kinda sending mixed messages.”

 “What?”  Danny steps away, arms coming up in front of him.  “What – what are you talking about?  I’m not – pulling his – the man’s hair is finally at a reasonable length, sure, but he doesn’t have-”   Danny can’t seem to stop sputtering, and it’s making Tani cackle.

 “Whatever you say, Danno.”  Tani walks back towards the group, shaking her head, and Danny finds himself alone on the beach.  He was <i>not</i> pulling Steve’s pigtails.  He was just trying to be a good friend, a good wingman.

 Wasn’t he?

 Later that night Danny is idly watching a football game on tv, pretending he doesn’t know how it’s going to end.  Of course even if he hadn’t managed to be spoiled already he could have predicted it; Oklahoma is wildly favored to win and they put points on the board just minutes into the first quarter.

 Steve really doesn’t need Danny’s help with women, and Danny knows it.  Steve’s a blazingly hot guy with a sexy job and a strut that lets everyone know he’s well aware of how he looks with that thigh holster wrapped tight around his leg.  He’s going to score with Brooke just as surely as the Sooners are going to wipe the floor with the Raiders.

 Danny groans and rubs his face.  If he knows Steve is capable of pulling off an acceptable date night, why has Danny been pestering Steve so much?  Why can’t he just let him go off and play with his new friend?

 There are things you don’t admit to yourself often, like the fact that you lie about flossing to the dental hygienist every single year.  And then there are things that you really don’t admit to yourself because you simply can’t do it, because to admit it would cause your whole world to crack.  Danny is starting to think that the reason he is so invested in Steve’s date with Brooke – that Danny even arranged for the ungrateful putz – is skating a little too close to the latter.

 Whatever the reason, though – and he pushes away any contemplation of such reason for another, very far away day – Danny may have screwed up a little.  And he hates it when Steve is annoyed with him.  It ruins everything.  He knows Steve was joking when he said that he and Brooke were “breaking up” with him, but it stung anyway.  

 Danny can’t let anything happen to what he has with Steve.  He may have a whole ‘ohana in Five-0, but Danny knows damn well who’s at the center of it.  

 Biting his lip, he grabs his phone and sends off a text.

 Hey, you up?

 Steve responds quickly, to Danny’s relief.

 To what do I owe the honor? I’m not even on a date.

 Ouch.

 Sorry I’ve been a pest. Just wanted you to have a good time.

 Don’t worry about it.  I know you love me.

 Danny relaxes, warmth spreading in his chest as he types back.  Wanna come watch the Oklahoma game?  It’s a nail-biter.  He holds his breath.

 Sure.  Be over in ten.  You know I can’t resist a good game.

#H50 #Hawaii Five-0 #10.01 #episode coda #Steve McGarrett #Danny Williams #my fic

[plounce]

do you have any molly or widomauk fic recs? You have good characterization taste & I miss him and need to recover from seeing caleb/nott/molly as a relationship tag

well after that gutpunch of a closing line, here are my offerings:

… under a cut because there are a LOT. rifled through my bookmarks and subscriptions for this. hope you like these! my ultimate personal faves are bolded. newer additions are starred.

massive widomauk indulgence (oneshots & completed fics)

take your kid gloves off - oh this is SUCH a fave!! teacher au. really good mature emotions… still has the pining that makes fic great but it doesn’t feel soap opera-y as some do. read this please.

my only sunshine - soulmate au! i can be very picky about soulmate aus but this one really agreed with me. follows canon where it can. this was great!! very tender and sweet and hurts at the right parts and is so good at the right parts

twisters chasing storms - written in the week between ep 25 and ep 26. beau centric with side wm. the remaining members of the m9 have to deal with doing what they must to get them back. kind of dark but just like. oof. i reread this a bunch. really good character work in this. (violence warning)

Caleb, huddled on the cart over Molly’s books, says what Beau has been thinking all along: “Jester and Fjord and Yasha were not terrible. This—” and he gestures around at all of them, “—is a terrible combination.”

“That’s slander,” says Molly. “I’m a good person. And—you know, you’re—you’re not all great, sure, but you do good things. I like you.”

The rest of them look at him.

“Okay, that was weak,” he admits.

any clever ideas? - molly and caleb make out in the evening nip in order to dissuade cree from talking with molly. it is SO GOOD and just. rules. it hits those trope buttons perfectly. i LOVE this one 

strictly ballroom - UNDERCOVER AT A FANCY DRESS BALL… DANCING… PINING… JEALOUSY… this is SUCH an indulgent fave and i just enjoy it so much. this is a FUN read. THIS is what i enjoy fic for

discover us safely destroyed - an interesting character study from the zadash arc

our early days - pre relationship. figuring each other out and being tender and protective. taking care of each other. (violence warning)

the crossroads - caleb falls in battle and has a conversation in limbo (without knowing he’s in limbo). very bittersweet and so like… OOF

hopscotch - a lot of the m9 body swap. good character stuff. the differences in molly and caleb’s brains in terms of memory capabilities is… ouch! ouch!! it’s really good. “you’re my friends. i trust you.”

let’s dance - this one is an older one one, and cute! dancing!

comfort walks softly on little cat feet - h/c. an older one, and very sweet.

strange light - a good coda to the cali ep, which was hard to find. measured characterizations with some molly details i adore - his love of theatrics, and keeping copies of lucien’s wanted posters that he’s torn down and using them for kindling.

a street cat named frumpkin - a cute little modern au with side wm! hooray for kitties.

familiar comfort - frumpkin pov. implied wm. really super excellent. i LOVE frumpkin pov stuff

until you set your old heart free - modern with magic… established relationship… molly gets rezzed and returns home… ohhhhhhhh. oh my heart 

take me back into your arms - molly gets rezzed! tam lin setup! hell yeah! power of love babey!!

kiss me once, kiss me twice - a series for kiss prompts!! so sweet. this one has some really heartwarming modern au installments that i just adore

something new for me and you - this one recently wrapped up! a good multichapter, probably the peak modern urban au in the tag. very detailed and has some very good themes about like… feeling love and feeling deserving of relationships and having to grapple with being bond to the people you’re close to. ALSO has background claysol which you KNOW i’m a BIG SUCKER for. very charming!

*indelible - modern au! tattoo parlor stuff, which can be very hit or miss for me, but this was such a sweet, lovely au with a lot of like. recovery stuff in it? for both of them. very nice.

*meet me in the woods - OOF this has such such delicious piiiining… yearning! molly Noticing caleb’s hands and the two of them slowly growing closer. it was such a sweet read and i enjoyed the whole thing like a soft blanket.

*boats and birds - i love this! such a great snapshot of molly (swinging from the ropes on the ball eater, and being a bit reckless & unlucky in his circus tricks - that’s my bitch!), and such a lovely, telling interaction between him and caleb. i loved that “did you just tell a joke? well, it was a good one” bit, and i love fics that revisit it with a bit more future tenderness. this is the line that won me completely over to this fic:

Because Molly is an idiot and likes to pretend that he has a chance of breaking through the ten layers of trauma Caleb wears like a second skin to find the person underneath and convince him he’s worth something, he takes a minute to appreciate the view.

*matryoshka - immediate fixit after molly’s death, which rules. molly’s ghost gets to carpool in caleb’s body before they rez him. i think this scenario was written enjoyably but with appropriate weight as well, which could be very hard to find. pre-relationship, which i always enjoy - i love me some people meandering towards feelings. it also has some very interesting lucien theory tidbits sprinkled in, which i enjoy.

*cat magnet - molly gets turned into a cat for a hot minute and cuddles up to caleb. short and fun and not weird (thank goodness).

*devil’s tongue - i’m always a bit bashful/hesitant about reccing explicit stuff, but this one has such excellent and caring characterization that i feel correct in putting it on this list. the best explicit ship fics always have an element of knowing that the characters aren’t losing their personalities once they get in bed, and this one has both characters as like. people. the d/s stuff does not overwhelm the characters or the fic and is very light - you see that these are real people in an equal relationship trying to help each other feel good (and i’m a judgmental bastard about fic, so you can take my word on this). AND it has some linguistic stuff about infernal as the actual plot, which i can be a sucker for.

*a thin line - molly gets injured, caleb sews him up, they dance around a conversation before actually Talking About Stuff and becoming closer. excellently written h/c. this is an early wdmk fic, but actually writes the characters pretty well in hindsight! op rules. it’s interesting to see what the author manages to get right, and the backstory elements they made up are still engaging and consistent for the molly & caleb they have written.

*heartfrost - molly lives au, taking place around ep 72. molly is resistant to fire, so he’s vulnerable to cold. he has a bad time with that, and with grieving for yasha as well. caleb takes care of him. this was just sweet h/c whump, and reading molly getting his feelings validated by caleb was *kisses fingers* very good.

*limerence - caleb accidentally casts a spell that makes everyone who sees him fall in love with him - except the party lesbians and… molly, for some reason. isn’t it strange that a love spell doesn’t alter molly’s behavior towards caleb??? synopsis aside - i really enjoy how this fic took the fact that molly canonically wouldn’t pursue caleb because he sees caleb isn’t in a good place to have that; molly’s respect for consent with regards to relationships shines through here and agh i love him. also, i am beau in this fic.

**VWOOP! (every time a bell rings, a tiefling gets their wings) - a really interesting take on the soulmate au involving true name stuff (the author has some notes at the end about “true names” which made me :) about the concept in terms of identity and meaning, so dw about deadname snarls yk). wings! soulmates! friends with benefits that accidentally evolve into feelings!

**the fool, reversed - i’m a hack who loves to see molly slotted into present canon just for fun. this one has him being abducted with yasha by obann, and in dealing with the trauma afterward accidentally discovering his incorporeality bloodhunter powers. good stuff.

**the skin beneath the facade - this one is so self indulgent and i love it. fake dating at a fancy party! kissing! POISON! A CAT! fun fun fun read.

WIPs that i am subscribed to and really enjoy, and are good reads already: 

the prophet of tortham - LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE… god i just love it. molly scrambling to be the best scammer he can and rolling miracuously well, while trying to solve a mystery! very perceptive caleb and perfectly slow burn widomauk. it’s an au where molly pretends to be an actual fortuneteller to a lord that the rest of the m9 work for. i’ve been adoring this one so far, such a great molly.

there’s a ghost in my lungs - vague future canon! the m9 finds molly again, but the empire put a bunch of stuff in his head and the gang seeks to cure him, all while getting tangled up in a town plot and festivals. very good widomauk pining. side note: the “winter soldier au” tag has nothing to do with marvel at all besides the basic premise of what’s up with molly, but for the vast majority of the fic he is himself (changed somewhat after what he’s gone through, but his wonderful self). i’ve been keeping up with this one for a long time and i’ve been loving it.

Caleb blinks, as if coming out of a Frumpkin trance. Beau knows better, though, she’s seen him staring at Molly like Molly’s a lighthouse in the dark, and he’s a man paddling desperately back to shore.

we circle by night - a far-flung-future caleb travels back in time and accidentally averts molly’s death! and there’s a splintered timeline. slow burn widomauk starts kindling but caleb’s dealing with uh… pretending he’s not an older and higher-level wizard inside a canon age caleb body. VERY good. love it.

fractured moonlight on the sea - molly is a selkie and doesn’t know it!! i looooooove this so far and can’t wait for more, this is such good like… pining for stuff you don’t know, romantically and sealwise.

map to alexandria - modern music au! very good writing of like. human emotions. very good relationship themes. this is my good buddy mauve @phantomsteed‘s fave fic!

the gay and wondrous life of caleb widogast - this is a modern with magic childhood friends road trip au! it is also fjollygast, and i really enjoyed it. extremely good and well-written pining and relationship drama, that luckily has been resolved. from what i’ve detectived, it seems like it’s been put on permanent hiatus after canon has diverged a lot from what the author was working from. but it stopped at a very good point and is a fave. extremely delicious pining.

wilderswans’ 30 day nsfw challenge - this is such a great series with a lot of character work and like… stuff about intimacy and it’s really good and tender! early relationship. really sweet and well-written!

**the names that make us - soulmate au! with twists and turns. starts out as bren/lucien and will become caleb/molly. looking forward to it.

molly focused:

true north - molly and yasha relationship stuff… i love them. platonic soulmates. a grand adventure!

visions in lightning, voices in thunder - yasha and molly again, but this time more of a snapshot. implied wm and by. yasha’s aasimarness interacts with ukatoa’s dreams in a nasty and cool way. this one has a line that alwaaaaaays gets me right in the gut

“I’d keep an eye on him, if I were you. There’s still some sharp edges to him.”

Molly chuckled. “I’m well acquainted with sharp edges.”

Yes, and you cut yourself on them all the time, Yasha thought to herself. If he cuts you, will you bleed for him?

also if you haven’t… you should read my high school au oneshot where beau and molly are siblings ;) if you want some numbers to back my self promotion it is the 9th highest kudos’d wm fic on ao3 atm… AND it’s a oneshot. blue gatorade rights

OH and as an edit: here’s my more serious in tone wdmk fic, canticle. it is very good and self indulgent. molly character study and repressed pining. ep 25/6 divergent au, as one does. inspired by twisters chasing storms, recced above.

#robcr #critical role #widomauk #mollymauk tealeaf #caleb widogast #Anonymous #chirps #critical role fanfiction #reclist

[fanfictin]

3-2

“nothing as of yet” “Only you could be worried about the ships i already shot down”

aw duel fights, anaking again weird sith lady and obiwan ofc against grevious

i love how they just fuckin kick each other. they have lightsabers and guns but they also hit. pfft. she just straight up kicked anakin in the face. nice.

3-4

“Should you really proceed without the council’s approval” padme “We do it all the time. Don’t we, Snips?”  “Yep.” padme, quieter “I can’t believe they let you teach” anaking looks so smug,, pfft

3-6

“Master obiwan caused trouble? that’s a first.” “ugh” (he just Does Not want to Talk  about it rip. dont make anakin talk abt it ahsoka) “Just give me the lightsaber”

“You’re lucky you didn’t get hurt” “Nothing you wouldn’t have done” ahshsjflfsj ahsoka you’re killing your master ahsoka

3-7

“If I’m not with you, who else will watch your back?” oh ahsoka she cares for her master

3-10

(anakin should go to hang out w obiwan like My wife took my padawan and i have nothing to do)

3-12

star fighting duo,, i love their red and yellow ships. “Anakin! I’m going to need help!!” yes for asking for help

yes for fighting ventrress together

3-14

“so much for not starting something” “Hey don’t look at me!” they’re so dumb i love them fighting together

did anakin just do the salute thing that obiwan does???

obiwan w the hand on anakin’s shoulder briefly,, pls

with the holding anakin back again--

didnt that thing just land on them-- okay i guess jedi are impervious to crush injuries

“We’ll take him together” “RIght.” crey

3-15

DISASTER TRIO ADVENTURE AGAIN???!! YES

anakin is so fucking dramatic and petty i love it

all black out and all wake up. fun times. theyre just Who landed the ship

“we’ll be fine. as long as we stay together” thanks obiwan, now yu’re definitely not going to stay together

rockfall seperate! a favourite trope!!

anaking he’s just asking if youre alright and didnt get crushed by the rocks,, theyre no need to be so dramatic and angsty-- ankin pls obiwan just cares---

“is it true he is the chosen one” -activate obiwan protective mode- “What do YOU know of such things??” also why does ahsoka have 2 lightsabers--

lol he just turned into a bat. that’s pretty cool yo.

oh-- this is basically the crystal cave! hm. that’s not good. and a ghost quigon talking to obiwan? weird. “I’ve trained him as well as i could” bless

oooo they’re all having visions. nice.

“I think anakin may be in trouble” ahsoka i love you

eh that was pretty cool. many troubled anakin codas could be writen after that. nice.

3-16 

oh it’s still them! anakin is sleepin,, bless him

oh nice. action. “was it a nightmare” oh ahsoka. love it. and yes it was but now it’s reality.

another crash landing, nice. “I didnt think you saw it” o “it was a GIANT TOWER of COURSE i SAW IT” a

the SHOULDER stop. nice. and he didnt listen. of course.

well yeah climbing is hard work. stop being so dramatic anakin.

“you might want to check up on him” thanks bad guy, obiwan will do just that

okay that was cool. asoshka is fine now, anakin is n’t glowing any more, they’re going to head off.

3-17

continuation? whoa

they’re just chillin in their ship. “You did well anakin. how do you feel?” thanks obiwan that helps 

whelp bye anakin

aw waking asokha and giving her tea,, bless obewan

“Wheres. anakin.” protective master mode activated

“Look after the ship, i’m going to find anakin” ahsokas just like well ok then bye obiwan

oh it’s literally just rots foreshadowing premonitions, cool.

“anakin. are you alright?” no definitely not, in the bad side rn, but we’ll catch up with your worried tone later

okay yeah just nake him collapse again that’s fine. you guys are worse than the angels in spn

“are you alright” yes thanks for asking again, fine now master

okay yeah just throw em away that’s fine. yknow getting thrown on the floor hurts more than you think in like real life

okay sure that’s fine. just white out and wake up on the ship. sure.

3-18

“You’re just being protective again” why yes, yes he is.

“you either Do or Die. and that’s not a risk i’m willing to share.” oh. anakin pls that’s such a good quote.

fucking incredible “I must have carbon sickness bc i could swear that’s Ahsoka” “Your eyes are fine. it’s ahsoka’s HEARING that needs helps”

also oh my GOSH this is that gifset i’ve had in my likes FOREVER. the one where obiwan just fuckin snaps his head around to listen to ahsoka and just goes “I see anakin’s new teaching method is to do as i say not as i do” fuckin savage

i also like the return of Snips as the nickname, and quite often too - i imagine in fic they must have had a talk from when possessed ahsoka said she hated the name

aw ahsoka being teensy. also that’s a very ellie and joel thing. opening the door from the other side and the mentor being grumpy. nice.

well that was fun. snakin got sucked to the roof as well bc of his mental arm pfffttt and got hismelf down while being elecetrocuted. cool.

3-19

“sorry I’m late” a “how nice of you to join us” o Anakin don’t smirk at that. don’t smirk like that at your master.

see i knew that would hit you. now youre hittign the ground again aniakin. that shit hurts you know

3-20

no-- this is not how you use grenades- you have to save them for the shield enemies-- have you never playyed unhcharted---

you cant just burn his body in lava-- okay you did it. well. at least you used the force together.

anyway this is a pretty cool episode i guess. continuation, less h/c but still good.

3-21

ahsoka and anakin mission!-- never mind they’re spitting up. sigh.

okay well this episode is called padawan lost so. i’m sure she’ll be found. also this is literally just the hunger games.

aww what a nice reunion, that was sweet

“Thank you, master.” “You’re welcome. My padawan” pls stop,, anakin and ahsoka are too cute

4-1

oh nakin got his helmet off underwater and snips got it for him just “you call for backup?” and he just “I HAD it under control snips” while he’s coughing up water still ah,, them. also “Ha! I knew you’d say that”

4-3

this water level has gone on for 3 episode so far,,,,

you can’t, electrocute someone underwater-- oh well fine. that’s just anakin’s luck isn’t it.

4-4

wow anakin’s so used to lightening that it takes quite a bit to knock him out rip

whoa will padme trade grevious for anakin? yes. probably. esp when he’s being lighteninged even when unconscious. that’s rude.

okay anakin yeah wake up just when padme pulls you into her arms. and then she helps him walk,, bless.

4-7

the duo are back! oh is this the one where obiwan fakes his death bc i know that’s coming and i am not enthused.

4-11

oh wow that was very sudden. Anger Anakin appears and obiwan tells him to CHILL basically then when ahsoka asks, obiwan admits anakin was a slave and ahsoka says she’ll keep an eye on him,, they love so much

hey dont throw obiwan around like that, he’s an old man

anakin and ahsoka duo lookin for bombs

that was fun. anakin almost fell out of the ship. always good.

4-12

anger anakin abt slaves. nice. even mentioning his mother.

“Looks like i have to rescue you again, old man.” “I knew you’d have a backup plan”

well they all got electrocuted to unconsciousness. good plan gang.

4-13

and there anakin goes getting electrified by dooku again. sigh.

“Anakin, i’m please to see you” aw even beatne down obiwan is there

that was a good mission.

4-15 ah this one is called Deception so i’m guessing it’s the deception arc where obiwan fakes his death. ouch. anger anakin is definitely going to be back.

yes ouch. that hurt. 

this is just fasttrack anikan to the dark side run by killing his master

“Everyone knows how close we are. it was his reaction that sold it” this is fucking rude. but true. still very rude.

4-16

“He killed my master. My best friend.” oh dear. ouchies.

anyway chancellor palpatine is here now to continue anakin’s fast  track to the darkside by killing his brother

well at least he went with ahsoka. ..how long does this arc last....

aw well at least he still cares. ha. accidently knocks anakin off then hurries off to make sure he’s okay, then chokes him out. just normal stuff.

ahsoka straight up standing over anakin soul eater maka and soul style ,,, oh my

“Obiwan is still alive” and ahsoka helps him back to the ship. good for them.

4-17

hey well THANKS for telling anakin that yoda. so useful. so great to know. nice how you all killed his master in front of him for a plan. cool. he’ll brush that off.

4-18

yep anakin’s still pissed. honestly good for him.

“Hopefully i’ll be where i always am” a “he means saving the day” ah no he means next to obiwan

obiwan watching over them from a sniper,, aw

“Mace, Anakin’s down” he’s still looking out,, crey

well that wasn’t a fyll on yell but it was a telling off. good foryou anakin. yelling at your oncedead master is fine for a bit.

oooo surprise end twist! anakin facing dooku

obiwan running to help anakin and stopping to make sure he’s alright,, but points lost for still being in disguise

4-21

anakin and ahsoka go to a diner. that’s it that’s this episode.

“Master? Anakin?” Ahsoka trying to get his attention when he’s worrying quiet :)

okay so darth maul is alive apparently

4-22

haha obiwan getting the shit beaten out of him and saved by ventress then using a red lightsaber. hilarious.

#clone wars #sw #liz watches clone wars

[anthropologicalhands]

ceg fic: white josh’s boyfriend needs assistance (possibly medical)

title: white josh’s boyfriend needs assistance (possibly medical) summary: White Josh isn't surprised his boyfriend rushed off to see Rebecca Bunch without sunscreen or a plan. He just hopes that Darryl doesn't hurt himself. Missing scene from 3x06. notes: I just loved that scene with the girl group and Darryl and wanted to include a coda with White Josh. 

Josh returns to West Covina after AAA arrives with the car’s replacement battery, three hours after his boyfriend charged out of the yurt as a man on a mission. There a semblance of a breeze and the traffic coming from the desert has significantly died down, so the drive is less unpleasant than it could have been, and he is able to make the journey in just under two hours.

After passing the sign for West Covina, he pulls over and calls Darryl.

“WhiJo!" Darryl sounds cheerful, if at a higher pitch than usual. "You got service again?”

“I’m not in the yurt anymore, I’m back in town. Where are you? Did you get to see Rebecca?”

“I did! I did, I’m still there.”

Josh relaxes. Despite himself, he had worried if Darryl's presence would be welcomed so soon, or if it would be seen as an intrusion.

“That’s good. You guys are hanging out then?”

There is a slightly guilty pause from the other end of the phone.

“Well, actually – ouch!”

He yelps, and Josh has to pull the phone back a couple of inches from his ear.

“D…you okay, dude?”

“I’m fine! Paula just added more ice in the pool.”

“…Rebecca has a pool? Why are you in the pool? Why is there ice?”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s nothing too serious. And the pool is Paula’s –one of those inflatable tubs. See, I got a tiny bit burned driving in from the desert…”

“He looks like a flamingo!” Josh can hear Paula shout from somewhere in the background, while his still-sensitive ears easily pick up Valencia snapping out instructions, the clink of ice being dumped out of a bag and further yelps from Darryl.

Josh brings the phone back to his ear once the cacophony subsides.

“Darryl, what’s going on?”

“…I might have lost my hat.”

Oh God.

“I’m coming to pick you up.”

“That would be great, but maybe in a couple of hours? Heather’s looking up instructions and the internet says I still need to soak to keep the blistering from getting worse...”

“I’m coming now.”

“Okay.”

Josh takes one look at Darryl’s vibrant red skin and says, “Get up, we’re going to the emergency room.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” blusters Darryl, sitting fully clothed in a bright green inflatable pool filled with ice just outside Rebecca’s front door, his shoulders shuddering around his ears. “We’ve got it under control!”

“Darryl, listen to your boyfriend,” says Paula, coming out of the house with a glass of water and a compress, Valencia following close behind with a short stack of hand towels. “You’re in bad shape. Human beings should not be this color.”

“I’ll be fine, it’s just skin!”

“Yeah, it’s only your largest organ,” says Josh, circling around the kiddie pool, studying Darryl, his dismay growing. “And it’s supposed to be protecting your other organs—Dude, this is bad. You’re going to peel like crazy.”

“Not if I can help it –I found the aloe vera!” says Valencia triumphantly from the other side of the kiddie pool, pulling out a small, green-capped jar from her make-up bag. Sometimes Josh’s brain still short-circuits at this new Valencia, who’s ditched the boxed water, drinks coffee and channels her fierce territoriality into taking care of her friends.

Darryl beams up at her like she’s the Madonna.

(Like, the actual Madonna, not the singer.)

“See?” Darryl gestures extravagantly upwards. “I have aloe vera. Everything’s fine!”

Josh puts his hands on his hips and sighs.

He loves his boyfriend’s ever-present optimism, he really does. He just sometimes wishes it came with a dash of patience. Just a pinch.

“Darryl, your skin is starting to turn purple; you need more than aloe vera,” says Rebecca, appearing in the entrance of the house, lotion bottles in hand. “Valencia, where do you want me to put these?”

She stops in the door frame when she notices him. “Oh, White Josh.”

“Rebecca.” He shifts, suddenly uncomfortable, and sinks his hands into his pockets. She just looks at him for a long moment, still hovering in the doorframe, uncertain.

“You’re, uh, wearing a shirt,” she says at last. “Good for you.”

“Huh? Why is that surprising?”

She smiles, not one of her toothy grins, but a wry quirk of the mouth. “Darryl said he, uh, borrowed your shirt for his desert odyssey. Not that it helped.” She gestures towards the ice bath with a twirl of her index finger. “I assumed it was your only one.”

“So, you thought I was just wandering around the desert half-naked?” he asks, almost rhetorically. “Makes sense.”

Rebecca shrugs. “No. I mean, it was just as likely you were doing some weird, meditative, becoming-one-with-nature thing on a rock somewhere. Or doing pushups. Also on a rock. Maybe one-handed.”

“Haha,” he retorts, but it lacks bite. He watches her cross the doorstep at Valencia’s beckoning to place the bottles by their other supplies. She looks pale, but better than he feared. There are a lot of things he can say about Rebecca Bunch, and has said in the past. But he got the messages, too.

He watches her kneel down next to the pool and inspect a blistered patch on Darryl’s shoulder with some tenderness, and it’s like she’s a different person from the woman who has been tearing his best friend’s life to shreds –no more glitter and lipstick, everything scrubbed down to the bare vital stuff needed to make up Rebecca Bunch, now smaller than he’s ever seen her.

“Rebecca.”

She pauses in her ministrations and looks up at him, and Josh doesn’t think he’s ever seen her move like that before, slowly and with such deliberation.

“You look good,” he says at last.

Rebecca watches him for a long moment, then smiles again, a little more naturally, easing more into the habit of it.

“Thanks,” she says. “And sorry, um, I think I kind of broke your boyfriend.”

Josh shakes his head. “Nah, he did this to himself.”

“It’s worth it, I had to see my girl,” insists Darryl, looking between them, and Josh feels a small burst of affection for him, soothing his irritation that his boyfriend couldn’t wait a few hours to prevent something that will definitely cause weeks of pain.

“And I’m happy to see you, too,” says Rebecca, as sincere as Josh has ever heard her. “But seriously, Darryl, you need to go to the emergency room.”

“Actually, he might not,” says Heather, wandering out with her laptop to join the party. “There are a ton of home remedies that should, like, help ease the pain. And I think the blisters look worse than they actually are – if he keeps them clean it should be okay.”

“Hi Heather,” says Josh.

Heather looks up from her screen. “Hey, WhiJo. How was the yurt?”

Josh gives her a short wave. “Not bad, kind of stuffy, but we met some pretty nice people.”

Heather nods, unblinking. “Did you guys work things out?”

Josh hesitates. Truthfully, they haven’t talked that much more about the whole baby thing, first with the herbs and the time it took to set up the yurt, and then Rebecca. They haven’t really had the chance.

“It’s a work in progress,” he says instead. And it is true –he’s still not entirely sure what he wants to do about it. He never thought about having children, and certainly not so quickly. He understands why Darryl might be interested in having another kid, but it’s also Darryl. He is enthusiastic and impulsive about everything, from his name to his sexuality and even to jumpstarting their relationship. But he can’t be that certain about everything, especially not kids. And it’s not like Darryl isn’t happy about where they are, Josh is sure of it. He just needs a little more time.

Heather hums without saying anything, just keeps looking at him. Josh breaks her gaze, looking down to the stonework under his sandals. There aren’t many people who can make him squirm, but Heather might be one of them, with her uncanny ability to look right past what people say to what they do.

“Well, if you aren’t going to break up, I’m going to send you the treatment instructions,” she says at last. “He’s going to need a lot of lotion over the next few days, so you get to take care of that part.”

“Lucky me.”

“I can do that myself!” protests Darryl. He’s about to say more, but then Paula slaps a cold compress on the back of his neck and all that comes out is a strangled whimper, while Rebecca gingerly pats him on the back and Valencia dabs her hands with aloe gel.

“You also did this to yourself,” Paula tells him. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Just sit tight, Darryl,” says Heather. “WhiJo, I’m sending you the articles, but like, try not to look at the pictures. Some of them are nasty.”

Josh grimaces. “Wonderful, thanks for the warning.”

“You’re welcome,” says Heather, putting down the laptop and moving to join Valencia. Josh also comes to join the huddle, bending down to sit cross-legged by the makeshift bath. He tries not to disturb the women on the other side, near the door, moving and talking quietly to each other, considerate enough to give him and Darryl some space.

“I might need a little help,” admits Darryl, chastened, letting his arm flop over the pool’s edge, hand extended. Josh takes it and smiles at him, affection overriding any lingering exasperation.

“Don’t worry about it, D. You don’t have to do anything on your own.”

Darryl’s smile is small and genuine, but it does not quite reach his eyes. Josh wonders, with some concern, if the pain is worse than it looks.

“But some things I will have to do on my own,” Darryl insists, unusually serious. “I can’t ask you to always stay around.”

“Nah,” Josh shakes his head, confident. “You’ve got me, everything will be fine. It’ll be over in a few weeks.”

Josh squeezes Darryl’s hand, in promise.

After a moment’s hesitation, Darryl returns the gesture.

#ellie writes fic #crazy ex girlfriend #darryl x white josh #gurlgroup4evah #darryl whitefeather #white josh

[asklosingfaith]

20-24 for Coda also 1-5 for Colton!

Colton: Looks like this one’s for us, Coda.

Coda: Wha… why…? Twenty through twenty-four…

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Coda: Childhood illnesses… um I hated missing school as a kid so I would always go in even if I was feeling awful. One time I refused to take medicine or anything and it turned out I had the flu? Yeah, that wasn’t fun. Got really crazy sick and infected half of my class. After that I just learned to take it easy.

Coda: Um… I don’t really feel comfortable answering twenty-one, so I’ll just skip–

Colton: Turn-ons for Coda include: being good at music, being nice, and like kinda attractive but not like overtly super-attractive. Like he’s not gonna go for some photoshopped perfect jawline model type guy.

Coda: What are you–

Colton: His turn-offs are being rude to his friends, condescension, and being too forward. Did I get them all?

Coda: …you missed “answers questions for me when I don’t want to answer them.”

Colton: Ouch. Are you saying I’m not attractive? I’m offended Coda.

Coda: Wounded, even?

Colton: Hurt, Coda.

Coda: Given a blank piece of paper… probably compose. On an off day I might doodle spirals and stars.

Coda: Um, I’m like kinda organized in my own way? Like it doesn’t look super organized but you could tell I have a system. And when I stick to the system life is awesome. But on less organized days you can tell. I’m a little scatterbrained, constantly checking the time… that kind of thing.

Coda: Obviously I’m pretty good at music. I used to like history a lot. And then I used history to promote my ideas on social justice, LGBT rights, feminism, and teachers really didn't like that and kinda tried to shut that down. Some of my teachers at my new school encourage that kind of thinking though so…

Colton: Alright, my turn!

1. What does their bedroom look like?2. Do they have any daily rituals?3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Colton: My bedroom is pretty clean. Not like spotless but pretty clean. I got music paraphernalia semi-organized on a bookshelf, I got a fair amount of posters up, a laptop and a desk in one corner, bed against the wall. I dunno, I guess a typical teens bedroom.

Coda: You forgot the excess of stuffed animals.

Colton: Daily rituals… um not really sure exactly what this means? Like I try to eat breakfast with at least one parent each morning? Does that count? What is this trying to ask?

Coda: Just skip it.

Colton: I do exercise! I walk or run almost daily, and I try to do some more muscle-building exercises on the weekend, more along the lines of weight lifting, crunches, push-ups–

Coda: Your standard form of high school PE torture.

Colton: I try to get Coda to join me even on some of the tamer walks, but he rejects me each time.

Coda: Walking ‘for fun’ is actually torture so yeah, no thanks.

Colton: …if I needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy. Prolly call somebody, usually Jacqueline or Coda and see if they wanna get dinner somewhere.

Colton: For cleanliness habits, I try to shower almost daily, straighten things up weekly, and just generally keep things clean when I can. Hope that kinda gave you some insight into our lives

#losing faith #ask losing faith #oc ask blog #losing faith coda #losing faith colton #these two are such dorks #especially when they get together. #lostfanboy

[alexydury]

London to Paris - cycling

London to Paris (L2P) cycling on road Thursday 15th – Saturday 17th June 2017 Last year, Steven just happened to ask me if I wanted to do the London to Paris cycle ride…. I said yeah, why not? Without thinking about it properly! I thought it would be an easy ride through the park thingy! I had been busy running after the London Marathon and had the all clear from the GP, so felt ready for a new challenge. So, after paying in full (£380) for the cycle trip including ferry, hotels, van hire and the Eurostar…. it was time to think ahead for the L2P. Steven then mentioned to me that he was worried about me using my old mountain bike for the trip! He said that it was too heavy and wouldn’t be able to keep up with the others in the group. So, we went shopping to look at the road bikes and to try some out. I then decided to buy a brand new sports bike! I have to admit that it was quite an irrational and rushed decision on my part. I Looked at second hand bikes on ebay etc but having had bad experiences of second hand bikes in the past and problems with my daughter’s bike, I decided to go for a new one. I went ahead and bought a brand new sports bike from Evans bike shop. This particular bike cost me £900! Ouch! Now I understand why Steven hid the true cost of his bike last year when he did coast to coast cycling! This time it was my turn! Haha. I bought myself a lovely Bianche bike – a specialist Italian hand-made bike. Once I had picked it up, there wasn’t much time to get a lot of training in with the bike. I only managed to do the CFC Stratford 30 miles a couple of weeks before the L2P event and then realised that I was quite naïve in thinking that I could do it without training. I had so much to learn, especially with gear changing and uphill cycling. Day One – Thursday 15th June Three guys Nick, Chris (both hearing) and Mike started from home to Trafalgar Square and met us there. The night before we went over to Gareth’s house (hearing, CODA who also has a deaf wife) who was the organiser of the whole cycling trip and gave him our clothes, bags and our bikes. The driver for the event was Marcus (deaf & Gareth’s baby brother!) who put all the bikes and bags into the hired van. We then met him at Waterloo Place, just around the corner from Trafalgar Square, which was our starting point of the London to Paris cycling trip. After a sleepless night at Steven’s house, we caught the train from Harpenden to Kings Cross and met up with 3 other deaf guys on the train – Adam, Simon and Gary who were also with us for the L2P trip. We were all pretty nervous and made our way to Waterloo Place to meet everyone. I was petrified at the thought of cycling with all of them knowing that I was the least experienced out of the lot. However, it was reassuring to know that there would be a van beside us in case anything happened. We were running a bit late but eventually arrived. Everyone got changed into their cycling gear and began to get their bikes ready. I arrived in my cycling clothes with a fleece jacket and a small rucksack for money and drinks. After several group photos at Trafalgar Square, we started off together along the embankment, over the bridge and through places I was familiar with like Brixton, Croydon, Purley and a couple of parks with cycling paths. We were cycling on the specialised cycling path along the road, it was beautifully smooth tarmac a lot of the way and of course being in a city, we stopped at many traffic lights along the way. I felt quite confident with my cycling at this point until after we went through Purley. We cycled up a big hill where we saw the beautiful skyline of London. That was the point when I realised that I had some big problems ahead of me! The roads soon became very hilly along the way. It was less busy on the roads through the countryside, but I did start to struggle a bit with the hills. I was at the back of the group cycling alone at this point which was really tough. Gareth and Steven supported me along the way and eventually Mike helped with some instructions on how to cycle properly uphill. Marcus met us at the top of the hill and also met us at different places along the road to make sure that everyone was okay. It was really reassuring to know they were somewhere behind me (they stopped at places and moved to catch up with us). Eventually we were in the Redhill area and suddenly I was in Bletchingley village! Oh gosh I thought….. I had to stop here and say hello to my dearest old friend Mark (also godfather of my daughter). Everyone stopped at a shop over the road opposite Mark’s café Lamington. I went over and just walked in the café. Mark was dumbfounded as he watched me walk into his café. He was putting a slice of cake onto a plate when the cake fell apart he was so shocked! (He later put that piece of cake into a takeaway bag along with carrot cake and some cheesey scones for me!) Unfortunately, my visit was right in the middle of the busy time at the café and Mark struggled to serve all of us outside the café with water as well as his regular customers. It was an unexpected visit for both of us! It was also good to see Lulu who was helping Mark out on the day. During the stop, Mike checked my bike over as he thought that my saddle was too high for me and put it down for me. There were then photos taken outside the café before everyone took off again! I felt a bit of pressure as I tried to sort out my saddle knowing I was holding everyone back from arriving at the hotel in a good time. Everyone wanted to get there so they could eat and relax and get to bed at a reasonable hour. So, I decided to put my bike in the van and rode with Marcus to the hotel. I think I made the right decision in doing this as I lost a bit of confidence, especially at the last part before arriving Marks café. I really enjoyed riding through London, I thought it was going to be awful but surprisingly it wasn’t! I would definitely ride again in and around London. I was amazed with Marcus keeping up with everyone especially the front two riders Nick and Chris (apparently they rode to work everyday). Mike admitted that he enjoyed being with the 2 front riders even though he went back a bit to ensure everyone had stayed together including his wife Mags, Simon, Gary, Gareth, Steven and Adam. There was a lot of hilly countryside roads at the beginning and then a very busy road towards Newhaven. I have so much admiration for everybody for riding up those hills. I hadn’t realised how much was actually involved with cycling. There is a lot of skill involved with changing gears and stuff. I also still had a bit of a cough at this point and wanted to save myself for the best part later on during the cycling trip and maybe on less hilly roads! John also came with me in the van and helped to keep Marcus company as he’d had a bit of a health scare recently so he took it easy and rode a bit now and then. I didn’t know John or Marcus at all before the day and as we were getting to know each other we realised we all had connections somewhere in the deaf community! We know of someone! Also, Marcus and myself went to the same deaf school but during a different era but we know a lot of the same people…. Small world! Strange how we never crossed paths before, but maybe we did and just didn’t realise! It was the same for John who is related to John Hay and his wife Shirley. At one point the gap between the riders became wider and wider meaning most riders rode alone not together! Thank goodness I was off the road otherwise I was embarrassingly far behind! Two of the riders weren’t happy and one thought that he had been left behind and may be lost (He was really anxious because he realised that he have no phone with him so no access to MapMyRide or contacts). We reassured him that he just had to keep on going straight ahead and he would be fine. Eventually Steven, Adam and Gary became one group. Mags eventually caught up and stayed behind Mike. Gareth and Simon stayed together. They stopped at the last 7 miles and rode together as a group for the last part of the journey to the Premier Inn at Newhaven. I was in awe of the riders as they all looked really whacked! I really admired them all. We were then allowed to put our bikes into our rooms, which was a brilliant opportunity to prepare the bikes ready for the next day. (We did put our bikes into bed and took a quick photo!! Haha!) After a quick shower we met up at the hotel bar next door and had a beer. I have to say that the beer tasted so gooooood! I was knackered but knew that others were worse than me. I could see Steven bearing up with the tiredness of the journey and feeling so hungry that he could eat a horse! Simon recommended a good restaurant (from his work friend I think) down the road called The Ark. We all went down there and enjoyed a good quality meal. I would have eaten anywhere and wouldn’t have minded staying at the restaurant next door to the hotel and having cheap steak. However, the service and food/drink at The Ark was particularly good. We got to know each other a little more over dinner and the guys wanted a few more beers so headed back to the hotel bar to discover it was closed! Haha. I was planning on going straight to bed anyway, especially after the previous night’s awful sleep. I went into a lovely deep sleep! Day Two – Friday 16th June It was a shock to wake the next morning and see Steven opening the curtains saying it was time to get going. The thought of more cycling worried me! My bottom was hurting like hell (another reason why Mike moved the saddle down a bit on my bike after discovering I had a sore bottom so soon into the event). I got up and got dressed into my Bianche cycling gear that Steven had given me for my birthday the previous week, also put my fleece jacket on top as it was seven in the morning and a bit chilly. We put our bags into the van and cycled ourselves to the ferry terminal down the road. We were all feeling relaxed as we cruised along at dawn. There was a bit of a chill in the air, but we knew it would be warming up later on. We then collected our tickets and went through passport control.There were a bit of a wait as there were many others waiting to be processed and around 200 people cycled onto the ferry. We then got off and walked with our bikes over the ramp into the ferry for safety. We were led to an area where we parked our bikes against the wall in twos. The van went separately and joined us later (he joined us at the back of the long breakfast queue!!). We assumed that the ferry crew had used straps to keep all the bikes stacked up to the wall like the motorbikes to stop them falling all over the place. We then enjoyed eating our breakfast, it was four long hours ferrying cross the English channel. Steven and I went walking about outside. The weather was very nice as it was warm and sunny out there and people were relaxing on the decking chairs. It was at this point when I Looked out to sea and thought of Andrew Rees (old deaf school friend) swimming across the English Channel – how amazing was that?! I met a couple of lovely riders on the ferry as I noticed one of them had an electric bike so I asked if we could swap bikes! She explained that she can now enjoy cycling with her husband who was into cycling with the use of the electric bike. She can charge up the bike and rely on its power to get her up the hills! Amazing. She also asked me questions such as where were our bags and luggage etc. I also enjoyed looking at the other cyclists and groups of cyclists. Anyway, we got off smoothly and safely. I realised that I had a wobbly back tyre so Mike quickly took off the wheel and sorted out the bearings and put it back together for me. All was sorted and off we went cruising through France! Riding on the left side of the road felt a little strange at first. We rode on the road for 7 miles before we came across the cycling path (old railway path) which was 30 miles long passing cafes and bars. It was practically flat but no freewheeling though as it was an uphill gradient so we have to peddle most of the time. There were many road crossings in-between and many other cyclists and groups of cyclists. It was great to be part of the cycling community! We stopped at places for water drinks and snacks. There was a nice clean toilet block somewhere along the way! I fell off the bike at one point as I was still stuck in my cleats on the grass laughing my head off. Steven had to help me out! Luckily no one was about! Steven and I cycled together most of the way and the rest of the group broke away. We met up nearly towards the end of the cycling path along with meeting Marcus and his van where we topped up with water and had some sweets! A nice treat! I got a mini Mars bar. There was a pretty chateau where we took photos. Steven used MapMyRide to lead us to the hotel at Gournay-en-Bray. It was very much a French hotel (Hotel Le Cygne) which felt like it was stuck in a time warp! I managed the hills, especially so during the last 10 miles before the hotel. I built up my confidence with gear changes on the flat routes and built up to the gentle hills. I was amazed with myself and felt so good. I enjoyed the ride much more as I was feeling good and confident rather than frustrated and miserable. The guys already had a head start with beers at the hotel and even sent a photo of them drinking beers to us as were still cycling. The beers were waiting for us on the table when we arrived! Marcus and Mike greeted us upon arrival which was a lovely feeling. Gareth was at his bedroom window looking down at us putting away our bikes into the garage and took our bags out of the van so we could go for our lovely showers (we had showers whereas the others got a bath! Ha) The hotel was very old fashioned a bit like a boutique old hotel in a quaint old sleepy French village. Luckily we managed to get a table at the restaurant a few doors down. At first we struggled with the French menu then the chef came out to greet people and discovered we were English so we sorted out the menu and got what we wanted. I got peppered steak with chips, which was just perfect as the protein stopped me feeling hungry later on. My bed was calling for me so I had to leave them all and go up to the hotel on my own. They all had a few more beers! The room was nicely dark with a lovely breeze from the open window….bliss! I woke up in the middle of the night in the pitch black and had to check if my eyes were open or not! I put the lights on and discovered that Steven was gone from his bed and found him on the toilet. He had found it difficult to find the bathroom door and probably woke me up in the process of feeling his way round the room! Day Three – Saturday 17th June I had already agreed with Gareth and Marcus the previous night that Steven and I would have a head-start before the others and so we cycled off straight after breakfast. I was determined to make it all the way to Paris. So we checked out of the room and set the bikes and everything up ready before breakfast. The French hotelier ensured that we got all we needed for breakfast. As I picked up a jam packet, he said to use his homemade jam instead and it was fab! We then ate French stick with yummy salted French butter and his jam! The others were amazed when we told them that we were ready for the off. Adam and Gary quickly checked out and joined us because they wanted a relaxing ride with no pressure to begin with! I took Ibuprofen for my bottom pains! As well as Chamois cream (I don’t think the cream helped much!) The four of us stayed together and we had a good laugh along the way. The French country roads were fab, hilly but manageable. That’s when I started to get the hang of using the gears on the bike. It was the perfect place to learn gear changing and the whole cycling thing! There were a few hills that were murder – I did try cycling all the way but there was one long hill that I had to get off and walk on and met the others at the top. Somewhere in the beautiful countryside between villages we stopped at a farm track and took a left and managed to get onto a track with MapwithRide app. Steven had his bright orange jersey on which he had to change as it was attracting all the flies!!! (Later I found out that Chris did the same with his yellow jersey (amazingly enough Steven and Chris were wearing the very same jersey – a black and white one from Aldi with the famous crane on the clothes!) At this point, I think this was probably the best part of the whole trip. We went very fast downhill and uphill chased each other along. About three hours later (one hour before lunch break) the other riders caught up with us. Adam and Gary went along with them. Steven advanced ahead with Mike and Mags though I was behind him. It was hard for us to look behind properly without being wobbly on the wheels – a bit dangerous if a car or lorry was next to you. I stopped at a traffic light and they went far ahead and left me behind! I carried on and ended up at the roundabout not knowing where to turn. I knew Gareth with Nick and Chris were behind me so I waited and they caught up with me and took me with them and found Steven further up! I was scared for a bit then. We found a pizza takeaway place in a very quiet village. We just looked at the picture pizza menu. Steven and I shared a super fab tasty pizza – instead of tomatoes sauce it was covered with crème fraige cream with sausages of all sorts on top with Orangina. Just what we needed! After a quick toilet stop, we were on the move again into the suburbs of Paris. More towns and surburbs and more traffic lights. I would love to have stopped more at places and explored the villages and towns. However, chop chop, we were moving fast! Steven was really patient and stayed with me until we met up with the others at the Lake. They were paddling their feet in the pools next to the lake in a beautiful shopping town. We stuffed ourselves with McFlurrys and moved on again quickly. It was tough and a very long day! We cycled together along the river Seine on a quiet road on the side. This was where my front tyre got punctured after skidding round a corner – luckily I put my foot on the ground to pick myself up quickly at the busy traffic lights as we took a turn along the river. Chris was behind me and stopped with me and the flat tyre! Why me?! Chris quickly caught up with Steven and they came back together. Amazingly they changed the tyre in 5 minutes flat! Changing tyres and pumping it up again… they were so fast! We were then ack on the road and I carried on and we caught up with others. They were also amazed how quickly I got back on the road!! They put me in the front behind Gareth – I felt more confident cycling together as a group especially in Paris. I felt a little more pressure as I kept up with Gareth so no tagging behind alone! The roundabouts and traffic light systems were weird in Paris. I stopped alone at one traffic light just before the roundabout and the motorbike next to me drove in front of me and took a turn while I was going straight on! I braked hard to avoid a collision and the motorcyclist just smiled at me! Oh crap! Approximately 15 miles later we could see the Arc de Triumphe, along with the famous big roundabout where we throttled along the cobbled streets of Paris. We could then see the top of the Effiel tower in view and it got closer and closer. Marcus and John waved at us past the Efiiel tower! Wow… I was overwhelmed and shed a few tears before we went underneath. It was an awkward place to take photos. So I suggested we move up on the side to get better photos with the Effiel tower behind us. We had several laughs lifting our bikes up in the air! Fab photos. The feeling was amazing, but I was really exhausted along with a very sore bum and neck! However, we weren’t done! We had another 5 miles of riding to the hotel (Campanile Hotel) East of Paris…. more cobbled streets and more of a sore bottom – I had to lift up my bottom off the seat and continue pedalling – hence the reason why I had a black mark on my leg from the oil on the group set. More gentle hills were encountered towards the hotel and my bike got stuck in the gears especially on the 2 gear on the left. So I struggled uphill and got off the bike. I walked for a bit and Steven sorted out the gears and I had to use low gears all the way to the hotel. It was nice to see the hotel in sight! We then stuffed the bikes into the van and chained them to the drainpipe under the basement once at the hotel. When I was in my room, I took off my clothes and lied down naked on the bed dead to the world! It was tough to try and wee at first with a sore bum! Afterwards I had a fabulous power shower to take off all the salt on my body from sweating all day along. I had done 80 miles! Crikey, really unbelievable! I was buzzzzzing and wanted to do it again, yet to do it properly next time and to go the whole hog and complete it faster!!Ha We then headed down to The hotel bar, which was good and we were all happy to stay there all night! We moved into the bar area after the buffet (fab puddings – back on the diet when I got back home!!) The guys loved the beer, especially with “beer on tap” and the opportunity of filling up with 7 pints of beer to share! I couldn’t drink more than one beer as I was really knackered! I was struggling to stay up. I went to bed and the guys partied till 2am. Two of the guys carried on cycling and explored Paris the next day! Crazy people but lovely! Hope they will come if we do it again and we can cycle again together! We all split up the next day to explore Paris we had one full day in Paris. It was Steven’s first time in Paris so we went up the Effiel Tower, as well as to see the Arc and walked along the Champ Elstee and the beautiful Montmarte area. We then had a meal together and a beer outside in the back courtyard on the deck chairs. More beer on tap! We cheered Marcus and Gareth for their hard work and all they had done to make the trip a success. They did an incredible job organising the whole thing…..brilliant stuff! I also want to say Thank you to Steven (same to the others) for being patient with me. He could have gone and left me behind and cycled with the others! Steven – I promise I will be better next time! Losing weight, getting fitter, and maybe spinning classes – who knows! Whats next?! Watch this space