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dollbitch24 · 5 years

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Wood Shop

This is an imagine where the reader is known as Derry High’s smartest student, however your cockiness of just how intelligent you think you are gets the best of you when you decide to take wood shop class, thinking it will be a walk in the park. What happens though when you realize work shop is not at all what you expected? Or even worse, having to ask for help by the school’s biggest slacker of all, Henry Bowers?

-You were a straight A student since the 6th grade, taking wood shop class would be a breeze...or so you thought

-As soon as you enter the classroom you see the one and only Henry Bowers and internally laugh, thinking to yourself if he of all people can take this class, then this would be a piece of cake

- You take a seat next to him on purpose, knowing he hates your guts for being the schools’s braniac

- “You fuckin’ lost?” he scoffs, analyzing you up and down

- “No, but I am surprised to see you here Bowers. You actually showed up to one of your classes, good for you.”

- His nostrils flare before he quickly masks his anger with a chuckle. “What’s a girl like you doin’ in a class with all guys? Tryin’ to be like the other sluts at this school and need some attention? Or tell me, is little miss perfect lookin’ to finally get fucked by a couple of guys who aren’t four eyed, brace faced losers?”

-You glance over at a chainsaw and wish you could cut out his tongue so he could never speak again

- “Oh please,” you mock. “I’m here because this class is obviously an easy A if you’re taking it.”

-Henry lets out a bitter laugh before he says, “You really think you know everything don’t ya? Look, you may be good with math and physics and all those other useless bullshit classes, but wood shop ain’t nothin’ like that.”

-Uh huh, sure, you sarcastically thought

- “Thanks for the input, but I don't think you need to be a rocket scientist to make a wooden box.”

-Henry slowly shakes his head while biting down on his bottom lip as the smirk on his face only grows bigger. He decides to say nothing because only he knew what was truly in store for you

-And boy was he right

-You were clueless when it came to using any power tools or machines or how to sand wood or how to measure and lay out project parts

-When the teacher called on you in class and asked you to identify the three characteristics of plywood, solid wood, and pressed products you were stumped

-Henry let out a breathy chuckle when you began to stammer, knowing you had to take a completely wrong guess or fess up and say you didn’t know

- You never thought in a million years that Henry Bowers, the boy who you thought had the IQ of a peanut, would be laughing at your lack of knowledge or even worse, him answering the question you got wrong RIGHT

- After every class, you looked like a complete disaster. Your hair got all frizzed up and had a bunch of wood pieces sticking out of it and you were sweating and panting from trying so hard to keep up

- “Need some help there?” Henry sarcastically teases at you.

- You absolutley hated him with a passion

- But just when you thought things couldn’t go any more down hill, you started catching yourself staring at Henry with a hand saw, the way his triceps flexed as his arms moved back and forth and the way his tan skin glistened with sweat.

- Only you will take to the grave that you almost completely cut your finger off from ogling at him, your head spinning with wild thoughts about the school’s biggest bully. You immediately realized that this class was making you actually crazy

- One day you got snapped out of your fantasy real quick when the teacher announced that the first big project was coming up and it was to build a small birdhouse within a certain time limit in class

- After debating about the idea over and over in your head, you knew you had to put your ego aside because desperate times calls for desperate measures

- You marched up to Henry in the hallway as he was leaned back on his locker like he always does, looking smug along with the other three goons that he called his friends

- “I need your help okay!” you exasperated, throwing your hands up in defeat

- Henry’s eyes lit up, knowing exactly what you were getting at, but he wanted you to say it out loud in front of everyone, to beg him

- He stretched his hands out while letting out a fake yawn as he says, “Do you guys hear an annoying buzzing sound?” His three sidekicks snicker as they stare at you standing there like an idiot

- “Okay fine Henry, I get it. Work shop is fucking hard and I was wrong to underestimate the skill it takes to do well in the class. I refuse to fail this project or even worse, fail this class.”

- Henry stares at you for awhile, taking in your half-assed apology as his mind wanders with what he wants to do with you. He had to admit, he thought you looked hot being all mad and commanding

- “Okay sure, I’ll help you.”

-You let out a sigh of relief before his face inches closer to yours

- “But for a price of course.”

-If you rolled your eyes any harder they would be in the back of your head

- “Such sass for someone who is begging for help like a desperate little girl,” Patrick grins with his cheshire smile.

“What do you want?” you snap.

- Henry only wanted one thing and that was revenge. He wanted you to pay for being stuck up and thinking you were better than him. His offer would be anything but generous

- His friends whisper in each other’s ears, back and forth to one another before he clears his throat and states, “Well would you look at that fellas? I must be some sort of rocket scientist after all.” Even though he’s joking which causes his friends to chuckle, his stare is like bullets shooting into your face.

- “You want my help? Fine. But with that comes a price. You will be our servant for this whole week. Anything we want you’ll do without question. If I want you to do my chemistry homework you’ll do it, if Belch needs a good girl to wash his car, you’ll be there, if Vic doesn’t feel like carrying his books, you’ll carry them like a pack mule, if Patrick needs his boots tied, you'll get on the ground and tie them for him. So what do you say? Do we have ourselves a deal?”

- Patrick quickly intervenes when he says, “Oh I’ll get you on your knees alright, but it won’t be for just tying my shoes princess.” He licks his lips suggestively, causing your stomach to churn

- Fuck this

- As soon as you open your mouth to backfire at him, you snap it back shut. Without Henry’s help, you would without a doubt fail the project. Even though you hated to admit it, he was the best out of everyone in the class. You could not get an F

- “Fine,” you seethe, “Deal. But there are boundaries,” you emphasize as you eye Patrick up and down, “as to what I will and will not do for you shit heads.”

- “Then it’s done,” Henry smirks, kicking this feet off from the locker. You begin to immediately turn around when he grabs your book bag, making you stumble backwards into him

- “You know, my shoulders have been tense from being hunched over so much in wood shop. Since those fingers aren’t any good for building wooden boxes, how about you make them useful and give me a massage at lunch?”

- This was going to be one hell of a week

#the bowers gang #Henry Bowers #henry bowers x reader #patrick hockstetter #it 2017

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theworstbob · 7 years

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yellin’ at songs, 4.14.2007 + 4.15.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and ten years ago this week. today: buttrock confessions

4.14.2007

40) "Ticks," Brad Paisley

So I watched the whole entire CMAs instead of Game 7 of the World Series and don't regret a single choice I made (the game went into extras, you don’t really have to watch baseball until the ninth inning tbh), and it struck me how much of a dorky theatre kid Brad Paisley was. He's objectively a great guitarist, like hokey as this song is and as little I know about music I think that's a dope fucking guitar line, but gosh darn, he was trying so hard the whole time at those CMAS! And that puts a song like this in perspective, because, like I said, it's hokey as fuck, but if you can just understand that Brad Paisley's sense of humor is that of someone who understands that being funny is a way to be Liked and is trying his best to be Liked, it sort of comes together and you can brush it off.

75) "We Takin' Over," DJ Khaled ft./T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Lil' Wayne, Baby

FUCK DUDE LIL' WAYNE USED TO BE GOOD. Like OK I think we all know I wanted to come here and be like "look at the humble beginnings of the meme man! He wasn't such a meme in these days!" but then there was a Lil' Wayne verse where he wasn't fucking around with Auto-tune, he was just rapping, and he was such a good fucking rapper that I'm actually angrier at the two "verses" he had on those Nicki Minaj songs a couple weeks back. It's not even one of his more notable verses, I don't think, it was just a normal 10-year-old Wayne verse, but I'm still here like, what a treat, a Lil' Wanye feature I don't mind! How lucky we were in 2007!

78) "Little Wonders," Rob Thomas

it is good to remember things that are nice! the lyric video i watched for this song ended with this message from the editor: "Believe in yourself, follow your dreams, and never, EVER give up =)." i would have much rather someone had just repeated those words over and over for three and a half minutes than listened to this song. DANNY ELFMAN?! fuck are you doing here, danny elfman? are you lost?

79) "Hey There Delilah," Plain White T's

There is nothing I could say about this song that would be worth saying.

82) "I Tried," Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft./Akon

a'ight, see, now i feel better about bumping pink and jordan pruitt from the top 20, because it won't be some buttrock heroes what bumps 'em, it'll be a legit impressive, heartfelt song. i'm kinda surprised i don't remember this! now i just gotta contend with the fact most of both top 20s are gonna be dudes. but like most of these songs are dudes. this week is all dudes. next week is a 7:2 dude-to-lady ratio. last week was 2:1. maybe less dudes? idk, recency bias is doin' work, but at least two weeks from now, we're gonna get some dope tunes.

87) "Get Buck," Young Buck

HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING BEAT THE TUBA HAS NEVER HAD A BETTER DAY IN ITS LIFE. OK, this is the first 2007 track I think has been unjustifiably forgotten by time. “Say OK” hit me, but I think that was just a moment for me. This is objectively a classic, this fucking beat, man. Young Buck doesn't add a ton to the proceedings, but he doesn't ruin anything, his gruff, shouty flow is perfect for the beat, and I'll admit, I got a dark chuckle out of the "I can serve Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown" line. This was fuckin' rad, y'all, the best "new to me" song I've heard so far. Seriously this beat, how have we not found a better home for it, how did no one else latch onto it. A strong silver medalist in the "Southern rap songs with the word 'buck' in the title" category.

89) "A Woman's Love," Alan Jackson

Alan Jackson, last seen walking out on Beyonce's performance at the CMAs, is here singing a jaunty tune about how one time he fucked.

91) "Love Today," MIKA

i mean it's just a good song, man, i dunno. i'm allowed to just say when a song is solid and something i can jam to, right, when i don't think i have anything to justify? it's low-rent scissor sisters. I'LL TAKE THAT ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. solid week.

95) "Forever," Papa Roach

...oh goddamnit i love this song. No, you don't... Lemme explain. I need to explain, so lemme. So, I listened to a lot of the local buttrock station in my teens, because that's what the radio at the auto shop where I worked was always tuned to, was 93X. And, I dunno, there's a lot of bullshit I forgot and a lot of shit too horrible to purge from the mind, I've heard the acoustic version of Staind's "Outside" more times than any man ever should, but there were some songs where the Stockholm Syndrome hit, and you were like, "Well, maybe Chevelle isn't ALL bad." This was definitely the point where I was like, "Hey, this is the one decent Papa Roach song!" I was legit angry when I realized this was that song, I forgot I ever loved a Papa Roach song, I was 10000% sure this was a cover because there was no way I was going to go anywhere but IN on this song, but no, this is a song I shouted in the shower at least five times. I'm so disappointed in myself right now, but... But, yeah, this is, I can’t quite place where they cribbed the verses from but they cribbed well, the chorus is shouty and fake-deep like all the great buttrock songs, and I love that ending, the “one last kiss” thing over that bass line, without reservation. We have to be true to who we were, and who we are is never fully removed from who we were. I hate this. I hate having to admit this. THE ONE PAPA ROACH SONG I FUCK WITH, AND IT HAS TO BE PART OF THIS PROJECT. I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT A KENDRICK LAMAR SONG SOON, AND HERE I AM, FUCKING WITH A PAPA ROACH SONG, THROWING MY CRITICAL AUTHORITY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER.

97) "Breath," Breaking Benjamin

I have less reservations about loving a Breaking Benjamin song, though, because Breaking Benjamin wasn't fake-deep like Papa Roach. ("My feelings for you are forever." God, that's stupid. I love a very stupid thing.) No, Breaking Benjamin was legit dark, they were a buttrock band I knew was OK because my friend who ended up going to a semi-prestigious art high school of some renown was into them. Is it the same song as "The Diary of Jane?" Yeah, kinda, there's more than a little resemblance, "THE DIARY OF JANE" IS A LEGIT GREAT SONG AND BITING THAT SONG IS A SMART MOVE.

At least Papa Roach couldn’t crack the Top 20. 2007: gaining strength! 20) "Get it Shawty," by Lloyd (3.31.2007) 19) "Break 'Em Off," by Paul Wall ft./Lil' KeKe (3.10.2007) 18) "My Oh My," by The Wreckers (1.27.2007) 17) "Mr. Jones," by Mike Jones (1.27.2007) 16) "Settlin'," by Sugarland (2.17.2007) 15) "I Tried," by Bone Thugs 'n Harmony (4.21.2007) 14) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 13) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 12) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 11) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.21.2007) 10) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 9) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 8) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 7) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 6) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 5) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.21.2007) 4) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 3) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 2) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 1) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007)

4.15.2017

22) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar

I mean, with the way I do this thing, everything that's been said about this song has been said, and I'm hella late to the party, trying to get another round of Pin the Tail on the Donkey started. "You didn't have fun without me, I'm about to have fun WITH you!" No Bob! we already played that game Bob!. "BLINDFOLD ME!" I think it's vitally important that Kendrick Lamar remind everyone that he's the best MC alive right now, because he is, and gosh, he just fucking raps for four minutes. Barely a hook, just Kendrick Lamar verses and flows for a solid four minutes, and I'm really curious how many rappers could sustain a song for four (mostly) uninterrupted minutes just on their own. Minimalist production, it's just your voice and your words. I'd put Danny Brown in that category, but it'd be a bleak-ass four minutes. I want to put Killer Mike in that category, but I have to think there's a reason he works best in a duo. I'd want to listen to what four minutes of undiulted Young Thug would sound like?, but more out of curiosity than belief in his ability. And I mean Kendrick's the only one in the popular consciousness who could do it, no fuckin’ question, there's no one in the mainstream rap world anywhere NEAR his level. (Kendrick Lamar is barely mainstream, of course, and that fact is a source of much consternation on this song, like there's no way the entire Kendrick album breaks the Hot 100 like the entire Drake album did, but he was in a Tay Tay song the one time and that's enough.) Just listening to Kendrick Lamar rap is one of the most thrilling songs I've heard for YAS 2017. Honestly, I'm ranking it too low in the Top 20, but only because I have to think better things are on their way and am wary of that recency bias wave.

49) "XO Tour Lif3," by Lil Uzi Vert

Congratulations on being the modern rap song which followed "The Heart Part 4!" You were always going to suffer in comparison, and while I regret that it happened to you, I hope you understand it had to happen to someone. I mean, this is a three-minute song, and at some point I got bored enough that I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to come up with an observation and/or a joke and did other things. Not even shit I needed to take care of, I checked Facebook and thought about getting a glass of milk until he started saying all his friends are dead, like what?, oh okay I guess that's how this song ends then, OH FUCK well prolly not worth dipping back in if I got that distracted.

61) "Speak to a Girl," by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

So over the last four weeks, only three women have had tracks debut on the Hot 100. That's pretty cool. One of the three dudes who wrote this song, about what a girl REALLY wants from a man, was also a co-writer on Jason Derulo's "Wiggle," which is, I mean, I'm going off Wikipedia, I'm hopeful this is too awful to be true, but if it isn't, how does that dude sleep at night? What does that dude believe in? Who is his god, just, to what moral authority is our man Joe London holding himself accountable? Do Not Trust Joe London. Another of the songwriters worked with a band called Confederate Railroad. Country music is the coolest. I'm so proud to like this genre.

66) "Still Got Time," by ZAYN ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR

First of all, we need to take a minute to discuss the sheer disrespect for the concept of caps lock expressed by ZAYN and PARTYNEXTDOOR. This is a mumblecore pop song, and I must insist these dudes cease using all capital letters until they prove they're capable of expressing excitement. Other than that gripe, though, I dunno, I didn't have a bad time! I enjoyed it about as much as I did "Running Back" a few weeks ago, it didn't light this Tuesday evening on fire, but it was a chill groove, and I appreciated the B+ to which all involved contributed. Also, new favorite Wikipedia line: "Shane Lindstrom, professionally known as Murda Beatz." One, professionally known. Two, imagine ever asking someone to call you Murda. Gosh, what a stupid fucking stage name. (Stage name? Backstage name? Why do you need an alias bro you're a fucking producer, you don't get to have a fake name, the fuck makes you think you can have a fake name. Even Swizz Beatz rapped sometimes, what is your goddamned problem Murda Beatz.)

2017′s Top 20! I lowered “Run Up” again. I miss it dearly but I can’t pretend I liked it more than “Green Light.” 20) "Swalla," by Jason Derulo ft./Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (4.8) 19) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 18) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4) 17) "Draco," by Future (3.11) 16) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 15) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 14) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 13) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 12) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 10) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 9) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 7) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 6) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 5) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 4) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) how the fuck did “swalla” make it two weeks Also, I know there was a new Iggy Azalea song, and I’m just gonna say, if having to listen to 21 Drake songs was the price I paid to not have to hear 1 Iggy Azalea song, I will have been glad to have paid the toll. That is a reasonable trade, one I would never say no to. Boy I hope it doesn’t debut next week! Also: “iSpy” in the for-real top five! That’s so dope! I’m happy for that song!

Who won the week?

2007 had the stronger showing this week, and let’s be real, I think it’s out-paced 2017 at this point. 2007′s at the point where “Get It Shawty” is hanging on by a thread while “Grace Kelly” and “Outside Looking In” are outside looking in. 2017 needs to step its game up. We’re two weeks from “Umbrella.” Is that so much to ask, is for just one instant classic era-defining monster jam that shatters the world? Come on, 2017! 2007: 2 2017: 1

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