#posessing a drug addict didn’t end well

[cornmagnate]

A very sensible fear

#the magnus archives #posessing a drug addict didn’t end well #don’t do drugs kids #tma #mag 193 #elias buchard #jonah magnus #the beholding #the magnus archive fanart #digital arwork #artist on tumblr #fanart #queer artist #fanartist

[whereisten]

Cat and Mouse

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | more coming soon

Summary: You’re the daughter of an extremely well-known pastor. You’ve lived a quiet and sheltered life, that is until you meet and fall in lust with a gang leader they call the Grim Reaper.

Pairing: Gang Leader And Yandere!Taeyong X female reader (college student)

Genre: angst, SMUT, violence, if you squint there may be some fluff

Warnings: graphic and violent scenes described, murder, mentions of religious practices (this in no way is meant to offend followers of Christianity), blood and death mention, character death, gun and knife mention, profanity, toxic relationship, little alcohol use, drug addiction themes, stalking, manipulation, blackmail, waterboarding (torture), obsession, posessiveness, sexual assault is briefly mentioned. Breast fondling, thigh riding, corruption/innocence kink, pet names, recording of sexual acts, oral sex (male and female), car sex, unprotected sex, penetration, sir kink, breeding kink, bdsm themes (choking, restraints, knife play, intense gun play, blood play), orgasm denial, overstimulation, c*eampie. Ohmygodihopeilistedeverything

Word Count: 26.2K (I had to make up for not updating this for MONTHS)

Tag list: @teddybella @suhfluffy @adorejaehyn @jennieshairstrand @markyongcore @promisesandchances @yeetyeethoe @ericafujimura @5shotsamericano @jonginvlog @dudamoreira12 @saratyongf @ncteaxhoe @steamyjaehyun @neostains @stansuperm @alreadyblondenow @suhweo @daanniee @shiningstarsarah @kikomizukii @thepeachystars @ashleyyxoxo @katallest-katolis @onestop-shot @lollokilnala @jaehyunswifey​ @chlwpgk​ @theworld-accordingtocasey​

DISCLAIMER AND A/N: where do I start? First of all, as mentioned in part 1, Taeyong is a manipulative and evil man in this, please remember this is fiction and definitely DOESNT represent the real Taeyong. The acts of violence are graphically described, I’m talking blood and gore, please do not read if you are sensitive to these things. Also, Taeyong is yandere in this, Hes not a true and honest lover and I hope that we all understand that what he does is sickening and wrong. This is also influenced by the manhwa, Killing Stalking. With that being said, I am so sorry for taking forever to update this, but I hope you all think it was worth the wait at the end❤️

[A Week After Thanksgiving]

“Mark...I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

You held Mark’s hand as you exited the elevator in the hospital and squeezed it lightly.

Mark turned and gave you a small smile. “It’s alright, thank you for being here with me now.” His eyes were wide and adorable as they always were. He had no idea that you were the cause for his pain, that you knew exactly who hurt him and could bring him to justice, but refused to.

Taeyong wore his skull mask when he attacked Mark and refused to mention you, so Mark thought he was just the victim of a random attack..he didn’t think it was—personal.

It had a been a few months since it all happened and you were slowly becoming more comfortable with keeping the truth to yourself. After all, you loved Taeyong, you were dating now and you couldn’t bear the thought of being without him. He made you feel wanted, desired, and loved. He showed you new things, he made your life so much more exciting that it was before.

Yes, he messed up by hurting Mark, but he told you he would never do it again..just as long as you did what he said.

And so you hoped that he’d never discover you here with Mark today at the hospital. Mark had to take a few X-rays to ensure that his ribs were healing correctly. You went with him because it’s the least you could do for being the cause of all this.

The two of you now waited for the doctor to come in with the X-ray prints in his assigned hospital room. You shimmy off your coat and hang it on a hook by the door while Mark lays in the hospital bed, still in his gown.

“These gowns are kinda awkward, like If I sit up right now, you’d get a clean look at my bum.” Mark laughed, his eyes shutting tightly.

You laughed out too. “Oh, then don’t sit up please, just imagining that makes my eyes water.”

“Y/n...there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you..” Mark cleared just throat as his tone grew more serious.

Oh no. Is he going to ask you about that night? Does he know that you know who his attacker is?

You nod slowly and bite your lips.

“I feel like..we’ve known each other for a while now..and with finals coming up and everything..I know we’ll be away from each other for a while..but when all this is over..would you like to go..ice skating with me..just me?”

Your mouth falls open and your eyes widen. Was he really asking you out?

“You know..there’s that new park with the Christmas lights and cool decorations..we can grab something to eat before..or-or after, whichever works for you..” Mark swallows hard as he waits for your answer.

“Mark...that’s really..this is really sudden..I’m not sure..”

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it.” Mark gives an awkward laugh.

“I-I appreciate it, Mark. But I’m kinda seeing someone right now.” You pout and look away from his round eyes.

Had you not known Taeyong, you probably would’ve gone with Mark. It was an adorable idea, you loved spending time with him. And while you couldn’t see him as a romantic interest for all these years, maybe a date would’ve changed your mind. But it was too late, you loved Taeyong.

“Oh? Who is it? How have I never met him?” Mark’s mouth fell, but he didn’t look upset, he looked happy for you rather.

You nodded quickly and opened your mouth to speak, but the grumbling of your stomach interrupted you. You laughed in an effort to cover up the sound, but Mark’s eyes floated down from your face and to your stomach while you clutched it.

He smiled slowly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t eat anything before we came here.” You looked away, feeling your face become hot.

Mark chuckled. “It’s okay! I’m hungry too, there’s a Starbucks downstairs, wanna grab something for yourself and for me too?”

“Sure!” You jumped up from your chair, thankful for an excuse to leave this somewhat awkward conversation.

“I’ll be right back!”

You headed downstairs and ordered a protein pack and coffee for Mark and a muffin for yourself. You thanked the cashier and hurried back to the elevator.

It was crowded with people at first, but as you approached your floor on one of the higher levels, more and more visitors, nurses and doctors started to exit.

All except for one.

The man dressed in scrubs kept his head down, his hair tucked into a blue surgical cap and his face covered with a face mask. You stood in the corner of the elevator and watched him closely. Something about him seemed off. Why was he holding his head down? Why did he stand in the middle of the elevator with his arms crossed?

But then again, maybe he was worried about something, maybe you were over thinking.

You sighed and leaned your head onto the wall. It felt like the longest ride ever to your floor. You looked at the numbers on the elevator light up as you passed each floor.

But then, you heard the man chuckle lowly. It was a haunting sound, a familiar sound.

His crackling voice echoed in the now empty elevator. Your brows furrowed and you stood up straight. 

“Oh little mouse, what am I going to do with you?”

That voice..

Taeyong turns and walks towards you and before you can even comprehend what’s happening, he presses your body into the corner of the elevator.

You fall back, your grip on your bag with food and coffee tightening as you swallow hard.

Taeyong’s eyes are dark, filled with fire and disappointment as he stares into your eyes.

You barely recognize him in the doctor’s uniform, but you finally notice the neck tattoo he had.

How did he know you were here?

Your mouth falls open, you can’t even form coherent sentences as he towers over you and gives you an evil look like he’s ready to kill you slowly..and painfully.

“You love him, don’t you?” Taeyong spits out angrily.

“Wait..wait Tae, I can explain.” You shake your head.

“He doesn’t have anyone to go with him to his doctors appointment, it’s the least I could do.”

“I don’t give a shit if that loser doesn’t have anyone to be with, you aren’t supposed to be here! You were supposed to listen to me! How many times do I have to tell you you’re mine?” Taeyong’s voice grows louder, he slams his hand onto the wall beside your head.

“You’re the one that put him here! How can you be so..so selfish? He doesn’t deserve any of this?!”

“And I do? I deserve to be hurt by you going behind my back to be with him? You aren’t loyal to me and that hurts, y/n.” Taeyong’s face softened a bit as he searched your eyes.

“Behind your back? You’re not my father! I don’t have to answer to you, you won’t even claim me to your friends and you expect me to be loyal to you?”

“Oh and loyalty? Taeyong, I could easily tell everyone all that you’ve done. I could tell the police, news stations, EVERYONE..”

Taeyong suddenly grips your throat, stopping you mid rant, and leans in closer. “But you won’t..will you?”

You grit your teeth, breathing heavily as he tightens his hold.

“Everything I did, I did for you..you ungrateful brat.” He releases you, but quickly takes you by the wrist and leads you out of the elevator. He hurriedly brushes past all of the nurses in the hallway, no one suspecting him even as he drags you behind him.

He finally finds an empty room. He tosses you inside and locks the door behind him.

He takes your bag and coffee from you and places it onto a table by the window, leaving you standing there in the middle of the room with your mouth agape.

He stares out the window and begins to talk to himself.

 “I let you out of my sight for one moment and you do this to me? I thought I was clear the first time. But it seems I wasn’t. Oh little mouse, don’t you know I don’t like repeating myself?”

 He turns back to you slowly. His low eyes stare into yours as he takes his mask off, and you finally see the handsome face of your lover.

His lips are pursed and he steps closer to you.

“Taeyong..” you swallow hard, nervous by his calm demeanor. He watches you like a predator watching his prey, he’s unpredictable and like a stranded gazelle, you’re not sure what to do, where to run to.

Do you run out the door and make him even more upset? Do you press the buzzer and call for help?

You could do anything to get away from him right now, but you don’t. Why? Because you want him.

“Get on the bed..” once in front of you he pushes your chest lightly, making you stumble on the hospital bed behind you. You push yourself up on both elbows while breathing heavily, watching as he crawls over you slowly and carefully.

His breath now on your lips as you tremble under him. “How will you make this up to me, little mouse?” He tilts his head and stares at your lips, the gazes down your neck.

“I-“

“Put your hands above your head..”

On impulse, you do as he says.

He still stares at you while grazing your neck lightly with his soft lips. He dips his hand into his pocket and pulls something out, but you can’t figure out what it is.

His eyes break away fro your neck and go to your hands where he tightens one zip tie around each wrist and the metal bar of the bed.

He tightens them tightly, watching as you squeal and fidget under him.

“Taeyong..I want to touch you..please.” 

Your high pitched begging and innocent expression almost gets to Taeyong, but he shakes off the feeling and stares at your chest sticking up in the air.

He pushes himself up away from you, forcing your legs further apart as he takes a kneeling position between them.

Your button down dress rides up your thighs and to your hips as a result, just barely exposing your panties to him.

Taeyong bites his lips and runs his hands up your thighs slowly while groaning. His thumbs press into the soft skin as they work their way up to the apex of your legs.

Your breath hitches and you lick your lips.

“Taeyong..touch me.”

“You’re always begging, little mouse.” Taeyong  chuckles, his hands now running up your sides and squeezing your breasts through the fabric gently.

A shakey breath leaves your lips as you wriggle under him, anxious to feel more as your panties become increasingly wet just from his touch.

He takes your lips on his into an angry kiss, biting the bottom and licking over it. 

He slowly pumps your breast through the fabric, adoring your mewls and the way your head falls back as you ache for more.

“Wearing black I see? You’re dressed appropriately for a funeral.” He chuckles through his lips now covered with your red lipstick then takes his own time unbuttoning the buttons one by one to reveal more and more of your beautiful skin.

Once all of the buttons have been undone, he separates the limp fabric covering your chest and stomach.

You hiss with the sudden exposure to the frigid air.

“Oh? And no bra? Is this how Mark likes it? Oh, what has he done to my innocent girl?”

Taeyong’s look of danger makes you move under him again. His dark eyes are so tempting, but mysterious. You just wish he’d touch you again.

“We..we never did anything, Taeyong. I promise.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Taeyong runs his cold hands up your abdomen again, this time, letting them rest around your neck, as if to choke you once more.

You fidget under him while you try to think of what to say.

“You’re squirming like there’s something inside you already maybe we should get it out.” Taeyong lets your breasts go and reaches over for something on the small table beside the bed.

He raises the shiny object to his face and smiles widely. “Let’s play doctor.”

His husky voice lets out.

He brings a scalpel to your chest with the sharp blade just barely pressing into it.

You take in a sharp breath, your chest collapsing at the feeling of the cold metal on you.

“Taeyong..”

“Taeyong? It’s doctor to you.”

“Doctor..what are you doing?” You gulp.

Taeyong’s mouth tilts upward into a smirk as he watches the scalpel dance on your skin, threatening to break into it if he just applies a bit more pressure.

“How does this feel, little mouse?” He draws the scalpel along your thigh now, stopping just before your folds.

“Is it cold? Does it hurt?” Taeyong pauses before continuing, looking into your large eyes and glancing down at your swollen, parted red lips.

He then looks down to your beautiful skin and hums lowly. “Mmmmm I like the way your skin is reacting.”

Your arms and neck are littered with goose pimples, every slight tough from the knife makes you shiver, but you’re even more turned on for some reason.

“Can you feel the edge when I press it into you?”

Taeyong looks into your eyes as he presses the scalpel a little harder onto your belly.

“Y-yes, I can feel it, Doctor. Please, don’t hurt me.” You bite your lips.

Taeyong chuckles. “I’m not going to hurt you, I’m in control, just relax. I haven’t actually cut you..yet.”

He bites his lips then looks down at your hard nipples. He feels his member poke through the thin fabric of his scrubs, he knows he can’t hold back, but he’d love to have you like this for a longer time. You’re tied up and on full display just for him. Your eyes still hold that innocent look that he adored. That unknowing look that makes him so weak as he ruins you time and time again.

He circles the scalpel around your nipple. The delicate feeling makes your head spin. You can’t think of anything but him. You moan and bring your body up towards him more.

“Please.”

He looks down at your soaking panties and smirks. “You seem to be liking this a lot.”

He uses a finger to bring down the thin fabric covering your aching opening. You jump in response to his finger just barely grazing against it.

He then takes the scalpel and slowly cuts the fabric, your pussy now exposed to him. He licks his lips and leans down to lick your nipples.

“Yes...that feels good.”

You swear you could cum just from the feeling of his wet tongue circling around your nipple.

He sucks on it fervently as you struggle against your restraints. You can feel his hard member brush against your folds and you just want to stroke it before greeting it with your needy flower.

Taeyong then kisses your neck, his hands still pumping your breasts as he grinds down into you.

“Tell me..where it hurts..” he says in between kisses.

“Tell the doctor what you need, little mouse.”

He licks a long stripe up your neck then bites into it as you yelp.

“Please..Doctor. I need relief down there. I need you to fuck me.” You whine and struggle again.

Taeyong groans and lowers the waistband of his scrubs. He pushes two fingers deep into your opening without warning. Your legs shift on the bed as you throw your head back and moan loudly. 

“How about this?” Taeyong teases you as he slowly moves his fingers in and out, curving the top of them so they hit your sweet spot.

And while it does feel good to have something inside you, you know you need more.

“No..no doctor, I need you.”

Taeyong chuckles as he takes his fingers out and replaces it with his dick, pushing into you so hard, the bed creaks as it moves and hits the wall.

“Yes! Yes, that’s it.” You cry out.

He sucks your nipple again, but your silk walls closing around his aching member makes him dizzy. He anchors himself with his hands on your thighs and focuses on pushing in harder, deeper than ever before.

Your mouth falls open as he ruins you, driving you crazy with each thrust. The sounds of his low groans and his hips snapping into yours fill your ears.

Your mind goes empty, you can only think of one word.

Taeyong.

He’s all you can think of as you begin to unravel. He soothes your nerves and needs with his cock stretching you out and you couldn’t be more relieved.

He takes your ankles into his hands and places both legs on his shoulders, burying into you at a different angle.

Your head falls back as you moan loudly, not caring about who could possibly hear you in the hallway or next room over.

He smirks as he looks down at you going insane from his movements. He then places two fingers onto your neglected clit, massaging it as he slides in and out of your quivering pussy faster.

“Oh, I’m going to..I’m going to cum.” Tears prick at the corners of your eyes. You’re so overwhelmed with pleasure.

“That’s it, little mouse, the doctor is making you feel so good.”

He sticks his tongue out and licks your breast again, covering it in spit as you begin to leak onto the sheets below you.

Your eyes shut tightly and begin to roll in the back of your head as you cum.

Taeyong continues to fuck you hard, the metal bar hitting the wall at a steady pace now as he approaches his own high. He watches your quivering pussy swallow his dick and coat it in your cum.

Your body falls weak while you come down. You can only feel over sensitivity as Taeyong continues to use your body. He watches your breasts jump with each thrust and groans, your eyes wet with tears and your wrists becoming irritated from struggling against the zip ties. Everything about you is so perfect to him.

He slides out of you quickly before stroking his member and releasing onto your belly.

He breathes heavily, locking eyes with yours while every drop escapes onto your perfect skin.

He collects the cum with the scalpel he placed to the side. You tremble and watch.

“Open your mouth.” He demands.

You open your mouth and stick your tongue out.

“Lick it, carefully, we wouldn’t want that wonderful tongue of yours getting cut, would we?” He places the scalpel with his cum onto your tongue. You lick it off slowly, praying that you don’t cut your tongue in the process.

While you do that, he traces his fingertips around and in between your folds to collect your juices, then sticks his fingers into his mouth and licks the essence off.

He leans down and kisses you, his tongue circling around yours to combine your seed with his.

You moan into his mouth as you kiss and taste each other.

When he pulls away, he looks onto you lowly and licks his lips.

He tucks his member back into his pants and gets off of the bed while wiping his mouth.

He watches you on the bed with your arms tied to it still, you look up at him questioningly. Why was he taking so long to let you loose?

He fixes his mask over his face. “You’re too good to let go..I’ll have to kill Mark for good.”

Your eyes widen and you tug harshly against the ties. “No! No, no you can’t!”

“Why not? Do you love him?”

“Taeyong! It’s not like that at all! Please trust me, he’s just my friend.” You start to cry, there’s nothing you can do, you’re tied to the bed.

“I'm doing this for us.” Taeyong takes the scalpel and puts it into his shirt pocket before heading to the door.

“No! No you can’t! There’s cameras! You won’t get away with this, Taeyong! I swear I will tell everyone the truth this time!” You tell in a last minute attempt to stop this crazy man from hurting Mark.

Taeyong chuckles. “That almost sounded like a threat..” he turns back to you and gives you a dark expression, you tremble and cower down.

“but I’ll forget about it because I love you..also, my guys will take care of everything, even getting you out of here.Just sit tight while I take care of this.”

Taeyong ignores your cries, shuts the door, and hurries to the elevator. He heads up to Mark’s floor.

Once on the floor, he walks over to the nurse at the main desk on the floor and asks for his room.

“I’m Doctor Lee, I need to follow up with a patient named Mark. Which room is he in?”

Meanwhile, you yell loudly, trying to get anyone’s attention while also trying to slither out of the ties. But unfortunately they’re too tight. The floor also appears to be relatively empty as no one seems to hear you.

After several minutes, a nurse finally runs into the room and is startled to find you naked and tied to the bed.

“Please! Please stop him! He’s gonna kill Mark!”

The nurse runs over to the bed and quickly looks for scissors to cut you loose. “What happened? Who did this to you? Are you okay?”

You’re hysterical as she cuts you loose. She can barely figure out what you’re saying. “No, please don’t worry about me! We have to find him before-“

“Shhh..ma’am you have to breathe, you have to slow down, I am going to help-“

She’s interrupted by the sound of a loud alarm blaring through the hospital.

“Code Red! Code Red! Everyone please find an escape route or escape room immediately.” The automated message echoes through the halls then repeats again.

The nurse’s eyes widen while she helps you button your dress up.

“Code red? Shit.”

“Miss, what does that mean?!” You jump off the bed and rub your wrists.

“That means there’s someone yielding a weapon in the hospital, they may or may not have already hurt people. Come with me! We have to go to the escape room!” She takes your hand as she opens the door, but you pull it away and run off towards the stairwell.

“Ma’am!!” She yells after you but you don’t stop, you run up the stairs to Mark’s floor.

Tears continue to fall as you sniffle and run.

You can’t believe you were so stupid to let Taeyong do this..again.

You could only pray that you would reach Mark in time.

You push the door open and are finally on Mark’s floor. As you run towards it, you notice there’s a loud ruckus by his room.

“No..”

You run even faster, pushing past the nurses as you get closer. But what you see stops you in your tracks.

Mark is on the hospital bed being pushed by several nurses and a doctor. They hurry to an operating room, but it seems like you were too late. 

Your hand flies over your mouth at the sight.

The same scalpel that Taeyong used on you sticks out of the brown haired boys neck. Blood gushes out and splatters the nurses uniforms. His eyes are closed and he seems to be choking, begging for air.

“I’m not getting a pulse! Move faster, we’re running out of time!!” A nurse yells as they rush past you.

Time seems to move in slow motion. You can’t think clearly, you can only feel pain. Your head spins. You hold onto the wall for support. How could he do this? How could he kill someone innocent? This was all your fault. 

You held your head in your hands and screamed loudly as you banged it onto the wall behind you.

“This is all my fault!! Oh, God! Why?!” You cry uncontrollably.

All the memories of Taeyong flooded your brain. It’s because of him. Your life turned upside down because of the devil with a sly smile and tempting touch. And you fell for it every time, like a fool, you fell into his trap.

You had to get away from him, he wasn’t going to let you go easy, you had to run.

So you bolted out of the hospital and into the snow without your coat or cell phone so he wouldn’t be able to track you.

You ran fast, the cold, harsh air stabbing your throat. Everything became a blur, you couldn’t see where you were going, but you knew that you just had to keep running.

You finally found a bus that had just approached its stop. You jumped onto it and headed to the back immediately. You sat down and held your face in your hands as you sobbed quietly, eventually drifting to sleep.

————

You’re woken up by a quick tap on the shoulder.

Your eyes open slowly to see the bus driver smiling at you fondly.

“Ma’am, this is the last stop.”

You sit up straight and rub your eyes. “Wh-what time is it? Where am I?”

“It’s 10 p.m, you’re at the last stop on the east side of town. Are you..alright? Shall I call for someone to help you home?”

You shake your head and look outside to see darkness. “No..no I’m fine, I’ll just go, thank you.”

You grab your bag and step off of the bus, walking quickly to the brightly lit downtown area. There had to be somewhere that had an available phone to call your parents from.

But then again, should you call them? What if Taeyong tapped their phones too? What if he was after them now that you were missing? He wouldn’t hurt them if they truly didn’t know where you are, right?

You hold yourself tightly and continue to walk briskly through the freezing streets.

“Miss? Do you need a coat?” A man calls out to you, but you shake your head and walk faster. The last thing you wanted was for some random man to try to “help” you.

Additionally, you didn’t know how many men worked for Taeyong. Once he told them to look for you, they could be anywhere, just waiting in the shadows to grab you up.

You found a table outside of a restaurant and sat down to take a break once you were far away from the man.

You held your head down and rubbed your eyes. 

What could you do now? You’re alone in a new town with no cellphone and you can’t just call your parents or friends.

You were too busy in thought to notice that the lights in the restaurant had been shut off now.

“Ma’am, excuse me, but we’re closed now and I have to put the chairs away- wait, don’t I know you?” The man’s voice interrupted you.

You looked up slowly and sat back in your chair. “Ah yes, I’m sorry, I was just resting..”

You wipe your eyes then rub your hands together to warm yourself, but when you look up at the man speaking to you, you instantly recognize him.

“J-Jaehyun from History 201?”

Jaehyun smiles and drops the garbage bag he’s holding.

“Y/n? How are you? It’s nice to see you.”

You nod and smile. You hoped you didn’t look at terrible as you felt. You had been crying all day, your eyes must’ve looked ridiculously swollen.

“I’m-I’m sorry, for uhhh, coming here like this.”

You looked down at the floor, and away from his handsome face.

You always had a weakness for Jaehyun. He was your partner in class last year and helped you with your final project the most. He was kind, always sparing time to help you with flashcards and study for hours into the late night at the library.

“Oh, no worries! I haven’t seen you around campus a lot this year, it’s nice to see you now! Wait, where’s your jacket? It’s freezing out here.”

“Oh..I don’t have one, I sorta ran here..actually, it’s a long story.”

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna close up and grab you a coat, okay?” Jaehyun smiled widely then grabbed the garbage bag and turned the corner to go to the dumpster.

You immediately jumped up and started walking. 

Not again, not again. 

You couldn’t get another innocent and kind person involved with Taeyong. If he or any of his men even glimpsed Jaehyun with you, they’d beat him to a pulp.

You paced through the streets, and looked around for any restaurant that would be open late.

You felt terrible for running away from him when he was only filled with good intentions, but you had to to protect him.

About fifteen minutes into walking down a new street, you hear the honking of a car horn.

You step to the right and further away from them, but the person slows down and matches your pace. You don’t dare to look over, you only walk faster and look for possible routes to run through to get away from them.

“Hey! I told you to wait! What are you doing?”

Jaehyun yells out through the passenger window.

“Please, Jaehyun, I just can’t..I can’t be seen with you right now. It’s difficult to explain.” You held yourself and marched forward.

“Whatever is going on with you can wait! Right now, you’re about to catch pneumonia if you don’t get out of the freezing cold. Hop in! And I’m not asking this time.”

Jaehyun turns his car in front you swiftly once at a pedestrian walk way, you’re forced to stop walking. You look up at him with red, watery eyes.

“Please, y/n..I want to help you.”

You take one final glance at the area around you and see no one in sight, so you jump into the car and take off.

——————

Jaehyun takes you to his small apartment.

You step into the living room as he locks the door behind him.

“Do you live here..by yourself?”

Jaehyun chuckles as he takes his coat off and throws it into the coat closet.

His muscles now showing clearly in his tight white shirt.

You gulp and look away quickly.

“Yes, I live here by myself, over 15 miles away from campus..why? Well, for starters, that restaurant we were at is my family’s restaurant. It’s left in my care, so I have to be closer to it than I am to school.” Jaehyun shrugs before continuing. “And no roommates because who wants to be so far away?”

You give a small smile and look at the tiny but cozy apartment. It was much different from your house where you had floors and rooms that were endless.

No wonder why Jaehyun is so humble and giving.

“Yeah, it’s not much, but it’s enough.”

He trots past you and to the kitchen. “Take a seat, I’ll get you a glass of water.”

Jaehyun washes his hands while you sit down onto the couch in his living room. He then sits down beside you and hands you a glass.

“Do you need anything? A jacket, a blanket, change of clothes?” Jaehyun stares at you through wide eyes.

You laugh and smile widely again. “You’re too kind, Jaehyun..but some sweats and a T would be amazing right now.”

Jaehyun immediately jumps up and heads to his room. A few minutes later he hands you Nike sweatpants and a plain white T. 

“The bathroom is on the right, feel free to change in there.”

You thank him profusely before heading to the bathroom.

You cringe when you see yourself. Your hair is messy, unkempt, your eyes are swollen like they were stung by bees, and your neck donned a love bite courtesy of Taeyong.

You washed your face and did your best to fix your hair before heading out.

Once beside Jaehyun, you take a deep breath and explain everything to him.

“Jaehyun...I don’t know what to do..I hope that you will not judge me.” 

Jaehyun shakes his head. “It is not my job to judge, y/n, go on.”

“There’s a man..I love him..well, I think I love him. He makes me feel...new, unexplainable things. He makes my heart weak… but Jaehyun, he is a bad man. He’s hurt my friend, and I-I dont think I can be with him anymore..” you start to cry again. “So I ran away.”

“Shhh..shhh don’t cry, you did the right thing. It hurts now, but I believe you will be happier now that you are away from him.” Jaehyun holds you close, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and looking into your eyes deeply.

Jaehyun was right, you were away from him and running was the right thing to do. But why did it feel wrong? Why do you feel guilty? Why did you feel like the one that betrayed him?

“Would you like to tell the cops about him?” Jaehyun rubs his hand along your arm. His touch is soothing, his broad chest makes him feel at home. You slowly start to lean into him more.

“No..no, I still love him. I can’t..plus he’s smart, he’ll get away with it, and take me again.”

But you want to be taken, don't you, little mouse?

You close your eyes tightly in an attempt to drown out his voice.

“That’s alright then, y/n. We don’t have to tell anyone.”

Jaehyun whispers.

Tell him what I did, tell him how good I made you feel just today. Your legs around me as I fucked you hard into that flimsy hospital mattress. Your essence dripping down your shaking thighs, the way you called my name...

You breathed slowly. Don’t think of him, don’t think of him.

“I’m so scared, Jaehyun, I don’t know what to do. What if he hurts someone else that I love?” You sob into his chest.

“Don’t be scared, y/n. I’m here now, he won’t find you in this little, dingy apartment, okay? And you can stay here as long as you’d like, don’t worry.”

You nod. “I-I don’t have my phone because that’s what he uses to track me. Jaehyun, he’s a dangerous man, you must not tell ANYONE that I am here.”

Jaehyun’s brows furrowed. What kind of man would track his lover? He didn’t like the sound of him, but he was happy to know that you were out of that crazy man’s grasp and with him now where you’d be safe.

“I understand, y/n. I won’t tell anyone, not even your parents.”

You smile and thank him once more.

“You can sleep on the bed, I’ll take the couch.” He says before standing up from beside you.

—————

[One Week Later] 

It’s been a few days since you ran away. You stayed inside Jaehyun’s apartment quietly, not even opening the window to look out at the sunshine and snow.

Jaehyun would visit you during the day whenever he had time. He just wanted to make sure you were safe.

But then he’d leave and head to work or school to prepare for exams.

You prepared for exams on an old laptop that he found at a thrift store for you. You would draft up emails to all of your professors, letting them know that you wouldn’t be able to attend class because you were mourning the death of your close friend, Mark.

Jaehyun would then send the emails once he was on campus so that if Taeyong and his men decided to hack into your account and search for you IP address, they would be met with the college IP address and not Jaehyun’s.

It was an elaborate, but tiring plan, but so far it seemed to work. 

Jaehyun also visited the post office to drop off a letter for your parents. You hoped it would get to them for it explained that you were alright and safe far away from the college. You stated that you needed to take some time away to grieve your loss and you hoped that they would try to be okay with that.

Knowing your parents, you knew they would have a fit at you running away and leaving your cell phone behind. But they had no choice but to accept it, for your safety and for theirs.

The news of Mark’s death hit everyone hard. You saw your college mates mourn and host a vigil on the news and cried once again. They said that the murderer snuck into the hospital in scrubs and a face mask, but all security footage for that day had mysteriously been “lost.” They had no face on camera, and no one to give a description of who the assailant might be...other than you, of course.

You could never forgive yourself for what you did to him. How could you have been so naive?

Now, Mark was dead and his family and friends were experiencing immense pain. 

You silently cried yourself to sleep that day, praying to God for forgiveness.

Taeyong, on the other hand, wasn’t begging for forgiveness. No, Mark’s murder was nothing to him. He was going to take you away from him, and that couldn’t happen, so he got rid of him just like any other enemy that threatened his peace and tranquillity. Instead, Taeyong went about  threatening anyone and everyone in an effort to find you.

Taeyong was furious when Taeil tracked your phone only to find it still at the hospital. You had vanished out of his sight for the first time since he met you, and that was unacceptable.

He slowly started to feel himself go psychotic. He couldn’t focus on other tasks, jobs were incomplete as everything came to a standstill because of his preoccupation with finding you.

“She’ll be back, she has to come back.” Taeyong paces about his office.

“Don’t you think you’ve taken this a little too far?” Johnny sits in the leather chair across from Taeyong’s desk and purses his lips.

“No..no I don’t think I’ve taken it too far, Johnny, but you know what I do think? I think you and the rest of these guys are fucking lazy! You’re supposed to be the best of the best and you can’t find a fucking college girl? How far could she have gotten, she doesn’t even have a car!”

Taeyong slams his hand onto the desk.

Johnny sighs. “We’re doing the best we can, we’re looking for the spoiled brat 24/7. There’s only so many places we can check, wherever she is, whatever hole she’s in..we’ll find it. But I must ask, what if she doesn’t want to be found, Taeyong? If she’s gone through this much trouble, are you sure she loves you?”

“Shut up!” Taeyong throws his sands of time stature to the ground, leaving sand and broken glass everywhere.

Johnny remains unfazed in his seat, for Taeyong did have these tantrums every now and then.

Taeyong walks over and stares at the broken pieces before bending down to pick one up.

“What about her piece of shit father?” He asks, still staring at the three-edged glass in his hand.

“He knows nothing… we traced all his emails and text messages, but nothing. It seems she’s run away from her parents too. Maybe she’s just tired of this privileged life.” Johnny shrugs.

“I don’t believe his lying ass, and you shouldn’t either. Has he agreed to meet with me yet?”

“He won’t meet with you, Taeyong, he's pissed enough to know that you’ve gotten to his daughter. He doesn’t even care that we’ve slowed down our deliveries.”

“Hmmm I guess I’ll have to get nasty with him..” Taeyong’s dark eyes widen as he smirks.

Johnny raises his arms. “Taeyong, when’s the last time you slept? You look like a raccoon. I’ll call over our favorite girl, you know the flexible one. God, I love when she takes us both, that college girl of yours could never do the things she does.”

Taeyong steps towards Johnny, still gazing at the glass with a wild expression.

“Get a good fuck and sleep well after, what do you say?” Johnny lifts the corner of his mouth into a smile.

Taeyong leans down and into Johnny’s face. Johnny's brows furrowed as he leans backward and away from him.

But Taeyong holds the back of his head with one hand and presses the edge of the glass into his neck with the other. 

Johnny groans as it just barely pierced his skin. “Taeyong, what the f-?”

“I don’t want anyone but that “spoiled brat,” and if I don’t get her, I’ll kill all of you myself. I’ll start with you first..so the next time you get a coffee or bagel from Gordo’s, let someone else taste it first..it’d be a shame for it to have just one extra...and deadly ingredient.” Taeyong presses the glass in harder as Johnny hisses.

His eyes widen, Taeyongs grip on the back of his head tightening, his nails digging into his scalp.

“I love her and she loves me..but you wouldn’t know anything about love, would you, Johnny? If you did, you’d know that lovers have to fight sometimes. Not everything is all roses and fucking flowers. She wants me to fight for her, and that’s what I intend on doing. So stop opening your mouth and get moving, I don’t want my dick sucked tonight.”

“You’ve lost your mind.” Johnny lets out once Taeyong releases him.

“And that’s the bad part, Johnny, I haven’t lost it yet. I’m just getting started.”

Johnny huffs and heads for the door.

“Oh, and Johnny boy, send Taeil in.”

—————

[One Day Later]

Your parents eat their dinner after a long day of work combined with worry for your safety. Your dad tried to keep your mother calm and collected, but she struggled to swallow each bite.

“I-I just don’t understand..” she puts her fork down and holds her head in her hands.

“She’s fine, honey. We should just trust her and continue the search. The church has done a wonderful job with helping us look for her. But thank God we received a letter.” Your father continues to chew.

“It’s not enough, how do we even know she wrote that? And that Taeyong guy, why does he keep asking to speak with you about her? What does he know?”

Your father slams his fork down and looks at your mother. He takes her hand and places it onto the table while looking sternly into her eyes.

“Don’t..you ever call that name in this house. He’s a fool and he will never get close to our family.”

“He already has! Him and his men have stalked me for days! I don’t know what they plan to do to us, I’m scared.”

“Don’t worry about them, they’d be foolish to lay a hand on you.” Your father looks into your mother's eyes deeply.

“What have you done? Why are they after us?”

“I haven’t done anything except serve the good Lord.”

He looks onto the table.

She pulls her hand away. “Do you think I was born yesterday? I know all about your dealings with him..” she looks up at the gold walls and fancy paintings around the dining area.

“Do you think I believe all this came from the church? You must think I’m those idiots that you preach to, believing nonsense.” She scoffs.

Your father gasps. “How could you say that? The church..our religion, it isn’t nonsense! I thought you changed from that sinful girl I met so long ago, I thought you were better than this..”

“And I thought you were better than to get involved with a gang leader! But look at you! Desperate for more than we NEED! How is this a Christian life? Look at the example we set for our child, we’ve taught her this lavish lifestyle that we can’t even say we’ve earned honestly like good people, where is our humility?!”

“We’ve set an amazing example! Do you remember where you were before you met me, on the streets scouring for your next fix! Imagine raising your child while in that state, without me!”

She sits and gives him a harsh look before opening her mouth to respond. “You’re full of sh-“

But a loud, compilation of multiple sounds fills the house. Your parents cover their ears.

“What the hell is that?!” Your mom jumps up and looks around. It seems all of the televisions in the mansion have turned themselves on.

“What in God’s name?” As your father listens closely, he recognizes something from audio of whatever is being played on one of the televisions.

I want us to cum..together. I want you to get so full of my cum..Do you want me to fill you up?

He hears the man say.. then a high pitched moan follows.

Yes..sir.

No. This can’t be happening. It couldn’t be your sweet voice.

Your father jumps up and runs to the closest television screen, the one in the living room.

Your mother follows behind. “What is going on? Was there a power surge or something? Why are they all-“

She stops talking as she is stunned by what is being played on the screen at full volume. The noise is almost unbearable.

The video of you being taken from the back by Taeyong plays on the large screen. Your hair messy, mouth open as mewls and moans spew out, your naked body being pummeled into by the demon as he grips your waist and pulls you onto him. You look into the camera and at yourself before letting out a loud whimper.

Yes...sir, oh God, Taeyong..please I’m gonna..

Your father turns away and stares at the floor intently, trying to drown out your cries and the sounds of skin slapping on skin in the video.

“Oh God! Turn it off!!” Your mother yells.

Your father then looks around the room for the TV remote, finally finding it on the couch.

He firmly presses the power button, but nothing happens. He runs up to the TV and presses the power button on its base, but still nothing happens.

“No..this can’t be happening.” He mutters, his eyes widen.

A new video then starts to play, displaying you naked and kneeling on the ground below Taeyong. Your father recognizes his tattoos as he rubs his thumb along your round lips.

Stick your tongue out, little mouse.

Ah yes..just like that..

Taeyong groans as you lick his tip leaking with precum.

“Unplug the damn thing!”

Your mother yells again as she turns away and covers her ears.

Your father finally reaches behind the TV and tears the cord out of the socket.

Your parents breathe a sigh of relief as the video stops playing.

However, they would now have to unplug each and every TV in the house that blasted a sexual video of you.

“What is this? Is he doing this to blackmail us?” Your mother starts crying.

“I’m going to kill that bastard…”

“He’s ruined our daughter! Oh, God..how could we not see the signs?” She runs off to her bedroom with her ears still covered. The house is filled with the music of your moans and Taeyongs grunts. All the videos of you and him that he had taken played throughout.

Your father’s face is haunting, he looks dark, strange, his eyes shaking as he thinks of what to do next.

————

[Two Days Later]

Your mother enters the hair salon as she usually does on a Tuesday afternoon.

She greets the stylists and goes to the back room where her hair is to be washed before the cut.

After waiting for about 10 minutes, a stylist enters the room and places a black robe around her, tying it in the back.

“How are you today?” The male voice says smoothly.

“I’m alright.” Her eyes are still a bit red from crying, she was really worried for you, especially after seeing the videos that Taeyong had taken. She’s too preoccupied with her thoughts to look up at the man.

“Lean back for me. Close your eyes, just relax.”

The man takes her head and leans it against the wash bin as she moves to get comfortable.

“I can tell you’re going through a lot right now.”

“Yes...I am.” She nods slightly and closes her eyes.

The man hums then places a small amount of shampoo onto her hair before wetting it with the hose.

He massages her scalp with slow and tenuous movements, pressing his tips into her scalp while making circular motions.

His thumbs place pressure onto the back of her neck, carefully kneading into it and loosening a knot.

“That feels good...I don’t think I’ve had you before..” your mother lets out, she’s holding back an embarrassing moan, for his fingers just feel so incredibly good.

Her mouth falls open.

“Of course you’ve had me before..”

“I would definitely remember these hands.”

The man chuckles. “Oh? I hope your daughter remembers them.”

Her eyes open quickly. “What did you say?”

She tries to sit up in the chair, but the man grabs her by the hair and forces her back down.

“Relax, mom..it’s just me, Taeyong...I’m not gonna hurt you if you do what I ask.”

He continues to massage her scalp and hums a low tune. Your mother's eyes grow, she looks above her and sees the red haired man with crazy eyes. She reaches back to grab at his arms, scratching his skin as she squirms in her chair.

“Let me go! Let me go! Help! Someone help me!”

She yells for help, but the terrified stylists in the salon's main lobby sit in silence. Johnny has already locked the doors to the salon and holds two pistols in his hands, ready to aim at anyone that makes the slightest move.

“No one can help you, my love, only you can help yourself.” Taeyong smiles then grabs her arms and places them across her chest.

“I’m gonna ask you once..” he walks around the chair and bends down over her, gazing into her teary eyes.

“Where is she?”

“I could ask you the same question! What have you done to her?”

“Everything I did to her you’ve already seen on your TV. I know you’re hiding her from me. Where. Is. She?”

“Fuck you! You’ll never see her again! Even if I did know where she is, you’d have to walk over my dead body to get to her!” She spits out but Taeyong only laughs. He looked crazy, his red hair disheveled and eyes dark, his skin was extremely pale like he hadn’t gone outside for a while.

“Sweetheart, that’s no problem for me, but I’d rather not have to watch her mourn your death.”

Taeyong walks behind her and turns the hose on again, but this time he grabs a towel from the counter behind him.

He forces your mother’s head back, nearly breaking her neck in the process. She grunts and breathes through gritted teeth before grabbing at his arms again.

He throws the towel over her face and pours water onto it. Your mother starts to choke, she can’t breathe as water soaks through the towel, flooding her mouth and drowning her slowly. Her nostrils flare as they attempt to take in oxygen, but only take in water as well.

She flails about in the chair, her legs stomping and her nails leaving deep scratch marks into Taeyongs skin.

Taeyong hisses but laughs as she struggles to breathe.

“You’re a tough one. But all you have to do is tell me where she is..”

A muffled scream escapes.

“What was that?” He turns the hose off and lifts up the part of the towel covering her mouth.

She takes in a deep breath and coughs up water.

“Please! Please stop! I don’t know where she is!”

Taeyong replaces the towel and begins to waterboard her again.

“Hmmmm do you expect me to believe that?” Taeyong growls out. He’s growing impatient.

Another muffled sound escaped her after a few seconds.

Taeyong lifts the towel. “Ready to talk now?”

“Yes! Yes..” she chokes.

“I think her father knows..where she is, he told me that a member of the church saw her..please you can’t hurt her! She’s not a piece of shit like my husband is. She’s kind and a good person, please I beg you to not take out your frustrations on her.” She sobs.

Taeyong lifts the towel off completely.

“I won’t hurt her..I love her. I’m just a little..upset is all.” Taeyong speaks softly. 

“And your husband..well he’s been ignoring me..that doesn’t make me happy..”

She stares and shakes like a cold, wet dog.

“Call your husband..” he hands her phone back to her.

She hesitantly dials him up. Her mind is filled with regrets for giving in, how could she put your life at risk? How could she tell the truth about your father getting info from a man that saw you in the city on the east side? The man said he had seen you come off of the bus and offered you a coat, but you quickly refused and walked away. That’s when he saw you meet up with a guy at a restaurant not too far away.

Your father had already figured out who you were with after he visited the area himself. He’d seen Jaehyun close the restaurant, he followed him home and the next day he followed him to the library on campus.

He had an insider watch closely over Jaehyun’s shoulder as he signed into your email account.

The truth was known to him, but he wouldn’t tell anyone or seek you out himself. He thought it’d be best if it remained a mystery. Even to his own wife.

“Hello?” Her husband answers.

She sniffles. “He’s here...you have to tell him where she is..or he’ll kill me!”

“No, oh God, no...where are you?!” He asks but before she can respond, Taeyong grabs the phone away from her and presses the ‘FaceTime’ button.

Once he answers, Taeyong smiles widely and places the phone in front of your mother. He rests his chin on her shoulder as she cries.

“Hey there, pastor, long time no see.”

“Taeyong..you maniacal asshole, leave my wife out of this!”

“But why? You’ve been ignoring me so I decided to spend some time with her. I must say she’s a lot nicer than you. She reminds me of your daughter too..”

He looks at the side of her face before kissing her cheek softly. “I miss her so much.”

“She told me that a little birdy told you where y/n is..let’s not waste anymore time. Tell me now!”

“I can’t do that, I can’t put her at risk!”

“Are you sure you want to keep saying no to me?” Taeyong grabs a pair of trimming scissors behind him and holds it to her neck, pressing the tip in to show obvious indentation.

Your mother cries out loudly. “Just do it!”

He shakes his head and bites his lip. “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t give our daughter to him.”

His wife’s eyes widened. “You-you can’t be serious..you’re gonna let him kill me?”

He starts to tear up. “To protect our daughter...I have to.”

Taeyong chuckles. “Well, would you look at that..the crazy bastard doesn’t care about you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” The pastor shakes his head as it lowers.

“But I know what he does care about..money..”

Taeyong lifts the scissors out of your mother’s neck and places it onto the counter.

“See..I knew he wouldn’t care if I threatened your life, mom..I knew he wouldn’t care if I posted those videos of me fucking his daughter all over that grand house of his..but I do know he’d care if he loses his church..”

Taeyong takes his chin in his hand.

“What would happen if during one of your wonderful sermons..I put those videos of me and your daughter on the big screens.. Ah yes that online streaming service you have that reaches millions..oh, how disastrous would that be? All those families tuning in to porn unknowingly..you’d be ruined, wouldn’t you pastor?”

“How could your daughter be with me, a gang leader?”

Your father looks back at the screen furrowing his eyebrows and tilting his head. “These threats won’t work, you wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, but let’s not stop there, pastor. Imagine what chaos would ensue if those emails between us just so happened to leak...a pastor..conducting the drug business in his own town?”

“Taeyong..”

“Just tell him where she is, God damn it! He’ll ruin us!” Your mother yells.

“Everything would be stripped away from you..it starts with the church, then harassment from the media as they call you a hypocrite…I’ve wanted to let the people know who you truly are for the longest time..I’ve spared you, but now, I have nothing to lose. I’ll fuck up your life, pastor.”

Taeyong grins an evil smile that the pastor just wants to smack from his face.

The pastor closes his eyes and sighs. He just couldn’t let the world know the true criminal he was and furthermore, he knew Taeyong would eventually catch up to you. What was the point of holding back?

Then, he thought of a plan, something that would catch Taeyong off guard. Taeyong’s weakness was that he believed he always had the upper hand in every situation, he’d never suspect what the pastor was about to do to him.

“Fine..but I won’t tell you where she is, I’ll bring her to you..tomorrow, meet me at the corner of 5th and Herst, in the alleyway. I’ll have her there for you.”

Taeyong smiles. “Perfect. Until then, your wife and I will keep each other company, maybe we’ll watch some movies and enjoy popcorn or something.”

“Taeyong, no, I need her.”

Taeyong chuckles. “Are you sure about that? Just a few minutes ago you didn’t care that I had a pair of scissors in her neck..”

“Yes but..”

“End of discussion,father, I’ll see you at 9 tomorrow night. And don’t even think about bailing on me, because for each minute you’re late, I’ll remove a finger or toe from your beautiful wife.” Taeyong ends the FaceTime call.

————

[The Next Day 9:30 PM]

Somehow, you were able to burn the onions.

You turned away for just a split second, then turned back to see your once white onions become black.

“Damn it.”

That’s when you hear the door open. You were cooking dinner for you and Jaehyun. It was a late dinner, yes, but Jaehyun had to close the restaurant. 

“What’s this?”

Jaehyun laughed as he entered the kitchen and saw you tossing black onions into the sink.

“Uhhh..I’m cooking..well trying to cook spaghetti and meatballs..it’s not as easy as Gordon Ramsey makes it seem.”

You pout.

“Oh, you didn’t have to..” Jaehyun places his bag down and steps beside you in the kitchen.

“I know..but it’s the least I can do, you've welcomed me into your place and kept me safe, and for that, I’m forever thankful.”

“It’s nothing, really, I’m just helping you get away from what sounds like a crazy man.”

Jaehyun places his hand on top of yours.

You turn and look up into his gorgeous brown eyes.

He steps closer, his steamy breath tingling your forehead. You look at his lips and lick your own, you always had a small crush on him and now he was right in front of you, making your heart shiver and your mind cloudy.

He leans forward while still looking into your eyes 

“The pasta is sticking to the bottom of the pan.” He whispers, almost seductively.

Your eyes widen as you step back and turn to the pot with the pasta.

“Oh! You’re right, oh no!”

Jaehyun laughs out.

“Hey!” You smile, feeling your face become hot from embarrassment.

“You’re cute.” Jaehyun takes his bag out of the kitchen and goes to his room.

“Thanks but I just wish I could cook!” You yell out to him.

He changes into a white t-shirt and pajama pants and walks back into the kitchen after a few minutes.

He watches from the entry way as you pour olive oil,  a bit too much olive oil, onto the pasta. He smiles to himself.

“Being cute is enough, I like having you here.”

“Really?” You raise your eyebrows, then look back at him with an innocent expression.

“Yeah..” he nods and steps close to you once again.

“I-Jaehyun..I’ve always..” your words stumble out of your mouth as his close proximity makes you hot again.

He towers over you, licking his lips and crossing his arms. “Always what?”

You shake your head. You thought of Taeyong and how a part of you still loved him. Jaehyun was nice to you, you couldn’t ruin the friendship you had.

“N-Never mind.” You look away.

Jaehyun tilts your head back to his while holding your chin.

“Say it...please.”

You search his eyes, you’re enamored by him, completely taken aback by his touch and warmth.

You begged for God to forgive you for having sinful thoughts when you looked at him, you wanted to lay kisses onto his collarbones and run your fingers through his hair. You wanted him to kiss your lips for a long time as he wraps your legs around his waist and touches you..everywhere.

He leaned down, watching your lips part.

You were so close..but then..his phone rang.

He closed his eyes and sighed before stepping back. “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back, I think it’s my lab partner.”

You nod then turn back to your bubbling spaghetti sauce.

“I don't know what you’re talking about, I don’t know where she is!” You hear Jaehyun’s voice raise from his bedroom.

Your brows furrow. Who found his phone number? Who found him and possible found you? You hadn’t left his apartment since getting there.

You walk over to him and stand in the doorway, watching as Jaehyun angrily addresses the person on the phone.

“You’ve got the wrong number!” He hangs up and turns to you.

“Who was that?” You ask quietly, as if the person on the phone can still hear you.

“Someone that claims to be your father..”

His phone rang again. 

Your eyes widened as you stared at his phone screen. “Ask him..what time was I born.”

If it’s him, you needed to talk to him, you needed to tell him that you’re okay.

Only you, your father and your mother knew the time you were born.

3:33 A.M

Your father always praised it as a holy time. “You’re an angel” he’d always say.

Jaehyun answered the stranger and asked the questions like you asked him to. “If you’re her father, what time was she born?”

He put the phone on mute then turned to you.

“he said 3:33 AM..”

Your eyes grew as you reached for his phone. “It’s him!”

You unmute it. “Dad?”

“Yes, dear, oh my God, thank God you're okay.” You can hear him start to sob.

“Dad, it’s okay, I’m okay.” 

“I knew my prayers would not be in vain..” he cries.

“I need you to come back, sweetheart. We’ve got him, and we are gonna put him away for good, but we need your help.”

“Dad..what are you talking about?”

You look up at Jaehyun, his arms crossed and his brows knitted.

“That crazy man! He’s been after you since you ran away, but I got him! I tricked him into meeting up with me. He thought I would turn you in to him, but instead I had the cops ambush him. They arrested him, he’s being brought to the station right now, thank God.”

Your head begins to spin, your eyes start to blur as water fills them. “W-what do you mean ‘they arrested him?’”

How did they find out that Taeyong was the one to kill Mark? And why did you feel a sudden sense of despair now that he was arrested? He deserved it, right?

“Taeyong kidnapped and assaulted you, that’s what I told the cops, y/n. I told them that you ran away to get away from him. You have to come in as soon as possible to give a statement.”

“No..n-no, dad I can't do that..it isn’t true”

Silence falls over the phone. “What do you mean?”

You start to sob as you thought of Taeyong and all of your moments with him.

“I-I love him. I can’t deny it, my heart hurts just knowing he might be put away.”

Even after all he did, you still felt something for him.

“Are you stupid? This man is a monster! I saw the things he did to you in those videos!” Your father spits out into the phone.

“Yes! And I let him do those things, I enjoyed it! I can't lie to you or to the police!”

“You leave me no choice! If you don’t come back, I’ll come and get you myself! And I’ll have Jaehyun arrested for kidnapping too!”

You gasp. “Dad..you can’t do that..” sniffling, you look up at Jaehyun.

“He has nothing to do with this.”

“Then come home and make a statement! This is the only way out..for BOTH of us, we have to take him down!” Your father yells over the phone loud enough for Jaehyun to hear.

You hang up the phone and hand it back to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head slowly as he takes it. “Y/n...you don’t have to go back.”

You wipe your eyes. “I’m sorry, Jaehyun, I’m so sorry for all of this. I have to go back and make things right or...you’ll end up like….” Mark. You didn’t finish your sentence because Jaehyun still didn’t know that you knew who killed Mark.

“End up like who? You know what, it doesn’t matter.. Y/n, just stay with me, you’ll be okay..” the sorrowful look in his eyes eats away at your heart.

He reaches out for your hand, but you pull it away.

“Jaehyun.. I’ll be okay, I’ll see you on campus.”

Jaehyun sighs and looks away.

“I’ll need a hoodie.” 

You grabbed one of Jaehyun’s hoodies and headed out of his apartment and to the closest bus station. Jaehyun walked you to it, and even waited for the next bus to arrive before he left.

As it approached, he felt his heart beat heavily in his chest. He was worried for you, but donned a small smile when you turned back to him to say bye.

You took his face in your hands and placed a light kiss on his cheek. He frowned as you pulled back and looked into his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jaehyun..I’ll see you soon.”

While on the bus, you thought of everything that happened. How worried and upset Taeyong must be about you running away. But he killed Mark, he killed an innocent person and your heart aches for your loss.

So why did you worry about Taeyong’s current state in jail?

Once at the bus stop, your mother gave you a big hug and held your face in her hands. “I’m so sorry to make you do this, honey, but I’m so happy you’re back home.”

You smiled softly, attempting to hide your worry as you looked into your mother’s drained face. She looked like she hadn’t rested or eaten well.

“I’m happy I’m home too.” 

Your father nodded and hugged you too, but didn’t say anything, even during your ride to the police station.

When you entered the station, an officer took you into a room where they would ask you important questions.

“Please let me go in with her, she’s probably traumatized!” Your father begged as they took you away.

“Sir..we can’t let anyone else in, she isn’t a minor, so there’s no reason for her to be accompanied by a parent. We will provide her with whatever she asks for and give her as much time as she needs to tell us what happened.” The detective spoke to your parents as they waited in the lobby.

Your heart ran wild, your hands shook and grew sweaty as you stood only in what seemed to be a slowly collapsing box. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as the clicking sound of the door shutting behind you echoed in the room.

It was just you and the detective now.

“I’m going to turn on the light in the other room beside us..Once it is on, you will be able to see the room through this one-way mirror. I need you to identify the man in front of us..but do not worry, we can see him, but he can’t see or hear us. I ask that you answer honestly, but do take your time. We need as much info as possible. Understood?”

You nodded and swallowed hard. “Y-yes.”

She flicks the light switch and your heart drops almost immediately.

Taeyong sits in the center of the room, his wrists bound together with handcuffs. He looks tired, pale, like he hadn’t slept since you left.

The bags under his eyes donned a dark, almost black shade, and made him look even more dangerous than he did before.

Your mouth fell open. He looked like a sad puppy for the first time, he didn’t look like someone that could possibly kill an innocent person. He didn’t look like a gang leader at all, no, he looked like an innocent boy.

You wanted to run to him, hug him and apologize for leaving him. You wanted to see him happy again.

You start to twiddle your thumbs. “I-I can’t do this.”

You turn to the detective, but she places her hand on top of yours and nods slowly. “Yes..you can. Don’t worry, survivors like you often have this exact moment of uncertainty. But it is important that you take your time. Let’s start with a basic question. Do you recognize this man?”

“Y-yes.”

“What is his name?”

“Taeyong..his name is Taeyong.” You slowly start to speak more.

“How long have you known the suspect?”

“Suspect..” you whisper. “I’ve known him since July of this year..but…”

“What is it?” She turns to you, still holding the voice recording device in her hand.

“Why..why is he a suspect? What did he do?” You sounded ridiculous to the woman, but she didn’t notice that your eyes had not moved from watching Taeyong. You were falling for him over and over again silently. If it weren’t for the glass in between the two of you, you would’ve taken him into your arms and kissed him like there was no tomorrow, for you had missed him as well.

Taeyong could sense your presence even though he couldn’t see you. He was pissed that he had been set up by your father, a part of him knew that his guys could get him out in time, but he still hated the fact that he was made to look like a fool.

He knew he would kill your father as soon as he could instruct an assassin to do so, but that still wouldn’t solve his ache for you. He was overjoyed when your father finally agreed to bring you to him, he even made reservations at the finest restaurant in town to celebrate your reunion. He would kiss your lips all night long and lay beside you until the sun came out. He would never let you out of his sight again. But sadly, tonight nothing went as planned.

And to hear his father accuse him of engaging in non consensual activities made him furious.

“Dear...you’re the one that claims he assaulted you..is this not correct?”

So he wasn’t being arrested and charged with Mark’s murder, they had nothing on him for that. He was being falsely accused of a crime against you.

Taeyong stands up and walks over to the mirror. His hands still in his cuffs as he places them flat against the mirror. He searches for your face, knowing he won’t be able to see it even if he tries harder, but hoping that you’ll see his face filled with regret and pain.

“Y/n…” he calls out to you softly.

You can’t hear him, but you can see your name fall from his sweet lips.

You place your hands onto the glass to match his, tears falling from your eyes.

How can you accuse your love of a false crime? Especially when he looked so weakened, so low and desperate?

“No..no he didn’t kidnap or rape me, it was all consensual…” you state firmly, your eyes still locked with Taeyongs.

“Are you saying that this man, Taeyong, has never touched you without your consent? It’s okay you can be honest with me, he can’t see you.”

You shake your head. “I allowed him to love me..each and every time...because I love him..we love each other.”

“Ma’am, do you wish to press charges against Taeyong?”

“No, no I don’t, I want to be with him.”

The detective sighs and clicks the stop button on her recorder.

“Okay, if that’s the case, then we will have to set him free.”

You step out into the lobby as your parents stand up to greet you. You wipe tears away. “I couldn’t do it..I couldn’t lie.”

Your father’s face falls. “W-what are you saying?”

“She has decided to not press charges, you guys are all set to leave, the suspect is a free man, so I’d suggest leaving before he does.”

“You can’t be serious! She’s being manipulated by him! That’s emotional abuse!” Your father yells.

“Sir..”

“Please, you have to understand, our daughter is not like this. He’s turned her into someone else..he’s violently seducing her.” Your mother begs.

“I understand, but there is nothing we can do. If she says she does not want to press charges, then we are only wasting our time here. Our station could be in deep trouble if we keep the suspect any longer just for your daughter to change her mind.”

Your mother looks away.

“Pastor..” the detective turns to your father, “please, come with me.”

You and your mother step aside while the two talk. 

“You of all people know how powerful Taeyong is..how could you get us into this mess?! He has information on all of us and we arrested him before he could use it against us, but now he’s free and aware of our plan! You were supposed to have her plead a case so strong, it would put him away for life! Do you know how much danger you’ve put me and the other sergeants in? This business that he runs affects ALL of us.”

The detective speaks angrily to your father.

The police were just as involved in Taeyongs drug movements as he was. They’d take a profit from the business made in the city, they were the ones that planted it on criminals that needed to be put away.. they also provided it to CEOs and big white collar men so that they wouldn’t be arrested for possession.

But the police had been upset for quite some time at how Taeyong controlled everything, they thought it should be one of their own, not some street kid that had killers everywhere, ready to strike.

“There’s no telling what he’ll do now.” The detective cursed.

“We still have the videos..” your father looked to the floor.

“Videos? What videos? The ones of them having sex like normal adults? Yeah, those are gone anyway, you know that hacker of his works fast.” The detective rolls her eyes.

“I’m sorry..but don’t worry, we still have another chance..”

The pastor had devised a backup plan in case this one fell through. He’d send you out of the country to another school and under a different identity. Then he’d tell everyone that you had been murdered by Taeyong, and would conjure up evidence against him.

You were in the car, heading back home when your parents started to argue.

“This is ridiculous!” Your dad yelled.

“Don’t blame this on her! You’re the one that got involved with this guy!”

“She has the power to end all of this!”

He retorted.

You sat in the backseat and looked out the window, thinking of Taeyong and whether or not you should’ve lied.

“But that’s alright, we’ll send her away to that one catholic school in Italy! She’ll be able to repent and beg for God’s forgiveness!”

Your father let out.

“What?”

You turned to him.

“You heard me..you’re going away, you’ll be finishing your studies elsewhere so you can be away from this monster and return back to Christianity. Don’t think you’re off the hook after what we saw in those videos. The sins you committed..I can only pray for mercy.”

“No! You can’t do that!” Your voice rose.

Your mother turned to you. “Your father is being a bit dramatic right now, but it’s true. It’s for your own safety.”

“Mom..don’t send me away..” you panted.

She reached out and laid her hand on your thighs. “Sweetheart, it will be okay, we will visit you whenever we can, and you’ll get to travel! It will be so exciting to leave this town behind.” She gave a small smile before turning back around. 

Your father calms down slowly. “Y/n..” he takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be so harsh on you, but..”

“What..who is that?” Your mother squints and looks out onto the front yard of your house. 

Multiple men stand along the front of your house, dressed in black and those same glowing masks that you could never forget. They were haunting enough, but as they stood still with large weapons and motorcycles beside them, you felt a chill run down your spine.

“No…” your father says with wide eyes.

“It’s him.”

The car slowly comes to hault.

Your dad locks the doors. 

“Stay inside.”

“What are we gonna do now? The cops aren’t gonna come, are they?” Your mother rubs her temple.

When you look through the front glass you see him at the center, leaning onto his motorcycle.

“How the hell did they get through the front gate?”

“Don’t be an idiot, you know they have their ways.” Your mother turns to him.

But all you can do is watch Taeyong. The way he sits coolly on the bike, leaning his head back as he runs his fingers through his crimson hair.

He removes his mask and places it beside him on the seat.

He’s alluring, beautiful. The night sky only adds to his sexy and mysterious aura. 

“I want to go to him.” You whisper. “He’s here for me.”

“Are you insane?” Your dad turns to you.

“No, but you’ll send me off to another country whether or not I want to..I can’t do that.”

“Y/n..sweetie,no..” your mother starts but you quickly unlock the door and jump out of the car, running out of it and to Taeyong without care or worry.

You have no thoughts, just desire. You want to be beside him, you want to feel him again.

You hug him tightly.

“Little mouse..” he whispers into your ear while looking over your shoulder and onto the dumbstruck face of your father in the driver's seat.

He hugs you tightly and rubs your back. 

“Taeyong..I’m sorry, I was scared.”

“I know..but I’ll never hurt you, you know that.” He leans back and grips your throat while looking into your eyes. He gives you a wicked smile as he rubs his thumb along your bottom lip.

He then leans down and kisses you hard, forcing his tongue into your mouth.

Your teeth clink against each other as your heads turn.

You pull yourself closer to him, not caring about your parents or anyone else watching the two of you. You feel amazing, your craving is finally satisfied as his tongue licks your lips.

He pulls away and looks into your eyes. “We have a lot to talk about don’t we..”

Your father jumps out of the car and walks up to the two of you.

“This is enough! Stop terrorizing us! Give us our little girl!” He cries out.

Taeyong’s eyes flicker up to him as every one of his guys points their gun at your father in unison, stopping him in his tracks.

“You’ve got some nerve, pastor…” his mouth lifts into a smile.

“But I’ll make a deal with you.. I won’t tell anyone or the media about tonight or your involvement in drug crimes..”

Your mouth falls open, what did Taeyong mean?

“Just as long as you leave us alone AND pay all of us double the amount for each delivery.”

Your father stumbles over his words, his eyes racing from the men that point guns at him then to your face.

“Please..anyone, anyone but her.” He begs.

Taeyong chuckles. “No..no, I want her. She’s not just “anyone.”

He looks down into your eyes.

Your father sighs and accepts defeat, as he sees how enchanted you are by him. There is no going back, you've been completely corrupted by him.

“Fine. But please don’t hurt her.” He steps back.

“Goodnight, pastor..” Taeyong waves and smiles wickedly.

You jump onto Taeyong’s bike and head off to his apartment.

————

Once in his place, Taeyong takes you to his living room.

He instructs you to stand in the center while he takes his leather jacket off and plops down onto the couch.

“Taeyong..I’m sorry.”

You play with your fingers behind your back and bite your lips. He looked amazing in his black button up and black jeans. Three buttons were open to reveal his toned chest.

“I know you are...but that’s not enough..where were you?” He tilts his head and spreads his arms out along the top of the couch.

“I..I was with a family member on the east side. Please Taeyong, I was scared I didn’t know what to do! Please forgive me.”

“What do you do in church when you beg for forgiveness, little mouse?”

“I...pray, I get on my knees and pray.” You nod.

“Then what should you be doing right now?”

You instantly fell to your knees on the hard, cold floor. You whimper at the harsh pain you felt. 

You put your hands together. “Please..please don’t hurt anymore people.”

Taeyong’s cat eyes lock with yours as your heart races. “Little mouse...I was in so much pain when you left me. I’m upset so I need you to answer me honestly, where. were. You?”

You begin to tremble. “Taeyong, I’m here now, isn’t that enough? My aunt decided to help me deal with the loss of M-“

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “Mark? I got rid of him for you! For us! What is there to mourn?”

“Taeyong, he was my friend, nothing more, I need you to trust me if we are going to make this work.”

You licked your lips as you spoke through furrowed brows.

“I trust you..do you trust me to protect us? To protect what we have?” Taeyong leans forward.

You nod quickly. “Yes.”

He stares into your eyes for a moment then leans back into the chair. “Prove it, crawl to me.”

Your mouth opens to protest but the glint of danger in Taeyong’s eyes stops you. You just need to do what he says in order to get what you want. The aching in between your legs had no plan to go away until you were satisfied by him.

You crawled over slowly then kneeled once you got to his bent legs.

You sat up straight, the heels of your foot under your bum, and looked up at him through your lashes.

He was so handsome, you wanted to climb up onto his lap and make love to him.

He waved a finger. “Take your sweatshirt off..”

Taeyong had noticed that you wore a men’s hoodie, and he wasn’t too happy about it, but he ignored his suspicions.

“Who does this belong to?” He took it from you as you lifted it over your head, your breasts falling victim to the crisp air in the apartment.

“It’s my..cousin’s!” You answered quickly.

Taeyong threw it to the side and looked back at you. “I hate when you lie to me, sweetheart.”

“I’m not lying! I promise!”

Taeyong keeps eye contact with you as he reaches into his waistband and pulls out his gun.

He takes the safety off and places it right in front of you.

You shy away from the intimidating weapon and whimper.

“Taeyong!”

“If you’re telling the truth, lick it like it’s me, little mouse.”

You’re hesitant but raise your head back up. You stick your tongue out to lick the underside of the gun first, your eyes brimming with tears.

“Don’t cry, love, I won’t hurt you..even though I could pull this trigger right now and end it all..” 

Taeyong watches your eyes widen.

“I could end the pain that I’ve experienced because you threw me away.”

You shake your head. “I didn’t throw you away, I love you!”

“Keep going..don't stop until I tell you to, or I’ll be even more upset. What did you say we needed to make this work? Hmmm trust..that was the word. So trust me..”

Taeyong sighed

You continue to lick it, the cold metal leaving a bitter taste on your tongue.

“Use those pretty lips.” Taeyong feels himself harden in his pants as he watches you below him blow the gun like it’s him.

You flatten your tongue along the round tip of the barrel then sink down onto it completely. Your cheeks hollowing as you imagine that it is Taeyong’s tempting member in your mouth.

“Fuck..you’re beautiful..” Taeyong pushes the gun in and out of your mouth, watching as your spit coats the metal.

Your eyes are locked with his as he begins to palm himself through his jeans. He pushes the gun in deeper and faster  to hit the back of your throat. You gag as tears run down your cheeks.

He can’t take it anymore. He removes the gun from your mouth and places it down onto the couch behind him.

He quickly zips his pants down, allowing his cock to spring free. You lick your lips and replace the gun with his cock, enjoying the salty taste of his precum and moaning onto him. You move your head up and down rapidly, using your tongue and the plush inside of your hollowing cheeks to bring him to the edge. He groans and throws his head back.

He holds the back of your head and bucks his hips into you. You gag, his rough movements making your throat feel raw. Your jaw becomes locked. But he goes even faster then holds you down against him as he cums in your mouth. The feeling of him finally using you to orgasm is beyond satisfactory. Your underwear is soaked.

Taeyong pants and leans back into the couch. “Tuck it back in for me, little mouse.”

Taeyong flinches at the feeling of your cold, soft fingers on his limp cock.

You zip his pants up and wait for more instructions.

Through low eyes he motions for you to go to him. You stand up straight and wipe your mouth and cheeks.

“Take off your pants, sweetheart.”

You immediately draw your pants and underwear down in one quick sweep, your heart beats fast. You want to feel him so badly.

Taeyong bites his lips while looking into your completely naked body. “You’re gorgeous and you’re all mine..”

He holds your waist and brings you down onto his lap.

“Do you want to ride me like a good girl?” Taeyong’s husky voice enters your ear, his fingers dip in between your thighs, tapping against your dripping folds.

You hiss and breathe heavily.

“Yes..” 

“Yes, what?” Taeyong holds your neck and looks into your eyes.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl..” he pats his thigh.

You give a puzzled expression. “I-“

“It’s easy, just move like you did on the stool..” Taeyong smirks.

“Okay.” You nod and place your hands on his shoulders.

He grips your waist again and presses you firmly onto his thigh, pushing your body forward and backward while looking into your eyes.

You let out a whimper as the rough fabric presses onto your flower.

Your soaking heat coats his jeans. You move faster and faster. Taeyong watches your face twist as you experience a strange mix of pain and pleasure.

He presses his tongue flat against your nipple. You grip his shoulder harder and moan out his name.

He circles his tongue around the swollen bud then pulls away.

“How do you feel, little mouse?” He flexes his thigh under your open legs, making you yelp and fall forward at the unexpected friction against your aching pussy.

“It feels..so good, sir.” You struggle to get out, your hips rocking back and forth. You find that one spot that makes you weak and continue to ride against it. Your clit feels incredibly stimulated by the rough material. You feel raw, but sexy under Taeyong’s gaze.

“Sir..I’m going to..” you gasp.

Taeyong licks the other nipple while his hand massages your breast, pumping it while pressing his fingertips into the soft skin.

Your body shakes onto him, you throw your head back and moan loudly as you come undone on his thigh.

The combination of his swift tongue on your nipple and his clenching thighs on you sent you overboard. You saw stars.

Taeyong smirked then grabbed your ass to force you to keep moving on his thighs. You trembled and cried out as overstimulation set in.

“I’ve missed you, little mouse, I’ve missed the way you taste.” He whispers against your chest then lifts you up and places you onto the couch beside him.

You’re on your back still recovering from your orgasm when he crawls over you slowly. He holds your ankles kissing along your right leg as he slowly places it over the couch. He then lays down and faces your leaking and exposed pussy.

“Mmm so pretty.” His warm breath makes you flinch.

He picks up his gun and teases your entrance with it, sliding the metal in between your folds as you cry out.

“Taeyong!”

You try to pull yourself up on the couch, but he pulls you down by the waist. Your knees clink together.

He presses the gun into you harder, rubbing it up and down, just barely touching your clit. He spreads your legs open again, his fingers digging into your thigh.

He bites his lips as he uses the round tip to part your folds and tease your entrance, swirling around the juices that escaped earlier.

“Fuck..I wanna taste you..”

He licks the gun clean of your juices as he watches you below him with dark eyes, you lick your lips and moan.

“Ahhh you’re so needy, little mouse. Should I fuck you with my gun or my mouth next?”

He rubs your clit with the gun as he bites his lips and waits for your answer.

“Keep going, sir. I like it.”

Taeyong leans back down and kisses your clit. “Why not both?”

He places one finger into your throbbing pussy slowly circling it around. You whimper and arch your back as it feels good to have something finally inside you. He then places another finger inside to stretch you out. He slides them in and out easily while using his thumb to press onto your clit. His fingertips tap onto your g spot teasingly.

“Oh my god!” Your arch your back even more then massage your breasts. The sight of you below him like this makes him weak. Your skin sweaty and hair disheveled, your lips swollen and red from you biting them. You’ve been corrupted by him yet again.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” He removes his fingers and replaces them with his gun, carefully sliding it in and out as you adjust to the cold metal not inside you.

“Fuck.” Taeyong curses. Something about your pussy welcoming his gun makes him dizzy. The danger of it all is unbelievably hot to him.

“How does it feel?”

“It feels..strange, but good, sir, please keep going.” You prop yourself up on your elbows and  look down at the black object sliding easily into you. You let out a moan.

“So good, s-sir.” 

Taeyong pushes your legs further apart .

 You begin to ride it yourself, your eyes floating from the wet gun and to Taeyong’s veiny hands and muscular arms decorated by tattoos. His red hair is parted to the side but a strand fell into his forehead during all the action.

His lips are red and plump, just begging to be kissed by you.

Your velvety walls begin to clench as you move up and down onto the object faster. Taeyong watches your fucked out expression while you chase your high. Your breasts bounce fervently as you move your body faster. Endless whimpers leave your lips.

“Are you going to cum?” Taeyong leans back down over your opening and lifts up the skin above your clit.

“Yes—sir!”

He flattens his tongue against your clit then circles the tip of it around it.

He pushes his tongue in firmly, licking upwards at unpredictable paces ll while never letting your eyes contact go.

You throw your head back as your eyes roll in the back of your head. 

“I’m…Taeyong!” your body shakes, the knot in your stomach finally being relieved, you can’t finish your sentence. Taeyong’s tongue drives you crazy, you can’t think straight. Your body felt like it had been transported to another real mmt as his tongue still massages your clit.

You fall back into the couch, your movements stopping.

Taeyong takes his gun out and licks up your cum while closing his eyes and savoring the taste.

He places the gun beside him then leans down to kiss you so you can taste yourself.

“I love you...but I’ll just have to punish you for running away.” He kisses your forehead as your eyes open.

That itch for Taeyong had been satisfied, but now you had to deal with the consequences of your actions.

“I have something to show you.” He whispers while taking a strand of hair out of your face.

He takes you to the guest room where he has placed a large, wooden cross onto the wall.

At the ends are straps for one's arms and legs, your eyes grow.

“Taeyong…”

He takes your hand and brings you closer to the large cross while smiling. He turns to face you.

“Did you think I’d let you off this easy? Tsk tsk” Taeyong smirks. He quickly lifts you up and places your legs around his waist. He then lifts your arms up one by one and attaches them to the cross. He backs away and allows your naked body to dangle.

“Taeyong..please! I said I was sorry!”

“And this will prove to me that you truly are…I had trouble sleeping because I was so worried about you...now, I must return the favor.” He says as he brings both feet together and buckles your ankles to the cross as well.

He steps back and marvels at the beautiful sight of you on the cross.

He smiles. “Y/n...you’re my savior, you’re all that I need, you’re my religion, and I would do anything for you.”

“Taeyong..please, my arms hurt.” You cry out.

“Shhh don’t beg, my love.”

He turns and grabs the remote for the TV right across from you.

He presses the “on” button and you immediately see a video of Taeyong taking you from behind. 

“I’ve made a special movie for you..it will play our most special moments over and over tonight. This will ensure that you will never forget what it’s like to be with me again.”

“Taeyong, I never forgot about you..” you say softly in a final attempt to be let down.

“Then why did you stay away for so long?” Taeyong growls out, his eyes are wild, like he is holding back a deep anger.

Your mouth falls open into silence.

“My love..I hope you can appreciate this gift.” Taeyong then exits the room, leaving you alone with the bright and loud TV playing compilation videos of you and Taeyong having sex, along with disturbing videos of murders being carried out by his gang.

You cry silently and close your eyes tightly, but you can’t drown out the sound. Your arms and legs hurt from being strained for so long, you’re not sure how much more you can take after just an hour.

“Taeyong!” You call out but there’s no answer.

You stay suspended on the cross and cry throughout the entire night.

You struggled against the restraints from time to time, until you couldn’t even feel your arms. You closed your eyes tightly and looked up, down, to the side..anywhere but forward where the TV was. And somehow, you were able to close your eyes and fall asleep to the sound of your moans and Taeyongs deep voice in the video. But soon you were woken once again by a violent and disturbing video of torture or murder.

The next morning, Taeyong came into the room and untied you. He shut the TV off and carried your strained and numb body to the shower.

“Taeyong..” you whispered softly, your tired eyes opening slowly as you drifted in and out of consciousness.

“Yes, little mouse, I’m here..” He kissed your cheek, then trailed his soft, warm lips down your jaw and neck.

He helped you shower then took you to his bed.

He then covered your body with a blanket and sat on the edge of the bed beside you. He bed smelled like a field of flowers, the plush and bouncy pillow below your head felt especially heavenly.

“Did you do all those things to those people?” You mutter out with your eyes closed.

“Yes..they were bad people, they deserved their punishment, just like you deserved yours..”

Your eyes open wide.

“But lucky for you, you’ve begged for forgiveness and gained it from me.”

Taeyong gave you a small smile. “You should rest now.”

He was about to leave but you called out to him.

“Taeyong...do you trust me?”

The last thing you wanted was for Taeyong to do some digging to find out who you really spent time with during those two weeks. If he found out you were lying and found out about Jaehyun, that would be the last straw. He’d lose it. He would kill the both of you, and maybe your parents too.

You wanted reassurance that he would let it go once and for all, that you could move on and be like you were before.

Taeyong looked back at you and gave a questioning look as he raised an eyebrow.

But he didn’t say anything. He leaned down and placed his lips on yours. Your eyes closed and you finally found some strength in your arms and wrapped one around him, your fingers lightly scratching his back as his lips caressed yours.

His fingers press into your scalp while he listens to you moan.

“Should I trust you?” He says before kissing your neck.

You whimper as he presses his chest onto yours, his pelvis resting against you. You widen your legs a little, your breath leaving you as soon as you feel his hard member poke against the blanket.

He continues to kiss your lips, the way his tongue leaves gentle licks along your bottom lip and the way his hands move on your scalp puts you in a trance.

You reach down into his boxers and take his hard member into your hand, cupping it and moving it up and down slowly.

A groan leaves his lips and enters your mouth, you continue to stroke his member. 

He then kisses your neck. “Oh, little mouse, you’re too good and making me feel this way.” He growls and bucks into your hand.

You feel a growing moisture in between your legs.

“You should trust me..I’m yours.” You whisper against his ears as you rub the precum in his tip with your thumb.

“I want to feel you..please.”

Taeyong kisses your collarbone and sucks hard. “Say it.”

“Want to feel you inside me..” 

A whimper escapes your throat. You’re so pent up, you feel you might burst.

Taeyong lifts himself from you and throws the blanket beside you, revealing your naked body and drenched entrance.

“What do you want me to do?” Taeyong smirks, his forehead glistening with sweat. He removes your hand and replaces it with his own, positioning his cock right in front of your needy opening.

“Taeyong…” you gasp as you watch the toned figure above you and run your hand down his abs.

He nearly cums as he watches his name fall from your innocent lips. Your eyes widen and you lick your lips while your chest rises up and down rapidly.

He watches you stare at his cock as he pleasures it himself.

“Fuck me..”

Taeyong chuckles then rubs his tip in between your folds. You moan at the feeling of something finally against your throbbing hole.

He doesn’t waste any more time as he pushes into you, thrusting your body upwards against the bed.

“Yes..”

You feel every vein of his wonderful cock as he runs it against your silky walls. You clench without control and whimper as he pushes in harder.

“Are you going to cum so soon, little mouse?” Taeyong tilts his head as he watches your jaw tense. He holds onto your knees, pushing them further apart making you cry out.

Your legs wrap around his waist. Your hands shake and grip his back as if to hold onto your sanity.

He presses his thumb onto your clit. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“Y-yes..”

Taeyong continues to move his thumb sensually in circles onto your body. He looks into your pure eyes.

Time moves in slow motion as your body trembles.

 You cry out his name one final time and dig your fingers into his back.

Taeyong cums soon after, groaning and releasing onto your breasts as they move up and down rapidly.

He treasures the sight of your entire body shining with sweat and now his cum on your beautiful chest.

He leans down and kisses your nipples before flattening his tongue onto each one slowly.

“Oh..Taeyong..” you moan and close your eyes, your hands running through his scalp.

You cum again a few minutes after. That day, you and Taeyong made love and love again on his bed, your bodies entangled with each other while you change positions. Your tongues never grew tired, your hands covered all areas of skin, your neck covered in love bites. and your bodies sunk into the cloud-like bed once it was all over.

But as you laid down beside Taeyong, you couldn’t help but think about how Taeyong never answered your question.

He never said if he trusted you.

————

[Three Days Later]

Taeyong dropped you off and picked you up from all of your classes. He didn’t let you see or speak to your parents. But they didn’t reach out to you either. You wondered why they gave up so easily, but then you remembered your father's words. He only wanted to protect himself and his money. It hurt knowing that he was this way all while being involved in illegal activities with Taeyong.

You finally realized that it was your father that caused the break in, you felt betrayed by the man you were raised by.

You started to question your faith, but you still visited the church and prayed. You prayed for your family’s health and safety, you prayed for Mark’s safe arrival in heaven and for your forgiveness. Each time you thought of him, you teared up.

You also prayed for Jaehyun’s safety. You hoped that you wouldn’t run into him on campus, for you knew that he would ask too many questions.

The fact that Taeyong could possibly have his guys watch you on campus to see who you interacted with made you nervous.

No one was safe around you until you gained Taeyong’s trust.

And when you asked for it, Taeyon would only give you a small smile and caress your cheek with his thumb. He’d say you were “cute” or start to kiss you.

But last night he said “soon..I will.”  

You weren’t sure what he meant by that but his words haunted you even as you walked to class.

You looked onto the sidewalk and gripped your backpack, you were about to cross the street at a stoplight when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, stranger.” 

You turned to see a dimpled, brown haired boy.

Jaehyun. Oh no. 

You looked around nervously. “Jaehyun! Hey, how are you?”

He smiled widely. “I’m alright, how are you? How have you been doing?” He stepped towards you with a look of concern.

“I’m fine! I’m sorry about what happened, I-I blew things out of proportion.” You smiled back, but your eyes still looked anxious.

Jaehyun looked around, then looked back at you.

“What-who are you looking for?”

“Huh? I’m sorry, what?”

“You keep looking around like someone is watching you, is everything okay?” He whispered.

“Oh! Haha, yeah everything is fine, I was just looking for my friend, we’re supposed to walk to class together!”

“Oh, I see. Well, I’d love to study or even have dinner with you if you have time today..”

“I’d love to, but I already have plans…” you looked out across the street and pretended to wave to someone.

“Oh! She’s over there, I’d love to talk more, but I have to go, I’ll catch you l-“

You start to walk away, but Jaehyun takes your hand and tugs you back slightly.

He stares at your wrist. You hadn’t noticed that when you waved, your sleeve had fallen down slightly, revealing the subtle markings left from the straps Taeyong used to tie you to the cross a few nights ago.

Jaehyun’s eyes grew. “Y/n..what is this? Are you in trouble?”

You tugged your hand away and rubbed your wrist. “It-it’s nothing! I just had a, um, an allergic reaction to this bracelet my mom bought me!”

Jaehyun tilts his head. “Y/n..you can talk to me.”

“I’m fine, trust me..I’ll see you later, okay? I really have to go..” you spring away as Jaehyun opens his mouth to protest.

While in class, you struggle to focus on your studies. You thought about Taeyong, and how you could love someone that killed people. Those videos replayed throughout your mind, but so did the memories of Taeyong’s bright smile and laugh. You can’t push away the feelings you have when you look at him, falling into him every time as he magically makes you forget all that he’s done. Is this love? It felt like it, but something still felt wrong.

“Miss y/l/n...care to join us?”

Professor Li interrupted your thoughts.

You nodded. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”

“In 2 Samuel 11, David displeased the Lord by doing what?” The professor's deep voice echoed in the silent classroom of about 50 people.

Your mouth falls open. You hadn’t read that section and had no clue what the answer was. 

“I-I..”

He stepped closer to your desk with his book in hand. “Stuttering? No, David did not do that..”

He looks down on you intimidatingly. You sunk down into your chair as your face felt hot.

“Miss y/l/n, I don’t understand how you can take so much time away from class only to fall behind..you’ve had plenty of time at home to read, isn’t that right?”

“Y-yes, Professor.”

“Then why haven’t you read this? Do you expect knowledge and information to just jump into the tiny brain of yours? You have to read so you can absorb it all, make it bigger.”

“You’re right, I’m s-“

“Don’t apologize, just open the book and read the words, or do I need to send you back to English 101?”

A few snickers erupted in the class. Your vision became blurry as you teared up.

“No, professor, I will read it tonight.” Your voice barely above a whisper. 

“Did we all hear that class? Miss y/l/n has decided to actually do the readings for class, let’s give her a round of applause..” Everyone clapped for you and some students started to laugh out more as the professor rolled his eyes and walked back to the board.

You grabbed your backpack and quickly headed for the door when class ended.

“Miss y/l/n..I need you to stay after class for a few minutes..”

You sighed and stepped to the side to allow other students to leave his class.

Once the room was empty, the professor called you over to his desk.

“Are you okay?” The 50-something year old looked into your eyes over his glasses.

“I’m fine..” you played with your thumbs in front of your skirt.

“Do you have...personal.. stuff going on at home?”

“Yes..”

Professor Li was always jealous of your father. He hated how much power he had and made it known to you every time he had you in class, but today he really embarrassed you and you just wanted to run home and cry.

“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m sure being the child of a pastor is no easy task…” he stands up and stretches.

“But remember to always have faith, to always believe in the good Lord, and to serve him well..”

You nodded. Of course you knew all of this, but why did he make you nervous with each step he took towards you?

“With that being said..I suggest you spend less time with these sinful boys and more time with your head in the books.”

“I’m sorry? I’m not following..” your brows furrow.

He chuckled and looked to the side as he stood in front of you and leaned back on the desk.

“Come on, y/n..these little skirts that you wear even during the winter time..the knee highs..where is your modesty?”

He eyed you up and down and even had the audacity to bite his lips as he stared at a loose button in your top.

You scoff. “Shouldn’t you be worried about your wandering eyes and sexualization of me?”

He stood up straight and looked onto you sternly. “What did you say to me?”

“I’ve done nothing for you to accuse me of ditching class to engage in sexual activities..” you firmly let out.

He laughs then grabs your waist, you jump and try to push him away but he pulls you onto him firmly.

“Let go! You creep!” You shove him away.

“Y/n..” 

That familiar voice echoed in the room.

The professor immediately lets go and looks frightened.

You turn to see Taeyong.

“Taeyong?” 

Taeyong doesn’t look at you, he glares at the man that touched you and walks over slowly.

“Hey, little mouse, I was worried about you..” he says coolly, but the look on his face is hauntingly unreadable. You feel your stomach grow sick as he gets closer, the crazy glint in his eyes becoming more and more visible.

He looks at you and takes your face in his hand. He wipes a tear that has fallen down your cheek with his thumb.

“I saw everyone leave class...except for you.” His eyes shift from your face and onto Professor Li’s.

The professor swallows hard, his skin crawling with unease as Taeyong’s aura is dark and nerve racking. He had no idea who this man was but the tattoos, red hair, and piercings told him enough.

“...why is that, professor?” 

“Miss y/l/n is falling behind on her studies, but now I see what, or rather, who she’s been preoccupied with..” the professor eyes Taeyong up and down and looks at him with disgust.

Taeyong smiles wickedly. “I’ll be sure to take care of what’s keeping her from succeeding, Professor..maybe you should take care of those...lingering hands..”

He turns to look up at the crucifix above the professor's desk.

“I'm sure the lord is not too happy about that move you just pulled.” He still has that crazy smile on his face as he takes your hand.

The professors mouth fell open.

“We should leave..” Taeyong did everything in his power to hold back his desire to bash this man’s head on the desk.

You both walked away, but not before the professor let out one final remark.

“Lust..It was a sin of lust that David committed.”

You continued walking as the professor let out a chuckle.

Taeyong drove you back to his place in silence.

“Are you upset with me?” You turn and ask him while in the passenger seat of his brand new sports car.

“No, of course not, I know it was out of your control.”

You didn’t know what to be more worried about. The fact that Taeyong waited only a few minutes for you to disappear from his sight before he searched for you, or the fact that he let your professor off so easily. It was unlike him.

“Will you hurt him?” You ask.

Taeyong hums for a moment and tilts his head. “Maybe..maybe not, what would you like me to do?”

“I-I don’t know, he was so mean to me..” you shocked yourself. Your immediate response should’ve been “don’t hurt him.” But instead, you actually contemplated whether or not he should receive some sort of punishment. Was Taeyong changing you?

“Well, little mouse, I’m sure everything will work out in the end...don’t worry about him, he’ll never place a finger on you again.” He turns to you, there’s a wild look in his eyes that you can’t describe.

You approach the apartment complex and Taeyong parks into a spot designated to him. You click open your seatbelt, but Taeyong holds your hand.

“Hey..” he calls out to you softly and looks down to your lips.

“Yes..” 

Taeyong is captivated by your eyes, deep and so round. 

He clicks his seatbelt open too and leans over to kiss you, turning his head as his warm tongue brushed against your bottom lip for entrance.

You close your eyes and deepen the kiss, your arms going up and around his neck to pull him closer. Your thighs tighten together as you feel a wet sensation building in between them. Taeyong has this effect on you, every time, he so easily turns you into a begging and needy mess.

Taeyong grips your thigh and pulls it away, leaving you subject to the cold air in the car.

You moan into his mouth as you feel his digits press onto your slit, gliding up and down slowly.

He chuckles. “Ahh such a good girl…” Taeyong kisses your neck as he pushes one finger in, your body shifting in the seat to get a better feeling of his wonderful fingers inside you. The image of Taeyongs veiny, tattooed arm disappearing into your skirt makes you moan with more volume.

“That’s it, little mouse, tell me how good your pussy feels..” He pushes another finger into you then rubs your bud with his thumb.

You bite your lips as his fingers pump in and out of you while pressing onto your sweet spot. But Taeyong taps against it teasingly, barely pressing into it.

“Harder...please.” You breathily exclaim.

“No..you have to tell me how good it feels..”

He says against your neck then bites it.

“Ahh!” You yelp. “It feels good, s-so good.”

He watches your mouth fall open through low eyes, your pussy becoming increasingly wet as he continues to explore your walls with his long fingers. 

He takes your hand and places it onto the tent in his pants. “Do you feel that?”

“Yes..” you bite your lips.

He bucks into your hand as you palm it. “Do you want it? Tell me badly you want it..” a smile falls onto his lips as he whispers against your jaw.

“I want it, Taeyong, I want you..fuck me please.” 

Your hips move on their on onto his hand, you can’t hold back any longer and clench just at the thought of Taeyong fucking you hard in his brand new car.

But Taeyong pulls his fingers out, a pop echoing in the car. He licks his fingers slowly and closes his eyes.

“As you wish, sweetheart.”

You whimper at the sudden emptiness.

“Take your panties off for me, but leave your pretty skirt on..”

You immediately drag your underwear down your legs and leave it on the floor, then turn to Taeyong and wait for his next instruction.

“Get in the back..” he demands and turns the dash cam on his windshield around to record the inside of the vehicle instead.

You go to open the door but Taeyong stops you.

“No, no...through here..crawl back there.”

He smirks as he taps the center console.

You crawl over it, your hands resting firmly against the back seat as your abs flex to bring the rest of your body to the back.

But Taeyong chuckles and wraps his arm under your stomach. He grips you tightly, holding you in place as you whimper.

“T-Taeyong?” You breathe heavily while in this weird position, your ass up and head down as your knees rest on the arm rest.

“Yes, little mouse, I just want to admire you from this angle for a moment.” You hear a low chuckle escape Taeyong. He flips up the frilly end of your skirt.

Your bare ass and dripping pussy is now on display for him and the camera.

He uses his other hand and swats your opening. Your legs become weak.

The high pitched noise you make makes Taeyong grow even more.

He slides his fingers in between your folds, coating them with your slick once again.

“I love your body, sweet girl, but your pussy is my favorite part..it’s so wet, I wish you could see it right now.” His deep, husky voice is laced with lust.

He spreads his index and middle finger to separate and expose your silky hole, but does so at an awfully slow pace. You moan and move against his fingers, hoping to gain more friction.

But Taeyong withdraws his fingers and slaps your ass.

“You’re being impatient, little mouse..”

“I’m-I’m sorry, please..I need you..” you beg.

Taeyong hums as he watches your essence run down your thighs and even to your pink knee highs.

Your arms begin to hurt from holding your body up.

Taeyong continues to play with your flower, pushing his fingers in and out while you’re at this new angle.

As you get closer, clenching around him as your legs tremble, he moves his fingers faster, creating a sinful sound with your body as your high pitched moans grow louder.

Taeyong takes his fingers out slowly just as you’re about to cum. He bites his lips as he watches your smooth skin become even more wet, essence running out of you like a flood.

He can’t take it anymore, he has to fuck you so he takes his arm from under you.

“You may go back now.”

He leaves the car and joins you in the backseat.

He immediately moves to the center of it and brings you over his waist.

You kneel over him and unbutton your shirt. Taeyongs eyes are glued to your dainty fingers revealing your chest to him.

“Taeyong… I want you so badly.” You moan out then lick your lips. 

He looks delectable under you, his ruby red hair pushed back and his eyes low.

He unbuckles his belt and pulls his aching member out.

“Do you want my cock, little mouse?”

He leans his head back onto the head rest while he watches you unhook your bra in the back.

“Y-yes”

“Then you should take it, right?” He looks down and taps his dick against your thigh.

You nod and kneel directly over his delicious cock. You lower yourself onto him slowly, your hands gripping his shoulders as you cry out from the satisfaction of him finally being inside, filling you up completely.

“Good girl..” Taeyong whispers. He leans back and watches you bounce on him, your breasts jumping and your eyes shutting tightly.

You swivel your hips as his cock slides in and out of you, grinding into your tight, plush pussy.

Taeyong runs his hands along your thighs, pushing your skirt up your stomach so he can finally see you take his cock and cover it in shining slick.

The car is filled with grunts and moans as you ride him, you finally find the perfect spot, his dick curves into you and presses against it.

“Oh!! Taeyong, I’m going to..” you throw your head back, the bundle of knots slowly start to unravel. You move even faster.

“Mmmm..yes, sweetheart, I know..” Taeyong says smoothly before gripping your waist with both hands and picking you up off of him.

“Taeyong! No..please!” You cry out, once again you are so close, only to be shunned away from your release.

He turns you around and lowers you back onto him. He slams into you as he brings a hand to your neck. He presses his thumb and fingers into the side of it as you whimper.

Your legs spread more as Taeyong’s dick curves into you at a different but still satisfactory angle.

He squeezes his hand around your throat and buried himself into you deeper, using your body more like a sex doll as the camera records.

He thinks about how fucked out you looked right now, your mouth open, practically drooling and your hair messy. Your hands grabbing at your breasts and playing with your nipples. He knows he’ll watch this video later and enjoy watching you lose your innocence in the back of his car, he’ll enjoy the sight of each whimper falling from your pretty mouth and your skirt riding up as you kneel over him in cute knee highs.

He then uses his other hand and rubs his fingertips into your clit. 

You gasp as your eyes open. You clench around him without control now.

His hips snap into you harder and his hand tightens around your neck. “I'm going to cum in you, sweetheart, going to fill you so well with my cum. Is that what you want?” He growls in your ear. He can just imagine how beautiful you’d looked with swollen breasts during a pregnancy, the glow of your skin and full cheeks as you carry his babies. Somehow, you’d be even prettier.

He draws circles into your clit even harder, your pussy becoming consumed by him as he combines it with his tip rubbing against your sweet spot with every push.

“Ahh! Taeyong!” You scream his name out. “Yes! Yes!”

“I’m going to push it so deep into your fertile pussy, breed you and make you mine forever, would you like that?”

“Yes! Yes, Taeyong, I want you” your head falls back over his shoulders releasing onto him as his dirty words echo in your mind.

Your body shakes as he releases into you as well, keeping his promise and cumming into your depths as he holds you fast against him.

His fingers push into your mouth. You close your eyes and suck them clean as your movement onto his cock slows.

He slides out of your opening a few more times, making sure that not one bit of his cum escapes you.

He kisses your neck. “You did so well, little mouse. I’m so happy you’re mine.”

———

[A Few Days Later]

You studied in the library with Jaehyun, focusing on your papers and last minute research before you went home—to Taeyong’s place to sleep. There was barely anyone on your floor in the library, so you figured no one could watch you and Jaehyun there.

Living with Taeyong was definitely different from living with your family, but you didn’t mind it. Taeyong usually stayed out late, but when he did come home, he’d cuddle you and make sure that you’re okay.

 You’d watch movies together and enjoy take out every now and then. Other than feeling like you were being watched 24/7, life with Taeyong wasn’t that bad.

“Do you need me to read over your paper?” Jaehyun leaned over to you. 

You look up from your laptop and stop typing.

“Hmmm that’s a good idea. Thank you! And I’ll read over yours.”

Jaehyun smiles as you switch laptops.

“Jaehyun? What is this?” You’re confused as you only see a blank page on his laptop.

“Oh, I’m sorry about that..just scroll down.”

He watches you scroll down the page.

But there’s only one sentence in the middle of it.

Y/n, will you see a movie with me after finals?

You smile widely and look up at him.

He blushes. “Keep scrolling.”

Pros of dating me: Hand holder Top tier hugs Tall Dimples Good cook Can and will make you laugh Cons of dating me: I might pass gas if I laugh too hard  None :)

You giggle after reading the last sentence. You wished so badly that you could date Jaehyun. He was caring, sweet, a devout Christian, and yes, unbelievably handsome. But the timing was bad. You loved Taeyong, you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

And so, your smile faded as reality set in.

You clear your throat. “Jaehyun..I wish I could..you’re an amazing guy, but..”

“Was it the passing gas part?” Jaehyun’s brows furrow.

“No!” You chuckle. “No, it’s not that at all.its just..I’m seeing someone right now..”

“Oh.” He nods slowly, the corners of his mouth slowly fall and his dimples no longer show.

“I’m sorry, Jaehyun.”

He smiles brightly again. “It’s okay! I thought I’d ask, I really like spending time with you, but I completely understand..let’s focus on finals then.”

You nod.

—————

[The Next Day]

Taeyong picks you up from class, but doesn’t take you home.

“Where are we going?” You look at the side of Taeyong’s face, he looks especially striking with the light from the red stop sign on his face, his strong cheekbones peeking through. His eyes are intense, but your attention goes from his hands gripping the steering wheel to his biceps flexing as he turns the car, and from his thighs in his black skinny jeans then to his button down silk shirt with three loose buttons.

 You bite your lips as your mind runs wild with thoughts of him on you.

“We’re going to do something very fun tonight. Think of it as a...couple game! In the end, we’ll be closer than we’ve ever been.” Taeyong says excitedly.

“That sounds fun.” You smile. 

But you slowly came to the realization that this would be an interesting night as you approached a gloomy and daunting warehouse.

“Taeyong..what is this?” You ask as he puts the vehicle in park.

“Come on. You’ll understand once we get inside.”

It’s just the two of you inside the dark box. Taeyong pulls a chain that makes bright led lights turn on above you. When you look around you large cases  and tables all around. It didn’t feel like you were about to play a game there.

You hear a muffled scream and shuffling.

“What was that?” Your eyes grow as you recognize the sound of a man in distress.

“Ah..yes, our contestant..”

Taeyong takes your hand and leads you to the corner of the room.

“Contestant?”

You stumble behind him as he walks fast. 

You see a camera on a tripod, and as you get closer, you see that it is set a few feet in front of a man tied to a chair with a black bag over his face.

His body is completely tied to the chair with rope wrapping around his midsection and legs.

His hands are bound together on rest on his lap.

The man screeches as he hears the two of you step closer to him.

“Taeyong?! What have you done?” You turn to him and begin to panic. You prayed that it wasn’t Jaehyun.

“I have a surprise for you, little mouse.”

You always dreaded Taeyong’s surprises.

He goes behind the man and tears the bag off.

A breath leaves your body when you recognize the man, even with bruised eyes and a bloody, swollen lip. A rag is over his mouth to quiet him.

“Ta da! You didn’t think I’d let this bastard get away with what he did to you, right?”

Your mouth falls open. “Taeyong..no..I don’t want this.”

You watch Professor Li’s eyes widen once he recognizes you. He cries harder and louder, his shrieks so bone chilling, you cringe.

Taeyong laughs out. “Of course you do!”

He bends down and places his head into the crook of the professor’s shoulder.

“He treated yourself like shit, then touched you inappropriately...don’t you want him to suffer?”

Taeyong smiles wickedly.

“N-no..I..I don’t know.” Once again you found yourself questioning everything you had learned. Does everyone deserve forgiveness? 

“You do know, little mouse. That fury in your veins, that tingling in your body that makes you want to choke this bastard till he can no longer breathe...embrace it. Don’t hold back.”

You look away.

Taeyong begins to grow impatient. “He’s an asshole, what if he goes after another girl in his class? Don’t you wonder how many women he’s fucked just so he can give them a passing grade?”

You close your eyes tightly and feel tears fall on your cheek.

Taeyong stands up straight and walks over to you.

He cups your face.

“Little mouse, you always ask me if I trust you...if you do this for me, if you prove that you will kill anyone that touches you because they’re not me..then I will trust you.”

Your eyes open. You can’t explain this need to please Taeyong, but when you look into his mahogany eyes, you feel a fire start in your chest.

You nod slowly. “I—I want you to trust me, Taeyong, but I don’t know if I can do this.”

Taeyong smiles slyly. “I know you can’t, that’s why we’ll do it together.”

He takes your hand and leads you over to a table with all sorts of weapons laid out.

Professor Li squirms in his seat and cries out so hard, he begins to cough.

He begs for this to end, to be released. You think about Taeyong’s words. 

Taeyong picks up a large and intimidating hedge shears.

He hands it to you.

“I’m going to hold his dirty hands up, I want you to open and close this like they’re scissors. We are cutting the evil away from this world.” Taeyong smiles softly.

The professor is a tyrant and uses his status to lure girls in. He’s disgusting and the world would be a better place without him. You said this to yourself over and over, trying to convince yourself that what you’re about to do is justifiable.

You stand to one side of him while Taeyong stands across from you and on his other side.

The professor still tries to get out of the chair, but he’s bound so tightly, his efforts are in vain.

Taeyong grabs his elbows, straightening out his tied  arms up and in front of him. You open the trimmers and position them around his wrists.

Taeyong’s smile grows. “Just like that, sweetheart. Now, snip snip.”

You look at his trembling hands in front of you, ignoring his tears and snot nose as the memories of him gripping your waist and pulling him onto you flood in. You remembered the intense discomfort, the slight panic before Taeyong saved you. You knew you didn’t want anyone else to experience it.

You pressed the handles together and SHRING. 

His bound hands fly to the floor, blood splatters across your face as well as Taeyong’s.

Taeyong laughs loudly as the old man screams out in pain. Blood gushes from his exposed tendons and tissue. You nearly throw up at the sight and drop the shears.

You back away and look in horror as you finally see clearly what you have done.

“T-Taeyong..” you pant.

“You did so well, little mouse..” Taeyong steps towards you and holds your hands.

The professor passes out from blood loss,his head hangs low.

“I-I killed him?” You sob.

“Yes..you did, now he can’t hurt anyone else.”

“But Taeyong..I..” your hands shake. Taeyong pulls them to his face and kisses them.

“Shhhh...it’s okay, I trust you, all that matters is you and me now.”

You nod slowly. 

Taeyong pulls you closer to him. He holds your face in his hands and kisses you deeply. You’re both covered in blood, but it feels so good to hold each other.

Your heart rumbles and your eyes close, you enjoy the touch of Taeyongs heavenly fingers on the small of your back.

Taeyong is so turned on by you finally proving your loyalty to him. You killed someone even while looking like an innocent angel. It was beautiful, you are beautiful.

Taeyong is electrifying, each kiss sends sparks throughout your veins. The adrenaline still pumps through you as you collapse into him and groan. His lips taste like the sweetest cherry, but he smells like blackberries. 

You can’t take it anymore, you need him on you, rubbing his hands all over you as you make love. You pull your shirt over your head and look into his eyes.

“Fuck me..”

Taeyong smirks and rubs his bloody hands over your chest slowly, pushing your breasts together and pinching your nipples.

You moan out into the empty warehouse as he watches your smooth skin become nasty with blood. Your neck smeared with splattered markings.

Taeyong pushes you into the wall, spinning you around so his chest is on your back.

He gets on his knees and pulls your skirt down at a painfully slow rate.

“Taeyong..please.” You cry out as you step out of it.

He only gets out a low and husky laugh as he places his hands onto your butt cheeks and massages them.

He separates them carefully while staring at your essence dripping from your folds.

He licks his lips then licks onto the slit slowly.

You whimper and push your butt out to him more. He grabs your ankles and licks again, only this time, pushing the tip of his tongue in harder to brush it against your clit.

You yelp while grabbing your breasts and playing with your nipples.

“You’re so hot, sweetheart.”

Taeyong lays his tongue out flat again, going in deeper and flexing his tongue.

On instinct, you grind against his face, praying that he goes a little faster because you’re so close from his teasing, you could cry.

“Taeyong!! Please don’t stop!” You gasp and move faster.

He flips you around by placing his hands on your waist.

“Use me, little mouse.”

He sticks his tongue out then buries his face in between your legs once more, only this time, he maintains eye contact with you. His devilish eyes watching your shining, blood covered breasts and the way you bite your lips.

He moves slowly, but you grab his hair and grind down onto his mouth. He flexes his tongue and pushes it in as deep as possible.

“Ahh! Taeyong..fuck..” 

Hearing you curse is all he needs to hear, his boner straining and flinching against his tight jeans.

You move your hips faster and ride his face as he watches you above him, you can only feel that feeling in your stomach, that release that you’re so close to while looking into his low eyes.

Your clit brushes against his nose over and over, he hums to send vibrations through your core.

Your pussy clenches and your grip on his hair tightened, but Taeyong continues to explore every part of you with his tantalizing tongue.

“Taeyong..fuck..oh my god.” Your hips stop moving and your body weakens, but Taeyong quickly stands and takes your hand.

He takes you with him to the table and brushes off all of the weapons that were on it before.

He presses you down onto the table with his chest on your back again then zips his pants and lets his cock loose. He doesn’t give you time to adjust as he slides his needy cock into your soaking flower.

He brings your ass to his hips and groans. 

“Ahhh..my nasty girl.” His hoarse voice enters your ear.

He snaps into you harder, lewd sounds of his cock gliding into your wet pussy fill the room.

He presses his hand into the small of your back. 

You whimper. “Harder, Taeyong..” 

“Oh? Greedy, now aren’t we?” 

Taeyong brings your ass back onto him so hard, you feel the breath leave your body. You cry out his name as he does it again.

His cock fills you up perfectly, grinding against your velvety walls even as they tremble.

Taeyong pulls out then flips you over.

He wants to see just how well you take him because it just feels so good.

He groans as you spread your legs across the table for him to see your drenched pussy aching for him.

You run your hands down your body and lick your lips. “Please..Taeyong...I’m so wet for you..”

Taeyong holds you by the crook of your knees and pushes into you again, watching as your right opening somehow molds itself around his cock, coating it in your delicious juices.

You bite your lips to hold back a moan while you watch Taeyong bury himself into you. He would’ve sucked your gorgeous tits like he always does but this time he just wants to watch himself fuck into you, he wants to see you become filled with nothing but him.

He grips your legs hard and moves faster, his movement blurring as he chases after his high.

The added stimulation of his new speed makes you clench uncontrollably. You throw your head back and welcome another orgasm just as Taeyong welcomes his. This time, he doesn’t pull out, he thrusts into you one final time and coats your walls with strings of cum.

Your groans and moans mesh with each other and fill the room.

Taeyong pulls out of you and taps his cock against your clit. You moan and flinch at the overwhelming stimulation.

He leans down and kisses your lips as he teases your sensitive opening.

You whine and move your hips against his cock. It is only somewhat limp and even though you’ve just cum, you still want more.

You press onto his chest lightly to stop the kiss. You look into his eyes.

He chuckles. “What? Do you still want more?”

“Yes..” you bite your lips and look at him with wide, innocent eyes, making his heart shutter.

He sits on a chair adjacent to the table and right beside the professor’s dead body.

“Come here, little mouse.” He pats his lap. 

You lower yourself onto him and slowly rock back and forth until you feel him grow inside you.

Ecstasy floods throughout your bodies all night as you make love. You pay no attention to the dead man in the room or your bodies covered in blood. 

You even forgot about the camera with the beeping red light.

————

[Two Days Later]

Taeyong had just dropped you off at class when he decided to sneak into your parents house. He knew your father would be home and in his office and he also knew that with some bribing, his security guards would easily let him in without notifying him.

Your father plopped himself into his seat, placing his glass of whiskey beside his notepad on the desk, never realizing the figure in the corner of the room.

Taeyong watches as your father opened up his laptop to see nothing but a black screen.

“What the-“ he mumbles and looks over his glasses onto his keyboard. “God damn technology..”

Taeyong clicks the small clicker in his hand to play the video on your father's laptop.

You father squints and looks closely He jumps once the video starts playing.

‘Just like that sweetheart, now snip snip’

He recognizes the voice in the video.

His eyes enlarge.

“What in the-“ 

He tries to pause the video but he can’t, only Taeyong has control.

“Oh..God.” He sits back in his chair when he sees you. his beloved daughter, cute the hands off of a man.

He continues watching as his eyes brim with tears.

He sees the man pass out then you tearing your shirt off. He turns away from the screen and sobs.

“My daughter...my poor daughter.”

“You should be proud of her..”

Taeyong steps out from the corner.

Your father jumps in his seat and grabs his letter opener. “Who’s there?”

“It’s your son-in-law, I knew you’d be thrilled to see me.”

Your father sits back in his chair and looks at Taeyong through eyes of pure hatred.

“what have you done to her?”

“I’ve only allowed her to be her true self. You should be so worried.” Taeyong sits down across from him.

“Yeah..she killed someone, but hey, if you knew the guy, you’d probably kill him too.” He shrugs.

“I will bring you down, Taeyong. And I’ll get my daughter back. You have turned her into a monster like you!”

Taeyong shakes his head. “Oh, you fool, don’t you see that’s why I’m here? To let you know that that can’t and will never happen. Why? Well, if I go down, your daughter goes down too.”

Your father brows furrow.

“Who yielded the weapon, pastor?”

He stays silent and grits his teeth

“Oh, but here’s a better question, where IS the weapon?”

Your father sighs. “I hope you endure nothing but pain and suffering when she finally leaves you!” He grumbles out.

“Ah, is it buried somewhere on this 32 acre land you’ve got here?” Taeyong places a finger or his chin and begins to laugh.

“Ah, yes that’s right, it’s buried here somewhere, in the lawn of the man that knew about the crime because he just watched the video. Was the killer’s father the one that hid it to protect her? Oh no!” Taeyong fakes surprise. 

“Do You follow me? It’s a chain reaction, father. I go down, your baby goes down, then you go down as an accessory to the crime.”

Taeyong stands up and brushes his jacket off. “It’s a pity that whatever you and that detective has planned for me will never work. That pathetic attempt you made at getting me locked up for life showed me everything I need to see, and now, I won’t hold back…”

He leans forward and places both hands on the desk. “I am the grim reaper, after all.”

“Fuck you, you can’t threaten me!”

Taeyong laughs and leaves the room.

———-

[A Week Later] 

With finals over you rarely saw your friends, you didn’t even message Jaehyun because you suspected that your messages were being tracked.

You couldn’t take the risk.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, grew worried for you. He asked your friends but no one claimed they had seen or even spoke to you. Just like him, they always got your voicemail when they called.

He went to your father and begged to see you, but that’s when he learned that you no longer stayed there.

When he asked where you were, your father hesitantly told him about Taeyong’s apartment complex because he wouldn’t stop pushing.

He warned him and even told him that Taeyong was a gang leader, but Jaehyun wouldn’t listen. He wanted to save you. The marks on your wrist made him worried and he knew you needed help before it was too late.

He went to the complex and snuck around, hoping not to be seen by anyone. He waited in his car to see if you’d leave at some point. Once he spotted you, he would call out to you and have you jump in his car. He’d speed off with you to get away from this place.

The upper-class and bougie complex was really quiet. It didn’t seem like many people lived there, but there was an eerie aura that Jaehyun couldn’t ignore.

He waited all night for you in his car, but never saw you. He didn’t see anything to be exact. Well, not until a red-haired man and several other guys in black left. They drove off on their motorcycles with the red haired guy leading in front.

Jaehyun quickly unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of his car he snuck in through a door that hadn’t been shut all the way. He got onto the elevator and took it to the top floor where Taeyong’s supposed penthouse was.

Once he got to the door with the apartment number, he rang the doorbell and looked around nervously.

You looked at the screen that showed you a real-time video of your doorstep and nearly screamed when you saw Jaehyun. You quickly opened the door.

“Jaehyun! You can’t be here! You have to leave!”

You shook your head.

“I just wanted to know if you were okay! I haven’t heard from you in days-“

“Yes! Yes I’m fine but you have to leave!”

“No, you’re not fine. You’ve been kidnapped by a gang leader. Come with me and we’ll go far away! You’ll be safe.”

You gave him a look of confusion. “What? I don’t need to be saved, Jaehyun. I like it here, and I haven’t been kidnapped, who told you that?”

“I don’t need anyone to tell me, y/n! The fact that you’ve been locked up here all night and have your phones turned off tells me that he’s controlling you! He’s taken over your life and you need to get out from under his grasp.” Jaehyun’s eyes search yours, quietly pleading for you to take his hand and run away with him.

“Jaehyun...you have no idea what you’re talking about…” you sigh. “We love each other, okay?”

“But y/n..”

“Just leave! I don’t want to be with you!” You shut your eyes tightly. Jaehyun has been so kind to you, but you felt conflicted with his words. Was he just a product of your old life that you needed to leave behind? Or did he have a point?

He steps back and nods.

“I’m..I’m sorry”

“Jaehyun..” you start to apologize but he walks away swiftly, holding his head low.

You shut the door and lean against it as his words played in your mind.

Jaehyun turned the corner and was about to head for the elevator when he saw another man walking towards it. The man dressed in all black like the other men he saw downstairs. Jaehyun holds his head down and takes the stairs instead.

Jaehyun jogs down the stairs, and about 7 flights down, he bumps into a group of intimidating men.

They smoke cigarettes in between their tattooed fingers and all turn to him.

“Uh..excuse me..”

Jaehyun moves through a small space created for him to pass through, but his heart races. These men looked like gang members, he wondered if he could get out without being noticed.

He runs down the stairs even faster, he gets to the bottom floor, turning the corner to leave. He’s met with the tall man with a broad chest. He collides into him full speed, but the man doesn’t budge. Jaehyun falls back.

“Jaehyun...leaving so soon?” The man says lowly.

Jaehyun looks up slowly, then attempts to bolt in the other direction, but the man wraps his arms around him and pulls him back. He places a towel coated in chloroform over his mouth.

Jaehyun’s vision becomes blurry, he eventually passes out and stops struggling against the man.

————

[The Next Night]

You lay your head on Taeyong’s lap while you watch a movie together. Your mind is preoccupied, however, you think about what Jaehyun said. Was Taeyong too controlling?

“What are you thinking about?” His deep voice lets out.

“Nothing..”

“I trust you to be honest with me, little mouse.” Taeyong massages your scalp.

“Of course…” you answer softly and close your eyes, his long fingers feel good.

“So tell me..who is Jaehyun?” 

Your eyes open and you pick yourself up from his lap.

He grips your chin inbetween his thumb and index finger. “I’ll give you one chance to answer me honestly.”

“He-He’s just a friend..we had a class together and studied together sometimes..” you try to play it off coolly but deep down you panic. How did Taeyong know about him?

“So why did I find this on his dresser?”

Taeyong reaches beside him and dangles your gold cross necklace in your face. You forgot that you had left it at his place.

“I-I must’ve lost it in class.”

“That’s not what Jaehyun says..” Taeyong’s eyes grow angry, he gritts his teeth as he lets your chin go.

“J-Jaehyun? Where is he?” 

“Is this who you ran off to? Is this your “cousin?”

Taeyong stands up from the couch.

“No! No, Taeyong, please believe me. I didn’t stay with him!”

“But he says you did, and I found your necklace earlier today, so are you lying to me?!” 

Your mouth is agape, you weren’t sure what to say, do you tell Taeyong the truth or lie again? Either way he’d be upset.

He huffs. “I can’t believe this..” he pulls out his phone and dials someone up.

“Bring him in!” 

“Okay. Yes I stayed with him, but we didn’t do anything! He was just helping me! I swear!” You cry uncontrollably.

The door clicks open and someone throws Jaehyun inside. His throat is red and bruised with what looks to be a chain pattern.

His hands are tied but he yells as he falls on the floor in the center of the room.

“Do you love him?” Taeyong tilts his head and watches your face, waiting for any slight indication that you are attached to him.

“N-no I dont, I promise he means nothing to me, just let him go!”

You sob.

Jaehyun looks hurt by your words but says nothing, he looks up at Taeyong.

“He means nothing to you? So if I kill him, will it hurt you, make you sad?” Taeyong pouts.

“Taeyong! Please don’t do this again.” You reach out to him, but he steps back.

“Why are you crying so much if you don’t love him?” 

You don’t have an answer.

Taeyong is disappointed, he trusted you, he thought you only loved him, but your actions told him otherwise.

“He’s very pretty, I can see why you fucked him..”

“No! I didn’t, we never-“ you start.

“She’s telling the truth. We never did anything because she only thought about you.” Jaehyun finally lets out.

Taeyong nods. “That’s nice to hear, but I don’t like that you are pretty, Jaehyun. I’ll let you live, but I think we should rough you up a little..”

Taeyong looks up at Johnny and nods. Johnny and Jungwoo each take Jaehyun’s arm and hoist him up. They hold him still as Taeyong flicks his Swedish blade open.

“You came here for her, didn’t you?”

Jaehyun grunts, he breathes heavily through his nostrils.

“Well, I’m going to give you something that will remind you of me every day..when you look in the mirror, you’ll remember how badly you fucked up.”

Taeyong smiles.

“Taeyong, please!” You beg one final time c but he ignored you.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I should’ve listened to you from the first time you said no. I shouldn’t have come here, this isn’t your fault!” Jaehyun cries out.

Taeyong places the sharp blade into Jaehyuns forehead. Jaehyun’s screams make you cover your ears.

Taeyong’s wild eyes watch the sharp tip ruin the beautiful, soft skin of his forehead. Blood gushes out and runs all over Jaehyun’s face as Taeyong carves an X into it.

“No!!!” Jaehyun pulls and tries time and time to move his head but the three men on him keep him still.

“Oh God! Taeyong!” You can’t help but sob heavily. You couldn’t believe this was happening again.

Taeyong throws the blade to the side and smiles as he adores his artwork.

The men let go of Jaehyun and let him fall to the floor.

You crawl to him and hold his face in your hands. Taeyong’s smile drops. You couldn’t possibly be touching and comforting another man.

“And so the truth comes out…” he growls.

“Jaehyun, I am so sorry.” You wipe tears from his eyes and hold him as he cries. Your hands shake as you look at the deep carving inflicted by Taeyong.

“It's okay, it’s not your fault.” Jaehyun’s voice is raspy and hoarse after all his screaming.

“Little mouse...if you wish to leave me...then go, just leave. I can’t take this heartbreak anymore. You’ve lied to me too many times.”

Taeyong sits down on the couch. He sighs and looks away.

“I’m sorry, Taeyong, but I really can’t do this anymore. You hurt anyone that gets close to me..”

“Because I love you..but I guess you do not love me too. I expect loyalty from you at the very least.”

“Taeyong, I-“

“Get out of my sight!” His voice raises. 

You look at Taeyong then back at Jaehyun, he needed to get to a hospital immediately.

You quickly stood up and helped Jaehyun.

“I’m sorry..” you say one final time before taking Jaehyun’s hand and running out the apartment. You felt an uncertainty and a rush as you ran down the stairs. You were free from Taeyong but a part of you didn’t want that.

You pushed the exit door open. Jaehyun pointed out his car. “Over there.” 

You grabbed his key from his hoodie pocket and helped him into his car. He was drifting in and out of consciousness so you would have to drive.

Meanwhile, Johnny watches from the window.

Taeyong stares at the floor while feeling heartbreak and disappointment.

“They’re about to leave, Taeyong, should we proceed?”

Taeyong sighs and thinks for a moment. Should he let you go and move on? Could he be without you forever?

No.

“’X’ marks the spot..” he says and a clicking sound echos into the apartment as a bullet is loaded into the barrel of Johnny’s sniper gun.

You help Jaehyun into the passenger seat and begin to walk around to the driver's side, but a sharp sound rings out into the night then a crash follows.

A bullet flies into the windshield and hits Jaehyun, causing his head to explode into a million pieces in the car. His brains and blood splatter all windows of the car.

Your mouth falls open, your eyes water, you become dizzy. The only thing you can do is stumble and walk backwards and away from the car.

No no no no, this can’t be happening.

You fall to your knees and let out a loud wail into the night as Taeyong heads for the elevator.

Your head falls into your hands as you sob. Another innocent person is killed..because of you.

You feel Taeyong’s cold fingers grip your shoulder. Your face still in your hands while you cry uncontrollably. He’s done it again.

“I told you I’d never let you go, little mouse. You can run and hide, but you’ll always fall into my trap.”

And It’s then that you realize, you truly are stuck with Taeyong��forever.

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[musingsofamurderess]

I'm not a Democrat, the bipartisan system is a sham. I have been homeless and worked a minimum wage job because I decided to go into recovery for my addiction problem (I've been clean and sober 8 years). I chose to leave my old life and start a new one for myself, one that I built from the ground up, and I have everything that I need. I didn't have any other choice but to start over because of how miserable my addiction made me and everyone around me, if I wanted to continue living and not take my own life, anyway.

My parents are both white and my dad is pretty well off, his thoughts are partly in line with what certain people keep saying when it comes to privilege. I keep hearing white people talking about how they don't understand why black people are so angry. Many honestly believe that, no matter what, if you work hard and do good, you will be rewarded, but amongst black communities in America, this couldn"t be farther from reality.

If you can't see your privilege, I can't blame you for that, but I can share my experience on how I see it. I can ask you to open your mind for a moment and just imagine what it might be like to walk in someone else's shoes. How would your life be different had you been born black?

When I worked minimum wage deli jobs at several different stores, 9/10 of the people who had been working in the lowest level positions with me were POCs. And those who had been there over 2 years and were STILL in the lowest positions were even more likely to be POCs, in fact, I only met one white person who had been there longer than that and was still at minimum wage and she was disabled and could only work limited hours. And I struggled to keep up with most of those POCs work ethic bc before that, I had been used to getting paid more to do less. I pulled my back out and lost use of my left leg for over a week trying to keep up with the speed, volume, and variety of tasks these people made look almost easy.

The people I worked with were ALL hardworking adults, many of them middle aged, some just mid 20s. Many of them had prior drug or other minor charges from when they were younger, much like how rich white kids get DUIs in college....kids are young and reckless, there's no way to prevent that altogether. But the difference here is that employers that offer 401ks, pension and retirement plans, adequate life and health benefits will hire you if you have a DUI, but not if you have a felony, and sometimes not even if you have a misdemeanor. I'll talk more about that disparity shortly, but that's why many POCs are stuck in low paying jobs. There would occasionally be a "token" POC in management, but all other managers were white, and they usually hadn't worked as long as POCs in the department they oversaw.

I read heavy undertones in anti-BLM posts suggesting black people are somehow inherently more lazy, disruptive, or violent than other races, but I don't see where anyone buying that stereotype has ever lived with, loved, or actually spent a decent amount time working alongside a typical minimum wage/dead end job with POCs and actually getting to know them as people? Do people perpetuating these stereotypes even know what they're talking about? I'm willing to bet they don't because they don't have any real experience living with and around people of different races and cultures.

So, what on EARTH gives anyone the right to disparage entire races of people by labeling them as lazy, disruptive, or violent? If you're basing your evidence toward that effect on the actions of a few radical protesters, or the few rowdy young bucks you've come across, you're probably taking their actions out of context. Many young people of all races exhibit those behaviors just because they're young and reckless.

That is to say, there are many reasons to consider about why people could act the way they do, before we even start to think about how POCs might actually have some pretty good reasons on top of just being young to "act out". Many of them very well may be facing a future that's been significantly limited financially, professionally and personally, by the systemic racism in the flawed system you're trying to defend. I think that's a pretty good reason to be angry. No government is perfect. Period. But if we can't look at the way we treat our friends and neighbors and try to fix things when they aren't right, what are we doing? Defending antiquated systems that just aren't right for us as a society anymore is wrong. So many people in this country are suffering; so many feel trapped and doomed to a life of poverty.

Many POCs don't have college degrees to fall back on, and they didn't even fuck up their college like I did because of my alcoholism and addiction, they just never got a chance to go because culturally, it's gotten so bad that many POCs can't even push to expect their children to get into college because there's no way they could pay without a scholarship or financial aid that could indebt them for 10 or 20 more years down the line.

SO PLEASE tell me how alcohol, a traditionally white culturally normalized relaxation commodity, is legal despite the insanely high rate of alcohol related deaths that occur in this country, when weed, a traditionally POC culturally normalized relaxation commodity, is STILL NOT LEGAL when the number of deaths caused by or related to its use each year is so much lower (some gang deaths if you want to include those, and presumably those would be less if it were legal).

Oh yeah, could it be that we as a society just like to arrest and incarcerate POCs for minor and major drug charges so they can get felonies and white people can find excuses not to pay them more, promote them, or hire them into higher level positions, to prevent them from pursuing higher education....cause drug charges from marijuana use/posession/distribution do ALL of those things while drunk driving white alcoholic buisness leaders abuse and endanger their families and businesses with just a slap on the wrist for drunk driving that could potentially kill other people.

Please explain to me how addictive substance legislation is "fair" to cultural norms for POCs. How a rich white kid's DUI gets expunged if he agrees to do some classes and community service, but a POC found driving while smoking a joint, in possession of a week's worth of weed gets a felony that prevents him from job and education opportunities for the rest of his life. They're both kids, but one kid gets his chances at financial success in life effectively extinguished and the other gets away with it with no lasting repercussions.

Privledged people (we're seeing a lot of white people like this) just want to protect and preserve the system the way it is because it benefits you. Your life isn't limited by social and cultural injustices so there "must not be a problem at all." You can't step outside your own shoes for one second and see that maybe not everyone else has the same experiences as you. Maybe not everyone is treated equally.

This is just one example of systemic injustice, for more, listen. Step back from what people are telling you to think for a moment and just consider what's being asked. Most BLM supporters are not asking for anything crazy. They just want fair and equal justice for all, no matter what that takes. Apparently asking for it isn't enough, or we wouldn't be at this point. We need to talk to each other. To find some sort of compromise that ensures TRUE EQUALITY for all races by the Department of Justice and other governmental departments engaging in systemic racism by choice or without even having noticed what they were doing.

ALL RACIST PEOPLE AND POLICIES should be unwelcome in government, but that's a story for another rant.

If you take nothing else from reading this, please LISTEN to what real black people think and want to happen, not just radicalists. All we need to do is start listening, caring, and acting to make things better for everyone by ensuring that EVERYONE has equal rights and is treated fairly, regardless of how much money, power, influence, assets, or any other possession or opportunity they have that could be leveraged to tilt legal justice in their favor. A whole group of people are crying out, screaming, and straight up losing their shit, and unfortunately rhere are a few extremists doing dumb destructive and hateful shit, all because apparently freedom isn't as free for some as it is for others. Don't we owe it to ourselves as a society at least to listen?

[ebaeschnbliah]

EVERY  CHOICE  YOU  EVER  MADE ... EVERY  PATH  YOU'VE  EVER  TAKEN

________________________________________________________________

You just went the wrong way last time, that’s all. This time, get it right.

This is what Sherlock tells Eurus before he lands the plane and brings them both back to the ground ... to London. It seems at some day in the past, Eurus made a wrong choice. Interestingly a great deal of 'The Final Problem' circles around 'choices' as well. And the consequences thereof.

Choose either Doctor Watson or Mycroft to kill the governor.

Also, you may have to choose which one to keep

Just two of you go on from here; your choice. 

 It’s an elimination round. You choose one and kill the other. You have to choose family or friend.

Jim Moriarty thought you’d make this choice.

Going by the assumtion that Eurus and Sherlock are aspects of one and the same character, it seems reasonable to suppose that - at some point in the past - Sherlock made a wrong choice himself.

Does the story give any indication for an occurance which fits with a scenario like this? Yes, it does.

Another look at a metaphorical Pilot-Verse scenario. Rest is under the cut ...

There are even two instances in Sherlock BBC where the great detective is about to make a very wrong choice. And both times it's one and the same scene.

THE PILOT

SHERLOCK: Two pills. CABBIE: There’s a good pill and a bad pill. You take the good pill, you live; take the bad pill, you die.  You’re the one who chooses.   You can choose either one.  Choose.  Let’s play.

SHERLOCK: What if I don’t take either?

CABBIE: Wouldn’t you rather risk this?  Which one do you think? Which one’s the good pill?  Come on. I know you’ve got a theory.  So what d’you think?  Can you beat me?  I bet you get bored, don’t you? A man like you, so clever. I’ll bet you’re not bored now.  This ... this right now – this is what you live for, innit, not being bored?

A STUDY IN PINK

SHERLOCK: Okay, two bottles. Explain. JEFF: There’s a good bottle and a bad bottle. You take the pill from the good bottle, you live; take the pill from the bad bottle, you die. It’s your choice.  You can choose either one  Time to choose. SHERLOCK: What if I don’t choose either?

JEFF: Come on. Play the game.  So what d’you think?  Can you beat me?  Are you clever enough to bet your life?  I bet you get bored, don’t you? I know you do. A man like you ...... so clever. But what’s the point of being clever if you can’t prove it?  Still the addict.  But this ... this is what you’re really addicted to, innit?  You’d do anything ... anything at all ... ... to stop being bored.  You’re not bored now, are you? 

In the PILOT as well as in ASIP Sherlock decides to take the pill

Both times Sherlock chooses to risk his life on a fifty-fifty chance. Even though he could act in a different way.

In the PILOT serial killer Jeff Hope doesn't even have a gun. The police is already at the doorstep of 221b ... ready to go in. Sherlock seems strong enough to resist the killer until help arrives. Despite of that, Sherlock chooses to play a deadly game of chess.

In ASIP it is even more obvious that Sherlock has no reason at all to take one of those pills. The killer uses a fake gun. No drugs weaken Sherlock's body. He is already about to leave the room when he turns back again and chooses to play the deadly game of chess.

On both occasions it is John Watson who saves Sherlock's life. John kills Jeff Hope and prevents Sherlock to swallow the pill. And each time the circumstances are more than dubious. 

What happens to the victims

PILOT: Same pattern each time. Each one of them disappears from their normal lives ...  then turn up a few hours later somewhere they’ve no reason to be ... dead. No marks of violence on the body, no suggestion of compulsion. Each of them has taken the same poison – and, as far as we can tell, taken it voluntarily.

ASIP: All of his victims disappeared from busy streets, crowded places, but nobody saw them go. They all took the same poison; they were all found in places they had no reason to be. The poison is clearly self-administered. There are clear signs that they take the poison themselves; they chew, swallow the pills themselves.

And what happens to Sherlock

PILOT:  The serial killer takes Sherlock to Baker Street 221b. Why changes Jeff Hope his pattern with Sherlock? Why enters John the house opposite to shoot the killer? (I wrote about all those strange things in 'When Sherlock lies drugged in a cab')

ASIP:  The serial killer takes Sherlock to Roland-Kerr Further Education College. It's midnight, the school is open and the cleaners are in. 'One thing about being a cabbie: you always know a nice quiet spot for a murder'  Why on earth would a school with cleaners in it be a 'nice and quiet spot for a murder'?

Anyway ... fact is:  In the PILOT and even more so in ASIP Sherlock chooses to take a probably poisoned pill out of his free will. He risks to bet his life on a fifty-fifty chance. Both times he is about to swallow that pill. And both times he is stopped by John.

A textbook-example for 'making a wrong choice'

And isn't it also interesting that the very first, as well as the very last episode of the presently existing Story, are dealing with the same topic? With ...  'making choices'?

You just went the wrong way last time, that’s all. This time, get it right.

And what's the main theme of the penultimate episode ... of 'The Lying Detective'?  

There is a woman called Faith - one of the incarnations of Eurus who seems to represent Sherlock's (disregarded) emotions and his memory. She is about to take her own life. There is the memory of John walking with his cane. The memory of their first case together. A case involving a serial killer who wants to kill 'anyone'.

Anyone who didn’t know where they were going, ’cause they were drunk or lost or new in town. Anyone I could walk through the wrong door. (PILOT)

And when Sherlock lies dying under the hands of the serial killer in TLD, something suddenly becomes very clear to him. He doesn't want to die anymore. What he tells Faith  - earlier in the story - applies now to himself as well:

“Taking your own life.” Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Oh, once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it.  Your own death is something that happens to everybody else ...

Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it

Is this what the story could be about? In case Sherlock lies indeed drugged in the cab of serial killer Jeff Hope ... he will know what is going to happen to him ... Sherlock is more resilient to drugs than the other victims ... because of this he may have time to think ... he knows how the other victims died ... 'no marks of violence, no compulsion, self-administered poison' ... Sherlock has a very lively imagination, he loves to be dramatic and he posesses a good deal of gallows humour ... (try this interesting meta by @sagestreet for Sherlock's dark humor :)

What might Sherlock envision in such a situation? What might he think? Is he playing scenarios in his mind regarding the things that might happen to him soon? Is he starting out with a mindset like ... 'All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage'? But then the 'John-Factor' comes into play and Sherlock ... reconsiders? Is he thinking of ... 'what could be' and 'why not'? ....

And when the cab finally stops and Sherlock has to choose ... will he make a different choice this time? Will he refuse to take that pill voluntarily. Will he deside not to play a deadly game of chess and risk his life for a stupid fifty-fifty chance. Just to prove he is clever. Just to not being bored. Will he instead fight for his life. And will this be the reason John is able to find Sherlock in the nick of time and save his life? Because Sherlock desided to save it first? Beause now Sherlock knows exactly what he wants?

... I don't want to die ... I don't want to die ....

.

I leave you to your own deductions. Thanks @callie-ariane for the sripts.

September, 2017

@gosherlocked @loveismyrevolution @sherlockshadow @monikakrasnorada  @sarahthecoat @kateis-cakeis @raggedyblue @221bloodnun @tjlcisthenewsexy

#every choice you ever made #Pilot verse #choices and consequences

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🥀🥀||21% Of My Life Storyyx||Stay Alive||🥀🥀

🥀🥀Mental Physcotic Breakdown/Episode . This is one of my least explicit ones. Meet Tyler Alvaro x🥀🥀

😔😞W3lc0m3 T0 Th3 W0rld 0f I33y Magdalinoz-Martinez/Br0k3n R0z3z/Sara Pi3rce/Tyl3r Fiaskko-Alvaro. This is my life. 0r 21% 0f It. TRIGGER WARNING!!!

●21%0F.MY.LIFE UDATED VERSION: ... 🥀Itz Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez,Asexual. I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, on Step One &1MonthClean (used every drug except shrooms, Molly and Bathsalts) .I use to forget about my pain, I went to rehabs,(CHYC as mental health and drugNAlcohol Treatment for a year, went to NA and AA?meetings once a week) I’m 21 years old, my dad died In 2011 (of a reported heart attack, but I thought I killed him, I tried to kill him in his sleep multiple times), but he abused me since I was 4 (I fought back at age 9, when the torture got worse, when he hit my mom I started going on a rampage) (beenThruTraumaSince4till2monthsAgo) but I couldn’t tell my mom he was abusing me and torturing me  (on multiple occasions on our "father-daughter trips" or when we were alone) or he would sell me or kill me, so I had mixed feelings he injection me with Meth and Heroin (inside a parked car at Carl's Jr, he also made me go to the bathroom && strip for him, he would shoot me up and laugh),, i was out on the streets at first in 2012 (I want insane and lost it in May of 2011), now I’m homeless 13 times (witnessed a lot of crimes, did crimes, a lot happened to me also I did a lot as well) ,getting arrested, in fights, almost been killed, I rose a 9 year old kid (now 13 years old) named Anthony Castillo-Martinez, he was I an abusive foster home, so me and my motel roommate and ex girlfriend of One Year. Kimberly Marie-Olivarez took him in, I was mentally unstable and unfit so CPS took him away,after acar accident&igot framed for giving him drugs,&Inever seen him since,Kimberly and i adopted him from an abusive foster home, after me and Kimberly broke up cuz she was cheating on me with my friend Jeremy and b4 Anthony got taken we went 2 court and Kim got all parental rights and i had to pay child support and got superviszed visits, Jeremy Baraz later told me that Kimberly and him were engaged, I got heated and flipped out and he raped me and we got into an altercation, he helped me on the streets&&was my partner in crime , he bailed me out at the police station (after I got put on temporary probation for continually committing crimes and trashing a strangers car cuz there was drugs in there and they were going to go after my son with that car and drug him up, later they cut the probation if I went to long term rehab) , Ishmael Baraz (Jeremys brother, also guided me and later on got into a shooting scene, so i had to bail him out, only fair u know, we went crazy and i almost got killed and so did he, i pointed the gun towards the officer and stated "if you don't let my friend go, I will shoot u and all of ur officers", and they tazed me (and on multiple other occasions went crazy on police, grabbed the gun , gotten tazed, got the cops called on me for no reason but sometimes 4A reason, im known for police, fire department, AMR, sherriffs etc.) he was a convicted felon, && We were all in a cop chase, we made it to OC with Jeremy, and later on Jeremy &Ismhael myBuddyzGotSh0t isaw the entire thing , and I almost got killed as well, &iwasProstituting/got sold, got drugged up and abused 4 money4us (To raise Anthony, and have a hotel for me Kim and him to live), after that incident of Anthony getting taken Kimberly tried to kill me in my sleep with Ambien.a meth needle and vodka.i woke up in an ER, and she killed herself (right in front of me and I tried 2 st0p her, but I was 2latee ,been raped by my drug dealers which also drugged me up.people on the streets,&by sum1 Idon’t wanna talk about (now I'm coming clean, it was Kimberly) I was in Foster Care a couple times, the 2nd time i was in abusive/Drugaddicts, Angela and Jimmy Miller (they tortured, force fed, raped, abused, but me, drugged me up, had multiple people (over 40 a day) come in an rape me one by one, Angela and Jimmy had a meth lab in there house and I slept in the middle of the attic, they locked me up in there) , first a foster called GHS with staff instead of parents, and with Lisa (who was like a grandma to me but she passed away later on so I moved , later finding out that she attempted suicide) I’ve been in 215 mental hospitals (ETS, Loma Linda, Arrowhead, Cedars Cienai, San Bernardino Community, Delamo, The Willows "CRC", Auoura Charter Oaks, Auoura Las Encinas, UCI, Canyon Ridge, Kaiser, Kaiser Sunset, College Hospital, lock down treatment centers,1in Utah called Copper Hills Youth Center, multiple treatment centers, crisis centers (Crisis Stabelization Unit a 24 hour crisis center [CSU] over 80 times), 2 week mental health and drug/alcohol programs (STAY Program (2x), Jumpstreet, Excelsior House, Rancho West, and Telecare Lagos...2x each) group homes (Rancho Domocitas), Boarding Cares (Golden Girls, a SSI paid house of all girls) rehabs (Cedar House 2x, CHYC, and multiple others), shelters (House of Miracles, Lutheran Mission, Set Free Ranch, Path Of Life, and many otherz), the streets (13 times homeless/on the streets, LA, OC, Menifee, Riverside, Murrietta, Mission Viejo, Corona, irvine and San Bernardino), been in car accidents (over 10 times),I’ve been arrested and detained by a lot of cops in Corona (know mostly all of them, a lot of other people know me in Riverside), I have anger issues (extremely bad), been kicked out of multiple schools since 7th grade, I’ve attempted suicide over 50 timesXI’ve self harmed on multiple occasions (in all kinds of different methods) Ihave bipolar (manic depressive disorder type 1 mixed episode), pre diabetes (got rid of).depression (major depressive disorder).paranioa.anxiety.Buliemia.insomnia.Dissociative Identity Fued.skitzoaffective (extreme skitzophrenia && bipolar mixed) ptsd,ocd,attachment disorder.Autism.borderlinepersonality.amnesia.multiple personality disorder,used to have anorexia, && im deaf in my right ear, near sighted, motion sickness, social anxiety,  gastridous, && lastly, chronic body pain .....i helped the homeless and people In hospitals (I help everyone way toooo much) been0nallmentalHealthmedication (I mean ALL, including narcotics and Benzos, and any pill u can use to get high) ppl TriedToSend Me2 MetropolitanStateHospital(highestLevelOfCare), IMD (Institution For The Mentally Diseased) on multiple occasions, ive been to many therapists, physciatrists, ER's, and been on 51/50, 52/50 holds , concervertaship, and lastly ive got taken away from my mom on 4 occasions (personal reasons) I’ve never had a stable home since 2011,now on Augest of 2018 I’m finally home,ihelp others cus im used to people not caring about me, I have trust issues,im always there2help to care to make sure thereok and I don’t stop.StayStronq.It's Izzy Here Again. I Have 22 different voices/demons/visions  in my head. Johnny Garcia, Lily, Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos , Charlotte McMann, Wesley Garcia, Constance McMann, Dancing Fire (demon like archangel misunderstood in the form of fire, might be another world trying 2 contact me), Chandy/Gladdis/Leon/Charlene/Raul/Ralphie/George/Michaela aka Michael(all characters from my movie etc.), Erin Ramos. DANCING Squares, Duplicates of People, Bad Mommy/Good Mommy, Bad Daddy/Good Daddy, Visions&Hallucinations of Past/Future, Cones, Red Dots, Flyerway, Veronica/Victoria Enxxellia, Objects Having Force On Me, Flying Objects, Demons Posessing Me. SatanslashGod (can't tell the difference), Richard Enxxellia, Three 7's, Seventy Three 6's, Puppoi (A Duplicate Of My Puppy Raskcal), Mr.OutOfDate, NXSP (0ne Of The Alter Worlds I Live In As Liz Ramos, as I raise hell with Johnny "JJ" Garcia (I try to kill him on multiple occasions but I pulled the Red Wire && he got worse), The Ends (The End Of NXSP it's worse than hell itself times infinity 100 percent), Jonathan Maqranga, TwentyStepsForward, Edgar "Eddie" Alejandria, Dancing Rooms, UglyBitterSky, TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky, Chillwax Alejandria, People From My Past, A Vivid Movie Like Form Of My Whole Past From Beginning To End Flashing By In My Head (Random Times, Coordinated by Dancing Fire Themself), ClosedOptions, Paid2Kill Hernandez,   etc.. I Got Chocked, Raped, Tortured, Tied Up, Shot At, Tied To A Tree, Slept In Bathrooms && In Cars (Having Blake Follow Me Into Everywhere I Go && Went into the bathroom , shoving knives, pins, needles, food, guns, sticks, and other shit inside me and he would rape me and if i talked he would kill me. I met Blake at a gas station 3 times to give me my drugs and alcohol paid by for sex with him), I Had 3 Drug Dealers, Juan Torres, Blake Vandiego, Luis Alexander (last name unknown, all of these people didn't give me there real last names, they Identified as what they told me to call them) Blake did the worst torture (playing cakes with me, roleplaying, video taping the torture, I woke up in my bed and he woke me up with 12 meth needles, and we played Pin The Donkey. he would cut me, slice me, bang my body parts on brick walls, put 2 guns in my mouth, 1 gun in each ear, and beat me, burned me, shoved a lighter turned on in my pussy and my butt, he would light me up, and so much much much more torture, all for drugs and money when I became poor), Luis did the 2nd worse torture (he would put a gun to my head at every meal time , beat me, had rough uncosensual sex, played games with me chasing me naked in the hotel room but while playing my sex tapes on the TV, and he would make me sleep outside, all 4 drugs/money when I needed it), and Juan did no torture except  (rape me and made me do crimes like the other two did, but he was the sweetest) me and Juan dated for about 4 months, then he perposed, I SAID yes, 4 weeks later he asked me to marry him, and I said no, he said it was fine but 4 weeks later he killed himself with 5 whole bottles of Gabapentin. I Got tortured by more than all 3 of these people. I was a BAD bad bad kid at 12, I was criminally and critically insane, and I did insane things, my behaviors were extremely dangerous/violent/brutal/physcotic/homoscidally insane. 0n 0ne occasion I tried to kill my mom and brother (to take them to Heaven with me), my dad, People on the streets and many many others. I've almost been to Juvenial Hall/Jail on multiple occasions. In the dark Kimberly tried to kill me after she got high on Spice. she reenacted a scene from Criminal Minds that she saw. I was being chased with a knife around my motel room with Anthony watching (he's my son, not by blood but by heart cuz blood doesn't make family),  Lisa 0ne Of My Foster Parents would treat me well but on one occasion and one occasion only, she put a gun to my head and told me to shoot her first and than me . so we could escape from this world. I refused and she started drinking heavily , I was her only friend, she had a BAD past as well. her behaviors changed drastically and I would have 2 watch her hurt herself, drink, walk around naked singing Kill Me Kill Me Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, and What Is Love, I watched her self harm and I tried 2 stop her, but whenever I tried to she would scream and give the gun to me again, she is currently (she's dead but awhile later) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, Autism, Skitzophrenia, and PTSD. She killed herself later on. When I was a patient in multiple of the placements/hospitals/lockdown treatment centers/rehabs/crisis centers/stabilization units etc etc. I would misbehave really badly, I would have protected sex, get in fights, extreme physcotic episodes, do drugs  when it was not permitted, I'm used to doing worse crimes on the streets anyways.I got bullied 4 the 1st time inside of CHYC, last but yes least, DAMGEROUSLY CRAZY ME wants to tell u one more thing, when I was homeless, A boy named Timothy Sagaste (not real last name) lead me on and we got engaged after 6 months of dating cuz we were so close, I trusted him, we had a connection, but after leading me on for so long I thought things were TOO perfect, and I was right, after I got engaged to him, we had a romantic dinner &; he told me that he was seeing someone else, that he pretendedthat he liked me, pretended our whole relationship everything about it, he told me he was breaking up with me and I Got heated and beat him up and tried to kill him but he finally grabbed the shotgun and knife out of my hands, Tied me to the bed and told me to "Go Kill Yourself Sara, You DON'T DESERVE LOVE, U DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE, YOUR A MISTAKE , THAT'S WHY NO-ONE EVER LOVED YOU, YOUR AN UGLY SLUT TRASHY WHORE AND U NEED TO GO 2 HELL, UR A SHITTY MOM PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. I'M GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE AT UR FUNERAL AND GUESS WHAT HOE, IM GONNA LAUGH" He went on and on , he us3d my life story and my past against me, after he was done , he took out his phone and video taped me afterward. and he shouted "How Do U Like Me Now" I Got up and grabbed my Medication bottles (Lithium, Adavan, Gabalentin, Abilify, Welbuitren, Zoloft, Vicodin, Seroquel, Norcos, Xanex, Rhresperdol, Atarax, Ambien, My Meth Needle, My Knifes, Guns, Cigarrette Lighters, and My Xprexa and ran into the bathroom, I took a whole bottle of each medication, I made slits in my arm, wrist, neck, I burned myself in the pussy and in my legs (just like how Blake did it) but I hurt myself 20 times worse than anybody ever had, I went physco and I shot myself up in both my arms with meth and heroin, I did the worst torture to myself worse than anybody ever had. I reenacted Blake, Luis ,and Juans torture , plus everyone who has ever tortured me, I did it worse. I put the gun to my head, I added more bullets and i pulled the trigger, I woke up in an ER, and they said I passed out before the bullet hit my head, so now I realize that I was lucky. God Bless everyone and everything, this is the FULL 20% of my 100% of my life story. Fuck Love, Trust N0B0DY && Stay Strong, btw it feels like somethings crawling all over me/or I'm crawling out of my skin , it happens a lot, take care I'm here. ~IzzyMagdalinozMartinez]🥀

-Who I Am Is Darkness- 8/5/14 MY.STORY. xc

hey, I know my dad may have died, after that, I went crazy, physco mental in the head I lost myself I built an emotional wall around myself, I lost my mind and went insane, did dangerous shit that I regr...et, I grew a dark side, I started having hallucinations, different personalities I got possessed, I have REALLY bad anger issues, 34 suicide attempts 50 mental hospital visits a level 14 residential treatment center in Utah and went to a group home called Rancho Domacitas. people were scared of me, I felt numb weak and empty rages and rages of explosive anger and violence, I abused myself to death, I grew worse and worse I ran away anxiety skitzophrenia depression anger violence drugs self harm suicide homoscide there's more things that no one knows about but I was a crazy bitch, I wanted to die, my hallucinations grew worse and worse I smoked my problems away "Johnny" my main hallucination abused me physically and mentally, tbh I don't know who I was I saw my deceased dad, I got the cops called on me, Johnny took full control and I went physco, I had mental episodes bad mental breakdowns ran away everyday got in reastraints started fighting, I wanted to die, I wrote a suicide letter, plenty of times I attempted but I busted my moms door down and started taking pills, I abused myself by cutting punching slamming any self harm possible my anger became to violent I mean I was a mental fucking mess, finally I lost myself so hard so bad I couldn't feel or breathe or think, I just went black, I had blackouts and then I realized I did some really dangerous stupid shit. my life was hard and I still wanted to die and take my family with me I had no touch with reality and my medication wasn't helping, I was done I thought my mom was verbally attacking me but she wasn't, I was pretty messed up, I had a dark side I had so much pain and hurt inside me I was broken and shattered I hated myself because I was a fucking mentally Ill fuck up, I had nightmares about abuse. I wanted my daddy back, I didn't believe he was dead, everyday I grew crazier to the point where I couldn't control it. and I was lost and very very sick you don't even know most of the shit I've done, I was so crazy so I got sent away for a year I got help even when I acted out, I went to a step down group home and all the hospitals. I finally could feel again, and now I'm getting better and back on track. and I find myself again thanks to all you amazing beautiful people I love to call family I don't and can't even put into words how much I love you, all of you, your my family and my mom she's amazing, you all can do this I'm here for you guys I care, you guys I just fucking love you, and thanks, stay strong. that's part of my life story sense I know you all I posted it on here. love you guys I am out of reality in a dark state not mentally there, I'm scared and in pain emotionally desturbed, it's killing me eating me alive and I can't take it the monster inside me fighting to get out. so what I might be autistic so what I have issues so what I'm retarded I still stayed strong through all my issues for 4 years if I get off my meds I get physco and crazy and "not there" I'm asbergers but I'm smart and I'm learning to stay strong and control myself, it's killing me it's tearing me apart the monster inside me, feel trapped in my body I need to get out, no people with suits my mom is not gonna die, I love my mom so much I'd die for you, for her birthday I'm writing and singing her a song I love you best mother in the world I'd die for you. sometimes it just stops, and then starts up again, his body cold on the couch, I need you I need you, but he's gone. I love my mom so much, she might need to go to the emergency room and I'll be with her right by her side the whole time, cuz I love her so much I'd do anything for her. anyways I love her I'd die for her, the most amazing person I know I'll be there for her all my life she was there for me through all my struggles, that's right no one fucks with my family. no one understands what would it be like if I was gone, I'm getting worse I need help fuck I feel numb and sick in the head, my brain is malfunctioning I don't know what's real anymore I'm done no one gets me like my mom, I'm scared full of pain I feel blank I'm going crazier I have nothing in me but a trapped girl wanting to get out of her cage, I hate this life I'm never happy, I fake I'm ok so my mom can be happy inside me is a monster inside me is someone else and depression and a no one I don't no what to say anymore what to do I cry myself to sleep all night I really do wanna die, but no inside me is full of mixed emotions a girl scared and full of rage and pain, I'm going numb insane it's killing me I am scared, I could cry for forever I love you mom, I'm so anxious I don't know what's going on, filling the empty hole inside me my moms gonna change, I fake it all it all if you new what goes on in my head u would be crying its scary it's bad I could beat myself till I bleed I hate this I'm not safe everyone is getting sick of me, I'm fucking mental and crazy, I'm the craziest girl you'll meet I was bad gone and really really sick in the head I did all the crazy things you can think, Ive done unsafe and crazy mental things I was a physcopathic, by now it's getting better slowly, my moms my life my reason to live I've had problems and struggles I want to be happy but I'm fighting the fight to get better, I'm here for all of you I might have a dark side I've been abused and I abuse myself but I'm staying strong I'm here for all of you, I love you as family and I love my mom to death and I love my mom I feel so numbed like no one knows how I feel and my problems got so bad my dark old self grew stronger than weaker, I wasn't in reality, and who I am? darkness... I've had out of body experiences out of it mentally, emotionally I was controlled by my dark side I went all out I might be crazy but I'm fighting, I'm gonna be happy i love you mom forever I've changed for the worst my mom is gonna change for the worse I just know it. darkness is taking control of me I can't control it. but I love you I love you I'm sorry I SORRY don't take me away, I've tried suicide nope not successful, I'm done but I want to make everybody proud, cuz I love you all with all my heart even tho I feel invisible like a nobody a fighter very violent I'm strong and you guys can stay strong to I'll help you every step of the way, don't you even try calling me weak I'm strong IM STRONG!!!! I don't get feelings, I'm feeling feelings I'm worried and paranoid , no one messes with my mom or I'll beat there bitch ass no one cares or understands me cuz I'm like a puzzle very complicated and crazy but I'm blessed with my family and I can stay strong through my troubles I'm sorry to everybody for being a failure a freak a mentally ill sick child I haven't pleased anyone what if I disappeared left fade away I hate this my crazy ass can end up in another institution, but I'm staying with my mom and I'm mentally 7 in the head my brain is messed up there's something wrong but what the fuck ever I LOVE MY MOM WITH MY LIFE ! I can stay strong. no more crazy me he he xP "Let's go crazy don't be fine go be sane and lose ur mind don't be fraid to lose your mind, nothing's the same, tears I shed but no words can describe the pain I feel, numb.. I LOVE YOU xx I'm losing my mind no sense scared trying to crawl out of my own skin, trapped, full of rage feeling numb, his body was moving he's not dead he's alive. why am I the only one going crazy why aren't I happy ? what if I was just an illusion I don't wanna go insane again or back to the hospital... this is how it is, welcome to the ends welcome to my life, I love you my family listen I've had a hard shitty life, lots of issues lots of treatment, I don't know what's real or what's fake I don't have touch with reality I wanna get help I wanna get better, I have faith in God he can help me turn around my life and my behaviors, I can do this, fuck you haters, I love myself again. NO MORE CRAZYNESS, I may be sick in the head I may be depressed and have problems, I care for you all and I'm learning to love my life. if I could get better in my head and my mental state even though I'm not in a good place or mentally in darkness you don't know what goes on in my head. I'm scared I don't know what's going on what's happening welcome to the ends, I'm sorry for becoming darkness, if you knew how crazy I was, you would know how far I've come through all my treatment my brain is messed up I might have a brain tumor a clot in my brain I'm not myself I'm dark I'm crazy I'm mental I have problems but I can make it through, I love you all who have always stuck by my side, I haven't been the hospital for a month I haven't done all that dangerous crazy shit in three months, I'm always sticking by your side I love you as family , I still have unresolved issues but I can do this I CAN BE STRONG ITZs NOT OVER YET! I may be out of it crazy on medication but guess what I CAN MAKE IT x.x Dont worry bout me i might not be stable but im staying strong...

●2% MoreOf My Life Story TRIGGER WARNING!!! So here is my story. I’ve been thru hell all my life and I have attachment issues cuz of my past torture hell and trauma . I usually have an estimate of 5,6,7 breakdowns a day. I’m used to everything that it’s sickening. I’ve always acted out dangerously and unsafely. Later on after my ex girlfriend Kimberly died I realized that she was the one that framed me for giving my illegally adopted son Anthony drugs and after the car accident , I saw Kim laughing and pointing at Me and later  on before she hung herself... she said Anthony was never mine he was hers , and I would never be a mother, and that’s why my mom always was a bitch to me. My mom NEVER would kick me out, or so I thought, after I came home from Foster Care she acted strange , not as bad as before. And she kicked me out then took me back in then kicked me out and so on and so forth. I was in LA getting fucked up and on one occasion 2 guys got me really drunk and I woke up In the bathroom and my pants were down and I was on my cycle and everyone saw, I went to the ER, and they said I got raped (again) in the period of my 12th time being homeless. I got raped over 20 times . I almost got killed multiple times, on one occasion I was walking and a van pulled up to the curb and they pointed a gun towards me and told me to get in, I did and they raped me in the back seat and they force fed me, gave me some meth and pointed the gun towards my head the whole way towards there house... they were master bating and would shove there dirty hands down my throat they forced me to have oral. When we got to there house they had a knife up to my throat and I screamed and then the rest was a blackout and I ended up on some strangers lawn . I go to Journey Tay in Spruce street in Corona, I constantly go to CSU and I have a physciatrist and a therapist, but I’m closed off and very touchy with everyone cus my social anxiety trust issues and past trauma. I know I’m broken damaged and helpless but I have a strong faith in God!!!! Anyways on 12/25/2018.. there was this boy approached me during Christmas Eve, and he acted completely fine and normal and caring and sweet and kind hearted and usually I can tell when somethings off. He led me into his trap, I gave him a kiss, and we laughed and. Hung out and we were texting over FaceBook messenger, he constantly asked where I lived and I started to connect with him. On Christmas Day after we opened Christmas gifts we went to Starbucks and he texted me and told me he was at Starbucks, I noticed him getting weird, he didn’t look good at all.. he kept telling me about getting liquor , I mentioned it first , but I changed my mind and he wouldn’t stop . We went to a Walmart where there was nobody there cus Of Christmas. We hung out . We were heading out and he spotted a soda machine, he asked me for a dollar and he put it in the soda machine and I asked where’s mine, he said he had a dollar and I was putting mine back in my purse, I was recording with my iPod touch , and in a split of a second he grabbed my I touch and my wallet with over 400 dollars in it. pushed me and ran, it scared me cus it was out of nowhere. And I gave him my all. And I was hurt. And I still can’t believe it’s true , that all of that was an act, I thought it was for my movie cus we were making a movie , I got up and nobody cared, some people laughed, and I called the cops, not even the security or the costumers care, nobody cares. The cops showed up and she asked me questions, and I’m going to court and there doing an investigation . After that my PTSD got 20 times worse and I started acting out having more episodes and I felt alone. I had another physcotic break . I’ve been to court many times for many reasons : I spend most my holidays away, I spent mine at CSU, and I got worse, I started smoking hookah and I started cutting and popping my meds again, trying to overdose once again . And my behaviors and mental state of mind and insanity and physcotic episodes got worse. They still are. And I know I have support. I’m here for you all , stay strong. May God Be With You!!!!!

●Angelique/Ezxekyal "Izzy" Magdalinoz-Martinez /Sara Nicole Pierce /Br0k3n R0z3z /Tyler Fiaskko-Alvaro

●MY INFO: ||WATTPAD (WHERE I'M WORKING ON WRITING MY LIFE STORY) Ms_SweetInsanityyx ||MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: TwistedMetal411 ||MY INSTAGRAM: Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez😔😔

[bytheanchorarchived]

pertaining is@belle and @lec and the demon / vampire venom incidents.

( while talking @fierccisms​ )  

@lec feels so conflicted about the whole thing. he feels so guilty for getting caught up with j@ce's issues and his relationship and neglecting to push izzy to talk more. he feels awful because he knew something was wrong with her since she got posessed, since the demon wouldn’t have been able to get in if she were ok. but he was struggling with jocelyn's death and he never stopped to talk to her. she did say some awful things but @lec would never, and doesn’t, blame her. he knows she had her reasons and he thinks he should have talked to her a lot earlier. 

i think that he probably felt like r@phael was abusing her that's part of why he was so mad, and he was angry at himself, definitely, for seeing it and not having done something earlier than he did. he wasn't mad at her, he was worried and in protective sibling mode. he was overcompensating for all he hadn't done before. he just wanted to take her home and take care of her and listen to everything he hadn't until then. 

and he was "mad" at m@gnus because m@gnus was one of the things that distracted him from izzy. he was preoccupied with his new relationship and he felt guilty about it. that's why he lashed out at him. 

i figure @lec was the one giving her support and love and the caring side of parenting a lot of the times (show wise). if you look at it through the bite=sex comparison, and the similarities between them, you can see why when m@gnus said he thought she was hooked on y!n fen and now was probably at r@phael's, how his brain worked that out. the bite is very intimate thing, and with m@gnus telling him about her and y!n fen and him knowing how bad she'd been looking and feeling lately, he just went into total overdrive.

obviously the right thing for raphael to do when he rescued her from those vampires would have been to bring her to the institute, like he did simon, and leave her with @lec. but he didn't because of his own addiction issues. but @lec, we all know how righteous he is, he sees things a lot in black and white. it's hard for him to see shades of gray, because he's always been nothing other than completely righteous with himself. he's learning to see that, but once he heard izzy in danger, he just slipped into his familiar mode, that is guilt, and the fact he abandoned izzy. and now she was basically being drugged by someone. those are all reasons why he was so furious.

which doesn't excuse his crappy behavior when it comes to m@gnus' feelings in this but it's part of his reasoning. he was so guilt ridden, that when izzy accused him of all the things he was already blaming himself for, you can see it on his face that it's like she slapped him, and he even pulls away a bit, and he lets her go because as much as he wants to help her, he feels like he has no right to, at that moment. 

he's never mad at her, though. which is why when she saves them, she apologizes and he's like, “what for?” and just holds her. because that's what he wanted to do from the start.

i feel like they were both feeling guilty about the demon episode. i think @lec was afraid that the things izzy told him were the things she actually felt. he knows they aren’t, but deep down he was scared that if he asked she'd admit to it, specially with the whole jocelyn debacle. whereas izzy, i think people just expect her to never break down.

she is devoted to people, and she gives herself to them, and all the love she thinks she can’t have romantic-wise, along with her loaylty. she reminded me of @llison​ @rgent when she says “everyone thinks she’s the strongest shadowhunter around, but she isn’t.” i think she burned herself out trying to be too much and spreading herself too thin, like when @lec says "let me take care of you for once" because she's always looking out for them, specially emotionally (even book wise she’s said to “mom” them a lot). 

but @lec was the one that was actually there for her emotionally too. he was her confident. and suddenly he was too busy, guilty, ashamed, and trying to solve too many things at once, to listen to her. i think that's part of why she lashes out at him. because it's like when she says she talks to him about everything, but suddenly he wasn't there for her anymore because of so much that was going on in their lives. so she kept on taking on everyone else's crap like she always does, but @lec wasn't there to listen to her at the end of the day, and comfort her and tell her it's gonna be ok, like he does in the books as well. i think she felt really alone. and she didn't know how to spew things out on cl@ry when her mother DIED. and j@ce and her, i think, never had this kind of relationship, plus he was going through his own crap as well. but i think she was kind of counting on @lec to be there eventually, only he wasn't, not early enough.

so when he did come through to her, she said she was fine. because it was what she was doing for weeks now. but i think/know that if he had pushed, she'd have talked eventually, only he didn't because, again, of all that was going on. no one tried to really talk to her besides @lec to ask her if she was ok. only j@ce did, but he asked her physically he didn't ask her about anything else. 

i think she felt specially abandoned by @lec bc she was counting on him to be there and when he wasn't, she just tried to pull through and go on as usual, but became too overwhelmed in the process. and feeling like there was no one she could rely on, she relied on her superior. and he abused/betrayed her.

lydi@ was one of the only people that consoled her about making a deal with @ldertree for j@ce, for ex, so there was a lot she was building on. like when @lec was freaking out about j@ce, she was freaking out too, and cl@ry comforts her briefly, which was sweet and great, but u can see how scared she really was, deep down, by the way she trembles and just wavers like she never does, like she needed more than that. but she didn’t get it. and it all kinda came crashing down with the demon possession, and she still felt like there was no one / no space there for HER issues, when everyone else got it so bad. so she let herself turn to someone she thought she could trust, and that she didn’t feel like she was weighing on them. and he did something horrible to her, and isolated her even further.

#headcanon tag #i also wanted this here #long post_

[allthetribbles]

Pt 1 – Arcane Underground

May 11, 2019; OIS Game Notes

{{ Pt 1 – Arcane Underground }}

Players: Ryan (Jim), Mike (Alan), Te'ani (Jack), Liv (Me)

We returned from Ashcroft after picking Merediths' brain about archanotechnology, the use of the stolen electronics to create a portal, and the possible locations to obtain orichalcum. The NEG, Ashcroft, and Crysalis would be the obvious places to obtain it, but not easy. The next place they could obtain the orichalcum would be the Arcane Underground.

When we returned to the office, there was a rather loud discussion coming from the Director's office between Bobby and the Director. From the tail end of what we heard (and the looks we received from our coworkers), it seemed that our contact called to complain about our method of questioning.

We brought the Director up to speed, mentioning that we needed to go into the Underground to follow through with the investigation. Our plan is to either locate the orichalcum to prevent it from getting into the sorceress's hands or make ourselves bait once we have it in our posession.

The Director gave us the name of several contacts to direct us to the Underground - Harold Fawkes, Nicole Grosse, Frank Down, and Abigail Shminski. He warned us the contacts weren't exactly on the up and up and to be careful about exactly how we asked for information.

We decided to meet with Harold Fawkes - a human male who runs an occult store in the slummy area of Seattle.

The OIS uses their contacts in the Underground to flood the market with fakes. The Arcane Underground is not a single location, and usually is located in an aera where gangs control. The Underground is divided into different sections. 1) Drugs, alcohol, and illicit substances on the NEG banned list. Examples include drugs that give minor powers and psychic abilities - drugs that the NEG doesn't want the general populace to get their hands on because it can cause immediate addiction and death shortly after. 2) Sex and Slavery. This division focuses on the sex trade, slavery, death magic, reanimation of corpses. Also includes things like snuff films. 3) Arcane creatures. The handlers of this division are called the Zookeepers and keep them as pets. The creatures are sometimes used in gladiator rings. 4) Arcanist division, handles magical artifacts, items, tomes and spells (and other magical knowledge of all sorts). The dealers are not usually careful with shielding and often carry an outsider taint; they can't pass for human. (Outsider tainted - human lineage with something else. usually manifest a physical trait that gives away their outsider heritage. they can't be tagers, but do make for good sorcerers and parapsychics). 5) Gun runners. Various weapons and armour for sale; and not shy about who they sell it to.

(OOC - For the purposes of negotation, we have at least a wealth of 2)

The use of orichalcum is to make ritual circles permanent - and it doesn't take much to do it. Orichalcum is known as magic gold; a pound would be about the size of a dice cube. The marketprice is flux and is not something easy to pin down. A full circle or clean room might require up to 5 lbs of the substance - but it is permanent.

The plan to talk to Fawkes - find out where to purchase the orichalcum/find out the Arcane Underground's current location, with the purpose of setting a trap for the people looking to buy. The warning is to not trust him because he very well might throw us under the bus. Fawkes' store has various nondescript knickknacks. The magical items and tomes for sale - for those in the know - it is quite obvious that it is all fake. And Fawkes is the typical greasy looking scumball.

Fawkes greeted us; Ryan stated we were looking for orichalcum. He asked us for our names (and we gave them to him - our real names). After an accusation from Alan of the items in his store being junk, Fawkes directed the questions from Ryan to Alan, wanting to know what we were looking for. In the end, we managed to haggle the price for the next breadcrumb of the journey down to 10k credits - with the promise of another 1500 on our safe return.

Fawkes directed us to a Chinese restaurant - The Golden Dragon, with the parting advice of "when looking to order, keep in mind golden dumplings."

Research on the restaurant - doesn't have any apparent illegal connections and only occasionally has fights outside. At the restaurant, seems fairly mediocre takeout fare. It isn't very big, about the size of a McDonalds; it doesn't seat many, but the booths have privacy screens. It has open seating, but if people want their privacy, this is definitely the place for it.

After a short wait, we order the golden dumplings. Our order comes out with a bowl of actual dumplings and five fortune cookies. Alan's fortune cookie - 5.1.2.8.6 Ryan's - Harcord Liv's - 62 Te'ani - Rd

Last fortune cookie (Alan) - "The rude man attempts to watch others."

The address (62 Harcord Rd) leads to a locked warehouse down by the docks. Inputing the access code into the keypad grants us access inside; four guys with guns are waiting to check us in with very thorough patdowns. Liv was warned against using her powers with the threat of being shot.

Alan's arcane sight revealed shielding from scrying. The runes weren't permanent, merely sketched out to last several hours, but not longer. As we head toward the back of the warehouse, we hear more people talking - sounding much like a swap meet (negotiations).

Currently being run in the arena was a slave auction of people that very obviously do not want to be here. Most are in poor condition; and majority are children. Also up for auction are various creatures obviously not normal - either mutated, summoned or just plain weird things from around the world.

The guy in charge is dressed as a circus ringmaster, with six people along the stage keeping control of the crowd. Can't tell for certain why the people are of value until Alan brings up eldritch faculties; everybody in bonds (except for 3) have auras that indicate fledgling sorcerers or parapsychics. The three that don't have more orgone than normal; possibly due to outsider taint. About an hour to an hour and a half goes by before the people are sold off.

The next item up for bid is what we're looking for - a tiny vial of gold liquid about half the size of a pen (or 3/4ths of a test tube). The bidding started at 500k. Initial bidding war was between a nazzadi woman and a human male near the front. Then an ante came from the back of the room from a human male in a ball cap, denim jacket and blue jeans - 2 million.

The bidding war continued between the male in the back and the nazzadi woman until the man bid 3.5 million. Ryan bid 5 million, immediately being countered by the guy in the back. Bidding passed between the two until the guy in the back bid 9 million for the vial. During the bidding, Te'ani attempts to get ID on the mystery man in the back. He's relatively normal looking, mid-twenties. Dark brown hair, blue eyes, no scarring, tattoos or obvious markings. No outsider traits and even his clothing is very mundane. He can't get an ID on the guy.

After the auction for the orichalcum is finalized, the guy makes a quick exit. With Te'ani's experience in tracking, we nominate him to trace the guy. Despite his experience, he quickly loses the mark. He lost him only for a second, but that's all it took - he's just gone.

He returned to the Underground, while the auction continued. A lot for painkillers went on the block - good to "ease the pain of anything." Te'ani managed to win it for 10k.

One of the last lots to bid was for a crate of Crysalis ammunition. According to the auctioneer, the rounds should be able to stop a shifter from changing shape. Ryan put in a bid for the crate, winning it for 50k. When Alan used his arcane sight, it seems that something in the tip of the bullet stops the transformation.

Back at the office, the Director is very interested in the crate of ammunition we recovered from the Underground. Crysalis reported it stolen only yesterday from one of their R&D facilities. Surprisingly, the OIS didn't even know they were researching rounds to stop shifters - which begs the question, what other things are they working on they haven't told us?

We attempted to do more research to determine who the people at the auction were, but couldn't determine their identities. We checked with the video and surveillance in the area to try to find the gent Te'ani was tailing, but he literally ducks around a wall and disappears.

Despite pouring over the footage, the person just disappears; to find them again seems to be the only other lead is another auction. Fiddling and fine tuning the video, it takes someone else passing by to make a comment on it.

Where the guy disappears, a woman later walks out of that same area - a woman that has the same kind of walk as the guy did, although she is a lot taller than the guy. There is approximately a four to five inch difference in their heights.

Date is February 4, 2085. Director has something else in mind for us and three other teams to check out - we'll be joining teams from Phoenix and LA to check out a site of interest in Tuscon, AZ.

#ctech #ois #game notes #liv grasse #cthulutech

[oliviastanton20]

Us - Contradiction

Hi everyone, here’s another oneshot from the Us series. Hope you read and enjoy.

Despite popular misconceptions, he wasn't insane. Well not in the way that society percieved insanity - he wasn't delusional or anything like that. It was just that sometimes, Dominic Salvatore got bored and the only thing that seemed to aleviate that boredom was to cause as much chaos as possible. Chaos was fun and wildly entertaining and was how he had met the one person in the entire world - and most likely the universe - that he stupidly, somehow, in love with

Mika wasn't insane like Dom was, he didn't thrive on danger, murder and blowing stuff up like Dom did and yet ... there was something so deliciously chaotic about him that Dom still didn't know the origin of to this day. Whatever it was, Dom was addicted to it just as much as he was addicted to the man himself - and his british accent - like a moth to a blazing inferno. Was this how other people felt love? Surely not, love for others couldn't be this obsessive, posessive and downright chaotic and yet so intoxicating - like living on a permanent drug. Something Dom would never, ever give up. Some fool had said love came with sacrifice and Dom supposed it was true in a way, Mika had given up alot to be with him, had betrayed himself to follow the man he he considered a monster. A monster was something that Dom like being and he loved Mika for never trying to get him to be otherwise. That was a fundamental part of their relationship; they never pretended to be anything but what they were - Dom still murdered, tortured and destroyed and Mika still arrested those that did the same. Correction Had arrested those that did the same. You can't survive when you're a FBI agent and in love with a monster because once it's out everyone become the enemy - the bad guys and the good guys, all on the hunt. No agent Mika Grey hadn't survived long. With a curious eye, Dom ran his hand over the fresh headstone, fondly tracing over the name of his lover. There hadn't been many at the funeral, there were no honours for a disgraced FBI agent and the only family Mika had was a very hated father who Dom had promised his lover he wouldn't touch.   Even so, seeing the bastard at the funeral, crying as if he and Mika he been the best of pals, had made Dom's hand twitch with the urge for a gun or a blade. He hadn't acted though, Mika's funeral was sacred. Maybe later in the alleyway behind the bar Mika's father threw all his money away in. The skeleton group of people who had shown up barely registered to Dom - to him it had been his and Mika's day, just for them, even if Dom had had to watch the procession from the guise of the trees. It wouldn't have done to be arrested by the few FBI agents that had shown up. So he had watched and he had waited for the priest, the poor guy who Mika's man-of-God father had roped into doing the sermon. At least Mika would have gotten a laugh out of that, what kind of athiest wanted God at his funeral? Two days later and there was still only one wreath laying against the bare headstone and it was the one Dom had left in a sort of apology for the way he had murdered his lover. It had been messy and very public, all pieces of flesh and charred bones. The mangled remains had only been identified as Mika by a small pool of blood and a lone tooth, the rest too damaged to identify conclusively. But Dom supposed that was what happened when you provoke a monster; you get torn apart, set on fire and what's left is put on display for everyone too see. Dom remembered the day fondly as some of the his best work and it had been a fitting end for the man he had broken down and burned. "You done reminiscing yet?" The accent was a contrast to Dom's american drawl. "I wanted to commit this to memory." Was Dom's reply to the man sitting against the headstone. "What, the funeral and grave of the man you love? That's a little morbid." Dom shrugged. "Well it's not as if we can come back, the amount of damage we conflicted in his death has put an even bigger radar on our backs - well my back now I suppose. Speaking of which, how's the arm I didn't cut too deep did I? The answer to the criminal's question came with narrowed, annoyed eyes. "You took a tooth with only local anesthetic and your asking about the arm?" "Tsk, it's not as if you felt anything. You were that high you were laughing your ass off. Kind of hard to get a tooth when you won't stop giggling." "I was not giggling!" The banter had Dom smiling, it was just like old times. He stood and offered his had to the man sittin on the ground. "Come now, don't pout. I'll make it up to you tonight." That was always Dom's solution when the man before him got annoyed with his antics. For good measure, Dom linked their arms as they left the grave and the man burried in it to rest. "By the way, I figured out where we should have the wedding." He stated. "Where?" The question was slightly apprehensive. Dom smirked. "England." The british ex-agent just sighed in annoyance.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🥀🔥🔥🥀||HOPE #1; ||You Know My Name Not My Story||🥀🔥🔥🥀

Sorrry i forgot to post the first one. No pity no sympathy no attention. TRIGGRR WARNING!! ●21%0F.MY.LIFE ||UDATED VERSION: ...|| 🥀Itz Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez,BiRomantic-Asexual. I am am recovering drug addict and alcoholic, on Step One &11MonthsClean (used every drug except shrooms, Molly and Bathsalts) .I use to forget about my pain, I went to rehabs,(CHYC as mental health and drugNAlcohol Treatment for a year, went to NA and AA?meetings once a week) I'm 21 years old, my dad died In 2011 (of a reported heart attack, but I thought I killed him, I tried to kill him in his sleep multiple times), but he abused me since I was 4 (I fought back at age 9, when the torture got worse, when he hit my mom I started going on a rampage) (beenThruTraumaSince4till2monthsAgo) but I couldn't tell my mom he was abusing me and torturing me (on multiple occasions on our "father-daughter trips" or when we were alone) or he would sell me or kill me, so I had mixed feelings he injection me with Meth and Heroin (inside a parked car at Carl's Jr, he also made me go to the bathroom && strip for him, he would shoot me up and laugh),, i was out on the streets at first in 2012 (I want insane and lost it in May of 2011), now I'm homeless 13 times (witnessed a lot of crimes, did crimes, a lot happened to me also I did a lot as well) ,getting arrested, in fights, almost been killed, I rose a 9 year old kid (now 14 years old) named Anthony Castillo-Martinez, he was I an abusive foster home, so me and my motel roommate and ex girlfriend of One Year. Kimberly Marie-Olivarez took him in, I was mentally unstable and unfit so CPS took him away,after acar accident&igot framed for giving him drugs,&Inever seen him since,Kimberly and i adopted him from an abusive foster home, after me and Kimberly broke up cuz she was cheating on me with my friend Jeremy and b4 Anthony got taken we went 2 court and Kim got all parental rights and i had to pay child support and got superviszed visits, Jeremy Baraz later told me that Kimberly and him were engaged, I got heated and flipped out and he raped me and we got into an altercation, he helped me on the streets&&was my partner in crime , he bailed me out at the police station (after I got put on temporary probation for continually committing crimes and trashing a strangers car cuz there was drugs in there and they were going to go after my son with that car and drug him up, later they cut the probation if I went to long term rehab) , Ishmael Baraz (Jeremys brother, also guided me and later on got into a shooting scene, so i had to bail him out, only fair u know, we went crazy and i almost got killed and so did he, i pointed the gun towards the officer and stated "if you don't let my friend go, I will shoot u and all of ur officers", and they tazed me (and on multiple other occasions went crazy on police, grabbed the gun , gotten tazed, got the cops called on me for no reason but sometimes 4A reason, im known for police, fire department, AMR, sherriffs etc.) he was a convicted felon, && We were all in a cop chase, we made it to OC with Jeremy, and later on Jeremy &Ismhael myBuddyzGotSh0t isaw the entire thing , and I almost got killed as well, &iwasProstituting/got sold, got drugged up and abused 4 money4us (To raise Anthony, and have a hotel for me Kim and him to live), after that incident of Anthony getting taken Kimberly tried to kill me in my sleep with Ambien.a meth needle and vodka.i woke up in an ER, and she killed herself (right in front of me and I tried 2 st0p her, but I was 2latee ,been raped by my drug dealers which also drugged me up.people on the streets,&by sum1 Idon't wanna talk about (now I'm coming clean, it was Kimberly) I was in Foster Care a couple times, the 2nd time i was in abusive/Drugaddicts, Angela and Jimmy Miller (they tortured, force fed, raped, abused, but me, drugged me up, had multiple people (over 40 a day) come in an rape me one by one, Angela and Jimmy had a meth lab in there house and I slept in the middle of the attic, they locked me up in there) , first a foster called GHS with staff instead of parents, and with Lisa (who was like a grandma to me but she passed away later on so I moved , later finding out that she attempted suicide) I've been in 215 mental hospitals (ETS, Loma Linda, Arrowhead, Cedars Cienai, San Bernardino Community, Delamo, The Willows "CRC", Auoura Charter Oaks, Auoura Las Encinas, UCI, Canyon Ridge, Kaiser, Kaiser Sunset, College Hospital, lock down treatment centers,1in Utah called Copper Hills Youth Center, multiple treatment centers, crisis centers (Crisis Stabelization Unit a 24 hour crisis center [CSU] over 80 times), 2 week mental health and drug/alcohol programs (STAY Program (2x), Jumpstreet, Excelsior House, Rancho West, and Telecare Lagos...2x each) group homes (Rancho Domocitas), Boarding Cares (Golden Girls, a SSI paid house of all girls) rehabs (Cedar House 2x, CHYC, and multiple others), shelters (House of Miracles, Lutheran Mission, Set Free Ranch, Path Of Life, and many otherz), the streets (13 times homeless/on the streets, LA, OC, Menifee, Riverside, Murrietta, Mission Viejo, Corona, irvine and San Bernardino), been in car accidents (over 10 times),I've been arrested and detained by a lot of cops in Corona (know mostly all of them, a lot of other people know me in Riverside), I have anger issues (extremely bad), been kicked out of multiple schools since 7th grade, I've attempted suicide over 50 timesXI've self harmed on multiple occasions (in all kinds of different methods) Ihave bipolar (manic depressive disorder type 1 mixed episode), pre diabetes (got rid of).depression (major depressive disorder).paranioa.anxiety.Buliemia.insomnia.Dissociative Identity Fued.skitzoaffective (extreme skitzophrenia && bipolar mixed) ptsd,ocd,attachment disorder.Autism.borderlinepersonality.amnesia.multiple personality disorder, anorexia, && im deaf in my right ear, near sighted, motion sickness, social anxiety, gastridous, && lastly, chronic body pain .....i helped the homeless and people In hospitals (I help everyone way toooo much) been0nallmentalHealthmedication (I mean ALL, including narcotics and Benzos, and any pill u can use to get high) ppl TriedToSend Me2 MetropolitanStateHospital(highestLevelOfCare), IMD (Institution For The Mentally Diseased) on multiple occasions, ive been to many therapists, physciatrists, ER's, and been on 51/50, 52/50 holds , concervertaship, and lastly ive got taken away from my mom on 4 occasions (personal reasons) I've never had a stable home since 2011,now on Augest of 2018 I'm finally home,ihelp others cus im used to people not caring about me, I have trust issues,im always there2help to care to make sure thereok and I don't stop.StayStronq.It's Izzy Here Again. I Have 22 different voices/demons/visions in my head. Johnny Garcia, Lily, Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos , Charlotte McMann, Wesley Garcia, Constance McMann, Dancing Fire (demon like archangel misunderstood in the form of fire, might be another world trying 2 contact me), Chandy/Gladdis/Leon/Charlene/Raul/Ralphie/George/Michaela aka Michael(all characters from my movie etc.), Erin Ramos. DANCING Squares, Duplicates of People, Bad Mommy/Good Mommy, Bad Daddy/Good Daddy, Visions&Hallucinations of Past/Future, Cones, Red Dots, Flyerway, Veronica/Victoria Enxxellia, Objects Having Force On Me, Flying Objects, Demons Posessing Me. SatanslashGod (can't tell the difference), Richard Enxxellia, Three 7's, Seventy Three 6's, Puppoi (A Duplicate Of My Puppy Raskcal), Mr.OutOfDate, NXSP (0ne Of The Alter Worlds I Live In As Liz Ramos, as I raise hell with Johnny "JJ" Garcia (I try to kill him on multiple occasions but I pulled the Red Wire && he got worse), The Ends (The End Of NXSP it's worse than hell itself times infinity 100 percent), Jonathan Maqranga, TwentyStepsForward, Edgar "Eddie" Alejandria, Dancing Rooms, UglyBitterSky, TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky, Chillwax Alejandria, People From My Past, A Vivid Movie Like Form Of My Whole Past From Beginning To End Flashing By In My Head (Random Times, Coordinated by Dancing Fire Themself), ClosedOptions, Paid2Kill Hernandez, etc.. I Got Chocked, Raped, Tortured, Tied Up, Shot At, Tied To A Tree, Slept In Bathrooms && In Cars (Having Blake Follow Me Into Everywhere I Go && Went into the bathroom , shoving knives, pins, needles, food, guns, sticks, and other shit inside me and he would rape me and if i talked he would kill me. I met Blake at a gas station 3 times to give me my drugs and alcohol paid by for sex with him), I Had 3 Drug Dealers, Juan Torres, Blake Vandiego, Luis Alexander (last name unknown, all of these people didn't give me there real last names, they Identified as what they told me to call them) Blake did the worst torture (playing cakes with me, roleplaying, video taping the torture, I woke up in my bed and he woke me up with 12 meth needles, and we played Pin The Donkey. he would cut me, slice me, bang my body parts on brick walls, put 2 guns in my mouth, 1 gun in each ear, and beat me, burned me, shoved a lighter turned on in my pussy and my butt, he would light me up, and so much much much more torture, all for drugs and money when I became poor), Luis did the 2nd worse torture (he would put a gun to my head at every meal time , beat me, had rough uncosensual sex, played games with me chasing me naked in the hotel room but while playing my sex tapes on the TV, and he would make me sleep outside, all 4 drugs/money when I needed it), and Juan did no torture except (rape me and made me do crimes like the other two did, but he was the sweetest) me and Juan dated for about 4 months, then he perposed, I SAID yes, 4 weeks later he asked me to marry him, and I said no, he said it was fine but 4 weeks later he killed himself with 5 whole bottles of Gabapentin. I Got tortured by more than all 3 of these people. I was a BAD bad bad kid at 12, I was criminally and critically insane, and I did insane things, my behaviors were extremely dangerous/violent/brutal/physcotic/homoscidally insane. 0n 0ne occasion I tried to kill my mom and brother (to take them to Heaven with me), my dad, People on the streets and many many others. I've almost been to Juvenial Hall/Jail on multiple occasions. In the dark Kimberly tried to kill me after she got high on Spice. she reenacted a scene from Criminal Minds that she saw. I was being chased with a knife around my motel room with Anthony watching (he's my son, not by blood but by heart cuz blood doesn't make family), Lisa 0ne Of My Foster Parents would treat me well but on one occasion and one occasion only, she put a gun to my head and told me to shoot her first and than me . so we could escape from this world. I refused and she started drinking heavily , I was her only friend, she had a BAD past as well. her behaviors changed drastically and I would have 2 watch her hurt herself, drink, walk around naked singing Kill Me Kill Me Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, and What Is Love, I watched her self harm and I tried 2 stop her, but whenever I tried to she would scream and give the gun to me again, she is currently (she's dead but awhile later) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, Autism, Skitzophrenia, and PTSD. She killed herself later on. When I was a patient in multiple of the placements/hospitals/lockdown treatment centers/rehabs/crisis centers/stabilization units etc etc. I would misbehave really badly, I would have protected sex, get in fights, extreme physcotic episodes, do drugs when it was not permitted, I'm used to doing worse crimes on the streets anyways.I got bullied 4 the 1st time inside of CHYC, last but yes least, DAMGEROUSLY CRAZY ME wants to tell u one more thing, when I was homeless, A boy named Timothy Sagaste (not real last name) lead me on and we got engaged after 6 months of dating cuz we were so close, I trusted him, we had a connection, but after leading me on for so long I thought things were TOO perfect, and I was right, after I got engaged to him, we had a romantic dinner &; he told me that he was seeing someone else, that he pretendedthat he liked me, pretended our whole relationship everything about it, he told me he was breaking up with me and I Got heated and beat him up and tried to kill him but he finally grabbed the shotgun and knife out of my hands, Tied me to the bed and told me to "Go Kill Yourself Sara, You DON'T DESERVE LOVE, U DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE, YOUR A MISTAKE , THAT'S WHY NO-ONE EVER LOVED YOU, YOUR AN UGLY SLUT TRASHY WHORE AND U NEED TO GO 2 HELL, UR A SHITTY MOM PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. I'M GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE AT UR FUNERAL AND GUESS WHAT HOE, IM GONNA LAUGH" He went on and on , he us3d my life story and my past against me, after he was done , he took out his phone and video taped me afterward. and he shouted "How Do U Like Me Now" I Got up and grabbed my Medication bottles (Lithium, Adavan, Gabalentin, Abilify, Welbuitren, Zoloft, Vicodin, Seroquel, Norcos, Xanex, Rhresperdol, Atarax, Ambien, My Meth Needle, My Knifes, Guns, Cigarrette Lighters, and My Xprexa and ran into the bathroom, I took a whole bottle of each medication, I made slits in my arm, wrist, neck, I burned myself in the pussy and in my legs (just like how Blake did it) but I hurt myself 20 times worse than anybody ever had, I went physco and I shot myself up in both my arms with meth and heroin, I did the worst torture to myself worse than anybody ever had. I reenacted Blake, Luis ,and Juans torture , plus everyone who has ever tortured me, I did it worse. I put the gun to my head, I added more bullets and i pulled the trigger, I woke up in an ER, and they said I passed out before the bullet hit my head, so now I realize that I was lucky. God Bless everyone and everything, this is the FULL 20% of my 100% of my life story. Fuck Love, Trust N0B0DY && Stay Strong, btw it feels like somethings crawling all over me/or I'm crawling out of my skin , it happens a lot, take care I'm here. ~IzzyMagdalinozMartinez]🥀 -Who I Am Is Darkness- 8/5/14 MY.STORY. xc hey, I know my dad may have died, after that, I went crazy, physco mental in the head I lost myself I built an emotional wall around myself, I lost my mind and went insane, did dangerous shit that I regr...et, I grew a dark side, I started having hallucinations, different personalities I got possessed, I have REALLY bad anger issues, 34 suicide attempts 50 mental hospital visits a level 14 residential treatment center in Utah and went to a group home called Rancho Domacitas. people were scared of me, I felt numb weak and empty rages and rages of explosive anger and violence, I abused myself to death, I grew worse and worse I ran away anxiety skitzophrenia depression anger violence drugs self harm suicide homoscide there's more things that no one knows about but I was a crazy bitch, I wanted to die, my hallucinations grew worse and worse I smoked my problems away "Johnny" my main hallucination abused me physically and mentally, tbh I don't know who I was I saw my deceased dad, I got the cops called on me, Johnny took full control and I went physco, I had mental episodes bad mental breakdowns ran away everyday got in reastraints started fighting, I wanted to die, I wrote a suicide letter, plenty of times I attempted but I busted my moms door down and started taking pills, I abused myself by cutting punching slamming any self harm possible my anger became to violent I mean I was a mental fucking mess, finally I lost myself so hard so bad I couldn't feel or breathe or think, I just went black, I had blackouts and then I realized I did some really dangerous stupid shit. my life was hard and I still wanted to die and take my family with me I had no touch with reality and my medication wasn't helping, I was done I thought my mom was verbally attacking me but she wasn't, I was pretty messed up, I had a dark side I had so much pain and hurt inside me I was broken and shattered I hated myself because I was a fucking mentally Ill fuck up, I had nightmares about abuse. I wanted my daddy back, I didn't believe he was dead, everyday I grew crazier to the point where I couldn't control it. and I was lost and very very sick you don't even know most of the shit I've done, I was so crazy so I got sent away for a year I got help even when I acted out, I went to a step down group home and all the hospitals. I finally could feel again, and now I'm getting better and back on track. and I find myself again thanks to all you amazing beautiful people I love to call family I don't and can't even put into words how much I love you, all of you, your my family and my mom she's amazing, you all can do this I'm here for you guys I care, you guys I just fucking love you, and thanks, stay strong. that's part of my life story sense I know you all I posted it on here. love you guys I am out of reality in a dark state not mentally there, I'm scared and in pain emotionally desturbed, it's killing me eating me alive and I can't take it the monster inside me fighting to get out. so what I might be autistic so what I have issues so what I'm retarded I still stayed strong through all my issues for 4 years if I get off my meds I get physco and crazy and "not there" I'm asbergers but I'm smart and I'm learning to stay strong and control myself, it's killing me it's tearing me apart the monster inside me, feel trapped in my body I need to get out, no people with suits my mom is not gonna die, I love my mom so much I'd die for you, for her birthday I'm writing and singing her a song I love you best mother in the world I'd die for you. sometimes it just stops, and then starts up again, his body cold on the couch, I need you I need you, but he's gone. I love my mom so much, she might need to go to the emergency room and I'll be with her right by her side the whole time, cuz I love her so much I'd do anything for her. anyways I love her I'd die for her, the most amazing person I know I'll be there for her all my life she was there for me through all my struggles, that's right no one fucks with my family. no one understands what would it be like if I was gone, I'm getting worse I need help fuck I feel numb and sick in the head, my brain is malfunctioning I don't know what's real anymore I'm done no one gets me like my mom, I'm scared full of pain I feel blank I'm going crazier I have nothing in me but a trapped girl wanting to get out of her cage, I hate this life I'm never happy, I fake I'm ok so my mom can be happy inside me is a monster inside me is someone else and depression and a no one I don't no what to say anymore what to do I cry myself to sleep all night I really do wanna die, but no inside me is full of mixed emotions a girl scared and full of rage and pain, I'm going numb insane it's killing me I am scared, I could cry for forever I love you mom, I'm so anxious I don't know what's going on, filling the empty hole inside me my moms gonna change, I fake it all it all if you new what goes on in my head u would be crying its scary it's bad I could beat myself till I bleed I hate this I'm not safe everyone is getting sick of me, I'm fucking mental and crazy, I'm the craziest girl you'll meet I was bad gone and really really sick in the head I did all the crazy things you can think, Ive done unsafe and crazy mental things I was a physcopathic, by now it's getting better slowly, my moms my life my reason to live I've had problems and struggles I want to be happy but I'm fighting the fight to get better, I'm here for all of you I might have a dark side I've been abused and I abuse myself but I'm staying strong I'm here for all of you, I love you as family and I love my mom to death and I love my mom I feel so numbed like no one knows how I feel and my problems got so bad my dark old self grew stronger than weaker, I wasn't in reality, and who I am? darkness... I've had out of body experiences out of it mentally, emotionally I was controlled by my dark side I went all out I might be crazy but I'm fighting, I'm gonna be happy i love you mom forever I've changed for the worst my mom is gonna change for the worse I just know it. darkness is taking control of me I can't control it. but I love you I love you I'm sorry I SORRY don't take me away, I've tried suicide nope not successful, I'm done but I want to make everybody proud, cuz I love you all with all my heart even tho I feel invisible like a nobody a fighter very violent I'm strong and you guys can stay strong to I'll help you every step of the way, don't you even try calling me weak I'm strong IM STRONG!!!! I don't get feelings, I'm feeling feelings I'm worried and paranoid , no one messes with my mom or I'll beat there bitch ass no one cares or understands me cuz I'm like a puzzle very complicated and crazy but I'm blessed with my family and I can stay strong through my troubles I'm sorry to everybody for being a failure a freak a mentally ill sick child I haven't pleased anyone what if I disappeared left fade away I hate this my crazy ass can end up in another institution, but I'm staying with my mom and I'm mentally 7 in the head my brain is messed up there's something wrong but what the fuck ever I LOVE MY MOM WITH MY LIFE ! I can stay strong. no more crazy me he he xP "Let's go crazy don't be fine go be sane and lose ur mind don't be fraid to lose your mind, nothing's the same, tears I shed but no words can describe the pain I feel, numb.. I LOVE YOU xx I'm losing my mind no sense scared trying to crawl out of my own skin, trapped, full of rage feeling numb, his body was moving he's not dead he's alive. why am I the only one going crazy why aren't I happy ? what if I was just an illusion I don't wanna go insane again or back to the hospital... this is how it is, welcome to the ends welcome to my life, I love you my family listen I've had a hard shitty life, lots of issues lots of treatment, I don't know what's real or what's fake I don't have touch with reality I wanna get help I wanna get better, I have faith in God he can help me turn around my life and my behaviors, I can do this, fuck you haters, I love myself again. NO MORE CRAZYNESS, I may be sick in the head I may be depressed and have problems, I care for you all and I'm learning to love my life. if I could get better in my head and my mental state even though I'm not in a good place or mentally in darkness you don't know what goes on in my head. I'm scared I don't know what's going on what's happening welcome to the ends, I'm sorry for becoming darkness, if you knew how crazy I was, you would know how far I've come through all my treatment my brain is messed up I might have a brain tumor a clot in my brain I'm not myself I'm dark I'm crazy I'm mental I have problems but I can make it through, I love you all who have always stuck by my side, I haven't been the hospital for a month I haven't done all that dangerous crazy shit in three months, I'm always sticking by your side I love you as family , I still have unresolved issues but I can do this I CAN BE STRONG ITZs NOT OVER YET! I may be out of it crazy on medication but guess what I CAN MAKE IT x.x Dont worry bout me i might not be stable but im staying strong... ●2% MoreOf My Life Story TRIGGER WARNING!!! ●2% MoreOf My Life Story TRIGGER WARNING!!! So here is my story. I've been thru hell all my life and I have attachment issues cuz of my past torture hell and trauma . I usually have an estimate of 5,6,7 breakdowns a day. I'm used to everything that it's sickening. I've always acted out dangerously and unsafely. Later on after my ex girlfriend Kimberly died I realized that she was the one that framed me for giving my illegally adopted son Anthony drugs and after the car accident , I saw Kim laughing and pointing at Me and later on before she hung herself... she said Anthony was never mine he was hers , and I would never be a mother, and that's why my mom always was a bitch to me. My mom NEVER would kick me out, or so I thought, after I came home from Foster Care she acted strange , not as bad as before. And she kicked me out then took me back in then kicked me out and so on and so forth. I was in LA getting fucked up and on one occasion 2 guys got me really drunk and I woke up In the bathroom and my pants were down and I was on my cycle and everyone saw, I went to the ER, and they said I got raped (again) in the period of my 12th time being homeless. I got raped over 20 times . I almost got killed multiple times, on one occasion I was walking and a van pulled up to the curb and they pointed a gun towards me and told me to get in, I did and they raped me in the back seat and they force fed me, gave me some meth and pointed the gun towards my head the whole way towards there house... they were master bating and would shove there dirty hands down my throat they forced me to have oral. When we got to there house they had a knife up to my throat and I screamed and then the rest was a blackout and I ended up on some strangers lawn . I go to Journey Tay in Spruce street in Corona, I constantly go to CSU and I have a physciatrist and a therapist, but I'm closed off and very touchy with everyone cus my social anxiety trust issues and past trauma. I know I'm broken damaged and helpless but I have a strong faith in God!!!! Anyways on 12/25/2018.. there was this boy approached me during Christmas Eve, and he acted completely fine and normal and caring and sweet and kind hearted and usually I can tell when somethings off. He led me into his trap, I gave him a kiss, and we laughed and. Hung out and we were texting over FaceBook messenger, he constantly asked where I lived and I started to connect with him. On Christmas Day after we opened Christmas gifts we went to Starbucks and he texted me and told me he was at Starbucks, I noticed him getting weird, he didn't look good at all.. he kept telling me about getting liquor , I mentioned it first , but I changed my mind and he wouldn't stop . We went to a Walmart where there was nobody there cus Of Christmas. We hung out . We were heading out and he spotted a soda machine, he asked me for a dollar and he put it in the soda machine and I asked where's mine, he said he had a dollar and I was putting mine back in my purse, I was recording with my iPod touch , and in a split of a second he grabbed my I touch and my wallet with over 400 dollars in it. pushed me and ran, it scared me cus it was out of nowhere. And I gave him my all. And I was hurt. And I still can't believe it's true , that all of that was an act, I thought it was for my movie cus we were making a movie , I got up and nobody cared, some people laughed, and I called the cops, not even the security or the costumers care, nobody cares. The cops showed up and she asked me questions, and I'm going to court and there doing an investigation . After that my PTSD got 20 times worse and I started acting out having more episodes and I felt alone. I had another physcotic break . I've been to court many times for many reasons : I spend most my holidays away, I spent mine at CSU, and I got worse, I started smoking hookah and I started cutting and popping my meds again, trying to overdose once again . And my behaviors and mental state of mind and insanity and physcotic episodes got worse. They still are. And I know I have support. I'm here for you all , stay strong. May God Be With You!!!!! ●Angelique/Ezxekyal "Izzy" Magdalinoz-Martinez ||Sara Nicole Pierce ||Br0k3n R0z3z ||Tyler Fiaskko-Alvaro||

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🔥🥀🥀🔥23% Of My Life Story; Your Not Alone🔥🥀🥀🔥

🥀🥀Mental Physcotic Breakdown/Episode . This is one of my least explicit ones. Meet Tyler Fiaskko-Alvaro x🥀🥀 😔😞W3lc0m3 T0 Th3 W0rld 0f I33y Magdalinoz-Martinez/Br0k3n R0z3z/Sara Pi3rce/Tyl3r Mandelanoz. This is my life. 0r 21% 0f It. TRIGGER WARNING!!! ●21%0F.MY.LIFE ||UDATED VERSION: ...|| 🥀Itz Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez,BiRomantic-Asexual. I am am recovering drug addict and alcoholic, on Step One &1 Year Clean (used every drug except shrooms, Molly and Bathsalts) .I use to forget about my pain, I went to rehabs,(CHYC as mental health and drugNAlcohol Treatment for a year, went to NA and AA?meetings once a week) I’m 21 years old, my dad died In 2011 (of a reported heart attack, but I thought I killed him, I tried to kill him in his sleep multiple times), but he abused me since I was 4 (I fought back at age 9, when the torture got worse, when he hit my mom I started going on a rampage) (beenThruTraumaSince4till2monthsAgo) but I couldn’t tell my mom he was abusing me and torturing me (on multiple occasions on our "father-daughter trips" or when we were alone) or he would sell me or kill me, so I had mixed feelings he injection me with Meth and Heroin (inside a parked car at Carl's Jr, he also made me go to the bathroom && strip for him, he would shoot me up and laugh),, i was out on the streets at first in 2012 (I want insane and lost it in May of 2011), now I’m homeless 13 times (witnessed a lot of crimes, did crimes, a lot happened to me also I did a lot as well) ,getting arrested, in fights, almost been killed, I rose a 9 year old kid (now 14 years old) named Anthony Castillo-Martinez, he was I an abusive foster home, so me and my motel roommate and ex girlfriend of One Year. Kimberly Marie-Olivarez took him in, I was mentally unstable and unfit so CPS took him away,after acar accident&igot framed for giving him drugs,&Inever seen him since,Kimberly and i adopted him from an abusive foster home, after me and Kimberly broke up cuz she was cheating on me with my friend Jeremy and b4 Anthony got taken we went 2 court and Kim got all parental rights and i had to pay child support and got superviszed visits, Jeremy Baraz later told me that Kimberly and him were engaged, I got heated and flipped out and he raped me and we got into an altercation, he helped me on the streets&&was my partner in crime , he bailed me out at the police station (after I got put on temporary probation for continually committing crimes and trashing a strangers car cuz there was drugs in there and they were going to go after my son with that car and drug him up, later they cut the probation if I went to long term rehab) , Ishmael Baraz (Jeremys brother, also guided me and later on got into a shooting scene, so i had to bail him out, only fair u know, we went crazy and i almost got killed and so did he, i pointed the gun towards the officer and stated "if you don't let my friend go, I will shoot u and all of ur officers", and they tazed me (and on multiple other occasions went crazy on police, grabbed the gun , gotten tazed, got the cops called on me for no reason but sometimes 4A reason, im known for police, fire department, AMR, sherriffs etc.) he was a convicted felon, && We were all in a cop chase, we made it to OC with Jeremy, and later on Jeremy &Ismhael myBuddyzGotSh0t isaw the entire thing , and I almost got killed as well, &iwasProstituting/got sold, got drugged up and abused 4 money4us (To raise Anthony, and have a hotel for me Kim and him to live), after that incident of Anthony getting taken Kimberly tried to kill me in my sleep with Ambien.a meth needle and vodka.i woke up in an ER, and she killed herself (right in front of me and I tried 2 st0p her, but I was 2latee ,been raped by my drug dealers which also drugged me up.people on the streets,&by sum1 Idon’t wanna talk about (now I'm coming clean, it was Kimberly) I was in Foster Care a couple times, the 2nd time i was in abusive/Drugaddicts, Angela and Jimmy Miller (they tortured, force fed, raped, abused, but me, drugged me up, had multiple people (over 40 a day) come in an rape me one by one, Angela/Andrea and Jimmy had a meth lab in there house and I slept in the middle of the attic, they locked me up in there) , first a foster called GHS with staff instead of parents, and with Lisa (who was like a grandma to me but she passed away later on so I moved , later finding out that she attempted suicide) I’ve been in 215 mental hospitals (ETS, Loma Linda, Arrowhead, Cedars Cienai, San Bernardino Community, Delamo, The Willows "CRC", Auoura Charter Oaks, Auoura Las Encinas, UCI, Canyon Ridge, Kaiser, Kaiser Sunset, College Hospital, lock down treatment centers,1in Utah called Copper Hills Youth Center, multiple treatment centers, crisis centers (Crisis Stabelization Unit a 24 hour crisis center [CSU] over 80 times), 2 week mental health and drug/alcohol programs (STAY Program (2x), Jumpstreet, Excelsior House, Rancho West, and Telecare Lagos...2x each) group homes (Rancho Domocitas), Boarding Cares (Golden Girls, a SSI paid house of all girls) rehabs (Cedar House 2x, CHYC, and multiple others), shelters (House of Miracles, Lutheran Mission, Set Free Ranch, Path Of Life, and many otherz), the streets (13 times homeless/on the streets, LA, OC, Menifee, Riverside, Murrietta, Mission Viejo, Corona, irvine and San Bernardino), been in car accidents (over 10 times),I’ve been arrested and detained by a lot of cops in Corona (know mostly all of them, a lot of other people know me in Riverside), I have anger issues (extremely bad), been kicked out of multiple schools since 7th grade, I’ve attempted suicide over 50 timesXI’ve self harmed on multiple occasions (in all kinds of different methods) Ihave bipolar (manic depressive disorder type 1 mixed episode), pre diabetes (got rid of).depression (major depressive disorder).paranioa.anxiety.Buliemia.insomnia.Dissociative Identity Fued.skitzoaffective (extreme skitzophrenia && bipolar mixed) ptsd,ocd,attachment disorder.Autism.borderlinepersonality.amnesia.multiple personality disorder, anorexia, && im deaf in my right ear, near sighted, motion sickness, social anxiety, gastridous, && lastly, chronic body pain .....i helped the homeless and people In hospitals (I help everyone way toooo much) been0nallmentalHealthmedication (I mean ALL, including narcotics and Benzos, and any pill u can use to get high) ppl TriedToSend Me2 MetropolitanStateHospital(highestLevelOfCare), IMD (Institution For The Mentally Diseased) on multiple occasions, ive been to many therapists, physciatrists, ER's, and been on 51/50, 52/50 holds , concervertaship, and lastly ive got taken away from my mom on 4 occasions (personal reasons) I’ve never had a stable home since 2011,now on Augest of 2018 I’m finally home,ihelp others cus im used to people not caring about me, I have trust issues,im always there2help to care to make sure thereok and I don’t stop.StayStronq,,.It's Izzy Here Again. I Have 22 different voices/demons/visions in my head. Johnny Garcia, Lily, Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos , Charlotte McMann, Wesley Garcia, Constance McMann, Dancing Fire (demon like archangel misunderstood in the form of fire, might be another world trying 2 contact me), Chandy/Gladdis/Leon/Charlene/Raul/Ralphie/George/Michaela aka Michael(all characters from my movie etc.), Erin Ramos. DANCING Squares, Duplicates of People, Bad Mommy/Good Mommy, Bad Daddy/Good Daddy, Visions&Hallucinations of Past/Future, Cones, Red Dots, Flyerway, Veronica/Victoria Enxxellia, Objects Having Force On Me, Flying Objects, Demons Posessing Me. SatanslashGod (can't tell the difference), Richard Enxxellia, Three 7's, Seventy Three 6's, Puppoi (A Duplicate Of My Puppy Raskcal), Mr.OutOfDate, NXSP (0ne Of The Alter Worlds I Live In As Liz Ramos, as I raise hell with Johnny "JJ" Garcia (I try to kill him on multiple occasions but I pulled the Red Wire && he got worse), The Ends (The End Of NXSP it's worse than hell itself times infinity 100 percent), Jonathan Maqranga, TwentyStepsForward, Edgar "Eddie" Alejandria, Dancing Rooms, UglyBitterSky, TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky, Chillwax Alejandria, People From My Past, A Vivid Movie Like Form Of My Whole Past From Beginning To End Flashing By In My Head (Random Times, Coordinated by Dancing Fire Themself), ClosedOptions, Paid2Kill Hernandez, etc.. I Got Chocked, Raped, Tortured, Tied Up, Shot At, Tied To A Tree, Slept In Bathrooms && In Cars (Having Blake Follow Me Into Everywhere I Go && Went into the bathroom , shoving knives, pins, needles, food, guns, sticks, and other shit inside me and he would rape me and if i talked he would kill me. I met Blake at a gas station 3 times to give me my drugs and alcohol paid by for sex with him), I Had 3 Drug Dealers, Juan Torres, Blake Vandiego, Luis Alexander (last name unknown, all of these people didn't give me there real last names, they Identified as what they told me to call them) Blake did the worst torture (playing cakes with me, roleplaying, video taping the torture, I woke up in my bed and he woke me up with 12 meth needles, and we played Pin The Donkey. he would cut me, slice me, bang my body parts on brick walls, put 2 guns in my mouth, 1 gun in each ear, and beat me, burned me, shoved a lighter turned on in my pussy and my butt, he would light me up, and so much much much more torture, all for drugs and money when I became poor), Luis did the 2nd worse torture (he would put a gun to my head at every meal time , beat me, had rough uncosensual sex, played games with me chasing me naked in the hotel room but while playing my sex tapes on the TV, and he would make me sleep outside, all 4 drugs/money when I needed it), and Juan did no torture except (rape me and made me do crimes like the other two did, but he was the sweetest) me and Juan dated for about 4 months, then he perposed, I SAID yes, 4 weeks later he asked me to marry him, and I said no, he said it was fine but 4 weeks later he killed himself with 5 whole bottles of Gabapentin. I Got tortured by more than all 3 of these people. I was a BAD bad bad kid at 12, I was criminally and critically insane, and I did insane things, my behaviors were extremely dangerous/violent/brutal/physcotic/homoscidally insane. 0n 0ne occasion I tried to kill my mom and brother (to take them to Heaven with me), my dad, People on the streets and many many others. I've almost been to Juvenial Hall/Jail on multiple occasions. In the dark Kimberly tried to kill me after she got high on Spice. she reenacted a scene from Criminal Minds that she saw. I was being chased with a knife around my motel room with Anthony watching (he's my son, not by blood but by heart cuz blood doesn't make family), Lisa 0ne Of My Foster Parents would treat me well but on one occasion and one occasion only, she put a gun to my head and told me to shoot her first and than me . so we could escape from this world. I refused and she started drinking heavily , I was her only friend, she had a BAD past as well. her behaviors changed drastically and I would have 2 watch her hurt herself, drink, walk around naked singing Kill Me Kill Me Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead, and What Is Love, I watched her self harm and I tried 2 stop her, but whenever I tried to she would scream and give the gun to me again, she is currently (she's dead but awhile later) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease, Autism, Skitzophrenia, and PTSD. She killed herself later on. When I was a patient in multiple of the placements/hospitals/lockdown treatment centers/rehabs/crisis centers/stabilization units etc etc. I would misbehave really badly, I would have protected sex, get in fights, extreme physcotic episodes, do drugs when it was not permitted, I'm used to doing worse crimes on the streets anyways.I got bullied 4 the 1st time inside of CHYC, last but yes least, DAMGEROUSLY CRAZY ME wants to tell u one more thing, when I was homeless, A boy named Timothy Sagaste (not real last name) lead me on and we got engaged after 6 months of dating cuz we were so close, I trusted him, we had a connection, but after leading me on for so long I thought things were TOO perfect, and I was right, after I got engaged to him, we had a romantic dinner &; he told me that he was seeing someone else, that he pretendedthat he liked me, pretended our whole relationship everything about it, he told me he was breaking up with me and I Got heated and beat him up and tried to kill him but he finally grabbed the shotgun and knife out of my hands, Tied me to the bed and told me to "Go Kill Yourself Sara, You DON'T DESERVE LOVE, U DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE, YOUR A MISTAKE , THAT'S WHY NO-ONE EVER LOVED YOU, YOUR AN UGLY SLUT TRASHY WHORE AND U NEED TO GO 2 HELL, UR A SHITTY MOM PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. I'M GOING TO BE THE ONLY ONE AT UR FUNERAL AND GUESS WHAT HOE,, IM GONNA LAUGH" He went on and on , he us3d my life story and my past against me, after he was done , he took out his phone and video taped me afterward. and he shouted "How Do U Like Me Now" I Got up and grabbed my Medication bottles (Lithium, Adavan, Gabalentin, Abilify, Welbuitren, Zoloft, Vicodin, Seroquel, Norcos, Xanex, Rhresperdol, Atarax, Ambien, My Meth Needle, My Knifes, Guns, Cigarrette Lighters, and My Xprexa and ran into the bathroom, I took a whole bottle of each medication, I made slits in my arm, wrist, neck, I burned myself in the pussy and in my legs (just like how Blake did it) but I hurt myself 20 times worse than anybody ever had, I went physco and I shot myself up in both my arms with meth and heroin, I did the worst torture to myself worse than anybody ever had. I reenacted Blake, Luis ,and Juans torture , plus everyone who has ever tortured me, I did it worse. I put the gun to my head, I added more bullets and i pulled the trigger, I woke up in an ER, and they said I passed out before the bullet hit my head, so now I realize that I was lucky. God Bless everyone and everything, this is the FULL 20% of my 100% of my life story. Fuck Love, Trust N0B0DY && Stay Strong, btw it feels like somethings crawling all over me/or I'm crawling out of my skin , it happens a lot, take care I'm here. ~IzzyMagdalinozMartinez]🥀 -Who I Am Is Darkness- 8/5/14 MY.STORY. xc hey, I know my dad may have died, after that, I went crazy, physco mental in the head I lost myself I built an emotional wall around myself, I lost my mind and went insane, did dangerous shit that I regr...et, I grew a dark side, I started having hallucinations, different personalities I got possessed, I have REALLY bad anger issues, 34 suicide attempts 50 mental hospital visits a level 14 residential treatment center in Utah and went to a group home called Rancho Domacitas. people were scared of me, I felt numb weak and empty rages and rages of explosive anger and violence, I abused myself to death, I grew worse and worse I ran away anxiety skitzophrenia depression anger violence drugs self harm suicide homoscide there's more things that no one knows about but I was a crazy bitch, I wanted to die, my hallucinations grew worse and worse I smoked my problems away "Johnny" my main hallucination abused me physically and mentally, tbh I don't know who I was I saw my deceased dad, I got the cops called on me, Johnny took full control and I went physco, I had mental episodes bad mental breakdowns ran away everyday got in reastraints started fighting, I wanted to die, I wrote a suicide letter, plenty of times I attempted but I busted my moms door down and started taking pills, I abused myself by cutting punching slamming any self harm possible my anger became to violent I mean I was a mental fucking mess, finally I lost myself so hard so bad I couldn't feel or breathe or think, I just went black, I had blackouts and then I realized I did some really dangerous stupid shit. my life was hard and I still wanted to die and take my family with me I had no touch with reality and my medication wasn't helping, I was done I thought my mom was verbally attacking me but she wasn't, I was pretty messed up, I had a dark side I had so much pain and hurt inside me I was broken and shattered I hated myself because I was a fucking mentally Ill fuck up, I had nightmares about abuse. I wanted my daddy back, I didn't believe he was dead, everyday I grew crazier to the point where I couldn't control it. and I was lost and very very sick you don't even know most of the shit I've done, I was so crazy so I got sent away for a year I got help even when I acted out, I went to a step down group home and all the hospitals. I finally could feel again, and now I'm getting better and back on track. and I find myself again thanks to all you amazing beautiful people I love to call family I don't and can't even put into words how much I love you, all of you, your my family and my mom she's amazing, you all can do this I'm here for you guys I care, you guys I just fucking love you, and thanks, stay strong. that's part of my life story sense I know you all I posted it on here. love you guys I am out of reality in a dark state not mentally there, I'm scared and in pain emotionally desturbed, it's killing me eating me alive and I can't take it the monster inside me fighting to get out. so what I might be autistic so what I have issues so what I'm retarded I still stayed strong through all my issues for 4 years if I get off my meds I get physco and crazy and "not there" I'm asbergers but I'm smart and I'm learning to stay strong and control myself, it's killing me it's tearing me apart the monster inside me, feel trapped in my body I need to get out, no people with suits my mom is not gonna die, I love my mom so much I'd die for you, for her birthday I'm writing and singing her a song I love you best mother in the world I'd die for you. sometimes it just stops, and then starts up again, his body cold on the couch, I need you I need you, but he's gone. I love my mom so much, she might need to go to the emergency room and I'll be with her right by her side the whole time, cuz I love her so much I'd do anything for her. anyways I love her I'd die for her, the most amazing person I know I'll be there for her all my life she was there for me through all my struggles, that's right no one fucks with my family. no one understands what would it be like if I was gone, I'm getting worse I need help fuck I feel numb and sick in the head, my brain is malfunctioning I don't know what's real anymore I'm done no one gets me like my mom, I'm scared full of pain I feel blank I'm going crazier I have nothing in me but a trapped girl wanting to get out of her cage, I hate this life I'm never happy, I fake I'm ok so my mom can be happy inside me is a monster inside me is someone else and depression and a no one I don't no what to say anymore what to do I cry myself to sleep all night I really do wanna die, but no inside me is full of mixed emotions a girl scared and full of rage and pain, I'm going numb insane it's killing me I am scared, I could cry for forever I love you mom, I'm so anxious I don't know what's going on, filling the empty hole inside me my moms gonna change, I fake it all it all if you new what goes on in my head u would be crying its scary it's bad I could beat myself till I bleed I hate this I'm not safe everyone is getting sick of me, I'm fucking mental and crazy, I'm the craziest girl you'll meet I was bad gone and really really sick in the head I did all the crazy things you can think, Ive done unsafe and crazy mental things I was a physcopathic, by now it's getting better slowly, my moms my life my reason to live I've had problems and struggles I want to be happy but I'm fighting the fight to get better, I'm here for all of you I might have a dark side I've been abused and I abuse myself but I'm staying strong I'm here for all of you, I love you as family and I love my mom to death and I love my mom I feel so numbed like no one knows how I feel and my problems got so bad my dark old self grew stronger than weaker, I wasn't in reality, and who I am? darkness... I've had out of body experiences out of it mentally, emotionally I was controlled by my dark side I went all out I might be crazy but I'm fighting, I'm gonna be happy i love you mom forever I've changed for the worst my mom is gonna change for the worse I just know it. darkness is taking control of me I can't control it. but I love you I love you I'm sorry I SORRY don't take me away, I've tried suicide nope not successful, I'm done but I want to make everybody proud, cuz I love you all with all my heart even tho I feel invisible like a nobody a fighter very violent I'm strong and you guys can stay strong to I'll help you every step of the way, don't you even try calling me weak I'm strong IM STRONG!!!! I don't get feelings, I'm feeling feelings I'm worried and paranoid , no one messes with my mom or I'll beat there bitch ass no one cares or understands me cuz I'm like a puzzle very complicated and crazy but I'm blessed with my family and I can stay strong through my troubles I'm sorry to everybody for being a failure a freak a mentally ill sick child I haven't pleased anyone what if I disappeared left fade away I hate this my crazy ass can end up in another institution, but I'm staying with my mom and I'm mentally 7 in the head my brain is messed up there's something wrong but what the fuck ever I LOVE MY MOM WITH MY LIFE ! I can stay strong. no more crazy me he he xP "Let's go crazy don't be fine go be sane and lose ur mind don't be fraid to lose your mind, nothing's the same, tears I shed but no words can describe the pain I feel, numb.. I LOVE YOU xx I'm losing my mind no sense scared trying to crawl out of my own skin, trapped, full of rage feeling numb, his body was moving he's not dead he's alive. why am I the only one going crazy why aren't I happy ? what if I was just an illusion I don't wanna go insane again or back to the hospital... this is how it is, welcome to the ends welcome to my life, I love you my family listen I've had a hard shitty life, lots of issues lots of treatment, I don't know what's real or what's fake I don't have touch with reality I wanna get help I wanna get better, I have faith in God he can help me turn around my life and my behaviors, I can do this, fuck you haters, I love myself again. NO MORE CRAZYNESS, I may be sick in the head I may be depressed and have problems, I care for you all and I'm learning to love my life. if I could get better in my head and my mental state even though I'm not in a good place or mentally in darkness you don't know what goes on in my head. I'm scared I don't know what's going on what's happening welcome to the ends, I'm sorry for becoming darkness, if you knew how crazy I was, you would know how far I've come through all my treatment my brain is messed up I might have a brain tumor a clot in my brain I'm not myself I'm dark I'm crazy I'm mental I have problems but I can make it through, I love you all who have always stuck by my side, I haven't been the hospital for a month I haven't done all that dangerous crazy shit in three months, I'm always sticking by your side I love you as family , I still have unresolved issues but I can do this I CAN BE STRONG ITZs NOT OVER YET! I may be out of it crazy on medication but guess what I CAN MAKE IT x.x Dont worry bout me i might not be stable but im staying strong... ●2% MoreOf My Life Story TRIGGER WARNING!!! So here is my story. I’ve been thru hell all my life and I have attachment issues cuz of my past torture hell and trauma . I usually have an estimate of 5,6,7 breakdowns a day. I’m used to everything that it’s sickening. I’ve always acted out dangerously and unsafely. Later on after my ex girlfriend Kimberly died I realized that she was the one that framed me for giving my illegally adopted son Anthony drugs and after the car accident , I saw Kim laughing and pointing at Me and later on before she hung herself... she said Anthony was never mine he was hers , and I would never be a mother, and that’s why my mom always was a bitch to me. My mom NEVER would kick me out, or so I thought, after I came home from Foster Care she acted strange , not as bad as before. And she kicked me out then took me back in then kicked me out and so on and so forth. I was in LA getting fucked up and on one occasion 2 guys got me really drunk and I woke up In the bathroom and my pants were down and I was on my cycle and everyone saw, I went to the ER, and they said I got raped (again) in the period of my 12th time being homeless. I got raped over 20 times . I almost got killed multiple times, on one occasion I was walking and a van pulled up to the curb and they pointed a gun towards me and told me to get in, I did and they raped me in the back seat and they force fed me, gave me some meth and pointed the gun towards my head the whole way towards there house... they were master bating and would shove there dirty hands down my throat they forced me to have oral. When we got to there house they had a knife up to my throat and I screamed and then the rest was a blackout and I ended up on some strangers lawn . I go to Journey Tay in Spruce street in Corona, I constantly go to CSU and I have a physciatrist and a therapist, but I’m closed off and very touchy with everyone cus my social anxiety trust issues and past trauma. I know I’m broken damaged and helpless but I have a strong faith in God!!!! Anyways on 12/25/2018.. there was this boy approached me during Christmas Eve, and he acted completely fine and normal and caring and sweet and kind hearted and usually I can tell when somethings off. He led me into his trap, I gave him a kiss, and we laughed and. Hung out and we were texting over FaceBook messenger, he constantly asked where I lived and I started to connect with him. On Christmas Day after we opened Christmas gifts we went to Starbucks and he texted me and told me he was at Starbucks, I noticed him getting weird, he didn’t look good at all.. he kept telling me about getting liquor , I mentioned it first , but I changed my mind and he wouldn’t stop . We went to a Walmart where there was nobody there cus Of Christmas. We hung out . We were heading out and he spotted a soda machine, he asked me for a dollar and he put it in the soda machine and I asked where’s mine, he said he had a dollar and I was putting mine back in my purse, I was recording with my iPod touch , and in a split of a second he grabbed my I touch and my wallet with over 400 dollars in it. pushed me and ran, it scared me cus it was out of nowhere. And I gave him my all. And I was hurt. And I still can’t believe it’s true , that all of that was an act, I thought it was for my movie cus we were making a movie , I got up and nobody cared, some people laughed, and I called the cops, not even the security or the costumers care, nobody cares. The cops showed up and she asked me questions, and I’m going to court and there doing an investigation . After that my PTSD got 20 times worse and I started acting out having more episodes and I felt alone. I had another physcotic break . I’ve been to court many times for many reasons : I spend most my holidays away, I spent mine at CSU, and I got worse, I started smoking hookah and I started cutting and popping my meds again, trying to overdose once again . And my behaviors and mental state of mind and insanity and physcotic episodes got worse. They still are. And I know I have support. I’m here for you all , stay strong. May God Be With You!!!!! ●Angelique/Ezxekyal "Izzy" Magdalinoz-Martinez ||Sara Nicole Pierce ||Br0k3n R0z3z ||Tyler Fiaskko-Alvaro ●MY INFO: PHONE NUMBER: 951-415-0541 ||WATTPAD (WHERE I'M WORKING ON WRITING MY LIFE STORY) Ms_SweetInsanityyx ||MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: TwistedMetal411 ||MY INSTAGRAM: Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez😔😔 **__**🖤5% More Of My Life Story🖤 I sold myself, prostituted myself for about a year, and tortured myself while people tortured me 24/7 everyday. Msybe got raped 50 times a day. Tortured 200 times a day and i was there bitch. They didnt even pay me. Watch out and be careful hun I walked into Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Millers house, the 2nd out of the 3 foster homes i waz in, there was a 9 year old kid getting abused, like how they tied me to a tree and tortured me. They tourtured me so much on a 24/7 daily bases, worse than my bio dad. The 9 year olds name was Anthony Castillo-Martinez, he was autistic and had PTSD and ADHD, self harm, anger and suicidal issues. I got tortured for him, whenever Angela tried to torture him, i got in the way, any kind of abuse and torture and traumatic thing that coulda happened to me. It did. Finally i got a day pass out of the house. I got arrested and started doing criminal things, insane and dangerous things, i was walking on the side of the freeway, i came back, and i saw Angela and Jimmy fighting, Jimmy was tired of Angela torturing me and the other kids, Anthony was outside tied to the tree. I untied him and i stole him, i ran to LA, taking buses and trains, i found a motel, i tried to convince them to let us in, cuz i was technically homeless -again- they let us stay for 3 nights, I called up Kimberly, and she met us over there, Kimberly started torturing me worse and before. She set me up in the sex trade, i had 40 to 70 people a day, guys and girls, torture, abuse, rape, beat, drug me up. For money for us to live and take care of Anthony, she was the RingLeader, per say. I took care of Anthony as my own, Kimberly did absolutely nothing, nothing at all. She paid everyone to torture me, i was a drug addict and alcoholic. Hardcore, and the more i was high and loaded, the less i felt, at this point in time, I didnt know that Kimberly was the head of all this, one of the guys who continuously tortured me, was trying to go after Anthony, and i stepped in front of him and took the torture, Anthony kept asking me if i was his real mom, i couldnt answer that question. I cried everynight. Jeremy Carlos Baraz came in and started yelling at Kimberly, i was curious, but as soon as i walked in, Jeremy had a gun up to her head, Kimberly told Jeremy to "Go Shoot Izzy, i have nothing u want, she has meth and cocaine", Jeremy told me to go to my room, when he left will all my drugs, Kimberly stormed into my room, i was sleeping on my floor like usual, so Anthony had a place to sleep. Kim told me that it was my fault, and "i coulda got killed, and its all your fault" she called some of her "friends" to come "handle some business" about 10 people came in, and they came in my room, and they started literally torturing me. They tied me to the bed, about 20 + more people came in, and they drugged me up, they beat me, tortured me jn every way possible, (later i found out that they filmed it, and it was Kimberlys idea) they raped me, but i was so used to it that i couldn't feel anything. I tried to scream, so they ducktaped my mouth, they said "you speak, you die" the more i resisted, the more i got tortured. They put a gun to my head, 4 people had a gun each, and two guns were pointed towards each side of my head. It came a daily thing, for weeks, my mom didnt know about anything, she still thought i was at the foster home i ran away from. Each day more and more people came. On the weekends i had more time with Anthony, but i took care of him as my own. Kimberly did shit. I almost died multiple times. But it was my job to protect and provide for Anthony. Kimberly was still my girlfriend, we were engaged. And if i left, all hell would break loose. So i stayed, stupid me. _________ **The kids in Angela/Andrea && Jimmys Home; __Englasias "Enji" Moreno-Miller: Enji is a hard core drug addict and alcoholic. He got diagnosed with Bipolar, Anxiety and PTSD, hes Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Millers foster-son, Hes 20 years old, he sneaks drugs in the house. Andrea/Angela Miller still abuses him, doesnt matter if hes her son or not. Mainly cuz hes bisexual. They had a custody battle to who gets to mske Enji's life decisions. Jimmy hates when Andrea/Angela abuses Enji. *The Meaning Behind "Enji": Enji was a name i made up for him, because he hates the name Englasias cuz its what Andrea/Angela calls him when she abuses him. So i made up a nick name for him __Giovanni "Gio" Santiago: Giovanni is a 22 year old male. He got put into foster care, when he was 9, Angela/Andrea torturex him obsessivly. In all ways, but Jimmy payz her to do it. Gio has Schizophrenia, Anxiety. pTsd, depression, anorexia, borderline personality, and paranoid physcosis. Angela/Andrea tortures him for no reason, Gio is the oldest of all the people in the house, i usually step in and take the torture for Gio, me and Gio dated for 2 months, then broke up cuz of Andrea/Angelas stupid rules. I protect Gio, were really close, Jimmy abuses him sexually physically by mentally. *The Meaning Behind "Gio": Gio is the name i gave him, also know as Gizmo, when he and i were playing "foster home" even tho we were already in one lol. Gio Gio Giovanni, we were goofballs, rebels, and sassy queens. We had a lot of fun and were always there to eachother nonstop, and helped eachother, we became to close. Wayyy to close. Love u Gio Gio Giovanni. __Nancy/Susan "Andrew" Augustine: Nancy is a 15 year old trasngender female to male. So his pronouns are "he/him/his", he went into foster care a year after he was born, he got put into an orphanage. At the age of 2, Nancy was his birth name. And he hasnt gotten it legally changed so Angela/Andrea calls him a "her" and he hates it. Angela/Andrea rapes him, drugs him, force feeds him, and physically abuses him. I call him Andrew, and he told me its his "preferred name" he likes to sing and write. Me and him have sing offs, and we write songs stories and poems together. *The Meaning Behind "Andrew": Susan Augustine was born a female but then transitioned to male, Susan hated her name, but whenever Angela/Andrea kept abusing and torturing her, and kept using "her/she/hers" it triggered Andrew. So i asked "which name do u preferr, Andrew or Susan" i made him feel welcome and was always there for him, and i wanted to help him to the end, noatter the circumstances, i overhelped him. And i helped him get started with SSI, Mental Health Stuff, and getting a name change. And taking the torture from him and i took it for and instead of him. Andrea/Angela, hated me for it. But i did it anyways. Love u Andrew, he attempted suicide, overdosed on his meds, i found him and called 911, and he was rushd to the ER, he never came home after that. I miss u. :( __Monica "Monee" Palmer: Monica is a 18 year old female, she was a rebel, she was my best friend, and i helped and was there 4 her obsessivly. Jimmy raped her several times. Andrea beat and tortured her to death, and i hit Andrea over the head with a frying pan and i beat her and attempted to slice her throat, i took the torture for Monica, Ive never seen Jimmy that fuxked up before, he was on PCP, and so was i. Me and Andrea got into an altercation, it involved alcohol, PCP, a gun, glass, and a knife. Me and Andrea/Angela went at it. Jimmy recorded it, and i told everyone to get out of the house. Me and Andrea/Angela went one on one for hours. I pointed the gun towards her, and Monica saw, she was crying. I threw Andrea/Angela out a glass window, after she tortured me extra bad and she taped my mouth shut, she raped abused, tortured, drugged. Burned and almost killed me. Jimmy ran out of the house after i threw Andrea/Angela out the glass window. They never had a license to run a foster home. Monica hugged me and Jimmy was crying, bur not for his wife. For me and everything he did to me, and To Monica. *The Meaning Behind "Monee": Monee, is short for Monique, which is a name that her grandma gave her, Monica always kept that name, even after her grandma passed away, Monica grew up without parents, and was sent to live with her grandma. After she passed Monica moved in to Jimmy and Angela/Andrea Millers house, and shes been trying to escape, she attempted a lot, but was always brought back to there house. __Anthony "Lil'Toni" Castillo-Martinez (My Unbio Son, Who Got Taken From Me, I Risked My Life To Raise Him, I Raised Him As My Own) i met Anthony Castillo when he was 9, none of us knew who his real parents are, but i took him in as my own, i risked my life to take care and provide for him, i did all i could possibly do to help and care and be there to him, he was autistic and had PTSD and ADHD, self harm, anger and suicidal issues. I got tortured for him, whenever Angela tried to torture him, i got in the way, any kind of abuse and torture and traumatic thing that coulda happened to me. It did, whether i wanted it to or not, Anthony tried to kill himself after he couldn't find out who his real parents were, I found out Anthony used to live with his aunt and uncle, Sarah and George Castillo, they both gave him up to his previous foster mom, Cherri Martinez, cuz he was "to hard to handle", (i figured out that his favorite color was pink, and he loved teddy bears, i still have the pink teddy bear i bought when i was homeless for the 13th time, in memory of my time with Anthony) Cherri had mental health issues, and whenever she had blown out physical violent fights with her ex-husband, who lost custody over Anthony, Jose Martinez, Anthony would hide and try to leave, but Cherri was to attached to him, she wouldn't let him leave at all, i later found out that Sarah and George Castillo abused him so bad. And then gave him away, to Cherri Martinez, but to this day i never knew who his real parents are, i got tortured abused raped in all ways, and drugged and prostituted and almost killed so i had money to care, provide. Support, be there and help Anthony, we lived in a run down motel, i illegally stole Anthony from his 2nd foster home. Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller's house, after i left, i came back to save him, he saw me getting tortured, i took care of him obsessivly, i raised him, and he called me "mommy" and i lost him after a car accident, with me, Kimberly, and Anthony, after it was over, they found drugs in a back seat, and it was me, him and Kimberly in a back seat. But i never gave him drugs, Kimberly and i had a custody battle. And she won, after she accused me of giving him drugs, and CPS took him away, i was broken up, Ricky, the drunk driver, got charged after they found out he was the driver in the car accident, Jeremy Carlos Baraz, who already had a home, after i intervened into his shooting scene, where i violated my probation, (one of my abusive torturers) knew about the whole Kimberly calling CPS, was a part of getting Anthony taken away, and abusing me situation, i confronted him about it, and i got violent towards him, after Kimberly killed herself in front of me, Jeremy admitted he was a part of taking away Anthony for the money cuz he "had to survive", he called the cops on me, I was on cacaine, meth, alcohol, Ativan, And other drugs, i almost died "according to the doctors at the hospital", and Jeremy called the cops and later told me what happened, and instead of me violating my probation i got sent to the mental hospital, (which im known for acting out, getting in restraints, and getting the "bootyjuice" shot); Anthony is now 14 years old, i cant tell u his birthday cuz it waz something he told me to never give out, i hope hes in a good home, 🦋🥀🔥🖤__Posts On Facebook I Made About Anthony__ 🖤🔥🥀🦋 [[🌺🌷⚘🌱🍒🌻🌹Its like I carry a peice of Anthony with me everywhere I go. He is my son x not by blood but by heart x he got taken away from me for Kim's false accusation towards me "Sara gave him drugs" to CPS && he got taken. X I hustled for me , him, my ex girlfriend who killed herself Kimberly Marie Olivarez x Anthony Castillo-Martinez aka AngelEyezx. He loved teddy bears and the color pink. I love him && I miss him and I wanna get him back. I rose him on the streets/in a motel. You will always be in my heart. I hope he's ok. I'm starting to cry as I write this && I'm sorry I couldn't be the best mom but I gave it my all. 0n his 13th birthday I was in the middle of being homeless for the 13th time. I love u son . Forever and always. I wish I could turn back time. But u will always be my son. I hope you remember me. You are a teen now &; I miss u all the time. Love you Lil Tony .🍒🌺⚘🌱💚❤💋Izzy didn't lose, izzy didn't win. I was out in Riverside, I just got a gun pulled at my head, I was strung out , officer Ramirez hand cuffs me, I took Anthony to my hotel, raised him like a son, I didn't know how but I did, I've seen it all, I had to hustle, do illegal things to stay alive, everybody gives up on me but it's ok; Cuz I hurt them by hurting myself, I got raped by Andre , but I made sure little Anthony didn't see what was happening with me, I had no family so I only had me myself and I, I still love even to the loveless, anyone can do anything they put there mind too, I may be crazy but I have a heart, I was heartless and I am truly sorry for anyone I've hurt, or dissapointed, izzy lost it, but she's gaining it back...^.^ .-. “For A Ride” by me, IzzyXM xxxx. 🙃🙃❌🌈♥️♥️♥️“Don’t Trip, Flux It Out N Stay Trippie, I Know It Ain’t Eazy, Off The Streets And Staying Clean, No More Love No More Trust. Sleeping By McDonalds And Shit Was To Hard To Handle, But I Made It, I Took Lil’ Anthony Back When He Got Taken Away, Me Him And MooMoo Ranaway, The Cops Were Right Behind Us, Drunk Driver In The Front, I Took My Seat Belt Off For Just One Second And The Car Crashed, Anthony Was Gone Again, WOW Another Reason To Take Him Away, The Devil Lead Me Astray, I Pulled Out My Gun Cuz I Said Its Time To Have Fun, I Got Drugged Up And I Was On The Run, I Played The System, But Man I Miss Him, Got Six Packs On The Round, So Fucked Up I Was Passed Out On The Ground, Stay Trippie , Take That Dope Out Of Your Eyes, And Fuck Shit Up Till We Die, But Imma Make It Right, Lesh Go For A Lil’ Ride, I Promise, Shit Is Real This Time”~Written By me, IzzyXM 🍷🍷🍷 Old picture!!!!! I kept passing out and falling asleep constantly. My body’s out of whack, I got in a huge fight with my family. My physical health and mental health and health is horrible. I need a place to stay after I get discharged. I called 911. Sorry Anthony i fucked up ur day. I am fucking done man I can’t live any longer. I’ll be ok. I miss you Anthony, I Miss u Kimberly I need u today’s one of my worse days ever . No one understands me I’m trying, no one cares, if I die today no one will miss me or care. I’m trying ok . I’m not going back home. Fuck that. I can’t function at all. People think I’m attention seeking but I’m NOT. Fuck off man . If u don’t fuck with me that’s not my problem. Fuck kill me please 🥀🖕, ♥️♥️♥️I Miss You Anthony , I Need You Anthony! I Can’t Take This Pain, All This Crying, I Am In The Shadows. Goodnight 😔😔😔Song: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone (Cover by Lighthouse Family) This,song hits me deep cuz it reminds me of my whole past. R.I.P Kimberly Olivarez . I miss u son Anthony Martinez I can't believe your 13! I wish CPS didn't take you away. I miss the streets in a strange way. R.I.P Dad even tho you tortured me my whole life. I'm finally off the streets and me and my mom are still estranged and I feel like I'm losing you. I'm home for the first time permanently since 2011 and I'm recovering for the first time since I had trauma since I was four. I Miss u Jeremy. My friend I met when I was homeless in a hotel room. I can't believe you protected me from harm. You helped me get through Kimberlys death and me losing Anthony. But one day you got sent to the ER and I never associated with you ever since. My life is a game and Imma play my ACE . Then I turned into the joker. Stop The Stigma in Mental health. Physical heath. Homeless people. Sexuality. Drug addicts and alcoholics. Autism . Race. Cutters . Suicidal people. Society in general. This is Izzy MAGDALINOZ Martinez aka Br0k3n R0z3z out here. I love this song lol 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥⚘⚘⚘⚘⚘💔💔No You Don’t Mean Anything At All To Me My unbiological son , Anthony Castillo-Martinez has his 14th birthday is coming up soon , and in August is the day my ex girlfriend Kimberly Marie-Olivarez took my son from me for good , sent him to the hands of CPS and she hung herself right in front of me. I miss my little angel , I still had a CPS case open while I was in foster care (3 different homes) I raised him like my own , I got beaten raped drugged prostituted almost killed arrested , etc to provide money for us to live off of cuz I was homeless again at that time. I love u Lil Tony 💕💕 u will always be in my heart ❤️🙏🙏🙏 I think of you day and night . The song in this video is dedicated to my ex , Kimberly Love U Angel Eyezx , hope ur in a safe place and is being treated well. I miss u 🌷🌷🌷🌷😔😔😔 @ Corona, California. God, thank you for blessing me with Kimberly Aiden “MooMoo” Olivarez, my ex girlfriend, my motel roommate. , me and her have been thru hell and back, when we were both homeless on the streets, we helped eachother out she made sure I was safe and protected me from harm, and I did the same , we’ve been thru a lot , I don’t know where ur at now, but I wish I could hear your voice I wish we could have our old memories back, raising little Anthony when we were on the streets, I remember when we were at The Tyler Mall we dressed up as Mario and Luigi and we ran a muck we were loud hyper rebellious, I remember I got to drunk and you took care of me I remember when u were in a dark point in ur life and I took care of u, we were both in dark points in our life, but we fought thru it, I love u MooMoo, I miss u, thank u God for letting me meet a beautiful blessing in my life. I miss u, I need u right now but we lost contact. I LOVE U MooMoo ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I love you my son, so what if he’s not blood, he’s family xxxx your birthdays coming up soon my lil angel, for last years birthday I was homeless, this time Imma focus and recover for you, so I can get u back xx love u!!!! I always think and wonder how where you are why you got taken away by CPS (thanks a lot Kimberly) I hope your getting taken care of, that ur being treated well cx I can’t believe you’ll be 14 this year , illl be 21 (if any y’all are confused , lemme explain, I didn’t give birth , me and my ex, Kimberly adopted him , I was still on the streets but I got tortured and did sum insane shit to raise money for all of us, Kim made false accusations against me so CPS took Anthony away, then Kimberly hung her self in front of me, idk where Anthony is, But I’m not giving up, it’s been years. Everything happens 4 a reason) I MISS U ANGELEYEZX 🌈😔😔♥️🌹🌹I miss you little Anthony 😔 I tried to take care of u like a mother should, but I was homeless so I couldn’t support you, when CPS took you away, it killed me, but I know your not my blood son, but you were like one. I know your in a better foster home, and I wish I was there to see u grow. I tried my best to raise you, and I worry about you day and night. I’m sorry little Man, idk how old you are now, just know i love u. And I pray for you and I worry, but God took care of you after u got taken away. I LOVE U 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹-Izzy X Magdalinoz♣️♣️♣️♣️🌹🌹🌹🌹I Take Care Of Everyone, Just Like I Took Care Of Lil Anthony, He Was My World, I Would Do Anything To Have Him Back Again, Us Making Mac And Cheese , Me Staying Up All Night With Him When He Was Sick, Me Cooking For Him, The Late Night Cuddles, The Pillow Fights, I Always Protected Him From Harm, I Took Care Of Him All The Time, Us Listening Bon Jovi, I Always Always 24/7 Made Sure He Was Ok, Me Checking His Breathing When He Was Asleep On My Lap, Took Care Of Him All Day Everyday, When He Cried I Sat There Till He Was Ok, I Miss The Cuddles And I Miss Everything, I’m Get Teary Eyed Now, But If I Wasn’t Homeless You Wouldn’t Have To Witness The Shit That Happened To Me, Just To Get Money For Us, So I Took The Pain So I Wouldn’t Lose You, I Lost You Once And I Stole You Back, Then After The Car Incedent I Lost You For Good. When CPS Knocked On Our Door And Said I Was Forbidden To Be Anywhere Near Him, Or Have Contact With Him, All Cuz Of The Shit I Went Through To Take Care Of You, I Love You Little Bon Bon, I Havnt Forgotten About You And I Hope You Remember Me. Father God Please Take Care Of Him, Watch Over Him, Send Him Signs That I’m With Him, I Pray For Him Everynight. Little Anthony, I Love U With All My Heart && Soul, And I Know Were Far Away From Eachother, But God Has Sent A Guardian Angel To Watch Over You. I Love U.-Izzy Magdalinoz 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈Lil Anthony, Lil Bon Bon, Angel Eyes, Anthony M. I’m Staying Alive With Him, Stay Sober For Him, Work My 12 Steps For Him, Stay Strong && Alive For Him, You Are In My Heart Honey, I Am Going To Live && Love For Him, Like He’s There With Me. Sending Positive Vibes, Prayers && Blessings Your Way, When I Go To NA && AA Meetings I Will Share Your Story With Everyone, I Wrote Your Name On Both My Arms, So When I Look At It , Ill Remember You. Love You Sweetie 🌈🌈🌈🌈Your promises mean nothin to me I don’t date because of all that you did to me Fuck You Kimberly !! I will find you Anthony , ur not blood but your family . I miss u! Happy almost 14th birthday!!! I Will Find You , I’m Not Giving Up , hope u didn’t forget about me. I’m making a song about you . Kimberly , I hope your happy...A big fuck you to my deceased ex girlfriend, Kimberly Marie Olivarez 1. For Calling CPS on me and getting my son Anthony taken away 2. For torturing me 3. For ruining my life 4. For committing suicide in front of me 5. But you changed my life alright I haven't seen Or heard from Anthony in years. And I miss him. I took care of him as my own I miss him Look, I was prostituting, getting tortured raped abused drugged up and went out on the streets (I was homeless at the time) All for money to take care of Anthony and Kimberly. For food housing clothes and to keep us from being in a shelter. Kim, you made false accusations for giving him drugs, which I clearly didn't. You never helped me with shit and I had to do it all on my own I miss U Lil Angeleyezx I will always love you. The love for u is like the love I have for my mom And that's A LOT OF LOVE Oh Kimberly. Thank u for fucking up my life *drops mic* “WEAP” by me, "I’m searching on the low, let’s see how my life goes, I try not to let my pain show, don’t come here to stop it, cuz my delusions are clocking in, stuck on the cold city streets, while the town secretly sleeps, I just wanna be loved, wanna be loved, but only by the man up above, stars and scars anylyze my angelic parts, my demons never go to bed, listen to what I said, a little unsteady, but you got to get ready, to fight life’s battles , it’s not easy I know, walking the streets with my own two feet, I’m damaged but I still gotta manage, 50 dudes come one by one to rape me, they try to kill me, they try to drug me, yes sir I was a criminal, keep my talking to a minimum, who do I love, oh who do I trust, every night poppin pills, smoking, slamming needles, getting drunk, snorting cocaine , all just to numb my pain, sitting in my motel room, CPS knocks on the door, she took little Anthony away from me, oh shit man , was I to mean? MooMoo walks in and tries to kill me, daddy why did you abuse me? I refuse to see, why you secretly tortured me, and said if I tell anyone, he would kill or sell me. I fuckin can’t see, I’m blind and queasy, Where is my love, Where is the love for all the people suffering? For. The homeless and the boneless, for the victims of rape and some of it was caught on tape. For the drug addicts and alcoholics with no care at all, for the abuse, and the ones who can’t take it so they tie the noose , for the mentally ill, they are actually pretty skilled, for the ones who don’t have a home , in foster care, parents unknown, for the ones who are suicidal and self harm, cuz no one ever loved them, I grew up on my own, I’m a stranger to myself and others, cuz I’m one of the unknown, where’s the peace?Secrets no one keeps, the people who lie down 24/7 and just weap, people think we’re weak, we’ll here you go take apeak, through all you’ve been through, your still standing, with people demanding “just get over it”, we are the strongest people, walking down an empty road, even with people around you , you still feel alone, the demons never sleep, all our dark secrets that we keep, it’sok my dear, it’s all coming clear, lookat menow”-byMe Old picture!!!!! I got kicked off the property. Homeless #12 on my son's birthday month plus I have enough shit going on. I mize well live on this bench. Fuck it I'm trying . God please what lesson are u trying to teach me. I'm not tryna disrespect u Lord . But I'm done why do I even try. Anthony and Kimberly and Israel I miss u. Your gone forever. But ignore me and focus on my point here. I'm sleeping on a bench on AnThonys birthday. AlMOST.....I missed mostly every single holiday and birthday. I got cappuccino chocolate chip cookies and ice water in a jug . But anyways I Need a ride if ur close to corona hit me up, I'm desperate I'm not going to be homeless on my sons birthday . Please someone call me. Please please please please please please. Thank u 🥀☆☆☆☆☆☆"Honey, iii Didn't Take My Medicine So I'm Quite A Bit Physcotic Kimberly, Will U Hold My Hand As We Walk Down The Streets There All After Me, iii Went Totally Crazy iii Got Busted && Arrested, We Got In The Car To Run From The Cops Rick Was In The Front, No-one Knew He Was Drunk The Car Crashed On The Side Of The LA Streets When They Investigated Rick Said iii Gave My Son Drugs Next Day We Were In Our Hotel Room There Was A Knock On Our Door, They Put A Restraining Order On Me && Took My Son Away Kimberly Didn't Take Her Meds That Night So She Tried To Kill Me, And I Fought Back She Hung Herself Infront Of Me , The Cops Weren't Quick Enough After All The Damage She Did To Me I Still Have A Sick Obsession Over Her, I'm Obsessed With My Son , I Havnt Seen Him For Years iii Love My Partners In Crime, I Miss My Crime Buddy Kimberly, iii Miss My Lil Angel Anthony. Blood Doesn't Make Family; && iii Am Such A Fool For You, Mama Loves You, You Were All I Had At The Time, It Feels So Unreal , That You Guys Are Gone, iii Will Do Anything To Find My Son, If It Means Going Back To The Streets, Doin Crimes, iii Will Find You Like iii Said Imma Fool For You"~IzzyMagdalinozMartinez☆☆☆☆☆☆ . 💔💔"Linger"~TheCranberries "If you, if you could return Don't let it burn Don't let it fade I'm sure I'm not being rude But it's just your attitude It's tearing me apart It's ruining every day For me I swore I would be true And fellow, so did you So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you? But I'm in so deep You know I'm such a fool for you You've got me wrapped around your finger Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger? Oh, I thought the world of you I thought nothing could go wrong But I was wrong, I was wrong If you, if you could get by Trying not to lie Things wouldn't be so confused And I wouldn't feel so used But you always really knew I just want to be with you And I'm in so deep You know I'm such a fool for you You've got me wrapped around your finger Do have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?"💔💔💔"The Way She Runs Out Of Her House Walking The Streets With My Own 2 Feet Living In A World Where Trauma Never Ends, Time Is Running Out, Your Hiding Your Feelings Your Broken Inside && You Got Nowhere To Hide Age Twelve Tried To Commit Suicide Your Not Alone Girl Your Not Alone Admitted To The Physciatric Ward Hand Cuffed By The Police The Third Time This Week Trying To Commit You To The State Hospital Mama . I Need You I Love You Right Now Drag The Blade Across My Wrists Binge Drinking And Popping Pills To Numb The Pain Ran Home Told Mama Daddy Did It Again He Abused Me In His Car On Our Trip Blood Coming Down, Smile, Its A Party Now . I Got Tied Up In A Warehouse He Raped Me And Knocked Me Out Honey, You Gotta Tell Someone Led Me To The Streets For The 13th Time Walks Around Like Nothings Wrong Hides Behind That Innocent Smile Mama I'm Sorry Mama I'm Sorry Did You Want A Daughter Like Me Did You Want A Fuck Up Like Me Honey Did You Take Your Medication? Anthony Got Taken Away , That's My Son That's My Love As Kimberly Ties The Noose, She Dissapears Into The Sky Mama I'm Lonely, Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help Didn't Give A Fuck About My Health Eyes Bloody Red, But I Swear I'm Fine Bodies Weak, But I Swear I'm Fine Trying Not To Cry, I Don't See A Reason Why She Strums That Guitar Like Its Her Friend Can You Fix Me, Can You Seduce Me Oh Honey Your Not Alone, Honey Your Not Alone Were Here To Help Tell Us Where Your Girlfriend Is Mama There's Cops Outside Are They Here To Take Me Away I Was Involved In A Homoscide Case She Went To Treatment So She Could Get Better She Went To Rehab So She Could Get Sober I Am Strong I Am Alive, Alice Is Twisting My Mind Again oh Oh Honey Your Not Alone Oh Honey Your Not Alone Were Running Out Of Time, Monsters Are Twisting With My Mind, They Live In A Cellur , I Live In A Cage All Wrapped Up In My Mind, I've Lost My Mind My Dreams Become Reality, My Reality Became A Dream. Sweet Little Girl Sleeping On The Streets But I Still Reply "I'm Fine" I Still Insist "I'm Fine" I Pray To God, He Comes Inside Me He Saves Me, Mama Hugs Me In The Moonlight ,You'll Be Fine."-WrittenByMeIzzyMagdalinozMartinez💔 ]] *The Meaning Behind "Lil'Toni": some nicknames i gave him were "AngelEyezx" "Lil Bon Bon" "Lil'Toni" "Antonio" "Mooshi Mooshi" "Pain In The Ass" "Birdie'" "Soldier" "Lil One" "BroSkiiSkii" "MnM" "Child" "Lovebug" "Curious George" "Momo" "Anto" "A-Skii" "Ace" "Annnnnthony" "Smart One" "Sweet Child O' Mine" "Mamas Boy " "My Son" "Jay Jay" "Trouble Maker Jr" "Izzys Angel" "Lil Angel" "My Love" "My Sweetheart" "Mister" "Beautiful" "Lassie" "Strong One" "Smartass", *AngelEyezx: this nickname was made up by both of us, he had green eyes and i had a similar color and we would always compliment each other on our eye color, we were like twins, he said i was his angel, and i said he was mine, so we came up with this nick name. *Lil Bon Bon: Anthony was short, well no shit. He was nine, and he loved cinamon rolls, he would always ask me to buy them, it was his favorite food. Even when i didnt have enough money to buy them, he knew what went on in that motel, he called it a motel, but it waz really a run down low star hotel, Anthony wasnt naive about what happened to me nearly everyday. But i called him that cuz he loved cinamon rolls. *Lil' Toni: waz one of the 1st nicknames i gave him, because i still consider him my little boy, even if he waz only 9 at the time. *Antonio: He would have pillow fights with me, while listening to music. He came up with the name Antonio when we would roleplay in the pillow fights. my eyes. *Lil' One: i would always call him that cuz he was my Lil One. *BroSkiiSkii: i forgot how this one came about. *MnM: he loved MnMs so i called him MnM *Child: i call everyone child, but it started with Anthony. *Lovebug: i just called him this, cuz i thought it was cute. *Curious George: he was always curious about alot of things. And was always curious about the next day and/or what would happen next. *MoMo: MoMo was also a nickname that i just came up with. *Anto: a nickname he came up with, he never told me what it meant tho. *A-Skii: A, short for Anthony, well thats obvious, but i mixed it with BroSkii, to A-Skii. *Ace: i always think that the Ace and The Joker are the most important cards in the deck, so i called him Ace, cuz he was the most important thing to me. *Annnnnthony: i loved to joke around with him and make funny voices and stories and i always extended his name, when i was in a joking mood. *Smart One: i used sarcasm a lot, and when he would smart off to me or Kimberly, i would always say "hold on smart one" i would laugh, he mostly smarted off to Kimberly and she wouldn't like it, i was overprotective over him and would literally do anything for him, so i would get hurt instead but him, Anthony never liked Kimberly, i think nobody did either. And it was obvious why. *Sweet Child O Mine: he loved Guns N' Roses, and whenever we would sing that we would dedicate it to eachother. *Mamas Boy: Anthony was a Mamas Boy, so that name was obvious. *My Son: hes my son, but he would never leave my side, instead of me saying "thats my boy" i would say "thats my son" i was proud of him all of time, and i was proud to be his mom, not by blood, but by heart. *Jay Jay: tbh i forgot how i came up with that one. *Trouble Maker Jr: i was the original trouble maker, he would try to take after me. But i wouldn't. *Izzys Angel: like Charlies Angels, i named him Izzys Angel, cuz hes my angel, duh. Lol. *Lil Angel: hes my angel. Period. *My Love: hes my love to infinity and beyond. *My Sweetheart: hes my sweetheart, and always will be. *Mister: "what are u doing mister" i always said that. *Beautiful: he has a beautiful soul and heart. *Lassie: he loved dogs, and anything that had to with dogs. *Strong One: hes extremely strong. In every which way possible. *Smartass: he would be smart to Kimberly or me, and i would say "ok Smartass". But Lil Toni was my favourite one to call him. __Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez "Tyler" (Me) Hi I’m Izzy Magdalinoz 🙂 and I’m here for everyone, I like to help people, I’m sharing this I really don’t care, I wanna help the broken and the hurt, cuz I was in there shoes, here’s my story, part of it actually, a short summed up version, stay strong and keep fighting the battles not over yet.... I’ve been thru traumatic events all my life since I was 4 years old, from abuse, rape, the streets, foster care, shelters, 199 mental hospitals, self harm, I’m a great full recovering addict and alcoholic, my dad died, my mom is my life, homeless 9 times, never had a home , spent life locked away in treatment centers, group homes, crisis centers, foster homes, I’ve been drugged up, almost killed, arrested, I have anger issues, skitzoaffective disorder, bipolar, adhd, ocd , autism, anxiety, depression, insomnia, dissociative identity disorder, I’ve been on mostly all physiactric medications, I’ve had suicide attempts , I’ve been thru a lot , I’ve done a lot , but I’ve rose a kid named Anthony when I was 12, while my drug dealers drugged me up and raped me, my roommate Kimberly is dead , I was in bad situations when I was on the streets, I don’t even know who I am, but this is my story, I don’t care I’m posting it on here, I know it’s personal. But I needed to share this, whoever is reading, u are not alone !!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!!Time to get personal, I don’t trust a lot of people, but it’s time to open up, , here’s my WHOLE life story. “Yo, it’s me again, Izzy Magdalinoz, I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, I use to forget about my pain, I went to rehabs, I’m 19 years old, my dad died In 2011, but he abused me since I was 4, but I couldn’t tell my mom or he would sell me or kill me, so I had mixed feelings, I was homeless 9 times, out on the streets, getting arrested, in fights, almost been killed, I rose a 9 year old kid named Anthony, he was I an abusive foster home, so me and my motel roommate took him in, I was mentally unstable and unfit so CPS took him away, and I never seen him since, after that Kimberly tried to kill me in my sleep with Ambien , a meth needle and vodka , I woke up in an ER, and she killed herself, I was raped by my drug dealers which also drugged me up , people on the streets, and by someone I don’t wanna talk about, I was in Foster Care a couple times, Angela and Jimmy, a foster home called GPS with staff instead of parents, and with Lisa, I’ve been in 201 mental hospitals, lock down treatment centers, one in Utah called Copper Hills Youth Center, multiple treatment and crisis centers, group homes, rehabs, shelters, the streets, been in car accidents, I’ve been arrested and detained by a lot of cops in Corona, I have anger issues, been kicked out of multiple schools since 7th grade, I’ve attempted suicide over 50 timesX I’ve self harmed on multiple occasions, I have bipolar , depression, anxietyX l, insomnia, skitzoaffective, ptsd, ocd , dissociative identity disorder, attachment disorder, and AutismX , I’ve helped the homeless and people In hospitals, been on mostly all psychiatric medication, I’ve never had a stable home since 2011, now on December of 2017 I’m finally home, I love to help others cus im used to people not caring about me, I have trust issues, im always there to help to care to make sure there ok and I don’t stop, make them feel better, I hide behind a smile, stay strong, the battle isn’t over yet, aye it’s Izzy Magdalinoz, your NOT aloneX this is my story”-IzzyMagdalinoz Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with 1 year clean! I’m 21. I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , I’ve done mostly every drug, I have a sponsor now!! I’m on step 2 and going to NA meetings every Sunday! I literally read the whole NA basic text book xx I have the NA Big Book as well as everything. I have been thru brutal hell/trauma/torture occurring 24/7 since I was 4, till July 2018. Can we please , have a moment of silence For the addict who still suffers In and out of these rooms Y’all are enough man, my drug dealer moved back into town, and he’s tortured me, I have had over 10 different drug dealers, my drug of choice is meth and herion. I lost my unbiological son , who I met in one Out Of the three foster homes I was in, my deceased ex girlfriend tortured me and made false accusations against me that I gave Anthony drugs, and I had to sell myself , prostitute, get tortured , drugged, abused, raped , almost killed etc etc so I can provide a home for Anthony , I was raising him as my own, I was homeless at the time, again. I failed rehab twice, at Cedar House . And I’ve been to 3 other rehabs. I’ve got a criminal record which has been cleaned after I became an adult . This Is For The Addict Or Alcholic That Might Die Tonight The One Who’s Killing Themselves Or Getting Tortured For Drugs 3 out of the many of my drug dealers. Have tortured me brutally I don’t use to “look cool” I use to numb my pain I first thought it would take my pain away I now have severe brain damage Plus over 10 mental illnesses It was MY CHOICE I remember lying on the side of the street , I lost my mom , I lost my self I lost my life, and I wanted to die I’ve been thru mostly every traumatic thing, experienced mostly it all, and done mostly it all No pity no sympathy no attention ... I have lived and seen death, hell, and I’ve been down this road I’ve been around the block Not saying any of you havnt Cuz I don’t know u #YouKnowMyNameNotMyStory #DontJudge I’m here for all of y’all Y’all are enough and y’all are worth it I’m greatful all of u are alive today And if any of y’all need me, cuz I’m here Feel free to contact me I believe in all of u xx Keep holding on I know it’s hard But I’ll be your hope God; Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change The Courage To Change The Things I Can And The Wisdom To Know The Difference AMEN! Keep Coming Back It Works If U Work It One Day At A Time! Hun i know hell and darkness I know rock bottom and back I know pain and trauma from top to bottom. Im 1 year clean and sober off all drugs and alcohol Fight the fight. Dont let the fight win u. Ive had brutal hell && trauma 24/7 from 4 years old (im 21) till july 2018 I was sleeping under bridges, sidewalks, sides of the street i have been homeless 13 sperate times My problem? I help everyone and everything obsessivly. I got the cops called on me AGAIN today. But your enough Keep fucking shining. Dont let anyone dim your shine. Im here for all yall. -Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Dont Judge, Unless You've Walked In There Shoes You Know My Name. Not My Story Its izzy. ;) Thank u for existing. Your doing the besr u can. Stay strong. Im here for u and here to help and be there in anyway shape or form i possibly can. No matter the circumstances. Thank u for everything x IM 1 YEAR SOBER FROM DRUGS AND ALCHOL xIt's been a wild ride my loves. Hey it's izzy. Imma be here for u no matter how much it takes. Cuz your a precious diamond. Just don't give up. Sorry I haven't been replying. It's just I've been going thru shit. Take care of yourself x we will fight we will stand, we will get thru this. Featuring my shitty social skills. Just don't give up alright 💛💛 🥀🖤A Moment Of Silence, For The Addict Who Still Suffers, In And Out Of These Rokms🖤🥀 Cuz basically all 10 + metal illnesses I have plus my past plus my current situation plus all my symptoms of all my diagnosis are multiplied by 10. I've been thru brutal trauma/pain/hell/torture/bad experiences since I was 4 (I'm 21) until July 2018. Occurring 24/7 I've been tortured abused raped almost killed. In 215 mental hospitals. No home from 2011-2018. Homeless 13 times,almost killed, drugged up lost many to death, my dad tortured me, 3 foster homes, many unlocked/locked treatment centers, group homes, shelters, rehabs, residential, been thru MOSTLY every traumatic thing, I have severe brain damage, anorexia, mom is very sick. I help to much. I can't explain what I'm going thru or what's going on. I'm the most high maintaince case in the system. I've attempted suicide over 100 times. Been on all meds /beej thru all sorts of treatment. I have anger self harm. I'm a hardcore addict. No stable home. Ive been tortured/abused/raped/drugged/almost killed most of my life. I'm tell u a little of my life story You all are enough you all are worth it you al matter, your life is not worthless. Hun I know what it's like to hit rock bottom and back several times. I'm here forcing if u need a friend I'll be there for u care for u help support show you your worth. I've been abused raped tortured homeless 13 times 215 mental hospitals bouncing from unlock and locked treatment centers. I've been in residential. My dad tortured me. I've had trauma 24/7 since I was 4 till july 2018 I got my son taken away. I've attempted suicide over 100 times im a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. No home from 2011-2018 I've been abused in all ways several times. I have skitzoaffective bipolar Anorexia ocd ADHD depression anxiety PTSD insomnia autism borderline personality, dissociative identity fued. I've been in rehab. I'm not trying to get attention I'm trying to show that y'all aren't alone. Stay alive OK. You are important to me. I know I just met u. But I'm grateful for your life., LET GO AND LET GOD! Your feelings and life are valid If not today there's always tomorrow. Thank u for existing Stay You, And Believe In Yourself Don't Give Up Now, Yuve Come This Far This is Izzy, and I am a grateful recovering addict. 🖤__Izzy M🥀💚_____________________ Info: {Brotatochipz Brotienshake} YouTube: TwistedMetal411 Facebook: Angelique Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Instagram: Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Snapchat: iSleepiex19 Twitter: Sw33tInzanityx Tumblr: Trippz2iLL2Ace8ItOut Wattpad: Ms_SweetInsanityyx Email #1: [email protected] Email #2: [email protected] 🥀ιzzу21.i❤️&MissMySonAnthonyMartinez.RIP2KimberlyOlivarez,RIP2JeremyBaraz&IshmaelBaraz.RIPGrandpaHarold.RIPKeraAndrews. RIPJuanTorrez, RIPMamaLisa (One 0f My Foster Parents) RIPDad (Tortured/Abused Me In All Ways),RIPGrandmaSarah (My Mom's Mom) Biromantic-Asexual.Sтαуѕтяσηg.вαттℓєѕcαяz.GOD.TraumaSinceAge4TillJuly2018.Occuring24/7.BяσкєηNDamaged.RIP2Me.Surviver.Vocals&[email protected]❤️M0M.i❤️PeteWentz&Tyler Joseph.Queen0fJupit3r.W3ird.Singer.Actor.Writ3r.2Caring.Ace8ItOut.🥀 UrNotAlone. I make movies,Music,freestyles,vlogs,shows,shortseries/films,I'm here4everyone. my solo musician project."Br0k3n R0z3z".All content on this channel owned by me. MyWattpad Ms_SweetInsanityyx (IWroteABook) Lyf Beat [Search4 "Surviving My Mind_Tripp2iLL"] [My Twenty One Pilots Clique Amino Profile: http://aminoapps.com/p/v2eot0 My Username: 🖤Izzy_Is_An_Angel_Too🖤] 💛💛🖤🖤🥀Hi I'm Izzy, Yes I AM A FEMALE THAT IS 10 MONTHS SOBER AND IS A BIROMANTIC ASEXUAL AND I DO NOT DATE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Stay Alive. && Be You, Cuz Your A Somebody. x I'm Here To Change The World, The Universe, && I'm Here To Make A Difference, I wanna save, help, fix, care, be there, support everyone and everything. One Day At A Time, You Matter Your Important, You Have A Purpose, Your Enough, Your Worth It, Your Someone, Don't Let Anyone Dim Your Shine, Remember What Yo Fighting For, Thank You For Existing. I Know Rock Bottom, Hell & Back, Trauma, Pain && Darkness From Top To Bottom, Stay Alive. I Love Helping Others, I Don't Know Who The Hell I Am. But I Am Here. Spread Good Around, Not Evil. Take Care Of Yourselves.🥀🖤🖤💛💛 L0ADiiNG; ██████████████]99% System Malfunction; Errors: Brain Possession, Sanity Loss, Mind Damage, Overthinking, Too High Maintenance, Loss Of One's Mind, and Killing Of OnesSelf Slowly. ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*•ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*•ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*• ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ ࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇ ࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇ ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*•ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*•ﾟ･*☆¸¸.•*¨*• ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ﾟ･*:.｡*:ﾟ･♡ WARNING: A. My Channel Is A Huge Trigger Warning!!! B. I help everyone and everything obsessively (I am there no matter what, I'm here to be there and help in any way, shape, or form possible. So if you need someone, you can contact me on my socials.) C. I am head over heels OBSESSED with Tyler Joseph && Josh Dun (from the band "twenty one pilots") and they are one of the few reasons I am still alive. Thank You And D. This is very personal content that I post, none of it is for pity, clout, attention, sympathy or clickbait. This is all real. I just wanna make others feel better there not alone. My 1st Email: [email protected] My 2nd Email: [email protected] 🖤💛🥀Okay, let me tell y'all a lil bit about this channel, if you go to the home page of my channel. You see the featured video is 5 hours long (you DO NOT HAVE TO WATCH THE ENTIRE VIDEO) and it's 25% of my life story, it is a HUGE TRIGGER WARNING! if your sensitive to topics such as suicide, any form of abuse or torture, trauma, mental health, drug and alcohol addiction, rape, self harm, eating disorders, death etc etc.... or if you already have gone or are going thru these things yourself or someone else has I DO NOT suggest watching it.. 🥀💙My Original Films; My Vlogs; And Other Random Stuff💙🥀 *Then We Have The Playlists "Angelique x Izzy's World" Is Basically My Life Story Vlog: Followed By My Previous Placements, My Mental Breakdowns, && Other Shit "ATEMYSANITY AKA I'm Fine, No Light, No Lie": My Original Film Series, VERY TRIGGERING, I Play All Of The Characters, Basically The Story Of A Troubled Women Named Shawna Vandiego, and Her Vlogging Her Shitty Life. "Chandy Gone Crazy; 5 AM": An Original Film Series Of A Damaged & Traumatized Girl Named Chandlier Stan Madina or Chandy for short "Insesting The Illusion": An Original Film Series About A Mentally Ill Girl Named Stevie Xencell "In The Name Of Love" An Old Series I Made About Too Kids April and Tommy "Death House": An Old Series I Made Before I Went Away To Treatment To A Level 14 Residential Treatment Center In Utah "Hell Pitch": A Series Of Some Of My Own Poems & Stories "Izzy Magdalinoz's Vlog:" Title Speaks For Itself "Man At Work": An Old Series I Made Back In 2011/2012 About Divorce and Failed Relationships "NewOrder1868 (My 2nd Youtube Channel)": Self Explanatory "My Tyler Joseph Tributes": My Tributes for the lead singer of 21Pilots, Tyler Joseph. Videos Range from 30-40 Minutes to 1 to 2 hours. "Izzy Magdalinoz, Random Stuff": Old Inappropriate Videos I Made Awhile Back 🖤🎶My Music🎶🖤 My Solo Musician Project; Br0k3n R0z3z; I freestyle sing and freestyle rap, write, and make original songs, play a little piano and make beats "Album #1: Trippz2iLL2Ace8ItOut": Focuses On My Traumatic Past && How I've Been Dealing With It "Album #2: RedSunNumberNone": Overcoming My Demons "Album #3: Hello Mr Sky, Do I Know You": Me Questioning My Life && My Reason In This Life "Album #4: Breathe, Please": A Dark Album About My Mental Health && My Past "Album #5: Tributes 4 My Broskiis": Songs Dedicated To My Loved Ones "Album #6: Nowhere2BeSeen; Struggling Yet Surviving": My Recovery🥀💛🖤 ━━━━▣━━◤◢━━▣━━━━━ ━━━━▣━━◤◢━━▣━━━━━ ━━━━▣━━◤◢━━▣━━━━━ Yᵒᵘ Oᶰˡʸ Lᶤᵛᵉ Oᶰᶜᵉ τнänκ чöü♥ ๖ۣۜǤнσsτ༻ 《ℛιzε》 ℛɨᎮ昇 I'm Already Dead, So Leave Me Be, My Love .•♫•♬•♬•♫•..•♫•♬•♬•♫•. .•♫•♬•♬•♫•..•♫•♬•♬•♫•. "Up All Night, Got No Shuteye Sick Of Life, Bloodshot Skies Don't Tell Me Good morning, Don't Tell Me Good night"-Copyrighted By Me, I Own This Song. Just Get Some Sleep, Okay? Angelique. Is. Not. My. Name call me Izzy, that's what I go by. Ps: Mental Illnesses Are Not A Trend; STOP MAKING THEM TRENDY PEOPLE. It's real fucking shit. Trust NoOne. Haha. I'm the weirdest girl y'all will ever meet. Don't Judge Anyone/Anything Unless You Have Already Walked In There Shoes. You Know My Name, Not My Story. I love my mom to death. She also keeps me alive. She's my world. It's Midnight here. So just stay safe. Goodnight xx ░▒▓█▓▒░░▒▓█▓▒░ ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ﾟ･:*✿ ░▒▓█▓▒░░▒▓█▓▒░ ❢◥ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◆ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◤❢ ❢◥ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◆ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◤❢ .Got love4the streets and all of you. Stay Up Fam x “If Y0u Talk En0ugh S3nc3 Than Youll Lose Y0ur M!nd” #SilenceIzB3tt3rThanBullsh!t🥀 Hi idk what the fuck I'm doing? xx Goodnight my amazing lovelies xx Every Rose Has Its Thorn xx You Grow Stronger Everyday xx Izzy, shut the hell up, your being negative again xx 🖤🥀Fake Smiles All Around🥀🖤 🖤🥀It's A Very Very, Mad World🥀🖤 💛🥀Goodbye Reality, Welcome To Dreamland🥀💛 💛🥀Would Y'all Shut Up, Your Disrupting My Train Of Thought🥀💛 🦋🖤Go To Sleep Izzy, Try Again In The Morning🖤🦋 God Is Good, Amen! Pray For Me, My Love I Miss You Anthony, My AngelEyez I Miss You Izzy, Your Not You Anymore R.I.P xx _ xx Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez xx_xx She's Not Dead Physically. __Let's Have A Minute In Silence, For The Addict That's Still Suffering__ 🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀🥀 ❢◥ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◆ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◤❢ ❢◥ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◆ ▬▬▬▬▬▬ ◤❢ Current Status: Single, And Never Again Ready To Mingle (except for Pickle Rickkkk) Still Current Status: Never Dating Again In My Lifetime Health Status: Weird, and Insane Age: 21 Gender: Girl Name: Izzy Occupation: Youtuber/Solo Musician Sexuality: Biromantic-Asexual Working On: 1. My Over 10 Mental Illnesses 2. Recovering From Drug and Alcohol Addiction 3. Helping My Mom 4. Focusing On Myself, Cuz I Help Everyone & Everything Obsessively 5. Not Cutting Myself 6. Staying Sane 7. My Anorexia 8. Being A Better Sister/Daughter 9. Finding My Unbiological Son, Anthony 10. Control My Mental Brwakdowns Favorite Band: twenty one pilots Sister: Yes Mothee: Yes Brother: No Me: Izzy Youtuber At: TwistedMetal411 Solo Musician At: Br0k3n R0z3z School: Centennial High School, Corona (Never Finished) Hometown: Jupiter Current City: Corona Days Without Drugs/Alcohol: September 18th, 2018 Days Out Of The Mental Hospital: Febuary 2019 Days Without Having Unsafe Behavor: Over A Week How Long Until I Date Again: NeverNeverNever Ever Been Cheated On: Countless Times Ever Been Abused: Countless Times. Ever Been Raped: Countless Times Ever Been Homeless: 13 Times Ever Been In A Mental Hospital: 215 Times Ever Been In Foster Care: 3 Foster Homes, 2 out of the 3 were abusive Ever Been In Long Term/Short Term Treatment: Countless Times, To Many Times To Count Ever Been To Jail: Almost Ever Been Arrested: Yes Ever Been In A Fight: Countless Times Current Diagnosis: Bipolar Disorder Schizo-affective Disorder Anxiety Disorder Major Depressive Disorder OCD ODD ADHD PTSD Insomnia Autism Anorexia Nervosa Borderline Personality Disorder Attachment Disorder Dissociative Identity Fued Multiple Personality Disorder High Maintenance Critically/Clinically Insane Severe Brain Damage Medication: Ive been on all physciatric medication Trauma Occurred 24/7 From: 2001-2018 Without A Stable Home: 2011-2018 Got Expelled: Yes Got Suspended: Yes Ever Been To Lockdown Residential: Yes Anger Issues: Absolutely Obsessions: Helping Everyone and Everything && Tyler Joseph Group Homes: Yes Shelters: Yes Therapy: countless times Suicide attempts: over 100 times Dogs: 2 Dogs, Ones a therapy dog Insecure: oh yes Who i love the most: my mom Worst relationship is a person: Kimberly Marie Olivarez Current Mood: Idk Breakdowns Per Day: 5 to 6 sometimes 20 to 22 Am I Ok: I Dont Know Anymore Help Myself or Help Everyone and Everything Else: Help Everyone and Everything Else Music: Oldies, Indie, Lo-Fi, Alternative, Rock, Metal, Grunge, R and B Pop, Country, basically everything. (I also like 60s, 70s, 80s. 90s, music) Favorite YouTuber: MikeMGTV Ever Been In A Near Death Situation: countless times Ever Blacked Out: oh yes Trust Issues: Major Social: Yes Black Sheep/Troubled One/Outkast: Oh Yes Been Bullied: Oh Yes Beeb A Bully: Yes, Sadly Friends: a lot Loyal: yes Engaged: yes, but not anymore Losses To Death: Many People Favorite Color: Purple, Red, Neon Green, Blue and Black Favorite Food: i hate food. No joke Racist: Nope Judgemental: Nope Weird: Hell Yes Insane: Hell Yes In Love: with my dog Like To Do: Make music, make movies, draw, write, sing, rap, freestyle, roleplay, play piano Goodie Two Shoes: Nopeeee 😂😂😂 Trouble Maker/Rebel: Haha, yes Mentally Strong: Yes, sometimes Public Places: nope Cussing: to much Fear: myself. Pretty: nope, but many people think im pretty Ugly: yes, in my opinion Good Personality: Yesss Good Heart: yesssss Sensitive: Only To My Family Popular: nope Do I Like Myself: Hell no Do I Love Myself: still no Excercise?: i do obsessivly Alien: yess Helpful: Obsessivly Full Name: Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Ready: Ready.. Compliments: i dont know how to take compliments *The Meaning Behind "Tyler": Tyler X or "Ace X" or "XX" Fiaskko-Alvaro, is one of my main alters. I have many alters and i live among many alternate universes. Mainly NXSP, or Not Xactly Secure Program, is where my mind is mainly centered, when i was 9 years old, i sae a man, or a shadow, with a knife, on my bed, when i was living in Fernbank, and he told me to look him in the eyes, and i did, and thats when he became my master, and he tortured me, i shoulda never looked him in the eyes, or i probably wouldn't have had the many mental illnesses u have now. But i "raised hell" as Liz Ramos, who i claimed was my name, especially when i went to ETS mental hospital when i was 12, i told them my name wasn't Sara (Sara is my legal name) that it was Liz. And i go by Izzy now, i took the last name Martinez, from Anthony. Even if its not my real last name. Tyler was my second alter, also being mind abused by Johnny "JJ" Garcia. ____________________________ **About Angela/Andrea and Jimmy; [Angela/Andrea Miller]; Angela/Andrea Miller was born in prison, and almost aborted. Her parents were a religious couple, and her brother, Delacruz, would torture her behind their parents back, one day Angela hit her head against a brick wall, she woke up with no memory of anything, and couldnt remember her name, at all, she got diagnosed with "Multiple Personality Disorder" and became abusive and extremely torturous, she met Jimmy at a frat party, and they started doing drugs together, but Jimmy had no idea about her torturous side. She "switched" a lot, kinda the same situation as Dr J. And Mr Hide, but her good personality faded and Angela and Andrea became one personality. The extremely torturous personality. [Jimmy Miller]; Jimmy was always abusive, but never as abusive and his wife, Angela/Andrea Miller. Jimmys biological kids got put into foster care after being taken away by CPS, Jimmy grew up in an abusive single parent household, he was a wife beater and abused his kids. His dad was never around and his mom was addicted to crack cocaine and alcohol. Jimmy was a bully at school when he was in high school. Jimmy met Angela/Andrea Miller at a frat party. And they clicked as soon as they met, but still he had no idea about the "real side" of her, Jimmy offered to run a group home, which later lead to the foster home, but they never had a license to be foster parents, they took in Enji first, and thats how everything started. How i know this? I observed a lot. **About Anthony; Anthony is a 14 year old male. Who is my unbiological son, i bent over backwards for him, He got taken away after Kimberly Marie Olivarez, who is my deceased ex fiance, and Jeremy Carlos Baraz, who is my deceased ex friend. Both of them made a false accusation that i gave him drugs, which is false. And CPS took him away, he was 9 at the time, now hes 14. Hes turning 15 soon, and i miss him everyday. I raised him as my own. We never figured out who his real parents are. But he lived with his aunt and uncle Sarah and George Castillo, then with a foster family, With Cherri and Jose Martinez, then with Angela/Andrea and Jimmy Miller, where we were previously living, i left than came back for Anthony. I havnt seen him for years and idk where he is, i did my best to be a mother. And to take care of him, no Matter the circumstances. **My 4 Different Experiences W/ Anorexia; 1st Time: 2012; Weight: 77lb. I would starve myself till i passed out, i would obsess over calories, including refusing to drink water, i would excersise to the point of passing out, they rushed me to the ER, and i got fed through a feeding tube, i weighed down to 77lb and still thought i was fat, my bones were showing, i couldnt function, longest without food was 20 days, i drank ensure and made myself throw it up. I went into treatment for Anorexia Nervosa, my mom still isnt aware to this day. 2nd Time: 2015; Weight: 84lb. All i ate were saltine crackers, and i would starve myself up to 8 to 9 days, while in the process of doing that, i was in treatment, remember i didnt have a home from 2011 to 2018. So nobody was aware, i went down to skin and bone. I was homeless and bouncing from mental hospital, to treatment centers (unlocked/locked/involuntary/voluntary/short term/long term) the streets. And to rehabs, foster homes, group homes etc etc. I weighed myself everyday. People got concerned, and they admitted me to a mental hospital after i was on the side of the highway, and i kept blacking out, i was on a lot of drugs at that time. Meth mainly, and alcohol. I got taken to a mental hospital, and i couldn't leave till my tray was finished. And i had a 1:1 staff with me at all times to monitor my food intake, but i got past them, i didn't eat for a week, and they gave me the feeding tube again, and i had a huge hatred towards food. 3rd Time: 2017; Weight 98lb. I was in and out of placements and i starved myself for 6 days, then on the 7th i made it look like I ate. With my own methods. I was extremely insecure, and my mental illnesses got worse, people said i was skinny, but even at 98lb i still thought I was fat. I was sent to a treatment centre for eating disorders, and i still refused to eat, and i checked myself out. And then regretted it later. 4th Time: 2019; Weight: Under 130lb.?? Its been since late March or early April. And is still active at this time, i basically hate food. Its been months new, and my weight has been rapidly decreasing, i starve myself from 4 to 6 days, and on the 6th day i eat something small. Then i secretly throw it up, im not at an unhealthy weight, i exercise obsessivly and obsess over calories, i look in the mirror and i look fat, but everyone else saying that im Skinny, after the 5 to 6 days with no food, on day 7 i eat something small, then starve myself again, im blacking out more, and my mom wants me to go to treatment, i hate food with a burning passion, and im taking diet pills, but im over 1 year clean from all drugs and alcohol, im obsessed with losing weight and even after i lose to much. Its never low enough. 🔥🦋🥀This Is My 4th Time Struggling With Anorexia Nervosa. Ive been starving myself for so long now, that its become so easy to just skip days with no food. Food is my enemy & i hate food ' all food with a passion. Ive seeked treatment several times, ive gotten a feeding tube, and almost died several times. I count the calories and literally EVERYTHING. I excercise obsessivly. While i look in the mirror and see how fat i look, everyone else says i "look sick" and im "skinnier then i realize", #EatingDisorders *my over 10 + mental illnesses *starving myself *my 4th time with Anorexia *my experiences *weight loss pills *my dangerous experiences with eating disorders *being underweight *how much i hate food *you DONT HAVE TO BE SKINNY TO HAVE ANOREXIA *treatment *how much your worth *spoken word *a small short film *"im not hungry" *aftereffects *my old anorexia video *insecuritys *trauma/pain/rock bottom/hell/darkness *awareness *how you matter/important/have a purpose/someone/enough/worth it/perfect just the way you are *weight and calorie obsessions *bullying *my many past traumas *staying strong/im here for all yall Listen, I have an eating disorder called Anorexia, im starving myself. But I don't have an appetite. I can go many days without eating. Problem is I dont want to eat! OKAY!! Just because I'm not skinny doesn't mean I don't have an eating disorder I've struggled with this disorder multiple different times. And it's been many months with me not eating. I'm supposex to go to treatment for it I'M SO FUCKING TIRED FAKING BEING HAPPY I NUMB MY PAIN IT'S MY FAULT To ANYBODY WHO PUTS OTHERS DOWN FOR WHO THEY ARE FUCK OFF BRO. I'M NOT PLAYING CALL ME NEGATIVE! I'M SPEAKING MY MIND GROW THE FUCK UP!!!! I'M TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN, FOOD IS MY ENEMY #EatingDisorder #StopTheStigma #Anorexia #Buliemia #Treatment #HereWeGoAgain #YourAmazingJustTheWayYouAre Have a blessed day. 💚💚💚 🥀🥀I'm getting help for my eating disorder. I've been starving myself but whenever I do get the chance that eat I throw it up secretly. I'm admitting I have a problem and I'm willing to seek treatment. But if I go to another mental hospital or anything related or if I fuck up one more time I'm being admitted to the state psychiatric ward. Higher level of care. Look up "Institutional For The Mentally Diseased" or "Metropolitan State Hospital" im getting sicker and sicker and it's killing me mentally and physically (more than it already is currently) I will be okay. Stay strong everyone. Your all worth it!. (I can't function at all, but I already couldn't function but it's gotton worse)🥀🥀 ______________________________________ __________**NXSP/My Demons____________ **Johnny "JJ" Garcia√: my 1st demon, he possesses me. He was born inside me as my master while i raised hell alongside him. when i was 9, i looked him in the eyes, and ever since then he became my master, and he possesess me, he said "pull the red wire, and that will kill me", which was a huge lie. I killed Johnny while i waz filming a documentary inside NXSP, he hasnt came back yet, but that made Mr Alvaro intensify and become worse. Johnny or commonly known as JJ, is the son of Presley/Wesley Garcia, or commonly known as "KnockOut 890xo" who is Johnnys master. But he is dead, after Erin connected NXSP with The Ends. And after Erin started a fire. He passed away in 2012. Then Johnny took after his dad. And now hes dead. **Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia√: She got tortured, and abused in all ways by Johnny Garcia, Lily abused me, cuz i looked Johnny in the eye at 9 years old, and then became my master, asa well as Lilys master. Johnny made Lily his "bitch", if she leaves Johnny, he would kill her, torture her more, and report her then send her to "The Ends". Johnny tortured her so bad. That Lily lost all her senses. She died multiple times. **Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos√: My first alter, in love with Johnny. He tricked Liz thinking he was there for her, and got her back. Sold, abused and tortured her, and made her in love with the darkness and pain, she got sent to The Ends, several times. **Charlotte "Alexx" McMann√: Whos Alex is her alter. Was an addict and alcoholic, tortured herself and others to get crack cocaine, her drug of choice. Charlotte is a transgender Female. From male to female., The McManns are the lowest hunans in NXSP. The outkasts. She claims that Dancing Fire aka Lily, made Erin fuck up NXSP and thats why "The Ends" exsist and is why Johnny turned out the way he did and how Mr Alvaro (Michael A. Alvaro) was born. People thought Michael was born by Johnny but the truth is Dancing Fire created him., Johnny was Charlottes dad, and Presley was her grandfather. After Izzy killed Johnny, Lily killed Charlottes mom. After Lily injected false dangerous codes in her. Charlotte loses her senses and her memory. She claimed she didnt know who anyone is including herself. **Chris "Marlin" McMann: A new demon who basically fucks around with my head. No other information, its in theu unknown **Wesley "Presley" Garcia (Johnnys Abusive Master)√: is Johnnys master and biological father. But is now deceased. **Constance "CeeCee" McMann√: is my protecter from harm or any demons that try to fuck with me. She calms me down and is always there for me, she never leaves my side. I havnt heard from her. Later finding out she passed away, she is Erins sister and Charlotte's mother. **Dancing Fire "aka Lilys Alter" (demon like archangel misunderstood in the form of fire, might be another world trying 2 contact me)√: Dancing Fire came about when i posted a picture on Facebook, with me holding a lit up lighter, titled "Up All Night With Dancing Fire" and ever sense then it haz been getting progressively worse. I shouldn't have summoned it, but to late now. **Michael Alvarado-Alvaro√: Michael A. Alvaro aka Mr. Alvaro. was created by Lily aka Dancing Fire, Mr Alvaro is the master of Tyler "Roo" Alvaro. Connecting the dots, one of my main alters is Tyler XX "Roo" Alvaro (the good Alvaro). Mr Alvaro possesses me, takes control of me. And is the main demon whilst i have physcotic episodes and mental breakdowns, which i used to have 5 to 6 a day. Now it went up to 20 to 22, now 20 to 25 a day. Mr Alvaro comes in many forms. And he decodes me and everything around me. Hes my main demon now. **Tyler "Roo" Fiaskko-Alvaro && Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx/DrearyEyezx/Ronnie Irez"Magdalinoz-Martinez (Me)√: Who's first love was Michael Alvarado-Alvaro, who abused and tortured, sold and raped Tyler in every which way possible, everyday allday. Runs NXSP. Alongside Izzy. Helps everyone and everything obsessivly. I am the main character in NXSP, which is one of the alternate universes i live and dissociate into. **Chandy/Gladdis/Leon/Charlene/Raul/Ralphie/George/Michaela aka Michael (all characters from my movie, "Chandy Gone Crazy; 5:00 AM Im Trashed, Im Done" etc.): i waz portraying these characters so much that they came out life. **Erin Ramos√: Erin Ramos, brother of Liz Ramos, brother to Constance "CeeCee" McMann. Erin got possessed by Lily aka Dancing Fire, which he acted out and collaborated NXSP with The Ends. Which fucked up NXSP for good. **DANCING Squares√: DANCING Squares, commonly known as Erik Ramos-Garcia, is a demon that morphs into objects is shapes, which leads them to "have a force on me" its a human taking place as different shapes, and adds codes to them to make them possess me, they take place in a big square, and they dance alongside ceilings, walls, and come as different shapes, but the outline is always a square, thats why i made up the phrase "Dont Talk To The Ceiling, It Might Talk Back". **Duplicates of People√: thiz one is self explanatory, ever since 2012, i see two people instead of one. But one of them in the false version. **Bad Mommy/Good Mommy√: after my dad died, which i dont consider my father, i had visions of my mom abusing me. But i knew reality from fantasy. Scars on her face., Bad Mommy abuses me, but i can tell the difference. Cuz "Bad Mommy" haz scars on her face. **Bad Daddy/Good Daddy√: after my dad died in 2011 (tbh he tortured me in all ways, so im glad hez dead, i dont consider him my father) anywho after he died i was in denial, i have 10 senses. So i see dead people. Hes in my dreams. **Visions&Hallucinations of Past/Future√: My whole past, flashes by in my head vividly. My future i can see clearly. **Cones√: they are just floating objects. But mainly Cones, which i consider a warning sign, guiding me in the right direction, but sometimes in the wrong direction. **Red Dots: red dots leading me places, usually calling TAXI #1 THRU #10. **Flyerway√: Flyerway and basically me floating above the earth during near death, out of body. And dissociated experiences, i now dissociate all day 24/7 (also in a dream) but it USED TO BE 80% TO 88% A DAY. **Veronica/Victoria Enxxellia√: Theres 2 parts to this, Veronica and Victoria is basically split personalitys with NO middle ground. Kinda like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide. But this demon is very dangerous, it takes over my body. In every/any which way possible. **Objects Having Force On Me√: i look at an object and i feel like its staring and taking me over, possessing me. And scares me. Tryna decode me. Controlling me. **Flying Objects√: kinda like objects (living and non living) fly and/or float in the air, (examples: a coffee table flying in the air, furniture floating in the air.) **Demons Posessing Me√: Self Explanatory, but basically demons possess me to the point where im worse is satan himself, or losing all control, and being "taken over/controlled". **SatanslashGod (can't tell the difference)√: satan and God both sound the same in my head, and i cant tell them apart. **Richard Enxxellia√: Richard "Richie" Enxxellia is a recent demon of mine, who decodes everything and everyone. But he gives me dangerous capabilities, which i act out dangerously, bizarrely and unsafely. **Three 7's√: have u ever been to a casino? If u have then youll understand, i feel like im famous, but now i realized that its called "Delusions Of Grandeur" which is part of my mental illnesses (i have over 10 mental illnesses), one of my doctors explained what that meant. I go out of reality a lot more than a person ever should. **Seventy Three 6's√: =7 x 3 x 6, so basically me feeling like im dying, and/or already dead. **Puppoi (A Duplicate Of My Puppy Raskcal)√: i see a hallucination of my therapy dog, Raskal, when im the only one who can see him. **Mr.OutOfDate√: this bitch pisses me off, 1. its basically when i have dreams/voices/visions/and obsessions over my mom dying. 2. Or when i live thru hell and darkness itself, like literally. 3. And lastly when i feel like im fading away closer to death. **NXSP (0ne Of The Alter Worlds I Live In As Liz Ramos, as I raise hell with Johnny "JJ" Garcia (I try to kill him on multiple occasions but I pulled the Red Wire && he got worse)√: NXSP, or known as "*Not Xactly Secure Program*", is one of the main alternate universes i go to, but its a dangerous (prison/hell/matrix/supernatural) world i go to. Thats where all my demons take place. It didnt used to be dangerous. Until Lily made Erin destroy the world of NXSP, by merging it with The Ends. **The Ends (The End Of NXSP it's worse than hell itself times infinity 100 percent)√: its worse than hell itself, basically you die and u never go back. But u get sent there while your asleep. And u never return. **Jonathan Maqranga√: Johnny and Alvaro tortured him, had a stepmom who gave him shit. I. Return of sex and getting tortured. From his brother's and sisters. It was rape and torture, he fell in love and the drugs. So he would do it. His dad left, he was around to protect Jonathan from the torture anymore, His mom introduced him to drugs at age 9, and he got addicted from that day on. His stepmom was actually Michael Alvarado-Alvaro. The other main person behind the torture. Was Lily Ramos-Garcia. His sister. **TwentyStepsForward√: TwentyStepsForward is a demon that i dont deal with a lot. But it's commonly known as TSF, which is the abreiviation of the whole name. TSF was born in a human demon body. But turned to ashes, after Johnny died. But it was later found out by me that this was Dancing Fires brother. **Edgar "Eddie" Alejandria√: Known as Eddie Alejandria (the main personality out of his 3 personalitys) , was a demon with no background to any other demons. But this demon was one of Johnnys servents. Eddie was in foster care his whole life. Eddie Alejandria is one of 3 personalities. 1. Eddie Alejandria: Main Personality 2. Chillwax Alejandria: Bad Demon (Devil) 3. Edgar Alejandria: Good Demon (Angel) **Dancing Rooms: everything is like a labrynth, rooms dancing and turning around. And talking to me. **UglyBitterSky√: this one is the archangel who i use to take me from universe to universe. Why it was named UglyBitterSky, is because it was a misinderstood archangel, commonly hated by Lily. Or Dancing Fire. **TheFuckAllTheWayUpInTheSky√: created by Dancing Fire, basically the sky tries to change courses and universes. Without permission of NXSP, tries to send u a message, but it doesn't care, its a living thing. **Chillwax Alejandria√: Chillwax Alejandria is the 2nd personality out of the 3. But is the Devil Demon, as well as Eddie, the 1st and main one. And Edgar. The Angel Demon. **People From My Past, A Vivid Movie Like Form Of My Whole Past From Beginning To End Flashing By In My Head (Random Times, Coordinated by Dancing Fire Themself): imagine all of my past, which some of u know 21% of it, oh well theres more. It goes from the very beginning in a vivid like movie detailed version of my past, to the very end of the trauma (2018) and whenever i start feeling good, Dancing Fire, cordinates it cus it wants me to go back in time and be constantly reminded of my traumatic past, so even tho it already happened, i relive it everyday and never really escape it. **ClosedOptions: this makes me go backwards. Programming negative stuff in my head that effects my every day living. **Josephina "Paid2Kill" Hernandez√: shes a torture, abuse, rape, street, domestic violence and suicide attempt survivor. Also got tortured in all ways by Johnny Garcia and Michael Alvarado-Alvaro. Josephina was in foster care. She died 21 times, then 11 times after that. But not on her own. Pills darkness pain and death was her addiction. She jumped off a bridge and became a "vegetable", but shes been in NXSP 3 times. But the 4th time she came up to NXSP, she got transferred to another unit, but was to "high maintenance" so she went back to NXSP. 💚💚🔥🥀🦋A Lil Deeper Into My Demons Life; *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; about the visions he basically comes at night funny how "at night" is when i act out anyways, "johnny" did some huge damage to me and made me do damage to others, but mostly me, he abused me, made me breakdown millions of times made me violent with crazy ass visions of different shit, its like living in a horror movie.coming after me i tried to kill him but he never dies he said "pull the red wire" which one do i pull theres to many i hate when he "possesses" me when he comes after me even in my dreams he still makes me violent sometimes but less cuz im getting treatment. "you gotta nice autograph picture, one for you and one for yo sister" at my group home "JJ" hassnt seen me (except for once i was outside trying to kill me or hurt myself, i threw rocks at the car that Johnny was running over my mom with in the vision, she ran she ran and i almost went AWOL but i didn't) *Elizabeth "Liz" Ramos; ~The Night You Left, Turning Sara Into Elizabeth Ramos~ MY STORYxccc Written In 9/6/12 I was screaming, panting, searching, all over, so this is my story, so i was @ Preston's open house, right? and he got mad at me and tried to punch me so i punched him then i ran round the blocks screaming for you when people walked by i threatened them i was insane dark posessed, i stole a pack of cigarretes and some blue pills and Esctasy the cops (there were about 7 or 8 cars) chasing me but i was to fast finally i got thrown in my moms car i went home lockled in my room going crazy cutting till i was bleeding and beaten and bruised, trashing my room, destroying everything, graffiting on myself and the walls writing "666" everywhere. ranting on satanistic shit, listening to death metal, finally Johnny took full control and possessed me i busted the door down trashed the house i punched my mom and myself the officer in our house i stole a pill bottle and chased my family around ranting on and on i busted the front door open my mom tackled me to the ground i got out of her grip i ran into the dark going cxrazy going mad trying to die with Johnny chasing me and abusing me, after about 5 minutes they tackled me to the ground i went to the car destroying the glass all my personalities came out, i got more posessed than before i realized it wasnt you Cynthia sang to me and i knew it wasnt you it was your father, Presly Garcia, i know you would leave me i knew you would fuck up. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia; ~Lisxten Upx~ MY STORY.cc EMPTY.TO.EMPTY (WRITTEN AT RESIDENTAL TREATMENT CENTER) This is how I feel, i know you don't have the power to kill my mom you showed me that she burned in a fire well fuck off Johnny are you real? NO YOUR NOT FUCKING REAL. MAKE ME A PERSON OF DARKNESS, my depression digs deep Johnny no Johnny STOP MAKE IT STOP HELP ME HELP ME STOP IT NO GO AWAY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? but you can't kill mommy please dont take me to the ends. i don't know about you, but im done. this is how i feel, i feel lonely, and shattered, don't know where to go, what to do, im just done, i don't care about me, i hate me. I HATE ME. the new me isn't like the old me, the new me has lost herself inside and outside, mentally and physically, im lost inside a big dark hole of lonleyness, depression, sorrow, hurt, blind, numb, fucked up, mental, ill, scared, paranoid, crazy, done... If i leave i know, that you would be laughing you wouldnt cry JUST FUCKING WATCH ME SUFFER ABUSE MYSELF TO DEATH AND YOULL LAUGH YOUD BE HAPPY. and as i say goodbye, noone will here me. shit. worthless. lonely, nothing. wasted. IM FUCKING DONE! LET ME GO GET OFF ME IM DONE!!! its all clashing down nowhere to hide, trapped inside, wanting to die, wanting to cry, burst, break, can't breathe, its all inside, i have to get out before everyone comes down, i'm sorry to you all for making your life misrable. Something in my brain is missing or snapped, i can't reconize myself, im going dark, nothings helping im getting crazier, getting worse, its taking control of me its killing me, all over, its not normal, its killing me all over, im blind, im stuck, about to break, a chemical embalance, im different. my hallucinations make NO SENSE IM NOBODY WHO AM I I DONT KNOW WHO I AM. im losing my mind idk who i am its the end, wait stop talking, there coming in suits killing me, why arent i normal? whats going on? laugh laugh feeling intoxicated mental retardation out of it delusional fuck man im losing it, im going insane, idk who i am, help me, lost 40 lbs idk who i am real bad hallucinations, try to kill myself, my amazing friend Oscar prayed with me, cared, comforted me, helped me, he saved me brought me to God. I WANT DADDY. WHATS GOING ON? repeated phrases over and over in my head in my mind its broken, IM SCARED, "circles and squares for people who cares" i wanted to die, stayed up all night in the hospital bed, for 20 FUCKING HOURS. nothing makes sense.... BAD.EPISODE.SCREAMING. there after me, i dont know whats going on whats happened to me, ive changed for the worse NO NOT THE CHANGE. idk whats real and whats not, im not in reality, im in a dream can't wake up WHEN WILL I WAKE UP? my life is crumbling, Johnny is becoming real, bad anxiety, mom called 911 WENT TO ETS MENTAL HOSPITAL, CUZ I WENT CRAZY, THEY TOOK ME AWAY DONT TAKE ME AWAY WHY DID YOU TAKE ME AWAY??? IM JUST DONE AND OVER... bye :( *Good Daddy/Bad Daddy; So this is how it all started, so on 3/18/14, Tuesday, i tried to commit suicide, the night before i pulled an allnighter with my iPod, and pulling allnighters effects my medication, i was hearing my dads voice talking to me, saying, "im coming back" "no your not you little bitch so shut the fuck up" "im coming back nomatter if i like it or not" the next day at school i went AWA around campus. i was already pissed and triggered, i missing my dad, so i told my teacher and i went AWOL twice, the 1st time i ran i tried to jump in front of a car and my staff saw me and the OGI van was already chasing me, i refused to get in the van, they took me back to the school, i got out and went AWOL again, try kill myself, the van chased me, i fought to get in and this time the staff escorted me to the residential dorm quiet room, i got in 6 restraints 4 escorts, i selfharmed with my nails and i was damaging property. i had a whole bunch of people talk to me i screamed "i wanna go home" everywhere, i started hearing and seeing things, i didnt go home i went to ETS mental hospital, in an ambulance, all this shit happened cuz i was being unsafe, now i learned my lesson. *NXSP; ~Underestimated~ My Storryyxx 8/12/14 Sometimes, its not what it seems, its not reality, could cry and hurt myself for hours not sleep pull allnighters one day after another im bloodshot my brain is sufficating you can see all the hurt and pain in my eyes, im scared, wanting to die, take my family with me, im just so messed up, im done with this shit the mentalness the non functionality the disorders, im tired of me, im tired of life, im tired of everything. im just, darkness. ON 8/7/2012 In progress... okay its now 5:02 P.M, Johnny's awake again, ready to start raising hell, hes in process or "processing" hes adapting, ready to posess me, imma take off the motion detector im FUCKING BLOODSHOT READY TO FACE DEATH IM TO UNSTABLE IM TO DANGEROUS. and the wires, well white wires, trying to break free out the locked doors , so sweet, the dectectors on the doors the wires on the walls, the blood on the ceiling, the dreams that crash my mind MAKE ME FUCKING BLIND. myself broken to peices, 2:00 AM still up slaving myself, about to go out on myself, wanting to hang, but its just a thought, an addicting thought, the pain and suffering theres no end to the feeling, im down. almost about to become someone else, the transfering starts as i transform into someone dark, a dark shadow waiting to come out and kill the light, as the blood drips down me, on everything, my wrists, so silent, then i scream, cuz im bloodshot, eyes you can barely see nomore, cuz there full of blood, clear for water, the wires falling down, and strangle herself, now its 5:00 am, still awake ready to start it all over again. xx {.} isnt it funny? its like im a completly different person, no touch with reality, yes i do agree ive changed for the worst, mental in the head, my brain doesnt function right, and im different, im not normal stanger to myself its like im a complete stranger... mentally unstable, physco, not normal, im so ill, like im a complete stranger FUCK IT MAN. to crazy for normalcy NO FUNCTIONALITY THE PERFECT FUCK MY LIFE. insanity insane ive dissapointed all of them WHO AM I? nothing.. to bad for me, haha isn't it funny??? "Ms Function or KnoqoutToCrazyyes.no.or.maybe." *Flyerway; (POEM BY ME ALISA MONEE ALVAREZ/SARA BERGER) ""Have you heard the news lately, i was born to be dead, meant to be someone, but now imma noone, so now i blaqout, see you later, well maybe... Open your eyes, see yourself cry, die, break, and fade away, heartless and cold, stone cold, broken and empty, noone else knows, the pain that unfolds, the dark side of your mind, mental and lonely, how come you never told me? some reason or excuse, to keep me from me, is it because im to crazy or im sick in the head? all those stories you told me, when i was a baby, something changed right inside me, then i grew up for noone, had no love and acception, then i became different, to crazy to function, my brain is defunctioned, im old and unstable, but i am not able, to pay back the life i was grown to, crazy and physco, noone to hold me, sing rock'a'bye'baby. I guess i was born crazy, mentally ill, built a wall i cant break down, these chains tied right on me, broken and knoqued out, have you heard me lately? i am noone BUT IM BECOMING A SOMEONE I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN, THROUGH GOD, HE SAVED ME, IM READY TO BE HEALED TO BE RECOVERED END THE DARKNESS, GET BETTER, END TREATMENT, IM FUCKING READY YOU BITCHES CANT STOP ME, Im not gonna lose it all, go all out, make stupid ass choices, no dangerous stuff, imma maske the right choice I LOVE YOU GOD, THANK YOU@!!!!!"" POEM BY ME. THE END. *Johnny "JJ" Garcia/The Ends/Erin Ramos; ~Break In The Dark, Molero Fever~ Myy Storii xc :3 8/7/2012 "JJ"s awoken from his sleep, Putting Liz and brother's fire out, tonight ...Hes awake, hes awake,please save me, i cant control him anymore, i cant fight him anymore, not even for you, please mom come and save me, make him dissapear so i can see the stars again, Johnny, are you wake? are you ready to raise hell? i knew youd come back, are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna try to take over me, no no no dont touch me, to many people to much noise to much sound, no shut up, rock back and fourth, no mom please fly here tonight and save me, please no no no dont die Preston, are you really in the hospital? no hes not bleeding, open your eyes, JJ do you copy? send Preston to The Ends, the end of WHAT? no Johnny let me go, PLEASE LET ME GO, is that him? no no no no no no NOOOOOO lET GO OF ME. don't touch me DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME GET THE FUCK OFF ME. hes not dead, he cant be, im bleeding, Johnny stop not there, no i need you mom, no Johnny, no Johnny your not me, your a liar, NO IM NOT NOW HOLD STILL, IM GONNA KILL YOU, NO JOHNNY, PRESTON, MOMMY, hes now awake, processing, Johnny to Constance, send em all to The Ends, put there fire out, NOW, I SAID NOW BITCH... *Constance McMann; Saturday, 2:28 pm, Auguest 18th, 2012, Constance i need to ask you something. Dear Constance, i know how hard you worked to take care of me, but i still cant be here, alone, in this spot, sure i call you and i ask if theres a way to escape "JJ" but your answers always the same, "pull the red wire" but i dont know where it is, so please tell me, i love mom i really do, i cant choose between my real mom, and you Constance, your my sister, i call you my mom, but YOUR NOT MY FUCKING MOM. Liz Ramos, OUT... Thursday, 7:29 pm, Augest 23rd, 2012, and in the dark, he must remain. *NXSP/Erin Ramos/Liz Ramos; Things Erin did wrong... 1. told JJ about the red wire, 2. mentioned "the thing", 3. told JJ "L"s number, 4. pulled up a knife to Preston, 5. told JJ that Lisa is "L". Aye, call JJ back @2:30, call mama, to pull it all out, the numbers of "US" make the dreams harder, follow the red wire to kill it all, all the Garcias all the McManns, i thought i was outta sight, but im back on, calling Lisa 60 times a day until he kills, i dont know who, but it all means something, Lorene, i thought the socket was already electrified, i shaked and shaked, now look where i am, look where Preston is, sick as hell in the hospital bed, stop calling Lisa, im asking you Johnny, im not, im not, IM NOT break out with the green wire, i know you can, what about late night? i made a contract for the program, now JJ put me on level drop, 4RF, bitch, now I...I...shit here he comes, calling me, OH SHIT. -.- This is a blog i wrote when i was at my level 14 residential treatment center. Tuesday, 6:51 pm, Augest 21, 2012 LIFE OUTTA JOHNNYS SIGHT, WHO FUCKING TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU SO... why JJ did you open up a new story on us, not willing to even notify me, ive been in the program for 4 fucking years, and you never mentioned "The Thing" to me, im one of you guys, i had sight put on me, and now you want me to uninstall it? JJ get it thru your damn head that im a part of "US" im not going to The Ends i know hes in the hospital. you told me he was sick, i thought you were a liar, but i know its for real this time. the outsiders think your nothing but a freak, unexsistable, fake, but i know your real, i dont want to get a new master, im out of sight, forever, this is me Elizabeth Ramos..... oh my fucking god Erin, can't you see Liz doesnt want you or need you, just shut up, i dont want to hear it, shes outta sight all because of you, NO JJ ITS NOT MY FAULT, please just give me one more chance i dont wanna go to The Ends, im sorry i mentioned "The Thing". No Erin, times up, the red wires been pulled, and its all BECAUSE OF YOU. now we have to live outta sight, and Elizabeth, when she finds out Johnny cant be her master, and ill tell her the excact reason why. Im Erin Ramos this is me... bye. What do you mean? are you saying he left? AGAIN. i know Liz, all im saying is he can no longer posess you. then how the hell am i supposed to raise hell? if it hadnt been for Erin, we wouldnt be in this fucking mess, this would have NEVER HAPPENED. no CeeCee you know what this means, were gonna be sent to The Ends, if one "Ramos' pulls the wire, all the "Ramos" will be taken to The Ends. Do you know how low functioning Erin is? NO. I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF HE IS. SEND HIM TO THE ENDS, IM NOT GOING DOWN THAT ROAD, being a "McMann" HELL NO. Liz, im so sorry, i should have told him, its not my fault, ITS NOT MY FAULT... This is Elizabeth and CeeCee. nite bitch.... Okay Tuesday, 8:38 pm, Augest 28th, 2012, this is Plumb and Erin Ramos, JESUS CHRIST HOW LONG HAVE I KNOWN YOU? for all the time ive known you, like 2 years? shit, Erin hasn't even told Johnny about you yet, Plumb. i know your my friend, my step sister, but i have to tell Johnny, if you want to be a part of "US" i have to. But what if he doesn't approve me for the program? WELL THEN GET YOUR ASS UP AND START THE PAPERWORK. what paperwork? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? youll be sent to "The Ends" if JJ hears that, dont you EVER deny paperwork, oh and dont mention "The Thing" either. whats "The Thing"? Dont tell JJ that i told you what "The Thing" is, alright? i promise. okay "The Thing" happens excactly on December 30th, 2012. YEAH AND? what happens is all the wires will be pulled, and every person that asleep while its happening will be sent to "The Ends" Erin is gonna be sent to "The Ends" regardless, i know you like Erin, but hes your step brother, he doesnt even know you exsist, well im logging off, nite o> *Michael Alvarado-Alvaro/DANCING Squares/Veronica&Victoria Enxxelia; [[[[ -----Will You Believe Me If I Went Insane? (These are TRUE REAL Stories I had written in CHYC treatment center back in 2012, these are 100% real, about my hallucinations and me going insane, my stories && my raps.) X'd Out Bitchz-----]]]] 7/12/2012, Ronnie Irez, Coded, got in the shower half naked, sat there crying, digging deep into my skin with the blade oh I pressed it against my skin, watching it bleed, the blood rushing down, brings me to my knees, don't feel no pain, but I'm enjoying it, the blood dripping on the floor, but I don't care, just stand there, watch me bleed, at that moment I jumped and hit the ground, no tears came out, oh hell no, I tried to move but I couldn't, I was stuck, this is just payback for my choices, I tried to get up but I couldn't move a muscle, well this is how I am, visions of killing and fighting and burning down this place, so I got up and climbed out the window, I pulled out my gun, pointing it towards my mouth, thinking of death, suicide, ending it all, Johnny's got me now and I'm just fine, I assaulted 5 cops, and I ran, so faraway I couldn't be found, the world is cruel, it's full of pain, all I think about is numb blank fucked up thoughts, that's all I want to do, all I ever wanted, so I pull out the lighter and my cigarretes I smoked until I fainted, getting faded, and it all turned black , oh I'm so sad, so sad, full of pain, now I feel it, now oh I regret it, bye mom bye dad, see you later, oh no . *Charlotte McMann; 7/12/2012, fire and flames, last week was the day I did it, now I regret it but I did it, I tried to kill my other, I walked into his room and tried to choke em' watch the satisfaction on my face grow, to see him in pain, to see him suffer like I once did, tried to kill em ' all to take em' where daddy is, so we can all be together, and burn this place on fire, and kill every fool in this damn place, yeah I said it, and I'll do it , hell no bitch yo getting in my face, I'll fuck you up before you can blink, have a nice rest while I knock you out, see you in hell, cuz dats where yo ass is going, can't you hear me? can't you hear my voice or are you just ignoring it . yes you tried but you didn't make it, sorry for your loss but it's not my problem, well goodbye have sweet dreams cuz when you'll wake up it will be dark and empty, burning like my soul, like my heart, like the diamonds in your fire , cuz I'm no liar cuz yo just a fake, the cops are chasing me, you'll never catch me, cuz dats just me. Cold and over, shivering outside , the rain is falling down , try to make it through, oh sorry no I can't, I try to walk my way , but there's nowhere to go, my home is so far away, I'm cold and alone, where are you ? I need you, lead me the way I need to go , oh I need to know , where I am, where I need to go , before I lie here and die, my bodies getting old, I'm just laying here like a stone, bodies tense, muscles to hard to move, can't seem to make it any further , come on, come on , your almost there, you may not realize it , but you go to believe, just a few miles away , yes you got to believe, crawl faster, get up , please, I don't wanna see you so broken, I wanna see you try, climb , run , please please your almost there, don't give up now cuz your getting close, your thinking why try harder? but you've got to before you die and get taken away from me, I've already lost enough, I can't stand losing you, leave me like this, shattered inside , cold inside and out, skin scratched and bruised and bleeding, I'm so cold , can you see through me ? if you can please tell me, why me why now why does it have to be this way , why does it have to end like this? *Contance McMann/Erin Ramos; 7/14/2012, see your face, burn down the house, watch it fall, try to stop it but it's no use no more, later that day she burned in a fire, I ran in there, tried to save her, but you know what , she was already dead, the body was turned to ashes, I picked it up trying to bring it back to life , opening eyes like a pleasure, there were red and bloodshot, I had a mental breakdown put it in my trunk, road off the bridge deep into the ocean, we drowned to the bottom, I passed out then I woke up in a hospital bed , body scarred, face burnt, I looked up and there was Constance , I was scared, didn't mean it, I saw your face Constance, please forgive me,it was just a vision, just my mind playing tricks on me , I sorry I was sweating now I got up and slipped and fell when I saw your face, I jumped I was scared oh Erin not now , please not now, I grabbed your body and hid it, JJ killed ya, oh I saw your face , yes i saw your face, it was gone forever. ^.^ *Flyerway && Eddie/Edgar/Chillwax Alejandria; 9/3/2012 My last step, baby it's gonna be okay, don't worry ill be alright, I tried to tell you but you never listened to me I don't care anymore, what you say or what you think, I'm in pain, all over my body, the scars are infected, my life is over, as I inject the last shot of meth, I say goodbye hopeing I would die , die slowly in pain, I light the candles there on fire, I step into the bathtub, water burning, I take my last step in life, I try to cry but it's impossible to me, I'm in so much pain, I can't take it anymore , JJ is after me , trying to kill me, I just want to escape , I'm melting and falling to peices blood all over, ready to die, but then I see you, your face is shocked, you yell and cry, I can't stand to see you hurt, I try to crawl out, but it's to late, body is numb and now all I hear is sirens ringing, your crying, police trying to save my life, I feel so numb, but I don't care, this is the end and now I say, goodbye... *Elizabeth Ramos/Constance McMann/Charlotte McMann/Josephina "Paid2Kill" Hernandez; xxGotNoPleasurexc -"Seeing Me, Elizabeth Ramos , It's Like Reading A Nightmare" (my hallucination alternate life) , by me Sara Berger/Alisa Alvarez- _____Walk into the classroom with your head held high, say hello to everyone inside, my greetings warm and friendly, but when I go outside I remember that I don't have a home, and I feel alone, remember the day I dressed you up for school? The day I cried when I said my goodbye? As you got on that bus and drove away? You don't know what goes on through closed doors, at school everything seems fine , I sit down and do my work quietly and I see all my friends, and act like it's all alright , I'm scared to get in the car , what's gonna happen as soon as I leave my second home? Behind my smile and my hard work and kindness is someone broken and damaged, I can't show it besides behind closed doors. I walk into my house , no parents home, my sister Constance Ramos is inside sitting on the couch, waiting for me to come in with my substances, I pass out the liquor and the cocaine and get high every second of the day, I never had real parents cuz my dad was a physcotic killer and my mom got sent to jail for drugs , aggression , and sexual assault. My dad abused me 24/7 and put a gun to my moms head countless times, and beat her till she bleed and suffocated, he was a serial killer addicted to meth and crack cocaine, and my whole life he beat us to death , tortured us, till we blackout, and cut us up, and abused us to death. Finally he got sent to jail and he killed himself, so I didn't have a dad, no parents, I had to raise myself, my mom was so traumatized that she got Alzheimer's, she was like a 2 year old, she couldn't take care of me and she had physcotic episodes, then the police came cuz she started shooting her shotgun at the wall and all around the house and then at me as she was screaming "I wish you were dead, just like your father, go get raped or killed and kill yourself" she was not in reality she got hijacked and possessed and thought I was her husband and thought I was someone else, she didn't knew who I was, I was like a stranger and so was she, just a blank cold dis activated stranger, she wasn't my mom she was an animal who didn't know reality, and I was like bait to her for her physcotic episodes, then she drowned my head in the tub and burned me and tortured me worse then my dad as she got possessed, she shoved my head against the wall beating me and suffocating to death and stabbing me and torturing me, then she took her shotgun and pointed it towards my head, before she raped me while I was on the toilet and injected drugs into me, the police took her away and I moved to a foster home. The house parents were drug dealers, and they were crude and physcotic, they raped all the children and murdered them, they tortured us like a murderer would but we had to keep it a secret, shhhhhh they said, very quiet, they abused us bad and attempted to kill us, mainly me and this other kid Erin Vanity, we both got brain damaged , our bodies were bloody and scarred , I took Erin in as my little brother and we grew close, but he was low functioning as well, so I had to teach him, one night when we were sleeping I got a call from the neighborhood police department , saying my mom died after she got arrested she jumped out of the car and into the freeway, so I never had parents. I went through 24 foster homes where we were tortured and on drugs, finally me and Erin were on the streets for 2 years doing crazy physcotic illegal shit and killing , and that's where I met this girl named Constance Ramos who was also on the streets, she took us in and we became family , The Ramos Family, we lived together , and then Johnny Garcia came into our lives, he became my master , and me and him and his father Presly got possessed and raised hell (definition for torturing killing and doing physcotic insane and murderous Satanistic shit) he was my master and were physco insane , dysfunctional killers, and we raised hell all day and all night, doing the craziest shit u can think of, and I came home to Constance snorting cocaine and Erin smoking and having a physcotic episode, trashing the house and he was mentally 2 years old. I had no family all my life has been trauma, so I continued to raise hell with Johnny , then he took us to NXSP , a world of controlled programs we went there and raised hell like Satan would have but worse, we became physcotic killers , everybody was, finally I had a home, we were controlled and possessed and our minds were controlled and damaged and we were controlled by our minds and by our programs, I went there to raise hell , I came into the real world and they possessed me and I was out doing crazy physcotic Satanistic shit just as bad as in NXSP, I went insane and my mom was out of it (my mom in the real world) , her little girl was gone I became possessed as Elizabeth Ramos, raising hell and I still had no one so besides being physcotic and living in NXSP and dealing with possessed possessive insane hallucinations and turning me into a possessed physcotic person, i pretended to be fine. I came to school like nothing was wrong, I said my hellos and friendly greetings, but behind closed doors I was raising hell in NXSP, going crazy as Sara and Elizabeth, doing crazy shit in both of my lives. You still don't know what happens behind closed doors, cuz it isn't what it seems, when your seeing me, Elizabeth Ramos .