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1990jeevas · 3 years

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Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

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princessamericachavez · 5 years

Text

Fjorester moments in episode 72

WHAT A FREAKING GOOD EPISODE MY DUDES AND DUDETTES AND OTHERS

It was so wonderful in the best of ways, especially as a Fjord fan.

I don’t even know where to start to break it down because SO MUCH happened! So be ready for a lot of rambling and screaming

Cad: *Talking about how the Clay, Dust and Stone families were friends and allies once*

Jester: And lovers!

Fjord: Okay, Jessie. Just... pace it.

Jester: They had a big orgy of Clay, Dust and Stone!

Fjord: Okay, the mist is getting to you a little quick here.

I LOVE THIS BANTER SO MUCH IT’S SO FUNNY

FJORD IS SO AWKWARD AND SHE’S SO ADORABLE

also also

I STILL DIE EVERY TIME HE CALLES HER ‘JESSIE’

Fjord: I walk [into the water]

Jester: No, don’t walk in! Just put your finger in or something!

SHE’S SO WORRIED ABOUT HER IMPULSIVE DUMBASS

POOR GIRL

I think it’s low-key hilarious though that Jester, for all she can be a source of chaos in the group, has to turn into the voice of reason when it comes to Fjord’s impulses.

It’s a funny little switch in their roles.

Jester helping Fjord with the falchion when he gets stuck.

My favorite bit of that, though, it’s Matt’s narration because it makes it extra shippy? Like, it was just an assist and suddenly they are holding hands??

Matt: So as you’re about to wedge it out and lift, Jester walks over and puts her hands over yours and pushes in.

Nice nice nice nice nice

Thank you, Mr. Mercer

Fjord: *starts to freeze because he put his head inside the water*

Jester: Aw :( Beau! Take care of- put the rod to Fjord’s head.

Fjord: There’s really no need it’s just a- ahh

Jester: Is that better?

SHE’S ALWAYS TAKING CARE OF HIM AND IT’S SO SOFT AND REALLY I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT FJORD GREW UP THINKING NO ONE WOULD LOOK AFTER HIM LIKE THIS AND NOW- NOW SHE’S THERE ALWAYS

Jester: Should we just, like, talk to the ghosts and let them know that we’re nice?

Fjord: Jester, you’re very... affable, why don’t you give them a word?

Jester: uh... hey ghosts!

IT’S THE HESITATION BEFORE THE WORD AFFABLE THAT KILLS ME GUYS

WHAT WAS HE GOING TO SAY? CUTE? ENDEARING? SWEET? NICE? SO MANY WORDS HE COULD’VE CHOSEN

Fjord: *rolls his eyes at Jester reading Tusk Love*

Jester: Maybe I should not read this book anymore.

Fjord: Distractions are good. Let’s keep going. Keep reading.

Jester: Uhhh you want me to keep reading, alright.

Fjord: It’s... not...

FJORD IS INTO TUSK LOVE CONFIRMED

Party: *discussing if the ghosts are following Cad or the group*

Fjord: One went up to Jester, though.

WORRIED HUBBY IS WORRIED

this is, yet again, an instance of: Fjord pays extra attention to anything concerning Jester.

Jester using her eagle form to go for Fjord and Beau because they are og trio and she’s always here for them??? yessss

Jester: convinces the dawrves to let her write on their lore book

Cad: They can be a lot but I definitely vouch for them.

Fjord: Aw, that’s nice Caduceus is vouching for you, Jester.

Jester: Yes, it really is!

Cad: Oh no.

FJORD + CLERICS IS SUCH A WONDERFUL DYNAMIC EVERY SINGLE TIME

Jester downright writing Captain Turkstooth fanfiction in the lore book —which will probably be considered Non-Fiction by future Dust generations.

AND NOW

HERE WE GOOOO

FOR THE BIG CONVERSATION

OH BOY SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT

Fjord: Hey, Jester.

Jester: Yeah?

Fjord: You still got that thing where you send messages to people?

Jester: Yeah!

Fjord: You got any left of those?

Jester: Yeah, I got a bunch of them.

I’M ALREADY SCREAMING, REMEMBER HOW EMO I’VE BEEN ABOUT HIM BEING MINDFUL OF HER SPELLSLOTS WHEN IT COMES TO THIS THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS?

Fjord: Can I- Can I ask, like, a favor?

Jester: Of course! You can ask anything, Fjord.

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN SHE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, SHE’S EVEN SURPRISED HE HAS TO ASK

Fjord: If I, like, conjured an image of what Vandran looks like, could you send him a message?

Jester: I could try, yeah.

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR FJORD. HE’S KNOWN FOR SO LONG AND HAS BEEN HOLDING BACK FROM TELLING ANYONE.

Honestly, I wonder what pushed him to finally make that call. If it was something from their chaotic past couple days or something else that made him finally reach out.

I mean, I HOPED with all my heart that he would go to Jester for a message, but that was like WAY BACK WHEN THE PIRATE ARC ENDED and now here we are like 30 episodes later but it finally happened!

Jester: What do you want me to say to him?

Fjord: Would you just ask him- tell him that I’m okay and if-

Fjord: I don’t know.

Jester:

HE’S SO NERVOUS AND SHE’S SO SOFT FOR HIM

Fjord: I wanna know how he’s doing but- Caduceus check in with the Wild Mother and said he’s trying to attone for his past. I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t care to be found.

Jester: Maybe he doesn’t know you’re alive, either. Maybe he’s been searching for you.

Fjord: Guess that’s right.

I KNOW JESTER IS BEING ALMOST TOO POSITIVE RIGHT HERE BUT SHE’S SAYING WHAT FJORD, DEEP IN HIS HEART, WANTS TO BELIEVE AND SHE JUST WANTS IT TO BE TRUE TOO SHE WANTS HIM TO BE HAPPY

Fjord: Would you do me a solid and just... do what you do?

Jester: Sure!

LOOK AT THE FONDNESS IN HIS FACE I CAN’T

Jester: Oh, I hope I’m not bothering him after what you guys said, maybe- It’s fine.

Jester: Hello! You don’t know me. I’m here with Fjord. He wants you to know he’s okay, and he’s thinking about you. Where can he find you?

Vandran: You said you know Fjord. Hah. Haven’t heard that name in a while. Glad he’s doing well. Let him know I’m okay, retired on an island. Good folks, he’d like it.

LISTEN EITHER VANDRAN IS FULL ON LYING or he’s doing that thing that Fjord has been trying so hard to emulate —keeping emotional distance and not showing any weaknesses. I honestly believe that Vandran cares about Fjord and was delighted to hear he’s okay, but he’s not just going to say it like that, especially to a stranger.

It really puts into perspective how guarded Fjord has been with the Nein while trying to emulate his mentor.

Fjord: Sounds like he’s okay.

THAT LINE KILLS ME BECAUSE HE SMILES BUT THERE’S SO MUCH PAIN IN HIS VOICE

Jester: He retired to an island?

Fjord: God, I’ve been so- I feel like I need to find him and I just don’t know if that’s important... to him. Don’t know if it’s important to me, we’ve done so much.

THIS IS SUCH A BIG DEAL, ESPECIALLY COMING FROM FJORD AND HOW HARD IT IS FOR HIM TO TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AND STRUGGLES

This really calls back to their talk post-Plank King trial, where he also opened up about how hurt he was by Vandran’s hidden past.

He only ever talks like this with her... and maybe Cad.

Jester: Yeah, but- I mean... the way you talked about him. If you need to find him, then you need to find him.

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME, HONESTLY, BECAUSE FJORD IS SO QUICK TO LET GO OF HIS PAST BUT JESTER PUT SO MUCH WEIGHT ON HER FEELINGS SHE REMINDS HIM HERE THAT HIS FEELINGS MATTER TOO AND THAT HE SHOULD LISTEN TO HIS HEART

Fjord: I feel like I need to find him because I feel like I owe him, but if he doesn’t feel like that, maybe it’s all in my head.

Jester: You know, messages are hard, because you can’t see the person’s face. It did take him quite a while to respond.

Fjord: Right.

Jester: or all he knows, I could be someone bad trying to get a response out of him. He might not want to reveal too much.

Fjord: Sure.... he was smart like that.

YOU CAN SEE HIS WHOLE BODY LANGUAGE CHANGE AS SHE MANAGES TO CHEER HIM UP, GIVE HIM A SLIVER OF HOPE JUST WHEN HE’S FEELING FORGOTTEN AND UNIMPORTANT

Fjord: Thank you.

HE ALWAYS SOUNDS SO SURPRISED BY HER KINDNESS

Fjord: It’s been a long time. I just don’t know if what I wanted before is the same thing I want now.

HE SAYS AND RIGHT AFTER HE SENDS HER A LOOK LIKE PLS TRAVIS HAVE SOME MERCY

I AM MARISHA’S EYES EMOJI

Jester: How are you doing? You were very quiet when we were in Nicodranas. You stood on the ocean and didn’t say anything.

Fjord: I feel like we’ve all changed.

Jester: Yeah

Fjord: Me especially.

Jester:

THAT FACE AND THAT LITTLE SIGH SHE LETS OUT, LIKE SHE WANTS TO DENY IT BUT ALSO FEARS DEEP DOWN THAT IT’S TRUE

Fjord: He’s such a brave man and he did so much for me, I just wanted to emulate that.

Jester: I know.

THERE’S SUCH A PAINFUL EAGERNESS IN HIS VOICE AS HE TALKS ABOUT WHY HE WAS EMULATING VANDRAN. LIKE HE NEEDS HER TO UNDERSTAND HIS REASONS, THAT HE WASN’T JUST LYING, THAT IT CAME FROM A GOOD PLACE.

AND SHE SMILES AND SAYS ‘I KNOW’

OF COURSE SHE DOES

SHE’S ALWAYS KNOWN, WHICH IS WHY DEEP DOWN SHE ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS A GOOD MAN

EVEN WHEN HIS DISTANT PERSONA MADE HER SECOND GUESS IT

THIS IS HER SAYING “I UNDERSTAND, IT’S OKAY” AND IT MEANS THE WORLD

Fjord: Repay that, pay it forward. I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been so obsessed with this sword and how I got it, and Uk’otoa and the whole thing and I just feel like there’s more out there. It’s always more. Even Port Damali and before that, my world just got bigger and bigger and bigger and- The more time goes on, the more you realize there is and the more we affect and the more we can be affected.

THIS CONFESSION KILLS ME BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO LOUDLY ECHO JESTER’S OWN PAIN AND ISSUES, THE SAME FRUSTRATION WITH HOW HARSH AND HURTFUL THE WORLD CAN BE

THEIR LIVES EXPERIENCES SEEM SO DIFFERENT BUT AT THE SAME TIME THEY ARE SO SIMILAR IN THEIR LONELINESS AND BOTH OF THEM FIGURING OUT THIS CRAZY WORLD TOGETHER

Fjord: And there’s a part of me that just wants to leave it all... behind?

AND THE WAY HE SAYS IT. HE SUDDENLY LOOKS UP TO HER AND ALL BUT REACHES OUT.

THERE’S JUST A HINT OF YEARNING THERE THAT DESTROYS ME.

For someone who’s been so vocal about how much he loves this new version of himself and this life he has with his friends, this is probably the deepest confession, something he says almost ashamed, like he expects to hear he’s crazy... but Jester understands him so deeply, she’s as usual on the same page.

Jester: Go somewhere quiet and disappear, and hope that it never bothers you again?

Fjord: Yeah.

Jester: Yeah, I understand that.

IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FANTASY FOR THE TWO OF THEM, JUST FINDING A QUIET PLACE SOMEDAY AND LEAVING IT ALL BEHIND

LIKE IMAGINE IF THEY THROWBACK TO THIS BY THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN

AND HE ASKS ‘SO HOW ABOUT THAT QUIET PLACE?’ OR SOMETHING

Fjord: I just don’t think it will let me. I feel like I’m trying to force someone that’s not gonna happen on its own.

BUT OF COURSE, THE MAGIC BREAKS BECAUSE REALITY IS WEIGHING HIM DOWN AND HE CAN’T EVEN DREAM ABOUT BEING AT PEACE, OF MAYBE RUNNING AWAY WITH HER ONE DAY.

Jester: do you feel scared when you think of Uk’otoa?

Fjord: I try not to think of... Uk’otoa.

Jester: I mean, that’s where your magical powers came from, yeah?

Fjord: Yeah.

Jester: You can’t escape that.

AND THIS. LADYS, GENTS AND OTHERS, IS THE MOMENT WHEN IT GETS SCARY.

WHEN JESER LAVORRE LOSES HER EVER OPTIMIST OUTLOOK AND SAYS SOMETHING SO GRIM.

But that’s also the moment, it seems, when Fjord FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY OPENS UP ABOUT SOMETHING THAT’S BEEN DRIVING HIM NUTS FOR WEEKS.

Fjord: They... left... for a little bit.

Jester: What?

Fjord: There was a night. I woke up and the sword as on the floor and I- I couldn’t do anything.

Jester: When was that?

Fjord: ......A while ago.

HE HESITATES SO MUCH IN THIS LITTLE BIT AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE HE KNOWS SHE’S NOT GONNA BE HAPPY THAT HE KEPT IT A SECRET

Jester: Fjord! Why didn’t you say anything?!

Fjord: I didn’t know what to do.

THIS IS YET ANOTHER ADMISSION OF VULNERABILITY FROM FJORD AND IT’S SO UNUSUAL I LOVE HOW OPEN HE IS WITH HER

Jester: But it came back.

Fjord: In the middle of the day. We were setting that ambush and Yasha...

EXCUSE ME TRAVIS WILLINGHAM HOW DARE YOU

Fjord: Yasha was getting those bracers made and... they came back after a little bit but- I didn’t know if I was gonna run or what.

I was fully expecting Jester to freak out at the possibility of Fjord running away, ngl, but instead we got like THE HEAVIEST MOMENT IN THIS CONVERSATION

The moment where Jester got even more serious.

The moment where she finally asked the question that’s been eating her up for months.

The moment of truth that probably triggered what happened later that same night and pushed Fjord to make the biggest change yet.

All from three questions.

Jester: How did you feel when they were gone?

Fjord: Terrified.

AND HE’S VULNERABLE AND PAINFULLY HONEST ABOUT IT.

Jester: Did you want them back?

Fjord: Yes.

Jester: Would you do anything to get them back?

AND THAT’S THE QUESTION, ISN’T IT??

THE WHOLE DEAL WITH THIS CONFLICT

THE MAKE IT OR BREAK IT

AND FJORD DOESN’T PEEL HIS EYES AWAY FROM HER FOR A SECOND, NOT EVEN WHEN HE TAKES A MOMENT LONGER TO REPLY, HE LOOKS HER IN THE EYE AND REPLIES WITH THE SAME HONESTY HE’S SHOWN HER FROM DAY ONE

Fjord: No

Jester:

AND IN ANSWERING THAT QUESTION, I BELIEVE, FJORD SEALED HIS FATE.

I don’t think he knew the answer, himself, until Jester asked, until faced with the choice right now and having to look at himself and be honest.

And the answer is ‘no’. He won’t. And that means Uk’otoa can’t keep pushing him, blackmailing him, keeping him hostage. Because Fjord now knows, with all certainty, that no matter how desperate and terrified he feels without powers he will not give in.

And that, it seems, is all he needs to know to free himself.

Fjord: No, but... I feel like I knew what I was doing and now I realize I had no idea.

Jester: You’re not the only one.

Fjord: Yeah.

Fjord: Thank you. That might’ve been the... check in I needed.

THE CHECK IN HE NEEDED TO FINALLY FREE HIMSELF, IT SEEMS.

Also I love how he keeps thanking her?????

Jester: I wish I could be of more help, though.

Fjord: No, you have been.

Fjord: I’ve known you the longest in this.

Jester:

I’M FREAKING SCREAMING WTF ÑLDJAFDLÑKAJFLÑAK

I’M FREAKING BLASTING SUNFLOWER AT FULL VOLUME

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT AND WARM

HER SUPPORT MEANS SO DAMN MUCH TO HIM

I’M SOBBING

Jester: I mean... the Traveler gave me my powers. Maybe if you, you know, don’t follow Uk’otoa you could follow the Traveler! Or someone else who could give you powers that are even better!

LOOK AT THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER WHILE SHE OFFERS HER OWN DEITY TO HIM TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO HELP HIM HE’S SO SOFT

Fjord: How do you feel about Caduceus’s deity?

Jester: The Wild Mother?

Fjord: Yeah, Melora.

FJORD IS ALMOST HESITANT IN HIS ASKING BUT HE’S LOOKING AT HER WITH THOSE WIDE EXPECTANT EYES AND GOD HE TRUSTS HER SO MUCH AND HER OPINION IS SO IMPORTANT TO HIM AND HE REALLY HONESTLY IS ASKING FOR HER THOUGHTS IN THIS SUPER INTIMATE MATTER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS HIM BEST AND I’M JUST-

Jester: I mean, I saw her. When I was bringing Caduceus back.

Fjord: You did?

Jester: Mhmm. She popped in for a second. She... she seemed pretty nice. And she brought him back from the dead, I mean that’s always a good thing. That’s pretty powerful stuff.

Fjord: Yeah.

Jester: He talks to her a lot. Not as much as I talk to the Traveler, you know, cause The Traveler’s always got my back and stuff but I mean, as far as other gods go she’s pretty good one.

WHY ARE THEY SO CUTE I CAN’T

FJORD’S FACE LIKE “WELL JESTER I DON’T THINK ANYONE TALKS TO THEIR DEITY AS MUCH AS YOU DO” I MEAN

Fjord: Okay

Fjord: I’m gonna see if she’ll... take an interest? I don’t know.

Jester: Wow!

SHE’S SO EXCITED AND HAPPY FOR HIM I WANNA CRY

Fjord: I don’t know how it works.

Jester: Me neither! We should figure it out! This is our new mission!!

SHE’S SO ON BOARD. SO READY TO HELP.

IF FJORD NEEDS HER THEN SHE WILL POUR HERSELF IN THIS

LIKE SHE’S BEEN DOING SINCE DAY ONE

Fjord: This- this is?

Jester: Yeah, remember, originally we were just trying to get you to that stupid accademy! That place is stupid! I hate that place!

Fjord:

Fjord: I don’t- I don’t mind having a new... mission. But if it is, can we just not... you know... tell everybody about...

Jester: Alright! We won’t tell everybody but you and I will know this is our new mission.

SHE’S SO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO HAVE A SHARED SECRET MISSION WITH HIM

THEY ARE A TEAM. THEY LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER.

DFJAÑDFLJA

Jester: I would do anything to get you away from Uk’otoa, okay?

LISTEN

THIS KINDA DECLARATION OF PROTECTION AND SUPPORT DESTROYED ME

BUT ALSO

THINK OF THE POSSIBLE ANGST OF JESTER TRULY TRYING TO INTERVENE AND A CERTAIN DEMIGOD NOT TAKING KINDLY TO IT UH??

I WANT P A I N

but for now just fluffiness

Fjord: Okay

Jester: Okay.

Jester: Thank you for talking to me, Fjord.

Fjord: Sure.

Jester: Your tusks look pretty good coming in, by the way.

Fjord: Thanks.

THE PERFECT CUTE AWKWARD NOTE TO END THIS LOVELY CONVERSATION WITH

AND THAT WOULD’VE BEEN ENOUGH

BUT OH NO

THEN THE ANGST WITH FJORD AND THE SWORD

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN OKAY

way back when fjord lost his powers and told no one

and then he got all affectioned with jester

Travis talked about how the scare made Fjord value her constancy in contrast to the powers that he’d valued so much so far and could just be taken away at any given moment

He realized, a few weeks ago in-game, how much more important she is to him

So to have had this talk with her and have her entire support, finally coming clean about what happened and voicing his wishes for change and her being absolutely ride or die for him... and then losing his powers?

I am convinced that her input had a lot of weight in his final decision.

Her asking him if he would do anything to get his powers back and him finally realizing no, he wouldn’t, was such a freeing moment, realizing he had the power to not be hostage of Uk’otoa anymore because even if the deity held his powers back it would not get what it wants from him

When the moment comes, he says “you need me more than i need you” and that is finally true because as much as he thought he needed his powers to be someone and be important, he now knows that he has something far more constant and powerful on his side, and that gives him the upperhand against uk’otoa

And he’s finally made up his mind, there is a plan, and there is Jester who will not stop until she finds a way to help him.

And i want to believe that the moment he hesitated right before throwing the falchion into the lava, his mind flew back to that conversation and it gave him the strength he needed to free himself

I don’t expect this is the last we’ll see of Uk’otoa trying to screw with Fjord, honestly, but with Jester’s firm declaration of support, I expect they will be a united front against him in the future —along with the rest of the Nein, probably.

Which brings us to

The morning after

Jester: Fjord, do you want some of my bead?

Fjord *in his og accent*: Yes, thank you.

Jester:

Fjord:

Jester:

Fjord:

LOOK AT THEM COMMUNICATING WITH LOOKS LFDKJAÑFLDAJ

I LOVE THEM

Jester: Fjord.

Jester *whispering*: You’re not doing the accent! You forgot about it!

IT’S SO FREAKING HILARIOUS THAT JESTER THINKS FJORD JUST GOT UP ONE MORNING AND ENTIRELY FORGOT ABOUT THE FAKE ACCENT HE’S BEEN PUTTING UP FOR THE PAST 8 MONTHS

but it’s also adorable how she tried to warn him quickly, ever the protector of his secrets

Fjord: [To Beau, Cad and Nott] I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to ght all of you. You [Caleb] caught up and [to Jester] you have known me the longest.

Jester:

Fjord: I haven’t been entirely foreright with you. I sound like this.

Jester: Well, yeah, I know.

Fjord: I know you know.

Jester: oh

HE SOUNDS SO SOFT

I’M NOT READY TO LEARN ALL THE WAYS HE SOUNDS IN THIS ACCENT WHEN HE TALKS TO JESTER

ALSO THAT MARRIED BANTER IS SO CUTE

Nott: What do you mean you sound like this? Some times? All the time? Really?

Fjord: Most of my life, yes.

Nott: What was that other thing you were doing?!

Jester: He was Vandran.

I LOVE THE CONTRAST

ABOUT HOW MUCH JESTER KNOWS

I think it might be good that he had this talk with Caleb before because he took this group confession much more in a stride, but he also didn’t know that it was Vandran’s accent iirc or that Jester knew, and the looks he was giving her were so much fun!

Jester [about his fake accent]: It was charming

Fjord: I threw the sword into the liquid steel last night.

Jester:

Jester: I thought you loved that sword!

[later]

Fjord: I talked to Jester just before we went to bed.

Fjord: And I said I felt like change was needed. I didn’t like feeling like a pawn or a puppet and I didn’t know where that was going to lead. Also, if that’s the last key before this thing is unleased why not destroy the fucking... key. So I threw it in.

Beau: So do you feel like you still have the balls inside of you?

Fjord: Let’s see.

Fjord: *fails to disguise self*

Jester: What were you trying to do?

Fjord: Let out a fart.

Jester:

Fjord: No.

Nott: You’re powerless?

Fjord: I think so.

THERE’S A NEW KIND OF GOOFINESS TO THIS FJORD WHO IS NOT TRYING TO PLAY VANDRAN THAT MAKES ME SO CURIOUS

HE’S PLAYFUL, AND MAYBE IT’S HIS NERVES, MAYBE THIS IS HIM WHEN HE’S NOT TRYING TO ACT LIKE HE’S ALWAYS IN CONTROL

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

I CAN 100% SEE THIS FJORD BEING JESTER’S FIRST REAL FRIEND IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD, NERVOUS AND RAMBLY AND JOKING TO RELEASE THE TENSION, MAN SHE MUST HAVE LOVED HIM IMMEDIATELY

HE’S JUST HER BRAND, EVEN MORE THAN WE EVER THOUGHT

Fjord: *is talking about his Uk’otoa dreams*

Fjord: *suddenly makes eye contact with Jester*

Jester:

Fjord:

Jester: *giggles*

Fjord: *snorts a laugh*

Fjord: *keeps talking about his missing powers*

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WAS BUT I WANT 20 MORE OF IT PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Jester: But you said they came back before.

Fjord: It did

Fjord: That was also without throwing the sword into a pool of lava

Fjord: But yeah

Jester: He’s gonna be real pissed at you, Fjord.

SHE’S SO WORRIED FOR HIM

also the faces he makes

it’s gonna take me a while to get use to these new mannerisms from him

Fjord: Jester sent a message for me last night.

Jester:

soft soft soft soft

Fjord *after using the scorhing ray glove*: But it’s the glove

Caleb: yeah, but it’s on your hand. Hold on to that. [To Jester] Where is that whip?

Jester: Here?

Caleb: Yeah, you have things that are more useful than this.

Jester: You can also have my axe!

Nott: you can have my dagger

Caduceus: I also have a shield

Fjord *holding back tears*: oh no

I’M CRYING

YOU WANT ONE

TAKE TWO

TAKE EVERYTHING I CAN GIVE YOU

THIS MOMENT WAS SO WHOLESOME AND FJORD FELT SO LOVED I’M EMO ALL OVER AGAIN JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

everything about this episode was wholesome and fed my soul

i’m gonna have to lay down until next friday to really digest all of it

expect further meta and ramblings

i’m so excited for what comes next!!!!

#fjorester #fjord #jester lavorre #critical role #cr spoilers #sofia's nonsense

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jihoonmi · 4 years

Text

hihi! so, first of all, i want to apologize for disappearing! i was starting to die because of school (i had four assignments due per week) so i went on hiatus so i wouldn’t have to worry about trying to do replies on top of that and could just go die when i didn’t have anything to do BUT i’m back now! first of all, hello to those that are new, i’m carly. i hope you’re already enjoying mi a lot! to those i was plotting with, i am Extra sorry for disappearing. i’ll get back to those messages and see if y’all still want to plot in a jiffy after i post this. chances are i’ll probably still be slow with replies, given i’m getting back into the swing of things and it’s also summer which will probably make me even lazier. i’m going to do my best, though!! let’s goooo

#&ooc

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wanna1things · 6 years

Text

Kindergarten Teacher!Hwang Minhyun

because minhyun with kids is all i have ever needed in my whole entire life

Genre;; if kindergarten teacher is an au, this is it... also super fluffy

Warnings;; NONE unless you hate kids and minhyun

Pairing;; Hwang Minhyun x reader

Requested;; no... i wrote this last year lmao

Summary;; Hwang Minhyun is the perfect kindergarten teacher; he can sing, play piano and he’s amazing with kids. He’s also amazing at stealing your heart...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count; 1691

I wrote this last year around the time when Canvas was released and i realised its super cute and i’ve never seen an AU like this so while im in this busy period i might as well post it!! also yeah its time for me to actually post something about my ult lmao

minhyun works at the kindergarten that your niece goes to

of course he’s her teacher lol

but no really all of the kids love him because he’s always so funny and he’s the best singer??

every day they have half an hour where he plays piano for the kids and sings children’s songs with them and it’s so cute all the kids aspire to be in minhyun’s class lmao your niece got lucky

the headteacher doesn’t even get mad when he forgets to teach them proper songs and instead teaches them the theme tunes to tv shows sdhfgsd

‘go go power rangers’ yes minhyun sing it

they hold recitals/showcases every 2 months that showcase the kids singing i mean they’re not the best singers but it’s cute for the parents

and of course every time minhyun plays the piano for them

and every time minhyun’s class is the best in sync and they always get a standing ovation

and they always sing a tv show theme song hsdgfjs bless

when your brother has a job come up in japan for 2 months he leaves your niece in your care

lmao good luck with this hyperactive child

but no she’s wonderful

so... now you have to drop her to that kindergarten class

it’s not like you didn’t know who minhyun was i mean everyone knew

and you’d been to the recitals so many times because well… a) you love your niece and b) christ that mr hwang guy has a VOICE and he’s BEAUTIFUL

the first time you drop your niece off minhyun is so confused

‘excuse me,, you don’t look like y/n/n’s parents… who are u’

takes you a second to process what he says because lmao close up he’s like 20x better looking

‘ahh;; im y/n;; she’s my niece;; im looking after her for 2 months while her dad’s in japan for work’

‘oh okay!! thanks for dropping her off, y/n!! in case you didn’t know i’m mr hwang but you can call me minhyun!! i’ll see you here at three~’

LISTEN after that you had to go catch your breath outside OH MY GOd you spoke to the guy you’ve secretly been crushing on since your niece entered kindergarten lmao

when its pick up time you decide to get there a bit early

and you manage to turn up exactLY WHEN HE’S DOING THE SINGING CLASS

and as you’re waiting in the hall for the class to finish you hear minhyun singing the theme song for this really popular kids show and you really can’t help but laugh

like a voice that nice singing a kids tv show theme is kinda funny because it’s so unexpected sjfhdh

the bell goes and it pulls you out of your daydreaming about mr hwang

and as you wait for your niece to come out someone taps you on the shoulder

uh minhyun’s back

‘hey , y/n!! I saw you got back here early today!! I was wondering if you’re always here this early you can come and sit in the music lessons!!’

‘yeah, sure!! i’ll come and watch every day then thank you!!!’

he just smiles that cute smile (that STILL REMINDS ME OF MY TORTOISE)

‘i could hear you laughing from inside’

UM OOPS

you can honestly feel the blush on your cheeks as minhyun waves and disappears back into the room like wow okay your cheeks are bURNING

and your niece runs out with her bag in her hands and basically drags you out of the kindergarten tbh you’re still completely in shock

from that day onwards you’re a regular at the music class

at first some of the kids are like ?? why are you here?? but once your niece explains they accept you like a second teacher

after about a week minhyun recruits you to play an instrument

at first he tries getting you to play piano with him but that’s a bit too crowded there’s only one piano stool

so uh welcome resident triangle player

it’s an easy job but you’re not going to complain i mean

playing tv theme songs with minhyun is surprisingly fun and really it’s the highlight of your day

one day after you had a particularly rough day;; you got stuck in the barriers at the train station and your scarf went missing

minhyun noticed and let you sit in the special chair in the corner of the room that looked a bit like a throne to play triangle

instead of having to stand up or sit in one of the kiddy chairs

by this time you’re about three weeks into the 2 months

and it was time to start preparing for the showcase which your brother was returning from japan to see

one day he asks you to stay a bit later to help him pick out a song

and of course you agree

you let your niece go to the corner to play with the toys while you and minhyun chat and discuss the ideas

while you two are brainstorming what song to do, he suddenly puts his hand on your shoulder lmao you got a bit shook

‘hey,, y/n… can you perform on stage with me at this recital?? i’d really like it if you could!!!’

who are you to deny this beautiful angel this request

‘of course i’ll play with you!! it’s only the triangle though i’m not sure how supportive that will be lol’

he hugs you suddenly and it’s like hEARTBEAT SPEED X100000000000

but you can feel his heart is racing too like aw okay bless

you know

about a week later the kids start teasing you and minhyun shfdhs sneaky assholes

‘mr hwang!! are you and y/n married??’

literally that question or a variation of it every 0.5 seconds

and you two lovebirds are blushing because you both obviously like each other but you’re kinda blind and don’t want to say anything uhh

he just flashes his eye smile and winks at the kids not even denying it

that is until one friday minhyun asks you to stay behind again

and right as you’re waiting for the kids to go out one of the parents approaches you and is like

‘hey!! my son told me you and minhyun are married!! congratulations on scoring the guy all the parents here are secretly swooning over lol’

and you blush a lot bc omg no we’re not married not even dating

you just mumble a thank you and go back to waiting for them all to leave

when they’re all done leaving minhyun asks your niece to step out of the room for a second

and so she does wow obedient child

minhyun suddenly takes ahold of your hand and he breathes in and out like really deeply bless nervous boy

‘uh;; y/n;; i really like you?? and i want us to date?? but if you don’t that’s okay??’

WHAT

you don’t even need to think you already know your answer

‘of course i want to date you omg???????????’

he hugs you really really tight and you can hear him breathe a sigh of relief bless

‘let’s not tell the kids though,, i think we should reveal it to them at the showcase’

CUE ONE MONTH OF TRYING TO HIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

kids are super perceptive but obviously because you two keep denying it they drop it well kinda

they just say it a bit less often lol

when it gets to the day of the recital/showcase thing

you two are planning your big reveal at his apartment while your niece is at her parents seeing as they’re back from japan now lol

and you’re helping minhyun change into his suit ready to leave

and sjfgshgfj omg he looks so good in a suIT YOU’RE ALMOST DYING

you were just going to wear jeans and a tshirt to play triangle but minhyun passes you a box and inside is like a really smart outfit that he picked himself and it looks really expensive lmao how did this kindergarten teacher afford this

but you go and get changed

and uhh cliche minhyun is just;; shooketh

you look so good he can’t resist kissing you UH

but no time to waste you gotta goooo to the recital

minhyun starts on stage but as always his class is last

and when it’s their turn you’re backstage with them cheering them on when your niece turns to you and says

‘hey are you sure you and minhyun aren’t in love’

you just wink at her and boom time to go onstage

THE SONG GOES DOWN SO WELL though it’s amazing

you spot your brother in the audience and send him a wave in the gap in your triangle playing

the song ends and minhyun does the thing where you tap the microphone

‘hello everyone i have an announcement to make’

the hall is just completely silent like boy better not be resigning

of course he’s not he loves the kids too much

‘the school has a new permanent triangle player!! they’re y/n and we are in love!!’

ALL the kids suddenly cheer and you can hear about 20 of them just saying ‘i knew it i bet on it you owe me $3 pay up’ I’M KIDDING

then minhyun does the cheesiest thing

yea he kisses you in front of everyone

when you look back over at you brother he is just clapping wildly and giving you a thumbs up wow brothers approval

BUT ANYWAY

from that day on you two are the cutest couple

you’re officially the triangle player for the whole kindergarten

i mean the kindergarten doesn't pay you but they should by now because you’re there literally 24/7

you move in with minhyun and you spend 90% of the day together but it's cute

when your niece comes to stay it's always so cute because

you 3 crowd around his electric piano and sing songs together (there's no triangle for you to play here sorry)

and those moments really make you look forward to your future together...

uh yeah this is cute and i love minhyun sm im going to die anyway its really late so !! good night && i hope you enjoyed;;

#minhyun #hwang minhyun #hmh #nu'est #nuest #wanna one #wannaone #wannable #wannaone imagines #wanna one imagines #nu'est imagines #au #kindergarten!au #teacher!au #kindergarten teacher!au #produce 101 #produce 101 imagines

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